People Let Us Pass Judgment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
33. AITJ For Not Cleaning The Snow In Front Of My House?
“I live in a city where we get several feet of snow every winter. I always clean off my sidewalk because it’s the law and the right thing to do. I used to clear off the street parking in front of my house too because I didn’t want to get stuck. One of my neighbors would take advantage of this and occasionally park one of his cars there until they had a chance to clean their spot.
Which meant I had to park down the road. I asked them not to but they said, rightly, that no one owns the street parking.
Last summer I bought myself a Bronco. Last winter I didn’t clear the snow from in front of my house either. I just packed it down with the Bronco. It was a couple of lumpy little icebergs in front of my house.
He tried parking on it but he got stuck on the soft snow between the icebergs and had to spend almost an hour digging himself out.
He tried complaining to the city bylaw enforcement but was told that the sidewalks were all I was responsible for since ‘I didn’t own the parking spot on the street’.
I got to park in my spot all winter with no problems. It was kind of funny in the spring. All the other snow in the area had melted but my icebergs made it into May. Yesterday he talked to me after work. He asked if I was planning on cleaning the snow this coming winter.
I said no because I bought a car that didn’t require me to do so. He said that everyone else on the street cleaned in front of their houses and that I was a jerk for not following suit.
I told him that when I cleaned in front of my house sometimes jerks would park there taking advantage of my work.
He didn’t like that at all.”
32. AITJ For Reporting My Irresponsible Brother-In-Law For Leaving His Daughter In The Hotel Room All Day?
“I (31F) have a 3-year-old daughter with my husband (32M). My stepsister Abby (33F) has a 2-year-old daughter, Lexi, with her husband Brad (34M). Brad has a daughter, Daisy (8) that he shares with his ex. My stepbrother James (22) has a partner, Carlos (25).
We are all, along with our parents, on holiday at a beach resort.
Two days ago, in the evening, Abby and Brad asked me if I would babysit Daisy the next day so that they could get some much-needed respite and they wanted to go into town for the day. I said absolutely not.
Daisy has behavior issues. You can’t go more than an hour without her crying and screaming about something.
She’s extremely territorial, she doesn’t seem to have any impulse control, and she never has a nice word to say about anything or anyone.
Abby and Brad begged, saying they asked everyone else but they had plans. I said be that as it may, I had my own daughter to look after, and I was on my own holiday.
I asked why they didn’t get a babysitter from the hotel staff but Brad said leaving Daisy with a babysitter always results in them getting called home early, normally because Daisy has cried so much she’s made herself ill. Eventually, they let it go.
The day after, I didn’t hear from Abby so presumed they’d found a solution.
It was a quiet day and at about 3 pm we returned to our suite. Shortly after we got there, there was a knock on the door. It was Daisy. She said she was bored and wanted to come in. I asked where her dad was, and it turned out Abby and Brad had gone into town and left Daisy in the room by herself with strict instructions not to go outside.
I walked Daisy back to the room as I tried to get ahold of Abby and Brad but the calls kept getting rejected. I left them several messages. I was so appalled, all I was really thinking was that they absolutely didn’t deserve for me to clean up this mess for them. I took Daisy down to reception and told them that her parents had left her alone in the room and I found her wandering the place unsupervised.
I left her at reception as they said they would bring her down to the kid’s club until they could locate Brad.
We were all due to meet for dinner at 8.30, and when Brad and Abby arrived, they berated me for reporting them to the hotel. They said Daisy would have been perfectly safe if she’d just followed the rules so they weren’t at fault.
They also said I should have just let her stay with me until they came back. I said they deserved what they got for doing something pretty hair-brained and dangerous and it wasn’t up to me to help them avoid the consequences of their actions. I told Brad he was an irresponsible parent and that he should have stayed at the resort.
Things are now very tense. Opinions are split within the family. AITJ for what I did?”
31. WIBTJ If I Don't Go To My Sister's Wedding In Europe?
“My (29M) sister (32F) got engaged recently and truth be told I am beyond happy for her as she and I haven’t always had the best relationship growing up. She has acknowledged her wrongdoings to me growing up and has apologized for them. I would definitely describe her as ‘hard to love’ as a family member.
That being said her soon-to-be husband is a stand-up guy and I am happy she has found her person.
That being said, she wants to have a destination wedding (in Europe, we live in the US). I told her that having a destination wedding she needs to be fully aware that people won’t be able to attend.
She replied ‘Only the people that truly care about me will be invited and expected to go anyway’. I replied, ‘I am not sure if I will be able to go, I can respect your choice to have a destination wedding and if I had one I would only expect me, my partner, and the marriage officiant to be there’.
Obviously, this didn’t sit well with her and she said I would be a jerk if I didn’t go to this once-in-a-lifetime experience.
She then proceeded to tell me she was going to spend an exorbitant amount per guest to ensure ‘an experience’, yet when I replied ‘Well you could also help with my ticket and I would probably have an easier time making it’ she said she would not.
Currently, I am under financial stress, and while the wedding date isn’t set in stone, I don’t see myself financially making it. My mother also thinks I would be a jerk if I didn’t set aside a budget for a wedding over a year out, but the idea of it just seems daunting.
Normally I would feel justified about my thoughts on this however there is a twist.
Both she and my mother know about a trip I have planned with my partner to Paris. They are both stating ‘If I could figure that out, I should be able to figure out my sister’s once-in-a-lifetime event’. That being said I had used my credit card points (accumulated over years) for my flight and my partner paid her share.
Both my partner and I don’t have incredible savings and I’d be lying if I said I’m not considering the logistics of bringing my partner to the wedding as well.
So WIBTJ if I didn’t go?”
30. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Sister's Place?
“Two years ago my sister asked me to move in with her since she didn’t have a roommate and didn’t make enough to live on her own. I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea considering I worked at a low-paying job but said fine.
We agreed that I would pay $500. Once you took away money for my other bills I would only be left with about 50 bucks a month to spend on whatever.
After 2-3 months of living there, she asked me if I cared if her significant other moved in with us.
This moment was the start of the decline.
Every weekend they would go out to eat and do some activities on both Saturdays and Sundays. After about a month of this, my sister came to me asking for more money since I wasn’t paying a lot, so I got a second job. Bringing it to 600$ a month to try and help more. All the while I kept my personal funds (the 50$ a month) held back in my savings account.
After 8 months of saving that money I took a trip out of state to visit some friends who lived 5 hours away.
As I was driving and only 30 minutes away from my hotel, my sister back at home got into a car wreck. My sister was fine but her car was totaled. That’s when the cat was let out of the bag.
This whole time that her SO was living with us HE WASN’T PAYING FOR ANYTHING! My sister had maxed out her credit cards, had a negative balance almost every other week in her bank, and ultimately destroyed her credit score.
Her credit score was so low that she couldn’t even get her own car, so I co-signed a car so she could get back and forth from work.
Because I had a relatively high credit score I became the primary signer on the car.
I told my sister that she needs to tell her SO that if he’s going to live here he needs to help with bills. She told me she talked to him and that he agreed to help. But every month she seemed to need more and more help with bills.
I eventually got a higher-paying job and could offer more help.
Every month she seemed to need more and more help with bills and now at this point, I give her 1400 a month. 500 more than rent alone!
She tells me her SO helps out where he can, but I still don’t know if her SO is even helping with bills or not.
I told her 6 months ago that at the end of March, I was moving out. There’s 2 weeks left till I move and afraid she’ll hit rock bottom.”
29. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Bond With My New Husband?
“My ex and I divorced 3 years ago.
A few months ago, I married ‘John,’ and my daughter (11F) and I moved to live with him. I have primary custody.
My daughter spends half of her summer/school breaks with my ex.
John adores my daughter and she started getting used to him very quickly. They actually get along very well, I have been happily surprised. Up until this point, he has been nice to her 100% of the time and left all actual discipline to me, which is I’m sure part of the reason why she likes him.
John also has several horses on his property and has been teaching her to ride which she adores, one of the horses ‘Bella’ is basically hers now. Obviously, he still does the bulk of the work given her age but she has a few responsibilities regarding ‘her’ horse.
But last Thursday she was supposed to do something for the horse and she forgot.
All he said was ‘Is Bella all set? ‘ ‘No I was watching this’ ‘Well go take care of her and then come back, I’m sure she’s getting restless waiting for you. ‘ She got upset and stomped outside to do it and then directly upstairs. He felt guilty but I told him he hadn’t done anything wrong.
In my opinion, she found it jarring because he’s usually so nice to her, and also felt a bit guilty about her minor act of neglect so turned that into being angry at him. She can be sort of stubborn and has a temper. We’re working on it.
When I went to talk to her about it in private, she announced to me that she didn’t want to go on an overnight fishing trip they’d planned that weekend.
I asked for her reasons but they boiled down to suddenly thinking he was mean. I told her to stop sulking and she made a commitment and reminded her of the fun parts of the trip. She said fiiiiinnnne and let the subject drop. By the time she left for school on Friday, she was dragging her feet a little but it felt more like a pro forma gesture for me.
He picked her up from school on Friday and by the time they got back Saturday morning, she was perfectly happy and gave me a play-by-play.
But I guess on Friday she told my ex that I ‘made’ her go and now he’s mad at me. He’s accusing me of manipulating her with regard to John.
This also sparked a rerun of a preexisting argument where he accused me of basically bribing and manipulating her with regard to the horse and said between this trip and them going riding regularly, it was ‘suspicious. ‘ And then we circled back to another argument where he again said I shouldn’t even have bought her a ‘pet’ without his permission, it was obviously a tactic on my/John’s part.
To which I said that it was a preexisting animal I didn’t go out and pay 1000s for a horse and it’s not as though she’s going to bring it with her to his house so what business is it of his.”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Stay At My Sister's Apartment And Going To The Beach Instead?
“My sister, Olivia (30F), and I (36F) live in the same building and on the same floor.
As our parents died almost ten years ago (car accident), we basically only have each other, as we are not close to other relatives.
I have a job that has a few hours of service and I only have to go to headquarters once a week, the rest is a home office, and I have a lot of flexible hours.
Because of this, when my sister needed surgery over the years (health problems), I was the one who always took care of her. On the contrary, it was not necessary.
Olivia is what they call a gym rat, lives a healthy life, etc.
A few months ago, Olivia came home, and talk went, talk came, she commented that she was looking for a doctor to perform lipo HD because it was the dream of life.
I asked about the post if it wasn’t pulled (I saw some bloggers talking). She said yes and that’s why she’s going to need a support network, like me and her partner.
This bothered me because this is purely cosmetic surgery and not something necessary, like health ones. When she said that she was going to make an appointment, I was very sincere, saying that I would not spend all day taking care of her for I don’t know how many days for a totally aesthetic surgery and that she would have to ask other people for help.
She was very upset that I said that, saying that it was her dream and now she could do it and that I could help her. I stayed in my position. And by ‘coincidence’, it would be right on my vacation period.
She eventually accepted my decision.
I was a little suspicious, I admit, and I decided to book an Airbnb on a beach (1 hour away) that wasn’t too far away for an emergency, but far enough away that I didn’t become the caretaker.
I scheduled a day after the surgery. I didn’t say anything to my sister.
After she was released from the hospital, I picked her up and helped her into bed. As I was leaving to travel, I just helped with the basics (her partner was there) and when I was leaving, she asked where I was going, and if I wouldn’t stay with her in the apartment.
I reminded her that I said I wouldn’t help with that.
I left before anything, so I took my things and went to the beach.
She didn’t stop calling and texting me, saying that I was abandoning her at a delicate moment and that it was cruel of me to do so. I didn’t block her in case of an emergency.
Well, apparently, she was expecting me to take care of her, as her partner had to miss a few days from work and got help from her in-laws. And everyone is calling me a jerk and is angry with me.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear A Dress?
” “I (f 31) am spending Christmas day with my mum. We will be going to the nursing home to visit my grandad as we suspect this may be his last Christmas with us.
He’s been in very poor health but took a turn for the worse in September and hasn’t really recovered since. Then we are just going back to my mum’s and having Chinese takeaway for dinner. My mum recently had a hip replacement operation and we had a family celebration last weekend so a quiet day suits us both.
This is also the first year in 14 years that I haven’t been working through Christmas.
So I decided to go and see my dad tonight (Xmas Eve) because I won’t see him tomorrow. When I got there my stepmum gave me a present early so I could try it on in case she had to exchange it.
It’s a lovely green dress, more of a casual wear thing than going out all glammed up but it looks lovely, fits me well and it’s comfy so I’m happy with it. Now we come to the issue, my stepmom started to insist I had to wear this dress on Christmas Day. She demanded I get up, do my hair and makeup, and get ‘glammed up’ for the day.
She also wants me to take pictures as proof that I’ve ‘made an effort for once’.
I am not a girly girl, I’m overweight, and I hate wearing makeup unless I’m going out somewhere special. I very rarely wear dresses, I much prefer jeans and a nice top. But the more booze my stepmum consumed tonight, the more of a tongue-lashing I was getting.
Apparently, I’m wallowing in self-pity, I either need to do something about my weight or just be ‘fat and happy’ but this means putting a full face of makeup on and doing my hair each day. I tried to tell her I’d rather wear what I feel comfortable in and that I don’t need to wear makeup to feel good about myself.
I have positive and negative days like everyone else.
I told her I’d keep the dress for Hogmanay since I’m staying with them and we are having people round to bring in the bells but I didn’t appreciate her trying to dictate how I should be living my life. She got upset and told me I was being ungrateful and she was only trying to help me.
I do feel like I was a bit snappy with her but I’m fed up with being made to feel like I’m not good enough just because I’m overweight so AITJ for refusing to wear the dress she bought me?”
26. AITJ For Refusing To Unfriend My Online Friends For My Significant Other?
“My (20F) significant other (21M) and I have been together for 6 months, go to the same college, and see each other every day. I work 3 writing jobs remotely, so he normally comes over to my apartment and lays on my lap while I work.
However, last week, he noticed my Discord was going crazy with notifications. He asked what it was, and I showed him it was just my group chat.
My group chat is 6 girls including myself, and we’ve been friends for several years. We’re online friends who have never met in person, but we plan to after we get out of our respective schools.
They’re like my K-pop friends since they’re my only friends who like K-pop (yes this is important).
I’m not the best at making friends in real life because I get shy often, so my 5 online friends I consider my best friends. However, my SO got upset. We were reading the texts together, and he frowned and asked if I liked any of them (I’m bi).
I laughed cause I thought he was joking, but I realized he was serious and I said no.
The texts weren’t anything crazy, in my opinion. We make a bunch of jokes about each other. For example, my friend (22F) calls me a nerd every time I mention anything about school. Harmless jokes like that.
We’ve never seriously flirted or done anything like that.
Regardless, he got upset. He asked why I was still friends with them and said I was getting too old for online group chats. I told him why, saying that they were the only K-pop friends I had and they were close to me. He told me I should unfriend them, and that I should get friends in real life who like K-pop instead.
I told him he knows my phone password, so if he really thinks I like one of them, he can check at any time (no, he didn’t ask for my phone pass, it’s just easy to guess since it’s Jimin from BTS’ bday). He refused and said I should unfriend them because they make him uncomfortable.
I asked him how they could make him uncomfortable when he didn’t even know about their existence until now, he would never meet them since they’re online, and he can check our messages if he so pleased (I don’t care much, I have nothing to hide).
He still refused, didn’t explain why he was uncomfortable, and said I needed to unfriend them, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be respecting his boundaries.
I was shocked, but I said I didn’t want to leave my friends. He stormed out. We haven’t seen each other since, but we’ve texted here and there, acting like it never happened. I don’t know what to do. During this whole time, I thought I was in the right, but I also don’t like that I made my SO upset.
So, AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Being Offended By What My Brother Said To Me During His Wife's Baby Shower?
“My (26F) brother ‘Ben’ (29M) is a financial analyst. His wife ‘Laura’ (31F) is pregnant with their first child. They had a very sweet baby shower/gender reveal a few days ago where they invited some of their friends and close cousins for dinner. They had us drop off gifts, we had dinner, and then they cut open a cake to reveal that they were having a boy!
It was really cute and I’m definitely borrowing the idea if I ever am having a baby.
After desserts, we were all talking to each other. I work as an Elementary school teacher so Laura was asking what types of activities I recommend, and I was happy to talk to her because she’s very nice, I want the best for the baby, and I love my job and am happy to share what I know.
I am also absolutely terrible at math. It’s always been my lowest grade. My brother is exceptional at math. Growing up, I used to struggle because he would go through school great at math, and then our parents and teachers would have expectations of me that I could just never meet. I’ve been tested and don’t have a learning disability; I just can’t really visualize the numbers or see the solutions like Ben can.
I have a decent amount of insecurity/anxiety resulting from my experiences and I know enough math to function – luckily I’m not teaching pre-calculus to 6-year-olds.
Well, Ben saw Laura and I talking and joked to Laura that she wasn’t going to be asking for my help once the baby got to math in school.
He said that the baby will probably take after him and he doesn’t want me confusing or holding back the baby. I was annoyed by this and said that we could talk through the baby’s potential math career if that’s what he and Laura wanted, but I’d rather not do that in the middle of a celebratory occasion.
Ben said that I was just jealous because he was smarter than me. Immediately, I felt very angry and hurt. This is out of character for me, as I normally have thicker skin, but I started to tear up. I figured that, instead of yelling at Ben, I would just go to the bathroom to calm myself down.
Of course, Laura saw me and gave me a hug and a tissue. I thanked her very much but felt guilty for bothering her when it was meant to be a happy party for her, so I ended up leaving early. Later that night, Ben sent me an angry text saying that I’ve stressed out his pregnant wife and he doesn’t want this to somehow hurt the baby.
I still feel really guilty for ruining the mood of the party. I was just really upset because I was excited for my nephew but also to finally be the one ‘in the know,’ as I’m the only one with a profession working with children between the three of us. I think that Ben effectively calling me stupid really brought me down from that excitement, which is why I got so upset.
Still, I’m really afraid I’m overreacting, and I want to know whether you think I should apologize to Ben and Laura.”
24. AITJ For Causing My Partner To Get Banned From My Father's Funeral?
“My partner ‘Josh’ (26M) and I (25F) have been together for over 6 years. About a month ago, my father unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack at age 65. My entire family and I are beyond devastated! Josh was also pretty close with my father, they got along very well and shared a bond.
My father’s funeral is going to be taking place in 3 days. Last night, I was in the basement going through some old photos of my father. Josh was in the garage getting some cleaning done. I found a photo that caught my eye and I wanted to share it with Josh.
Once I made it to the garage door, I could hear Josh talking on the phone with one of his coworkers.
I was about to walk away so I wouldn’t interrupt, but then I heard him say, ‘I don’t envy you, dude, that sounds tough. Well, now that pops is gone, I can get a break from some of you jerks, haha!’
I was stunned! I couldn’t believe that Josh would say something so messed up.
I went back into the basement and cried my eyes out. In the heat of the moment, I called my sister and told her what I heard. Word eventually made it back to my mom and she’s livid! My mom texted me and told me that Josh was banned from attending the funeral.
After Josh figured out what was going on, he begged and pleaded with me to convince my mom to change her mind.
He was crying/apologizing and said that dark humor is his way of coping. He told me that my father meant a lot to him and all he wanted to do was say goodbye.
I did try to speak with my mom today, but right now she’s adamant that Josh not attend. I’m starting to feel like I might have let my grief get the better of me, but I’m not so sure anymore. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Laughing At My Brother's Bleached Hair?
“So a few days ago my (22F) brother (18M) and his friends decided to bleach his hair.
He said he was just going to do some frosted tips (which I was already laughing at honestly) and told him if he changes his mind, he should apply an even layer of bleach to the mids-ends of his hair and then do the roots.
A few hours later he came home and it just looked god awful — it was so splotchy and orange and yellow and some roots were bleached but some weren’t.
It was so bad and his excuse was that they ran out of bleach and he also liked it this way and that they hadn’t applied toner yet. I told him if he applied toner now, it wouldn’t fix anything and would just make pieces of his hair purple/grey and that he needs to do a second round of bleach before toning, and probably add some moisture/conditioner to his hair when all was said and done.
This is not what he did though (of course). He just went straight for the toner and now splotchy sections are purple on top of the black/orange/yellow he had going.
This morning he went swimming at his friend’s house and I told him to at least avoid getting his hair wet if he wanted to swim that bad, as it would turn his hair green.
I told him not to come crying to me when this happens, and that I warned him. Again, of course, he didn’t listen and came home with green hair, and when he walked into the room I couldn’t help myself and just burst out laughing. He just went upstairs to add more purple shampoo and conditioner to try and fix it and called my mom freaking out about it.
When she came home she told me I was a jerk for laughing at him and instead should have tried helping him. I told her I did everything I could to help him, short of bleaching it for him myself. However, I started to feel kinda bad when I saw how stressed he was about it, and now my mom is going to have to pay a stylist to color correct it, which I know is going to be a minimum of $200.
AITJ for laughing?”
22. AITJ For Excluding My Stepbrother From Our Brothers' Trip?
“I (28M), my brother (26), and our half-brother (20) used to go on an annual trip with our dad.
Since my dad had a serious health complication 3 years ago, it turned into a brothers’ trip. We used to invite SB years ago but he never wanted to go.
My stepbrother (28) is our youngest brother’s half-brother. We do not get along at all. Our dad married his mom when I was 8. My mother had been dead for 6 years by then.
But his parents have been divorced for 4 years.
His dad was very wealthy and determined to drive a wedge between us. There was also a good dose of parental alienation, but since mom (stepmom) and dad couldn’t afford to fight him in court, they did their best to keep the peace.
He refused to be respectful towards my dad, rubbed his expensive toys in our faces (which now seems not a big deal, but then was very hurtful)… etc.
I guess the point where we completely wrote him off was when we were 16, he had a car and never allowed us in it. It was raining heavily and he refused to drive us to school. Then he drove by us while we were walking and kept insulting Dad.
For our youngest brother, SB hated him the moment he was born and used to bully him if we didn’t keep an eye on him.
There was an incident that ended with the youngest needing medical help. And he hated his older brother since then.
A couple of years ago SB came out as gay, his father disowned him. Mom and Dad did the decent thing and supported him, we also said that we accepted him but that was that.
Last week we went on our trip as usual, then last Sunday we were having a family dinner and SB was there. We showed our parents the photos we took and shared some stories. SB excused himself halfway through but we thought nothing of it.
Later Mom told us that he broke down in the kitchen, saying that he felt excluded and wished we had invited him.
I just hummed, but the youngest told Mom point blank that it was a trip for us brothers, he didn’t qualify. She didn’t insist or anything but she seemed down.
Now I am feeling a bit guilty. AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepdaughter To My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“I (f 39) have been married to John (m 41) for nearly 15 years. John has a daughter Sam (17) from his previous relationship and we also have a daughter together Jen (14, soon to be 15).
Sam and Jen look completely different, but both of them are stunning. Sam is what you would describe as a classic influencer model while Jen is taking after me and is more of a Latina body type (will be important later).
Sam has been living with us for the past 10 years and we get along well.
Her mother decided to leave the country and hasn’t been in contact with any of us for the past 4 years, so John and I had to help Sam adapt.
Jen is having a birthday soon and has asked if it will be okay not to invite Sam. As both of them go to the same school, Sam is one of the popular girls and Jen is going through puberty so she has been worried about her looks.
She wanted to invite some boys from her class to her birthday but she didn’t want Sam to be the center of attention. So I said if she doesn’t want to invite Sam she doesn’t have to since we all are going to have a birthday family dinner anyway and since Sam didn’t invite Jen to her pool birthday party.
(Sam had our house for the day for this when me and John took Jen out so she could enjoy herself too, as a lot of guests were older we thought it was logical for Sam not to want Jen there since Jen is younger. They have also been celebrating their birthdays separately since their early teens, with the birthday family meal where we would all celebrate as a family.
We also thought it would make sense to allow Sam to have her own party due to all the restrictions over the past few years).
Jen and I have spoken to Sam and she was perfectly okay with this, she said she didn’t exactly want to spend time with 15-year-old boys anyway and had plans for that day with her significant other.
When I told my husband about this arrangement yesterday he wasn’t happy. He said they are sisters and he doesn’t think Jen should celebrate without Sam. I have reminded him about Jen having some worries about her looks and that she wants attention on her, which will not happen if Sam is there since she is the popular school girl.
I have also reminded him that Sam had her own party and didn’t have to invite Jen. John said that I was choosing sides here and clearly showing preference over the kids and called me a jerk for doing so.
AITJ?”
20. WIBTJ If I File A Complaint Against A Member Of The Commission Who Lowered My Grade Because Of My Sandals?
“At the beginning of 2020, I (F 23) had one of my toes dislocated or broken (I’m not really sure – at the time access to doctors in my area was severely restricted unless it was an emergency so I let it go and cured it by myself). It healed a bit – the toe is somewhat crooked and hurts during weather changes.
I am also no longer able to wear some kinds of high heels and official shoes for prolonged periods of time without being in pain. It is worse during extremely hot and cold temperatures. Right now there’s a heat wave in my country so I mostly stick to wearing sandals.
Last week I had my thesis defense.
Of course, the occasion required formal attire. I made sure to be top-notch dressed when it comes to shirts and skirts. However, as it was an extremely warm day (38°C, which means 100°F) and given that I had to travel for two hours to get to my university, I decided to wear sandals instead of formal shoes.
They were elegant and new ones, not sporty or worn off, so I thought it would be alright.
I admit, I could take formal shoes with me in the bag and put them on only for an exam. I simply didn’t think about that. I was extremely stressed out given the upcoming defense, half-boiled from heat, and wasn’t thinking fully straight.
During the whole thesis defense, one member of the commission (M 60-70) kept making remarks about my ‘informal’ attire (it was 100% formal except for the shoes) and looking at my feet which made me uncomfortable. Additionally, the man was the head of the commission, so when it came to grading his voice was the most important.
Eventually, even though I was able to answer all the questions, he lowered my grade from 5 to 4.5 (5 is the best grade in my country and 3 is the lowest with which you pass) because ‘I didn’t take the exam seriously by not dressing formally’.
I tried to explain to him that I didn’t have dress shoes or high heels on due to medical reasons but he wasn’t listening and basically told me that I was making excuses.
I don’t know if it’s important but two other members wanted to grade me with 5.
I have read the university regulations and there are no specific requirements regarding the dress code for the exams, except that it should be adequate and formal.
I want to make a complaint to a dean about having my grade lowered because of my attire.
I think that was unprofessional, especially as my thesis was perfect and I was able to answer all questions. But when I talked about that with my significant other and parents, they said that I should suck it up as 4.5 is a great note too and my complaint may damage the professor’s career and that I’d be a jerk if I complain.
It isn’t about the grade, I’m aware it’s alright. It’s about the fact that I think lowering my grade was unfounded.
WIBTJ if I make a complaint after all?”
19. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Agreeing To Take Custody Of His Other Daughter?
“My husband was previously married. He and his wife both had affairs during the marriage, though he openly admits to doing so more than her. They had some fundamental compatibility issues for sure. They ended the marriage when their daughter ‘Julie’ was 9. He and I met a year later. Julie is now 16, and our kids together are 5 and 3.
A few days ago, he told me he had something to tell me. He tells me that an affair partner of his recently tracked him down and told him he was the father to her now 10-year-old ‘Olivia. ‘ Who was of course conceived during his first marriage.
He had gone on a ‘work trip’ out of town that was actually to see his former affair partner, get a DNA test, and meet her.
He tells me that when he got there, it was immediately clear that the affair partner was really struggling mental health-wise, and she sprung it on him that she wanted him to take primary custody which he had on the spot agreed to do because ‘what else was he supposed to say.’
I was MAD.
We’re supposed to be a team and he should NEVER have agreed without talking to me. And while intellectually I knew he had affairs during his first marriage, seeing the proof is very different. I am already juggling 2 toddlers with a stepdaughter who doesn’t even want to be here most of the time because… teenagers.
I don’t need another angsty stepdaughter whom I’m the primary care provider for (I work part-time from home, he works full-time outside the house so I’m with all of the kids way more than him). He’s convinced Olivia and Julie (who does not know yet) will get along great. He asked if I was really going to bar my stepdaughter from our house and I said I didn’t even know I had another stepdaughter until today, how is that fair?
He said we didn’t have a choice and the outcome would be the same either way. I was so angry that I had to leave the house and go to my sister’s where I am now. He’s begging me to come back because Julie gets here tomorrow and he wants us to be a united front, he needs to tell her as soon as possible before she finds out on her own via other means.
But my sister said I just needed to ‘roll with it’ and Olivia’s existence had nothing to do with my relationship and wasn’t Olivia’s fault anyway. And while Julie hasn’t yet been told, Julie’s mom (his ex) has and her reaction was very low-key immediately fine with it because it’s not like she didn’t know he had an affair.”
18. AITJ For Hating My Brother And Wanting To Cut Him Off?
“My brother (20m) and I (17f) have always had a very complicated relationship. He always openly talks about how much he is disgusted by me, how much he hates me, and how much of a failure I am. And I don’t mean in the quirky way siblings usually do, I’d be lying in bed being on my phone and he would enter my room screaming at me that he wants me to die because of how lazy I am.
Our father died when I was 11 years old and my brother is clearly my mom’s favorite because she feels more protective over him for some reason. Also, he suffers from BPD, which doesn’t really help the situation. Every time I came back home from school he would tell me to go to my room and close the door so he wouldn’t hear a sound from me.
And if I refuse or talk back, he threatens me.
I’ve never hated a person in my life as much as I hate him. He’s the main reason for my anxiety and PTSD.
One day, I told my mom in private that I didn’t want anything to do with him once I left the house.
She yelled at me saying that I was betraying her and that I hate my family. The only ones who know about this are my grandparents. Whenever they defend me to my mom she immediately defends him saying I’m annoying him on purpose. I understand he is sick but he refuses to take the med the psychiatrist gave him.
I cannot imagine living a life with him still being in it. I can’t imagine introducing him to my future husband, and my future children. He doesn’t deserve to get this respect from me after treating me like crap throughout my whole teen years. I’m usually a forgiving person but he apologized many times yet still continues this pattern of behavior.
Also, I have to mention that I do love my mother and my entire family more than anything in the world. I understand that she is very toxic but she’s not a healthy woman, she isn’t in the clearest state of mind either and she does need me in her life. I love the rest of my family very much and I know that if I give up on my mom, I give up on them.
AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Telling My Sister About What Our Father Said About Her Significant Other?
“My (20F) sister (20F) has been going out with this really sweet guy for over half a year now. He’s coming over soon for dinner with the family and my father has never really spoken about how he feels about him.
A few days ago, I asked him what he thought about said guy. He went on about how their relationship wasn’t serious and that my older sister was just dipping her toes into the relationship. Confused, I asked him to elaborate and he replied that when he was the guy’s age, he wasn’t looking for anything serious, that if he met our mom at that time they wouldn’t be together today.
That the guy has every opportunity to have an affair. How my sister could find someone else who makes more money than he does.
I’m shocked at what he says. My sister is very happy with this guy, they’ve known each other for years before going out. My father proceeded to tell me not to tell my older sister what he said but it was like a heavyweight was just now put on my shoulders.
I told my sister about two days later and she got MAD. She’s the type of woman who wants things said to her face about her life instead of my dad being all hush-hush about it.
A day or two went by after this and this time my dad got me and my two little sisters together to talk about her relationship again.
I told him that I thought he just wanted us to be happy with our partners since he’d preached about it before. He shook his head and said that he wanted my sister to find a guy who makes money. Then started to go off on tangents about the possibility of her significant other not contributing in the future.
Once again, he said not to say anything to my older sister but I did anyway because the guilt of knowing all this was eating me alive. My sister thanked me for telling her and told me if I didn’t say anything, no one would have. She’s confronting my father tonight and I have no idea if I just ruined their relationship.
I feel sick to my stomach.”
16. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law She Won't Be Allowed To Take Care Of My Baby?
“When my husband (34M) and I (31F) announced our pregnancy in 2020 his very close-knit family was divided.
Some were excited to meet our new boy or girl and welcome a new member into the family. However, others weren’t pleased at ALL with the idea of me having my husband’s child, one of them being my MIL.
Over the course of the pregnancy, MIL became increasingly controlling over my life by telling me what to eat, say, do, and wear, and even going to the extent of giving me a curfew.
She then used the excuse ‘I’m just trying to do what’s best for my future grandchild. ‘ Of course, I didn’t obey these rules all of the time but my husband always said ‘She’s just trying to help.’
After our beautiful baby boy was born in February last year things only got worse. MIL constantly made remarks like ‘The baby doesn’t look like my son at all’ or ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if she had an affair.’ and called me an unfit mother.
MIL began visiting our house almost daily to supervise us and make sure we didn’t do anything she didn’t agree with. She went as far as to demand we give her a spare key so she could come and go as she chooses and even got mad because apparently I wasn’t breastfeeding correctly and tried to get my son latched on properly when he already was.
When this happened I flipped out on her and told her to leave which caused a huge argument between us. I ended up telling her she was crossing boundaries and would never be allowed to take care of my child if she kept behaving this way. She was enraged by this and stormed out of our house and has had little to no contact with us since along with other members of the family.
This was 7 months ago and I’ve felt awful about it since. My husband said I went too far with what I said and it wasn’t fair that I say things like that without discussing them with him first. I have tried reaching out to MIL numerous times to try to talk things out, but each time I get either no response or something nonchalant like ‘You made it clear you don’t want me in your child’s life.
I have no reason to speak to you. ‘ I feel terrible because I don’t want my husband to lose another parent and my son a grandma. While I feel like my reaction was justified and what I said was reasonable I still want to give MIL a second chance. Especially after my son’s 1st birthday and a large portion of my husband’s family refused to show up.
I want to make amends but I feel like if I do then MIL may cross the line again and I don’t know if I said the right thing. AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Keep Her Mouth Shut About Her Sister And My Sister's Relationship?
“My wife has known about my twin sister’s sexuality since we met. We’ve been married for 5 years.
About a year ago, my sister confided in me about the feelings she had for my wife’s sister. She thought nothing would come of it since no one knew anything about Jennifer’s sexuality, plus my sister felt weird about it being her SIL. Regardless, I told her she should go for it since I had noticed them subtly flirting with each other.
As things quickly transpired, it turned out Jennifer was in the closet but had mutual feelings for my sister. Their relationship for months was kept well hidden from everyone, but the entire family noticed how happy Jennifer had become. Finally, they were both ready to get things out. My wife, our sisters, and I met for dinner one night.
My wife was in shock, having just learned her sister was also gay. She was silent most of the dinner, as we left she spoke her mind in the parking lot as she said, ‘This is some disgusting redneck crap I won’t support, or even acknowledge your relationship.’
My wife was disappointed in me that I had known for months, but never told her.
It wasn’t my place to tell and I honored my sister’s request to keep it hidden until they were ready. I came in from work the next evening after dinner, my wife was on the phone with her father. He said, ‘If you would have listened to me and not married him, his sister wouldn’t have made my daughter gay.
‘ He’s always hated me and that only angered my wife. My MIL on the other hand was very happy for Jennifer and my sister.
A week went by and there was really no mention of their relationship. I had to stay late at work one night, I received a frantic call from my sister. My wife and her father showed up at Jennifer’s house to talk some sense into her head.
My sister was there and things turned nasty with their father. I left work because I could tell over the phone with the screaming in the background how things were heading. By the time I got to the house, their father was already gone, he’s a coward. I pulled my wife out of the house and made her go home.
Our sisters were upset, crying, and feeling horrible about things. I went home and had it out with my wife. I told her it’s not her place to dictate what her sister does with her life. I furthermore told her if she couldn’t keep her mouth shut about their relationship, then she needed to stay out of her sister’s life completely.
She accused me of trying to divide the family along with my sister. Also told me it wasn’t my place to tell her to stay out of their life. But honestly, it’s not her place to pick and choose who her sister loves.
My wife is not homophobic, she always supported my sister’s sexuality. I’ve tried getting her to see the good in their relationship.
I want nothing more than my sister to be happy after the trashy life we had growing up. But my wife is seriously acting like they’re cousins or something. I don’t see the issue or feel my wife’s embarrassment over their relationship.”
14. AITJ For Threatening To Call My Ex's Family And Friends If He Doesn't Pay Me?
“My (22M) ex (27M) is an up-and-coming engineer and is now taking on multiple projects.
One of his projects lacked financial support and asked me if I could cover it and that he’d pay me within Monday of the following week. Because I love him and I supported him the whole time we were together, I decided to lend it to him. Before meeting my ex he had a history of borrowing funds from someone and when he had a hard time paying it back he and his family were basically harassed.
Throughout our whole relationship, he has mentioned how that experience has traumatized him.
Fast forward to today, it has been a few months now since I lent him that money and I’ve been constantly bugging him to pay it back because I am now in financial trouble (he knows this) and he keeps saying that he will within the day but never pushes through.
I found out a few days ago that he never had the money to pay me back to begin with and I am now desperate as I’ve been borrowing some funds from relatives instead of using my own (which I have no access to because he still has not paid me back).
I literally reached the point of begging and crying for it and it has also reached the point of me verbally abusing him, cussing out, and calling him irresponsible.
He keeps saying that he finally has the money to pay me back but will reason out as to why he can’t give it to me yet. And finally, that was the last straw and I told him that if he didn’t pay me back today or tomorrow I would have to call on his family and friends and inform them of what he’s been doing to me which triggered his trauma.
I never planned on doing so but I was so desperate to make him pay me back that I threatened him with pushing through with it. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor To The City For Keeping A Huge Pile Of Branches?
“A couple of months ago my neighbor had a large tree removed from his property. I don’t know if it was diseased or dying, but it was a big tree. Like, 40-50 ft big. The company that removed the tree also disposed of all the big logs that they cut up.
However, they did not remove the smaller limbs and branches. Instead, they piled them up in a big heap right next to the fence separating our properties.
The pile is huge and it’s a big eyesore whenever I look at it. I’ve talked to my neighbor about it and he said that the company was supposed to take all of that with them as well, but they didn’t and now he can’t get ahold of them.
He said they aren’t responding to his calls and emails. He said their website has also been pulled down and when he contacted the city about it, the city said that the company hadn’t applied for a new license this year. So, he thinks the company went under or closed up.
I’ve asked him what he is going to do about the brush pile and he told me it’s going to have to sit where it is until everything thaws.
We live in the Midwest and he says the pile is pretty much one frozen entity at this point and he’s not going to break his back trying to pull it apart. I’ve expressed to him how much of an eyesore it is and he just tells me ‘Yeah, I know. But what can ya do?’
Well, you could do something at least instead of literally doing nothing! I don’t want to see a huge pile of branches every time I look out my windows for the last 2 months. So, I went to the city website and did some reading about tree removal and I found a city ordinance that says it is illegal to store brush on your property at any time.
So, I reported my neighbor to the city to get the ball rolling.
A couple of weeks ago I noticed a city truck at my neighbor’s place and a worker walked around their backyard and looked around. A couple of days later a different guy came back and this time walked around with my neighbor.
They stood by the pile for a bit talking, and I saw my neighbor kick at the pile a few times with his boots and try to grab a limb to move it. They talked for a bit longer before the worker left.
Then last week I saw the wife outside with their little boy so I went to say hi.
I asked her about the brush pile and she said she didn’t know anything about it. We talked for a bit longer and then her husband pulled into the driveway. I told him that I saw him talking with the city about the brush pile and asked what they said. He said it went great and that they told him ‘I should mind my own business.’
His wife scolded him as he walked inside and apologized to me before taking their son inside. Things are beginning to thaw here, but the pile is still there and I haven’t seen them working on it at all. Now whenever the neighbor sees me he flips me off and ignores me.”
12. AITJ For Being Upset At My Mom For Not Defending Me From Her Family?
“I (f 23) very harshly told my mom (f 46) to not mention my name when she is talking to her side of the family.
I know this sounds bad, but yesterday I got super angry at my mom for talking about me to one of her sisters. For context, another one of my aunts has been bullying me ever since I was 9 and fat-shaming me all the time.
She would compare herself to me and ask me to publicly weigh myself at family gatherings to see if I really weighed what I told her I weighed. It was so bad that I developed anxiety and wanted to cry every time I had to go to her house or when I knew she was coming to mine.
I am now 23 and discovered that my weight gain was due to a health condition and I am now struggling with eating disorders and anxiety.
I have developed this bad habit of panicking when I know my aunt is coming and running to the bathroom to look ‘presentable’ and not fat and ugly. Which I did yesterday after my mom told me my aunt was dropping by.
My mom proceeded to tell one of her other sisters ‘You should see how my daughter runs to put makeup on every time her favorite aunt is coming to see us’ and I know she was saying that knowing I hate her bully sister.
I started yelling around the house and telling my mom she was the worst and that I hated her family.
And I told her to never mention my name or talk about me when she is talking to her family. Her face dropped and I could see she was hurt and she is now giving me the cold shoulder and won’t talk to me… I feel like a jerk but she has a habit of telling me I am the only one responsible for my eating disorder and my anxiety and never defended me when her sister humiliated me all the time.
I feel really bad and don’t know how to approach her about this.”
11. AITJ For Not Bringing Spare Uniforms For My Daughters?
“I (27f) have two kids with my ex (28m), both girls, ages 10 and 8. We broke up when I was pregnant with the 8-year-old, so we’ve been co-parenting for basically the whole time we’ve been parenting.
He’s definitely a good-time parent. He usually has them every other weekend and just does a lot of fun stuff. He isn’t usually great at remembering things or responsibility and I try not to put too much of it on his shoulders just because it’s easier for everyone.
He had the girls over the long weekend, and I was working on Tuesday morning, so I asked him if he wouldn’t mind keeping them until Tuesday after school.
He said that would be okay. I made sure everything was ready and packed so he wouldn’t have to do anything and they went.
They’ve been doing dance since they were toddlers, so this is also nothing new to him, and their dance studio requires a uniform once they leave the preschool programs. I packed their uniforms in their dance bags.
On Monday, they had a playdate with their cousins and ‘played’ with their dance bags, which resulted in them ‘losing’ their uniforms at their dad’s house, so they weren’t ready to go when I went to pick them up on Tuesday. We live in Brooklyn and their dance studio is also here, and their dad lives in Midtown, which may as well be a long-distance relationship, and I didn’t have time to go back to our place to get their spare uniforms (the doors are locked five minutes after class starts), so they had to miss class.
The 10-year-old texted her dad and told him, and now he’s treating me like I’m the biggest jerk for not bringing spare uniforms with me just in case, and she’s treating me like I’m a jerk for making her miss it and get reprimanded at the next class. I FEEL like a jerk because I should have known that Dad would not be responsible with the important uniforms and that I could have prepared better for this situation.
So, what does the internet think: AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give Back My Ex's Paid Child Support?
“My ex and I have two toddlers, aged two and three. We have been separated since before our 2-year-old was born. He didn’t start paying child support until later, because he was unemployed. Then he got unemployed again, so his back child support has added up. I think he mentioned it was around 1300. And he currently now pays roughly $300 a month.
He texted me saying he was freaking out because he said he believed I would be getting all of his tax return, due to his back child support. And he’s asking for me to give it back. He later said his tax return was $1,200, and he says I will be getting almost $700 of it, I’m not too sure, as I have not received anything yet.
For some background, I’m attempting to remain objective, he sees the kids one night every 2-4 weeks, sometimes longer. I attempt to have him see them more, but there are always reasons he says he can’t, or he’ll sleep through the drop-off, or something will come up.
Just yesterday he was going to meet us at McDonalds to see them, but he never got back to me and ended up sleeping until 8:30 pm.
He says he is struggling. He says he’s maxed out two credit cards, and has said multiple times that he wants to hurt himself because of me and this situation.
He also argues that because I get a child tax credit, it isn’t fair.
I feel like I could be the jerk, because yes I am going to be getting the tax credit, and he has talked about how much of a hard time he is having…
I just don’t know. I really don’t want to give it to him. I’ve been struggling too, and I spent the better part of a year and a half solely supporting them, scraping by, because he wasn’t working. Even when he was getting the $600-a-week unemployment, I asked the courts to lower my child support payment because he said he needed the money.
He was making more than I was, and living with his partner, and I still opted to take hundreds off his child support payment, under the agreement he would be more involved with the kids (he hasn’t been).
Sorry, I rambled a lot more than I intended to. I’m just so conflicted, and I am scared to say no because he is already threatening himself and has said really awful things to me (wishing I was dead, etc.).
So even if I’m NTJ, how in the world do I tell him I would rather not send him all the money back, without retaliation?”
9. AITJ For Telling My Children That Santa, The Easter Bunny, And Tooth Fairy Are Not Real?
“I’ve been separated from my ex-wife for 2 years now and co-parenting was going amazing! She’s big on religion though, I’m not.
I don’t really believe in that stuff and I figure my children can make their own minds up on the topic. They have parents on both sides of it. This is where things get a little messy.
My oldest son just came out. I don’t care that he’s 7 if you know, you know and I’m glad he doesn’t have to spend half of his life fighting against himself.
It makes me happy to think he was able to just come out and say it without fear. The only problem is, my ex-wife doesn’t like it. Along with telling him he’s too young to know that for sure and that God doesn’t like it she also told him that God was the boss of the Easter Bunny the Toothfairy and Santa and that God doesn’t reward little boys who like to sin, so if he wanted his chocolate, presents and tooth money he should tell God he’s sorry, and admit that he’s not gay.
I was furious when he told me that he didn’t want to play with My Little Ponies anymore because he’s not gay anymore because he wants Christmas this year. After a long conversation with both of my children, I told them that Santa, Easter Bunny, and Toothfairy aren’t real and that God isn’t the boss of them, I told them that we buy the chocolate presents and leave the money for them.
(They were extremely upset to know their teeth don’t go to Fairy Island)
My ex-wife was outraged when she found out and told me I basically ruined their childhoods and it should be up to both of us when to tell them, not just me, I told her I didn’t appreciate her weaponizing those characters and those special days against our son.
She told me our son was saying God isn’t real either, that I’m a jerk for putting these thoughts in his head (I said nothing about God), and that she was extremely disappointed in me as a father right now. I won’t lie, those words cut deep. Even my partner says it was a bit of a jerk move to tell the kids they weren’t real and I could have addressed it in another way.
So, AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Insisting My Luggage Goes Into Where It's Intended To Be?
“I don’t know if this is a universal thing, but in my country, you need to pay to check bags when flying.
This does not include, of course, carry-ons and things like baby carts.
You can usually pay extra to sit in the first five rows of an airplane (though some people who are priority can sit there for free). This extra fee doesn’t include only your seat, it also includes a few perks: boarding first (just after priority) and guaranteed overhead space for your carry-on on the top of your seat (and, consequentially, leaving the airplane first because of that).
That’s important because those are the main reasons I pay the extra fee. Those are detailed when you buy the ticket.
So today I was boarding a plane back home with my (small) carry-on when I opened the overhead bin of row 1 (where I was sitting) and it was packed full, though there were not that many people in the airplane and even in the first 5 rows.
I then looked into row 2 and it was full. The first space open was in row 8, which meant that when the plane arrived, I would probably have to wait for the whole airplane to leave before getting my bags.
I called the attendant and explained my situation. She then tried to find out why it was so packed.
It turns out there were two families with babies (parents plus babies) that had around 7 items each in the overhead bin. Luggage plus a big backpack for each parent, luggage plus a big backpack for each baby, and then the baby’s cart – which is commonly checked at the airplane, at no cost, and delivered first (they are usually lined just outside the airplane when people start leaving).
The backpacks were too big to fit under the seat. Plus, the babies, with all due respect, don’t have a proper seat and therefore are not allowed luggage. So they had 6 extra volumes then they were allowed, thus crowding the overhead.
The flight attendant then said, ‘There was nothing she could do’. I do understand and sympathize with the parents, but I said to her that I wanted a refund for not having the perks I paid for.
She said that was not possible. I said ‘Fine, then make sure my luggage is on row 1, where it is supposed to be’. The only way to achieve that was by checking something of the parents, which ended up being the baby carts (another woman in row 1 was in the same situation and also demanded space for her carry-on).
Parents got mad and called us jerks, and told us that we did not understand what having babies was like. I did not engage.
When the plane landed, I was the first to leave the plane and the baby carts were already outside waiting for the parents (they cannot even open inside the airplane, so it had no clear advantage to have them in the bins to begin with).
I’m usually more of a pushover and after getting home I felt bad for the situation. I know I was technically in my rights, but that does not mean I was not the jerk. In my mind, the jerk is the airline for not better organizing everything and accommodating parents, but I could have, for once, just waited a bit.
AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Revealing To My Half-Brother That His Mom Had An Affair?
“My (23F) parents separated when I was only five. My dad had an affair and left her for another woman, leaving my younger brother, Josh (21M), and me with our mom. He abandoned us, only returning when our grandma informed him we were calling another man ‘Dad.’
When Dad reentered our lives, he introduced us to his new family: two stepsisters from different fathers and my half-brother Tom (17M) whom he had with his current wife. Although we spent every weekend together initially, visits became less frequent over time because of Dad’s work.
Years later, things fell apart between him and his new wife after discovering she was having an affair.
Now living separately and sharing custody of Tom with his ex-wife Maria, my father eventually bought a house just minutes away from them. I always assumed it was because of his deep attachment to Tom.
Recently, Dad hosted more gatherings, inviting Maria as well as Richard, the man she had an affair with—who also happens to be a drinking addict with three daughters.
Despite feeling uncomfortable, I kept my feelings to myself until last week’s birthday celebration for my grandma.
With Maria and Richard once again in attendance, I decided to speak up about their presence at our family events and how Richard makes both me and my partner uncomfortable with his inappropriate interactions (touches and greets me and my partner weirdly and touchy – hands too close to the waist).
I’ve been wanting to bring this up to my dad for the past year but he’s always intoxicated or finds an excuse to avoid convo so at the end of the night I decided to tell my dad that I respect she’s the mother of Tom and will be in his life until the end but I would appreciate it he didn’t invite her to OUR family events AND her new partner who gives me the creeps.
He took it very wrong, started yelling at me, and caused a scene at my grandma’s party, Josh saw how he was speaking to me and told him to calm down, he got aggressive and I started yelling ‘Why would you want this awful woman and the man she had an affair with at OUR family events.
‘ My dad was furious when I name-called her and stated Tom was behind. I had no idea he didn’t know his mom had an affair and left our dad for Richard and when I called his mom an awful woman he was crying.
To clarify: This was AFTER the cake was cut and the guests had left, I wanted my grandparents there as witnesses since my dad had been drinking so it was only my 2 brothers, grandparents, and partner present.
He has every right to invite anyone to his place I get that, but he invites them to events hosted by MY family (aunt, uncle, grandmas) in the past without even asking and shocking everyone with their presence.
AITJ for calling his ex-wife an ‘awful woman’ in front of Tom and expressing my discomfort?”
6. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Mom For Moving My Wardrobe?
“I always thought my relationship with my mother was healthy but as I got older I started to realize that she can be very manipulative and gaslights me a lot.
For example, she might do something that would upset me. When we try to talk it out, she says stuff like ‘I am old and it’s hard for me to change.
You have to be the bigger person and forgive me’ ‘How can you get mad at me? I’m your mother. And I am old. You are young and full of energy. You shouldn’t be yelling at me’ (she says I am yelling but most of the time I am not yelling) and because I am too lazy to stay mad and I loved her so much I always forgave her.
Another thing about her is that she doesn’t listen to me. When I tell her to stop doing something because it upsets me, she says ‘Ok’ but does it again the following week. I tell her to stop again, she says okay just for her to do it again next week. She repeats this until I am full-on yelling and screaming asking her why won’t she stop.
Then like I said before she will act like she is the victim and start crying. So I ended up apologizing. I thought this was something I just had to deal with.
But I think my love for her died last week.
I was visiting my friends in Europe for 2 weeks and during the trip, my mom was staying at my place because she wanted to see a couple of doctors near my house.
(She lives a couple of hours away)
When I came home, the wardrobe near my entrance was gone. It was in my bedroom. Before I left, she tried to move it twice and both times I firmly said don’t do it. She had already left my place by then so I asked her why the heck she moved it when I said don’t.
Her answer was ‘Oh I knew you would be mad but it was in the way’. That’s when I realized my mother doesn’t respect me. She knew I wouldn’t appreciate the action but she did it anyway. All this time, I thought my mother was too stupid to remember what upsets me and that’s why she kept repeating the unwanted actions.
Turned out she just flat-out doesn’t care. And she can do this because I always forgive her no matter what she does. (I didn’t write here but she has done some messed up things before) I hung up the phone because I was beyond angry.
She called me today asking me if I was still mad at her and that I should get over it by now.
I told her that it was not the fact she moved my wardrobe but the fact she didn’t respect me as a person and didn’t care about my feelings at all. She of course reminded me that I am yelling at an old lady and I should be nicer. So I reminded her that she used to yell and beat me when I was little until she was tired and her anger went away and that is a lot worse.
Because she was yelling at a kid who didn’t know better. She gave me a half-meant apology like ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. Forgive me now ok? ‘ Then tried to gaslight me by saying ‘I can’t believe you are saying this to me right now’ so I told her I did not want to hear her fake apology and she didn’t deserve my forgiveness and hung up the phone.
AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Sick Mother To Move In With Us?
“I am a mother of 4 children aged from 10 to 16 and I work in marketing.
Our house is pretty decent in size each 2 of the 4 kids share a room, then my husband and me a bedroom. So in total, we have 3 sleeping rooms and no extras for sleeping. My husband’s mother has been sick for quite a while and she needs to be taken care of 24/7 that’s why my husband got her a personal nurse and caretaker.
Recently my husband has been tired of paying the nurse and his mother’s rent so he suggested she move in with us so he wouldn’t pay her rent and only pay for the nurse. As I said our house is already packed with the 6 of us so bringing his mother AND the nurse would be 8, our house can’t handle that and we do not have enough rooms.
Also, his mother cannot sit down she always has to lie in bed and we don’t have any possible extra bed or space to put a new bed in, my husband suggested that she stay in my youngest kid’s room that only has 2 beds so my kids (10 and 12) would sleep on one bed while his mother takes the other one and I straight up refused and told him I won’t disturb my kids’ comfort like that and we still won’t have a place for the nurse.
He told me to stay at home and quit my job so he could cut off the nurse and I take care of his mother. I told him how about he take care of his mother and quit his job to stay at home and he said no.
She hasn’t moved in yet, I won’t allow it, the house already feels small for us 6.
Also, I have 3 more brothers-in-law (one of them lives alone and isn’t married) so my husband is not her only child yet he is the one who pays for the nurse and the rent alone. I asked him to tell his brothers to help but he refused as his ‘pride’ didn’t allow him to ask them for help but he was completely fine with asking me to quit my job so he wouldn’t pay for a nurse and to ask me to pack the house more because he can’t pay her rent.
This had been going on for so long and he called me heartless for refusing her to move in. I told him she could move in if we got ourselves a bigger house then he proceeded to call me ungrateful for what I had. I don’t have a problem with her personally but I don’t wanna suffocate at home and don’t want to shove 2 of my kids in one bed nor do I wanna quit my job.
AITJ?
Edit:
When I married my husband we were all good and nothing made our household shake. Until 4 years ago FIL died and my husband changed 180° and started being the miserable jerk he is. I was handling it at first considering that that’s his father who died but it has been 4 years.
I’ve been preparing to divorce him for a year now and was going to buy a house then thankfully my late uncle left me a house that I inherited so I was able to save the money I was going to spend on a new house.
The house was finalized under my name 4 months ago. My husband is aware of this and he knows that we are going to leave in the next 6 months so he is trying to do anything to hinder us or make the remaining months miserable just like having to quit my job and stay moneyless for 6 months and probably not finding a new job.
He didn’t tell me that’s his intention but I am aware of how he thinks when he has the expenses to cover the house with me 50/50 and pay his mother’s rent. What’s his problem then? He wouldn’t be able to save the largest sum of money.
Why didn’t I already leave? School started and leaving would mean they will all repeat their academic year.
I talked to them and made them know we can move now but made them aware of the outcome. They agreed to stay.
Why did I wait 4 years? I was saving up and preparing my things. I know 4 years is a long time but I couldn’t risk taking up 4 children when I don’t have enough money for a house or educational tuition.
Can he move his mother without my agreement? He knows if he did I’ll stop paying anything in the house. We spend 3k every month, we split it and he pays 500 for his mother’s rent and nurse. So in total, he spends 2K on half the house and his mother. If he did anything without my agreement he’ll pay 3K alone + the nurse obviously.
He told his mum I’ll take care of her even though I never agreed and she sent me a message thanking me which I didn’t answer. He lied to her so he would guilt trip me. He also contacted my siblings and my friends to tell them I am a heartless woman and that one day my kids will leave me too like I left my MIL (news flash she has 4 kids I am not one of them).”
4. AITJ For Telling My Cousin That I Will Not Be Eating At Her Wedding?
“I have been in many weddings (total is 29) as a bridesmaid where one of my duties was to keep up with/assist the bride in keeping a count of guests’ food allergies or if a couple was attending but didn’t want a plate for their safety food allergy wise.
Now, I am anaphylactic allergic to dairy which the bride, my cousin, knows about and knows that I had a reaction from cross contamination 2 months ago and a few more over the last 5 years (just thought I was lactose intolerant until 2018).
I am not a bridesmaid for my cousin (don’t care as she was one of my biggest bullies growing up – mainly going because of family and it is the first family event as a couple where our schedules line up). I thought that since it would be pizza served and store-bought fruit and veggie plates with ranch and yogurt and the couple’s wedding website clarified that it would be one topping pizzas with cheese I would not be considered in the food count (wasn’t even an option on the RSVP to state an allergy).
I thought I could just text the bride ‘Hey. Just want to give you a heads up for the head count on food that (SO) and I are attending but not eating. Looking forward to the big day. ‘ I thought this was okay because it has been done at other family weddings and maybe she would be happy about the money-saving part (~$50 with this caterer).
I was very wrong and my cousin called me to scream at me. She asked, ‘What is so wrong with pizza that you don’t want to eat? ‘ Since we were at a wedding just last year with the same caterer so I know that even without cheese there will be dairy, I said ‘We just think it will be safer for me if we were to not eat at the wedding but we are looking forward to celebrating their big day with them.
‘ The following 7 minutes of her going on about how good the pizza is and that I am wrong for hating on their food choices and ended with ‘You didn’t get fat without eating pizza!’
For the most part, this caterer/vendor charges by the number of people eating and not by portion/slice/pizza as he does other food items as well (think 20 pizzas for 98 being cheaper than 20 pizzas for 100 that are the exact same size and toppings).
This is the same caterer I worked with for a different wedding last year at the same venue also with pizza. My mom’s side of the family uses this caterer so much that he sent all of us who have not been married yet a listing of his prices for the next three years back in March (this gentleman is very nice and almost like a nicer family member and I connected the bride to him).
I was just taken aback and ended the call with ‘Sounds like you are having a rough day. Sorry for adding to it’ and promptly hung up. Now I am wondering a week later if I was the jerk for even telling her that the two of us won’t be eating. For my wedding in 2025, I don’t care as long as you are there.
To clarify, I was not asking for accommodation especially since the website said it would not be done or complaining. Just doing the number thing as it had been done for multiple families and nonfamily weddings. I texted her ‘Hey. Just want to give you a heads up for the head count on food that (SO) and I are attending but not eating.
Looking forward to the big day. ‘ She called me roughly 2 hours later. My allergy was not mentioned until in the phone call but it was one of those calls where that was not going to be heard.
I had never considered RSVPing no because I had never done that as a guest or bridesmaid and the southern ‘it’s family’ thing.
Since I have until 1 October to change the RSVP from yes to no, I will be talking to my significant other tonight about making other plans for the same time. We could still do a trip to the place without attending, go to my other hometown, or even do one of our bucket list trips.”
3. WIBTJ If I Tell Our Landlord That My Roommate's Husband Is Staying With Us?
“I (18F) just started my freshman year of college last week. At my university, it is not mandatory that you live on campus the first year, and I did not want to live in a dorm, so my parents helped me apartment hunt. They mostly just gave me tips or helped when asked because they wanted me to pick what I thought would be best for me since I was ultimately going to be the one paying for the rent.
I chose a place very close to campus (5-15 minute walk depending on which building you’re heading to) and with great amenities in relation to my rent payment. It’s not campus-owned, but it is exclusively marketed to students and has a questionnaire on the application for the purpose of placing you with your roommates that asks about your major, greek affiliation, clubs, etc.
Anyway, I applied, got accepted, and got a letter two weeks prior to move-in with my apartment number, bedroom number, and the name/phone # of my new roomies for a 3-bed unit. We made a group chat and started to get to know each other. Layla (19F) is a sophomore, and Mina (23F) is a college super senior.
I found out what they study, what they like, what they hate, what they’re allergic to, their ground rules, etc. Everything seemed great. Then the day I moved in I learned Mina is married. Her husband Kurt (25M) is nice, but he didn’t leave. After a couple of days, I came to learn that he lived in the apartment with Mina.
Definitely not what I was expecting and not what I signed up for. The apartment complex does not do co-ed living unless you and another person apply together for a 2-bed unit.
I ended up asking Mina offhandedly where Kurt stays just to confirm, and she said he lives with her in her room. She asked me in a joking tone if I’d be ‘hush-hush’ about it because the leasing office doesn’t know and this is the cheapest option for them with all the amenities they want until they get a house together, which they’re planning to purchase/finance in the spring when they’re sure Mina is going to graduate.
They’re also apparently trying (or will start trying) for a baby because they’re ready for a family.
I’m upset and uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do. I want to report Mina to the leasing office and get her removed, but I’m worried that even though they’re the ones breaking the rules I might just be overreacting.
I really don’t like living with a grown man I don’t know when I signed up to live with other girls, primarily in my age group. I was excited to move in with people that I wouldn’t feel weird walking around in a sports top and gym shorts, being able to go to the fridge in the middle of the night for a snack in my undergarments, and not having to lock the door every time I go in or leave my room, but I don’t feel like I can do that with Kurt here.
I’ve already caught him looking me up and down and I really don’t want it to go past that and there be drama on top of all of this. Would I be the jerk if I just reported the situation to my landlord?”
No, girl - do not take responsibility for other people's bad choices. Report those two NOW and get them out of your apartment before you get booted too for breaking the rules.
2. AITJ For Wanting To Stay In The Bigger "Haunted" Bedroom?
“My apartment had been evacuated due to issues found caused by a hurricane we had a few months back.
Basically, the whole building had to find temporary living while repairs were being done.
I am currently looking for a long-term temporary place to stay. But my options are limited.
The only one I knew who had a room was one of my cousins we will call him Jake.
Jake and his husband own a farmhouse not too far out of the town limits. So I called him to ask if he was okay with me staying there.
That is when he started acting weird.
This is some of the phone conversation:
Him: Um I don’t think you want to stay here.
Me: Why?
Him: OK I’m going to tell you something and you can’t laugh because it’s not funny.
Me: What?
Him: This place is haunted.
Me: Jake come on.
Him: I am being serious. It’s haunted. Well, actually it’s just the master bedroom.
Me: Why do you think that?
He goes on to explain that less than a week after moving in, weird things started happening in the master bedroom.
Pretty much basically haunted house stuff. Moving objects, slamming doors and cabinets, and lights turning on and off.
He also said that at night there would be someone knocking on the closet door from the inside. A loud knock. That would last for a while.
They decided they couldn’t sleep in that room anymore because of the weird stuff that went down in that room.
Jake and his husband built another bedroom in their house. On the other side of the house. And stayed in a small office they had while it was being built.
Apparently, upon moving out they started hearing the knock on the other side of the bedroom door rather than the closet in the room. At this point, they decided to permanently lock the door.
He said I was free to stay but that I had to stay in the small room as the old master room was now locked and no one was allowed inside.
Now, the thing is I don’t believe any of this ghost stuff. The office room is rather small, it is pretty much a closet.
So I asked if I could stay in the master room as I’m not afraid of the ghost.
He said no, that if I’m staying I have to stay in the small room.
I told him it was ridiculous to expect me to stay in what was pretty much a closet when he had a normal-sized room.
He said that was his offer and if I didn’t like that, I could find somewhere else to stay.
I told this story to the friend I am staying with right now and she told me that I was being a jerk, that Jake was trying to help and I was being entitled.
I personally don’t think not wanting to live in a closet for what could be weeks to months makes me a jerk.
But I’m going to leave this up to you guys.
AITJ for wanting to stay in the extra bigger room in my cousin’s house rather than the closet side room while I stay with him for a while?”
1. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Friend Wouldn't Let Me Borrow Her Dress?
“So my (25F) birthday was last weekend. To celebrate, I wanted to do a weekend trip some hours away from the city where I live, so my friends and I rented a hotel room and drove out there. There were 4 of us – me, Sarah (24F), Lauren (26F), and Jen (24F). This issue is mostly with Jen.
We had my birthday dinner on Saturday night of our trip. I take my restaurants VERY seriously (I know, stupid, but I like food and I like nice places), so a lot of planning went into the perfect place. I also wanted a place that would look good for social media (maybe this is stupid, but I love taking pictures).
We made reservations at this cute place and I was so excited.
Well, we were getting ready for my birthday dinner and I put on my new dress. It was pretty expensive since I wanted to treat myself for my birthday and I knew it would look good with the restaurant aesthetic. I had sent my friends a picture of it before we left on the trip so they could plan their outfits around that.
I know this sounds dumb, but my friends and I always send the ‘What are you wearing?’ texts to each other, so it’s normal.
The problem happens when I see Jen’s dress. Jen had packed a dress for herself that I immediately fell in love with when she pulled it out. I loved it so much that I asked her if we could switch dresses for dinner.
She said no, but I asked again because I really felt like it would be perfect for my birthday dinner.
Jen had all excuses for why I couldn’t: she didn’t like the style of the dress I had brought, she didn’t have another dress she could wear to the restaurant (it was a pretty fancy place with a dress code), and she wouldn’t fit (Jen’s a little bigger than me, but the dress I brought stretched).
My argument was: it was my birthday, and maybe I’m weird, but if the BIRTHDAY GIRL wanted to borrow something from me, I’d let them borrow it no questions asked! I don’t think it’s weird to want to look my best on my BIRTHDAY, and I feel like Jen was being selfish and not listening to me.
Sarah and Lauren didn’t get involved, but Sarah told me that I had been out of pocket.
So to compromise, I asked Jen if I could wear the dress she tried on, take some pictures, and then switch back and go to dinner. SHE STILL SAID NO, and then refused to come up with a good reason.
That really ruined my mood.
We ended up just wearing what we had brought to dinner, but I didn’t even feel like celebrating when we got there and skipped the birthday dessert because I just wanted to go back to the hotel and watch TV. My friends think I ruined my own birthday, but I disagree – I feel like they were not understanding, and Jen could have at least let me borrow it for a few minutes.
Things are weird in the friend group now, so I have to ask: AITJ?
Some edits:
- I did not throw a tantrum. I was a little quieter and refused any pictures at dinnertime, but we still chatted and ate.
- My friends and I borrow each other’s clothes all the time. Me asking Jen is not a crazy request.”
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