People Want Honest Feedback Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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When someone mistreats us, we can either stand up to them or remain silent and tolerate them. Choosing the former, though, could put us in a situation where those with limited understanding can just assume we're jerks without trying to find out the complete picture. Here are some stories from people who are tired of being called jerks and want an objective opinion. Tell us who you think is the real jerk as you read on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

18. AITJ For Demanding That My Sister Pay For My Passport That Her Son Ripped?

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“Last week I (F 21) was supposed to go to Paris for a week with my friends. My Niece J (6) was understandably very jealous when she found out we’d be spending a few days in Disneyland, and started begging me to take her. I told her I couldn’t but promised to bring back presents for her and S (2.5) my nephew.

My sister K (26) even said that maybe they could go on their holiday next year. This wasn’t good enough for J so she started whingeing, and then screaming, so my sister took her home. This was a week last Wednesday, they came round on Sunday, the day before I was due to leave.

I was packing my suitcase and had all the things I was taking spread around my room, my passport was on my desk, but when I went to pack it was gone. I couldn’t find it anywhere, neither had my parents or sister. We finally found it in the possession of my nephew, and he’d ripped through the page with my photo rendering it useless.

When my sister asked him what he was doing with it he told us that J had given it to him. My sister started interrogating J and she finally admitted that it wasn’t fair that I got to go to Disney and she didn’t, so she gave it to S and told him they were playing hide and seek with it.

She’s been abroad and knows that I can’t go without my passport.

There was no time to get a new passport so I didn’t get to go on the holiday I’d been saving ages for and it was late to get a refund.

The cost of the holiday, the park tickets I’d already paid for, and the replacement passport totals £725, and I told my sister I want her to pay me back. She said that S is only little and he didn’t know what he was doing, I told her I believe that, but her daughter knew full well what she was doing.

I did tell her if she couldn’t do it in one go I was happy to accept installments. She refused and she and her partner are acting like I’m a jerk, my mum and dad are siding with me though, and telling them they should pay me back.

My sister said they’d have to take the money out of the savings they have for the kids’ Christmas presents and was I happy for taking away their Christmas? I reminded her she didn’t have to pay in one go.

Edit: I looked into an emergency passport and claim on my insurance.

An emergency passport takes a week and I was due to travel the next day. Insurance does not cover you if you don’t have a passport prior to traveling, only if it’s lost while on holiday.

My niece has been punished, my sister told her that there was absolutely no way they’d be going to Disney next year.

I also gave her my own form of punishment: My friends still went on holiday, and I gave them some of my Euros to get me some Disney swag, I asked them if they could get a Nemo cuddly for my nephew (he’s Nemo mad, I didn’t blame him for the incident because he’s only little), I made a big show of making it clear she got nothing, but that she would have if she hadn’t taken my passport and she’d brought it on herself.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – She should pay you back after Christmas. But also, it’s important that she accept responsibility for her children. Kids make terrible choices, but it’s the parents’ job to explain the consequences and make sure they understand what they did wrong.

Not only should your sister pay, but she should also sit down with her and discuss the value of £725. What could £725 buy? How her aunt took vacation days and now can’t go on her trip. You’re in the right and it’s nice that your parents are backing you.

So sorry about your trip being ruined. ” -_SophiaPetrillo_-

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your sister and partner are. They should be ashamed of themselves. They are responsible for any damage their kids do. I wouldn’t allow them back in the house until they paid me back.

I would feel so bad I would pay you back and then ask what else I could do since you were missing out on your trip because of my kid’s jealousy. If I were them I would be worried about a kid that came up with what she did to make sure you couldn’t leave.

Be careful with that one. Remember the movies the Bad Seed and the Omen, get on the kids’ bad side and you have an accident.” TastyHome8183

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She was old enough to know you need your passport and if her intention was to just hide it she would have done it herself.

Giving it to her little brother was intentional and she knew he would ruin the passport by ripping it or drawing on it or something like that. Children are very often underestimated and can be little monsters if allowed. The money should come from the savings for their Christmas gifts, especially the girl’s as 6 is old enough to understand the concept of consequences and punishment.

Your sister should have raised her entitled daughter better and should pay as it is her fault that her child caused you to lose money.” _Katrinchen_

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DncgBbyGroot 1 year ago
Take the jerk to court. Also, the little brat does not deserve Christmas. They should cancel Christmas for her as a way to teach her about consequences. The more severe the malicious action, the more severe the consequences.
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17. AITJ For Keeping My Brother-In-Law's Secret From My Partner?

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“I (M26) am with my significant other (F24). She has a brother who’s 20 years old. We have a great relationship and we treat each other like brothers. Of course, my SO loves this since they are very close. Recently he got out of an abusive relationship.

This girl left him skint, heartbroken and he was on Adderal in order to do uni work for other people and pay for her luxury things since his parents cut him off after a huge credit card bill. He was sleepless and on edge. We have been helping and supporting him.

The other day we were at the gym and he told me they slept together again. She called him crying during a panic attack and he went there and they ended up doing it. He asked me not to tell my SO because she would judge him and make a fuss.

I gave him my opinion and advice and that was it. It turns out my SO found out through a third party and she found out I knew. Now she’s furious at me. On one hand, I think I should have told her because it’s her brother and it’s a serious thing but he asked me not to so I don’t know if I’m the jerk or not.

I want to clarify two things:

We do not give him money. He lives with his parents and they are in charge of supporting him financially since he’s still in uni and they are well off.

My SO found out about it because the ex told her friends and one of those friends gossiped about it with my SO’s best friend.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

You are not a jerk for keeping quiet about what a FRIEND specifically asked you not to tell her. She’s his sister, not his wife. It sounds like he needs a good friend, and it sounds like you are a good person to talk to; if you constantly parroted his every word to your sister he’d likely stop trusting you.

Sure your SO is mad because you knew something that she didn’t – she’s not a jerk for initially being mad – but she would be if she stays angry at you.

Also while that ex sounds like bad news, this happens ALL THE TIME.

He’s not the first person to sleep with an ex out of familiarity/loneliness/’closure’/etc. the main thing is that he steps back and sees the situation for what it is and makes good choices. Ultimately the choice is his, you and his sister may have your opinions & may objectively ‘know best’ but it’s his life.” CarrieCat62

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It wasn’t her business. It was her brother’s personal info, and it’s 100% within his rights to decide who hears it. She had no RIGHT to that information. And you were being a supportive friend. By jumping down your throat like this, she is literally proving that she couldn’t be trusted with the info and didn’t deserve to be told.

It’s a fact of life – people who can’t find it in themselves to be empathic during hard times instead of adding to the burden, get left in the dark. And that’s as it should be.” skobeloff_pasta

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He told you in confidence because he trusts you.

Telling her it would have betrayed that trust. Perhaps you should have urged him to tell her, but it wasn’t your place nor your responsibility to tell her. I understand her being upset, but she should be upset with him, not you. And honestly, she really shouldn’t be upset with him either, because it’s something that is his business and doesn’t really affect her.

I get why she is upset, just not sure she really has a right to be.” CJsMom2000

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Jazzy 1 year ago
NTJ. It wasn't your business to share
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16. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother See My Baby?

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“I (18 f) and my partner (18 m) are expecting a baby. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and we are extremely happy with this new life that is about to enter both of our lives forever. I live and was raised in Portugal. I know it is a very young age to have a kid but my partner and I have stuff figured out.

Recently my mom has been begging me to tell my older brother (24) the news. At first, I was reluctant because it is still early but I decided I would tell him regardless. My brother is the type of person that wants to be in control of all of the situations around him, and he even says some very concerning and unnerving stuff like telling me at 14 that ‘If you get pregnant before I get to be a dad, I will take that child from you and raise it as my own’.

I never took that seriously until today.

My mom got home from work and told me she had spoken with my grandma to tell her the news, and that she wasn’t at all excited to be a great-grandma, and that my brother had been there the weekend later saying stuff like ‘I hate my sister and I’m worried because in my situation right now I can’t take that child with me’.

Those were the words my mom literally told me, making me burst out in tears of anger. She asked me why I was crying and I told her I didn’t want my brother next to my baby ever, I am absolutely terrified he comes and demands me to give the baby to him.

She started defending him saying she only thought he was worried and that I was being overdramatic.

I asked my partner and he said he didn’t mind letting my brother meet our kid but that he didn’t like the idea of leaving my brother alone with them.

My mom has been giving me the cold shoulder the past 2 days since this, saying I’m going to be an overprotective mom and that my kid will hate me for it. I’m scared of my brother, sad about my family and I can’t see what’s the best option.

So, AITJ?

Major Update: I am currently miles away from my mom’s home, we got a place and are doing major changes to the apartment we’re in regarding our safety! My family thinks we went on vacation and until next week I won’t even worry about telling them that I moved for good.

My brother cut contact with me and until now, it has been the most peaceful days in my life.”

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ for being worried, but take a deep breath and think about this logically for a second. You have a very long time before the baby gets here, and even after it’s born your brother can’t just demand you hand over the baby.

Unless you have reason to believe he’d actually kidnap your child, he can’t do anything to you. What do you really think he’s going to do, break into your house, steal the baby, and go on the run for the rest of his life?

Try to think realistically.

He cannot do anything to you, you have all the power in this situation. You don’t have to ever let him even meet your child, never mind be alone with them. Please don’t work yourself up worrying about this, it’s not worth it.” PearlStreetBlues

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would call the non-emergency number of your local police and ask to talk to an officer. Tell them that your brother is mentally ill and that he has threatened to take any children you have away from you in the past, and also that when he learned you were pregnant he reiterated the threat.

Ask their advice about how to best protect yourself and your child.

This will both get you some useful advice hopefully and also, crucially, create a paper trail.

When you move, anyone who is sympathetic to your brother should not know exactly where you live.

If you come back to visit, stay in a hotel or with friends so you can leave if he shows up (and don’t tell your mother where you are staying).

When your child is older, make it clear to any daycare or school that your child is not to be released to anyone, not on an approved list. (Most schools in the US do that anyway, I don’t know about Portugal).

Take it seriously but don’t be afraid.” SaraAmis

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: Document every interaction you have with your brother, calls, texts, emails, etc. If he threatens you to kidnap your child, talk to a lawyer and see if you can get a restraining order.

This is no joke. Also, consider not talking to your mom about details on your baby’s stuff, like names, birthing plans, etc. She may tell your brother. Another thing not to disclose is your location, if they need to see you, do it in public places.

Tell anyone that needs to know about all of this situation so they don’t accidentally disclose any vital information. Be careful and don’t be afraid to be a protective mother, you want this child, you love them, and it’s natural for you to want to protect them.

And in regards to what your mother said, there are millions of children out there that would give anything to have someone to protect them.” User

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CG1 1 year ago
What do some of you mean for her Not To Take What Her Brother Said Seriously!!?? Are You All Out Of Your Freaking Minds !!?? Of Course She Should Take It Seriously And Get Law Enforcement Involved !!Telling Her Not To Be Afraid !!?? She Should Be Afraid !!
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15. AITJ For Holding A Grudge Against A 12-Year-Old?

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“I am 20 and my cousin is 12. I feel dumb for still holding this grudge against her. So I had this journal in which I wrote about my partner and other private things.

This journal was kept under my pillow and in my own room, I did not share this room with her. One day I noticed everyone acting weirdly toward me and I was very confused. I got a message from my mom saying that I could always tell her things and that she would love me no matter what and I was really confused. I found out that my cousin went into my room and showed my journal to everyone and even messaged some relatives.

My family is very homophobic and has always been and that’s what was in the journal – that I had a partner who’s a woman. My grandpa was especially homophobic and got mad at me for getting mad at my cousin. I was devastated and I was in trouble for a really long time.

I was outed and not by my own choice. They say she is a child and knows no better when that’s not the case. She knows what she did wrong, she knew it’d hurt me and never apologized. Kids these days are not oblivious. She knew.

I can’t find myself liking her. I try taking her to Starbucks and try to rekindle whatever we had before but I just can’t. I still get disgusted looks and snarky remarks from my family. It’s terrible.

I feel bad because I’ve grown mad at a child.

You know? But this was very traumatic for me. And she never got into any trouble or punishment. And it got spread throughout my family very fast.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are under no obligation to ever forgive or have a relationship. I would also really consider if you want to create some distance between you and your family.

I don’t think you will ever have peace being your true self surrounded by homophobes.” ConfessedCross

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she knew what she was doing was wrong. She may not have realized what the repercussions would be but she knew it was wrong. Hopefully, as she gets older she’ll understand what she has done by being nosey and telling everyone.

I would avoid her for now and not say anything. Hopefully, she’ll apologize eventually.” 9smalltowngirl

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s old enough to know better and acted like a menace with no consequence. It would be fine for you to be civil to her, but nothing more.

You don’t owe her the relationship she had with you before she betrayed you. She’s the one who decided to damage that. I also hope that you have found better ways to guard your privacy. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move into your own home soon so that you can be free of this situation.” ghostforest

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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
12 year oldscan be the biggest jerk. You are not the jerk. She is. No one should be reading your diary. and quite trying to get you thing back with her. This doesn't seem to be an appropriate consequence for her inappropriate actions. What does her mother say. Was she punished?
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14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Siblings For Taking Photos With Our Mom?

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“I (25f) have 3 siblings (34f, 33f, and 22m) and I am the only one who doesn’t have children.

Last month, my mum was diagnosed with late-stage cancer and she passed within 4 weeks of us finding out she was even sick.

On the day she passed away, we received a call from the hospital basically saying that she had had a rough night and we should get down to see her because she didn’t have long left. 2 of my siblings don’t drive so I picked them up with their kids and met my other sibling there.

I greeted her with a quick cuddle and kiss before my siblings started taking turns getting photos of each of their children on the bed with my mum while chatting amongst themselves about the best way to sit up the babies or support mum holding them.

I wrangled whichever toddler wasn’t currently having a turn to stop them from causing chaos in the hospital ward.

After going back and forth with each of the kids for about half an hour, my siblings asked if I could take a group photo of them with mum while all of them held their children.

I agreed but a few moments after taking the photo, mum’s machines went crazy and nurses rushed in to further sedate her.

Mum was out of it from that point and the nurses said that they would call us if her condition changed. I didn’t want to leave the hospital, but because I had brought my brother and sister who don’t drive, they asked if I could at least take them home so their kids could have some lunch and a nap.

At this point, I’m a little salty that I didn’t really get to talk with my mum or get to be a part of any photos with her, but I figured I could take everyone home, head back, and get some one-on-one time with her.

Not long after we left, the hospital called again and said mum’s condition had worsened to the point that it was only the machines keeping her alive, and she would not regain consciousness. She passed a few hours later.

At the moment and basically the rest of that day, I was just heartbroken about losing my mum and the photos didn’t cross my mind again.

However, when my siblings announced to their social media about mum’s passing, they used the photos they took of her that morning and noted that they were so grateful to have gotten those final conscious moments with her before she passed, and every one of them filled me with so much rage.

I asked my siblings to remove their posts and stated it was because I didn’t want mum being remembered as the frail woman in their photos, but when they refused I blew up and let it slip that it was also my own resentment towards them and not being able to look at those photos without an insane amount of jealousy.

They basically told me to grow up because her grandkids were the most important people in her life and she would like the photos, so I said they wouldn’t even remember her, but I, her 25-year-old daughter would always remember that I was less important on that day because I didn’t have kids.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone had 4 weeks to spend as much time with her as they could. I don’t understand why it was important to get photos of a sick woman on a hospital bed and post those photos to social media.

Instead of spending quality time with her, and making sure her last few moments were as she wanted them to be, offering her comfort and talking to her, they turned her into a social media prop for themselves.

The grandchildren shouldn’t have even been there when she was dying, let alone monopolizing her precious little time.

The family had 4 weeks after knowing she was terminal to take family photos! This was all terribly inappropriate. It would honestly affect my relationship with my siblings permanently.” AdrenalineAnxiety

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your siblings acted selfishly (even if out of grief or just having the imminence of death blocking out all common decency and empathy for others, aka you, in the process).

Speak to a grief counselor. You will likely wait for a long time for them to acknowledge, let alone apologize, for how they tainted your loss. Because of them, you are not only grieving the loss of your mom, but also the loss of the moment of being able to be with her knowing she knew you were there.

They are also failing to witness your grief, by essentially calling it less relevant than them having a photo shoot with their children. This actively harms your grieving process (in an ideal, grief-traditional world, you would have had a wake with everyone involved and focussed on your mother in her last hours while telling stories about her life while she was passing).

Now don’t get stuck in the bitterness towards them though, it will hurt your grief process even more.

Have you considered organizing a late wake for your mother? Where you all get together so that all of you (and in particular you) get to talk about what makes your mom so special to you?

The dead never really leave us, and we fill the person-shaped holes in the fabric of our lives with shared memories to keep them with us. Otherwise, if your siblings aren’t receptive to holding space for your grief as well, give them some well-articulated choice words on why you are not keen on being around them.” Anxious-Armadillo565

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… NTJ at all!

Had it not been for you, some of your siblings wouldn’t have even had the chance to see your mom, let alone take the pictures that they got to take.

You are so right. Unfortunately, your nieces and nephews won’t (hardly) remember the time they spent with your mom on that day, but for YOU, it meant everything.

They, (your siblings) owe you a HUGE apology, (not to mention some gratitude for even allowing them to be there.) Though they will never be able to ‘make it up’ to you, they should at the very least make an attempt to understand your feelings and offer you some form of comfort.

So sorry for your loss. Remember the good times…” Skwaasher

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DncgBbyGroot 1 year ago
I am so sorry for your loss! It sounds like you are the only mature adult left in your family. Your siblings can't drive, have children, and use death bed photos for social media likes. They may physically be adults, but they are emotionally stunted at around the pre-teen years. You should never help them with things that are techinically their responsibilities ever again. It is time for them to learn to be adults.
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13. AITJ For Planning A Day With My Bio Dad Behind My Moms' Backs?

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“I (f14) live with my biological mother ‘Leah’ (f35) and my adoptive mother ‘Haley’ (f37), they are a couple. My biological dad (uncle) is actually Haley’s brother. Yes, I was conceived using artificial insemination.

Until two weeks ago, I didn’t know who my biological dad was.

I only found out because Haley forgot her email was logged in on my notebook and I read all her emails from the year I was born. Yes, I know that invading my mom’s privacy is wrong, but I have been begging them for information about this matter and they refused to give me it because I’m too ‘young’.

Nobody knows that I know yet.

When I look back I see that it was obvious from the beginning. That’s why I look a lot like Haley, and my Dad has paid for my private school all these years. And he also gave me expensive gifts on holidays.

Besides, my dad invited us on local trips several times and my moms never accepted, and they never let me go alone as well.

I went out with my moms last weekend to buy a dress for a school event that I will be attending.

I purposely chose a dress that is a little bit too revealing to my taste, just because I wanted to check out if my dad would say something about it. I’m certain he wouldn’t buy that dress for my cousins (his daughters). Although my moms were completely supportive of my choice.

Two days ago (I didn’t have school this day), when my moms left for work, I went to my dad’s house, under the excuse that I wanted to show my dress to my cousin. She attends the same school I do and she also will be attending the event.

When my dad saw my dress he asked me if I didn’t think the dress was a little bit too short and if I was sure I wanted to wear it in front of all my colleagues.

I answered that I wasn’t certain anymore. So he invited me to go with him and my cousin back to the store and take a look at other dresses (they still hadn’t bought my cousin a dress).

In the end, we exchange the revealing dress for a more conservative one, but they were the same color and equally beautiful. On our way back my dad took us to eat ice cream and he drove me back home.

Today, when my moms found out that I replaced the old dress, they started berating me, and telling me how ungrateful I was for exchanging the dress, and how irresponsible I was for going out without permission.

I think they are overreacting and they don’t really care about the old dress, they just took the exchange as a personal attack/rejection.

My dad’s home is ten minutes away from our home, so it isn’t like I went to the other side of the country with a stranger.

And I just wanted to have a nice time with him once in my life, AITJ?

PS: my dad makes more money than my moms (I don’t know how much), he’s married and has more kids than me and my cousin.

UPDATE: Yesterday, I told my dad I knew about everything.

So he talked with my moms and they decided to come clean about everything to me. My dad wanted to tell me since I was 9 and my moms wanted to wait until I was 18. So they made a deal: my moms would move closer to my dad’s home and allow him to be in my life, and he agreed to wait until I was 15.

All I managed to achieve was to anticipate this conversation in 10 months.

My moms won’t punish me for reading their emails this time because my curiosity was understandable.

I’m so glad I will have all three of my parents in my life now.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

You are playing a stupid game here, manipulating the people around you.

This man isn’t your dad. He was the sperm donor. He is your uncle who is very generous with you. If he and your moms wanted him to take on a father role, they would have decided that before you were born.

It is awesome that he is paying for your private school and gives nice gifts, but the fact is that you have 2 mothers and a sperm donor. This is the whole reason why it’s a bad idea to get sperm from someone you know. Roles get confused and expectations occur.

Stop playing these games to see if he cares about you and behaves like a father.” tatersprout

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. You’ve understandably got a lot of complicated feelings going on right now, but lying and manipulation are not the right way to resolve them and will only backfire on you eventually.

For example, your uncle could turn down an opportunity to spend time with you because he’s busy with his other kids and completely unaware that you would view this as anything more than your uncle being busy.

Tell your moms you found out who your biological father is.

Let them have a discussion with your uncle about the fact that you know and how things should be handled moving forward. Surely they considered the likelihood that they might have to address this with you way back when they decided to create you and fingers crossed for all involved they have an agreed plan in place.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“You completely invaded your mother’s privacy. If you wanted to know who the donor was, you should have asked like an adult. If they felt you were too young, that’s indicative that they would tell you later in life.

You bought a dress you didn’t like as some sort of test for your biological father to pass?

Very mature.

You’re calling your biological father your ‘dad’ already even though he had no role in raising you, he was just a sperm donor? How do your moms feel about that?

Your moms are obviously upset about you leaving the house without telling them where you were going.

Everything about how you are handling this is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Here are some hard truths for you: Your biological father is not your dad. He’s your uncle. If he wanted to have a father-daughter relationship with you, you wouldn’t have had to dig through emails to determine his identity.

If your moms wanted to tell you, they would have. None of the adults responsible for your existence have disclosed his identity to you. What does this tell you? You have two parents and an uncle who loves you.

Don’t go screwing up your relationships with these people and breaking their trust. It sounds like they were planning to tell you when you were older.

Adoptive parents sometimes choose to have conversations like these when the child is older for exactly this reason. Because you’re acting out and trying to establish a father-daughter bond with someone who isn’t your father. He donated sperm so that your mothers could have a child.

He has children of his own. I’m sorry my dear, but these are the realities of this situation. I understand that this is hard and most kids are curious about their bio-parents but YTJ and you need to stop.” fallingfaster345

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

A child has the right to know who her father is. She has asked about him several times and her mothers have always put her off. They should have discussed BEFORE the sperm donation how they would tell their daughter the truth if she asked. And then, of course, in an age-appropriate way.

And their ‘sperm donor’ has always been more than that too! If you read through everything he has done for her (apart from financial support), he has always been a father figure to her. So it is only natural that she now hopes that he really wants to be her father since he is also biologically her father.

Here, too, her mothers (and the sperm donor) have failed massively, because apparently, the roles have not been clearly agreed upon: He pays for the child and buys expensive gifts. But he is not allowed to do anything with her. Nevertheless, he invites her again and again, which the mothers then prevent, but without really giving a reason.

This whole dynamic in the family is completely confused. And of course, this also confuses the child.

She has been desperately looking for a father figure for years, and even before the ‘biological truth’ she had someone in her life who at least partially and voluntarily took on this role of his own accord.

And now clings to the one she has supposedly found. And this is at a time when puberty destroys a lot of reason anyway and everything in life changes massively.

But she is also a jerk – because these games have to stop. And because these ‘tests’ don’t prove or say anything at all.

You have to tell your mothers and your uncle (because that’s what he is for now) that you know. It’s best to talk to someone you trust about it and then talk to them together. And insist that you have further talks with a therapist. That’s a lot of things you’ve been put through… but always remember that your family certainly acted out of love and not because they wanted to keep something from you.

And that both your mothers love you and will always love you. And be aware that your uncle may not want to be a father to you. And that he may even keep a distance – because this secret will also affect his family and he will first have to clarify and process this with his children.” charly_lenija

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LizzieTX 1 year ago
NTJ, but every adult in your life is.
Adopted child here, no blood relation to either parent or my brother. My parents made sure I knew from the beginning that I was chosen, not birthed, by them. And that was that.
I think all your parents are idiots for their handling of the situation. And you're absolutely within your rights to seek a relationship with the man who helped give you life. Tell anyone who disagrees with that to suck it. This is YOUR life and YOUR family and all information about it should have been given to you long ago.
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12. AITJ For Wanting A Different Family Therapist?

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“My wife is pregnant, and this will be our first child we’re having together, although we both came into the marriage with kids.

We went to family therapy for almost a year after getting married, because we thought it would help our kids adjust. Since a new baby is just as big an adjustment as a new marriage, we want to return to family therapy for a bit to prepare the kids.

Most of the kids are fine with this idea, but my middle son hates it. He said he will not go. I talked to him for a while, and he said he felt like the family therapist encouraged the other kids to gang up on him and blamed him for conflicts.

We talked for a while, and I eventually found a compromise he would agree to, family therapy with a new therapist.

When I told my wife, she was upset. She said she didn’t want to start over with a new therapist, and the one we had before was really good.

She said we can’t let one person make unilateral decisions that affect everyone. However, I feel like if a therapist makes anyone in the family uncomfortable, they aren’t the right fit for us as a family therapist. Whoever we work with needs to be someone everyone can work with.

My wife said I am being selfish and giving in to my middle son because it’s easier. I disagree. It was hard finding a compromise he would agree on. She said the squeaky wheel is getting the grease and I am sacrificing the welfare of the other kids for one so I won’t have to deal with a tantrum.

Is she right?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The squeaky wheel gets the grease so the entire wagon can move. I don’t get her point. Another way to frame it is ‘you’re only as strong as your weakest link’. If your middle son is struggling most then yes you should address it – isn’t that what therapy is for?

To bring you together when one of you is in need especially?

And with therapy, it is very much an everyone is comfortable or it won’t work situation.

And if everyone has an issue blaming your son, then it’s important to have a therapist who can help that son (to help everyone).

She is making 0 sense to me, so what she’s comfortable with this therapist? What will that accomplish for the issues at hand? The next therapist would obviously have to be someone she’s comfortable with as with everyone. If she becomes generally resistant from this point I think the problem isn’t your middle son – the problem is she’s not looking for solutions in the best interest of everyone but herself, even if it means a platform to alienate your son further without end.

In my opinion, she should get her own individual therapy on the side then.” mayfeelthis

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

I definitely can see both sides of this, but, in my opinion, if everyone is comfortable with a therapist you have already seen and who already knows the family history/dynamic, it would be wrong to choose another therapist just because one person is upset.

It is highly unlikely you will ever find a therapist everyone loves and starting this precedent where a kid can just say they don’t like the therapist so you then have to find a new one is probably not the road you want to go down.

Unless you and your wife think the therapist really was singling one kid out to be ganged up on, as your son suggests. That would change my opinion.” cinderparty

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for taking the child’s views into consideration. He needs to feel comfortable and like he can trust the therapist. However, if the kid is a bully and his siblings are retaliating then changing the therapist isn’t going to help the situation – he’ll only feel comfortable when his actions are being validated. Maybe change his therapist rather than everyone’s.

Based on your wife’s comment about the ‘squeaky wheel’ it sounds like he could use individual therapy if he’s being singled. He says the therapist is encouraging bullying then he needs a new one because she’s making him feel like crap. IF the siblings are bulking him he shouldn’t be in joint therapy with his bullies it’s unfair and unsafe.” a-_rose

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FatMama 1 year ago
NTJ. My adoptive parents wanted family therapy with a therapist I despised, all because they all wanted me to adopt the party line that I had "adoptive issues." I didn't, I'm freaking autistic. But guess who I cut out of my life at 18? The parents that tried to force me into therapy with a therapist I absolutely hated. I was willing to change therapist and then go, but mother liked this one because it was her therapist. At 43, I still have as little contact as possible. Ill never forgetthat feeling of complete dismissal.
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11. AITJ For Not Hiding My Annoyance Toward My Partner's Mom's Presence?

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“I was walking home from work on the sidewalk, and somewhere between my house and the next-door neighbor’s (we live in a townhouse), I noticed my partner’s mom’s car parked on the street.

I took out my phone and saw that my partner texted to tell me she was over (she texted a few minutes before she came.) I paused, sighed, rolled my eyes, and said out loud to myself, ‘seriously?’ My entire posture slumped. I was debating whether or not to walk back the other way.

In case it wasn’t obvious, I don’t like her but we get along. She’s been popping by with little notice more recently. My partner doesn’t even ‘like’ her but feels sorry for her bc she’s lonely, bored, etc. This may make me sound like a jerk but this is her own doing, she’s not easy to like.

My partner manages her pretty well though.

Anyway, I decided to suck it up and go inside, and as I was walking in, she said sarcastically ‘Don’t worry, you can come in, I’m leaving…’

My partner confirmed they saw me do everything I mentioned above and heard me since the window was open.

It hasn’t been open in weeks! I don’t know why they were looking out the window at that very second. I 100% did not intend for her to see me, and I wish she hadn’t. But I’m actually hoping this does keep her away.

She’s been texting my partner a lot asking why I don’t like her.

Was I the jerk for looking excruciatingly dejected within sight of my house?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Intentions don’t always match consequences. We’re all allowed to ‘feel our feelings’ but as mature adults, we’re expected to regulate how we act on those feelings.

Your feelings were valid and understandable, and when they came up, you dealt with and acted upon them appropriately (ie by putting on a kind face before entering your home; your reaction outside may have been a bit over the top to have resulted in them hearing your disappointment even with an open window, but it was reasonable for you to think that was a private moment).

In an instance like this, I don’t think you need to feel sorry for being a gosh darn human who experiences feelings, but it never hurts to apologize by saying something like, ‘I’m sorry this hurt you. That wasn’t my intention.’ Because she has feelings too.

Ultimately, we’re not responsible for the reactions of others, but we can still validate our own feelings AND empathetically acknowledge that others will experience negative emotions in response to our actions at times, despite having handled the situation in the best way we knew how.” namenerd101

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

His mom should realize you don’t like her much already. It’s unreasonable to expect you to pretend to like her if you think she might be nearby.

Honestly, if she wants to be more liked, she may benefit from therapy if there are issues that make her unlikeable.

If she really wants to know why you personally don’t like her, I’d sit her and your partner down and explain. Don’t be particularly mean but don’t withhold anything either.

And recommend she get help if she wants people to like her more.” bmyst70

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were being true to yourself and really the question is, why is she unlikable? Is it accidental or is she purposely keeping people at bay for a reason? Maybe it’s not her you don’t like but her behavior which is completely acceptable to discuss with her.

It can be all part of getting to know someone and you did say you get along so communication could open some doors here. You could also just point out that you’d like her to feel less lonely and have more friends, that you worry it’s not healthy.

Them seeing you be honest can be an opportunity if you want it to be one.” ElvyHeartsong

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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
Talk to your partner about her just showing up. You may find it slightly easier when there is a scheduled visit with a short time frame ( i.e
Come for a few hours for dessert.)
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10. AITJ For Not Inviting My Best Friend To My Wedding?

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“I (30M) left the UK about 7 years ago to move to the other side of the world by myself. I broke things off with my ex of about 1.5 years just before this.

She was controlling and I wasn’t in the right space to be in a serious relationship so had to do what was best for me. Been with my now fiancée for 6 years and getting married in February. One of my best friends back home recently (6 months or so) started going out with said ex.

I initially told him about the wedding and made sure he would be able to get time off work to come over for it. When he told me he is now with my ex, I didn’t have a problem but he is now expecting to bring her to my wedding as a plus 1.

I, nor my fiancée think it is right to have an ex at our wedding, so have rescinded his invitation. Since then, he hasn’t spoken to me at all. Am I the jerk?

Edit – clarification: He didn’t receive a formal invite, he got a verbal one letting him know the date as well as a save the date prior to him insisting he was going to bring her.

Was told he can come but without her, said he wouldn’t, so was not sent the formal invite.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s perfectly reasonable not to want an ex at your wedding and anyone questioning your reasoning doesn’t understand that it’s not exactly something a lot of people want.

On top of her being your ex she was also abusive towards you so your reasoning for not wanting her there because she’s an ex is sufficient of an answer and not wanting your ex there because of her behavior is MORE than enough of an answer as to why you wouldn’t want her there.

Your ‘friend’ isn’t a friend if he goes out with your terrible ex.” AutisticMuffin97

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – it is weird to invite an ex unless you are good friends and everyone is in agreement.

BFF is ok to want to bring his SO as a plus one.

You said no he said fine I choose not to attend. He may need to process that if he continues to see the ex that is going to change your relationship. I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he may need time to process and decide if she is worth being with.

As this was years ago I will also give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she changed and isn’t controlling or what you may think is controlling BFF is fine with. I just don’t think anyone is the jerk unless he is pressuring you to invite her after asking and being told no.” hope1083

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like your ex hasn’t changed and is now controlling your friend. A reasonable ex would be understanding and realize that it would indeed be super awkward and as his close friend, wouldn’t mind him flying over to your wedding.

Hope your friendship is able to move forward after this.

Maybe let him know that you still care for him and want him in your life (if you do) but that he needs to respect you and your fiancée’s decision in not having your ex there.” Duh_reel_0

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rbleah 1 year ago
He wanted to bring your ex and you said no. He said he won't go then. Fine, let it go. If or when he smartens up maybe then you can be friends again. Who knows. For now...LET IT GO
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9. AITJ For Asking For Part Of My Sister's House?

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“My (42F) sister (35F) ran into financial issues about 6 years ago. She lost her job and her partner was transferred out of state. So they moved into a house together but my sister couldn’t be added to the mortgage because of her awful credit score.

Her partner passed away suddenly and had no will. His family then took the house and gave back some funds my sister put into the house but they told her to be grateful for getting that much. My mother had just come into some money so she got a house for my sister and her two kids.

For the first year, my mom covered everything for the house.

About 2 years ago I took my mom into my home because of health issues and took over pretty much everything for her. I realized that my mom was still paying all the taxes on the home when my sister started complaining that she was getting all these ‘scam’ calls and letters about unpaid taxes.

I looked at a few and talked with her realizing she had no idea what property taxes were. I went over my mom’s accounts and found she was paying property taxes since my sister moved in and even some renovations to the house. My mother decided to continue to pay for the back taxes but I got my sister to begin paying them herself.

Our mom passed away a few months ago and I am still trying to sort through her affairs. Her will states everything is going to be split 50/50 between the two of us. While working I found out my mom put both her and my sister’s names on the deed to the house.

After talking with my lawyer I found out the house was technically owned 50/50 by my sister and my mother, meaning I could claim 25% of the house or the value of the house in the estate.

I was going through some things with my sister last Sunday and I asked her if she wanted me to take half of the renovation costs that mom paid towards her house out of her inheritance.

I explained that I did not feel it was fair that she was being enriched by the renovations and getting the house for free as well. She got upset saying that mom’s will states that everything needs to be split 50/50 and that’s how it should be.

I brought up that I wasn’t even asking for the taxes which would add on at least an extra $50k. She remained firm and I struggled to say ‘well then I guess I will just settle for 25% of your house.’

She demanded to know why and I explained that mom owned 50% of the house so half of that is 25%.

She got mad and is now blasting me to the family and others told me I am being greedy. But I don’t feel like handing over $150k to my sister for nothing but I was willing to settle for half the renovation costs of 50k.

So AITJ for asking for part of my sister’s house?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is not her house. She is only entitled to 50% of it.

The renovations are not part of this – they contribute to the value of the house, but it is money already spent and isn’t part of the estate.

Estates don’t include all the money the person ever spent in their lives, only what is left today. You only need to look at exactly what is in the estate, and split that 50/50. If your sister wants the house all to herself, then she has to accept that 25% either goes to you, or she forfeits other assets to the value of the 25% and gets the house all to herself (which frankly, would be the most sensible approach for both of you).” alien_overlord_1001

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your mother gave you 50% which included the percentage of the house so you now own 25% of the house.

If your mother wanted your sister to own the house free and clear, she would have given her sole title on the deed but she didn’t.

Your sister already is coming out ahead based on what your mother gave her and you shouldn’t feel guilty for following the provisions of the will.” Jujulabee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your mom wanted your sister to have 100% of the house, then she could have arranged that, but she didn’t.

You’re entitled to 25% of the house’s value at the time of mom’s passing. The renovations have likely enhanced the value of the house.

Unless there was an IOU, an agreement that the sister was going to pay back your mom, then your sister doesn’t owe her mom’s estate (you as the other beneficiary) for the renovation costs.

Expenses/Purchases your mom paid – without expectation of repayment- were gifts to your sister. Sister doesn’t have an obligation to pay them back.

Also, talk to the lawyer about mom’s estate paying you for the caregiving you provided. If you’re entitled to payment, then that should come out of the estate before it is split 50/50.” BinkBunny

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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
Keep the family informed on everything about this house including how you sister doesn't know anything and hasn't paid anything. Could be handy in the future. Better to have family either not involved or on your side rather than on the side of an entitled sibling.
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8. AITJ For Bending The Rules For One Tenant But Not The Other?

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“I (23M) own an apartment complex that my parents gifted me, there are 8 apartments that I rent out.

I don’t allow pets.

A year ago, one of my tenants asked if her mother, who had to move in with her because of health problems, could bring her 2 Bichon Frisé dogs with her. I decided to allow it because separating an elderly woman from her companions would be cruel.

Now, tenants from another apartment want their son (30?M) to move in with them. This wouldn’t be a problem, except that he wants to bring his dog as well. I told them I don’t allow pets, but they say it’s unfair because I allowed the old woman to have 2.

I told them I would think about it, but after researching, the breed of the son’s dog requires very expensive insurance and I don’t want to deal with that hassle.

I was talking to my sister today and she thinks I’m being unfair. I think these are different circumstances and the son can look for another place if he wants to keep his dog.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. However, I can understand why they are upset. It is two different scenarios, however.

It also will be unfair to the other tenants that there are now 2 tenants that are allowed pets and will be a never-ending cycle.

I’d stay firm in the stance unless you are happy to change the no-pet rule for everyone.

Personally, I would speak to tenants and express that due to other tenants being upset with the fact they have a dog and they can’t have one, you cannot accommodate it anymore.

You kinda got yourself into this situation by saying yes. I have two townhouses in the same lot I rent and I have no pets as well and have evicted tenants for breaching their lease agreement in finding out they secretly had a dog (the dog was a nuisance and other neighbors who have my number complained).

As a land owner, you are responsible for damages and other neighbors. I made the no pet rule after someone’s pet caused 10k worth of damage to carpets that I had to replace as well as other damage which was not covered by the bond or pet bond.

I allow aquariums and birds though. Just not cats or dogs.” Typical_Rob

Another User Comments:

“I hate to say YTJ because I get the sense you’re a very nice person just trying to do the ‘right’ thing. The problem is, the right thing would’ve been not making an exception to your pet policy in the first place.

There are people with dog allergies so severe they carry epi-pens. You may have tenants like this who specifically sought out a pet-free building. Allowing some dogs wasn’t fair to them. Some of your tenants may have had to rehome their pets before moving into your building if, say, they were moving in with a family member or friend.

It wasn’t fair to them. Some of your tenants may have secured pet-free housing because they are afraid of dogs. It wasn’t fair to them.

The best way to handle it is to apologize, admit you made a mistake making an exception with the bichons, and going forward there will be no more exceptions.

You can even say at the time you thought they were non-allergenic dogs (so many bichon owners erroneously believe this) but you’ve since learned it isn’t true.” HelenaBirkinBag

Another User Comments:

“If his dog was the same kind that the older woman has, then I’d say YTJ for this.

However, you have to get additional insurance because of the pet breed. That makes it NTJ.

You may need to show them that. Show them the research you did, and the city code (or whatever) that requires you to have this insurance. Then tell them that they would have to pay that insurance as part of their rent, plus additional money towards the security deposit.

If that means their rent goes up by $500/month or more… would they be willing to pay?” Caddan

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ashbabyyyy 1 year ago
YTJ- you obviously do allow pets, the tenants mom is proof of that. As someone pointed out, you’re putting other tenants at risk, what if they moved in because of a severe allergy? You can be breed specific, but not really pick and choose by tenant and not be the jerk
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7. WIBTJ If I Ban My Sister From My Wedding?

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“I (21m) am engaged to my fiancée, Tina (25f). We’re currently planning our wedding. We are both bisexual. Right after I turned 19, Tina and I started hooking up with this guy, Todd, who is a friend of mine, but we stopped after we realized it wasn’t for us.

He understood, and he just got into a serious relationship with Hannah. Well, 3 days ago was our engagement party, and Todd was there with Hannah.

My sister, 29, made an off-color comment about how she was surprised that Todd was there, and some people asked what she meant.

Before I could stop her, she said, ‘well, I just didn’t know my brother and his fiancée’s old passion partner were invited to any social gatherings, that’s all.’ Along with some other stuff. Then, silence. Things escalated at that point.

Multiple of my family members and Tina’s are deeply homophobic, and we weren’t planning on coming out to them. My parents, who didn’t know about my old arrangement with Todd, tried to keep the peace and calm everyone down, but were clearly upset, but I don’t think I needed to tell them or anyone about me and Tina’s past.

Tons of family members ended up leaving, and some even threw the food they brought away, and they all said there was no way they were coming to the wedding of ‘such heathens’. I was furious at my sister, and she just said it was insulting to the LGBT community that I’m not loud and proud, I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am, and I shouldn’t hide it.

(She’s gay, by the way). I freaked out further and said that she should know how bad it is to out someone and that I’d never do that to her, but she basically just said, ‘Tough luck, besides, do you really want homophobic relatives at your wedding?

Consider what I did a favor.’

Not to mention, now Hannah, while not angry at Todd, felt blindsided by the fact that she only knew he was bi, not that he had been with me and Tina. Now his relationship is shaky, and my situation has spread like wildfire through my family, with some relatives defending me and Tina, and others disowning and being disgusted by us.

I’m seriously considering cutting my sister off and disinviting her from my wedding, which may have to be postponed because of this, because her dad, who was gonna pay for the wedding, is having second thoughts because of ‘the controversy.’ My parents said that while they love me, they don’t support my lifestyle, nor the fact that I’ve done it premaritally.

They said that while they understand where I’m coming from, they think it would be a gross overreaction to completely disown my sister, but my life has been flipped upside down.

Literally, the only person who still 100% supports me is Tina, even Todd is trying to distance himself from me because of my sister.

For clarification, she only knows because one time she borrowed my phone without asking to order pizza, and she saw some texts and a picture that Todd sent. WIBTJ for cutting her out and disinviting her for good?

Edit for clarification: she hasn’t come out to anyone but me yet.

That’s why I think she’s such a hypocrite in all this. And to those saying I should out her, it deeply hurt me and psychologically screwed me pretty bad when she told everyone on her terms. It seems cliché and predictable, but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, not even after what she did to me.

If she does make the choice to come out, it should be on her terms, no one else’s. If it hurt me this bad, and I can play things off like I’m straight because I’m a man marrying a woman, I can’t imagine what it would do to my flesh and blood sibling, who can’t just marry a man and choose not to out herself.

And plus, revenge never ends well.

It becomes a vicious cycle of escalated viciousness toward someone else, and I don’t want that for me or her. I have too much at stake right now to risk her or anyone else messing it up. Even though my sister deeply hurt me and did irreparable damage, I still love her, even if I don’t want her to be in my life.

I don’t wish ill intent towards her at all. Also, my sister probably did this to punish me, because even though I’m part of the LGBTQ, I’m marrying a woman. She doesn’t have the luxury to be able to play her relationship off as straight.

So in hurting me, she made it easier to live with her truth, because now that my truth is out in the open, any relationship she has in the future will cause turmoil, but I’ll be dragged down with her.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your sister is real trash, her being gay DOES NOT mean it’s ok for her to out you. She’s also terrible for airing out someone else’s laundry. She wants to be loud and obnoxious she can do so at her wedding, not yours. She’s not a jerk because she’s gay, she’s a jerk because she does jerk things.

Why does your personal life even matter to her? Why should she be so interested and entitled to it that she blasts it everywhere? Her actions are disgusting. She was stirring that pot.

At this point just elope. The only people that are absolutely needed for a wedding are the people getting married and the legal witness(s) and the one making it all legally binding.

Your sister says she did you a favor by exposing those jerks? Doubtful, but if she did she fails to realize she’s one of those jerks and it has nothing to do with her being lesbian. Take her advice. Toss the guaranteed jerks out. But only if you throw her out too.” ObviousRascal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She had some nerve to do and say what she did when she hasn’t even come out to your family. Honestly, I give you credit, I would’ve outed her right then and there too, and said well if we are telling everyone our lives, do they know she only likes women?

And see how she likes it. People have the freedom to decide who and when they tell that they identify as LGBTQ, nobody has the right to do it for them. I do feel bad for Todd though, if she knew he was bi it shouldn’t matter who he had been with.

I have a handful of friends that I either went out with or was friends with benefits with that I consider friends and if someone I’m seeing asks, I’ll be honest but I warn them ahead of time if they can’t handle the answer then don’t ask.

I do feel he got the worse end because his SO is being a bit extreme.

For you though, my advice is to cut your sister off and let her know she isn’t invited. Don’t get suckered into a debate with her when you tell her.

Inform her, then block her. As for your and Tina’s family, well cat’s out of the bag, can’t put them back. At this point, you each sit with your families and say that it’s your life, they can’t dictate your lives and if they don’t want to be a part of your lives then fine, you respect their decision and will remove their names from the wedding guest list and bid them farewell.

There’s no point in trying to change the minds of people who have deep-rooted beliefs, it will exhaust your energy and stress you out tremendously. Yeah, it’s a tragedy, your sister did a terrible thing. But only those family members can make amends, nothing really you two can do.” Ponchovilla18

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She has no right to be mad at you. She is the one who caused all of this. You are bi, not gay, so marrying a woman isn’t playing anything off, you love her don’t you in order to marry her?

It’s really messed up for her to do what she did. She didn’t do any favors for you. If your family doesn’t want to come to the wedding fine, then go with your wife and those who still love and support you guys, and have a smaller ceremony or just go to the preacher or courts, wherever it is, and just get married. No need for a big wedding.

Seems like it will just be a big problem anyways. I’m sorry that your friend and his SO are shaky now, and he’s distancing himself from you. I hope he comes around. I just can’t believe that she did that! Like who does that? By the way, CONGRATS to you and your fiancée.

I hope things get better for you guys.” LCarver1869

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jake 1 year ago
NTJ you DO NOT OUT people without their permission. Cut off your sister and go no contact with her and anyone else who doesn't have your back. Go for a smaller wedding so you 2 can pay for it yourselves without the hate.
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6. AITJ For Disinviting My Niece From Going Trick-Or-Treating With Us?

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“I, 41F, told my niece (10), several weeks ago she could go trick or treating with us. Last week, she came over after school to play with my daughter (10). After about an hour of playing, my daughter comes out of her room in tears. I asked her what was wrong, and she said ‘niece told me you unalived my little brother.’ I had a miscarriage several years ago.

It was an extremely traumatizing experience as I almost died in the process. Daughter knows the truth, but it still hurt her to hear niece say that. I asked niece to come to have a discussion with me as to why she would say such a thing.

Her response was ‘Well, it’s true. Baby B passed away in you, so you are the reason he’s not alive.’

I asked her where she heard that and her direct response was, ‘My mom told me that’s what happened.’ She promptly left the room.

I called her mom to come pick her up early, as my daughter was not in the mood to be around niece anymore. When mom arrived, I let her know the situation. Mom said, ‘Well, it’s not a lie. Baby B did pass away inside you.

That in turn means you are the reason he’s not here.’

At that point, I had enough and made them both leave my house, but not before telling niece she was no longer coming trick or treating with us. Her mom started to yell as she walked to her car, that I’m a horrible person for not letting niece go with us anymore.

Her mom is now calling my mom to try and convince me to change my mind. That’s not happening. So, am I the jerk?

Edit: my niece’s mom isn’t my sister. She is a family friend. Our girls have been together since they were infants.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it sounds like you actually found out that she isn’t your friend. Sure she’s a family friend, but she clearly doesn’t like you given that she framed you having a miscarriage as you being the reason an infant is not alive and talks about it directly with her child to frame you as a villain and encourage this viciousness.

It sounds like you are now in the position where you need to decide whether or not you are willing to expose your child to someone who acts like this and is teaching their child to act like this. I personally would propose cutting contact but maybe you need more time to sit on it.

Cuz it’s wrong what she said about you.” JCBashBash

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I think your anger and frustration were misplaced. Your niece’s Mom was the problem. She should never have told your niece about your miscarriage. Totally not her place (and it’s just generally super weird to volunteer that kind of information for discussion with a 5th grader).

That said, I think your niece was just being a 10-year-old kid and didn’t realize the gravity of what she was saying or how it would impact you or your daughter. She didn’t have anyone to model the tact that should accompany that kind of knowledge because her own mother blabbed about your trauma to her.

How was she supposed to know how to handle the situation?

Personally, I would briefly explain to your niece that the situation was upsetting to our family and we prefer not to discuss it. Model the grace she was supposed to have. If she respected what you said (or better yet apologized), it’d be water under the bridge and you’d go trick or treating as planned. I’d still have words for her mother, but she shouldn’t be the collateral damage in the meantime.” one_of_the_lame_kids

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but the niece is only repeating what she was told. Think it would have made more sense for you to talk to the 2 girls together and explain to them so the niece would know this is a very personal and painful subject.

But that’s hindsight. Kids learn what they hear, and it could be her mother was having a conversation with someone else and her daughter heard the conversation. The mother’s response was strange and maybe you should have a conversation with her about the appropriate way to discuss grief with a child.

I am so sorry for your loss. And please don’t let anyone think it was your fault.” Dneyman859

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rbleah 1 year ago
If the woman is teaching her daughter this crap you have NO reason to let your daughter be told lies. Step away from them both because that woman will not stop telling her kid and that kid repeating it to your daughter. Your daughter does NOT need to deal with that trauma or their lies.
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5. AITJ For Arguing With My Son's Teacher?

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“My son, Ollie, is a senior and on ASB (Associated Student Body). They had organized a homecoming pep rally scheduled for this Friday. They’ve been prepping for a long time. There is a dance routine and a teacher vs student basketball game.

Last week, Ollie tripped over a chair during the night and tore a ligament in his ankle. Obviously, he can’t participate in the rally. They can’t really continue with the program as planned with my son out. They really tried.

The teacher in charge asked other seniors if they wanted to take my son’s spot but they declined because they didn’t want to look stupid doing a dance routine with four days prepped.

That’s when my 11-year-old son Brian said he wished he could take his brother’s place. I thought about that and realized it was actually a good idea. He does a lot of gymnastics and picks up on ‘choreography’ quickly.

I had a talk with Ollie who wasn’t sure.

I spoke to the teacher who asked my son to do some of the choreography and he impressed her. She said she would talk to the other students about Brian taking the spot of Ollie.

The students thought the idea would be funny and everyone agreed to it.

My son would actually be paired with Ollie’s partner. The teacher told me that the rally is scheduled towards the end of the day on Friday so Brian would have to miss three classes – two for prep, and one for the rally.

I spoke to two and they were fine with it.

Whatever work they do on Friday can be made up on Monday.

The 3rd teacher, language arts, said she wasn’t okay with his skipping class to go to a rally at the high school. That’s not a valid excuse to miss class so she won’t let him make up a test that she was going to schedule.

He would have to get a 0.

I told her that it’s not like he’s skipping school to go to the park. If two teachers and the high school is okay, then why can’t she? She said she doesn’t play favorites. I told her it’s not playing favorites, it’s being reasonable.

Would she have me just lie? She said of course not, but those are her rules. I said we’ll leave it at that.

I decided it wasn’t worth this much drama and my son getting a 0 on a test in the 6th grade wasn’t going to ruin his life.

I could be a dad jerk and go over her head but I won’t.

She did email me today and asked if I decided if my son was going to skip class to go to the high school rally. I replied he was skipping class because he has a ‘doctor’s appointment.’ So he’ll make the test up per her ‘rules.’

What is she going to do? Leave class to see if he’s dancing in the rally. LOL.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. The teacher had a test assigned for that day hence why the two other teachers allowing it has no bearing on whether the third teacher was unreasonable.

Making up classwork/homework is nowhere near as intensive as trying to schedule a makeup test date/time. All you did was teach your kid that it’s okay to lie to get what you want and make other people’s lives more difficult for the sake of your own personal gain.” saltysaltedsal

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for lying and implying that the teacher should be fired for calling you out on your nonsense or that we should spend 24/7 dedicated to our jobs and should be chastised for talking to each other.

I teach this grade. It’s not her business why your kid is pulled out, and no, he won’t be expelled or suspended or anything.

At worse, he gets a 0 on the test.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too… he misses the test, gets a zero, or stays after to make it up on a different day knowing it may be different than the ones the classmates took.

Lay it out there for your son – this or that. Stop blaming the teacher because you want to show off your son.” Glum_Ad1206

Another User Comments:

“Yea YTJ.

Teachers are responsible for their classroom management. Whenever students have to make up work (especially tests) it affects the flow of the class and the lesson plans.

If your son has to miss a crucial lesson to make it up, you better not be blaming the teacher for him falling behind. We get students all the time saying things like ‘I couldn’t do the work because we went to the movies.’ That is a zero in the grade book.

Plus, don’t lie about a dr appointment. You already told her and two other teachers the real reason, so that just makes you look silly. Plus the teacher can see if you brought in a valid dr note. It will be up to her if she deducts points.” Fiyero-

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jowi3 1 year ago
The teacher could have arranged for him to take the test early. That would have been a fair compromise.
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4. AITJ For Banning My Mom's Partner From My House?

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“My wife and I just got back from our honeymoon/settled in our first-ever house and decided to invite both of our families to dinner to celebrate.

My wife takes a lot of pride in our house and her new wife role so this was a big deal to her.

My mom came with her partner ‘Ted’ and his teenage daughter ‘Emmy’. Now for some context, I think Ted is a jerk and the kid isn’t great either, but I guess gets a pass because no one taught her manners.

My mom thinks the sun shines out of Ted’s butt and treats Emmy like her do-over child. For dinner, we had chicken, potatoes, salad, and squash. Everyone was free to get their own condiments.

During dinner, Emmy began whining and complained we only had the mustard type of honey mustard and not the salad dressing kind and she only likes the salad dressing.

Ted told her to just pick something else, then laughed about how what my mom was doing looked interesting (pouring soy sauce on everything). Then he loudly announced that ‘if you season food while you cook it, you don’t have to pour condiments all over it’.

I looked at my wife and saw her looking like she was about to cry. My mom giggled so I glared at her. She stopped but didn’t say anything. I announced that it is extremely rude to walk into someone else’s house and insult their hosting.

He tried to laugh it off and be like ‘well we are all family now.’ I was furious and demanded he apologizes. He said he was sorry but then muttered how he doesn’t like cold condiments on warm food, but this food needs something.

I told him to get out. Emmy was like oh good we can go get other food. My mom said nothing to either of them and just asked if I was serious. I said I was and if she wants to choose him that is fine, but they need to get out.

My mom snapped at me that I have a wife and a new life and of course, she is going to choose him and called me delusional.

They left and MIL and her husband berated me about how rude I was and ‘it wasn’t that big of a deal.’ Now my mom is angry and says I was just acting like a spoiled brat because I hate Ted and pointed out that when MIL first started going out with her husband he said some much worse stuff and he got a second chance.

I told my mom I really do love her and want her in my life but Ted is banned as he was cruel for no reason and hurt my wife.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

From Ted, there were too many direct and confrontational comments. He might behave as such and be straightforward with others but he could have tried to be more polite with new people especially when he’s invited to your house.

Ted and anyone at the table could have asked for some salt, pepper, etc, and some seasoning. There were many various polite ways to say so instead of making a joke about the chicken.

Every person who cooks makes a great effort in cooking the food.

We don’t know how much effort and time OP’s wife had consumed. She might know that it’s not seasoned enough and could have been better. So imagine you try your best and someone rubs salt in your wounds by giving a rude remark. It would be hurtful to you, right?

Also, they just came from their honeymoon, no person in a marriage is mandated to be a great cook. His wife is learning and she made multiple dishes.

I think OP did the right thing. He defended his wife and her feelings.

What’s the age of the daughter, OP?

She might seem like a jerk but maybe it’s wrong parenting or just normal teenage fussiness.

So, NTJ. Try to reconcile with your mother. It’s your decision to give Ted a second chance. Maybe later but not now for the good of your family.” BeowulfLtd

Another User Comments:

“In my opinion, everyone sucks here. Wife did prepare unseasoned chicken but that isn’t a jerk event on its own. The comments from mother’s partner were definitely rude and uncalled for leading him to get the jerk status. Mother herself has enabled this behavior on her partner and his child so she isn’t getting off scot-free either.

Finally, OP’s response to his comments does seem overblown, and any chance OP had to calm the situation and talk it out like a reasonable adult was instead treated as an excuse for him to just get mad at mother’s partner.

The fact that the partner was banned, which forced mother to choose between the two of them after this event makes OP a jerk in this situation.

In the future, a conversation with mother’s partner might be a more appropriate response. Although he did not enjoy the cooking, a few tips on how to better prepare the food for next time would go a lot further than outright insulting the meal. When partner was making the comment that the food was bland, op could have chided him about the comment and informed partner about how the food was prepared and expected to be eaten.” munkstopher

Another User Comments:

“This is a hard one. Because I think they should have kept their mouths shut, it’s always rude to openly bash someone’s cooking like that. But I also think it’s bordering on rude to serve straight-up unseasoned chicken. Like if your mom is pouring soy sauce on everything that indicates to me there wasn’t even any or enough salt on the chicken or anything else.

At that point, it’s getting disrespectful…even if you enjoy that you must know that your average person wants at least salt and pepper on chicken and food in general.

I’m still going to say NTJ, though I think you should give them a chance at apologizing before a permanent ban, but also, gosh… it’s one thing if a dish is made right and just not someone’s taste, but to straight up serve plain chicken and tell your guests to grab some ketchup for it is just ridiculous lol.

At that point, you need to cater dinner.” mountainmonk72

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. I’m just not convinced a ban on this guy is required based on this one event. As a culmination of numerous events, sure but you only gave us this one.

I do think he sucks and anyone who comments on food when they weren’t asked how it tastes is rude. If this was the first meal your wife had made for them they should have simply been gracious and kind and they weren’t.

I don’t think your mom should have to choose between you and her partner over a comment he made, but I do think she didn’t do anything to stop it. I wavered with a soft jerk rating but I do think he sounded awful.

But you went a bit harsh on him in front of guests as well.” Abcdezyx54321

0 points - Liked by Stagewhisperer and StumpyOne
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LizzieTX 1 year ago
NTJ.
And bless you for standing up for your wife.
Your mother, her partner and the do over child are rude and mannerless. I don't give a rat's behind if they're "family" or not, a guest NEVER criticizes a host's meal choices or preparation - EVER. Even if the food is terrible. People clueless and rude enough to do this earn themselves a ban on future invitations, and risk being asked to leave, if they pull something like this in my home. Don't allow toxic people in your life, family or not.
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3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Pregnant Wife To Go Trick-Or-Treating?

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“My wife (24F), who is pregnant with our first child, asked me if we had plans for Halloween earlier today. It falls on a Monday, and I have to work the next day, so I told her that I didn’t have anything planned, aside from handing out candy to any trick-or-treaters who decide to come by.

My wife said that her friend (also 24F) wanted to go trick-or-treating and that she invited my wife to come along. Neither my wife nor her friend has children yet (aside from my wife currently being pregnant), so it would just be the two of them going around asking for candy.

I told my wife that I think it’s a little inappropriate for an adult woman to go trick-or-treating unless they were accompanying children or something. My wife’s response was that she ‘looks like a teenager, and could pull it off.’ Now I think this is rather silly, but it’s not necessarily a hill I’m willing to die on.

However, the key issue for me is this: My wife’s friend lives in a town 2 hours away, and my wife’s friend lives in a rural area without good cell phone reception. So the situation is no longer just my wife wanting to go trick or treating with her friend, but that they want to go trick or treating 2 hours away in an area with little to no cell phone reception.

I feel that I worry a lot about my wife and her well-being already since she’s pregnant, and I don’t want the added stress of her being out trick or treating in a rural area 2 hours away. I basically told her I’m not okay with her going out with her friend in this situation, and she’s quite upset with me as a result.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There is absolutely nothing wrong with adults trick or treating. There is no age limit on trick or treating. The world sucks enough, let’s stop sucking the little joy that is left in it, out.

Most Americans live in rural areas, we just make plans and have backup plans for situations such as this.

Make a few backup plans and let her have some joy. Go with her and be a kid again yourself. Lawd knows you need it. Especially since you’re going to be having one soon.” Hyperion_Heathen

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I am against adults and teenagers going trick or treating.

It is a holiday/event for children, for one thing, and the candy is neither free nor infinite. Eventually, a house/neighborhood will run out, and that adult took candy that could have gone to the cute six-year-old ghostie. If EVERYone could trick or treat, that puts a pretty heavy burden on those giving out candy.

And you know, there’s a season to things. When you’re a child, you get to trick or treat and have the tooth fairy, etc. As you get older, you get other benefits: staying up later, hanging out with your friends, throwing a Halloween party.” Frequent_Jellyfish69

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, but you more than your wife. Just because your wife is pregnant, doesn’t mean she suddenly lost the right to go and spend time with her friend. She’s not going sky-diving, she’s going to walk around a neighborhood.

You need to figure out how to manage your irrational level of anxiety without limiting your wife’s freedom.

Your wife is too old to go trick or treating and I would be pretty weirded out if two grown women showed up at my door.

But again, it’s not really your place to tell her you’re not comfortable with her going.” photosbeersandteach

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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Mewhoelse 1 year ago
NTJ. Surprised all of the people saying YTJ or ES... Sure it'd be great for adults to go around trick or treating but seriously?? It's for the kids. Adults work and use their own money out of their pocket to pay for that candy and like another commenter mentioned it's not endless. Save it for the children. I think they'd have just as much fun dressing up, buying their own candy and having a little girls day watching Halloween movies or something.
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2. AITJ For Not Liking My Dad's Fiancee?

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“I (16f) have parents who live in different countries. I live with my mum but the country my father lives in has all my other family in it.

Four years ago my dad met ‘Jess’ and about a year ago he proposed to her and she said yes. I don’t mind her and her 2 kids (9 + 12 f), But they can get quite annoying over time.

For the past four years whenever I go over I have had to stay with all of them in their house.

Jess decided to become a childminder and spent thousands of pounds and two years training, but as soon as she started her job she said that it was ‘too hard’ and quit. My dad is the only one who really makes money as Jess works for minimum wage for 16 hours a week.

In 2020 we were going to go to Holland for my birthday but it was canceled. In April this year, my cousin told me that Jess had posted on social media that she had gone to Holland without me and taken her kids and my dad with her.

I booked a flight to talk to my dad because I wasn’t happy and was really confused. I stayed with my cousin (who’s my best friend) and she consoled me and helped me prepare for what I was going to say.

When I went to their house I had a really bad panic attack because of my bad anxiety.

My dad seemed really apologetic but Jess didn’t let him speak. Jess just said stuff like how I was privileged and how her kids deserve it more than I do and that I was too expensive and stuff like that. I explained to Jess that I took it harder because I had anxiety and depression.

She told me that I don’t know anything about that because when she was my age her mum passed away.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and my cousin tells me that on social media Jess has posted again about another holiday they went to.

Clearly, money wasn’t the issue.

I came over again in the summer and Jess wouldn’t let me see my cousin. I was really confused because I and my cousin are best friends and I had to do everything with her daughters. After a lot of fighting, I got to go to my cousin’s, but when I got there Jess posted on social media again about how she, my dad, and her kids were going on a family trip around the country that day.

Then they had a barbecue and uninvited my whole family because they were on my side.

Jess says that the girls were feeling left out because I wasn’t constantly with them and that it was unfair. I just wanted to see my cousin because it’s hard not being able to see your best friend all the time and I didn’t really want to be with her kids all the time.

Now Jess is being mean to me and manipulating my dad into agreeing with her and controlling where he goes and what friends he has. She’s making me find it hard to like my dad. My family agrees that I’m not the jerk but I wanted to see if you guys thought I was.

I told them I’m not going to the wedding and that I want them to break up but I’m not forcing them to. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Your dad and stepmom have all but abandoned you. It’s understandable if you avoid her.

If your dad doesn’t want a relationship with you or intends to replace you with the stepsibs, ask him. If he says he does want a relationship with you, come up with a written agreement of the bare minimum you would want to do with him when you visit and your expectations.

Tell him that you will respect your stepmom, but since she isn’t the mom, but he is your dad, she has none to little say in your agreement.

Finally, as to your stepmother, tell her and your dad that since her objective is to not have their lives disrupted by your presence, but he is still your father, that you can be civil to each other.

It’s fine not to like each other so long as you’re civil.” pPC_bC

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Father-figure in question categorically falls into that too-rich, entirely unaffected cliche of a guy who happened to have a child prior to his most recent engagement; but his job and his babe of a fiance/soon-to-be-wife are his top priorities.

Notches on a list to check off. His attitude suggests that children are merely an effect of intimate relationships and not a serious consequence to be addressed whatsoever.

Feels like clinical disinterest from the father figure: zoned-out and the only functions remaining are the physical machinations resulting from occupational overdrive, and his one remaining physically intimate impulse, AKA his newest armpiece.” Trin_itty_bitty

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You seem to have started this conflict. I don’t understand why it was offensive to you that they went to Holland. Your father has his own life, if he wants to go on a trip with his fiance and her kids, why shouldn’t he get to do that?

What did this have to do with you? You actually arranged an entire trip to give your dad grief about this – why?

Your canceled trip to Holland was canceled because of the global crisis, not because of Jess. If you want that trip to be rescheduled, you could have brought that up any time, but that’s not what you did – you went out of your way to try to make your dad feel like he’d offended you.

Now – the reason I’m not calling you the only jerk is that Jess’s response to your confrontation has been way over the top. Maybe you were acting a bit privileged with that trip and confrontation, but sorry, Jess – your kids do not ‘deserve it more’ and calling OP ‘too expensive’ is basically just demanding that your dad not spend money on you but ONLY on Jess and her kids, which is an inappropriate request. And then Jess tries to control you from seeing your family when you’re in town?

This is the only time you get to see them.

But then, you put in an obnoxious ‘last word’ here. If you refuse to go to the wedding you are signaling that a relationship with your dad isn’t very important to you, and saying that you want them to break up is just taking an axe to that relationship.

‘But I’m not forcing them to’ is a ridiculous thing to add, too – as if it’s remotely your choice.” nylonvest

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BigGrandma 1 year ago
Seems that somebody above missed the part about the BIRTHDAY trip to Holland, but NO, they absolutely shouldn't have gone without you. She also has no right to not allow you to see your cousin, YOUR ACTUAL FAMILY, and to MAKE your you spend time with her kids?? Your dad needs to step the heck up and put her in her place
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1. AITJ For Standing Up To A Rude Patient?

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“I am a dental student currently and some of our assignments include having to use live patients to take x-rays instead of our usual dummies. I got assigned a patient today and things were fine at first…until I had to put the holding device into his mouth.

I told him in advance that there was going to be some discomfort regardless (because I tried them myself prior for the sake of practice and know they’re super uncomfortable) and to let me know if the pain becomes intolerable at any time by giving me a thumbs down.

When I put the holding device in his mouth he would let out a whine and give me the thumbs down as instructed a couple of times and I would try to fix it as best as I could, using cotton rolls so the corners of the sensor did not hurt as much.

I tried to take the x-rays as quickly and as well as possible and when we were done, I asked him if he was okay one last time. He nodded but I could tell he was a little annoyed (understandably so). When I went to the back of the room to wash my hands, I heard him say ‘dumb fat witch’ under his breath.

I said, ‘it’s a good thing your calling me that says more about your character than my ability to complete this assignment, sir’.

At the end of the day, my instructor pulled me aside and said ‘I heard what you said to the patient.

Sometimes you just have to let things roll off your back and ignore disparaging comments. It’s not professional to be snarky all the time. At least let me know and let me take care of it’. AITJ for checking the guy for commenting on my body and my intelligence?”

Another User Comments:

“Speaking as a human I completely understand your response and, to be honest, what you said was as polite as snark gets. No one can reasonably expect you to not be affected by hearing that kind of comment in your workplace. That patient was a jerk.

But he won’t be the last. Speaking as a fellow healthcare professional, this sort of thing is not uncommon. And while we should not be expected to tolerate abuse, there are better ways to handle it. Speaking to colleagues/seniors is always best. Speaking back to patients usually just annoys them and can often result in complaints of unprofessionalism.

If you want to address it at the moment then you need to develop ‘professional’ responses, like offering an apology for discomfort, reiterating that it’s unavoidable, and that you are doing your best to help them. It’s nowhere near as satisfying but better in the long run.” AceDoc_Patch2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I would have very calmly stood up and told him he was done receiving your services for the day. There are ZERO reasons to accept mistreatment from anyone! Someone who is alert and oriented making personal attacks on someone providing professional services is totally unacceptable and out of line.

Do not ever let anyone tell you you need to bite your tongue and take it! God NO!

If your instructor is telling you to suck it up and take it, they are WRONG! Do not engage with terrible people, remove yourself from the situation and tell them they are welcome to avail themselves of someone else’s services because you do not feel safe working with them.

That is what he was willing to say to your face with witnesses present. What if he had escalated? What if he had hit you?

You have a right to be treated with dignity and respect. Your instructor is wrong to allow the guy to get away with his actions.

He should have been escorted out immediately. There has been an increase in violence against healthcare workers recently, and every professional environment needs to have a zero-tolerance policy.” upv395

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Dental students, nursing students, medical students, etc all encounter jerks who will insult them.

Do not engage in an exchange of insults. The appropriate response is always to tell the supervising attending and she or he will decide whether to take further action. There are often other medicolegal dimensions and there is a whole range of possible responses from ignoring an insult to discharging them from the practice to calling security, but arguing with the jerk patient is rarely the best response.

The student should not be the one making that decision.” Alteripse

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Kllswtch7 1 year ago
Upv395 dont play the 'what if' game. A rude remark and hitting is a VERY big difference. Rude people suck, but can be tolerated until they're out the door. Now violent people should def not be tolerated and should be shut down immediately by anyone that can.
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