People Need Persuasive Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situation

"My wife and I live in central Jersey. She was a NYC resident for years before we met. Her Dr was from NYU and she was adamant about wanting to have the baby delivered with a Dr she was familiar with.

We're all good with that. This was never an issue even though the ride is 2 or so hours.

A couple of days before my wife went into labor, I had a motorcycle accident and broke my collarbone. I was scheduled for an operation on a Monday morning 1st thing.

Sunday evening about 2 am, my wife wakes me up to tell me her water broke. She also tells me, "Don't worry about it. I know you have your operation this morning. I'll just take a cab," to which I replied, "That's ridiculous. Of course I'll take you."

I immediately gather everything together to drive her to NYU. Everything goes relatively smoothly other than 30 hours of labor. Our baby came out healthy, and I was there to see the birth of my newborn. However, I was unable to cancel my appointment because I didn't want to leave my wife's side.

After a bit of time, I got through to my doctor who said it is imperative that we have the operation before the bone heals while it is splintered... If we don't, they will have to re-break it to set it, and it may never heal right.

They told me they could get me in right away if I head back home to central NJ. I told her what they said, and I asked if it was ok with her, to which she replied excitedly, "Of course! You should go!"

By the time I had the operation and got back to the hospital another day or so later, her entire family was there, and the tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

When I finally got to talk to my wife, she said she hated that I left her there all alone to which things got heated, and the last thing she said to me before I decided to drop it is,"I hate you for leaving me alone like this at a time that I needed you here, and I will probably hate you for the rest of my life for it." I couldn't even make the argument that, "You told me I should go."

This is a 10-year-old argument, and we NEVER bring it up cause it's such a hot-button issue, but it has always been in the back of my head whether I was right to go. Her family says I should have stayed, and my friends say I did the right thing, so I need an unbiased opinion, so I can put this to rest for my own sanity."

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. You needed the surgery. Life happens, and you gotta roll with the punches. You were there through the 30-hour labor, and to me, that seems sufficient given that family was with her when you came back. I would assume hormones could play a part in reacting that way at the moment, but for the next, 10 years after that?

That kind of reaction is absurdly disproportionate. I don't understand why anything mattered other than the baby. To me, the birth of the child is the only focus. If your collarbone were to heal improperly, it could have impaired your ability to do things with your child for the rest of your life. Does she have difficulty being alone in general? I don't know. That just seems freaking ludicrous." whorticultured

Another User Comments:

"INFO. There are some major "plot holes" here.

You supposedly had a broken collarbone but were able to drive two hours into NYC to the hospital--but the break was so bad that you couldn't wait a couple of days for the surgery--oh, and you were able to drive back to NYC within a day of surgery (even ten years ago it was VERY uncommon for a mom and baby to be in the hospital longer than 36 hours--or maybe 48 depending on insurance).

You didn't show up for your scheduled surgery, but somehow, they moved you to the front of the line immediately. Then you were able to drive a 4-hour round trip to NYC immediately post-op?! Your wife set up her birth experience with a 2-hour drive to the hospital while she was in labor? I can't imagine any woman doing that regardless of how comfortable they felt with their old doctor.

Supposedly your wife told you she was ok with your going for the surgery, then after this 24-hour miracle surgery, she "hates you for the rest of your life"?

Now ten years later, she still hates you (but you're still married, LOL). When writing a fictional narrative it's important to begin by writing out your timeline to make the scenario minimally plausible. Medical fiction can be daunting because it involves facts--like if a collarbone injury was serious enough to require dropping everything for "emergency " surgery, you wouldn't be able to drive 4 hours round trip twice in a period of 48 hours (particularly post-op)." celticmusebooks

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. I'd rather have my husband take me to my preferred hospital over 2 hours away and still be at the birth, have a healthy baby, and the next day, Husband goes into a much-needed surgery than the other way around. She was probably too hormonal and, what could you really do at the hospital after the baby is born?

If the baby was breastfed, you can't help. If mom was too tired and needed a break, she's in the hospital; nurses are there to help.

My baby was born 2 months early, and I had severe preeclampsia. My son was in NICU for weeks, and I was in hospital 1 week after birth due to my high BP, but guess what?

My husband was there at the birth, and he wanted to go home that night because he was exhausted from no sleep. Was I mad? No. Did I feel alone? No because I was in the hospital with all nurses helping me and my son.

NTJ, you were there for the most important part, and you had reason to leave... for an important surgery you needed." Wesmom2021

Another User Comments:

"NTJ for going and getting surgery.

YTJ for being on a motorcycle in the first place when your wife was so close to going into labor.

What a stupid idea. I work in the medical field, and it's common knowledge that motorcyclists are top-tier organ donors. Your wife had to deal with you nearly dying a few days before labor and then had to take care of an infant as a first-time parent all by herself while you healed. All of this could have been avoided if you hadn't desperately wanted to go vroom vroom on a dangerous mode of transportation." FernFellow