People Want To Get Our Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For How I Responded When My Sister-In-Law Proposed To Live With Us?
“My SIL and I have a very tense relationship. She’s a very hateful, mean person, constantly takes digs at my weight, and tells anyone who will listen that I’m lazy and fat, a bad parent, and not good enough for her brother.
I let it roll off my shoulders for the most part because frankly her opinion of me is pretty much irrelevant and I have my own opinions on her but keep it to myself. Not saying anything if I don’t have anything nice to say and all that.
This weekend when we were over at his parents’ house where she also lives, she sat us down and said she wanted a change from living with their parents (where rent is free and endless childcare is provided by my MIL) and started thinking it might be a good idea to move in with us.
I couldn’t help it, I immediately started laughing. The entitlement and audacity honestly took me off guard given the fact that my mutual distaste for her is not a secret even if I stay cordial to keep the peace. Everyone looked at me in shock and since the damage was already done I said ‘That’s not happening and you know that.’
Since she’s the person she is she immediately started her verbal attack, pointing out all of my flaws and classy things like that. Why not behave that way in front of the kids?
I gathered up my kids without another word and we waited in the car for my husband. I could tell he was kind of mad and he later told me I should have just let him handle it because he would have obviously said no as well.
I would be lying if I said I had regrets, the only thing I wish hadn’t happened is exposing the kids to that behavior. I don’t know though, maybe that was a jerk response so I’m here to ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Obviously, SIL is, but your husband sucks too.
Why is he bringing his wife and kids around this person? If my sister spoke to my spouse like that, even once, she’d be right out of my life. You’re not the only one who exposed your kids to that behavior, he did. And, frankly, given that he is spineless enough to allow this situation to continue, I wouldn’t have trusted him to shut the situation.
Not only should you have felt free to speak up, you need to be questioning him about why he’s bringing you around his toxic family and allowing this behavior to continue.” JackalopeKnight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Wow. That’s some type of person right there.
Your husband is also a bit of a jerk. ‘I should have just let him handle it because he would have obviously said no as well.’ But he didn’t.
How long did he expect you to hold your tongue? And presumably, he didn’t do much to stop the death of a thousand cuts comments she’d been making for a long time.” Meghanshadow
25. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother For His Comments About My Wife's Body?
“I (27m) noticed ever since my brother’s (34m) wife left him he’s been acting like a real jerk. Saying a bunch of sexist stuff that really puts everyone in my family off. My mom says he’s having a hard time adjusting to it and it’s made him direct his anger at women as a whole.
Supposedly he’s been in therapy for months but I don’t know how that’s going since it won’t stop. It’s been this way for over a year and frankly, I’ve gotten tired of it. My parents keep saying to let it go. He’s hurting and stuff. My dad talked with him.
I have had conversations about keeping that stuff to himself in my house.
What he said about my wife: Before, she used to have a very large chest which started causing her some serious back pain and even more after our son was born. So she had a reduction surgery a few months ago. The last time the family was over my brother and I were watching TV in the living room, my parents and my wife were playing a board game in the kitchen with our son.
He told me it sucks about my wife, now what am I gonna look at? He thought he was being funny but all it did was annoy me. I told him he knows already he’s not allowed to say any nonsense in my house, especially making comments about my wife’s body.
My brother says he was messing around and just pointing out that it is a ‘tragedy’ for me.
After telling him how sick I’ve gotten of his nonsense I said him getting his pathetic butt dumped doesn’t give him an excuse to be a pig. And well yeah he’s been mad about it ever since. They picked up on our bad vibe right away since my brother refused to talk to me anymore before he decided to leave early.
The reason why my parents and brother think I’m a jerk is for the way I brought up his marriage into this. My mom was so mad when she heard exactly what he said about my wife but she didn’t think it gave me the right to be nasty right back to hit him where it hurts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents enabling your brother to be a rabid misogynist aren’t doing him any favors. Who would go out with a guy like that?
Good on you for calling him out, defending your wife, and slapping him with a much-needed cold stiff hand of reality.
It sounds like him not speaking to you is a good thing.
Don’t apologize. And if your parents start whining about how meeeaaaan you are keeping your kid from seeing their uncle, tell them you don’t want your kid exposed to his nonsense, either.” LittleMtnMama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But people need to stop blaming circumstances on them being jerks. Your brother isn’t sexist or a pig because he is going through a divorce.
Your brother was ALWAYS been sexist and a pig that none of you realized.
Time to stop coddling him and make him grow up.” Material_Cellist4133
24. AITJ For Telling My Dad His Partner Didn't Get Me Anything At Starbucks?
“I (17F) have been living with my dad (45M), his partner of 2 years (33F), and her daughter (13F) for a couple of months now while my mom (40F) is visiting my sick grandfather in Sweden.
I’ve only ever stayed at my dad’s on weekends so it’s been hard getting used to living with his partner and her kid full time. The kid is super whinny and pretty spoiled because his partner dotes on her so I usually just stay in my room.
Today my dad’s partner was taking her daughter on a ‘special outing’ because she passed a math test, and my dad suggested I go with them for a ‘girls’ day out’.
I wanted to say no but I knew that he wanted me to get to know his partner and the woman’s daughter better so I agreed. He gave his partner $300 to spend during the outing.
We spent the day going in and out of stores her daughter liked in the mall complex. My dad’s partner ended up buying her a ton of clothes, makeup, and other stuff I don’t remember.
On our way back home my dad’s partner stopped at the Starbucks because her daughter wanted a drink and some cake pops. She ordered a drink for her and her daughter and 2 cake pops. I asked her if I could get something and she said she ran out of money and she’d ‘get me something next time’.
When they got their order I asked if I could have one of the cake pops and my dad’s partner said that it was her daughter’s treat for hard work and it would be wrong for me to take one since ‘I didn’t do anything that deserved being rewarded’.
I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty upset.
When we got back home my dad saw their drinks and asked where mine was. I told him that ‘I wasn’t allowed to get one cause I don’t deserve it’. His partner got upset and said I was twisting her words and the daughter just said I was being greedy and was jealous of her.
I know I’m not entitled to a drink or a cake pop but I also don’t think it’s wrong to be a little annoyed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh sweetie, NTJ and I want you to know that you absolutely were entitled to a drink AND a cake pop or another treat of your choosing.
Your dad gave her $300 that was meant to be spent on ALL THREE of you for the day out. Sure, her daughter may have earned SOMETHING special for her hard work at school, but from the sound of it he intended for you all to get treated a bit, and it’s disgusting that she would go to a coffee shop and get things for herself and her daughter and not for you.
As someone older than your dad, even, I can tell you that his partner’s behavior was super not okay, and NOT the way she should be treating her partner’s kid. NONE of my friends would ever treat their stepkids or partners’ kids that way in a million years! I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I’m really glad you told your dad.
She deserves to get yelled at.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! And don’t be fooled, everything she did was intentional. If she really ran out of money and could only afford two drinks, she should have offered you one and forgone getting one herself. Also, 3 people and 3 cake pops and she couldn’t share one with you?
This is the setup for a modern-day evil stepmother. I hope your dad rips her a new one.” fallingfaster345
23. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Tearing Down The Decorations My Mom Made In Our Bathroom?
“I (36F) and my husband (45M) who have been married less than a year bought our first home recently. To give some background, we had been together for 4 years then broke up for a year or so then got back together and decided to get married. We both previously rented our own places.
My home was decorated and always clean. His place was always messy and had no attempt at being decorated. He lived by he didn’t care how it looked, as long as it was functional. He got rid of his place & moved into mine. Filled my home with clutter & I’m a clean freak. I mean piles of stuff & not one thing was decor.
Took over my spare bedroom with piles of his things.
Fast forward to us buying a house, I went to order something for the home & he said that I couldn’t order anything unless he agreed to it. Mind you we both make good money so it’s not as if he is paying for it.
Then he turned around & ordered a flag for the house without asking me if I approved. We had agreed since the new place had 2 living rooms one would be how I wanted it & he could have the other. He never had anything else to say about the other rooms.
I told my mom the design idea I wanted for the bathroom.
As a gift she bought everything we needed for this bathroom. I told him about this & he said I told you the bathroom was off limits, even tho we never had that discussion. I even said to him we could change it later because my mom is doing something nice & we shouldn’t be ungrateful & it’s also one less thing we have to buy.
When we moved in she came over & decorated the bathroom. I absolutely loved it. He had a meltdown & screamed at my mother for doing that. We aren’t completely moved in yet & are between the two places.
When I came to the new home today I saw he ripped everything off the walls & took everything out.
I called him out for destroying the new bathroom & he told me that he & his coworkers agree that my mom had no right & is overbearing. Firstly my mom isn’t overbearing. She discussed it with me prior to making a purchase, I gave her the green light. She wanted to do something nice for us in our new home.
I’ve never really met a man who cared how the home was decorated. Maybe a few things like ‘nothing over the top pink & frilly’ or if they did care, they generally actually cared how the home they lived in previously looked. This also isn’t the first time he has done something similar. It feels like anything that gives me joy he wants to ruin.
Anytime I am excited about something he finds a way to bring me down, i.e. our wedding, Christmas, every holiday. He even tried to tell me, don’t think I’m going to be having friends or family over often in the new place. The house has a large yard and pool, the whole point of getting the house was to have a space I could enjoy and have guests over.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he is completely unreasonable and very controlling.
I would NOT want to be married to or in a relationship with this person.
Red flag red flag.
He sounds like he is gaslighting you regarding previous conversations, and his ripping down stuff is way beyond.
Plus, what he told people at work is HIS version
How honest and fair do you think HIS version is?
Do you want to be with someone like this?” kn0tkn0wn
Another User Comments:
“He had a meltdown and screamed at your mom… just because she helped decorate one of the bathrooms? He brings you down every time you get excited about something and basically told you that you can never have friends or family over.
Why did you marry him? He’s a complete jerk. You’re NTJ for letting your mom decorate one bathroom in your new house. But this man does not sound like the right person for you. You need to seriously think if this is the path you want to go down with someone like him.
Because he will not change. Do you really want to share a life with someone who lives completely opposite of you?” Angieks21
22. AITJ For Refusing To Tell Someone Where I Work?
“I (22f) work as a graphic designer at a decent company. Recently a friend of mine texted me saying how a friend of hers saw my picture on her story (she posted a picture of us together) and thought I was cute and was wondering if he could DM me.
She told me he was a graphic designer as well and had the same interests as me. I thought there was no harm in talking, if I don’t feel comfortable, I can just always end the conversation. So she gave the guy a green signal and he texted me.
He was polite and sweet. We had barely been talking for 2 days at that point when the conversation suddenly reached about our jobs.
He was telling me about his job and roles, so I shared some vague information about my work as well. Then he asked me where did I work? I asked him what he meant and he specified that he wanted to know the company I worked at.
Now it might not seem like a big deal, but in the past, multiple times I have had instances where guys with whom I shared any info about where I live, worked, or went to college, hadn’t ended well.
The last guy knew where I worked and after I ended things after the first date had showed up at my work and sent spam emails to HR. So since then, I have been careful about sharing any personal details with anyone that I don’t trust 100%.
So when this guy asked for my company’s name, I politely told him that I currently don’t feel comfortable sharing the name but eventually if we get closer then I wouldn’t mind.
He said okay and dropped it. The next day he brought up the same question again and I repeated the same thing. But when he brought it up for the third time, I kinda blew up at him and blocked him.
Around an hour later my friend who initially told me about him sent me a long text saying how I was rude to her friend and how I was acting ungrateful after being set up and that I was embarrassing her.
I explained the situation to her and she said that it wasn’t really a big deal, she suggested the guy to me and I should have trusted her judgment, and blocking him and yelling at him was a jerk move. She called me a jerk and told some of our friends how ungrateful I am.
I personally don’t believe that I did anything wrong, but since most of our friends are taking her side, I’m worried that maybe I could have handled it better. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You were being smart and sensible based on prior experience.
No decent friend or potential partner should ever hold that against you.
Plus, I don’t think it should be normalized that such identifiable details should be shared before you’ve even had a chance to meet the person… ugh, personal safety and security come first!” Worldly-Tart-666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You said you weren’t comfortable sharing that information yet and after you set that boundary he kept pushing.
That’s always a red flag.
Your friend may feel a way about it but you should always trust your own judgment about someone over third parties.” CrystalQueen3000
21. AITJ For Smoking In The Smoking Area?
“My college campus has a huge outdoor seating/dining area. About 90% of it is normal tables of various sizes.
The other 10% is a smoking section that is kind of tucked out of the way of the rest of the outdoor area. Other than location, the only difference is that the tables in the ‘normal’ area are of various sizes while the tables in the smoking section all have 4 seats.
When I went out for lunch, there was nobody in the smoking section.
I sat down and smoked. A few minutes later I saw two women walking towards me with lunches in hand, and they took a seat at a table (in the smoking section) nearby.
Shortly after sitting down one of the women approached my table and asked me to put my smoke out. Thinking that they didn’t realize where they were, I politely said, ‘Oh actually this is the smoking area.’ She said, ‘I know, but we don’t smoke and it’s bothering us.’ I was really confused so I said, ‘I’m sorry but if you sit over there (pointing toward the non-smoking section) you won’t be bothered by the smoke.’ She rolled her eyes at me and said, ‘There are no more big (4-seat) tables left over there.’ When I pointed out that there were only 2 of them, and therefore could sit at a smaller table, she said, ‘Yeah but we like to spread out when we eat.’
I’m really self-conscious about smoking. I know it’s a horrible habit and I try to be extremely cognizant of making sure that my smoking isn’t affecting anyone else, so I was JUST about to acquiesce and put my smoke out. But then I thought, no, this area is specifically for me and I’m not doing anything wrong by using it for its intended purpose.
So I said, as politely as possible, ‘I’m really sorry but this area was designed for smokers. If you don’t want to be around smoke you’ll have to go to the non-smoking area.’
She huffed away and for the rest of the time I was sitting there the two women were talking loudly about ‘the nerve of some people,’ and, ‘Can you believe how RUDE and INCONSIDERATE some JERKS can be these days?!’
I finished my smoke quickly and went inside, but now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were in the smoking area. They chose to sit in that area. They had zero right to expect you to not smoke in the area designated specifically for that just because they like to spread out.
Honestly, I probably would have been a lot less polite than you, especially when they sat there making offensive comments afterward.
The only jerks here are the two women.” stu5640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You should’ve moved closer to them while still in the smoking section!
The ‘nerve of some people’ to sit in an area designed for smokers.
I can’t ‘believe how rude and inconsiderate some jerks can be these days!’ But really I can because they’re a perfect example of entitled jerks.” concernedreader1982
20. AITJ For Allowing My Daughter To Go To A Sleepover?
“My wife is 20 weeks pregnant.
We have 2 kids (10f, 7m).
Ever since the beginning of her pregnancy, she has gotten into the habit of sending the kids to me whenever they ask her for permission. She tells them ‘I’m ok with it but check with your dad once’. The first time she did this, I told the kids that I was also ok with it since my wife was ok with it.
That day, she’d told me that I’m not actually supposed to give them permission and that she doesn’t want them to think that she’s not allowing them which is why she tells them to ask me. She said that I’m supposed to say no. I initially agreed but now the kids are saying that I never let them do anything etc.
So I told my wife that this cannot continue any longer and that she would also have to learn to say no and not make me look bad in front of the kids. She refused saying she doesn’t want the stress of listening to the kids whine during her pregnancy. I got mad and said that the next time she sends the kids to me, I’ll be giving them permission.
She started crying and said I’m being inconsiderate of her feelings and that the kids will hate her if she says no. She said that I should take one for her happiness. I refused and stood my ground saying that I will no longer be the bad guy while she pretends to be the nice guy.
Today, the 10-year-old asked if she could go to her friend’s place for a sleepover. My wife told her that she was completely fine with it but Daddy might not be ok with it so to ask me permission first. I was mad because she threw me under the bus once again. So I told my daughter that she was free to go.
My daughter excitedly hugged me as she had expected me to say no.
When she was out of the room, my wife started to yell at me saying I’m a jerk for not helping her out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She wants you to be BAD COP DAD. This is a toxic thing to do.
If she doesn’t want the kids to do things she needs to say so instead of creating a situation in which she gets to be the one who says ‘yes’ to everything but puts it on you to be the one to say ‘no’.
You are right that she is trying to throw you under the bus.
I can’t fathom what motivates her to do this but it’s a deeply selfish one whatever it is.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, your wife is willing for you to sacrifice a good relationship with your kids so that she can always have a good relationship with them. The wrong, wrong, wrong way to go about parenting.
Showing a united front is important until you have a difference of opinion, when this happens, you and your wife ought to discuss your points of view and then come to a decision and present a united front.” Maybeidontknow99
19. AITJ For Booking My Wedding A Month Before My Sister's At The Same Venue?
“My sister and I don’t get along. I can be honest and admit that she’s much prettier than me, and that’s something she’s never let me forget. Both of my parents are pretty shallow and they’ve always given her the best and put her first (i.e. if we both had a school event at the same time, they’d both go to hers).
This has left me pretty bitter and distant from my family.
My partner of five years recently proposed, and I was super over the moon. And straight out of a bad rom-com script, my sister got engaged right afterward. It didn’t really faze me other than serve as a slight nuisance since my parents were more happy and involved with her engagement (my mom’s been helping her plan, but couldn’t help me because my sister ‘needed more help’ and she couldn’t ‘devote me the time I deserved’).
Don’t feel bad for me though because my MIL is a godsend and super sweet/genuinely treats me with so much love.
Anyway, what really pushed me over the edge was when my sister told me that she booked her wedding at my dream venue. I know it sounds SO annoying and cheesy, but I really cared about this location.
It was sentimental to me (my grandparents got married there), and I’ve talked about wanting to get married there as far back as high school when I was just daydreaming.
I swear to God, my sister doesn’t care about my grandparents, but when I brought it up my parents told me to stop being so petty.
In a fit of actual pettiness, I ended up booking the same venue a month before my sister’s wedding. I checked with the venue and there’s no way my sister can move the wedding up (they’re booked up) and if she changes venues she’ll lose her deposit.
My mother recently reached out to me and implored me to talk to my sister (I blocked her after the first call where she tried to ream me out).
Apparently, my sister’s really distraught, and my mom said the least I could do was try and work something out with my sister, especially over such a huge event. I said no, but my mom said I was a jerk for not even trying to hear her out and for being so stubborn and petty.
I KNOW my mom is biased, but it got me thinking because I’ve been pretty staunch about ignoring her calls and some of my cousins have told me that she seems genuinely upset. I’m not sure whether or not I was right or if I am being a giant jerk by being so stubborn.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not the jerk for blocking your mom and not talking to your sister. It sounds like it was way overdue. But yeah, you’re a petty jerk for booking the venue. Though I totally understand and would probably do it as well. Not gonna lie, you have to think it was meant to be since venues are hard to get and you got a date for a month before her.
Though if you and your sister have always been in competition and if she’s a mean girl you might not want to invite her to the wedding and have security around. Unfortunately, if what you say about your parents is also true, your day may be filled with drama and you have to decide if you want them there.” Reading4Drama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Bottom line: You have always wanted to get married there. Enjoy the fact that you can.
There is no reason why you both can’t get married there. It’s a wedding venue. I dare say that many people get married there. No reason why you can’t either.
This weird family dynamic you have going on sounds ugly and mean for no reason.
If you feel distancing yourself from it is best for your well-being, then that is the right decision.
You have to put your foot down somewhere. This way adds some pizazz to it I’d say!” 1800THEBEES
I'll admit my view may be colored by my own experience with my golden-child sister. One example of something she pulled was "stealing" what she thought were my favorite baby names. Not once, but twice! Unbeknownst to her, I already knew what she's like and gave her fake "favorite" names when she asked. lol
If I were you, I would just act surprised that this has upset your sister since she knew all along that your wedding would be there.
Congratulations and may your wedding be everything you want!
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister-In-Law Wear My Wedding Dress?
“My (28F) husband (30M) and I have been married for almost six years now. At the time of our engagement, neither of us had much money, so there was no way I could have afforded the wedding dress that I wanted to wear.
Thankfully for me, my mother is something of a seamstress and offered to help me make my dream dress. We spent over a year finding the pattern, picking the fabrics, and making my beautiful wedding dress completely from scratch. It’s the first big project I’ve ever sewn, so I’m quite proud of it.
Making it also brought me much closer to my mother, as the whole project was sort of a bonding experience. It also holds a lot of additional sentimental value as my dad passed away while we were making it, so I sewed a heart-shaped cutout of one of his shirts into the lining of the dress in order to keep him with me on my big day.
This dress not only brought me closer to my husband but my family too. It means so much to me.
My SIL (F23) just got engaged recently and is in a similar situation with her wedding. She just got out of college and started work as a teacher. Between her loans and a relatively low salary, she doesn’t have very much money to pay for her wedding.
Dress shopping has been a bit stressful for her, as all the dresses that fit her taste are just so far out of her budget.
This all leads up to Tuesday morning when she called up my husband and asked if I would be willing to let her borrow my dress. She mentioned that it could be her ‘something borrowed.’ My husband says that he would have to ask me first because it wasn’t his to loan out.
His sister told him that it wouldn’t be a problem and I’d barely miss it as it was just sitting in a box anyway. He still said he would have to ask me and forgot about it. He finished his work day and picked me up from my job and we came home to his little sister trying on my wedding dress and his mom clipping it in the back to fit her better.
Seeing somebody else in my dress totally blindsided me. I was stunned and asked what they were doing, and my MIL said that they were planning alterations since SIL is significantly smaller than me. I told them that there is no way I would be loaning my dress out to anyone. It not only represents my love for my husband but the bond with some of my family as well.
This escalated into an argument that ended in my MIL calling me a selfish jerk and leaving with SIL. My husband thankfully grabbed the dress during the argument so they didn’t grab it when they left. I was really upset, but thought about it after I had some time to calm down. I don’t have any uses for my dress, and I do love my SIL.
I feel as if I may have overreacted and shut them down too quickly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They aren’t just borrowing it and giving it back as is, they want to alter it. It has sentimental value. NTJ and if they hadn’t been such jerks and you were so inclined, maybe you guys could have a bonding moment sewing her dress.
But screw them. Also, do they have keys? Get those back! Bring that dress to your mom’s or a friend’s bc clearly those two have ZERO boundaries.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They clearly didn’t respect you enough to wait for your husband to ask you. You need to hide the dress and change your locks since your MIL obviously has a key to get in and even if you ask for it back, she could make a copy before returning the key and the dress could disappear the next time you and your husband are out.
Also due to your SIL being smaller than you, it is possible that the heart-shaped cut-out of one of your dad’s shirts could be removed and thrown out. Your SIL doesn’t care about you, or your relationship with your family. She doesn’t respect you and basically admitted it when she told your husband he shouldn’t ask you because ‘It won’t be a problem.’ She won’t treat your dress with the respect it deserves and if that section of lining has to be cut out, she won’t tell you.” naranghim
17. AITJ For Taking My Necklace Back?
“I (19F) have a cousin (27F) who got engaged about six months ago. During the wedding preparations, my cousin mentioned wanting to buy a diamond necklace to match her reception gown.
My aunt asked me if I could let her ‘borrow’ the diamond necklace I had obtained from my great-grandmother after her death. Everyone in my family knew how important that necklace is to me. It was the last thing I have from my great-grandmother.
I flat-out refused and told her that the necklace is very delicate and I didn’t want to share it.
I gave her the option of using another necklace that I had gotten from my grandfather but she insisted on having that specific one only. I strictly had forbidden anyone from touching that necklace. I thought I had made it very clear that day.
In the reception, I noticed the same necklace on my cousin.
I was furious but chose not to say anything as it was her wedding and I didn’t want to ruin it. When I asked my mother, she said my father had tried to stop my cousin from asking for the necklace but she kept pestering him till he finally gave up. I was angry but couldn’t blame my dad cause my cousin could be a pain in the butt.
After the reception was done and the party had started, I silently took my necklace and left the place. Yesterday, after everyone had sobered up, I got a call from my crying cousin who accused me of stealing her jewels. Her husband took the phone and threatened to press charges. I calmly explained to him that it rightfully belonged to me and she had ‘borrowed’ it from me.
He went on to call me a liar and said that I was the one who borrowed her jewels. My mother who heard the whole conversation had enough and cut the call.
My relatives said that I was wrong for silently running away with it and said that I was a jerk for not sharing what didn’t belong to me from the start.
Yeah, I might have been a jerk for not sharing but was it wrong of me to take what was mine and leave? I genuinely don’t understand what I did wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re a lot nicer than I would have been. I’d have at the VERY least had some words with my father about it.
Ok, sure you could have told them you were taking them back, but I don’t understand where everyone’s getting off about them being rightfully your cousin’s. If you’re certain it’s the right necklace and yours is missing, now replaced back, then I don’t see what the fuss is about.
I know you’re young but I’d be securing anything valuable like that from now on.
No one should be able to access it anymore. Your father shouldn’t have given it to her, let alone given it and not said anything.
Buy a small safe and keep them yourself as soon as you can. It’s too easy to see someone ‘borrowing’ that and never giving it back.” kitsuko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 19. Get your own safe and move everything into it. It’s your property and your father shouldn’t have been the one to hand it off to your cousin. I’d also insist that your father call up both your cousin and her husband to inform them that any attempt to press charges is going to be met with a cease and desist order.
Sounds like your cousin has been jelly about these things all along and used her wedding to snipe what she felt she was more entitled to than you. She’s 9 years older, so she probably feels some kind of way about it.
But talk to your father, get your things, and get your own safe. Clearly, he can’t be trusted not to cave into pressure and gift or ‘loan’ your things out to people after you’ve already said no.” DNRmyDNA
16. AITJ For Talking To My Sister's Partner About Plants?
“I (20f) am on the spectrum. I have a hard time navigating social situations, I won’t lie, so admittedly sometimes I get it wrong and then worry about messing up again for years to come.
I live at home, I’m in college (online), and I work at the library. My older sister Ana (26f) has a degree and a corporate job.
I’m really proud of her. I look up to my sister and I think she’s one of the coolest people I know.
She brought her partner Mike home so he could officially meet and have dinner with us. She talked to me about it at length beforehand and asked that I try to keep to myself as much as possible during dinner so that I didn’t weird him out or scare him off.
She said that I should only try to make normal small talk if he asked me something. I promised her that I wouldn’t mess up because she really likes him and I want her to be happy.
Dinner rolls around and everything is going well. I think Mike is nice. He mostly spoke to my parents through the night, but then he started asking me things too.
Eventually, we started talking about our interests and I told him how much I liked plants and pressing flowers. I thought it was a good conversation, because he seemed interested in what I was saying, and he kept asking me more questions about it. He even suggested we go to the botanical gardens as a group soon.
The next day, Ana came over again to talk to me. She told me that I did the exact opposite of what she wanted me to do at dinner. She said I rambled too much and gave useless information on plants during a dinner that was supposed to be about her partner meeting the family.
She told me what I did was weird and embarrassing and that I’m lucky that Mike is too nice to have mentioned it. I apologized to her and asked if I could apologize to Mike too but she didn’t think that was a good idea.
After she left, our dad asked what we talked about and I told him.
He seemed upset and he told me that I didn’t do anything wrong and that Ana was being ridiculous. My mom chimed in to say that my sister has a right to feel how she does and that if Ana thinks I did her wrong then I did.
I’m kind of confused now honestly.
So I wanted to know if I was the jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t mess up at all, OP. I’m sorry your sister and your mom are making you think you did. If he was asking questions and engaging in the conversation, that means he was interested. Especially since he even suggested going to the botanical gardens.
I think your sister didn’t want you to apologize to Mike because she knows that he’d likely tell you there was nothing to apologize for.” pinkpeonies-23
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is right. You are NTJ and your sister is being ridiculous. You had a completely appropriate conversation at dinner with someone who was interested in hearing what you have to say.
The fact that she told you not to be yourself because it was too weird and might scare him off told me everything I needed to know about your sister.
Being on the spectrum doesn’t make you weird and you didn’t do anything wrong, regardless of how your sister feels about the plant conversion.
I think what your mother means is that your sister’s feelings are valid, too, and they are, but where she got it wrong is telling you that if Ana thinks you did her wrong then you did. That is just false. People feel wronged all the time unjustifiably. I’ll say it one more time: You did nothing wrong.
NTJ.” fallingfaster345
15. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My House For Making Me Take Care Of Her Son?
“I (F 31) agreed to allow my sister Melanie (F 21) and her 2-year-old son Jacob to move in with me temporarily when her partner kicked her out. I didn’t want to do this, but I allowed myself to be talked into it by our mother.
I was very clear about my rules and expectations. I did not want her to pay any rent or utilities – I wanted her to save up for her own place instead. I was clear that this was temporary. I said she could have 4 months.
I admit that from the moment she moved in I was counting down the days until she moved out.
My sister and I don’t have the best relationship – we are very different people. I also have no desire to live with a small child. I love my nephew – but I want to love him in small doses. I was also very clear that I was not a babysitter for Jacob. I own my own business and, like the rest of my employees, I work from home.
My office is in the basement. I was clear that neither she nor Jacob was to be allowed on that floor while I was working because I do not want any distractions.
Mel does work and she has a babysitter for Jacob, but the sitter is less than reliable. Mel’s best friend was her backup sitter – but she has since gotten a job and is no longer available.
I told Mel at the time she needed to find another backup and that I wasn’t it. She said that she would. Well, she didn’t. Two weeks her sitter called and said she wasn’t available – and Mel told me that she needed me to watch Jacob. I said no as I was working.
We argued.
Mel ended up leaving Jacob with me and going to work – leaving me no choice but to watch him. I had to postpone several meetings because of this. I told her to never do it again but she argued she had no choice as she would be fired for calling in (they have an attendance policy and she has called in enough to be at that point).
I told her she needed to find a solution but I wasn’t it. I also told her if she did it again that she would need to leave.
Last week it happened again. Despite me telling her that I had several important calls – she went to work leaving me with Jacob. This time I decided to not just put up with it.
I drove to her company with Jacob. I asked the receptionist to ask Mel to come down and when she did I told Jacob to go to his mom and I left. Less than an hour later she is back at the house (in the basement while I am working) yelling at me that I had gotten her fired. I told her she had gotten herself fired – all I did was refuse to be her babysitter.
We got in a huge argument and I told her to get out. She stormed out.
Now Mel, my mom, and half the family are coming at me for what I did to ‘my poor sister’ and how I need to let her back in the house. I’ve told her she can come to get the rest of her stuff (she came and got some of it the day after she left – yelling at me for what a horrible person I am the entire time).
I don’t think I did anything wrong but enough people are yelling at me I am coming here to check. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was entirely taking advantage of you. Talk about give an inch, take a mile.
You leaving Jacob with her at work is the same as what she had done to you previously and promised never to do again.
The only difference is that SHE IS HIS MOTHER and 100% responsible for his care, whereas you are not.” mynamecouldbesam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and why weren’t your jerk mom or half your jerk family able to let your entitled jerk sister stay with them instead of forcing it on you?
She whines about getting fired while not caring that you missing meetings at the last minute could lose you yours.
With a family like that who needs enemies.” No-End3167
14. AITJ For Embarrassing My Stepbrother At A School Event?
“I (17m) have a sister Elle (17f) and a stepbrother Tim (17m). Tim has hated Elle ever since she refused to have him on our team for a group project when we were 15.
I won’t deny it got awkward for Tim when he asked in front of a lot of people and she rejected, but then again, Tim is a backseat driver, so I don’t blame Elle.
A few months ago Elle started seeing her significant other. When Tim found out, he begged her not to see him because he had asked the guy out, but was turned down.
She said no. He has since been making snarky comments about everything when it comes to my sister – her clothes, her hair, he even started calling her ‘Barbie wannabe’ after she colored her hair. There have been fights, but my mom and his dad have refused to get involved. They say we are nearly adults and should start behaving as such.
Elle and I usually ignore him, but sometimes words have been exchanged. None of this has been a big issue so far.
Recently, the school conducted its annual ‘event’. It is basically students presenting stuff and parents are also invited. Elle was one of the participants and she messed up a little while speaking. Tim literally said, I kid you not, it’s a good thing you are pretty.
And I am not exaggerating when I say Elle immediately left crying because people laughed. After that, I also said in an equally loud voice that at least she is not failing classes. Tim got quiet, we were both asked to shut up.
After we got home, my stepdad got angry at me. He said I shouldn’t have bought it up.
When I said he started it, I got told that I should have let it be and that Elle is being over-sensitive. My mom says that I was justified but that I should apologize.
My friends say that he was just trying to lighten the mood after the mess-up and that Elle was offended for no reason, but I don’t know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for standing up for your sister and against your stepbrother. Your mother has failed your sister by not stopping her stepson’s crap, and his father has enabled him, no wonder he thinks he can get away with it because he has so far.
He chose to embarrass your sister in front of the school, so you chose to do the same to him.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents want you to handle this yourselves? Then they need to butt out when you treat Tim to the consequences of his own jerkery. If they want to actually be parents, they need to quit making excuses for Tim they clearly aren’t inclined to make for you, and get his resentment toward Ellie under control before he makes any further efforts to publicly humiliate her.
If only because there’s no guarantee anyone else will be any nicer than you about it in calling him out when he’s so determined to make a jerk of himself.” User
13. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Mother-In-Law After She Tried To Steal My Children?
“I (29F) have three children from my late husband who passed away two years ago. He left us so soon and so suddenly and I am still trying to figure out what to do without him.
My MIL took it very hard since her husband had passed a few years ago and Jay, my husband was an only child. I tried to understand her and help her but she took me to court to petition for full custody of my children. The whole ordeal was extremely stressful for the kids because they just lost their dad and I was up in arms in court and meeting lawyers all day long.
I obviously got to keep custody of my kids but I never forgave her for putting me through that. She brought up mental health issues I had in high school when my mother kicked me to the curb. I had gone to therapy after Jay had helped me step on my feet and she tried to use this to show the court I was incompetent as a parent.
It has been over a year and I have tried to keep in touch with Jay’s extended relatives as he was close with his uncle, aunt, and cousins. They recently started asking me to reconsider letting my MIL see the children and try to build a relationship with her.
I said I had to think about it which I guess they took the wrong way.
Apparently, my MIL called Jay’s cousin, Matthew and told him how I had ignored her texts for Christmas, how I missed her birthday in February after she invited me, and how she spent all the holidays alone crying, hoping I would respond.
Matthew confronted me about it and called me a jerk and heartless.
I feel bad for her and I don’t know if I am in the wrong. She has no one. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This woman tried to steal your children because she lost hers. She does not care about you or your children or she never would have tried that.
She behaved terribly and she’s feeling the consequences of it.
Go no contact with anyone who is supporting her crusade.” DemonicSymphony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She made her bed and she can rot in it. She publicly exposed and exploited your most personal traumas and vulnerabilities in an attempt to steal your children. I’m a big advocate for second chances, but some offenses are so heinous they don’t qualify.
Without straying into morbidity, I can’t imagine a more malicious way she could’ve betrayed you (and her own departed son).
You owe her nothing. She’s a jerk of epic proportion, and her family is not far behind in expecting you to assume any responsibility for her emotional condition. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through.
I wish you and your family the best, and I think the most important thing you can do is excise that toxicity from your lives.” TurtleTheMoon
12. AITJ For Being Aloof Toward My Best Friend At Work?
“I (25F) am friends and coworkers with Anna (30F). She is extremely vocal about her issues with depression and anxiety.
Any time Anna is stressed or having an issue at work, she will come to tell me.
I have always kept our conversations strictly confidential. I also never offer advice, because she has said it’s very triggering because it’s not that easy to act with depression.
I, on the other hand, do not talk at all about mental health. I am an extremely private person. Work has been incredibly stressful lately though, and to put it simply, I am doing the work of 3 people, and I am very underpaid.
I am struggling hard. A few days ago, I was having a really bad day, as my boss made a VERY bad decision, solely for her own financial gain. And it’s more work for me. I vented to Anna about this.
Anna basically told me that I was overreacting, and gave me the same recycled corporate reasoning that my boss gave me.
Anna told me, ‘You should talk to your boss like I said. I’m done talking about it. We are not going to agree, and this is triggering for me, and I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.’ I just said okay and stopped responding after that.
The next day at work, my boss pulled me into a meeting, and it became VERY obvious that Anna has been telling my boss everything I have complained about.
I was extremely hurt. I talked to another coworker about it who had also been venting to Anna, and then had her frustrations exposed to her boss. We both just came to the conclusion that all communication with Anna needs to be professional and only task-based. No more venting or sharing sensitive information.
Anna texted me, upset about the new arrangement (we didn’t tell her, but she noticed).
I didn’t really say anything at first and just told her we shouldn’t discuss it. She kept pushing me so I finally just said ‘I think at work, we should only discuss work.’ I left it at that, but she confessed to being the ‘spy’.
She started crying and said she only told my boss because she cared about how I was feeling, and didn’t want me to be stressed at work.
I said if this were true, you’d have told them to pay me appropriately, not what I say negatively about my boss. She then said that she only said what she did when I was venting because she has been a boss before and has been questioned and thinks my boss deserved to be heard out.
She finished up by saying I don’t understand depression or mental health because I’ve never gotten a diagnosis. I just ended the conversation at this point.
My other coworker says that I was a little harsh and maybe should have just ignored it and said I was fine. But Anna and I have been friends for 5 years so the difference was very noticeable, and frankly, I worried she’d tell my boss I was being mean.
I feel awful because I know she’s hurt, but I just don’t trust her anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But she’s definitely not your friend. Friendships are two-way streets.
You’re just her human-shaped emotional support pillow.
Keep it strictly professional going forward for your own sake. Your only duty here is to do what’s right for you.
Her mental state is absolutely not your responsibility.” Illegal_Tender
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If she feels hurt it’s because she ruined your trust and relationship. You don’t need to feel awful about her choices.
If she wanted to advocate on your behalf to your boss she should have: A) asked if you were okay with it so you aren’t blindsided later like you were.
B) Actually brought up points instead of revealing your venting.
This ‘friend’ has offered all sorts of excuses but no apologies. Her actions brought her consequences. Her mental health is her responsibility, not yours.” AllTheT1
11. AITJ For Refusing To Pay $500 More?
“I was visiting LA and booked a full head of highlights ($500) with a well-known colorist. Yes, it’s pricey but hey, when in Rome.
I was quoted $500 and 3 hours when I booked the appointment online. Then the series of events went like this:
I get to the appointment on time. I work remotely and took the day off to make this work. They inform me that they may not have the supplies to color my hair but they are waiting for a delivery.
We start the appointment 30 minutes late. I’m irritated but at this point, I’m just happy to not have to reschedule.
I tell the colorist I want to go as blonde as possible. For context, I have 2-month-old grown-out golden blonde (professionally done highlights) hair. My hair is not thick, curly, or long. I’ve been told my hair is fine but I have a lot of it.
We make a game plan, she says she can’t get me platinum today as it could damage but we’ll get as close as we can.
She and her assistant go through foiling my hair. I’ve been getting salon highlights for about 20 years, and from what I can tell I’m getting a full head of highlights.
At times she stops to help other clients and comes back to me. At this point, I realize I’m going to be there all day. It’s fine.
After the hair is processed. They do a treatment in the shampoo bowl (I think it was a conditioning treatment). I wait another 30 min while that sits.
Followed by a gloss (sitting another 10 min) shampoo and blow out.
I’m there for 5 hours. Annoyed but didn’t say anything and was just happy to be done.
I’m happy about the result. She mentions that she’s surprised how much my hair lifted but it’s likely bc it’s in good condition.
I pay the $500 with my card on file and tip 20% in cash.
She tells me when I’m back in LA to book again and she can get me lighter. Great! I decide not to book that day just so I can see how it looks over the next few weeks.
I leave excited with my new hair.
20 minutes later I have a voicemail from the salon saying they undercharged me. The price wasn’t $500 it’s actually $1000 for the service I had.
I’m shocked. I freeze my credit card so they are unable to charge anything else. They start texting me saying that the colorist was so busy she forgot to mention it to the front desk.
They keep calling. I’m annoyed now since we never discussed a price increase never mind 2x what was originally quoted.
AITJ for refusing to pay? I had intended to sleep on it and just message them back in the morning, with feedback on how this is bad business but they can charge my card.
But now I really don’t want to pay for it. It would have been bad enough had they tried to charge me $1,000 when checking out but I was already gone at this point! Also if it was $100 more or something sure, whatever mistakes happen. But DOUBLE the initial price? And I wasted my whole day off there, most of it waiting around for color to process.
As far as I know, it wasn’t more work for her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If the rates changed, that is something they should’ve put upfront and before they had gone through with the highlights. They asked for $500, and when you left you paid $500 after they asked for it. By then, they’re the ones that messed up in the business, not you.
If I had to guess, it was likely because you went overtime in the seat and as a result, you ended up taking another timeslot, therefore when you went in for $500 and 3 hours, you ended up with more than 3 hours. Therefore, they want to charge you more. It’s scummy, to say the least, and you have no obligation to pay for that.
Then again, Well-Known, Salon, LA, it’s a big combo for scummy since their clients are normally those of wealthier persuasion, and to them, $1000 is pocket change.” RedEmissary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if they did undercharge you, the fault would be with the employees, not you. You made a payment and it was accepted. That means your transaction was done.
I would call and attempt to speak to the manager. The manager will either explain why the charge should have been more and that the employee screwed up by not telling you beforehand, the manager will tell you they didn’t know this was happening and discipline/fire the employee, or worst case just repeat that you need to pay the extra $500.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO PAY THE EXTRA $500.
But if the manager tells you anything else besides the employee screwed up, leave a review detailing what happened.” mdthomas
10. AITJ For Wanting Anchovies On My Pizza?
“My partner and I order pizza every Friday and eat it, drink some wine, and watch a movie to wind down after a week at work.
He’s a pretty fussy eater and will only eat pepperoni or a cheese pizza, whereas I like everything on mine, including anchovies. This wasn’t an issue up until about a month ago when he decided that our eating habits needed a bit of a makeover, and he said from now on we’ll order a half-and-half pizza so we don’t eat a whole pizza each.
I’m a pretty big eater, but that was fine by me. I’m still pretty satisfied after half a pizza. We started ordering one pizza, half pepperoni, and half house special with anchovies.
Every. Single. Week. Since we started doing this he’s complained that he could ‘taste the aroma’ of anchovies on his side of the pizza.
My solution was to go back to ordering one pizza each, but he was adamant that we would not be doing it. The second week rolled around, and for some reason, he assumed that I would order my half without anchovies. When he could taste the anchovies he was upset and gagged.
The third week I was away for work so no issues there.
Now tonight I ordered the usual and he cracked it and accused me of trying to make us go back to eating a whole pizza each because ‘I had no self-control’. Not the case, I just like anchovies. He refused to eat dinner and went to bed instead so I ate the whole thing (I paid for it) since he mentioned throwing his portion in the bin because it was ‘ruined’.
He later came out of the bedroom and saw the empty pizza box and called me a pig. I didn’t say anything, just shrugged and kept watching my movie which made him more mad, as indicated by the slamming of the kitchen cupboards.
I think it’s a petty overreaction on his part, but at the same time I can be really stubborn which is why I’m asking if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Neither one of you is the jerk.
Anchovy juice and scent will absolutely migrate over to the other half of the pizza. The easy solution here is to get the anchovies on the side, separate your half from his, and then put them on your half of the pizza.
On the side means the shop throws a couple on a small pan, cooks them for a minute or two, then puts them in a cup with a lid.” 10sharks
Another User Comments:
“Calling you a pig is so hurtful. NTJ. You offered a solution— and he declined it. Y’all could order smaller separate pizzas as well. But you’re entitled to eat what you like too— especially if you’re paying.” KnowledgeSudden_
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Get Over Her Hatred Of Her Former Best Friend?
“My fiancée, Rose (27f), and I (26M) have known each other since we were babies. Her mom Sarah and my mom were best friends for years and had us over a year apart. From childhood Rose was my best friend, then in 6th grade, I asked her to be my partner (well technically we got married in 3rd grade by our friends at recess but not legally, LOL).
In high school is where things went down. My dad was caught having an affair with Sarah’s sister.
It ended my parents’ marriage and also her friendship with Sarah because my mom couldn’t look at her without being reminded of my dad’s affair. She was so angry with her even though Sarah never even knew about the affair.
She cut off her sister too for doing that but my mom pretty much decided she had to cut her off.
They both got into a big fight and never spoke again. Then my mom didn’t want me with Rose anymore. Of course, we still went out behind her back anyway because we were rebellious teenagers.
We both went to college together and still kept the relationship going so my mom found out eventually. She didn’t want to talk to me for months though but she came around. My mom can act civil around Rose but after all these years she still doesn’t want to speak with Sarah.
Since we just got engaged and my mom found out Rose’s mom is obviously invited she hasn’t stopped asking me to please not allow her to be there.
Because she doesn’t want any single reminder of what happened while she is trying to be there and happy for me.
I got fed up the other day which ended with me telling her to grow up already and be there for me or simply don’t go but I’m so tired of hearing it.
My mom was speechless. I didn’t say anything else, just hung up the phone.
But got an earful from her later for acting like being lied to wasn’t a big deal and blowing up on her for having a feeling about it. That’s where I’d like to know if I was a jerk because she did get hurt by the infidelity but it wasn’t ever Sarah’s fault so for her to still act like that after all these years seemed so petty to me and that’s why I had told her to grow up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Best friends are hard to come by, and Sarah is not responsible for the actions of her sister! Sarah cut off her FAMILY to show support for your mom, and I don’t honestly know what else she could have done. Your mom is incredibly petty for blaming her and alienating others who were not involved!
Your wedding day is not about her, and she needs to grow up and support you. I wouldn’t miss my child’s wedding for anything… even if I hated one of their guests, I would shut my mouth and celebrate with my child, like I’m supposed to.” Embarrassed-Tap9458
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your father’s affair was not:
Sarah’s fault
Your fault
Rose’s fault
Your mom needs to put on her big girl pants and get over it. She blamed another innocent party in this rather than blaming your father and his affair partner. Sarah was as unaware of the affair as your mother was and maybe even less aware. Your mom may have had some inklings that something wasn’t quite right in her marriage.
What about your dad? Is he banned from the wedding or not in your life at the moment?
I’d be going back to your mom and saying ‘Well if innocent people should not be impacted by the presence of the parties in the wrong… we’ve decided for Sarah’s peace of mind YOU are not invited to the wedding because she didn’t do ANYTHING and you gave her misery.'” Inallea
That way you have outlined your wishes and your mom will know that the only one she can blame if she misses the wedding is herself.
8. AITJ For Hiring People To Do My Housework?
“I work a lot, and currently I live pretty comfortably, and the thing I hate most doing in my life is housework. Never liked it and hated every second I needed to do it. Now, I’m in a position where I can afford to pay someone to do these chores for me as a service, so I contracted a company, and they send people to do these tasks in my stead.
Now, I know this isn’t something everyone can afford, and that’s fine. It’s my own luxury spending. That being said, this past Saturday, I was at a bar with a couple of friends. They were talking (complaining) about how much housework they needed to do that weekend. Usually, I stay quiet during these times and just listen, as I really can’t say anything to amount to the conversation.
When the significant other of one of my friends noticed that and said, ‘What about you? Are you late on chores as well?’ It is obvious she was just trying to include me in the conversation. However, I just answered that I didn’t really do those, as I paid for a service to do them in my stead.
In my head, that was supposed to be it.
However, no, it wasn’t. This woman got visibly upset about it and apparently offended. She started to say things like: ‘You’re exploiting someone to do your own housework’; ‘You can’t even be called a functional adult’; etc.
She apparently thought that in paying for a cleaning service, I was exploiting the workers.
Honestly, that led me really with no words. Eventually, she said I was being a jerk for not doing the ‘bare minimum’ as an adult. A few of my friends seem to agree with here, while others were uncomfortable with that discussion.
Regardless of the rest of the night. Now, I got myself wondering if I’m really such a jerk just because I hate doing chores.
It’s just an insane argument if you ask me, but I thought I could ask the internet about it.”
Another User Comments:
“‘I contracted a company, and they send people to do these tasks in my stead.’
NTJ. You’re working with a legitimate cleaning company. The girl may have a leg to stand on if you were paying your cleaners under the table if they lived with you and didn’t have defined working hours, holiday pay, or other rights, or if you hired someone from another country to come over and they were working down the fees you paid to bring them over.
All of these shady things DO happen, but the girl was the jerk for automatically assuming this is the route you took.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cooking is an adult responsibility but nobody has issues with getting takeout or going to restaurants. You could have mixed drinks in your own home instead of going to a bar.
As long as you can afford a service and pay a fair wage, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with outsourcing chores that you don’t want to do. She and the rest of your friends need to mind their own business.” Legally_Blonde_258
7. AITJ For Being Annoyed At A Coworker Who Kept On Asking Me About The Baby?
“I (23f) have been with my long-term partner (same age) for a while now.
Back in August 2021, when I was 22, I found out I was pregnant. After a lot of crying and thinking, I decided to carry the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption. This is my decision and I am wholly happy with my decision. In fact, while pregnant, I actually got in touch with an adoption agency and found a nice couple, Brian and Connor, to adopt the baby.
I graduated from college in May 2021 (majored in civil engineering) and I got a very nice desk job after school. The job was remote when I began, but beginning of 2022 my company wanted employees to come into the office 2-3 days a week.
Honestly, this time was tough for me. I was visibly pregnant. I don’t know if this really makes sense, but I was ok being pregnant—I wasn’t uncomfortable or in pain—and I was/am happy to give my baby to a more financially and emotionally available family, but at the same time I knew how much stigma is around young pregnant women and I just wanted to keep my pregnancy under wraps.
I just was afraid of the stares, the questions, the judgment, especially with the people I work with. I just didn’t want my co-workers to judge me or make me uncomfortable. So I didn’t tell them I was pregnant or that I’m giving the baby up.
Co-workers did stare at the beginning and asked some questions (like very intense ‘How are you?’ ‘How are you sleeping?’ ‘How do you feel?’).
One woman, in particular, kept on asking these questions/giving advice. I answered these questions in, I feel, a professional manner and made it clear I do not want to discuss my pregnancy. But she kept on asking. I began avoiding this coworker and answering her questions more bluntly. I just don’t want to discuss my pregnancy.
She took notice and stopped with the questions and advice.
But once my baby was born (and given to the couple), the woman began with questions and advice, and comments again. ‘How’s the baby?’ ‘What’s her name?’ ‘How was the delivery?’ ‘How is the baby sleeping? You must not be sleeping well huh?’
I do not want to talk about this or be bombarded with these questions. I filed a report with HR. HR talked to this woman, but now half the office thinks I’m rude and standoffish. Did I do something wrong? Am I a jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t know about this one.
You said when you were pregnant coworkers were ‘very intense’ with asking ‘how are you’. That’s like, a normal question, not sure how to ‘intensely’ ask that. Also, it’s kind of normal to ask after someone had a baby ‘How’s the baby’.
To go nuclear and go straight to HR… instead of just simply saying you gave the baby up for adoption, is a little strange.
There was a clear and honest way to stop the questions.
You don’t report to us about politely asking them to stop or trying to indicate you weren’t keeping the baby or didn’t, etc.
True, it’s frankly none of their business, however again it’s pretty NORMAL to ask such questions of coworkers.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m not sure it’s reportable. You need to be firm once and for all.
Some people (not me personally) just go nuts over babies and it’s all they want to talk about. Their hormones perhaps get the better of them or they are just really trying to be nice and think it’s something to bond over.
Just say ‘I do not have the baby anymore and I don’t want to hear anything about it or I will have to talk to the manager’! She may feel like crap because she may think it died but if she says anything about that just raise one finger and say ‘Not one word more please’.
Also, I applaud you for loving the baby so much as to give it to another family.” exotics
6. AITJ For Thinking It's Ridiculous To Celebrate My Mom On My Own Birthday?
“I have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18. I’m the oldest at 25. Every year on every single one of our birthdays, we’re expected to celebrate my mom as well. We’ve done it since we were little. It was taught to me as ‘giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us’. Which I’m all for, I am grateful as we wouldn’t be here without her.
The issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth.
Every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too. As we got older, we’re now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff). Just recently was my birthday and I was gifted some much-needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment.
My dad however got my mom a new Macbook. My siblings all got her gifts too. My youngest brother isn’t expected to give much, but my 16-year-old sister and 18-year-old 2nd brother work so they’re expected to give gifts too. My sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn’t get me much (she got me a sweater, I love it!) and that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom.
Apparently, my mom had been dropping hints for months and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn’t get it.
I asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300. I honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me.
I think she’s ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift! Mom started crying and my dad kicked me out. Mom won’t answer calls but my aunt (mom’s sister) called and said I was a piece of work for not respecting my mother and that I’m a selfish, narcissistic child for being jealous of the gifts mom got.
I thought I was in the right, but now I don’t know. It’s been over two weeks and mom won’t answer my calls. She’s been posting on social media inspirational quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn’t equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother. Several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter… I don’t know what to think now because of how many people are on her side.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this the first time I’ve ever heard of ‘gifts for the mother’ on the person’s birthday. So your mom gets four rounds of gifts, plus her birthday, which is pretty demanding.
Start having birthday celebrations without them going forward. Like going out with a bunch of friends instead.
The fact your parents have continued it for you up to age 25 means your mom doesn’t want to give up the extra present day.” Elfich47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be frank, if anyone here is a narcissist it’s your mum! Yes, I get that it’s nice to appreciate her and all but she’s making YOUR birthday about HER and that’s not how it should be.
I’m saying this as a mother myself – she should also be appreciating her children too. That’s personally what my son’s birthday is about. Celebrating his life and being grateful that he’s here! I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this, OP. In my opinion, it ain’t right.” MumOfBoy
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend $1,256 For My Friend's Wedding?
“My (28f) friend (30f, let’s call her B) is getting married to her long-distance partner (28m) of six months.
For background, I live in a city about a 16-hour drive away from where B lives. However, the groom also lives in a different city from both myself and the bride (somewhere in between both of us).
She will be getting married on her Groom’s farm in a different state about 6 hours away from me.
A couple of days later, things went down when B’s first list of requirements emerged in the group chat:
- Makeup and hair must be professionally done and paid for by the bridesmaids ($200 for both).
- We must purchase flats and we may not wear heels (around $30-50) as she is worried she and her groom will look shorter than us.
- We must wear the jewelry of her choice (to be fair to her she said this would be a ‘borrowed’ gift to us once she decides what ‘look’ she is going for).
- Nails must be bare or in the mauve color she has selected for her dress.
- The dress must be from the local boutique (16 hours drive or a 3-hour plane flight away from me and must be floor length with straps.
The boutique doesn’t ship, but my sister is picking it up, trying it on, and sending pics).
I texted her explaining I’m traveling for the wedding and I’m happy to pay for the accommodation, airfare, and the dress, but that if she required professional makeup and specific non-heeled shoes that she should pay for the extra things she wants.
I explained that I am happy to pay for the usual things, but that my budget wouldn’t allow for professional hair and makeup, and new shoes. She said she would speak to her groom about allowing me to stay on the farm property but that the makeup was non-negotiable.
Fast forward again to today. B texts me and says she will have to renege on the offer she made to me to let me stay in the farmhouse on the night after the wedding.
She reserved an Airbnb in the city ($200 a night) for the wedding party, however, she says she will only be paying for the night PRIOR to the wedding. B tells me that she thinks I should stay in the Airbnb she booked since there is a two-night minimum and she would like the money back.
I politely declined and said I would try to find accommodations in the city for the night after the wedding since there are some reasonable places to stay. I asked if there would be anyone to transport me back to the city since no cabs or public transportation will go there. B says she will not arrange transportation for me unless I stay in the $200 Airbnb and pay her back for the cost of it.
She said I may bring a tent or I have to figure it out myself.
I’m more than willing to pay for the dress, transportation, etc. The cost of being in her wedding right now is 1,256 dollars including all travel expenses, dress, and ‘extras’ she’s asked for.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I get the shoes. That price for shoes is NORMAL, and in fact lower than most shoes for a wedding.
The request for a specific color range of manicures is also NORMAL. If everyone is wearing understated colors, the last thing you want is one of the party running around with black, purple, and gold-tipped dragon nails.
While I get that the bride wants everyone’s makeup to be a specific style and match, that is something she should pay for.
And that you are traveling out of town to an unfamiliar place, they should be recommending a more reasonably priced venue for you to stay in, 200 a night might be the norm, but for a LAST MINUTE ANNOUNCEMENT?
No, I’d be dropping out of the wedding also.” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because someone is getting married doesn’t mean that other people can foot the bill for their party.
You already made it clear what you’re financially capable of doing and what you’re willing to do.
Not only does it sound like you can’t afford this wedding, but it sounds like it’ll also be hard to navigate between getting the dress that is 19 hours away with no mail service and being hours away from the wedding venue with zero transportation.
Your friend’s attitude is also trashy. I’d drop out of the wedding and send a card.” User
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Stepsister For Not Wanting Me At Her Wedding Because Of My Pregnancy?
“I (19F) am 6 months pregnant with my little girls and before I got pregnant, my stepsis (also 19) told us she was engaged to her significant other, Dean (20). Her dad and my mom were supportive as was I because we were truly the best of friends before all of this. She asked me to be her maid of honor, which I accepted but then I found out about the pregnancy and told everyone and it was like a 180 switch, so instead of congratulating me, suddenly she suggested that I come as a guest instead so I ‘don’t strain myself with the babies’ and I took that and stepped down, and now her other friend is in my place.
The wedding is coming up in around 2 months and everything is ready, just some final touches. Even though I’m not part of the wedding planning, I still help from time to time if she asks my mom, and I get instantly shut down, but when I ask for advice on things for the babies like what color to paint nurseries and stuff, she doesn’t even wanna acknowledge it.
Last Sunday, I was looking at some baby names with my SO, when she came into the room and asked to talk to me so I thought she had finally gotten over what I believed to be the shock that I was having two babies but was instead greeted with:
‘Listen, sis, I love you so much and you’re the best sister a girl could have, however, I think that you should just skip out on the wedding, your bump is really big and I don’t want the attention off of me.
I hope you understand’.
I was literally heartbroken; we’re both only children so when we came into one another’s life, we truly were sisters and acted like it, and everything like weddings, etc. were planned but pregnancy hormones led me to get angry about how something like pregnancy could stop you from wanting me at your special day and I told her if she didn’t want me there, I wouldn’t show my face and that she can shove her stupid wedding where the sun doesn’t shine, and went back into my room and cried.
She’s tried to apologize but I’m still hurt and feel like a jerk because ultimately this is her day and she should be able to have whoever she wants there, but we’ve been in one another’s life for 15 years, and it’s caused a rift because our parents agree that I have a right to act that way, and she has a right to disinvite anyone she wants to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom of twins here, if she thinks you are the center of attention now, she’s going to be in for a shock after the babies arrive. Does she plan on shunning them from future events as well? Pregnant women go to weddings, the bride will always shine as it’s her day.
People will congratulate you, ask a few questions, and move on. She will be so busy it’s doubtful she will notice these brief exchanges.
She broke your heart, and honestly, it would be tough to come back from that. Your life is going to change, drastically as will your social circle, hopefully, you can put this in the rearview mirror and move past it.” Glengal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Family.
Plus, ‘I don’t want any attention drawn off me.’ Bridezilla move.
Yes, she has the right to say ‘I don’t want you there’ for even the pettiest of reasons, but you have an equal right to say ‘If my sister doesn’t want me involved in the biggest day of her life so far, then I don’t want to be involved in her life at all.’
Not to mention; the fact that she has been actively ignoring your entire journey of motherhood so far means that she really doesn’t seem to be interested in you or her nieces/nephews’ well-being. If that’s the case, her narcissism can result in cutting her out of your family’s life, and it’s completely on her.” wolfling365
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To The Gym With My Sister?
“I use working out as my stress relief between working at my parents’ store, and school. I like to go and just put in my earbuds and be ‘alone’ for a bit.
My sister started asking me to take her with her, and since there was no fee for bringing guests, I brought her with me a couple of times. Every time I bring her she always comes over and interrupts my workout to chat or ask a million questions about working out that I can’t answer.
I got my regimen from one of the coaches at the gym, I don’t know what would suit her. I told her if she really wants to get into it she should ask our parents to get her a membership too but that hasn’t happened. If anything I’m more stressed because the one ‘me time’ I had I’m getting interrupted all the time and can hardly focus.
So I finally told my sister that I wasn’t going to take her with me anymore and that if she wants to go she should ask my parents to get her a membership so she can take classes and have a coach set her up with a fitness plan like I did. She’s upset because she says she likes hanging out with me, and I told her flat out that I don’t go to the gym to hang out, I want to go alone and do my thing, and we can hang out but do other stuff.
My parents are also upset because my sister is upset, I told them to get her a membership if this is really about working out, otherwise, I’ll just hang out with my sister when I’m not in the gym. They said they pay for the membership and they don’t care about the cancellation fee, if I don’t take and help my sister at the gym then they’ll cancel my membership.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why can’t people understand when others need space? You’ve got a great thing going on. Tons of people use the gym that way. It sucks you have a family who can’t see your personal boundaries.
You’re NTJ, but now you’ve got a tough situation where you have to take your sister or you lose what you have.
So you need to set some ground rules. Make an agreement with your sister that she can come, but she needs to put the work into making her own routines and leave you alone. Hopefully, that will cut it.” BusyDadGaming
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents shouldn’t be forcing you to do their job (of raising your sister) even if they pay for your membership.
It’s also their job to encourage and care for YOUR physical and mental health, and letting you go to the gym on your terms is part of that. Dismissing your needs in favor of your sister’s because she complains is lazy at best and favoritism at worst. Your offer to hang out in other ways is perfectly reasonable.
Also, people who don’t work out in gyms don’t always understand the expertise necessary to do it safely. Try to explain that you’re not qualified to teach your sister and you don’t want to be responsible if she’s injured.” Janitor_of_Slytherin
2. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Brother's Partner's Kid's "Concert"?
“My brother ‘Ron’ is going out with a single mom ‘Sheila. They’ve been together a year or so. Her daughter Gigi is 8 or 9 I think.
I’m not the biggest fan of Sheila or Gigi. Sheila is argumentative and acts like she’s the most intelligent person in the room, even when she’s wrong the majority of the time.
I try to be nice for my brother but they’re not people I go out of my way to interact with.
Gigi always finds a way to have attention on her. I have a 12-year-old daughter so I know sometimes they like to do plays or sing a song but with Gigi, it’s every time.
I don’t blame her, it’s her mom that suggests it.
Over the weekend we went by my parents’ to celebrate my dad’s birthday. My wife, daughter, 2 brothers, SIL, nephews, and Sheila and Gigi.
We had dinner and when we were having cake my dad asked my nephew how he was liking playing guitar so far since he started lessons recently, he said he did.
Then Sheila said, ‘Gigi has been learning to play the recorder, she can play for you all later’.
So after dinner, we were all (except daughter and nephews because they were playing a game) summoned to the living room. Gigi started trying to play Three Blind Mice, then switched to Mary Had a Little Lamb, then started over, then went back to Three Blind Mice, then tried playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
This went on for 15-20 minutes. Start, stop, restart, switch. Then her stopping to talk for a while. I felt like I was going to be there forever.
I excused myself to go check on the kids. Then I stayed downstairs with them. My wife found me a while later and asked if I was hiding.
I said ‘Something like that’.
Later I was outside having a smoke and Ron came out and confronted me. He asked why I left when Gigi was trying to do a concert for us. I said I went to check on the kids and got distracted down there. He said, ‘Nonsense, you couldn’t sit for 10 minutes and listen to a little girl play a song’.
I said ‘More like 20 minutes and she wasn’t playing, if she’s going to do a performance she should learn to play the song first. Sheila shouldn’t put her on the spot like that if she’s not ready, but I’m not going to sit and listen to someone stop and start over and over’.
He said she’s a kid and I need to grow up instead of acting like an inconsiderate jerk, and went inside.
We’ve never made the whole family sit and watch/listen to my daughter play, or sing or whatever and neither has my other brother with my nephews. It’s annoying that this happens at EVERY get-together. Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays. It’s a poem, or a song, or a story, or something.
I talked to my wife later that night and she said it was rude for me to just leave, she understood that Sheila and Gigi annoy me but I need to learn to suck it up.
AITJ for leaving instead of sitting and listening to her ‘concert’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if the kid had been performance-ready, it’s unfair to hold all the adults hostage for more than 5-10 minutes of that stuff. Gigi’s mom is using the kid like she’s a performing monkey. Ugh, and poor Gigi is going to grow up thinking people ‘want’ her to perform for them, and at some point, she’s going to get a really ugly reality check.
Ideally, someone in that group would be able to break into the performance with a genuine, ‘That’s great! Let’s hear it for Gigi! She’s earned a piggyback ride (or ice cream or whatever)!’ and gracefully bring the concert to a close. I can’t muster that kind of convincing emotion, but I admire those who can.” trustyminotaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s not a concert, that’s torture – and I’m saying that as someone who has played recorder off-and-on since I was about five or six. Jesus, you don’t give concerts when you can’t even get a six-note tune in a major key right.
Also, even if Gigi were the best player in the world, it would be obnoxious to demand an audience for her ‘concerts’ at every single family gathering, not to mention the rudeness of Sheila pushing her daughter into the conversation when your dad was asking about someone else’s hobby.” Normal-Height-8577
1. AITJ For Not Telling My Subleaser That My Roommate Is Gay?
“I (23 male) am graduating soon and have found a subleaser to take over the last remaining months of my rent. I found this guy maybe 2 months ago and he also decided to take on an additional 12 months lease after this one ends so he’ll be living in my old apartment for a while.
I have a roommate who I have lived with for a year and he’s really great as far as roommates go. Not too messy, not too loud, that kind of thing. The guy subleasing my apartment met my roommate prior to signing and they got along.
Last week the subleaser was starting to move in some of his things, and he just so happened to come while my roommate’s partner was over.
All seemed cool. My roommate introduced them and the guy seemed chill, but later that night I started getting texts from the subleaser demanding to know why I ‘deceived’ him.
He accused me of hiding the fact that my roommate was gay until after all the paperwork had been signed and he could no longer get out of it without paying a substantial fee.
I told the guy I didn’t tell him because it honestly didn’t occur to me that that was important. I don’t normally tell people ‘Oh by the way, my roommate is gay’ because you just don’t say stuff like that, that’s his business. My roommate and he talked about an extensive list of things prior to signing and the guy asked my rm plenty of questions about himself and never once did he establish he had a preference for straight roommates.
The guy now doesn’t want to continue the lease after it ends in August and even wants me to chip in to pay the fee to get him out of the lease. At first, I told him to screw off, but now I actually do feel bad, not for that jerk, but for my roommate who’s a really nice guy.
I honestly tried to find someone who he would approve of cause I didn’t want to leave him high and dry.
My roommate just sort of rolled his eyes when I told him and he says he’ll be fine no matter what happens, but I guess now I feel bad for just assuming it wouldn’t be a problem.
It shouldn’t be a problem in the first place in my opinion, and I’ve never disclosed my roommate’s sexuality to anyone else before this, but I never wanted to put him in an unsafe position.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re absolutely right that your roommate’s sexuality was none of his business and not your business to disclose.
The sub-leaser here is a bigot and a homophobe, and if they want to leave a perfectly good apartment space with a good roommate that’s their personal problem and you’re under no obligation to assist them financially. A more reflective person might have examined their own behavior after realizing that they’d been living with a gay person without any problems and come to the conclusion that their prejudices were unfounded. This person doubled down on their intolerance, and the fee for breaking the lease, if he goes through with it, is the price he gets to pay for his prejudice.
If he’s not willing to pay the fee personally he can suck it up and wait.” SageOfCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That subleaser should have asked if your roommate was gay if he was gonna have a problem with it. Also, it isn’t really your problem to hash things out with the guy because your fixing to be the one that leaves.
If anything the roommate could find someone or his partner can move in.” Sea-Decision-3395
What a jerk. Sorry your former roommate is going to have to put up with him
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