People Are Paranoid About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Our collective endeavors shape the world we inhabit. A compassionate, inclusive, and empathetic society blossoms when people refrain from rudeness. By setting a positive example, we inspire others to follow suit and create a better world for all. Those who wish to become better citizens must first recognize the negative impact of their past interactions caused by their hurtful behaviors and words. Read their stories below, and let us know how they became jerks. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

28. AITJ For Protecting My Daughter?

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“When I was a teenager, my parents would have me and my siblings go along with them to events and functions with their friends and would often host family-friendly get-togethers at our place.

This seemed great because it allowed me and my siblings to socialize with people our age outside of school. However, at some point when I was 12 or 13 I would notice that a lot of these parents would come and just abandon their kids.

We lived on a big property and we had goats, horses, chickens, ponds, etc. and I would notice that young kids were playing around these dangerous things without any supervision. Because of this, I felt like I had to keep an eye on them.

I am not sure how it happened, but soon it became the norm for the same families to dump their kids on me whenever they were with my parents at one of these social functions.

I spent a massive chunk of my teen years going to socials where I just became a free nanny to sometimes 5 kids at once for hours on end. I remember feeling like I couldn’t say no because they were adults.

I also remember feeling like the biggest loser ever. I remember seeing my older sister chatting with her friends and all sorts if cute boys while I was cast to the side sweaty, stressed out, and making sure kids don’t stick their fingers in electrical outlets or something.

I confided in my older sister about how this was stressing me out and how I felt like I wasn’t making friends because of this, but when I asked her to help she would just tell me she “didn’t feel like it”.

This brings us to the 4th of July. my parents wanted a big party in their yard and my sister has a five-year-old. I saw her approach my daughter about 30 min into the party, and soon my daughter leaves her group of friends and sits with her baby cousin.

More than an hour later, I find her still with her cousin and my sister nowhere to be found. I ask her what she is doing, and she replies that her aunt asked her to “watch (niece) for a bit” I wanted to talk with my sister about this and found her standing in the air-conditioned living room with a drink in her hand laughing and talking with friends.

I pulled her aside and asked her why she would make my daughter babysit for free and that it was unfair to shirk responsibility onto my kid when she should be enjoying time with her friends.

She responded that she “wanted a break because it is hard being a single mother, and she just wanted to have fun today”. I told her that if she couldn’t handle being a single mom then she “should have kept her legs shut” (I know, that’s bad).

Things escalated and my husband and I left early.

Family members have been texting me saying that I am a jerk. However, I feel strongly about this and believe that my daughter was being taken advantage of.

My husband thinks that I should have let it happen and let our daughter figure that out herself. So AITJ?”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
NTJ but your husband & sister are!! Good for you sticking up for your daughter.
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27. AITJ For Kicking My Brother Out Of My Place?

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“I recently secured a job abroad and relocated to the other side of the globe, leaving behind my apartment.

My brother shares a flat with his friend, so when he found out I was going, he asked if he could stay at my place. He would cover all bills. I agreed to this as I was only going to send home money monthly anyway.

Now, my brother has a history of not being able to hold down a job. He recently got a new job and it was less than 1 mile away from where I live so moving into my place was genuinely perfect for him.

I’ve been gone 2 months so of course my brother has paid the bills for the 2 months he’s been there. I messaged him last week asking if he was okay and if he needs anything.

He never got back to me. I then messaged a family member asking them to ask my brother to message me because…well it had been 1 week and NO communication. My family member then messages me telling me my brother has “lost his job and is feeling down and depressed” I empathised. But thought “well why isn’t he telling me?

Why ignore me?”

My brother only messaged me because my family member asked him to do so. Long story short my brother lost his job because, in his words: “the management don’t think that I fit in.

They say I’ve been turning up to work 30 minutes late each day and leaving early.” I asked him how this was possible?? It turns out my brother actually got his WORKING HOURS WRONG!!!

His hours were 8:30 – 5:30. He was doing “9-5” I asked him why he didn’t bother to check and why he thought it was 9-5 in the first place, he just gave excuses that, “it wasn’t his fault.” And blah blah.

I asked my brother what the plan was, he said “don’t know yet” I said “well bills need to be paid. No job means no money and no money means no bills.” He NEVER replied.

I then got a message from the family member I mentioned earlier saying how, my brother is stressed he won’t be able to keep the apartment on. How he is feeling depressed, he doesn’t want to be kicked out, and how we are “family” and I should bear with him.

I did tell my brother he will have to leave. It’s his fault he lost his job so carelessly and him being jobless and broke 2 months into me being gone wasn’t in our agreement.

I told him I will of course give him time to sort things, but he cannot bum around in my apartment jobless and moneyless

I replied to that family member and told them “that my brother needs to get a grip.

He’s a grown man who cannot handle basic responsibility and unfortunately it ain’t my fault. I get he is depressed and down. But so am I. So is 90% of the world. Now what?” I also explained that whilst all this is going on, my brother STILL hasn’t communicated…anything.

My family member said “yes but he says you’re too harsh on him.” I just replied, “I’m not harsh. I’m just being real. If he’s down and depressed he needs to go back to his home.

He isn’t responsible enough to hold down a job therefore I do not trust he can take on large bills”

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Deedee 11 months ago
Your family member can take him in to coddle him, like your parents obviously did. Sublet to someone else and make sure they have at least a 2 year history st the same job
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26. WITBJ If I Told My Friend To Stop Complaining?

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“A week ago, a couple of my friends and I decided to go on a trip to a friend’s lake house. While planning this trip, one of my friends (28F) and I (28F) decided to visit LA for a few days before that.

I’ve traveled solo and with friends on many occasions but it’s her first time as she used to live in another state with her family and has only traveled with them.

Because of this, she was very interested in planning everything but didn’t even know the basics (that is, she obviously knows how to book a flight but wasn’t very savvy on how to book cheap flights, had never stayed in an Airbnb, etc).

And so we sat down together and I showed her the flights and hotels/airbnbs I shortlisted and I then booked everything.

During the trip we had a few hiccups and ngl, I did get annoyed at times too but I figured it was her first trip so I let it go.

And also we talked about some things and sorted them out so overall it was a pretty good trip.

The problem started yesterday when we reached the lake house and met up with everyone.

While telling all our friends about how great our trip was, she started talking about all the problems SHE faced and how they were all MY fault. A few examples include:

  • The Airbnb wasn’t ‘what she expected’ and so during the trip she insisted I speak to Airbnb to change our flat and that she was ready to pay more (for one, Airbnb doesn’t do that since the cancellation period is up and two, I’ve got a budget to stick with).

    She told all our friends since I chose and booked the Airbnb (even though it was mutually agreed upon), it was completely MY fault.

  • Pre-planning I had told her that I like hiking and would want to go at least once in LA and she had insisted on tagging along.

    Before we left for the hike, I asked her to keep a water bottle and a sachet of the electrolytes. She forgot and so when she needed it, I gave her my extra bottle of water.

    During the trip, she just mentioned that the hike exhausted her. However, when she mentioned it to our friends she made it seem that she was soooo dehydrated and exhausted from the hike because I didn’t “prepare” her enough for her first hike and gave her the bottle without electrolytes while I had the one with it (without mentioning that it was because I had given her my extra one that she forgot in the Airbnb and so I only had one sachet).

These are just 2 of the many things she tried to play victim at and while I did speak up and try to correct her (and some of our friends spoke up too), she would just cut me off or move on to the next thing.

It was our first day and I didn’t want to ruin the mood so I let it go.

However, we’re still here for the next few days and I don’t think I’ll have enough patience if she keeps going on with this victim mentality.

So, WIBTJ if I tell my friend to grow up and not act like a spoiled brat expecting others to do everything for them and then not appreciating it when they do?”

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Deedee 11 months ago
I would shut her down because it sounds like your other friends know what a crock of this is. Next time you're planning something like this leave her out. I would be thrilled to be invited to a lake house and know how to prep for a hike. I used to keep the Pedialyte packets in my son's diaper bag and extra bottled water. My friend forgot her daughter's bottles so I shared and even though it was only a couple of packets she bought me an entire box.
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25. AITJ For Not Trusting My Parents?

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“I can’t trust my parents with any of my info. AT BEST, my mother considers me an extension of her when I am doing well, and an embarrassment when I’m not actively doing something impressive.

My dad has kind of fallen into this behavior of telling other people my comings and goings

I can’t let them interact with my friends, significant others, social peers, or colleagues, because they will horribly misrepresent what I am doing, share private info, or use my own information in a bad way.

My dad doesn’t usually do this intentionally, but he has seriously embarrassed me or gotten me in hot water by sharing before.

Now, in case you’re wondering, I am not talking about folks who do the normal parent stuff like sharing baby stories or embarrassing times growing up.

I mean they’ll tell people I just started a huge new job after I submitted a resume with someone, or try to tell clients and bosses about my professional skills in a way that scares off clients by making me sound like an idiot, or misrepresent stories to sound less capable.

It was worse with my mom, who will outright jump on the bandwagon to bash me when people aren’t happy about what she told them not adding up or something just not work out.

As an example, 4 months ago I got offered a good job in my field that didn’t end up panning out. The company ended up being really shady and I didn’t want to broadcast this until I knew I had something to talk about.

Well, you know who told her circle. Then Mom, her rich friends, and her family immediately let the judgment flow, and made me out to be a fool, deadbeat or combination thereof.

My dad also does this.

today, I was scheduled to do some labor for a family friend who is notoriously bullheaded about how he likes things done, and I know that if he feels there are even slightly twisted facts he’ll get angry.

I told my dad that I was feeling sick this morning but I was still going to help the guy out. I talked to him at 11, and was ready to start working. He told me he would give me a call when he was done with his morning errands.

I waited all day for him to call, and didn’t hear back. Apparently dad had taken it upon himself to tell the guy I felt sick this morning and didn’t go to my morning college course.

I know the guy. He probably took that and decided I was trying to beat around the bush or get out of the work I was helping him with. He’s gonna be angry and I’m gonna have to fix it.

I’m not proud of it but I went off on my dad about how I need him to stop trying to speak for me, and not to tell other people my business.

I’ve had it telling my parents they need to respect me as an adult. I pay my own bills, and have adult responsibilities and relationships. I apologized for yelling and for jumping on him about it but god, I’m so tired of having them speak for me or talk about things they don’t understand.

At best it means I get socially ridiculed, at worst it means I lose respect and job opportunities.

AITJ?”

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
Go No Contact. You don’t need their megativity.
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24. AITJ For Not Wanting A Mean Girl As My Friend's Bridesmaid?

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“I (28F) have been friends with C (27F) for 15+ years.

Both C and I are getting married next year so it’s been fun helping her with it. But I’ve had this fear in the back of my mind for a while now.

I fear that C will ask B (28F) to also be a bridesmaid.

B and I were friends all throughout school, however, she was the definition of a bully. She bullied me physically, mentally, and emotionally for years.

I stuck it out because I was afraid I would lose all my friends if I chose not to be B’s friend. About 2 years ago, I decided to cut ties completely with B over an irrelevant situation.

There was no hate or spite, I was just done with the toxicity. Shortly after, she lost the majority of her (and my) friends because she started bullying others since she no longer had me to push around.

I honestly haven’t thought about B since I ended the friendship. I knew she and C still talked, but I didn’t think they were close or talked often.

Recently, I got several (like over 20) texts from an unknown number.

The summary of the texts was saying I was a piece of garbage, I was selfish, none of my friends liked me, all of them, including C, talked negatively to her about me, I was ruining C’s wedding by trying to “one up” her with a fancy expensive wedding, I’m worthless, I shouldn’t exist, etc. I google searched the number and found out it was B’s partner.

I didn’t respond, I just blocked the number.

For context, my fiancée and I are also getting married next year, about 5 months before C. We started planning our wedding before we were engaged, so we have most of it planned now but we kept the planning to ourselves to avoid judgment for planning our wedding before we were engaged. We also have well-paying jobs and can afford the things we want at our wedding.

After getting the text, I asked C about it and asked if she really felt that way. She sent me screenshots of the ONE text where she mentioned my name to B. It said “OP is so lucky to be able to afford this and that.

Weddings are so expensive” to which B responded “screw that jerk and her lousy wedding” C defended me by saying “she’s still my friend and I’m happy that they can afford the things they want” and redirected the conversation.

C apologized to me for mentioning my name and said she didn’t think it would cause any issues, especially not 2 years later. I didn’t blame her at all.

I found out earlier today through a mutual friend that C is considering having B as a bridesmaid.

She even said “I know how OP would feel and I really don’t want to put her in that situation, but I don’t know what to do.” C can have whoever she wants in her wedding, that’s not something I have any say in.

But I do have a say in what choices I make for myself. I have no desire to be around someone who hates that I exist for no reason. I would still go to C’s wedding and support her as a guest, but if she asks B to be a bridesmaid, I will likely say no. WIBTJ?”

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rusty 11 months ago (Edited)
NTJ...if C wants to have B as a bridesmaid also, let her. Then tell her that is B is a bridesmaid, you will not be there, even as a guest. The best way to stop this kind of drama is to remove yourself from it before it even happens. Tell her that you understand that it's her wedding, her rules, but the best way to not break the rules is to not play the game. That is exactly what "C" is doing now....playing games. Just tell her thank you but no thanks, and have a nice day out with your hubby instead. The only reason bridezillas do $#!T like this is because they know they can get away with because it is "their day". The fact that it is "their day" does not excuse from being a B!TC#....
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23. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Stepfather?

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“I [42M] am a househusband. Five years ago, I was completely miserable in my job as a librarian (I actually loved the tasks associated with it, but quite frankly, I do not like being around people and it stresses me out.

There are about four people I actively enjoy being around, and ten I am neutral about being around), and after my wife’s [37F] suggestion, we decided that it would be best if I quit my job and became a househusband.

I am very grateful for this turn of events. I now take care of all housework, errands, caring for our pets, and cooking during the week (on weekends we split duties however we wish).

I also work on my writing while my wife is at work (and I’m very happy that I have more time for this). My wife and I are very happy with this whole arrangement, but as one might expect, not everyone is.

On Friday, we made the two-hour drive to visit my family for a meet-up, lunch, and dinner. While there, my stepfather [68M] asked every adult how their lives and careers were going, as he usually does whenever he sees anyone.

Now, he has never liked that I quit my job, and every single time I see him he makes a dig (sometimes subtle, sometimes not) for it.

This time, my older brother, both of my stepbrothers and my half-brother all had “career news” (and I’m happy that they do).

Unfortunately, this translated into even greater disappointment in my career. As per usual, my stepfather asked when I would be going back to work (and as per usual, the answer was “never, unless necessary”), how I could even fill a day with household tasks when we don’t have children (as per usual, he brushes my writing to the side, and pretends that household tasks take essentially no time whatsoever), and how I could stand to see my wife be the only one with a job (completely disregarding that my wife loves her job and hates household tasks and that she was the one to encourage me to quit my job, which we have both told him multiple times).

I found this very annoying, as per usual, and I was in a rather sour mood already, to be frank. I was then very firm that my stepfather stop asking me these inane questions that he knows the answer to in order to shame me into working again when the fact that I do not work is perfectly fine with the only two people it matters to.

He did not take this well, and decided to continue needling me about it, largely by bringing up how he and my mother were able to split chores (certainly not equally, if their chore division is what it was when I was younger), or how any other set of married family members could split chores (conveniently glossing over my younger stepbrother and his wife, who was a housewife before becoming a stay at home mother).

At this point, we were full-on arguing, and I told him that driving to see him wasn’t worth the time or gas money. He was very upset, as was my mother and my stepbrothers, though my older brother and half-brother were more supportive (as is my wife).

My wife and I left early. AITJ?”

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rusty 11 months ago
Not the jerk and it's none of his/their business what your living arrangement is with your wife....stop going to these family "meet-ups" if the only thing that happens is that your catch a ration of $#!T about something that is no one else's business. It isn't worth the trouble to be the community punching bag just because everyone else is jealous.
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22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad At My Graduation?

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“I live with my mom, not my dad. He is currently with another family, but occasionally I’d call him because he’s still my dad and I do love him.

I (18f) graduated from high school a few weeks ago.

However, I didn’t get to properly enjoy it because I felt guilty about uninviting my dad (58m). Throughout my senior year, I always made it clear that I’d be graduating and I wanted both parents there, regardless of closeness.

This is my last big event before I go to college and I don’t want any regrets. My dad told me he would need an extra ticket for his wife. I have no information on his wife due to a lack of knowing her, and even a lack of truly knowing my dad.

I told him that there was a limited amount of tickets and I can’t promise anything, since at the time I wasn’t sure of how many tickets I’d get, but I really wanted HIM to be at my grad.

He agreed that he’ll be there no matter what.

A few months before grad, my dad and I spoke and he asked again for an extra ticket, and again, I couldn’t promise him anything.

Then he said something that really broke me. “I guess we’ll see you afterwards”. As a child who always dreamt of her parents seeing her graduate from HS, something some people never accomplish, I was hurt and hung up on him.

The next time we spoke I told him that I didn’t know how many tickets I would get and the list of people I’d invite to my graduation was made before I began HS.

He seemed fine with it, and so I left it alone.

Here’s where I feel like the a-hole. My school gave me the tickets the week of my grad, and while counting them I realized I did have extras.

I called my family to tell them to come get their tickets and everyone did except my dad, who ignored my calls 4 times. I told my mom that I wanted to give a ticket to his wife because I just wanted my dad there and that was the only way he’d come.

After 6 tries, I reached my dad. Before I could tell him about the extra ticket, he gave me a speech about how I don’t accept his wife and how due to him being married, I have to be willing to accept his family.

I explained that I had nothing against his wife, but I really want my immediate family there first. He said that won’t work and he’d just see me after if his wife couldn’t come.

I don’t know why that annoyed me but I decided he just was uninvited. About an hour after hanging up, he texted me saying he’d be there, asking when he could get his ticket and he called me multiple times.

I told him it was his choice to say he’d meet me outside after the grad, so he won’t be getting a ticket. He just hung up.

Throughout my grad celebration, I just wanted to break down.

I partly felt like crap because the whole situation could’ve been avoided if I had given a ticket to his wife in the first place, but I also partly felt hurt that he chose his wife over his own child and didn’t even say congrats.

My dad hasn’t spoken to me since I uninvited him.”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
NTJ but your dad is a first class a$$hole. I’m sorry you were so sad at a joyous occasion because of your dad. Congratulations & go live your best life. You owe that man nothing
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21. AITJ For Not Watching My Nephews?

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“I 26M and my SIL (29) tend to butt heads on a norm. We have different views on life and don’t get along. About 3 days ago my SIL asked if I would take some time off and watch her and my brother’s kids.

I told her no. That I have to work and don’t have much time saved up just to travel across states just to watch my nephews. She blew up and started berating me saying how I was ruining their vacation.

I snapped back saying I have no obligation to take care of two kids who aren’t mine and who are 4 states away. It would have been a 16-hour drive. She started to escalate the situation and started telling lies to the family about how I was calling her a bad mom.

This caused many people from both sides of the family to call and start berating me out before I told them what happened with screenshots of text messages between us. My brother called me to explain what was going on.

She and my brother were going on a week-long trip to Florida to see some friends and family they hadn’t seen in a while. Many of the family in our home state said they were too busy and I was the only one available.

My brother apologized for her but said I was out of line for calling her bad mom. I told him I never called her that. I then sent some screenshots. He apologized and said he would handle it.

Now yesterday I get a phone call asking when I was picking up my nephews from the airport.

I did miss my nephews but am constantly busy with very little time off due to recently starting my job.

I was flabbergasted when I got the phone call and asked why they were here. My brother said they’re staying with our aunt in the town over but her car wasn’t working. He said my SIL said she texted me about it.

I told him no she didn’t and that I was on my way to work. He asked me if I could pick them up. I told him I would but they would be there for about an hour and half due to how far my work was to the airport he said that should be fine due to them not landing yet.

I called my boss and explained what was going on he let me have the day off and told me not to worry about putting time in. When I got to the airport and waited for my nephews I got a call from SIL who was angry ask why I wasn’t at the airport.

I told her I was in the pickup area. She started to rage at me before I hung up and called the oldest of the 2 boys asking where they were at. They said the terminal and they were heading to pick-up area.

I told him what I drive and the color. They both found me and got in the car before I started heading to my aunt’s house. When I got there my aunt apologized to me profusely.

I said my goodbyes and went got everyone food before getting back and handing it off.

AITJ for not taking time off to watch my nephews.”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
Omg your SIL is a total jerk & I’m glad you showed your brother & the others the text messages. I would block that jerk. NTJ at all
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20. AITA For Not Inviting My Dad To My Husband's Birthday Dinner?

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“My husband’s birthday is on Friday. His parents were scheduled to come visit two weeks ago (they live 10 hours away), but we had to reschedule because I had strep throat. The good news is that the weekend we rescheduled for, it’s my husband’s birthday that Friday and we are having a big party that Sunday to celebrate our adoption finalizing after three years (through foster care).

We are stoked that his parents will be able to celebrate those big events with us, but we also have quite a few people, namely from my side of the family (we are very close-knit), coming from out of town to celebrate the adoption with us.

Normally when my husband’s parents come visit (only about twice a year), we clear our schedules and don’t have anyone else over so we can enjoy our time with them and they can spend time with their 4 grandchildren.

I texted my mother-in-law that we were excited to have them, and I apologized that we won’t have a lot of one-on-one time with them since my best friend (from out of state) will also be staying at our house that weekend and my two brothers will come to town (one from several states away and one from about 8 hours away).

My brothers will stay with my parents who live right down the street, but I am sure they will be over quite a bit.

My MIL was very kind and accommodating, but she did express that she would love at least one evening with just us.

I said that we could definitely do that on Friday, my husband’s birthday, because it will be before everyone gets in from out of town. I let my parents know that dinner that night will just be with my in-laws, but that they are welcome to come for cake after dinner and celebrate with us.

My mom had no problems with this and said that they didn’t need to come for cake so that we could have the whole evening with my in-laws. My dad, however, was incredibly offended and said that this was the “last time we would need to carve out birthday time for him” and that he thought birthdays were for family celebrations but that he guesses he “was wrong.” I reiterated that we would love to celebrate with them after dinner, and he said, “pass.”

My dad is hurt that we are not inviting them to a birthday dinner. My parents do so much to help our family. They watch our kids and they are helping us build a bedroom in our house.

They are our rock of support in every way. I think I am right in asking them to sit out for this one, but I do wonder if I am the jerk for not inviting them and hurting my dad’s feelings.

My husband wasn’t aware of this conversation until after I asked my parents to just join us for dessert. He also wants to have a dinner with just his parents, but is deeply saddened that my dad feels like we are not treating him like family.

Am I the jerk for not inviting my dad to a birthday dinner so that we could spend time with my in-laws?”

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
Your decision is entirely reasonable. Your dad is entitled to his feelings, but if he actually follows through on his threat to ignore future birthdays, just accept his decision and move forward. Babies get over their temper tantrums faster when they are ignored.
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19. AITJ For Allowing My Adopted Daughter's BF To Come To Christmas Dinner?

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“My Fiancée (24F call her S) of 7 years and I (25M) have had legal custody of her little sister C (15F) for almost 2 years now.

They have terrible parents and since she was 10, I’ve taken a larger role in C’s life. This led to me evolving from more of a brother figure to a mentor/father figure because that’s what C has needed. I know it may seem weird because I’m not really old enough to parent a teen, but I feel I’ve done a pretty good job so far.

C has a partner B (15m) they’ve been seeing each other for over a year at the time. We agreed it was time to introduce him at Thanksgiving since my local family asked about him every time, they saw C.

Unfortunately, we had to travel for Thanksgiving so he couldn’t come, but I told my family then that he would come to our Christmas get-together instead and everyone seemed on board. For Christmas, we do a smaller get-together with my local family; my older brother and his wife (35M J and 32F D), my closest sibling (27M A) and his fiancée, and my sister.

This year we were doing a Secret Santa between only the siblings and SOs, a bring your own meat grill, and everyone bring sides. Well, a few days before the event in our family group chat while ironing out who was bringing what, I reminded everyone that B was coming with us.

I didn’t think anything about it because my family has always bragged about having an open door. Then the day before the event I get a text from J that the family “took a vote” and while B was allowed to come this time I need to ask next time.

I ask why that was necessary and the response I got originally was that they didn’t want B to feel awkward not getting a gift. C has never gotten a gift, and to me, they’re old enough to just be able to enjoy spending time with family.

Things escalated to an argument with it becoming clear they didn’t think C had the right to bring someone. This included them referring to C only as S’s sister. My brother A went as far as denying I played a large role in C’s life because her dad is still alive.

Even after I pushed back by talking to him about how I’ve stepped up he didn’t care. We skip the event, and I haven’t spoken to any of my siblings since. J’s wife, D, did reach out to us next day to apologize attempting to make things right.

No one else has.

My viewpoint is that my family has never, asked for permission nor brought to a vote who could come. As teenagers, we always brought our SOs to events. I’ll add that this event was at J’s house because they wanted to host, they decided this after Thanksgiving when we already told them B would come, and we offered to host. I would’ve asked if it was an event that J was planning by himself, but to me this was an event bringing our families together, and right now B is part of my family.

J has brought high school buddies Christmas over the years; I’ve never had a problem with it. It feels like they don’t see C as part of my family, so she didn’t get a plus one.

Our parents seem to agree with me on this.”

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DAZY7477 11 months ago
Maybe you and your wife should have a celebration of your own or with your family. C needs memories she'll cherish for life and be her "DAD".
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18. AITJ For Wanting Payment For Babysitting?

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“I (20F) live with my mom (42F), stepdad (48M), and 3 siblings (10F, 6M, 3M) while I attend college.

For context, we live near a really good school and when I was applying for schools my parents encouraged me to stay close to home. They offered me a rent-free place to live in exchange for “light babysitting” (8-10 hours a week).

They promised me that I would be able to attend classes and work with minimal interruption to my schedule. Basically, the three of us would work out our schedules to make sure all the kids would be covered and my grandparents would fill in when needed.

2 years later and babysitting is basically all I do. I can’t work enough hours at my job to do much more than cover what my scholarship doesn’t pay and I really do not want to take out student loans to pay for housing (1500-2000 a month) so I am stuck in my current situation until I get out of school.

I know most people would say that I should move out and take more hours at my job but that honestly would not be enough to cover my expenses on my own since I am a full-time student with a pretty intense major.

I would be less annoyed if I was just babysitting while my parents are at work but it has now progressed into date nights, weekends, and basically any time they don’t want to take the kids with them.

A few weeks ago my stepdad was complaining about money (they are not broke, just not saving a lot) and mentioned that I should start contributing to the household. I said that I do contribute by providing free childcare.

He said that it isn’t enough because they are providing me with room and board which is way higher than what a babysitter would be paid for a “few hours a week.” I argued that it was more than a few hours a week but he had decided that in September he will be charging me $1000 a month (fair value for a room).

I did not say anything but started keeping track of the hours which is closer to 20 hours a week.

In a recent conversation with them, my stepdad asked if I was planning on picking up more hours at work to cover my “rent” I then showed my babysitting log and said that I had already covered my rent for September with the 10 extra hours a week I babysit for them so I’m not worried. And that if we continue this way, then I will have my rent covered until next summer by February.

They were annoyed but I showed them my math which is 20 hours a week, $25 and about $2k a month.

I told them that I would happily pay rent if they paid me for all the hours that I work for them.

I said that I would wait to hear from them in terms of whether they wanted to pay me for the additional hours. I have decided to only make myself available to them when they are actually at work (we have a family app).

I have been going out with friends or returning late from class (I am taking summer classes so I can graduate early) and on more than one occasion my parents have had to take the younger kids on errands or missed events because I just didn’t come home.”

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Ninastid 11 months ago (Edited)
Ntj and good for you for setting boundaries
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17. AITJ For Not Being Proud Of My Husband?

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“My (34F) husband (43M) did not work for 5 years since he closed his own small business that was never profitable. He opened it a few months after we started seeing each other and thought that it will go smoothly with no effort.

Unfortunately it didn’t and I started helping out financially, lending him some money that he never returned as we were together and these started to be ‘our money’.

He finally closed it down and I thought that things will get better, however he was depressed and angry at the whole world.

It was completely understandable to me and except for cheering him up, I tried to talk to him, support him and also get some professional help which he refused. He has also mistreated me verbally and emotionally since then and still does when gets angry or irritated, so I learned to avoid difficult topics that caused him to act this way, making excuses for his behavior.

It led to the situation where he was staying home and I was working extra hours to bring money and give us a good standard of living. We did not have any financial problems as my salary was really good but I felt overwhelmed and exhausted, keeping this burden on my own.

I talked to him about the situation a few times, trying to be supportive and understanding and I explained to him that I feel overloaded, that too much of the responsibility is on me, and that I need his help with that and he should go to work which will be also good for his mental health.

We have a good financial situation now, but we cannot have a mortgage, we cannot save for retirement, and the home we plan to buy will be fully covered by my remuneration. Also, I am not fully healthy so it may happen I won’t be able to work for some time, not to mention getting pregnant as I have serious fertility issues.

He yelled at me each time, and said a lot of hurtful things including that I am no support at all and never was, I do not understand him, and he does not want to learn something new at this age; he is too old.

After a few conversations like this, I literally gave up and a few months passed since our last talk on this.

In the meanwhile, he started investing part of ‘our money’ in the stock market and made a few good deals that brought us some money.

The amount is less than my monthly salary but it made him feel good and active, even though it took him like 5% of his time. I told him it is really great and he did an awesome job with this and I am so thankful for what he is doing, however, I see also that he considers this as his ‘real’ job.

I feel like a jerk now because all I can feel inside is frustration and anger, am I jealous that I have to spend the whole day at the ‘real job’? I should be proud of him as this is an improvement from what was before but all I can see is that he spends most of his time acting like a teenager and feels like he is released from going to work for the rest of the year.”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
NTJ but…you are being a jerk to yourself. Kick this idiot to the curb. You are working yourself to death & he is abusive & does not appreciate you one bit
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16. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws See Our Baby?

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“Husband (36m) and I (32f) have a strained relationship with all of his family.

Things are hot and cold with all of them.

For context, we live in the same town as his parents, about a 20 min drive. His sisters used to live here but moved away last year.

For the last 10 years, every event and holiday and gathering has revolved around SIL1 and her family. She was the only one with kids. SIL2 is married, child-free by choice. Neither sister works.

Anyways, now we have a baby (8mo m). His parents see him maybe once a month, typically initiated by us, but that’s a whole other story.

SIL1 has seen our son twice since he’s been born.

For a total of maybe 3 hours combined. SIL2 has only seen him once.

Both of them have been in town since last Thursday. My husband and I both work full-time. So you would think that they would have thought about the fact that seeing their nephew would probably be easiest to do over the weekend, or on the 4th when we had off work.

But he obviously isn’t a priority to them.

On the 4th, SIL1 texted husband and let us know that they’d be at their parents’ house the next day and that we should bring the baby over to see everyone.

My husband was already hurt that we hadn’t heard anything from them. He didn’t respond that night.

He ended up responding the next morning and said we are working and the baby will be with the sitter.

She responded saying “well when can the kids see the baby?”

I told him it was his call. At that point, the only options were Friday night or Saturday morning before they left. Weekday evenings are always a rush due to feeding a solid meal, bath time, me pumping, bedtime routine, etc.

Husband told her we would be home Friday evening or Saturday morning. She responded by saying they were leaving too early on Saturday, and had plans Friday night. She later said they could maybe manipulate plans to make Friday work.

Friday rolls around and she lets us know they plan to stop by around 7.

Baby’s bedtime is 8:00, and sometimes he’s ready for bed closer to 7:30 – we follow his sleepy cues. He ended up telling her that would be too close to his bedtime and the extra stimulation right before bed would throw off his whole routine.

He told her they should try again next time they’re in town, and that maybe they’d make us a priority next time instead of an afterthought. He received no response, to no surprise.

We’ve tried to be flexible for the last several years, but we don’t have much room for flexibility when I have a pump schedule, and baby has a feeding/nap/bedtime schedule. We are also sick of bowing down to what his sister wants.

We want to be a priority, too.

So, AITJ (well, my husband, not me) for telling them they can try again next time if they make us a priority?”

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
Sounds like you and hubby handled SIL perfectly. NTJ
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15. AITJ For Refusing To Leave A Restaurant?

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“I (M) am in London for a couple of days, and like any time I’m near Marble Arch, I popped into Selfridge’s for a Salt Beef Sandwich.

For those who haven’t eaten there before, they have this lunch counter with two lines, one for takeaway and one for table service in their seating area. The seating area is only enclosed by a low wall and not at all private (important later), and is packed with 2 and 4 tops.

I wanted to sit, so I was in line for table service. There were two people behind me in what I think were niqabs. When I was up next for seating, the server came up and asked how many in my party, but before I could answer one of the people behind me pushed forward and said “two”.

The server, politely, told them “he” gesturing at me “was here first”. And after a brief argument with them about how the person ahead of them in line gets seated before them, proceeded to seat me.

So I was seated at a small 2-top with only one chair (a bench affixed to the wall) that faced into the seating area. I ordered, and then the table directly in front of me left, and was bussed. Next thing I know the people from behind me in line were seated there.

They ordered and then my sandwich was brought to my table.

I started to eat, but noticed they were getting increasingly agitated. Eventually one of them started snapping in the air until a server came over.

They kept gesturing at me and talking at the server. At first I couldn’t really hear what they were saying but they got louder and louder until I could hear. They were demanding I be made to leave so they could uncover their faces and drink their tea.

I have no idea why I was singled out, but apparently, from what I could hear, my presence as a male by himself was the problem for them. The server never came over to ask me to leave or anything, so I just continued eating.

But throughout my meal, they very loudly kept making nasty comments about my being there until they finished their tea and left.

I honestly don’t think I was TA because I was there first, I had already ordered, and I wasn’t interacting with them at all.

Heck, I wouldn’t have even noticed them if it weren’t for the snapping for a server and then them being loud and angry.

So, why am I here? After they left, I texted a friend with a “the weirdest thing just happened” and told them about it.

My friend is normally down for a good eye roll, but this time they got pretty mad at me and told me I had been culturally insensitive, had disrespected the people’s religion, was a jerk for not realizing that as a single man, I would cause them distress, and was “the reason people hate American tourists.” They also told me the right thing to do would have been to take my meal to go and eat elsewhere so the people sitting near me could have uncovered and had their tea in peace.

So, AITJ here? What should I have done in this situation?”

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Deedee 11 months ago
NTJ. I'm so tired of the "culturally insensitive" bull crap. If they can't take their face coverings off in public around men then they should stay home. The entitled generation is rude and obnoxious and people need to stop catering to them.
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14. AITJ For Not Driving My Sister Around?

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“For some context- my (26F) sister (32F) was my legal guardian for me from the ages age of 16-19.

Both of my parents weren’t in the position to support me so she offered to. I was beyond grateful for this. It’s important to note at this time my sis made it clear to me that she wasn’t obligated or responsible for driving me anywhere.

Obviously, this wasn’t ideal as my area for transit was kind of sketchy and I had to figure out how to get around with no help. But I understood my sis was already doing so much for me.

So I learned the transit system and that’s how I managed. It was costly and took lots of time but I wasn’t going to give my sis a hard time.

Time passes, and my area is having a rise in inappropriate incidents against women.

Being a student I was working nights and evenings. Also I was less than 5” and less than 100lbs. I was a prime target based on police descriptions. Due to safety, I started asking my sis to help me just with rides home from work at night (which most nights she was only watching Netflix).

She said no (again not her responsibility).

I ended up telling my mom and dad as they provided financial support for me for her to take care of me. They got involved and convinced her to do it til the man was caught.

10 years later, my sister now lives and shares her car with her partner. The car is hers but she lets her partner use it as he works further away and she transits. Well my sister has been struggling with the inconvenience and I know this as she has mentioned it to me a while ago.

So on Father’s Day I was with my mom (60F) and she mentioned to me that “I need to be nicer with rides”. My mom lives far so I knew she was hinting at my sister.

I responded with “well I don’t really need to be nicer with rides as I am an adult and pay for my car and I am not really responsible or obligated to be driving anyone around but myself”.

She said she knows I am not obligated but I should make more of an effort because my sister is “hurt” (for context my sister now lives 35 minutes away from me).

I then told my mom if she remembers when I was a teenager and how my sister NEVER helped me with rides and only did so the time there was a predator because I made a big deal.

My mom just said, “Well that’s really vindictive”. My jaw kind of hit the floor as my sister wasn’t obligated as my guardian … so how am I obligated 10 years later when she is older, engaged and lives far away from me.

I grabbed my stuff and said goodbye to everyone at the Father’s Day event and when my mom noticed I was leaving she asked why. I said as I walked out “well yeah wouldn’t you be upset if you mother called you vindictive after she made an unreasonable request to you?”

She chased me out of the house to my car where I drove away from her so she couldn’t make the situation worse. I haven’t heard from her since.

AITJ for telling my mother I am not obligated to drive my older sister around?”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
Nope not in the least. Your mom & sister are definitely.
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13. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Block His Ex?

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“My husband, 28M, and I, 31F, have been married for almost 2 years. I believe my husband and I have a great relationship and marriage.

We pretty much talk out our problems, we have the same goals and ambitions, and we’re supportive of each other.

So a little back story. I have this “gut intuition” that I learned to follow in my early twenties and it has never led me astray.

About this time last year I had a weird feeling…my gut intuition. So I went to look at my husband’s social media. Mind you, I’m looking at it through my personal page.

I’m not snooping through his phone. When it popped up, it showed the usual info and then showed 6 people he was friends with. One of which was his EX. His ex he was with for 5 years.

The one he bought a ring for and was going to propose to until she left him for some guy she met at the gym. This had happened when he was about 20.

I brought it up to him, asking when he and her became friends.

He said she had reached out to him and he didn’t want to be rude (cue my eye roll). Apparently, she had wanted to apologize for the way they ended (her being married to the guy she had left my hubby for at the time).

Well it was “closure” for him and he got to get some things off his chest about the way he handled it.

I said cool, now can you please delete and block her.

I understand that may be toxic to ask this, but as his wife I just ask he has no prior relationship people on his social media. I do it out of respect for him even though he’s never asked. I never want to put that doubt in his mind.

I just want him to do the same. They don’t live in the same city or have friends in common, so there’s no reason to have her.

Last week I asked to see his phone so I could look up something since mine was dead.

When I say he HOVERED. He HOVERED. Which was odd to me and since then my gut intuition has been going off… so I went to his social media and check out his friends… and there she was.

But with her maiden last name. She’s divorced.

I don’t know how long she’s been back on there, but I’m guessing that’s why he hovered over me the other day. I haven’t brought it up yet.

He works out of town and won’t be home until today. But it makes me nervous they have reconnected on social media when he knows how uncomfortable I am with it. And his work route changed last month, so it’d be easy for him to stop and see her.

There’s always traffic and accidents…so if he’s late getting home it can be a valid excuse.

Let me say I love my husband and he’s always been good to me. I know I shouldn’t let past relationships impact this one… but we’re all human.

I plan on confronting him tonight about it. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, as you can see what is already running through my head. I just want to know why he feels the need to talk to her/be friends with her if he’s married and happy.

Otherwise, maybe he isn’t happy.

AITJ for wanting her deleted and blocked on social media?”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
NTJ & I agree with you there’s no reason for them to be friends on social media. And his hovering is kind of worrisome
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12. AITJ For Sulking On My Birthday?

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“I (f20), my mother (f44), and my brother (m17) went out for my birthday dinner a couple of days ago.

For some context, I have pretty bad social anxiety. Public meals make me very nervous, I time to mentally prepare when going out.

I also have been unwell lately so one of my ears is totally blocked and I struggle to hear things, which adds even more anxiety.

For my birthday I didn’t ask for much, just a homemade carrot cake (my mother is a professional baker) and dinner at a nice Indian restaurant nearby.

I didn’t get the carrot cake, which is fine, the oven was broken, totally understandable and the store-bought cake I got was pretty nice. I got a few presents, knickknack sort of things, which I also greatly appreciated.

When driving to the restaurant my mother said she had decided we were going to go to a Thai restaurant instead. That’s fine, I love Thai, but mental preparation out the window and I’m now nervous to be in a setting I wasn’t expecting.

She also stated that since she was paying she would order (we typically order 2-5 dishes and share it with the whole table). Also fine, I usually trust what she orders.

Before ordering my mother told us she was getting three separate dishes, one I wasn’t familiar with, one I knew that I loved, and a seafood dish.

I told her straight away that I didn’t like seafood and if we could get something else to share. She said no, insisting that I did like seafood (I don’t???) When she ordered, instead of getting the one dish I liked she ordered a salad instead.

I was confused and asked her about it and she dismissed me.

While we waited my mother was getting annoyed at me because I was speaking too quietly. But it was a small, but crowded restaurant, and I couldn’t hear myself properly due to the blocked ear so I couldn’t measure my own volume so I was talking quieter to accommodate.

She only got more annoyed when I explained that, even though my brother said he could hear me fine.

When the food arrived, I looked at all three dishes and knew I didn’t like any of them and was immediately disappointed. I sort of shut down, going quiet and eating and giving minimal responses.

I kept stewing as we ate that this was supposed to be for MY birthday and why did I have to eat food I knew I wouldn’t like. I also kept telling myself not to be selfish and just enjoy it, because I knew if I made a fuss my mother would lose it.

After we finished and back in the car to go home my mother asked me what was wrong. And I said I was upset that I hadn’t gotten the cake I wanted, and that I hadn’t even wanted Thai in the first place.

As predicted, she exploded. Calling me selfish and ungrateful because she spent all that money on a meal that SHE wanted. I cried on the way home and now we are on day 3 of her not speaking to me (I still live with her) We fight a lot but this feels extreme.

It never lasts more than a few hours. I don’t think I need to apologize here but do I?”

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
The issue isn’t the Thai food. The issue is that Mom wanted to treat herself while pretending she was treating you—and you, understandably, didn’t appreciate her demand that you go along with the lie. NTJ
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11. AITJ For Cutting Ties With A Friend?

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“I am a 29F, living with my friend who we will call Abby who is also 29F. We have been friends since high school and bonded over both having depression and all that sad teenage stuff.

Abby has had a hard life. A difficult family, terrible relationships and poor mental health. She was in a really bad relationship in her early 20s that has really shaped her attitude to this day that nothing is worth it.

I have been there for her through her low bouts, and feel I have gone above and beyond.

A couple of years ago, I offered Abby a fresh start and to move in with me because she had felt trapped and isolated where she was and thought a change could really help her.

She moved in and things were really good for a while. She was looking for jobs, wanted to get therapy and all. But as she grew more comfortable in the space the less effort she put into these activities.

I myself was in a rocky place too and not doing my greatest so never really had the energy to try to uplift her. We have moved a couple of times but the last move (into our current place) I was hesitant to bring her with me because after a couple of years of living together and her relying on me to drive her places and be her emotional dumping ground, I was feeling burnt out.

I ended up telling her that it was exhausting and that I didn’t have the energy to carry her stuff anymore. She gave me this massive speech promising to do better and that she would sort it out.

I believed her so we once again moved in together. We have been at our current place for about a year now and Abby doesn’t do anything. She isn’t looking for work, messages me at all hours of the day and night with her problems and insecurities and still relies on me to provide her transport to run her errands.

I’m exhausted and I have no fight left. I have provided so many different options in terms of getting help and work and I have nothing left to give.

The final straw is she has gone away on a holiday and messaged me in the early hours of the morning saying she was feeling hopeless and wanted to stay away.

I asked why she felt this way, which led to an argument about how I didn’t ask if she was okay, I was more worried about how her moving out would impact me.

I am furious because she is making it out that I am being selfish because I didn’t say what she wanted me to. I am seriously considering telling her I don’t want to live with her anymore and that she needs to leave.

This would ruin our friendship but at this point, I don’t think I care. I’m so tired and I’m so angry at feeling guilty about being angry.”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
NTJ she is sucking the life out you. Kick her to the curb & get yourself into therapy if you can
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10. AITJ For Resenting My Grandmother?

“Okay so I 25F moved to another country at 10. I really loved my grandmum on my mum’s side. My granddad passed away when I was 9 and the few years prior to his passing were riddled with problems, asset disputes, and drama.

For context they have 4 kids, my mum being the eldest amongst 2 boys and another girl. My mum’s sister and brother don’t talk or contribute to my gran or even us.

When we left the country my youngest uncle and his wife stayed with my gran.

Throughout the last 15 years there have been problems regarding who gets the house, my gran once told my mum that none of her 5 fingers are equal likewise none of her children are equal, her boys are always worth more than her girls.

Regardless, my mum took care of her. When gran got cancer my mum left me and my younger sis with my dad to take care of my gran.  Our currency is lower than our home currency so my mum’s trip was expensive.

4 years ago my uncle moved out, he took all of my gran’s pension and when he moved out, it was the first time my gran collected and used her own pension for herself.

My mum and dad’s business was going south, at the time I just started full-time work but my salary was low. Nonetheless, I helped pay all the outstanding house bills for my gran and since then supported both my family and my gran financially.

Last year I switched jobs and got a better salary. My mum and I came to visit my gran, I also planned to stay and take care of her until the end.

We don’t have a car, sometimes the nearby shopkeeper will take my mum and me to the market or swimming.

Once the shopkeeper/friend took us to the pool cause we don’t go out much.

When we came back she swore us upside down, she called me a bad woman and said I sleep with married men.

She told my mother that my mum didn’t raise me right. Na said I must go sleep with married men and that my father is stupid.

I’m a 25y person who has only ever done what my parents’ family asked of me.

My mum has used close to my 1 yrs total income for my gran and my gran’s house repairs. My gran buys things for my sis and me, but I can’t seem to forgive her.

After the fight, my gran went in for 2 major ops, mum and I had to take care of her post-surgery, from diaper change to wound dressing. She’s still weak but with attitude. I told my mum I wish this awful house went to her siblings, I don’t want even 1 item from my gran.

I honestly feel sorry for her sometimes, but I hate her and ignore her.

Also my job is unstable, and I might lose it pretty soon, I want a break but I stay in it to support the fam.

Honestly, I wish I was a bad woman, maybe I would have had more fun. I’m just tired.

Am I the jerk, I know she’s weak from surgery but am I bad for ignoring her and hating her, maybe she’s just old?”

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
It sounds like someone she trusts has been lying to your gran about you—probably to ensure that you don’t receive any of her estate. I’m sorry this is happening to you; you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Only you can decide whether your love for your mom and grandma outweigh your entirely understandable desire to reject someone treating you so badly. If it’s possibly true that your gran’s age and illness are the reasons why she’s unable to see the liar’s true motivations for the slander, then maybe you can focus on that ( if you want to) to make it easier to forgive her.
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9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law Around?

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“My husband (38M) and I (34F) have been together for 12 years.

I’m Asian and he’s European, we live in the US. When we met, I had a 5-year-old son, he was never married. I started college, he started working. We moved in together, he treated my son as his own and paid for most things.

When I was done with grad school, I got an average-paying job, but work a few hours and with great benefits, which lets me take care of the house. My parents helped with the down payment, and my husband pays it off.

I state these details to show that: 1) I know he’s in a better spot when we met, and 2) I’ve tried hard to contribute equally. The problem I have is with my MIL.

When we were seeing each other, she visited and stayed w/ us. She told me that my then-partner should pay back his college fees since he works now. However, his Dad paid for it (they are separated), and his Dad never wanted him to pay back (he later told me).

I find it inappropriate to say that to a partner.

We argued in our bedroom. She charged in and screamed at us, saying that we need to stop because it makes her heart race.

I found out years later that she didn’t like how I had a son and told my husband that I probably took advantage of him (this I can understand, but makes me like her less).

Overall, she’s nice to me. She sends me gifts and hosts us when we visit.

In 2020, we have our second son. When the baby was 8 months, she came for 3 months to help. My son started daycare, so he’s gone from 8-4.

Now, conflicts happened:

– I was arguing with my first son, she charged in and yelled at him that he can’t talk like that. I don’t tolerate this, my husband told her she can’t do that, but she did it 2 more times.

– She said she comes to cook for us, but only did 3 times. I cook for the family, so I don’t mind, but she’s on a strict schedule. She asks that I make lunch by 12 and dinner by 6, which makes it stressful.

She also goes to bed by 10, so we can’t make any noise.

– I have a special cup that my husband got me (You’re My Lobster/Friends reference). I told her about it.

A few days later, she started using it all the time. She extra said that she likes it a lot. I don’t actually need that one, but I find this a bit weird.

– She asked my husband to drive her around frequently (leaving me home with the baby). One day, he’s really unwell, so I didn’t want him to drive (2 hrs), but she insisted. He’s so tired that he had to take a nap before driving back.

Next year, she asked to come back. At first, I said no because we just visited them 4 months prior. But my parents told me I shouldn’t do that, and I eventually agreed. She stayed 6 weeks, and similar issues happened. It’s so stressful that I discussed divorce.

This year, she’s coming for 5 weeks. He said this’ll be the last time. I don’t want to be the kind of partner who said that your mom isn’t welcome. I proposed that in the future, he can visit them w/o me or I can visit my parents during her stay, but my husband said no.

AITJ for saying she can’t stay with us or should I put up with it?”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
NTJ & I’d go visit my parents whether he liked it or not
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8. AITJ For Looking Out For My Sister?

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“I 29f have a sister 8f who we will call Sammy. For context, there was a breakdown in household functionality when my sister was 4 which caused her to be removed from the family home and placed with her current carers we will call them K and M.

At the time Sammy was placed with her carers, I was going through a really rough time financially and was on the brink of homelessness, which meant I could not have her placed with me, not that I would want her to have to live through the struggle of wondering where she was going to sleep at night.

But within the 4 years Sammy has been with her carers I have had regular communication and visitations with her, and I am so grateful to K and M who have given me these opportunities.

The problem is during visitation with Sammy she often leaves crying, and begging me to let her move in as I am now financially stable and have a home big enough that already has a room set up for her when she stays.

This is not the first occasion that she has left my home in tears and it is becoming more and more frequent.

I have asked Sammy why she would like to live with me and to put it short, she has told me she has to do all the responsibilities of an adult since she was old enough to reach over the stove without getting burnt, so since she was about 6 she would do things like cook, clean, babysit, for her whole household while not doing things a child her age should be doing like going to school, playing with friends, pretty much anything that doesn’t involve doing housework and okay I get it she can help around the house but not to the extent she is on a daily basis.

Since Sammy has voiced her feelings, I have started documenting everything from her report cards to the amount of time she is absent from school and photos of her cleaning or cooking for her entire household including children while they sit and watch her or taking screenshots of conversations with K and M with all the reasons she is not at school, which she herself cannot control, eg no school lunch, no clean clothes as they do not have a washer, no gas to get to and from school even though they live 5 minutes from her school.

Now on to why I may be the jerk, I have now gathered enough evidence to take K and M to court for custody of Sammy, but it will most likely negatively affect K and M as they have other children in the home, I have talked to a few of my friends who know the situation as they are mutual friends with both myself, K and M, and half are siding with me saying Sammy is pretty much a live-in maid/nanny and deserves to be a child and the other half are saying, I’m the jerk and I’m just overreacting and that Sammy could have been placed in a worse situation, and I am taking the kindness K and M have, for granted and throwing it back in their faces, as they didn’t have to take her in.

So am I the jerk?”

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Deedee 11 months ago
Do it now before those mutual "friends" fill them in and they try to restrict access. I hope those people that think it's OK to treat a child like that don't have kids of their own.
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7. AITJ For Not Doing Things For My Roomie?

“I [22M] live with three other people; “Sam” [19M], “Laura” [19F] and “Beth” [20F].

We have a cleaning agreement where personal spaces and things like dishes etc. we take care of our own, but in communal areas we take turns cleaning on a weekly basis. Generally, we all stick to this.

However, I have a habit of picking up little bits here and there. E.g. if I’m doing my dishes and I see that somebody has left one or two bits, I’ll just wash it.

If someone missed a spot when they were wiping down the kitchen side or cleaning up a spill after they cooked, I’ll wipe that spot. You get the idea: I’m not gonna do your chores for you, but if it’s something small that doesn’t take any more time out of my day, I don’t mind doing it.

Sam and Beth seem to understand this concept. Laura, less so.

It started a few months back when she noticed that the plate she’d left by the sink after dinner had been washed. She texted into our group chat asking who cleaned it and I said I was doing my dishes and it was there so I just did it with mine.

After that, I started noticing that basically every day there would be several dishes by the sink every time I went to do mine, and the pile started to grow and grow until there was a full sink’s worth of dishes.

She also completely stopped bothering to wipe down the counters after she cooked or mopping up any spills from the floor when she realized my habit of picking up bits like that. So I just stopped. I’ll still do it for Sam and Beth because they’re not exploiting it, but if there are any of Laura’s dishes in or by the sink, I will ignore them no matter how many or few there are.

If there’s a spill on the floor or crumbs on the side, I’ll ask in the GC who last cooked and if it was Laura, I’ll leave it for her to pick up after herself but if it’s the other two I don’t mind doing it.

I have explained to her as politely as I could that I didn’t mind doing it for her too until she started going overboard, and she just kind of huffed, said whatever and left it.

Earlier this week, Laura’s sister came to visit and she and I ended up in a confrontation. She accused me of being a bully who singles out Laura and treats her differently from the other two.

I explained why I do so and said that it’s not bullying, it’s just me not allowing my kindness to be exploited by someone who is too lazy to pick up after herself.

Her sister said that Laura has ADHD so she finds some things more difficult, but I said that’s no excuse because she managed perfectly fine until she realized my habit of helping out sometimes.

Both Laura and her sister ended up calling me an arrogant jerk and a bully, and I later got a text from their mum saying the same. I’m kind of conflicted now. Should I just stop helping everyone out to avoid singling her out?

Should I just suck it up and pick up after her if I’m gonna do small bits for the others? Am I in the right for doing as I am now?”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
NTJ but Laura & her family are trying to excuse her laziness & bully you into cleaning up after her. Don’t do it.
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6. AITJ For Giving Mixed Signals?

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I (25F) very recently went to a friend’s wedding which was located 2h away from my city. When I’m about to go home, I was made known that a friend of mine (25M) needs to commute back home.

He also lived in my city and his house is close to the mall that I’m headed to. Suspicious, I know. But I really did plan to go there to find some clothes.

So naturally, I just invited him for a carpool.

Context: We’ve known each other for 3-4 years so we’ve talked, hung out a few times but we just mainly share mutual friends and that’s it.

He accepted the carpool offer and we agreed that he’d drive the car. In the car, he was weirdly questioning my intention of offering him to carpool but I told him that it’s just because I’m headed the same way.

He doesn’t look convinced for some reason.

He ended up going to the mall as well and when we reached the mall, I was expecting for us to go our separate ways as I hate shopping with people.

So when he said he wanted to go to the toilet, I jumped at the opportunity saying ‘Okay let’s go our separate ways from here on then’. He looked offended and asked me to wait for him which I didn’t.

I continued walking until he texted me asking where I am. I knew I’m not going to be able to avoid him so I just told him where I am and gave up the thought of shopping alone.

Later, he asked if I had any dinner plans. I told him I’m just going to buy some food here and eat at home. I wanted to go home at this point but he kept saying that he was starving and told me there’s this good restaurant we should try and I gave in.

We had dinner, and there was a whole bunch of other weird conversation topics he brought up and he insisted on paying, which I absolutely dislike.

Anyway, we went back home and he sent me a long text thanking me for the ‘date’ and confessing his feelings to me.

I was flabbergasted that I responded to it the next day, because wtf did I just read? I replied saying that I did not consider that as a date since I’m not aware that I was going to one and I told him that I appreciate his feelings for me but did not feel the same way.

All chaos broke loose then, he started blaming me for giving him mixed signals by inviting him for a ride and agreeing to the dinner. He told me my intention does not match my actions because why would I offer a ride if I didn’t care about him and why would I go to the mall near his house in the first place.

My last straw was that he blamed my whole entire existence by saying that I’m not exhibiting ‘normal behaviors’ and that ‘I should get my DNAs checked’! I’m putting these lightly, the real conversation was nasty and it made me question myself a lot that day.

In the end I knew it was pointless to talk some sense into him so I just told him that I’m not interested in being part of this conversation anymore and ended it there and then.

Therefore, AITJ here for offering a ride to a friend and am I giving mixed signals?

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DeniseSB 11 months ago
You tried ditching him as soon as you got to the mall and to be talked inti eating dinner together. You weren’t giving mixed signals; he was just ignoring the clear signals you sent and deliberately (wishful thinking) misinterpreted others. NTJ!
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5. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Son Out?

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“I (57f) have a 20-year-old son and an 18-year-old daughter. My son is a lazy, nasty, disrespectful person. He hasn’t had a job in 7 months and isn’t really looking for one.

He has a video game addiction and doesn’t care how he looks or smells when we go anywhere and it’s embarrassing. He refuses to clean his room and leaves silverware and dried-up ketchup in his room, as a result, he has roaches in his room and it smells.

He doesn’t like to bathe and when I tell him that it’s been 2+ weeks since he’s had a bath he gets mad. He brings friends over without my permission while I’m at work.

I tell him about this constantly but he doesn’t care and continues to do it. If I tell him to do any small chore while I’m gone not only does it almost never get done unless his partner is coming over.

At one point his friend that he had over ended up taking out the trash because my son would not get off the video game. I get up to go to work at 5 am but because he doesn’t want to get off his game so I can sleep I have to tell him every night to go to bed so I can work and he doesn’t.

Even during the day, I tell him not to curse on the game because it’s disrespectful to me when he’s yelling and screaming at the game when I’m in the room next to him, nothing changed.

I’ve heard him telling his friends that he pays the bills and he could put me and his sister out on the street if he wanted. He barely graduated HS, so he had to go to community college.

He spent the money he was given(graduation gift money) to doordash food and pay for food and activities for himself and his friends (I found a receipt for $100+ in Korean barbecue) and he dropped out of college after only taking 2 classes.

He has stolen money from his sister on multiple occasions and lied about it.

My son would tell me he was going to use my car for 1 thing and then not come back til after midnight.

The only reason he came back when he did was because I threatened to report my car stolen(he also doesn’t have a license). When he came back and saw I was upset he asked me what was wrong like he hadn’t done anything.

I told him he couldn’t be trusted and I’d never let him have my car again because of how blatantly disrespectful he was. He just shrugged his shoulders and said ok, as if silently telling me to get over it.

He didn’t care that he hurt my feelings on Mother’s Day when he canceled our plans because his friends invited him to a cafe ( which he paid for) and when I told him that I now knew where I stood between him and his friends he didn’t respond.

I plan on cutting his phone off and when my daughter leaves for college I plan on either moving or taking him off the lease and getting the locks changed. I have told him that I’m tired of the way he acts, what he does and him not trying to help me at all but he doesn’t care.

I wouldn’t want him to be homeless but I’m done taking care of a grown man that is unappreciative and disrespectful.”

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LilVicky 11 months ago
If he doesn’t have a license why on earth are you letting him drive your car? And if he hasn’t worked in 7 mo then how is he paying for him & his friends to go out places? And he steals from his sister time & again but you still let him live there…I can imagine your daughter is counting the days til she can leave for college. YTJ because you enable all of his bad behavior. Grow a spine & kick him out
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4. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Leave Food For Me?

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“Background: I (21F) am renting an apartment with my cousin, Jaccob (19M).

Jaccob is living with me while we go to college since his parents agreed to pay his half of the rent if we lived together. On top of paying for his rent and him working part-time, Jaccob receives a weekly allowance from his mom to help him pay for groceries.

I don’t have the same luxury as I am paying for everything on my own.

We have an agreement living together that, unless we plan our meals together, we are responsible for our own food.

Essentially he buys his own food and I buy my own, and we don’t really share unless asking first. This system worked well for us, especially given our different financial situations and different dietary preferences/appetite levels.

Jaccob has a larger appetite than me so he usually gets more than I do when we go shopping.

This has become a problem recently as Jaccob started running out of food and would start taking mine instead.

At first it was small things like bags of chips or fruit so I didn’t really comment on it, but then it started getting out of hand. I would go shopping for things like bread or cereal only for them to be completely gone two days later without me even getting any.

I confronted Jaccob about this once before, and he simply shrugged it off and said he hadn’t had a chance to go to the store yet.

This morning I finally had enough.

I had gone shopping over the weekend and already my chips, oatmeal, cereal, and iced tea were either completely gone or nearly empty. I had barely even opened them and already I was almost out.

Jaccob came into the kitchen while I was trying to make myself breakfast and immediately reached for my box of cereal, emptying the rest of it out. I groaned at this and asked him to please leave some of my food for me.

When he asked what I meant I proceeded to list off everything of mine he took and begged him to get his own food instead of always taking mine because he eats it all before I get a chance and I couldn’t afford to keep feeding both of us.

Jaccob seemed to get offended by this and asked if I was insulting his eating habits, which was obviously not the case. I tried explaining that I simply couldn’t afford to keep paying for food I didn’t even get to eat and reminded him that he had the funds to buy whatever he wanted. There was no reason I could think of for him to take mine instead of buying what he wanted.

Jaccob got pretty snappy after I said that and once again accused me of judging his habits. He went off about how he was an adult and was allowed to do whatever he wanted in his own home and he didn’t need me policing him.

He would do what he wanted with his money and he could eat whatever he wanted without me making him feel bad about it. Honestly, his outburst confused me because I don’t think I was judging him, I just wanted to be able to enjoy the food that I bought for myself.

AITJ for asking him to leave my food for me?”

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LilVicky 11 months ago (Edited)
NTJ but you should get a small refrigerator & lock up all your food in your room. If you don’t have a locking doorknob ask your landlord if you can get one put in. Or start looking for another place to live with a better roommate
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3. AITJ For Not Loaning Funds To My Friend?

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“My (18F) acquaintances and I went to a restaurant the other day to celebrate our recent graduation from high school.

One of them, “Layla”, brought along a friend of theirs without consulting the rest of the group, something I wouldn’t have minded had it been literally any other person than the one she invited.

“Kate” used to bully me in middle school because of my very slender stature, amongst other things. I was a bit of an ugly duckling back then and rather tomboyish. She went out of her way to make snide comments about me whenever the chance arose.

I wasn’t entirely innocent, though, as I did the same in retaliation. We apologized to one another sometime around the start of high school and I accepted hers because since I had grown out of that behavior, I figured she had, too, and really, what child *wasn’t* terrible in MS?

I quickly realized this couldn’t have been further from the truth when she slid back into her old habits soon after. I steered clear of her for the remainder of my high school career; we never had any classes together and up until the day of the incident, I hadn’t known she was friends with Layla.

My acquaintances and I aren’t close, so I don’t fault that one person for inviting Kate. Idk if she knew our history. Despite my displeasure, I treated Kate the same as everyone else.

Unfortunately, she didn’t extend the same courtesy. She made a point of remarking that “I hadn’t grown since middle school” sometime around when we first entered the restaurant and she poked fun at the size of the dish I ordered. When I returned from the bathroom after touching up my lip gloss at the end of my meal, she asked if I “had flushed good and needed a breath mint”.

I told her that was disrespectful and to mind her own business. She said she was “just joking”.

We all intended on paying for our own meals when the separate bill came around.

But Kate realized she had overspent by about $40 dollars and asked if she could borrow some cash from one of us. The thing was, most of my acquaintances had bought only enough for their own meals and maybe a ride home.

The person who invited Kate was able to loan her $5 and another, $10. I had mentioned going shopping after we ate, so the group knew I had quite a bit of extra cash on me and asked me to spot her.

I declined, saying I refused to help someone who spent the majority of the outing insulting me.

That’s when everyone started arguing because literally no one else had a cent to spare but me.

They said I was being “selfish” since I was the one who was most well-off in the group. I said we had all made an agreement about how we would handle the bill and it wasn’t my fault she didn’t have enough money.

I paid my bill and left when the Uber I had called during the fuss arrived.

When I got home, I saw that I had been kicked out of the group chat we used to plan outings, and no one would return my calls asking why I had been expelled. That’s when I figured the bill thing was the reason for it.

AITJ?”

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Ninastid 11 months ago
No ntj and I would get a new friend group cause those people sure as jerk aren't your friends
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2. AITJ For Wanting My Wedding Guests To Wear White?

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“So I’m (24F) having a hard time seeing where I went wrong, but me and my husband-to-be (26M) both struggle with NPD so I figured an outside opinion might be helpful since neither of us tends to understand when we’re wrong right away.

I’m getting married (yay!) in December to the absolute love of my life, and we both want it to be the most spectacular wedding the world has ever seen because we both really love attention.

I never used to feel comfortable admitting that, but ever since I’ve been with him I’ve been able to really accept that, and it’s made my life so much more *fun.* We decided that instead of having me in a white dress like all the other white dresses, and him in the same tuxedo as every man in attendance, it would look really spectacular if we both dressed head to toe in gold.

What we want is for all our guests to wear either black, white, or grey, and for us to be the only ones wearing color. I figured that not only would I look like a princess, but I’d also be dancing with a prince instead of just some guy, and he’s so into the idea that he remembers it as being his.

We just love that idea of a sea of monochrome, and then us in the middle of it all.

The only thing is, my sister (26F) has been absolutely furious at us ever since the clothing requirements came out.

First, she said this was “proof that I never changed” and I was being controlling again. Basically, that asking guests to wear a specific color was insane. Then she started making digs about my hair and how I was “just doing this to show off” and asked if I planned to have her dye her hair too (I did not, we’re both blonde but mine is a bit more yellow-blonde, and my husband is dying his hair for the wedding).

I admitted to that, but also pointed out that it’s my wedding and it’s normal. Then she accused me of trying to upstage everyone else’s wedding dress, basically implying that I was trying to get everyone to show up in wedding dresses so I could compete with them and make myself look even better by comparison.

This was not ever the plan. When I mentioned what she said to my husband-to-be, his eyes kind of lit up in this really cute way and he said we should encourage people to actually wear their own wedding clothes, but we decided it would probably be actually terrible of us.

We decided to let our families wear copper if they wanted, so they would stand out as a nice accent to gold, and then my sister would also get to stand out. I was totally willing to pay, and said as much.

That was when she called me a spoiled child, and said she wasn’t like me and wasn’t in this for herself, and wanted all the guests to be able to wear “normal wedding clothes” and that nobody in their right mind would be comfortable wearing white to a wedding.”

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rusty 11 months ago (Edited)
NTJ at all....Normally I would have said that you were the jerk, but this is not a "normal" (please define "normal") color scheme or vision you are going for here. I have one question about your sister, though: WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER??!! It seems that she wants to do ANYTHING except what you want for the wedding, and then gaslighting you to "prove her point". If it were me, and my sister was creating all this drama about YOUR wedding, I would say to her, "Fine, you don't have to wear anything according to my planned vision. But that means you are also not invited." Your wedding, your rules and I wish you and your fiancé the best of luck and much happiness!
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1. AITJ For Helping With A BBQ?

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“A while back my significant other (f20) and I decided to have a BBQ at a public park. We wanted to invite our friends, but due to various circumstances, not many could make it.

It ended up being just the two of us, our friend Alice, (f20/m20) and her partner Kevin. It felt like a double outing, nothing bad, but it all still seemed chill.

I had already spent time with Alice and Kevin a couple of times before, so it wasn’t awkward for me.

I thought the situation was still enjoyable. We set up two grills, but Alice and Kevin forgot to bring a lighter for the grill. While they went to buy one, I just noticed that one of the grills already had some hot charcoal on it.

I cleaned it up and started a fire from scratch. When they returned, they were surprised, we made jokes about how I even did it. After a bit, I saw them struggle with their grill and I tried to help Kevin with his fire a few times, like some comments 3-4 times.

I didn’t mock him or make him feel bad either just some suggestions and advice. The rest of the night went well, and everyone seemed to have a good time.

Weeks later, Alice mentioned to my significant other that she was having a get-together at her place but didn’t want me to come because she “thought the vibe was off during the BBQ”, when I helped Kevin with the fire.

My significant other was puzzled but didn’t think much of it. I was unaware of this at the time.

Then sometime later, for Kevin’s birthday party, Alice expressed similar sentiments/comments about me.

That day, my significant other and I made other plans and had our own little outing. So my significant other didn’t think much of it either. I still didn’t know about Alice’s comments.

Now, recently, my significant other finally opened up about everything, and I’m feeling a bit angry. I wouldn’t mind not being invited to events or feeling offended if they didn’t want someone not that close in their home.

What bothers me is Alice playing these mind games and not being straightforward about what she’s thinking. I also find it hard to believe that Kevin, who seemed like a cool guy, would get offended by me offering simple tips about the fire.

It was a normal thing to do, and we all seemed to have fun. I don’t understand why he would have an issue with me.

(Funny enough they’ve both had me over at their places, Kevin allowed me and 2 of my buddies to a Halloween party that my significant other was at this was the first time I met the couple too.

Then Alice had me and my significant other over after a dinner we had with a group of friends, it’s not like a new thing either?).

It’s frustrating because during the 4th of July, I planned an evening to watch fireworks with my significant other and a group of friends, and I wanted Alice and Kevin to join.

I thought we were all cool, this whole thing hit me out of nowhere cause I literally don’t know why or how they’d think of me this way.

It makes me think that the only reason Alice wouldn’t invite me is out of jealousy?

but I’m not entirely sure. Apparently based on what my significant other said, Alice has been making strange comments about me since my significant other and I started getting closer as well.”

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Bruinsgirl143 11 months ago
Ntj ignore her plan without her have the guy invite the guy only and tell him don't bring her she's not welcome
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