People Hope To Move On From Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Dive into a world of moral dilemmas, personal choices, and contentious family dynamics as we explore the question, "Am I The Jerk?" From cheeseburger thefts and gaming interruptions to family feuds and unexpected housing decisions, this article will take you on a rollercoaster ride of real-life stories. Discover the humor in workplace promotions, the tension in family inheritance disputes, and the drama of secret lake house purchases. Will you side with the protagonists or will you deem them jerks? Read on to cast your vote on these compelling, everyday conundrums. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Defending My Halloween-Themed Wedding Against My Future Sister-In-Law?

QI

“I need another opinion here. This feels ridiculous, but maybe I’m not thinking clearly.

I (32m) am engaged to my fiance (33m) and I couldn’t be happier.

He’s the most amazing and warm man I’ve ever known. Our wedding is at the end of the year in October. We’re both big Halloween dorks so we decided for our reception we’d do a costume party. All our guests are encouraged to bring a costume to change into for the reception.

The majority of our guests think it’s a great idea and are already planning their costumes. The trouble is with my soon-to-be SIL (27f) I’ll call May here. May is, for lack of a better term, a stick in the mud. She’s very serious about everything, all the time.

May thinks that having a costume party for our wedding reception is idiotic and childish. My MIL is on her side, insisting that we should reconsider and be more traditional. FIL on the other hand is with us, agreeing we should be able to enjoy our wedding however we want.

My fiance is just so fed up with his mom and sister. May especially has been really obnoxious about it. Now here’s where I might be the jerk.

Last week we were at an event for my fiance’s family. I think it was a cousin’s birthday, but I don’t remember.

The topic of our wedding came up and several family members excitedly started saying what costumes they were picking for the reception. This seemed to annoy May. When my fiance mentioned the costumes we were going to wear, May snapped. She stood up and got in her brother’s face.

She called him a child and how stupid he was for wanting to do this. That she couldn’t believe he would marry someone that encouraged this ridiculous behavior. I got a little heated listening to her berate my fiance and screamed at her to shut up.

She rounded on me and told me she wished my fiance had never met me so he could be with someone normal. I told May if anyone was acting like a child right now it was her throwing a tantrum over someone else’s wedding that she wasn’t contributing to or helping with in any way.

She had absolutely no right to call me and my fiance names just because she’s physically incapable of enjoying anything. And that if she’s so against our reception idea then she might as well not even come to the wedding because I don’t want her whining like a toddler to ruin our night.

She called me a jerk and left. The party ended pretty quickly after.

My fiance kissed me like a madman when we got home, thanking me for putting his sister in her place because he hates fighting. My MIL and May have been blowing up both our phones since then saying I needed to apologize to May for embarrassing her.

When I told them I’ll apologize when she does, they got even more upset. His family is split on the matter. Did I really go too far insulting her back? AITJ? I don’t think I’m in the wrong but maybe it’s because I’m still mad about the whole situation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. May embarrassed herself. It’s your wedding – if you want everyone to wear robes and head out to the forest for a pagan wedding, then that is what your wedding will be. If the invitees don’t like it, they are free to decline the invitation.

I don’t even understand this wedding nonsense – it is after all, a party to celebrate the legal proceedings which only takes a few minutes. So why not a costume party?” alien_overlord_1001

Another User Comments:

“The things people get into a twist about. NTJ.

Don’t like the idea? Don’t come. When SIL gets married (dunno if she is or not) she can make it as dry and dusty and boring an affair as she wants. Being honest, a costume-themed wedding is not my bag. But… it ain’t my wedding.

I’m sure I’d manage somehow and without having a conniption. You guys do you and best wishes, mazel tov and all that (btw, I’m assuming it’s an open bar with a signature drink or 3, right? Cause if there isn’t, well… I’m not coming to your wedding and that’s final).” SoImaRedditUserNow

Another User Comments:

“Probably not the most elegant way of doing so, but you still did the right thing. It’s your and your fiancé’s wedding. If you’re down for a costume party for a reception, go for it! My oldest brother and his wife had everyone in costume even for the wedding itself (similar situation: wedding was in October and they both LOVE Halloween).

Everyone enjoyed themselves and it was a wonderful ceremony and reception. NTJ. If your SIL thinks this is ridiculous, then she shouldn’t go to the wedding at all. Ditto for MIL.” TheDestroyer229

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LizzieTX 1 month ago
NTJ and bless you for putting May in her place. I will never understand people who try to dictate others' decisions.
I hope you have a wonderfully creepy and goth wedding, and a long and happy marriage.
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20. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Son's Inheritance To Pay My Stepdaughter's Medical Bills?

QI

“I (40m) have a son (15m) with my late wife Cassy. Cassy passed away when our son was 5. She was left a large sum of funds before her death because her death would have been preventable but her medical team was negligent. She used the funds to clear any medical debts, pay for her funeral and the rest went into a savings account for our son.

I have saved since but not as significantly as the funds already there from Cassy.

I remarried when my son was 11. My current wife Andi has a daughter who is now 11f.

Before we ever got married we had discussed finances, the kids, and how our blended family would work.

We spoke about savings for our kids. My stepdaughter has hardly any because her father cleared it out during his and Andi’s marriage and refused to contribute to it again. So she started a new one. Andi was aware my son had a lot of funds in his.

But she does not have access to his and I do not have access to my stepdaughter’s. We felt it was better to keep saving individually for our bio kid. And we agreed not to interfere. But everything else is together, so paying for medical stuff, household stuff, extracurricular stuff, etc.

Everything with that was fine until September. The brief description is my stepdaughter was born with some medical problems. These problems require daily meds and surgery on occasion. In September my stepdaughter had a surgery that went badly and created more problems. Andi found my stepdaughter a new doctor.

This new doctor discovered a further complication which required a new (and costly) medication in the short term and a big surgery to correct. The surgery costs a lot but we would pay it off eventually.

This is when Andi suggested asking my son if we could pay the cost directly from his savings.

I told her no. She told me if I explained that it needs to happen and he will still have plenty, it won’t be an issue. I told her it would be and that money is for my son not for us, not for anyone but him.

Andi went and asked my son anyway and without letting me know. He told her no and she raged at me which is how I found out. I told her she crossed the line. She told me it’s easy for me to say when my son isn’t the one living with medical problems. I told her that did not give her the right to ask my son, who is still a child, for funds.

Things got so heated that my son and I moved out because Andi and I did nothing but fight and she then went on to say some crazy things, like my son hates her daughter and wants her to die.

Andi’s parents have interjected now and called me out for refusing to alleviate the stress of medical bills for Andi and my stepdaughter by taking funds I did have access to.

Andi also said I showed how little I care for my stepdaughter. I told her we were still going to pay it so I don’t know what she’s talking about. But she and her parents called me a jerk. I’m still furious she went to my son and asked for funds after I said no.

AITJ though?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is your son’s funds. She has no right to use it. And yes she crossed a line. A big one. And even more for saying your son doesn’t care about his step-sister. This money is from his late mother.

Andi should go after her daughter’s bio dad and call him selfish for not paying. Maybe even take him to court for this – as he should pay child support and so on. Would give Andi an ultimatum. Either she apologize to you and your son for crossing this line or you are done.” Trevena_Ice

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ. But your wife is. First, you put your deceased wife’s funds into an account for her son. While you may be able to access it, morally it belongs to your son and shouldn’t be available to anyone else.

Please talk with a lawyer about how to safeguard this money for your son. Second, your current wife has fixated on this money and went behind your back to try to get your son to agree to part with funds after you already told her no. I hope you have a very clear will that addresses this account for your son.

It’s clear that if something happened to you, your wife would take this money and use it for her daughter if she could access it. Are you sure you want to stay in this marriage?” Valiantrabbit49

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It isn’t your funds to give.

End of. Period.  Your wife is a jerk for disrespecting you by going to your son herself after you said no. That is a huge red flag and would definitely be a hill to die on. As for her parents…they need to mind their own business.

The entitlement in that family is strong…and something I wouldn’t want to be a part of. ” Beautiful-Way-2259

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sctravelgma 2 months ago
Oh jerk NO. Your wife is being a real jerk and how dare she go to your son after you said no. And as for her parents, tell them to keep their nose out of your business. I am sorry but this would do it for me. I would consult an attorney A.S.A.P. and I would also consult the bank or whatever entity has tte scooter and make sure they know that no one else has access to that account because after her last stunt I would not be able to trust her not to try to go behind your back to try to access the account. I might suggest you give P.O.A.to your personal attorney and ask him/her for assistance in making sure that account is airtight and only for use of your son. Your will and any codicils necessary need to be as up to date as possible. Your attorney may even suggest that your don have a will. You and your late wife's family, if there are any members left, or if you have any siblings you would feel comfortable rekuing upon, need to make arrangements for a legal guardian for your son should anything happen to you because if you are legally married then more than likely the authorities would automatically assume your current wife would become his legal guardian and therefore sfe wiuld have access to anything of his. You may think I am crazy about him having a will but there are no guarantees in life and he could be in a vehicle accident or be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You need to decide that if such a tragedy did occur how would those funds be dispersed. There needs to be a plan and this is a hill to due on. I might also suggest asking your personal attorney fir a recommendation for a divorce attorney. I would never be able to trust her again. Without trust there is no relationship.
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19. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom When She Uses My Legal Name Instead Of My Preferred Name?

QI

“I (18F) have always hated my legal name. Ever since I was a younger child. Not because I didn’t identify with it in relationship to my gender, as I’ve always been a ciswoman (well, girl) and am quite happy with that, but merely because I don’t like it.

When I was younger, I recall (unnecessarily) branding the covers of my diaries with whatever name I was obsessed with at the moment—and my mother always crossing it out and replacing it with my legal name. My legal name is nothing terrible, nothing so esoteric it raises eyebrows, but still, every time she would insist upon it, this horrible feeling would overcome me.

Last year, I finally settled on my desired name—let’s say “Allison” for the sake of the post—and started formally introducing myself by it. I entered my freshman year of college and so it was as if I was given a blank slate; only a few who knew me by my legal name knew of the change.

I prefer it that way. I don’t even like hearing the legal name. Every person I consider to be important to my life calls me Allison.

Except for my mother who—despite my constant (sometimes pleading) requests—still refers to me by my legal name.

And I understand why she’s so attached to my legal name, but even in public—where I obviously introduce myself by the name I wish to be called—she insists upon it. So lately I’ve just stopped acknowledging her whenever she calls me by the legal name.

It might be petulant, but I find it quite disrespectful of her to repeatedly address me by a name that quite literally pains me to hear for reasons I don’t want to share online, especially in public.

She’s been icing me out for the past 48 or so hours because of it and though I’m not particularly troubled by it, as this is her typical go-to whenever we have a disagreement, I’m wondering if this is more jerk-ish than I perceive it to be.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – it’s not jerk behavior to expect your parents to respect you enough to call you by your preferred name. Full stop. I also don’t understand why your mom is acting like this either. If one of my children didn’t like the name I gave them and wanted to be called by something else then I would do that, no questions asked and no unnecessary crossing out of names like a child.” muicness

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Whatever the reason, your name is your name. You are allowed to change it. You will hear it every day, so if it doesn’t vibe with you right then the best thing to do is to change it. Your mother is being petty and you are refusing to allow her pettiness to result in arguments.

In time, you will legitimately stop responding to your birth name anyway, I absolutely don’t respond to mine anymore because it’s been 5+ years of my new name. Most people in my life either don’t know my birth name or have forgotten it! She’ll look more and more ridiculous the more she insists on using it.” camembert23

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… parents pick names for kids that they may not like. I named my daughter a “unique” name (not a “trajedeigh”, it’s a traditional spelling of a name that is common elsewhere). It’s close to more common names so I knew I was cursing her to a lifetime of people calling her the wrong thing or spelling it incorrectly.

I’ve always told her that while I love the name, she’s welcome to use a nickname, middle name, or change it. Fortunately, she loves it too, but I didn’t know her personality as a baby. Heck, people change their gender. Everyone can choose their own path and identity in this life.” Disneyhorse

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sctravelgma 2 months ago
If you are in college then it is assumed you are over 18. It shouldn't cost much other than a court fee, so go to the proper office in the county where you reside (assuming you are in the U.S., and file the form to legally change your name . Don't know where you live but in my state tne Family Court Judge reads over the form and if all is in order, it is signed and then recorded in tre County records and you are given a certified copy that you will need to get your name changed on your Social Security card and on your driver's license. You will need to go to the Registrar's office at your vollege to get your name corrected on all of your records. Then it will need to be changed on any bank accounts, any insurance such ss health or auto. If you have a car and it is on your name, that will need to be changed. If you are working and receiving a payroll check you will need to go to HR at your employer and have it changed. You will need multiple copies of that document that legally says your new name because each place will need legal proof of the change.
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18. AITJ For Blaming My Sister For Our Mom's Car Accident?

“My mom (67F) recently got into a car accident driving home from my sister’s apartment and I’m blaming my sister for it. My sister (38F) has a 10-month-old baby. She had the baby because she was getting older and didn’t want to lose her chance at being a mother.

The father is her former friends-with-benefits who agreed to have a baby with her but stated he wouldn’t be emotionally or financially active in the baby’s life. He already has a son he’s not involved with. My sister said she didn’t care who the baby was with and if the father was in the baby’s life, she just wanted a baby to raise.

She said she can do it all by herself but it became obvious that she severely underestimated how hard it would be. Not only is she a single mother to a newborn, she also has a full-time job and is struggling financially.

My mother has been co-raising the baby.

She drives over 2 hours away every few days to take care of the baby so my sister can rest. She has also been giving my sister money every month. My mom has expressed to me several times that she feels like she was forced into this role and she can’t turn her back on my sister while she’s struggling.

My mom still works full-time and she was supposed to retire soon but now it’s all up in the air. She had plans to travel the world and now she has to postpone her retirement plans because she feels obligated to help co-parent my sister’s baby.

My mom is a decent driver and doesn’t usually get into accidents. However, she has gotten into 6 minor car accidents since the baby was born because she’s tired from babysitting and my sister lives so far away. My mom is an older woman and she gets tired more easily.

She shouldn’t be exerting herself so hard and I tell my mom that but she doesn’t listen and of course my sister doesn’t say anything to her. My sister also refuses to move back home even though it would save money and relieve some stress from our mom.

Last week, my mom got into a big car accident… her car flipped over and she’s been in the hospital since then. She broke her back and has a bad concussion, she has trouble remembering short-term things now. I don’t know what my mom’s life will look like once she gets discharged from the hospital. Yesterday, I blew up on my sister and told her it’s her fault that our mom is like this.

I told her if she wasn’t so selfish, considered the people around her, and made better choices this could have been prevented. I’m just so upset. I feel like my mom deserved to live her retirement in peace and my sister stole that from her.

My sister started crying and my aunt/uncle told me I was wrong for this. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Your sister did not cause the accident, your mother’s inability to set boundaries is her own fault. Your mother sees her daughter struggling and wants to help.

That is fine. However, she extends more than she feels comfortable with – that’s her own choice. She does not have to do it. She could just as easily handle it some other way, like telling your sister that if she wants help she needs to move closer to home.

Your mom (and nobody else) is in charge of her own life. Let her accident be a wake-up call that she is mismanaging her affairs & needs to decide how to resolve the fact that her daughter has created a situation with problems that the mother does not have the power to fix.” mifflewhat

Another User Comments:

“First of all, I’m very sorry for the situation that your family is now in, and I hope that your mom can make a full recovery. Unfortunately, I have to say YTJ. In my opinion, 99% of what you wrote here is irrelevant.

And it’s irrelevant because the simple fact is that your mom is an adult who has chosen to step in to help raise this child. Now, your sister may have indeed been irresponsible in her choices. But, your mom chooses to continue to help your sister out.

Yes, I know you said that she “feels forced”, but in reality, if she really didn’t want to or really couldn’t, she could stand up and tell your sister no. Your sister is not responsible for your mom getting in a car accident. I’m not saying that your mom is responsible either (I don’t know the circumstances surrounding it), but the accident itself is not on your sister.

And I think you were the jerk for blaming her for it.” Spirited_Cry9171

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s the jerk. Your mother got in SIX accidents in TEN months and still chose to drive impaired. She could have put her foot down, she could have slept at the sister’s house, she could have left earlier or told the sister she only babysits at her own home and the sister has to make the travel work.

Your sister isn’t a jerk for wanting to have a baby before it’s too late. She is a jerk for not establishing a viable support system for that baby. Society is the jerk because an adult woman can’t support a baby with a full-time job in 2024.

She didn’t make your mother drive impaired, though. You’re a jerk for blaming a woman who is struggling in an unfair system for the poor decision her mother made to drive impaired. Sounds like not taking responsibility for one’s actions is an inherited trait for her.” Kitastrophe8503

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17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Half-Sister To My Wedding Due To Her Past Actions?

QI

“I (25M) will be getting married to my fiancée Grace (25F) next year. We’re some time away from sending invites yet but the topic came up during Christmas with my family. My dad mentioned my half-sister Camilla (32F) and the fact I had not communicated anything about the wedding to her.

I told him it was because I was not planning to invite her. My dad’s reaction and my refusal started a dispute on the topic and almost 2 months to the day, it’s still an issue in which my dad and younger brother (19M) feel like I’m wrong and my mom and younger sister (23F) feel I’m right about.

Background to help explain my reasoning: My dad was married to Camilla’s mom and they divorced when she was 1. Camilla’s mom was actually a friend of my Aunt Jean’s (dad’s sister) until the divorce. She used Camilla to get back at my dad. She tried to deny him access to her, she attempted to move out of state with Camilla, and all kinds of other things.

It was messy. Dad and her shared custody of Camilla and Dad used the courts to make sure she stopped withholding and didn’t move.

When my parents met Camilla’s mom became fixated on a hatred for my mom that was really severe. She showed up and would yell at my mom.

It could be anywhere from my grandparents’ house to my parents’ house. She would create scenes and a couple of times the police were called to make her leave. She would always stop shy of divorcing. I only remember the trouble between Camilla’s mom and my family.

I also remember Camilla really being awful to my mom and regurgitating a lot of what her mom would say back at my mom. She was really unfair to Mom and Mom didn’t even have to be doing anything for Camilla to insult her. It wasn’t easy to be a witness at all.

I know stepfamily relationships are complicated and stepparents can be tricky for kids. I don’t think Camilla is wrong to not feel love for mom or to not want her to be her mom or her parent.

But it didn’t end there. When I was 6 Camilla’s mom was arrested and things got a little more crazy.

She threw stuff at our house when we were all home and Camilla was telling her mom when we were all home so she could come to do it. Camilla’s mom thought it would scare Dad into giving up custody and that he and Mom wouldn’t call the police.

Camilla’s mom did time and never got custody of Camilla back. Camilla was 13 at the time. Camilla still hated mom and as recently as two years ago, she still laughed about what happened and defended her mom. I heard her both say awful stuff about my mom and say she was glad her mom did it and what she did wasn’t wrong.

So for those reasons and the fact she doesn’t even consider me a sibling, I don’t want her there. Dad wants me to invite her anyway and my brother is like Dad’s biggest fan and his twin, sides with him. They think I don’t have a valid enough reason to not send an invite and let her come if she wants as a regular guest.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your siblings are free to invite that little horror show to their own weddings if/when that happens. As for dad – what is he even thinking??? Was he not around when Cammonster and her mom were pulling their antics?

Did he suddenly suffer partial hearing loss every time Cammonster berated and insulted your mother? I would tell them her being invited is not ever going to happen, and it’s best they drop it entirely unless they’d like to join her on the not invited list.” Ok_Conversation9750

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are 25 and a full-grown man who has thought this through and reached a logical conclusion. You won’t be fully able to enjoy your special day if she’s there. You’ll be wondering if she might make a scene or say something out of line.

Camilla likely won’t be happy seeing you all happy on your big day, if she’s there. Don’t borrow trouble. I feel sorry that Camilla, like my own niece, was weaponized to get back at an ex-spouse (my sibling, in my case) who refused to give up his child and just go away when the other spouse filed for divorce.” Robbes_Watch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your wedding is definitely not the time or the place for a family reunion with someone who shows such disdain for the groom, his siblings, and their mother. If she still sees nothing wrong with what her mom did despite it landing her mother in jail and losing custody of her because it hurt your family, can you imagine all of the awful things she could potentially do to ruin your day?

I understand your father’s hope that by bringing her to your special event as a sibling and wanted guest things will magically be healed and everyone will get along. We all know that is not going to happen. Don’t cave or you and your bride will remember your wedding day for all the wrong reasons.” Charmingbeauty5562

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sctravelgma 2 months ago
Oh jerk NO. After her remarks and overall attitude towards your mom and your family there is no way in jerk she would get an invite to a dog and pony show much less my special day. If sre laughed and thought her mother's antics were funny even though it landed her in jail and took away her custody, I can't even imagine what type of stunt she might pull to sabotage your wedding. She might even bring dear old mom along. Just what you need - 2 crazies trying to ruin your event. Was your dad not present when she and her mother were executing their stunts? Did he not care that they were terrorizing his current wife avd family? Has he lost his f. - ing mind? Weddings and christenings, vow renewals, etc., are not the times or places to try to have family reconciliations. Who knows how that might turn out and it certainly should not ruin an event that means a great deal to the parties involved. Tell dad and any other people who want to yap about it, "I said no. That is a complete sentence. I will not entertain any further discussion on the matter, and if you continue to insist on bringing up the matter, you will be uninvited to my wedding. If ever there is an event that needs security I would suggest both the wedding and reception have ample security and should either or both show up, let security refuse entry. If they become belligerent, call 911 and have them arrested for trespassing.
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16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Foods To Touch On My Plate?

QI

“I’ll start off by saying I (22M) don’t like my foods touching. When I have several different foods on my plate I have them far apart because I can’t stand it when one food doesn’t taste the way it should.

Due to this I usually only put on my plate what I eat in the moment. For example, if I’m eating a meal that includes chicken and rice, I’ll put the chicken on my plate, eat it, then put the rice on my plate and eat it.

This usually isn’t a problem at all except for in restaurants where I just deal with it and try to push the foods apart as much as possible. My mom never liked this and always scolded me for it, but after I moved out it wasn’t ever an issue again.

That was until a few weeks ago when my partner (24) got annoyed by it. We were eating dinner and complained that I’m eating like a toddler. I didn’t exactly respond and just went on with my meal. I’m usually the one making dinner and we don’t see each other over lunch, so for the past weeks, I’ve been making foods that are just one kind (like Spaghetti.

Foods where you don’t have several different subcategories and it’s just one thing) to avoid her getting upset about how I eat again.

Now she’s caught on to it and is upset at me that I’d rather cook something entirely different than eat like an adult.

That kinda hurt me so I asked her why it’s an issue because it doesn’t affect her at all and it’s easier for me to eat this way.

Now she keeps making comments about me being a “manbaby” and I’m considering if maybe I should just be less difficult, and pull it together.

I feel like none of my friends understand the situation and that it’s hard for me to eat foods that are touching other foods so I’m hoping somebody here could tell me whether I’m actually being unreasonable.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ as long as you don’t make a fuss out of it when you eat somewhere else but the way you wrote it you just “deal with it”.

And your post reads as if you might be one of us neurospicy people. I can’t eat a yogurt in one go because the way yogurt feels while eating makes me vomit at some point. Same with pudding shudder. Why is your partner making such a stink about this and insulting you?

It’s not her business to police how you eat and insulting your partner because you don’t agree with how they are eating their food is a huge no-go.” toffifeeandcoffee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you didn’t mention it, but is it possible you are neurodivergent and have some sensory issue?

That’s kinda what this sounds like to me. In any case, your partner is kind of a jerk. I really don’t get the big deal over how someone eats, it doesn’t really strike me as a problem.” ProximaCentauriB15

Another User Comments:

“My husband knows I don’t like my food to mix, I am fine with casseroles and spaghetti, but a serving of chicken and corn or beans should not really be in contact with each other.

Do you know what he does? He serves them in little ramekins so I can choose for myself, he doesn’t make fun of me or demean my eccentricities. He puts gravy on the side. He loves me and prefers I am comfortable. I do similar things for him it’s called a loving relationship, not a childish bullying name calling one.

NTJ.” Icy-Hippopotenuse

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Redneckdebutante 2 months ago
NTJ I do this too and I'm not neutodivergent. I just don't like the juices and stuff getting all mixed up. It's gross. I laugh about it and nobody cares. You need a new partner.
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15. AITJ For Snapping At My MIL Over Her Constant Criticism Of My "Gap Year"?

QI

“I F26 have been with my fiance, M26, for 3.5 years and we live together. He completed grad school two years ago and has been working.

He was in an accelerated program so what would’ve been 7 years of school between undergrad and grad was only 6 years. It’s a big point of pride for his family, especially his mom.

I never really thrived in academia, so I took a year off after undergrad to work, live on my own, and figure out whether I truly wanted to pursue grad school or not.

It was the most fun year of my life. But ultimately my career aspirations were solidified during that year and I needed to go back to school to pursue what I wanted. I’m currently in my final semester of law school.

MIL frequently brings up the year I took off from academics after undergrad, referring to it as my “gap year.” Which I guess is technically correct but I never viewed it like that-  when I took that year I was genuinely unsure whether I’d ever pursue more education.

That’s beyond the point, anyway, MIL makes it abundantly clear she looks down upon this year. Comments about how I’d be “in the workforce for a whole year by now if I hadn’t taken the gap year,” how my fiance and I would have already been married by now (waiting until I’m done with school for the wedding), and how my fiance is “two years ahead of me.”

My fiance and I split rent/utilities, but since I work part-time right now and he works full-time, he tends to contribute a larger percentage to groceries, misc household expenses, expenses for our dog, etc. It was mentioned to MIL once when she asked and she’s not happy about this either and talks about how if I hadn’t taken the “gap year” I’d have only cost her son extra money for one year instead of two.

It’s literally constant, just about every time I speak with MIL she makes a negative comment about the “gap year” I took. She visited last weekend and was constantly bringing it up and I eventually snapped at her that if I hadn’t taken my “gap year” I wouldn’t have been in the headspace to even attend law school and that it was time for her to shut up about it.

I also reminded her that her son has six figures of student debt and I have ~15k, and said something along the lines of “So which of us is really more ‘behind’ financially?”

My fiance supported me and reminded her that 26 is a normal if not young age to be finishing law school and told her that he agrees she needs to stop bringing it up.

She left crying and saying that we attacked her. FIL is asking us to apologize. AITJ for standing by what I said?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You already sucked up way too much of MIL’s behavior. She has showed no sign of slowing down or shutting up about something that is in no way any of her business.

She needed to be told bluntly, or it never would have stopped. Don’t apologize. Stand firm and tell MIL and FIL if they want to be a part of your lives, they’re going to have to stay in their lane and out of your business.

Ask MIL exactly what she expects to accomplish with her constant harping on the subject of your “gap year.”” Seed_Planter72

Another User Comments:

“No apology required. Your fiance is on your side (and should be the one to shut this “gap year” tirade down if it continues.

It’s his mother). That said, being a lawyer, I’ve no doubt in your ability to argue your case. Continue to rebuff MIL’s nonsense until she pulls her head in. Her ‘crying’ is just her attempt at emotional manipulation, playing the ‘victim’. You didn’t ‘attack’ her – you rebuffed her attempts to badger you.

Perhaps your fiance needs to speak with his dad, to set him straight. Who knows what MIL told him! NTJ. Good luck OP!” Equivalent_Mode5378

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your fiance doesn’t care about taking care of the extra expenses, it doesn’t matter. Mental health is incredibly important, and there’s no shame in taking some time off to figure out what you want to do with your life.

You can be proud of one person’s achievements without diminishing someone else’s.” Marvel_Is_Life13

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LizzieTX 1 month ago
NTJ. Some people just have to pick and pick and pick about something to try to maintain control of a situation. Your MIL chose your sabbatical year, which is really a fecking stupid thing to snark about. Your only mistake with her is that you took too long to shut her down, and she got used to being able to snark at you about it without you giving it back.
If I were you, I would continue to drive home the point about your lack of student debt compared to her darling son's, and reiterate that she needs to shut up about your "gap year" or she'll end up driving both you AND her son away. Some people just have too much time on their hands.
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14. AITJ For Finding Humor In My Partner's Work Incident After Her Promotion?

QI

“A couple of months ago, my partner started working a new role for airport ground operations which involved driving and getting some certifications.

The day she started, her company made a LinkedIn post with a picture of her about how she was the first woman to join the team and also encouraging more women to apply and get the certifications.

Literally the day after she messed up badly at work and crashed a vehicle into a plane. No one was hurt or anything but the plane was damaged and a flight had to be delayed. It was really silly since she accelerated when she thought she was braking and made it worse.

The same had actually happened to her while driving on the road once when she rear-ended a car.

It’s been a few months since that happened and I obviously didn’t say anything to make her feel too bad at the time.

However, we were just talking about it in conversation and I mentioned to her that I found it pretty funny since she messed up the day after they made that LinkedIn post about empowering women in these careers.

I thought since it’s been a while we could laugh at the irony together but she called me a jerk and accused me of making her confidence worse. She now works a different job in retail so it’s not like she’s still working there.”

Another User Comments:

“So, a big deal was made about her being the first woman at a particular job, she messes up badly right after, and apparently the job did not work well at all because she is now at a new job a few months later. Sounds like it was a bad and embarrassing experience for her.

And you found it “pretty funny”. Yup, YTJ.” DontAskMeChit

Another User Comments:

“I’m guessing she’ll soon be your ex-partner because the level of detail you provide in this post outs both of you and will further humiliate her. Your partner may not be the world’s best driver, but she can probably google and has friends, fam, or colleagues who can find this post. YTJ.” Hulalappool

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. One woman making a mistake does not mean all women can’t do the job. I’m sure plenty of men have made similar mistakes and everyone has just moved on. That post put a lot of pressure on her, and her nerves got the better of her.

You didn’t say if she was fired or not, but clearly, this is not something she jokes about – your comment was just rubbing salt into the wound.” alien_overlord_1001

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Redneckdebutante 2 months ago
Yes, yes, everybody knows it's extra special funny when women screw up because men never do that. Good grief, massive YTJ.
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13. AITJ For Rejecting My Mother's Interference In My Law School Choices?

QI

“Here is some background information:

  • Both of my parents are very wealthy multimillionaires. Both of them are at the very top of every hierarchy they are a part of.
  • I am an only child. My parents got married three months before I was born.

    They divorced each other when I was 17.

  • I graduated from what others consider to be an ‘elite’ college in 2014 but with poor grades and a mental health-related medical leave of absence on my transcript. I was an excellent student before, got multiple academic scholarship offers in HS.

    I believe the mental health leave was related to the fact that both of my parents constantly berated me that I am “not good enough” and I eventually had a mental breakdown under the stress of this, combined with the fact that where I went to school is just really hard to get through.

  • I worked in the commercial real estate industry from when I graduated college, to two years ago. This entire industry has been in a slow-motion collapse since the global crisis. I have been struggling to stay afloat off of what used to be my “side business” since.
  •  I took the LSAT and applied to law schools in 2023.
  • In January, I learned that I’d been accepted to a law school in Texas with a partial scholarship. I have also been accepted to a comparably ranked program in Florida with a full scholarship, but it is contingent on me establishing residency in Florida after the first year.

So here is the summary of the latest fight, and my AITJ:

My mother had a conversation with me last night about how she spoke to one of her clients, who is a partner at one of the top real estate law firms in Dallas.

She had asked me if I wanted to be introduced to him about a week ago, and I had said yes. She took it upon herself to have the conversation with him for me on my behalf. So she said that I had gotten into these two law schools with scholarships.

He basically reacted with “we only hire from SMU”, which is not the program I got into in TX. She added a ton of information to his response (it was a text message that she showed me later) about how the law schools I did get into were “not good enough” to impress this guy.

We were supposed to meet for lunch today to continue this conversation. I called to confirm the lunch appointment and she said her day was “falling apart and hectic”. I suggested we cancel lunch and just conclude on the call. To paraphrase, I said that I bet there will be other opportunities for people who go where I got accepted into, and I am not going to judge my own self-worth through the eyes of a guy I’ve never met.

She blew up and said that she has to “walk on eggshells” around me, “I had this conversation to help you”, “you need to value what he thinks”, “I am trying to get you onto the inside track”. Then she went completely silent. I asked “are we done?” and she hung up after a long silence.

She immediately texted me “I don’t need your nonsense”, to which I replied, “I don’t need you”.

So, am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“I’m a lawyer at a large firm. I don’t know which firm your mom dealt with, but I have never heard of a firm say that they only hire from literally one school.

Even if that were true, SMU is a good school. But it isn’t elite. It’s not even the best in Texas. I flatly don’t believe that they only hire from SMU. Are you telling me that if a guy from Harvard, UT Austin (which is higher ranked than SMU) or NYU rocked up, they’d turn them away just because they didn’t go to SMU??

Your mom is not telling you the truth. No firm works like that. ” QuesoDelDiablos

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Polish up that shiny steel spine and go live your best life. Nobody needs people in their circle who spend their time tearing you down instead of building you up.

Congrats on the scholarships. Take whichever one is best for you, and run with it.” savinathewhite

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Firstly well done for getting into Law school! Good job. The neat thing about these threads is that you get to be an outside observer without all the stress and emotions involved. In this case, it is blatantly obvious that both you and your mother have the same goal – a good outcome in regard to Law school.

Is your mum over-involved, yep! Is she trying to help, yep! Is it unhelpful, very probably! Is the whole situation escalating into the personal, hurtful, nasty territory? Sadly yes. It’s probably unhelpful also for me to say that it is almost certainly best for both of you to take a step back and perhaps re-approach after having a think about what you really want from each other and how you are going about it.

It’s unhelpful because it is really hard to do. Just as it’s hard to realize that if you don’t want her to be involved at all that is also an option. – For you – would you want your mother’s help if it was the useful kind?

What would be useful? How can you communicate that? – For your mother – can I provide what my son is asking for or am I too invested in doing things my way? Am I going to keep pulling in a different direction? But the very first step is realizing you both want the same thing at the end of the day, you appear to both be smart driven people and there are many different pathways to reach your goal. Good luck btw, it’s exciting and I wish you all the success in the world.” Something-bothersome

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Redneckdebutante 2 months ago
How is that useful? You didn't get into SMU, so talking to an egotistical jerk isn't going to change that and make you magically accepted there. So I see no reason for meeting this guy at all. Your mother is likely making this up to try to pressure you into succeeding. As if you aren't already trying. I'd take a break from her for a while NTJ
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12. AITJ For Charging Rent After My Nephew Accidentally Damaged My House?

QI

“I rent out my house through a service that includes insurance when it is in use. The insurance does not cover when I lend my house out to friends and family since they are not paying. I have regular homeowners insurance for that.

My brother was using my house with his family just after New Year’s.

It’s a slow time and I wasn’t going to lose out on much income.

My nephew stayed up late one night and didn’t go out for breakfast with his family. So he decided to make himself some food.

He started a kitchen fire. And he freaked out and called 911 instead of using the fire extinguisher in the kitchen.

He is 14 so I can’t blame him too much.

The smoke damage will cost about $8,700 to fix. I told my brother he could take his time paying me back. He said he wasn’t going to pay for an innocent mistake.

I needed the house in order so I just fixed everything.

I didn’t go through insurance since I do not want my rates to go up.

I was obviously upset so I posted about the fire and how upset I was at my brother. Pretty much all my friends and family took the side of the innocent angel.

They said it was unfair for me to expect that much money from him when he could have rented a hotel for 1/4 the price.

So I agreed. I said that from now on my house was off limits unless they rented it out or I was there and they came as my guests.

Since I only use the house with my family that means they can rent it all or use the only empty bedroom. It has a twin bed and a crib.

Now the howling started that I’m being unfair to them for something that wasn’t their fault.

I offered to take up a collection from them to cover the repairs or the increased insurance premiums and most of them shut up.

I directed them all to my brother. He got quite angry at me for blaming him for the situation. I said I wasn’t about to send a mob after my nephew.

I bought the house after I got a settlement from a worksite accident. I use the income to supplement the difference between what I used to earn at my old job and what I do now.

So I guess my question is am I the jerk for telling everyone who has a problem with me charging rent or stuffing a family into a room meant for two small children to talk to my brother about it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your brother deserves to be the one dealing with the flack. If I were him I would have at least offered to pay the increased insurance premiums. Or that amount monthly until the repairs were paid off if you didn’t go through insurance.

He is the one who wrecked it for everyone. And anyone who took his side I would not trust in my house.” No_Lavishness_3206

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – they aren’t on the hook for something that wasn’t their fault but you are?

They are mad their free cookies got taken away and are complaining about having to pay for cookies instead of being grateful for the free ones they got. And the parents chose to leave a minor whom they are responsible for behind. They are liable for that child’s actions according to the laws of most places.

If you wanted to you could sue them for the damages and they would have to pay (depending on where you are) and also, insurance in most places would not have counted this against you to have your rates go up if this was the only claim – I hoped you talked to your agent before you decided to take an $8k+ hickey.

As far as charging the rest of the family, if you are in the US there is a federal law about tax write-offs for the rental business for personal use in excess of 14 days per year anyway. And that $8k could be seen as a business expense.

I’d be upset if I was out of pocket $8k for a fire someone started while staying there for free and they didn’t even bother to pay for ANY of it. They are asinine and jealous and think what is yours should be theirs.” United-Loss4914

Another User Comments:

“Just want to point out here that insurance is there for a reason. If you’re never going to use it because you don’t want your rates to go up then what’s the point in paying premiums in the first place?

Just don’t have it. Contrary to popular belief your premiums do not skyrocket if you make a claim. It’s only if you make 3 claims per calendar year and then they have to be pretty big claims. Also, let’s for argument’s sake say that they did increase your payments by say $20 a month, it would take 400 months to add up to $8000 of damages.

$20 a month isn’t that life-changing but paying $8000 in one lump sum is hard. It was an accident, again, that’s what insurance is there for. You should have used the insurance and if your rates went up, ask your brother to just cover the monthly cost of that.

This is all very unnecessary.” PostCivil7869

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11. AITJ For Criticizing My Sister's Ideal Man?

QI

“A couple of weeks back I (M27) met up with my sister Jean (F29) for lunch, and during our lunch we began to talk about our romantic lives. Jean told me that she hadn’t had much luck in the romance department because she couldn’t find anyone who met her preferences; she did also tell me she wasn’t getting any matches.

I was concerned so I decided to look at her profile and saw that other than a few photos, it was simply a list of demands for what she needed in a partner. Among the demands were the following:

1) Must be between 30 and 40 inclusive. No exceptions.

2) Must be white or black. No exceptions.

3) Must be six feet or taller, and in good shape. No exceptions. (she’s about 5’4″)

4) Must make at least $85k annually through a white-collar job. Some exceptions. (she makes about 55k)

5) Must be willing to pay on the first date.

No exceptions.

It went on like this for a few more bullet points. After I finished reading it, I told her that while she was entitled to her preferences, listing them all out was probably hindering her chances of finding a man; I also told her to ease up a little, as this would help her get more matches and maybe find someone.

She then snapped at me for invalidating her preferences and we argued about this for a little while, and we haven’t really talked since.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were honest. You told her that while she is entitled to her “list of demands” they might be hurting her.

The money points are really what’s likely turning men off. Also, I find that well-to-do, tall, physically fit men who are stable in life are usually hooked up/married by the time they reach the 30 – 40 age range. She can make whatever demands she wants, but she also needs to understand that hunting for a unicorn is an arduous task.” Discount_Mithral

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If they truly were just “preferences”, they wouldn’t be listed as nonnegotiable demands. I mean, she is entitled to standards. But she needs to understand that setting such high standards might carry the consequence of not finding such a person who also wants to be with her.

Oh, and massive stink eye for having race and height demands.” JPenelope

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you weren’t invalidating her preferences, you were pointing out that they are really shrinking her man-pool. What isn’t included in the post is that I’m sure a lot of men, even if they do meet these criteria, are really turned off by the brazenness and entitlement of her list. It sounds like Jean being alone is really best for both her and the men on that app.” Proof_Option1386

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Redneckdebutante 2 months ago
Unless she's mail-ordering a man, this list is a massive turn-off and she's gonna be alone with the only person who meets her exacting specifications - herself. NTJ
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10. AITJ For Taking In My Pregnant Sister-In-Law After My Brother Kicked Her Out?

QI

“My (m24) brother (m29) is married to a woman (27). They have been together for three years and she’s pregnant (barely, still in the first trimester).

To be honest I always thought that his marriage with her was kinda off? We’re white Americans, she’s from Panama and they met when my brother was working there, then they moved back here.

Like I’m not saying that Americans can’t fall in love with people from other countries, not at all. But you know those wealthy Americans who travel to places like Thailand to get a partner? The situation was like that to me, kinda off as I said.

Still, I never told anyone this because my brother, as far as I know, is a good person.

I have always been “close” to my brother, like we always watch games together and stuff you know? It’s us and two sisters, who are closer with each other, so we’re kind of used to this dynamic.

When he married, I also naturally became close with his wife. She’s a very kind and sweet woman, I was also teaching her English since she wasn’t good at it and I was studying to become a Spanish teacher. We have truly become very close…

So, fast forward to this week. My brother and his wife had a fight and (apparently?) broke up, and my brother kicked his wife out. I think that’s so awful really, she called me and told me about it, so I told her to get a taxi and come to my home.

The thing is, that now my whole family is upset at me. My mother has called me and told me a lot of nasty things about SIL, and at some point I had to hang up on her because she was getting too heated. My brother, same thing, he told me that I shouldn’t get in his business.

My dad told me I should be picking “blood” over a stranger.

Everyone is so mad at me and I feel like I’m tripping you know? Is what I’m doing really so awful here? Even some of my friends advised me to stay out of it and ask her to leave.

AITJ?

Edit: Op’s brother thinks his wife had an affair.”

Another User Comments:

“Where did he think she was going to go? Was he hoping she would be sleeping on the street? Look, being unfaithful is awful and I don’t consider it a small thing, but even if she was unfaithful, he can’t legally just kick her out.

She is legally entitled to go back to their shared home. They are married and there is a process. If she has no job then he will be paying some level of alimony. She is entitled to access their shared accounts. Also they will be able to do a paternity test while she is still pregnant.

What he is doing right now is setting himself up to get eviscerated in court if this does end in divorce. Info: if he has no proof why does he think she was unfaithful? He wouldn’t kick her out on a hunch.” satchel-of-richards

Another User Comments:

“I would say you are NTJ in your effort to keep your SIL and nibling off the street. Helping her get her life in order is an admirable thing to do. Suggesting your brother and his wife get into couples therapy ASAP to get to the bottom of their disagreement is probably the best possible outcome.

If he’s accusing her of being unfaithful there are a few possibilities: 1.) she was unfaithful 2.) she wasn’t unfaithful and your brother is being paranoid 3.) he was unfaithful and is projecting that on her 4.) he’s been watching those YouTubers who talk about men getting trapped into raising somebody else’s kid – those guys wreck so many marriages!

If he “has no proof” it’s probably a brother problem and not a SIL problem. All of this is none of your business, but for sure your brother needs to stop for a moment and consider making his pregnant wife homeless is probably gonna backfire on him in a big way.” savinathewhite

Another User Comments:

“That’s a tough one… If you REALLY know your brother, maybe you should ask yourself: is he the kind of person who would kick out his pregnant wife for no serious reasons? Kicking out a pregnant woman is never right, but are you sure you have the full story?

Because you might be getting yourself into something you shouldn’t have. In 3 years of marriage are you the only person she’s friends with? Is there any way for you to help her without getting as involved? Are you closer to her than your brother? Just giving you some food for thought, but it’s difficult to decide without more details about the real reason why they broke up.” GreedyInspection6346

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Redneckdebutante 2 months ago
You cannot kick a pregnant woman from another country out onto the streets to sleep under a bridge, especially if she's family. He's trying to use you to punish his wife. That's not cool. NTJ
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9. AITJ For Leaving My SIL's Baby Shower Early To Host My Annual Super Bowl Party?

QI

“I (20something f) have been hosting large Super Bowl parties my entire life.

It started as an annual tradition with my parents, and with them getting older and downsizing, my husband and I have taken on the hosting of this event. This year my pregnant SIL (husband’s sister) is expecting her first child and will be hosting her baby shower during the big game.

SIL has openly admitted in the past she enjoys hosting her celebrations on major holidays, long weekends, etc. to “see who really cares”. I never received an actual invitation to her baby shower. Instead, I received a text at 11:30 pm 3 days prior to the shower, from SIL’s husband asking if I was attending.

I explained to him I never received an invite but of course I would be there if he provided the details. I then received a text from SIL’s husband’s mom with no actual day or time of this event, rather just a link to the gift registry.

I immediately bought and sent my gift.

After chatting with my husband, and in-laws I finally received the details of the baby shower. The event is scheduled to begin around 4:30 pm on Super Bowl Sunday, at a restaurant about 40 minutes from my home. I had mentioned to my husband I was planning on stopping in to the shower for maybe an hour or so and then hurrying back home to begin hosting our Super Bowl party, which would be over 25 people who planned to arrive by 4.

I did not think this would be an issue considering I’ve already bought and sent my gift, and I would still be attending – just not the whole party. Well, this has caused quite the feud between my husband and me, as he thinks I am being disrespectful by “just getting up and leaving”.

For the record, I am not very close with this SIL, and we tend to distance ourselves most of the time. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But I don’t think your sil is worth the drama it’s causing in your home especially if she deliberately sets these things up to conflict with major events.

That kind of behavior is a bit narcissistic in my opinion. you’ve seen to a present I would just leave it at that and she thinks that’s the amount you care then yeah well that’s the amount you care. Especially since she didn’t bother to invite you and you were meant to find out by some form of group telepathy.” AffectionateTruck984

Another User Comments:

““Sorry this is the first I have heard about the baby shower, unfortunately, I am hosting an event that day already. I hope SIL has a lovely party.” You’ve been set up and if you go you are enabling future drama.

Your husband is right, “just getting up and leaving” to go to SIL’s shower would be a jerk move (I assume he’s talking about you leaving your home). You would be the jerk to bail on the event you are hosting, in order to prove “how much you really care,” for SIL’s shenanigans.” ResoluteMuse

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Does your SIL know that you host a Super Bowl party each year? I’m amazed that there are people who test their friendships by hosting celebrations on holidays, etc. ‘to see who really cares’. Further, who sends an invitation without including the time and date?

Additionally, why is your husband giving you grief about this? That is worrisome. I’d tell him that if getting up and leaving is disrespectful then I’ll just stay home. The fact that you sent a gift and are planning to make an appearance while prepping for and hosting your own event means you are a hero!

Again, NTJ!” Pleasant_Test_6088

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Redneckdebutante 2 months ago
The heck with this "test." I'm pretty sure the real test is if you weren't issued an invitation, then they don't really want you there. I care exactly enough to send a gift and skip it. NTJ
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8. AITJ For Selling My Wife's Rejected Lunch To A Co-Worker?

QI

“We’ve been married for 3 years and we both work, almost a month ago she told me that we’re spending too much money buying food for lunch at our work and, in order to save more money, she will begin to cook.

That endured 2 weeks, and then she began to skip the days because she was too exhausted from work, I understood that and I was the one who began to make the lunch for both of us, normally I wake up at 6 am to prepare for work but I began to wake up at 5 am to have time for cooking.

Yesterday she woke up in a bad mood, she saw me cooking, almost finishing it, and tasted the roasted meat, she said it was gross, her exact words were “it never tastes good, but this time it actually tastes disgusting, don’t make lunch for me.”

It actually hurt me since she never had any objections before, even when I asked for ideas to improve, she just said “it’s delicious” or “it’s indeed good, actually better than mine.”

I of course didn’t say anything since we had to prepare for work, but I took her food taper with me since I didn’t want the food to waste, I don’t feel good when we have to drop food to the garbage, so I was planning to eat my lunch as a lunch and hers as a dinner since I was planning to make extra hours at work yesterday, so that the food wouldn’t waste.

The thing is that I have a coworker who yesterday didn’t bring her food to work. I know she always cooks for herself, but yesterday she arrived late at work and without her lunch box.

Then she began to ask anyone in our area if someone could sell her our lunch, in my work it’s normal for people to sell their lunch to others, and with that money to go eat outside, the common thing is that men sell the food their housewives cook for them.

I decided to then give her the extra food taper I had, she was glad and thanked me, and at the end of the day when she returned me the empty taper (already cleaned) she said that it was delicious, that I’m lucky to have a wife with good taste in cooking, and then she paid me.

I laughed internally since I was the one that made that food, and I actually felt a little better, much better actually, I was still hurt so I teared up a little but I controlled it since I was at work.

Returning home my wife asked me what happened with her food, I told her the truth, that I sold it and now we have enough money to cover an extra day for transportation, I was seeing the good side in this, actually.

I supposed I should’ve lied, she got REALLY mad, she said I had no right to do it, that it was her food in the first place, and that maybe I used it to flirt with my coworker.

And now she doesn’t talk to me.

I’m not expecting her to apologize, actually, but I don’t think I did anything wrong nor a jerk as she said, so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Personally, I wouldn’t prepare lunch for somebody who disrespected my cooking like that, but that’s me. Your wife is a real piece of work.

She’d be just as mad if she came home and you had eaten it. At the point that she said it was disgusting and that she didn’t want it, she no longer held claim to it.” RandoCollision

Another User Comments:

“Oh, she should be glad you got rid of the disgusting food she didn’t want to eat.

Something is going on, and it isn’t your cooking. NTJ and maybe your wife can eat some peanut butter on crappy white loaf bread until she shows some appreciation or starts making her own lunch, since yours sucks so much (in her opinion).” YouthNAsia63

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you didn’t even give anyone anything. You sold it. Which is a really odd flirting technique. Fellas, if you want to impress her, just give her the food. Also, it wasn’t her food. She made it plain she didn’t want it, so it defaulted to you.

It was your food to do what you want with it. I feel like this was defensiveness over her own rude behavior repurposed into an offensive stance. Deflection is a tried and true method to avoid owning your own crap.” Born-Eggplant8313

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MadameZ 2 months ago
Have a think about any other unreasonable behaviour your wife has shown recently. Do you spend a lot of time feeling as though whatever you do will be wrong If she has always been like this then she is a bully; if it's something new then she may be thinking about ending the marriage by trying to drive you away.
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7. AITJ For Letting My Parents Move Into The House My In-Laws Helped Pay For?

QI

“My (28F) wife (29F) and I were lucky enough to receive major help with buying our first house as a wedding gift from my wife’s parents (they paid a down payment of 50%, and we pay the monthly mortgage).

Her parents are very well off and both make over 250k each a year. They do not have to continue to work but they often travel for a good 8 weeks of the year and in general want to continue to work for a few more years to support their lifestyle.

My parents however live a more modest life. They can pay for what they need and a lot of what they want and own a house in a small rural area.

My in-laws live a 15-minute drive from where our house is, I am pretty sure part of the down payment gift was to ensure that we remained close to them.

My wife and I are expecting our first child together in May and are super excited. We’ve started to discuss child care options and in our city a spot in a baby room at a legit daycare is almost 2k a month! My parents knew about this struggle and my mother offered to stay and watch our baby once we’ve run out of maternity leave (baby will probably be 10-11 months).

They however live over two hours from where we are so I offered them the bedroom and washroom in our finished basement. My father’s workplace would actually be less of a commute from our place than where they live now.

So in this idea my parents would live with us while my mother provides free child care.

This would save us a lot of money and ensure that they have an active role in their grandchild’s life.

However, when we told my in-laws about it it was awkward. And then later my wife came to me telling me that they weren’t comfortable with us letting my parents live for free in a house they paid for.

She said that they offered to help pay for childcare if that was an issue.

I feel as if they don’t get to have a say in what we do with our house considering it was a gift. We are very thankful of course but I don’t think we owe it to them to not let my parents stay with us.

I also think it’s unfair since they will be 15 minutes from their grandchild and could see them every day, while if my parents stay where they live now they will see our child a few times a month max.

Am I the jerk?

Edited to add: I of course discussed this with my wife before involving either of our parents, we were in an agreement prior to the conversation with her parents now we are a bit nervous (her more so than me).

We are also both women, we are a lesbian couple. I am the one carrying the child. I did not feel the need to mention that but it seems to influence a lot of people’s opinions based on who is the carrier.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your in-laws are using a “gift” as a way to control how you live, that’s manipulative behavior. It’s your house, period. If they paid for the wedding, would they have a say in your marriage? If they buy you dinner, would they tell you what to order?

No, because a gift is a gift – it does not buy them a vote in what you do. Your wife needs to stand up to her parents and make sure this does not set a precedent with them for future control.” Croissantal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but be aware that big gifts sometimes come with big strings attached. This is so awkward. I suspect you are right that the in-laws helped with the house to keep you near, thereby ensuring good access to your grandkids. Ironically, moving your parents into the house probably reduces their easy access to the grandkids.

I mean, instead of you relying on the nearby grandparents to babysit, they will need to coordinate with the live-in grandparents. So it’s not just the idea of you using the house in the way you want. It’s that the way you want specifically undercuts the precise thing that they were hoping to achieve.

That’s got to be pretty rough on them. On second thought, I’m wondering if you were at least a little bit of a jerk. After all, it seems that you understood precisely why they made the gift. Did you not realize how this choice would undercut it?” SushiGuacDNA

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – do your in-laws have a reason they feel “uncomfortable” with this arrangement? It reads as if either they’re the type of people who offer financial support just so that they can lord it over you later, or they don’t like your parents and don’t want to be forced to spend time with them when they visit.

Or both. Either way, while they were very generous to assist you with a down payment, that doesn’t buy them the right to decide what’s in the best interest of your family. All your points seem very rational, and doubly so considering that your wife was initially very much on board with the plan.

Of course, I’m assuming that you have no intentions of permanently moving your parents in. I suppose it could help if you actually map out a 3-4-year plan and explain to your ILs why this option makes the most sense for everyone. They will probably try to throw money at the problem, which of course doesn’t address the root cause of wanting your new baby to bond with all four of their grandparents.” No_Introduction1721

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Redneckdebutante 2 months ago
Lesson #435 to not accept big gifts from people. Either it's your house or not. If it's theirs, then move somewhere else they can't claim. If it's yours, tough luck. Time to grow a spine. NTJ but your wife absolutely is. How long are you supposed to owe them?
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6. AITJ For Taking My Neglected Neighbor's Cat To The Shelter?

QI

“One morning a couple of weekends ago when it was particularly freezing cold outside my husband and I heard a cat we’ve never seen before crying outside on our porch. He was a very sweet and friendly guy.

No collar and no claws, so this sweet little guy is also defenseless out there. He had a bloody nose and wasn’t neutered and when we brought out a can of cat food (we have 3 cats already) he ran right up to us and started gobbling it down, so pretty hungry.

We got him into a carrier and posted all over Nextdoor and the local social media page for lost/found animals, but after a couple of days with no response, we took him to the local animal rescue where it was discovered that in addition to not having a microchip, he had FeLV (feline leukemia) and FIV (Feline HIV).

Anywho, we would have adopted him except that we already have 3 cats, and FeLV in particular is very contagious and deadly – statistically, this cat only has about 3 years to live, best case scenario.

Well anyway, he got adopted very quickly, which is awesome, but then like two days later we get a knock on our door and it’s our neighbor two doors down who says it’s her cat.

She has pictures to prove it so I’m pretty sure it’s her cat, but also she clearly took appalling care of him given his state. AITJ for taking him to the shelter?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I think the people saying otherwise don’t fully grasp the time and resources it takes for a person to go door to door and put up individual flyers compared to taking the lost animal to a shelter that has more reach.

It is possible the cat got loose and was out for days but the owner just now stopping by to look??? No that doesn’t sit right. Like others have said, taking the cat to a shelter was the best thing you could’ve done in this situation.

Shelters have the people to give the cat a check-up, make sure it’s okay, keep it from other cats, and make sure it stays as healthy as possible. They also have a way to scan for a chip and access that information. Shelters also usually have a “stray hold” period for animals that were found and brought in.

You did the right thing, OP.” Vixtoria01

Another User Comments:

“Okay, OP had the cat “a couple of days”, looking for the owner. Then took the cat to the shelter. Shelter had the cat for a few days at least, to do a health exam, get read on personality, and get the cat adopted out.

That’s not an instant thing. Then a couple of days after that, the neighbor comes over and says hey, you have my sick cat. We are talking about a minimum of a week before the owner surfaced. NTJ.” Sweet_Cinnabonn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you did what would be reasonable before taking it to the shelter.

If they didn’t show up until days later, then they weren’t looking very hard. Here’s hoping the poor little thing ends up with a much more stable and happier life. Thank you for tending to the little sweet pea.” many_hobbies_gal

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5. AITJ For Hanging Up On My Partner When He Games During Our Calls?

QI

“I (22F) and my partner (23M) are in an argument. He is a gamer and plays online games which can not be paused. I respect this, and if I know he is gaming and I want attention when we are together I will ask him if he can take a break after e.g. 1 or 2 matches.

When we are together, this works well.

We have now been apart for 1 month, while he works in another country. Due to time zone differences, we don’t get a lot of time to talk, he calls in the evening, and at the time it is morning where I live.

When we are apart, I have asked him to not play while we are on a call, as I feel like he is not listening to me while he plays and want to be able to fully communicate with him during our short little calls.

However, in almost every single call (face time), he starts off with not gaming, and maybe 5 minutes into the call I start getting short answers like ”yeah, no, oh”, and I can see on his face he is focused on something else, he is gaming.

I tell him, every single time, to please just don’t start a new game before we finish our call, just wait 5 more minutes so we can hang up before he starts a new game, don’t call in case you are in the middle of a game.

I can tell he is not listening and it feels like I’m talking to a wall. He says he can listen and game at the same time and I shouldn’t be so dramatic. He tells me he can’t keep his friends waiting. He knows he will call, yet doesn’t spare even 10 minutes of time so we can talk without him gaming.

His friends and game seem more important than a 10-minute call with me.

I have started to hang up when I notice he is gaming. He knows why I hang up, yet always asks ”what is wrong” after, and then proceeds to tell me I am being dramatic as he listens just as well when he is gaming as when he is not gaming (def not true).

He tells me I am being unfair to him when I just hang up. AITJ for hanging up? Am I just being dramatic and unfair?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It doesn’t matter if he thinks he can carry a conversation while gaming. It’s not how you view quality time.

Your cup gets filled a certain way – he doesn’t want to fill it. Find someone else who will fill your cup the way you need it filled. I promise they’re out there.” _Neurodivergent

Another User Comments:

“I’ve been in the same shoes as your partner and I can say that you are not at fault for feeling upset with him.

Pauseless games require your attention constantly so there’s no way he can multitask no matter how much he thinks he can. Honestly, the least he could do is move his gaming sessions 10 minutes later so that it doesn’t conflict with your usual calls. If that’s too much for him to do, idk what to tell you.

NTJ.” Quirky_Tangerine00

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you are letting the problem continue. Is this the life you really want? If he can’t even spare a few minutes to FaceTime you “his partner” then he really doesn’t care. You have to figure out your own worth and find a man who shares interests with you and will put down what he is doing to talk to you and interact with you.

I do a lot of online gaming with a whole age range of males and the bulk of them would put the game down in an instant if their wife/SO wanted them for something, some have a time limit to game each day, and these are grown men, they respect their other half and their homely duties.

He is not gonna change when he gets back and you’re just going to be sitting by yourself wasting time with someone who does not put you first. Time to not answer any more calls from him and move on. I would send him a text/email explaining your feelings and why you feel disrespected during the call and then tell him not to call you until a certain date (say a week) and just don’t answer the phone.

If he rings on the date and still games the relationship is doomed.” Late-Boysenberry6649

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4. AITJ For Eating My Husband's Cheeseburger After He Gave My Food To Our Kids?

QI

“My husband and I have 3 sons. Last Saturday, he took them out to run errands while I stayed home to do housework. They went to McDonald’s on the way home and brought food back for me. I told them to get me a 10-piece chicken nugget and medium fries.

Apparently, the boys were still hungry in the car after eating their meals and asked my husband if they could have some of my food. He told them they could have “a couple of nuggets and a few fries.” His reasoning was that I rarely finish my whole order — which is true.

I usually eat 7-8 nuggets and most of the fries.

Well, they each took 2 nuggets and a few fries. Which means that what was handed to me for lunch was 4 nuggets and about 1/4 of the container of fries.

My husband has this habit of buying himself 3 extra cheeseburgers (the little thin ones) when he goes to McDonald’s so that he can eat them for breakfast the next day.

He puts them in the waffle iron to reheat them. He swears it’s his favorite breakfast. He’s a weirdo. Anyway. Knowing he had already eaten his full McDonald’s lunch and he still had those cheeseburgers, I asked him for one so I could have a full lunch.

He said no because he needs them for breakfast.

Here’s where I might be the jerk: I took one and ate it anyway. I was hungry, and annoyed that my food was eaten, and it didn’t make sense to me that he would deny me a full lunch so that he could have breakfast. He still has 2 cheeseburgers for breakfast. He can have an egg with them or something if it’s not enough food.

He got mad that I ate his cheeseburger, and doesn’t think it’s the same as him letting the kids eat my food, because he didn’t realize they took that much so he didn’t intend to upset me. Whereas I knew I was upsetting him when I took the cheeseburger.

He thinks I could have just eaten leftovers or something. But like… he could do that too, and should, since he gave my food away.

AITJ here? He thinks I am because I took his food after he said no. But I was not given the opportunity to say no before he let the kids take my food, so it’s not a fair comparison.”

Another User Comments:

“If the kids are wolfing down their meals and still need more food while still in the car, he should have bought them back-up food just like he buys himself back-up food. Alternately, he could have said, “kids, you just ate. Let’s wait until we get home.” It can take time for your brain to recognize you’re full.

He could have also stopped at another fast food joint on the way home. They’re only on every corner. Too hard apparently. The option he should not have gone with was, ‘sure, kids, eat most of Mom’s food. She doesn’t need it, and I’ve got back-up waffle iron cheeseburgers!” NTJ.” SolarPerfume

Another User Comments:

“The fact that he doesn’t care about your meals shows how he views you. He made sure he had a full lunch and three backup burgers. Your kids also had their own meals. But you were left with scraps and just had to deal with it?

Ask him if he would have the same reasoning if you allow your sons to eat more than half his food in the future before he even has a chance to have a bite.” EnvironmentalKoala59

Another User Comments:

“He should’ve given them his burgers that were already extra and allocated for tomorrow, and not touched your lunch that you didn’t even have yet.

Or circled back and got more food. Or figured out that the kids were going to want more food and ordered an extra order of nuggets and fries when he placed the original order. I mean there were so many other things he could’ve done before giving away your food.

NTJ.” Princess-She-ra

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DAZY7477 2 months ago (Edited)
I feel like he doesn't care about you or your needs. A good husband would make sure his wife was fed first before himself.
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3. AITJ For Lying About Not Buying A Lake House To Avoid Family Drama?

QI

“A few years ago, my husband and I told our relatives that we wanted to buy a country house by the lake.

In our country, almost everyone lives in apartments, so our families were very happy. My mother immediately decided that she wanted to arrange a vegetable garden in the yard of this house. My husband’s sister said it would be a great place where she could take her children for the summer.

My sister started fantasizing about family picnics. My husband’s brother “joked” that it would be a good place to get inebriated on weekends.

We were both terrified. We didn’t want any of this. We wanted to have a place where we could feel truly at home.

Where we can rest. Where we can arrange everything to your taste. Where there will be peace and quiet, and no family squabbles. Where we can raise our future children.

In the end, we decided to tell them that the deal had fallen through and there would be no house.

After all, it’s not even their business. We were the only ones buying the house, and it has nothing to do with them. We didn’t have to tell them.

We only told the truth to our best friends, whom we were sure would not spoil anything.

The house is really beautiful, and my friends and I often go there on weekends.

Well, two years have passed and my sister found out about the house by accident, because one of my friends posted a photo from there. Now our families are furious and call us greedy.

Many of the relatives don’t want to talk to us until we give them the address (my mom even asked for spare keys). This is exactly the hype that we tried so hard to avoid.

I don’t think we’re jerks, but my husband is starting to hesitate about what we should have done, so outside advice can help us.”

Another User Comments:

“If your relatives don’t wanna talk to you until you give them access to the house, I think that’s one problem solved. Don’t give them access, they don’t talk to you. And that’s that. No spare key for your mother. Send them links to lakeside airbnbs.

If they want to spend time at the lake, at a house, they don’t own, they should look into airbnbs. Keep your house to yourself.  Stand firm, OP. Think of all the plans they made for a house that’s not theirs. Then look at the beautiful home you’ve created and picture it being ruined by greedy and entitled relatives.

That should strengthen your resolve to keep them at arm’s length. NTJ. And neither is hubby unless he gives in to their demands. Your relatives suck though. ” solo_throwaway254247

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If they ask for the address or a spare key, tell them ‘that is exactly why we didn’t tell you.

This is our house. And you try to make it your safe party zone. No. And only if you can accept our boundaries and that this is OUR home and not anything for you, you will not be invited or told anything more.’ Would also install cameras there.

If they found a photo on social media, they might get the address via Google Street View or an old advertisement of the house – and then just think they could just drop by.” Trevena_Ice

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell your families, “Hey, we told you the deal had fallen through because you were all talking like you were entitled to share in OUR house.

This is our weekend home, it’s not yours to party in, we’re not giving anyone else our keys, and we don’t want you to raise a vegetable garden in our backyard. We go there at weekends to relax and chill. Sorry we lied to you, but your reaction right now says we were exactly right not to tell you honestly that we’d bought our house.

No, we will not give you the keys, the address, the location, or an invite.” …and install cameras in case they find it.” Enough-Process9773

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2. AITJ For Leaving The Restaurant Before My Daughter's Wife Finished Her Dinner?

QI

“I (58F) invited everyone in my family out for dinner at a nice restaurant for my husband’s 60th birthday. I told everyone about the event a month ago.

The guest list also included my daughter (Sarah – 24) and her wife (Elizabeth – 28F). Elizabeth works in a demanding, stressful but well-compensated corporate position. She does have a tendency to overwork herself.

Unsurprisingly, she was late to the dinner. Sarah said Beth had cleared her schedule for the day but there was a last-minute issue and she had to leave for work.

Elizabeth made it while everyone else was starting dessert. She apologized, gave us a fancy bottle of wine as a gift and sat down.

We were all done and ready to go but Elizabeth hadn’t fully eaten yet. It was getting late so as people started leaving, my husband and I also decided to leave as it was getting late.

We didn’t wait for Elizabeth to finish her dinner.

The next day I got a call from Sarah saying it was not okay for us to just leave them by themselves like that. I explained and said that it was getting late but she insists we should have stayed. I may be a jerk here when I said maybe she needs to take off her rose-colored glasses about Elizabeth.

She got upset and hung up the phone.

Was I a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. After the group has eaten the main course, a late arrival has effectively missed dinner and should not expect to order and eat. It was pushy and rude of Elizabeth to expect to eat, let alone have anyone wait for her.

Someone in a high corporate position should know that and treat her in-laws better.” TraditionalYam

Another User Comments:

“She arrived when everyone was eating dessert and she went ahead and ordered dinner? And expected you all to wait for her? That’s so rude. If it was ten minutes later I’d consider it a bit rude, but justifiably rude because she was rude first. But if it was more than that then you are in the clear.

NTJ.” CheerilyTerrified

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. When you’re that late for a dinner date… You call, apologize, make sure they get a gift, and maybe offer to treat them to dinner to make up for missing the birthday dinner. What you don’t do, is show up at the end and think everyone should sit there while you eat.

As for you, there was no need for the comment about rose-colored glasses. You simply could have stated that you disagreed with it being rude to leave when she was still eating. Cause I somewhat agree with you. While it is USUALLY rude to leave before someone is finished eating, it’s also very rude to show up (from what I can gather) over an hour late for dinner and expect someone to sit there while you eat.

She should have either had a dessert and placed a to-go order, not eaten and picked something up on the way home, or never went in the first place and made it up to you later.” SigSauerPower320

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1. AITJ For Celebrating My Promotion Instead Of Staying With My Hospitalized Pregnant Wife?

QI

“My pregnant wife has gestational diabetes and is still a few months away from giving birth. The doctors put her on insulin but it wasn’t working and her blood sugar levels were still high. She called the doctor and was recommended she go to the hospital.

She decided to drive herself to the hospital because I was at work, in fact I was in a meeting and didn’t know what was going on until after my meeting ended. When she got to the hospital they confirmed that everything was fine with her and the baby but that they wanted to admit her to get her sugar levels under control.

At work that day I received news that I was getting a promotion and I wanted to celebrate by having a few drinks at home with my buddy. I am always with my wife when not working, I only hang out at home with a friend about once a month.

I figured with everything being fine it would actually be a good time to hang out because she wouldn’t feel as left out, as she is unable to drink currently. However, I didn’t feel comfortable doing that without talking to my wife about it first.

After work, I packed some things for my wife, stopped at the store to pick up some stuff she wanted, and drove to the hospital to see her. She assured me that she and the baby were fine but that she was getting bored being there.

Eventually, I told her about my promotion and asked her if she minds if I drink at home with my buddy instead of sleeping there with her. She said she was ok with it, so I texted my buddy to let him know we were good and I would pick him up in a few hours.

When it was almost time to leave she started to act cold to me and then told me to just leave already, so I continued with the plan and I left at 9 pm to begin drinking with my buddy at home.

A few hours later she texts me and tells me that I’m a jerk for not staying with her and that she was very hurt by it.

I went to the hospital first thing in the morning to be with her and she refused to talk to me and told me to leave.

Am I the jerk for not staying at the hospital with her that night?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for even thinking of drinking with your friend when your wife is at the hospital, an absolute skunk for actually leaving her for an activity you could have easily rescheduled for any other day.

I feel so sorry for the wife who will inevitably become a single parent while married.” santaclawww

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I do not know how you could not want to be by her side. Just because she was fine then, what happens if something takes a turn?

Now you can’t drive and she is alone and scared. Step up for your wife and child. And guess what, when that baby comes, you better be ready to tell that buddy sorry those drink days will be gone for a bit.” Asl9622

Another User Comments:

“YTJ while your wife could have said “I’d rather you didn’t” you even just asking was an indication you didn’t want to. She wanted you to WANT to stay with her in this frightening time and you preferring to drink but “would stay if she asked” was already a loss state.” ExamAcademic5557

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