People Unravel the Intricate Dilemmas of Their 'Am I The Jerk' Stories
31. AITJ For Not Thanking My Dad After He Sent Money Despite Our Ongoing Feud?
“Basically my father and I have a rocky relationship. He’s a narcissist and has gaslighted me most of my life.
He almost got kicked out of my wedding for complaining that I had a 5 drink limit (got married on a snowy mountain in winter, it was to be safe)
A few months ago at a memorial, there was a fight with the family and he told me to never speak to him again.
The next morning I didn’t, but I was staying at my sister’s, who is pregnant, and she asked to speak to him just for the day. I agreed to only speak to him when necessary but avoided him as much as possible.
I had a minor surgery recently, where he texted me and I didn’t respond.
My mom has been asking for us to make up but I am holding firm that he has to apologize to me for what he said first. He knows I’m not talking to him and he still hasn’t apologized.
This morning he sent me money to help with plane tickets for the holiday.
I called my mom and now my dad is claiming he apologized the next day and told him we were good. Only thing, I don’t remember that happening and I’m not going to let this slide. My mom is asking me to at least say thank you for the money he sent and she will try to talk to him again.
I am leaning toward staying firm but my mom’s pulling the ‘family’ card and that she’s stuck in the middle.
So, would I be the jerk for not saying thank you?”
Another User Comments:
“WIBTJ – If you benefit from something a person does for you .
. . you say thank you. Doesn’t matter that you are all angry at him or not. He gives you money . . . you say thanks . . . Or if your nose is so bent out of shape from whatever he did that you can’t unbend enough to thank him . . . DO NOT take the money.
Simple basic humanity here.” orangeupurple1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your father told you that he doesn’t want you to talk to him. He set up a boundary that you respect. If he wants a thank you, he has to be the one to take that boundary away by talking to you and saying he’s sorry.
As long as that doesn’t happen, you don’t have to thank him. Your mother can pull the family card all she wants. She doesn’t have a say in this.” Padipalado
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would send the money back if I were you. Also, let people know that the more they bring this up, the less you will speak to them.
I started ending conversations with my family when they would bring up stuff that I was tired of hearing. I would simply remind them of what I told them and I would walk away and usually go home. They never got the point and I last saw my mother sometime around 2002, she died of Cancer around 10 years later and I honestly do not care.
Cut the emotional ties with abusive people.” PianistBrilliant4615
30. AITJ For Limiting Contact With My Parents Who Disrespect My Wife?
“My mother has been consistently disrespectful to and critical of my wife. I asked her to stop. When she didn’t I decided to go LC/NC.
I’ve offered some very limited methods of communication which my parents have shut down, they would rather I just bring my kids to their so they can spend time with their grandkids.
My mom’s birthday was last week, and for the first time ever, I did not send her a card or even a text.
My intention there was to stick to my boundaries and ONLY communicate with them through the means I outlined to them (a once a week chatting session via Teams or Google, to be built up eventually to calls and video calls as we rebuilt trust)
My dad and I work together. Lately, he has been leaving all sorts of things in my locker. 2 weeks ago was a 31 page letter mostly criticizing my wife again and telling me why I’m wrong and evil. They told me I’m wicked for keeping their grandchildren hostage.
Today was another note in my locker telling me they’re begging me to see my kids and they want to work on our relationship together, but again no indication of agreeing to respect my boundaries.
I feel so guilty sometimes because I know how much they want to see my kids and how much my kids would love to play with their grandparents (kids are 4 and 1).
I also know how badly my LC has hurt my mom because of her severe depression and mental illness.
At the same time, there is no indication they will change their pattern of hurtful behavior, and they still don’t seem to care about my boundaries or feelings.
I don’t want to withhold or weaponize my kids, but I do want a healthy relationship between all of us.
AITJ for limiting contact between them and myself/my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents can’t treat your wife poorly and expect to see her (your) children.
That isn’t fair. I wouldn’t want my kids around anyone that spoke badly about me or my spouse. That is unacceptable. If they are willing to do it to you, they may do it in front of your kids. No, unless they change, keep your boundaries.” JGalKnit
29. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Comic Con After My Partner Decided To Work There Instead?
“Me and my partner have been planning to go to a big comic con this year, deciding how much time we would spend on each booth, what things to see, buy etc.
Yesterday, she proudly came to me and told me she’ll be added as staff to help at a friend’s booth there and bragged to me that she’ll be getting all sorts of freebies (keyring, t-shirt etc.) because of that.
When I learned about this, I immediately felt awful and reacted negatively because staff are supposed to stick to their booth, serve customers and not explore around.
I am not the type of person who would take such an opportunity away from anyone. But this is the person whom I planned two days at a nice event with, since last year and who will only be able to spend time with me for 30 minutes during her break.
By the way, this friend of ours doesn’t need the extra help and told me that my partner just volunteered so he won’t be paying her anything for her time there.
Long story short I told her that if she ends up attending, there’s no way I’m going to the event to wander around alone.
She has been telling me ever since that I can be at the booth next to her if ever I feel alone and that she thinks this is not a big deal. I don’t want to be a jerk to her and make her sad, but then again she’s leaving me to wander around in an event meant for us to spend our time together, all alone.
Would I be the jerk if I didn’t attend the event for the above reason?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She made plans with you and broke those plans. She is the jerk. You deserve for someone to make plans with you and not cancel those plans when “something better” in their mind comes along.
Follow your feelings and do not go. If she keeps acting in similar ways to this, and you keep getting forced to cancel plans with her due to her behavior, you both may drift apart over time, but this is for you and your sake.
You basically had a date planned with your partner. It was literally being dreamed about for almost an entire year no less. This is not okay.” Alpine-SherbetSunset
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like she made a decision that affected you without consulting you. That’s a relationship 101 no-no. Its weird that she wants to spend an entire con working for free for stupid trinket trash.
She’s saving money, but she also isn’t doing the thing she was going to be paying to do. So she isn’t really saving money, she is just doing something different entirely. Quite frankly she is ditching you in a really dumb way.” Chill_n_Chill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You planned to do the event WITH her. And she cancelled everything for…….. a t-shirt and key ring? Does she even like you? You don’t need to go. It sounds like this event was 25% fun in planning, 25% fun in the event itself, but 50% spending time together.
75% has been cancelled for some stupid free merch, it’s reasonable you don’t want to spend the effort trying to force enjoyment out of the rest.” kblank45
28. AITJ For Sweeping My Roommate's Trash Under Her Door?
“I (21F) moved into my new living arrangement with my roommate (23F) at the beginning of the semester and am aware it’s her first time living away from home.
We had 0% compatibility through the matching system and from the first night of move in there were already communication issues. I’ve been dead bolted out because she didn’t know how to use the door, she’s had her partner over multiple times to spend the night without asking, and now she doesn’t want to take turns taking out the trash.
I wouldn’t call myself a germaphobe but I like to keep the apartment as clean as possible so I’d take out the trash, brought a broom to sweep the floor, and used a majority of my Lysol wipes to clean the counter. Yet every time I clean she’ll cook and leave food residue in the sink, on the counter, and all over the floor.
She’s also left multiple times without telling me and left the bag of trash in the can when it’s her time to take it out. When I approached her about the issue she said, “I feel like I produce less trash than you.” And to avoid the issue from occurring again I’ve now bought my own trash can.
Now it’s been over two weeks since we’ve talked and the cleanliness in the apartment is basically no longer there. Her trash can is always full and she refuses to take it out, instead opting to put trash in La Croix boxes on the counter (leaving them for days at a time).
I’ve now resulted to swiping the residue on the floor and using my broom to sweep it under her door and in front of her door in hopes of her finally cleaning it up. So tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
I get your frustration but you need to go to your housing administration or whoever assigned you and insist on a room swap.” asecretnarwhal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been clear that it bothers you. Trash stinks and shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not hard to take out, even if it requires a walk.
You can either take it out for them or show them that their trash is making your living experience worse by example!” paintedfaces2
27. AITJ For Prioritizing My Dream Career Over My Partner's Wishes?
“I (M18) am in my last year of high school in Australia, deciding what I want to do in uni and basically deciding my future from now.
My partner (18F) of 2.5 years is doing the same however she has high hopes of a future with me. I feel the same way that I want to stay with her and I believe we have a genuine connection in that way. However, here’s the issue; for the longest time I have wanted to pursue a career in aviation, either a commercial airline pilot possibly overseas or joining the airforce.
Aviation has been a huge part of my childhood and I’ve always dreamt of piloting aircraft (sounds clichè). My partner on the other hand wants her career to involve no travelling and she wishes to stay in close proximity of her parents (her career goal is nursing).
She enjoys travelling and we have been on holidays together but the idea of me being away from her extensively as a pilot does not please her. In fact on multiple occasions she has been mad at me for ‘choosing my career over her.’ However I think focusing on what I want is far more important even if that means upsetting her and myself and losing her one day.
I’m pretty convinced there is no compromise here as she simply just doesn’t want to be left alone while I’m out working especially if we have a family in the future. My only compromise is that I could choose an engineering course and do aviation maintenance however, pilot is plan A, and I shouldn’t have to do this I feel.
AITJ for choosing my career over her hopes for our relationship? am I being selfish in any way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are only 18 years old of course you should prioritise your future over your partner. You have your entire life ahead of you and being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your decisions and dream job would just cause you to miss out and grow to regret and resent your decision to be with her If she truly loves you she would understand you and support you especially as this is something you say you have been interested in since childhood If she doesn’t-leave her!
You deserve better and there are plenty of fish in the ocean” EducationalLetter768
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think anyone should dictate your future and deter you from pursuing your dream career. broadly speaking, You have no guarantee this relationship will be future-proof, as you are young and both of you are at the stage of figuring out life.
Personally, I’d rather deal with the prospect of losing a relationship than growing old and being frustrated for not having experienced the life I have envisioned for myself.” Sea-Complaint-129
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your career and life goals are at complete opposites. Both of you are 18 and have a lot of maturing to do before you “settle” on a life plan.
Go out and live your life. If you 2 truly love each other, you will find your way back together and be able to compromise.” toosheeptheorist
26. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Son's Therapist For Outing Him Without His Consent?
“My son “Cordon” (15M) is a wrestler and struggles with being bipolar and bulimic. He’s been in therapy since last year after me and his mom started getting a divorce and he wasn’t taking it well. Things got so bad that he had to quit wrestling for a bit after his coach caught him throwing up in the bathroom.
So far Cordon seemed to be doing better and is on meds that seem to work for him. He even started wrestling again this year.
His mom got engaged to the man she had an affair with last month and since then Cordon seems to be slipping again.
I’m
pretty sure I’ve heard him making himself sick and he’s been in a bit of a funk after he quit talking to one of his teammates. After one of his therapy appointments I asked his therapist about my concerns and what I could do to help more if I felt cordon was sinking again.
He kinda slyly told me and my ex that maybe he might be scared of coming out us and he had a bad break up. Luckily Cordon was waiting out in the car and didn’t hear that.
I was furious not because my son is gay ,but because he didn’t get to tell me himself.
I scolded his therapist out on the spot and told him how unethical it was to tell me what he and Cordon had talked about and outing a teenager. I threatened to report after he kept saying he was trying to help us out. Later my ex tells me she thinks I overreacted and that maybe it would be a good thing to be in the know without Cordon knowing.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“Licensed therapist here — that is wildly unethical and illegal and I would recommend reporting this breach of confidentiality. Your state will have some sort of behavioral health board website and there is a link on there to report issues. You can also use this to look up their license number if you don’t already have it as that would be needed. NTJ, your son’s therapist is a huge jerk.
He’s taken such a beautifully sacred conversation from your son, I am absolutely furious for him. (edited to add details)” SecondBreakfastCrew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what that therapist did was irresponsible. If they did this to someone who had phobic parents they could’ve put the kid in a lot of danger.
This needs taking seriously and reporting as this may not be the first time this has happened and may not be the last. The therapist should’ve talked with your son bout figuring out a way to open up to you in a safe way. They have destroyed all sense trust your son had in them and likely undone lot of work.
You need to find a new therapist for him.” SpookyMamma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Depending on what the laws in your location are regarding minor care, this very well could have been illegal. It is absolutely not acceptable though- it could likely have very dangerous repercussions for a different child.
Absolutely report the therapist. I’d speak to your child about the situation and let them know what happened – they need to decide if they trust this therapist still or if they want to find someone different. While my first instinct is definitely to ditch them, if your child is in crisis, changing therapists could be very difficult for them.” SpicyTurtle38
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Family Invite Guests To My Wedding?
“I (32f) have been engaged to my partner (27m) for about a year now. We’ll call him Jack for this story.
Once we got engaged, I immediately started planning…. and my family has been fighting me every step of the way.
The venue is too far.
These are the venues I should be looking at. I should have this and that and this other kind of food. This is the kind of dress I should wear. Etc….
It has been a nightmare.
One morning I had gone to breakfast with my mother and grandmother, and somehow the topic of the wedding came up.
My mother casually said something along the lines of a list of people she was going to invite. I put my foot down and said, “No, you’re not inviting people I don’t know to my wedding.” Her response was, “Well, if I am helping pay for it then I will invite whoever I want.”
I have not asked her to help with paying for the wedding. Jack and I had decided we would be footing the bill ourselves. I told her, “WE are paying for it, so no, you will not invite whoever you want, and most guests will not even be getting a plus one.” I want a small wedding.
50/60 people is the absolute max and that is a lot. My guest list at the moment is right around that number and I’m not budging on it.
My grandmother decided to chime in and said, “Oh, you’re such a jerk,” and that’s where the conversation ended. For the record, I had already added some of her close friends who I have met before on the list so she would have people to mingle with.
AITJ for putting my foot down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s YOUR wedding, so what you say goes. You can tell them if they want to throw their own little celebration/party / dinner for you and your new husband and anyone they want to invite that they are welcome to do so and foot the bill.
But the wedding is yours and your husbands alone to decide who attends.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – no one but you & your partner are paying for this wedding, therefore, no one else has decision-making powers. Yes, they can have their opinions, but the final say on everything is your & your partner’s.
The fact that you have already added people that you probably didn’t give two hoots about attending is enough. I really wish that people would understand that the wedding is for the bride & groom, not for the father’s brother’s second cousin’s college roommate” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. If you’re paying for the wedding, you have total control over the guest list. It would be fair for your mom to invite a few people (with you having veto power over specific individuals) if she actually were paying, but since you’re handling that yourself, she has no right to invite anyone.
Note, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if her guests show up anyway. She will probably just tell them that they were invited even if they weren’t.” BlaineTog
24. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend About The Holiday Pay Deal?
“My buddy is a loudmouth. I am used to it. He is a pretty good guy anyways.
We are currently working on a construction project that is behind schedule. (Aren’t they all). They desperately need people to work over Christmas break.
Normally construction projects take a two week hiatus over that time. But when they don’t $$$$$$$$.
Our boss explained exactly what the deal they were offering was.
I immediately said I wanted in. My buddy said there was no way he was giving up his break.
The deal is that we will be paid double time for ever hour we work for 16 shifts in a row of twelve hours. Then we get two days off paid at our regular rate then we start the shift in the new year and get paid double time for 14 shifts of 12 hours.
It is an extra $25,000 that I would miss out on.
Two days ago he comes into the office and he is upset. He finally figured out that he will be earning straight time for the fourteen days in the new year and myself and two other guys will be getting double time.
He said if he’s not getting paid double he will quit. Our boss heard him and asked if he was quitting immediately or waiting to fly home on Saturday. My buddy backpedaled and apologized for his outbreak.
Later he found me and said I was a jerk for not explicitly telling him about the money.
I told him it wasn’t my fault that he didn’t listen when the deal was explained. I said it really wasn’t my fault that his dumb self ran his mouth where our boss could hear and almost get fired.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people can literally mess themselves out of a free lunch.
On the bright side, while you and the other guy are making bank during the holidays you will be able to quietly hum “We’re in the Money” because Mr. Loud will be couch surfing at home for the holidays.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and not your problem that your friend can’t math or keep his mouth shut when the boss is around, and he wants to make a comment that could get him fired. It might, in the long run, end up being a cheap lesson for him because it sounds like he has reached a point in his life when he needs to pay better attention to what is being said and learn to keep his mouth shut in some circumstances..” crochetbug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your friend lacks maturity and emotional intelligence. He needs to be a man and accept responsibility for his actions. I was about to ask if he was a teenager, but even then I couldn’t make an excuse for him.
He’s clearly blaming you for his own actions. Many people like this will never change. Most of them, actually. I hope your friend does, though. Best of luck!” IAmInCa
23. AITJ For Wanting To Back Out Of A Wedding Because They're Treating Me Like A Partner?
“I (27f) have been invited by my friend Tom (32M), as a plus one to his older brother’s wedding (36M).
Tom and I met at a party and have been friends for 10 years. He asked me out when we first met and I said no. He’s been in a few relationships over the years and had a long-term partner for four years.
Tom ended his long-term relationship in March and asked me out quite a few times afterwards.
This caused tension within our friendship, but the last time we spoke about it, he seemed to understand that I wasn’t interested, and a relationship with me was never going to be on the table.
His family has been putting pressure on him settling down and getting married, especially since his brother got engaged. He asked me if I could be his plus one to his big brother’s wedding so he wouldn’t go alone, and I (reluctantly) said yes.
Tom told his brother about me, and his brother said he’d like to meet me before the wedding “in case it’s awkward” and he doesn’t want anyone ruining his wedding. I thought this was a tad strange because I’m only a plus one. I’m not part of the wedding party.
But I said sure, arrange something if you want to.
Tom’s brother has since told his mother and father about me. Now his mother wants to meet me before the wedding too, as Tom said: “just to make sure you’ll fit in with everyone”. I feel like I’m being screened and I’m finding it kind of offensive.
I’m starting to think maybe Tom has implied I’m more than a friend to his family. It’s making me uncomfortable.
So, WIBTJ if I pulled out of the wedding? Or is this normal and I’m being overly sensitive?”
Another User Comments:
“Tom is the jerk.
He thinks you’ll play along with his con if he puts you in a situation where everyone thinks the two of you are together. Sounds like he’s already telling the family you’re finally on board, and is betting you won’t make a scene about it at someone else’s wedding.
His end game is probably that you’ll have so much fun playing partner you’ll FINALLY get over yourself and realize you’ve been obtuse this whole time, and that he’s as perfect for you as he’s repeatedly told you he is (/s).
I’ve been this girl, OP, and Tom will NEVER respect that you’re not interested in him. Back out of the wedding, and if you feel like it, take a massive step back from the “friendship” (he’s not your friend if he’s only sticking around to sleep with you).
NTJ.” TheDaymanALSOCameth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you dropped out. You are a plus one that is going to a wedding with a friend that doesn’t want to go alone, not applying for work in the black ops part of NSA and not in anything more than a platonic relationship with the guy.
It’s possible his family has concerns about the kind of people he has historically brought to family events but that is their (and his) issue, not yours.” PolarBear374665
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d have a conversation with him about this, and remind him +1 does not equate to seeing each other.
And if he continues to pressure you to be more than friends, it’s time to withdraw. You’ve told him multiple times you aren’t interested and he’s not taking the hint.” Elevensins
22. AITJ For Not Warning My Co-worker About Her Inappropriate Attire?
“So I’m (30M) a Community Organizer for a nonprofit in the Midwest. I’m the Team Leader for my department, and I have a co-worker, “Stephanie” (23F) who’s been with us since the summer.
She’s been a good worker.
Yesterday Stephanie showed up in a low cut top that showed ample cleavage (think Christina Hendricks). Stephanie said she was meeting her partner for a get-together right after work, which is why she showed up dressed fancy. I’ve shown up in a suit before for the same reason.
Personally, I didn’t care, but our Director did. The Director called me and said a member of my team was dressed “indecent” and told me to deal with it. I said to him, “as a man, I’m uncomfortable telling my female subordinate about her attire.” He said he understood and would contact Sydney, our HR person.
Stephanie and I do a presentation at the high school to recruit volunteers. It went great, Stephanie got every boy to signup. Once we get done, she gets a call from HR for her to report to the office. Stephanie asks me what could be wrong and I told her, “no idea.”
Stephanie spoke with Sydney and (to my surprise), she was written up. I didn’t think it would be that serious. Sydney told her she made everyone in the office uncomfortable (not true), and the teacher at the school said she distracted the boys (probably true).
Stephanie confronted me and asked why I didn’t warn or assist her. She was pretty upset.
I don’t know if she’s super naive, but she has a busty build, so her top was guaranteed to get her attention, but I do feel bad.
And now things are weird between me and a good worker. Should I just apologize on Monday?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m a woman and I also would feel uncomfortable telling any coworker or employee under me to dress differently. This isn’t just because you’re a man but can absolutely become an HR issue if you were the one to address it.
Stephanie needs to learn. This was something she will definitely learn from. She should have brought a change of clothes. You can tell her that you’re sorry to hear that she got written up. That’s it. You aren’t her parents and it’s not your job to tell an adult what they should or shouldn’t wear to work.
Now she does know.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As a woman, don’t apologize- that’s just admitting guilt. I don’t know what she was expecting from you giving her a heads up but that would’ve told me that you were staring at my chest. all that could’ve been said was that you didn’t complain about it, but she’ll probably get over it over the weekend.
awkward situation for sureeee” Comfortable-Dog-9186
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not issue the complaint, your director did. You correctly identified that you should not raise this issue. If you’d given her notice, you would have had to discuss the topic. Under the circumstances, diplomatic ignorance was the best option.” DeciusAemilius
21. AITJ For Refusing To Job Hunt For My Husband?
“My husband (M27) and I (F27) both work full time. Like everyone these days we are struggling financially. Unfortunately, this week my husband’s job is cutting people’s hours to part time. He mentioned this a week ago and I told him we would be in trouble if that happens.
He kept saying he wants to find a new job. Well today he asked me “so when are u going to start looking for jobs” I was confused and asked him what he meant. He said that he wanted me to get online and look for jobs for him.
This made me mad. I figured I would apply for the first few for him because I know he’s not very good at things like that but I totally did not expect him to expect me to find jobs AND apply for them. He has previously mentioned that he should apply for ton of them.
I expressed this to him and he got upset. He said “I’ve been at the same job for 8 years I don’t know what I’m doing” and threw it it my face that I have had 6 jobs. We pay 50/50 on bills and each time I have switched jobs he has NEVER had to cover the bills by himself.
and he actually said to me “you don’t understand, when my hours get cut there are bills that are not going to get paid”.
I just picture my whole Saturday sitting by him and job searching as well as filling out dozens of applications while he sits next to me and plays video games.
He claims he’s doing the hard part because he has to interview. Am I the jerk for not helping him find a new job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is a grown man, he can look for and apply to jobs himself. ok: asking you to read over a cover letter/look at his cv THAT HE WROTE, FOR JOBS HE FOUND, to make sure there’s no egregious mistakes before he submits then not ok: expecting you to do all the looking for/applying/etc bc he has to do the interview, that’s crazy” Ardeeke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you shouldn’t have filled out any applications for him. Weaponized incompetence at its finest. He’s the jerk for throwing your job history at you like that. Ask him to list the specific bills that won’t get paid due to this change.
If he can’t there’s your answer.” fIumpf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – wow you married a mummy’s boy not a man. It’s his career and his responsibility to find a job. Honestly it’s so lazy! If I got a job application from anyone except the person applying I would not give them the time of day because it says a lot ok about their character.
Did you get him to apply for all of your jobs? Highly unlikely. Now it’s his turn to actually do some work and find his own job and stop being a big baby.” gothrowitawaylol
Remember, partners are replaceable; never put up with one who makes your life worse.
20. AITJ For Wanting To Euthanize Our Suffering Dog?
“He has severe arthritis and can’t walk properly. He needs to be picked up every time he needs to go potty (he’s over 65lb) and it’s a mission to even get him outside.
He also has cancer and is going through chemo. He’s on 7 different medications and 5 of those are for pain. He pants hard and fast constantly, even when resting, and can’t run or play due to his chronic pain. His arthritis is also in his ankles, so he won’t let the vet trim his nails, which are causing him to slip and fall often.
He won’t even get up to get water- it has to be brought to him throughout the day, which means one of us has to be home constantly or he gets UTIs from not drinking enough. His hips even pop loudly when he walks.
I’ve tried to express to my husband that I think its time to euthanize, but he gets so angry and tells me I’m being cruel, but I feel like keeping him alive is selfish and cruel at this point.
He’s also started occasionally nipping at us. Not hard, but it’s worrisome.
Our vet bills are in the tens of thousands (we’ve spent over $10k on surgeries and chemo this year alone) and we want to have children, but being around toxic poop and pee from chemo isn’t safe for pregnant women, and if I was pregnant, I wouldn’t be able to lift him to take him out to go to the bathroom (he can’t really stand on his own anymore) so my husband wouldn’t be able to work.
Am I the jerk for wanting my husband to put his elderly dog with cancer and arthritis down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ People can be really touchy about their pets, and I’m all for not going gentle into that good night, but one thing about dogs is that they can’t communicate as well how much pain they are truly in, and animals often live with severe pain even if they act semi-normal. I don’t think you will be able to make the decision on your own, but you are for sure NTJ for your stance of not having him suffer needlessly.” NeedAPhotofromFanX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But neither is your husband. While I understand wanting to have kids, don’t fret too much. The dog is not immortal despite what many of us would wish for our pets. Even if you two choose to let him die naturally, he won’t live forever.
You will be able to get pregnant and have kids at some future point without it interfering with your pup’s chemo and your husband’s grieving. There’s no rush.” laszloa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your husband isn’t either he clearly has an emotional attachment to the dog, as much as it is cruel to keep the poor pup alive you’ve gotta understand why your husband can’t let go yet, you need to have a sit down talk to your husband like a heartfelt one because eventually that pup will pass away in pain and it won’t be good for you or your husband to have to watch that and it’s just not right” Plus-Bunch-4265
19. AITJ For Wanting A Different Engagement Ring Than The One My Fiancé Chose?
“My partner of 5 years (m26) and I (f25) got engaged a few days ago. Now, we have been in a relationship a long time and we have had conversations about getting married, etc so this was not out of the blue. In fact, I have shown him several times the type of ring I like and would want when we got engaged.
Well, he proposed with a ring that was the complete opposite of what I want. Think simple minimalist v/s very big and gaudy. I obviously said yes, but was a bit visibly taken aback by the ring. I tried to keep my composure since our families were present.
The next day, I asked him if we could get me another ring that was more to my liking since I would be the one wearing it. He said no, that the ring comes from his family and so he gets to decide how it looks.
He also said that since his family is very comfortable (think one Europe trip a year type of rich) it shouldn’t look like he skimped on the ring for his fiance.
Somehow both our parents also caught wind of this issue and while my parents said we could compromise, his are saying that we have a standard to uphold and we cannot look poor in front of their peers just because I have simpler tastes.
I’ve also proposed I get a simpler ring that I wear every day in my normal routine, and wear his gaudy rocks whenever we visit his family. He has shut down that idea as well. I understand that it is just a piece of jewellery but I also don’t know why we can’t get another that I can wear in my normal routine.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t wear it. >his are saying that we have a standard to uphold and we cannot look poor in front of their peers Superficial nonsense. >He said no >he gets to decide how it looks >He has shut down that idea as well Welcome to your future.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stick his ring on a necklace and refuse to put it on your finger as you keep getting it damaged. I would consider whether you want to marry someone who won’t listen to what you want to wear on your body for the rest of your life.
What else is he going to demand and not listen to your opinion on? Marriage is a partnership, not ownership papers.” Repulsive_State_7399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the real issue is needing discussion and compromise IF you want it to work. Why can’t he work with you to find something that works?
On the high end there should be no lack of expensive rings that aren’t gaudy. Check out stores with more refined tastes. If he really can’t listen, and you two can’t work out agreements that make you both comfortable… that won’t stop at the rings” curiousjosh
18. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Books To My Estranged Mother's Stepson?
“She stopped exercising visitation rights over a year ago when I(16m) started seeing my partner(16). Very disappointed with me for being bisexual. Didn’t pay child support either. Eventually she got married to the guy she was unfaithful to dad with.
Last month she turned up after more than a year of us not talking.
She said she still hates LGBT people but is now willing to make an exception just for me. I honestly considered telling her to get lost but held my tongue. I didn’t want her to start talking about how painful pregnancy was and carrying me around inside her for nine months.
Those were the things she used to say back before the divorce whenever I complained about anything.
But then she asked me if she can borrow some of my books for her stepson. She knows I have lots of books since my dad and stepmom like to post pics after trips to the bookstores.
I told her no. She asked me to be understanding and considerate, saying her husband doesn’t make as much as my dad and can’t afford weekly trips to the bookstore for the kid. She also switched words, going from asking if she could borrow some books to saying that it wouldn’t be too much for me to ‘give’ her some books.
That was when I scoffed. I told her I have nothing to do with that kid and am not interested in being a part of his life. She looked hurt, saying he is still my stepbrother. I replied that it’s only technical, and she can’t show up out of the blue and force me to see him as an actual brother.
Mother said I could have just said no. Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’d have to have a relationship with your mom and her stepchild in order for him to be your brother. Was it a little harsh to say it the way you did..
eh maybe but she didn’t take the first no so was unlikely to respect any further niceties on your part.” Chachi1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I wanted to stop reading after the “hates LGBT people but makes an exception for you” part. So she doesn’t respect you as a bisexual man, she only talks to you because you are her son?
Forget that nonsense. And she only does it for money. I’d probably cut contact completely” Magic-Omelet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did say no, she ignored your no and and told you you should since her husband doesn’t have as much money so you needed to give the kid books after claiming that it was initially a loan.
She can go buy the kid his own books if she’s so determined, with the child support she hasn’t been paying because you have a partner. I would also suggest reminding her that libraries exist and the kid is more than welcome to go check books out any time he wants.” scarletnightingale
17. AITJ For Feeling Hurt Over Partner's Friend's Comment About My Sexuality?
“I’m 31F divorced with three kids. I’ve been seeing A (48M) for about a year. He travels for work, and right now he’s in China and staying with one of his best friends, a Chinese national (42 M). I am bisexual and my partner has always known this and (I thought) was fine with it.
I was on video call with both A and his friend yesterday when they started joking with each other calling each other gay. Now, this already rubbed me the wrong way because being gay isn’t a joke, you know? Then my partner turned to me on the screen and said “I’m not gay, you’re gay.” And I said “Yeah….I am…” Now, apparently his friend didn’t know that I’m bi and he was a little shocked. Then he said “Yeah you had to go and have 3 kids to prove to everyone that you’re not gay.” He and my partner both laughed. I felt so vulnerable and judged in this moment that I got off the phone and cried.
I talked to my partner about it later and explained that my feelings were hurt. He said that it’s a cultural misunderstanding and I should let it go. I pushed and asked him why he thinks it’s okay to joke about being gay. At this point he asked me why it matters and admitted that he’s not sure he believes I’m “actually gay” anyway.
Now….I don’t think I’m the jerk for making that guy my ex-partner. My question is, AITJ for my initial hurt at his friend’s comment about my sexuality? He is fluent in English and I believe said what he intended to, but I don’t think he intended to hurt my feelings.
We’ve never met in person. Personally I think it was a rude thing to say in any country. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. This is the definition of biphobia. Cultural or not these comments are hurtful. Your bf is a jerk for outing you like that.
Three things going on here… one being upset about jokes about being gay. Two… being outed by your bf to someone he knows won’t get it. Three.. biphobic comments and attitudes towards you. Your bf clearly doesn’t believe your sexuality and also thinks making homophobic jokes is funny.
Cultural or not, he is not respecting you and is actually making fun of you. He is the jerk, not you.” sleepingbuddha77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The guy on the other end of the phone was a homophobe, not experiencing cultural differences. Your partner not being supportive sounds extremely hurtful and you deserve better than someone who would laugh at homophobic jokes aimed at you.” grandpaisland
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (only in regards to the original situation). As a pansexual person, I would have laughed at this joke and not been offended by it, and I make this kind of joke with my friends all the time. But it’s also not wrong for you personally to have been hurt by it.
It’s not like they were attacking gay people, teasing and messing around about it is fine imo. Obviously, your partner trying to tell you “well I don’t think you’re actually gay” is a jerk thing to do, so that part isn’t included in my judgment.” DMoplenty
16. AITJ For Snapping At My Coworker Who Criticized My Dental Hygiene?
“So this is about a situation at a job that I no longer work at but I’m still friends with some old coworkers from there and they’ve been teasing me about this situation and saying that I was being mean to our colleague.
So I (F20’s) used to work as a receptionist at a corporate office.
This story involves my former coworker who I’ll call Sue (F50 something).
It was someone’s last day on the job and Sue brought in a homemade cake, full of hazelnuts and walnuts. At the time, I had fixed braces and generally you’re not supposed to eat crunchy things like nuts, I also just didn’t really feel like eating cake.
So when Sue offered me a slice, I said ‘no thank you’ and explained my braces. Sue pointed out that I often bring an energy drink to work, and asked if that would damage my braces. She pointed out that my teeth look yellow and said they’d probably look whiter if I stopped drinking them, and said it was silly I’d drink energy drinks but decline a piece of cake.
I know it’s no excuse for being a jerk but I was already having a very bad day, and I wouldn’t normally be snarky like this. I told Sue she needs to mind her own flipping business, and that it’s very rude to make comments like that – I already know my teeth aren’t the whitest because I have eyes and a mirror.
Sue laughed and said I’m being dramatic, and compared me to her teenage son.
Apparently after this she was telling every other coworker of ours what happened, she was saying that I was the rude one and that she was only trying to be nice and helpful.
Was I wrong for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. I find the audacity of some people to give completely unhelpful, unsolicited advice just astounding. IMO, you were too nice, I would have replied to her with a backhanded compliment couched as advice so she fully understood what she was saying.” user19047_2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to have braces— as you know, you’re not supposed to eat hard crunchy stuff because it might pop the brackets off your teeth. (My ex ate a dense hamburger once and a bracket fell out, luckily he didn’t swallow it and it was a quick fix at the dentist.) The sugar stuff you can just brush your teeth, so really, Sue is a mean idiot 💀” _maru_maru
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sue is a dipsh*t. Some people have no common sense or social graces. Energy drinks are not as bad for your teeth as they are for your heart. I still drink em haha. Oh well. Sue is an idiot and I’d be telling the coworkers she was insulting your appearance.
Who eats nuts when they have braces, anyway? Idiot” Reinaisabel77
15. AITJ For Feeling Used By My Best Friend Who Visits To See Her Crush?
“I have known my best friend since kindergarten, now we are both 22 and I moved to another city for studying, while she stayed in my hometown.
In the past year, I always invited her over for some weekends because she was feeling lonely and I always missed her a lot.
She never wanted to come because she was anxious about moving and traveling and wanted to stay in her comfort zone. She only visited twice, once for a medical exam and the other for a party that we were interested in.
During that party, I introduced her to another friend and she instantly fell for them.
Now she insists on coming at least once a month “to see me” but in reality, she comes for going out with them. The last time she didn’t even want me to come along because according to her it was a date so I stayed home alone.
Now 3 weeks later she wants to come again because “she misses me” but I know she hopes to go out with them again more than seeing me. I am very upset about this situation, I feel used only as a place to crash and every time I hang out with her crush she wants a full report.
When I try to talk to her about it, she gets angry and dismissive.
She never had a partner and she always wanted it so bad. I understand that love sometimes is able to push you out of your comfort zone more than friendship will ever do, and this is something she cares a lot about.
I am afraid I might be the jerk and a bad friend for not wanting to help her in this case.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are being used, best friend or not. She isn’t coming for you, she is coming for her love interest. Don’t let her use you.
Make plans and tell her you have no time, but you could another weekend or so. Or tell her that you visit her instead” Traditional-Trade795
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the friend definitely is. If she wants to spend time with the crush cool but she can also make time for you as well.
If she is really your friend she shouldn’t get mad about this because if the shoe was on the other foot I am sure she would not appreciate being treated that way.” OriginalAmazon20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her mind is flooded with the chemical romance, that is something that is hard to resist. But that doesn’t mean you need to be a doormat.
Have enough self respect to tell her no. If you want to get cute, you can tell her if she misses you so much you will come see her. Her reaction will confirm your suspicion, then she will know that you know that she is being a horrible friend.
Being in love is no excuse to treat your best friend as a free hotel.” LeahBlackmere
14. AITJ For Prioritizing Calls From My Sick Mother Over My Partner's Desire for Attention?
“Today my partner told me that “it negatively affects her when I pick up the phone immediately when my parents call”.
My mom is going through medical exams for a benign tumor in her brain at the moment and I’ve taken on her doctor appointment scheduling/going with her on visits.
I told her that I pick the phone up for people I love – also keep in mind that I scheduled my mom 2 appointments that I had to relay to her. So, I was glad she had called. It was like a reminder. We split a bottle of wine for dinner and my parents called afterwards.
She told me that she gets “second hand stress” when my parents call me. On top of that, she continuously made fun of me. She made gestures as if I shake and can’t control my movements when they call. Mind you, I’m giving her some grace after the first couple of times.
She asked me to let the phone ring and call them back. She asked me to finish our conversation before I call them back – which was about 90 day fiancé btw. She again mocked my moments when my parents call. To be frank, it felt like she was imitating a person with a disability.
Think cerebral palsy.
I told her that I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t consciously ignore a call from my family while we’re figuring out my mom’s health. I was especially upset that it felt that she was trying to control my actions by shaming me for picking up a family call.
AITJ for picking up a call from my parents and interrupting a conversation about a reality tv show?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner is a huge one and an extremely self-absorbed jerk. If she is this bent about you caring about your mother’s health, then she isn’t worth being your partner.
Find someone who can actually be an adult and be there when you need them. She isn’t worth the effort.” BooCat3
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. It negatively affects her when I pick up the phone immediately when my parents call”. She told me that she gets “second hand stress” when my parents call me.
So your mom has a serious medical issue and your partner is fixated on how not getting enough attention for herself in the moment impacts her own happiness. Wow. To be frank, it felt like she was imitating a person with a disability. That is pretty indefensible.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“OK, so under normal circumstances, I will often ignore a call if I’m already in a face-to-face conversation with someone else. This is perfectly reasonable. You can pick up a message and return a call later and it teaches people that you are not at their beck and call.
But when a family member is sick… hmm, very different situation. The fact your fiance seems threatened by your sick mother is… worrying.” Skylon77
13. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister For Eating My Food And Leaving The Mess For Me?
“Recently I’ve started homeschooling for personal and mental reasons. Earlier in the week I, a 15-year-old female, went to go get things to eat as I am home all day. I got things for lunch and for breakfast to eat while my other siblings are at school.
My 12-year-old sister goes to public school and eats lunch there and supposed to eat breakfast. She has a habit of coming in and eating things of big portions and even when home eating my things. I’m always respectful and ask for her things if she gets snacks and things but she never is.
Today she came in from school, went in the fridge and ate what I had picked for lunch for the week. Being 3 of my sausages hotdog things that were in a pack of 6 and fries as well as chilli. Now I would have no problem sharing if asked but these were mine I picked out for lunch for the week.
There were regular hotdogs that my mom got for the rest of the house so that they wouldn’t be eaten. She made two which I was like upset but made it clear again that they were mine.
Before she went in and made another and threw the rest of the pack away.
I had only eaten one yesterday and two today as I said before because this is what I eat for lunch while home. She then proceeded not to get in trouble and walk around doing nothing. I however had to clean up the kitchen and the mess she made after eating my food.
Because we had company coming over instead of finishing my work. Just because she had practice in an hour meanwhile I had to stop doing my work completely just to clean for someone to come. This is not the first time she’s done things like this as she makes messes in the kitchen all the time and eats whatever she wants no matter whose it is and I’m left to clean her mess.
So AITJ for getting mad at my sister and mom”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister eats in school and she needs to understand your packed lunches are yours for your school week too. You have every right to be upset sister needs to be more considerate.” Thatsmyname713
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would be mad too because you have asked her to please ask you, and your mother does nothing to discipline her to enforce it as a rule. Unfortunately, I think the only thing you can do is stop asking for food that is hers and just take it.
As for having to clean up her mess, I would suggest talking calmly to your mother and explaining your feelings and asking that rules be changed that everyone cleans up after themselves. That way, it does not feel like you are the maid. I have been there, trust me.
I understand how you feel.” Firefly5340
12. AITJ For Choosing My Cousin As A Babysitter Against My Aunt And Uncle's Wishes?
“I (29F) am a tattoo apprentice and need to be at the shop for Friday the 13th. My usual sitters, aunt and uncle, are out of town so I made arrangements with my cousin to watch him. Disclaimer, I’m not blood related to any of them but been around them my whole life.
My mom suggested asking my cousin who will be off work Friday. She agreed and all went smooth. I tell aunt and uncle on the phone and they think it’s a horrible idea and wanted me to pick someone in their family. Their suggestions were great but I already made the arrangement and didn’t wanna cancel for no reason.
They don’t trust my cousin because my aunt’s mom and her mom had drama years ago. So they never got along.
That’s fine but is none of my business. I wasn’t gonna snub one because of drama. Uncle in particular is against it because my son doesn’t really see my cousin much and it would be a new experience for him.
But there’s other kids there and he never gets to be around kids. And my cousin’s kid wants a chance to spend time with my son. She’s been asking forever. I thought it was a good idea.
What irritated me I guess is aunt and uncle think I was desperate to get to my tattoo shop and pawn my son on just anyone because THEY aren’t close to cousin.
My cousin babysat me through my childhood. Aunt gave mom heck about that too lol. I know her and wouldn’t just irresponsibly pick someone at random. They don’t trust a lot of my parental calls because they do love my son and can be protective.
I just wanna be trusted sometimes. I’m almost 30. I stuck with my choice and aunt and uncle ended the call. AITJ for going with someone they don’t like as a sitter? I’m trying this new thing where I try to make my own choices with my child.
Aunt and uncle are super close with my kid and I know they’re just protective. I have no real reason to be annoyed about it. I just didn’t wanna cancel on my cousin because of their issues with her. She’s a sweetheart and good with kids.
Neighborhood kids always loved going to her house, since I was a kid. I could just be stubborn though. I second guess myself with every decision I make, especially with my kid. He’s my first one, I don’t know anything lol. That’s it. This is probably a non-issue to anyone reading this, but it affects me enough to wanna be sure I’m not making a bad mom move.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are destroying your confidence as a mom by them disagreeing with your choices. Stop telling them. I can tell you I be a better mom when I am confident in my choices. If I don’t feel confident I ask for other opinions.
Whether is a close person or my social media mommy group. That’s close person is someone who will be honest with me and had children recently so they know the new information and suggestions.” lilwildjess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are destroying your confidence as a mom by them disagreeing with your choices.
Stop telling them. I can tell you I be a better mom when I am confident in my choices. If I don’t feel confident I ask for other opinions. Whether is a close person or my social media mommy group. That’s close person is someone who will be honest with me and had children recently so they know the new information and suggestions.” lilwildjess
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Join My Honeymoon?
“I’m a 31(F) who married the love of my life who is the same age. We’re moving to a completely different city and my parents keep hinting that if we’re planning to honeymoon in Europe or somewhere they also want to go that we should tell them so that they can come.
For context I am the only child and my mom told me that her entire family went with her on her honeymoon to my dad and it’s not a big deal.
She said we’re not sharing rooms anyway but she doesn’t get the fact that I’ve been following their rules and doing what they want to do and adjusting to them for 31 darn years.
Why can’t I enjoy my honeymoon with my husband who I’ve never travelled alone with doing what we want with our schedule, and our own plans without all without 2 people relying on us for train station directions and moving everywhere and giving unsolicited advice.
If we want to lay in bed all day or wake up later we can instead of thinking oh no these 2 people are clueless or aren’t doing anything lets get moving cause they might be bored. I don’t wanna have to think about other people and their preferences during that time!
We’ve already delayed it because of expenses. But my mother makes it all about her being hurt and telling me I’m selfish for leaving them?
How do I tell her nicely that we need to have boundaries and to learn to be her own self.
I know she’s doing it from a place of love but I hate these expectations of always travelling with them just cause they can’t do it on their own. Just because I’m not doing things her way or living my life how she would live hers doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I can’t speak to the cultural aspect of your situation at all, but I’d say just simply tell her that only you and your husband will be honeymooning together because that’s what married couples do, and that as an independent, married adult now that it’s time for you to life your life how you want.
Do not let her emotionally manipulate you which I’m sure she’s going to try!! Setting boundaries can be hard, but at the end of the day it’s what you need to do for a healthy relationship with both your parents and your husband!
Congratulations and good luck!” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a place of love. This is controlling and boundary breaking and you need to nip it in the bud right now. You’re an adult, married woman and you need to lead your own life and it can start with your honeymoon.
DO NOT let them take that away from you. Go! Enjoy! And start putting up the boundary walls.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no sugar coating this conversation. Be direct, and spell it out exactly as you’ve done in the post. Those are all very good reasons for wanting to travel alone with your husband.
Mom should be able to understand the reasoning, even if she’s not willing to accept it– but you’re not responsible for her feelings. Good luck, and congratulations!” NotMuchJudgementHere
10. AITJ For Reporting My Ex-Roommate's Unchanged Address To His Insurance Company?
“I had a roommate a few months ago. I thought we were friends, but after moving in he started to exhibit odd behaviour like holing up in his room and only communicating with me by text.
He then got rid of a lot of stuff in his room and lied to my landlord and me that he was not moving out. In any case, two weeks later he notified me (again, by text) that he would be moving out. I wasn’t really upset about that and decided not to replace him after he moved out.
He left no forwarding address or anything like that. He didn’t communicate with me about anything to do after he left. We haven’t been in touch at all since he left.
I keep on getting letters from his insurance company. I used to just receive them and write on the envelope RTS/no longer at this address and just drop them in the mailbox.
I have continued to receive them. One day one of my friends was over and saw mail for him. They asked me what it was and I told them I kept on getting his mail. I said I was going to call the company and tell them that they didn’t live here anymore and to stop sending his mail to my address.
My friend said that he might not have changed their address with them because their insurance may be unavailable/more expensive where they moved to and that it might get cancelled. I told them that wasn’t my problem and they’re old enough to take care of their crap.
They said that was kind of a jerk move, and I just shrugged my shoulders.
WIBTJ the jerk if their insurance gets cancelled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You aren’t getting the insurance cancelled. It is probably either EOB or other routine mailings and sending them back to the company won’t affect anything.
And health insurance rates aren’t based on address – other than state. So his moving wouldn’t change his insurance rate for health insurance. It might impact car or personal insurance though. But that is not your issue since he moved out. You might let your letter carrier know that he is no longer at that address.
You can also put a note in the box saying that only mail for you is to be received. That could alleviate the problem. But what you are doing is also fine, as long as you don’t just throw it away or open it.” Outrageous_Nothing97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Yeah he’s a big kid, send him another text of “Hey man this is like insurance stuff it looks important you need to figure out your forwarding because I’m not dealing with this anymore” then call it good. That’s his business, it’s not some crazy hard thing to do.” Thatsaclevername
9. AITJ For Refusing To Accommodate My Ex's Schedule Changes?
“My ex and I divorced over 11 years ago when my son was 2. We did split custody with her as the primary. When he turned 6 she decided she wanted full custody with me having limited visitation. Since I did everything for him and he was bonded to me, I fought it tooth and nail and it paid off.
I was awarded primary with her getting less parenting time.
Here’s the real issue, she’s been engaged for about 6 years and the guy is a total clown. Causes problems every possible chance he can get. Not to mention he’ll make a petty comment here and there to my son about me (which my son sees through).
Usually, my ex defends him and says he doesn’t like me because of the problems I’ve caused. I don’t care if he likes me or not but my current wife and I keep our mouths shut for our son’s sake. But it takes everything I have sometimes to hold back.
Because the things he’s said and done have caused more problems for my son and our co-parenting relationship than anything else. It’s purely self-serving and ego-driven on his part.
With that said, she’s always asking for favours, switching days, meeting at different drop-off locations to accommodate her etc.
Since my ex makes no apologies and specifically says “She can’t control him” should I just tell her no? I try and be accommodating to keep the peace but for what? It does no good and maybe I should stand up a little more.
By me telling her “No, I won’t switch or accommodate your schedule” make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Be polite but firm.. offer to take your son on any days your Ex can’t have him, but don’t offer a switch. And maintain the same drop off/pick-ups unless it costs you nothing.
“I can take Son those days since you’re busy, but I’m not interested in switching out any of my time with him.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a court-ordered agreement, you 100% are not a jerk for keeping to it and letting her know you will not deviate unless it’s an emergency.
Additionally, you may be able to end this: if your son is now 12 or 13, there’s a very good chance depending on where you live, that you can go to the judge about custody and your son can pick where they want to live full-time. Sounds like he’d prefer you and your wife, not your ex, so that would solve it if you could go that route.
Ask him how he feels about it though, it’s got to be something he wants.” SingularityMechanics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should focus on what’s best for your son. Not to be the bigger person, but just to make sure his life at his mom’s isn’t made worse.
If these favours don’t impact him, go ahead and refuse to do them. And even if they did, you would still be well within your rights to do so. Just keep the more important piece in mind.” Witty-Stock-4913
8. AITJ For Calling Out My Step-Sister's Claim to a Widely Used Quote?
“My (F30) step-sister (F42?) wrote an autobiographical book related to a war in a region that’s currently experiencing significant disturbances again. In her book, she used a quote that has been widely circulated for years. I googled it and couldn’t find the original author, but people have been quoting it on Twitter, blogs, forums, and YouTube since at least 2012.
My sister made a post on IG and a social media platform, shaming another account for sharing this quote without crediting her as the author. She also included a portion of her book that contained the quote. In the social media comments, I sent her links to several places where this quote had been used over the years and pointed out that it’s a popular saying, so she shouldn’t take it personally.
For content published in 2022, she said it was after her book’s release date; for 2021, it was after the date she submitted the manuscript; and when I showed her posts from 2018, she asked what my problem was.
I then messaged her privately, explaining that I didn’t have an issue with anything.
It’s just a well-known quote, and many people often come up with the same ideas simultaneously. However, I mentioned that it’s bad PR for her to claim rights to a quote that, on the first page of Google, doesn’t link back to her book at all but to various other people and their content from years before her book’s publication.
She responded, saying I was insulting her intelligence. She said I’m entitled to my opinion, as is she, but accused me of publicly dragging and harassing her. She ended the conversation, then deleted and reposted her original post, removing my comments.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This irritates me no end. There’s a local farmer selling shirts for $50 each with old sayings. Like OLD sayings on it. “Takes a licking, keeps on ticking” etc. “Like a rock.” I mean, like SLOGANS for major brands. He ends each one with credit to HIM for the quote.
Timex, Chevy. Huge brand slogans. “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.” ~Farm Man. “Ford. Found On Road Dead.” ~Farm Man Then his daughters go around THREATENING people who use these very old quotes and very popular BRAND slogans with lawsuits. Complete delusional. Your step-sis is a jerk.” PurplePassiflor1234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ when you Google this, you find your post and not her book. Also, I found it as a summary opinion of content in a book from 1985 about Vietnam, the people and the government. Your sister needs to get her head out of her rear and take down the post. The quote is not her own.” Strict-Sir8739
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like those people who catfish by googling “hot woman” and choose the first picture in Google images. Not a good look. It’s ok though. It’s her life, and eventually, she’ll plagiarize someone who won’t let it slide legally. It’s her problem, not yours.
I understand your frustration and annoyance though.” Ogunquit2823
7. AITJ For Telling A Friend Not To Wear Drag To A Traditional Wedding?
“Close family friends (f, 28 and f, 29) are getting married in a few weeks. I grew up with them and am best friends with one of their little siblings. She (f, 23) is ace so I am her plus one to the wedding and part of the wedding party, therefore pretty involved in the planning.
It’s a small wedding, the brides decided on family and 5 close friends each: the whole wedding will be about 45 people. It will be in a tiny church near their home (only close family will attend) and the reception is in a restaurant nearby. The brides wanted to keep it traditional and simple, they are both very down to earth people.
Now I heard a mutual friend say that they will attend in full drag to ‘surprise the happy couple’, I told them that I don’t thing it’s in line with the wedding and they should at least run it by the brides, since it will certainly stand out.
We got into an argument about it and they called me a jerk and homophobic, because I wouldn’t let them dress as they wanted. I pointed out that they had been invited, not their drag persona and that it’s not my or their decision but the bride’s.
I also know what everyone is wearing and am pretty certain they will upstage not only the brides but the whole party.
My friend and both parents of the brides are on my side, but I’m getting angry calls from people calling me intolerant and homophobic.
We haven’t told the brides about this yet.
I think I might have overreacted, but I also believe they should run it by the brides and get their approval.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The issue here isn’t whether you hate drag or not, but what putting on drag would do to the whole wedding.
I comparing it to not wearing white at someone else’s wedding because it can steal focus. Drag is meant to be big, over the top and exciting – it’ll be no competition in a tiny chapel with 45 people. Stick to your guns – tell this person that if they don’t clear it through the brides that you will.” LowAdvisor9274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are entirely in the right. You don’t show up at a wedding in any kind of a costume – you show up as yourself. Also, it’s intellectually weak and manipulative to banty about the words, “homophobic” and “intolerant” as a method to shut down argument.
You SHOULD be intolerant of making someone else’s wedding about you, and I seriously doubt you’d be attending the wedding of two women if you were homophobic. Alert the brides if necessary. Don’t let this happen.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – I was with you right up until the bit about you getting into an argument over it.
It’s totally understandable that you voiced your concern, but after that it’s not really your business what they wear since it’s not your wedding. I would have just encouraged them to ask the brides first and then dropped it. Besides, you don’t really have any standing to tell someone who isn’t your child or employee that they ‘can’t’ do something so I can see why they might not have loved your phrasing.
If you didn’t want to drop it totally, you could have just given the brides a heads up that they should have a chat with them and then leave it alone.” dlabelle83
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Called "Mom" By My Partner's Child?
“My partner and I have been together quite some time, and recently married. Their child wasn’t around much during our being together years for whatever reason, but is now coming around more.
The “step parent” dynamic had not been discussed because I didn’t assume there would be any issue concerning that, nor did I see the child enough to build a relationship. My partner had a talk with the child about us being married, and called me the child’s “new mom” (never consulted me), and claims they said the child didn’t have to call me by that name.
Well….. it does, and I am severely uncomfortable with that!
Reason being, I don’t really know the child for me to feel like I can be called that, we don’t have the bond, neither am I involved in the child’s life. It just doesn’t feel right to me.
I don’t take that title lightly because I think there is work that has to be put in to even be considered as such. I told my partner I just wanted to be called a “Bonus guardian” and that I didn’t want the child to call me step anything.
My partner took offense to it, and does every time the conversation comes up.
I also correct my partner every time they refer to it as “our child”. It’s not my child, and I’ve never even met the other parent. I don’t feel like I should be involved into any of the parental affairs either unless necessary, because the child already has 2 parents who should be handling all things concerning the child, I just had my own and am giving it every last bit of me.
Am I the jerk for having my boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH Your husband is rushing the depth of relationship that you might not ever be comfortable with. Mother/Child just isn’t in the cards for you and he taught the child to call you “new mom” on day 1.
He’s a jerk. You married into a family with children, so you will have to have **some** kind of relationship. You can’t just ignore the kid. And frankly, with your refusal to even be called “step anything”, I can’t help but feel that you aren’t mature enough to have married into this.
You’re also a jerk. “the child already has 2 parents who should be handling all things concerning the child” Oh, no. You’ll also be doing come of their laundry and some of their dishes and, when its your turn, some of their cooking. Get over yourself.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you’re seriously wanting your step kid to call you bonus guardian? You don’t sound as if you have any interest in getting to know the child at all. You are referring to a child as IT! I actually really hope he reconsiders being with you.
You’ve also referred to your own child as it. What is wrong with you?” Icy-Setting-7537
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Firstly, you were immediately the jerk as soon as you referred to a child as “it.” But also, you chose to be involved with someone who has a child from a previous partner, therefore you chose to be in this child’s life.
You could’ve chosen someone else if you weren’t comfortable but you made a conscious decision. You mentioned that you didn’t see this child much before, but you could’ve. You could’ve asked to see them more. You could’ve made the effort to have a relationship with them.
But you did not. You mentioning your own child at the end says it all. It can really mess up a child to see a step or half sibling getting more love and that is very clearly the situation here.” usernamesarehard723
5. AITJ For Excluding My Brother's Partner's Niece From A Family Photo?
“My youngest daughter recently turned 12 years old.
It was a rare occasion when all of the grandchildren were together. My older sister was visiting from another state for the weekend with her college-aged daughter, and we agreed with my late brother’s ex-wife so that his children were with us for a few hours.
That’s all to say there are a lot of moving parts to getting this entire family together.
There have also been several deaths in the family in the last year… I wanted to get a picture with my mother and the grandchildren while we have the opportunity since it might never happen that we’re all gathered at the same time like this again.
However, when I went to get the photo and I called for all the grandkids to sit with grandma, the niece of my older brother’s partner went to sit with my mother as well. I tried to be very gentle and told her, “Not you, sweetie, just the grandchildren” The poor thing doesn’t have much going on in her little head and she just stood there like a deer in headlights until I beckoned her to come stand near me instead before letting the children back outside to play.
The next thing I know my brother is asking me what happened because she’s crying to him about it and he was furious with me over this. Instead of trying to understand my reasoning I told him that I didn’t want some random child in what might be the last photo of mom and the kids, they decided to leave.
He childishly hasn’t spoken to me in a week, and I’m not wrong to think he’s the one overreacting and being unreasonable about this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother is raising her, so yes, she is a grandchild. And your comment was unnecessary and not more polite than saying she has special needs.
Your comment was purposefully rude because you didn’t want her in the photo with the other kids. Your brother needs to continue not speaking to you and keeping you away from this child.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- Especially for the multiple, insulting ways you referred to a special needs child in this post. Having her in the picture wouldn’t have ruined it in any way.
You could have taken several shots rotating kids in and out to make it less apparent if it was *really* important to get a shot with only the grandkids.” Athena_0204
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for trying to get the picture you wanted. You could easily have explained to the adults and kids that you would take both, but to write in print *poor thing doesn’t have much going on in her little head and she just stood there like a deer in headlights* is so foul I can’t believe it.
News alert, that wasn’t a polite way to explain special needs, that was cutesy talk to demean a child. Your brother isn’t being childish by not speaking to you, you probably turn his stomach. I can only imagine how you explained it to him and in front of all these kids too.” Temporary-King3339
4. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Her Obsession With My Estranged Parents?
“My (49M) friend Janet (48F) has a peculiar fascination with my parents.
Every time there is a gathering like Christmas or Thanksgiving and I attend, my friend asks me in the middle of dinner “So, arxhon, how are your parents?”
My friend does not ask anyone else how their parents are.
My friend asked me last Christmas about my parents.
My friend asked me the Christmas before about my parents.
My friend has asked me multiple times previous to that, including at her own wedding.
I don’t understand why, on the day she is getting married, she is thinking about my parents.
Additional history that is relevant: Janet is an ex-partner of mine. We were together for 7 years, and broke up nearly 15 years ago. She should know and understand my relationship with my parents as it was discussed several times during the 7 years we were together..
Edit to add because people keep asking: I have been estranged from my parents for over 20 years.
It makes no sense, and seems really weird to me that she is still asking after my parents nearly 15 years later. If she cared that much, she can talk to them herself, right?
I am invited over to her place this Thanksgiving. I expect her to ask again.
I believe she may be doing this in some kind of unconscious effort to embarrass me in front of others; she has a track record of doing so from when we were together.
I intend to respond with the following conversation pattern:
Her (at the dinner table) “Hey, arxhon, how are your parents doing?”
Me: “I’m not indulging your peculiar fascination with my parents.”
Her: “It’s not a peculiar fascination!”
Me: Ok, then, I would like you to prove to me that you are not obsessed by dropping this topic forever.”
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why do you have a peculiar fascination with tracking how often she asks about your parents? It sounds like you only see her once or twice a year and it’s perfectly normal for her to ask about people she’s met before.
You were together for seven years so she’s familiar with your parents and your relationship to them. She hasn’t met other people’s parents and thus doesn’t ask about them. I really struggle to see what you find odd about this and why it upsets you.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unfortunate that you didn’t include in your original post that you have been estranged from your parents for almost 20 years. I think that skewed a lot of responses. I would think this is a typical interaction with a friend in any other instance but one where you don’t have a relationship with your parents.
It seems cruel. However I wouldn’t concentrate on her “peculiar fascination.” Instead, be clear about your boundary. “You know I don’t have a relationship with my parents, and you highlight that every time you ask about them. Please stop.”” kratzicorn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is standard social interaction. You were with Janet for 7 years. Unless there is something about your relationship with your parents you’re not telling (i.e. estranged) then yeah, it’s totally normal to ask about one’s child/spouse/parent.” BadBandit1970
3. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Neighbor's Late-Night, Unlicensed Food Business?
“I (29f) have a neighbour who is a young man around 23.
He seems very polite and waves whenever we pass by each other.
Recently, he started a kind of small business I guess you’d say, where he’s cooking Jamaican cuisine and selling it. What he does is set up a table & BBQ in the estate and then just gets to cooking.
The thing is, he also sells rum slushies which is his most popular product, and when it starts to get late there’s always a bunch of random inebriated adults acting like idiots right outside my flat. They play Jamaican music really loud until around 1 in the morning & scream and shout.
This happens every Friday which is when he does his food.
This happened again last week & yet again there was a bunch of inebriated adults outside until really late. Some of them are parents too who just had their children sitting there cold while they drank and chatted with the other adults.
So this time when it reached 1am again, I called the police.
He ended up getting arrested not because of making a racket at 1AM, but because he didn’t even have a permit to be selling food. I think he’s back home and all but obviously there’s not going to be any more late night drinking.
When I told my partner about this, he said I should have just sucked it up & left it, because it “only is on a Friday” and because he says I’ve ruined the guys chances of making a little extra money doing something he liked. This made me feel a bit guilty, but the amount of noise and drama those adults were getting up to was ridiculous.
He knows he lives in an estate yet was blasting music around at 1AM. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing to want to make a bit of extra money, it’s another to effectively encourage antisocial behaviour in the area, which everyone else has to put up with.
And you didn’t complain over him selling things, but over the noise. It sounds like the police arrested him for something they could easily prove in court. But either way, hopefully it solves the problem.” naynay2908
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are the jerk.
You should have minded your business. Did you have this man arrested because he was making money and people were having fun? Your comfort is not everyone’s priority. You could have asked him to keep the noise down but no, you had him arrested and messed up the brother’s life and you aren’t even adult enough to let him know it was you.
You’re a coward” erykaj02
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you should have talked to him first! There are a lot of steps you can take before you call the POLICE on someone. He’s probably just trying his best to make some extra money, which is HARD when you’re on an estate and he probably would have much rather adjusted his business practices than lose it all together.” No_Rope_8115
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Cousin And Threatening To Kick Her Out?
“I (27f) live with my family in the suburbs, 100 km away from my native place, and my entire extended family lives in our native place which is a tiny village.
We don’t visit our village unless it’s a festival or any family emergency which means that my uncle’s family lives in our house, my cousin’s (29m) marriage was recently fixed and for the wedding preparations, I and my siblings except my parents, had come to the village a week before the wedding.
Our entire family was gathered in my house; We all were discussing which clothes to buy for the wedding and where to shop when I heard my cousin Nira (17f) shouting. I went to see what was the matter and found out that Nira was shouting at my grandmother.
I got very angry when I saw her shouting at grandma but then I tried to talk to her calmly to maintain peace but Nira told me not to interrupt her and told me to mind my own business, the peace I had maintained was broken and I shouted at her so loudly that the whole family came into that room.
I told her that if she didn’t keep quiet I would throw her out and she said I can’t talk to her like that in her house, I told her that the house she was living in was ours and her father had already mortgaged his house before she was even born and lost it so if she won’t stop yelling at grandma, I will throw her out of the house along with her family but now I really feel bad about yelling at her infront of everyone and mentioning her family so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wow, so tough, bringing up mortgages to a 17 year old. JFC. You didn’t even give her a chance to explain what had her shouting. I generally think that people shouldn’t be yelling at one another, but she’s a teenager ffs. They’re not known for having a firm grasp on their emotions.” lihzee
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. I get that it may have upset you but you’re supposed to be an adult here. This wasn’t worth causing such a huge blowout over and the way you handled it was probably less effective than if you had been firm without getting overheated and allowing Nira to think you’re just mean and scary.” nylonvest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I feel there’s a million ways you could have tried to diffuse this situation without resorting to 1-Also shouting, 2-bringing up the whole mortgage thing, 3-what they were even arguing about. Could you not have tried to pull aside and speak to her rationally, I understand from your post you tried to calmly speak to her about calming down but that seemed to very quickly change and you yourself started shouting” Victorious_Pow27
1. AITJ For Not Disclosing My High Income To My Friend's Generous Parents?
“I (32F) have worked in the nonprofit sector for the last ten years and when people find out what I do they almost always assume I must be making very little.
I did start out making below minimum wage and that is true for a lot of people in this sector still, but I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to now make 6-figures.
I’ve been close with my best friend and her family for almost 20 years.
Her parents are very wealthy, but entirely self-made and believe in helping others get a leg-up in life. They have always been kind and generous with me growing up because my family was poor in comparison.
The issue: Last year, they offered to let me rent one of their rental properties for below market price in our HCOL area.
In addition to that, they offered to cover 80% of my utility bills, and have their gardener maintain my lawn. My long term financial plan is to save up for a house (and they knew that) so I was grateful for the offer and took it.
I think I was so used to their generosity that it never occurred to me that they might be doing this for me (as an adult) because they think I don’t make that much until a conversation I recently had with their daughter.
I would just ask them directly, but I am so deeply uncomfortable talking about my finances with people and would like to avoid it if possible.
I’m working on it now, but growing up poor around constant wealth made me ashamed of anything to do with money.
So, WIBTJ if I didn’t say anything until I (hopefully) move out into my own house next year?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say no jerks here — you haven’t misled them about your income, though they haven’t asked. But to maintain your non-jerk status, you should be out the SECOND you can afford to.
And maybe ask if they can offer the same deal to someone in your office who isn’t making a ton of money.” MaIngallsisaracist
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but honestly you’re taking advantage of their generosity and you know it. I’d tell them you got a raise and want to know if they want to revisit the arrangement.
I would not tell them specifics but I’d be more in the ballpark and just see how they react. For all you know you’re eating away at their retirement funds.” colojason
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, a bit. You probably still are less wealthy than them, but right now, you are basically freeloading off of their generosity and, to be honest, pity for your assumed unfortunate financial situation.
You are an adult. So behave as adult do and pull your own weight. There is no reason to hide that information from them. They’ll probably congratulate you on your financial and career progress, and if they still decide to support you, you can now take it without second thoughts.
However, it’d be time to actually give back – or at least, stop relying on wealthy friends when you are more than capable to take care of yourself.” alexandraadler
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!