People Want To Get A Good Reputation By Telling Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Pointing Out To My Friend That His Partner's Job Is More Important Than Him?
“I (23F) have been friends with Kai (26m) since we started working together a year ago. He has a partner (27f) and they’ve been together since they were teenagers. we both work as hairdressers so we’ve gotten really close.
His partner spends most of the year at sea working, she works for six months straight and then comes back for a few months.
I’ve always been worried for him as soon as he mentioned her job since she can’t be there for him if he needs support.
I was interested in her work life since her career is unique so I asked Kai what she does, she works as a deckhand but all of her coworkers are mainly men.
I thought this was weird and told him that, he just laughed it off saying how those men are family to her.
It just seemed so weird to me to live with other men while her own partner was stuck at home without her. I’ve expressed concern to him but he always just brushes it off saying how they’ve even had dinners with those men and their families.
I tried to tell him how she prefers working to being with him, he just won’t listen to me saying things like that’s what they agreed on since day one.
She recently came home so I went over to visit them, Kai had gone to the bathroom, and I brought it up telling her that her career was above her own partner, she laughed at me saying how she will always prioritize her career and that he knows it.
I tried to just tell her she should be there for him more often instead of leaving with other men for six months and how Kai wouldn’t put up with her career forever. She just had this look on her face and told me that he won’t be leaving anytime soon since she bought their house in funds after ‘only’ 4 years of working.
Kai then came back and she told him everything I said, he told me to leave, I tried to explain myself but he shut the door on me.
I’ve tried contacting him since then, but he hasn’t even shown up for work so I was worried. He just texted me back saying he left work and how his partner is now converting their spare room into his own salon.
I tried to explain myself but I was blocked. I just want my friend back.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. You’re overstepping. You have your own boundaries for your own relationship and shouldn’t be getting your nose into other people’s business. It’s really that simple.
Your behavior while she is gone is shady and snakey, and I don’t care if you try to twist your actions into concern for your friend: he’s a grown man, and if he is unhappy, he’ll take care of it himself. Shaming his partner at their house based on a concern that is only YOURS is beyond disrespectful too, and clearly the last drop in the pond.
Leave him alone, if he wants to stay in touch he will be. However, I wouldn’t if I were him.” thiscatisconfused
Another User Comments:
“So she’s in the military, merchant marines, or one of the dozens of other careers that involve spending a significant amount of time away from home.
I’m in a relationship like that too, and people like you really just aren’t that slick. You have so many discussions about the distance, the relationship, and priorities as the relationship develops. You know what your life will look like, and (here’s the key part) you get to choose whether you’re okay with that or not.
So all your ‘concern’ for her priorities reads to everyone (including Kai) as very obvious jealousy. Kai telling you himself that you were wrong didn’t even stop you from massively overstepping.
Let me state this as clearly as possible: I chose my relationship despite his career, and so did Kai with his partner.
Neither of us needs your concern. YTJ” beingsydneycarton
Another User Comments:
“A woman tearing down another woman and expecting her to prioritize a man over her own life and future? Is that what we’re doing? I thought the 21st century was supposed to be about empowering each other but you seem to be stuck in the 19th.
YTJ. I’d ask if it occurred to you that she works this way because the pay is excellent and she can have plenty of free time when she’s not on board ship. Or that ultimately, she’ll be able to retire on her savings in a few years and start her own business while he does his thing and spend as much time with him as they want?
But it obviously didn’t. I wonder how she can afford to help him open his own salon, oh, wait.
Whether you’re consciously or subconsciously in love with the guy and tried to break them up, or whether you really see him as just a friend and your concern comes from deep-rooted cultural misogyny, you’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that you put your nose where it absolutely did not belong and you’ve rightfully lost him.
Take the lesson you need to learn from this and get on with your life. Maybe at some future point, you’ll realize just how wrong you were and be able to reach out to him with a sincere apology rather than an empty justification of what you did.” Lady_Fel001
20. AITJ For Not Canceling My Plans For My Husband?
“My (31F) husband Ryan (39M), his brother, and 2 friends were supposed to go up to their friend’s cabin for a long weekend. They were supposed to leave this afternoon but unfortunately, 2 people tested positive this morning and the 3rd was exposed so the trip has been canceled.
I have not been able to take any type of vacation in over a year and it doesn’t look like that’ll be an option anytime soon so when my husband told me about the trip, I thought it would be an excellent time to also take Friday/Monday off and have a staycation for myself.
I went on a mini shopping spree at Lush, bought special groceries for myself, planned a hike and a girl’s craft night/cocktail party, and found my favorite old movies for a movie night. Ryan and I like a lot of the same things but I wanted to take this opportunity to do and cook all the things that I like but he doesn’t.
Ryan suggested that since he now has the weekend free, I could rearrange mine and we could have extra time together. I love my husband and will absolutely make time to spend with him but I still want to keep all of my plans.
He’s upset because he feels I’m being selfish, especially on the food aspect.
I do all of the cooking and cleaning and the way we share our finances reflects that (80/20) so he feels like my cooking things for only myself for 4 days is breaking our agreement and unfair to him. He also doesn’t want my friends drinking here because I told them that they could stay the night and we’d have brunch in the morning.
he wants me to cancel the cocktail part of the evening and only have the craft night because it’s ‘inappropriate’ for an adult to have a sleepover party when their spouse is home and the potential for us to be loud and obnoxious is inconsiderate to him.
I’m prepping eggplant parm and arugula salad right now for my dinner tonight (he despises both eggplant and arugula) and I suggested he take himself out for dinner as a treat and he got really annoyed with me and left the house. I don’t know if I should feel bad or not.
I think he’s expecting too much from me to always be on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Ryan is being spoiled and selfish. The fact that he didn’t encourage you to keep your plans and didn’t offer to vacate the house while your friends are there is disappointing.
He seems super entitled – and I’m sorry he’s unable to put your first this one time. His childish temper tantrum at the end is also quite emotionally manipulative. If he’s unable to put your wants and plans first THIS ONCE you’ve got a spouse issue that you need to seriously address.” DragonFireLettuce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your husband is acting like a self-centered jerk. He’s selfish, juvenile, and inconsiderate. This can’t be the first time he’s shown his colors.
I don’t think you should cancel but his angry presence in the home may cause trouble with your friends or make them uncomfortable.
It is kind of sad that you haven’t had a vacation and had to wait til he went out of town to plan something.
By the way, you should be able to eat foods he doesn’t like anytime you want. There’s a lot of unnecessary drama going on with your hubby and your relationship.
Good luck.” MagicianOk6393
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your husband sounds like an entitled baby. The way your husband is bringing up your financial 80/20 split because you were planning one weekend with your friends is so petty/childish.
If I were your husband I’d feel guilty about hanging around the house when you had already planned this for your friends and would try to be out of the way as possible rather than throwing a childish tantrum and rain down on the fun.
Can he not take himself out to dinner, find other friends to hang out with, and have some alone time?” Bunch_Mountain
19. AITJ For Not Informing My Ex Where I'm Taking Our Kids For Vacation?
“Prior to leaving on vacation with my kids 14, and 12, for the last three years, all I do is tell my ex what they need to pack.
Swimsuits or hiking boots, sweaters, or rash guards. Like that. I also tell her whether we are leaving the state or not. Now I tell her the details the day I pick them up.
I used to tell her everything months in advance the first two years after our divorce.
Until I found something weird. I told her I was taking the kids to Disneyland in August of the first year. She and her new partner took the kids to Disney World in August. Weird coincidence.
The second year we were going to go camping in a National Park, it was so odd that they took the kids out for a vacation in a massive motorhome they rented just two weeks beforehand.
So now I just don’t give them a chance to mess with me.
On the day I pick up the kids I hand over a paper with our complete schedule. All the places we will be visiting. All the contact information for the hotels or campgrounds where we will be.
I also email the information to her and her husband just in case the paper goes missing.
My ex is mad at me for not telling her what I’m doing so she can plan accordingly. For example last summer I took the kids on a baseball tour of the Midwest. We saw four games at four different MLB fields.
We also ate at a bunch of different places my kids have seen on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. It was a blast. Unfortunately, my ex and her husband had planned something similar. Just kidding. They took the kids to Disney again. The kids enjoyed themselves but they did mention that they weren’t big fans of waiting in line for little kid rides with their stepbrother.
This coming summer we are spending a week at my grandparents’ home in the Adirondacks. Or are we?
She thinks I’m a jerk for not telling her more information before I need to. But I think she is being petty for messing with my time with the kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not that you’re not telling her where you’re taking the kids, you’re just not giving her a ton of advanced notice. I don’t see how it should matter to her to know months beforehand where you’re taking them (other than the obvious fact that she wants to one-up you).
What’s important is that, while they’re on the trip, she’s fully aware of where her children are and how to contact you all in case of an emergency.” idreaminwords
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as she knows where they are whenever they are there.
You should still be open to discussing both of your plans with each other beforehand. The adult thing to do would be for you to both be able to plan different activities and vacations. Her past behavior gets in the way of that of course, but I would not close it off completely.
(It’s unclear whether she knew you were going to the Midwest last summer and took them to Disney again, or whether she took them there because she thought you were doing something like that.)” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You make sure she knows where her kids will be and give her all the contact info she might possibly need should something go wrong, which I think is extremely important.
I’d probably be very stressed out as a parent if I didn’t have that information and someone was taking them on a trip without me. Even if that person was their dad, to whom I am married. I’d still want to know as much as possible about where my children are going to be.
But she doesn’t necessarily need all that info beforehand, even if she didn’t have a history of using it against you, which she clearly does.
You are certainly not in the wrong for not allowing her to keep spoiling special experiences with your kids out of spite.
You also sound super organized and on top of things. Good for you.” BergamotDragon
18. AITJ For Changing A Kid's Clothes?
“I’ve run a home daycare for 10 years now. 2 months ago, I had a new client ‘Cindy’ enroll her daughter ‘Breanne’, aged 1 1/2 years old.
Cindy always dresses Breanne in darling dresses, tights, dress shoes, etc. Often they’re designer brands.
When Breanne started, I explained she is going to get dirty there. I use smocks for art and bibs for children her age at meals, but sometimes things slip through.
Plus, we go outside and there’s dirt, sand, etc. I said they could dress her however they want, but she will get dirty. I think Cindy underestimated how dirty Breanne would get. On the third day, we were doing an activity with paint. Breanne was wearing a smock but she still somehow managed to get it on her dress.
Cindy had a freakout. I explained she needed to send her in clothes she felt comfortable getting dirty. She told me it was my job to figure it out.
Breanne has trouble playing outside because of her shoes. I explained this to Cindy and she told me that she’d be fine.
Yet, it was an issue when the shoes got dirty.
I have a very supportive community and get lots of donations throughout the year of extra diapers, supplies, toys, clothes, and shoes. I often give these out to my clients who are on assistance or I’ll keep them in case a child runs out of something.
What I began doing on Monday was changing Breanne into proper play clothes (long-sleeved t-shirt, leggings, etc). Toward the end of the day, I change her back. I didn’t tell Cindy what I was doing but didn’t see the big deal because Breanne’s fancy clothes went home clean.
Every Friday, I upload pictures from the week onto a private app for parents to look at so they can see what we do. I did this during naptime today. 15 minutes later, I get a call from Cindy. She is furious that Breanne is wearing ‘those clothes’ and asked why she isn’t in her dresses.
I explained what was going on. She said I had no right to change her daughter’s outfit without her consent and she can dress her however she wants. I informed her that this was how we would do things unless she was going to dress Breanne in proper attire.
Cindy’s husband assured me he is on my side. He thinks his wife will get over it. I was telling my own husband about it and he told me I was wrong because it is her kid and she has a say in what she wears.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Breanne is 1.5 years old, so she doesn’t care about her outfits.
I don’t understand why Cindy is upset that you protected her clothes from getting so dirty. When her daughter comes home, Cindy would have to constantly change her outfits, which would be annoying.
Additionally, you were upfront about these issues from the beginning. So, it’s not like you decide to change every toddler’s clothes because you feel like it.” Gradtattoo_9009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all
One childcare worker to another, you know that’s what had to be done.
Mommy playing dress-up with her little girl is all good a fine, until it inhibits that little girl from being able to live her life and be a normal toddler. She needs to be able to move and play and get messy, and she can’t do that in designer.
It would be a horrible disservice to her to allow her to miss out on these sensory activities, the fine motor, and gross motor skills she’s developing while playing outside and doing art projects.
Good on you. This battle was going to happen sooner or later when this little girl gets bigger and has stronger opinions.
This way you and Dad are fighting the battle so maybe a little girl won’t have to fight it herself.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — you explained your program. There are programs that are outside all day, for instance — you sign your kid up, you’re told you need to supply weather-appropriate clothes or your kid will freeze.
You can’t supervise her if she doesn’t go outside — the mom can’t demand that no child goes outside to play because she doesn’t want her child to go outside — parents would walk all over you with this if you let them — this kid has the sniffles, keep him inside, this kid’s mom doesn’t want him to get dark, keep him inside.
And she told you to come up with a solution so you did. She’s going to have years of having to understand that this is how these things work.” Pumpkinkra
17. AITJ For Leaving When My Dinner Date Got Interrupted?
“I (27F) recently just moved in with my long-term partner (26F), whose main source of income is being an at-home guitar teacher who teaches around 70–80 kids a week.
I understand that with this job, random people’s children (and sometimes adults) are going to be coming in and out at random times. However, I wasn’t expecting so many of them. I thought guitar teachers had a relatively small pool of clientele, you know, the size of an average primary school class, not nearly 100 people a week.
It’s frustrating because at times when I’m trying to work or relax, someone barges into our space and proceeds to play an instrument horribly for an hour, and then the next student comes in and the same thing happens. Add this to my partner being unorganized with her students’ schedules, and many of our plans are ruined.
Last night, I and my partner decided to have a dinner date where I would go out and get a nice dessert for us while she cooked a Mexican dinner. Right as we sat down to eat, we got a knock at the door. It turns out that she forgot that she booked someone for that hour and was unable to turn them away because they had already paid for that lesson in advance.
She told me that I could eat and to just put her food in the fridge so she could have it later, and then she went into her studio. I sat there for that hour thinking about how sick and tired I am of this happening multiple times when I just want to spend time with her or work in peace.
When she finished up and the student left, I blew up at her about how I’m tired of this and I just want to live in a peaceful environment where I can relax, work, and love without being interrupted, and how she won’t listen to any of the compromises I’ve brought up.
She tried to apologize and explain that she can’t keep up with nearly 80 students a week and that mistakes happen. I told her I was done with this and that we could talk when I cooled off.
I left to go to my best friend’s apartment and told her the story and her partner said I’m a jerk, and she agreed with him.
I’m now questioning if I was unjust in the situation or not. I love her. I truly do; I’ve known her since university. I want to spend my life with her, but I don’t think I can live a life like that. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She made a mistake and tried to apologize. You blew up at her before she even had a chance.
That’s her job – without the lessons she does it sounds like she has no other source of income. Maybe there was a misunderstanding about what her job entails, but now that you know, the way forward isn’t to yell at her.
I get it – I wouldn’t want that many people coming in and out of my house all the time. But that’s the price of admission you have to pay to live with her, and only you can decide if it’s worth the price to you.
It sounds like it isn’t, but only you can determine that.
However, when you have a problem with something, your first reaction should not be yelling. That’s never productive.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for blowing up instead of working constructively and communicating what changes you need. It seems obvious that she has an extreme, unsustainable level of disorganization and you aren’t the jerk for needing boundaries, but did you TALK about the impact of her in-home job before moving in together?
She’s clearly overwhelmed, and it’s ok for you to require changes from her, but I don’t see the value in getting so angry, storming off, etc. It’s just punishment, not productive.
That said, you don’t have to ACCEPT things as they are, or that these problems are immovable.
If she’s unable or unwilling to make changes, then you clearly should not live together and probably cannot be in a relationship, either, because she’ll be impossible to actually plan things with.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – For the specific event of the date.
I mean you expected to have an interrupted date night. That’s reasonable. It sounds like your partner needs to have better organizational skills. It’s easy to use an online calendar and enter an appt as she makes it, and this would have alleviated this problem.
YTJ – For expecting peace and quiet when you moved in with a music teacher with an absolutely full load of students Presumably, this is what she does for a living and how she makes her funds. Most lessons are going to have to be in the afternoons and nights as most of her students go to school or work during the day.” judgingA-holes
You didn't even have to leave. You could have used the time of the lesson to cool down and rationally discussed it when she was finished.
How about suggesting no lessons after a certain time on Fridays or every other Friday? That way you have a definite time where you won't be interrupted for date night.
However you handle it, if you love her her you have to be willing to compromise. Be honest but tactful.
16. AITJ For Making My Daughter Move Classrooms?
“My daughter (5F) has some severe food intolerances – eating the wrong thing frequently ends in a hospital visit.
She has a snack time at school where the kids bring in their own snacks I found a really fun snack for her online that she can actually eat and I’ve been sending that in with her for months.
On Tuesday, when I opened her bag I found that the snack was there untouched, so I asked her why. She told me it was too tough for her to open. I asked her about previous weeks and she told me that her teacher used to help her but doesn’t anymore.
I encouraged her to ask her teacher the next day.
The next day the snack was still unopened, and when I asked her about it she told me that the teacher told her that she needs to learn to open her snacks at snacktime all by herself.
I sent the teacher an email explaining that the snack is quite tough to open (even for adults sometimes) and that it would be super helpful if she could help my daughter open her snack when she is unable to do so, otherwise, she has an 8 hour school day with only her lunchtime to eat.
I was nice about it – but you better believe it did tick me off a bit that she would rather let a kid go without a snack while all the other kids ate one than help a 5-year-old open a snack.
I picked her up on Thurs and she still had an unopened snack.
At this point, I called the teacher to ask what was going on and she said that their goal in the last few months of Kindergarten is to promote independence and that she can’t do that if they have to hold the kid’s hand at every turn.
She said it might help if I sent my kid in with a ‘normal’ snack instead of such a ‘bizarre, difficult to open’ one. She is VERY aware of my daughter’s food intolerances.
At this point, I politely thanked her and called her principal asking him to move my daughter to a different classroom.
I said that it was very inappropriate to emphasize that my daughter’s snacks weren’t ‘normal’ enough, given that she is unable to live a normal life. I wish I could give her some Cheetos or a pack of cookies like the other kids get, but I can’t, and just wanted my daughter to have something a little bit more fun when all the other kids were eating those things.
She moved rooms but her previous teacher sent me a message about how I’ve really made things difficult over a snack – apparently, they’ve started an investigation and are monitoring the way she interacts with kids. Two of the mom’s that she knows better than me commented in the mom’s group chat that the way the teacher was being treated in regards to this is ‘completely unfair’ and that a child’s food issues shouldn’t be their teacher’s issue to deal with.
So, am I the jerk? Should I just have sent in a different snack?”
Another User Comments:
“Super NTJ. They can’t have it both ways where they refuse to let you open the snack beforehand and also refuse to help her. I understand wanting the kids to learn to open their own snacks, but your daughter obviously has some special circumstances that need to be accommodated. And if these moms don’t like the way the teacher is being investigated, that’s not your fault or your problem.
You only asked for your daughter to be moved. If this caused a full-scale investigation of this teacher, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were not the only one who complained about her. And sending you a message to complain about the situation seems very unprofessional.” summerstorm74
Another User Comments:
“Kinder teacher here.
Yes, in the second half of the school year, we start ENCOURAGING things like zipping your own coats, organizing your own folders/supplies, and being generally more independent. That does include snack time. HOWEVER, that requires helping the children learn to put straws in juice boxes and learning to ‘pinch & pull’ packaging used for chips and prepackaged snacks as well as lunchable tops.
That’s part of kindergarten. Most importantly, it means recognizing that little kids can’t YET do EVERYTHING alone, nor should they.
If I sometimes need help with a pickle jar, then why would I begrudge helping a hungry student (who I supposedly genuinely care about) open her snack?
Hungry kids don’t learn. Every teacher knows that. You were right to move your daughter and speak to the principal. And, if she’s willing to allow your daughter to sit hungry watching the others eat, there’s definitely a reason for the administration to be looking into how she runs her classroom.
You are certainly NTJ!” StacyB125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, former kindergarten teacher here. What this teacher did is unethical on so.many.levels. You don’t let a young kid (nor a teen for that matter) go so many hours without food. She burns calories like crazy just for existing and developing bodies to need material to develop.
Not even mentioning sugar levels and future consequences in detail.
Also, watching her classmates eat while going on an empty stomach can raise all sorts of feelings that may contribute to an unhealthy relationship with food in the future, on top of allergies. Third, her own view of independence is messed up big time: knowing the limit between autonomy and the need for help allows for independence, not knowing will lead to a person being too hard on themselves that tend to make really dumb decisions.
Like carrying a piano and a sofa on your back if you need to move lol or snapping your back because you can’t reach the highest shelf. Communication and cooperation allow efficient independence, so her argument isn’t even accurate.
Finally, telling the situation to other moms, calling allergy-specific food not normal…
Grounds for suing, in my opinion. Very grave behaviors that you described. I’d think twice about letting my daughter attend the school IF there’s a convenient alternative because the former teacher is a liability. Try to get as far as you can from crazy.” Kitchen-Lychee6221
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister-In-Law To Come To My Daughter's Birthday?
“I (F35) and my husband (M40) have been married for 11 years. I have two daughters (15 & 17) and he has a son (19) from his previous marriage. We added two (F9 and M4) to the blended family. We had custody of my stepson until he did an unthinkable act to my daughters on Oct.
21. SIL (45) told my husband he shouldn’t be supporting my daughters and that he should leave me because his son needed him. Stepson moved back to be with Mom well over 1500 miles away from us. Charges were dropped which was rather frustrating but at least everyone is safe.
We stopped all contact with SIL as well as a stepson.
On November 22, my husband received word that a relative passed. His aunt had to deal with the planning and SIL was to inform us when services would be, this did not happen. My husband got a text from a cousin asking if he was coming.
My husband asked when services were and it was too short notice as we are 3 hours away. After services, we got a call that MIL was being airlifted to the hospital as she was having a heart attack. My husband left work to be by her side even though they don’t speak.
He disagrees with her lifestyle but didn’t want any regrets. SIL shows up at the hospital hours later after MIL was out of surgery and starts arguing with my husband. Calling him hateful and selfish, he left.
Note: SIL is very jealous. My husband worked his way out of the life cycle he grew up in.
Very rough childhood. She has chosen to live off the state, while we are mostly debt-free. SIL has never asked us for help but has implied ‘must be nice to have funds unlike us poor people’. We are not rich, just comfortable.
A week later MIL had a stroke, my husband went to be with her.
SIL shows up at the hospital 5 hours later. My husband got up to leave and SIL started in on him. Told him he should move MIL in with us because we have the means to do so. My husband leaves and stays in no contact with SIL.
A month ago, SIL calls my husband and told him she was very sick. She’s a type one diabetic who never has watched her diet and her kidneys and heart are failing. The doctor gave her a year. My husband and SIL made amends.
Last night SIL called asking if my daughter (9) has birthday plans, and my husband told her.
Then ask me if she can come. I told him absolutely not. He reminded me she was sick and that this may be her last time. I reminded him of all the mean things she’s done throughout our marriage and how she has continued even after we cut ties.
I told my husband he could take a weekend trip to go see his sister and take our two kids. He didn’t like that idea. He just figured if she had met us at the party we could be done with it. I do not want drama as every time we’re around her she is so negative and in my opinion she is cruel.
She has never apologized for her behavior and I’m happy with the distance.
So AITJ for telling my husband that his sister cannot come to our daughter’s birthday party this weekend even though this could be her last year?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you offered a reasonable compromise.
She’s a generally insufferable person who can’t handle having adult relationships. If she is truly working to make amends, she should take what she can get on your terms – not hers – and enjoy the open door you’re providing. Hopefully, with the time she has left, the door will open more and more but for now, it’s understandable why you’re guarded with your time and energy.” TryingToBeLevel
Another User Comments:
“No way would this woman be coming anywhere near me, my kids, or my house. The only reason she’s making nice to your husband is that she’s dying. Just because someone is dying doesn’t mean they are no longer responsible for their past behavior (her standing up for your stepson alone is a ‘God no’ moment) nor does being terminal absolve her from being a jerk.
NTJ do not let this woman near your children. If your husband really feels he needs to make nice with her he can do it away from you and all the kids.” MollyTibbs
14. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Accept Our Stepsisters As His Own Sisters?
“My (19f) mother got married to my stepfather 3 years ago.
He has two daughters (13,9) and I love them and don’t even call them stepsisters. My brother (16M) never really accepted our mom remarrying, or the move to a new town and school, even though we were much better off. He still calls our stepfather his mom’s husband (I just call him my dad, bio dad’s a lying slimeball).
He never listens to a thing Dad says, which means he’s spent most of the last 2 years grounded. And he refuses to even call his sisters his stepsisters, they’re just, his ‘mom’s husband’s kids’. He openly says he has no love for them, that he never will, and even said when he has his own family he’ll never invite them to anything.
I got sick of this during winter break when I was home again. I told him they’re his sisters as much as I am, and if he doesn’t consider them as such then I’m not his sister either. I told our parents I’m not coming home for spring break this year, and that until he fixes his attitude and apologizes I’m not going to be in the same room as him.
Apparently, he decided to go live with the sperm donor, and at his age, the courts will basically let him. If that’s the company he wants then I say good riddance, but Mom’s been pretty upset about it. Still, I don’t think I was wrong, but it’s possible I went too far.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Because you were already well into your teens while your brother was a preteen when your stepdad came into your lives you have vastly different relationships and experiences with the new family, hence your brother being grounded all the time during a very important developmental stage in his young life.
What you said to your brother was beyond cruel, not to mention absolutely absurd because it’s simply not true. He’s only 16, he’s still a child and you’re being needlessly hurtful to him.
You cannot force or bully him into loving people he doesn’t love.
He’s allowed to have different relationships with different dynamics than you, including with his father.
You owe him a huge apology. If it’s in your heart to do so (which I doubt it is) start spending more one on one time with him, but without the jerk judgments.” Pepper-90210
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Some people consider step-siblings to be their siblings, some don’t. Who are you to decide your brother has to consider them siblings? Who are you to decide who he calls dad? You sound so self-righteous it’s disgusting.
He doesn’t consider his stepdad to be his dad, and that’s fine!
He doesn’t consider his step-siblings to be his siblings, and that’s fine! Do you really think that you somehow get to decide these things for him? That just because you’ve embraced them with open arms means he automatically has to as well?
Get over yourself.
The truth is that your step-siblings are not as much his sisters as you are. He does not consider them siblings, and all you’re doing is ruining your relationship with him. Trying to erase your bio dad from your brother’s life is not helpful.
You and your mom and her new husband have harassed him so much that he left. He’s spent most of the last two years grounded for not dropping the step? They’re literally his step-siblings. That’s nothing to punish him over. And you come in saying that you’re basically done with him if he doesn’t conform to your idea of a family?
You’re awful.
And from your story, it’s not like your bio dad was abusive, he had an affair. Which, yeah, sucks. He shouldn’t have. I personally hate unfaithful people. But that has no actual bearing on how he is as a parent and your brother is 16.
He’s spent three years being punished by you and your mom for his feelings, of course, he’s choosing to remove himself from that situation.
I hope he has a great time living with your dad and forgets all about you and your step-siblings.” NJtoOx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let’s see, your brother had to move to a new town and start a new school, leaving his dad, home, and friends right around starting high school. Everyone is trying to force him to treat his stepdad and stepsisters like they are his real dad and sisters, he has basically spent his mom’s entire marriage grounded because he won’t treat his stepdad like his dad.
Give the kid a break. Your family has to realize that it was your mom’s choice to get remarried, move to a new town, put him in a new school, etc. He had no say in any of it and now everyone expects him to be happy about it.
I’m not saying your mom should not have gotten married. She deserves to be happy too. But none of you have any right to force your brother to pretend to be happy about it.
Accept the fact that everything in your brother’s life changed and he doesn’t have to like it.
And your mom should be handling discipline, not your stepdad. The more you try to force it, the more he is going to push away. Maybe he would treat everyone civilly if everyone stopped trying to force him to consider his stepdad as his dad, and his stepsisters as his sisters.” MarsEcho
13. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Rooms With My Pregnant Sister-In-Law?
“I (33m) live with my wife (31m) and my 8-year-old son Mal. Mal has Cerebral palsy and is bound to a wheelchair. Our home is inconvenient to us because it has two stories, but it was left to my wife by her father and we don’t have the funds to move.
My wife and I and Mal have the downstairs bedrooms due to Mal’s Cerebral palsy.
This past week my brother and SIL came to stay with us while visiting. SIL is 7 months pregnant. I had previously discussed that all the guest bedrooms were upstairs. When SIL asked us where their rooms are, she was shocked and asked if I expected her to walk up all those stairs.
I said jokingly I’d hope so because that’s where your rooms are. My brother got upset and said he thought I had changed the room plan to downstairs because of SIL’s condition. I told them no, there were no extra bedrooms downstairs, then they suggested I swap rooms with them just for a few days.
My wife instantly refused. Mal has hearing loss due to his Cerebral Palsy and takes his hearing aids out at night and can only hear some noises, and we just didn’t feel safe, what if someone broke in god forbid? What if he fell out of bed?
We told them no we weren’t comfortable with that. SIL got upset and said why would we let them stay there and that pregnant people really aren’t supposed to go upstairs, and that I was overreacting, and that they would still hear if anything happened with Mal. I refused again and they called us inconsiderate jerk and went to stay with my mom.
Maybe I am a worried body, but this is our system and I did warn my brother beforehand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While I agree that it can be inconvenient and difficult for a pregnant woman to climb stairs, your reason for wanting to stay on the ground floor is more than enough to warrant you keeping your room.
And if they were only staying for a few days, then it shouldn’t have been too big of an issue for them to stay upstairs, especially if they only had to climb said stairs when they were going to bed, and after they woke up.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, pregnant women can walk upstairs many pregnant women live in apartments or have bedrooms on the 2nd floor of their home and they go up and down without there being any health issues. The only way she wouldn’t be able to be if she had a high-risk pregnancy, but since they traveled from out of town it doesn’t seem like the case since those that are high-risk can’t be too far from their doctor in case something happens.
Most of the time high-risk pregnancies need bed rest so this clearly doesn’t seem like a high-risk pregnancy. She just wants special treatment.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not one bit.
First, it’s your house and your room. It’s not reasonable for anyone to make demands on that.
Second, you have very good reasons for wanting to be near your son’s room. It is not reasonable for anyone to expect you to change that.
Third, in most pregnancies, stairs are nothing more than an inconvenience. Unless there are more issues than you’ve been told, there’s nothing wrong with expecting SIL to go upstairs.
If that is an issue, then she has no business traveling to stay with you at all.
You’re not inconsiderate, they are demanding and entitled jerks.” JsCTmav
What a sensitive, fragile little flower your SIL is.
It's your house. They are freeloading guests. They take what they get ... and they don't get upset. Or they can go somewhere else. NTJ.
12. AITJ For Making My Parents Pay Me For Taking Care Of My Older Brother?
“I’m 16F and I have three brothers, two younger and one older (not going to say their age).
Before you start judging me for my age I want to clarify that yes I understand that family is family and I need to help my family. Both of my parents work, and the only day they don’t work is in Sunday, so I have to take care of my siblings because of that.
Recently though, my older brother is being sexist and making me cook and clean for him, because I’m a woman who’s only there to cook, clean, and have children. He knows how to cook and has done it before and he hasn’t passed a recent accident with the stove.
I started paying my parents for me to take care of an adult that does nothing besides being on a computer all day. I have told some of my friends about this and they said that I’m not the jerk. Then I talked to his friends and they said that I am the woman and that’s what I’m supposed to do.
I honestly don’t know at this point, he used to clean and cook for himself but he stopped doing it when he changed friend groups. I feel like his new friends contribute to his new personality, but I can’t confirm it. He doesn’t have a job, he is just there.
I’m also the emergency contact for all of my brothers and I get frequent calls from my brothers about things that they did, but that doesn’t bother me.
Anyways am I the jerk for making my parents pay for me to take care of my older brother.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Better yet, how about you don’t accept payment from your parents and don’t watch A GROWN MAN because he’s decided to be sexist and assume ‘women are there to cook, clean, and have babies.’
He doesn’t have a job, he can act like an adult and take care of himself.
You’re not his slave.
Honestly, I’d stop taking calls from all of your brothers. Why on earth are YOU their emergency contact and not, say, their PARENTS?
Sure, ‘family helps.’ When it’s you being asked to do things. Tell me, what do these adult men do for you in exchange then?
If they aren’t doing as much for you as you do for them, you’re being used.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your older brother’s behavior and friend group are rude and sexist. He’s not requiring more of himself, and he’s going to be worse in the long run.
He’s making himself miss out on character growth, learning new skills, and not feeling the pride of accomplishment.
You’re younger than him but are already way ahead of him in life skills and life experience. You shouldn’t be having to parent your older brother.” KaraFromKrypton
Another User Comments:
“To me, it sounds more like you are your brother’s caregiver.
A healthy adult should be able to make his own food and clean it.
Either your parents are enabling his behavior or he is suffering from mental health problems.
Your parents should help him get the necessary treatment.
If you don’t want to be your brother’s caregiver anymore, just tell your parents.
Given how much time you are spending on being your brother’s caregiver, it is more than fair you get paid.
NTJ” StomachLow7268
11. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner And His Family That I Understand Spanish?
“I (26 f) live with my partner (29 m). I am Caucasian and was adopted into a Spanish household when I was a baby I grew up speaking fluent Spanish but learned English through school as of now I speak more so in English than Spanish, I met my partner let’s call him Stan 6 years ago in university he was raised in a more traditional Spanish household than me.
Stan and I got engaged in the backend of last year and I have only met his parents once Stan, on the other hand, refuses to meet my adoptive parents sadly.
A few days ago Stan asked me to come to see his parents as they wanted to talk to me as we enter the house we say out hello’s to everyone and sat down to speak, Stan’s parents told me they wanted me to change my faith to something I don’t want to repeat for us to get married and have their blessing Stan agreed with his parents as I sat there shocked Stan went to go get a glass of water when his parents started talking in Spanish.
‘She not right for our son’.
‘We can’t give out our blessing’.
‘She won’t even be able to do anything right’.
Stan comes back in the room as I stood up and said I was going to leave to think things over I grabbed my car keys and left crying I went home to pack some of my things and to get my dog as of now I have been at my mother’s house since and haven’t talked to Stan since that day.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They shouldn’t have been saying rude things about you, and they definitely shouldn’t have done so in the same room as you. You have done nothing wrong.
But I also want to say it’s a MAJOR RED FLAG that he doesn’t want to meet your parents unless there’s a specific reason why (ex.
they are abusive toward you and he doesn’t want to be around them because of it ).
I also believe that it is a red flag that he asked you to sit down with his parents without giving you a heads-up that they were going to ask you to convert to their religion.
You also said that he agrees with them. Has he at any point had a conversation with you that he would want you to convert to his faith in order to have a future with him?” judgingA-holes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t owe them any explanations as to who you are.
What they said, in terms of rudeness, ‘She’s not right for our son’, ‘We can’t give out our blessing’, and ‘She won’t even be able to do anything right’ just sound like blanket statements of objection versus anything based on concrete reasoning. As well, it’s far more offensive if they want you to change your religion and your partner agrees, that definitely makes him a jerk.
As well, why does he refuse to meet your parents? That’s an issue that definitely brings up some red flags.” adventuresofViolet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your fiance refuses to meet your family. He comes from a controlling family that thinks you’re only as fit for him as much as you abide by their rules.
They talked about you behind your back assuming you didn’t understand them.
You literally did nothing wrong here. Speaking Spanish shouldn’t matter. Whether you spoke it or not they would’ve said the same thing and felt the same way.
RUN.” djjomon
10. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Getting Married Without Me?
“So I (23f) was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my best friend’s (29f) wedding. I’ve known her and her family for over ten years, we met when I was in middle school and I’ve been ‘adopted’ by them ever since.
I have also known her fiancé (31m) and his family for the same amount of time. We are all really close and have all been together since I was in middle school. In total, there is about 8 of us in the friend group, and we all were to be a part of the wedding.
She started all the planning in March of last year. The wedding was supposed to be in October of this year. I had been helping with the planning and decorating, and helping her pick out her wedding dress.
Near the end of last year, I had to get a second job so I wasn’t able to help out as much as I was before.
I was still involved with helping and going to places with the other bridesmaids but just not as often. We were planning the bachelorette trip for this summer and we all wanted to surprise her with a special trip in honor of her father who passed away five years ago.
Last month while I was at work, I got a notification that the groom’s sister had made a post about the wedding. She was congratulating the two of them for getting married with a video of them all getting ready for the wedding. I was confused thinking maybe I had missed something.
I went back through all of the messages and found nothing about the date being changed. Then the groom’s mother did a live stream of the wedding. I watched it thinking maybe they had just wanted to do a small ceremony for family only. But there were so many people there, some of that I didn’t even recognize.
I feel heartbroken that they had the wedding without me. But when I told my mom about she said I was just overreacting and that I need to stop being mad at her.
It’s been almost a month and I have been avoiding everyone from the wedding party, including both sides of their family.
I haven’t answered any texts or phone calls. AITJ for ignoring them all?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is bizarre. Your best friend changed the wedding date and didn’t tell one bridesmaid. She must have deliberately created a new group chat excluding you. She must have told all the other bridesmaids, her family, and her fiance, who you’re also close to, not to contact you.
This is a LOT of people all working together to exclude you if you’re as close to them as you say you are. And she knew you had all these people on social media and would see the photos and have a massive shock, but she still went ahead and ghosted you rather than telling you she had an issue with you.
There’s nothing that will ever make this okay. You were literally dropped from the most important day of her life with no explanation. Have you received any sort of explanation or apology? You say you haven’t answered texts but I assume you read them, what do they say?” AdrenalineAnxiety
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but I totally understand why you would feel so hurt by this. I don’t think you should act like nothing happened and it wasn’t a big deal.
I do think refusing to answer texts and phone calls is not the best solution though.
I’d suggest reaching out to the bride directly. Let her know that you took some time for yourself to digest what had happened and didn’t feel ready to talk about it right away because you were so surprised and hurt. Ask her what happened and why she chose to exclude you.
I’m willing to bet something happened that made her feel hurt and rejected by you.
It’s very telling that the whole wedding party kept this from you. So either there was a huge misunderstanding or you were completely MIA to the extent that everybody assumed the friendship was lost. Whatever happened, you won’t be able to move past it if you don’t have an honest conversation about what happened on both sides.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is a very bizarre situation. I don’t understand how they managed to shift a wedding so quickly without any prior notice. Since you said a lot of people were there especially some you didn’t recognize, that means these people were informed well in advance so that they could accommodate the change.
I would just suggest that you should talk to her and ask very casually about how the wedding was and why they moved it up so suddenly. If you didn’t know each other for a decade, it wouldn’t have mattered but you clearly have a lot of history and seem to be close.
Maybe there is some genuine reason that is beyond my comprehension at this point. Talking might help clear the air.” allergic-to_kiwi
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Partner's Kids?
“My partner and I were supposed to go camping with 2 of his best friends and their SOS to celebrate his bday.
He’d been saying for weeks that it doesn’t look like he was going to be able to go because he couldn’t find a babysitter for his kids. Then last night he asked me if I could babysit his 2 kids (plus 1 of my own) for the weekend so at least he could go camping with his friends.
He said ‘It came down to hurting my friends or hurting you’ and he chose me, justifying it with ‘I’ll make it up to you’ and a bunch of apologies.
When I expressed how offended I was that he’d choose to hurt me because he thought I’d get over it eventually, he laid the guilt on me with ‘I thought you’d want to help!
We love each other and I thought you’d want to help me.’ I hadn’t even said no yet, by the way, I had just expressed to him that I was hurt. I had just assumed that if he couldn’t find a babysitter, WE wouldn’t go… as in both of us.
When he told his friends that I was upset about this and that he probably couldn’t go, one of them actually said ‘Why is SHE mad? I requested time off of work for this!’
AITJ for being mad that he doesn’t even see why I’m offended he dropped OUR plans with his friends to go hang out with his friends solo while expecting me to watch 3 young kids the whole time?
He not only doesn’t see it like this but keeps mentioning how he’s surprised I wouldn’t do this for him. The next day, he broke up with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and we see that as something that might happen because it happens SO often.
Your partner’s behavior is not unique. It is VERY common for men with kids who date single mothers. There is this general societal belief that single mothers should be a-okay taking on a bunch of labor from dads because ‘you have to be willing to work on a relationship in your situation’.
He is banking on the idea that you will be so upset by the idea that you no longer have access to him, that you will scramble to accommodate him when he comes back and says that he is willing to give you a second chance.
As though YOU are the problem here. Meanwhile, what kind of jerk makes plans like this on his custody time?! Oh yeah. Dudes like this who are perfectly okay shoving that labor on someone else, because his wants are more important than anything or anyone else.
He did you a favor.” emptyalone
Another User Comments:
“Well, you beat me to the punch. I was gonna say you should break up with him.
Anyone who would willingly hurt their significant other just to keep peace with their friends makes little sense to me
Well, I understand it’s his birthday, and he can choose to spend it how he likes, he’s the one who promised you to spend time with him on his birthday. He’s the one who promised you too, would go camping. It was on him to keep his promises and find a babysitter.
I just think he honestly probably wasn’t looking that hard for a babysitter.
NTJ” PettyHonestThrowaway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he probably never really tried to find anyone, otherwise why would he repeatedly mention the issue if not to plant the idea of you stepping in and helping, when you didn’t offer to excuse yourself from the trip to watch the kids so he could go he basically demanded you miss out.
He cared more about offending the friends because he feels like there’s a limit to what he can do to them before they step away, but you’re his partner so he expects you to take anything and just deal with it. And he broke up with you because he realized you have a backbone and won’t bend to his will, so he’s gone to find someone that will.” daddys-goth-princess
So NTJ!!! You have every right to be offended. Send him and his kids packing
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepdad Driving My Car?
“My mom just bought a used Jeep from a seller out of town, after she got it she asked me if I wanted it (as my birthday gift/grad present) she originally wanted to only Spend 7k on my first car but paid 12.5k on the vehicle.
She told me she would pay the 7k and I would only have to pay the rest in biweekly payments as well as pay for my gas and registration. Terms I agreed with 100%
So to the AITJ part, my stepdad doesn’t own his own car and the car that I’m partially paying for happens to be the one he wants to be driving around lately even though he’s been driving his own Jeep that my mom basically bought for him.
My stepdad likes to smoke in his car and leave things in there my car was freshly detailed and I haven’t been able to drive it yet due to the dealer plate that’s still on the back.
I went into the car to move it out of the way while shoveling and my seats smelled like nothing but smoke and while there were ashes in the console cup holders and food wrappers on the floor just mess everywhere I told my mom I didn’t want him driving it anymore if he was going to smoke in there only for him to call me an ungrateful brat and ignore my request I’m debating hiding the keys so he can’t touch my vehicle anymore but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since the car was offered to you as a gift, no one should be driving it without your consent. Though you don’t fully own the car (it was given to you but you’re still expected to pay your mom back), the lease-like situation should still mean it’s yours to drive, not your step-dad’s.
From what it sounds like, HE didn’t put any funds into getting you the car, so he has zero say here.
Also, he sounds like a huge slob and kind of a jerk.
Ignore him and talk to your mom without him there. Remind her that this was intended as a birthday/graduation gift and explain how your stepdad regularly using and making a mess of your car makes you really uncomfortable.” SolitaryTeaParty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would go back to your mother and give it back. To my mind, they’re essentially having you pay $5500 so stepdad can have a free mobile ashtray. Why should you pay for something you can’t use, that he is happily depreciating the value of by putting extra miles on it and trashing the interior?
You could have an older but okay used car for that same amount if you save each payment you would have given them. And if this were financed through a bank rather than your mom, it’s not as if the bank would just borrow it whenever they felt like it.
Either he stops using it or you give the keys back and save for something you can put in your name.” murdocjones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – State that this is where adulthood starts as far as you’re concerned, and your decisions about what they will and won’t be included in from this point forward are directly correlated to the respect they have for your boundaries.
If you can’t trust him not to smoke on your property, and not to leave it dirty or untidy, there will be no invitations to your future home. Tell them if he wishes to borrow the car it must be with your permission, and if he doesn’t follow your rules for the car the next time the answer will be no.
Keep the keys on you, tell them the keys will be with you, and if they rummage through your room for them that will be them out of any event where good manners are required. And so on. Sorry, nope, I’m celebrating my 21st with friends because I want it to be like X and stepdad just does what he wants regardless, and you back him, so I’m not risking my experience of the event by allowing him to come and spoil it.” Ebechops
7. AITJ For Messing With Gossipy Fans?
“I’m a very minor public figure, not really famous. But to a pretty niche gaming community, I’m kinda a celebrity. It was honestly unexpected, something I had a role in blew up, and I ran with it, even making a YouTube channel and maintaining more of a public image.
I have a regrettable ex in the same field. To me, he’s just a creepy old guy. A real controlling jerk who made my life miserable.
But on the internet, I’m seen as having slept my way to success. I try and tune it out, but it still gets to me.
And recently it got bad again, a lot of people online were saying another girl in my field was going out with my ex. And saying hateful stuff about both of us, like how she was sleeping her way to the top as I had, and I clearly resented her for it.
I honestly felt worried for her more than anything else, especially if she was going out with my ex.
So I DMed her, and she replied super excited to hear from me because she’d always wanted to meet me but had been nervous reaching out.
And the gossip about her going out with my ex? Just gossip.
We became friends fast, and professional collaborators. One day, we were venting about the trolls, and she had the idea to troll them back. So we took pics together and both posted them on our socials like ‘speak of the devil’ and ‘look who I ran into (vomit emoji)’.
It blew up.
We kept hanging out as friends and posting online about our ‘rivalry’ while also collaborating professionally. We’d pick the craziest theory we could find about us and drop hints to ‘confirm’ it. And somehow people kept on buying it. Even making excuses for us, like saying how obvious it was we were both seething with anger if we were in a photo together.
If the gossip was to be believed, we were embroiled in a drama that would put the Real Housewives to shame. Meanwhile, we were laying around on my sofa watching trash TV and taking notes on drama to have. Our reputations weren’t the best, but if we were going to be seen as jealous jerks no matter what might as well have fun with it.
Well, it all came to a head recently. We were collaborating with a large media company on a project, and the company got wind of our ‘bitter rivalry’ when it got mentioned in a news article.
They found that weird as we were super close in person, and we came clean that we were fanning the flames of the weird internet drama.
The company almost pulled out of the project, afraid of advertisers pulling out. We convinced them not to and stopped drama-stirring immediately.
Well, people started calling it all a PR stunt… which is fair. A lot of people who’d been fans of our work even started accusing us of being disingenuous with fans.
Really tearing up at how we made YouTube videos acting like we were relatable and real, but actually being two-faced and stirring up drama for the sake of our own careers. And that? Honestly hurt more because it was true.
AITJ for messing with gossipy fans?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were the ones who made assumptions. It does sound like you guys probably took it further than you should have. Ignore the trolls and just have fun with your friend without thinking about them. It’s none of their business anyways.
Man, this was a missed opportunity, tho. You should have tried to get the fans to ship you two instead of fanning the rivalry angle. Either way, drop the charade, and don’t let them rule your life to the extent you hurt yourself professionally. It’s not worth it.
Focus on the fans that actually like and care about you rather than the trolls.” CloverLeafe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, politicians and public figures pull this crap all the time. No such thing as bad publicity. I do think this is a dishonest practice in general that kinda makes people look like slimy snakes but in your case…
You decided to take the sexist assumption that your ‘fans’ made by saying the only reason you’re successful is because of your ex and you profited off of it. You knew that the ‘fans’ wouldn’t stop with their accusations anyway, and the rumors would continue.
I think I would have done the same thing out of spite, and as a tongue-in-cheek way to troll haters who demean your hard work. They had no proof and just assumed both you and your friend only got success from sleeping with a man.
This accusation wasn’t just on you, but on another woman whom they also had no proof but just baseless accusations. Some people just can’t stand to see women succeeding.
I would drop it going forward though, and attempt to move on from this whole mess and find other positive ways to garner attention to your hard work.” User
Another User Comments:
“As someone with a decent following on TikTok; don’t feed the trolls. They want your reaction because they have nothing better going on in their life but making someone on the internet with a following to give them attention. Wouldn’t even call them fans because they will just move on to another victim.
Once some teenager made a go fund me about me to mock me for my ‘boring millennial clothing style’. I never reacted to him because honestly, it was hilarious to see him try so hard to get my attention and try to hurt my feelings over the most elementary school-style insult ever.
He eventually gave up after a year lmao. Never said a word to him.
I will say NTJ because it’s not a jerk thing to respond to false rumors and clear the air but next time it’s better not to respond at all.” dotdedo
6. AITJ For Having My Best Friend Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“So I (27 F) am gonna get married to my fiance (32 M).
For a little backstory, we met at my job when he was a client. We started chatting, and soon we started being together for 4 years until he proposed to me in July of last year. We started planning the wedding, which is in April, so I’m really excited. But, I always wanted my best friend (26 F) to walk me down the aisle since we were 10.
I knew her in diapers, and she helped me through a lot of low points in my life no matter what.
So I was talking to my father about the wedding and he said ‘I’m so happy to walk you down the aisle’ and I told him ‘Lucy (fake name) is walking me down the aisle.’ He exploded and called my mother and the two of them went crazy.
My father asked me why in tears and I exploded.
‘During my whole life, all you did was get wasted and insult us during all our childhood. My brother and I always wanted to give you a hug, a gift, a draw, anything, only to find you two talking about how we could be better son and daughter to you when we were SEVEN YEARS OLD.’ They both started crying and I left, I can’t believe how effortlessly they always made my life miserable.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are doing best with the tools you were given. If your father wanted a daughter to walk down the aisle then he should have ACTED like a dad to you. It is your wedding but you do need to be aware that actions have their consequences and you should be aware that you may lose things and people over your choices.
You are the only one who can judge if your people are worth keeping. It’s obvious that there’s pain and emotion there with your parents and THAT should be dealt with as soon as possible via a talk with you three or a therapist involved.” SmallPerson_BigMouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your choice. You want someone who has been ‘your people to walk you down the aisle instead of the family member whose relationship with you has always been strained at best. That’s completely understandable.
Note – while I absolutely think you should have the person you want walking down the aisle, whomever that is, you should be aware of the potential fallout.
If your parents are contributing funds to your wedding, they may decide not to. Your relationship with your dad and/or mom might get worse. I’m not trying to discourage you in any way, but I think you should be prepared for what might happen next.” that-1-chick-u-know
Another User Comments:
“This father aisle thing is from a time when fathers were responsible for their daughters and gave this responsibility now to the husband (in a world where women couldn’t be responsible for themselves). So if we translate it to modern times it could be a responsibility to be emotionally supportive.
Sounds as if your friend earned that spot way more than your father, he can be thankful when he is invited. But I hope that he is not giving you any financial help with the wedding because he will probably pull out. I wish you a nice wedding!
And NTJ, of course.” Complex-Pirate-4264
5. WIBTJ If I Tell My Partner His Mom's Secret During Dinner?
“My MIL is in town and we got dinner to catch up as we live states away from each other so we don’t see each other often. My partner had to work so my MIL and I made plans for just the 2 of us.
While on my way she rang me to let me know a friend of hers would be joining us for dinner. No problem.
When I get there I see her with a man I had met a few times in my partners home town. I greeted them and we started dinner.
It became obvious during dinner that they were more than friends. Also not a problem, MIL has been single my partner’s whole life.
Dinner was great, and as we were leaving MIL pulls me aside and asks me to keep her friend’s presence at dinner hushed so she could tell my partner about her relationship herself.
I nodded and hugged her.
Then I hugged him goodbye. He did something weird. He very wet-kissed my ear. I was shocked, but I kept my composure and got in my Uber.
When I got home my partner asked me about dinner. I had to lie which I hated, but I also want to respect MIL.
However, she had been here for a week and didn’t say a word about this man until I was driving to dinner. She left early this morning and we have no plans to see her anytime soon. I want to be honest with my partner and I have no clue as to when she plans to tell her kids.
On top of that, I want my partner to be aware of his behavior as I know my partner would have concerns about this man being around the teenagers that still live at home.
WIBTJ if I broke my promise to MIL and told my partner the truth about dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would call or text your MIL, and tell her if she doesn’t tell your partner by Monday morning, that you will, as you do not keep secrets from him and you are not comfortable with it.
She doesn’t get to impact your marriage and your well-being for her own use.
As for Mr. Wet Kiss – well, you will have to determine whether or not to tell your husband about it. I’d leave it alone for now and let him process his mom’s relationship for a bit and tell him when you’re next supposed to see her ‘Here’s why I’m not going to go to their house/go out to dinner with them’ if you believe it was assault rather than his weird way of missing your cheek.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You should never have agreed to promise or at least put a time limit on it. You have a week to tell him yadda yadda. But since she was expecting you to lie to him that night and forgoing nights – you shouldn’t have made a promise.
If you had gone somewhere and ‘seen’ them while there(not interacted), then it might have been a reasonable ask on your MIL’s part. But the moment she made him a part of your life actions (that your husband might/did enquire about) and therefore required you to lie, not just not disclose – your MIL became a jerk.
Next time, don’t promise. Next time, don’t lie.
Oh, and his guy is a jerk for wet ear kissing (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW).” Blacksmithforge3241
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you really should tell your partner. Even without the strange behavior, it’s not your place to keep that kind of secret for an extended period of time.
The first thing that struck me as odd was the fact that she invited this person to dinner with you even though she wasn’t ready to tell her children about him. If she didn’t want them to know she shouldn’t have brought him to dinner with her child’s spouse.
There’s no reason for her to have roped you into keeping this secret for her, therefore you have no reason to keep it now that she’s given up the opportunity to come clean.” Rough-Parsnip2594
4. AITJ For Making My Sister Babysit My Kids While I Go On A Night Out?
“I (26f) asked my sister (23f) to watch my 2 boys (2 years old, m and 2 months old, m) while I and my partner have a belated Valentine’s Day.
I asked her on Friday to watch them Saturday night, she said she would then told me again that she would watch them for the night.
When I got there I explained to her when I would be leaving, she said that she didn’t know if she would be having them (even though I already paid her to watch them) as she drank too much on Friday night and now has a hangover.
I still left them with her and ended up going on a night out with my partner and getting wasted.
She and my other sister said that I am a jerk for going out drinking and leaving my 2 kids with my sister knowing she was ill even though she said she would have them before she got wasted and accepted the payment for it, they said I should have taken them home instead
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, your sister sucks for being unreliable but you made a choice to leave those kids with someone who was not capable of watching them and then decided to go out and became incapable of doing so yourself. Child safety trumps the funds and your personal wishes here.
You could’ve dealt with the issue without potentially endangering your kids. At the end of the day maybe all it was is she felt a little ill but you had no way of knowing that and no way of knowing that it wouldn’t impact her ability to safely care for your kids.” RuthlessBenedict
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your sister sucks for getting that wasted when she knew she agreed to babysit. It’s highly irresponsible and messes up your plans.
You also suck for leaving your kids with someone who may not be capable of providing care in her condition.
You might as well have left them at home totally unattended if she was that incapacitated. Your sister probably just left them unattended or ignored them till you got back because of how hungover she was.
What you needed to do was go find alternate care arrangements for the safety of your kids.
Is the health and safety of your toddler and newborn really worth a single night out? You really need to think about that. What if an accident happened?” MortalSmile8631
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Let’s put the hangover aside for a minute.
You do not, for any reason, leave your kids with someone who said no. Even if they had previously said yes, she has now said no, and has revoked consent for you to leave your children.
If you have plans to hang out at a friend’s house, and at the last minute the friend says ‘Actually no I need to cancel,’ do you go to their house anyway and force your company upon them?
Absolutely not.
If you had taken your kids and gone home, it would have been reasonable to be angry with your sister and ask for your funds back, sure.
But she said she couldn’t watch them and you left them there anyway. She literally would have been within her rights to call the cops and say ‘I told her I couldn’t watch her kids and she dropped them off anyway and went out drinking’ and CPS could and would have gotten involved.
It doesn’t matter whether you think her reasoning was good enough, she told you she wouldn’t watch your kids and you left them anyway.” heyimjanelle
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sounds like no adults wanted to watch the children that night. Only the parents were obligated to stay home and watch them anyway.
She sucks for drinking too much and wanting to back out at the last minute. She should’ve returned the funds. You and your partner suck for leaving your very young children with someone who didn’t want to watch them. Anything could’ve happened, but you prioritized getting wasted.
Good luck getting her to babysit in the future. Be careful with just leaving your kids with someone after they say no. All they have to do is call the cops and say they didn’t agree to watch the kids and you’ll have to deal with child abandonment investigations.” D_Nicole91
She made a promise, took money for it and then reneged. The reason doesn't matter, although her irresponsibility makes her excuse a flimsy one.
You left your kids, a toddler and an infant, in the "care" of someone who told you they were incapable of caring for them due to her "illness" as she and your other sister call it. Bad idea.
What you should have done was asked her to return the money you gave her for babysitting and learned that she may not be the most reliable one to ask to do this in the future. Then find a reliable babysitter and reschedule your belated Valentines Day.
You owe each other apologies
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Get On More Rides?
“I (28 M) have a son Bryon (10 M). After saving for years my partner and I were finally able to take him to Disney.
Really been looking forward to this trip, all of us. One of the main co-parenting issues my ex and I have is how much she spoils him. He is not used to hearing the word no and has gotten much worse over the last couple of years.
Full-blown toddler tantrums at times. He was already starting to pout bc of the long lines but when we finally got up very close to getting on the ride my partner started to feel very bad. She’s diabetic and obviously her sugar had dropped, we needed to get food in her immediately.
She insisted I stay and ride with him while she went to find food but I have literally seen her pass out before so I couldn’t do that. Told my son I’m sorry we will come back but we have to get her food or she will get very sick.
First, it was crying, then it was crying and screaming. People are looking, my partner looks embarrassed, then he throws himself on the ground refusing to get up until we ride RIGHT NOW he kept screaming. Eventually, I picked him up like a plank of wood and we walked off him kicking and screaming the entire time.
We got her food, she felt better, he immediately started saying let’s go, let’s go. I was fuming and maybe I was the jerk here.
I told him after that bs he just pulled I didn’t think he deserved to ride anything else until he apologized to me and my partner for his behavior.
He told me he would tell Mom… I told him I couldn’t possibly give less of a crap. Back to the hotel, we went. He’s not speaking to me, his mother says I’m a total jerk and my partner just feels like it’s her fault and maybe we should have let him ride more.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, I don’t know with the description of how long it took you to save and your distaste of his mother/the attitude towards his behaviors in general, I can’t help but feel like you probably built this up like a dream trip.
So, you take a very excited ten-year-old to a ‘magical’ place and (I’m sure) treat the ‘dream’ trip with all the excitement of such, and after he’s patient waiting in what even an adult considers a long line, you tell him he has to get out of that line for a woman he doesn’t know super well with an illness/sickness he likely can’t understand who is ACTIVELY saying you guys should stay in line.
Honestly, his reaction doesn’t seem that developmentally inappropriate to the situation, maybe a year or two younger, but not a toddler.
Then, on top of this, you take him home from his dream trip, because you can’t forgive a child for his behavior under stress in a situation that is over.
YTJ. You’re also likely the reason he can’t develop emotional regulation correctly, not his mother, as your tantrum was not developmentally appropriate.” BlondeinShanghai
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
No one was at their best – hot sun and long lines and big funds.
Seems like y’all ought to have taken a break earlier for food & as a diabetic your partner should be carrying an emergency snack on her.
A full-on tantrum at 10 years old could be a neurodiverse child. You say he’s spoiled and never told no, but after a long day in lines at Disney probably isn’t the best time to force it either. Easy for that environment to lead to any kid being overtired, hangry, or overstimulated.
Kid’s behavior was absolutely not appropriate.” No-Kaleidoscope3511
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, your son’s behavior sucked and obviously, his mom has made him this way. But you absolutely set your child up for failure! This was first off not surprise behavior. You knew how he was and what did you do?
Took him to a high-adrenaline, materialistic place with long lines, heat, and frustration (keep in mind that I love Disney, but come on!). Then you took him on rides without being prepared. He should not have been getting your parnter’s snacks, you know the ones packed with sugar for her diabetes, it was bad for him and bad for her (as proven).
If you wanted him distracted there are actual games that could be played, like Disney heads up, or fidget stuff, or any other thing he enjoys while waiting for an hour for a much-anticipated ride. Instead, just as the ride came into view after waiting and waiting, you pull him away?
Maybe a 10-year-old shouldn’t throw a temper tantrum but I am pretty sure that anyone would be mad in those circumstances. You guys screwed up and are punishing him for reacting in a completely predictable manner. Yes, he should apologize, but so should you! Be a parent, not a Disney dad!” BrownEyedGirl221988
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your son’s tantrums are obviously an issue, and you handled it as well as could be expected, but you made the wrong call pulling him out of the line which caused the tantrum to begin with. Responsible adults prep for Disneyland with anything they might need to manage their conditions and I find it hard to believe that if her symptoms are that severe, you don’t both travel well prepared!
Long hours, hot sun, short temper, and the trip of a lifetime. He waits and waits and when it’s finally time, you pull him away? After she says she’s fine to wait? You were cruel to your son.” LucidianQuill
2. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Go On A Vacation With My Brother's Dog?
“Before 2020, I (33M) would go on family vacations with my family (my parents (late 50s), brother (27), and sister (29)), these occurred about every other year. For a multitude of reasons, we haven’t done a trip since 2018. I am married and we have an 18-month-old. My sister has a significant other, and my brother has some sort of terrier and no SO I know of.
My brother has morphed into a self-described ‘dog dad’ and based on social media seems to rarely do things without the dog. We live in the same city, but in different areas and we don’t see him all that much. The few times I’ve been around his dog it behaves fine.
It’s too friendly for me and I can’t speak to how it behaves over multiple days or around babies.
My parents have a Vrbo beach house in Florida booked. In a few weeks, the deadline for a full refund for canceling is coming up and my parents need to know if we are in.
We live in the west side of the USA so we’d be flying. I found out my brother plans to bring his dog. My parents aren’t thrilled about it but ‘it is what it is’, those are my parents’ words.
I’m not a dog person, I despise them on airplanes.
I do not want to travel with the dog (tentatively we are on the same flight), I do not want to stay the week in the same house as the dog, I do not want activities based on being dog friendly, and I do not want the dog around my son.
Our parents want to stay out of it and have us hash it out. I broached the topic with my brother. Essentially he isn’t flexible on the dog, it is his family and it is a family vacation. He says my 18-month-old will be far more annoying and loud than his dog.
He seems firm on this and I’m ready to pull out of the trip. If I don’t go, the trip may fall apart. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“‘No jerks here’ for the question at hand.
You don’t provide any information to show that the dog would be a hindrance to the vacation.
Honestly, the information you do provide makes me think your brother is a responsible pet owner and that this is the kind of dog that would do ok on a trip like this.
Really all your ranting is just your personal opinion that you don’t like dogs.
That’s perfectly ok. You’re allowed to not like dogs. You’re allowed to not want them on your vacation. You’re allowed to be a grown-up adult and not go on the trip. Just like your brother is allowed it maybe not like kids.
Or just prefers life on his own with his dog.
And for what it’s worth, an 18-month-old will undoubtedly be more annoying and disruptive than a well-trained dog.” everythingistaken427
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s a small dog and you said it was well-behaved. It’s fair to ask if the dog is kept away from the baby.
A baby is far more inconvenient than a dog. You can leave a dog home alone for a few hours if people want to eat at a nice restaurant. It’s rude to bring a baby to a nice restaurant, they have bedtimes and they scream at movies.
Kids are awesome- but you’re on a different planet if you think the vacation is going to revolve around the dog- it’s going to revolve around your baby.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have a baby, he has a dog. Dogs can be annoying on planes, babies can be annoying on planes.
You don’t want to do dog-friendly activities, others may not want to do baby-friendly activities. If he wants to bring his dog, that’s fine. Lots of people take dogs to beach vacations. If you don’t want to go, that’s your choice. But sounds like a shame for what appears to have been a nice family tradition.” Ju5tSomeb0dyEls3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Take a step back and look at the situation. You’re considering pulling out of a cross-country family vacation because your brother is bringing a small dog. Your brother is most likely correct in that your child will probably be more of a hassle than his dog.
Your brother is your brother and your parents are in their 50s. Going every other year, how many more of these vacations do you think you all have left together? But, I will relinquish that it is your family and your vacation so you have every right to do whatever you want.” naisfurious
In your shoes, it would snow in he11 before I'd go on a "vacation" where my 18 month old child was going to be constantly exposed to a dog with no socialization with small children. It's an accident waiting to happen. And a tragic accident can happen in an instant, but have far reaching effects that can last for years.
Do yourself a favor; cut to the chase, tell your family you won't be joining them on their trip, and take a nice, relaxing vacation with your wife and son and ENJOY!
1. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor To Move Rooms If They Can't Keep Their Baby Quiet?
“So I (28f) live in a terrace house, which is pretty typical here in the UK. The next door was initially empty when I moved in due to some work that was going on but about 6 weeks ago a couple moved in with their baby.
I say hi in passing to them and exchanged a few pleasantries with them but for the most part, it’s a polite neighbor relationship, we aren’t friends.
I live alone and am a quiet neighbor, however, next door isn’t. I hear everything!
I don’t know what the owners did when they were renovating but there is no sound insulation at all, I don’t hear conversations at a normal level but that’s it. It’s terrace housing and I accept you will hear some things but it’s crazy how much I can hear.
I don’t hear anything from my neighbor on the other side of me aside from the front door when I’m in my front room.
Onto the issue. The baby, because it’s a baby cries a lot, but it’s nearly constantly crying and sometimes screams crying nearly all day.
And I mean all day! I put up with this most of the time and wear headphones a lot, aside from that I work 2 days a week from home (which they know as I have taken in packages for them) and my job requires me to be on the phone nearly all the time, in zoom meetings, etc. I work in the back bedroom upstairs as it’s the only room I don’t get any road noise in, which by the sounds of it is also the baby’s room on the other side of the wall.
It cries so loudly I can hear it like it’s in the room with me, and clients and colleagues can hear it crying through my headphones and I’m getting lots of comments from people about it. It’s also very distracting for me to try and work with.
Yesterday after work I knocked on the door to explain what was happening and asked if it was at all possible that if the baby can’t be calmed down move them to a different room for a bit, because of the noise, etc. I was very polite about it and apologetic.
Well, the mother exploded at me, swore at me, called me entitled and selfish, and that I had no idea what it was like to be a mother and how hard it was, and she said she left the baby upstairs so she could go down and have a break from it’s crying.
Then slammed the door in my face.
I feel really conflicted on this because I know babies cry, I know they are difficult to settle and I imagine with all their crying they are really tired. But I make little to no noise as their neighbor and it’s affecting my concentration work, and people are commenting on it and not in a good way!
Was I the jerk for asking?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is an unfortunate situation. It wasn’t wrong to ask but I also understand the mom freaking out. When you live on that little sleep and there’s constantly someone screaming in your ear and you’re so exhausted you want to just stop existing it’s a slap in the face to get that kind of request, no matter how kindly it’s worded. The straw that breaks the camel’s back.
When caregivers get overwhelmed it’s recommended they leave the baby in a safe place and take a few minutes to collect themselves in another room or outside. Otherwise, they may become dangerous to their own children. So this may be necessary for her to do sometimes.
When you have a baby that doesn’t sleep well you start to understand how sleep deprivation is used as torture. It gets extremely difficult to regulate yourself and your neighbor may well try to be more mindful after she’s had some sleep even if you don’t hear again from her.
It sounds like the baby may be very young and colicky (which usually peaks around 6 weeks) or have some health issues, maybe a food allergy. There’s a good chance this will resolve over the next few months but your best bet is to work from somewhere else for a while.” Acceptable-Chip-3455
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The baby screaming all day probably means it has colic, which means it cries uncontrollably for literally no reason and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
So bearing in mind there’s nothing she can do to make her baby feel better, it’s highly likely she’s absolutely exhausted and is probably going mad herself from the constant crying; do you really think the noise level for you is or should be a priority?
No.
She knows the baby is making noise and that it’s not pleasant for anyone around and she probably already feels horrible about it and the fact that there’s literally nothing she can do to stop it.
I’m not saying going off on you was right of her, but I can certainly understand why she snapped, if I were in her position I probably would have handled it even worse than she did.
I suggest you get yourself some noise canceling headphones if you don’t already have some and then go into your zoom settings and change the sensitivity on the mic so that it’s not picking up the cries.” JimJams27
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘no jerks here’, but I think you’re fighting a losing battle if you think asking a mother whose entire life in that moment is a screaming inconsolable baby, to somehow make the baby stop crying, however, I think moving the baby to another room is reasonable if possible.
My nephew would go days where he just screamed all day. He had colic, & it was an absolute nightmare.
You need to be able to work, and the noise from next door is disrupting that for you, as well as everyone else on the call.
I would suggest trying to do your work in another area or do something to try to muffle the sound, but I don’t think it should be on you to soundproof either (not sure you would even be allowed to make alterations like that on a rented property).
It sounds like the real problem comes from crappy construction, which is incredibly unfair for both you and your neighbor.
I have kids & have always tried to be mindful of noise, especially in a situation where we’re in an apartment or duplex. I also would communicate with my neighbors & ask about noise volume.
If I had been your neighbor, I would’ve probably made the effort to move the baby to another part of the house.” corner_tv
Another User Comments:
“YTJ even though you probably weren’t trying to be one intentionally. If you own/rent housing that’s shared with other tenants AND they allow children and/or pets then you can’t be upset that you are getting what you paid for.
Now if the neighbors were blasting loud music or partying I’d understand but a baby crying is something that can’t be helped. I had a baby with colic and no matter how hard I tried to comfort him, he would scream and fuss for hours.
If someone had come over and asked me to keep my baby quiet after two or three days of sleepless nights with a fussy baby I would have acted the same as the mom. She shouldn’t have to change her routine with her baby just because you’re having trouble working.
I live in a neighborhood with a private yard. Tons of families with kids love around me except for one single, older grumpy man. He would ALWAYS scream and curse at the homeowners with surrounding yards for their kids being outside playing and squealing at 3:00 in the afternoon.
However, we all explained to him many times that we own the property our children played on and we weren’t going to make them be inside all day on a nice day when they had big backyards and playground equipment. Some people who don’t like or don’t have kids often don’t realize they’re being a little self righteous for thinking kids shouldn’t exist or act like kids in their own spaces or homes.
I’d suggest going to a library or cafe for work or finding a more private home to occupy.” Immediate_Leg_7101
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