People Can’t Hold In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories Anymore
23. AITJ For Being Upset That My Friend Let His Child Eat In My Car?
“So my friend and his wife have a car that needed some repair, so my friend asked me if I could lend them my car for about a week since they need a car to transport their autistic kid to school.
I said yes, since I work remotely so that was not a big sacrifice for me. I also told him some simple rules I follow and need them to follow too (bag everything not completely clean before putting it in the trunk, no food or drinks in the passenger space, no jerk parking) which he agreed to.
After I got my car back I noticed there were crumbs of pastries in front of the back seats while vacuuming so I confronted my friend on the phone asking if they ate in my car. He said they didn’t, but they let the kid eat there since he is used to eating snacks in the car while traveling.
I reminded him that he agreed to follow my rules. He replied, “You can’t say no to a kid with autism.” I told him maybe I can’t, but I can and will say no to him if he asks to use my car again.
Now he thinks I’m extremely rude for not being understanding with the kid and them, and I think he is extremely rude for ignoring my conditions on lending the car.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were doing them a favor and have a few pretty simple rules to follow. He should have either declined to borrow the car or had the decency to clean the car thoroughly before returning it to you (and really also should have been honest about the fact that the no-food rule would be a problem for his kid).
Your friend seems kinda entitled.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did your friend a big favor, and had a few simple rules about your car, which he agreed to. Then he returned the car which, upon inspection, clearly showed he disregarded the rule about no eating in the passenger area.
I know that having a child with autism means that a parent has to make various accommodations for them. Clearly, your friend knows that his child needs something to snack on while being driven in a car. So when you told him no eating in the car, he should have said, “oh thanks anyway but never mind” and rented a car instead.
He didn’t want to spend the money, so he lied to your face. Don’t do this friend any more favors.” Tranqup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, if he couldn’t follow your rules, he should have told you up-front and negotiated potential compromises with you in good faith.
Lying to you from the start isn’t acceptable. Secondly, you absolutely can and should say no to autistic children at times. Spoiling them on top of the difficulties of reading body language/unspoken cues/social rules is a recipe for disaster in later life. And I know routines can be immensely important and not following an established routine can lead to a meltdown, but if that’s the case here, then again, this needed to be discussed with you rather than just ignored. Thirdly, if unintended stuff happened like crumbs in the car, he needed to clean it for you.
Not to hide it, but just because you should always give borrowed stuff back to its owner in the condition you borrowed it.” Normal-Height-8577
22. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Cousin's Undisciplined Kids?
“So I (26m) babysit for my family fairly often because my work schedule is very flexible and for some reason kids love me.
I don’t hate kids but being around them does not fill me with happy vibes if that makes sense. At all family gatherings for the most part if kids aren’t in danger and don’t come up to me I pretty much ignore them. I don’t know why but usually by the end of the night I have a small herd of children following me around.
My family is fairly large so throughout a month at least 8 (not all at the same time) children between 4-12 will be dropped off at my house so I can babysit them for a day or after school.
Now this past Easter one of my cousins (31f) asked me to watch her kids from the 12th to the 14th of April.
I flat-out refused before she could even finish her sentence. At the time I was making good progress on a 30 rack during our conversation so I was a little blunt but definitely not rude with my initial response. After I said that she started pressing me for reasons why and I just kept saying “I don’t want to.” This isn’t the first time she has asked me to watch her kids and it’s not the first time I responded saying I don’t want to.
After getting pretty annoyed because she kept pestering me I just blurted “BECAUSE YOUR KIDS ARE BAD AS HECK”. When this happened it was in the backyard and everyone out there was born between 95-99 so this group of cousins were all around the same age.
There was silence for like 3 secs before the laughs and jokes started flying at my cousin. After that, she shut up and the evening went pretty smoothly. Apparently, I was too naive to think that was the end of it because, for the last 10 days, she has been telling all our aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, and pretty much anyone in our family who will listen.
As a result, I have a bunch of family trying to guilt-trip me into watching her kids.
Now for talking about her kids like that, I will admit is a jerk move. I try not to label children as “bad” because usually there is an underlying issue behind their behavior but unless their mother or grandmother is yelling at them they aren’t listening to anything anyone is saying.
I have no problem with rowdy children because they will tire themselves out eventually. However, her kids just lack general respect for most adults. Her kids not respecting what I am telling them to do doesn’t hurt my ego or anything. I just don’t want to be responsible for a small life that I do not have any parental authority over.
I know I can be a little too apathetic when it comes to dealing with people’s feelings but I also love my family so AITJ for refusing to watch her kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. “I just don’t want to be responsible for a small life that I do not have any parental authority over.” Unassailable reasoning right there.
Plus, you repeatedly said that you didn’t want to before you lost your patience. “I have a bunch of family trying to guilt trip me into watching her kids.” Let them do it then. You don’t have to be a free babysitting service dude. You’re 26 for goodness sake.
I’m sure you’ve got better things to be doing.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s entitled of her to think you’ll babysit for her (for days!) just because she wants you to. And the fact that her kids don’t behave well just gives you more reason.
They aren’t “bad” – she simply hasn’t raised them with any discipline so it’s actually her you are talking about here. The fact that all the kids follow you around is because they think you’re super cool, btw.” ParsimoniousSalad
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother At My Wedding?
“For context, my name is Thea (26F), my fiancé is Sebastian (29M), and my mother is Kathy (48F). My mother and I never really got along, but I wouldn’t say that I hated her or anything like that. As a kid and in my teen years we always fought, it would be about the tiniest things, and all she would do was make it about herself, tell me things like, I was a bad daughter because I always blamed everything on her, or she was just a terrible mother since I hate my life so much.
Things like that, but I moved out at 19 and we’ve slowly begun to build our relationship back a couple of years ago.
Now, my fiancé Sebastian and I have been together for around 6 years and we are planning to get married in April. When I first got with Sebastian I didn’t introduce him to my mother right away, because at the time she and I weren’t really close enough for me to feel comfortable with her meeting Sebastian.
But after about a year or so after we started seeing each other, I finally introduced him to my mom.
After the first time meeting him, my mom said that she loved Sebastian and that she thought that he was perfect for me. At this point I was so happy that my life was finally calming down, I was seeing someone fantastic, I was beginning to rebuild a relationship with my mom after all those years, I had a great apartment and my cats.
I was just happy. However, 2 years ago at Christmas, I announced the pregnancy of my daughter (who is now 1 and I won’t be saying her name for privacy reasons), and my mom raised a fuss. She screamed at me in front of my family and Sebastian, telling me that I was a loose woman and how impure I was because I didn’t wait till marriage.
I ended up leaving her house in tears and cutting all contact with her. I haven’t talked to her since and she has never met my daughter.
Fast forward a couple of weeks ago, we sent out our wedding invitations back in September, and apparently, my aunt who had gotten an invitation had told my mom about the wedding.
So eventually I get a call from her and she’s talking casually and stuff, and then she asks me when my wedding is and how excited she was to meet my daughter. I didn’t know what to say. I was just dumbfounded, but I ended up telling her that she was not invited to my wedding and there was no way I would let her come near my child after the way she acted. And again just like she used to do, it was yelling and all the name-calling, I just hung up after a while.
It’s been a few weeks since the call and my mom continued to text and call me, she even tried to get my aunt to talk to me about it. Sebastian says that he also doesn’t want her at my wedding, but most of my mom’s side of the family said that if my mom can’t go they won’t go.
So now I’m conflicted. Do I try to reason with my mother and let her come or should I stand my ground? I’m honestly just lost. I could really use some advice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep that woman out of your life. She is toxic.
Block her on everything. Block everyone who supports her. Get security cameras in case she tries to show up at your apartment. If she does, do not open the door. Get security for the wedding in case she shows up. Kick out anyone who supports her being there.
Stand your ground.” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. Your mom is a piece of work. You can’t just treat someone like that and then act like it never happened. As for your mom’s side of the family, ignore them this is your day and it’s not about your mom.
Stick to your decision and if they come they come, if they don’t they don’t. Y’all might want to consider having security at the venue. I’ll bet you, Mom will try to show up. Good luck and best wishes to you and Sebastian.” EnthusiasmLow3388
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do NOT let that woman near you, your husband, your daughter, or your wedding! Stand your ground. Tell her flying monkeys to kick rocks. You’re better off without them. All of them. She will ruin your wedding, disparage you and your husband, and be treacherous to your daughter.” sugarlump858
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Partner To My Wedding?
“My (25F) fiancé (33M) and I recently got engaged but are planning the wedding pretty quickly. So I’m gonna start off by saying my brother’s partner Kiki (20F) has said multiple times that she won’t fly. My wedding is abroad as my fiancé is from another country, so we are getting married in his country as it makes sense as I will be moving there after.
So there are a few reasons Kiki is not invited. One being that it’s going to be an intimate ceremony and I am not wanting to invite too many people, one is I simply dislike her for how she treats and talks to my little brother John (22M) (not that he can see the way she is doing it isn’t right and he doesn’t listen to our family but I’m not getting into that), one being the no flying, one being they haven’t been together that long and I don’t know Kiki, even though John & Kiki have a lot of opportunities to actually join things John & Kiki are invited to, or come round whenever.
Also to note, John has recently moved back with Kiki nearer to us, and we have seen and spoken to John all of 2 times because he just doesn’t reply to us unless he needs something.
Now John has been arguing with me, saying I could have at least invited Kiki.
And I have been saying my piece about how it’s mine and my partner’s day, we can choose who we do and don’t invite, and to be honest, it’s none of his concern. John shrugged it off until he realized that our other brother Finn’s (24M) partner Zoe (24F) is invited. Zoe I know very well, she joins in, over the last 4 years I have gotten to know her well, and I want her there.
So today John found out after I had helped my mum book all their flights and hotel. And John is fuming.
John is saying that we leave her out of everything, don’t know what we are talking about with her treating him badly, and that Kiki is upset because she doesn’t feel included.
My point of view is very much the same as my family’s, why text someone and tell them about a wedding they won’t even attend, nor do I or my fiancé want there?
It’s all very last minute as we are getting married in a few months, so proper invites aren’t really happening it’s more texting and calling family and friends.
So AITJ for not inviting her to an event she won’t even go to?”
Another User Comments:
“This is one of those things where technically you’re NTJ because it’s your wedding, but for the sake of the family, it might be better just to give Kiki a token invite.
She probably won’t go because of her fear of flying, so no harm no foul. By dying on this hill you’re hurting John’s feelings more than anything.” growsonwalls
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – she’s afraid of flying, so the invite keeps the peace and she still won’t come.
Yes she sucks and your brother does too, but an invite to shut them up would have worked because she wouldn’t go. It’s an invite where you know the other person will refuse.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to invite the people you want at your wedding.
You are inviting Zoe as a friend; she is someone you know and want at your wedding (presumably). You can say that you’re only inviting friends and married couples (assuming nobody’s getting a plus-one, which it sounds like). I’ve been to those kinds of intimate weddings and never got a ‘plus-one’ because only people both bride & groom knew & liked were invited. That’s okay and John is being a bit of a stubborn jerk.
I realize this is against the ‘but FAMILY’ grain but Kiki hasn’t become part of your family–by her own choice (and I’m not talking about marriage).” Tangerine_Bouquet
19. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Go Join Our Friends After A Miscommunication Ruined Our Dinner Plans?
“I (28M) and my wife (28F) went to a concert out of state with some friends. I bought the tickets for ourselves as a Feb 14th gift from a friend who bought a bunch to resale.
Other friends who are also good friends of my wife bought the rest of the tickets. We stayed in separate Airbnbs and drove in separate cars. We left our hometown at the same time and stopped at the same place to eat on our way there and also agreed to have dinner at 6 because the concert was at 8.
We wanted to have dinner somewhere close and then just walk to the concert.
So everyone went to their respective Airbnb to get changed at around 5. At around 5:20 I asked my wife at what time she thought she would be ready and she said she needed at least 40 min so I scheduled an Uber for 6 and texted the rest of the friends the restaurant I wanted to go and one friend replied with “at what time?” And I said 6:15.
They replied with a picture of some beers they were having at their Airbnb.
Fast forward to 6:15, my wife is still getting ready and I’m buying time with the Uber. We left at 6:20 and got to the restaurant at 6:30 before anyone and asked for a table for 6 which luckily they had because it was getting busy.
I texted my friends that we were here and they replied with more pictures of beer in their place.
My wife then asked me where is everyone (very irritated). I told her that they probably won’t go which infuriated her so she started complaining that she applied makeup in a hurry because of me and that our friends aren’t even there and that it was all my fault.
I proceeded to apologize to her for thinking that having dinner with me in a nice restaurant, out of town, on the Saturday after Feb 14th should be enough. Up to here, I don’t think I was a jerk, but I’m not proud of what I did next.
I told her that for all I care she could go and have beers with them instead of being with me and that I didn’t give a crap if she didn’t want to be there, she is a grown-up and can go wherever she wants and to leave if that is what she wanted and that I didn’t care if she didn’t go to the concert with me.
She said she wanted to stay but did not apologize for anything and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night.
We did go to the concert after dinner but didn’t talk, sing, or dance all concert. We didn’t speak on our way back to the Airbnb or before bed. I didn’t want to talk to her until she apologized but apparently, she doesn’t think that needs to because she hasn’t said anything, not even in the 3-hour drive back.
It’s already Monday 6 am and she hasn’t spoken or apologized to me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like dinner was mostly your idea. Your friends blew you off and your wife wanted more time to get ready for the concert. I’m guessing the other girls were getting ready while the guys were having beers.
BTW how do you get from a picture of beers that they agree with your 6:15 reservation?? To me, that is a “No, we’re having fun where we are.” You’re not getting an apology because she is waiting for you to apologize. You were being a controlling jerk to your wife AND your friends.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“I find all this weird. Was there an actual discussion about having dinner vs hanging out and drinking? Their replies of just pictures of beer – why can no one say what they are doing? Finishing a beer, just started a new round, or not coming out for dinner?
Then your reply to your wife – totally unnecessary. Then you BOTH let this ruin your night. ESH. Poor lack of planning and/or communication.” Goalie_LAX_21093
Another User Comments:
“Lol, that’s hilarious. You two are truly made for each other. You are a match made in heck, lol.
If you get the chance, you both decide to be miserable, getting your evening (you drove out of town for and bought tickets, booked an Airbnb) ruined, giving each other the silent treatment, and building up resentments than at least one of you being the bigger person, apologizing for hurting the other and salvaging the getaway and then working it out afterward with a calm discussion.
ESH or no jerks here, doesn’t matter, you both are idiots who just wasted a big chunk of money to give each other the silent treatment. But at least you got yourself a nice getaway to do it.
Sulking at home isn’t as good as going out of town to sulk, I give you that.
But just the thought of being at a concert, singing, dancing, and having a good time while next to you is a couple, sulking at each other in silence is just too much. And years later you might not remember the music itself anymore, but you will always remember the sulking couple next to you – Hahahaha.
You both for sure made this concert an unforgettable experience for everybody around you. And the legend of the sulking couple will stay alive in stories long after you both are gone one day.” Every_Caterpillar945
18. AITJ For Calling My Niece's Dad's Partner Names Over An Old Painting?
“Ok so my sister’s ex (and my niece’s dad) and I are cool. We have a lot of things in common. Art, anime, tattoos, etc. He’s a cool dude and I respect him. We will call him ‘David’. He’s a good dad to my niece, never had any problems with him.
He and my sister have had an ok relationship up until he got with his new partner. We’ll call her ‘Kayla’. My sister calls me up and says David’s partner wanted my phone number to see “how close he and I really were”. My sister says it’s about a painting.
I am an artist. It’s a big part of my life, most of the important people in my life have some of my work.
Anyway, you guys, I painted this painting YEARS AGO. Before my niece was even born, my niece is 3! I gave it to my sister and him because THEY liked it.
When they split he kept it. Not a big deal. But apparently, Kayla asked David about it and he told her “My ex’s sister painted it.” He then explained that he and I were cool and that we enjoyed some of the same things so he considered me a friend and that’s why he kept it.
This turned into her thinking I painted it FOR HIM! I told my sister to give me the girl’s number so I could text her. I text her, ask her what’s the problem and she says I shouldn’t be making paintings for her man. I tell her what I explained earlier as to why he has it.
She said she doesn’t care and it’s weird for him to have it because another girl painted it. She said I was probably trying to get with him. I told her she was acting like a little jerk over a painting. And I called her a few other things but we’ll focus on that part.
She tells David. David calls me and says I’m a jerk for saying that stuff to her because she can’t help her jealous mind because she has been hurt in the past. WHICH I can understand but also can’t.
I do kinda feel bad for what I said but it’s not like the painting was from my sister and he was hanging on to it for sentimental value.
Anyway, she’s been crying and many people think I should apologize but I kinda don’t want to but also do.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. You for calling her names. It had nothing to do with you. You should have just told your friend David that he and his SO needed to sort out the impact her insecurities were inappropriately having on you and left them to it.
David is a jerk because he let his relationship problems spill onto you, he called his ex to ask her to call her sister to deal with his SO. Seriously, why? Your sister is a jerk for not just telling him this is an issue for him and his SO to sort out and it’s inappropriate bringing you or her into it.
David’s SO is a jerk because she’s too insecure to allow her partner to have art and also made it your problem.” NinjaHidingintheOpen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “You shouldn’t be making paintings for my man” ok 1 it was ONE painting and 2 it was made THREE YEARS AGO!
BEFORE David and Kayla were a thing before you even knew Kayla existed! She would have a point if you CURRENTLY made paintings for him AND you expressed romantic feelings or at least had a crush on him but she’s just overreacting.” Heythenewguyhere
Another User Comments:
“Tell David she can help acting out on her jealousy. She is responsible for how she acts. Her past has nothing to do with it. She should get therapy if these feelings make her act uncontrollably. You don’t need to apologize. Apart from anything else, she is angry about a gift from the past…
is she angry she isn’t his first partner too? Gosh, everyone has a past. She needs to work on herself.” Capital-Temporary-17
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Sister's Overpriced Wedding Dress?
“My little sister Emily’s getting married in a few months. We’ve always been super close, so I’m thrilled for her, but honestly, the whole wedding planning thing has been a bit much.
It turns out Emily’s way over budget, and the main culprit is the dress. She fell in love with this designer gown – we’re talking thousands of dollars. Last week, she sat me down and asked, with this hopeful look in her eyes, if I would pay for it as like, an extra special wedding gift.
I was shocked. Don’t get me wrong, I want her to be happy, but that’s a huge chunk of money! I’m a freelance video editor, and sometimes my income is unpredictable. I have some savings, but I need that for upcoming projects, bills, and stuff.
I kindly explained all this and tried to steer her toward more affordable options, even suggesting renting a dress. Big mistake. She got super upset like I was ruining her dream wedding or something. She even accused me of not caring about her happiness.
Our parents got involved, and obviously, they’re on Emily’s side.
They offered to loan me the money for the dress, but it feels weird taking money from them for something like this. My friends are more understanding and say it’s totally unreasonable for her to expect this.
Now I’m feeling awful like I’m the world’s worst sister for not just handing over my savings.
But at the same time, shouldn’t she be a little more considerate of my situation too? AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Woah back the truck up a few feet here ….. your parents will loan you the money to pay for your sister’s dress??? Why do they not just outright buy it for her if they have it anyway?
At my sister’s wedding, I bought her a nice gift like a brother should and wanted to, but in no way, should you be buying her a designer dress. She has other options, like ones she can afford, but her not budgeting her wedding to include her dress is not your problem.
She should be able to save a few grand in other ways, less of a dinner budget, save a few hundred on the DJ, I’ve been to weddings where it’s cash bar till the drinks are paid then it’s open bar. There are options besides you saving the day.” Kamloops-Pineview
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Has everyone in your family gone nuts? Is Emily too young to have learned that there are things called budgets, and lots of times our budgets don’t allow us to get everything we want, when we want it. Why are your parents involved?
If they care so much and have money to give Emily for the dress, then they should leave you out of this and just give her the money. I guess we all know who the golden child is in your family.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s wedding excitement seems to have blinded her to the reality of your financial situation. It’s not that you don’t care about her happiness; rather, you simply can’t afford to foot the bill for an extravagantly priced gown without jeopardizing your own financial stability.
Your suggestion to consider more affordable options or even renting a dress was a perfectly reasonable compromise, showing that you’re still supportive of her big day, just not at the expense of your own well-being. Your sister’s reaction comes off as selfish and inconsiderate. Your sister should understand that people’s budgets and priorities differ, and it’s unfair to impose such a substantial financial burden on you.
Don’t let the emotional manipulation make you feel obligated to jeopardize your finances for a single day’s extravagance. Your sister can still have a beautiful wedding without draining your bank account. Being a supportive and loving sister doesn’t mean you have to put your financial stability on the line.” CorneliaStanphill
You gave her viable options that you would be a part of, she's choosing not to take those options.
NTJ and if your parents have the money to "loan" you for the dress, they have the money to buy the dress for your sister themselves.
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Go To His Favorite Buffet For His Birthday?
“My (M42) son (M14) is turning 15 next week and for his birthday, he wants to go to his favorite restaurant, which is an all-you-can-eat buffet we have in town. The buffet serves every sort of cuisine you can think of; the quality isn’t great, but for a teenage boy, it’s the idea of heaven.
We’ve been there with my son three times in the past 3 years, and each time, he’s ended up eating so much he’s been sick. He eats beyond the point of being full and it’s clearly to eat as much as you can. Both my wife and I have told him to slow down, and the aim isn’t to make himself sick, but whatever we tell him, he continues to eat those large amounts.
Twice he’s been sick in the restroom, and the other time, he was sick in the car on the way home.
When he said he wanted to go there again, after having a conversation with my wife, I told him no. I said he can go to any other restaurant, but we don’t trust him to go to a buffet after the past few times and don’t think it’s healthy behavior to encourage.
He’s in a mood and doesn’t want to go anywhere else.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For everyone saying limit the amount of plates he can have – this could definitely backfire. He agrees to take it easy just so he can go, but then at the time of the dinner, it could turn into an issue depending on if he’s a combative kid, or trying to guilt trip (not saying he is either).
I think the offer to go anywhere else is more than fair considering the past three times. You sound like good parents.” QueenOfBrews
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I banned myself from all-you-can-eat places for just that reason. I always say I’ll go easy, I never do.
I have no problem with food otherwise, but when I’m in an all-you-can-eat scenario there is just no stopping me. Make sure he understands the reason, and understands that certain behaviors have certain consequences. If he doesn’t want to go anywhere else, let him pout, he’s not 6.” HeWhoHasTooManyDogs
15. AITJ For Influencing My Partner's Nieces With My Gothic Fashion And Victorian Slang?
“I (23F) was staying at my partner’s (25M) apartment for a few days when his sister (32F) had a medical non-emergency emergency. Not going into the details but she had to go to the hospital early in the morning and was going to be there at least until that night.
Her husband (32M) dropped their kids (6 and 8f) off at my partner’s since we agreed to help, and stayed with her until he had to go into work that morning.
I’m close with my partner’s family so it wasn’t a problem at all when my partner wanted to go spend some time with his sister and he asked her if they minded me watching them.
This is where I potentially made my mistake.
I have a gothic fashion sense with voluminous dresses or skirts, I sew, and was going to spend the day working on a corset I’d been making. First, I took them out to pick up new needles and get them breakfast since I’m a bad cook, where I wore a cloak while we went.
The nieces saw my sewing set up and loved my fashion so I made a slight change of plans. When we got home I ended up teaching them how to do a running stitch and guided them through making some handkerchiefs with scraps of cotton I had.
I also had a bunch of black fleece I was going to use to make a nightgown I decided to put to different use, and make them a couple of really simple cloaks. That took most of the day, so I made dinner since my partner was still out waiting to see if his sister could go home.
I put on some Disney movies, and we spent the night with me showing them how to put on the hooks for their cloaks themselves and talking. At some point, I got overdramatic and was saying generic old Victorian stuff like “uncouth” and “balderdash” or describing Puss in Boots as a “scallywag” and “rapscallion”.
They stayed the night after my partner got home, and got picked up early the next morning before I even woke up, I didn’t think anything about it except hearing they had a great time. It’s been a month later though and I found out his sister is mad at me because I “made her daughters weird”.
They’re refusing to stop wearing the cloaks I made with their dresses or skirts even when it’s cold out, apparently asked their grandma to teach them sewing since she did, and won’t stop saying weird slang. In her words she said her daughter told her “uncouth is what you say when you want to be mean to someone” and they described her as a rapscallion.
It’s now created a lot of tension yet and I know it’ll probably blow over but I am worried since I’m going to a family dinner soon and I was going to ask if they wanted to try crochet since I usually do that while everyone’s goofing off.
I asked my partner and he thinks I should hold off and teach them to embroider their cloaks instead to make his sister more annoyed, but I’m trying to avoid that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids are weird. Their interests shift on a breeze. And besides teaching them to sew is a valuable life skill.
Just pull her to the side and say something like “I’m sorry that you feel like I’ve done something to your children. That wasn’t my intention. I’m just my own person and wanted to share my interests with your daughters as I was watching them.
And I’m sorry if my vocabulary has caused issues but at least I didn’t teach them cuss words. Again, I’m sorry you are upset but I also feel upset that you called me and my interests weird just because they are different from yours.
Kids get attracted to new and different but it could blow over. Would you be offended if your interests were disregarded like this?” And remember people are gonna feel how they’re gonna feel and we can only control how we react to our own feelings.
(This comes from someone who has corrupted many a nibling to enjoy foreign music/film, read crazy book series, and overall quote me which is a lot of cussing….)” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“So…you taught them a skill and expanded their vocabulary all while providing free childcare?
NTJ. Regardless of what you do, kids are weird. They’re gonna do weird things. Wearing a cloak is on the tame side of weird kid things. Also, it’s not as though your partner’s family doesn’t know how you usually look or speak. If I left my kid alone with you, I’d expect a similar outcome.” Wide-Serve-1287
Another User Comments:
“To be honest no jerks here but also everyone needs to calm down a little. They’re kids. If they weren’t doing this they’d be telling their classmates they can talk to horses, and unicorns are totally real but you’ve never seen one cause they hate your taste in music.
Mom is understandably upset because her daughters are dragging a piece of fabric behind them all day every day for a month and refusing to wash it, and are now pestering grandma about it. In the long term, the girls will probably give this up eventually.
It’s a novelty, but everything is novel to them. In the now, this is the part where you pay a visit, and teach the girls that part of strong etiquette is knowing when any garment is appropriate, such as not bringing a cloak to a playground, and equally that words have their time and place, and just because you know a word doesn’t mean it serves to use it.
Basically, the “just because you heard mommy yell when she dropped something doesn’t mean you should” talk. They should totally take those sewing lessons from grandma though.” aledethanlast
14. AITJ For Refusing To Act As Stepmom To My Partner's Sister And Help With Their New Dog?
“2 months into my partner (27M) and I (27F) being together last year, his parents decided to go to their motherland to build their retirement home after James (my partner) reassured them that he’d look after his 16-year-old sister Chloe and they’d be fine. His mom was concerned about leaving them alone but he had expressed to her that he’d have my help with things like cooking because I had told him I’d help out.
It’s now a year later, and his parents’ summer trip has turned into a year of being gone. Initially, I would go over and help make dinner for him and his sister 1-3 times a week. This slowly turned into his sister being part of everything we do, if I were to do anything for him I’d have to consider Chloe and it began feeling like I was a stepmom.
His sister would expect me to buy her things and do things for her. I’m very giving but the expectation bothered me a lot. Things really came to a head last fall when James’ parents suggested getting a dog to help with Chloe’s anxiety and depression.
I expressed to James my opposition to this because the dog would eventually be his and we’re planning on living together soon, I do not want a dog at all. I want the liberty for us to travel and feel that would be an unnecessary expense to which he agreed.
Fast forward to Christmas when James and Chloe went to visit their parents, they ended up getting the puppy that is now back with them in the US. I’d also like to add, James and Chloe don’t cook or clean their house because their mom always did everything and this bothered me a lot because James mentioned how his mom figured I would “help” them out.
James has expressed and admitted that getting the dog while trying to progress his career has been a lot more work than he thought and he wasn’t prepared for this even though I had told him this plenty of times.
Once James got the dog, I expressed to James that I feel like a stepmom and will not be participating in helping out anymore and that if he’s not going to consider what I have to say then I have no reason to help or participate in the house.
Now his mom thinks I’m not a good partner and I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for not wanting to step into this responsibility that in my opinion has dragged on far too long.
His parents left their anxious and depressed teenager and expect me to step in as if that’s not their responsibility.
Am I wrong for putting my foot down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This whole situation is ridiculous. Her parents just up and left her and expected the two of you to just take care of her, and assumed their 16-year-old daughter would have no issues being abandoned by her parents?
They all think a dog is the best way to fix Chloe’s depression and anxiety (in lieu of therapy… or just the parents not leaving their child), but neither she nor James seem willing to take care of the puppy, or the house in general. So you’ve been running yourself ragged playing unwilling “stepmom” and kinda wife, because you’re doing so much cooking and cleaning over there….
and then they go abroad to visit the parents, and also you weren’t invited? Do you really want to live this way? Even after Chloe leaves the nest (assuming she does), you’ll be left with a man who doesn’t take part in taking care of the home and a dog that you never wanted and that he doesn’t really take care of.
You’re still young. If this isn’t what you want your life to look like, you have every right to break this off. Even if you weren’t very young you’d have every right. You are not obligated to stay.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“There is so much to unpack here.
First, of course you’re NTJ for not wanting to be a stepmom, or cleaner, or own a dog. But why on God’s green earth would you capitulate to all this with a guy who, when the situation started, you’d only been together for two months?
Why would you feel compelled to help out with Chloe? Why would you run over there to make them dinner? Why would you be buying her stuff? You’re not married. You’re not engaged. You’re not even living together. This situation leaves you with the “right to not …” But also, it leaves him the right to make certain decisions without your input.
If he wants to have a messy house, he gets to have a messy house. If he wants a dog for himself and his sister, he deserves a dog for himself and his sister. You’re a little bit the jerk for getting too involved in his household.
This seems to be to be a classic example of jumping into a situation way too fast. You started acting like this guy’s de facto wife when you’d been together for a matter of weeks.” Active-Anteater1884
13. AITJ For Skipping Family Vacation For My Dream Internship?
“I (M22) recently got a summer internship at a massive company that is literally my dream place to work.
I have been extremely excited as a lot of the interns go on to eventually get full-time jobs at this company. The internship is from June to the end of August, and my family normally goes on vacation somewhere in July. A few days after the news I told my parents that when they book their vacation to please not include me.
It’s not that I don’t want to go but this internship is a massive opportunity for me and I don’t want to miss so much as a day let alone a week. When telling them this my parents kind of blew it off saying “of course you’re coming with us it’s a family vacation.” I again stood my ground saying I wouldn’t be going and to not waste money on me.
Fast forward to a few days ago, my mom sends in our family group chat a picture of plane tickets and cruise ship cabins that they have bought for our family vacation. I immediately texted her saying I told her not to do this and that I still would not be attending.
She has since gone crazy calling and yelling at me for thinking I’m too big for my family and that I need to get over myself, but I think I have a fair argument for wanting to make the most out of this massive opportunity in my life.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents still see you as an extension of them and not as your own person with goals, dreams, etc. It’s hard for parents to accept sometimes when their children start to build lives and careers that disrupt the core family unit and traditions.
But it’s part of growing up. Maybe I’m being too generous to your parents, maybe they’re just being controlling and disrespectful. But remind them that building a life you want requires sacrifice and work. You’re at an age now where you’re going to be entering the “real” world.
Stick to your guns. This is when you need to set boundaries.” Square-Raspberry560
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you didn’t have this amazing opportunity you would still have the right to not go on their vacation. You’re a grown adult, not a child that needs to be attached to your parents’ side.
Additionally, any money your parents spent on you to go on this vacation after you clearly told them you wouldn’t be joining is their stupid tax, so don’t let them guilt you over that.” DinoSnuggler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, look Momma needs to understand that you are 22 not 12, and she can not control when or if you take a vacation.
Not to mention that she was told that you would not be available to go before she even booked it. Her getting upset seems a bit like a play for you to feel guilty to fold to her. Don’t pass up the work opportunity. PS, You need to respond back in the family chat and say “As I explained to Mom previously, I am unable to attend as I have accepted an internship over the summer during that time frame.
Hope everyone has a blast! Please take lots of pics! Love you all!”” justtired2022
NTA. Stick to your plan, attend the internship and hopefully it turns into something bigger for you. Good luck
12. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Step Up As A Parent Or Accept His Son's Baptism?
“I (32F) have a younger brother (25M). He hooked up with a girl (21F), got her pregnant and she gave birth to their son two years ago.
They barely get along and it’s my brother’s fault.
He is terrible at managing his parenting time, he’s good with child support but that’s it. He’ll visit the kid for a few hours every few weeks but has no caring responsibilities.
His child’s mother Natalie was raised catholic until her parents split up.
Her family was never practicing but they stopped altogether when they divorced. She has recently decided to go totally back into it. As far as I know, she got back into contact with her old priest and is discussing how they can get the kid baptized.
He is very unhappy with Natalie’s decision because he ‘doesn’t want his kid to have a boring life’ and he spends all his time complaining about it to me. It’s getting on my nerves because he can either man up and get a real parenting plan set up with the courts, or accept that he barely takes care of his son and allow his mother to make this choice.
I told him so the other day and he got extremely upset at me for not being on his side and hearing him out. I don’t think I was wrong but he’s calling me a jerk now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he needed to hear that.
He has it really easy right now. All he has to do is show up occasionally and send a check. The mother has to deal with everything else completely on her own. If he wanted a say in his kid’s life, he should have stepped up to be an equal parent long before this.
It’s entirely her choice if she wants to raise the kid in a religious home.” EsharaLight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You say your brother will visit a few hours every few weeks. Does your brother ever have him alone? Take him to the park? Watch him while his child’s mother goes out to run errands.
His son is two years old, not two months old. Your brother doesn’t do any parenting. He has given NO VALID reason why his son shouldn’t be raised in his mother’s religion. Your brother is not being asked to convert. Your brother is NOT raising him.
Your brother says he doesn’t want his kid to have a boring life. That’s not a valid reason. Being raised religious doesn’t make a life boring. If he wants input in parenting decisions he has to A. Be a parent and/or B. Get a parenting plan from the courts.” jess1804
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is wrong on several fronts. First, the”have a boring life” part: So many great artists in all media found inspiration through childhoods of all religious persuasions and grew up with that to rebel against (or embrace in some cases).
Two, he has done nothing to bond with his child so he doesn’t get to whine about it. And three, the child will eventually decide for himself how much of an influence religion will play in his life. Getting baptized or going to church doesn’t have to affect the life he chooses as an adult.” TemptingPenguin369
11. AITJ For Removing My Ex From My Netflix Account Despite My Friend's Objections?
“I (28F) broke up with my ex (24M) at least a year ago and we have a mutual friend, let’s just call him Jeff (23M).
Both Jeff and my ex still work in the same organization.
Jeff has kept in contact with me despite the breakup with my ex and we meet almost monthly to just talk and have drinks. He’s relatively close to me and I see him as a little brother.
A few days ago, my ex texts Jeff and asks if Jeff is still in contact with me. Jeff lied and said that he is not in contact with me anymore. My ex then asks Jeff if so, then why was his name suddenly on my Netflix account?
I recently gave Jeff an account to use my Netflix. When we broke up, I also thought I had removed my ex from my Netflix login permissions (but apparently not).
Jeff called me in a frenzy and panicked that my ex was going to find out I was still in contact with him and he told me not to do anything rash to alert my ex by deleting his login permissions.
Jeff also told me that if I did anything to jeopardize his friendship with my ex, it would cause trouble for him and it would be difficult for him to work in his organization because of potential office politics with my ex. Jeff shared that he was only telling me this because he trusted me.
I ignored Jeff’s advice and went ahead to delete my ex from my permissions immediately as the one in the wrong is my ex for using my account and my ex also has no right to police who can be friends with who. Jeff called me a jerk for doing that and is raging at me for doing so due to reasons shared above and I told him “If it’s so difficult to maintain the friendship with me, we can end this friendship for good.” My partner agrees with me in standing up for myself.
I feel bad for threatening him because I do value him as a friend but our friendship is now jeopardized. AITJ for removing my ex from my account despite what Jeff said?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your ex is a jerk for not minding his business and he can’t decide who is friends with whom, and also jeopardizing somebody’s job over an ex.
Jeff is a jerk for lying about you and not being an adult about the whole thing, making you the jerk for troubles at work. End of the day that can be sorted with HR. You’re not the jerk for standing up for yourself and removing his access, but you are the jerk for not telling Jeff this straight away and just doing it behind his back throwing him under the bus after he told you this can cause him trouble.
You’re also saying you value him as a friend but you just did this to him without letting him know, also being the first throwing the words of ending the friendship.” BlueEyedGirrrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your ex and his/your friend are behaving like toddlers arguing in soft play.
You’ve got better things to do than think about an ex from a year ago. Your ex isn’t entitled to Netflix for free and the friend should be embarrassed to have suggested you continue paying for it. There is an easy solution in the friend getting Netflix for your ex and sucking up to him further at work by bringing in jello and maybe some Lego as a treat.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ, this is the only reasonable thing you could do. Jeff’s inability to deal with your ex like an adult and telling him to mind his own business is not your problem. If your ex starts workplace drama over this, Jeff should ask HR for help, not you.
Letting your ex share your account for free and allowing him to monitor your social life as an added benefit would be crazy. If Jeff treats you like a dirty secret and is only your friend as long as nobody knows, then perhaps you should not invest so much energy into this friendship.
It’s very good you showed him that you will not bend over backward just to keep him in your life. The coward. Don’t feel bad. Good luck!” CheshireCatsGrin87
10. AITJ For Kicking My Siblings Out Of My Baby Shower After They Claimed I've Always Been A Mom?
“I (29F) have five siblings. An older sister (30F), a younger brother (26M), another younger brother (25M), and two younger sisters who are twins (22F). Our parents were not attentive or involved parents. They were neglectful at the best of times but could also be incredibly harsh on all of us.
They had very high expectations despite not actually parenting us. It was like, we were ignored and/or neglected until they wanted good grades and then we’d get yelled at for having less-than-perfect grades. Or if the school called to say we were being bullied we would be asked what kind of reputations we had built at school to deserve being bullied (mom) or what kind of weaklings we were to become targets of bullying (dad).
It was a terrible situation and parenting responsibilities were thrown onto me and my older sister. But my older sister resented our younger siblings. She loved and was close to me. But she never liked our younger siblings and did not help them growing up.
At times she could be as bad as our parents when it came to snapping at them for being kids. She was a kid herself. I was the one who became the parent of the household.
It was a messed up situation and I became a house mom before I was even 10.
But that was just how life needed to be for us to survive. I gave up a lot for my younger siblings. I didn’t go to college, I stayed in the toxic household until I was able to afford to move the remaining kids out (the twins) and in with me.
I helped them figure out how to attend college or get into apprenticeships they were interested in. I was probably more of a mom than I should have been but they had nobody else to do it and I love all of my siblings. I did put the work in so we could remain siblings too.
But I failed at that. They act like I am their mom, older sister excluded.
I’m happily married now and expecting my first baby and we had an incident at my baby shower that I have mixed feelings about my reaction to. So my siblings were all there, my husband, his family, and our friends.
And at some point my younger siblings took issue with the emphasis being on me “becoming a mom” and how happy I looked to be pregnant. They got incredibly jealous and started to act like children and they yelled out that I had been a mom for most of my life and people needed to stop acting like the baby was the most important person to me.
I stepped in and spoke to them but someone else said that I wasn’t a mom before now. Then my older sister got involved and then a fight broke out between my siblings and my older sister told them that they had ruined our lives and we would have been better off with just the two of us.
I told her that wasn’t fair to say, it wasn’t their fault. But the fighting wouldn’t stop and I asked all my siblings to leave. They were so hurt and the whole shower stayed tense even though they left and some of my husband’s family could not believe I kicked them out.
My siblings admitted it hurt and they were kinda mad at me too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think your siblings need some therapy and an intense reality check. Maybe send them a text with written boundaries. Me personally I would have sent a text a little more harsh “you guys need to remember, I am not your mother, I am your sister and I did what I did to help you because I care about you, you are not my children.” I could be a jerk for that myself though.” Top-Passion-1508
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to sit your younger siblings down and tell them that while you were a mother figure to them, you are not their mother. You are their sister. You love them a lot and that’s why you did the things you did for them, but you should have never had to.
And that things are gonna be different because your actual child is going to be top priority for you. That them airing out their jealousy like that at your baby shower was highly inappropriate and not becoming of grown adults. And if they cannot come to grips with that, then you need to lay down serious boundaries with them.
Maybe even an ultimatum if they react poorly enough. And then sit your older sister down and tell her while you understand her anger and resentment she does not speak for you. You don’t think your life was ruined despite all that you sacrificed. She can feel that way but she cannot speak for you and it was incredibly inappropriate for her to speak that way at the shower and escalate things.
That she needs to better cope with her resentment and not project it and also put some boundaries with her.” princesspeasant
9. AITJ For Only Speaking English To My Spanish Cousins Who Mocked My Spanish?
“I am visiting my cousins in Spain. We are all from Mexico but my family moved to Jersey and theirs to Spain.
They all work as taxi drivers and tour guides because of their “fluency” in English.
I work as a project manager in construction because I have an engineering degree and am fluent in expressing my displeasure at my crews.
We all emigrated at least 20 years ago. So when we meet up they start mocking my Spanish. Because they obviously speak much better Spanish since I only speak Spanish with my immediate family.
So I just stopped. I just speak to them in English. When my aunts and uncles ask them to translate they fail miserably. And then everyone bugs them for not being able to speak English. Except me. I just enjoy the show. My one uncle is upset because he spent so much money making sure my cousin could speak English and get ahead.
He speaks with a thick accent and gets about 1/4 of his words and grammar wrong. And he is the best out of all four.
They are asking me to stop helping them show off their ignorance. I said I was very ashamed of my Spanish skills and I didn’t feel confident I could communicate well.
They are all upset at me but I think since they work in tourism and claim fluency it’s not my fault they are idiots.”
Another User Comments:
“The issue is your accent. Spanish people can be real jerks when it comes to accents they don’t recognize.
A Mexican accent would be ok. Do you speak Spanish with an American accent? I’ve worked in Spain. A lot of Spanish people think they speak good English, but in reality, their English is awful, but they don’t like being shown up. You bruised their macho ego.
I assume your cousins are from the south of Spain.” Dalton402
Another User Comments:
“Malicious compliance, sorta? Hey, they want to pick on your Spanish, then obviously since their skills are so superior they should be speaking the ‘foreign language’ (English in this case.) They made the situation.
You’re just refusing to let them back out of it. NTJ.” ThinkingT00Loud
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I lived in Spain for years and there is a real double standard there when it comes to language. They always like to correct your Spanish if it isn’t exactly perfect Castilian or switch to what they think is English, but generally speaking, their English was always worse than my Spanish.
There was one who insisted they could speak “fluid” English to me, so I slipped into my native accent and slang (Hiberno-English) and they insisted that I was not speaking English, even though a British person that I was with could broadly understand what I said.” limestone_tiger
8. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Stepdad's Hyphenated Last Name?
“My last name was changed when my mom got married to Mike. I was 10 at the time.
My dad died when I was 7. My mom changed her last name and wanted to change mine but I said no. So they decided to hyphenate my last name even when I said no, because they said I would one day want to have “the family name” as well.
But I never wanted to have Mike’s last name and I never use it. When people ask me what my name is I say my original name without the hyphenated part. In school, it’s on official documents and stuff but I label my stuff without Mike’s name.
I still introduce myself with the original name and I ask teachers to call me by just my original last name, which they do.
My mom and Mike found this out recently and he was hurt and she was frustrated that I refuse to use the name.
She said they kept my dad’s last name in there in good faith and the least I could do is use the whole name. She said Mike has been so good to me and made our lives so much better and easier than they would be if it was just the two of us.
So I could at least not throw his name away.
Mike told me he was always so proud to call me his daughter and to have me erase his last name from mine hurts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom and Mike being hurt by this is ridiculous.
Slapping new names onto your birth name doesn’t force love or mean anything at all. Nor does not using a name mean there isn’t love there. Btw, my name is hyphenated with both of my parents’ last names. I only use one in daily life, and it’s the name from the side of my family that I don’t much care for.
I use it because it’s the first one in the hyphenation and it’s easier to say and spell where I live. It means nothing, it’s just easier for my day-to-day life.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your name is your identity.
They asked you if you wanted it changed. You said no. They should’ve respected that. Oh and the whole “But he treats you so well!” Tell your mom that Mike chose to marry a woman with a child. You can’t marry a single parent and NOT treat the child well.
He’s not Superman, he’s just being a decent human with common sense. (If he does actually treat you well that is) Plain and simple.” Experiment0331
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both your mom and stepdad should’ve respected your boundaries. You should’ve been the one who asked for the hyphenated part, not having them enforce it without your consent.
Since you didn’t agree to it to begin with, I don’t see any problem here. Also, a name doesn’t make him a father. Or all of you a family. Mixed families require time and effort. And even then, you can’t be sure it’s going to be a success.
But you have to respect each other’s decisions.” iamthatiam92
7. AITJ For Putting My Wife On A Strict Budget After Bailing Her Out Of Debt?
“When we married, we decided not to fully combine our finances. We have a shared account in which I fund 3/4 and she funds 1/4.
We use this account to pay the mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc. We also have our separate accounts where we deposit the rest of our money. We’re responsible for our own investments and cars. Things worked well for a couple of years until recently when she came to me crying.
It turns out my wife is not good with her finances and owes $150,000 spread over several credit cards and her car loan. Unless she wins the lottery, there’s no way she would be able to pay off her debt and I didn’t want her to mess up her credit by declaring bankruptcy.
I decided to loan her the funds to pay off the debt under strict conditions. I will take over her finances including receiving her income. She will be placed on a strict allowance and budget. She will have to ask permission to buy anything over $50 and have to go by my judgment.
Once she pays me back, she can take control of her own finances.
She argued against the conditions until I pointed out I don’t have $150,000 stuffed in the couch. I will have to sell some assets including stocks that are currently performing well. If I loan her the funds, it will cost me.
She finally agreed.
This weekend we were at a dinner party where after too many drinks, some of the women decided they wanted to take a girls’ trip a few weekends from now. My wife turned to ask me if she could go and I answered no, it’s not in her budget.
I’ll spare you the details of the argument that erupted but the TLDR version is that I’m a misogynist pig who keeps her on a leash. Some argued I should have bailed her out without conditions because there should be none in a marriage.
The hurtful part is that she didn’t once defend me.
So, was I wrong to put those conditions on her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is seriously irresponsible and it seems that when you bailed her out she didn’t learn a lesson. She and her friends put you on the spot like that hoping the pressure would force you to say yes.
A normal person would have realized the mess they had made and realized they can’t spend frivolously with 150k debt hanging over their heads but this just shows your wife’s attitude. Good luck getting your funds back.” PutTheKettleOn20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you are handling this absolutely correctly, taking her paycheck and all.
I don’t give a darn if her credit card debt is only in her name. She is risking BOTH of your futures and retirement by being so irresponsible. She needs to receive some counseling for possible shopping addiction. You are a good man for not jumping straight to the thought of divorce and seeing this as a team problem.
You haven’t even mentioned if y’all have kids and how she is risking their futures too?!” Zestyclose_Let_2245
Another User Comments:
“That’s an eye-watering sum. Did she accrue all of that in a few years since you got married? Was it just shopping or does it include something like a gambling addiction?
Get a professional to handle this. She already sounds like she is going to twist what you are doing to help her to make it sound like financial abuse. Those same friends are probably the ones she’s used to living large with. Be cautious. If she’s still hanging out with the people whose company encouraged her recklessness, then your efforts will be futile and you will be losing out on your own investments.
Is she planning to take some classes to educate herself on how to manage her finances? It can’t be you alone doing the work here. Her ego and any additions (gambling, shopping, etc) need to be checked otherwise she’s going to be in the same position again.” Rohini_rambles
6. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Roommate's Partner Constantly Being At Our Apartment?
“So I (24M) live with my cousin (23M) and recently he began seeing a former coworker of ours (20F) who has her own place. They started officially seeing each other around Valentine’s this year and have literally spent less than 24 consecutive hours apart since.
That being said, apart from what feels like the loss of a best friend, I am very annoyed/frustrated that he is now never home to help with chores, nor to care for our 3 cats, and when he is home, she is now there too.
Every. Time. I don’t dislike his friend, even though we shared some less-than-friendly interactions when working together (whole other story), but I definitely did not sign up to live with her for days at a time.
Although I have never outright expressed this, I have hinted at it a couple of times in jokingly saying that she does not get a vote on trivial matters because she does not live there/pay rent, to which her reply is always “I basically live here because of how much I am over here.”
Today, she texted me asking if I would be back home tonight (I am visiting my parents for a couple of days), and when I said I wasn’t sure and why she was asking she responded “Oh just wondering.”
WIBTJ for replying that it is none of her business when I decide to come and go to my apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is nothing more annoying than watching grown adults behave as though they’re joined at the hip. You need to have an honest conversation with your buddy—alone—about both the frequency of her visits and the diminishment of your friendship.
He may not hear you until he’s out of the honeymoon phase, but it deserves to be said. And finally: That text would have hit very differently had she not built a history of claiming part-ownership over a space that isn’t her own. “Keep the peace” is a great principle to ensure that the bigger, louder jerk always wins.
It’s your apartment. Next time ask her if she plans to still be at your house when you arrive. For goodness sake.” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“I think you have to accept that your cousin has found someone he loves and she is more important than you to him.
The almost inevitable conclusion is that they will move in together. Needlessly aggravating the friend serves no purpose other than giving you a brief moment of satisfaction. The downside is it could damage your relationship with your cousin in the long term. I suggest you: A.
Listen to “When a Man Loves a Woman” by Percy Sledge and internalize that dynamic. B. Start planning for new living arrangements. You knew this day would come sometime, whether it was him or you that found someone. You would be the jerk if you made that snarky reply.” EddieSevenson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but consider that she’s asking in case they were planning to do a couples activity in a common space in your apartment. It’s not weird to ask a partner’s roommate if they will be home when you’re thinking of… I dunno building a giant fort in your living room, and watching Disney movies while eating ice cream.
Or you know, something in the living room or cooking or something.” Dra5iel
5. AITJ For Accusing My Older Colleague Of Not Pulling His Weight?
“I (27F) am a first-year general surgery resident. We have brutal shifts (as you can guess). Every day, two first-year residents are expected to stay at the hospital for their shift.
I’m a pretty flexible person when it comes to partnering up with someone during a shift. I’m the only woman in the program this year so I learned to be a good team player very early.
Now I’ve had many shifts written down with this guy, Albert (50M).
He’s very slow. Basically, he makes me do all the work for him. Even when I manage to get him to see a patient, he just calls me and asks me what to do (even for the most simple problems and issues that a first-year resident should be able to manage).
Long story short, whenever I partner up with Albert, I end up doing the work for two people instead of one. Also I get a migraine by how slow he is, and I get shocked by how he lacks knowledge even for the most basic things.
I have explained the process to him multiple times, and asked him nicely to do his side of the work. But so far, nothing.
After our shift, I heard Albert talking to another colleague and saying that it was a pretty hard shift. I just got mad because he basically didn’t get any work done while I was working and running around nonstop.
So I said yes it was brutal if you’d participate, you’d know. Albert asked me what I meant and I said he barely gets any work done and I’m sick of it.
He said he did everything that was needed of him and he had a disadvantage due to his age.
Here’s where I may be a jerk. I got extra mad and said if you can’t handle the basic shift of a first-year resident maybe you’re too old for this job now. Some people agreed with me, most accused me of ageism.
Was it a jerk move?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for handling this wrong. You should have gone to the higher-ups (whoever is in charge of you all) and told them your observations as well as asked to not be partnered with him again and exactly why. You do no one a favor by basically covering for this guy who wants to be a doctor but lacks basic knowledge (from what you say).
Instead you blew up at him, in front of other people to boot. Although he was the one who brought up age, you doubled down on it. Now you look like the bad guy and could be accused of ageism and creating a hostile work environment.
It’s not too late to complain to your superiors — please save future patients from this inept physician!” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for being ageist, but it’s definitely YTJ for the generally unprofessional way in which you handled this situation. To be clear, it does sound like you have every reason to be concerned about your colleague’s performance and that something needs to be done about it.
Some appropriate, professional ways to go forward from that point would be having a private conversation with that colleague about your issues, or taking it up with your supervisor directly (especially if you think patient safety is at risk, which doesn’t seem implausible from your description).
Angrily berating your colleague in front of a third party is unnecessary and makes any sort of productive conversation that could get them to change their behavior less likely to happen. More importantly, being able to maintain a collected and professional demeanor in frustrating situations, even when you’re right and they’re wrong, is an important professional skill for a physician.
How you handled this situation is going to reflect poorly on you.” fenianthrowaway1
4. AITJ For Insisting My Elderly Resident Say Please Before I Serve Her?
“I (f21) work in senior living in a house with 3 residents all of them elderly.
One of them (let’s call them Emily) has a bad habit of ordering me and my coworkers around.
I am a recovering people pleaser and have a hard time standing up for myself. My amazing (and terrifying) house manager has been helping me with this and has been encouraging me the whole time.
Emily is one of my residents. She believes that because her name is on the lease for the house she owns it (even though she simply rents) and that we work specifically for her (we do not).
Yesterday during my shift I served the residents chili and Emily was unsatisfied with the fact I gave her a small spoon and demanded a large one.
I was fed up and told her “I’ll get you one if you ask me nicely.” She went off demanding I bring her her spoon and I kept telling her (the spoon she wanted was in my hand) if she says please I will give it to her.
She kept refusing so I went into the kitchen, set the spoon on the counter, and continued my house work. She eventually got up and got the spoon herself.
Today I came back for another shift and I was making supper. Once again Emily was defiant when asking for more food and I told her I would happily get some more for her if she would say please.
I then explained that I didn’t appreciate getting ordered around like I was her servant and she got upset and went into her bedroom after supper stating she was going where she wouldn’t bother anybody.
I feel bad for making her upset but I know I need to be firm because if I back down she will continue to walk all over me.
My house manager is telling me I’m not the jerk and I don’t think I am being one but this is hard for me and some reassurance would go a long way to help me stick to my convictions with this so be honest.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to take a different approach when establishing that you want to be respected. Right now, you’re going about it as if Emily is a child, i.e., withholding the spoon right in front of her and saying you’ll only give it if she asks nicely.
That’s something you do to a child, not a full-functioning elder adult. Any adult would be upset by an interaction like that and it’s bound not to go in your favor doing it this way. Instead, you need to have a nice, quick sit down and say something like, “Emily, perhaps I’ve been going about it the wrong way.
It wasn’t my intention to upset you. My goal is to have a positive, professional relationship with you, but that’s difficult to do when you do not show respect. It would be much appreciated if you would at least try to practice better manners with me so that we can both be comfortable here.”” biscuit_knees_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You’re there to help elderly, vulnerable adults in their day-to-day lives, not teach pre-schoolers table manners. The fact that you deliberately wouldn’t give her a spoon to eat her meal because you didn’t like the way she spoke is shocking.
I understand that you are trying to decrease your habit of people-pleasing, but it’s clear you have taken it too far.” Angelblade92
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – you’re not wrong to believe people should have manners. However, she’s a resident of a home in which you’re paid to work.
She is your ‘customer’ and you are not there to demand nor teach her manners. You are there to do a job. Treating her like a child is not appropriate, and it certainly won’t get you what you want. You ‘may’ be in the wrong line of work.
I would talk to the person who runs the home and/or who hired you. For a recovering people pleaser (that’s cute, I think I’ll use that…I’m kind of one myself) I’m a little shocked you’ve taken this stance with a senior whom you are employed to serve.” Canadian_01
3. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My MIL's Dogs After She Watched Mine?
“I (27F) had an opportunity to go to another country with my husband and our baby. My husband was going for work but he negotiated with them to pay for our stay too since he’d been forced to travel more than what was in his contract around that time.
Our issue was our dog, Ranger (1M). We aren’t doing too well financially so couldn’t really afford to kennel him for 3 nights. My mother-in-law offered to watch him free of charge so that we could go. We didn’t ask her to, she just offered.
I hesitated in accepting as we have a rocky relationship with my mother-in-law and she’s known for using things she’s done for us and throwing them back in our faces when things don’t go her way or we try to set a boundary.
However, my husband really wanted us to go with him as we hadn’t been able to see him much around the time so we accepted her offer.
Now a couple of months later she texted us asking us to return the favor and watch her dogs so that she can go on a weekend beach trip.
I do not want to say yes. Ranger had passed three training classes, listens to every command, does not bark, is kennel trained, etc. I put a lot of work into his training and he is a really easy dog to watch. All she had to do was feed him and open the doggy door as we have a fully fenced yard and we had arranged for some close friends to bring their dogs by for play dates during the days we were gone.
She has three chihuahuas that poop all over the floor, bark at everything constantly, have to be on a leash because they are escape artists, smell disgusting, and have rotting teeth. It isn’t equal in my mind, as her dogs are a lot more work to watch than mine.
She also never told us when she offered to watch Ranger that it was conditional on us later doing the same for her.
I have a 5-month-old baby and her dogs’ barking makes her cry half the time. My husband will be out of town when she wants me to watch her dogs.
It’s up to me but I can tell he wants me to say yes because I know she’ll get upset otherwise and we are already rocky with her. Quite frankly I’m exhausted from doing all the childcare 24/7 recently due to my husband’s travel but my mother-in-law lives right next door so it isn’t like it’s far away but WIBTJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you assume that you should ‘return the favor’, if the time doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Your husband won’t be there, you have a baby, and you can’t/don’t want to look after 3 yapping dogs on top of it all.
Next time though, be careful taking favors. And…as a dog owner, three days in a kennel is what, $100? You should have funds for that. If you’re going to take advantage of a free trip, you need to be able to look after your dog.
now you know what ‘favors’ mean to her and you won’t be quick to accept them from her.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“For the fact you’ll be alone and with a 5-month-old, and her dogs bark and are hard to watch and walk – that’s a reason to say “no”.
A 5-month-old with yappy dogs is a LOT – and that alone just makes it a situation you can’t take on. Your husband needs to understand this and be on YOUR side. And of course she’ll pull the “but I did it for you!” and all you (or better your husband) need to say is “And we greatly appreciate it.
It’s not that we don’t want to help, but with wife being home alone with our baby – watching 3 additional dogs isn’t feasible this time around.” But clearly, moving forward, be VERY cautious of accepting favors.” Goalie_LAX_21093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This should be your husband’s responsibility, not yours.
As you note the two tasks are not equivalent but I’m sure she won’t ever acknowledge that. But ultimately she is HIS mother and if anyone owes her a return favor it is him, not you. If he cannot, you aren’t obligated to fill in, in his place, given your other duties.
He should decline on both your behalves and deal with the fallout. But, I do think you need to avoid her doing any favors for you. There is an aspect of ‘showing up for one another’ and if only she is doing it and you don’t feel you can, it’s going to be unfair and one-sided. Minimally if you cannot trust her not to use this against you in the future, you really CAN NOT allow her to do things for you as it only causes heartburn later.” owls_and_cardinals
2. AITJ For Cancelling A Family Trip Due To My Husband's Cancer Treatment?
“I (F31) and my husband (M32) found out my husband had stage 4 brain cancer and had to have emergency surgery and chemotherapy with radiation. My family has a weekend trip planned every year. We had it scheduled prior to knowing what my husband’s treatment schedule was going to be.
A little bit of extra information, the year prior to all of this we were invited to a dear friend’s wedding but this got rescheduled due to a family emergency for the same weekend this year. We had already RSVP’d yes, prior to the family trip being scheduled. We didn’t receive a new save the date for the same wedding until after we had picked a weekend for my family’s trip.
I called my parents and explained that based on what my husband’s oncologist said we would either be going to the wedding (because we originally planned to go) or not going to anything and staying home due to my husband’s low white blood cells during therapy.
My mom flipped out. She hung up and continued to give us the silent treatment. My brother and his family were traveling but he called a couple of days later saying she spoke with them and she is purposely ignoring my calls and texts and they will continue with the vacation without us.
AITJ backing out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is mad that you had to cancel a weekend trip with your family because your husband is being treated for stage 4 brain cancer?! Your mother is a special little doodle bug isn’t she? “My brother and his family were traveling but he called a couple of days later saying she spoke with them and she is purposely ignoring my calls and texts and they will continue with the vacation without us.” Who cares?
Your mother having a long sulky, pout is the least of your worries. Best of luck to you and your husband.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. Absolutely you must follow the guidance of your oncologist re your husband. And especially not take any risk of opportunistic infection during chemotherapy.
He is rightly the center of your focus now & comes first over everything else. “My mom flipped out. She hung up and continued to give us the silent treatment.” Bluntly, she can get over herself or go kick rocks. Wouldn’t be vacationing while my daughter was going through what you are.
Let alone behaving like a jerk. I wish your husband a full recovery & all the very best to you OP.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“I had cancer in my early 20s. It was surprising how little Mom and my siblings seemed to care. My dad did at least. Anyway, years later during abdominal surgery they found cancer in my dad.
When his doctor told us I was so very upset. Mom and siblings? No. My sister took me to the side to tell me I shouldn’t be upset because there are two kinds of cancer – benign and malignant. I was shocked hearing this and asked her to look it up.
She had to admit she was wrong but wasn’t concerned. Dad had pancreatic cancer and died four months later. I miss him so much.” sfekty
1. AITJ For Renting A Llama For My Son's Birthday Party?
“So, my son, Sullivan (bless his adorable eight-year-old heart), is obsessed with llamas. Like, obsessed. Posters, llama plushies, even themed pajamas that make him look like a fluffy white spitball.
His birthday was yesterday, and I wanted to blow his mind. Enter Schrute — a majestic, fluffy, fully-grown llama I rented for the afternoon.
Now, picture this: twenty screaming kids, a bouncy castle deflating from pure chaos, and suddenly, Schrute strolls in, led by a llama handler dressed like a Peruvian shepherd.
Sullivan’s jaw drops to his ankles; every other kid loses their mind. Chaos melts into pure, llama-induced joy. Schrute munches on carrots, poses for pictures, and even lets the braver kids pat his woolly head. The party peaks at Schrute-pinata time (stuffed with llama-shaped cookies, obviously).
Here’s where things get . . . hairy. Our neighbor, Felicity (queen of HOA complaints and side-eye), calls animal control claiming “animal captivity” and “unpredictable exotic animal.” Animal control shows up, sees a bunch of happy kids petting a chill llama, rolls their eyes at Felicity, and leaves with a “happy birthday, kiddo.” But the damage is done.
Felicity posts a tearful video on social media, claiming I traumatized Sullivan and endangered the neighborhood with my “reckless llama stunt.” My wife is horrified, Sullivan just wants Schrute to stay forever, and I’m stuck in the middle.
So, AITJ for bringing a llama to my son’s birthday party?
Was it awesome birthday magic or irresponsible animal captivity promotion? Judge away!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You brought a surprise and some joy into those kids’ lives, your neighbor notwithstanding. Llamas are routinely domesticated in the Andean highlands, so it’s not as if you brought an otherwise “dangerous” animal to the HOA.
What’s more, the lack of police action during their visit suggests that the animal is not, otherwise, being mistreated and/or neglected in ways that are obvious to the casual onlooker. I’ll assume that the llama’s owner and/or handler is being responsible in their care and treatment of this animal.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Llamas are not wild animals; they’re been domesticated for millennia. Unless you live in the Andes, that rent-a-llama is not able to survive without being in some form of captivity. They’re legal as pets in a number of U.S. states.
I’m not sure where you got llama-shaped cookies that didn’t break when they fell to the ground after the piñata broke, though. They must have been tough!” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“You gave Sullivan and twenty of his closest friends the experience of a lifetime.
Into adulthood, they will forget the deflating bouncy castle, but it’s a good bet they will never forget Schrute. The kids had fun, the llama had fun, everyone was happy . . . and then along came Felicity! In looking up the definition of party pooper, I was not surprised to see Felicity’s photograph!
The children were likely in more danger from the deflating bouncy castle than from being near Schrute. Your lawn was likely in more danger from Schrute than the children. Forget ‘fed-up Felicity’ and be pleased with the positive impact you had on a bunch of kids.
NTJ. You are odds-on the hero of Sullivan’s social circle. Felicity clearly has to be miserable about something, and this time her complaint was about Schrute.” shattered7done1
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