People Get Candid With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"My best friend is very sensitive about her birthday. I know this comes from childhood issues so I’ve been patient when every year feels like a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. We had an incident last year where I put significant effort forth to make it special but it didn’t feel appreciated. We talked through it, she apologized, and it was resolved. Looking to get ahead of this year’s festivities I set aside a budget for myself to spend on this occasion.

I asked her twice in the months leading up to her birthday if she’d like me to plan something. She essentially told me she preferred to go on a solo trip or if that didn’t work out she’d “let me know.”

Well, she didn’t end up planning a solo trip and let me know a week before her birthday that she’d be doing a group dinner.

I attended this birthday dinner and it took up only a fraction of the budget I had set aside. I decided I wanted to spend the leftover money on a purse that I had been coveting. The week after her birthday we went shopping and I wanted to buy the purse. She made a comment about how it was expensive. I let her know I used the funds that were unused on her birthday for the purse. She was immediately upset by this and told me that it was insensitive of me to tell her this. That she now feels like 1.) I could have made her birthday more special for her but purposefully didn’t and 2.) I told her this out of spite because she initially wanted to go on a solo trip and not spend her birthday with me.

We are currently at a standstill and I’ve yet to apologize as I don’t think I did anything wrong.

She remains very hurt and said that since I know about her birthday sensitivities I should have just kept it to myself and been more kind. I’m interested in hearing some outside perspectives. AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. I do have a question, though.

"I let her know I used the funds that were unused on her birthday for the purse." Why did you feel the need to explain this to her? It's none of her business how you choose to spend your money. You didn't give ages, which might impact this, but she's coming across like someone you'd describe as an ex-friend." maricopa888

Another User Comments:

"ESH. Whether you spent that money on her b-day or not is immaterial. She made different plans. She really does seem overly sensitive. But why on earth would you tell her the money had been earmarked for her birthday, especially KNOWING she's sensitive about her birthday?" Goalie_LAX_21093

Another User Comments:

"YTJ - Your money spend it however you want. Where you're the jerk is that you didn't have to tell her it was unspent money you had saved for her birthday. You should have kept it to yourself and been more kind.

How did you expect her to react? It was insensitive to tell her that. You could have said it was money you had been saving and that wouldn't have been a lie. You and your friend are not very kind to each other. That's not friendship." GoodTodd1970