People Expect Us To Give Honest Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. WIBTJ If I Stop Making An Effort To Keep A Relationship With My Daughter?
“My partner (33 m) and I (26 f) have a 2-year-old son together and he has an 11-year-old daughter, Anne, from a previous relationship. My relationship with Anne was a bit strained in the beginning as we were still trying to figure each other out but it has drastically improved over the past 3 years, mostly due to the fact that her mom moved abroad and I had to step into her shoes, basically.
It was her birthday last week and I spent the past few months planning everything for the day, as well as her actual party, which is next week. On that day, I organized balloons and cake for her classmates and friends and had everything delivered at school, including her first gift. I wished her a happy birthday and told her I loved her and she replied with an okay, which I felt was strange.
I didn’t get a thank you for anything, either.
Later on that day, I found out that her mom had come home and surprised her with dinner or something and effectively told everyone that the party I had planned was canceled because she had made better plans for her daughter.
I was a bit taken aback by this because my partner had been in constant communication with his baby mama and let her know what my plans were long before I started putting deposits down for the venues, games, activities, etc. I spoke to Anne to ask her what was going on and she told me that she was no longer interested in the party and wanted to spend time with her mom.
I told her that her mom was more than welcome to attend the party next week and I would stay home but she turned that suggestion down as well and she hasn’t replied to any of my messages or calls since then.
I’m feeling a bit upset by this as I’ve lost thousands in deposits but mostly, I put a lot of work and effort into the planning, only to be snubbed at the last minute.
Her dad works unusual hours so I do 90% of everything for her from PTA meetings, fundraisers, homework, pickups and drop-offs, doctor’s visits, etc. I do this because I love her but I don’t know if I can keep taking this because it happens every time her mom visits, then when she leaves, Anne starts talking to me again.
I understand that she’s a child and misses her mother dearly and that’s why I even pay for her flight tickets to visit her as well as resources for international calls but I’m also human.
So, WIBTJ if I took a few steps back and asked my partner to take over all her care?
Edits: My partner has split custody with Anne’s grandmother and that’s where her mother showed up to surprise her. Anne’s mother and I don’t have the best relationship as she feels that I’m trying to replace her in Anne’s life.
The ‘thousands’ are in Rands (ZAR) and not in dollars. Anne has been taking the lead on the planning since around June and her mother was also kept in the loop on all the details since then, I’m basically just the one making payments while Anne gives me the lists of things she wants to get and do at the party.
My partner and I have had multiple conversations with Anne in the past about respecting our efforts and allllll of that and during our latest conversation, she told me that I need to remember that I’m not her mom and that she’ll always end up doing what her mom wants when she’s here.
Between Anne’s parents, her mom has always been the more financially stable one and has compensated for her absence by using money until recently. My partner was unable to afford a lot of things so Anne would often tell him that she’ll only visit when he’s been paid and that’s why I stepped in with love and affection and all of that, hoping to show her that money isn’t everything but my partner emotionally checked out a few years ago and also just tries to compensate with money now.”
35. AITJ For Telling My In-Law That I Am From Louisiana But Was Raised In Texas?
“My (38 F) partner’s (43 M) family does not like me. They appear to have a vendetta against me and until Friday would not tell my partner and me why. I have had no contact for 2 years with the members who say I fake my chronic illness and its comorbidities, which in turn makes me a gold digger, and many MANY other things they have decided about me with no evidence.
My partner and I have been together for 7 years and lived together for 6 years. He is the step-dad to my kids and my ex-husband loves him. I have had to block his family on social media accounts for weaponizing my posts (i.e. How dare I refer to the house we have lived in for 6 years as ‘my’ house in passing conversation or on social media because my partner bought it and I would never be able to afford such a house).
It’s a whole mess that I decided to confront this past Friday.
Now to the title. In the confrontation, I was told that I lie about where I am from. I was very confused. I have always said, ‘I am from Louisiana but was raised in Texas’.
To be specific, I was born in Louisiana where my parents went to college and we lived there for a couple of years.
When they finished school, we moved to the Houston Texas area where I was raised. How is this a lie? They told me I didn’t live in Louisiana long enough to be able to claim I was from there.
I legitimately did not know there was a time stipulation on how long you have to live in the place you were born to be able to say you are from there or not. If there is, please let me know as even other people I have asked are confused that this stipulation exists.
AITJ for saying I’m from Louisiana where I was born and lived a couple of years and then was raised in Texas?”
34. AITJ For Making My Roommate Cover A Huge Part Of My Monthly Mortgage?
“About a year ago my last remaining grandparent passed away and my father inherited all assets, including a house.
I had been saving for a nice down payment (at least 50%) so I could have a lower mortgage payment each month, thus allowing me to save funds for travel. When my father inherited this house, which he had no interest in moving into yet, he offered to sell it to me for slightly below market rate, with the caveat that he and my stepmother could eventually move into the basement apartment.
I agreed because they’re both incredible people who are not at all invasive and would give me my privacy if they lived there. So I paid a 60% down payment, financed the rest, and moved in.
Present day: About six months ago I started considering renting out the finished basement apartment.
It has two bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room, and a small kitchenette (sink, fridge, microwave, but no oven). A friend of mine said his brother was moving to my city and needed a place. He’s a brand new teacher and doesn’t make great money, so he needed a place that wasn’t expensive.
I offered to let him rent my basement for way less than the market rate ($650) which would include utilities. He readily accepted and signed a year-long lease.
Well, a few days ago he asked if he could start paying the landlord directly instead of giving me rent money each month.
I was under the impression my friend had told him I owned the house, so I was confused and I told him we don’t have a landlord and that I’m the owner. He got very upset and screamed at me for ‘lying for over six months’ and ‘taking advantage of him’ by making him pay so much in rent.
For the record, an apartment similar to the one in my house would be well over twice what he’s paying me, closer to three times for something as nice. He asked how much of my mortgage he’s covering and I said ‘Why does that matter?
You’re getting a nice, quiet place to live, access to a full kitchen and laundry room, and you’re paying an amount that you can afford. My personal finances aren’t really a factor here.’ He stormed out of the room and slammed the basement door.
He’s still not speaking to me.
I asked a few other friends and some family members, and most said I was wrong for having him cover my mortgage payments. Only a few say I’m in the right. So AITJ for having my roommate cover $650 of my $775/month mortgage?
ETA: He has a lease so I won’t be evicting him over this alone. If he does any damage or becomes hostile, I’ll look at the eviction process. But for now, he will remain unless he chooses to break the lease (which I’d allow him to do if he wants).
He also didn’t bother to read the lease before signing. The lease clearly states I’m the homeowner. I didn’t trick him or keep info from him. He simply didn’t read what he was signing.
I didn’t get the house for almost free as some people choose to believe.
My father sold it to me for about 75% of its value, more or less as an advance on ‘rent’ he and my stepmother will pay when they move in here in a few years. We already agreed they won’t pay monthly rent but will contribute to utilities and groceries at that time.
I also made a 60% down payment so I have quite a bit invested, as well as paying about $1500/month out of pocket for taxes, insurance, maintenance, utilities, etc.”
33. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Two Days After He Ate My Food?
“I am a stay-at-home mom. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and anything kid-related. We are a family of 5.
I make sure dinner is served before my partner comes home at 5 p.m. Because I know he is always starving from working hard and providing for our family. So when it comes to dinner I am always the last to eat. After serving everyone and making sure everyone has their juice and whatever else they may need. As a result, I’m usually the last to sit and enjoy my meal. Well, this day was no different.
I made Chinese food: fried rice, orange chicken, walnut prawns, and my all-time favorite egg rolls. I served everyone. I took meds to settle my stomach and sat down to wait for it to work.
I made my partner’s plate stacked with rice and plenty of egg rolls.
When he got his plate he immediately asked if there was enough for seconds. I explained to him that I hadn’t eaten yet and that there may be some left over after I served myself up a plate. There wasn’t much left, there was a spoonful of rice left and extra egg rolls (I made extra because they are my favorite).
I sat down on the couch and conversed with my partner about his day. I watched as he polished off his food. He got up to take his plate to the kitchen. Came back chewing. I didn’t honk anything of it. He tends to eat the scraps off of our children’s plate so I thought nothing of it.
He got up a few more times still munching and came back with a beverage.
Again, I have not eaten because I’m waiting for my meds to kick in. 20 mins have passed, and my stomach is ready for the food I just spent hours making.
I go in the kitchen and all of my egg rolls are gone. I was immediately upset. I told him I hadn’t eaten. Told him not to touch the food until after I ate.
When I confronted him he said ‘Eat the ones off the kid’s plate’ like WHAT!
I cooked and served everyone and this is how I’m treated. He then offered to make me more and I declined as these are not store-bought ready-made egg rolls these are from scratch rolled up and then fried egg rolls. So no he couldn’t make me anymore.
To make a long story short, I didn’t eat. I was mad. I went to bed hungry. No apology, nothing. Am I the jerk for still being angry 2 days later? I’ve also boycotted cooking & anything related to my stay-at-home mom duties.”
32. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Eyelash Extensions?
“My (26 f) best friend (25 f, I’ll call her Callie) is getting married in a week and I’m one of her bridesmaids while our other best friend (26 f, I’ll call her Sam) is the maid of honor.
They are my best friends and have been through literally everything in my life with me
I can’t say Callie has been a bridezilla by any means, but she does have a very specific look in mind for her special day. I was told I needed to strip all of the colors out of my hair (it was blue and is now a chestnut brown), and had to get a new foundation to cover my tattoos as well as shapewear.
I did all of this because it’s her day and it’s not hard to redye my hair after or put foundation on my tattoos.
The actual problem happened yesterday. Callie made an appointment for her, Sam, and me to get eyelash extensions because it will make the day easier, less makeup to worry about and we all suck at putting on falsies.
Callie had asked all of the bridal party if we wanted to go and only Sam and I said yes. To put it frankly, all of Callie’s savings are going to the wedding so she is currently low on funds to an extent, and Sam has never exactly been good at saving up.
Meanwhile I’m decent enough that I have some savings set aside and a low budget specifically for this wedding. I figured Callie had put aside funds for these extensions and didn’t think about it past my money.
As we were checking out with our lash girl, I paid for mine and Sam paid for hers, but Callie just stood there looking at me.
I asked her what was up and she just said waiting for me. I asked what she meant, and that we should hurry because we had a lunch thing to get to. She said she couldn’t pay for her lashes and that she thought I knew I would be paying for them.
I said that I was not aware and I should have been told beforehand because I couldn’t tell sets of $200 lashes. She said she assumed I would ‘just know’ because of how much has already gone into the wedding and Sam obviously couldn’t pay for it.
I said I would not be doing that because I simply could not afford it. If this had taken place before next week it would have been more likely but I can’t now.
She started raising her voice, dug out her wallet, and paid with her credit card.
Sam pulled me aside and said that it was trashy of me to not just pay and that I knew what this wedding meant to Callie. I said if it meant that much, why didn’t Sam just pay then? I was told by both of them that maybe it was best if I just didn’t go to lunch and that they would talk to me in a couple of days.
I know that this wedding means a lot to Callie, she has always wanted to be married, but I don’t think it’s fair of her to assume I would pay for the extensions just because she has stretched her budget thin. However, if I am in the wrong, I will find a way to make up for this, pay her back or something.
So, am I the jerk?”
31. AITJ For Shutting Down My Mother-In-Law And Sister-In-Law's Comments About My Marriage And Parenting?
“I (23 F) married my husband (Josh, 26 M) 2 years ago. He works at his family company with his dad.
1 month ago I gave birth to our beautiful daughter Sarah. My MIL is very religious and old-schooled and even made a whole fuss when we decided to live in our own home when we married. Last week we were supposed to stay 3 nights because there was a meeting at the company.
My husband asked me if I was willing to go and I said yes.
My MIL got 2 rooms ready. My husband’s room for him and another room for me and the baby. Josh asked why and my MIL said ‘Well you have to get up early tomorrow and the baby won’t let you sleep’.
My husband said that it was not needed and we would sleep together like always. In the evening me and Josh went to bathe Sarah MIL said that it was inappropriate for Josh to bathe Sarah because she is a girl. While having dinner Josh took Sarah from me so I could eat and BIL complimented on how helpful Josh was.
Then the wife of BIL commented, ‘Usually moms do this whatever’. (SIL doesn’t like me cause I have never been like them while SIL and BIL still live with MIL and FIL).
Finally, we went to bed and Sarah woke up in the middle of the night.
Josh woke up and said he’d take care of her. A few minutes later MIL and SIL stormed into my room and said ‘Wake up Sarah is crying’. I said ‘Josh is taking care of her’ and she said ‘Aren’t you the mother? Josh has a meeting in the morning’.
Then Josh came into the room with Sarah asleep and he told MIL and SIL to leave.
When we woke up at 7 am Sarah was gone. Me and Josh ran downstairs and MIL had taken Sarah to the garden. I ran in tears and got my baby and MIL said ‘Well all you do is sleep’.
Josh told MIL she should have let us know even if it was just with a note. At the breakfast table, MIL and SIL both commented on how I let my husband do everything. I snapped and said ‘Well I didn’t make this baby alone.
The father is right here and parenting is done by both parents. If needed he will be sleepless he will feed her bathe her and dress her. Josh doesn’t mind helping out so why is it any of your concern? You should ask yourselves what you were doing in the room of a married man without even knocking on the door instead of commenting on how bad of a mom I am’.
I told SIL ‘If you know it so much better go make your own child. Keep your noses out of my marriage and mind your own business.’
I left the table and Josh came with me and told me to pack my bag and we would go to our home.
We have 2 workers in our home who live with us and help us out with everything. Josh brought me home went to the meeting and came back. He even apologized for taking me there when he knew his mom. My phone has been blowing up with YTJ messages from people.
My husband, SIL (husband’s bio-sister), BIL, and my family are on my side. FIL doesn’t pick sides and SIL, MIL and their religious old-school friends/family are blowing my phone up. So AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Cleaning At My Former House?
“So I (21 m) recently moved out of a shared house around a month ago. I was living with Jimbo (23 m) and Emily (22 f) who were the leaseholders for the share house. The house wasn’t great, but it was cheap, and I ended up moving out early due to the stress of living there.
The lease was ending at the end of this month and for the past month, I had been asking when they wanted me to come over and clean. I was either met with no response or not given a real date. I wanted a solid date because I was no longer living there and didn’t want to intrude as I knew Jimbo had a new significant other and they probably wanted privacy.
Since Emily would be moving out Friday, we could clean either Saturday or Sunday, so I asked again which day would be best for them. It wasn’t a big house and if we all worked together we could get it done in 1-2 hours. It was only on Friday that I was told that Emily could only move out on Monday morning.
So I went back to the chat and said I would come in on Monday after the movers had left. No one responded so I thought that this was ok.
Friday night Jimbo messaged in the group chat about how worried he was he’d end up having to do all the cleaning as I had already moved out and Emily had badly injured her leg.
I replied that I’d come by on Monday with the vacuum to help clean and that seemed to calm him down for the time being.
Saturday night Jimbo sent a large message in the group chat saying he and his new SO had been cleaning for the last 4.5 hours.
He then says, ‘I’m worried you won’t be doing your share of the cleaning, and if I don’t think you have that’ll be reflected in how much bond you get back.’
At that point, I was starting to get upset, so I told him, ‘This is nonsense, I have asked you repeatedly when you wanted me to come clean and you never responded. I’ve been trying, you can’t expect me to read your minds.’ He then responded in the group chat with three passive-aggressive videos showing off my room showing me the dust that had settled in the past month since I moved out.
I know I didn’t get everything in my room though, as I knew I’d be back closer to the move-out date to finish the cleaning and help with the common areas.
I got sick of his tone and passive aggression so I told him I’d be by on Sunday at 10 am to clean.
He replied he’d be at work and that if I did a good job he’d clean one room. I didn’t even feel this was fair as they had taken over the common areas and were messy people while I rarely used any of the spaces outside of my bedroom.
At 10 am my parents and I showed up to finish the cleaning. We were able to get my room, the hallway, both front rooms, and even Emily’s room done and packed. Leaving only the kitchen and the small room to be packed and cleaned. It only took us about 2 hours to get it all done.
I saw this as my fair share of the work as I even helped Emily pack, so I left my keys at the house and left.
AITJ for not cleaning more, and for not showing up unannounced?”
29. AITJ For Giving My Son My Angel Baby's Name?
“My (30 m) ex-wife and I divorced over 2 years ago.
Before that, we were expecting. My ex and I agreed if we had a boy we wanted to name him Johannes after my grandpa because he was the one who raised me. First time I mentioned the name she fell in love with it. So she really wanted that for a boy if we had one.
We never found out though because she unfortunately suffered a miscarriage at 8 weeks. It was honestly devastating for us both. That loss impacted us deeply, our marriage started to suffer because of it.
Both became emotionally distant and then constantly fighting. It wasn’t a good place anymore, I had to leave so we divorced about a year later.
While we’re not in each other’s lives our family somewhat is. My cousin is married to her older sister. We haven’t seen or spoken to each other since the divorce though. My fiancée and I met sometime after. She gave birth to our son over a month ago, and because I’ve always wanted my child named after my grandpa (which my fiancée was more than happy with) that’s the name we went for.
We sent out a birth announcement to some families. My cousin got it, his wife saw it and because she’s sisters with my ex she told her.
Before our son was born we didn’t tell anyone about names to avoid anyone else trying to input their own ideas.
Her sister told everyone else in their family. I’m hearing that my ex is deeply hurt for in her own words: trying to erase our child by replacing them with this one. My cousin and his wife have told me she’s talking about this to people in my family too.
They don’t think it was cool to use that name since that was what we would’ve named our child.
My ex has tried to contact me, even my fiancée. In her message, she was trying to demand we change our baby’s name because I don’t get to steal what would’ve been for our baby just because they died. We just blocked her.
It seems crazy. She wasn’t ever on my mind when we named our son.
Then we never even knew if my ex and I were gonna have a boy or a girl. It still hurts to think I’ll never get to meet my baby but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to replace.
That’s exactly what was explained but they do think I’m a jerk for not going with a different name. Her sister in particular is being pretty nasty about it. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Ignoring A Lazy Customer Until She Comes Out Of Her Car?
“My (18 M) parents have a small store in our house.
My dad (36 M) is the one who runs it all the time, but two weeks ago one of my uncles (23 M) broke his leg. My dad’s the one driving him around, buying things he needs, and helping him out. I have 4 younger brothers that my mom takes care of so my dad asked me to take care of the store from 3-5 p.m. for a few weeks and I said yes.
It’s pretty chill, to be honest, mostly kids wanting to buy chips and stuff but there’s one customer, a 30-40-ish woman, who comes three or four times a week, honks and yells at me to go to her car and ‘take her order’. We are not a drive-thru and my dad used to tell her to not do it but she never listened.
The first time she did it I went there, took her order, gave her her stuff, and told her that’ll be the last time since we aren’t a drive-thru. She didn’t like it but said okay. The next time she comes she honks but I don’t come out.
She keeps honking for a minute or two until she comes out of the car and gets here. I attend to her normally and she’s giving me the bad eye. Next time the same happened. She came back last Monday and repeated but I ignored her, this time she just left.
Yesterday she honked one time, then got in the store. When I was attending to her my mom came in to refill some stuff and the woman told her how I’d been ignoring her for days when she only wanted to buy some stuff. My mom tried to berate me but I told her ‘She honks and waits outside.
We are not a drive-thru. She has legs.’ The woman took her stuff, threw the money at me, and left.
When my dad came home that day my mom told him what happened at dinner expecting him to ground me or something but he didn’t so she berated me for a while, took my switch, and expected me to apologize.
I said I wouldn’t do it and now she and my sister (16) think that I’m a jerk because ‘she must be tired’. So AITJ?”
I would wait for Mom to cool down a bit, then explain the situation again and ask for the switch back. She's in the wrong this time.
27. AITJ For Making Fun Of My Pregnant Sister's Baby Name Choices?
“So my 22-year-old sister is 34 weeks pregnant with her first child. She and her partner are very into Viking names because of the TV show they watch.
She was set on naming the baby girl a normal-ish name after not choosing Thora and katta from her list.
None of the family was super into the name but it was normal enough so we all accepted it and didn’t discourage her.
Recently she changed her mind and her five options are as follows:
Freja
Ada
Molly
Faye
LAGERTHA
I replied to the message with new names saying ‘LOL what? Lagertha sounds like a dying cow,’ thinking the last one was a joke. I then asked her if it was a joke and she said ‘No!’ I honestly thought she was still keeping us going as she’s done things like this in the past and proceeded to tell her the name would get the child bullied and would potentially start ridicule.
I also said it sounded like a shipyard term.
After this, I researched the name and realized again it’s from the TV show. Only 35 people have had it since 2016 – none since the mid-1800s and that’s why it’s pronounced la-gert-ah. She then told me I was being rude and that she was crying.
I know I shouldn’t have been rude about it but I cannot see a kid named Lagertha not being bullied. Or ever have her name pronounced correctly.
I’m probably the jerk for how I managed the situation but I honestly thought she was joking about that name as all the others were more normal names.
My family told me that I should let her have her names because her happiness over them matters.
But like what about the kid’s future? What if Chlamydia was an option, would they have still stepped back and been okay with all names?
Clarifying – I said the mean things when I still truly believed it was a joke.
I stopped when she said she was serious but obviously, damage was done.”
26. AITJ For Not Helping A Former Colleague Get A Job?
“For almost a decade, I worked in the same place as Felix. Although we didn’t openly argue, I wouldn’t say we got along. I never liked him or his professional attitude, and I’m sure he would say the same about me.
A few years ago I resigned from the place and it hit Felix pretty hard (because it interfered with his hopes of finally going into management) and he started to back-stab me and stuff like that.
He was very committed to moving forward with his career and threw others under the bus without taking responsibility. I get it that if you keep your head down and do a good job, you don’t get promoted, but I really hated Felix’s attitude.
A few months later, the company laid off a lot of people, including my entire former department.
I never had any private contact with my now ex-colleagues, so I did not really keep in touch with them.
I was surprised when one of my former colleagues, Jane, approached me and asked if I would go out for coffee with her. Jane is stunning and very easy to get along with.
I always liked her and agreed. Of course, I knew she probably had some ulterior motive. I was also aware that Jane was in a relationship with Felix. They both fell in love with each other at the workplace and have in the meantime started a family.
I checked Felix’s LinkedIn profile and it stated that he had a job. Just to make sure, that Jane would not beg me to help land Felix a job.
But of course, this is what happened. After we had a nice chat, Jane came forward, that she was hoping that I could help to land Felix a better job.
That I should put in a good word for him at my current company. I was dumb enough to say ‘Not gonna do that’ instead of something vague like ‘I will see what I can do’. Jane got pretty upset and she became a bit emotional. She then pointed out how hard it is for Felix to have a job he hates and how hard it is for them to make ends meet (Apparently Felix’s current job has terrible work-life balance and is not well-paying)
I later talked with other people about this and some said that I should have helped Felix and his family. Because it would cost me nothing.
I could always refer him to some other department and this way I would not have to deal with him directly.
However, aside from my personal problems with Felix, I don’t feel like it would be fair to refer someone, I would just not consider as a good employee. AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Take Off Her Wedding Ring For My Sister's Wedding?
“My (25 M) wife (25 F) and I recently eloped. Neither of us wanted to attention or the expense of a big wedding, so we took our own little vacation where we got married. We didn’t tell our families beforehand because we knew they’d freak out.
They weren’t thrilled to have missed it, but they accepted it and haven’t given us a hard time since the initial shock.
My sister ‘Kate’ (27 F) on the other hand has been planning a wedding for over a year. She and her fiancé went out for 8 years before getting engaged so to say she’s been waiting for this day a long time is a bit of an understatement.
Her wedding is in 2 weeks and she’s been slightly bridezilla-esque in the last stages of planning. On Sunday I was at my parents’ house with her, my wife was not present. Kate expressed that she was mad at me for getting married so close to her wedding when I knew that this was a big deal to her.
She said I was unfairly taking attention away from her. I told her that no, this was always our plan and the timing had to do with when we could go on a certain trip that we took off work for. It had nothing to do with her wedding.
She then said that since it’s so close and not everyone in our family knows about my marriage yet, we should not tell anyone and not have my wife wear her ring. I told her she’s absolutely ridiculous to think that my wife, a newlywed, is not going to be wearing her wedding ring because a bride is jealous.
I didn’t even relay this request to my wife because it seemed so ridiculous.
Kate freaked out and then I found out she texted my wife yesterday very passively aggressively saying it would be selfish of her to wear it at the wedding in two weeks.
My wife hasn’t responded and agrees with me that it’s ridiculous, but also doesn’t want to ruffle feathers either, she’s pretty non-confrontational. But now my parents are involved saying they agree Kate’s request is dumb but they kind of want to keep the peace. Skipping the wedding isn’t being discussed before anyone suggests that, and Kate hasn’t uninvited us either, Im a groomsman and our parents are paying so she can’t really anyway.
But it’s causing some annoying tension. Am I being unreasonable here?
Neither my wife nor I have social media
I’m not planning to make any announcements. I’m just saying my wife will be wearing her ring and we aren’t going to pretend we are not married. My extended family is not close, they are basically strangers to me.
My sister’s friends are more just friendly acquaintances, some of whom I used to play sports with. None of them are people I would consider friends or would invite to my own if I were to have a traditional wedding.
It’s tough to align our time off and we want to purchase a house together but not before marriage.
Interest rates in the US are rising and are expected to rise more throughout the next year. Establishing our lives together was our priority, we were not thinking about someone else’s wedding because we didn’t think the guests would actually care. It’s obviously Kate and her fiancé’s day and we don’t think any of the attention will actually be on us.”
24. AITJ For Making The Entire School Know That An Older Student Is My Aunt?
“So I (13 M) am five years younger than my Aunt Mia, who is twenty years younger than my mom (her older sister). I transferred into the same school (it’s K-12) as her in January after we moved into grandma’s home. We’ve always been close. Like she’d always stay with us during Summers and she’d always play with me, tutor me and stuff.
She’s the best aunt in the world and I have a lot of aunts. Now, we don’t really talk at school unless we pass each other in the hallway and say hi. When Grandma picks us up, then we talk a lot in the car and at home.
Except she got made the peer tutor for my science class after the old one got hospitalized. So, now she’s pretty much supposed to help everybody out and teach us and is in charge of the class when our teacher is out. So, yesterday she was just going on helping people in a row, she got to me and helped me with something I was struggling with.
When we were done, I said ‘Thanks, Aunt Mia!’ Some kids laughed and she seemed to get embarrassed but whatever, she is my aunt.
When Grandma picked us up from school though, Aunt Mia got really mad at me. She called me a jerk, said that I embarrassed her and now the whole school knows she’s my aunt and all her friends are going to think of her as an old auntie and that I wasn’t respecting her authority by saying that too.
Grandma made her be quiet but said that I should have respected the chain of command in school instead of pointing out we’re related. My mom just said it wasn’t a big deal but Aunt Mia’s been kind of cold to me since. So I’m wondering if I really was a jerk for calling her what I always call her in class?”
23. AITJ For Being Mad At My Grandparents For Wanting My Dad's Second Wife To Replace My Late Mom?
“My mom died when I was 6 and my dad got remarried when I was 11. My stepmom has always been really great. She married a guy with young kids but never tried to take over or place herself into the family where my mom once was.
She created a new slot, a different slot, and made it work. But my dad’s parents have always been pretty old school in their thinking. They used to see it as disrespectful that we called our stepmom Jean or that she didn’t adopt us. My dad and stepmom’s wedding was sort of rushed, because Jean was pregnant and my dad was due to have surgery on his back, so they did a very quick courthouse thing.
Fast forward and it’s about to me 30 years since they married. And my grandparents are giving her trouble. I didn’t realize at the time but they had told her she should have worn some of my mom’s jewelry, should have made some speech about taking over from her, and tried to lay claim to my mom’s life and possessions in some kinda way.
They said it would be ‘comforting’ for us and show how much she respected her mom and appreciated that she was taking over for her. The whole thing is so weird and gross.
I’m talking about both my mom and Jean. I can’t imagine my mom would want dad’s second wife taking all the stuff she left behind for herself, instead of it being for her kids.
Even more, to make a speech that to me sounds a lot like ‘You stay dead, this is mine now’. And for Jean… She’s not my mom. She’s a different person. She will always be reminded that she only came because of heartache and pain, that she wasn’t the first wife, she’s not the mother, she’s not the one we all have cried for and miss and wish we could have back.
It has never bothered her but I’m sure it was awkward at first. To find a place that respected that while also making her feel like she truly belonged and wasn’t second best. But my grandparents essentially wanted her and still want her to become the person our mom was instead of being her own unique person, on a day when she is celebrating HER marriage to dad and not my parents’ marriage.
So when I heard this I was sad (and my dad was never aware of what went on). I told them it was creepy to expect her to take over another person’s life like that and that it’s disgusting to try and bring someone down for not wanting to disrespect someone else’s memory.
I pointed out that trying to be them, trying to take over and replace them, is disrespectful and not some great honor. I also told them that Jean never tried to be our mother because she knew, always, that she wasn’t and she never could be.
But she could be Jean, and she could be something different but important to our family.
My grandparents are mad. My dad could not believe it when he found out. He was so mad at his parents. Other family members are saying I took it all out of context and that I was the one being disrespectful, to my grandparents and to Jean.
AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Calling In Sick Because Of Period Cramps?
“I woke up in the morning with horrific period cramps. I always get them the worst on the first day of the period, and then they get better as it goes. It also always starts at 2 a.m. So I woke up at 2 a.m. with cramps, knew my period was coming, went and put a pad on, and got back into bed. Usually putting a pad on makes the cramps less severe, I think it’s probably a mental thing but it works.
However, this time it didn’t. They were so bad that I couldn’t get to sleep. And they weren’t just the achy cramps, they were the sharp ones that feel like getting stabbed in the womb every time you move.
I was awake the entire night, even on painkillers.
My alarm went off at 7:30 and I was exhausted. I got up for a shower and my insides felt like they were being squeezed super hard. I just dropped back down onto my bed, grabbed my phone, and called in sick to work. They asked the reason and I was honest. I said I had horrific cramps and the person on the phone went ‘Oh.
Right… okay’ and put me down as sick.
Halfway through the day, the cramps eased enough to get out of bed and I went to the shop to get some more pads as I was running low. At the shop, I saw my coworker buying lunch.
He raised his eyebrows at me and shook his head. I even held up my packet of pads to show him I was there for a valid reason. But he didn’t say anything and left to go back to work.
This evening I was berated by my boss for missing work for a non-valid reason and that if I was well enough to go to the shops, I was well enough to go to work.
So obviously my coworker ‘snitched’.
So are period cramps not a valid reason? If I had a stomach ache they would let me stay home. Am I seriously a jerk for staying home?”
In your shoes, I'd report your boss AND your co worker to HR for harassment. Going to the d*******e for tampons isn't the same as going grocery shopping or to the movies or to a restaurant. What did they expect you to do - sit home and bleed? No, boss and co worker need to S**U and MTOB, and HR is the entity that needs to do this. Good luck.
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Swim In My Pool Anymore?
“Before I had him as a friend I was being used for my pool. I have a generally big pool where I live and people use me. Now I’m more mature and don’t feel like getting used again.
Anyhow my friend and I are very good together. We are nice and he is a big improvement from the last few people I’ve known. He’s honest and better.
So one day (like a few days before the pool was opened) he called me and asked me if I’d like to go in his boat to go fishing.
He got it a few weeks ago and spent the time testing it and fishing. Now he’s asking me if I’d like to go on it. I accepted and got permission from my parents and he’s fine with it. His parents are also ok with it.
So around a week later, my pool was open and all set and he asked to come over, so I accepted and asked when we were going on the boat. All of a sudden he told me ‘You can’t go on it’. I was confused and asked him why, then he told me that his parents didn’t want me on it.
I asked for a more specific answer and he said it would get too crowded. His boat is 25 feet long and could definitely fit way more than his family. He also said ‘What if I get sick’. Accordingly, his dad throws up if someone else throws up on the boat, then it’s like a chain reaction and then everyone gets sick.
Then he said that his family was just looking out for me.
I told him that he’s never seen me on a boat and that’s kinda dumb and I never get seasick. He shrugged it off and changed the topic. Then the next day he told me his dad didn’t want me on the boat because I didn’t know how to fish.
His dad has never seen me fish and I’m not the best but I can fish. Also, to mention, he told me when he was telling me about me going on the boat he said we were just gonna take a quick ride. I’m kinda aggravated by now and just wait for the next day to tell him something.
So it was the next day and he asked me if he could go swimming, so I told him that he might drown and he didn’t know how to swim. He got mad and then had the audacity to tell me that he wanted to bring his little brother too and completely ignored my response, so I told him that he couldn’t come over and hung up.
He still talks to me but is mad about the situation and I’m confused if I was being mean to him, I’m just being fair and he was being mean about the boat.”
20. WIBTJ If I Keep Calling Parking Enforcement To Ticket Someone's Illegally Parked Car?
“In the city I live in we have a car share program.
For those who don’t know what that is, I and several hundred other people have signed up for a program to share a couple dozen cars around the city. The keys stay in the car and you unlock the car with the app or with a fob.
The nice thing is there are drop points all around the city for the cars so you can pick them up and drop them off at different locations.
There is one such drop point near my house. The next nearest space for it is several blocks away.
I don’t mind parking it in the other space and walking home a few blocks if there’s another car from the program in the designated spot; it’ll tell him on the app which spaces are available. My problem has started occurring with someone who just lives in the building in front of the designated space and parks there.
Now, it’s a big space. If buddy were to park on one edge of the space and someone could get the car in on the other edge, there’s room enough for that. But he insists on parking in the middle of the space.
The space has a ‘no parking except for special permit’ sign and ‘car share only’ parking signs so it’s very clear who is allowed to park there.
I’ve been getting very annoyed by coming home and seeing several empty street parking spaces open and available, but this guy parks in the one zone he’s not supposed to. It’s not like my street is super busy. Unless there’s some event on the cross street (a main street) there are always a couple of spots.
But my carshare won’t release unless it’s in a designated spot because they are GPS-linked so I cannot park it elsewhere on the street.
The very first thing I did when this guy started parking there a couple of months ago was tell him that it’s not an area he can park in, point out the signs, and explain to him what the carshare was.
He said he understood, but parked there anyway. I called parking enforcement once the other day after finally getting fed up with it, but he was parked there again the next day and today as well. Would I be the jerk if I just kept calling parking enforcement to ticket his car?
I know you get pings on your license if you get too many tickets but there’s loads of parking on the exact same street that he ignores for the one no parking spot.”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bring My Kids To Visit My Son's Dad In Prison?
“My older son’s (13 M) father is in prison. We’ve been divorced since he was three, and he’s been in prison for two years now.
I have full custody. He is not legally entitled to visitation, but I still take my son to see him about once a month.
For Father’s Day this year, my husband wanted to go birdwatching. He planned the trip and told my son he was 100% welcome and 0% obligated to go.
His presence would be a source of pleasure, but his absence would cause no resentment. The park is about 2.5 hours from where we live, and there is also a lake for swimming and other fun stuff to do. I thought this sounded like a fun family trip and didn’t want to miss it.
I told my son, like my husband said, it’s 100% his call, but I didn’t want to take him to prison, so if he wanted to visit his dad that day, he would need to arrange it with his grandmother. His grandmother and I do not speak to each other.
Son said he would think about it. Last week, he decided he wanted to do the birdwatching trip.
Yesterday my husband, stepson, stepdaughter, and two sons, and I went to the park. It was a lot of fun. The youngest got bored and I took him to the swimming spot, but my older son stayed with his stepdad and stepsiblings for two more hours before also joining the swim.
He told me that he had fun.
When we got home, we had several messages from my son’s grandmother and I had several emails from his dad telling me that I’m a nasty evil person who will be brought down by bad karma. Also, unbeknownst to me, my son and his grandmother are fighting right now, so he never would have gone to prison with her, so I essentially forced him to come with us.
I didn’t know they were fighting until I listened to the message, and if he truly wanted to go to prison, I think he at least would have told me.
AITJ for caring more about having fun than my son’s relationship with his dad?”
18. AITJ For Not Lending My Laptop To My Careless Sister?
“I’m 16 and my sister is 15.
My sister has always been careless with stuff. Of her own stuff she has broken; three cell phones, six different headphones, several pairs of sunglasses, etc. Of mine she has broken several video games, my last cell phone, the bookshelf in my room, the sharpener I had for school, my last set of headphones and so much other stuff in the far past. This is all more recent, say the last 2/3 years.
She’s not good with stuff and I don’t trust her. My parents also aren’t rich. So I saved birthday money and work money and bought myself a gaming laptop for both gaming and school work. I guard it with my life because I would not be able to afford a replacement.
I bought it because the family computer needs fixing and my parents can’t afford it.
So back in May my sister was given an assignment to do for one of her classes. She had time to do it in class so she did. The file ended up corrupted and couldn’t be opened. She realized at the last minute of the day that she needed to leave, and she couldn’t get access to the school computer, so she asked to use my laptop for it.
I said no way. My mom told me to let her do her assignment on it. I pointed out she breaks stuff all the time. Mom said she and Dad would pay to replace it if that happened, but they believed my sister wouldn’t break it and I should try thinking better of her.
I asked when they would replace it if it were broken. She admitted it wouldn’t be straight away. I said no.
She couldn’t get the assignment redone and they never fixed the file, so she got a poor grade for the class (the assignment was the thing being graded for that class).
Ever since the report card came a couple of weeks ago they’ve all been mad at me and my parents said I should have let her use the laptop.
AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Expressing My Feelings To My Dad?
“My dad (32 M) and I (14 M) recently had a discussion. He asked ‘Why I don’t come over to his house more often’. I answered truthfully, I feel neglected and ignored. Maybe that’s an overreaction but that’s how I feel… he asked me to give him examples because he thinks I’m over-exaggerating.
I told him how he and my stepmom (32 F) favor and pay more attention to my three sisters. For example, the last time I was over my stepmom left the house and went to the mall with my three sisters and didn’t wake me up, and the day prior I expressed I wanted to go and shop since it’s summer and I said ‘I want more shirts, shorts, etc…’ I told my dad the day of when he got home and he blamed my ‘sleep schedule’ and how off it is to his, my stepmom, and 3 sisters ‘normal schedule’.
I will admit that I do sleep at abnormal times but I’m a teenager and live in the year 2022 is it that abnormal?
Anyway, I told him another time how she ordered groceries and didn’t ask if I wanted or needed anything. When I told my dad he said ‘I’ll take you later on this week’.
I expressed how upset I was since this happens regularly. I told more short stories about how unfairly I get treated and he blew up on me and told me how he managed to raise a ‘brat’ and went on about how his wife (my stepmom) is a perfect woman and how good she is with her and his children so I’m obviously exaggerating.
My dad is usually not home around 7 AM-5 PM so he isn’t here to actually see these examples go down so I understand why he feels the way he does and she also has a different side of the story.
I felt so embarrassed and uncomfortable after he yelled at me.
I promptly left the next day to my mom’s. I guess my dad told my grandma and she told my aunts and uncles and they all messaged and called me to express their disappointment in me for explaining how I felt… so I could ‘keep the peace’ at the house.
I felt so bad for just speaking up and expressing myself because of how awkward it is now. I told my mom and she promptly put everyone in their place, cussed out my dad, and told him how hypnotized and stupid he was. I don’t know what to feel I’m still upset about being called all these names and he made me out to be someone I’m not, but I’m definitely staying with my mom until this situation dies down.”
16. AITJ For Resigning As A Maid Of Honor?
“I (23 f) have 2 sisters, Jenna (25), and Summer (19), and a brother, Jason (22). My parents also took in a family member, Rachel (11) a few months ago.
Rachel has been through a lot. She doesn’t talk, she never lets go of this little stuffed elephant, and she follows my mom everywhere.
She can’t go to school yet because my mom and her therapist agree that it would be too much for her. Rachel is the sweetest kid ever, though. She’s always down to cuddle and watch a Disney movie and she has the cutest smile.
I was even allowed to touch her elephant the other day.
Jenna has always been a pretty difficult person. She hasn’t lived at home in a while. She moved out for college, moved back home for a few months, then moved in with her partner, now fiancé.
My parents have been using her room as a guest room but they never changed anything about it. Rachel has also been staying there.
My parents are going to adopt Rachel and they want to turn Jenna’s old room into Rachel’s new room.
They told Jenna they’re turning her old room into Rachel’s room so she needs to come and go through her stuff and decide what she wants to keep and what she wants to donate/throw away.
Jenna said they can find another place to put Rachel and she’s not giving up her room.
My parents said they already made their decision and Jenna made an ultimatum: either our parents keep her room the way it is or she goes no contact.
My dad and I packed all of Jenna’s stuff into boxes and put it in an empty garage.
We painted Rachel’s new room, put together furniture, and filled the closet with new clothes and toys. We even built a snack bar. Rachel loves it. She’s starting to stay in her room more (before she’d only go in her room if she needed to change or sleep) and I’m pretty sure I heard her talking to her elephant.
Not as good as talking to a person but we’ll take it.
The problem is, now Jenna and my parents are in a huge fight. Jenna went no contact and uninvited my parents from her wedding. In retaliation, my parents announced that they wouldn’t pay for half of the wedding anymore and they were not going to pay the down payment on a house for Jenna and her fiancé (their wedding present).
This has caused Jenna to call them abusive and neglectful to anyone who’ll listen.
I was supposed to be her maid of honor but I can’t believe she’s acting like this so I dropped out of the wedding party. Now Jenna’s even madder and her fiancé is saying the entire family is being cruel to her.”
15. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Biological Parent?
“I’m (21 F) still living with my dad (48 M) while getting my degree. I help out with the bills, groceries, chores & errands since I have a part-time job. Even suggested paying rent but Dad said I should just save it for when I get my own place.
We have a pretty neat arrangement.
It was a chill night. I ordered in and out for Dad & myself after grocery shopping. Was planning on watching a movie so both of us could ride our food high till we tap out for the night.
Was absolutely not expecting my bio mom (47, female-to-male) to be there when I arrived.
To be fair I was asked on a # of occasions growing up if I was open to meeting him. I said yeah sure why not. But I want to be clear.
The dude is an absolute stranger to me so I don’t have strong feelings towards him. He divorced my dad & ran away as soon as the cord was cut. So never really knew him.
He started reaching out a few months ago to my dad saying he wants to meet me & apologize for not being there.
Dad asked if he should give my contact details. I said no because I’m more comfortable with him emailing my dad & me reading the email afterward vice versa. He said okay.
I was expecting that he’d give me the same heads up but no. This jerk is totally blindsided. So of course I had the wtf face when I arrived but I was raised to be hospitable to guests so I had that crap shelved up for later.
We ate. Takeout was sidelined cause my dad COOKED. Movie night was canceled. I was mad. Apparently, my face showed it so Dad called it a night. Bioparent asked if he could come again next week. I said I’m busy. I think he got the gist.
Dad absolutely went ballistic on me. Said I was disrespectful & ungrateful. I said he should have told me that he was coming over. He said it’s his house & he shouldn’t be asking permission from me. I said I paid half his bills. He said not anymore & maybe I should move out.
So AITJ?”
And in your shoes, I wouldn't have wanted to meet him either. You indicated your wishes pretty clearly when you wouldn't read his emails without dad previewing them for you, and I think you're very wise for doing that. I'm adopted as well, and I'd like to think that I'd handle meeting my bio parent as well as you have done. I absolutely hate people who push themselves on me wanting a relationship. It makes any friendliness I would have felt for them go right down the tubes. And especially a parent who ignored you for a couple of decades and now wants to make nice? S/he would have been lucky they didn't get shown the door immediately, had I been in your shoes.
Your dad is wrong about this. When he's had a chance to cool down, you might try a sit down with him and explain the way you feel. Good luck.
14. AITJ For Having A Different Parenting Style From My Stepdaughter's Parents?
“I (45 male) have a stepkid (15 female) with my wife.
I can say that her parents and I’s houses are very different, I don’t think that she shows any patience with them and I don’t like that.
For some reason that I do not know whenever she wants to punish her, she will make it seem like she is going out to do something or save the ‘punishment’ for when she leaves for work so it’s my responsibility to punish her.
One, I really don’t like the idea of punishing kids that aren’t mine. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been in her life since she was 4 and I love her to death, but it doesn’t change the fact that they aren’t my kids and it seems like a major out-of-bounds thing to do.
Again I’m really not comfortable with doing that. She is a good kid and is really responsible but I feel like my wife’s parenting has made her feel like she has to be perfect or else she will get punished.
I’ve never actually punished her, like I said she’s a really good kid and under no circumstances did I ever see that a punishment was necessary.
For some context my wife’s punishment is taking away all of her belongings I mean everything, like she’ll close all apps on her phone, can’t watch TV, can’t go out after school, can’t call friends. And all this because she got a C on a test, she put an assignment in late, etc.
I really hate this, being so hard on her isn’t reasonable, she rarely ever does anything wrong, I mean last here she probably had 2 assignments turned in late throughout the whole year. These things don’t need such harsh punishments, they just need to be left off with a warning.
And when she tells me to ‘punish her’ that’s all I do I give her a warning and she does just fine after that.
I think a warning is even a stretch, accidents happen, and overworking a kid isn’t going to end well.
I just tell her that if she needs help with school I’d be happy to help so these don’t happen. She’s come to me a few times for it but other than that she’s smart, and most of these were just her being overworked with school.
My wife never caught onto this until the other day when I was talking to her about her school because her mom said she got a ‘report from her teacher that she wasn’t focusing’.
Again I didn’t punish her. I just asked why she wasn’t and she said she was just tired from school and sports.
I said that’s fine, and if it’s too much she doesn’t have to go to sports this week because it’s not like it was mandatory.
My wife overheard because she came back inside when she forgot something. She was mad at me saying that it doesn’t teach them a valuable lesson.
I said it’s been working just fine and she’s too hard on her. She did the whole ‘I’m just a stepdad’ thing too.
Said her way is torturing her kid. She’s not focusing in class because she’s trying to please everyone and get an A, so she’ll stay up all night and overwork herself to do so, but then she’s to blame when that doesn’t go right.
She’s not speaking to me now.”
I'm with you - tiny transgressions deserve tiny responses. Your stepdaughter sounds like a wonderful kid. I think I'd do the same as you with the punishment thing. Your wife is a*****h who doesn't want a daughter; she wants a perfect little stepford kid that she can brag about. What she's doing is pushing her daughter away with both hands, and the kid will leave home and go no contact as soon as she's able. And don't be surprised when she goes far, far away. I never realized that I wasn't the mess my mom always made me out to be until I left home. I was like your daughter - honor society, lots of school activities, didnt' get in trouble, worked at least part time all through high school - and I got as far away from her as I could after college, and my brother did the same. And she would never admit that she was the problem; blamed us both for being bad kids instead. SSDD
Good luck.
13. WIBTJ If I Go On Vacation With My Grandparents Without My Parents And Siblings?
“I (16 m) am part of a blended family that is just family to me. My dad died when I was 3 and I was 5 when my mom married my stepdad and I became a brother to my stepdad’s three kids who were 6, 4, and 1 at the time.
My mom and stepdad also had my two younger siblings together a while later. My dad’s family stayed in my life. However, they had to go to court because mom and they had a conflict and she stopped contact with me. They were given grandparents visitation rights, including some time at Christmas, one overnight a month, and the chance to take me on vacation during summer (or a two-week period with them during the summer).
I never did get a vacation with them before. But now they are offering me one because that whole side of the family is getting together for one.
My dad’s family never included any of my siblings. I understand why. But my parents and siblings never liked it and it’s caused some fights in our house, and they all hate my dad’s family for that reason.
My siblings told me before that my grandparents are jerks and they should have included them in their family and they asked how I could love people who reject my siblings and most of my family. My sister (the oldest) told me we were always going to be separated by them and it wasn’t fair.
Now that the vacation has been offered, things went down. I told my parents and they were not happy. Mom already knew about it though. When my siblings found out they immediately asked if I would go and how could I consider going when they’re not being invited and that it can’t be a family vacation if it doesn’t include my whole family.
My mom told me the right thing to do would be to reject the invite unless my grandparents were willing to let my siblings come (paid for by her and my stepdad). My stepdad told me I needed to see how much it hurt my siblings to see me accept them being rejected year after year when they were innocent kids who would have loved my family as much as I do if they had been welcomed.
I told my grandparents what was going on. They told me not to feel pressured either way, and they understood. But I do want to go. I just feel bad and know if I go, then I might end up being hated by my family.
WIBTJ if I go?”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Friend's Partner To My Parties?
“I want to say that I really liked this girl a year ago when they started going out. However, she has worn down my nerves since then. She was polite and engaged first, and tried to fit in. Now it seems like she wants all of us to cater to her.
Around Christmas time I invited my friend and her over for dinner. However, without asking she also brought her dog. My apartment is not dogproof and we have a cat. The dog chewed up my stuff and made a mess. We had to hastily move stuff to places where the dog couldn’t get to it, and it ate the cat food and terrorized the cat.
She never apologized. I told my friend if she ever brought the dog again we would not let them in and he said he understood.
We had plans in March where we had a booking for 1 p.m., but they didn’t get out of bed until 12:30 p.m. and we missed it.
When my partner started to chew them out, she angrily told us that she had plenty of reasons to be mad at us as well. I can’t even imagine what reasons she has. I haven’t planned anything since then because that incident was so stressful.
This time, I planned a birthday party for my partner. I have a fire pit outside so I figured, we could fire up the BBQ, and have a fire. The dog can tear around the yard, and we can’t miss an appointment cuz it’s my place.
Everyone is happy. Then my friend volunteered his family’s cottage for the party, making it overnight. Everyone gets their own room and again, the dog has its own space, and they will be there the night before us so they can’t be late.
But I got called in to work early the next day, and since I was driving half the guests, I told everyone we would have to switch back to my place because I could no longer stay overnight to drive everyone home.
My friend agreed, but his partner posted in the group chat a ‘poll’ if they wanted it at my place or the cottage. Of course, everyone agreed on the cottage but it’s not like I pulled the plug for no reason – I literally cannot be in two places at once.
She managed to find a work-around so everyone has a ride home and I’m the only one going home early, which is fine. But then she posted that a friend of hers was ALSO coming, without asking. She also decided on a menu without asking.
I asked my partner if he would mind if this mystery person came to the party and he said he didn’t like it either.
Am I the jerk for deciding she blew her chances and isn’t invited anymore? I am organizing this for my partner, not her.
It’s nice that my friend volunteered his place but I don’t think his partner should be allowed to take over the party on that virtue. I wouldn’t have agreed to move the party if I knew she would take it over like this and I won’t be fooled again.”
I would have the party at my house, tell everyone the plans have reverted to that, and let the chips fall where they may. I'd bet much that your "friends" haven't made plans for the cottage at all; they're just trying to jack up your arrangements because they know they wouldn't have been invited otherwise. Good luck.
11. AITJ For Not Reimbursing My Roommate Her Train Ticket After I Bailed On Out Trip?
“I won tickets for a meet and greet with a YouTuber I really liked a few years ago.
I had just moved in so we had only just become roommates and had talked about going out together and having girl’s nights to bond.
When I told her I won she was so excited so I asked her if she wanted to come with me and we could make a day out of it.
She was super happy ‘and honored’ I asked her and for weeks we talked about it looking forward to it. The day comes, we wake up early, take the train and as soon as we arrive in the city of the meet and greet I get a call that the meet and greet was cancelled due to a family emergency.
I was sad of course, but I completely understood. She told me: hey they will move it to another date! Let’s go shopping and have dinner later. And that’s what we did. A fun girls’ day, right?
A week later I got a text while I was away and with family that she apparently was waiting for an apology that I wasted her day and never apologized for the cancellation.
Also, she wants me to reimburse her train ticket costs because she now bought the tickets and traveled for nothing.
I told her: I don’t understand why I owe you an apology or why I should ‘reimburse’ you. We’ve been planning to go on a girl’s day for a while now and I thought we were spending the day as friends.
How am I to blame that the meet and greet got canceled? I actually feel a bit hurt for you to say it was a pointless trip.
She replied she only came to the meet and greet for me and she doesn’t really like the guy anyway which made me even madder because I could’ve asked my actual friends instead.
She compared it to driving and sharing gas and that I should at least pay for half (25 euros total) because I invited her.
AITJ to say no?”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepdad And Dad To Any Of My Life Events?
“My mom and dad got divorced when I was 3 because he had an affair. I understand that the divorce was his fault but it was also not fair for me to take sides so I did not.
I am close to both my parents. I mostly live with my mom because my dad works nights a lot so the court sided with my mom. He still comes to all my games and calls and texts me.
My stepdad got a job in a new state and my mom and dad went to court about me moving.
My dad lost, and I had to move to a far state and lose my dad and friends.
I am very mad at my mom and stepdad for taking my dad away from me when they were the ones who chose to move. I told them that they ripped my dad away from me but they didn’t separate the kids they had together from their parents (I get that my half-siblings have married parents but that is not the point).
I told my stepdad that he is not allowed at any events that my dad can’t come to which means he cannot come to anything and my stepdad has no rights to me. I told my mom that I refused to spend more time with her because she was siding with her husband’s new job over her kid having her dad around and that she should have let me stay with another relative/my dad at home.
They both keep trying to talk to me even though I told them my boundaries mean space from both of them and that their decision will result in me never speaking to them when I am an adult.
Am I being a jerk because my mom is pretty sad I am ignoring her and so is my stepdad?”
9. AITJ For Letting My Oldest Daughter Exclude One Of Her Sisters From Her Wedding Party?
“I have seven children (25 F, 21 F, 17 F, 17 M, 13 F, 7 M, 5 F). My oldest child, Rose, is getting married later this year.
It should be noted that her husband also comes from a large family (two brothers and a sister).
Almost all of their siblings have some kind of role (bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, and ring bearer). The only sibling from either side who doesn’t have a part is Rose’s thirteen-year-old sister Iris.
My husband and I brought up this concern when we realized that Iris was the only one who would be left out of having some kind of part in the wedding. Rose insists that she and her husband don’t have enough parts for everyone and they have the final word since they are paying for most of it.
We brought up the possibility of Iris still having a part like doing a reading or supervising younger siblings (the ringbearer and flower girl) but again this was also shot down.
I told Rose that she is running the risk of isolating Iris while she has to watch her brothers and sisters get to be part of the wedding.
Rose said that it’s a risk she’s willing to take since, again, she doesn’t have enough space for everyone.
Now here’s the problem. Iris joined her school’s choir early this year once classes resumed again. Her teacher is organizing a trip to Ireland this spring, where they will be performing at a cathedral in Dublin.
Iris really wants to go on this trip, and my husband and I agree. She’s never been abroad and the choir teacher is a member of our church, so we feel comfortable having her watch Iris. We also feel like this trip would help keep Iris’ mind off of not being in her sister’s wedding.
The only problem is that they are leaving for the trip the day after the wedding. We don’t see a problem with this since Rose will have left on her honeymoon. My husband and I were planning on taking our younger kids out to breakfast before dropping Iris off at the airport.
But Rose is furious at us for agreeing to let her go on the trip.
She says that it’s because the trip is too close to her wedding and she’d like everyone’s full participation. I pointed out, ‘How is Iris going to participate? She has nothing to do but sit around and do nothing.’ My husband agrees.
If it’s so important for Iris to be there for Rose’s wedding, wouldn’t she have something to do? We told her that she feels left out and didn’t even want to hear about shopping for bridesmaids and flower girl dresses when she won’t get one herself, for example.
Rose is furious at us for insisting that we are making Iris part of her wedding and then agreeing to let her go on the trip when she refuses. She doesn’t like her going on the trip so close to the wedding when she’s going to be gone the day after.
She can still attend, she may just leave the reception early since she has a flight the next day.
My kids agree that Iris should just go on the trip and think Rose is being a bridezilla. What do you think? AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Have A Catholic Funeral For My Late Sister?
“My (16 M) sister (20 F) ‘Lucy’ recently died in a car accident when a driver under the influence hit her.
My entire family is devastated, she was a great person and was basically the one holding the family together. I don’t have a great relationship with my mom due to fundamental differences/language barriers and Lucy was always there trying to mitigate everything.
Some background about my family: Mom is a devout Catholic and Dad is Buddhist but me and my siblings grew up Catholic.
Lucy stepped away from the Catholic Church when she was 18 but believed in a god and heaven. Lucy and my mom have argued about this many times but Lucy still went to church whenever my mom asked her to in order to prevent further fighting.
I’m an atheist (mom doesn’t know).
My mom is obviously in shambles but is quickly planning a funeral. Here’s where the problem is, she’s planning a fully Catholic funeral. Honestly, I don’t really know the details but I know there will be a mass with a catholic priest and stuff.
When I found out, I was (and still am) extremely angry at my mom. I immediately told her that Lucy wasn’t a Catholic and shouldn’t have a Catholic funeral. I told my mom to tone the Catholic down and go more Christian instead.
There was a lot of screaming and crying from both sides.
My mom told me that Lucy grew up Catholic and should have a Catholic funeral. She said that as her mom, she knows her best and knows Lucy would want this kind of funeral. She said that Lucy would’ve found her way back to the church if she didn’t die young.
This is where I’m probably the jerk. I told my mom that she never cared about Lucy’s wishes and was only holding a Catholic funeral for herself instead of honoring Lucy’s memory. More screaming and crying etc.
My dad is staying silent (as he always is).
My younger brother (15 M) told me that I didn’t know when to just shut up. He said that while she might not want a Catholic funeral, she wouldn’t want us to argue either.
AITJ? Please don’t talk about which/lack of religion is better I’m tired of hearing about it.”
7. AITJ For Not Thanking My Brother-In-Law Right Away After He Saved My Daughter?
“On Friday it was my cousin’s kid’s birthday and we had the party at a local lake.
My daughter is four and cannot swim.
I also can’t swim and my husband (who can swim) was not present. I explained water safety to my kid, she had a life jacket on, and all that jazz.
I also have a toddler, however, and had to nurse him for a nap. I left my cousin in charge of my daughter while I left to feed my son.
My daughter hadn’t been into the water at all and I thought she was fine. She was not.
I still don’t really know what happened – one second everything was fine, and the next everyone was screaming. I got down to the lake’s edge just as my brother-in-law was pulling my daughter from the lake.
Her life jacket had been removed.
She coughed up some water and he did some water vomit trick which led to her clearing out. After he was sure she was fine he walked her over to me and said, verbatim, ‘Crappy parents lead to dead kids.
Get your head out of your butt and teach her how to swim.’
I didn’t really have much of a response, just packed up my kids and drove her to the ER. She’s completely fine, just a little shaken up, and very afraid of water.
Anyway, my sister texted me and told me I ought to thank him for saving her life. I didn’t respond initially because we were still in the ER, which led to her calling me an ungrateful jerk. Again, I ignored it because my daughter needed me, but last night everything came to a head.
My BIL DM’ed me asking if I would have rather she drowned. Following that I have received message after message. I tried to explain that I’d been busy but my sister said not to contact them unless it was to thank him and apologize.
I will probably thank him just to keep the peace, but I think they’re out of line.
There was no need for his comment & their following behavior.
My husband thinks I should go no contact but he’s never liked them so I’m hesitant to listen. My dad agrees with hub, however.
So, AITJ for not thanking him (yet)?”
6. AITJ For Playing The Piano At Someone's Wedding?
“I (16 F) went to a wedding of my parents’ friend’s son.
A bit of background: I’ve been playing piano my whole life and am frequently asked to play at events. I haven’t personally met the groom since I was a baby, and I’ve never met the bride or her family until the wedding.
A few days before the wedding, my parents told me I would be performing a piece on the piano during the reception. I didn’t think anything of it because I had previously played at other weddings several times, so I prepared for it not knowing there was a severe miscommunication coming up.
The groom’s father, who was my family’s friend, met me during the reception and guided me to the piano, where I began to play the piece. I really thought it was totally fine because it seemed the father of the groom had organized the event and coordinated it all with the bride and groom’s blessing.
However, a bit after I started to play the bride walked up to me, looking very angry, and demanded I stop.
She then blew up at me. She said that it was her wedding and her day and reprimanded me for having the audacity to try to steal the spotlight at her wedding.
It became very obvious to me that she was not filled in/informed whatsoever of my playing. I told her I thought I was invited to play, and she said she didn’t even know who I was. The groom’s father rushed over and tried to explain, but it was clear I had already upset her on such an important day.
I really feel so bad. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin her big day. The reason I made this post is I really want to reach out to her to apologize, but my family is telling me not to because she was a jerk for yelling at me.
Her words were harsh, but I can understand the frustration because who would want some random girl playing piano at her wedding? AITJ?
EDIT: To be clear, the wedding was paid for almost entirely by the groom’s side of the family (according to my parents) which was the impression I was under.
I assumed because they paid for it they were the ones arranging it and I guess I wrongly assumed the bride was informed. I do hope to reach out to her, but unfortunately, because we’re from the groom’s side of the acquaintances I don’t know how to get her number, and the adults I ask keep telling me to stay out of it.
I’m mostly just really embarrassed and was too afraid to defend myself at the moment.”
I think you need to let it go and move on. You were put in a tricky situation without your knowledge or consent, but it's not up to you to fix it.
5. AITJ For Announcing My Baby's Gender At My Brother's Wedding?
“I (36 F) am not close with my family. I live in a different state, so I don’t have much contact with them.
My brother (30 M) got married last weekend and invited me. I told him I’d come and not have a +1.
My husband and I recently separated, and after that, I found out I was pregnant. My extended family didn’t know about the separation or about the pregnancy.
I told my brother I was pregnant when we spoke on the phone before the wedding, he congratulated me and that was more or less it. My family also knew my marriage was very rocky. My parents also knew about the pregnancy.
So I am 7 months pregnant right now and getting a divorce.
When I showed up at the wedding, everyone was super shocked to see me pregnant and alone there. A lot of questions followed, I answered them with as little info as possible and that was it.
During the ceremony, the priest mentioned my pregnancy (it’s a small town and the priest has been there since I was a kid) to make a joke or whatever about what is next for the bride and groom – babies, something like ‘and after OP’s baby, hopefully, many more will join this beautiful family of Bride and Groom’.
The bride was mad because now EVERYONE knew I was pregnant. During the picture-taking part of the reception, my brother said ‘Okay, and now I want to take a pic with my favorite sister and my FIRST nephew’. I laughed and said ‘Niece, actually’ and he was super happy, we took a pic, and that’s it.
The bride came to me later and called me a jerk for upstaging her wedding with not just my pregnancy but also the ‘baby gender announcement’. Her family is obviously on her side. My brother thinks she is acting crazy and I did nothing wrong, and my parents think I should have informed people I was pregnant before coming to the wedding + should have kept quiet about the gender.
Am I really the jerk here?”
an announcement of your pregnancy, without your knowledge or permission. Tell her to simmer down, that you weren't the one making a big deal about your condition and you can't be held responsible for other peoples' actions. It is unfortunate, but it isn't your fault.
4. AITJ For Trying To Include My Sister In My Conversation With My Significant Other?
“I (M 20) have been going out with Gail (F 20) for a year now.
I also have a younger sister Maxine (F 16). Maxine and I are extremely close, like ‘talk every day’ close. She also comes with Gail and me when we go on dates, and she has since the beginning of our relationship. I think it’s cute and sweet that she and Gail and I have a relationship like this.
I thought Gail saw things the same way since they got along so well.
Gail and I moved in together six months ago and it’s been really hard not living with Maxine anymore. She and I compensate a little bit for this by talking on the phone or texting basically all day, I think our record is 11 hours on call with each other.
Gail kind of disagrees with this. She says that we live together and she doesn’t want to hear about Maxine every day. I get that so Max and I toned it down, but I try and visit her at our parents’ house at least once a week.
I was definitely hurt by this because Maxine is important to me but I understand.
However yesterday Gail was talking and she mentioned a YouTube channel that Maxine really likes so I wanted to call Max so that she could be part of the conversation (since it was a topic she’s interested in).
When Gail saw me pull out my phone she asked what I was doing. I told her I was calling Max and she let out a huge sigh and snapped ‘Never mind’ and stomped off. She went to our bedroom and slammed the door.
Now she won’t talk to me and whenever I ask what’s wrong she just says ‘Ask Maxine’.
Maxine had no idea either and told me I should just give her space, so I came to my parents’ house (where I am now). Gail hasn’t called or texted but I texted her an apology and told her I’d give her space.
But it got me thinking. AITJ just for calling my sister?”
I'm wishing Gail good luck, because I don't think your relationship is going to last very long. And you and Maxine need therapy.
3. AITJ For Not Being Able To Finish Unpacking Our Stuff?
“My significant other Allie (21 F) and I (25 M) have been together for a little over a year. I love her to death but she has these little habits that drive me insane. We just moved in together at the start of August.
First off, she doesn’t really like to cook. I love to cook so I do it more often than she does. Because of this, I decided the dishes are her job, it’s only fair that if I cook dinner for both of us a few times a week, I don’t do any dishes.
Plus I work.
We both work 12-hour shifts, mine are night shifts and hers are both. She’s been off for a few weeks because she got a concussion. So while I work my 3 shifts a week, she stays home. We had a fight the other day because I found out she made food for herself while I was working, and didn’t tell me there were leftovers so I didn’t know I could eat it when I got home the next morning.
She also ate a chicken burger two days in a row while I was gone, I said it was excessive and that she shouldn’t eat the same thing that often. She claims it was because she can’t be up for long with her concussion, and they’re easy.
She snacks on random things. She won’t just eat crackers, she’ll eat cereal out of the box. She bought a box of fruit loops a week ago. Today I saw her eating them dry and most of the bag was already gone. I took them out of her hands and put them away.
She was mad but I told her cereal is expensive and she shouldn’t just eat it like that. She does the same thing when she buys frozen fruit, I took that away from her a couple of times because she’d eat it multiple days in a row.
I work 3 nights in a row a week, then I have 4 days off. I keep my schedule the rest of the week because it’s easier. I sleep around 7 a.m. most days and wake at 5 p.m. When I get up, I ask Allie to help me unpack my boxes and she never wants to.
She claims it’s because she’s been up all day but I think she doesn’t want to unpack my stuff. Since her head has been improving she’s been unpacking more of her boxes, but it’s a waste of time. She takes out books when my kitchen stuff is boxed. We don’t need books out, and she puts her stuff places without checking if I’m okay with it.
Yesterday she said she was going to go to the store, I told her to stay home because we needed to unpack my stuff. We started unpacking a box but she got a headache and stopped.
I haven’t been able to get most of my stuff unpacked since we moved in, because she’s been concussed the whole time and can’t help me.
I’ve been waiting for her but she’s upset with me that I haven’t unpacked anything myself, because apparently that’s what I ‘should have been doing.’
She got mad at me and said I’m controlling since we moved in. I said she’s overreacting; I’m just trying to make sure she eats right and we each do half.
She also got mad at me for my sleep schedule, because it’s ‘hard’ being the one watching our 2 dogs all day. I feel like she’s overreacting.
AITJ?”
Lesson one - you do NOT tell her what, when or how to eat. That is none of your business. She is an adult, not a child to be ordered around by you.
Lesson two - why should she unpack the necessities in YOUR boxes? Why can't you do it? Being home with a concussion, she should be RESTING, not working when you're too lazy to unpack your own $**t.
Grow up and start being a partner instead of a controlling @*****e. Actually do some work around the house that isn't cooking. You BOTH live in the home, you BOTH have to contribute to keeping it tidy and organized. She can't do much right now BECAUSE SHE HAS A CONCUSSION, genius. If you expect her to come to your rescue and help more than her share whenever you're sick or incapacitated, I suggest you change your attitude right now and stop b******g and start helping AND caring. You treat her like a slave, not a partner. I'm wishing her good luck, and hoping she ditches your narcissistic @*$.
2. AITJ For Refusing To Split The Bill With My Partner At Ikea?
“My partner (23 F) and I (24 M) just moved in together yesterday. I moved into the apartment that she had shared with her roommate before I moved in.
So the apartment was half furnished since her roommate took half of everything.
I lived in an incredibly small bachelor-style studio so the only things I really had were a queen bed, a couch (that she hated), and a TV. We agreed to keep my bed and bed frame since she had a full.
She suggested we go to Ikea to restock the house and she was super excited about it. When we got there she filled our entire cart with furniture, kitchen, and bathroom stuff.
She was asking my opinion on stuff and I was happy to give it but I saw the bill racking up pretty quickly.
She ended up getting so much stuff that I saw as pointless. Like bathroom rugs, a soap dispenser, and a dresser even though she has one, she got a second matching bedside table for my side of the bed, some art for the apartment, and TWO giant rugs!
One for the bedroom and one for the living room. And this is just some of the stuff I didn’t think we needed. There was plenty more.
We ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to check out she said ‘Everything else we can just get on Amazon.’ I was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more than all of this crap.
But we went to check out and just like I thought the total was almost $1,400. She asked the cashier if we could split the bill halfway on two cards and I was horrified. I told her there was no way I was paying half for all of this.
She looked surprised and we quickly began to argue. She told me this was for the both of us but I disagreed and said I didn’t need half of this stuff. After about 5 minutes of arguing and holding up the line she paid and we left.
The entire hour ride home we argued and when we got home I was given the silent treatment after being called a cheap jerk. Am I the jerk here?”
That said, from the list of items your SO bought, I don't see anything unreasonable. It's not like she spent hundreds of dollars on fancy curtains or a KitchenAid mixer or luxury items for your home. You being a minimalist type bachelor, you're probably not aware of how much it costs to set up a household. Did you bring sheets, towels, toilet brush, soap dispensers, dish towels, dishes, pots, pans, or anything at all that is ESSENTIAL to running a household, with you? I'm betting not, since you mentioned that one of the "pointless" things your SO put in your shopping cart was a soap dispenser. Seriously? Get a clue, man - you're a grownup now. Grownups don't live in virtually unfurnished spaces without the basic utensils for cooking and cleaning, storage and hygiene. With everything purchased, it sounds like your SO did a great job of keeping things reasonable, which you wouldn't recognize because you've clearly never priced nor purchased anything necessary for a home before. Welcome to adulthood, sweetie - it's expensive. And I hope your stinginess hasn't chased your SO away because she sounds like a good one. You need to apologize quickly, thoroughly and expensively ( at least flowers and maybe some chocolates), or you might find yourself moving again very soon. Good luck.
1. AITJ For Taking Money From A Former Coworker And Not Giving Him What He Wanted In Exchange?
“My 21st birthday was last week and someone I used to work with messaged me saying happy birthday etc etc., then said he wants to send me 50$ to go get a pedicure done if I send him some pictures (of my feet).
And I politely declined. While I could use the money, I’m not that desperate, LOL.
Well while we worked together he got my cashapp because we would buy each other food on our breaks and just pay it back over that, so a few minutes after he messaged me I got a notification he sent 50$.
I declined and refunded it and he messaged me again insisting I take it, I don’t have to send him pictures just get the pedicure done. Again, I said thank you, but no. It was getting annoying when he sent 60$ this time and said even just one toe picture was enough.
Now by this point, I was just really grossed out and had already told my significant other about it and he told me to just keep the money and block him.
So after I got the money I just said ‘Thanks. You’re not getting anything in return for that’ and blocked his social media and cashapp.
A few hours went by and I got a message request from someone I assume is his friend calling me an ungrateful jerk and how could I rip him off like this, blah blah, I need to give him his money back I’m a thief.
I told him exactly what happened and he said he only got the other guy’s side of the story but that I was still a jerk for keeping the money and not giving it back. I said that not my fault he didn’t listen to me twice saying I didn’t want or need it and that I wasn’t going to send him pictures of my feet because that’s just super weird.
So, AITJ for ‘stealing’ or not giving this guy his money back?”
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