People Impart Their Worst Moments In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Move And Become My Grandmother's Caretaker Despite My Mother's Pleas?
“For context, I (26f) and my mother (53f) were at odds with each other, and I was forced to move away right in the middle of 2020.
It’s been nearly 4 years since I moved into the new place, and my mother called me wishing that I could move again due to issues I’m having with my landlord (a different post will be made about him at a later date).
My grandmother, who is nearly 70 years old, lives about 6 states away from me and would require uprooting everything I’ve worked for over the last four years for me to effectively become her emotional support human.
From the sounds of what my mother wishes for me, I would essentially be getting free housing, guaranteed time with family, and a safety net in case something horrific happens. All that I need to do is assist my grandmother with occasional things, IE taking her to a hospital when needed, and being her chauffeur when needed as well as helping to haul things for her business.
The highly unfortunate thing is that I highly despise my grandmother. She has always commented on my weight, and my appearance, and has the same argumentative habit that my mother had when I moved away in 2020.
I also don’t wish to contact my grandmother again.
I dread being around her because I know that she will comment on my appearance, that she’ll talk over me, and that she’ll disregard everything that I have to say as she did originally when I was a young child. She’s the reason why I have image issues and confidence issues that I’m still dealing with to this day in my young adulthood.
However, my mother thinks that it’s horrible that I don’t want to be around my grandmother for her last years. If my grandmother is anything like my great-grandmother, she’s going to live for another decade, and I don’t feel like spending a good chunk of my life with her.
My mother also claims that she has been trying to change as a person and that I should give her a chance. A part of me wishes that were the case, but I also don’t want to make the effort to see her again and it turns out that she has not bettered herself as a person.
I also want to reiterate that I don’t want to uproot everything again so soon. I moved across the country to get away from my mother, and I don’t want to move again for my grandmother, especially since it’s just been four years, and I’m coming close to keeping a job for a year out here as well.
I have too many nice things going for me, and I don’t want to be guilt-tripped into living with my grandmother for the rest of her life while I’m forced to live in the Southern United States.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, even if your grandma was the nicest lady on the planet, your mom would still have **no right** to guilt-trip you into uprooting your life and moving to an entirely new state.” AnakinSkywalkerisfav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your grandmother has shown you who she is. It’s ok to believe her. There’s no need to feel any guilt for that. It’s also not ok for your mother to ask you to uproot the life you’ve built for yourself. If she’s so concerned let her go look after grandmother.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the fact that you even ask says that you are not in a good headspace to be able to withstand the garbage you anticipate will come your way. Don’t sell your soul to them so cheaply. Please. Stay where you are and look after yourself and know that it’s the best choice for you and that’s the choice you should make.” corgihuntress
20. AITJ For Refusing To Engage With My Absentee Mom When She Unexpectedly Showed Up?
“My (21m) mom and I have a less than stellar relationship.
My parents are divorced, and I lived with her until I was 16. A couple of months before I turned 16, she started seeing a guy, and he didn’t like me at all. I always had to be elsewhere when he came around. Shortly after my 16th birthday, my mom told me I was going to spend the weekend on my uncle’s farm.
So I went and it was pretty fun. She didn’t show up the day she was supposed to pick me up, so I called her, and she told me I was staying with my uncle permanently. When I told him he was upset, rightfully so.
We both tried calling her, but she didn’t answer. We did everything we could think of to get a hold of her, but we couldn’t. The last time I saw her was a week later when she dropped off the rest of my clothes.
My uncle is technically not my uncle.
He’s just a family friend, but he’s the closest thing I’ve had as a parent for the last 5 years. (My dad and I aren’t close. His house was too full for me when my mom left). Honestly, a big part of me is glad this happened.
Shortly after I moved in, I got my horse. She’s a Clydesdale named Mary(6f) and she’s my best friend. I’ve been working on the ranch with my uncle since I graduated and I like it. I feel at peace.
Anyway, my mom showed up at the ranch today, I had just gotten on Mary.
It was funny, she didn’t recognize me at first. She came up to me and asked if I’d dismount. I didn’t. She told me this story about how she moved across the country with her ex because she thought she’d be happy with him then she told me that things didn’t work out so she found a place.
Then she demanded I “come home.”
I sarcastically said “Sure” and I got Mary to start walking. That set her off. She started after me and started ranting about how I needed to live a “normal life” and that I had to find a partner and not ride horses all day.
I stopped and said “As far as you’re concerned, this horse is my partner,” and that set her off even more. My uncle caught wind of what was happening and he came over and asked her to leave. She shouted, “I’m not leaving without my son!!” My uncle told her to leave again and threatened to call the cops if she didn’t and that got her to leave.
The reason I’m making this post is because my dad just sent me this long text about how my mom misses me and how she only wants what’s best for me. He then went on to say that I should give her a chance instead of threatening to call the cops.
He ended the text by saying I was a jerk for not even getting off my horse to speak with her.
AITJ for walking away when my mom tried to talk to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She abandoned you and then showed up 5 years later and just assumed you would go with her.
That’s not how things work. She made a choice and that choice had consequences. Additionally, unless you forgot to include it she didn’t even apologize! As for your dad. He wasn’t involved when you needed him so he doesn’t get to be involved now. Given your statements… Did you recently come out?
Or maybe your Mom recently found out you’re not hetero?” DisgruntleFairy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your mom forgetting the fact that you aren’t a minor anymore? She doesn’t have any legal hold over you & neither does your dad. Both of them are full of nonsense if they think that adult-you has to do anything they say 😀 So, *she moved across the country with her ex because she thought she’d be happy with him, and then she told me that things didn’t work out.* She didn’t care about you then & doesn’t care about you now.
What’s her angle? What does she think to gain from kissing up to you.” Straysmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mother used to try to demand I do things or go places when I was over 18. My response was, “You didn’t care where I was or what I was doing at 13, you don’t get a say when I’m grown.” People will tell you that your mom will always be your mom.
This is BS. If a doctor breaks his Hippocratic oath and purposefully hurts a patient, he is no longer a doctor. If a mom decides she doesn’t want to be a mom, she is no longer a mom. Actions have consequences. If a parent quits, they don’t get their job back.
You’ve picked up the pieces of your life. Way to go, BTW! Keep finding and cultivating your peace.” FamilyFunMommy
(please note: pimping out one's daughter isn't necessarily jerk trade, it may well be selling you to some 'respectable' man who wants an obedient servant-wife and is twice your age.)
19. AITJ For Stopping Financial Support To My Irresponsible Cousins?
“Me (F39), Cousin Lisa (F49), Lisa’s daughter Becky (31) and Becky’s husband Teddy (31).
B and T have three kids, 13 and under.
Lisa has never held a job for more than a year and a half to maybe two years ever. Becky and Teddy are in pretty much the same boat. They got pregnant pretty young and relied a lot on family and friends to get them going financially, to provide for their first daughter and now their two other kids, get them a car, etc. Becky has been a stay-at-home mom while Teddy has worked jobs spanning from a receptionist at a Veterinarian’s, a cell phone salesman, a DoorDash driver, a social media coordinator for a local pet store, a customer care representative at a call center, a pastry chef, and a payroll coordinator.
Every single time he’s mysteriously let go or he quits because it’s a toxic work environment or the schedule isn’t working out or something – this has been going on for the entire decade-plus Becky and Teddy have been together.
When B and T were kids (teens to early twenties), I often contributed to their “fundraisers” online or donated household stuff, and furniture, and sent them reasonably expensive gifts for holidays and birthdays.
However, I’m at the point where the constant asks for donations on their social media is not something I want to participate in. These two were at a Taylor Swift concert in Vegas earlier this year, and were posting the last day of the trip for donations to pay the hotel because they didn’t realize there would be taxes.
A few days ago was the latest GoFundMe request which Teddy posted alongside an eviction notice from their apartment complex and a notification that his car payment is past due. This is on the heels of selling their multiple television sets, video game systems, and a whole bunch of Marvel and other collectibles and memorabilia.
Usually, I give them something, but I don’t want to anymore. Then Lisa texted me the payment link, following up to make sure I had seen it because, normally, I am one of the top contributors. I said that I hoped things get better but I wouldn’t be donating this time.
Lisa picked and picked until I said I didn’t feel like the funds I was giving B and T were doing anything other than floating them until their next crisis and I didn’t feel like I was doing any long-term good. This turned into her telling me I should have said something sooner because I’ve set the precedent that I give them something when they ask so they’re “relying on me.”
I guess it HAS been a precedent set, but I didn’t think that past behaviour obligated me further. But now I don’t know and Lisa and I are on the outs. I haven’t spoken to either B or T, but I’m assuming they share the same opinion.
So AITJ?
AITJ for habitually giving in the past, setting a precedent that I’ll do so, and then suddenly stopping? Do I owe my cousins a warning?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they went to Vegas and didn’t realize there would be taxes? There’s no way they didn’t know, they had funds to go to see Taylor Swift but didn’t think to use those funds to pay rent or car payments.
You do not owe them anything, much less a warning that you’re no longer going to contribute to their terrible money management. Go low or no contact with them and live your life. It’s long past due that you stopped making their bad money management issues your problem too.” Altruistic_Isopod_11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “These two were at a Taylor Swift concert in Vegas earlier this year, and were posting the last day of the trip for donations to pay the hotel because they didn’t realize there would be taxes That kind of stuff is just failing at adulting.” This turned into her telling me I should have said something sooner because I’ve set the precedent that I give them something when they ask so they’re “relying on me.” Oh, that is *funny*.” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Money solves an immediate problem, but they’re living in a constant problem. They’re not learning to live within their means. They’re learning to live within the unreliable means of potential donations. Their financial burdens cannot become yours anymore.
We’ve all struggled and it’s okay to ask for help. What’s not okay is to *rely* on help instead of learning and doing better. If she’s going to cut you off for this, that’s her loss, not yours.” Additional_Jaguar_76
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Church While Studying Abroad?
“I’ve been having this argument with my parents for years now and it is one of the many things that has caused a wedge in our relationship.
The subject of the argument is the church.
My parents recently allowed me to pursue my education abroad. It’s my sibling’s former country of residence, which evidently, means they have made their fair share of friends here. My siblings and parents encouraged me to hang out with them, but unfortunately, that meant I would have to attend church.
I’ve never developed that spiritual connection with the G or J. I’m sure they’re lovely benevolent beings, but as a kid, I made a single request to the big guy and he didn’t grant it, shocker. But it was enough to solidify that he didn’t exist and it ignited my disbelief.
After the children’s church ended and I entered the adult section, the church became something I dreaded. I would hide in the bathroom just to avoid sermons, but my mom unfortunately caught on. I started to beg my parents to let me stay in the house and they would always say I could stop going once I graduated secondary school.
Secondary school came and went, but I was still getting dragged to church. I cried to my parents about my attendance and they assured me that they made no such promise and church was my salvation.
Flash forward to when I gained independence through studying abroad, I did take up my family’s advice to go church because I had nobody here.
I will admit, the people at the mass were welcoming, but sitting in church sucks. It was like I was back in secondary school again, feeling my mom’s eyes just stare at me, making sure I wasn’t falling asleep. I was almost expecting her to pinch me for not reading a Bible.
I went for a month until I heard the pastor share about some undesirable teachings. After the sermon ended, I sat to eat lunch with everyone. Nobody reacted as I did, I felt like I was an alien. The lead pastor sat next to me and talked to me again about his life how the big guy Jr. upstairs changed his life for the better and how I could share anything with them.
After that I never went back to church, I didn’t share what happened to my family because we don’t share the same views.
I’ve not contacted any church members or hung out with them since I stopped attending. My parents are visiting soon and want to go to church, they keep telling me it’s for my good and I need church to make friends and garner support for the future.
I feel bad for cutting off the people in church because truly they are very kind and nice, I do like chatting with them but I fear them possibly supporting the pastor’s views. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you can befriend whoever you like and decide what religion you want to be a part of, if any, but I will say – God is not a genie.
I wouldn’t base my faith off of God’s reluctance to grant desires, but that’s me! I hope you have a good time abroad.” Significant_Break149
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this religion or religion altogether isn’t for you, then don’t go. I’m sure ‘G’ will understand.
I’m pretty sure any decent pastor would as well. And if you’re a legal adult and have a decent support system outside of your family, your parents can’t force you to go. Honestly, if these people turn on your sibling just because you decide not to go, it’s not a very good church group to be associating with in the first place.” Owenashi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s nothing like organized religion to make you doubt there is a higher spiritual power. I suggest you go check out other religions. Learn about their histories and people. Find what teachings make sense to you. You don’t have to drink the Kool-Aid to learn or make friends.
Just keep asking questions. The sky guy isn’t a short order cook, they don’t miracle to order, and generally, anything you want is not what you need. Join an activist or interest group to make friends.” desertboots
(Yes, there are plenty of nice, decent religious people in the world - but the ones who are trying to force it on other people are never, ever, the good guys). Unless you have to pay lip service to their silly fairy tales, stand your ground and stay away from the cults. If you have to pretend to believe in one, look for a liberal, laid back one to attend.
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents See My Baby Right Away?
“For background, we found out we were pregnant at about 5 weeks and told my parents we were pregnant the following week.
Immediately there was an issue because my cousin’s wedding was on the same day as my due date. My cousin is like a sister to us and my parents raised her so they consider her their child. They planned to attend the wedding (in another country) and prayed (literally) that I would deliver earlier so they could be present at both events.
For the months and weeks leading up to the due date, I asked repeatedly if they would be present and they didn’t give me a straight answer. Finally, in the last weeks leading up to my due date, my mother admitted they were going to my cousin’s wedding and it was a shame the baby did not come earlier.
I knew they had already purchased tickets etc because my sister told me. I also found out they would not be back until a week and a half AFTER my due date.
Once my parents returned from their trip they called to ask when they could come over and we told them the pediatrician said they needed to quarantine for 10 days.
We have told all our friends who travelled the same thing. My parents said that’s ridiculous and we didn’t want their help which is why we are making up these arbitrary quarantine times. When I told them we were so exhausted and would have loved help earlier in the process we were met with “You will not make me feel guilty for going to my daughter’s wedding”.
They said the wedding had been planned for over a year and insinuated that my pregnancy should have been planned better.
We were also accused of withholding information when in reality we have shared every doctor’s appointment and discussed in detail all of my concerns about birth.
I ended up laboring for 72 hours of which about 60 of those were unmedicated. During this time we were getting photos of their trip and the preparations for the wedding. Even after birth, we have sent pictures every day and one of my sisters visited the hospital the day after delivery and we FaceTimed with everyone.
Additionally, my husband’s mother (who lives with us and has dementia) broke her hip and was discharged early from rehab back home so we were caring for a newborn and an elderly person at the same time. No one acknowledges how difficult our situation is just that they say they want to help and then say we never tell them what kind of help we need. We are surviving each day.
To add insult to injury my parents have not bought a single gift in anticipation of my child but somehow feel entitled to have me shorten this quarantine window so they can come over. We are still not even sure how excited they are about their first grandchild.
None of my siblings are in a relationship so this is currently their only grandchild.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you’re not a priority for your parents, they can’t expect to be a priority for you. They had their week of vacation abroad, and they are in no position to demand anything, especially after everything you and your husband had to deal with.
It’s outrageous that they didn’t even buy something for the baby or a gift for you from their vacation. Furthermore, you’re not making things up; it’s the doctors recommending quarantine. They are being irresponsible by disregarding medical advice.” Hour-Wind-2410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think they were wrong to go to the wedding.
It’s a hard choice and they weren’t going to win either way. They don’t sound particularly supportive, however, and self-centred. My suggestion is that you just focus on healing, on getting the hang of having a new baby, sleep, and enjoy yourself. Congratulations Mamma! Don’t let your parents ruin this lovely time for you.
Enjoy and don’t give away your concerns.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You’re a jerk for being self-centred and thinking they should have put their life on hold and missed a once-in-a-lifetime event for a very close family member so that they could be at your beck and call.
They have years to get to know your child. Your comment about not buying a gift and not knowing if they are excited says it all. On the other hand, they’re jerks for praying you would deliver early, expecting you not to follow your doctor’s advice that you have decided to follow and complaining that you are withholding your medical information (which you didn’t, but had every right to decide to keep private).
Honestly, you all sound exhausting. Stop trying to make your parents feel guilty, and start saying to people what they can do to help you.” cassjames6789
16. AITJ For Reacting Strongly When My Partner Showed Me A Picture She Knew Scares Me?
“I (22f) went out to dinner with my partner (21f) my sister (22f) and her friend (19f). Everything was going great and fine when we were gossiping but out of nowhere, my partner pulled a picture of the babadook on her phone to show me.
Now some context, the cartoon thing is fine, it’s the “real life” picture that scares me senseless. The movie didn’t scare me it’s just more of the face that makes me do a complete 180 and the pictures leave me freaking out, having an anxiety attack, and panicking (there have been times that I almost cried, I know it sounds ridiculous but it does frighten me).
However my partner knows how scared I am of the babadook picture, and she knew that very well when we were sending pictures of scary stuff (I sent her pictures of the leprechaun- a horror movie- then she sent that and we agreed never to send each other scary pictures like that after we both voiced our feelings.
So she is well aware because we’ve had the discussion before about my feelings towards the babadook.
Anyway back at the restaurant, she showed me the picture and I already felt like I was going to vomit and cry I will admit I raised my voice at her asking why she would do that and what her issue was.
But I only raised my voice out of fear, not once did I yell at her over anger not even after because I was still scared. I apologized to her when I calmed down in front of everyone at the table because I understood my reaction might’ve been out of hand but it wasn’t a conscious reaction it was I’m scared senseless fight or flight reaction.
We’re currently going back and forth about how she feels humiliated I have apologized multiple times and told her it wasn’t my intention. But she barely apologized at all and when I asked why she did it she said she thought it would be funny and it was just a prank.
I understand my reaction wasn’t the best and I apologized but it feels like she’s not taking me seriously or even taking accountability that the picture scared me even tho we had this conversation multiple times. I think I might be the jerk because of my reaction but it wasn’t on purpose.
But I feel like she might be the jerk for how she reacted towards me being scared. At the end of the dinner I paid for her to try to make up for my reaction (which I know isn’t gonna make up for it), but I’m still actively trying to voice how I feel with her.
My sister believes I was valid to react that way over something that terrifies me, but at the same time, she’s my sister. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve communicated and set a boundary, she decided to completely neglect such for her amusement.
That is called manipulation friend. She used something against you that told her in confidence, and when you reacted she tried to make you feel guilty. Not only is she manipulating your boundaries, but she’s trying to gaslight you for reacting to such disrespect. Shoving someone’s fear in their face is going to cause a big reaction, you’re NTJ for yelling IMO You’re allowed to be scared. You’re allowed to have fears.
You’re allowed to set boundaries. It doesn’t matter if you’re 22, 4 or 86. We all have fears. I’m afraid of deep blue waters, can’t even watch videos about them so I feel ya. You are human, you’re entitled to have feelings and voice your boundaries.” Watsraes766
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s doing something she understands triggers fear and anxiety in you. Your level of reaction to this does make me concerned that you may have some mental health issues that would benefit from therapy. You should be able to get help developing coping strategies any time an anxiety reaction to something that isn’t dangerous to you is causing you this much disruption.
However, that is no excuse for your partner to behave this way. Please stop apologizing and place the blame where it belongs.” LadyCass79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knew it terrified you and did what she did anyway. Yeah, that was a thoughtless thing for her to do.
I think you reacted in a very reasonable way and you are owed an apology. A proper apology where she promises never to do what she did again.” BeardManMichael
15. AITJ For Telling My MIL To Get A DNA Test For Her Son?
“I, a 30-year-old female, met my husband Stephen, 32, at a friend’s party, who was also his cousin.
We instantly connected and started seeing each other not long after. We have been happily married for 5 years now and have a 4-month-old son. I met my mother-in-law (MIL) at his uncle’s funeral, and he asked me to attend in support of him. Before we left, his cousin warned me about MIL, he said she wasn’t the nicest person, she had impossibly high standards to meet and could be judgemental, so don’t take it personally, as she’s like that with everyone.
I did ask my husband and he agreed that MIL can be quite judgemental, but not to worry, that he will be there for me. I felt like they gave me the sugar-coated version of her because she was terrible. She made a scene about bringing a stranger to a family funeral, but my husband cut her off and said his aunt, who was his uncle’s widow said he could.
She spent the rest of the funeral giving me nasty looks and making passive-aggressive comments. She made a scene at our wedding, but that’s a different story on its own.
But after minimal contact with MIL, my husband eventually got around to telling her that I was pregnant.
I expected her to be angry and have a go at him. But she surprised us both and was the complete opposite. She was excited about being a grandmother. She congratulated us. Her attitude did a complete turn and I grudgingly allowed her to visit.
When it was time to give birth to my son, she wanted to see my son being born, but I refused. That’s when her ugly side reared its head again and she caused a scene and was thrown out. I refused to let her visit us at home, and my husband agreed. But she rang crying and apologizing.
She said she was just overwhelmed about being a grandmother and her emotions got the better of her.
Against my better judgement, I relented and said okay. When she first held him she looked at me and said he was beautiful! I went into the kitchen to get us a drink and then I could hear my husband telling her to get out!
I went back in, she started yelling he needed to get the baby tested because he didn’t look like anyone in their family. He kicked her out. She took to social media and told everyone that I was unfaithful to my husband and that my husband needed to get a DNA test to prove he was the dad.
She got a lot of attention for that. So I made my post and said I’ll get a test when she gets a test for her son! That just made everything worse! She rang my husband up telling him to take it down. He just hung up on her.
Everyone divided and questioned my husband’s paternity since she had such a strong reaction to it. Now even my husband is starting to wonder and making me feel I went too far and I’m thinking AITJ for saying that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t sound stable at all, and I would be worried about what she would do around the child.
Even if she was just another weird boy mom, that mood swing, going from one extreme to another, in a blink of an eye, goes beyond jerking into dangerous territory. Also, her demanding to “see the birth” and immediately taking to social media also indicates she has no concept of boundaries.
To have someone like that around your child, even if she doesn’t do anything drastic, could be very damaging. Also, if she wants to make her delusions public, she can handle your public response. If you don’t want a witch hunt, don’t make a pyre.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s deranged. No contact with her ever again, and move on with your drama-free lives enjoying your beautiful new baby. Tell your husband if he wants a paternity test you’d be happy to provide one and at that point, he’ll also be paying child support forever while you marry someone else who will actually trust you and not throw away his marriage because of an unstable and manipulative relative.
He should be protecting you and your child together from all of this nonsense, and cutting off anyone who participates in it. He should make a simple, very clear post stating that anyone who questions his paternity will not be welcome in his home ever again, full stop.
His mother’s irrational allegations are disgraceful. You owe none of these people any explanations, arguments or time.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Women like this often project, so while you may have just been playing her at her own game. You may have accidentally hit a nail right on the head.
What is good for the goose is good for the gander, so she can suck it up and comply or look guilty as a sin. Your husband has a right to know the truth, so a test might be a good idea, shut everybody up or blow them out of the water.
Just know once the genie is out of the bottle, you can’t put him back. ( I found my dad via an ancestral site, you can find out more than you want. My birth dad was dying and very welcoming but had some awful truths to tell (he passed soon after).
His estranged criminal gang sibling when matched on the ancestor site, ordered nieces/nephews to reject the interloper who ‘isn’t blood’. )Your husband will have a lot to deal with if his father isn’t his father.” Maudlin-bo
14. AITJ For Ignoring My Father After He Insulted My Fiancée at Christmas Gathering?
“My fiancée Nicole (25F) and I (24M) have been engaged for a few months and plan on tying the knot this summer.
To clarify before I dive deep into this situation, holidays have always been stressful for us. Let’s focus on a recent incident that happened on Christmas weekend 2023.
My paternal grandmother normally organizes holidays on her side and has everyone come. My father wants to celebrate holidays at his house separately but he still bends the knee to join my grandmother’s events. Both he and my grandmother have expectations for us to come annually to their houses separately for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
The morning before Christmas, I asked my father if he could exchange gifts with Nicole and me at my grandmother’s gathering—which was in the same city as us. After all, I told him Nicole was recovering from a bad flu and I didn’t want her to be out in the cold going to so many houses and risking her health.
Flash forward to Christmas morning. He finally messages me back that he’s withholding our gifts until we visit him at his house out of the city. Mind you, he lives an hour away from us. I was a bit disappointed when receiving the text but sighed and moved on.
I had to cut time short with my mom and my prospective in-laws just to make it to my grandmother’s gathering like every year prior.
We make it to the gathering on time. After greeting family members, my father interrupts Nicole and me to pull us aside and have a “talk” at the front of the house.
This unfortunately causes a scene and family members start to think something serious is going on. He rants to us about how he wants me to carry his traditions (he’s not traditional anyway), that he’s withholding gifts from us because quality time is his love language, and then begins to tell Nicole how much he is “offering” in financial assistance for our wedding (less than 1K).
Although on the surface this would have been merely an obnoxious confrontation. He then proceeds to tell Nicole in front of me and nearby family members that he wants to “get to know her.” At this point, I could not believe my ears. And neither could Nicole.
We just laughed it off and withdrew from the conversation afterward.
I was embarrassed after leaving that gathering. To explain briefly, my father has known about Nicole for 8 years. He has known her in person for 6. Annually, we see that side of my family at least 4 times.
For a few years, Nicole would visit my father at least once a month with me when he lived locally.
Out of all those years, not once has he tried to get to know her himself. Nicole used to be extroverted and would hold conversations the majority of the time with my father.
He had so many opportunities to “get to know her” yet he didn’t supposedly. He didn’t even spend time or talk to us at my grandmother’s after that “talk.” I’ve been ignoring him ever since then and have not visited him. AITJ for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Dad is being unreasonable and a bit weird. I wonder if there is more going on there. But you are NTJ.” veryyacky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If quality time is his love language he has a funny way of showing it.” AethericOwl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but unless you plan to ignore your father for most of your life, you need to find other ways to interact when people offend you.” LotsofCatsFI
13. AITJ For Refusing To Cut My Guest List After My Fiancé's Mom Added Her Friends?
“My fiance and I got engaged in June and made our guest list before booking our venue in July. We asked both sets of parents (before we booked the venue) to please contribute and add anyone to the guest list that we missed/that they wanted to invite.
His mom added some family, and my mom didn’t add anyone, saying that I could choose who I wanted to come. We ended up with 175 people on our guest list, and the capacity of the venue we chose is 150, but because we have a lot of out-of-state friends and family that we knew couldn’t make it, we were comfortable with this number.
Our wedding is in March. I’m working on sending out invites right now, and only have 25 left to do.
A few weeks ago, my fiancé’s mom informed us that she was going to add people to the guest list, including friends of hers and extended family that my fiance didn’t even recognize by name.
I’m feeling quite frustrated because I asked her multiple times to add people and to make sure the numbers on the list were correct before we even booked the venue. I had ordered extra invitations to have just in case, but I had to order more stamps and seals for these extra invites.
Our guest list went up to over 250. I am incredibly stressed about this, and I expressed this to my fiancé’s mom. She told me that she is stressed about it too, and that I need to take people off my list because I have more people invited than my fiance does.
This is because my mom has lots of siblings and I have a bigger family than my fiance. We have invited the same number of friends, I just have a bit more family invited than him.
But now his mom is telling me to take people off my list because that’s what is fair.
I am so frustrated, and I’ve tried to trim down my list but can’t take off anyone else without feeling very sad about it, because all of the people I’m inviting are people that are important to me. Meanwhile, my fiance doesn’t even know some of the people his mom added to the list….
My fiancé’s parents are funding 90% of our wedding, and thus, I have a much harder time saying no or standing up to his mom… but I feel like it was so inconsiderate of her to
1) add so many people MONTHS after the guest list was finalized and the venue was booked
2) add so many people after stationary was ordered
3) tell me that I need to take people off my list after I already addressed and stamped all their invites and planned to send them out today
4) tell me I have to take people off when these people are people who I’ve been close to for my whole life, while she has invited friends and extended family that my fiance doesn’t even know.
AITJ? My fiance seems to be more on his mom’s side and is telling me that since I have more people, I need to take some off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your fiancé need to slow down and have a good long talk.
People think that just because they’re paying for the wedding it’s THEIR wedding. This money is a GIFT to you two. This doesn’t mean they get card blanche to just do whatever they want. Your guest list should be people one or both of you know.
This isn’t a time to invite people you don’t know because they’re friends or relatives. This isn’t the time to be inviting second and third cousins either. You need to wipe the slate clean and start from scratch. Decide how many people each of you will get to invite.
Then stop when you reach your allocated number. And if you can’t even do that, you have bigger problems ahead of you.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Send the invites and tell her you won’t be uninviting people after already inviting them. It’s not your MIL’s social event, it’s YOUR wedding.
If the guests don’t know the bride or groom, they shouldn’t be invited let alone taking a spot from an actual invited person.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You are correct that it was very inconsiderate of her to add people this late in the game, especially when you gave her ample opportunity earlier.
Also, having a bigger family is not something she needs to “correct” on the guest list by bringing in extra friends and extended family just to balance out the sides. They might be paying for it, but this is YOUR wedding, not hers. While it might be hard for you, I think you are totally in the right to say “Sorry, but it’s too late to change the guest list.””creed_thoughts_0823
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Has To Do The Dishes While I'm Injured?
“I (22m) have a strange-ish living situation.
I live with my able-bodied SAHM mother, my wheelchair-bound yet still-working father, and my accident-prone maternal grandfather. My only real household contribution (up until apparently today) is doing the dishes at the end of the day. Nobody else in the house will even think about touching the dishes, to the point where if I leave for any length of time, my mother buys paper plates and plastic utensils to use until I get back.
Late December last year I tore my left ACL. My insurance is giving me the runaround on authorizing an MRI and, as such, no date on when I might be able to get further treatment or surgery. This has left me stuck in a wheelchair at best or crawling around on the floor at worst. I can still drive places, but I can’t walk or stand without my knee buckling extremely painfully.
It sucks.
Our kitchen is tiny, not helped by the fact that my mother bought a rolling island that has to be navigated around to reach the sink and dishwasher. There’s nowhere for me to sleep/exist in the house except for my bedroom, which is the attic, which makes trips downstairs rare and painful.
I can manage two, maybe three on a good day, but today has not been a good day. I managed to come down for dinner, ate at the table, asked everyone for their dishes, put away the leftover soup, and got everything – or so I thought – into the dishwasher for cleaning.
My mother never gave me all her dishes when I asked for them. She’s a textbook narcissist with anger issues to boot and always has been. So, right after I got up to my room, I got a text from her that said verbatim “I need all the dishes done.
Including putting any leftovers away and washing the pans.” I get downstairs at my current top speed (which takes five minutes and all of the energy I have), only to find that she’s washed the bowl and small plate she still had already. She comes to the stairs, and a small argument ensues.
Mom: I got everything already. Next time, you need to make sure you have everything. The dishes were sitting right on my desk for you.
Me: I asked for everything, and you told me that was everything. I did all the dishes I had and it’s hard enough for me to get all of them done in the wheelchair.
Mom: That shouldn’t matter. This has been ongoing for a long time. You always miss something.
Me: When have I missed anything?
Mom: I’d rather do them myself than have you consistently mess up.
Me: Then until I get out of the wheelchair, it’s your job to do the dishes.
This was the wrong thing to say because she was extremely upset about it. Like I called her on a bluff or something. I don’t think I’m a jerk, but my father said that I shouldn’t have told her that and needed to apologize. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Her: I’ll do it myself! You: Okay, do it yourself. Her: *surprised Pikachu face* People like this never expect to get called on their BS. It’s good that you did. It seems like she intentionally waited until you went upstairs, then called you back down because she knew how difficult and painful it would be for you.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! You are doing more damage to yourself going up and down so much extra and your mom should not have even been LETTING you do this until you’re better anyway! Don’t worry about what jerks think or say! Take care of yourself first!” Ixpen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been there, ACL tears are indeed excruciating (though I wonder if you have additional injuries to the knee since even pre-surgery I could walk on mine), and please, get your surgeon to get on your insurance’s behind about surgery, or get a new surgeon.” CarrotGratin
11. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Help With My Child On Their Terms?
“I (F32) welcomed my first child in 2021.
A little background: During the pregnancy, we (My husband (M37) and I) discovered that I am a “carrier” of an X chromosome genetic disease. With this disease, there is no way to confirm how badly, if at all, the disease will affect any children that I pass this on.
Thankfully our child does not have this disease, which we didn’t find out until a month after he was born.
In the original appointment with our child geneticist, the doctor was confused as to why I referred to myself as a “carrier” as my disease has no “carriers.” You either have it or not.
What we were previously told by the OB geneticist was wrong. I suddenly had to make appointments for 10 different specialists, which make up my regular health team.
On top of this, I was struggling to breastfeed a very fussy need to be held to sleep newborn during a national formula shortage.
I was also diagnosed with postpartum depression which affected my ability to accept help. In my mind, this was my child and I had to do EVERYTHING. Not even my husband could help. It took me about 6 months to accept the smallest bit of help from my husband and my mother (F58) and still struggle to let go.
Although not directly to me, my in-laws are not happy that I do not let them put my child to sleep or leave him alone with them. In their eyes, I do not trust them. For me, it’s the fact that this is my child and my responsibility.
Over the summer, we sat down with my in-laws (F60 and M65) to fill them in on everything that my husband and I had been going through. I was expecting them to acknowledge what we went through and be a little bit more understanding of why I do what I do and how I think.
Instead my FIL proceeded to tell me that I am how I am because I am not accepting help from my village. That he and his wife raised their kids and they are alive and I should have no problem with them letting them help.
I tried to further explain myself but my FIL just kept saying that I did not trust them and if I’m tired, it’s because I do not take advantage of my village. A few weeks later, a book, It Takes A Village, arrived at our house with a note saying “This book will help you understand.”
A few weeks ago, we found out we are expecting our second child and I am trying to prepare myself. One of the things I want to do is set clear boundaries with my in-laws.
We welcome them to our home and we travel to see them.
I send pictures/updates to them, but most of the time they don’t even respond to the message. When we are with them, I never limit their interaction/play time with our child. I just don’t let them put him to sleep or change him, the things I consider my responsibility.
I think my in-laws want to help but on their terms.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your in-laws sound incredibly self-absorbed. Everything is about them and how they feel. >A few weeks later, a book, It Takes A Village, arrived at our house with a note saying “This book will help you understand.” What a massive jerk.
Do you know what will help him understand? Our basic rules for grandparents (which we are.) – contact and ask permission to visit. Or better yet, wait for the invitation. – practice this question: *what can we do to help you?* and accept the answer – keep advice to yourself unless it is requested – learn the rules of the parents and follow them in regards to their child – avoid explaining that you are a great parent because your kids are alive.
The bar is seriously not that low” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think YTJ but I don’t think they are trying to be jerks either. They should be more understanding about your diagnosis though and stop being pushy until you’re ready.
PPD sucks and I’m sorry you went through it. I did with my first child as well and wasn’t in a good situation at the time either. Please talk to your doctor and they can help so you don’t have to go through it again with this baby.” Lavinam1978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like you are having postpartum issues that I would recommend you get help with immediately. Being pregnant again, hormonal will likely only add to the current issues. Please talk to your doctor about all this for good referrals.
When we are right in the middle of a situation like this we cannot see the big picture. You being the only caregiver for your two children is not healthy for anyone.” jentlyused
10. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate's Partner Who Overstayed His Welcome?
“I am a student in college with 4 roommates (we are all 18/19f). We have three bedrooms and a main living room.
My roommates “Anna” and “Tanya” share one of the three bedrooms- it’s open concept so they can see each other from their beds and they share a bathroom.
Anna met a guy named “Garret” (23) a few months back. We all liked him at first, he came over, and was respectful- genuinely a great experience!
He would clean our dorm at first, would talk to us like he was genuinely interested in befriending us and generally was a great partner to Anna.
That is until a few weeks later. He spent about 3 weeks there before everyone but Anna got annoyed. Tanya would complain about how they would spend hours in the bathroom at a time (We have two bathrooms- but the problem came from when she wanted to shower).
Tanya would also complain a lot about being kicked out of the room so they could have “time” together. My other roommate “Cassidy” is a bit more blunt than the rest of us and would often tell him to go home, leave, and would purposefully call him the wrong name.
We sat Anna down and had a chat with her, she agreed he would only stay on weekends and we even modified our roommate agreement. But… another 4 weeks went by and he was still there ALMOST every day (Spend most of the week there, left for 1-2 days and immediately came back).
He would start to often trash the living space we all tried to keep clean (leaving dirty dishes on the counter, gross food in the sink, his stuff all over the couch, etc). He also knowingly brought bedbugs, (His house was getting bombed for bugs and he spent the night in our dorm) which caused a lot of issues.
After a while he slowly started to change and get more and more aggressive towards us, yelling at me and Cassidy to “go to our room”, trying to tell us to clean up HIS mess, etc. This caused friction between him and Cassidy until eventually she had enough and the two got into a fight.
He left the dorm and has refused to come back because we’re disrespectful and need to apologize.
This upset Anna- she was a mess and even left the dorm and didn’t come back for a few days. He said he isn’t sure if their relationship will work out because of her “associating” with us.
We were all super close and never had problems in our dorm before him. Now, my roommates can’t help but feel like maybe we DID push him too far or that we could’ve gone about this in a “gentler” way- are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like she shouldn’t be with him in the first place. Why are you guys taking care of his mess? You’re not his friend and much less his mother” xXSofiaXx9
Another User Comments:
” NTJs. It wasn’t his dorm.
He was disrespectful manipulative and unfair. He should be the one to apologize for not showing his “friends” the respect they deserve for letting him stay with them while his house was being taken care of.” CriticalAd3912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d have grassed him up long before now to whoever runs the dorms as he definitely shouldn’t be taking the advantage like that.
There’s visiting and stopping weekends, but it’s another to take over the space. He is a huge jerk and deserved what he got tbh.” zoobatron__
9. AITJ For Refusing to Pay for My Addicted Sister's Cruise Trip?
“My (19f) grandparents are celebrating 50 years of marriage this year and have invited the whole family to go with them on a cruise for a family reunion. That means all six of their children and their extended family (roughly 125 people) are going on a week-long vacation in March.
I adore my grandparents but have a complicated relationship with my parents. In short, they’re incredibly emotionally immature and care entirely too much about how they appear to others and not enough about how we as a family are functioning. Because of this, one of my older sisters, Brittany (20f), has fallen into substance use.
Though I’ve tried my best to help her, without the support of my parents there’s very little I can do.
They told me it was my responsibility to take care of her, so when she lost everything after her DUI my senior year in high school, I completely rearranged my life to cater to her.
I stayed home my first year of college and took her to and from all of her appointments, took her to work and school, etc. I sacrificed my life so that it *looked* like our family was functioning even though we weren’t.
Unfortunately with substance use, there’s always the chance of relapse and my sister relapsed hard.
She OD and I found her and had to rush her to the hospital. Still, my parents refused reasonable help. So, I stopped doing everything and decided to go to the school of my dreams and live *my own* life. After a week of having to parent, I got the “apology” call and the request to support her again.
I denied them, and have 100% been independent since.
Which brings us back to the cruise.
Last week my parents called to inform me that I’m expected to go on this cruise and pay for everything myself- which is fine. I’m an adult. However, I was not expecting to pay for Brittany.
My parents said without reliable transportation, she’s been unable to maintain a steady income and it’s my fault for moving away, so it’s reasonable for me to pay for her and have her pay me back. I told them no and asked why they couldn’t.
Turns out, in addition to paying for my younger sister Callie (16f), they’ve also decided to pay for my nieces (2f, 3f, 5f) and two step sisters (28f, 24f). I double down- I’m paying for my school and don’t want to dip into my savings when I know I won’t get paid back.
But now I’m getting non-stop hate messages from the rest of the family. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, but with my grandparents calling me begging me to go on the cruise and to just go ahead and pay for my sister, I’m wavering. AITJ if I still refuse?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t even go on the cruise. I’d find a time that works for me and my grandparents and go spend a week with them, just them and me. That way I could celebrate them, spend time with them, and enjoy them without all that other garbage going on.
Do NOT pay for your sister. If you do, they will all realize their tactics work and they will use these tactics for the rest of your life to control you.” Foggy_Radish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Time to call your grandparents and be upfront with them – that your parents are refusing to pay for you and even expect you, at age 19 and in college, to cover your costs AND those of your sister.
You are an adult. If you want to go and can fund the $$$ then go. They can’t stop you. But they can’t demand how you spend your earnings or savings, either.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am in disbelief that your parents made you responsible for their child when you were a child.
I could understand helping them when they were at work. But you sacrificing your teens and first year of schooling to be around is NOT ok. Please do not give in. The bullying your family is doing to you is not normal or acceptable behaviour.
If your parents can pay for several other people in the family, but not their child, that says more about them than you. Best of luck to you in school, I sincerely hope you are doing OK. Do not let your family bully you into risking your schooling, time, money and mental health!” Express-Berry5065
8. AITJ For Feeling Robbed After My Brother's Private Proposal?
“Back in April last year, my brother (30) told everyone in the family that for New Year’s he wanted everyone to get a room down on the coast so he could propose to this girl on the beach at midnight on her birthday…which happens to be New Year’s.
We were all super excited and quick to book our rooms and anxiously waited for the big moment.
The moment finally comes and we are all super excited to be around one another, especially the soon-to-be in-laws. Sadly, no one spent more than 10 minutes with each other (excluding my cousin and I going to my brother’s room and hanging out) and we never had family meals which is normal for a family weekend anywhere we go.
I get things change and we’re bringing two families together on a vacation for the first time so things would be a little different. Each day was also up in the air and plans were not definitive.
I went to the local casino with my mom NYE night around 7:30ish because she and I like to go now and then and we figured it would be a fun mom-and-daughter activity.
When we got back, my brother texted my mom that his girl said yes. So my cousin and I went to his room and he told us all about it and how he wanted it to be private. My cousin bit his tongue but I looked at my brother and piped up.
This is where I kind of feel bad but I told him, “So you told us months ago to get a room for this big moment. We all drove three hours away from home and not one of us got to see the biggest moment of our life so far but we got a text instead.
Some of us didn’t even get that. Had I known back in April that this was going to be a private matter, I would not have come and respected the privacy.” My brother’s reasoning was because he felt a lot of pressure and before anyone goes off, I do understand that those moments are full of pressure and anxiety.
I will give that to him.
We all got back today and I told my mom that it felt like everyone got robbed of a moment my brother wanted everyone there for and it felt like we all just paid for a weekend getaway in the same hotel.
I told my mom, “I understand him wanting to keep it private but not making it a big ordeal for the family to be there and we don’t see it. I would have saved my money for my cat’s vet bill coming up in a few days if I knew he wanted it private.” My mom understood my point and told me she kind of felt the same way.
I am happy that his girl said yes and I get a SIL soon but I still feel like the family got robbed of a moment we were originally invited to.
AITJ here”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here I simply cannot get my head around why you’d invite an audience full of extended family down to the *cousin* level for something as intimate as a proposal. I similarly cannot get my head around why anyone would get *this* upset about *someone else’s* engagement plans.
How old are you, if I may ask?” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I understand why you might feel let down. You were invited on the trip on the understanding that you’d be there for the proposal and that didn’t happen, and if you’d known that was the case you might’ve re-evaluated whether or not to go on the trip.
But I do understand your brother being nervous to propose and not wanting to do it in front of everyone, maybe a solution would have been to have a celebratory dinner or something so you could all spend time together and celebrate, which is what it sounded like you were all invited there for anyway” lowri92
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My Racist Mother-In-Law And Cutting Her Off From My Kids?
“For a little intro my Fiance(M27 white) and I (F24 Black) have been engaged for a year and together for 5, and yes before you ask the races will become important. I have one child that is not his biological (F7) but that is still her daddy and she calls him as such.
He loves her like his own and it’s honestly been such a blessing and so endearing to watch. We also have a daughter together (F3). And a bundle of joy on the way!
So over the Christmas stretch, while everyone was home, me and my fiance, Ryan decided to have a get-together at our home.
Altogether it was his 2 siblings, my 3 siblings, his nephew both of my parents and his mother so 9 guests plus our family of 4. Our families love each other and get along wonderfully except for his mother. This story pretty much just involves his mom who I will call MIL.
The family gets together on the 26th and is having a pretty good time. My brother pulled me to the side and told me that MIL had made a couple of rude comments towards him about my skin colour. I told him I’d handle it later but I did not want to spoil the party.
About an hour later things picked back up and my MIL was playing with my oldest and I heard her say “Oh don’t you wish that you had hair like (3y/o) and not some heavy braids” before I could get there “you look like your mommy but would be prettier if you had skin like daddy and (3 y/o)” now, my oldest looks like me with pretty dark skin.
While my youngest looks exactly like her father…and honestly doesn’t even look mixed.
When I heard these comments I saw RED I took my kids and nephew up to the playroom came back down and told MIL to get “out of my house and never come back” When my fiance heard the commotion and I told him what happened he was LIVID we kicked my mother in law out without much fight back from her.
I apologized to both families and they said it wasn’t my fault and understood and we continued to have a great time.
For the past week, my MIL has been blasting me on every social media platform saying I’m a witch and everything under the sun.
My FH has been completely on my side and we sent her a message together about her not being able to see the children anymore and she’s blasted and calling me a horrible mother and threatening me. FH father and one brother are angry with me but otherwise, people are mostly on my side I’m starting to think I went a little overboard with everything.
And feel bad about my kids not seeing her anymore, especially with a new baby on the way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ stand your ground until she understands her wrong and genuinely apologize to your entire family. Especially those girls. The moment you sway she will think she’s done no wrong at all & you’ll never get this opportunity again.
She will continue these nasty comments to the girls forever. Your oldest nor youngest for that matter deserves to hear those nasty things. No telling what those comments would create in those girls. Stop it now. And thank goodness your Fiancé is backing you 100% in this!” Patient-Lingonberry4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Racism is not OK and should never be tolerated, but it could be especially harmful to your children since they have different skin tones, because they will notice being treated differently. That being said, if your husband isn’t backing you up on this fully you’ve got a much bigger problem to deal with.” Papyrus72846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ keep that woman away from your family. She’s already trying to turn your kids against each other. I’d wager to say she’s already caused damage that you will need to address with your children. If she is threatening you keep the messages and posts and pursue legal action at least a restraining order if not more depending on what you and your husband decide.
Best of luck, protect your wonderful little girls it’s a nasty world out there, unfortunately.” Brand0calrisian
6. AITJ For Not Canceling My Date To Support My Sister's Blended Family at a Holiday Tradition?
“Every year for as long as I can remember, a few days before Christmas, my family goes to the local winter fair. This started as a way to celebrate my grandfather’s birthday, and although now he is no longer with us it is a tradition we have continued. I have two sisters, my older sister ‘Lottie’ (35f) and my younger sister ‘Olive’ (23f).
Lottie has a daughter ‘Rosey’ (4f) from a previous marriage, and her husband has three children (8f, 10m, 12f). While she only married her husband in March, they have been together for a couple of years so her stepchildren have come to family stuff before.
While she is a very involved grandmother, my mother has never considered Lottie’s stepchildren to be part of the family.
A few days before we were supposed to meet up for the fair, my mother messaged the family group chat to tell us she had booked us a table at a restaurant, but she had not booked enough places for my sister’s stepchildren and had only booked Rosey in to see Santa.
Lottie was upset with this and wanted the booking to be changed, but my mother refused. She thought her stepchildren should spend the day with their mother, or Lottie’s husband could stay home with them, as this tradition was for family only.
So, my sister decided not to go with my mother.
She and her husband decided on a different day to attend the fair with all of their children.
Here is where I may be the jerk. Lottie asked me and Olive to go with her too, to reinforce to my mother that her stepchildren were part of the family and should be included in family activities.
While I agree with the sentiment, the date she chose was a day when I already had plans with my partner. Lottie asked me to cancel my plans as this outing was more important, which I disagreed with as my partner was going away with her family for Christmas/New Year so this would be the last time I saw her for three weeks.
I stuck to my plans and spent the day with my partner. Lottie still went with her husband and their children, my mother went with some friends and Olive, and I thought everything was fine.
However, Lottie completely blanked us when we tried to arrange plans for New Year’s, and when she did eventually reply she told us she was spending it with the family that ‘*cared enough to stick up for her*’.
She is especially angry that I chose my partner ‘*over my family’* and that Olive still went with our mother. I had not expected this to turn into a big issue, she gave me little notice and I do not think I was unreasonable for not wanting to cancel my plans, but I think given my mother’s attitude this meant a lot more to her than I initially thought.
So, AITJ for not cancelling my date to attend my sister’s holiday tradition with her and her stepchildren?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had a prior engagement and, regardless of the meaning and motivation behind the choice she made to do things on a separate day to stick it to your mother, it’s ridiculous of her to have expected you to bail on someone else just to have her back.
You showed vocal support for her decision and, if it meant that much to her, she could’ve easily worked with you to find a day where you were all free so you could do that together.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While your sister has a point that she’s making with your mom, that doesn’t mean you have to drop your plans with your partner who is leaving for 3 weeks.
While it’s fine for her to ask, she has to accept a no answer. A date with your partner is not an acceptance of your mom’s behaviour. Lottie is being irrational with that stance.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you made it clear you were on Lottie’s side by not attending with your mother.
Your other sister is the problem. Lottie should have accepted that you already had plans on the day she chose. Lottie is right. They are a blended family and all those children should be treated like grandchildren. If your mother can’t do that, she is going to lose out on a relationship with Rosey.
Make plans to do something with Lottie and her family to make up for missing the outing. Forgive her because she’s just extra sensitive right now.” tatersprout
5. AITJ For Banning My MIL From Babysitting After She Put My Potty-Trained Son Back In Diapers?
“Me (29F) and my husband (31M) have a son (3M) and a baby girl on the way.
As a baby, my son developed a severe allergy to diapers. He’d get awful rashes that took way too long to get better, and nothing we did helped much.
Due to that, my husband and I decided to start potty training a bit early (right before he was 18 months old). We talked to his pediatrician and relied on cloth diapers as much as we could. After a few months of that, he’d almost grown out of his allergy, but we kept going.
Today, he’s fully potty trained. He has some (very) rare accidents, but only when he tries to delay his bathroom trips for too long. When that happens, we wash him up and replace his clothes.
My husband’s mother was firmly against our decision to potty train our son early.
She insisted that it would lead to IBS and that he should wear diapers until he was at least three. She tried to convince us to change our minds for months, but we held our ground.
In early December, I had a doctor’s appointment while my husband was at work, so I left our son with my MIL for a couple of hours.
Sometime later, she called me and said my son had a (bathroom) accident. He hadn’t had one in months. I instructed her on how to proceed, as well as where to find the spare clothes I’d packed for him.
I picked him up about an hour later.
On our way home, he complained about being “itchy”. I didn’t know why until I got him ready for bathtime later that night. He was wearing a diaper.
He didn’t get any rashes, but the diaper was a couple of sizes too small and he hadn’t worn one in a long time, so I think that’s where the itchiness came from.
When I asked him about it, he confirmed my MIL had said he was “still a baby” and put him in the diaper.
When my husband and I confronted her about it, she defended herself by saying his accident was clear proof we’d made a mistake by potty training him early, and he should go back to wearing diapers for the time being.
At no point did she apologize.
We decided she was forbidden from babysitting, as well as spending time with our son unsupervised. She didn’t think we were serious until we went to her place on Saturday. We had to go to the hospital, and rather than leaving our son with her, we took him with us.
Now that she knows we’re serious, she’s calling us dramatic and ungrateful, as well as claiming we’re alienating her from her grandchildren out of stubbornness. She maintains she was right about early potty training being a bad idea, and was only trying to help us.
I don’t think we’re in the wrong, but this does feel a bit dramatic. My BIL, who was skeptical of our decision back in the day, thinks we’re right to be angry, but it’s still an overreaction to revoke her permission to babysit our son.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not only did she disrespect your parenting decision, but she also doubled down, therefore you can’t trust her to not do it again. Tell her she can see him during family functions and she can visit when she wants, but she won’t be asked to babysit him anymore.
That’s not alienation, by the way, she’s just being dramatic and trying to guilt-trip you into changing your mind.” TheBronzePrincess03
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is almost 4 as you state in your edit. That’s not early for potty training. If anything what she’s doing is regressive and going to harm him going forward.
On top of that, you have a medical reason and worked with his doctor to keep him out of diapers and she ignored all that. Why did she have diapers on hand in the first place? She seems weirdly obsessed with the fact you have a potty-trained preschooler (which is age appropriate) and wildly uninformed about toddler health and how potty training works.” Silaquix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t her place to go against your clear wishes and now she has to face the consequences. That’s all that matters here. Your son was not and is not in danger, you were working with his pediatrician on this, and her using one example of an accident as proof of her uninformed medical ‘knowledge’ is ridiculous.
At ANY age, a child learning to use the potty will be prone to occasional accidents, and it doesn’t mean you revert to diapers every time. It sounds like your MIL is unusually stubborn and has a classic case of ‘I Know Better’. I think your boundaries and consequences are perfectly appropriate.
You aren’t cutting her off from him so any alienation would be created by her.” owls_and_cardinals
4. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband My Brother Was Intoxicated At Our Wedding?
“I (26F) have a brother (24M) who has, for the lack of a better word, a lot of mental issues. I won’t get into any detail, but he struggles with being around strangers and by that I mean if he has to talk to the delivery man he will have a panic attack.
The only people he’s okay being around are family members he has known ever since he was a kid including me and his partner (26M) but even with that if there are more than 3 of us he’ll have a panic attack. This is something my entire family is concerned about and yes, he’s getting therapy and help for this, he knows this is a problem and he’s dealing with it like a champ.
Onto the actual story. I got married a few months ago, my family comes from the Caucasus mountains and even though we now live in the US and my husband’s family is of different origin my family arranged a huge wedding. It went as is during the actual wedding ceremony there’d only be close friends and family members but during the feast/party after the vows all the guests would arrive.
We knew my brother wouldn’t be able to handle the party part so he’d only be attending the more secluded wedding ceremony.
My brother was ecstatic about my wedding and thought he’d be able to attend the ceremony since he had been doing great in therapy.
But a few hours before the wedding my brother’s partner called me saying my brother was extremely nervous and probably if he even set foot in that wedding ceremony he’d have a panic attack, he asked me something along the lines of “Is it okay if he’s under the influence during the wedding?” (My brother has a medical card for medication for stuff like this).
Though I was upset I knew it wasn’t my brother’s fault so I said as long as he didn’t smell like the medication it would be fine.
During the wedding ceremony, he thankfully didn’t smell like the medication but was very calm and was even able to attend the party.
He didn’t necessarily seem under the influence either, he didn’t talk to anyone so no one noticed. But this was also his first time meeting my husband and he was ashamed that he had to be under the influence to meet his brother-in-law, so I didn’t tell my husband about it, I knew my brother would be ashamed and embarrassed and it wasn’t my place to say anything, but my mom did know.
A few days ago while we were talking she (my mother) cracked a joke about it in front of my husband. My husband was confused and my mom straight up told him about my brother being under the influence at my wedding.
After my mom left my husband was upset with me, he didn’t mind that my brother was under the influence at all, if that’s what he needed to do he didn’t mind, he’s angry at me because I didn’t tell him and that I even thought he’d judge my brother in the first place.
This is in no way a marriage ending before some people overreact in the comments, he’s just been upset at me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If your brother wasn’t being disruptive, there was no reason to immediately make note of it.
You maybe could have told your hubby after the fact so he had a little context. Your husband likely feels like that was something he should have known because maybe he would have approached your brother differently or something. Sounds like nothing bad happened to anyone so it’ll blow over.” wall2k4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Would your husband have wanted to know that your brother was on anti-anxiety meds at your wedding if that’s what had been prescribed? Or taken headache meds if he was having a headache that day? No? I don’t see the difference.
It might not be a secret but it isn’t something that necessarily needs to be shared. But on a random tangent – why had your brother and husband not met before your wedding? That’s the odd thing about all this to me.” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here But maybe worth a conversation with your husband. It’s fair he’s annoyed because he thinks you assumed he would judge your brother. However, you need to make clear to your husband that you didn’t tell your husband at your brother’s request. Your brother was ashamed and asked you not to parade the information.
This isn’t a matter of lack of marital trust. Sometimes your brother will share things with you that if they don’t concern your marriage, you won’t tell him. Being your husband doesn’t mean you’re going to break your family or friends’ confidential information if it doesn’t involve him.” excel_pager_420
3. AITJ For Wanting To Elope Instead Of A Wedding Due To My Future MIL's Behavior?
“Me (f35) and fiancé (m30) are considering cancelling our wedding and eloping instead because of MIL
MIL has never tried to have a positive relationship with me. She makes sure I’m not included in conversations, belittles my achievements & talks down to me.
Things escalated when I was planning my fiancés 30th.
MIL fought me on every detail and accused me of not knowing my fiancé at all. (I planned a golf weekend away for him and his family) he loves golf.
Fiancé confronted MIL and asked why she didn’t like me. MIL admitted she doesn’t like me.
Don’t like my partner driving me to his family events, didn’t like it took me a month to find employment when I moved to a different town to be with my fiancé. Fiancé receives calls and texts from MIL daily. If he doesn’t respond, she blames me.
Fiancé told her if she doesn’t stop this behaviour toward me he will no longer speak with her.
I agreed to meet with MIL to smooth things over and try to move forward. MIL never took me up on it. But things seemed ok for a time.
Fast forward to the fiancés’s brother’s wedding.
The wedding day arrived and we were to be at the venue at 4 pm. Five minutes to 2 pm fiancé receives a call from MIL saying the family photo shoot is in 5 minutes. We hadn’t been told of a family photo shoot.
MIL demands we arrive at 2 pm for it. We frantically got ready and arrived at the house where the wedding was. There was never a photo shoot planned. MIL comes out in her pyjamas and tries to hand me suit shirts to iron. I refused.
MIL snaps at me asking where my son is. He was never coming. He’s at the hotel. MIL continues stating everyone thought he would be there. I responded he was never coming and we RSVP just us. She has been told multiple times he wasn’t coming.
The ceremony was over & I started to have guests come up to me asking where my son was. I don’t even know these people’s names. I tell them he’s at the hotel. Looks of disgust are thrown at me. My new friends stopped talking to me.
I realized these people were being told my son was at the hotel but not telling them how old he is (teenager)The wedding was a place of ridicule and disgust for me.
Christmas Day at MIL’s house. Her family scurried away from me on arrival, refusing to hug or greet me.
One man, whom I had met once 2 years ago, aggressively accused me of leaving my son alone on Christmas Day. (Son was at father’s place this year). The rumour has continued and now not only does the MIL hate me, but so does her family.
I made up an excuse to announce the fact my son was a teenager who just finished his first year of high school at the top of his class. Everyone’s jaw dropped. None of them knew he was a teen. MIL hurried out of the room.
Now fiancé wants to cancel the wedding and elope because of MIL. Fiancé is demanding I speak with MIL one last time for him to cut her off.
AITJ for not wanting to confront MIL and for cancelling the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ELOPE!
It will be so much fun! Use the funds to go somewhere magical, get the dress off your dreams (if that’s important to you), take the best photos, eat the best food, and have the time of your life. If they already hate you, you’ve got nothing to lose!
Do it.” Significant_Break149
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don’t cancel the wedding if a wedding is what you and your fiance want. If you do have a wedding, only invite the people who support both of you. Don’t invite anyone who doesn’t support both of you.
If that means, no MIL, she’ll just have to live with the consequences of her actions” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t cancel the wedding– just don’t invite the monster-in-law. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to celebrate your marriage with people you love and care about.
As long as your fiance is on your side, his mom find somewhere else to be that day.” Ok_Childhood_9774
2. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate to Replace the Food She Ate?
“I moved in with my roommate about 3-4 months ago. When we moved in I had a part-time job and my roommate did not.
She had no way of making funds the first month we were here. All her funds that was saved was for rent. For context, we share a college on-campus apartment. The rent is about $400 a month.
I told her not to worry about food and that until she has a job and can provide her own food she can eat mine, except for specific items that are my comfort foods.
I lost my job after the first month and she got 2 jobs. I only buy groceries for myself and my groceries are mostly my comfort foods. I recently left for a week to visit some family and came home to all my food gone. Especially the exact ones I told her to not eat whatsoever.
I asked her to please replace my food as I bought it for specifically me and could not afford to buy any more. She told her she would on her next paycheck.
2 weeks later still no replacement. I asked her again. She yelled and screamed at me, saying that it’s clear no one likes her and she should just die.
She said I was telling her what to do with her money and that I was in her pockets, and that she would do whatever she wants with her money. I told her I understand but she ate all my groceries, which is not a lot..
I can’t afford to buy more. I added that I only care about the comfort foods being replaced. She agreed to get it a few days after the argument.
A week later still nothing. My cousin is staying with us for now and providing my groceries.
She is now eating his groceries. On top of that, She is boasting to us about how much money she makes 24/7 now. I brought up my replacement groceries after the most recent time she bragged about making a thousand at work in a day, and she lost it on me again.
Saying, now your cousin Is staying here and already helping you so why should I buy the replacements? She told me I don’t let things go and nothing is that serious, and that she can’t help it if she eats my food because she forgets.
I feel like she’s right though. I decided not to bring it up again because clearly she won’t fix things, and instead just started putting sticky notes on things so she doesn’t forget what not to eat. That had worked so far, however just to mock me or something she bought my comfort foods and put sticky notes on them so I know it’s not replacements and just for her.
Now she is rude to me and doesn’t speak to me at all.
So, AITJ? If so, how do I fix this? I can’t live in an unstable environment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to start looking to move out. I would say to get a mini fridge and keep food in your room but I see you can’t afford it right now.
Talk to the school and see if you can move out or get a new roommate. Can you get your cousin to tell her she can’t have his food? or get him to ask her for the funds?” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“ESH you both need to act like adults.
While her behavior is definitely worse, bringing another person to live in your supplement is a major inconvenience. Based on what you said, that split of rent would then be $266/month. Did she eat that much of your food? I don’t know that there’s an ideal solution to this situation.
Having a roommate can really suck. Is there something stopping you from getting another job? Also, if you are able to, keep what food you can in your own room and keep it locked in there. I would take this as a learning experience and try to be more careful when choosing a roommate next time because this one definitely sucks.
Good luck.” RabidPoodle69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate sucks. Eat her food. Hock a loogie into food you know she’ll go after. Either she’ll notice and get grossed out or she’ll eat your loogie and either way you win. She’s eating another person’s food at her own risk.
You did tell her not to eat it, after all.” EitherAdhesiveness32
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Break Up With Her Partner?
“My (20M) sister (19F), who we’ll call Fiona, is currently mad at me.
We’re pretty close– even though we’re technically step-siblings, we usually just say we’re brother and sister, and our parents have been married for five years. We pretty much always feel comfortable talking to each other, even in a blunt way. I’m always real with her, and vice versa.
Now, Fiona has been with a guy, “Jack” (19M), for a while, and they see each other once every couple of weeks. We live pretty close to him, and both of them have cars, so they could see each other a lot more often, they just choose not to.
When they are together, they don’t seem to talk or interact much, they just cuddle and scroll on their phones or something. Fiona doesn’t mind this at all– since it started in high school, she doesn’t view their relationship as a big deal and has said that she doesn’t think it’ll be a permanent thing.
Jack, on the other hand, is very affectionate with her, and the few times I’ve talked to him one-on-one, he seems to take their relationship pretty seriously and wants things to keep going for a long time. To me, at least, it’s pretty clear that they want different things, and that Jack likes her much more than she likes him.
Worsening matters is the fact that Fiona has a guy best friend, “Liam” (21M), who she spends way more time with. Even though I know there isn’t anything going on between them– both of them are very honest, loyal people, and neither of them would ever be dishonest– I don’t think Fiona is aware of how it comes off.
Jack is too polite to say anything about it, but when all three of them are in the same room, it’s very uncomfortable. She and Liam share way more interests, so he usually takes up the bulk of her attention, even when Jack is right next to her.
And, again, while there isn’t any dishonesty going on, Liam DOES have feelings for her (Fiona doesn’t know this, I heard from a shared friend), and that makes things a lot harder for both him and Jack.
Recently, Fiona came to me and said that Jack had broken down and said that it felt like she didn’t care about him.
She seemed genuinely upset, and kind of bewildered, when I said that yeah, that’s kind of how it seems from the outside.
Now, here’s where I might be the jerk: I said she should end it with him since she’s hurting Jack, and they don’t seem to have a future together.
She told me I was reading too much into the situation, and that the Liam thing was a non-issue. I said it was still cruel for her to stay with Jack when he wants something long-term, and she doesn’t, but she said she does “like” Jack, she just doesn’t think relationships should be serious at our age.
We got into a pretty big argument, and she’s been cold-shouldering me for a couple of days. I feel bad that I’ve made her upset, but also, I don’t think her relationship is good for anyone involved. Should I have just kept my mouth shut, and not weighed in?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I think you are just being straight up with your sister. Stringing someone along is messed up and should be called out. I think the Liam situation is an unfortunate byproduct of an already established problem between them. Your sister needs to have a serious conversation with her partner.
I think because your sister is young, might not be aware of her actions but she should learn. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out in the end, she’ll be more aware of others’ feelings in the next” Puzzleheaded-Comb529
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with no jerks here.
Your sister didn’t seem fully aware of the differences between how she and Jack feel until he told her, and was probably blindsided by you saying her relationship should end so bluntly– there was probably a reason she seemed happy. I don’t think she’s a jerk for anything she’s done here.
I will say, you probably could have phrased things better, but, I don’t think you giving your opinion was bad. You said you guys are always “real with each other”, so I don’t think you spoke out of place. Maybe don’t get involved further, though, since this sounds like it could get messy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ If Liam was a girl, who happened to share a lot more interests with Fiona than her partner does, would you see that as a problem and tell her to end it with Jack? No? So why is it different for her male friend?
You are unnecessarily invested in Fiona’s relationship with Liam when she tells you she doesn’t see him that way. Her issues with not spending enough time with Jack sound like they are a separate matter to her close friendship with Liam.” Sweeper1985
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