People Question Their Intentions In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
29. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Husband's Best Friend's Wedding?
“This happened a few years ago but it’s bothered me since.
My husband had this friend who he’s been friends with since they were in elementary school who had moved to another state but hubs wanted him to be the best man at our wedding.
Well, he had a partner who we had never met and I was uncomfortable inviting her but I didn’t want to be rude so we did.
Hubs thought it would help to have them out for three days before the wedding so we could get to know each other.
She was ATTACHED to the BM, even went to the bachelor party. I invited her to get her hair and nails done with us but nope, she wanted to stay with him. So my husband didn’t get to do anything with his best man cause he was with her.
Which I didn’t say anything about it because she was from a different state and didn’t know anyone but she was living at our house for three days and ignored me the whole time. Even during the reception, they were attached as we just had a buffet style with no seating arrangement so people could have fun.
My hubs hung out with them the whole time and I had to run around to find them to sign our marriage license.
I told my husband that I didn’t like her. He would invite them down to spend time with us more often so “I would learn to like her”.
She did the SAME THING every time. I was the fourth wheel to their hangouts. Which I HATED and told my husband “Can YOU try to include me at least?!” and it never got better.
So BM told my husband (about two years after our wedding) they wanted him to be a groomsman, a week before their own wedding.
A WEEK. And told my hubs “I guess you can bring your wife, she’s your wife. But my fiancée doesn’t really like her.”
Oooohkay. The feeling is mutual, I wanted to stay home, and he wanted me to go. So I went.
It was in Nowhere, Other State and now I knew nobody. We were told to show up at this address two hours before the wedding and they’d have the tux ready for him. Okay, whatever. I’m dressed up for a 4-hour car ride while he’s in sweats and a t-shirt.
I’m trying to talk and socialize while he’s doing groomsman stuff. I even helped set up the reception area cause I had nothing to do and their family was doing the work.
The wedding happens, after the ceremony I STILL don’t get to see hubs because they have set up THEIR wedding where there is a seating chart, he is sat with one of the bridesmaids and I’m on the other side of the room.
He is NOT allowed to come to see me.
He gets his food with the bridal party and I sit with a bunch of strangers from the bride’s family and I am about to cry. I went out to our car and cry cause I was MISERABLE.
After 2 hours hubs comes out, sees me, and asks what’s up? I told him “Go back to your stupid friends wedding and leave me alone.” He tells his buddy it’s getting late and I’m tired so we’re gonna leave. He was asked to stay but declined and we went home.
I was called whiny (by his wife).
She was caught with his best man 6 months later.
They don’t really talk anymore since the wedding.
EDIT:
1) I left after pictures and dinner. I was actively trying to socialize for about 2 hours (this was a LOOOONG wedding).
I had a grand time during the actual ceremony though because I got to play with a cat the whole time as I was outside because they didn’t have any other seats for me. I didn’t include this because well, who doesn’t want to play with a friendly cat?
My husband also KNEW about this.
2) So they had actually planned to hang out at an event as a “divorce party” after he and his wife separated. I was going to be heavily pregnant and alone with a preschooler and toddler for a whole weekend.
He also would have to use pto, which would mean he wouldn’t get off for the birth so I asked him not to go to that either.
He told that to the friend and that was effectively the last time they talked.
So I’m pretty sure the friend blamed me for that too and that’s why they don’t talk.
So I have concluded: I should have insisted on staying home, I was a jerk for going anyway when I was not wanted at the wedding. Though they were jerks for the wedding itself.
The biggest jerk was my husband as I have realized this was an issue with him ignoring me which he does have a pattern of (he was asleep during most of my labor for our first and refused to wake up.
I labored with a very kind nurse for 30 hours. He woke up for the actual birth. He went back to sleep after though.) I think I was crying because I knew my husband would ignore me for the entirety of the event like he did for our wedding, and not because of the snubs from the bride and groom, which I had expected and which was why I wanted to stay home.
I will be having a discussion with my husband about how his “people pleasing” affects me and how I need to have some more priority in the relationship (he actually planned the divorce party knowing I would be pregnant and alone beforehand and then told his friend I said he wasn’t allowed to go) and how he needs to stand up for me.”
28. AITJ For Not Inviting My Aunt To My Wedding?
“My real Mom got pregnant very young (16) then with me at 18. My parents divorced and he went away before I had any memories of him.
It was determined that my Mom could not raise us, so in stepped bio-dad’s Sister (blood-related Aunt), who would take over raising us. My brother and I were never adopted but were raised under legal guardianship.
One issue came up that she made my brother and I call her Mom, hence the Aunt-Mother in the title.
She was a very controlling person. As an example: I did not find out until I was much older that my aunt blocked any attempt of our dad to get to know us since he had “Brought Shame to the Family”.
Our dad was however paying child support which went to my Aunt and her husband.
A week after I turned 18 and the child support quit coming in, I was ~encouraged~ to move out. It was at this time that I got to meet and get to know my real Mom. And I messed that up Badly (looking back makes me cringe) and had issues to work through.
Mom supported me until I got a handle on things and a direction for life. I went to college, got a job, you know, the exciting stuff.
Recently at 27 I got engaged. My fiancée, MIL and I sat down to go over the wedding invites, After a lot of thought I made the choice not to invite my Aunt/mom.
Not out of hatred, a swear, but concerned that she would try to make the wedding about Her. I did however invite my Brother which will come up in a bit.
Things settled down. A month after the wedding I got a call from… you guessed it, My Aunt.
Apparently, my brother had talked to her and told her I got married. She was Pixxed. Mind you, I had barely interacted with her in 9 years, and I still think she would tried to be the center of attention at my wedding. She ripped me up one side down the other for not being invited and how dare I, how family is important and how I am no son of hers and she was disowning in.
In my best grey rock mode, I just said. “Okay”
That set her off. imagine that. She hung up on me. I took a few minutes to actually look her up on social media just to block her, and just went on. However after things got quiet again and I was left to my thought, I started questioning myself, which led to doubts and guilt.
I have tried to discuss this with my other half but she said she never met my aunt and did not want to get involved or take sides, helpful stuff.
So, AITJ for not inviting her?”
27. AITJ For Kicking Someone Out Of A Group Project?
“Okay, before I dive into the situation let me explain the class.
This class is an online college speech class. And it’s been rinse and repeat since our first speech. We’ve been doing the same stuff in practically the same way.
At the start of November we were Assigned a group project, it started off bad.
We couldn’t see who was in what group, but I got the information of my group the next day. And gave them all my phone numbers. We were in contact sooner than the other groups. In the group there was C, K, J, and me.
We had stated deadlines of when everything was needed to be passed to another person, or needed to be turned in.
K took on the responsibility of doing the first part (half of the first part) of the project. She had almost a full week, and I needed it by 5 on Friday, because I needed to edit it.
That was one part of my job. What she sent me Friday… was not what it was supposed to be. For some context we had been doing the way the professor wanted it from the first speech, and this was the LAST. What K did was write out the ENTIRE speech instead of filling out the outline.
Then when asked to do it the correct way a few hours before 5, she told me like 4 minutes before 5 that her computer crashed.
At this point I was done dealing with her and did it myself. All the work got it done in about 2 hours.
Then I went on to edit it and checking all the references, which was my original job. I did end up having to replace two of them. Neither of them was used in the speech. Spent about 45 minutes in all doing that.
That SAME night I also had a meeting with C and J.
Told them what happened, and showed them the text that K sent me. We all agreed to take her name out of the group. I mean, that was the ONLY part of the project she had. And not even all of it was hers. J did half of the work on the outline and had it done correctly and gave it to us two days before.
Everything else was finished by the time we set.
Now C had to put in new group text after we kicked K out, that K would not stop texting. Even after telling her why we did it. I had to text her telling her to leave C alone.
She told me it was inappropriate to kick her out of the group without telling her. And if it was such a big problem she could have gone to a public library and have it to me tomorrow. Which would have been the Saturday before Thanksgiving break.
The outline was due Monday, and I was leaving home that Saturday to go visit my sister 5 hours away for the weekend. And while I was up there, I was working on other college work for a few hours.
Now about two to three weeks of the outline being turned in without her name, she started to text C and would not stop.
Therefore, C had informed the rest of us. I then had to text K because she was kicked out. Last thing I sent her after she texted me back, was more information about why she was kicked out and not to text any of us.
AITJ for handling it this way?”
26. AITJ For Not Controlling My Roommates?
“My (35M) ex-fiance (29F) and I recently decided to give our relationship another go. We had been together for 9 years before she stepped out on me and then broke off our engagement (a crazy story for another thread). All was forgiven and after a year and a half of being separated, she came back.
The thing is, since she’s been gone I’ve been doing great. I got a job with more hours, got a promotion at said job, bought a car, adopted 2 dogs, fixed my credit score (it wasn’t too bad to begin with) and bought a 4 (soon to be 5) bedroom home.
Obviously, a lot of changes but the biggest one is that I welcomed 5 tenants to live in my big, empty, lonely home. Everyone is really cool and of course, has their reasons to live here, be it a student, new to town, or just nowhere else to go.
After having to convince my e-f that I will not be kicking anyone out just because we are trying to work things out, she gave in and instead put out rules for everyone to follow. They weren’t all bad and everyone seemed pretty understanding of most of the rules.
Unfortunately one of those rules was “everyone must wear clothes in the house”. This is obviously a rule targeting two of the tenants (a young couple) who would often walk around in minimal clothing. This couple are my newest tenants who moved in from out of state.
I was in the process of getting my fifth room completed when I met them. They told me they had been living in their car so I offered them the living room until the 5th room is complete. They happily took the offer and have been sleeping behind a curtain in my living room ever since.
Before they moved in, they warned me that they don’t usually wear clothes but if that made anyone uncomfortable they would adjust. I was not against this and when they met my other tenants, they were pretty OK with the idea as well. We’ve all been living with this very comfortable couple for the last 3 months now.
I’ve only been with my E-F for 1 month and she is the only one who has an issue with them. Ideally, I would tell them to at least wear appropriate clothes when she’s around just to keep her from complaining but there are two things keeping me from even asking that much from them.
I get that the couple would probably be very understanding about this and just wear clothes but everyone in the house thinks they are within their earned right to walk around THEIR home however they want. I’ve been wondering if I’m the jerk for not asking them to wear clothes even though my E-F is uncomfortable.
The rules:
1. No Smoking in the house
2. No loud music after 10am (OP is trying to sleep)
3. No TV in the living room after 12am (Everyone is trying to sleep)
4. No use of the second bathroom closest to the back between 6am-8am
5. No guest is welcome unless approved by all tenants
6. Everyone must clean up after themselves (especially when they cook)
7. No PDA in the shared living space (it’s weird and disrespectful)
8. No unplanned parties (needs to be approved by me or OP)
9. EVERYONE must wear clothes in the house no matter the room
10. Holidays are for family, please try to visit yours so we can enjoy ours.
I didn’t bother with setting rules before because they never came to mind, everyone is usually pretty respectful. I only have one roommate who smokes when shes extremely stressed and that only happens around holidays due to her occupation. My job requires a lot of my time so if and when I get a chance to sleep I try to get it uninterrupted. I always excused the noise since I live in the farthest room in the house but it could get a bit noisy.
And we were pretty much living with our door unlocked (just an expression) because anyone and everyone was welcome to come over. My ex wasn’t too fond of random friends showing up whenever. The use of the second bathroom, PDA, and Holiday rules were mostly for her but everyone was pretty accepting of it.
The couple has yet to get these rules but the other tenants have pretty much told them Rules 1-8.”
25. AITJ Because My Coworker's Wedding Got Called Off?
“I (28F) work at a small, local sports bar. I have a coworker (25F) who we shall call Amanda (all names will be changed for this post). Amanda started going out with one of our regulars, Nick, not quite two years ago.
After a few months, she got pregnant and they got engaged pretty quickly after that. The baby is now 6 months old, and Amanda has two other kids- a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old- each from a different father as well. Nick was planning to adopt both of them after the wedding, as both other dads basically refuse to be in the picture and are willing to give up parental rights.
Amanda and Nick were supposed to be getting married in two weeks. However, about a week ago, Nick came in on one of my bar shifts and seemed really down. I didn’t pry, but made friendly small talk, and after a few beers he told me an alarming confession.
One of our other regulars, Adam, reached out to Nick on social media. Apparently, Adam and Amanda had been messing around at the same time that she and Nick were going out, and Amanda ghosted him just before announcing her engagement. Basically, Adam wanted Nick to be aware that the baby may not be his before going through with the wedding and the adoption.
I was stunned and told Nick that Adam is a bit unstable to begin with and might be lying out of jealousy as he’d always had a thing for Amanda. I asked if he had confronted Amanda and he said no, and told me he was at a loss as to what to do.
I basically said he had two choices- either he loves Amanda and the baby enough to not care, or if he needed to know for sure, an answer was a paternity test away.
Well, he went with the paternity test. And guess who is not the father?
After getting the results and confronting Amanda, Nick called off the wedding. According to another regular who is close with Nick, Amanda admitted to knowing the whole time, but went along with the baby being Nick’s because he is “financially stable” and she knew he would do the right thing and marry her.
The word about the conversation between Nick and I got around, and Amanda has been texting me about how I ruined her life and I had no business butting in. She claims if I hadn’t suggested the paternity test, Nick never would have gotten one, and she’d have a husband and a father for her kids.
And I feel like she might be right. I absolutely could have minded my own business and told Nick I had no advice for him. And I do feel bad that now she will be struggling with three small children on her own, being a single mother myself.
AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Prioritizing My Cat?
“My ex and I were best friends in high school then had a short relationship in 2016 that ended with him basically ghosting me.
We reconnected in 2020 and it was a whirlwind of on-and-off drama.
Anyway, I live on my own with my cat who gets treated like royalty. My ex has expressed several times his displeasure of my house “being a shrine to my cat” because of how much my cat has and how much I do to accommodate him.
He has expressed before that he is not jealous of the cat, just annoyed that I give him so much attention and will choose the cat first. Meh, sounds like insecurities over a cat to me.
A few weeks ago, we needed to talk some things out over our relationship, so he came over to talk and I had a movie on.
After about half an hour I changed the movie over to my cat’s favorite show on Netflix, a preschool show about baby animals narrated by children. This would keep my cat entertained and allow us to talk uninterrupted.
Anyway, my ex got mad. He didn’t ask, he told me to turn the TV off.
I said no it’s for [cat], and he got mad and told me to turn it off more aggressively. I asked why and he said it was distracting. I said it’s a children’s show, it’s for the cat, I have an entire house that we can go and talk in.
He stood up and paused, then got his finger out and berated me. Saying that I always need to have the last word, always need to have my way, that he’s a cat, and here’s the kicker: that he’s a guest and has made a request and I’m not accommodating him, do I not realize how rude I am being?
I scoffed and said this is my house, you’re the Guest, I denied your request and you’re making DEMANDS, do you not realize how rude YOU’RE being?
He told me he never wanted to see me again, slammed the door and got maybe ten minutes away before messaging me never to contact him again, which I have heard more than my own name from him at this point yet he’s still around.
People think I should have avoided an argument and turned off my cat’s show but no, it’s my house and I applied for this house specifically for my cat, he’s on the lease, it’s HIS house.
AITJ for not turning off my cat’s show?
Also ETA: As mentioned in the comments, my cat’s brother that I adopted with him as a kitten was tragically lost when we were struggling with FV and housing insecurity.
This is another reason why I baby my cat, because he had a tough time losing his brother and we both struggled through a period of emergency housing, homelessness and trauma. Not that I need to justify loving my cat.”
23. AITJ For Getting A Ride From My Boss?
“Back in June, I (21f) moved to California.
The first week I was here, I met a guy (24m) and we ended up hooking up. A few weeks later I met my current partner (30m). He lives with his parents to save funds, but he spends all his time at my place to watch my cat.
He’s brought his pc to my place so that he can play more.
I got a job at this food service place. There are three locations all within a mile, and they transfer employees to different locations all the time randomly. I got placed into location 1.
As soon as I start to work, I hear great things about location 3 from my coworkers. The manager at location 3 apparently immediately gave raises to employees if they weren’t making the max for our jobs. He would offer people the day off, and send people home as soon as their shifts were done.
He gave extra breaks. He got away with it because his location was the smallest but somehow made more funds than the other 2 locations and he was the only manager there.
I put in a transfer request and I was approved. I go to location 3, and the manager is the same guy I hooked up with when I first moved. He doesn’t recognize me (at first) and on my first day, he gives me a $2 raise.
He tells me all about how he likes to do things, and it’s better than what I’ve heard. That night I go home to tell my bf the amazing news, I got a raise and got to pick my hours. I tell Bf that I did feel a little awkward because I had hooked up with the manager.
My bf wasn’t enthusiastic but I understand where he’s coming from.
4 weeks ago, my car broke down. My bf offered to drive me to work and school. It’s 30 minutes away so I was happy. One day, I finish my shift right on time.
I go outside to wait for bf but after 30 minutes, he’s still not there. I call his phone and he tells me he just started a game and couldn’t leave, but he would come as soon as he was done. An hour later I call him and he tells me he forgot and started another game.
My boss is making a trash run so he sees me and asks if everything’s okay and why I am still here. I broke down and started to cry. He calms me down and gives me some snacks. He tells me not to worry he’s driving me home and that it would only be 10 more minutes.
When he finishes, I call bf and tell him I got a ride.
When my manager drops me off, bf sees him and is MAD. He said it was inappropriate. I said the only reason I had to get a ride from him is because he didn’t pick me up.
He tells me to transfer so I do and end up going back to 1. After working at 3, I really hate working at 1. Thankfully I got to keep my raise, but I’m miserable. I’ll probably not get to go back to 3 even if I request it.
I told bf and he says I’m a jerk for even thinking about it. So aitj?”
22. AITJ For Calling My Sister Out In Front Of Her Kids And Her Friend?
“My sister, her friend and I planned a pool party at her friend’s uncle’s house. I get there before my sister despite her “walking out the door” at the same time I did.
After my 45-minute drive she says she really is leaving now. Still doesn’t show up until an hour and a half later. Her friend makes dinner while I swim with my two toddlers and her two kids. Sister finally shows up and after eating, immediately leaves with her friend to “run down the street for lights.” Apparently, the pool wouldn’t be lit at all after sunset.
So then I’m watching her 3 kids plus my 2 and her friend’s 2 as well. It gets dark, the pool really is pitch black and I’m struggling to keep everyone safe and un-drowned. They finally come back after 2+ hours. She is carrying a lot of bags from a store that was across town, not “just down the street”.
It’s clear she went shopping. As I’m packing my kids to go (so fun, thanks for inviting me /s) she loudly says “I bought gifts for everyone!” and starts pulling Lego sets out of the bags.
But not for my kids. My 2y old is crying and my 4y old tries to understand.
He’s weeping when he says “I forgot to tell Aunt that I also wanted a present”
Not your fault bud. I stand up for him and say “you couldn’t wait 2 minutes til we were out the door? That’s so cruel” I didn’t mention her essentially using me as free labor or showing up late.
I only called her out for my son’s benefit, so he would know that his Aunt’s behavior towards him was bad and that it wasn’t his fault.
Months later my sister says “remember that time you got mad at me for buying my kid’s birthday presents?”
Except at that time their birthday wasn’t for another month.
She also has been trying to get our siblings and dad to help with her home repairs because she’s struggling financially after kicking her partner out. He still pays his part of the mortgage.
And she invested in Bitcoin and has a sizable nest egg. She asked us after she splurged on a new VR game system and Nikes for one of her kids.
Our relationship has always been rocky. I feel like she is a narcissist. Recently I found out from a mutual friend that’s she’s talked badly about me behind my back.
Most of it is pure projection. I’m not a perfect mom, but I can say objectively that I’m better at parenting than her. but I would never say that to her. If I criticize her, it’s to her face and with the intention of bettering her and her kids.
Sorry for the rant. I know most of it doesn’t have to do with asking if I’m the jerk. But I guess there’s a nagging sense that some would take her side regarding the pool and gift situation.”
Protect you children. Keep her away from them!!
21. AITJ For Not Telling My Kids Who Their Grandmother Is?
“My wife and I have two amazing kids, Kelsey is 15 and Jace is 13.
About 18 years ago my wife and my mother got into a huge fight.
It got vicious to the point there was no coming back from it. My mother pretty much said to my face that she hated my wife more than she loved me, and she wanted nothing to do with us, and if she ever met our future kids they better call her by her first name.
We consider ourselves no contact with her, but at the same time, if there is a family event we want to attend, we do. My mom isn’t the type to start drama at all and she is very stubborn, so if she says you are dead to her, you are dead to her.
My kids are close to certain family members, and when my mom comes to family stuff she hangs out with the people she is close to and there is no overlap since our fight caused a pretty big rift. Certain people don’t talk to me.
Certain people don’t talk to her, and we have never had an issue. My kids know her first name but just never thought much of her.
Kelsey is an amazingly talented artist and wants to pursue it as a career. My mom is a professional artist, so maybe it is genetic, but Kelsey was recently talking about art schools and her future and a family member mentioned that “Evelyn”- the only name she knows my mom by, went to one of the best art schools in the country and did a semester in France and Kelsey should talk to her.
Kelsey said that sounds really cool, but she has never talked to Evelyn before and it would be awkward. This family member (not someone either of us is close to) is like wait but you know she is your grandmother, right? Kelsey immediately looked at me and I confirmed that is their grandmother.
When we got home I explained everything to Kelsey and Jace and told them that she is their grandmother and that another relative they vaguely know is my bio sister, and I gave them more details about the falling out.
Kelsey accused me of lying to her and said she should have been given the option to know my mom.
I explained that there is no real way to go about that, because we certainly weren’t going to hand over our young children to a woman we were not on speaking terms with, and neither party was willing to be around the other one.
Kelsey has since looked my mom and sister up online.
Now I know this sounds kind of bad, but my mom’s life looks pretty cool from the outside. She and my stepdad have funds, travel a lot, and she has Kelsey’s dream job, so now Kelsey feels like they could have had a great relationship, and Jace made some comments about how she looks fun and would have been a fun grandmother.
Kelsey thinks I am the jerk for lying. I feel I didn’t really lie, it just didn’t come up.”
Tell your daughter she is free to contact her but warn her that she may be rebuffed because of your past relationship issues, not anything she did, so not to take it personally if that happens.
20. AITJ For Not Paying For Damages?
“For reference, I am a 20-year-old female who just moved to a different state and needed a place to stay.
So my partner’s family friend (f37) has a basement I can stay in while I find a place in Colorado. She said that I could bring my cat (m1.5) even though she’s allergic as long as he stays downstairs. She also says the last cat they had peed in the vent and caused thousands of dollars of damage, but she doesn’t want to scare me off as long as my cat doesn’t pee where he’s not supposed to.
I don’t sign anything, this is temporary living for $800 a month.
I move in for a month. I change my cat’s litter box every 2 days, and he clearly uses the litter box.
One day I was with my partner, I get a text that my rent will increase to 1200 a month so I realize I won’t be able to stay with her.
A couple of hours later my partner talks to his mom (who just talked to my landlord). She says my cat is sprayed in 7 places in the basement and my partner’s mom warns us that when I get home she will be crazy and probably expecting thousands of dollars.
My partner’s family says I can move in with them and the rent will be less anyway. My landlord doesn’t say anything to me, at this point I imagine cat spray is plausible if he wanted to mark his territory and of course I would pay if that’s the case.
She doesn’t say anything but I text her the next day that I will be moving in with my partner and will be gone by the end of the month. Now she tells me I owe $1800 for damage. Even if the cat peed, I can just clean the carpet but we discuss it.
I take a black light to the basement and the stains are big and look old and don’t smell like cat pee. They look like puddles, not like spray from a cat marking a territory. My partner’s family mentions that one time my landlord’s dog got locked in the basement and peed a lot.
At this point, I think it’s dog pee and don’t want to pay $1800 for this. It doesn’t look or smell like cat pee.
Yesterday I moved out. I don’t have to see this woman again if I don’t want to, but I also want to explain to her that unless there’s reason to believe it’s cat pee, I’m not paying.
I didn’t sign anything saying I would but also it’s not from my cat. If it were, I would clean it or pay or whatever. I try to be honest and I don’t want to be rude or for her to think I’m in the wrong.
I have been told she doesn’t listen to reason and will try to make me pay. Will I be a jerk if I don’t pay her?”
19. AITJ For Ruining My Wife's Relationship With Her Mom?
“My wife and I recently got married. Our families were initially amicable as well. A bit ago, my parents talked to her mom (who is a real estate agent) about the housing market in general. My parents are seasoned real estate buyers.
They are aware that her mom is a pro for the suburbs, but apparently, she also mentioned that she does real estate in the city too.
A few months later. We aren’t looking for real estate yet, but I casually mentioned to my dad that it would be interesting to explore some options within the city bc he was adamant that city housing was a good deal compared to the suburbs.
He calls his long-time real estate agent friend with whom he had done business in the city for decades (and even plays tennis with her husband) to explore the area because that is her specialty. Note: he did not call my wife’s mom or ask for her advice.
His friend comes back and shows us an amazing deal that we went to visit. This friend personally owns property in the building and has done many many deals in it as well, so she is extremely familiar with how to get a good deal + do renovations in the building.
My wife tells her mom that we visited an apartment today, and her mood sours bc she thought that we weren’t seriously looking yet and didn’t ask her for help.
We were still super excited about the apartment and made an offer. My dad even offers to help us finance the mortgage.
I personally call my wife’s mom to tell her about the news and tried to make it clear that I want her to be looped in on these updates. She sounded happy for us and said it was a great deal.
At this point, I told my Dad if we can pass some of the negotiated savings as an additional commission to her mom bc she is financially struggling, which he agrees to.
But my wife has not told her this news yet.
The next day, my wife’s grandma calls my wife that her mom has been non-stop crying and feels betrayed by us and my parents that we all disrespected her by not letting her be the one to close the deal. She wants us to kick out the current real estate agent bc family first, to get the commission + get the recognition that she was the one that helped us.
She threatens to cut her relationship with my wife and especially my parents because we are “greedy, ungrateful, disrespectful and stupid.” She even wants my wife to sign a contract that whatever house we buy regardless of who helps us, that she will receive the commission.
At this point I am admittedly very angry, so I call my Dad and tell him about her insults and demands. He is still willing to pay her the extra commission if that would make her happier, but I explicitly told him to not enable this type of behavior.
My wife is devastated right now at the prospect of losing her mom and is a bit upset with me that I told my Dad about this. She understands her mom’s perspective that my Dad could’ve asked her first for help.
**EDIT:**
We both saw this coming months ahead (my wife helped me write this post).
We are both well aware of the fact that she has ruined multiple relationships in the past with her friends over situations like this (she considers anyone who doesn’t choose her to be a betrayal) hence why she has no friends. This is also not the first time that she has expected funds from us and has verbally mistreated my wife about the matter.
We aren’t personally angry at each other, my wife just wanted to have this entire post written because she wants some other people to judge the situation.
That being said though, we do recognize that we should’ve asked her for help first even though we weren’t aware that she did business in the city (she only ever told my Dad).
We were going to ask for help in the suburbs. But I don’t think it’s reasonable for my Dad to be blamed on this matter.”
18. WIBTJ For Calling Out My Roommate?
“I live with two roommates who are in a relationship. We have assigned chores and an agreement that we all pitch in on certain things like doing dishes.
However, I noticed that I am doing more and more of the work. I can do dishes up to 2 times a day on a weekend, simply because my tolerance for mold and flies is much lower and my roommates don’t care. I’ve talked with them several times, made chore charts, and started hiding my dishes in my room, but nothing seems to help and it’s simply too disgusting for me to live with.
Through a series of mishaps, I ended up coming home from my family’s early and walked in on my roommate talking about me on the phone (heard whoever was on the other end ask how it was living with me). He’s super loud, and he didn’t realize I was home.
Here’s a bit of what I heard:
“Yeah, it’s like having a live-in maid.”
“I feel like I have two partners”
Obviously, I was furious. I’ve been and tired of cleaning up after everyone, I work full-time, take classes on the side for my masers degree, and volunteer two nights a week, I was not going to be taken advantage of like this.
It’s one thing if we just didn’t see eye to eye, but to know what he’s doing and directly treat me like this? I was so angry about this that since then I have stopped doing ANY housework. I don’t clean, I make as many dirty dishes as I can, and I refuse to do my chores.
Wanting to know if my actions had any effect, last week I pretended to leave before sneaking back into the house through a back door. I overheard my roommate and his partner (another roommate) complaining about how lazy I am. Apparently, they’d been purposefully making messes and being as sloppy as they want and then leaving for hours-long coffee dates because they know I can’t really relax until things are clean and I will inevitably clean it for them.
But because of what I heard, I’ve been leaving or hiding in my room so I don’t see the mess, meaning things have been super gross and dirty around the house now and they’re upset. They I’m being “a jerk” for not helping out with chores.
I’m angry about this, as I think anyone would be. I really want to say something, but I’m not sure how constructive it is to tell them I was eavesdropping and heard them say all this stuff. I purposefully snuck around, after all. I’m leaving in 4 months, so I have an out.
Maybe it’s better to just take what I know, adjust my behavior accordingly and let things die in a slow burn of hatred between us. But then again, I want so badly to address this…
So, WIBTJ for using the information I gained nefariously to call out my roommates for what they say/how they treat me?
I know they are being jerks, but I don’t want to stoop to their level by creating a more toxic living environment for everyone.”
17. AITJ For Moving In With My Dad?
“I’m 17 and I have 2 older sisters, and one younger brother and sister. My sister has recently had a baby and was having trouble keeping her house tidy as a single mother. I stayed with her for a week and she said she would give me funds towards my driver’s license if I cleaned her kitchen for her.
(There were no dishes left clean and she was avoiding going in there.)
I agreed, even though it would have taken me an entire day to get it properly clean cause there was trash everywhere too even with flies. I did it and the kitchen was sparkling clean.
Even the microwave and fridge. After I left back home I didn’t mention it for a while cause she was still new to being a mom but then two of my friends got their licenses.
I brought it up to her and she said she didn’t remember telling me that and that she couldn’t afford it right now with the baby.
I left it alone for a while.
I asked her again the other day and she said point-blank that she never said that. She definitely did because, even though I loved them both I wasn’t cleaning that mess for nothing.
I mentioned it to my mother and she said not to lie about stuff like this when my sister had just given birth.
This was three months after she said about it and four after she’d given birth.
I had most of the funds saved but I just needed a bit extra to have enough. I told my mother about everything that happened and she said to leave it alone.
This is not the first time my older sister has promised me things and reneged. Theatre visits. Sleepover nights. Bike rides. Loads more. I guess I just wanted to believe her. My mother has always took her side.
I had enough and explained everything to my dad because no one was listening to me.
He told me to move in with him and I agreed. When I told my mom she broke down saying that she doesn’t favor my sister over any of us and that she needed me here to watch my younger brother when she was at work.
For instance: my eldest sister got pregnant at 21 and she was ecstatic. My other sister got pregnant now at 21 and my mother is angry at her.
I told her I wouldn’t be staying and needed some time to cool off and pack some clothes.
My siblings won’t talk to me, not my pregnant sister, and blame me for upsetting my mom, calling me the jerk.”
16. AITJ For Leaving A Party Over Pastries?
“I (19F) was recently invited to the birthday of an acquaintance “Jesse” (20NB) through my friend “Lisa” (20F) I should preface this by saying that I don’t know Jesse very well, and while I’ve seen them at a handful of events I have never really talked to them more than once or twice.
Lisa and Jesse are close friends, but Lisa said she got permission for me to come as her plus-one.
So Lisa decided that she wanted to bring something to eat to the party, and made an order at a bakery that is about a ten-minute walk from my home but a forty-minute drive from hers.
The order was set to be picked up at 16:30, so the plan was that she would collect them and me at around the same time.
Obviously, things did not go as expected. Lisa texted me an SOS at 16:45 and asked me to race down to the bakery and pick up the order because she had left her wallet at home.
I agreed, and walked down to pick it up. I got there just before the bakery was set to close at 17:00 and waited on a bench outside for Lisa to pick me up since I don’t have a car of my own.
Lisa ended up running even later, and I was left out in the cold as there are no cafés open with indoor seating.
She ends up picking me up at 18:45. Judging by the bags in the back seat of her car she stopped on the way to pick up some drinks. I don’t mention it, and we eventually arrive at Jesse’s house dead late.
Here’s where things get annoying.
The moment I arrive it’s clear that Jesse wasn’t expecting me. Things only get better when I take out the pastries and Jesse thanks me for the thought, but tells me that they’re lactose intolerant and it doesn’t look like anything I brought is dairy-free.
I pull Lisa aside and ask her about the mix-ups regarding me being invited and the pastries. Lisa tells me she didn’t feel the need to run my invitation by Jesse because she knew that they’d be cool with it, and that the pastries were never for Jesse in the first place.
Apparently they were always meant to be for Lisa, because Lisa doesn’t like dairy-free baked goods.
I was upset. I told her that it was really rude of her to leave me freezing my butt off for over an hour while she was getting booze just so she could have snacks at a party where I wasn’t welcome.
She told me that I was being a big baby, it wasn’t that cold, and I was making a drama out of nothing.
I didn’t know what to say after that so I just left. I had a feeling that if I had stayed I would have flipped out at her and I really didn’t want to be the girl who went psycho at someone else’s party over a box of pastries.
I ended up getting a bus home.
Lisa called me later to say that it was cruel of me to guilt trip me when she did nothing wrong. Now that I’ve had a little more time to cool down, I’m wondering if maybe I *was* being immature, and if I should have just toughed it up and stayed. So I guess my question is AITJ?
Edit:
1. Why did I stay at the bakery for 1 hour 40 minutes?
Basically, I was expecting to stay for at least 40 minutes initially because Lisa’s home was a 40 minute drive away from the bakery and she had to pick her wallet up from there. At the 45 minute mark (17:30) I texted her and she said she was in some heavy traffic and would be there soon.
30 minutes later (18:00) I texted her again but she didn’t respond. At 18:20 I finally just called her to say I was gonna walk home, and she said she was almost there and asked me just to wait a little bit longer so I stayed until 18:45 when she picked me up.
2. Why did you take credit for the pastries?
This was sort of an accident in my term of phrase when I brought the box in in the first place. I said that “Lisa asked me to pick them up” which in hindsight obviously makes it seem like I bought them myself.
Lisa cleared that up shortly afterward though and told Jesse she paid for them, also apologized for the fact that they weren’t dairy-free (I think she ended up saying that the bakery didn’t have dairy-free options? I don’t really remember)
3. What about Jesse?
I can see that I should have considered how weird it would be for Jesse if someone just crashed their party and then left ten minutes after arriving. I did reach out to them on Instagram and apologized for it, but needless to say, I don’t think it’s likely we’ll be hanging out together in the future.
It would probably just be weird.”
15. AITJ For Canceling A Girls Trip?
“I am close friends with one girl (Kimmy), but the other girl (Blonde) I didn’t know for so long but we got along well enough (She is closer to Kimmy than she is to me). We decided to go on a trip to Miami at the beginning of December.
Kimmy goes to another state first with her partner so hang out with him in November (2 weeks before we are supposed to link) and then I and the other girl are supposed to book a flight to meet the week after.
1 month before the trip I was going to buy a ticket Blonde stops me and tells me to wait for her so we can fly in together.
Kimmy also recommends that I do that as well. So I agree. Now a week before Kimmy goes for her flight I ask Blonde when you want to book the tickets, she just starts to complain about her partner not wanting her to go.
Now a few days later, I call Kimmy, asking her about what’s going on with Blonde.
Blonde’s BF read our group chat and got angry that she was planning this trip behind his back. She doesn’t try to book tickets or walk away from him (as she said she would do). She just proceeds to complain about the relationship
Kimmy goes on her flight with her BF and we start to talk more about the trip.
I ask why isn’t Blonde booking her flight yet. The flight price has gone up like double since we had this idea. She says that she has no clue and recommends that I do not buy a flight before I have confirmation. So I message saying let’s book a hotel and flights tomorrow.
I GET NO REPLY FOR A WEEK.
I message a week after I message “Hey, if you are not going on the trip, just tell us at this point. We wouldn’t be mad we just wanna know.” She FINALLY answers me saying “Yeah I’m still down for the trip, are you?” I’m like okay cool, how about we go from the 4th to the 11th.
She replies I’m down. I messaged Blonde at 6 pm asking If I can book a flight today knowing you are coming on the trip. Radio silence.
I keep messaging Kimmy about this, telling her to talk to Blonde since they are closer. I understand that she is having time with her partner and having fun but I also want her to be aware of the situation.
She messages me saying that the girl’s situation is not what we thought it is.
It looks like she was asking her partner to help pay for her trip and for things to take on the trip.
Not only that, but she currently does not even have access to her passport as she left it with her ex-partner and has not been able to get it back from him yet.
Now I’m here, with nail appointments booked and trip essentials bought 4 days before we are “supposed” to go on this “girl’s trip” to Miami with no plane ticket and no place to hotel.
I finally lose it and I tell them that I am no longer interested or comfortable in going on this trip with them and they tell me that I’m being dramatic and like I’M bailing on them.
Am I the jerk here?!”
14. AITJ For Refusing To Give A Loan To An Employee?
“A member of my team has repeatedly asked to borrow funds as a personal favor over the past year.
Edit: for the record as seems to be some confusion; he’s asking me in a personal capacity despite the fact I’m his boss. I have also always refused so far but he keeps asking.
He’s a hardworking team member and always goes above and beyond but I’ve never met him in person as he’s worked from home for the past 18 months.
As a result I certainly wouldn’t consider him a ‘friend’ as I don’t really know him on a personal level but he seems a nice guy and I do appreciate his hard work.
Problem is every couple of months he seems to have an unexpected financial crisis (sick relatives, mugged, unexpected tax bill, etc) and asks if I can loan him a few hundred to get him to the next paycheck.
I was always a little skeptical because he’s one of those guys who if someone in the team twists their ankle then he’s broken his leg, and always seems to be in one crisis or another in his personal life.
First time he asked I was still shocked as nobody in my team has ever asked for a personal loan before.
I didn’t have much funds to hand so wasn’t in a position to and he was fine. A couple of weeks later he asked again but I refused – feeling it was not really appropriate.
A month or two later he asked again – this time for a totally different reason.
I asked if there was anything going on if I could help with beyond funds and he insisted there wasn’t. I told him to speak to HR about getting an advance on his wages instead of coming to me. Although he did get the advance, doing so seemed to trigger a load of red flags and as his manager I had to answer all sorts of questions about him and what I thought might be going on.
I mentioned he’d asked me for funds before, which I now regret somewhat. I only mentioned it as I thought it was useful info in case he was in any sort of trouble but the company said it was outrageous he’d been asking me repeatedly for funds and told me that I must always refuse him and tell them if he asks again.
Anyway, he’s just asked me for funds again today. Another completely different sob story to go with the request. Once again I don’t actually have the funds to hand so couldn’t if I wanted to but it’s getting ridiculous now and I want to tell him he needs to stop asking and even if I had the funds it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to loan it to an employee.
Oh just for some context; he’s repeatedly told me he’s saving to buy a house, so why he has zero access to funds I’m not sure. When I mentioned it before he said it was in a bank account he couldn’t get to but the fact I know he’s saving should prove he’s “good for it”.
Additionally – this is a white-collar office job and while he’s not going to have loads of funds he’s nowhere near minimum wage.
AITJ for refusing him?”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Dad?
“My dad and stepmom retired and moved 5 hours away a couple of years ago.
They basically live in the middle of nowhere and the closest town is a half hour away. Once he moved and got settled he kept saying I should visit.I had some vacation time so I went out there.
It didn’t feel like a vacation, if I slept past 8, he’d wake me up, and every waking minute he wanted to do different activities.
Fishing, hiking, helping him with building a deck. Then when I’d relax a bit and watch tv or go on my phone he’d ask me what I was doing and tell me “no we’re going to go do this”.
I thought maybe it was something about wanting to spend time together.
So when our favorite baseball team played I said “hey maybe wanna go into town and watch the game today, my treat”. He said “no we can just listen to it on the radio outside while we’re stringing the fishing poles for tomorrow”.
It’s not that I have a problem with fishing or hiking or helping him with chores.
I actually enjoy that stuff, but when I’m on VACATION or even just taking my vacation time, I like to relax a bit and not go go go all day. I didn’t say anything while I was there because I knew it would turn into a fight.
I specifically remember a time when I was a kid, that my family went to our cabin. My cousins and I decided to watch movies one day. My dad came in, turned the tv off and told us we needed to be outside having fun instead of sitting around being couch potatoes.
So he was here for Thanksgiving. He and my stepmom kept saying that I should come out this winter, that we can go ice fishing and all this other stuff.
I said “yea, maybe but maybe I’ll stay in a hotel this time”. Stepmom said “no no we have plenty of room”.
I said “we’ll see what my schedule looks like.” My dad said “you don’t sound like you want to come out”. I shrugged. He said “why don’t you? we had fun”.
I said “fun for you wasn’t really fun for me, being woken up at 8am while on vacation and then having all day every day planned for me was exhausting, vacation is supposed to be relaxing.”
He said “vacation time is so that you can do stuff that you can’t when you’re working, it’s not just so you can lay around and be lazy, if you wanted to do that you should’ve stayed home and been a couch potato”. I said “okay then I won’t come out again “.
He was mad and didn’t really say much after that.
My stepmom said I hurt his feelings and it was unnecessary because he just wants to spend time with me.
AITJ for being honest when he asked?”
12. AITJ For Outing My Ex?
“It’s a long and sucky story, but my (25F) soon-to-be ex (28M) is gay and hid that from me. I found out because I caught him stepping out and he as much as admitted that he knew he wasn’t attracted to me that way, but he wanted kids and a “normal” life.
I don’t care that he’s gay, but I will never forgive him for leading me on so he could use me to have kids, so it’s over, end of story.
The problem is that his family are fundamentalist nutjobs except for a few members and his mother is a very interfering MIL.
Not being related to her anymore is another plus to leaving. His family doesn’t believe in divorce, so under the guise of picking up some paperwork and other items I had found that were my ex’s, she cornered me about how I’m being childish and marriage is about commitment, forgiveness, and working through problems, etc. It became apparent that my ex didn’t tell his family that he had an affair, he told his mom that I was divorcing him because we weren’t sleeping together often enough for me.
I tried to be patient and explained that he had had an affair and that’s why. I wasn’t going to go into greater detail because I know how his parents are and it’s none of their business.
MIL’s advice, I kid you not, was that men are just that way, and if I wanted him not to stray that I should make myself more attractive to my husband and be a better wife.
I lost the plot completely. It had been a sad and hard day already and that was the last straw. Here’s where I might be the jerk: I told her that the only thing that would make me more attractive to my ex would be a h change operation and that I hoped he and his partner adopted her some grandchildren so she could finally shut up about it.
Not my finest moment, but she just hit the worst and rawest nerve she could have and I exploded.
It’s evidently turned into a huge family drama, he’s probably going to be disowned, and my ex called sobbing that I’ve ruined his life out of spite.
I don’t really know how to feel about it. I do feel bad for him that his parents are such awful people and there were just no “good” outcomes for him, but I also feel like he made his own bed here, too.
Edit:
1) there is almost no chance of violence, his family is not violent, they’re more of the Mormon shunning type. One of his cousins came out and left the church and after the initial protests they all just stopped talking to him and basically treated him as if he were dead until he was ready to repent or whatever.
They’re passive-aggressive, repressed, and weird as all get out, but the chances of anyone physically hurting him are extremely low. He’s not financially dependent on them and has a more than decent job, so he can support himself easily if they kick him out.
2) He’s known he was gay since before he met me, so this wasn’t a new discovery or admission to himself. He has a partner that he’s been seeing since six months before we were married. I went through his computer after catching them in the act and kicking him out and found messenger logs and other evidence going back to before he started seeing me.
He literally set this up so he could have the nice Mormon family on the surface to keep his family happy. That’s it. He never loved me at all, I was just the first girl to express a sustained interest.”
11. AITJ For Not Telling My Ex What is In My Mail?
“So back story I left my husband a few months ago because it was really unhealthy and was severely affecting my mental health.
My kids and I moved in with my father and things have been much better. Fast forward to November, I noticed that I hadn’t gotten some mail I was expecting. I did do a change of address and was having mail forwarded to me.
I sent a text to my ex whom I communicate with regularly since we do co-parent.
I asked if he had any mail of mine that came to his house. He calls me to respond and the conversation goes like this:
He started asking me questions like what’s in the mail and who is it from. I told him that didn’t matter I just need to know if he had any mail with my name on it.
He kept pressing so I explained that I thought some mail didn’t get forwarded and told him a few examples of what I was expecting and again that it didn’t matter I just needed mail with my name on it..
Then he stated that he usually just throws mail that’s not for him away.
So then I ask “well did any of that had my name on it?” He didn’t answer directly and just said that he “didn’t understand” why I was acting this way and that I was being “annoying” with him. He also then said he marks out addresses with mail that’s not for him and puts it back for the mailman, again not saying if any of it was for me or not.
He also said he had a lot of mail he hadn’t gone through.
I realized we weren’t getting anywhere so I just tell him ok great thanks thats all I needed to know. He responds how I’m being a jerk. I let him know that I was just trying to ask a simple question and I got my answer and I was gonna go now (hang up).
He called again later with an elevated snappy tone letting me know that he’s not going to allow me to treat him like that. That I’m not going to treat him like crap for trying to help me that I was being rude for no reason.
I responded that it was a simple yes or no or idk, did he have my mail. I didn’t need all the answers that just beat around the bush. I didn’t need to explain who my mail was from. He hung up me after that.
So AITJ for trying to get a straight answer? I’m just looking for mail.”
10. AITJ For Saying I Hate My Home?
“I (18f) have always had a poor relationship with my older brother (20m) and he’s been a constant terror in my life. He often borrows funds from our parents (despite working for our dad but barely goes) and uses my car without topping up the gas because I’d keep gas in my car for work.
I lost respect for my brother for financially straining our parents for his habits, having a poor work ethic, and other reasons. It’s important to note that I got accepted to a university about 2 hours away.
The incident occurred the night before he asked to use my car and I begrudgingly allow him, but he never told me that he didn’t take my car, took his car instead, and miraculously lost my keys while he was out.
What made me the angriest is that my mum was who told me, not him, and I waited for him to tell me. When he didn’t and instead asked for some petty change to pick up some smoke, I said, “I’ll give you some change if you give me my keys.”
He looked surprised and then simply said he didn’t have them. When I refused to give him the change, he got angry and started yelling at me. His defense was that he didn’t need to tell me but instead told the most important person, our mum.
I argued that he never told me, the OWNER, that he lost my keys and now expected me to “fund his addiction”. He hates it when we use words about addiction, so he was furious when I further called him an addict. From there, he proceeds to throw everything off my desk and make a hole in the wall, with his partner holding him back to prevent him from charging at me.
My mum just got home to intervene and in front of her, I tell everyone that, **”I’m leaving this place because of you, and only you. You make me hate being home and I can’t even feel safe here anymore. I can’t wait to leave this place and I pray to god I never come back!”**
I know it hurts everyone to say this, especially my mum who fights with my brother constantly to try to keep home a safe space. After the argument, I left home for a bit and mum chased me. I told her how much I couldn’t stand being at home, how I hate being in the same house as him, that I hate always having to be the good child and tolerate his behavior.
She ended up crying and let me storm off, but I returned a few hours later. I think it also affected my dad, who views me as his baby girl since I’m their only daughter, and came home after the argument and had to hear it from my mum.
No one has mentioned what I said, but the house’s atmosphere is strained. Now, while I loath my brother, I love my parents and I hate that I said it in front of my mum, who told my dad. Do you think I was the jerk for saying it in front of my parents, even though it hurts them?
Did I go too far when I knew my parents are struggling with him, and now know that they’re losing a child because of him?”
9. WIBTJ If I Contacted My Ex's Mom?
“I (24F) broke up with someone (25M)(call him Sam) a few months ago and he took it really hard.
We were together -LD- for 9 months. At first our breakup was amicable (there was no affair or anything bad like that, I just didn’t feel like we were a good match). It was a long-distance thing that just wasn’t working out for me. Some red flags were that he constantly wanted to know what I was up to and pouted if he didn’t get my full attention every night on FT. There was one point when we did meet in person and he was showing me something on his phone and a message from his friend popped up that was talking about someone being “right for him” and when I asked him who/what they were talking about, he started crying and talking about how it didn’t mean anything and he didn’t want to lose me because of it because they had been talking about some girl they all used to go to school with.
Anywho, after I broke up with him we decided to try to have a friendship. But he started getting strange. He wanted to talk to me on the phone ALL THE TIME which was something we hadn’t done when we were together. Every time we talked, it ended with him crying and trying to tell me I made a mistake.
I got really uncomfortable and told him if this was how friendship was going to go, I wouldn’t be able to be a part of it because I wasn’t changing my mind and I felt like my boundaries weren’t being respected. He started saying I had mental illnesses that I don’t have and started saying he had applied for jobs in my state and things could really work out if I just gave them a chance.
At that point, I told him I was going NC and to please not contact me again because clearly he wasn’t in a good headspace and I felt like that was obsessive. He immediately- and has since- continued to message me using texting apps that show up under various numbers to leave taunting messages on my phone.
At this point, I have already filed a police report in my home state, but because he isn’t contacting me from his everyday phone number, they said there isn’t much they can do.
I’m wondering if I WBTJ if I reached out to his mom and let her know what he’s been up to.
I never met her, but he still lives with his parents and he really never seemed like the type to do this so I feel like she might tell him to knock it off. I know it sounds a little elementary schoolish, but I just want him to leave me alone!”
8. WIBTJ If I Don't Split The Land Equally With My Siblings?
“My dad passed away a few months ago. I am the youngest of his three children. I worked for him, we were close, and he added my name to some of his property about 5 years ago. He and mom agreed I’d be the PR of his estate, and my half-siblings were OK with that when he passed. Some land/houses/car are going through probate.
Dad told me he didn’t trust my brother after all the things that happened in their relationship. My dad used to be just as generous with my brother as he was with me over the years. (Dad even took in a few pets he bought and then couldn’t handle.
Not just one… but 2 parrots.) Between what happened with my brother’s ex (she stole a LOT of funds from my family while she worked for them) and how they raised their daughter (my brother is still letting his ex-wife financially mistreat their adult dependent child, like taking car loans out in her name for herself and not their daughter).
That made my dad sick, and he didn’t want to give anything to my brother that his ex might get ahold of.
I had thought about sharing that land with my half-siblings. I guess as a way to try and fix how unhappy my half-siblings were with their inheritance/relationship with our dad.
But I wanted to take care of probate first. (I’m grieving, moving, and pregnant rn.)
A few months ago we all agreed to sell my dad’s assets, pay dad’s bills with those funds, and then split the funds instead of owning dad’s estate jointly.
They read a rough draft via email about that and liked it and said to mail them copies and they’d sign.
And then my brother called me to say that they weren’t comfortable with signing the agreement until I gave them an equal share of the land our dad had given me back in ‘17.
Meaning I wouldn’t be able to sell anything/we’d all be stuck owning things together, unless I gave them the land now. My dad had 1 credit card in his name with a 7k balance on it and I need to sell something from the estate to take care of that debt.
My brother even said it felt awkward and knew it would come off as a personal attack. He said it was mostly our sister, the one who had basically no relationship with our dad, who was making this an issue. He said she needed the reassurance of me sharing the land first before she felt comfortable taking care of probate.
He said it wasn’t fair that dad had also given me other things as well, basically making it seem like sharing this land would be the least I could do since dad gave me more.
The more I thought about this, the more confused I got.
I am angry and annoyed that they think they can try to force my hand like this. I’m also not close to them, and it feels like they’re trying to bully me now that dad is gone. They didn’t have the same kind of relationship my dad and I did.
I moved out of state and still visited monthly. My siblings rarely called or came by. I lost my dad in my early 30s. They’ve had many more decades to have a relationship with him.
WIBTJ if I didn’t share?”
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Step-mom Gifts?
“I’m 17F and my dad 49M have been having some disagreements recently. He keeps telling me that I have to treat my stepmother 46F with more respect.
I’m not rude or anything. People around me usually see me as someone kind and mature. I’ve never showed her any disrespect.
Recently, my stepmom bought me and my sister donuts as a morning surprise. I thanked her for them a total of three times in the morning, even though they were mainly for my sister.
Later in the day, my dad asked if I had thanked her and I told him I did. He told me she complained to him about how I didn’t say thank you. She’s done this multiple times before. He told me that I wasn’t a little girl anymore and that because of how I looked (I look older than the people my age) I have to act like an adult.
He said I have to start making bigger appreciative gestures and bring gifts every time I go to my dad’s house for my stepmom.
Setting aside the fact that they expect me to pay for all these gifts (which would be around 2 gifts a month because I have to go every other weekend as mandated by the court) and for college at the same time.
This has gotten to the point where I don’t feel like that’s my home anymore. It feels like I have to pretend now. What’s worse is that they expect such formality from me while my stepmom tries to enjoy the joys and pros of being a mother.
It gives me whiplash having to be so formal with someone who wants to act like a stranger only when it’s convenient to her.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to get my stepmom 24 presents a year plus her mandated holiday gifts?”
6. AITJ For Saying My In Laws Are Not My Parents?
“So all this really came to a blow up at Thanksgiving. I’ve never really gotten along with my step-fil.
But since we moved, I’ve been trying to get along with him. Helped him out around their house, their property, etc. Never actually received a thank you from him but whatever.
So for Thanksgiving, my parents have moved to be with us in the same state.
They are in the process of buying a house, so far now, they are living in their trailer. So we asked if my in-laws would be willing to host Thanksgiving. I got the turkey ready. I brined it. Bagged it. Everything ready to go. I left instructions with my FIL as with the brining method, it should be cooked in a specific way.
Upside down, 325 degrees and for about 5 hours. Usually less, but FIL likes to stuff the turkey, even though with brining it really shouldn’t. So I took into consideration the extra time with the stuffing. The night before he kept saying he knows how to cook a turkey and doesn’t need instructions.
My wife and MIL kept saying he was joking but I had a bad feeling. As to why we didn’t cook it, our oven isn’t reliable. It probably would’ve taken 12 hours to cook the turkey in our oven.
Fast forward to Thursday afternoon, we head over and I go to check on the turkey cooking.
Temp to high, over-stuffed and not upside down. Needless to say, I was upset. I left and went for a walk. I did complain to my wife that I’m tired of trying to work with him. Helping out and attempting to be friendly and he can’t do something as simple as cooking a turkey I prepared the way I needed it.
The only reason I ended up returning was because my parents saw me walking They said to ignore him and go eat. The only reason they even came was because they considered this a Thanksgiving my wife and I were hosting as we did the majority of the prepping.
It’s now the following Tuesday. My MIL is trying to keep the peace but I feel she made it much worse. She and my wife were talking and she tried explaining that they (both MIL and FIL) see us as their kids and they treat us as such (for the record I’m 41, my wife is 29 for the 5th or sixth time).
I told my wife I find this condescending. For one, I’m not their kid. I have my own parents. I get what they are attempting to say, but that shouldn’t give them the right to just ignore things we have to offer, or feel they can do things better, just because they think I’m their kid.
My in-laws just feel that since they see us as kids if they (mostly FIL) feels his way is better or just doesn’t want to do something, then he can because he’s the parent. My wife agrees as she feels this is how they show their love and it’s perfectly fine.
I don’t agree.
So now my wife and I are arguing. She thinks they are right and I’m in the wrong. So AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Telling My Wife That I Was Hurt By Her Tone?
“I was just talking to my wife on the phone, we were talking about our landlord and some repairs that he’s been late to solve.
During the call, she wasn’t exactly happy with what I’d been told by the landlord (neither was I). After informing her, she took a nasty tone and began grilling me with questions about the repairs, as if I was the landlord. This got progressively worse over the course of the call.
After a while, I’d had enough. Since I wasn’t looking for a fight, I told her that I had to take care of something (I was at work when this happened), and that I would call her back.
I felt pretty bad after talking with her, so I called her back after about an hour and she seemed to have calmed down.
I told her that I didn’t like the tone she used, that it made me feel bad and belittled. She immediately snapped back into her demeaning tone, then told me that I “always” feel like everything like this is directed towards me (this scenario only happened once before, nearly a year ago).
She then claimed that I didn’t even care about getting the landlord to fix our roof because I was too “calm and nonchalant”, even though I’ve been doing all the communication with the landlord, and that her tone was supposed to signify that she cared. I told her that this wasn’t true and that I still felt hurt by the way that she talked to me.
She just disregarded what I said and went on about how busy she was, so I hung up on her before I ended up saying something that I’d regret. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Pick A Romantic Song For The Mother-Son Dance?
“My fiancé (28) and I (28) have been making our playlist for our wedding which is in a year. It’s early we know, but my fiancé has always loved making playlists as if his life was a movie and having the perfect soundtrack.
We started asking my father and his mother if they had an idea what to dance to for our Father-Daughter and Mother-Son dances. My father isn’t really big into music and said whatever I picked he’d dance to, so I picked “You’ll Be In My Heart” by Phil Collins from the Tarzan soundtrack.
We both love that movie, my dad loves Phil Collins, and it’s a sweet song about a parent and child, so it makes sense. My soon-to-be mother-in-law needed some time to think and I told her that’s no problem seeing it’s still far away.
The other week she she called my fiancé and told him she had picked a song… “Beauty and the Beast” from Beauty and the Beast. The love song. About the beauty falling in LOVE with the Beast. I said, “Well maybe she can pick another song because it’s a love song” and my fiancé said “It’s her favorite movie though,” I told him it would be really uncomfortable because, again, it is a LOVE song, and pretty much everyone at our wedding has seen Beauty and The Beast and understand the lyrics.
He said he’d talk to her. When he told her maybe she should pick another song, she threw a fit and said she didn’t even know why we asked if “We were just going to say no in the first place.” My fiancé thinks I should just let her have the song and call it a truce but this is so weird.
So… Am I the jerk for not letting her keep the song just because it’s romantic?”
3. WIBTJ If I told Someone Who Invited Themselves To My Birthday Not To Come?
“I (F,27) met this person (M,32?) in 2019 in a bar in our hometown. He is a friend of a close friend and the night we met was a leaving night from his job before he joined the armed forces and left for basic training.
He asked me out and we went out on one date, I wasn’t feeling it and gently told him this as one of his parents had just passed at the time and I was being mindful of his feelings.
I’ve made it pretty clear now on several different occasions via text/messenger/snap chat/WhatsApp(he added me on them all, and if he doesn’t get an answer on one app he will try the next until I reply).
He is now on home leave for the holidays for the next few weeks which falls over my birthday. I’d planned a night with my close friends, one of which is the mutual friend we have in common. He asked me to go to dinner via Snapchat and the conversation went like this…
Him: Do you want to grab dinner when I’m home? xx
Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea. Thanks for the offer tho.
Him: Just as friends?? xx
Me: Look I’m finishing my current job on Thursday next week, I have my birthday dinner on the Friday, and start my new job on the Monday so I don’t have much free time I’m afraid 🤷🏽♀️
Him: Where are you going? xx
Me: *ironically the name of the bar we first met in*
Him: Aw is *mutual friend* going? xx
Me: Yep. Pretty sure he said he’s coming.
Him: Great, I’ll see you there!! xxxx
Me: …
Him: If that’s okay with you xxx
Me: Well the table is booked for 6 people and there are 6 already going so there’s not any room left for dinner.
Him: You’ll be done by 2030, so I’ll be down then xxx
I pretty much was stumped and completely missed the trap I’d just walked into.
I’m 100% sure he wouldn’t see this as a friendly thing and will spend the night trying to flirt with me which makes me really uncomfortable. I’m not attracted to this person, I hardly know him or speak to him, I never reach out first but am polite in my replies and rejections but he’s just not gotten the hint and has expressed that I’ll change my mind.
I know my own mind and it’s made up. He calls me pet names which from people I don’t know, I absolutely abhor it. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin and set it on fire.
My question is, WIBTJ if I told him not to come or is it too late now and I’ll just have to risk him showing up and making me uncomfortable?
This is making me so anxious it’s keeping me up at night.”
2. AITJ For Calling My Husband Dramatic?
“My husband (M28) and I (F26) have 2 kids under 3.
At 11 PM, my husband comes into the room where me and the kids are sleeping and turns the light on saying I need to call the ambulance.
I am not good in a crisis and immediately became panicked. When I asked what was going on, he told me he felt nauseous. I asked if he’d been throwing up, he hadn’t. I then asked if he thinks it’s the stomach flu (our son had it on the weekend and I had Monday off with tummy pain), he said he didn’t.
We had fish and chips for dinner and he said he thought it might be that (I also ate that and felt fine). He stated ‘I’ve never felt like this’ and ‘it’s like nausea times 20’. At this point, one of the kids has woken up.
I Google and also based on what I know, let my husband know that stomach flu and even food poisoning really just has to pass and have rest and drink water. He continues to state that it’s too bad and I ended up calling him dramatic and state I won’t call an ambulance for nausea.
He calls me a jerk and that I don’t care about him and I offer to drive him to the hospital instead if he really felt he needed to go.
So at about midnight I load both kids into the car and drive to the hospital (10 mins drive), go into ED and get someone to come out with a wheelchair and take him in as he felt he may pass out if he walked in, and then sat in the car with the kids while he got triaged. The last time I was at this ED, it took about 7 hours to even be seen and with both kids now awake and getting upset, I tell my husband I’ll go home and wait for him to call when he needs me to come back.
He says he wants me to stay but eventually agreed for me to take the kids home. It’s been an hour and he’s still waiting to be seen but he’s being short over text message and I can tell he’s cross about the whole thing.
So AITJ?
Edit: When he said about calling the ambulance, I suggested calling the Healthline where you can get nurses’ advice based on your symptoms but he didn’t want to.
Then what I googled was seafood poisoning because that’s what he said he thought it was.
When he said he’d never felt like this, I also asked him if he’d ever had stomach flu before and he said no – that’s what it sounded like it was to me, and with our toddler and me having it earlier in the week, that made sense to me.
Yes, my husband can sometimes have a low threshold for discomfort (think man flu but for most ailments) and I can’t think of a consecutive week where he hasn’t had some complaint, from how bad his acid reflux is to sore joints, but he doesn’t usually want to call an ambulance.
Also just adding, part of my initial reluctance was also that it means both of us won’t be working tomorrow and where we are financially, that’s not great. Plus I’ve had a week off when my son had the stomach flu and another day off when I did recently.
Also, all family interstate or overseas so no one to help with the kids even if it was something bad, unfortunately.”
Do you know what some people do when they need to go to the hospital? They get there themselves to the hospital without forcing their sleeping wife to get herself and her two babies in the car and drive him. NTJ.
1. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Husband?
“I recently got married. Before H(31m) and I(25f) got married, he wanted me to stay at home while he worked since he works a great job. If I wanted to work, I could use my funds for my expenses. I worked before the wedding but with wedding planning(that I did alone without the help of H bc he didn’t want to)and working 70 hour weeks, it became too much so I quit.
MIL lives with us 6-10 months out of the year; will move in with us when FIL retires. She is emotionally and mentally draining but H is a mama’s boy and believes his mom is always right. I did most of the cooking and the cleaning etc but the credit always went to her and H would tell me to do better.
Then, H and MIL started telling me to start working because I had too much time on my hands and it wasn’t as if I was doing much in the house since MIL took care of everything (Again, I did most of the work but credit went to her.
If I told H that I did it he wouldn’t believe me)
Before we got married, H and I would go out, had date nights but now even if I ask to get coffee he refuses. If I ask to go out for dinner, he’ll say no but when his sisters (in their 30s) ask, he instantly agrees, paying for them and their families.
Before we got married, H told me he’d pay me a monthly allowance to cover any expenses I had while I stayed at home but after we got married, he claimed that “funds were tight” so he couldn’t.
Since I had bills and loans to pay off, was unhappy at home, was constantly told by MIL and H to start working, I decided to work.
MIL went back so now I work and do everything in the house, while helping take care of his niece since his sister lives with us. I do most of the chores. I asked H to help around a little but he says that he’s too tired after work (He works from home while I don’t) and that if I expect him to help out in the house, I need to start paying him half the mortgage.
I refused because I’m only asking him to help a little, he lived alone before we got married so he is capable of it. Plus, we went over this before the wedding. He keeps demanding that I need to start paying half of the mortgage since I live here for free and work regardless of whether or not he helps out in the house.
He is very comfortable with funds, not struggling at all. He also gets funds from FIL monthly. I do all the chores, do all the cooking, buy things for the house (furniture, decor and necessities because MIL wouldn’t let me when she was here).
I also paid for 2 mini-vacations we took while he claims that him paying for the honeymoon was more than enough. I make less than ⅓ of what he does.
I am rarely consulted for decisions in the house, ILs and H make all of them. I already do more than what we agreed to before the wedding while working.
I don’t think I need to pay him anything. AITJ for refusing to pay him half the mortgage?”
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