People Ask Us To Hear Out Their "Am I The Jerk" Narratives
23. AITJ For Still Wanting To Come To Our Friends' NYE Get-Together?
“My (29 M) partner (25 F) comes from a very traditional culture. Being in a relationship is generally frowned upon and her family does not know we are in a long-term relationship.
Because of this, it is common for her to be unable to attend events/travel with my family/friends, or invite me to events with her family/friends.
For NYE, my partner was going to be celebrating with her community. They celebrate every year, however; due to a death in the family, they were not celebrating this year.
We just found out they wouldn’t be celebrating about ~1.5 weeks ago. Upon learning this, I told my partner I wanted to celebrate with her because we never get to celebrate, and she responded with ‘We’ll see, I’m not sure’.
I brought it up 2 more times, and she gave the same response.
This is normal for us, due to her traditional background. She has to come up with excuses any time she is away from home, so she often doesn’t confirm plans with me until 1-2 days before some get-together or event. Sometimes, she never updates me, so I wait around to get an answer from her and never receive one until I bring it up.
For this situation, my friend informed me earlier this week that he would be doing a get-together for NYE. This isn’t a ‘party’ by any means. It’s maybe ~10/12 of us and some significant others. But the majority are guys and we’ve all known each other for years.
It’s common for us to do cookouts, movie nights, etc together. I told my friend that I would attend his get-together, but my partner is unsure if she will be able to attend.
My partner is now saying that I was a jerk because I RSVP’d for myself without her, and told them she would ‘let me know’ when she can (even though she sometimes never even gives me any answer).
In her mind, because I did that, it ‘makes no difference whether she’s there or not because I already confirmed’ and I ‘act like I’m single because I go to these events by myself’. My partner said this as she was on the way to the club to go out with her friends, but says I ‘act like I’m single’.
I feel like I am not a jerk because my friend wanted to confirm as many people as possible so they could plan the get-together accordingly, and I planned to go to the get-together even if my partner couldn’t attend, because we originally weren’t going to celebrate together in the first place, keeping in mind that this isn’t some ‘house party’, it’s a group of ~8 guys that all know each other, and 2 of their partners.
She has now broken up with me for the nth time because of this. So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I fully understand that different cultures have different norms and values. I also understand that when you love someone you will make allowances for that person that you wouldn’t necessarily make for everyone.
But friend… Secrets and relationships that families don’t know about rarely end well. Her struggles between being with you and being (superficially) true to her family’s traditional values may be getting to her. She needs very much to figure out what she wants and be honest with everyone about what is going on.
I get the impression she is struggling. That said, you responded to the invitation the way you should. You can go, she is not sure. I am not sure what she thought was better. Sit at home like a bump and be miserable while she does something without you?
Be happy that she broke up with you. You deserve better. NTJ” Snickerdoodle2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her behavior sounds manipulative, on top of the cultural issues. The double standard of her being able to go to the club but you not being able to commit to your friends, the tactic breaking up instead of talking it out, the delay in telling you her availability until you ask, or not telling you at all, all of this speaks to controlling behavior on her part.
She wants the best of both of her worlds, the conformity to her family’s cultural customs, and you at her beck and call. Only you can decide if this is what you want for the long term. One of these times, you might consider taking her break up at face value.
Have you even met her family?” FiberKitty
22. AITJ For Not Helping My Supervisor?
“I have worked at my job at a Production/Shipping warehouse for the last 5 years, The last 3 I was a nightshift production foreman.
At the beginning of 2023, I decided I needed a better work schedule, so I applied for an open position in the shipping part of the warehouse.
OB (old boss) was surprised and thought I enjoyed my job. I explained why to him.
A few weeks go by, and my replacement is selected to start training with me. CW (coworker) was one arrogant jerk. He said he had the job down after the first day of training despite making a lot of errors in production reporting.
I pointed these errors out to him and showed him how to correctly report the production numbers and how to fix his errors. He fixed his numbers to accurately show how the night went.
The next couple of days, he made the same errors.
On the third day after he again made the same error, I pointed it out to him, and he snapped at me that it was correct and told me to back off.
So I did. He sent in the report for the night with errors.
The next day, OB asked us why there was an aforementioned error, and CW looked at me like he ate a sour apple. OB had pointed out the same missed calculation that I pointed out the previous night.
CW ended up having to redo that night’s report as well as the current night’s report.
The rest of the training went smoothly, and CW seemed to stop making reporting errors. And went to my new position at the end of three weeks.
Fast forward to about a week ago, I moved into my new position working under NB (new boss).
The work has been great. I now get home at a decent time during the day and can see my family more without having to be asleep for most of the day like before.
OB and NB came to my work area one morning with OB having a worried look on his face.
He tells me that CW made several major errors on his nightly report from last night and the night before and had already left for home.
Today and tomorrow are scheduled down days for production workers, so CW wasn’t scheduled back until two days’ time, and the reports would need to be sent to Corporate HQ before tomorrow.
OB asks if I’d be willing to come look over the reports and see if I can correct the errors. NB tells me my work area would be covered if I decided to go.
I told OB I didn’t want to go through and fix the reporting.
NB immediately accepted my answer and said okay and turned and walked away. OB kind of froze and said, ‘Are you sure? I really could use your help here to fix this problem quickly.’ I answered that, I am sure. OB then turned and slowly started walking away.
I knew if I didn’t, OB would have to either call CW back in or fix the errors himself. I hoped that he would hold CW accountable.
But on the other hand, if I did, that would mean that I would be opening the door to get pulled back to fixing every error CW makes, even though he said himself, ‘I got this.’
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think that both OB and NB were aware that OB was trying to get you back because CW is not going to be around much longer. NB had to ask for political reasons, but he does not want to have to start looking for a new employee again because OB screwed up his hire.
You probably could have softened your refusal a little, but if you had started helping out ‘a little’, pretty soon you would be ‘temporarily’ back in your old job for the foreseeable future.” theoldman-1313
Another User Comments:
“I think this is a ‘no jerks here’ situation, except for CW’s initial behavior, but that isn’t really relevant to your decision at all.
CW being incompetent is not your problem, but it seems like you’re being asked to fix his error in a specific situation where you’re there and other people who can fix it aren’t available to be called in. You’re free to refuse, but it probably would have been much smarter to say ‘I’m only doing this one time, going forward I can’t cover CW’.” Milskidasith
Another User Comments:
“All I’m going to say is that OB helped you out when you needed it. He got you your current job. It would have been nothing for you to help him out this once. You could have even made it a condition.
I’ll help you out this once as CW needs to get his crap together. So yeah, you were a bit of a jerk. Maybe you should talk to OB and explain your reasons as you came across as ungrateful.” Ritocas3
21. AITJ For Not Helping With My Husband's Business?
“My husband runs a party entertainment company where he owns jumpy houses and hockey tables. Every Sunday he rents out a space where he charges people to play and makes a profit from it. So I was away taking care of personal matters when he initiated this business.
While I was away he started pursuing it with his sister. Once I came back I without hesitation began to help out and wanted to partake in it. I didn´t want to step on anyone’s toes because I wasn’t there since the beginning so I felt like I had to respect their way of working.
This continued for a couple of weeks and then my sister-in-law stopped going because she decided to spend this time with her partner instead, so I decided to take charge and help my husband out.
One Sunday we were promoting a new jumpy house that we had just gotten and I was helping decide the price.
My husband and his sister decided on a high price and customers were just not happy and leaving so I offered an idea that might work. I shared it with my husband he agreed, I shared it with my in-laws since they were there and they agreed as well, so I thought that we were gonna proceed with it.
My sister-in-law came and talked to all of them and convinced them that I was wrong and before I knew it I was cornered by my in-laws and my husband about how I was wrong and that I was losing them money. Honestly, it made me feel like I had no place there and that I did not matter, just the way I was approached where it just felt like all of them were against me because I was literally against the wall and the four of them just explaining to me how I did not know anything and that they collectively decided that they were going to continue to charge more.
I got frustrated and left.
At the end of the day this business belongs to my husband only and I felt as his wife I had some right to contribute but they made it clear I should just not. So I decided to step away and mind my business.
So from then on every Sunday I would stay to my business and let them do their thing. Now my sister-in-law got a new job and can’t help my husband out so he wants me to start going to help him out. Honestly, I don’t want to.
So basically he is mad at me, and says I don’t support him like a wife should because I said I don’t want to help with the business anymore, and I don’t feel like my place as his wife was respected. To be fair the only difference I added to their price was adding 5 more minutes to the playtime, I never asked to lower the price, they shouldn’t have gotten so defensive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him that you feel bad about losing him money and being very, very wrong about the business, so you don’t want to ruin his business any more than you already have. You are basically their whipping boy and if you help him you will be blamed for everything and all of your ideas will get you ganged up on.
Frankly, I’d think long and hard about whether or not your husband adds to your life or takes away from it.
Also, I’d never go to any of his family functions again.” MelodramaticMouse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did support him. He and his family ganged up on you and made you feel unwelcome.
To fix it you backed away, now that it’s inconvenient to him he wants you back. Stand your ground, and tell him you did support him, he AND his family ganged up on you and told you that you had no idea how the business worked and pushed you out.
Now you’re staying out. It was his decision, he chose to listen to his sister and he let them gang up on you to get their way, now he had to deal with the fallout of his own actions.” Beautiful_Pain_7287
20. AITJ For Being Rude To My Older Sister At A Wedding?
“I (22 F), for clarity, will call my older sister Lily (24 F), middle sister Maddie, and youngest sister Lexi (18 F).
My sister Lily and I have never gotten along very well.
We were always fighting when we were kids because of the things each of us would do. I am usually someone who can keep my cool and let things roll off my back except when it comes to her. For example, when we were kids she started a rumor about our youngest sister and convinced her to tell our parents it was me rather than her when she found out.
And I forgave her and just took the punishment instead of her just to show the typical behavior towards each other.
I was rude towards my older sister after she was talking trash about me and my youngest sister. I went to a wedding for a very close family friend and during the time between the ceremony and reception, I and my family were sitting at a table talking, during which my sister started talking to Maddie about how Lexi and I were annoying and rude and how we did not look good enough for a wedding, saying how embarrassing it was for her and our family blah blah blah.
In response, I looked at her and said that she had no right to talk to us like that especially after ‘leaving’ this family for her man.
For context, she has barely been a part of our lives since 2017 due to her partner who does not get along with our family.
After this she went outside and burst into tears my mom went out to comfort her and my dad, Maddie, and my aunt said I was being a jerk for talking to her like that and should have just let it go.
After she came back in she was still crying so before the brides came out to the reception I took her back outside and told her that if she was going to continue this type of behavior I would go no contact with her.
This type of crying or being rude happened at almost every gathering she was at. She started crying saying she did not feel like she was part of this family and like Lexi would not even spend time with her. This is where I might be the jerk.
I told her ‘No, you are not part of this family’.
I went on to tell her about how she was more like a cousin we barely see and that she couldn’t expect us to feel otherwise. When she moved out she was 17 and Lexi was 12.
Since then she had seen her only on Christmas for a few hours and occasionally at family gatherings. She did not go on family vacations or spend family dinner nights with us. She was always invited. I told her that she had not been around for almost 7 years and after Maddie Lexi and I spent the global crisis together she would never have that sister type of relationship with us and it was too late to get those years back.
I told her it sucked and I was not happy about it but it was the truth and if she wanted to be closer to us she would have to start being around more. She got up and said she had her own life and I told her we did too.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with NTJ, she’s antagonizing you, picking fights, talking trash, and then crying when she gets something thrown back at her. She’s older than you and living ‘on her own’ and you are somehow expected to adhere to a higher standard?
Just ignore her? Let it roll off? No, she picks a fight and then she got a fight and that’s on her.
Your family needs to understand that we all have our limits for verbal/emotional mistreatment and constant bullying and shifting blame to you are exactly that.
No one else stepped in to defend you or your younger sister either, so they are jerks as well. Good on you for standing up for your younger sister and yourself, and for not giving into pressure to let her be rude without recourse.” Ijimete
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister just wanted to show off as the ‘eldest’ to others. I think it is because of how close you and your sisters are and how she is not a part of that bond anymore. But that didn’t give her the right to be ‘rude’ to you first. Even if she says it was her making fun of, saying that you are not dressed appropriately and that you are bringing your family’s name down, is humiliation and not making fun of.
She got served with her own medicine.” live_dancing
19. AITJ For Only Planning To Accommodate The Kids Who RSVP'd For Easter?
“Very very long story short, my SIL (36) accused me of stealing parenting milestones from her (I didn’t), as well as calling CPS (I also didn’t do that).
They gave us the silent treatment for months, and have said awful things about me. We’ve been distant with my in-laws for 10 months now because of my SIL’s behavior.
I am currently planning an Easter Dinner. I sent out the invitations over a week ago for the 23rd of this month.
On the invitation I put ‘Please RSVP so I can plan for each child’. Instead of doing an Easter egg hunt, we’re doing a scavenger hunt, and I was planning on having enough clues so each kid feels included. At the end of the scavenger hunt, I have crochet bunnies that I’m making.
I asked for an RSVP so I could have adequate time to prepare.
As a way to bury the hatchet between us, I asked my SIL if she would help me plan it before I sent out invitations – and she ignored my text. I went ahead and took that as a no, and sent out invites to everyone in my husband’s family.
Everyone RSVP’d yes to coming – except that one SIL.
I reached out to my SIL individually a week after I sent the invite asking if she was going to make it. I also asked a separate question. She only answered the other one and completely ignored my question about the 23rd.
I’m again taking it as a no.
Knowing her past history she is the type of person to not RSVP, and just show up with her 4 kids, and expect to be involved… I told my husband that I was not going to entertain that behavior this time.
If they show up, we will tell them sorry, we weren’t expecting your kids. They can participate, but I don’t have anything special for them. He doesn’t want the other kids to miss out – because they don’t do any special holiday traditions with their kids.
Given our history, I don’t want to cater to her. WIBTJ if I didn’t prep for the kids, knowing that there’s a chance they would show up?”
Another User Comments:
“For Pete’s sake – she’s being a jerk but you’re being passive. Text her directly with – since you have repeatedly not RSVP’d and did not answer the question about attending on the 23rd I’m marking you and your family as No’s.
Hope you have a Happy Easter.
You’re not the jerk – but you’re getting ready to be one when you KNOW SIL and her 4 kids will show up and you won’t have their Easter toys. She’s setting you up to lose. Take the decision out of her hands.” opine704
Another User Comments:
“Stop chasing them and drop the rope with his whole family – they don’t like you they don’t treat you with respect. It’s time to let that relationship fade away. Do you really want to teach your kids that they are allowed to be treated the way your in-laws treat you and they are expected to keep chasing and apologizing for things they haven’t done wrong?
YOU are showing your children what is acceptable for their futures – if for no other reason stop accepting this for their sake.” VegetableExchange654
18. AITJ For Telling The Landlord About My Neighbor's Partner And Dog?
“I (51 F) live in an apartment that’s built onto the back of a house and I’ve been there for nine years. About 7-ish years ago a guy (40-ish) I sort of knew previously rented the main house. We get along fine and have always been on friendly terms, but we are not friends.
Our landlord is a guy in his upper 60s. He leaves us alone for the most part, but he has a shed in the backyard and occasionally will show up to put something in there or get something out, etc. He can be a bit of a jerk himself.
Not sure if that’s his age or if he’s from Massachusetts (I kid!).
About 10 months ago a friend of mine decided she couldn’t stand to live with her sister anymore because of bipolar-off-her-meds reasons, so I offered to let her move in with me. I talked to my landlord about it and got his okay, but he increased the rent to $200/month because he pays the utilities, and an additional $50 because she has 3 cats.
It’s still a great deal for both of us because we’re paying far less rent than we were previously.
In contrast, the guy in the main house has, in the past, moved in his middle school-aged son from out of state due to behavioral issues with his mom, as well as a friend/’cousin’ dude who’d just gotten out of jail.
He didn’t tell the landlord because he knew the rent would be raised. That lasted about 6 or so months. The son got sent back to the mom and the cousin guy got thrown out by him.
This whole time I’ve been paying $175 every three months for trash collection AND have been paying someone to mow the half-acre yard ‘including his front and side yards’ every 2 weeks.
My neighbor has never offered to chip in for any of this and when I brought it up he whined about ‘why does the trash company charge so much?’ and promised to mow once a month if I paid the guy to mow once a month.
He mowed exactly once after we made that agreement and I wasn’t going to put myself in the position to have to nag him to do it constantly so I just started paying the guy for 2 mows a month.
So anyway, I was in a bad mood on Saturday and then the landlord texted telling me he was raising my rent another $50 because of the increase in the electric bill.
I know this is because as far as he knew I was the one with an additional person so obviously that must be why the bill has gone up. Something in me snapped and I got SO angry that my neighbor was getting away with murder while I’ve always been honest. I texted back and said ‘Did you raise (neighbor’s) rent too?
Considering his partner moved in with him 2-3 months ago it only seems fair.’ I knew for a fact that my neighbor hadn’t told the landlord that she moved in OR that he got a dog about a year ago because he didn’t want his rent to go up.
So now the landlord is going to do a drop-by in the next couple of weeks and I’m sure he’ll then raise his rent for the woman and the dog. Now I’m alternating between feeling guilty and being glad I did it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong with telling the landlord about the woman and dog. Why should you have to pay extra for him? You also need to stop paying to mow his side of the yard. If it gets six feet high that is his problem.
The only thing I agree on with him is $175 every three months for trash pickup. That is ridiculous. I pay $46 every three months. Are they traveling to the moon to pick it up? Wow. You need to stop him from putting your trash in with yours.
If these are two separate rentals, then they should have a separate address. Tell him to pay for his trash pick-up. If he puts his out with yours then take it out and dump it at his door. He needs to pay for his things.” BooCat3
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your neighbor isn’t pulling his weight in terms of renter duties and is attempting to skimp out on rent. Your landlord is a jerk. He seems to pretty aggressively change the terms of rent too which seems pretty uncool as well and possibly illegal if you’ve signed a lease.
On your end, it’s sort of the equivalent of tattling on someone. Yeah, the other person was wrong but it does make you a bit of a jerk for doing it. But I don’t think you were wrong for doing either…” Objective-Thing-3501
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. Crab in a bucket mentality. You got charged extra rent for having an extra person living there so you want your neighbor to pay more too, even if that doesn’t affect you since it’s a neighbor, not a roommate. The rise in electricity is unlikely to be what you think.
Most companies are raising their rates. Stop mowing the lawn for everyone though, unless you are doing it because YOU prefer it that way. And talk to your landlord about trash collection. YTJ.” No_regrats
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband After He Scheduled A Realtor Without Telling Me?
“My (34 F) husband (36 M) has a recurring back injury. He is in the trades and his job is very physically demanding and the last three years he’s had a back injury that comes around at least once a year. It takes him out of work for months sometimes.
It’s caused a bit of tension between us. In no way do I expect him to work with an injured back, but when he is injured he often will skip physio because he ‘doesn’t feel like going’ and when he does get better he puts no effort into maintaining his physical health or continue do strength training (which has been recommended to him by healthcare professionals).
I work more than full-time hours every week. I also work in industry and my job is physically demanding, working 12-hour shifts, swapping back and forth from day shift to night shift.
At this time, my husband’s back is injured. He’s missed two weeks of physio before the holidays and won’t be going back until the first week of January now.
One of the weeks he missed was kind of my fault because I bought him a short trip to Vegas for his birthday. He’s at home ALL the time, and what he does is play video games. I’d say sometimes 16 hours a day.
I worked my last night shift of the week last night and woke up around 1 pm to my husband telling me there was a realtor coming by at 3 to see the house. We’ve talked about putting it for sale but I don’t think it’s the right time and he ‘just wants to see what we could get’.
He didn’t mention this at any time yesterday or the day before but chose to tell me two hours before right as I was waking up. Anyway, the house is a mess. Not like a pigsty, but it’s cluttered, the bathrooms haven’t been cleaned in a while, the floors are dirty, and the TV room (where he spends most of his time) is looking VERY lived in.
I kind of snap at him and ask what he’s thinking? I just worked 12 hours last night and now have to get up and speed clean the house so a realtor can come take a peek for pretty much no reason? Then he tells me that it’s no big deal, he can clean the entire house in an hour and I don’t have to do anything.
This REALLY rubs me the wrong way because any other day it’s apparently really difficult for him to keep the house clean and always takes him ‘all day’ to do really basic things. I know he’s injured, but he’s not so injured that he can’t do basic chores, he just can’t do his physically demanding job.
I work a LOT and it already bothers me that any cleaning outside of doing dishes and laundry somehow falls on me still despite him being home all day every day for months. And any time I ask him to do anything it’s a huge deal. But magically today he can whip up the entire house in an hour.
So, now he’s telling me that I just woke up grumpy and I’m being a jerk to him. I’ll admit, I’m definitely grumpy today but I feel like I wouldn’t be if this hadn’t been thrown at me within minutes of waking up.
What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would recommend you calmly let him handle this situation he created. Smile, stop arguing with him. Leave the house for a few hours if you can’t stand the idea of being there when the realtor arrives.
He says he can clean, let him clean. If he does it you can then use it as a precedent – ABSOLUTELY he can clean regularly if he does it for this purpose.” ViolaVetch75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, surprising someone with company is a pretty crappy thing to do to anyone, regardless of their reason for wanting them there.
If he can manage to clean the whole house in an hour, he should be able to do the same every day that he’s home all day. He should get after that.” BeautifulPhantom1
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Join Any Of Our Family Vacations Anymore?
“I (17) am really close to my dad. He works really hard for our family and has been stressed lately (I have 1 older sibling and 2 younger).
My mother is a full-blown narcissist (everyone knows it, everyone speaks about it, and no one wants to speak to her about it) as in look up traits of a narcissistic mother and you can tick off each one. We are currently on an island trip and we’ve been here for 4 days so far, the trip started off horribly because the first hotel was straight out of a horror movie which led my dad to get stressed as he had to replan the entire holiday due to us changing hotels after the first night and then he received bad news about a family member (hospital-related) and has been on his phone the entire time since.
My mother has started with her attention-seeking act and honestly, I’m exhausted and embarrassed to be around her. Her newest act is pretending to have a coughing fit and when we offer her water or something she says no, and then the moment our attention moves to something else the coughing stops.
Her other act is walking really slowly in front of everyone (she wears really big sandals) and so obviously we sometimes end up stepping on the back of her shoes and then she starts screaming at us in public.
At this point, I can honestly say I haven’t spent a single day here not hoping I was back home away from them all.
It’s like being trapped in a room with a crazy person and of course because she’s our mother we have to respect her and keep our mouths shut which is getting harder and harder.
I plan on telling my dad not to include me in future family trips especially ones with my mum and I’m going to play it out as me wanting to stay home during the holiday and study for finals (I’ll say this for next year).
I feel bad because I know how hard he’s trying to make this holiday work and that he looks forward to spending time with us but I’m exhausted from having to baby my mum and I’m more relaxed at home than on holiday.
Apologies if I sound ungrateful.
I truly am grateful as I know that not everyone has an opportunity to travel but I’m so tired of having my family create traumatic and unhappy memories for me in every country we travel to.
(and yes I have tried speaking to my mum, she refuses to believe she isn’t perfect)
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ but don’t bother. Definitely not during this trip as your dad is stressed enough. Later just give him a hug and tell him you appreciate all his efforts and you are sorry it turned into a train wreck, and you love him, but this was your last trip with your mom.
Once you are 18 you can move out and plan time just with the family members you want in your life. You are allowed to protect your mental health and create a stable future for yourself- with healthy adults who can regulate their own emotions.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there can be a balance eventually. By all means miss a few till you have your feet under you but it can still be fun if you get your own hotel room in a different hotel. Meet up with the family to do an activity once a day.
If she starts her crap then ditch them to go have fun on your own or with only your siblings and dad. There is a chance that your family will follow your lead of not taking her crap. When you are grown and not under her power then there is a chance of establishing a healthier dynamic or at the very least establishing boundaries so her crap is not your problem.” BigWeinerDemeanor
15. AITJ For Booking A Gig On Christmas?
“I (20 f) am a music education major.
I was offered a paid gig at a Catholic church (Catholics tend to pay the best, at least in my experience, but that’s beside the point) and I’d be doing 2 masses on Christmas Eve and 1 on Christmas Day. The church is ~2 hrs from my house (close to where I go to college) but I also have family from my mother’s side who live in town close by said church.
I haven’t been able to spend a Christmas Eve with them in a while, so I accepted the gig thinking that I’d spend the night up there on Christmas Eve, see family, and go home after the second mass Christmas Day and be back before noon, so not that bad.
Or at least so I thought.
Turns out, my aunt planned a family Christmas (she and most of my family live about 5 hrs away in a different state) at her house and my grandparents who are very old traveled up here from Florida, as we live in the north.
My dad knew about this for at least a month, but never thought about telling me until about 5 days ago. I told him about the gig, and how I can’t just say ‘Whoops I can’t do it!’ So close to the date, and how doing so would ensure I’d never get invited back.
I wouldn’t have accepted it if I had known about this in advance, but I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because family is important, I didn’t know anything special was going on and now I’m far too deep to be able to professionally drop out of it.
I was also counting on this money, as a college student things are quite tight.
My stepmom (whom I don’t have the best relationship with) told me that it was a jerk move to book something over Christmas in the first place, because ‘I have family’ but when I accepted it I also was thinking about family, just not on the side convenient for them.
Usually, we go and spend Christmas at my step-grandma’s, whom I love dearly but do not get along with the rest of her family. I also got a text from my grandma saying ‘It’s a shame you won’t be here, you clearly don’t understand what your grandpa and I had to go through to get here.’ And I just feel so sick about it all, so I need to know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You booked your gig before you knew anything about any plans. It’s not your fault they failed to tell you, and in the long run, you have to think about yourself and your future financials. (Stating you said money was tight) If you can, make the time so you can see your grandparents.
Otherwise NTJ” AggressiveAction8384
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for celebrating Jesus’ birthday twice in one day and offering your ‘talents’ for ‘talents’. You didn’t know. Also, don’t act like you feel bad about the situation in front of them because they won’t let you forget it in the future.
They’re the ones who should feel like idiots for not telling you, and you should express that to them – not the idiot part… Your time is valuable. Obviously.” EveningMycologist968
14. AITJ For Not Doing Holiday Dinners With The Entire Extended Family Anymore?
“H (50 M) & I (48 F) are married (25 years) with 2 kids (20 & 24). We live in the same city as my in-laws. My MIL (Pam) & her brother (Mark) decided in the 1980’s to alternate hosting Thanksgiving & Xmas.
The entire extended family would go to whichever house was hosting. They have never strayed from it.
My family is 1500 mi away, so holiday travel to them is rare. For 25 years, we have done the in-laws’ holiday tradition. I dread going. I love Pam, & H’s sis Trisha, but Mark’s family is hard to take.
It is really loud (usually 22 people there), just watching TV & talking politics, for about 5 hours. Our kids don’t like it but we make them go because of ‘tradition.’
You can miss it if you are out of town to visit family, but otherwise, you are expected to be there.
When kids in the extended family grew & married, the ‘tradition’ became 1 holiday per year. Everyone was expected to be in town for the opposite holiday from the prior year.
H is stuck between feeling bad for us & not wanting to anger his extended family if we don’t go.
We’ve never told anyone else that we don’t like holidays with Mark’s family, because we didn’t want to hurt feelings. Mark’s family are not bad people, but even Pam & Trisha have made comments over the years about them.
This year, due to both Pam & Mark downsizing, it wasn’t clear who would be hosting Xmas.
H & I decided it was finally time to not follow tradition. We told Pam we decided to just have Xmas dinner at our own house. We told Pam & Trisha (& her family) that we would love for them to join us but if they wanted to go to wherever the big Xmas would be, we understood.
They said yes to our invitation.
But when Mark found out, he emailed my H & me (CC’d Pam & Trisha) saying we were ruining a family tradition. He said tradition & family were more important than anything. He accused us of exerting ‘undue influence’ on Pam & Trisha.
He said that he would miss spending Xmas with his sister for the first time in more than 70 years (not true) and other family members were mad at us too. He called us jerks.
H immediately called Pam & Trisha saying there was no pressure.
They should go to the big family Xmas if they wanted to & we would not be hurt. Everyone should spend Xmas how they want & do what makes them happy. But our adult kids are entitled to have input on how we spend Xmas, & we are done forcing them to spend a Xmas being unhappy.
He also told Pam & Trisha that because of Mark’s nasty email, we were never again going to spend a holiday with Mark.
Both Pam & Trisha said they didn’t like being forced to choose but because we were their closer family, they would still come to our house.
We have not responded to Mark because it would not help. Mark is hard-headed & never wrong.
By the way, Pam & Trisha’s family will be spending Xmas Eve with Mark’s family this year – just not Xmas Day. This was planned even before we told anyone about Xmas Day.
So, are we the jerks for saying we won’t be doing holiday dinners with the entire extended family anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your holiday to celebrate as you please. Who needs the nonsense? And good luck keeping a 20 and 24-year-old hostage for that ride anyway.
Your own nuclear family consists of at least four grown people who don’t want to go to Mark’s house. So an alternate arrangement was inevitable at some point. Were you supposed to keep doing this after you have grandchildren?” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments
“NTJ. Family traditions are not sacred. They are important only as long as they serve the needs of ALL of the people expected to participate.
When, as inevitably happens some members of the family no longer wish to participate for whatever reason, then they should be let out of attending – without complaint – by those who are going to continue the ‘tradition’.” VariousTry4624
13. AITJ For Not Being Happy About My Dad's Christmas Presents?
“I (16) was going to my father’s (55) house to celebrate Sinterklaas (a traditional winter holiday figure still celebrated today in the Low Countries, including the Netherlands, Belgium, and Luxembourg, as well as Germany, the French parts of Flanders and Artois) with his fiancé (38) and her three kids (16, 15, and 12).
When I arrived, they were already at the house because they had slept there for the past few nights. I walked to the living room where we were going to open our gifts and found out they had put up the Christmas tree without me.
I was upset about it, as this was a tradition my dad and I always did together after he and my mom broke up.
I didn’t want to ruin the day, so I brushed it off and tried not to mention it. When we finally opened the presents, it turned out we all (excluding parents) got the same gifts: a maze in a glass sphere, cubes that could transform, and a tiny Rubik’s cube.
The fiancé’s middle child didn’t bother too much and watched YouTube videos, while the rest of us were trying to figure out how the toys worked. The maze turned out to be broken for all of us, but the transforming cubes toy worked. Well, it worked for everyone but me, so all I was left with was a Rubik’s cube.
This may sound very rich, but I own 6 of these from normal-sized to tiny, and I wasn’t planning on getting another one.
I still tried getting the transforming cubes toy to work, but nothing I did changed anything. I looked slightly upset, and that caught the attention of my dad, who had been watching me to see whether I liked his gifts or not.
I saw the look of disappointment in his eyes and knew we were going to have a talk after his fiancé and kids left.
Skip to the conversation. He was very mad that I wasn’t excited about the gifts. He said, ‘I know what I bought isn’t spectacular, but you can at least appreciate that I bought something.’ I told him that the only thing I could use was the Rubik’s cube, while the others were able to create different shapes with the other toy.
He called me ungrateful and said that he tried finding gifts just for me, so I should be happy that he thought about me. I told him about the Christmas tree and said that might be the reason I was more easily able to get upset over small things.
He didn’t accept that reason and said the kids were the ones who suggested it, not him, so I shouldn’t blame him for it nor get upset over the tree.
I left the conversation even more upset than I was before, not understanding why he didn’t get my point.
Now a week later, I feel pretty guilty. Maybe I overreacted and made it a bigger deal than it should’ve been. AITJ for not sucking it up and appreciating the gifts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s be honest, do you really think he put that much effort into finding gifts if he just gave everybody the same thing?
Also, you told him honestly that you were disappointed that you didn’t get to spend time WITH HIM putting up the tree and his response was to shift the blame to the other children? He could have just apologized and said that he didn’t know it was that important to you and at least acknowledged your hurt or tried to make it up to you in another way.
Now just ask yourself if you were sullen and bitter or just disappointed?
From the way you tell the story, it doesn’t sound like you were complaining to anybody you just weren’t that thrilled with the gifts and were feeling a little down already because of missing out on putting up the tree.
If you think that you told your father in earnest how you were feeling without being accusatory or seeming ungrateful then it seems to me that your father is the jerk. He’s either embarrassed at what a trashy job he did for making everybody happy this Christmas and taking his shame out on you or he’s just a jerk who expects to be told how great he is for the minimal effort he expended.” robotnique
Another User Comments:
“Of course, you’re NTJ, sweetie! I’m sorry your father doesn’t seem to have the capability to listen to you and doesn’t seem to prioritize your feelings, or even believe that you should have any of your own thoughts and feelings. Everyone has a right to have whatever feelings that they have about something.
And your feelings sound absolutely and completely appropriate for the situation! He said the kids were the ones who suggested it so you shouldn’t blame him… What is he? The child in the house? How is it that the children rule him? Of course, he’s the one to blame… He’s the adult, he could have/should have told them that they need to wait a few days for you to help.
Also, you said that he said ‘he tried finding gifts just for you’ However, if that were true then you wouldn’t have had the exact duplicate gifts everyone else got which is enough to make someone upset in and of itself for him not caring enough to put in any thought towards what you personally would want and like.
But he should be able to take the broken toys back to get an exchange at the very least. I know it doesn’t help at the time but if you suggest it to him hopefully he was smart enough to keep the receipts and he’s willing to get an exchange for you at least…
Since he’s not willing to care about your feelings. Good luck dear.” Ixpen
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Dad Because Of His Wife?
“I (F 15) am legally obligated to visit my father (M 52). My parents were divorced when I was 3, so I’ve had split homes for as long as I can remember.
The court ruling was that I lived with my mother and my dad eventually moved an hour and a half away. My parents had 50-50 custody with my mom being the ‘domiciliary’ parent. My dad only got to see his kids every other weekend. This means that my two older brothers and I would stay at his house every other weekend during the school year and two weeks at a time during the summer.
I always enjoyed visiting my dad, until he got married to my stepmother (F 51) in 2017. My stepmother had never been an issue, in fact, she was very nice and genuinely cared for my brothers and me. But recently she has picked smoking back up… in the house.
My dad did not seem to mind however, my brothers and I were not fond of her new habit. Then my stepmom started drinking heavily and getting wasted every night we were there.
Soon after she started to let the house go, letting mold grow in bathrooms and borderline hoarding.
(My dad works long hours and my stepmom works from home) I’ve talked to my dad several times about her behavior, but his answer is always the same, ‘I am still a child and have no say in what an adult does’. Other than that my dad has always been great, and I really love him.
I started to resent going, but I put up with it up until recently. I have stopped visiting him and use excuses like, ‘I have so much homework’ and ‘I really don’t feel good this week.’ I feel as though I am old enough to decide whether I want to go or not.
My brothers still go because they do not want to upset my dad or stepmom. I haven’t gone in a few months, and I know that these excuses will run out soon. I can tell my dad is very upset and disappointed with me. I am worried that he will bring up the court ruling from over 10 years ago.
I feel great conflict because I still love my dad very much and still want to see him, but I cannot stand my stepmom anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments
“NTJ… I don’t like your dad’s response to your concerns. You are 15 and old enough to make certain decisions for yourself.
If you don’t want to go to his house you don’t have to. Court ruling or not, things can always be revised. Just let your dad know the truth. You don’t like being around his wife and as long as she is there, you won’t be.
He can’t force you and if he did try to implement that custody order, it would need to be reviewed by a judge and you can tell them yourself why you don’t want to go. Have you spoken with your mom about this? Perhaps she needs to talk to your dad on your behalf?” sospecial21
Another User Comments
“NTJ. At what age can you decide where you want to live/if you want to visit? In a lot of places, it’s 15-16.
Here’s what I’d do:
– Go to your doctor and discuss the health conditions of the house. Specifically the secondhand smoke and mold.
If possible get the doctor to write a note saying this presents an unsafe/uninhabitable environment for you due to health concerns.
– Send your dad an email. Attach a copy of the letter. Say you can’t visit until you know you’ll be in a healthy environment.
Also, list your concerns with his wife’s drinking and hoarding. Those are safety issues. If she’s wasted, she can’t care for you. Hoarding presents fire and trip hazards. Tell him he needs to show a video of the house being cleaned before you’ll consider visiting again.
And that he needs to be present, not just his wife.
– Then if he tries to take this to court you have a paper trail. Also, say you’ll ask to stay only with your mom due to the health and safety hazards at his house.
Hopefully, he’ll drop it. If he doesn’t your mom will have to go back to court. But both your health and safety are in danger at your dad’s. So she really needs to be ready to go to court over this if absolutely necessary.” ApprehensiveBook4214
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Homeless Dad?
“I (27 F) am the oldest of 3 kids. My mom and dad divorced when I was in my teens.
My dad had an affair with a coworker and my mom divorced him over it. He maintains because my mom was a stay-at-home mom and he provided for her, she should be ok with some infidelity. Not his words but it’s basically what he means.
After that, my mom raised us while my dad barely visited and just sent child support. His second marriage ended a few years ago and he’s been on a downward spiral since.
He’s worked construction and now has lung problems due to inhaling dangerous materials and walks with a limp.
I do feel kind of bad for him but I can’t forget his affair. My younger siblings have helped him partly because they are younger they don’t remember the affair as well and see him in a more positive light. He actually was an ok dad before the affair, and wasn’t abusive, but the affair and ruining our family makes me really resent him.
I’ve been to therapy for years for that but honestly, I still resent him and I haven’t forgiven him.
He got kicked out of his apartment due to not paying the rent and is now staying with a friend. He called me to beg for money since the friend needs him out and he needs a place to live.
I told him I hadn’t forgiven him for the affair and he cried and said I had been punishing him since it happened and he was sorry but I told him I think he is only sorry now that he needs money and hung up on him.
My siblings told me I was being harsh and honestly I get it but they don’t remember it as I do. One second we are happy and things are ok and the next life is so much harder and I basically helped raise my siblings because my dad couldn’t keep it in his pants.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a lot more focused on the facts that your father barely saw his children and didn’t provide child support, and what a terrible father he was, than on the affair. But you’re not obligated to forgive him for any of it or to support him.
The man flaked on his children, all but abandoning you. You’re not obligated to lift a finger if you don’t feel like it. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He ruined your childhood and your family and his marriage all in one go. He also doesn’t seem to regret it and then goes on and has another failed marriage.
He should go on disability if he can’t work and get a room to rent, or find a job, and stop asking you for money. His other kids can help if they want, don’t poison them against him, just let them do as they wish.
If you can help him and you want to, that’s up to you, but he likely will be coming back every time he needs something.” pinacolada_22
10. AITJ For Complaining About How My Mom Planned My Birthday?
“My (14 F) birthday is May 21st. The month of my birthday, my sister moved to a different state, and we went to visit to be with her during that time for 4 days (May 10th-14th) My mom said I wasn’t getting any presents and the trip was my birthday present, but the trip was about my sister which she told me multiple times.
I didn’t try to make it about me, I asked to go to a trampoline park once, asked for a hoodie from the outlet, and also asked if I could choose a museum once since she said we were going to 3. I just got the hoodie but I had to return it.
My mom makes six figures but she has 4 kids including me, and she often expresses how it costs a lot. I can’t begin to think how much. I know the trip was a lot of money because of driving, hotel costs, museums, dinner, etc, but I feel like an ‘I’m sorry Ella, I spent a lot of money this month so I’m not able to give you a birthday present this year’ would have been better than saying the trip was my present and then it being about my sister.
I would’ve been happy with a single lollipop, but if ‘the trip is my present’ I feel like at least one acknowledgment of my birthday, like ‘Happy Birthday Ella’ would be nice.
I was mad at my mom for about 2 days and I tried to sit down with her and tell her what I felt but she cut me off and said I should be grateful I got to travel for my birthday.
It wasn’t even my birthday. I’m happy I got to go to a new state and I know having kids is a lot of money. It’s not that big of a deal, but it made me feel bad, and I honestly would’ve understood if she had just told me.
It’s not ‘omg my mom ONLY took me to a whole nother state for my birthday and paid so much money ugh how dare she’. It’s that she outright told me the trip was my birthday present, which makes me think, oh maybe I’ll get to choose some things we can do, and then not being able to do anything or get a happy birthday because it’s about my sister.
I was invited to my friend’s birthday party at a trampoline park (which was what made me ask to go to one during the trip since I missed it. I do gymnastics and love trampoline parks) which was on the 11th. It’s mean because we were there to help my sister but I would’ve rather stayed with my dad and gone to my friend’s party.
I don’t know if it would’ve been an option but if I knew I might’ve asked to stay.
Looking back, it seems pretty bratty and rude because you don’t HAVE to do something for someone’s birthday, and I made my mom mad by complaining just because I didn’t get my way.
It’s not as big of a deal as I thought it was then, but would it be wrong to be a little mad, just without showing it or is it just completely bratty?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I feel like a lot of parents do not realize that kids didn’t ask to be in this world.
So I feel like the parent does indeed owe a lot to their child. You didn’t ask for the trip, you didn’t ask for a birthday dinner or anything… you asked for a hoodie and to go to a museum. You have every right to be mad.
You didn’t get your way is an understatement, you weren’t being bratty and you weren’t being ungrateful. You merely asked for attention on what was supposed to be your ‘birthday trip’.” Welpp_herewego
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a rotten way to celebrate your child’s birthday.
‘The trip is the birthday present, but it’s about your sister, not you.’ She didn’t find a way to celebrate you at least once.
‘It’s mean because we were there to help my sister but I would’ve rather stayed with my dad and gone to my friend’s party.’ So it wasn’t really a trip, it was just your mother needing you to do some work and help your sister.
She lied to you by saying it was a present to string you along. I am so sorry OP. And you are allowed to be upset.” starvinartist
9. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Mom's Server?
“I (14 F) am known as the ‘good kid’ in my family, I always help my mom do chores, I get good grades, and so on.
My older sister (15 F) isn’t as well behaved in comparison (sleeps late – I don’t really see this as a big problem but my mom does, is rude to my parents – especially rude to my mom, is always on her phone – I lowkey am too haha, always going out with her friends, etc) (her grades are still okay though).
For context, my exams are coming soon, so I’ve been studying a lot recently. Just now in the afternoon, my mom asked me to hang some clothes, when I was taking a study break. (my sister’s exams have already passed, so I expected my mom to ask her to do chores instead) But obviously, this wasn’t a problem for me.
But when I was hanging them, we ran out of hangers, and I had to search all around (and even outside of) our house for hangers. Again, I was just completing the task I was assigned so I didn’t feel irritated, but it stretched out the simple task of hanging up my family’s clothes into a 40-minute search for hangers + hanging clothes.
Right after I was done with that chore, I went back to studying. And after 3 hours of it, I went back downstairs, just for my mom to ask me to start hanging clothes again. At this point, my brain was completely mush after studying, and my sister was just scrolling on social media, so I literally was beyond confused as to why she didn’t just ask my sister (my sister had literally been doing NOTHING all day).
But obviously, she’s my mom. So I told her that I was really tired and needed a break. My mom made it very clear that she was upset with my response by flashing me a dirty look, but she didn’t say anything else.
Later, I went to make some green tea to give myself some energy, my mom suddenly threw a glass cup that she finished drinking from next to me (it didn’t shatter though) and I asked her if she was okay.
She responded with ‘No, I can’t even ask you guys to do a simple chore.’
At this point I got really mad, she hadn’t even asked my sister to do anything for the whole day even though she was completely free, and usually, if I was free I always did all the chores, now she was telling me that she couldn’t entrust me with a single task?
I told her that my purpose wasn’t to serve her and that I’m a human being too, and she completely lost it, I’m now upstairs again after not wanting to listen to her shouting about how I’m a horrible daughter and bla bla bla.
But I really want to know what other people think about the way I acted, AITJ for telling her that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is the problem with some parents. They refuse to understand the children. They think they’re the best and know better in everything but sometimes they need to understand their child. All you did was prioritize your studies, and the fact she didn’t bother to ask your sister says that she’s just used to you obeying her a little too much.
Try to talk to her and if you can’t, it’s fine” thelakebehinddora
Another User Comments:
“You are 100% NTJ. Your mother clearly does not appreciate the things you do for her, and the fact that she doesn’t ask your sister anything tells me that she just wants you to do everything for her because you’re the ‘easy’ child.
And this should go without saying, but if you’re feeling scared of your mom after she nearly hit you with a cup, make sure to reach out for help.” NathanS0207
8. AITJ For Joking About The Twin I Absorbed In My Mother's Womb?
“Every Christmas my family hosts a huge Christmas Party for all of the family to come over and see each other.
When I say huge I mean huge (300 people huge) My parents have a huge (around 12k sq. ft.) house which is the only place we can have it because the rest of us either live in apartments or small cookie-cutter houses. Their house is a pretty far drive for all of us, and normally we drive about 2 hours there and back to get there.
The last Christmas party was huge, and there were lots of people who attended (which I didn’t know until a little later that would not be in my favor).
The party started at 4:30 and I showed up at around 5ish. This made my mom angry because she wanted everyone to be on time.
Now, my mom is a very traditional person who wants everything on the dot.
Fast forward to when we are opening all of our presents. We get to me, and before I can unwrap the first gift, my mom says in a very disappointed tone, ‘If only X’s twin brother was here to celebrate with us.’ I very quickly shoot back with, ‘Lay off, jerk.
I was hungry.’
Everyone started to snicker in the living room and my mother got up sobbing and running into her room. She has teased me about this my whole life about eating/absorbing my twin in the womb, and I was done with her nonsense.
The rest of the party people were split on which side they were on because they had seen all the remarks I had dealt with from my mom. I ran up to her room and apologized profusely to her saying that I would never mean to hurt her feelings and that her remarks were making me mad.
She apologized to me and said that she was sorry for doing what she did, and she seemed to take my apology well and was ‘forgiving’ about what I said.
This leads me to about two weeks ago, my brother called me and asked about the invitation and if I had got it, what it was saying (apparently it made no sense.) Turns out all my other family got the invite to her annual Christmas Party, but not me and my husband.
I called her and asked how my brother got one and I didn’t and she said, ‘Well, not many people agree with your choices in life.’ I asked them, ‘Is this because I married a man instead of a woman?’ (I am an openly gay man) Then my mom comes back up with, ‘No, it’s because you disrespected me at my party last year and made me look like a fool.’ She had said in distress.
After that, we went back and forth for 30 minutes arguing about how I should/should not be invited to the party. At the end of it, she cussed me out saying I am a bratty, selfish jerk who is so used to having everything handed down to him, and then called me a jerk and hung up.
She blocked me from texting her which made me not able to apologize to her, and she was also very mad that I would even ask to be re-invited to the party when I didn’t show my gratitude in the first place.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. There are a lot of clear lines you crossed: calling your mother a jerk, joking about the child she carried and lost, disrespecting her in front of her guests… However, your mother has joked about it previously so I can see how you might think it’s an ok subject for black humor.
Also, you did apologize. Your mother is the jerk for accepting your apology and then taking it back.” Specific-Size4601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, decide if you want to repair your relationship with the woman who seems to have used you as a verbal punching bag since she birthed you.
After that, you can decide how best to proceed and whether you want to blast her to your entire family for her pettiness and terrible, terrible behavior. Also, what does your father say about this? Can you not just get the invite information from him and show up anyway?
(and then get nice and choked up/emotional if your mother tries to confront and boot you, sorrowfully tell everyone there about how she’s excluding her own child from the holidays, and make her reveal her trashy actions in public?)” AethericOwl
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Family On Christmas?
“I have many chronic illnesses and I also have a compromised immune system. My husband’s family all know this however, last Christmas (24th) we went to visit his family (siblings, nephews, parents, partners) and his brother commented on how his wife and one of his sons had only just got over being sick 3 days ago and that he also is feeling unwell.
They only told us after we had been at the dinner table sitting and eating next to them for at least an hour and they already made their children hug everyone when they got there to greet everyone. Not much we could do so we just got on with the day.
2 days later I got the sickness bug, the same sickness bug that my husband’s brother, his wife, and his son had only a few days before seeing us. I was so sick and my chronic illnesses were heavily impacted. I kept passing out because my blood pressure kept dropping, I had the worst pain ever in my life to the point I was crying and writhing in pain not knowing what to do, my husband even had to take time off work to care for me and he almost took me to the hospital were it not for the UK health system being so under pressure that our local hospital was telling people not to go there.
We found out a few days after that my husband’s dad and sister also got the same sickness bug. My husband was absolutely furious, to say the least, that his brother and family turned up to a family gathering only 3 days after being so ill where there was me, immune compromised, and my husband’s father who is vulnerable due to his age.
Had they warned us ahead of time then I could have stayed home to avoid getting sick, but honestly, I think they shouldn’t have turned up considering they got 3 people sick and were still in the contagious period!
Anyway that leads me to this year, we are due to visit his family again for Christmas and my husband suggested I if not both of us not go just in case his brother’s family does the same.
They have 2 boys that go to school which is a breeding ground for illnesses, they always have a cold and I’m inclined to follow his advice. I absolutely cannot get sick again and they all know this. But I can’t help feeling like a massive jerk for not going.
We’ve asked his brother to warn us ahead of time if they’re sick but he never does and this has happened before but I was never as seriously ill as I was last year.
So I just want to know, AITJ for not wanting to visit family this year after what happened last year?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just apologize for not being able to attend, saying that in your current health condition, it’s too risky to attend a gathering like that. No need to go into details. You know the risks. They don’t really know and will likely think lightly just like they did last time even if you tell them again.
You will be the one to pay the price and they won’t even see the results of their carelessness, so once again it won’t weigh on them. You have to make the judgment here. There’s nothing to feel guilty about.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you don’t want to go, it’s completely up to you.
But I wouldn’t necessarily blame the family as they were probably out of the period of time when doctors considered them ‘contagious’, they likely didn’t infect you on purpose. I’m assuming if they were 3 days out they were probably following the recommendations from their doctor.
I have POTS and several other cardiac issues. I pass out every time I get ill and many times end up in the hospital needing IV fluids. It’s unfortunate, but I choose to continue going to functions and being social. I figure I’m just as likely to get sick from someone at work, the store, the gym, or just being out around people as I am at a holiday get-together.
It’s a risk I’m willing to take.
You just have to figure out what works best for you and what you are comfortable with.” aesras628
6. AITJ For Making A Social Media Post To Expose My Biological Mom?
“I (22 f) have recently started therapy to help with my mental health issues. My therapist recommended that I sit down with the people who have hurt me and just get all the emotions out so I can move past and find my personal peace.
The person she recommended I start with was my bio mom (39 f).
For a little background info, my bio mom left me in my dad’s driveway when I was 5 and didn’t reach out again until I was 18. I also have 2 other siblings a younger brother and a younger sister.
My mother also gave up my sister.
When my mom came back into my life I tried to set rules but she broke everyone. I still wanted it to work so I let it slide when she would bad mouth my dad and stepmom, or ghost me for months.
We lived in different towns so I only saw her twice in 2 years.
A year ago I moved to the same town as her and not once since my move have I seen or heard from her. The only time I saw her was at a bar and she pretended to not know who I was.
Also, I received calls from my family asking why I was ignoring and being rude to my mother. I’ve tried to reach out multiple times to talk to her and understand what is going on but I never get a response and her family always makes an excuse for her.
I finally decided that I needed to get these feelings off my chest because it was affecting me mentally. I posted it on social media where I knew she would see it.
‘I’m sorry that I’m such a disappointment and that you feel you need to hide me from the people in your life.
I’m sorry that I failed to be the child you wanted. But I am okay. I know I will be okay. I have people who stepped up and took your place. So I guess I should thank you for letting someone else give me the love you couldn’t find.’
I didn’t tag her and we don’t have the same last name. So unless you are close family you wouldn’t know what I was talking about because no one outside of my family knows she is my mother. The next morning I woke up to calls and texts saying I was a horrible person for trying to blow up her life and that it was not hard to understand why she wouldn’t want me as a daughter.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT I do not agree with your therapist’s advice. Telling you to try to communicate with a deadbeat and irresponsible bio mother was exposing you to a lot of suffering and disappointment. There are techniques to help you get those feelings off your chest and it’s his job to use them.
That’s the whole point of therapy, feeling better, not worse. He put you in a hurtful spot for mitigated results. Your relationship with your bio mom is beyond repair. Move on to greener pastures.” ShowerMobile295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You haven’t failed here. You’re not lacking in anything.
Someone who abandons their child at five isn’t doing it because the child failed at anything. They’re not doing their job as a parent. Please don’t blame yourself for her shortcomings. She’s insecure about not being able to meet your needs, and it’s not okay how she’s lashing out.” VisceralSardonic
5. AITJ For Filing A Complaint Against My Cheer Coach?
“I’m (17 F) a senior on my high school’s varsity cheer team. I’ve been on varsity for three years (since sophomore year), and I’m a flyer. I’ve always struggled to pick up stunts quickly, but I have strong tumbling for my school (most people have a BHS, I have a tuck and running tumbling to a layout), so it evened out.
I just need a bit more time to get my stunts.
This year, the team got a new coach. Here are the issues:
She made us spend upwards of $800 on clothes, camp fees ($250), shoes, bows, and new poms. We’re a public school, so this was out of nowhere for us.
We have a camp in the summer. Here, there was an injury in my stunt group where I fell out of a twisting stunt and my blackspot’s (17 F) tooth was broken in half. The other half was lodged in my elbow, and I was bleeding profusely.
Not only did my coach not call my backspot’s parents, but she didn’t call my parents, even after I was told I needed stitches. I was scared, so I refused to go to the hospital and get the stitches. I later texted my mom, who was furious that she wasn’t contacted and that my coach didn’t insist on the stitches.
She didn’t hold any fall practices, instead, she took the time she told the school would be for football cheer and used it for comp. My fall-only teammates were devastated. Recently, I learned that we could be disqualified for starting early.
Because comp practices started in August, one girl (my backspot) couldn’t come to ANY practices until winter.
Without my backspot, my stunt group can’t practice. So, while my team learned all new stunts, such as full ups and low to high full ups (which were way above what we’d done before), I couldn’t practice. I tried to talk to the coach, but she said I can’t practice with another backspot in case I get used to the way that others stunt.
I’m watching my team progress, knowing that I won’t be able to catch up.
Recently, my coach has been switching me out of stunts, and at this point I’m only flying a prep in the pyramid, an extension in our cheer, and the full-up. I’m terrified that she’s going to switch me out of the lth full up too once my backspot comes back.
She doesn’t give me any of the help or slack that she gives other athletes.
There’s also a strange culture of body shaming that was never there before. She obviously favors the tiny, skinny girls, and anyone else is put to the side. I recently found one of our sophomores sobbing at practice in the bathroom, saying that our coach was telling her to make herself prettier if she wanted to be in the front (this girl has AMAZING skills, and is more than worthy of being in the front).
With all of this, I decided to go to our school’s athletic director and file an official complaint. I didn’t know what else to do. There’s an ongoing investigation, but even though I filed the complaint anonymously, it seems like everyone, including my coach, knows it was me.
My coach is mad at me, and she keeps threatening to just kick me off the team. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And good for you! And if this coach threatens you again, you can tell her to bring it on, because cheerleading and other gymnastic sports are on everyone’s radar now, and the local news media would be VERY interested to hear about her behavior thus far.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a mother of a former flyer, I would have filed a complaint when you were injured. You are not old enough to choose to not get treatment. I was a teacher, and by law, we had to contact parents for any injury other than band-aid in seriousness.
Good on you for stepping up. What she is doing is toxic and can have long-term effects on teens’ mental health.” flamingoabe81
4. AITJ For Not Inviting Our Coworker To Lunch?
“I work in a very small satellite office of a larger company that is headquartered about 2 hours away. In total, there are about 10 people in my office but we all have rotating work-from-home schedules so there are rarely more than 4 of us at a time in the office together.
I (27 f) switched positions about a year ago, prior to the switch I was partnered with another person (Beth) who worked out of the main company location.
During our time working together, Beth and I became close friends. To the point that my family will go visit her family (they live at the beach) and even stay the night with them.
After I switched roles, a new girl (Stacy) was brought in to take over my responsibilities, I trained her, and she was partnered with Beth after I fully transitioned to my new role. Stacy and I are in the office together about 3 days a week.
We are friendly, but not super close. Since there usually aren’t many people in the office we do talk pretty often. Beth and Stacy have a decent working relationship but I know it can be strained at times due to some butting of heads between them.
Beth was in our office today due to a client meeting. Since it’s been a few months since we’ve actually seen each other, Beth and I had made lunch plans and wanted a chance to catch up. At 12:00 we leave the office and go to lunch.
As soon as we walk back into the office Stacy loudly says ‘Well thanks for the invite ladies. Way to leave me behind and not say a single thing to me, I’m the partner here. Real nice.’ Beth apologized sheepishly and went to the temporary office she was using and I went back to my desk.
Shortly after Stacy got up and went to lunch on her own.
Are Beth and I jerks for not inviting her to lunch with us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t a meeting or a working lunch. You went out as friends. Stacy is being passive-aggressive and childish in my opinion.
Since you have to continue working with her, I would take the high road. I’d suggest telling her you’re sorry if she felt left out, but you and Beth are friends outside of work and so went out to lunch to catch up.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“Eh… the optics aren’t great, since there’s not a lot of folks there. I bet if the office had 20-30 people in it, it would just be a couple of people getting lunch, but this felt more like being snubbed actively. So, that was a little insensitive.
That said, Stacy was very much rude in the snarky response. Honestly, I don’t feel any of this rises to jerk level, but while I can see why Stacy would be put off or hurt, her response wasn’t called for. People get to go to lunch with whomever they want and don’t have to invite everyone all the time.
Sure, it’s nice, and it would have been better if you’d said, ‘Hey, Beth and I are grabbing lunch to catch up, want us to bring you something?’ or some other acknowledgment so it didn’t feel Mean Girls, but it’s not required. NTJ, but maybe a little insensitive.” Special-Light5297
3. AITJ For Thinking My Step-Mother-In-Law Is Going Overboard With My Baby?
“I (f 35) & my husband (m 35) had a baby girl in June (2 months) My family doesn’t live nearby so we see each other every 2 weeks but my in-laws live in our same town, so they visit my home & see the baby almost every day.
In the beginning, I felt a bit overwhelmed with their daily visits so I talked to my husband about it & now they come every 2/3 days. I understand the situation so I have to put up with that.
My FiL is married to a woman (my step-MiL) (my husband’s actual mom is out of the picture).
They’ve been married for 15 years, and we get on well but she didn’t raise my husband, he was 20 years old when they got married.
My step-MiL has a daughter (step-SiL) She doesn’t live in our town & we don’t see her much but she has never been very close to us.
Sadly, she’s been diagnosed with C-illness & we’ve become closer in support. As a result of the treatment, she cannot bear children.
My pregnancy happened at the same time as her treatment so my step-SiL was both happy & sad when we told her the news, & so was her mum.
My step-SiL is nice to my baby, no problem with her.
The problem is my Step-MiL. I understand that even though not sharing blood, she will be a ‘granny figure’ for my baby as she’s been for a long time in the family, but I think she has crossed some lines not even my baby’s actual grands have.
She comes to my house without telling us before. Just rings the bell & ‘Here I am’. She holds the baby every single time, even takes her from my arms! Cannot stop touching baby, she wanna be alone with her, follows me every time I change her diaper or clothes, every day brings ‘presents from her friends’ & buys them herself, and is jealous of my own friends when they come to spend time with us, if we go shopping or for a coffee with the baby says that she must look after her instead of taking her with us.
My step-MiL knows that my mum is having a hard time living so far away from us, and says hurtful things like ‘the baby recognizes me, it’s a pity she doesn’t recognize you’ when they are together (which was not true as the baby was too little when this happened).
But yesterday she said something I cannot stop thinking about. Some friends were discussing who would the baby look after & they told my FiL that she has his eyes, and step-MiL said ‘I would like her to look like me, I wish she looked like me’.
She doesn’t share a single gene with my daughter!
I repeat, I understand that she is indeed a granny figure & I understand the pain my step-SiL is going through, but I think that some things she does are creepy. I don’t want my child to be compensation for her daughter’s problem.
I told my husband & he said ‘She was just happy to have a baby in the family’.
I feel like a jerk for feeling this way. I even feel guilty for having the baby when her daughter can’t or at the same time as she was under the treatment (we started trying for the baby before things happened & never thought of stopping, to be honest).
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she is being beyond intrusive and over-enmeshed. This will NOT resolve itself. She will NEVER normalize by herself, if ever, unless and until you and your husband put up very clear and big boundaries. They will NOT be allowed over unless you invite them, from now on.
And that may be never. Or it may be once or twice a year. How close they live has no relevance. It is inevitable that this woman will continue to escalate until you both say something to her. It will not be taken well, at least at first. But guess what?
SO BE IT. It’s inevitable anyway, so you may as well put up boundaries now before things get worse.
Also, her dealing with her daughter’s illness is no excuse for being overbearing to you and stressing you out, popping in, and overstepping her boundaries.
She doesn’t get to hurt you just because she is hurting. Plus your SIL herself is not like this. Just keep her out of your lives for the near future. Save your sanity, knowing any stress you bear is picked up by your baby and it takes away from the energy you need to care for the baby.” btiddy519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your step-MIL is. She knows what she’s doing and she knows she can get away with it. I mean, her own stepson treats her like she’s a meek angel. Her extremely rude comment to your mother says otherwise. Your husband needs to put down some clear boundaries with her.
YOU are the child’s mother and you shouldn’t be made to feel so uncomfortable whilst also having decisions made for you. She also shouldn’t be able to turn up unannounced at your home whenever she feels like it. If this isn’t nipped in the bud now, it never will be.
Also, her sadness is NOT your responsibility. Sorry to put it so bluntly. If she really wants to control you and your child, she can go and get a child of her own. Let her adopt one. Then she can do whatever she wants. In both instances, neither child will share her blood.
You’re definitely NTJ.” theQuick-witted20s
2. AITJ For Saying My Ex's Best Friend Is My Favorite Person?
“I (26 F) have a facial scar from an accident where I also broke my back.
I was in the hospital for months. The scar changed my face and I get a lot of insensitive comments and jokes about it.
My ex, Darren, and I had been together for almost a year when I was in the accident. He had crushed on me for years and finally worked up the courage to confess.
Unfortunately, while he was trying his best, he lost attraction to me and we amicably parted ways. We’re still friends.
Most of my friends treated me with pity and tiptoed around the subject of my injuries because they wanted to spare my feelings. I told them to treat me normally but they didn’t.
I found out a couple of them were calling me names behind my back which really hurt. While almost all of them visited the hospital once, I wished they spent more time with me when I was there.
Throughout, the only person who treated me well was Darren’s friend Alex.
Alex was a jerk to me before and I half suspected he had a crush on Darren based on the number of times he said that I was ugly compared to him in front of others. He’s not wrong but it’s a mean thing to say.
I thought he would be the worst tormentor, to be honest.
After I got injured, he was the only person who visited me constantly. He stayed for hours most days even if I wasn’t in the shape or mood to talk. He helped me with PT and was so helpful the nurses thought HE was my partner.
He said he liked my scar a lot but he was still prettier than me lol. He snuck me food. Honestly despite his personality, Alex was a godsend.
My friends were doing a quick game where you have to tell the truth. Darren was there.
When I was asked who I liked the most, I answered honestly and said Alex. He is my favorite.
Darren came up to me afterward and asked if I had an affair with Alex. I had no idea what he was talking about. I said no. Darren was very upset and warned that Alex had a bad reputation, that I was going to regret this, and that I hurt his feelings.
Apparently, Darren had wanted my forgiveness for how our relationship ended but now he’s mad at me because he thinks I had a thing for Alex. My friends are fighting and several of them urge me to apologize to Darren and say I didn’t mean it when I said Alex was my favorite.
I broke the friend group by saying that Alex was my favorite. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They say misfortune shows you who your true friends really are – and it turned out that Alex was. Darren was not a great partner. It’s understandable that things changed for him romantically after the accident (but I, personally, think that if it were true love or a really solid relationship it could have withstood the accident), but to consider himself still a friend, and that he also hardly showed up for you in your time of need?
And your other friends? It’s not being unfaithful to be appreciative of the friendship you were shown above all of the others when you needed it the most.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Darren left you. Nothing that happened between you and anyone else after that can be considered infidelity.
Unless, of course, Darren lives in some sort of la-la-land where he can leave you to struggle through recovery but you’d still pine for him and be ‘faithful’ to him and then swoop back in once you’d done all the hard work on your own, with a pat on the back for getting over his aesthetic discomfort into the bargain.” AethericOwl
1. AITJ For Asking A Couple With A Big Dog To Leave The Small Dog Park?
“Today I went to the dog park with my 7-pound dog.
There’s a couple with a big dog in the small dog park right next to the big dog park which is just separated by a chain link fence. Above the two entrances, one says ‘Big Dogs’ and the other says ‘Small Dogs’. I ask how long they’re gonna be there with their large dog in the small dog park.
She tells me they have been there for 15 minutes and plan on leaving in 10 minutes. They didn’t wanna let him in the big dog park because he got aggressive and no small dogs were there when they got there.
I didn’t have the time or patience to wait ten more minutes.
I drive my dog there every day. This is the fifth time a big dog is on the small dog side. Today I just wasn’t gonna let someone deprive my dog from smelling his smells and I told her that they’re gonna leave now. She made a mocking face at me like a kid and I told her to leave then her partner started barking and cussing at me and we got into a shouting match but I refused to back down as I felt I was in the right.
Threats were made but I am so fed up with seeing this I wasn’t backing down. They finally left.
I probably didn’t handle this as well as I could but I’m sick of this. Plus if they bring their untrained or aggressive dog to the small dog park, what am I supposed to do?
I posted this on the dog park’s social media page and three people said I was wrong, should realize some people can’t afford dog training, and that it’s owned by the county which means everyone who pays taxes should use the dog park how they want to and that I’m entitled like all small dog owners are.
AITJ for telling people to leave because my dog wants to go in the small dog park?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone who pays taxes pays for both a big and small area. People aren’t entitled to just use either/or as they feel like it.
I’m sure the country actually has rules about it. The dog needs to be trained. That’s the responsibility of the owners, and they don’t have to pay someone else to do it. They can do it themselves. Just be careful that the dog isn’t used against you.
And screw those three people.” Fredsundertheblanket
Another User Comments:
“Next time I’d go in with a warm smile and ‘Hey, I have my little guy here, so can you take a couple of minutes to finish up and get your big buddy moved out, thanks.’ because of course they’re prepared to do the reasonable thing and move the malamute out of the small dog park as soon as a little dog shows up.
‘This is the small dog side, I’m sure you understand.’ You don’t have to judge or solve their problems for them. You’re here to use the small dog park with your small dog.” KindCompetence
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