People Would Like Our Input On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story
16. AITJ For Rejecting The Cake My Mother-In-Law Got Me?
If it was done out of spite, then by all means, reject that cake.
“My (24F) birthday was this past weekend, and I am still getting crap from some family over this and want to get some outside opinions.
MIL and I do not have the greatest relationship but tolerate each other. My husband and I don’t have a very conventional marriage as he works from home, and I took over my family’s business a few years ago and work full time there, 8-5.
Due to this, he takes over most of the household chores such as cooking, cleaning, etc. since he’s home more. My MIL is very old school and does not think this is right. Due to this, she became very cold to me over the past few years.
So my birthday was this past weekend, and on Sunday, my husband planned a family dinner to celebrate at our house.
My mom and grandma insisted on bringing/cooking all my favorite foods for the dinner. My MIL caught wind of this and I guess wanted to pitch in and help too, so she offered to get the birthday cake.
She asked my husband what kind I like, and he told her anything chocolate or tiramisu. He also told her that I hate fruity cakes (lemon, raspberry, etc.).
The evening of my birthday rolls around, and everything is going smoothly until it’s time for cake.
My MIL and my mom both went into the kitchen. MIL was unboxing the cake. and my mom was grabbing plates and utensils. Apparently, my mom took a glance at the cake and asked if this cake was for me. My MIL was like, yes, obviously.
My mom was like, “Oh no, I guess no one informed you that OP doesn’t like fruity cakes. Her favorites are anything chocolate and tiramisu.”
My MIL was like, “No, they informed me of her preference. I just saw this cake at the store and thought it looked lovely.
Plus, it would be nice for OP to try something different.”
My mom left the kitchen because she didn’t want to make a scene on my birthday.
MIL brought the cake out and my husband immediately confronted her when he saw it and was like, “Mom, is this cake for OP?” She was like, “Yes, I thought it would be nice for us to try something different.”
Anyway, I’m an adult, and it’s just a cake; I wasn’t about to make some huge scene about a cake, so the cake was cut, and MIL offered me a slice, and I just politely declined and ate some of the other desserts at the table (fruit, chocolate covered strawberries, etc.).
She immediately got offended and said she finds it extremely insulting that I am not eating any of the cake that she specifically bought for me on my birthday.
I just simply told her, “Well, I appreciate you getting the cake, but my husband and I made it clear that I do not like fruity cakes, and you knew this.”
She said I was being extremely disrespectful and selfish and stormed out with my FIL. She’s been contacting both my husband and me saying how I need to apologize for my behavior.
We’ve also been getting crap from my SILs, and I kind of feel bad now for not just eating the cake.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Just try the cake for goodness sake, unless you have an allergy or something. It’s a gift. Did you also politely return birthday gifts that you didn’t like?
I had a similar experience a few years ago. I am slightly allergic to eggs and so tend to avoid cake unless cheesecake.
My extended family decided to celebrate a double birthday. I reminded them I don’t eat any other cakes, but my grandma liked fruit cakes, so they simply got two fruit cakes. I sulked a bit but tried a little of it. I reminded my parents after that I didn’t feel like my birthday was celebrated and didn’t eat/like to eat these cakes.
I’d say it’s called adulting.
If you were super allergic, I get it, but not in this instance, no.” Every-Drag2619
Another User Comments:
“I’m going a little against the grain here… ESH. MIL most of all, but yeah.
Here’s the thing – you took the bait.
Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t have point blank said “I don’t like this, you were told.” No matter how polite you are, it’s still kind of bordering on rude to turn your nose up at a nice gesture.
(To be clear, I’m aware this was not a truly nice gesture.
But I also feel like if you had a good relationship with your MIL, and maybe she was just a little forgetful or a well-meaning dingbat, you’d have said, “Wow, thanks – that’s so nice of you!” And smooshed it around on your plate with your fork till it looked like you ate some).
She’s the bigger jerk by far, but you could have easily handled this better. There are times when you should stand up for yourself. I don’t think this is one of those times. Sometimes, letting it go and being the bigger person is the power move.
Instead, you gave her what she wanted.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“”She said she finds it extremely insulating that I am not eating any of the cake that she specifically bought for me on my birthday.”
Except that she didn’t buy it for you.
She bought it for her – she wanted to manipulate or shame or control you on your birthday. She chose to disregard a clearly stated preference to try to push you to eat something she knows you don’t like. This was an effort at control and she’s mad she lost and made herself look bad in the process.
You don’t owe her an apology. Nor do you owe her invitations to any future celebrations. Just leave her out of it in the future.
NTJ.” EconomyVoice7358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL is for thinking her preference trumps your tastes on your birthday. There are 365 other days to “try something different.” Your birthday is the one day you should get your favorite or requested flavors, nothing else.
That is manipulative and controlling, and I’d tell MIL she’s off cake duty for my birthday from now on since she can’t be bothered to get it right.
No one should be giving you crap for her mistake. That’s on her. She knew what she was told she just didn’t care.
Good for you for maintaining your boundaries. Next time if she doesn’t want to get offended she should buy the thing that she was asked to and not randomly go off script. Her doubling down is just making her an even bigger jerk. She owes you an apology.
Don’t cave to her ridiculous demand.” depressivedarling
15. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Sister A Role In My Wedding?
“I (17F) am getting married in September later this year and am currently trying to plan out the wedding. My fiancé has his best man and groomsmen chosen.
I chose my best friend as my maid of honor and one other friend to be a bridesmaid. My mom was kind enough to get dresses for my maid of honor and bridesmaid. I was looking at the dresses, and they’re the perfect colors and style, then my little sister (12) comes in the room flaunting a dress that looks just like my bridesmaid’s dress.
My sister then walks around the room exclaiming that she is also going to be a bridesmaid. I don’t know if I should have done this or not, but I tried politely telling her that I had one maid and one that was my maid of honor.
She blew up on me after I tried to be nice about it, “I’M YOUR SISTER, I SHOULD BE IN THE WEDDING” going on and on about it. Once she ran out of breath, I explained to her “…Lately, you have been treating me very poorly, and the fact that you feel entitled to a role in MY wedding is almost humorous.
The fact of the matter is that just because you are family doesn’t guarantee a role in something like this.”
My mom keeps telling me I need to give her a role in my wedding. This is not how I wanted my wedding. There was an argument about it between me and her.
My sister and I have never really been close anyway, then there’s the issue that she’s super spoiled and used to getting what she wants. Usually, I try to avoid situations that would cause her to flip her lid, which means I usually cave to her wants and wishes not only to avoid her tantrums but also to avoid an issue with my parents.
This is the one time I’ve really stood my ground about something to them all, now they see this as being cold. It would be cold if she and I were closer, but we’re not. There’s not much of an emotional bond, I mean I love her but don’t particularly like her.
My fiancé is aware of how I feel about it, he didn’t want to interfere with something like this. I feel kinda bad about it but then again this is the time where I have a say, or at least I’m supposed to have a say in who gets what role.”
Another User Comments:
“This probably isn’t at all what you came here to hear, but I want to urge you and your fiance to live independently for a couple of years, going to university or a vocational training course and working at least part-time, supporting yourselves, and figuring out who you are and what you want when you’re not under your parents’ roofs before you tie the knot.
Even if you’re in a culture in which women marry very early and go directly from their parents’ houses into marriage in their late teens, please, please get yourself vocational or educational training first so that if anything goes wrong, you’re not trapped because you can’t take care of yourself financially.
You can still have a beautiful wedding, but have it in a couple of years after you’ve already made the leap to independent adulthood.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“Your wedding, your choice.
It is as simple as that. (It is quite baffling that decisions about who is a bridesmaid get made without your input and against your wishes.
Did your mother not approach you in private first? Is she that socially challenged?)
All this, “Faaamily, so you have to” is a load of bullcrap.
NTJ
Sidenote: you’re 17, just elope. Chances are that your marriage will not work out anyway because you likely have not even figured yourself out yet.
And you’re still in school and live at your parent’s, so you have no job, not been in a household with your partner, et cetera. It sounds more like you want something but have no clue what it actually means due to not being experienced or mature enough.
You simply have not had time, yet.” Neithan02
14. AITJ For Wasting The Manager's Time By Walking Out Of An Interview?
“I (F18) live at home with my parents and attend community college so I can save up to transfer. My big sister (F21) also lives at home, but goes to a “real” college nearby (her words).
I’ve been looking for a part-time job and asked my sister if the restaurant she waitresses at has any openings.
She said, “Maybe,” but that was a few weeks ago, and I never followed up.
Cut to the issue: she came to my room last week and asked me if I wanted to get lunch with her, and I said “sure.” I assumed we’d just go through the drive-thru, so I wore fuzzy slippers (the outdoor kind), sweatpants, a HS t-shirt, and my hair was kinda dirty in a bun.
I wasn’t expecting to see anyone. (We’ve only ever gotten fast food together. We only eat at sit-down places with our parents.)
We pulled up to her restaurant, and I told her I wasn’t really dressed for that, so could we eat somewhere else? She said to not worry about it, and we went in.
She immediately went to say hi to her friend at the hostess stand and left me with her manager. I thought it was weird that the manager was standing in the front until she told me I was there for an interview?!
Apparently, my sister did get me an interview but thought it would be hilarious to embarrass me in front of her coworkers by catching me off guard.
I was so shaken, that I immediately said, “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting this,” turned around, and just left.
At the time, my sister died laughing and didn’t say much, but apparently, she’s now facing consequences at work because her manager’s really upset at having her time wasted and thought what my sister did was unprofessional and not funny.
I don’t think she’ll get fired, but she had her hours reduced and a formal write-up.
Now my sister’s blaming me for making her look bad by not going through with the interview. Her friends have called me mean names making me feel horrible, but I’m so torn.
I haven’t told my parents yet, because I’m really embarrassed and I don’t want to get in trouble. My friends are split between thinking I should have tried to be strong and finish the interview but others are supportive of my decision. I don’t know anymore, I’m just really confused.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I honestly don’t understand where your sister’s head was at. She set you up to turn up unprepared, which actually was going to reflect poorly on her as the referrer even if you’d stayed for the interview. So, even if she hadn’t made her actions evident by peeing herself laughing, she would still likely be facing an unhappy manager.
I don’t blame you for not going through with the interview, but it might be worth – if they’ve not already filled the post – contacting the manager and apologizing for what happened and asking if there is still the opportunity to interview. Yes, completely not your fault, but an apology that she had her time wasted could help with the manager.
Of course, you might first want to consider whether you’d want to risk working in the same place at the same time as your sister after what she’s just done.” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, interviews are an important step in the employment process. You did the right thing by leaving, as you weren’t prepared for the 1st step.
Community college is real college. It’s got it in the name…college. There are plenty of very important people who have community college degrees…Walt Disney, George Lucas, Steve Jobs, and many, many CEOs of banks, and businesses worldwide. Don’t be ashamed of community college.
It’s more economical and way more friendly than a full-time college.
Secondly, your parents need to understand what happened to you, what your sister did, in order to help guide her away from her mean girl actions. She needs to be brought back onto the right path because now, she’s in danger of getting herself into bigger trouble with her “pranks.”” PerkyLurkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Plenty of people have talked about the obvious; your sister made a “joke,” if by “joke” we mean humiliating you in front of coworkers. Which is crappy.
However, put yourself in that poor manager’s shoes. You’re scheduled to have an interviewee show up, which they do, but they’re in pajamas.
So you’re likely already a little annoyed, and not feeling taken seriously. Then the interviewee reveals that they didn’t know about the interview and leaves hurriedly, while your employee who referred them and was supposed to tell them about the interview laughs uproariously. Your sister didn’t just disrespect you, she genuinely disrespected her entire workplace, but especially you and her manager.
She’s lucky if she does not get fired. That kind of juvenile bullying has absolutely no place in the workplace.” destructopop
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Considers Her New Partner Her Soulmate?
“I’m 21F, recently welcomed my own child into the world, and I’ve been pretty emotional since.
My mother always encouraged me to express myself, be independent, and got me into things like art and swimming. We were super close.
My dad wasn’t amazing towards my mother; he decided who she saw, what she ate, and how she dressed, but they separated when I was 12, and his behavior didn’t change how he treated me because he was a great dad…up till I was 16 when he passed away.
Before then, he was still trying to rekindle his relationship with my mother and still trying to improve via therapy. I know it wasn’t her job to forgive him, but my dad fully believed she was his soulmate, and up till his death, he was apologizing and trying to get better for her.
Four years ago, my mother got with “Candice” and came out as bi. She said her parents wouldn’t have accepted her, but now she has nobody to hide from. I would’ve accepted it, but then two years ago, they had a son, and they’re talking about having another child.
I did ask my mother if she felt a little old to be bringing another child in this world younger than her granddaughter, and she said, in front of my husband and in-laws, that “you’re never too old when you’re with your soulmate.”
I did get upset. I said that’s a little insensitive when she never considered my father her soulmate – considering everything he always tried to get better for her, to support her, and that even if she didn’t believe that, she shouldn’t have said that in front of her child, especially when she’s been with Candice for 4 years versus her first love, the 15 years she was with my dad.
She went silent, and the meal was awkward.
My husband apologized on my behalf. I told him not to. My mother’s new partner called me a “massive narcissistic jerk” and left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m glad you have happy, loving memories of your father, and I’m sorry that you lost him so young.
Your mother had a far more complicated relationship with him, and it sounds like he was awful towards her. It can’t have been easy for her to come out as bi, and it isn’t easy to grow your family later in life. Your mom being in love and happy with her new partner and soulmate does not diminish your father as a person or how special he was to you.
The modern family unit comes in all shapes and sizes, and it probably feels weird to you to have a half-brother and now maybe a future half-brother/sister even younger than your own child, but her growing her family really isn’t any of your business unless she’s relying on you for financial/childcare support.
You are very young to have lived through so many life-changing events, so I’m going to say soft YTJ and recommend you consider going to counseling to work through some of the complicated emotions and grief you are feeling.” R00n1IWazI1b
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with a soft YTJ, only because you are extra emotional right now.
Your father, the man you saw, loved, respected, etc. was your mother’s bully. Whether or not he considered her his soulmate is irrelevant, he was her bully.
And all that “trying to make it right” with your mother?
Not likely. It’s far more likely he was just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear, so he could get her under his control again when she forgives/goes back to him. As controllers do.
You need to reconcile the fact that while you loved him, and he was a great dad, he was a terrible husband.
And you need to stop holding resentment for your mistreated mother and appreciate that she has someone who truly loves her now, the way she should be loved.” ashleighbuck
Another User Comments:
“It’s okay that you love your father. Almost everyone does. The love a child has for their parent is something very powerful that is almost impossible to destroy.
But you have to understand that your father hurt your mother.
Yes, he tried to change. Yes, he was sorry. It’s okay if you sympathize with your dad. It’s okay if your heart breaks for him.
But you also need to try to empathize with your mom.
She tried for fifteen years to make it work with your dad. How long is long enough? Your dad had fifteen years to prove that she was his soulmate. That’s a very, very long trial period. It’s great that he tried to turn his life around after your mom left him, but… well, OP, you can’t say she didn’t give him a chance.
Your mother may have been his soulmate, but he was not her soulmate. That is a fact. He wasn’t her soulmate because it took him fifteen years to even think about trying to treat her nicely. No soulmate does that.
Your mother has now found her match.
That’s great. Try to see things like that.” diagnosedwolf
12. AITJ For Confronting My Husband's Ex-Boss After He Fired Him?
“My husband Michael and I have a 5-month baby, and I’m still on maternity leave. She doesn’t sleep very well, and we’re both exhausted.
Michael came home today and said out of the blue he’d lost his job.
It was totally shocking and frightening. He said they were laying people off. He’d known a while but hoped it wouldn’t be him, and he didn’t want to worry me unnecessarily. Unfortunately, he said it had come down to him making a few mistakes recently because he was so tired, and they’d used it to avoid giving him a payoff.
I told him I was going shopping and took the baby but instead went to his workplace, went to the reception and asked for the manager who I’d found out was the decision-maker. He came to speak to me. I tried to get him to look at the baby and asked him to rethink his decision to lay off a new father.
He seemed surprised by what I was saying and said he was sorry about the impact on Michael’s family but he had made the decision he felt was right and Michael had the right to appeal. He wouldn’t really engage anymore and said he wasn’t prepared to discuss it with a ‘third party’ (felt great!) and I ended up being sarcastic to him.
I went home and told Michael how I’d tried to help him but that his boss was a robot. He went ballistic and told me I had no right to interfere. He then told me what had actually happened – he’d got behind with his work and claimed to have actually done reports and the like which he hadn’t, but signed for them having been done and putting them on timesheets (to charge clients).
He’d intended to do them later before anyone noticed. He’d also then forge his team leader’s signature on audit documents and some other things to cover it up. This is all pretty bad. There’d been a big investigation, then he’d been fired for it, and there were no layoffs.
He just couldn’t bring himself to tell me and was hoping to get something else quickly.
He’s mad with me for going to his boss and says this could harm his appeal or affect any reference. I can’t see how he can possibly win an appeal and I’m furious with him for lying to me.
Not that this can make me feel any better but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, your husband significantly more for lying to you about what happened and why he was let go, but what you did would never have helped him even if it was the truth.
Even if he didn’t do things that led to him deserving to be fired, his job doesn’t care that he’s a new father, at the end of the day everybody is replaceable to these companies. The only thing your going to his job could have done is made it less likely he gets a reference from them in the future (in this case if he was forging signatures he’ll never get one from them anyway, but had he actually been laid off and you made it a more awkward situation it could have hurt his future employment prospects).” wmciner1
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but one is MUCH MUCH WORSE. I think it was inappropriate to talk to your husband’s boss behind his back. However, it was a LOT more inappropriate that your husband lied about this, and I guess you would have never known if you hadn’t taken this action.
I don’t think your husband has a leg to stand on here to be upset with you due to the clean hands principle. What you did is nothing compared to what he did.
He has zero chance on appeal and also zero chance of getting a good (or even NEUTRAL) reference from this company.
He put the business at risk – time cards and billing customers for work not done is a huge problem for his former employer. Forging signatures is also something he can get in a lot of trouble for legally. He should NOT appeal this and just be grateful the only thing that happened was that he got fired. It could be a lot worse if the company decided to press charges against him for the fraud he committed.
I’m sorry OP, this is really bad news and I’m sure the lies and also how dishonest he was at work is a real problem for you.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you insane? You do not go to anyone’s work demanding answers or a job back.
You literally used your baby to try to guilt trip someone when the reality is your HUSBAND’s actions cost him the job. How embarrassing of you to treat your husband like a child. And how embarrassing that he, a grown man acted that way at work.
He’s no doubt the laughingstock of that place now. And you think they are going to give a reference after dealing with you?” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think many in this thread are distracted by a particular definition of a “jerk.” A jerk may make perfect choices yet still be a jerk, and a non-jerk may make incorrect choices and yet still not be a jerk.
Many in this thread are pointing out that approaching your husband’s employer was the logically wrong choice – I think they have a point and that regardless it still does not make you a jerk. Wrong choice – yes. Jerk – no.
I’m very impressed with how the manager handled the situation.
Very professional: mentioned the legal right to appeal, expressed sympathy for your family, kept it short and sweet, and didn’t spill the beans that it wasn’t a layoff or involved illegal activity. This is too impressive actually. I think the company is 100% doing the finishing touches before pressing charges against your husband.
You need to get a lawyer for your husband ASAP.” squishlurk
11. AITJ For Letting My Male Friend Take Me To An Event Instead Of His Wife?
“I (F26) have a friend (M28) who has been in a rocky relationship with his wife (F27). They started out as a happy couple, but recently have been having a lot more arguments. My friend is more meek, so it’s mostly the wife starting these arguments.
It’s gotten to a point where they’ve stopped talking to each other for days.
My friend had an important event to go to but even though he pleaded with his wife, she said she wasn’t going at all. So last minute, he asked me to come along, and I said sure.
He called the event organizers to ask if they could do a last-minute change for name tags, and they said yes. He even messaged his wife and it said she read his message but never replied so we just went for it.
The next day, I head to the event with him, but when we’re getting our name tags, we see that his wife’s name is still there.
I ask them for my name, and they said they weren’t able to make the last-minute changes, and I would have to wear that name tag to get in. My friend said I could go and he’d get me dinner afterward instead as a sorry, but I said I was going in with him because I know this man freezes up anxious when he’s talking to strangers alone.
And that thing had a LOT of strangers.
The entire night I had to explain to people that I was, in fact, not his wife and that they just couldn’t get a new name tag in time (we came up with a story that his wife was sick).
It was actually a good conversation starter and helped my friend slide into conversations well. After the event, he still took me out for dinner, and it’s all good.
Later that night though, I started getting messages and saw that they were from my friend’s wife.
I open them up because I’m curious and it turns out she’s mad that I took her place at the party. She was telling me that I was some scum trying to take her husband and I shouldn’t have gone to the event at all.
I try to argue that she wasn’t going to the party and there was nothing weird going on, but she just kinda got more mad, kept telling me what I was doing was unreasonable, and now she blocked me.
My friend actually texted me to tell me that his wife was calling me some pretty extreme things, and he’s starting to feel bad for asking me to go there.
Honestly, I’m starting to feel bad too because I was walking around with her name on my dress. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I know the instinct is always for us to side with our friends when they are having relationship problems. But you don’t actually know what is happening behind closed doors or what is driving a wedge between them.
When I had problems with my ex, all his friends thought I was just this annoying, nagging witch. That he was such a victim and turning into a “yes dear” man. When in reality, at home, he was passive-aggressive, showed me zero affection, and was verbally abusive.
They didn’t know that everything I did was a reaction to something he did. So you don’t know what part your friend is playing. Perhaps she has asked him for something in the relationship and he doesn’t give it. He’s meek?
How about uncommunicative?
Anyway, moving on… you suck for agreeing to stand in for his wife at a company event. That’s not the place you bring a friend. And you know it. You should never be standing in for anyone’s wife, ever. You literally took her place when she set a boundary in their relationship for reasons you don’t know.
You never asked her.
He sucks for asking you. Big no no.
She sucks for blowing up at you instead of her husband.” JonesBlair555
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Ever notice how the wife is always the crazy, manipulative one in these stories. You can’t possibly know the dynamics of their relationship.
You’re only getting his bias. Every couple has fights. That doesn’t mean you replace your spouse in a social setting. If you HAVE to go, make an appearance, shake hands with the boss, and go home. I’m just curious what kind of dress this platonic friend wore to the event.
That would be very telling. There is just too much context missing here, much of which the OP has not and cannot provide. How do we even know he pleaded with his wife to go? Because he told OP?” Monorail_Princess87
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Meek people start arguments too, just not in the way you think. Often meek people will not respond to their SOs/spouses in conversations making it extremely aggravating and impossible to resolve issues, make even small decisions together, or will gloss over issues allowing them to build with an I’m fine or it’s fine.
What that is really doing is the meek person writing off the relationship as not valuable enough to work through. If your friend is meek, then he needs a therapist to learn how to deal with people and discuss issues instead of hiding from them.
You getting in the middle, lying to people about his wife with her name tag on will not help anything. Get out of the relationship and tell him to get a therapist. This is most likely not a one-sided issue.” holisarcasm
10. AITJ For Blowing Off My Husband's Family Reunion?
“I have IBS. Before anyone asks yes, I’m getting medical treatment for it, eat a special diet that helps a little bit, and am on a medication that also helps a bit. Despite that, I still have symptoms. It sucks but life goes on.
Every two years my husband’s family has a family reunion.
It’s only 15 – 17 of us so we book Airbnbs nearby each other and spend a week hanging out as a family. Two years ago was my first time going since my husband and I got married right before the world went to crap. We booked a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom Airbnb to share with his sister, her husband, their 14-year-old, and my husband and me.
At the time, I didn’t know my SIL takes 2-3 hour or longer showers a day. To not give you all a TMI, with 1 bathroom this did not work for my IBS. I ended up crapping myself twice. While BIL was sympathetic, SIL and my nephew have made me the butt of a joke only they think is funny for the past 2 years.
Recently, we started booking Airbnbs for our family reunion this summer. I insisted on a 2 bathroom home to avoid what happened last time. SIL said it would be too expensive. My husband and I offered to cover the difference in cost between the 1 bathroom place she wanted to rent and the 2 bathroom we wanted. She said we were treating her like a charity case and that what happened to me last time was a “family bonding experience.”
My husband put his foot down and said he didn’t even want to go now, even if we had 2 bathrooms. I know it’s selfish but I didn’t say anything because SIL has been so awful the thought of spending a week with her sounds like heck.
A majority of my husband’s family is now saying I’m ruining the vacation by manipulating my husband into not going since most of them only see us every 2 years at the reunion. He’s told them that’s not the case but now we’re getting crap on the daily for not going and I feel really crappy.
Part of me is wondering if I’m manipulating my husband without realizing it. AITJ or are we the jerks for not going to the reunion because of my IBS?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband is doing what a good life partner is supposed to do — he’s looking out for you — of his own volition.
and he’s 100% correct.
The alternative is to book your own place, and not share quarters with his obnoxious and toxic sister. After what happened last time, she wants to make sure she can keep you out of the bathroom again when you need it…. and I’m betting she’d do exactly that, and then announce it to everyone else when the inevitable results from that.
Screw that crap.
I don’t have IBS, but I am on cancer meds that periodically have explosive side effects. If someone deliberately went out of their way to deprive me of bathroom access when my gut is doing that… all heck would break loose.
A week with her truly does sound like heck.
So if you and your husband want to go to the reunion — book something for just the 2 of you, and let your SIL and BIL figure out their own housing for the week…. it’s not your problem that they’re being cheap.” ImKiliW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a family bonding moment if they’ve been making jokes at your expense about your medical condition for two darn years. That’s unacceptable and SIL and your nephew are being bullies. And she absolutely refuses to make an accommodation for your medical condition.
I wouldn’t go, either, but I kind of want you guys to ask her if she’ll agree to one shower that lasts no more than 15 minutes per day and see how she responds to an inconvenience. Your in-laws are being jerks, and good on your husband for sticking up for you.
Tell them you had a terrible experience due to their bad behavior and her intent to replay the situation at the expense of your physical and mental health makes this trip an easy no.” PellyCanRaf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL is selfish and rude as heck!
You offered a reasonable and generous solution in offering to pay the difference for the 2-bathroom house. Your offer isn’t even a compromise as it would be objectively more comfortable for everyone involved. At first blush, it seems like she’s just being prideful, but the more I think about it (especially the part about her and her son repeatedly making insensitive jokes at your expense) the more it seems like she gets a sick kind of pleasure from causing you embarrassment and pain.
Locking the door and taking 2 hour long showers daily in a house with only one bathroom is objectively unreasonable. I’m appalled that she’s been enabled to do this since she was a child.” Travel-Street
9. AITJ For Exploding At My Mother-In-Law For Pressuring Me As A Step-Mom?
“I (34f) married my husband Logan (37m) 6 years ago.
He was a widower with two children; Luca now 16 and Milo now 15. His first wife died when the boys were 5 and 6 years old and we met a year later, became friends, and then more after several months of friendship. I get along fine with my stepsons.
But they never wanted me to act motherly toward them, which I was fine with, I had hoped we would build up a friendship and maybe a close bond that was different to their parents but still special. Ever since my husband and I married, though, his parents have been making it clear that I need to embrace my role as the boys’ mom.
Logan told them to knock it off and around him they did. But occasionally I would get a comment about how the boys do not act like they are close to me, and how I don’t act like a mother should. It was bothersome but I did my best to ignore it.
Over time it started to weigh on me that my relationship with the boys remained distant. We get along fine, as I said. But that’s about it. They are very close to their dad and I’m glad. They don’t give me trouble. I just feel on the outside with them.
Having the comments from my in-laws was not helping either. It felt like I couldn’t do anything right. The boys didn’t want me to act as a mom so I remained just a support in their lives, but that meant my in-laws saw me as not being a good addition to their grandsons’ lives.
But I never wanted to be the jerk stepparent who forced myself on them either. I do not believe that is the way to go.
When I got pregnant it only got worse. My emotions were a little more all over the place and it hurt more to have that distant but polite relationship with the boys.
Then knowing my in-laws were likely watching every move I made during my pregnancy to see if I was favoring the baby over the boys. I ended up confiding in my mom about it. I just let go and she was a great support. When I had my son she would come over to offer support to my husband back at work.
My mother-in-law stopped by while my mom was here. She came to bring up the fact Luca and Milo had rejected her offer to get me a mother necklace for Christmas with photos of them and my son, telling her I was not their mom.
She told me the fact the boys feel that way is shocking and they need me to do better. My mom told her it was time to leave and that the conversation was over. She told her to stay out of it. She told me I owe it to her grandsons to not make them feel like they have no mom.
I was so desperate that I told her they don’t want another mom, they never wanted me like that and she and her husband were driving me to the brink with all the comments about me not doing a good job. I asked why she was such a nightmare and added she was not helping me or them.
This was before Christmas. She is still furious. Logan decided we needed a time-out from them. But his mom said I blew up at her for no good reason.
I feel bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband needs to be drawing firm boundaries with his parents, and now more than ever.
This should have happened years ago, but now that you’re pregnant it’s imperative that it happens now.
He needs to go over to see them, ALONE, and say, “Mom, Dad, if you ever bring up the relationship between my wife and the boys ever again, we are going NC with you.” Period.
They need to stop trying to interfere in a relationship that sounds like it’s perfectly fine. And your husband needs to stop allowing you to be bullied by them. This situation is not ok.
If your husband won’t stand up to his parents, you need to be in couples counseling immediately.
And consider standing up for yourself. Go NC with his parents until they can accept that this is a hard boundary that they need to stop stomping on. Your family dynamic is NOT their business and NOT their job to micromanage. If they won’t back off, then you will stay far away from them.
NTJ – you should have exploded at her long ago.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Nothing in this post justified calling her a “nightmare.” That being said, she’s definitely overstepping.
Also, it really sounds like you haven’t made any attempt to take on a motherly role, so I kind of understand her point.
A 5- and 6-year-old didn’t want you to be a mother figure…so you just said ok? You are the adult. It’s your responsibility to step up and fill that role, even if they don’t call you mom. That could come in time (the role, not the term).” bigchicago04
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing the right things for your oldest children. There seems to be a lot of feelings around and I think you can sit down and revisit the topic with the boys.
Ask them about it and see what feelings have changed on the matter.
If you’d like to be closer, tell them. You don’t want to replace anyone, you just want to add love to their lives.
Go to the source. Tell them you love them, you want a great relationship with them, and you want to follow their lead and hopefully be closer as a family.
Let them sleep on it and sort through their feelings. Get back to you.
I raised my sons from hub’s first marriage. I’m not their mom, I’m also their mom. I never tried to take her place, followed their lead, and kept consistent that I was there for them and thought of them as family.” Notdoingitanymore
8. AITJ For Blowing Up At A Customer For Not Believing I'm Partially Deaf?
“I’m a 19-year-old girl who was in a car crash when I was 7.
I don’t remember the actual event very well. From what my dad said, the car hit the side I was sitting on (we were t-boned by an intoxicated driver), and I slammed my head into the window. I have a limp now due to a fractured hip, but the main issue is my right ear.
I’m fully deaf in that ear, thankfully just that one. I’m not sure exactly what caused the deafness. My dad never told me and doesn’t like thinking about the crash.
With that out of the way, we cut to the present. This happened yesterday.
I was at work when a customer approached me on my right side. My specific job isn’t important, but I work at a grocery store so retail. I didn’t see or notice her. She went ‘ahem’ quietly. Usually, I can hear pretty well with my left ear, but I didn’t hear her.
I was daydreaming as I stocked the shelves, so I was a little distracted. I will say maybe that was my fault, but I couldn’t hear her. So, what did she do? Instead of saying something louder, she grabbed my shoulder and tugged me toward her.
She yelled at me and said, ‘You don’t ignore a customer!’
This shocked me. I am horrible with confrontation. I yanked my arm away and looked at her with this look of shock and fear, I was startled. I said ‘I apologize, ma’am, I didn’t hear you.
Is there anything I can do for you?’
She did that huff eye roll combo, the one that makes you feel like crap. ‘I don’t like your attitude. I know you could hear me!’
I remember having a realization that this would not go well.
I remember saying, ‘I’m, sorry ma’am, I am deaf on my right side. I honestly could not hear you. Can I help you with anything?’ I was trying my best just to change the subject, but she kept insisting I could have heard her, and then she said, ‘Young people like you can’t be deaf!’
I swear, that sentence alone screamed ignorance. My blood boiled, and I snapped. It was the end of my shift, I was tired, and I do feel guilty for this. I said, ‘Then you’re lucky you weren’t the one in a car crash when you were a child, but I wasn’t so lucky was I?’
At this point, a manager came over to help her and told me to go into the back. When he returned, he told me I wasn’t in trouble and that she’s in here all the time and usually is rude. However, he had me leave a few hours early.
I should explain this is the first time I’ve ever snapped at a customer before.
I feel guilty, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled it professionally and with way more patience than I would have. The customer pushed you over the edge with their rude ignorance.
I hope this was a wake-up call for them that you don’t know what someone has experienced, and a blatant statement claiming young people can’t be deaf gives you full permission to wash yourself of any guilt you may feel. They’re an idiot.
Pay them zero mind.
You were patient and as kind as you could be after being physically manhandled and accosted while in shock. Your manager should be supporting you better.” flumpf
Another User Comments:
“I work customer service/fast food. NTJ. I’d see if your manager would be willing to speak to her or ban her from the store.
If she’s causing a consistent pattern, she needs to be told to get the heck out and stay away. My manager would absolutely do that for us, and it sounds like your manager might be the same type. He got you out of the situation, let you know you’re not in trouble, and reassured you it wasn’t your fault.
Customers freaking suck sometimes.” AutisticAndAce
Another User Comments:
“Op=NTJ
She put her hands on you–that was her first strike, then she called you a liar 2nd strike. And the cherry on top, that you couldn’t possibly have a disability that you do have. Strike Three – she’s out.
I’m glad you didn’t get in “trouble”, and I agree that being sent home is not a usually positive thing. Tho it is possible that he was trying to make it up to you for her treatment (But since I’m sure you didn’t get paid for those unworked hours–that sucks).
You are young still, practicing the art of Zen, letting the insults fly over you. ‘Cause it’s retail, and it doesn’t get better.
If you are curious why on the deafness, ask a doctor instead of talking to your father. You are an adult now and should be able to get your own medical records.
It also may be time to have your condition reassessed to see if there’s anything to ameliorate the deafness as medicine has likely progressed in that field over the last 12 years.” Blacksmithforge3241
7. AITJ For Exposing My Cousin For Pretending To Be Me On Social Media?
“I (22F) have a cousin, Lydia (21F), who is my aunt’s daughter. I never saw Lydia very often growing up, maybe 3 times a year, up to five some years. This is in contrast to my other cousins who I saw very often and am very close with, but Lydia isn’t really that close to any of us, and my aunt isn’t very close to her siblings either.
For context, my family is quite strict about social media. We have profiles, but when we were younger all our parents had the rule that we had to keep our social media profiles private, and there were certain things about our lifestyle that we weren’t allowed to post. If we did, there were varying degrees of ‘punishment’ – normally you’d just get your bank cards restricted for a week.
Lydia was the only one of us who never had this rule, and would frequently post things on family holidays that would get her in trouble with the other parents. Even though we don’t have that rule now, we all still keep to it to some degree (except Lydia).
Recently, I found out through one of my other cousins that Lydia has social media accounts where she shares my pictures and videos and pretends that they’re hers, except this profile is public and has thousands of followers. I was upset about this because even though they were just videos of my partying or travel etc., I didn’t consent to any of it being viewed by strangers.
In addition, I find it very weird that Lydia is screenshotting/recording my life to pretend it’s her own. I blocked the account that Lydia used to follow me on all my social media profiles but didn’t say anything else about it.
Recently we were on a family ski trip (my aunt, her husband, and Lydia were not there).
Lydia messaged the family group chat saying she couldn’t find my profile on one of the platforms and did I delete it. I replied in the group chat that I blocked her because I know she was stealing my content and using it to get followers on another account.
All my cousins knew about the accounts, but the parents didn’t, and both Lydia and her mother have been getting angry calls and messages from the whole family saying that what she did was dangerous and unhinged and that she needs professional help. My parents said that if she didn’t take the profile down they would get their lawyer involved, so she deleted the profiles.
Lydia is now saying that I’ve ruined her relationships with everyone in the family, and potential work opportunities over a few videos of shopping and holidays. She said that since she didn’t use any content of me (she never used anything that showed my face) it wasn’t a big deal and I shouldn’t have gotten her in trouble, but honestly I think what she did was creepy.
My family is on my side but one of my cousins and a few of my friends said a lot of people steal content and while it’s weird, it’s not harmful, and that maybe I should have just left her blocked and not said anything else.”
Another User Comments:
“What your cousin is doing is basically a form of identity theft called “Social Media Impersonation”. She could be doing this for various reasons – including scamming people out of income by doing this under a disguise by using you as her costume.
I think this is worth reporting to authorities, especially with any proof you have that you can bring to them.
They can work with you to get any other social media account she’s pretending to be you on shut down and could essentially end up being charged with identity theft if you do choose to file a report.
Even more so if she’s doing this for an even deeper reason (it will get more complicated for her if she’s also doing this to commit fraud, which she will not be able to get out of).
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She is super lucky you didn’t press charges.
Who knows what she said as she claimed she was you in each pic, what she may have done to your reputation, what she said to people while posing as you, etc.
Her jealousy over your life could have seriously endangered you or ruined your life.
What about any male “fans” of those accounts she flirted with that could have come at you on the streets thinking all those private chats and pix were you?? Or bosses for jobs that saw that very public profile and decided you were not fit?
The potential extent of what she did was extraordinary, the damage was long-term and dangerous. She deserves a lot more than those pages being taken down. She NEEDS to issue a public apology and admission of guilt to ward off any damage she did that you are unaware of.
You may want to consider charges and a lawyer for her impersonating you… For real.” C_Alex_author
6. AITJ For Choosing To Elope Instead Of Having A Wedding With My Family In Attendance?
Not everyone has to have a traditional wedding.
“My family is a bit messy.
I love them all. But us all being together is not a good idea. I have an older brother who’s 10 years older than me. I adore my brother. He despises the man I call Dad. We have the same bio dad, but I was only 3 when he died, and my mom remarried a year later.
Our dad’s brother. My brother hates him because he feels like Dad was just waiting for our bio dad to die, to just swoop in and take his place. My dad hates that my brother changed toward mom and him after they married. They argue over everything.
Dad’s quite the hothead and my brother isn’t the most expressive person so bottles a lot up until they argue. Mom tries to get my brother to feel differently about things. Has used some guilt trips on him in the past. Some stuff I only found years later.
Like the fact my brother wished a lot of terrible things on Dad when he learned I had started calling him Dad, feeling he should have discouraged that and made it clear bio dad was only Dad and he was just some scumbag who stole his dead brother’s family.
Then Dad became enraged when my brother refused to let him come to his graduation. He told Mom she could come alone or not at all, but he was not playing happy family.
The last time we were all together was when grandpa (dad and bio dad’s father) died and well… my parents were hurt to learn that my brother had married and had a child and especially hurt that I knew, had attended the wedding and knew my nephew.
It became so tense. My parents were upset with me. My brother told them not to be and that he was none of their business. They said they deserved to see their grandson. My brother said dad was not a grandparent and he wished it had been him instead of bio dad who died and how his death wouldn’t have mattered in the grand scheme of things.
Now I’m engaged and I can’t stand to choose between them, can’t stand to risk a fight, so I decided to elope. My brother said we should come for dinner to celebrate sometime and told me he hoped I had the best wedding. My parents were upset and wanted to know why I’d elope.
After enough pushing I told them it was because of the family drama and not wanting to choose between them and my brother. This made them so upset and maybe even angry. They told me I was punishing them for my brother’s bad behavior.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
That being said, I’m 100% on your brother’s side.
His dad died then his uncle got together with his mom and tried to replace his dad. That’s the same situation that drove Hamlet to insanity (sans all the murder).
I understand his feelings: If I died and my little sister married my husband and tried to be a mom to my kids – I’d haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Also, maybe consider if your mom and uncle/dad are such good people after all.
You don’t remember your bio dad but your brother does (he was 13 when he died, not a small child with no memory of him like you were)
They refused to accept his justified anger and hurt feelings and tried to force him to play happy family thereby driving him away.
Now they are attempting to guilt trip you into forcing a reconciliation between them and him at your wedding.
I wouldn’t be surprised if there is more to the story. For all you know your brother’s allegation that uncle/dad waited for his brother to die to get his family might have some truth to it.” randomperson4052
Another User Comments:
“Ntj for wanting to elope, but I don’t understand how you can ignore your brother is right on every single count? Your uncle married his dead brother’s widow a year after he died. Can you not see how sick and suspicious this is?
Your mother and uncle are extremely toxic. Your brother seems amazing for the crap he’s had to endure from them both.
I’m curious to know how everyone else in your family reacted to the happy couple’s news.
I just really, really cannot understand how you are in these people’s lives.
Sit down and reevaluate your relationships. Your mother is emotionally manipulative and abusive. Your uncle is just downright abusive to your brother and yet you completely rationalise his temper.
How can you not see that this is not a normal family dynamic? I’m 1,000% on your brother’s side.
I’d be disgusted with my mother and if my sister married my husband I’d come back and haunt them both.
So, so messed up. I hope your brother sees and recognizes this post and sees the support he has that he should have got from his family.” Apprehensive_Set_519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. That’s a hard choice to make but you made the best one. And you can clearly see who the adult is here considering your brother congratulated you and invited you both to dinner. Whereas your mom and stepdad are whining, taking no responsibility for the reasoning for your choice.
But I do think there’s more to this than your mom and stepdad are letting on. I can imagine it must be mortifying for someone to lose their father only to have their uncle step in and completely take over that role. On top of that, they invalidated his pain, blaming him for everything they did wrong.
And now they are upset that he refuses to play happy family. That’s pretty messed up. You were very young when this happened so your brother definitely knows more about this situation than you do. If this is something you think you want to unpack, you should definitely talk to your brother and get him to tell you everything from his side cos right now all that seems to be happening is your mum and stepdad going woe is me.” Little_Meringue766
5. AITJ For Accusing My Friend Of Trying To One-Up My Centerpiece Work At Her Wedding?
It’s easy to feel hurt in a situation like this, but you also have to remember that it’s her wedding.
“I (F26) can make really nice floral arrangements. It’s not really a business, but I have made centerpieces and arrangements for my family and friends and their events.
Last year, let’s call her Sadie (F23) contacted me, saying she likes my work and if I could make some centerpieces for the guest tables at her wedding. Sadie is my close friend’s cousin, and while I’ve seen her around and occasionally talk to her, we’re not close friends or anything.
I said sure and we worked out what she wanted (also I asked if she wanted something for the bridal table, but she said that was already covered). She invited me to the wedding as well.
So the wedding was last week, I was really happy with how all the centerpieces turned out and thought they looked great.
The bridal table, however, had these really extravagant centerpieces that were stunning, and I obviously didn’t make them so I asked Sadie who did. She said she made those herself, but she wouldn’t have time to make all the centerpieces for the tables, so she asked me.
I’ll be honest that I felt kind of betrayed because her centerpieces were much nicer than mine and people would ask about those, not the ones on the guest tables. I didn’t say anything but later messaged her (politely, I didn’t go off) that I felt she was undermining my effort by having such showy centerpieces.
Sadie said she wasn’t trying to undermine anything, and this is what they thought went with the decor. I said she should’ve been upfront about the bridal table or had the same centerpieces as the guest tables. She started getting angry, and said there’s nothing to be upfront about and I’m “overstepping”.
So AITJ? I’m just kind of mad she was trying to overshadow my work, but she was annoyed at me for texting that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She’s right, you’re overstepping. It was her wedding. She’s allowed to overshadow everyone and everything she wants to that day.
It’s very clear from this post that what you’re experiencing is jealousy. You feel Sadie’s centerpieces were better than the ones you made, so you want her to be in the wrong so that you can say “my centerpieces may have been uglier, but at least I wasn’t a jerk!” The problem is, the latter in that statement isn’t true.
Try to build some confidence! Like you said: you don’t do centrepieces professionally, but are still skilled enough that this woman enjoyed your work and trusted you to create decor for a very important celebration. You don’t have to compare your centerpieces to hers, and you certainly don’t have to come off as a control freak by harping the bride about it.
You made many beautiful, simpler centerpieces and she made a couple of beautiful, more complex pieces. That’s it. Don’t give jealousy the power to take over and ruin what otherwise should’ve been a nice experience. If you’re upset because you don’t think you’re capable of making arrangements as complex as hers, practice.
If you are confident you could make something just as extravagant, but the problem is just that you feel she upstaged you, get over yourself. This is not something to waste time on! Choose peace!
I’d also recommend apologizing to the bride.” Happy-Strawberry8534
Another User Comments:
“It is okay for you to feel a bit bad about this, as I am trying to compare this to another service like say singing requested of you for the reception and then you realize they have an Oscar-level singer actually sing the main song for the first dance and you are kind of an extra.
Contrary to the opinions here, I cut you some slack because a kind of unexpected upstaging is hurtful.
However, it is not the Bride’s fault either. They probably could have told you they are making the centerpiece themselves for the main table and generally could have had a conversation about the art, as they are into it too.
I think it is a common courtesy code between people of the same line of interest, especially in the arts. They are not required of this obligation to you, but it would have been good etiquette on their part.
While your feelings are understandable, especially as you thought this was a favor as you do not run a business (so they are not technically just a client), asking them about it was not a classy or nice thing to do, especially to the bride on her special day.
So, YTJ for that alone.” here_2_judge
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are assuming that she did the extravagant centerpieces for attention. There could be other reasons. Maybe she had made these same centerpieces previously for another event and made her own because she had experience making the ones she wanted?
Maybe she already had the materials? Maybe it was cheaper for her to do it? Maybe she is a perfectionist and wanted to be more in control of the centerpieces for the wedding party? Either way though, it isn’t really your business.
You thinking she did centerpieces for attention seems like a projection on your part.
It seems like you were really upset you didn’t get recognition at the wedding for your centerpieces. It isn’t the client’s job to mind-read how you would feel if she did her own centerpieces and try to tip-toe around your feelings. She is a client.
You did a job. You got paid, which is all you should realistically expect back in return. Keep it professional. Maybe you should be flattered that if she is so good she trusted you with the other centerpieces.” Green-Winter7457
4. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Wife To Drop Dead?
“My (17F) mom died a little over a year ago. I was living with her full-time before she passed. She left me a lot of money and her house. Since the house was just going to stay empty until I was done with college my aunt (on my mom’s side) and I talked about it and we agreed she would stay there since she’s taking care of my grandma and her place was small.
I will move back in once I’ve finished my schooling.
My dad assumed my mom left me her money and left the house to my aunt. I didn’t correct him because I don’t trust my dad or have a great relationship with him. I am currently living with him, his wife Jan, and her twin daughters (17, both lovely people) in a 3-bedroom flat.
2 months ago he found out that my mom left me the house. I’m not sure how he found out but he did. Since then I haven’t heard the end of it, I’m selfish for making us all stay in a tiny flat, I’m spoiled because I won’t share my inheritance, and I’m a terrible person for making the twins take out loans.
You get the gist.
This weekend was the twins’ birthday at my grandma’s house. Most of my dad’s family was there (we get along great usually), his wife’s family, and some of both of their friends were there along with the twins’ friends. After they were done opening my present to them they asked me if that was really it.
(I got them matching bracelets with their birthstones, which they both loved btw) It got quiet and I asked them what else they were expecting. They said Jan said that I was planning on surprising them on their birthday by telling them we were moving into my mom’s house and helping them with college.
My grandma asked Jan if this was true and Jan started in on me again. She asked what she could do to make me stop being a witch, pull my weight, help out, and be fair.
I told her she could drop dead. That my mom died for me to get all these things she wanted me to give her daughters.
I said if she wanted everything to be fair then she should drop dead and I would share everything I had with her daughters since we would have all lost a mother then. That it would be fair only after that happened. She and my dad started yelling at me and my grandma and uncles started yelling at my dad and Jan and everything was pretty much over after that.
The whole ride home my dad and Jan were getting calls and texts from family and friends telling them they were disappointed in them and I was getting texts from Jan’s family, the twins’ friends, and a few of my own cousins saying I was selfish.
I don’t usually fight with my cousins, so I’m really starting to think maybe I am being selfish and that I went too far at the twins’ party.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad and stepmom are GROSS.
Speak with your aunt or an adult you trust about making sure no one (your father in particular) can access your funds or try to claim rights to the house on your behalf.
Maybe even a school counselor can refer you to a lawyer to help you secure your inheritance. Please do this ASAP.
Second, I understand the issue with moving back to your mother’s house (your house) with your grandmother ailing there. But, you need to stop living with your dad’s family ASAP too.
If there isn’t any immediate family or friends in the area that can take you in, again, maybe reach out to your school counselor or another adult you trust to help you find a safe place to live temporarily, at least until you’re 18.
Then maybe temporarily rent something cheap until you are ready to start college or whatever new step you decide after graduation.” Extreme_Emphasis8478
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Somehow people think that inheritance suddenly becomes community property in these situations. The reality is that if your mom had wanted to leave part of your inheritance to them she would have.
Your instincts were right on the nose about your Dad. If I were you I would see if I could manage to live on my own vs. stay with them ASAP. The sooner you could separate the better.
About the only thing I might’ve done differently in your shoes is when the twins told you that their mother said you would all be moving into your house, correct that in front of everybody present.
Versus what you said. People are weird about death. Your stepmother has some nerve to set up her kids that way. That just goes to show you how little she actually does care for them beyond a way to use them and their feelings for her gain.
And she thought she could embarrass you enough in front of the family to make you allow all this to happen. Well, she thought wrong, didn’t she?!
I think the sooner you can extricate yourself from that situation, the better. Maybe see if your aunt can provide you guardianship until you turn 18.
I think given the situation it would be warranted for you to separate from them. It’s only to protect your own mental health, and your own inheritance given the actions that recently occurred.” Special-Parsnip9057
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I lost my mum around the same age as you did and I would never have handled things as well as you clearly have.
You lost your mum and you stepped up to make sure your grandma had the care and comfort she needed. Dealing with illness and death so soon after losing your mum is a MAMMOTH task and you’ve just done so incredibly. Your mother would be beyond proud of the adult you’re turning into, (and was probably cheering you on in spirit when you told that horrible woman to drop dead!)
Your dad and his partner are absolutely in the wrong and trying to steal from someone who is still legally a child. Your mom had to die for you to get the money and property, and you used the property to house family in need. Your selflessness shines through.
Those greedy jerks want so much for their family? They can go and earn it, or as OP said, drop dead themselves.” Violet_Daydreams
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You should not have said that to her. I can understand you may wish to, but you can’t just spout what you feel whenever you wish, and it be ok.
There are also some other questionable things.
“I don’t trust my dad or have a great relationship with him” but the relationship is good enough, and you trust him enough to live with him and his family. Are you paying rent, helping with bills?
Everyone is staying in a much smaller place when you could have lived at yours.
Either with his family or your aunt.
“I said if she wanted everything to be fair then she should drop dead, and I would share everything I had with her daughters since we would have all lost a mother then.” This has no logic. Even if their mother dropped dead, how does that make them entitled to your inheritance?
Does this mean that you would be willing to share your inheritance with others in the family who had lost their mothers? If she dropped dead her children would inherit from her.
Your inheritance is yours, and yours alone. It belongs to no one else, and you can keep or give any part of it you wish, how you wish, or to whom you wish.
Invest every dime you can, in fact, I recommend you talk to an expert in this. You want to get a return, but you also need to be able to access it to pay things like property taxes and perform general upkeep without having to pay a penalty.
Good luck with all of this.” _my_choice_
3. AITJ For Trying To Get My Partner To Leave The House More Frequently, So I Can Be Alone?
“I (30F) moved into my partner’s (41M) house almost two years ago. Things have been going smoothly so far, bar a few disagreements here and there.
He works from home 100% of the time, and he is a homebody.
I work from home 2-3 days a week, so we do spend quite a bit of time together. I lived alone before moving in, and I loved having my own place to myself.
Now, as he is literally ALWAYS home, that never happens anymore. He doesn’t have hobbies that will get him to go outside.
He very rarely goes somewhere without me, like to a bar or a party for the evening. Though we do have friends here in our city, so it’s not like there’s no one to go out with. When he does go out for social events, I’m going along with him.
I leave the house on my own much more often to go to work or visit family or friends.
That leads us to our latest argument. Lately, I’ve mentioned to him several times that I would like to have the house to myself sometimes. It’s not like he’s annoying me when he’s home, and I’m not planning to do anything sketchy, but I guess I just need to be home alone sometimes… If you’re a quiet introvert like me, you probably know the feeling.
Having someone else in my living space all the time is starting to really bug me.
After our last talk, he said he would make an effort to leave the house more often, but that never happened (last time he went out without me for the night was in November!).
Last night, a friend hit him up to go grab drinks, so I was hopeful that he would finally go out, but he said he didn’t feel like it. So I snapped and reminded him about what we discussed and that I wished he’d been to see his friend and gone out on his own for once.
He feels hurt that I want him out of the house sometimes. He feels like I’m forcing him to leave and that I hate his company, but it’s not really what this is about. I would like him to WANT to go out more. I don’t want him to just leave and wander out alone.
I told him I’d like to have my evening alone at home once every two months, which seems pretty reasonable I believe. I should mention that he’s not good at making actual plans to meet people. Mostly, he will wait for an invitation.
However, his reaction led me to wonder if I’m being selfish and unreasonable?
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nah, I get this – NTJ because you need alone time in a safe space to recharge, and for most people, that is their home. You need that alone time to get energy back to then be more present in your relationship with him.
It’s making you on edge all the time to not have that space, I’m sure.
It’s your home and should be a place of comfort and retreat for you too. Sometimes that might mean you are the only one home because that’s what you need.
My fiancé once looked at me very early on when we moved in together when I was having a hard day and said, “Do you want me to just get out of here for a few hours, so you can relax at home alone?” And it was exactly what I needed at that moment, and the relief was so palpable that he understood that I wasn’t rejecting him by wanting him to go away for a bit, I just needed some time totally alone at home to recharge, and he got that immediately.” RubyJuneRocket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neither of you is, it’s just not an ideal situation for anyone.
I think it’s concerning/problematic that he hasn’t left the house without you since NOVEMBER. That’s pretty intense. You are both introverted, but could there be something more going on?
Why does he always turn down the chance to catch up with a friend?
You are ultimately only asking for an evening once every couple of months. That sounds extremely reasonable. I’m sure he could manage to do that to make you happy, even if he is just going for a walk, cycle or drive by himself.
He should understand that you have a need for some downtime at home too (especially since he gets this downtime several times a week).
But beyond that, I’d be more concerned about your partner and whether he’s doing okay. His lifestyle seems pretty extreme; just make sure the boundary between introversion/homebodiness isn’t blurring with depression/agoraphobia, etc.” BojaktheDJ
Another User Comments:
“You should probably have an actual discussion at some point. Like adults. You know, about how you need some you time in a quiet place while alone, that you used to live alone and had gotten pretty used to being alone in a house, how it’s depleting for you to spend time with him in his house and you’d feel a lot more recharged and ready for him if he just wasn’t there.
YTJ, big time. Adults talk to each other and try to find compromises. Moreso when they actually like each other. Maybe try saying you need some alone time and go to a different room in the house. If he joins you, repeat that you need some alone time and encourage him to leave the room.
Also, give him a timeline. I need to be alone for a few hours.
The way this is written, it feels like you tolerate him. It doesn’t really feel like you want to be in this relationship. There’s no effort to come to an understanding between the two of you.
He’s obviously happy with staying at home, even when there’s an invitation to go do something. You agreed to live together, and you should have had some indication that this was the way he is before moving in. And now you’re pushing him to change.
I think it’s odd how much it’s bothering you that he’s doing something that keeps him satisfied and happy. And at home.” Tenairi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
If you need time alone then go out alone. Take a drive.. go to a quiet park, etc.
It’s okay to WANT time at home by yourself, but to demand it from your partner is pretty cruel.
I also want to add that if the home space isn’t big enough to allow for you to decompress (I’m an introvert as well), then you should both look for another home layout that can allow you this.
Finally, it seems like you may not be very compatible, so that’s something to think about. Trying to change your partner isn’t very nice. You say you’re an introvert, and he should accommodate you, but it seems like he may be an introvert as well and enjoy being home in his own space.
Why are your needs more important than his?” Adventurous-Sun5481
2. AITJ For Hating My Valentine's Gift From My Husband?
“So, for context, my husband and I are part of this friends group (we are actually neighbors) that consists of 5 families, and by coincidences of life, we all have 2-3 year-olds.
Valentine’s day was as normal as a Tuesday can be, just that there were flowers for me (which I really loved), and I made my husband and kid heart-shaped pancakes.
I thought that was gonna be it.
By 7:30 pm, my husband tells me he is out to help one of the neighbors do an errand, and he will be back shortly. One hour and a half passes, and I’m just like: dudeee, hi? You have a fam?
It’s 9 pm, and I hear music. Outside our front door. I open the door, and there it is, my husband and the other dads giving me a serenade! Which is cute, my kid loved it and all. They told me I was the last one of all the wives, and I thought well cool, Hubby come in and let’s make dinner.
But then… the wives arrive with the kids and everyone gets in my house, and the kids started spraying orange juice on the floor, there’s chips on every part of my house, toys everywhere, the dadas making hot dogs.
I feel like I’m in a horror movie.
I had just cleaned my house, which is no easy task when working and having a kid. I was finally feeling some peace. And then this happened. I wasn’t even prepared to see people, I was in freaking booty shorts and no ounce of production on my being.
They leave and it’s past my kids’ bedtime, my house is flipped upside down, and I’m furious. I tell him just that, to never do something like that again.
He gets mad, telling me at least I had a freaking gift, and he got nothing (uhm, heart-shaped pancakes are somethin’, fella), and he was trying to make something nice.
I told him, in other words, I didn’t like it, and if he was gonna make something like that, I would rather not have anything.
He got really mad, and I told him to clean up all the mess; I had a child to bathe and put to sleep.
What makes me mad about this is the fact that he didn’t tell me beforehand about this. I wasn’t okay with the party thingy at our place. The serenade was cute but… everything else? I have to work tomorrow dude, I’m already behind my sleeping hours.
AITJ? Am I being a real jerk about this? Please tell me. I don’t know if I should apologize or something. I’m just angry right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He didn’t give you a gift. He gave you a whole lot of work to do.
His concept was sweet. The idea of the husbands going around serenading all of their wives? Very thoughtful.
But why couldn’t you have been one of the wives that got serenaded, and then everyone left? At what point did your house get picked to host a party close to bedtime on a weeknight?
Make it clear that that’s where your point of contention is.
Leaving him to clean up was an important step. He needed to understand how much work he dumped on you.
But honestly, yes, you probably should have put in a little more effort for Valentine’s Day.
I say that because your husband did go out of his way to plan something special for you. You didn’t need to spend a dime on him, but it sounds like under the circumstances some sort of reciprocal gesture was needed. He needs to feel appreciated and cherished by you.
Not just as a co-recipient of heart-shaped pancakes with the kiddo.
The fact that you didn’t realize you needed to do something indicates two things to me:
You may be doing the same thing I did as a young mom and forgetting to make the romance of your marriage a priority.
Remember all the effort you made when you were first together? Once kids enter a marriage, all of our energy is devoted to them, toward maintaining a household. But we need to sometimes tap into that old romance vibe and remember that we are maintaining a romance, not just a working partnership.
You both need to communicate better about things that might hurt your feelings. You can’t read each other’s minds, and it’s not fair for either of you to expect that. If your husband feels unappreciated and un-romanced, he needs to speak up. When you are planning to low-key it for Valentine’s Day (my favorite way to handle the day), you need to actually initiate a discussion to clarify expectations.
Do you owe him an apology? Not for objecting to the party that he dropped in your lap with no warning. You are correct that this needs to be made very clear to him: It is never a gift to bring unexpected company into your home, disrupt your evening schedule, and expect you to have to clean up for everyone.
Should you apologize for hurting his feelings? I would. Whether you intended to or not, whether you even did anything wrong or not, the bottom line is that his feelings are hurt. He deserves to have that acknowledged.” ChocolateCoveredGold
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
I don’t think you don’t not appreciate your gift, it’s the forced celebration in your sanctuary that wasn’t even passed by you.
You had every right to be upset and you darn well should be, but you could have maybe approached it differently, but so could he. While the thought was lovely, and it should have stopped at the serenade, he was inconsiderate to force the event on you, and I’d say he didn’t help clean up, did he?
As for the petty comment about not getting something, that proves you need to communicate better. He may have needs he needs filling that he won’t express, as you clearly probably do too. He should consider your place in that family and home. You should both apologize and talk to one another.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I understand your point of view but…
He made an effort to make a good Valentine’s. He must have had this planned for days or weeks. If he made a post with his perspective of you, you would be the jerk.
Imagine trying to gift your loved one something special for Valentine’s, and they, aside from not gifting you anything (I don’t think the pancakes make a good gift), just start arguing with you and posting that you are a burden for doing so.
Even with that, the only reason you are the jerk is because of your reaction.
You should be more delicate with this type of thing. It’s okay to not like some gifts but not this.” Exizor73
1. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of Her Room And Moving Her To The Basement?
“I (32F) have two sisters, Jenna (34F) and Megan (23F). Jenna is married and has a two-year-old, she is a SAHM because she is disabled. She lives on the West Coast in a small apartment with her family.
Megan lives with me and attends university, she is currently in her first year of obtaining a master’s.
Recently, Jenna’s husband lost his job and they cannot afford rent on Jenna’s disability. Jenna asked my parents if they could move home, I overheard the conversation while visiting my mom and offered for Jenna to move in with me since my parents’ home is small and in a small town with few job options.
Jenna happily agreed and said they would move in at the end of this month since their landlord is allowing them to break the lease since they’ve been good tenants for 7 years.
Now the way my house is set up is important. I have a three-floor home, the upstairs is completely renovated into a mil suite.
It has a small kitchen, a bedroom, a smaller bedroom, a small living room, and a bathroom with a tub. My first floor is irrelevant. However, my basement has a bar, family room, a bedroom, and then a huge room with a small bedroom and a small bathroom with a standing shower in it.
The basement is completely finished. The huge room is probably 1k sq feet. We were going to turn this room into a home gym so it has nice flooring with thick padding underneath. The small room bedroom attached can fit a full-size bed but not a queen.
With that said Megan and her dog live in the upstairs room. She does not use the kitchen for anything, I cook all her meals for her since she is busy with school. So when I told her Jenna was moving in I said she was going to get moved to the basement room since Jenna would use the kitchen and the division of the two rooms would allow her and her husband some level of normalcy.
Megan flipped out and said that what I was expecting was wrong since she has lived there longer and she is tired of everyone catering to Jenna all the time. She doesn’t want to be in a nasty basement with bugs and not have carpet.
She didn’t feel like moving anything and wanted to take baths (we still have a bath on the first floor she could use). I told her my husband would move the large objects and I’ll help her pack everything.
Her strong emotional reaction is making me feel like I would be a jerk if I made her move.
My husband is very much on it’s our house and it’s our decision. Jenna has no clue what room she is getting so she probably won’t be disappointed either way but I feel like logically the basement makes more sense for Megan, especially because she can take the dog for a walk easier this way.
I however only have a few days to get this figured out.
I’m not sure though WIBTJ for making her switch rooms?
Edit for more context: Jenna was in a bad car accident when she was 24 that caused her a lot of permanent issues. She almost died and was in the hospital for months and needed help after the fact so my mom stayed with her for a little over a year.
This left my sister alone with our dad during that time, she was 10 so it was very hard for her to be without her mother that long. She is in therapy for this and has been since she was a teen but she’s never gotten over her feelings of abandonment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Megan probably feels abandoned again, something she’ll deal with all of her life. This situation is similar to one I went through, and that’s definitely also how I felt, though I didn’t make complaints about it as it wasn’t my house.
Make sure Megan knows that you still love her, and don’t let this fester. She may resent Jenna and that could cause issues. Be prepared for this to get worse before it gets better, or for Megan to even leave. I’d suggest that Megan might find more space at your parents’ house but that she might take it as you trying to get rid of/replace her.
But I also think it’s a really good idea. Megan obviously needs some bonding time with your parents and with the 3 of them there, that’ll definitely happen.
I’d also like to know why the basement isn’t suitable for Jenna? This isn’t a criticism, I’d just like to know.
Is it only because there’s no kitchen? That would be fair, but I’d still let Jenna and Megan know all the info and then let them decide. This could go badly of course, but then at least you can’t be blamed for it. Maybe another solution can be found.
And I also think you should tell Jenna what’s going on. She’ll find out the hard way when she gets there and that’s probably not a stress that she needs.” roserive1
Another User Comments:
“ESH. While I understand why you want to redo the living arrangements, the reality is that Megan lives with you, and you should have had a conversation with her before simply announcing that you were seriously downgrading her living situation.
Yes, it’s your home, and you can choose how to use it, but you could have at least talked to Megan about why things were changing. I can’t blame her for being upset – she’s going from basically having her own apartment to a basement bedroom.
The reasons you’re giving the MIL suite to Jenna (privacy) are the same reasons Megan probably enjoys living there. You mentioned she uses the kitchen and bathtub as well – so those activities are being relegated to a shared space. That, honestly, really sucks for her.
Should she be understanding and kind about it? Sure. Is she obligated to like being kicked out of a space she considered hers for something less private without warning? No.
I’m sure there will be people saying NTJ because Megan doesn’t own the space and is “acting entitled,” but I honestly think anyone who gets moved out of their living space with no warning has the right to be a bit upset about it.” PNWPainter02
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