People Impatiently Wait For Answers After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Sharing The Profits From Sold Tickets With My Friend?
“So I was one of the lucky ones to get Taylor Swift tickets back in November.
I waited HOURS on their app, fronted the funds for the tickets myself, and got three tickets.
Two friends were supposed to pay me back the same day for the tickets. One friend, Mary did, but the other friend, Caroline, kept pushing me off, saying, ‘I’ll pay you when I get paid next week.’ Well, here we are in March, and she hasn’t paid anything toward the tickets.
I also planned on driving all of us to the concert and paid for the shared hotel room.
Someone I know offered me $750.00 over face value for each ticket this week. I said I would need to think about it and also talk to Mary, as technically, I didn’t own all of them.
Mary and I agreed that as much as we wanted to see Taylor Swift, we wanted the extra bucks more than to see the concert.
I texted Caroline and asked if she had the money for her ticket (at face value as that is what the original agreement was), I let her know someone asked to buy all three tickets and I wanted to sell them but wanted to give her one last chance to pay me back for the ticket if she wanted to go, I also let her know if she chose to go Mary and I wouldn’t sell our tickets and would go with her.
She said to go ahead and sell them, as she hadn’t even started the process to get her passport yet, meaning she likely wouldn’t have a passport in time to go anyways. (we do not live in the country the tickets are for, but are near the border).
So I sold the tickets. I sent Mary her share of the profits (ticket price+750) and I kept the rest. Caroline is saying that since the ticket was being ‘held for her’ I should share the profit with her as well.
I don’t think I am the jerk here, because I gave Caroline nearly 6 months to pay for the tickets and offered her another chance before I sold them.
But some friends are siding with Caroline, saying, technically the ticket was hers and I should have split the profit with her at the very least.
Had she paid anything towards the ticket, I would be happy to have given her an equal % of the profit, but honestly, the fact she hasn’t even gotten her passport yet, told me that she was planning on sticking me with an empty seat and ticket cost anyways.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The ticket wasn’t ‘technically hers.’ You bought it. You paid for it. Caroline paid nothing for it so she gets nothing for it. She wanted the ticket and didn’t have money for it. She hasn’t gotten her passport because, again, it’s a money thing.
She figured that you’d just eventually give her the ticket. She never had any intention of paying for it because if she had, she would have been making small payments all this time. I’m sure you would have been open to accepting installments if that was what it took to get your money back.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The ticket was not Caroline’s, it was yours since you paid for it and she didn’t pay you back. Where do these people get off feeling so entitled? If the ticket had ended up going to waste, do you think Caroline would have ever paid you for it?
She strung you along for 6 months knowing that she wasn’t risking any of her own funds.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ‘friend’ never paid you for the ticket. The ticket belonged to you since you have the receipt for it. What ticket agency would ‘hold’ a ticket for someone that hadn’t paid for it?
She was not a woman of her word. She should have been honest with you in the first place and told you she couldn’t afford to go. Five months was plenty of time, to be honest with you. She strung you along, wouldn’t have been able to go since she never even paid for her passport to get across the border, and wouldn’t have said anything to you until it was time to go and then had the attitude that you should understand her financial situation and take the loss.
Money and friends are a slippery slope. Keep the money for the two tickets YOU paid for. You owe her nothing. And let this be a lesson to you if you are paying for a group event, everyone gives you the funds upfront. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking you owe her.
The ones offering their two cents need to shut up and give her money if they want her to have it so badly. Oh, and cut her loose, she’s not your friend.” HorrorComfort4913
18. AITJ For Refusing To Quit My Job Just To Have More Time To Do Chores?
“I (31f) have been married for 11 years to my husband (35m). My job is extremely flexible to work around my 2 kids’ school schedules and I make decent money.
My husband had this idea though that if there are dishes in the sink, or the floors need to be swept, laundry folded, etc then I shouldn’t go to work that day. We made the ‘deal’ that if I went back to work, this is how it would go.
I feel it’s a pretty unfair deal though. I try to save call-offs for when the kids are sick, but it turns into a big thing every time so I usually end up staying home and doing the chores.
Some days I’m just so tired I don’t get around to it, but I think it’s really unfair that I have to do all the appointments, grocery shopping, and most of the house chores.
He says if I can’t handle it, I should just quit, but we could use the money since we bought our first house this year. I feel like I’m going crazy, but I usually always give in on everything, but I really like my job.
Would I be the jerk if I told him that he should give me a break on this at times even though this is the agreement we made when I went back 4 years ago? My boss is starting to get irritated when I don’t have a very good reason for not coming in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The old deal isn’t working because it is unreasonable at this point. So get rid of it.
First, it was 4 years ago, and things have changed since then. And he doesn’t get to decide IF you work, or that your job isn’t as important as his, just because it doesn’t make as much money.
I’m sure he appreciates the extra income.
Two, it is unreasonable to expect one person to do all the house chores, he needs to pick up some chores himself. That’s how partnerships work.
Third, where are your kids in all this? If they are old enough to go to school, they are old enough to start helping with dishes, cooking, laundry, sweeping, etc. Give them a chore rotation where they are doing some age-appropriate housekeeping.
They need to learn how early enough for it to be easy when they are ready to move out.” grmrsan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — this is concerning because it sounds like he’s trying to ‘prove’ you can’t handle both at once and convince you to quit your job.
This is a big issue because if that’s his goal, it is very possible that he might be trying to force you into being dependent on him as the breadwinner, and create a situation where you have no other option but to rely on him for money.
It might not be the case, but OP, I seriously suggest you look out for any other signs that he’s trying to restrict your freedoms. Many abusive spouses use the excuse that ‘they make the money’, so they should decide how it’s used and set conditions for their financial support, which is not what a marital partnership should be.
I hope he’s doing his part of the chores too, and isn’t just putting them all on you despite you having a job. Please, please, look out and be careful.” New_Cucumber_420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So, what exactly is your husband contributing to the family?
Because if it’s money, you would still get that in the form of child support and spousal support/alimony depending on where you live.
You work full-time at a paying job; then come home and do all of the household chores, everything for the kids, and everything that spouses are supposed to share equally.
Tell the controlling abusive jerk to get over himself and either start contributing to the housework or get out.” shadowdragon1978
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Significant Other To Be Invited To Our Dinner?
“Recently, my (24F) sister (33F) started going out with this new guy who seemed nice at first, but he ended up disrespecting me in a way that I just can’t let go.
It happened at a get-together my sister hosted at our parents’ house. (I live with our parents). We were playing a game when he made a comment about how I was taking too long to make a move, and then he smirked and said, ‘I guess that’s what happens when you’re not very smart.’ To be fair, my sister is way smarter than me and she’s really great at these games too.
But it was clear to me that he was trying to insult me, and I was taken aback.
I didn’t want to make a scene in front of everyone, so I tried to brush it off and continued with the game. But then he made another comment about how I must be bad at strategy games because I didn’t go to college.
That is not fair, I went to college but just not as good as my sister’s. I was shocked and hurt. I couldn’t believe he was being so blatantly insulting.
As the night went on, he made a few more snide remarks that were meant to put me down.
It became clear to me that he was deliberately trying to provoke me. I tried my best to ignore him, but it was difficult to enjoy the evening after that.
He made those comments to me and no one else heard him, unfortunately.
Now my sister wants to bring him to our family dinner next week, and I’m hesitant to let him come.
I don’t want to be around someone who doesn’t respect me, and I feel like inviting him would just be condoning his behavior.
I made my sister aware of his comments but my sister thinks I’m being unreasonable and being too sensitive, and that I should give him a chance to make things right because I can’t judge him based on just one encounter.
But I just can’t shake the feeling that I would be betraying myself if I let him come.
My parents want him to come too because they don’t know what happened. I’m afraid my sister would get mad at me if I tell my parents.
She keeps telling me to handle things like an adult and stop running to our parents.
Currently, it feels like I’m the only person who doesn’t want him there.
Should I be firm and ask her not to bring him, let her bring him and pretend nothing happened, or not attend the dinner at all?
This is my sister’s first serious relationship so she’s acting a bit out of character. She’s not usually like this. She took care of me growing up because both parents were busy working. I don’t want to disrespect her because I see her as a mother and a role model but I can’t help but feel this went a bit far.
AITJ for not wanting her SO to come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your parents. It will only reflect poorly on you if you don’t. He hasn’t even apologized.
As for your sister saying you can’t judge him on one encounter. I’m sorry but you only get one chance to make a first impression, and he made a jerk of himself.
If he or your sister actually cared, they would have made a point of apologizing long before now. Instead, they’re just putting it all on you. ‘Handle things like an adult’ translates to ‘I know what he did was wrong, but I don’t want our parents to know I’m seeing someone that thinks they can bully and belittle my significantly younger sister.’
And you say she was like a mother to you growing up? That just makes her inability to back you up all the worse. Reading between the lines, I can guess why she’s acting this way, it’s just sad.” HammerOn57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not a jerk for not wanting to be around someone who went out of their way to make several rude and hurtful comments towards you for no reason.
However, it’s not really your place to deny your sister or her partner from your parents’ house. You can choose not to attend the dinner or leave the house during that time, but you can’t deny them permission from coming over.
If people ask why you don’t wish to attend, just be honest and straightforward about what happened. It’s not childish or ‘running to your parents’ to say you disliked the way someone treated you.
That is the adult thing to do. You should continue to set that boundary.” SpookyTeaTime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’s a jerk and your sister shouldn’t tolerate that.
Unless he makes amends, it’s reasonable to not want him around.
If you’re comfortable, have a level conversation about his comments (and have her there so she can see his true character), and if he doesn’t apologize and immediately stop the behavior I don’t see anything wrong with telling your parents.
Adults get mistreated and bullied too. Going to a support system about it is not wrong and neither is setting boundaries. Just be sure to be accurate when you relay events.
He sounds toxic and if it’s your sister’s first serious relationship I worry about him manipulating her, based solely on your side of the story.
Also, there are different kinds of intelligence. Going to college doesn’t make someone more or less smart than anyone else.” remembrandy
16. AITJ For Refusing To Have A Relationship With My Father After Everything I Went Through?
“I (24 F) have never had a close relationship with my father, but now he wants to be a part of my life. My dad divorced my mother when I was 3 years old, and I saw him every second weekend.
When I was at his place he was never there for me emotionally or mentally and our relationship was very superficial. When I was 8 years old he remarried, and they eventually had a child together that is 12 years younger than me, let’s call her ‘Olivia’.
My father’s wife would send me outside in all weather conditions, yes even during storms, because I ‘had to look for friends’. I was not allowed to wear my hair loose because I lost too much hair and she (his wife) would have to vacuum all day.
I was not allowed to shower before my dad, his wife, and Olivia had showered because I was ‘dirty’ and she had to chlorine the shower after me. She told the rest of my family that I was lazy, that I had hit Olivia (not true) etc. She said all those things in front of my father and he never stood up for me.
Most of the time I lived with our mother, so the home situation at my father’s place never really bothered me until I grew up and realized that it was far from ideal. The main problem I have with my father is not all those things explained, but the fact that my mother was married to a heavy drinker for 10 years and my father did nothing to help me.
My father never asked how I was doing, thus he did not know that my stepfather was a heavy drinker until I turned 15. When I was 15 my stepfather mistreated me and then he called my father. My father agreed that I could stay at his place for a few days and would pick me up the next day.
He never came, because he and his wife had decided that they couldn’t have a rabid child over at their place… That was the first and last time I and my dad spoke about my stepfather’s issues.
I stopped staying over at my dad’s place when I turned 16.
After that, my father and his wife rarely invited me over and I saw them about 1-2 times a year. I decided to slowly faze them out of my life, however, when I turned 22 they suddenly wanted to see me again. Now they want me to have dinner with them at least once a month.
At first, I agreed because I want to have a relationship with Olivia, but I feel physically ill when I am having dinner with them because it reminds me of all the times they rejected or failed me during my childhood.
I want to have a relationship with Olivia, she also wants to have a relationship with me.
I don’t like my father and his wife and I don’t want a relationship with them. But Olivia is an innocent third party. My father has talked to his siblings and now they are asking why I haven’t had any contact with them, and that they miss me.
The friends I have confided are saying that I am too harsh and that I can suck it up. AITJ for not sucking it up so Olivia can have ‘the sister she deserves’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were never there for you and you owe them nothing.
Do ONLY what makes you happy. If having a relationship with them doesn’t make you happy, block them and cut them out of your life. You can find Olivia again when she’s old enough and out of her parents’ house and explain why you didn’t know her as a kid.
My main point is: THEY ARE TOXIC, AND DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU, AND STAY AWAY FROM THEM. I wish you all the best!” 50-POTATOS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and frankly it’s time for you to have some conversations with your dad about the way he and his wife treated you.
You need to call him out and get some answers as to why he neglected you and ignored you and allowed his wife to mistreat you. I might also tell his siblings about how he treated you and that you don’t believe they miss you at all.
You’re willing to have a relationship with Olivia, but you don’t want one with them.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“You are in such a rough spot. NTJ. Your dad and stepmother were awful. They couldn’t have a rabid child in their home? She would bleach the bathroom after you showered?
They were AWFUL. (Sorry, these aren’t normal things. They did things that if they told people most people would question what is wrong with them.) They haven’t apologized for how awful they were. They don’t care how awful they were, and honestly, it seems that they only want you to visit now because your half-sister wants it.
If your half-sister didn’t care then they wouldn’t bother. Yes, Olivia is an innocent casualty in this. She didn’t mistreat you. Your mental health matters. It doesn’t mean you have to ignore your feelings and trauma because people think Olivia deserves a big sister.
Sorry, Olivia would have had a big sister her whole life if your dad and stepmother hadn’t behaved like villains!” CemeteryDweller7719
15. AITJ For Telling My Wife That My Daughter May Never See Her As A Mom?
“I’m an older dad. I was born in 1966, so I’m currently 56, turning 57 this year. I really tried to do the classic way of things. You know, settle down, get married, have kids, etc. I was actually married when I was young in the 90s and really wanted children but it just never happened. I went out with people but never really had any luck and the older I got, the more I realized I was running out of time.
I was waiting around to meet the perfect woman to be a mother to my kids and in reality, it just didn’t happen. So when I was still in my 40s, I made a decision to become a single dad. I used my life savings and decided to try surrogacy with an egg donor.
I thought that if it didn’t work, then at least I tried. I was actually quite pessimistic but I got really lucky. My beautiful little girl, Cassie, was born in 2010.
I adore being a dad. She is truly wonderful and even though I was 44 when she was born, I felt lucky that I was able to have a kid.
I did worry that not having a mother would affect her, but she has grown up to be just as happy as a kid with two parents. I’ve told her a kid-friendly version of why she doesn’t have a mum and she gets it.
Obviously now she’s 12, turning 13, I can tell her probably the full truth and I will eventually.
Anyway, I married my wife Marie (50) a few months ago after 2 years of being together. I told her from the start that I’m looking for a partner, not a mother for my kid as Cassie was 10.
I explained that if things progressed and got very serious Cassie may very well form an attachment and want a mother figure but that I wouldn’t push it and it’s for Cassie to decide.
Cassie has decided that even though she loves Marie and is glad she is part of our family now, she is content in just calling her Marie and says that she will consider her as my wife, a ‘technical stepmother’ but not as her mother.
Marie doesn’t like this as she sees Cassie as a daughter and has been seeing herself as a mother figure. She has been gently trying to push it with both me and Cassie telling her to stop, especially Cassie. Cassie has explicitly said that Marie is not her mother and she gets frustrated when Marie tries to push it onto her.
I’ve told her as kindly as I could that Cassie doesn’t want a mother and that she needs to accept she will probably never view her as one as Cassie has said to Marie many times. I also validated Marie’s feelings by acknowledging I know it must hurt as she’s in this family now and she doesn’t have kids of her own, but it doesn’t mean Marie is loved any less or minimizes her contributions to our household.
Marie thinks I’m being slightly heartless because she does things such as taking Cassie places, looking after her, etc like I do. She says that she’s a parent as much as I am and that I should talk to Cassie about this, especially since we are now married.
ETA: Despite the frustrations Marie may be feeling, she has not been a jerk or rude or anything about this. She has been surprisingly calm; even when she talked about feeling like I’m heartless. I think that’s good and on a level, she probably does get it, but I’m being respectful about this to her and my daughter.
Some clarification: Cassie knows what a mother is and has never explicitly said she’s felt like she’s missed out on having one. She’s generally a well-behaved kid but she’s obviously misbehaved sometimes and had to be punished. I normally am the one to set them, but Marie does have a say in disciplining and asking her to do chores and help.
It’s not like Marie doesn’t have any say and Cassie gets that and will listen to her. She will actually go to Marie for advice a lot of the time instead of me so Cassie does feel she is a positive female influence.
The boundary is that she doesn’t want Marie to force being a mum on her and she doesn’t want her to be her mum. They do spend a lot of time together and do things with and without me there so they are bonded. They have a very good relationship based on love and respect but the only tension is the whole mother angle.
Of course, Marie helps me with my parenting which I acknowledge and Carrie acknowledges it too, but that does not mean I’m going to force my daughter into accepting her as her mum and I’ve also made Cassie’s boundaries very clear to Marie.
I think considering it’s only been just over 2 years, the fact they have such a strong relationship is amazing. Right now, Cassie feels she doesn’t need a mum and she has even said it might change one day but if Marie continues to push it it will destroy their relationship and push Cassie away.
And yes, if something happened to me, I would leave Marie as the legal guardian. Cassie knows this and is fine with it but has pointed out that whilst she would be happy to remain with her, she still wouldn’t want to be forced into viewing her as her mother.”
Another User Comments:
“I see both sides.
This isn’t a turn-key situation for your wife. Marrying a single dad doesn’t automatically make her mom. Your daughter has made clear that your wife isn’t going to be ‘mom’ and that’s her prerogative. She isn’t obligated to call her by anything other than her name.
On the other hand, by your own account, you’re in denial if you think your wife hasn’t taken a parenting role for your daughter. It’s not fair to have her running your daughter around and acting as a caregiver, then telling her she has no standing as a (step)parent.
Not a ‘technical’ stepmother, a stepmother. That’s what she is. Your daughter was still a child (10) when you got together, not in her late teens or twenties. Marie deserves some credit despite the fact that she will never be your daughter’s mom. A little recognition goes a long way.
It sounds like you all need to get on the same page and there are some things to be worked out, but no jerks here.” apothekryptic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, blended families can be complicated at the start. There’s nothing wrong with any of you setting personal boundaries and your daughter has expressed her right to do that.
I understand where your wife is coming from too and why she is hurt. However don’t tell her it’s NEVER gonna happen because your daughter is 10 and who knows maybe one day she will change her mind, or she might not both of those decisions would be okay.
Your daughter is lucky to have a step-parent that loves her like her own it can be pretty rare. Just make sure everyone shows respect and kindness and things will fall into place accordingly.” Harleevivi
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You sound like a caring and understanding father and partner.
The way you taught your daughter to build her own boundaries and make her own choices is amazing.
It’s okay for your partner to want more of a relationship, but pushing your daughter is not the way to do that.
I would broach the topic in a calm and caring matter that your daughter is entitled to feel how she feels, but that she does love your partner very much.
Also, pushing this issue could cause your daughter to tense up and pull back.
Your partner may benefit from a step-parent support group. This could give her insight and allow her to talk to people in similar situations.” Aggressive_Baby_9672
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘she does things such as taking Cassie places, looking after her, etc like I do.
She says that she’s a parent as much as I am and that I should talk to Cassie about this.’
She can’t force Cassie to call her mom or act like she is her mother. Relationships cannot be forced. And you made this very clear since the beginning.
Cassie is old enough to realize that she doesn’t want a mother figure because you are all she has had and she may change her mind in the future but she should not be forced.
Your wife trying to force this mother-daughter dynamic with Cassie will just push her away, not bring them closer together.
This is a decision that Cassie needs to make and she has, at least for now. Your wife needs to back off. Just because she takes Cassie to places and you are now married doesn’t mean Cassie owes her a mother-daughter bond. If she is solely taking Cassie out so that she will eventually start behaving like her daughter, then that is your wife’s ulterior motive, not because she wants to spend time with your daughter.” Even_Supermarket_629
14. AITJ For Saying That My Wife Has Unrealistic Expectations For Her Sister?
“My wife (28f) and I (29M) just had our first child together 4 months ago. It’s been a stressful but fulfilling time in our lives together. The only perceived issue has been how involved my wife’s sister P (30F) has been with the baby.
P to put it simply is not a baby person, she doesn’t want kids but has always been supportive during the pregnancy. My wife thought that she would be around more than she is to help take the burden off of us but she has expressed that having to take care of a baby makes her extremely uncomfortable even just for a couple of hours.
The thing is my wife is constantly nagging her to help more every time she sees her sister, so the little help we do get is gone since P is now avoiding us completely. I told my wife that her expectations are unreasonable given she’s always known how P has felt about kids and she needs to let it go and apologize before we lose P from helping us completely in the future.
She’s now giving me the cold shoulder because I’ve picked her sister’s side over hers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your wife is.
Your child, your responsibility to raise them. Your SIL has absolutely no responsibilities in relation to your child.
Your wife sounds entitled if she thinks the rest of the world should be falling at her feet to look after the Golden Child.
Was she the spoilt one when she was younger?
Your view is the correct view, no one owes you anything in regard to the life you two chose to bring into this world. If she wasn’t prepared for the work, she shouldn’t have had a child.” Opposite-Guide-9925
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, your wife’s expectations of her sister are unrealistic. As hard as it is for your wife to understand why her sister doesn’t want kids or want to help more – that’s just how she is. Some people are just like that.
Some people get really nervous or uncomfortable being around babies. When the baby is a little older she may want to be more involved. I know how hard it is being new parents and the two of you definitely need an occasional break, but like you said she knew going into it how her sister felt about babies.
When the baby is a little older, I bet it will be different. Good luck. Everything will be ok.” Sufficient-Object-29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your wife is. It is unreasonable and selfish to expect a thing like that. It is her baby and yours, she did not help you create him/her, and did not have any say in this.
It is up to you and her, it is your “burden” you created (although this sounds very weird given we are talking about your child), and yours and hers to carry. If the sister volunteers, OK, but she didn’t and it is making her uncomfortable.
Your wife is the jerk in that, and you are doing a good thing if you want to make her stop. I’d be grossed out by such an attitude from my sister.” Prangelina
13. AITJ For Calling My Partner An Idiot For Buying My Son A Skateboard?
“I (30M) have a 9-year-old son with my ex (29F). We split six years ago but share custody (one week on one week off arrangement).
I have been in a relationship with my current partner (27F) for four years. She’s incredible and gets along with my son amazingly.
Last year my son suddenly gained an obsession with skateboarding, he would talk nonstop about it and kept asking if he could get a skateboard.
My ex and I discussed and mutually decided against letting him skateboard because he’s still very young and obviously there is always a risk of injury. My son was very upset when we said no but he eventually got over it.
Yesterday afternoon I left the house for an hour to run some errands and while I was out I got a call from my partner telling me that she had to take my son to the emergency department and to meet her there.
He had a dislocated shoulder. I was confused, had no idea what was happening. I immediately drove to the hospital. I asked her how did it happen and she admitted that she bought him a skateboard three months ago and he had a nasty fall while riding it at the skatepark she had taken him to while I was out.
I was angry but I didn’t want to start an argument in the middle of the hospital so I gave her the silent treatment until we got back home.
I rang up my ex straight away to tell her what happened and I got an earful from her.
My partner apologized to my ex when she arrived at the hospital but she wasn’t having any of it.
So basically my partner made my son promise her not to say anything about the skateboard to me or his mother and they’ve been hiding the skateboard from me for months.
I asked my partner why did she think that would be okay and she simply said she just wanted to make my son happy and she argued that she never let him skate alone, she was always with him. Apparently, she would take him to the skatepark whenever I was out of the house (which wasn’t often but I don’t want him at the skatepark ever).
I called her an idiot and that it was her fault that my son got injured. She said I was being a jerk and that she didn’t mean for it to happen, she was just trying to do something nice. Now we’re barely talking to each other.
AITJ or what?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the question around you being furious with your ex for going behind our back, forcing your son to lie to you, and teaching him that rules don’t matter.
However, I think that your skateboards are dangerous so no skateboards policy was poorly thought out.
You should be encouraging your kid’s passions and determining a way for the activities to be done safely.
If you had gotten him the skateboard you would have been in control of the safety gear being worn while he was learning. You would have been in control of the level of difficulty and risk he was taking as he gained experience.
He still might have gotten hurt doing it but kids sports whether it be soccer, basketball, football, baseball, or skateboarding all carry risks of injury but in general are a net benefit to development.” GWeb1920
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Wow. In your ex’s shoes I would be so angry right now I would be seriously contemplating going to court to make sure your partner was never again allowed access to your child without you physically present during your custody week.
What are you doing to make sure your child is safe around this woman? If you’re still considering continuing to be in a relationship with her, I hope you are restricting her access to your child so that she is no longer around them when you aren’t around.
I don’t care how ‘cool,’ your kid thinks she is. When you and your ex make a decision, THAT is the decision, especially when it comes to health and safety. She doesn’t get to overrule you and your ex on parenting EVER just to play the ‘cool’ new woman.
The fact that this whole horrible accident happened where your son has a dislocated shoulder and could have been even more seriously injured, and her response isn’t to beg your forgiveness and that of your ex, but to call you a jerk and say she was just trying to do something nice… WOW.
I’m just appalled at this. Seriously. Don’t be surprised when your ex takes you to court.” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for being angry at being lied to. That is understandable. Your partner was straight-up wrong there. But the question is if you are the jerk for calling her names.
For that YTJ (though I get it, uncalled for).
I would also say denying a normal/healthy 9-year-old kid a skateboard seems much. Kids will get injured in activities, and that goes with the territory. As long as they wear safety gear and are reasonably smart (as much as a 9-year-old boy can be) about how they do it then it seems a reasonable hobby.
But that also wasn’t the question. And your partner had no business doing that behind your back.
A dislocated shoulder isn’t the end of the world, I’d think twice about taking this from your son. But a serious talk about communication, honesty, and boundaries regarding decisions you and your ex make is in order.
But keep calm and be adult about it, don’t call names.” gte105u
However, this is something you and your ex agreed upon. Full stop. Should have ended there, your partner has absolutely no say here. And then she went behind your back, was taking your son skateboarding without your consent, and wasn’t apologetic when he was injured. You would never have known if your son didn’t need a trip to the ER. HUGE red flag. And she told your son to lie to you?!?! HOW are you still with her??? This was the moment, the hill to die on, to kick her out the door, full stop, no long explanation. She KNOWS better, hence why she told YOUR son to lie to you! I’m surprised your ex didn’t take her outside and kick her butt! This was the moment to go full mama and papa bear and NEVER allow this woman near your child ever again!
12. AITJ For Not Babysitting My Stepsister's Baby?
“My brother has three kids ages 4 and under and my stepsister has a 7-month-old. I do not have an ongoing relationship with my stepsister.
We weren’t close when my dad married her mom and her mom was my dad’s affair partner and she was the kid who thought it was great so my brother and I didn’t really like her for that. She thought we were brats who couldn’t accept that her mom was better than ours and that’s why the affair wasn’t a bad thing.
We ended up choosing as older teenagers to not see our dad anymore. He kept trying to keep us in his life. But he broke our mom’s heart and he broke our trust. Plus he gave us no time to accept our parents breaking up.
He left our family home and moved in with his affair partner and married her three days after the divorce from mom was finalized and he was pushing his stepdaughter as our ‘sister’.
We did stay in touch with our dad’s siblings. They have stayed in touch with dad and his new family.
About a week ago they gave my stepsister my contact info and she asked if I would be able to help her out with babysitting since she heard I do it for my brother. I said no. She tried to pull the family card and I told her we were never family and to ask her parents for help, or the people who gave her my contact info.
Then I told my aunt and uncle whoever gave her my info was wrong. My aunt who gave it to her said it wouldn’t have killed me to get to know my niece and to help my stepsister when I do it for my brother all the time.
I told her the difference is he’s my brother and his kids are my nieces and nephew and my stepsister and her kid are not those things.
My stepsister tried to call again and when I didn’t answer she sent me a text saying I was a jerk and she was in need and she knows I do it.
I blocked her. She must have told my aunt who said I was being petty.
So now I ask AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I roll my eyes whenever someone says ‘But they’re faamily’ or ‘But I’m faaamily’ as reason enough to honor requests that you’d never honor for a stranger.
Here, your stepsister is basically a complete stranger to you. And she is a direct reminder of your jerk father who had an affair. So, to put it mildly, you have nowhere near as close a relationship with her as with your brother.
She isn’t a jerk for asking you to babysit.
However, she IS a jerk for escalating it after you said no. And for calling you a jerk for refusing. Stand your ground on this. Let your stepsister think you’re a jerk if she wants. Or any other family members.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you and stepsister don’t have a relationship, you don’t even have a relationship with your dad which is completely understandable.
Your aunt had no business giving her your number without your consent, and should not be trying to pressure you to babysit your stepsister’s kid. You’re right in that biologically her kids are not your niece and nephew. It’s like her feeling that she’s entitled to your babysitting services when you’re essentially a stranger.
Let her find someone else. Block her number and have a serious convo with this aunt.” PravinI123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you had a good relationship with her, she is not entitled to your babysitting services. You are allowed to pick and choose what you do for each sibling.
There are some kids who you just know you don’t want to babysit, because they act like little monsters. Then, there are some who are amazing. Opting only to babysit the ones who are amazing wouldn’t make you a jerk any more than opting not to babysit for certain people would.” BeBrave920
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancée's Older Siblings To Our Wedding?
“My (29M) fiance Bridgette (26F) and I are set to be married in May. As we’ve been planning our wedding we’ve made sure to have each other’s wishes in mind and not make any decisions without talking to each other.
However, I decided to make one decision without consulting Bridgette: not allowing her siblings to attend.
This decision was made around February when we were sending out wedding invitations.
I understand it does seem like a jerk move, but it is not something that has been done out of spite.
Bridgette’s siblings (28M and 32F) are very mean (to put it lightly), full-on mean.
Not even joking when I say they’re something straight out of a movie. There have been many times when Bridgette would come back crying from a family night because of the bullying she endured from her siblings. From what I know this is not something that has only begun in adulthood but was very prominent throughout her childhood.
Anyway last night, Bridgette told me she’d been called by her elder sister demanding why she and her brother hadn’t been invited to the wedding.
I tried to explain to Bridgette that I didn’t want her siblings to attend the party but she immediately began crying saying that I didn’t understand how much trouble I was causing her and how this would ruin their relationship even more.
This morning I received an email from Bridgette’s father about how I shouldn’t involve myself in their family business and that I shouldn’t bring my hatred of Bridgette’s siblings to influence her decisions.
He threatened to not walk Bridgette down the aisle if her two siblings weren’t invited.
AITJ? Not trying to be purposefully mean but I just don’t believe that Bridgette’s siblings should be part of her special day when they’ve caused her so much pain.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You acted unilaterally in uninviting her siblings without consulting her? That’s not working together as a partnership now, is it?
Consider this… their relationship is strained. I get it. But by omitting them from attending all you did is create more drama, unnecessarily. Now it’s going to be even tenser for her. And now her dad’s been dragged into this. Sure them coming isn’t great… but they could have been sat far away from you all at the reception.
And furthermore… omitting them is something your fiancée NEVER ASKED FOR. I know this was done with the best intentions, but you should have foreseen this going south. This should have been a conversation between you two. Not something you just did… and definitely not something she should have been surprised to hear about.” TheHipReplacement
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, that wasn’t your decision to make. You absolutely do not get to make major decisions about the guest list of your SHARED wedding without consulting your future wife. You guys are getting married and becoming equal partners. It’s not a great start to go behind her back and ban her own family from her own wedding without asking her.
You are absolutely the jerk, not for not liking her sisters but for being controlling. It’s her family, like them or not and she gets a say in that.” Strange_Salamander33
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not consulting her in this decision. Yes, it truly sounds like her siblings are awful but you are causing her even more stress by doing this without talking to her.
If you think they’re mean when she hasn’t done anything to them now they’ll be worse because they’ll forever use the fact that she didn’t invite them as fuel to be worse towards her even if she wasn’t the one who didn’t invite them. I get you want to protect her but that can be done in other ways by going with her to family things and standing by her side, standing up to them for her, and asking her HOW you can help her with this.” Neither-Prune-7998
10. AITJ For Not Buying A Skirt For My Partner?
“I (32M) was going to meet up with some friends with my partner (28F). She sat down on a bench at the bus stop and did not realize it was wet and got her skirt wet, she thought it was pee but I don’t think it was as it was brown not yellow.
I suggested we just go and it would dry off anyway but she didn’t want to as she had convinced herself it was pee.
She asked me to go to a nearby store to buy her a new skirt but I did not want to as I did not want to be seen like a creep buying women’s clothing.
I offered to get her some unisex pants instead but she insisted and said she really wanted a skirt.
She then went and got her skirt and we took the next bus and I thought that was the end of it.
But then when we got back home, she got upset with me and said I should have bought it for her, or at least come in the store with her as it was embarrassing to go in like that.
But it was embarrassing for me too and I shop at that store and did not want to become known as the creep who buys women’s clothing. I had offered to buy her pants but she declined.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and this is so bizarre.
Your whole position is just absurd. It’s creepy and embarrassing to go into a store and purchase women’s clothing? You know that men do this ALL THE TIME to purchase gifts for their mothers, sisters, significant others, daughters, etc? But your masculinity is apparently THAT fragile.
I’m not usually one to say a breakup is necessary, but I hope she leaves you because what if you two had a child, and it was a girl? You’d be embarrassed to purchase clothes for your own kid, wouldn’t you?” Usual-Role-9084
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can imagine that if she sat into it then it was in an unlucky placement on her skirt. The fact that you say it was brown not yellow isn’t as comforting as you think it is. It could’ve been many things but your partner probably felt bad about it because it might’ve looked like she peed herself.
I don’t think that you’re a jerk solely for not going in to buy a skirt alone. It’s safer if someone chooses their own because of the size and styling, but you could’ve gone with her when she went in.” whitechocolatefondue
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your views on buying women’s clothing being creepy and being okay with buying her something unisex and not what she’d want to wear.
But honestly, she’s a grown woman, she can buy herself a new skirt. I’d understand you not wanting to pay for her if she can buy her own clothes if she was that adamant about needing to get something new.
But that doesn’t seem like it’s your issue, you only seemed to take issue with the fact that she wanted you to buy something she’d actually be comfortable in.” Chupa97
9. AITJ For Telling My Family That Looks Matter?
“I indeed have a complex and insecurity regarding my looks. I have been working on it, & even attend therapy in which I have learned a lot which has helped. It’s slow, but I’ll get there.
I have always been very aware that I am a below-average-looking guy. I have hypothyroidism, and it is very difficult for me to maintain a healthy weight. I have skinny arms, a largish belly, prominent love handles, and very thick thighs. I have a pockmarked face, which is visibly asymmetrical and I am quite dark too.
All in all, I know that I am not the most pleasant person to look at.
The rest of my family is extremely good-looking, especially my sister, who has model-worthy looks, not kidding. She got married to a very handsome guy, and they have two very beautiful boys.
My parents too are quite attractive people.
Since a young age, I have faced a lot of bullying, and people outright asking me whether I was adopted because how else would such an ugly person be born into such a good-looking family? Even to this day, if I ever post a picture of myself on social media with my nephews or my sister and brother-in-law, people comment saying that the picture would have been better without me, or how I look the way I do if I have such nice genes.
Well honestly speaking, I do feel bad, but I have also kind of come to expect these comments and I know that a lot of people do reject me for my looks.
During my childhood, in my teens, and even into my life as a young adult, my family never really understood my issues.
They love me, and of course, they would never put me down. So they always countered my complaints or venting with things like, ‘you are good-looking, people are blind, or you are so smart, so intelligent’ and so on. The general love that family showers on you.
But that also meant that my insecurities never really got addressed. I learned what I learned on my own, and that’s fine.
Now, my parents have been looking for a match for me for a few months, and though they have liked a few girls, none have really shown interest in me.
(we have arranged marriages in my culture)
I earn well, I am well-educated and have a good lifestyle. I also like to believe that I am easygoing, and don’t really have any expectations as such. So my family got into this very confident that they’ll find a good match for me.
I’m at my sister’s place, and she burst out venting yesterday, about a girl who rejected my match because I look like trash. Not those exact words, but the gist was that. My sister was very offended by this, but I just laughed.
I said, ‘see I kept telling you that these things matter.
Now at least you know, maybe second hand but still, how it feels to be rejected for your looks, something you can’t control’.
She’s mad at me, she told my parents, and now they are irritated too.
I didn’t mean any harm or to make them feel bad, but I guess I just wanted to show them that I wasn’t wrong all these years in what I felt.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if your family means well, when they’re all extremely good-looking, they have no idea what it’s like to be rejected for your looks. The ‘Halo Effect’ has also benefited them all their entire lives. That’s where people think attractive people are kinder, smarter, etc. than they are, just because of their looks.
I’d say your sister is the jerk for being mad at you over this. For you gently pointing out that, yes, as superficial as it is, looks matter a great deal. And they’ve all benefited richly from that their entire lives.
I think they’re all just upset because they’re all so good looking they’ve never encountered something they can’t control that wasn’t worked out.
And seeing it even secondhand is extremely uncomfortable for them.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you yourself, especially because of your insecurities, see yourself probably as uglier than you are. But that your family is surprised by people caring for looks when looking for a lifelong partner is a bit absurd.
As if that wasn’t relevant for things like attraction and such. They invalidated your feelings as well as your realistic worldview your whole life telling you you’re equally pretty which obviously didn’t help, maybe were in denial of having a truly ugly family member? And now they feel offended for an ‘I told you so’ although you told them and apparently everyone surrounding them at least indirectly telling them you are unattractive to most. They have seen how much rejection and other things you suffer and are angry at you for telling them that’s what it has always been like for you.
That’s rich.” _Katrinchen_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it seems like you’ve been trying to tell your family how you feel and they’ve been deflecting your emotions on the matter. It’s not wrong at all for them to want to make you feel good but it’s not going to get anywhere if you don’t believe it yourself.
To me, your sister’s aggravation was valid especially as a sister because you would hope someone can at least want to get to know your personality – but her response to you trying to tell her exactly how you’ve been feeling all your life was not right at all.
I feel like she could’ve shown more empathy.
And aside from all of this, you seem like a spectacular person and I think it’s amazing when people are also trying to help themselves with their insecurities. I’ve also been in therapy and it has helped me get past many of my insecurities about myself over time.
Look in the mirror and point out something you love about yourself.” davi046
8. AITJ For Not Coming To The Party My Mom Threw For Me?
“My parents are divorced and they take turns throwing me a birthday party each year. This year it was my mom’s turn to throw me a party, however, my mom’s parties are always so lame and this was my 16th party so I wanted something cool.
My mom always invites her family who has a bunch of little kids that I don’t like and she won’t even get my favorite cake because it’s peanut butter cake and my brother is severely allergic to peanut butter and she gives me some crappy cheap gift and gets food from some cheap awful restaurant or even worse, cooks herself.
So this year I told her I want to spend my birthday with my dad but she insisted on throwing me a party and no matter what I said she wouldn’t accept not throwing a party so I was like fine whatever.
I told my dad to throw me a party and it was awesome until my mom called crying, telling me how much I embarrassed her by not showing up to the party she threw and everyone at the party saw the pictures I posted on social media from my dad’s party.
Now my mom’s extended family all think I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP turned 16 which is a significant milestone birthday for many. OP just wanted a birthday for once that was truly about her for this one day. Mom hasn’t been listening or communicating with OP in a meaningful way regarding her birthdays.
OP is a teenager rapidly approaching adulthood who is still being treated like a child by her mom. If mom can’t provide for OP on her birthday, then mom should stop playing the victim; don’t do something for others when you know it’s not what they want and then have the gall to say they don’t appreciate what you’ve done.
That is manipulative behavior. I understand that mom may have other priorities but for this one birthday, she could have prioritized OP. Dad was listening and willing to make OP’s birthday the event she hoped for.” ToughCareer4293
Another User Comments:
“Definitely YTJ, and a spoiled brat.
Mom invites ‘her family’ with ‘kids you don’t like’? Don’t you mean YOUR family? And of course, your mother isn’t going to expose her child to a deadly allergy, get over it. ‘Lame, crappy, cheap’ definitely sounds spoiled. Sounds like mom can’t afford to take everyone to the nice restaurant she wants, but maybe dad can.
I assume that’s why she would prefer dad to host. There isn’t a real argument here. You’re about to be 16, grow up, and appreciate the fact that your mother wants to celebrate with you and you have family who (maybe used to) care about you.
And KNOWING that your mother planned to throw a party and purposely not going and showing off on social media is a really trashy move.” SandwichExpensive712
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She was absolutely a jerk for ignoring your wishes & not getting you the birthday cake that you wanted for your birthday, but you’re absolutely being a disrespectful & spoilt brat.
It’s one thing to not enjoy your mom’s parties, but the way you phrased everything comes across as being ungrateful. ‘My mom’s parties are always so lame’, ‘crappy cheap gift’, ‘gets food from some cheap awful restaurant’, and then the nerve to say ‘or even worse, cooks herself’.
She could’ve handled this a lot better but you have so much more maturing to do. Appreciate the people around you.” hariboliro
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
OP, you’re 16, and so I’m gonna cut you some slack here, but saying ‘whatever’ isn’t great communication.
I understand that sometimes it feels like parents aren’t listening to what you’re saying, but part of becoming an effective communicator is learning how to vocalize your wants and needs, and to set boundaries when your wants and needs are being dismissed. (Example: ‘If you aren’t going to listen to me about what I want my birthday to look like and who I’d like to be there, I’m going to go and spend my birthday with Dad.’) That kind of communication is super clear and clears you of any jerkery in situations like this.
If your brother is anaphylactic, a peanut butter cake isn’t an option and your mom is right about that. If that’s the case though, she should be giving you the option to pick out a different favorite dessert, because it’s your birthday.
Your mom is a jerk for not listening to you (especially about not wanting to hang out with her extended family at your party).
It is your birthday, and it totally makes sense that you would gravitate to the place where you’re able to spend time with your friends and enjoy things that you actually like. If she wants to have a ‘family party’, she can do that for herself.
Her doing that and then trying to say it’s for you is kinda gross, in my opinion. It’s okay to want your party to center around things you enjoy, just be aware that how that is executed may look different depending on your parents’ budgets.” User
7. AITJ For Implementing My Ex's Culture Into My Life?
“I (F25) have been with my partner (M26) for about two years. Prior to our meeting, I had been in a 5-year relationship with my ex. My ex came from another country, on another continent, so his native language and his culture were extremely different from mine.
My ex and I both came from a non-English speaking country, and I rapidly started learning his mother tongue and picked up a lot of his culture (food, manners…). I traveled to his country about 5 times and lived there for 3 years as well. So, when we broke up and I went back to my country, I spoke the language fluently and had picked up the culture (for example, I would mostly cook food from my ex’s country as it was really good and I got used to it).
Anyway, I met my current partner. He comes from a different country as well but he grew up learning and speaking English at home. He also speaks another language with his family.
When I met him, I forced myself to stop ‘using’ the culture of my ex as my partner ‘didn’t like the food’ and found a lot of other things weird.
At the same time, I got busy and stopped practicing the language I had spent nearly 4 years learning.
Long story short, I recently realized that I couldn’t speak the language fluently anymore and freaked out: because I spent lots of time, money, and effort on it.
So, I decided to start learning the language again, and at the same time, I started living the way I used to live prior to meeting my partner: AKA I have started cooking old dishes, watching a lot of movies from my ex’s country, etc… I feel like I’m reconnecting after a long time.
Well, multiple times my partner said this is disturbing to him and asked if my plan was to get back with my ex. He said that’s the only reason I’m probably learning the language again and picking up the culture again. He said that because it is not my own culture, I’m being really weird and a bit of a jerk for ‘using’ another culture.
He also mentioned the fact that I haven’t started learning his own language. The reason why I haven’t is because first, there aren’t many resources, second, he, his family, and everyone around him speak fluent English and third, I have told myself that I would learn it if I get married to him.
He is really mad at me, and no matter how many times I try to explain that the only reason I’m learning the language again and ‘using’ the culture is that I spent nearly 4 years of my life experiencing this culture and not only did I get used to it, I also enjoyed it a lot.
I am torn as I can understand my partner’s point of view, but at the same time, I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong.
Also, while I haven’t started learning my partner’s language, I have learned a lot about his own culture and have been cooking traditional dishes for him pretty often.
On his side, he has neither learned my mother tongue nor my culture so I also don’t feel like he is being fair either.
I started learning the language a few months before meeting my ex, it was a dream I had as a kid to learn this language.
I just happened to meet my ex and he helped me a lot with becoming fluent and being exposed to the culture.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So, basically, your jerk SO wants you to completely assimilate into his language and culture. But wants you to excise 3 years of your life spent in another country, which you enjoyed, for his comfort.
Is that about right?
Honestly, if you enjoy that culture and language, and your SO is upset over it, dump your SO. Maybe find a guy who at least isn’t threatened by your enjoying that language and culture.
I guarantee if you did marry him, he’d INSIST you never again speak that language or enjoy aspects of that culture.
Decide if you want to permanently abandon them. If not, dump him.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
BREAK UP WITH HIM!
He’s going to continue to pester and berate you for this. I don’t know why you think he won’t. To him, it’s going to be a reminder of another man in your life you once were with and the work you put in to really assimilate into the ex’s culture.
And then he thinks, ‘she went through hoops for him when they were just going out, but I have to marry her for her to jump through the same hoops?’
Clearly, it is a TERRIBLE AND DUMB correlation and a jumping of conclusions he’s making, but it’s one he makes anyway which shows you the kind of person he is.
He won’t easily shake that thought out of his head. Do yourself a favor and find a partner who will not care about what you do as long as it makes you happy.” denigma01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner, on the other hand, is a hypocritical, controlling jerk.
He can’t even be bothered to learn a few phrases in your native language, enough to get along with your family who doesn’t speak English well, but you’re expected to learn his language?
And that’s on top of the weirdly possessive jealousy over you speaking a language and engaging in a culture from a country you lived in for three years!
Independent of your ex, that’s a significant amount of time and of course, you have an affinity for it now.
Throw the whole man away. If he’s like this now, he’ll only get worse as time goes on (unless he does some major soul searching and work on himself, which is unlikely).” chicky75
6. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Won't Take Care Of Her When She Gets Old?
“My mom (43f) wants to live with me (26f) when she gets older. She randomly brought it up during a phone conversation and I told her no. She said she’s changed which I don’t fully believe because one of my sisters (22F) just stopped talking to her.
After all, she hasn’t changed. My mom and I have had an extremely rocky relationship since I can remember. We just started talking after not speaking for a year. She’s kicked me out twice for the craziest reasons. 1. Not getting her a Diet Soda from McDonald’s at midnight coming home/looking at apartments 40 minutes away from her.
2. A prior partner I had and my mom got into an argument. She’s also kicked out my sisters and says it was the best decision she made to not live with us, and I completely agree.
My mom has bipolar and before she kicked me out a few years ago I was having heart palpitations because she stressed me out so much.
She would get wasted and start fights with everyone and no one. My breaking point was when she got wasted and drove into a building. She had to go to jail and when she came out she told me I didn’t miss her enough and told me how dare I plan my wedding so soon when she had a lot going on.
There is a whole lot more like her telling me she hates me, she resents me, etc. I could understand that she hates me to an extent if I was a terrible person but I woke the woman up for work daily and made her coffee in the morning.
I would clean the house, grocery shop for her, etc. So AITJ for telling her she absolutely can’t live with me when she is old/and or disabled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It doesn’t matter WHY you don’t want her there or all the reasons.
You’re 26, you have your life ahead of you. Don’t let your mom glom onto you and suck the life and energy from you.
Keep saying No. Don’t let her ‘come visit for a week’ and stay with you. Don’t let her ‘spend some time with you’ if it’s at your place.
Put her on an information diet. Talk to her infrequently if you want – once a month, max, and let the rest of the calls/texts go unresponded to.
And maybe see a therapist to work through all this – it’s rough having a bipolar mom.
Good luck to you.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“You are totally NTJ, you have every right to say what you did and why. This individual, although she gave birth to you, has not been a mum to you, it’s been the other way around.
Yes, she has mental health issues, however, that does not mean she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her or make decisions about how she manages her mental health.
If she is refusing to accept or acknowledge her choices and failures and does not change or apologize, then you need to make the choice in your best interest. Should she ever need care or support, that will never be a thing to do with you.
As someone who has no contact with my mum for a similar reason, if/when mum needs help or support that is nothing to do with me.” Possible_Laugh_9139
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sad to say but I believe her choices will help make the decision if she’s even around to be ‘older’.
Not wishing bad on her but she won’t see 60. Bipolar, drinking, on/off meds – prescribed or not, anger issues, etc… People like her don’t make it to old age.
17 years from now, when she is 60 and you are exactly her age now – do you really see her still being on this side of the dirt?
If you do… do you see her as able to remain on her current path? I would exhale and continue to focus on yourself. Continue to seek and manifest your own happiness. Sadly, none of it comes from your mom.
Might be for another conversation but if you did feel the need or guilt to provide for her, figure out how to get placed as her legal guardian.
Then get her on your insurance with a long-term care rider to provide for a nursing home. The extra $100/mo you pay now will provide 100x down the road. My mom had Alzheimer’s and we were paying $7,500/mo for her care before she passed. Good luck.” indyJones3170
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Get A Therapy Pet?
“My (F) partner (F) and I have been together for 10 years and we are both 27. Due to several traumatic events, my partner now has no parents and is living with me.
She does has a good amount of inheritance but we both agree it’s not a good idea to use it and it’s better to keep it for real emergencies so while she does use a good portion for her essentials like therapy and self-care items I carry the rest of the financial load.
Mortgage, utilities, and grocery. I also do a lot of the household work as sometimes she can barely get out of bed. She’s been gradually getting better and might be able to go back to education, she’s a dropout.
So recently my partner was really adamant about getting a therapy pet.
To which I firmly deny her of. So last Friday we had some friends coming in from both sides for her birthday. She casually mentioned it and a few of her friends were pretty upset about it. They called me out and said I was abusive and trying to trap my partner in a depressive cycle.
We bickered of course.
Afterward, my friends comforted me but still insinuated that I was a jerk for denying my partner something that was good for her mental health.
Edit: My partner is willing to pay for the full amount for the pet but I think there’s also paying for its vet visit.
Cleaning its area and grooming it that’s very troublesome.
We did talk to her therapist about it. The therapist said that I’m expected to be taking care of the pet primarily and I’m not ready for that commitment. She is also not approved for an ESA yet.
She’s been talking to her therapist about it since last December.
I would also like to add that my partner didn’t really complain about it. We talked about it a few times and we have left that matter to rest for quite a while. We are going to talk about it after her therapist decides that an ESA is a good move.
My partner isn’t angry at me but her friends are.
She wants a pet duck. Which can be ESA but might be harder to get approved and it’s also beyond her therapist’s reach.”
Another User Comments:
“I get it. Your partner is fighting mental issues and is barely taking care of herself.
You see a therapy pet as another responsibility that will fall on you to take care of.
Talk to your partner. Join her for a therapy session where you can discuss your concerns.
If she really wants a pet, maybe you can use that as an incentive to motivate her to get her life in order (education, a job, chipping in with household chores, and contributing to living expenses).
Set your conditions and tell her that if she does that, the pet idea will be back on the table for discussion.
NTJ.” RedSAuthor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While I love pets (I have several cats), owning a pet is a huge lifelong commitment. If you’re not both 100% willing and able to take care of the pet, whatever it is, it would be a disservice to the pet as well as both of you, to adopt one.
It’s not just about the money which your partner has. It’s about the time, attention, and ability to care for that pet’s needs. The most important thing here is how well the therapy pet’s needs will be met. Not your partner’s.
As of right now, where your partner can barely get out of bed, DO NOT GET A THERAPY PET.
You already have a full plate and you’d be adding all of the pet care as well. That’s not good for you, your relationship, or the therapy pet.
If all her jerk friends are so insistent she has a therapy pet, why don’t they volunteer their time to do most of the care of the therapy pet?
If they won’t offer concrete help, every day, they should shut up.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ducks make a mess, they waggle their tail feathers from side to side vigorously and spray liquid diarrhea everywhere and anywhere. They are not a suitable support animal. A cat needs minimal care but is very loving and will purr on your lap and curl up next to you on the bed. But they can be very destructive to furniture.
Dogs need exercise and need to be taken out regularly for the toilet and puppies will chew up stuff. If you are the primary caretaker of that pet then it has to be that you are completely on board with it. Pets can live a long long time and be expensive.
My cat is 19 and costs an absolute fortune in medication.” NovelRemarkable7136
4. AITJ For Taking My Grandma's Coupons?
“I had a very unique childhood in that my mom and aunt were essentially addicts so my three cousins and I were mostly raised by my grandma. In some ways, we are closer than siblings. To get by my grandma was an extreme couponer. She could legitimately have a basket full of stuff at the grocery store and the final bill would be 1.25.
I always thought it was amazing but my mom, aunt, and cousins always made fun of her for it. One Thanksgiving they berated her so badly for her ‘white trash generics from coupons.’ She broke into tears and took me for a drive to watch the Cowboys game at a bar since she didn’t want to be around them.
She passed away on Friday. My aunt asked us all to go over to grandma’s trailer just to be together. It was typical for my family in that everyone was wasted. I love my family but I saw my grandma’s coupon binder and decided that I would just take it.
My whole share of her ‘estate,’ maybe 1000 dollars, but I figured I was the only one who appreciated Grandma’s couponing and that I deserved them. I also feared they would just get thrown out since no one even really knows how to use them but me.
Of all the things to be upset about, all four remaining members of my family are furious with me for taking the coupon binder. They not only never showed interest, but they also made fun of her for it so I’m just not understanding the problem here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. First of all, you are the one who appreciated the couponing. Also, coupons have a very limited shelf life. Finally, even if they got ‘their share’, would they have remembered to use them before they expired? I always mean to coupon, but I forget to bring the ones I cut out.
I am probably the norm of casual coupon users. Your family ridicules the products bought with coupons when they can’t be bothered to raise their own kids, I doubt they would remember to take the coupons with them for shopping, and by the time they finished arguing over who got what, the coupons would be expired and worthless.” Old-Mention9632
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with ‘no jerks here’ in terms of the immediate situation, not past family drama.
I think it’s very fair to say you’re the only one who really appreciated those coupons while grandma was alive and who could use them, therefore it makes sense to take them.
On the other hand, your family may not have ever used them for their intended purpose, but they might have wanted them to remember grandma by. Sometimes you hate something that someone else loves, but then when they’re gone you want it because it reminds you of the loved one.
It’s also kind of tacky to scoot those binders out before grandma is even cold. Give the family some time to take everything in before you start divvying up her stuff. Your family may not have even fully processed that she’s dead and you’re sneaking out with your inheritance.” Throwndownandaway21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They made fun of your grandma for her couponing until she cried. On Thanksgiving.
You and your grandma were close, and she knew you respected the coupons.
It is perfectly reasonable to have taken them in fear that they would have been trashed.
It doesn’t seem unreasonable to me that you took them, even without asking. Usually, I would say that you would need to at least mention that you wanted them before taking them and that you should probably have waited more than a couple of hours after she passed. But because it was binders of coupons that nobody valued before she died, it’s easy to see how if you hadn’t taken them when you had the chance, they would have gone in the garbage and you wouldn’t have had another chance.
If there is a will, I doubt the coupon binders are in it. That’s not usually the kind of thing that gets put in a will. If it was a stamp collection or something, that would be different. But coupon binders are the kind of thing that gets dealt with when you’re clearing out the house after all of the things in the will have been distributed.” mintchipbabe
3. AITJ For Not Waiting For My Partner To Get Ready?
“My (26m) partner (25f) takes hours to get ready. Her hair is very untamable and that alone takes her more than an hour to fix.
Yesterday we went to a friend’s surprise 30th birthday party who I’ve known my entire life. He was going to show up around 8 p.m. We were expected to be there by then.
Even though I repeatedly asked her to start getting dressed hours before the event, she still somehow only started curling her hair at 7:30.
I told her I was leaving, she could either tie up her hair and leave with me now or just show up to the party by herself later.
She didn’t budge and just whined till I got in the car and left. At the party, her parents asked me where she was. I told them she was still getting dressed.
The surprise was fantastic. Everyone was having a good time and my partner showed up at 8:30.
On the way home, she called me immature not only for leaving her but also for telling her parents she was late cause she was getting dressed. According to her as a couple, we are a team and instead of nagging her to get dressed faster and ‘complaining’ to her parents, I should have just patiently waited and told everyone we were late because of traffic.
It sounds incredibly stupid to me but I wanted a second opinion.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You tried everything you could to give ample notice but she still elected to procrastinate.
At some point she’ll learn that the world does not revolve around her timeline, may take a few more instances like this where she misses out on stuff before it sinks in.
She’ll end up being the butt end of a joke if she continues to blame ‘traffic’ every time she is late for a meetup.
I would suggest you start telling her the events start an hour before the actual time they start, but she seems like the type of person that would get angry if you show up on time to something and she finds out you ‘lied’ to get her there on time.” EnigmaGuy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she doesn’t want to take heat for being late she needs to time manage better. So on the leaving without her front, I think that was a reasonable choice given the situation.
Slight YTJ for ratting her out to her parents.
I don’t think telling her parents the nitty gritty details for her lateness was entirely necessary but in the grand scheme of things, it’s a pretty tame share. I’d sit back and think about if you were in her shoes how you’d feel about her tattling to your parents when you’re having an imperfect moment.
We all mess up sometimes so I think you could have shown her some more grace there and respected her privacy better. We live and learn.” Aggravating_Meat2101
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ
Based on the information you’ve provided, I would say that you are not necessarily the jerk in this situation, but there are definitely some things that could have been handled better.
Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge that everyone has their own personal style and routine when it comes to getting ready, and it’s not fair to expect your partner to conform to your expectations. That being said, it’s also understandable to feel frustrated when someone takes an excessive amount of time to get ready for an event that you both agreed to attend.
In this case, it sounds like you did try to communicate with your partner about the importance of leaving on time, and she chose to ignore your requests. It’s also worth noting that you did give her the option to leave with you, which she declined.
However, where things start to get a bit murky is when you told her parents that she was still getting dressed. It’s understandable that you didn’t want to admit that you left without her, but lying to her parents could come across as immature and dishonest.
Furthermore, it’s not fair to expect your partner to take all the blame for being late, especially when you could have just waited for her or found a compromise (such as taking separate cars). In a relationship, it’s important to work together as a team, and that means taking responsibility for each other’s actions.
So, in conclusion, while you may not be the jerk for leaving without your partner, it’s important to consider how your actions could have been perceived and how you can improve your communication and teamwork in the future.” ashtonrizzta
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If it were one of my partner’s best mates and I was running late I would’ve volunteered that I could come later.
I agree with your partner that a relationship is like being a team but in this scenario, I think she didn’t pull her weight as a good teammate to be ready on time.
It’s unfair to you to always be late to things because of how long it takes her to get ready. She is the jerk. You need to be careful about how to talk to her about this. Perhaps you need to sit down and figure out what being a good teammate consists of.
Imagine if it were a sports team and you had kick-off at 8 pm, would the rest of the team wait for the player who is late or is it the player who is late who is letting down the team?
You are slightly the jerk for saying she is still getting ready when you could’ve made a more socially acceptable excuse.” Downtown_Midnight579
2. AITJ For Holding A Grudge Against My Brother?
“I (14) struggle with hygiene. Not in an I-love-dirt kind of way, but in an I am very paranoid about germs kind of way. It first started when the global crisis began, and it has since spiraled then. I won’t go into details, but it is a problem significant enough that even my family has noticed.
The only place that feels truly ‘clean’ is my bedroom. No one is allowed to enter without washing their feet with soap, and my family does not step into my room without permission. However, my older brother, who is in his mid-twenties, has disregarded this rule multiple times.
My cat sometimes enters my room and my older brother will come to my door to get the cat. I always tell him not to enter and I give him the cat whenever he asks for it.
Despite this, if I am ever out of my room and my cat is in it, my brother still enters my room to take the cat.
I am usually in the room with the cat at all times, so whenever I do step out, it is only briefly. It really annoys me because my brother can’t wait a short time for me to return. There have been multiple occasions that this has happened, and I have repeatedly told him off for doing so.
I firmly set this specific boundary with him, and he has acknowledged this. These incidents have left me feeling really irritated and upset, but I didn’t really do anything about it.
A few weeks ago, my brother came to my room as usual to get the cat.
My cat was underneath my bed so it took a little while to try to get it out. My back was facing my brother and the minute I turned to get at a better angle, my brother was sprawled on the floor of my room beckoning the cat out.
I completely lost it. I screamed at him and called him expletives, telling him to get out, and I slammed the door in his face. He went away. I was furious at him and felt incredibly disrespected.
Fast forward to now, I am not on speaking terms with my brother.
Any attempt he makes to try to talk to me, I completely ignore him. He has apologized since then, though it doesn’t feel sincere. He says it ‘wasn’t that serious’, ‘doesn’t know what I want him to say’, and that he ‘doesn’t even enter my room anymore’.
He also tells me it ‘breaks his heart’ when he sees me acting so cold towards him and that he doesn’t want a poor relationship with me in the future. My parents both agree that I should get over it since it was in the past. I am starting to think that too now.
On one hand, he invalidated my feelings and my boundaries. But on the other hand, he is my brother. I love him and I don’t want this anger I have toward him to hold over our heads forever. It is possible that I overreacted and should probably seek help for this extreme cleanliness thing.
And maybe this whole situation isn’t worth holding a petty grudge over. AITJ?
In case anyone was wondering why my older brother is living in the same house as our family, we live in a country where it is normal for adult children to live with their parents because housing is expensive.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I hope you recognize that your concerns about contamination or infection are not based on reality, and it almost sounds like you do, particularly because I don’t think there is any evidence that you have a health condition that makes you unusually vulnerable to infection.
As you say, you are unreasonably restricting your life with no benefit to you. For these reasons, I second those who say you should be getting psychological or psychiatric help.
Even if your concerns were reasonable, your reactions are not. You are responsible for your actions and their effects on the people around you.
Stop being a jerk.” AntelopeOld8683
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your brother is capable of respecting your boundary after you yell at him, he was capable of doing it all along, he just didn’t bother or didn’t believe you when you clearly and explicitly told him what you need. As your older brother, he should be invested in showing you what mutually respectful relationships with men look like.
I don’t think you’ll be angry at him forever, assuming he starts to treat you better. If he doesn’t, you are not the one messing up the connection with your brother.
With that out of the way, please seek treatment for this mental health issue.
Germophobia only gets worse and this can easily be treated, or it can get worse and worse and severely limit your life.” gowithwhatyouknow
Another User Comments:
“That cat’s paws are way dirtier than any people’s feet that will ever enter your room. They step into a litterbox full of poop and pee.
People have gotten illnesses and infections from being scratched by their own cats because of how dirty their claws can be.
You definitely need to seek help for this issue. This is not healthy, normal, or rational behavior. Therapy can help you with this unnatural obsession you have with cleanliness, and being able to deal with your big emotions towards your brother.
Screaming expletives at him like that is a massive overreaction. No, he shouldn’t go in your room without permission, but you also have the door left open so that cat he needs to retrieve is in there.
YTJ.” littlehappyfeets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The reason you don’t want your brother in your room has nothing to do with it.
It can be entirely a whim that you don’t want people in your room. It’s not like the cat is some big emergency like a fire when it makes sense to go into your room despite your wishes. Frankly, I don’t even understand why your brother continually needs to recover the cat from your room.
Does he have to have the cat with him every second? Eventually, the cat will leave on its own.
The fact is that your brother repeatedly ignores what you want and does not respect your desires and still considers it, ‘wasn’t that serious’. I think part of it is the age gap – he still sees you as a child.
He would have been about 10 or so when you were a newborn baby.
Maybe it would be easier to write down your thoughts so you can organize them, rather than speaking in person to him. Some points to consider:
‘he says it ‘wasn’t that serious” – It wasn’t that serious to him, but it was obviously important to you.
It’s less about whether the germs can really make you ill or not but the fact that he does not respect your wishes.
‘doesn’t know what I want him to say’, he ‘doesn’t even enter my room anymore.’ Actions speak louder than words. He already knew your wishes, and he acknowledged you felt disrespected, but he continued to go in anyway.
Has he really stopped going into your room? Will he continue to respect your wishes in the future? A good relationship requires mutual respect and trust.
‘he also tells me it ‘breaks his heart’ when he sees me acting so cold towards him and that he doesn’t want a poor relationship with me in the future’ – You will always love him as your brother, but if he truly does not want a poor relationship, it is up to his actions to show that he respects you and that you can trust him.
Good luck, you are in a tough situation.
‘my parents both agree that I should get over it since it was in the past’ – It was not a one-time violation, as far as I can tell. The health crisis has been with us for 3 years now, sounds like the brother has done this repeatedly over several years.
Everything we do (other than what we are doing this very instant) is ‘in the past’ whether it be a decade, a year ago, a month ago, a day ago, an hour ago, or a few seconds ago. At what point does an action being in the past make it OK?” SeemedReasonableThen
1. AITJ For Siding With My Brother's Partner Over My Mom?
“My (18f) brother (John-20) started going out with his partner (Holly-20) last year.
John and I come from a very religious family. John’s the oldest of 9. We’re all homeschooled and religion is very important but we’ve never had many issues. John especially.
But he met Holly a couple of months ago. And well she gave my mom a heart attack. I’m not judging her at all, but she’d been in several relationships before my brother, posts on her social media quite a bit, and dresses in things that are inappropriate (maybe?).
I’m ashamed to admit it, but I wasn’t very nice to her. But that’s just because I wanted to be like her so badly. My mom was especially hard on her though.
She said some crazy things about her relationship history, about how she corrupted John, etc. My mom always had this ‘kind’ image so seeing her act like how she did woke me up.
John moved out to live with Holly and doesn’t talk to our parents anymore. He’s different.
My mom’s heartbroken. Dad is too but he’s ignoring the issue while my mom’s stuck on how the vile creature stole her good and pure son.
I think it’s ridiculous but I do feel for my mom a bit so I’ve kept my mouth shut.
But yesterday she saw Holly and John. According to my little sibling who was with my mom, they were acting all cutesy and in love.
My mom was ENRAGED.
She started ranting about how girls like Holly are the evilest kind and that while she’s lost her son to her, at least her daughters are good girls. She then came up to me and made me promise to never be like Holly.
I was going to promise her at first but I was just so tired of her nonsense. I said no.
She looked a bit surprised and I kind of lost it and said that Holly’s actually really cool and a much better person than most women I’ve met, regardless of her body count or the way she dresses.
I saw my mom start to cry but I couldn’t help it. I told my mom that to me, Holly is a better person than she’ll ever be and also that I’d rather be just like Holly than like her.
My mom cried even harder and said that I broke her heart just like John did and also said she can’t believe I’m choosing Holly over her.
She ran to her room and hasn’t really come out since. My dad’s upset with me and I feel terrible now. I should’ve just not said anything. But it felt good to tell her. Holly really is a good person and I miss John.
I hate that my mom ruined things. But maybe it isn’t fair for me to do what I did. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ. Good for you for thinking for and expressing yourself. You were definitely right to defend Holly and tell your mother she was being unfair and unkind.
Plus, her reactions to everything seem REALLY over dramatic. You’re not choosing Holly over her. SHE’S the one who decided it’s her or Holly. But my judgment is ‘soft’ because your words were very harsh, especially the ‘better person than you’ll ever be’ part. But… it’s hard to hold back in conflicts like that, and it’s even harder when you’re a teenager.
Keep following your own path, but hopefully, that doesn’t mean ultimatums from your family like with John. Maybe if enough of your siblings join the current century they’ll learn to live and let live.” Katressl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother needs to get help.
You and your brother are both adults. You’re going to have adult lives and it’s not her business to control it. She also shouldn’t be crying and ‘heartbroken’ when her children disagree with her and find love. It’s not healthy for her and it’s not a safe and healthy environment for you or your brother.
The entire context + controlling behavior makes me really worried for you. I hope you’re doing well yourself. This is not normal or appropriate behavior from your mother on any level.” platiba
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother threw away her relationship with her son because he decided to have a long-term relationship with a woman she deemed unworthy.
She didn’t see the kindness, the love they shared. Just that she came from a different background. Holly sounds like she is living the same life as most of society in the US or UK. And icing on top is when she saw her estranged son was happy with his ‘fallen woman’, she was enraged. She wanted him to suffer.
And then she applied emotional blackmail to you and your little sister. Comply with my wishes, don’t step outside the box and I will always love you. Your mother’s love is conditional. She’s the one breaking her own heart.
Try and reach out to your brother.
But be careful. As you live under your parents’ roof, they may get stricter with you to keep you ‘pure.'” Timely_Egg_6827
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