People Just Want To Feel Understood In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Expecting My Wife To Handle Our Sick Daughter Alone For One Night?
“I (M35) have a near 3-year-old daughter with my wife (F35).
We generally co-parent ok for the most part (although there are issues from time to time). My wife definitely socializes with her friends much more often than I do (my friends live further away), which leaves me solely responsible for taking care of my little one (she maybe has around 1/2 nights out a month, whereas it’s even less for me).
This is absolutely ok with me, and I don’t usually text or call my wife during her nights out to try and let her enjoy herself.
Last night I had plans to go to my friend’s house for a gaming night. The plan was roughly to leave at 7, be there for 730, then leave at around 12.
When I got to my friend’s, my wife called me to tell me that Little One had been sick. I asked if she was ok, and how they were both feeling. She said ok, and I said that if she gets worse to let me know.
For the next two hours, my wife put texts and pictures in a shared family group WhatsApp chat, basically telling everyone in the family that our kid is sick, and also making references to the fact that “Daddy is out having fun while mummy is holding the fort”.
I felt that this was very unfair and made me look like I’d just ditched them – visiting my friend was a preplanned get-together, and I don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation for the mother of my child to be able to deal with a bout of sickness.
If she had developed some more serious symptoms I’d absolutely have come home immediately, but this wasn’t the case.
It eventually got to 10 PM, and she texted me saying that Little One had fallen asleep. I said that’s good, you can put her to bed now.
She responded, “I don’t want to move her, if she’s sick it’ll take two of us to change her bedding”. So she never explicitly said it, but this was basically her telling me that I needed to come home. So after getting 2 hours (most of which was spent checking texts and messages), I apologized to my friend and went home.
When I got home, not only were both of them in bed, but my wife had taken the liberty of plugging in the monitor on my bedside table. Inevitably our kid got up a bunch of times during the night (which I’d have been fine dealing with after I had gotten home at my planned time), but I dealt with almost every wake-up last night.
This morning my wife asked me why I was in a bad mood, I said she should be able to manage one night without me, even if she was sick. She said that I was selfish and that I needed to re-evaluate my priorities. I told her that I go out of my way to ensure she isn’t overly bothered or disturbed on her nights out with friends when I’m the one taking care of our child, but she said it wasn’t a comparable situation.
AITJ for insisting to her that it’s not unreasonable for me to expect she can handle a little bout of sickness with little one, when she’s the one in charge for the evening?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ like AT ALL. Your wife’s actions are major red flags.
I would either go to marriage counseling, cause y’all majorly need it or you seriously re-evaluate your relationship. Your wife has displayed that she doesn’t respect you and it shows by publicly (with your family) trying to shame you because she didn’t get what she wanted and it comes off as really selfish.
I hope she doesn’t neglect your child at all. Hang in there, OP, seems like you’re a great father.” kal_lau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife definitely should be able to take care of your sick toddler for one evening on her own. Kids get sick, it’s a fact of life and sometimes you have to handle it alone.
Why would it take both of you to change your daughter’s bedding? What would she have done if you were unreachable or out of town? Also, you should definitely discuss her passive-aggressively shaming you to your families, that was a low blow and completely out of context.
Your wife is being unreasonable.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s hard to believe your kid is 3 yo yet your wife acts like a new mom scared of having to care for her newborn alone! Caring for a sick child, changing a bed, can all be done by one person alone easily, and it’s not quite a big event.
Your wife is playing the victim and you have every right to be upset.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Her Taking Her Anger Out On Me?
“I (23m) and my partner Katie (22f) have been in a relationship for about 3 years at the time of this post.
Katie has always had a problem with taking her anger out on other people. When she is hungry or angry or frustrated she will take it out on other people and since I’m with her so much I am usually in the crossfire.
I never really had a problem with this because I was raised in a family where people do that all the time and she was raised in that kind of environment as well.
Recently we have moved in with each other and things are honestly going really great.
Recently however she has gotten into a really bad groove of taking her anger out on me the minute she gets home from work. She walks in and is immediately very short, condescending, and rude to me even when I’m just trying to ask her about her day or cheer her up.
She will also blow up about little things like dinner not being ready the second she gets home.
She is a restaurant manager and works long hard hours in a much disorganized company and having worked in the service industry for years, I can sympathize and understand her frustration and even forgive her when she takes her anger out on me, because I know it isn’t about me.
The problem I have been having recently with it though is she will come in, take her anger out on me, and then expect me to just be fine and not feel some type of way about it 10 minutes later.
This hit a boiling point last night when she came home from a late shift banging on the front door for me to open it.
It was 12:30 and I had to be up for work at 6 the next morning so I was already in bed half asleep. She bangs on the door and when I come to open it she rushes in, throws all of her stuff on the ground, and runs to the bathroom.
She then starts screaming “why is the door locked it’s never locked (I always lock the door regardless if I’m going to sleep or not) calling me a jerk because I should’ve left the door unlocked (She has a key) so she could run in quickly to use the restroom.
Saying she has held her bladder for 3+ hours and didn’t have time before she came home to use the restroom. This really upset me because she could’ve used the restroom before she left work or at any place on her drive home from work.
10 min later she starts to talk to me acting normal and nice. When she realized I wasn’t in a very talkative mood she asked why I was being quiet and I told her how I was frustrated she always tries to act like nothing happened when she takes her frustration out on me like that and expects me to just be fine after.
She got really defensive calling herself the worst partner and stormed out. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “She got really defensive calling herself the worst partner and stormed out.” Dude, this was her trying to make you feel bad about the fact that she made you feel bad.
I hope that you didn’t disagree with her and run after her to make her feel better and/or apologize for not wanting to take her abuse like she hoped you would. Maybe she can become a better person or maybe she can’t, but I don’t suggest that you wait around to find out.
Better luck with your next partner – try to find a well-adjusted one who acts like a grownup.” fernAlly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And tbh, she’s right, she is a pretty bad partner. And I could say that she needs counseling but I get the feeling that she’d never be able to find the time to do it.
I’d be surprised if she had insurance through her job to even cover it. You’re in a tough spot, my dude. You don’t deserve to be her target. She needs mental help or needs to get out of the service industry. I know from experience how harsh it really is.” havokreed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you just put words to what was happening… she wants to pretend it isn’t happening, but your job isn’t to support her in her delusion that this is okay behavior or to give up your human right to have feelings about what happens to you.
It would be unhealthy of you to repress those feelings and put on a show to pretend everything is fine. She is your partner and she isn’t allowed to hurt you just because she had a rough day. She needs to learn strategies to talk about her feelings and she should probably start that with a counselor.
This could be really damaging for your relationship if it isn’t handled now… 20 years of this is not going to do either of you any favors.” UnwillingCouchFlower
18. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Sister Who Failed To Repay A Loan?
“Back at the beginning of August my (30f) sister (34f) asked if she could borrow funds from me as she was moving house and didn’t have enough for her bond (deposit for all those not in Australia).
I was hesitant at first as she has a bad history of borrowing funds and not repaying it but she said this time she would. I was still on the fence about it but I ultimately decided to lend her the money as I didn’t want my nephews living in the small house they were in at the time.
She promised me she would pay me back by the end of August as I had taken the money from my savings from my home deposit. (I took screenshots of her messages promising to pay me back)
August rolled by and she didn’t pay me back, I asked her about it and she said she definitely would pay me back the following week.
The next week she put $100 into my account (I lent her a couple of thousand) with a message that said “paid back!” I thought it was a joke so I sent her a message asking when she would pay me back. She replied a week later saying soon.
At the end of September I bumped into the owner of my unit (apartment) and asked since they were moving away did they want to sell and they said yes! It was in my and SO’s price range and everything was ready except….. the deposit money.
You can tell where this is going.
As of yesterday we officially own our place! It took a lot longer than we thought as my sister still hasn’t paid me back and we had to save up what I lent her while still paying rent, bills, food, etc. I put a post on social media about our place (because I’m proud of us!).
My sister sent me this long message about how she thinks her bank account has been hacked and how she didn’t notice the money she was sending me was bouncing back into her account.
I have not replied to her message yet and I don’t want to because I know if I talk to her and say I forgive her she will think she is off the hook and doesn’t have to pay me back.
Oddly enough I told my parents about the whole thing and they are on my side (she owes them too but not sure how much) but my SO thinks I should forgive her because he doesn’t want me to lose my sister.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Well first of all you wouldn’t be losing a sister you’d be losing a mooch. I also find it funny how she gave you that obvious lie and didn’t just say she’d send you a cashier’s check or anything. Also a hack that in no way led to her not having money in her account?
Really? At this point you know you’re never going to get the money back and that you should have trusted your instincts. Forgiveness is earned and she’s done nothing to earn it. There was no apology here, just a lie and excuse and zero money.
So NTJ and make this the last time you give her money.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your relationship with your sister will be damaged by you enforcing her doing the right thing by paying you back then it wasn’t much of a relationship to start with.
If you’re worried she might never speak to you again or something, just remember she needs you, not the other way around. That’s when she’ll want to speak to you again, the next time she needs a handout.” IsThatMarcy
Another User Comments:
“I loaned my brother $2500 and four years later, he pays me monthly….sporadically.
I have tried good cop/bad cop, I have tried to reason with him it makes me feel used, I have said it’s impacting my respect for him (when he blows money on other stuff and his new house) and I have said it’s harming our friendship.
But at the end of the day – he doesn’t have the sense of urgency like a bank loan payment because he thinks he can rationalize with me. So, save yourself the next year of your life and just go to immediate hard boundaries.
Say, she has 30 days to pay you in full or create a payment plan, or you will take her to small claims court. Also, if she tries to play it off that it was a gift and not a loan, then you can use that $100 payment as proof it was a loan.
Just treat it like a business deal.” SeattleGirl99
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Cousin?
“My cousin is going through a divorce. Right now he is living in the condo he used to rent with his wife. The lease is up at the end of this year, his wife has already moved out and he can’t afford the rent on his own so he didn’t renew the lease.
(Also since I know someone will ask: he filed for divorce because there was a kid in his wife’s family that needed a home, his wife is adopting the kid because foster care is the only other option and my cousin didn’t want to raise a kid.)
My cousin asked me if we could move in together, get a 2 bedroom so we can save on rent. My lease is up at the same time as him. I’m not renewing it because all of my housemates and I finished school this year and we’re ready to move on to places not student housing.
Some of my housemates already moved.
The thing is, I was planning on getting a place alone. A studio or a 1 bedroom. I’m 25 and never lived alone. I’m ready for it. I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. We lived in a 3 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment and I shared a bedroom with my brothers.
When I went to college I lived in a dorm with 3 other guys. It had 2 bedrooms and bunk beds. We shared a bathroom with the entire floor. Then for the last 3 years during grad school, I lived in a 4 bedroom house with 7 other guys and again bunk beds.
I don’t have any problems with my family or roommates, I get along with them and like them but I am ready to live alone and I have been looking forward to it.
My cousin has a job in management, he’s worked for the same company for over 10 years.
We don’t live in a place like San Francisco or New York where rent and house prices are stupid expensive. I can easily afford a studio or 1 bedroom on an entry-level salary for the job I’ll be starting soon. Additionally, I know he was saving for a house with his wife and he’ll receive half in the divorce.
I would feel different if my cousin was unemployed or homeless but he earns more than I do at his job and he’ll be getting some of the savings in the divorce. For this reason and the fact I’m looking forward to living alone, I told him I would not be able to live together.
(I didn’t give a reason I just said it wasn’t feasible on my side). He told me the only reason he proposed it is so he doesn’t have to spend the portion of the down payment money he’s getting in the divorce.
Neither his parents nor mine are an option.
3 of my siblings are married with houses and multiple children. So they have no room and are in the suburbs as opposed to the city. One of my other siblings is in the Air Force and out of state. The other one just started a PhD and lives with other students like I used to.
I’m the only family member he has available. Unless he asked his friends. When I said no he got mad about it. He is not happy about my decision to say no. I have nothing against my cousin personally. I like him. But I’m itching to live alone.
He’s really upset about it. He thinks I’m being inconsiderate. I don’t feel like I am because he has a safety net and isn’t in a dire spot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult and can make your own living decisions. He has a stable job and really no reason to need to split rent unless there’s something he’s not mentioning.
You deserve your own space.” xamberlynnx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to decide if you want a roommate or not. If the cousin can afford it, he needs to just suck it up like the rest of us and pay for a place.
Also, he divorced his wife because there was a child in her family that needed a home?
He can screw allllllll the way off. That’s a new level of selfishness and you are doing yourself a favor by not getting tangled up in his mess.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t want to do it. That’s the end of the matter.
You don’t need to justify your decision or feel guilty about it. The fact that he’s putting this guilt trip nonsense on you already just shows how things will very likely go if you did agree to share a place. Every decision, from where to live to the decorating and furniture, who gets what room, down to what to watch on TV will be him saying what he wants and complaining to you if you disagree.
The more he complains the more obvious it is you’re making the right decision to say no.” TheZZ9
16. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Brother Who's Overstaying His Welcome?
“My (28F) partner (29M) and I recently bought a house with a great deal of loan included. At that time my brother (31M) decided to move to our city as well and started to look for a job.
We offered him to stay with us for 6 months because we have the space. So, he moved into the guest bedroom two weeks after we moved in.
We thought at the time that he was financially in a bad place. Our understanding was that these 6 months would help financially while he finds a place for himself.
But, as it turned out, he actually has a lot of savings. In fact, when we told him that he could live with us he wanted to buy a Mercedes from my cousin with all his savings. He gave up on this when I told him he couldn’t move in this case.
He didn’t have to pay for anything. After 4 months of living together, I started to ask him about how he is doing with finding a new place, trying to hint at the deadline of 6 months. There wasn’t any development, however, he started to occasionally give us a small amount of money every month.
After that, I tried to bring up the topic more often, but I feel like he tries to make me feel guilty like I’m trying to throw him out. He talks about how terrible it would be to pay half of his wage to rent, and because he will most likely travel a lot because of work, he would need to rent a flat which he won’t really use.
My partner tolerates a lot of stuff from him, but I can already see that he is running out of patience. It’s hard to have a meaningful conversation with him. Sometimes it feels like he can only talk about himself even if only repeating himself over and over.
For example, I recently broke my ankle. His first reaction was “Well, I guess this day sucked for you as well”. Then he suddenly changed the subject and talked about how cool and awesome are the Xenon lights on his new company car. So we gradually came to avoid talking with him.
He has been living with us for 8 months now, and he only checked one place during this time. A few months ago we decided to help him with the searching process, and I started to send him some really good candidates. However, he always finds something that is not to his liking.
He refuses to buy any new furniture for the rental, and when we offered him that he can bring every piece of furniture from his room, he refused.
Yesterday I thought I finally found an amazing place for a good price that ticks all the boxes for him.
His excuse this time was that it’s going to take him more time to get to work from there. After proving him wrong, he changed the subject and told me that “it’s hard to find a rental because he’s busy with clients during the day.”
My partner and I have been together for 8 years, and during that, we could only live alone for 2 years. We’d like to enjoy our remaining time together alone before starting a family.
We feel like we are being taken advantage of, so I’m considering giving my brother a month’s notice as a final offer.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds like he’s taking advantage of you guys. You did a nice thing by giving him a stepping stone, now it’s time for him to step out into the real world or be reluctantly pushed out.
Either way, he needs to grow up and get the heck outta your house.” brandy8marie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. YOU ARE BEING TAKEN FOR A RIDE. He doesn’t want to pay half his wage to rent? Boo hoo – nobody does, and everyone does it anyways.
Excuses to find something wrong with EVERY place you help him find, but then once something is found there’s a new reason… On top of that, he’s not even a nice person who is pleasant to talk to or helpful around the house! He is a neckbeard in training, and you’re basically providing mom’s basement for him to mooch off of for the rest of time.
You need to kick him out yesterday.” Schrute_Farms_BednB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Girl, you need to grow a set before you lose your man because of your brother’s nonsense. Why would he move when it costs him very little? Start now by tossing the freeloader out.
Or make him pay 1/3 of everything. Do not give him any breaks because he already got too many breaks.” tessafer55
15. AITJ For Breaking School Protocol To Inform Parents About Failing Grades?
“I’ll start by saying, I am a substitute turned teacher (I have my license!). I teach a high school class and there is a certain protocol that I have to follow when emailing parents.
The principal had sent out an email stating to email parents because they like to be up to date with what’s going on in the classroom, assignments, etc. I sent him an email back asking if this applies to me too. At the time I was just a substitute who took over the class, it hadn’t become “mine” yet and I was told to ask him by another admin.
I did not get a response.
The protocol and the issue: I am able to email about classroom behavior BUT if I email about a student’s grades I have to get the email approved by the administration first because grades are a “sensitive topic.”
Edit: I was told I could send out an email about behavior RECENTLY.
Like a week and a half ago. This is not something I previously knew. So I emailed about behavior and tied in the missing assignments, my concern about grades. I said in a comment below that this is what another teacher and the admin’s secretary told me to do because students were failing and I had heard nothing for so long.
Students didn’t turn in the first assignments I gave out because they thought that I would be replaced (I understand their POV). By the end of the first week of school, it was announced I would take over the class until they hired someone.
I had access to post assignments, grade book, parent contact, everything. Students STILL thought I would be replaced eventually (by the third week) and that the work I gave them did not matter, although I told them otherwise (there was talk I would be hired).
By the fourth week, I was hired as their teacher and I noticed students were not turning in work. Some students got it together, but others just assumed I would be replaced, STILL.
At this time I asked again about sending emails home about grades.
Since my principal didn’t answer me after I followed up, I spoke with the AP with my concerns, she brushed me off and said to send an email to her, no response.
I sent an email to the discipline admin, the counselor and followed up.
No response. This all went down in a matter of weeks. I did not receive a single response. I’m not proud, I even followed them around probably to the point of annoyance. I got nothing.
Report cards are due SOON. So I broke protocol and emailed the parents of the students who are literally failing.
All chaos breaks loose.
“Why did you send me this email so late?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the missing assignments?”
“Why did I send emails?”
“No one approved.”
“Why didn’t you send emails earlier?”
It is a MESS. I was told by another teacher that students (those who did no work) are playing victim to the counselor and trying to be removed from my class.
Parents are upset, admin is upset.
Students have a couple of days before the semester ends and I wanted them to get the best possible chance at submitting their late work and to raise their grade. But now I am being thrown under the bus for both breaking protocol AND emailing too late.
AITJ should I have broken protocol sooner??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you break protocol early you’re regarded as a bad employee, if you break protocol too late/don’t do it you’re regarded as a bad teacher. Students who don’t want to put in the work are to blame for the bad grades and bad management is to blame for the lack of basic communication.
Honestly, it sounds like you’d be best looking for a position where your care for your students would actually be appreciated.” ExactingRook2822
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, school is important and the students should have taken it seriously regardless of the teacher’s status (I say this as a high school student myself).
Admin was blatantly neglectful, you went through all means to contact them and ask and they still played possum. If they can’t do their job they either need more staff or they need to hand their job to someone more qualified. You waited weeks, and by the sound of it, you tried to contact them in person.
I understand why the parents are angry as they do not know the full extent of your situation BUT if admin thinks to push this on you then hide their heads in the sand, they are brutally unqualified for the job.” _V_O_N_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the admin, the counselor, the whoever else you tried to ask and converse with on this subject is indeed the jerk. I’m surprised they weren’t concerned with their grades, tbh. My school HOUNDED our backsides to make good grades and to score big on the ACT because it can improve or decrease the school grading.
My graduating class brought the grade up from a D to a B and it was thanks to our teachers who broke protocol trying to help us improve in every way possible. They had our parents’ cell numbers, some knew where we lived. Even if they’d see us in public they would be kind and say hello and gently bring up the topic.
Trust me, 90% of parents will always want to hear about how their child/ren are doing in school and those who mean well will darn well try their best. I think it’s nonsense there is a protocol for emailing a parent about their child’s grade.
Break those protocols even if it gets you into deep trouble. Kids need teachers who care about them.” PeachySalts
14. AITJ For Snapping At A Woman At The Gym Who Wanted To Train Together?
“I (26F) go to the gym every day after work. There is another woman (20s/30s?F) who’s always there at the same time as me who I’ve been somewhat annoyed by since day 1. For context: She often calls dibs on machines by leaving her jacket or bag on them (sometimes both on two separate machines) before going off to do a separate exercise elsewhere.
She also takes an obscene (in my opinion) amount of dumbbells to her bench. I once asked if I could use one of them and she refused — which she was perfectly in her right to do — but proceeded not to touch it for ~20 minutes. I’m not the only person she has done this to.
All this is to say, she kind of hogs a lot of space and equipment during an already busy time of day. I’ve never complained as, while it’s annoying, I don’t think it’s against the rules to be somewhat inconsiderate and I wasn’t sure if she’d respond well to it.
Anyway, a week or so ago she approached me in the locker room and started making small talk. I was pretty friendly at this point and we chatted about our goals, working around our schedules, etc. She complimented me on my progress/routine before asking if we could train together.
I absolutely did not want to do this; While I don’t hold ill will towards her, I also don’t particularly like her due to the reasons above. I declined and gave her the excuse that I prefer working out alone. This is when she got a bit pushy and — paraphrasing here — said that women at the gym should be supporting each other, it would benefit us both, and demanded to know if I thought having her join me would negatively impact my progress.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I snapped and told her that, frankly, I did not want to be associated with someone who I feel is rude and oblivious to the 50 or so other people also trying to get their workout in and go home.
I said I didn’t want to have to teach a grown woman how to be considerate and while it likely wouldn’t hurt my progress I would be uncomfortable spending time with her knowing how she chooses to navigate the space and the people around her.
I didn’t swear, raise my voice, or insult her body/routine — just spoke very bluntly. She looked hurt and muttered something about how I should have just mentioned something to her before leaving.
She hasn’t been back since and I’m starting to feel really bad, like I took it too far.
I talked to my friends about this and it’s a 50/50 split: some think that she had to be told eventually, others think that I should have just used the opportunity to teach her proper gym etiquette. So AITJ? If so I plan on apologizing if she ever returns.
And was there a better way for me to have gone about this? It really wasn’t my intention to drive her away from the gym or anything.”
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ. You didn’t personally insult her or anything, just told the truth.
She knew what she was doing anyway by hogging all of that equipment. Also it’s not your job to teach her proper gym etiquette, you don’t even know the woman.” OnyxRain0831
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a chance she hasn’t thought about her actions before or how they impacted others.
And regardless of her potentially being neurodivergent, it’s still rude and she is being oblivious. My biggest pet peeve as someone with autism is how much people coddle and baby me and other people with neurodivergences. Struggling with social cues doesn’t mean we’re not inadvertently a jerk sometimes!
And you were right to call her out. Sure there might have been a nicer way to do it, but you seemed polite enough imo.” SpitDontQuit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If my grade school kiddos understand how to navigate shared space, take turns, and respect a no with minimal fuss I don’t see why a twenty or thirty-something-year-old woman has thus far been incapable of any of the above.
She seems like a really selfish person and I think you dodged a bullet in ‘working out with her’ would very likely have turned into becoming her unpaid personal trainer at the expense of your own workout.” MelodyRaine
13. AITJ For Expecting My Brother To Uninvite My Lying Husband And Complicit Friends From His Wedding?
“My (34f) brother (31m) is getting married in a month. My brother is not friends with my friends but he knows them by association and gets along with them and he’s invited them to his wedding. My soon-to-be ex is also invited. He was invited anyway before I found out certain stuff.
My husband and I have known each other since high school and we shared the same friend group. His friends are my friends and vice versa.
Recently I found out my husband has been unfaithful to me for 4 months with another woman and all of our friends have been covering for him.
They all knew and enabled him. I immediately filed for divorce.
I came clean to my family about it a few days after I found out. They were all shocked and angry. My dad was more focused on my husband being unfaithful but my mom was more focused on our friends covering for him.
My brother was also upset because he was close to my husband. My husband has left home and he’s living with his sister for now.
Yesterday the topic of my brother’s wedding came up and he was talking about the seating arrangements with me and my parents.
He asked me if I would be comfortable being seated next to my husband and our friends. I looked at him in disbelief and told him he shouldn’t even be asking that question. I’m also upset that he’s inviting them after all, especially my friends since they’re not his friends at all and he just knows them by association.
He said it would be mean if he uninvited all of them just one month before the wedding and said that he understands why I’d feel uncomfortable but he doesn’t want to be mean. I reminded him how my husband was unfaithful to me and I got lied to by all my friends who were enabling him.
He says he’s aware but I should not insist on him uninviting them because it’s his wedding and he makes the rules.
I dropped it and didn’t continue the conversation but AITJ for expecting my unfaithful husband and the friends who covered for him to get uninvited from my brother’s wedding?
I want to highlight that the whole unfaithfulness issue is fresh, it’s barely been a month since I found out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would make this my hill to die on. ‘Brother it’s fine if you want to invite them, but I will no longer be attending.
I value my mental health and do not want to spend time with them. I hope you have a lovely wedding’. If your brother is choosing people he isn’t even friends with over you, then it proves what a terrible brother he is. Also, the fact he was going to sit you next to your soon-to-be ex-husband shows how little he actually values you.” MrsJonesy2012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He says he doesn’t want to be mean but doesn’t realize how mean it is to force you to sit through all of that? His reason isn’t that he doesn’t want to be mean… it’ll be something more pathetic like they’ve already had their table plan printed.” Fernoohlalaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your brother needs to readjust his priorities. Is it worse to be “rude” to a lousy lying group of people whom he’s not actually friends with? Or alienate his sister whom he loves, by putting her in an upsetting & uncomfortable situation?
In 10 years’ time those friends probably won’t remember this event, but you sure will.” annia929
12. AITJ For Getting Engaged A Month Before My Brother's Wedding?
“For context, my (23f) husband (22m) and I met in high school. We just celebrated 6 years together as a couple but have recently gotten married and are moving out of state.
I have two older brothers (27m, 29m). My middle brother (27m) had his wedding on July 31.
Rewinding a bit, in Spring 2020 I was discussing marriage with my older brothers. Middle brother (MB) said that he really liked my partner and would be honored if he would discuss beforehand with him and older brother (OB) as a brotherly bonding moment.
Fast forward another year, my partner began job hunting in the software engineering field and many of them out of state. This started my partner planning an engagement trip for us. He remembered what MB had said about meeting up with my brothers before talking with my dad (56m) and tried setting up a time during June to talk.
That’s when my MB gave him a weird response and said there’s no need to talk before his wedding. My partner persisted and asked why and thought maybe my brother was concerned he would propose to me during his wedding, which he would never do, so he made sure to mention that.
This caused my MB to go behind my partner’s back and set up a meeting with MB, OB, and my Dad taking away a special moment between my dad and partner.
They went out for steak and my dad and brothers asked the normal “why do you want to marry her?”, “why now?” questions, but then MB said his bride said she would be furious if we got engaged before their wedding and we shouldn’t be allowed to take away even more from their special day when she had lost so much of her wedding from the global situation.
Both my partner and I would never want to ruin another person’s day. MB then suggested we could secretly get engaged but we were not allowed to announce it until after their wedding. My dad and OB shut that down saying how unfair that is to ask of us.
Eventually, the dinner ended with my dad giving my partner his blessing but asking him to wait until things calmed down.
That same night, my cousin (23) got engaged. My dad ended up discussing things over with my Aunt and the next day my dad called my partner telling him to go through with his proposal trip and how happy he was.
July 2 my partner surprised me and took me to Washington DC to propose and also took us on a train ride to Philly to see my master’s school that I worked so hard to get into. It was romantic and beautiful.
When we returned, everything changed between OB, MB, their significant others, and us.
They would not give us the time of day. My soon-to-be sister-in-law keeps making comments about how important family is to her but not some people which feels like that is directed towards us. We aren’t sure if what we did was truly wrong.
My mom (56f) supported us in our decision and believes my brothers had no right butting in on the matter.
This all seemed to have started when we got engaged. So AITJ for getting engaged a month before my MB’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
NTJ NTJ NTJ. Your brother (or anyone else for that matter!) does not own or have control of everything until ‘after the wedding’! Who do they think they are??? If this was a woman we would all be screaming Bridezilla!!!! Shocking behaviour! The ONLY way you would be a jerk would be if it was actually at the wedding!
Literally anything else and it’s a clear NTJ! Your husband was so gracious to include your siblings alongside your father in discussing it. He had zero moral or other obligation to do so. Good for him! Sorry your bros are losers. Hope they realize before too much time passes.
It’s their loss!” RainbowMarshmallows
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy smokes. Some serious drama queens for brothers you got going on. It’s not like you are announcing, proposing, or getting married on the same day as their wedding. You are just getting engaged. Some people are engaged for years before the actual wedding.
I don’t get the drama with your brothers.” aztex_tiger
Another User Comments:
“”MB said his bride said she would be furious if we got engaged before their wedding” What the heck? I must be missing something here. Why would she be furious? I don’t get it… Anyway I’m gonna say NTJ because you haven’t done anything wrong.” Stoat__King
11. AITJ For Losing My Temper At My Sister After She Changed Her Plans Last Minute And Couldn't Pick Up My Daughter From Nursery?
“I am separated from my daughter’s mother and I have my daughter every weekend. I am very excited for Friday to come around, it’s genuinely the highlight of the week! This Friday I was asked to work until 8 pm which is well past nursery pick-up time, and I asked for support from the only driving family member around: my sister.
She agreed and was excited. I was confident things were going to be alright, my sister is struggling with her mental health, she has recently moved home after a split and sold their house, so I can imagine it’s been so tough. On top of that, she had a rough evening a few months back and took a lot of pain meds, enough to cause concern, and enough that I have made more of an effort to be more attentive, but not enough to be lethal, thankfully.
I had everything planned, and then my sister said she was unable to pick my daughter up from nursery because she was going to travel to see our father that evening instead. I was really annoyed at first as it was after work on Wednesday and there was nothing I could do until the following morning.
I kept the call brief, said my “okays” and got on with my evening.
The following day, I am desperately trying to find cover and it’s not coming, I can’t find anyone to step in. It’s late on a Friday and there aren’t many of us, what can I say?
I’m starting to stress and I come up with a plan. I needed to do something and my plan was to get my daughter very early from nursery and then work with her in the house. She’d have to stay with me in the room and I work in customer service but it’s going to be fine, right?
Just then, my sister rings and tells me, she is going to get a dress, so can actually pick my daughter up, but isn’t going to be able to look after her, and I lose my temper. I know she’s had a rough time, a bad breakup and all the stuff that was going on.
But I needed to ensure the safety of my daughter and I lost my temper. I told her she won’t be making another plan to break and put the phone down. I now feel awful because I know my sister isn’t in a great place and I know she was just trying to be helpful.
Should I give her the chance to redeem herself? I need the help. Should I have blown up at her like that? AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter’s care and safety is of utmost importance and you need to plan ahead. You cannot depend on someone who cancels or is unsure of helping you.
Start now with a plan for someone to help you with childcare when you’re in this situation. I have found the neighbor app to be a great source of information and help with many things – from pet care to child care to help with household tasks.
Good luck and you sound like a fantastic father but you need a plan in case this happens again.” 1890rafaella
Another User Comments:
“You shouldn’t have blown up at her, and you should apologize to her for reacting that way. But you’re NTJ for refusing her help.
She’s shown that she isn’t reliable (why would she suddenly make plans to see your father after she agreed to pick up her niece?) and your daughter needs someone reliable when you can’t be there.” ShastaWolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What was the benefit she was hoping to provide?
You asked her to watch your daughter, and she couldn’t. How would just picking your daughter up from the nursery help? Did she think there was an issue with you only picking up your daughter? You needed someone to watch your child. She had said she was able to do that, then changed her plans.
Her offering to pick your daughter up doesn’t help the issue of having no one to watch your daughter. Was it wrong of you to blow up on her? Maybe, but she had already broken the original plan you were relying on, and was now offering a rather unhelpful alternative.” Shining_Sparks
I would find myself a child care network with a list of background checked babysitters who will be available as backup if a family member (other than your sister!) can't be found. Single parents need to have a list of emergency child care options at hand. Good luck.
10. AITJ For Supporting My Son And Step-Daughter's Relationship Against My Wife's Wishes?
“So my son (27M) and stepdaughter (26F) recently revealed to me and my wife that they have been in a relationship secretly all this time and that they’re engaged and that they plan on getting married and starting a family. They also said that they did not tell us sooner because they were afraid of how I would react.
My son and stepdaughter met when my son was 16 and she was 15. To be honest, something like this happening was a concern for me because they were both teenagers and wouldn’t see each other as siblings but they got along well so I forgot about it.
They said they started being in a relationship a few months after they met and have continued till now. I also know that both of them went to colleges in 2 cities very far from each other so they somehow still kept the relationship alive. When they were in college they would only meet whenever they came back for the holidays and I remember that they both were more happy to see each other than us, all of this explains it.
They would also go out together “shopping” or “just to see the city” alone. There were other instances which made a lot more sense now. They both live in a different city, my wife and I thought they lived separately but they actually have been living together for 2 years now.
I told them that I support them and that I understand why they did not want to tell us and that I am happy for them as long as they are happy. My wife on the other hand was a different story, she went completely ballistic.
She started screaming that it’s disgusting and that they’re siblings. My stepdaughter started crying and my son just took her by the hand and left our home.
Now my wife wants me to somehow convince them to break up and be in a relationship with other people.
All I said was “They met when they were 16 and 15. They don’t see each other as siblings. If we oppose this, they will hate us forever and I’m sure that they would rather stop talking to us forever than break up.”
Even I am a little uncomfortable by this but I understand and there really isn’t much I can do.
I love my son and stepdaughter and I know they would disown us if we opposed this.
My wife is angry now and hasn’t really talked to me ever since this happened.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I see why you’d be a little uncomfortable, but as you mention, they were practically adults when you and your wife introduced them.
I think you’re doing the right thing by preserving your relationship with your children, despite your feelings about the situation. I hope your wife comes around! Possibly a few rounds of family therapy would come in handy.” teachingbeauty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are not blood relations.
They were not truly raised as siblings, they met in their mid-teens, only a couple of years before they went away to separate colleges. Your wife is overreacting. Support your son and stepdaughter, their relationship is a decade old. Your wife is dreaming if she thinks you can influence it without destroying your relationship with them.” charlpip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kids are adults. They met as older teens and never saw each other as siblings. I’m positive they don’t introduce themselves as step-siblings to anyone. Maybe some family therapy with your wife and the kids? So she can air her fears in a contained setting.
She isn’t a huge jerk for having a big reaction. But I’ll call her the jerk given the confines of your post.” HVTS
9. AITJ For Leaving My Mother-In-Law's Dog Outside After It Destroyed Our Furniture?
“My wife and I just bought our first house about 6 months ago. It’s nothing special, but it’s ours and we are very happy with it.
It has a big fenced-in backyard with lots of mature trees and is very private. We are still in the process of making some improvements and redecorating, but no major renovations.
A few weeks ago my mother-in-law asked my wife if we would be ok with dog-sitting her Airedale terrier for a weekend while she goes out of state to visit her sister.
My wife loves dogs and wants to get one now that we have a house, but I’ve been hesitant and want to wait until we get more settled. My wife agreed without talking to me about it. When she told me about it she was so excited because she felt this was a great “trial run” to have our own dog.
I was a little upset that she made the decision without even talking to me about it, but she was so excited about it that I let it go. I became even less enthusiastic about it a week later when my wife told me she forgot she had a work event that weekend and would be out of the house all day that Saturday, which meant that I would be the only one to care for the dog.
When mother-in-law came to drop the dog off, she left food, a few toys, and the dog’s bed. I asked about a kennel in case we need to keep the dog separate for any reason and she said she’s never kenneled her dog and that the dog will just sleep on the bed or find a couch.
We spent Friday night getting the dog accustomed to the house and took it for a walk and my wife cuddled with it on the couch all night.
On Saturday morning, my wife left for work and I took the dog for a walk in the morning.
When we got back I started working on some house projects I wanted to get done and just left the dog to wander around.
When I took a break to make lunch, I saw that the dog had chewed up the entire arm of a chair and torn apart 2 pillows while I was working.
I was upset, but I understand it’s just a dog and didn’t yell or anything. So I took the dog outside into the backyard and left it there while I cleaned up the mess. I even left it outside after I finished cleaning.
When my wife got home from work and found the dog outside, she asked how long it had been out there.
I told her what happened and why the dog was outside and she flipped out on me. She said I should have been more attentive to the dog and it was my fault that the dog got bored and destroyed stuff. She said her mom would be upset if she found out I neglected it and left it outside all day.
I told her I didn’t even want to watch the dog in the first place and that if she wanted specific care for the dog she should have made arrangements at work so that she could be home to take care of it since she agreed to watch it.
She said I was a jerk for punishing the dog for my own shortcomings and I’m lucky the dog didn’t get hurt or escape our yard and run away. I told her it’s ridiculous to blame me for the dog’s behavior and it’s fine anyway so no harm no foul.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as the temperature wasn’t extreme there is nothing wrong with leaving a dog outside, that isn’t neglect they can entertain themselves. Your wife sounds like she is being hypersensitive to the dog which is pretty normal for someone who doesn’t have their own pet but clearly wants one.” oregondude79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a little predictable that even a normally well-behaved dog will become anxious and chew things up when they’re left in a new environment unattended. However, leaving a dog in a fenced-in yard all day is far from animal abuse – assuming the dog had access to water and shade (or some form of warmth, pending the weather.) This is going to come up if y’all get your own dog.
Your wife has some high standards for how the animal is going to be cared for, but I don’t think she’s envisioning herself doing all the care herself.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you put the dog in the yard for what I assume to be a couple of hours, not overnight.
I don’t see the problem. As long as it’s not a puppy and had access to water, it’s fine.” J_Side
8. AITJ For Wanting To Name Our Son Julian After A Star Trek Character?
“I (33F) am 7 months pregnant with our son, who doesn’t have a name yet. I also like Star Trek, especially DS9, which I’ve started rewatching recently.
If you are familiar with the series, you will certainly remember Dr. Julian Bashir. I’ve always thought Julian is a pretty name, but I’d forgotten about it before my rewatch. So when I heard it again, I texted my husband, asking his opinion about the name.
He loved it, so for a while, we both wanted to name our son Julian.
I didn’t tell him where I got the name. We’ve been doing that since I found out I was pregnant. Texting each other names we’ve heard somewhere or read or something, and we didn’t always specify where we heard it.
None of the names was something we both liked until Julian.
Yesterday I was watching DS9 again while my husband was home. He happened to pass by when the name Julian was said on screen. He stopped and asked me if this is where I got the name.
I said yes. He said we can’t name our son Julian. I asked why, he said he loved it. He said it’s weird to name a real child after a character and we’ll be jerks if we do that to our son. I said that I just like the name as did he until now and the fact that it’s a Star Trek character name is just a bonus.
He says people will laugh or make fun of our son if they find out. I say no one is entitled to know the backstory of his name. It’s a name we like and that’s it. He said that’s not something people do. So I suggested to come here and see what people think.
AITJ for wanting to name our son Julian or is he for rejecting it just because a character shares it? It’s a real name, not like I want to name him Spock or, God forbid, Dukat.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you ruled out every name because it might have been in a movie or TV show, you’d be left with a very short list!
Julian is a normal name, I don’t think anyone would even ask why you chose it, since it is not some weird and wonderful name!” vicky_sd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one you should name your child whatever you want regardless of the backstory, as you said it’s really no one’s business.
I have also never heard of anyone’s name being made fun of because of its origin. Secondly, it’s a common enough name. It isn’t like you’re naming your child Khaleesi (GOT) or something easily identifiable from a show.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The number of kids named “Hermione” has skyrocketed after the HP series became huge.
(My dad wanted to name me after a Star Trek character as well, my mum said no because it was a name her family wouldn’t be able to pronounce, however, that was the only reason she said no.)” Iamn0tWill
"Julian was derived from Iulianus, which in turn came from Julius, a Roman family name." As in Julius Caesar. It's a perfectly normal name.
7. AITJ For Altering My Aunt's Wedding Dress To Make My Own?
“I’m getting married in the spring. My fiance and I are both mid-thirties. I knew exactly what I wanted in a dress, I love the mermaid cut where it flares out at the knee and I wanted to show cleavage and shoulders to keep it breezy at a potentially humid wedding.
The women on both sides of my family wanted me to try on dresses of theirs just to see if I liked them. My Aunt on my dad’s side (60s) got married in the late seventies early eighties and her dress was very of that time and hideous.
I had no real intention of wearing any of the dresses presented to me, I went along with the heirloom fitting for fun and to appease family.
Well, when my grandmother said that if I ended up wanting one of the dresses it would check the box for my ‘something borrowed’ I had an idea.
I lied and said I liked my aunt’s dress and said I was considering wearing it for the wedding. My idea was I could take the already ugly dress from someone I am not the closest with to the seamstress and have her use it to make a dress to my exact specifications for cheaper than a new dress off the rack or making one completely from scratch.
I took it in and had it altered to be closer to what I wanted.
When my aunt told me to give her dress back if I wasn’t going to wear it I told her the truth and showed her what I had done. She lost her cool saying I ruined her dress and I said I did her a favor by updating it and that I’d give it back since most of the fabric was originally hers.
The seamstress used a lot of the bodice and lace for the dress but added chiffon and some other things. She demanded I give the dress back which I did, since it is her dress mostly but she also informed me that she will not be attending my wedding or speaking to me for the time being.
I didn’t really care we’re not super close but my whole dad’s side is upset with me over it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your family kindly offered you to try on their dresses so you could wear them if you liked them. That doesn’t mean you can lie to her, pretend to want to wear her dress, and just cut it up to use it as fabric to cheapen your actual wedding dress making.
You lied to her so you could destroy her wedding dress, that wasn’t a favor to her, and you know it.” redditor191389
Another User Comments:
“1. You lied that you liked your aunt’s dress to get your hands on it
2. You chose the “ugly” dress
3. You took the dress from someone you’re “not the closest with” to get the seamstress free material to make the dress you want without having to pay.
Let’s be clear-you didn’t “alter” the dress. You Frankenstein’d someone’s wedding dress without permission because you were cheap and blindingly self-centered. The fact that you purposely chose the dress of someone you aren’t close with tells us you already know it was an awful thing to do.
YTJ.” Jellyfish1297
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you borrowed the dress. It wasn’t given to you to do what you liked with. You also lied when you chose it and asked for it for all the wrong reasons. If you wanted to do that you should have gone to an op shop and picked up a second-hand dress with no attachments.” Zandonah
6. AITJ For Wanting To Rent Rather Than Buy My Wedding Dress?
“I (25F) was recently proposed to by my fiancé (26M). We’ll be paying for the wedding ourselves since it will be rather small and we’re decently well off. Since we’re paying for everything, we’ve been making most of the decisions, and one of my decisions was to rent the dress.
I just don’t see the point in paying thousands of dollars for one dress I can never wear again. My fiancé agreed with me.
Unfortunately, the moment I announced that I was engaged, all anybody cared about was the dress. Since it was all they wanted to talk about, it eventually came up that I didn’t plan on buying the dress, and instead planned on renting it.
Well, they were livid. Almost everyone present pulled me aside and lectured me about how that dress would contain so many cherished memories, how everyone in the family still owned their wedding clothes, etc. I suppose they had a point: Every other married woman in the family still has her dress, and several of my cousins have gotten married in their grandmother’s or even great-grandmother’s dresses.
But considering my fiancé and I don’t want children and therefore won’t have grandchildren, that’s not an issue for us. I told my relatives that I didn’t see the point in spending loads of money on something that would do nothing but gather dust in my closet, and they just made the same points over and over.
Eventually, I snapped that if they wanted the dress so badly, they could pay for it. Everyone went silent, and nobody said another word about it for the rest of the night.
The next day, I told my best friend what happened, and she awkwardly said that she agreed with my family and that a wedding dress is “too important to just rent.” I hastily changed the subject.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Did anyone else die laughing at “I snapped that if they wanted the dress so badly, they could pay for it. Everyone went silent, and nobody said another word about it for the rest of the night.”?? I laughed so loud, my dog got off of my lap and is giving me the side eye for disturbing her.
That comment says it all. “Yes, you need a brand new dress that costs $10k, but oh, we aren’t chipping in.” C’mon. No. Men typically rent tuxes, what is the difference? I think renting a wedding dress is economical, and environmentally friendly, and honestly, other countries do this (I’m in the US and have friends who immigrated here and have since gotten married and rent their dresses and this is totally normal in their cultures).
NTJ. Not even a little bit.” Lola_M1224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. After the wedding you will store your dress in an expensive box where it will sit until you sell it to a thrift store, or give it to a kid for dress-up play, or give it to a future daughter or DIL to wear but by then the style won’t be good or it can’t be tailored to fit them.
My wife gave her dress to our daughter to play with. Renting the dress sounds actually very smart.” EmmetWeasel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This actually made me laugh, though I don’t mean to be rude. People get so invested in their own traditions that it can become incomprehensible to them that others might not want to follow in their footsteps.
Sometimes they even feel personally attacked if someone decides to do something different. My guess is, some of the people who bought their dress may actually have felt slightly… embarrassed? Or that you were trying to shame them by mentioning it would be rented? If this comes up again, “Oh, we know there are lots of great reasons for people to want to buy their dresses, and that’s totally ok, but it’s just not for us,” and smile.
If they pressure you beyond that just smile and say, “It’s a decision that’s been made, not a point of discussion, but I appreciate you caring about making my important day so special.” For personal context, I bought a $100 bridesmaid dress and my mom altered it so now I wear it on anniversaries.
But that’s just what I wanted to do.” CatPhDs
5. AITJ For Holding Resentment Towards My Wife For Excluding Me From Our Disneyland Trip?
“My wife and I (both in our 30s) had loose plans to go to Disneyland as soon as it was going to open back up after being closed for a while. Later on, she asked if two of her female friends from work could come along with us.
When more information came out about when the park would be opening back up and how tickets and reservations would be handled, we agreed that one of her friends would buy the tickets and book the reservation for us, and we would pay her back.
On the day that the tickets were purchased, I asked my wife what day her friend was able to book for us. My wife told me “she didn’t buy a ticket for you. She only bought a ticket for us three girls”.
I told my wife that I was surprised and didn’t understand where the miscommunication came from, but that it would be easy to rectify by me getting a ticket now.
I said “that’s a really annoying mistake your friend made, it looks like we’ll have to cancel the reservation and book it a couple of months later so we can all go.”
And that’s when my wife told me “actually, it wasn’t a mistake.
My friend told me that she decided not to buy you a ticket because she wanted us to have a girls’ day. I told her to buy a ticket for you, but she just decided not to on her own.”
I told my wife “wow, that’s unbelievable.
I think after we cancel the reservation we probably shouldn’t invite your friend. I really don’t feel good about hanging out with someone who would do that to me.”
My wife said “I don’t want to cancel the reservation, I want to go with them.
We can just go another time together, alone.”
And at this point I was really hurt. I told her “Okay, well now it feels like you were involved in excluding me and you aren’t being honest about it. If you go with them anyway, I’m going to feel really hurt about this.”
She ignored my protests and told me that she was going anyway because she’s been working hard while I’ve been unemployed for months and we would go together another time.
The resentment festered, I would make a comment here and there that what she did was wrong.
She got mad at me for bringing it up to my mom in front of her, and to a friend of mine in front of her. She would say I’m messed up for embarrassing her like that and that I was being petty. I told her that what she did to me was shameful and I just can’t seem to get her to understand without being petty.
She bought us $1,400 passes and told me that the gift was to make up for leaving me out. I told her that it doesn’t make up for how she treated me, and that it’s bittersweet because I’ll be thinking about the incident every time we go.
After another fight where the Disneyland issue came up, she finally admitted to being wrong and apologized for hurting me, but honestly, I don’t think she understands how much this all hurt me and I feel like her apology was self-serving just to get me to stop being mad about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was clearly wrong and hurtful to exclude you. And her apology seems to move past it rather than seeing anything wrong with it. The question for you is if this is truly an isolated incident or a pattern: If the former, perhaps is time to move on and agree to disagree.
If it’s a pattern, then may need counseling to move forward.” TwoCentsPsychologist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first I admit I was reading this as kind of petty. But really thinking about it, it’s not about Disney. It’s that you and your wife had plans you generously agreed to include others.
Those others excluded you from your own plans. Your wife went along with it and didn’t stand up for you. She allowed you to be pushed out and disrespected. Then despite you explaining why this was hurtful, she still looked at you and basically said “so what” or “get over it”.
That weeks or months later she’s tired of you being upset and finally apologizes doesn’t actually fix anything. If my partner failed to stand up for me and then went weeks or months thinking it wasn’t a big deal, I don’t think I’d trust the apology.
Why now? How suddenly did it click after 4 weeks, 6 months…whatever. It sounds more like she is tired of you being upset and is saying and doing what she needs to sweep it under the rug. Leaving your partner out, failing to stand up for them, then continuing to maintain for an extended period of time that your partner’s feelings don’t matter is a bigger issue than whatever the initial plans were.
Sadly I feel like if a woman posted that she had plans to camp with her husband and his friends took over and excluded her and for months her husband said it wasn’t a big deal until finally after 5 months he booked a new camping trip and said sorry I think people would say she has every right to feel disrespected still and that sorry doesn’t fix everything.” angel2hi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife didn’t talk to you about it until after her friend bought the tickets. She should’ve brought it to your attention beforehand. You would not be this upset if your wife said “Yeah, my friends decided to just have a girls’ day for that.
You and I can go a month later no problem.” (since money doesn’t seem to be an issue). However, she finally apologized, admitted she was wrong, and decided to make it up to you, yet you’re still holding onto it. Regardless of how much it hurt, I think it’s best that you try to move on and accept that she made a mistake since she’s human.
I hope writing this helped get it out of your system.” TenderOctane
4. AITJ For Donating My Roommate's Thrown Away Clothes?
“My roommate and I are both females in our early 20s. My roommate, A, is very entitled and naive (yelled at her dad for not giving her the amount of graduation money she “deserved,” etc.).
A is also very wasteful in the sense that she will have lights on in every room but only be in one, and doesn’t believe in recycling. For the most part I let her do her thing but I do turn off lights if no one is in the room and it’s clear she’s not coming right back and I keep my recyclables separate and take care of them myself.
Recently A has been ordering a lot of clothes, a new package comes every week, and throwing her old ones out in the kitchen trash can. At first, I didn’t think anything of it, but then I saw a pair of boots in the trash that she just got a few weeks ago and was very excited about.
They’re in almost new condition and I asked her why she threw them out. Her response was simply that they were so cheap it didn’t matter and she got a new pair anyway. After that I started paying more attention to the clothes she was tossing and saw that they were all new-almost new and she was just…throwing them away.
So I started taking them out of the trash (if they weren’t ruined or covered in trash) and donating them to Goodwill. One day she asked where the clothes in the trash went and I told her that I took the ones in good condition and donated them instead of just throwing them away.
She yelled at me and told me that I was stealing her clothes and that I’m disgusting. I told her she threw them away and I just didn’t want new clothes to go to waste when someone else could use them. My friends agree with me, but hey they’re my friends, but she thinks I’m the jerk.
What are your thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t understand how someone throwing things away could care about what happens to them after. She sounds like she would prefer them in the trash than with “poor” people.” lzanjm
Another User Comments:
“I’d say tentatively NTJ.
You could have said, “Hey, put the clothes you’re throwing out in this trash bag and I’ll donate them to someone in need,” but that doesn’t outweigh her childishness and entitlement, especially on a broader scale.” limonesinparadise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because I think your intentions were good but I do think maybe you could have asked her if she’d be ok donating them instead of throwing them away.
Maybe she’s amenable to learning other ways to handle clothing that she doesn’t want – like consignment or PoshMark.” bweebwee7
3. AITJ For My Past Outbursts After Being Diagnosed With Autism?
“I (28f) grew up in a household that made it very obvious I wasn’t ‘normal’. I struggled to understand people and struggled to understand how to act towards people. I never got social cues, I fell in and out with friends all the time and never understood why and my family would constantly, constantly scream and shout at me for not reacting in a way they deemed appropriate.
Sometimes my family would snap at me for saying or doing something or they would snap at me when they teased me and I got upset by their supposed light-hearted teasing and I wouldn’t understand what I did was wrong. So I would apologize but explain I didn’t understand and if they could explain it and they saw this as me being a sarcastic jerk and continued to just shout at me.
As I got older I got exasperated with it all and I think a fight or flight thing kicked in cos I just started getting on the defensive about anything that my family felt the need to shout at me about. I admit it wasn’t a great way to handle things but I just didn’t know what to do anymore.
I was so tired of being in my skin and I just wanted to protect myself a little.
When I was 22 I found out I was autistic and it made my life so much easier. I got a lot of help from professionals and did my own self-research.
It made me a lot happier to understand more about myself.
I explained everything to my family, too. However, their response was: ‘well everyone’s a little autistic’. And then asked me no questions or tried and understand me. I was disappointed but not surprised.
Cut to the current problem. I was talking to my brother a few nights ago on the phone and he was asking me some questions about my autism and I was very happy to talk to him about it. He had never shown an interest in understanding before.
So I explained about my outbursts when I was younger and what was going on through my head and he scoffed. I asked him what’s wrong and he said ‘that’s not autism you’re just a jerk, you’ve always been a jerk.
Still are.’
I was speechless.
I have been told that getting frustrated at the world because I don’t understand it is very normal and outbursts can happen. It obviously doesn’t excuse being a straight-up jerk and now I can’t help but think that my brother is right.
Like I said I really struggle with this kind of stuff and maybe I’m just not understanding again so I need someone to tell me if I’m a jerk so I can work on not being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This entire story made me nope.
Also screw anyone who says “everyone is a little ___” when talking about mental health that you are struggling with and learning about. I’m so sorry this is what you grew up with and the response you received when you shared. Your family seems to be comprised of jerks tho, maybe ones who can learn?
Don’t take what ignorant people say to heart.” Aviatari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the get-go of your post the way you were describing how you struggled with social cues etc I was thinking ASD (autism spectrum disorder). Yes, it’s what they use now, yes everyone might be a little, it’s a spectrum people can be anywhere on, get over it.
My son was diagnosed with it around 3/4 I’m talking with a bit of experience. It’s a (biggish) issue between my mum and me she keeps insisting he’s not simply because he doesn’t have all the “classic” signs the whole nonverbal, constantly stimming, making loud whistles and shrieks, etc. Son does have some of these traits just at a low level.
He also has massive issues picking up on social cues at times.
The way you describe being frustrated at the world because you don’t understand it…that is completely normal for you, don’t let your brother (or anyone else) make you feel otherwise. It sounds like you’ve really started to work out what strategies work for you and I’m glad the diagnosis has helped you to understand why you see the world differently from “neurotypical” (hate that word what is normal anyway) people.
Just be your amazing quirky different unique self.” scottishtreefrog
Another User Comments:
“Honestly your parents are jerks but you aren’t and your brother isn’t. I don’t think there is really a ruling for that so I will go with NTJ as I don’t think you are a jerk for being autistic but if you were a jerk when younger in hindsight and your actions caused distress to others you do need to own up to that.
Your parents seem like grade-A jerks but your brother wasn’t a parent he just had to deal with you being defensive and arguing, in your own words. Whether you are diagnosed with autism, with narcissism, with ADHD, and so on, if those traits made you a jerk, you were still a jerk.
Your brother’s resentment may be misplaced and it is likely worth pointing out that if your parents got you help when you were younger you would have been taught how to interact better etc but you are sorry for the way you acted when young, you don’t act that way now.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Mom Picked My Bedroom Lock?
“Ever since we’ve moved into a new house with working locks, my mom hasn’t liked the idea of locking bedroom doors.
That really annoyed me since I like to use them for privacy, or if I don’t want to be disturbed like when I’m doing homework, taking a nap, changing clothes, etc. This was also when I was playing softball for the school, so at the end of the 12-hour day I’d feel completely wiped out, not wanting to talk to anyone or do anything, so I’d go to my bedroom, and just hang out until I felt like going upstairs again.
And this is where the problem starts.
I was feeling more exhausted than usual this day so I went downstairs into my bedroom and flopped into bed, locking the door behind me. Like I mentioned, I really didn’t want to be disturbed when I took a nap as I was in need of good sleep.
It didn’t take long for me to doze off while my mom was upstairs cooking dinner. That didn’t last long.
I woke up to knocking on my door. It was my mom telling me that dinner was ready. I groaned in my half-asleep voice that I’ll be there after I’m done sleeping.
She must not have heard me since she didn’t answer. I said the same thing, except a little louder this time. She heard me this time since she said, “Oh, okay.” Then, she tried to open the door. She asked me in a very condescending tone why my door was locked. I didn’t answer.
She then told me to unlock the door or she’d take away my phone. I just repeated what I said before, that I would be there when I woke up. I don’t know what she said after that. I must have dozed off again because I was woken up not by knocking, but by a loud click from the door.
My mom had grabbed a wire coat hanger and picked the lock on my door!
When she came into the room she ordered that I give her my phone. I lay there in shocked silence, so confused about how my own mom would do that.
She asked for my phone once again and this time I yelled, “What the heck, why would you do that!” She tried to grab my phone from me but I wouldn’t give it to her. She walked out of my room and I followed her out.
As she walked into her bedroom I knew I couldn’t keep arguing with her. So I went to my dad instead. Yelling about how messed up it was that she picked the lock on my door and how it was a huge invasion of my privacy.
He didn’t say anything different and just told me to hand him my phone. From there I was furious. I kept ranting about how messed up it was but nobody would listen. I ignored everyone for the rest of the night and most of the next day.
And even when I apologized, my mom just said, “I forgive you.” Without saying anything about her actions.
I honestly think that I may be the jerk here, I wasted even more time on yelling at my parents about that than I needed to, though I think we both overreacted. I shouldn’t have made the situation worse, and my mom shouldn’t have started the situation in the first place, so I really need to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she had thought you were in trouble or something it would be a different story but clearly she was just upset you were preventing access to yourself. You deserve privacy and to nap when you’re tired. I definitely would not take any of the advice here saying to block your door with wedges or furniture though, I get the feeling that kind of escalation would not help at all and just make your parents hysterical. I’m sorry you have to deal with boundary-breaking and I hope it sinks in for them soon.
That being said, I am curious why you handed over your phone? What would they do if you just… didn’t give it to them? Hahaha.” baepsaemv
Another User Comments:
“Light ESH. Even at your age, you are entitled to privacy, but privacy can be maintained without locked doors, and if your parents don’t want you locking the door, then that’s that.
Their house, their rules, and you should have answered the door when your mother told you to unlock it. However, your mom was wrong to pick the lock and come in, I think. Her punishment should have been doled out away from the heat of the moment, rather than forcing the situation the way she did.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am the mom of teens and unless you think your kid is doing something illegal or is hurting themselves or someone else, you shouldn’t behave like your mom did. That said, my kids aren’t supposed to lock the door when they’re sleeping.
I always knock and wait for them to tell me to come in, it’s not a respect thing but a safety thing. In case of a fire, I don’t want them in the habit of locking the door while sleeping. If something happened, they could be trapped. Like I said, I’m a mom and am safety first. But my kids are cool with that boundary because I respect their privacy.
Your mom didn’t and you have a right to be mad, OP.” PsychologicalGain757
1. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner Over Her Constant Therapy Recommendations?
“My (23M) partner Tara (20F) and I have been together for two years and during our time together Tara has been seeing a therapist just to ‘touch base’ (her words). Tara is a huge advocate for mental health awareness and thinks that therapy is some kind of cure for all the world’s problems.
Feeling a bit sad when you graduate from school for the last time? You’re depressed. See a therapist! Had a one-off argument with a significant other? Oh no, there’s abuse! See a therapist! Use videogames as a destressor? You must have an unhealthy coping mechanism.
See a therapist! Tara evolved from just occasionally recommending therapy to loved ones to randomly diagnosing people and throwing out tHeRapY every chance she gets. As her partner, I’m one of the people who gets the most of the verbal onslaught.
Here’s the thing: I do have issues in my personal life that do need resolving, but there’s no way I’ll ever speak to a therapist because of past trauma that involved me sharing personal information.
Seeing a therapist would make me extremely uncomfortable and trigger a lot of anxiety. It’s not like my life is falling apart. I’m happy for the most part and am actively working on improving my life with the help of loved ones. I’m not depressed and not dragging anyone down with my ‘issues’.
I’m fully functional and am living like everyone else. (Please don’t try to diagnose me or assume I’m hiding “what’s really going on”. There’s literally nothing going on.)
My partner doesn’t understand this though. She keeps trying to force me to go to therapy and it’s really starting to affect my mental health.
I can’t go a day without us getting into an argument about me seeing a therapist. According to her, “It will do wonders!” I refused every time.
Last night, Tara seemed to snap and began yelling at me about how I make her look bad as a mental health advocate for refusing therapy.
She then called me “freaking disgusting” for not seeking help. I got angry and said that is literally no reason for me to seek any help. Tara said, “Oh, you think you’re sooooo good, huh? News flash: You aren’t!” I yelled back, “Can you please shut up about therapy?
I’m sick of your nonsense!” Tara started sobbing and locked herself in our room. I slept on the couch and we haven’t talked since.
AITJ? Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“Therapy is an incredible tool, but you HAVE to want it. She should not be guilting you into going to therapy for her own image as a “mental health advocate.” You’re both young, and she will probably look back and cringe at how much she’s pushing people to go to therapy.
Like, I also recommend it to people all the time, but there’s a pretty big difference between recommending and bullying. NTJ BTW.” 60percentimaginary
Another User Comments:
“Ehhhh, NTJ but this whole situation seems bad. She is really young and probably genuinely believes therapy will help you.
I’m not sure what working on it yourself means. Is that something like attending groups, doing workbooks, meditation, etc? Maybe explain that works better for you. Involve her in it. You could ask her to share some skills and coping tools she has picked up or maybe to go on a nature walk together.
Ultimately it is your decision to seek therapy or not and she should respect that. You aren’t a bad person for not going to therapy. However, if this is a daily argument is it possible your way of handling whatever issues you face negatively impacts her?
I can’t really see why else she would be so adamant about this.” bigr0ckcandymtn
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She’s young and passionate and like a lot of young, passionate people she’s going to evangelize what she thinks is “right”. She needs to back off and give people space to make their own decisions, which, hopefully is something she’ll learn as she matures.
You are also young (yes, you are) and the whole “I’ll never do therapy” is one of those stupid absolute statements that people make out of ignorance and fear. You admit that you have unresolved issues and are not willing to take advantage of professional expertise to help you deal with them.
You say you’re “actively working” on things with the help of your loved ones, but your loved ones shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of your issues or help you resolve things. Just like you’d go to a doctor if you had diabetes, you should be willing to go to a therapist if you have emotional/mental issues that need help, instead of saddling your loved ones with the burden of your recovery.” MaggieMae68
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