People Confront Their Past Actions In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"Three years ago, I bought a house with my then-romantic partner. The intent was to rent the house out (there were already tenants living there) and, maybe, move in together when we retired (we’re in our mid-50s).

We both saw it as an investment property with the potential of actually becoming our home one day.

Eventually, we drifted apart romantically, but we stayed in each other’s lives as friends. We still each have a 50% stake in the property and we don’t see the need to change anything.

We don’t know what our long-term goals for the house are, but the tenants are paying the mortgage and we turn a little profit every year, so we’re in no rush. We regularly converse on the phone or via text about mundane things like the tax bill, repairs, utilities, etc. I haven’t seen my partner face-to-face in almost a year now.

I have a new romantic interest now, and we’re probably going to get married. My new partner, however, is not cool with the arrangement regarding the house. She would like me to cut all ties with my old partner, including selling the house. She’s had a pretty consistent run of bad relationships, including two marriages and as many adult children.

In each case, her partner was unfaithful to her, and she endured it for as long as she could. So, the idea that there is someone else in my life who happens to be an ex-partner wigs her out considerably.

I’ve been 100% open and honest and even offered to let her read my texts to prove that it’s all business.

She doesn’t want to see them.

I’ve discussed all this at length with both partners. My old partner and I are in agreement that the house is an excellent investment and we would be throwing away a lot of money if we sold it now.

We bought it dirt cheap, and in three years, it’s already increased in value significantly. At any rate, even if I wanted to sell the house, or even my half of it, I couldn’t do anything without the approval of the other owner.

I don’t want to sell the house and leave all that money on the table. My intentions are pure (I am definitely NOT planning to be unfaithful to my new partner), but I want her to be happy, and I want a harmonious life together.

If she were on board with keeping the house, we could have love AND money. If I wind up selling the house (if that’s even possible), I don’t want to resent her for forcing my hand. AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. You can still be respectful of your current partner's insecurity while asserting a boundary of your own.

You are also allowed to have boundaries, even when they conflict with your partner's. You will not be doing your new partner any favors by enabling the insecurity in this way. It just means when it crops up again, you will be expected to acquiesce to her demands if you set this precedence. This action won't say "You're important to me. You can trust me," it will say, "I'm validating your insecurity despite it being unfounded." You are not her previous partners. She probably needs therapy to see the distinction. It's unfair to punish you and make demands due to the actions of other people. We all have baggage and we all have to make the choice for how long we want to carry it around with us and throw it at other people. She's gonna need to make that choice eventually or this baggage is going to be a carry-on for the rest of your relationship." consolelog_a11y

Another User Comments:

"NTJ...It's good that you're having this conversation BEFORE marriage. You shouldn't have to make a financial decision like this simply to calm the insecurities of your new partner. Many people maintain friendships and other connections with past partners. If your partner cannot see the financial sense of your situation, this is not a healthy relationship." RoyallyOakie

Another User Comments:

"My advice is don’t sell the house and slow down. If you sell and then marry her she is entitled to half that money in the divorce which she has 2 of. If you keep the property she isn’t entitled to anything.

In three years you went from happily in a relationship, single, in a relationship, almost engaged… what is the rush? Just be romantic partners for a while and don’t combine assets. Also, this would be a deal breaker for me. I have investments, they are mine, they are my business and retirement plans, and they are nonnegotiable. My future will not be compromised because you are insecure about someone else who hurt you." Bibliophile_w_coffee