People Hope To Put The Past Behind Them After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

Dive into this riveting collection of personal dilemmas, where everyday individuals grapple with ethical quandaries. From navigating the murky waters of family dynamics and roommate disputes to confronting societal norms and personal boundaries, these stories will leave you questioning, are these people the jerks? Brace yourself for a rollercoaster ride of emotions, as you explore the gray areas of morality and empathy in our daily lives. Will you agree with the decisions made? Or will you find yourself shaking your head in disbelief? Read on and decide for yourself. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Wanting To Walk Down The Aisle Alone Instead Of With My Stepfather?

QI

“My fiancé (26M) and I (26F) are going to be having a courthouse wedding in May 2024. When we got engaged in 2020, my parents were told we were waiting until after a global health crisis.

They said they would only attend via video call. When we spoke with my parents again and the topic of the wedding came up, my stepdad told me he would be walking me down the aisle. It was not a request. When I mentioned I wanted my mom to walk me down the aisle, he threw a fit and said he deserves to walk me down the aisle as he is my father.

I tried to explain I want my mother to walk me down the aisle because she has been there for me my whole life, but neither of them would listen and he wouldn’t budge. My mother refused to walk me down the aisle “out of respect for my (step)father”.

My relationship with my parents is complicated. They have told me they refuse to travel anymore as they are too old (mom 60s, SF 70s) they’ve come to my state twice since to visit a family friend and her children for two weeks, I only saw them for a day during those trips.

In fact, they called to let me know they will be in town to visit said friend in May for Mother’s Day and spend it with her.

When I mentioned my wedding was that week my stepfather said that it’s wonderful it falls during the time of their trip so they didn’t have to schedule another one.

They will be leaving the day after my wedding and I won’t see them until the day of. We haven’t discussed the topic of my being walked down the aisle again, I know this conversation is coming. I am not the closest to my parents due to some… personality differences.

While I love both of them, my stepfather is a bully who does not know when to stop with his “jokes”. My mother simply enabled him and to this day still excuses his behavior as “this is just how he is”.

I do not want him to walk me down the aisle.

He walked his biological daughter down the aisle at her wedding. I want my mom to walk me down the aisle; she deserves it more than he does and if she won’t then I would rather do it by myself or have my fiancé do it.

But I already know that my decision to walk the aisle by myself is going to cause another tantrum and I would be called a jerk again by them for not having my stepfather do it. My fiancé says I wouldn’t be the jerk, and that my mom deserves the honor but he would be glad to walk me if she won’t.

Logically, I know he’s right but I can’t help but feel like I would be a jerk at this point.

So, would I be the jerk if I walked down the aisle by myself instead of having my stepfather do it? How do I broach this conversation?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your wedding, your decision. Your stepfather wants to put on a show rather than follow your wishes on your day. He isn’t entitled to make this decision unilaterally. Besides, the tradition is a bit antiquated as he isn’t “giving” you away.

You’re making an adult choice. I like you walking down the aisle by yourself or you and your fiance walking in together to get married as the 2 adults you are.” Ducky818

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Do yourself a favor– don’t have a conversation with them about this.

Write down your feelings and send it to them so there is no discussion. You don’t need to have a conversation about it where your stepfather tries to bully you again into acquiescing. There’s no need to speak to them about it. Spell it out.

“Dear Mom and Bully (or whatever his name is), I’m sorry you don’t want to respect my wishes as to my wedding and who will be walking me down the aisle. It is not a slight to you, Bully, as you know I love you, but you’ve already walked a daughter down the aisle, and I want Mom to experience this as she has been there for me for my whole life.

I understand you both do not agree, but it is what I want, and it’s my wedding, so it’s my decision. Mom, if you choose to ignore my request, then I will make other arrangements. Bully is not an option whether you choose to respect my wishes or not.

I’m sorry if you feel this is wrong, but it would be wrong for me to allow anyone else to dictate how my own wedding will happen. I hope you can both understand. Your loving daughter, OP.” Send a letter like this, and don’t look back.

Do not entertain discussions on the topic unless it’s for your mom to agree to walk you down the aisle. And not to scare you, but have a trusted friend ready to block Bully from trying to walk you down the aisle against your wishes.

Preferably someone large and intimidating.” inFinEgan

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and KlShearer
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21. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Warn Me Before Discussing Stressful Topics?

QI

“I (21M) and my partner (20F) are both university students. My partner has this habit of randomly talking about stressful topics like not getting a job or a co-op or at times about upcoming exams or deadlines that she didn’t prepare for or neglected, or sometimes just uncertainties in the future.

Now I get that she is stressed and that she would like someone to talk to but she kind of dumps it all on me. Sometimes it is right after I lie down after coming home from a long day, sometimes it’s right after I finish a big deadline or when I just want to destress.

I am not saying that she shouldn’t talk to me about things. I would very much like for her to talk to me. But I get easily stressed and upset if topics like that are dumped on me suddenly. It just has an effect on me where I start to spiral. For a while, I dreaded talking to my mother for this very reason.

So a while ago I asked her to just give me a heads up whenever she wants to talk about something like that so I can get into the right headspace. I will gladly be there for her but I just need like two minutes to prepare myself.

She said okay back then but tonight while we were walking home she brought it up again and got upset at me about it and it felt like she didn’t understand my point of view. It’s not like I am saying that I won’t be there for her.

I just said that I want a little head up so I can prepare myself for like 2 minutes and not be dumped with stress out of the blue.

So AITJ? I would like a third-party opinion.”

Another User Comments:

“Sorry, but two minutes isn’t going to do anything to help you prepare mentally?

You’re just trying to get her so uncomfortable to vent to you that she doesn’t do it. I get needing to de-stress, but this is basic couple conversation. If you are genuinely super tired after your long day of work I can get you coming home and saying, I’m just going to have a shower for 15 minutes, so you know you will be alone and can decompress then, or you can decompress in your car for like 20 minutes in the driveway, then be ready.” ThinkBookkeeper8196

Another User Comments:

“I don’t think anyone is a jerk, but I think you’re being a bit fragile. This isn’t how conversations work. If you’re in a relationship with someone, then you have to expect that conversations will start and you might not like the topic.

Being a decent partner involves listening to the other person. It seems like you’re not emotionally developed enough to hold an adult conversation without directing your partner’s worries onto yourself. She’s not asking you to take on her problems, she’s asking you to listen and if you can’t manage that without needing to mentally prepare yourself then you’ve got a very long and difficult road ahead of you.” PrincessStephanieR

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Big part of a relationship is communication, not even about important topics even, but she’s coming to you (her partner whom she presumably trusts and possibly wants advice) and you deny that because of your “anxiety” which in my very blunt opinion is nonsense, and not how the world works.

You’re going to have to get over it or just be single. You being easily stressed is an issue you’re going to have to get over because buddy…. real life does not give a single solitary care about your stress. You starting to “spiral” over perceived anxiety about topics (which in my opinion aren’t even worthy of being so stressed about that you can’t even talk about them) is just immaturity and the desire to be coddled. If you need to prepare for a conversation that, to be perfectly honest, in the adult world isn’t even stressful, may God have mercy on your life child, because the real world is going to absolutely destroy you.” Boosted408W

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and KlShearer
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20. AITJ For Fighting For Guardianship Of My Sister Against Her Grandparents?

“I (20m) lived with my father and stepmother who was way younger, they got married ~10 years ago and had a kid Victoria (9f).

About a year ago my father and stepmother sadly died in a car crash, leaving me and my sister all the benefits and burdens. (Luckily they had insurance)

Everything was not as easy as it should have been – my sister at this point had no official guardian and underage kids can’t make a financial decision with inheritance meaning that we had a house, a car, a small loan, credit cards, and no legal rights to do anything with that.

At this point, I was not ready to deal with it all immediately as there was a funeral to organize with the help of our grandparents.

When we were driving back from the funeral my sister was crying and I assumed it was because of the obvious reason, but at one point she said “I don’t want to live with my grandparents” (her mother’s parents) and I was shocked by this new information!

As it turned out her grandmother was already moving on with paperwork to adopt my sister and told my sister that, which they can legally do, but I did not want to lose my sister too as my grandparents lived in another county. I also applied for guardianship of my sister and made her grandparents very mad.

(my stepmother’s parents never liked my father, me, or any relatives from this side of the family.) I was ready to lose as CPS sided with my sister’s grandparents, “Brother is just a school kid”.

Last week I received a decision from the court: “The court decides to give full parental rights to the brother because breaking up an already working family dynamic is not reasonable.

The kid in question already has a familiar routine, friends, school, and social life in their current home, and changing that has no benefits, the kid does not need another huge change in her life after such a big loss. At the time of making a decision the brother is already working in a full-time job and earning enough to provide for the small family, the plaintiff’s claim that going to trade school makes him less educated is not relevant (I was still in school when it all started and graduated last summer, I was offered a position in the company I was an intern at), the age of the brother is also not relevant as the brother is adult by law.”

I had tears in my eyes reading that, the judge did not care about any claims made against me and focused on the well-being of my sister. The judge asked my sister what she wanted and accepted that.

Of course, all that caused me to be a giant jerk to the whole family from my stepmother’s side, my phone is blowing up and they claim I did it to receive full control of the money.

(Even though like 90% of it goes to mortgage, credit cards, etc.)

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I am surprised by how human the judge was, the kid is traumatized enough already, so why cause more stress? Also, the grandparents made a jerk move and started with the paperwork behind their back, kids are not objects.

I bet they also had the argument “we raised this amount of kids, we know better.”” SympathyDependent549

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not about the grandparents, it’s about what’s best for your sister and for you. And if staying together is what both of you want, her grandparents have to accept that.

I want to commend you on taking charge and looking out for your sister’s best interest all while dealing with the loss of your parents too. You’re a really good brother and I hope you’ve got someone who looks after your wellbeing too.” VineViniVici

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for protecting your sister you wonderful brother you. Those people only wanted the money left behind but you stepped up as barely an adult yourself to keep her in a home and life she was already familiar with even though you’re suffering the same grief as her.

You’re doing such a good job. Copy-paste to each of those texters that you’re sorry that the other side of the family sees her as a cash cow but your sister is a human first with a life and that money is going to go to maintaining her life not whatever their grand plan is.

Also, you’re also their child so you should have been entitled to a portion of that money as well so the money is staying exactly where it belongs with the kids. You can bet it would be gone in a month had that side of the family gotten it and not to your sister’s needs.” AlyceAdelaide

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and BJ
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19. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Wedding After She Excluded My 17-Year-Old Daughter?

QI

“My sister is getting remarried and she wants a very small wedding with only immediate family.

Yesterday we got her wedding invitation and to my surprise, it said that the wedding is childfree and my child isn’t invited. My child is 17, going 18 soon.

By the way, my child is the only one under 18 in our family (and in the groom’s family) so she is the only one being excluded.

I called my sister and asked her if she is serious? She said I’m sorry but we have decided that we want a child-free wedding.

I told her to just say you want a “my child” free wedding and get over with it because this is exactly what you are doing. We got into an argument and she told me to stop throwing a tantrum and that my child doesn’t need to be included in everything.

I told her that we won’t be attending her wedding then and she called me a jerk for not supporting her.”

Another User Comments:

“The people defending the sister in this with the “her wedding/her rules” are so infuriating. It’s anti-social behavior, exclusionary, and just not nice.

I’m proud of you for defending your daughter OP. The people acting like she’s not a person with feelings, an entire human being because she is 17 are entirely disgusting and there’s absolutely no justification for it. I wouldn’t support my sister doing that either.

This isn’t some friend and OP’s daughter isn’t some auxiliary guest. She’s a member of the family, and the only one being excluded. You’re definitely NTJ.” itshowswhoyouare

Another User Comments:

“That’s a weird one lol. I feel like normally it would be a “their wedding, their rules” situation and I’d say grow up and get over it, BUT this is not that situation.

Your grown (pretty much) child is literally the only one being excluded. I can’t even imagine what is probably going through that 17 y/o girl’s head right now. She’s probably wondering why her family doesn’t like her. You should definitely talk to her and make sure she knows that some people are just ridiculous about their stupid wedding and that she didn’t do anything wrong.

Make sure she knows this is not her fault somehow.” __Grim_The_Reaper__

1 points - Liked by KlShearer
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helenh9653 5 days ago
NTA. You and your daughter should have your own day out, as this exclusion is just ridiculous.
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18. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At A Club When I Felt Sick?

QI

“I (21, F) studied abroad in a foreign country and I went through this organization not my school directly so nobody else but me was going from my university and I knew no one there prior to arriving to the country. Once there I met a group of girls including the girl in this story let’s name her Marie.

One night we were out clubbing and got extremely intoxicated and I quickly became very ill. I had extreme nausea and lightheadedness, and I could barely stand. I knew something was very wrong. I wanted to leave but since I came with Marie I asked her “Do you wanna go?” She said no. So I let a few minutes pass but I was getting worse and worse so I said to her again, “Hey I think we should go back” to which she just looked at me without responding.

I tried to stick it out but we were in a line for another club and I physically couldn’t do it anymore. I turned to her and said multiple times over and over, “Let’s just go. I don’t feel well” or “Come on let’s go back, I feel sick,” things along those lines.

She kept telling me no and said if I needed to go I could.

Once again we were both intoxicated and I hesitated because I didn’t know how I felt about leaving her alone but I was running out of options because at this point I was on the verge of passing out.

I turned to my friends we had met up with (I met them through Twitter years ago) & asked them to keep an eye on her & then told Marie I was gonna leave and asked ONE more time if she was sure she didn’t want to go with me and she said, again, no. So I left and when I got back I was very ill and constantly throwing up until I eventually fell asleep.

I wake up to messages in our group chat from Marie saying she’s STILL out and doesn’t know where she is and feels sick. The girls had eventually found her and taken her to the hospital by the time I woke up and read the message.

I texted her asking if she was okay but she read it with no response. Later in the day Marie sent me angry messages berating me for leaving her alone and said anything could’ve happened to her and it’s my fault. I was taken aback because at this point I had been to the hospital and was told I did indeed have booze poisoning.

So I was wonky and out of it but I felt extremely bad and apologized over and over. She then said she didn’t want to be friends anymore and I left the texts at that.

About 2 days later I went to go meet with my Twitter friends and they were appalled. They said “you had booze poisoning and you begged her to come back with you multiple times, she’s a grown woman, were you supposed to drag her by her hair by force to leave with you?

She kept telling you no and you left her with us! So she wasn’t alone. it’s not your fault. It’s selfish of her to blame you when you were literally ill and couldn’t stay out.”

So now I’m wondering was I really at fault?

I really did try to get her to come back with me but she refused so, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Mate you had booze poisoning, that’s the sort of thing that needs immediate attention. Any good friend would get you to safety ASAP if you started feeling unwell beyond ‘I’ve just had a bit too much’.

You didn’t leave her alone, people were with her, and frankly, she’s the jerk for letting you go off by yourself unwell! I hope you are able to drink more safely next time you do, I know how easy it is especially on holiday when you don’t often know what it is you’re drinking, to get wasted fast. So sorry to hear you had to go to the hospital, I hope you feel better soon and that your friend gets her head out of the region in which she stuck it.” camembert23

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you gave her the option to leave multiple times, she chose not to. You were inebriated to the point of nearly passing out but still had the sense to leave, she did not. She is an adult and those were the consequences of her choices.

Your friends agreed. Hopefully, lessons were learned.” many_hobbies_gal

Another User Comments:

“Good riddance. NTJ.  I suggest you look seriously at yourself and your patterns and behavior to figure out where and why you put other people’s needs above your own. You basically kept asking Marie for permission to leave, between places.

To me, what would have been acceptable is “hey I feel really sick. I need to leave.” It would have been totally expected for her to accompany you home to ensure you were okay (although I would have also been fine going home alone, that’s on me and something I myself am working through).

You’re NTJ but like, CLEARLY so. So please use this as a learning opportunity and start paying attention to how frequently you defer to others’ opinions. Marie is trash that took herself out. Don’t bother with her anymore.” 6am7am8am10pm

0 points (0 votes)
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helenh9653 5 days ago
NTJ. Marie was probably too jerk to remember that you asked her repeatedly to leave with you, checked multiple times that she would be OK if you left, and made sure that other friends were aware and keeping an eye on her. There was nothing more you could do, so listen to your sensible friends and stop fretting about her.
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17. AITJ For Only Taking My Dog Out Twice A Day?

QI

“I (18M) was talking to a previous coworker of mine (40-50F) about unrelated stuff when I brought up how I need to go home to take out the dog. She asked if the dog had been taken out already and I said no, she doesn’t go outside in the mornings.

She got pretty angry and told me that it is animal abuse and cruel to take a dog out that rarely.

The dog is taken out when I come home from school (2-5 pm) and at night (7-10 pm). When I come home from school, she isn’t in a hurry to go outside 90% of the time.

My dog is a 5-year-old West Siberian Laika.

When my dog was younger she did have a few occasions where she pooped inside when no one was home to take her out but most of those times it was because of diarrhea (we got it checked out and the pooping inside ended).

For more context: I didn’t want a dog. It was my mom who brought up the idea, I told her that if we get one I will not be taking care of it since I already have 3 cats to take care of. My mom is the one usually taking her out at night but she only takes her out in the mornings if it’s a vacation day or her work starts late.

I’ve been convinced that the dog being taken out only twice is alright since she seems to be happy but my ex-coworker’s comment made me a bit paranoid about it. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s the jerk. As in you AND your mom. I’m sorry your mom isn’t taking the dog out in the morning but for god’s sake, someone needs to OR let her be adopted by someone who cares.

Can you go 14 hours without using the bathroom? What is the matter with you two?” NotTheMama4208

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and so is your mom. Doggo should be going out a minimum of three times a day: before you leave in the am, when you get home from work, and before bed. Even if the dog doesn’t seem to need to go out, he should go out in the morning.

When I had my dog, there were mornings I had to do a lot of convincing to get him out of bed and outside because of how early I leave for work. I still got him out every single morning and he went to the bathroom every single morning.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like your dog is getting the attention he needs anyway. Might want to consider rehoming him.” Piaffe_zip16

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s the jerk (being you and your mom). Making a dog go 16 hours without a chance to pee or poop (which is generous of me, based on a scenario of letting her out at 10 pm and the next day at 2 pm but which might be MUCH worse if you’re letting her out at 7 pm and then not until 5 pm) is totally irresponsible and harmful and neglectful pet ownership.

Sounds like it’s more of an issue by your mom than you since you didn’t sign up for this to begin with but it is immoral to have a pet in your care – even begrudgingly – and not do the bare minimum for it.

Why is letting it out in the morning such a burden? Honestly, it can’t take more than 5-10 minutes and would make a massive difference.” owls_and_cardinals

0 points (0 votes)
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16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend's Partner To Use My Birthday Party As His Social Experiment?

QI

“My friend Katie and I have been friends for over 20 years. Katie’s partner Steve has been in the picture for about 8 years.

I have only hung out with Steve once in those 8 years and that one time was enough to last me a lifetime.

Low intelligence, says offensive things, and is too dumb to realize what he is saying is offensive or irrelevant to the conversation.

Steve does not leave his home except to go to the gas station or work. He has not gone out to a public place for over 12 years.

This seems to work for her. Everyone has different relationships and I try not to judge but I can’t wrap my head around this guy or their relationship. Not my circus, not my monkey and she seems content.

My birthday is in a few weeks.

We are going on a brewery crawl and my husband rented a party bus. We have about 20 people attending. The plan is to hit some breweries and then come back to our house. Easy stuff.

Katie has expressed to me that Steve told her he wanted to join.

She told me this would be great “practice” for him to be out in a public setting and to try and socialize with people he doesn’t know and to see how well he does out in public.

I told her maybe that would be a shock to the system for the guy since we all know each other, and he didn’t know anyone.

I suggested that he try a restaurant first or a bar since again, he has not gone out in public for 12 years.

She then broke down crying saying she will be the only one there without her significant other and how much this would mean to her and how proud she was of him to make this step in wanting to come.

Then she threw in how crazy it was that he wants to come because he hates beer. I told her again what we are doing and how bored he was going to be with everyone drinking beers for several hours. But still insisted he wanted to come, and this was the first time in their relationship he really showed interest in going out.

I told my brother about it and he was like “Ha! Well that’s the beauty about Uber, if he is too weird, I can just kindly depart somewhere else.”

That is exactly what I don’t want. Everyone is looking forward to this and I don’t want him to make people feel awkward or uncomfortable.

WIBTJ if I told her that I don’t want my event to be used as practice for his trying to socialize in public?

Again, I will reiterate… He says VERY offensive things and I don’t think will mesh well with the crowd going.

Am I being insensitive?

Help me out, internet strangers.​”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: You need to be very direct in why you do not want him there. This night is a celebration of you. Not his coming out party. There are 365 (leap year!) other nights that he can choose to come out of his shell.

If your friend is in love with someone who can make you feel this uncomfortable, I’d reconsider the friendship. You guys obviously have different morals.” lonelypizzalover

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ. Your birthday, your guest list. Your friend can ask you, no problems there, but they cannot demand you invite their partner.

Kudos to her that she wants to be proud of her partner for taking an interest in getting out more and being social, but why does it HAVE to be your big birthday event used for their social experiment? His last outing with the group was a disaster, and he hasn’t socialized or gone out in 12 years, why does she want to risk ruining your birthday?

That seems selfish to me. Like you said they could go to dinner, or wait for another social event (not tied to a significant event), or something they would at least be interested in. Why she is pushing his boundaries into an event he will obviously hate and have no interest in the activity, that doesn’t seem good for him.

So again seems like she wants this so she isn’t the odd one out, attending without her S/O there. Which again is kind of selfish of her. Don’t invite her. It’s your birthday. You have big plans and want to enjoy yourself with the people you care about and care about you.

Offer her an alternative event for him to experiment with and if that goes well, there’s always your birthday event next year.” Doktor_Seagull

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I agree with you, this is not the time for him to ‘practice’ socializing. Maybe a smaller party or like someone else mentioned a restaurant dinner.

Because if he starts making 20 other people uncomfortable with what he says and does, that’s just going to put a bummer on your night. It’s kinda like a wedding, never do anything to take the shine off the person that the day/night is intended for.

And ‘coming out’, so to speak, like that will take away the shine of celebrating your birthday. Yes, it’s hard being a ‘fifth wheel’. But they should not put you between a rock and a hard place. Not with it being your birthday. Maybe they can try that on her or his birthday.” MoetNChandon

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15. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner When The Oven Timer Beeps?

QI

“My significant other was cooking banana bread tonight. She sets the timer on the oven and asks me to tell her when it beeps while she goes back to the bedroom.

I call her when it does. She puts it in a bit longer though/puts another tray in and asks me to call her again. This happens several times. Eventually, I ask her why she can’t just set a timer on her phone (which I normally do when cooking) so this doesn’t have to be a two-man job.

She tells me no, just keep telling her when it beeps.

I go off into the study and hear it beeping again a bit later but don’t say anything. She comes out a few minutes later and throws a full-on tantrum. She tries to grab the plate of banana bread I’m already eating.

After physically fending her off I tell her she’s being ridiculous and finish it. I go back to the kitchen and she’s thrown the remainder of that tray (which she just spent like an hour cooking) in the sink, ruining it out of spite and now not talking to me again.

We have arguments like this every other week…AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Is it at all possible she enjoys drama? Because to me it looks like she was looking for a reaction and got one. On one hand, asking to be notified when a timer beeps is not such a big ask.

On the other hand, setting a timer on the phone is obviously the easier solution for everyone involved. Is this a trend?” SmamelessMe

Another User Comments:

“ESH: she should’ve put the timer on her phone, but you should’ve been willing to do her the favor of calling her.

We do annoying stuff for our partners. If this is happening every week y’all have a compatibility problem and should revisit if the partnership is even worth it.” lonelypizzalover

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You should have told her that you were no longer going to be letting her know when it beeped. You knew what you were doing by purposefully not telling her about the beeping and yes it was incredibly rude to spite her like that while eating a piece of bread she baked. You are immature.” holliday_doc_1995

0 points (0 votes)
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14. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom About My Sister's Overwhelming Study Load?

QI

“My (15f) sister (17f) is really smart which made my parents have too high expectations of her.

I’m not sure what those classes are called but the closest translation I found for them in English is AP classes, but they’re harder than that.

These are the classes she takes at school: AP physics, AP biology, AP chemistry, AP bible studies, AP history, AP computer science, AP social studies, introduction to Medicine, AP Spanish, she tested out of English and Math and is now taking college courses in Math.

The only thing she does is study, and as I’ve gotten older and started to realize what it’s doing to her I got more and more worried.

Luckily for me, I’m not as smart as her, I do fine in the normal classes but not so much in the AP ones so my parents don’t focus on me as much.

A week ago my mom was giving me one of her speeches again about how I should be more like my sister and whatnot, I had a bad couple of weeks so that lecture was not something I had the energy for. I snapped and yelled at her about how they’re ruining her life, that she’s going to burn out and end up homeless or something, I got a bit carried away and I think that my point was lost in all the yelling because my mom just got quiet and left.

I know she told my dad because he has been giving me angry looks and they had kind of tried to keep a distance between me and my sister.

I feel really bad for yelling now that I calmed down as I know that my mom has problems with yelling because of her childhood.

But I also know that my sister is going to crash and burn at some point and I just want my parents to be there for her as well when that happens.

I want to know if I’m in the wrong here because I honestly don’t know.”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t have a judgment cause there are too many facets of this, some parts YTJ some NTJ. But I wanted to tell you that it’s very mature and good sister of you to be thinking about her future feelings, not just her future success.

It’s very cool that you want her to be happy, not just rich, because lots of parents want “the best” for their kids but lose sight of the fact that being happy is part of being successful.” vanilla_gremlin

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Mostly because you haven’t gotten input from your sister.

If your sister felt overwhelmed, then you would be NTJ in my mind. But the fact that you feel entitled enough to say things like your sister is going to be homeless because she studies, seems a bit much. I think you are probably jealous of your sister.

You are probably compared to your sister quite often, and this bothers you a lot. So you are using this as an opportunity to tear down your sister, Focus on yourself unless your sister asks for help.” Practical-Big7550

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Who knew that getting a good education would make you homeless or something?

Taking AP classes and actual college credit classes makes it easier to get into college and get financial assistance like scholarships. It also makes it easier to register for classes once you’re in college because you’re ahead of your cohort – you’ve already taken some of those high-demand classes that are designed to weed students out.

How do I know? I was taking all of those classes, and I went to university, I was basically a year ahead, and was able to graduate from a 5-year Engineering program in 4 years, saving the cost of a full year of tuition. I have never been homeless.

Regardless, if you want to get into a top school, you better be ahead and have excellent grades. From your sister’s course load, those ARE the classes you need in high school if you want to get into an engineering or medical program in college.

I had three kids that took a similar course load in high school and ALL got into their university of choice, and all have excellent careers. No homelessness there, either.” Dependent-Panic8473

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13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's Fiancée To A Family Dinner?

QI

“I (25F) have been in a relationship with my partner (27M) for three years, living together for two. We come from very different parts of our country and met after individually moving to the same city.

The city we’re currently living in is sort of in between our respective hometowns. It’s a 2 hr drive to his home town and 6 hrs to mine, so it would take 8 hrs to drive from point to point.

Because of the distance, our parents have never met each other.

Since we plan on spending the rest of our lives together, we feel they at least need to be introduced.

His parents go on a yearly trip that passes the town my mom lives in, so we thought we’d arrange a dinner with them and us around when that happens next.

My parents are divorced and my dad lives about 1.5 hrs away from my mom. He has a fiancée whom he has been with for five years and I like her very much.

Since my parents are amicable with each other, I thought I’d invite him to the same dinner so everyone could meet at the same time and we wouldn’t have to plan two dinners.

Because it’s about the parents meeting, I thought I shouldn’t invite my dad’s fiancée. She’s not a parent or parental figure to me and never has been since they got together when I was an adult and living far away. I have nothing against her, she’s a lovely person and they’re a great couple.

I simply don’t feel like she has any part to play in this dinner.

When I talked to my sister, however, she said that it would be very rude of me not to invite Dad’s fiancée. That she’s family now and deserves to be treated as such.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Would you be okay if your dad invited you to events, but not your partner? I know you feel like she’s not your parent (and she isn’t), but she’s in your life for the long run. How do you want your children to see her?

Do you want her to ever babysit or spend time with your kids or watch them when you go out of town? The choices you make now will have lasting consequences. It would be very rude not to invite her.” Opening_Waltz_4285

Another User Comments:

“I’d say soft YTJ. If you don’t think it will create a hostile atmosphere with your mom and dad’s fiancée at the same dinner, you probably should invite her. Otherwise, you might create unnecessary drama that would strain your relationship with her in the future.  If you think your mom might have a problem with her being there, talk to her if she’d be okay.

If not you can then talk to your dad and his fiancée that you don’t want her to come because of your mom. But without a valid reason except she’s not a parental figure, you would be the jerk.  I’m in the same situation as you btw.

We usually include my dad’s SO of 15 years and even my mom invites her to family stuff.” Every_Criticism2012

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m not inviting my dad’s fiancee to my wedding, dinners, nothing. They met when I was an adult and whilst I like her well enough she’s not a big enough part of my life, we have never lived together and we don’t really speak on the phone.

It’s not a slight, I just put her in the category more akin to cousin than parent – family, but not close. My wedding is particularly tiny, though (literally 10 people) and my parents’ split was, by the sounds of it, more acrimonious than it was in your family, so if it’s 25 people or more I’d probably invite her.

That means no to the dinner, yes to the wedding.” IconicTayQuestion

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Candygirl 5 days ago
Even tho she's not exactly a parental figure to you, I'd venture a guess that she would be a grandparent to the children you might someday have. You say you get along well with her. As long as its not going to cause drama with your mom, then invite her too. Its not like he's been with her for 2 orv3 months, this is a long term relationship. As far as everyone knows at this point, she's going to be a part of your life for the duration. Why create any animosity over this? She's literally ONE person, it's not going to hurt anything to invite her too and could very well hurt your relationship with her and with your father by excluding her.
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12. AITJ For Taking Supplies From Home To Donate To A Feminist Group?

“So basically there is a feminist group asking for urgent food and hygiene supplies for younger girls. The problem was that they were doing the collection last weekend, and my parents won’t be home until next week.

So I had no car access (they don’t let me use Uber for security reasons). So I decided to go to my house’s pantry and grab some of the spare packaged food and spare sanitary supplies like pads, toothpaste, and toilet paper. I didn’t grab much, just a few packages of each.

Ever so little that all could fit in a grocery bag.

At night I decided to tell my parents and my mother went crazy at me, and said that “we aren’t responsible for them, it’s our money”. I would totally have understood this comment and her anger if we were in a bad economic position but my family is very well off.

To the point, they wouldn’t notice that I took away the stuff. I am thinking of just paying the stuff back so she doesn’t hold this against me. But did I do something wrong? I think my actions weren’t wrong.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. “Stole food from my house’s party for donations.” Despite the nature of the charity, you did not have permission to be generous with your parents’ money. You took from your parents’ without permission. Never be generous with other people’s money, time, or things.

Next time, ask or spend your own money. This was their decision to make with their property.” KronkLaSworda

Another User Comments:

“Wow I’m surprised at how many people think you’re the jerk. I vote NTJ because attitudes like your mom’s are insufferable to me.

“We aren’t responsible for them, it’s our money” holds such a lack of humanity and community care. If your family is well off, some pantry items that you have in abundance going to people in need aren’t going to have a noticeable impact on your supply.

You did what you could given your circumstances, and it’s probably best to pay it back to smooth things over since it sounds like you would have gone to the store if you had access to a car.” blover__

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents aren’t home for a week, so you are responsible for looking after the house?

It sounds like you did reasonable & empathetic things for girls who have less than you. It would have been better to ask permission, first, but honestly, would your mom have been so upset if a neighbor had asked for something, for example if they were sick, and couldn’t go out?

Did they leave instructions covering such situations? If not, you used your best judgment at the time, and I don’t think it is reasonable to criticize that, even if your parents don’t agree. As a parent, I’d be fine with my kids doing something like that, but even when they have done stuff I don’t agree with, going crazy is almost never the solution.

I just explain why it’s a problem & ask them not to do it again.” Linkcott18

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Candygirl 5 days ago
I can't believe that the people saying that you are the one in the wrong. ItS yOuR pArEnTs MoNeY nOt YoUrS. So what? Big f-n deal. You didn't clean out the house, you took such a small amount that it fit in one grocery bag. jerk, I'm proud of you! Empathy for others is a very good quality to have. Heck, i keep a couple of packages of feminine hygiene products in our guest bathroom just for our daughters, daughter in law and any of the nieces etc who might need them when they are here. All of them know about them, even the teenage granddaughters. My 20 something son was here a few days ago and came out of the bathroom with a small handful and asked "can I have these for my glovebox? **** was with me the other day and needed them but didn't have any" of course he could! I was honestly proud of him for not being embarrassed to ask like a lot of men are. I actually had a little zipper pouch and gave it to him and told him to get a few of each kind in there because you never know what a girl might need. He said "perfect, thanks momma"
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11. AITJ For Not Getting My Adult Daughter Her Own Suite On A Family Cruise?

QI

“I have 3 daughters 24f 15f and 16f.

We plan to go on a 7-night Alaska cruise in the summer and we booked two junior suites as my oldest wanted one. We got a good deal and got the third person for free.

Our plan was to have the girls share the suite while we take ours but my oldest is angry and expected her own suite and got mad that she’s been forced to “babysit”. I told her that sharing a room with a 15 and 16-year-old isn’t babysitting and that suites are expensive.

Getting her another suite would cost about 1600 dollars due to double occupancy rates and I feel that’s a huge waste of money and I’d rather use it for excursions.

I offered that if she wanted her own room I would book her an interior or oceanview room or a solo room if I could find one.

My oldest is mad because I’m making her choose between having a worse room or having to babysit her siblings.

My FIL is suggesting we get her a suite and that an adult should not share a room with a child.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – as she is 24 – she is old enough to rent herself a room and pay for it. I take my kids on lots of cruises. My eldest daughter and her partner are just happy to get a free trip. She has never minded sharing a room with her siblings.

If she did – I’d simply tell her – you are 26 years old – want your own room – feel free to get yourself one. We are trying to set up a family cruise this summer. And she told me (oldest) they don’t need a balcony.

It’s nice and all, but they are just excited to go (it will be my daughter’s 5th cruise and her partner’s 2nd). My kids take care of themselves on the cruise. It’s even easier now with being able to create group chats using cell phones.

Granted now they are 19 (F), 25 (M), and 26 (F) so they are all adults, but they have been cruising since my oldest was 17. Between the kids’ clubs and all the other activities – they either chose to do things together or separately. Really never had issues.

Your eldest needs to suck it up and appreciate your generosity. Have any of you cruised before? Like seriously – the only time they really would even see each other would be bedtime lol. What does the oldest think she needs to do exactly? Is she planning parties in the room??” ZealousidealShake410

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – She wants the opportunity to be without kids in her room. She is 24. I completely understand. You have given her an option for that though. If she wants the suite? Give her the opportunity to pay the difference between the lesser room (that you were graciously willing to pay for) and the suite.

Pretty simple choice on her part. Stay in the room with her sisters, stay in a lesser room by herself, or pay the cash difference herself. She’s 24, I’m surprised you’re paying for her anyway. Sure it’s a family holiday, but she has been of legal age for over half a decade.” I_Will_in_Me_Hole

Another User Comments:

“She’s complaining about the lodgings on the cruise she’s getting for free, and she’s a 24-year-old ostensible adult? And your FIL is just throwing $1600 of your money around because he feels like it? That’s wild. NTJ. As for an adult sharing a room with children, if you were telling the 24yo to share a room with a 6yo and a 5yo, I might have more sympathy.

Then it really is like babysitting, and could be awkward generally. But 16 and 15, while kids and at different points in their lives from the 24yo, aren’t little kids in need of care. Sure, it’s not ideal. In a perfect world, there would be a third suite.

But you’re also offering to spring for a single room for her, which seems not only completely reasonable but exceptionally generous.” Tabernerus

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10. AITJ For Planning To Move Out At 18 Due To My Abusive Household?

QI

“I (17f) am planning to move out as soon as I turn 18.

To provide context, I’ve been living in a mentally abusive household, to be more specific a narcissistic & neglectful dad, he refuses to provide funds for toiletries, food, etc. My stepmom is the one who currently provides those necessities but even then, that’s not much.

We lived in poverty for such a long time, that we relied on governmental assistance until we got cut off because my dad made too much money. Lately, I found out that as soon as he received his paychecks, he would send the funds to his partner or send funds for building his house in his home country.

Ever since I was 14 I had to watch my siblings (2m & 3f currently) as I was the only person in the household who had the time to watch my siblings so my stepmom and dad could go to work. I realized the toll it was taking on my mental health and the amount of “me” time I needed, I tried convincing my parents to at least give me some days where I don’t watch the kids.

They both refused. My stepmom says that it’s up to my dad and she needs to work, and my dad said that as a woman and sister, I needed to be the one to watch them and not anybody else.

He absolutely refuses to spend more funds than he should on his kids.

Even though he makes a sufficient amount of funds to afford a babysitter or even take days off of work he refuses. As I juggled with schoolwork and babysitting, my grades slipped, I fell into depression, and all of a sudden had urges to run away from my responsibilities.

Now that I was turning 18 I made a promise to myself to move out ASAP. After I contacted my bio-mom she agreed to let me stay with her but I have to wait till I turn 18.

I have a close relationship with my stepmom as we both bonded over my dad’s mental abuse, I told her that I’m planning to move out soon and she should make plans to find a way to babysit the kids.

All of a sudden she is saying that she doesn’t want to be selfish, but she doesn’t have anyone else to watch the kids, and my dad would refuse to contribute any of his time or money to the kids. Now I feel kind of guilty as I feel like I’m abandoning my stepmom and siblings as my dad would become more aggressive towards my stepmom and accuse her of “pushing me away” but I really want to get a job, go to the library or just be by myself after all the years I’ve been watching my siblings.

For once in my life I just want to be responsible for myself.

So would I be the jerk for moving out?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s your responsibility to take care of your own life and make choices that lead to the future you want and deserve, create healthy relationships and an education and career for yourself.

You have your own gifts to discover and develop and share, and this is your time to do that. Your stepmom is going to have to make adult decisions to care for the 2 kids she chose to make with a deadbeat unfaithful man. She is an adult and there are resources she can access to help her get out of the situation she’s in and give your 1/2 siblings a different life and future, but it’s not your job or your decision, you didn’t get a vote in any of this.

You do get a vote on what you want to work for your future to become. Go live your own life with a clear conscience.” Antelope_31

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They are mistreating you. They don’t allow you to be a teenager even. There is too much burden you have on your shoulders and you are aware that it might not end very well for you.

You are making the right decision. I did the same, no regrets. They don’t care about you. You mentioned that your father doesn’t contribute enough for essential things but has enough to send to build a house. He could hire a babysitter but no. He could take the day off but no. They don’t care about you.

I grew up the same way. I tried to put an end to my life. My father died when I was 18 and then they blamed me because I was mentally ill and made my father binge drink and die. Became dependent on drinking because of that.

People were mistreating me even more. I was mentally ill because I grew up in a way similar to you. I had dreams. But my father wasn’t honest about his payslip and there weren’t funds at home for essential things sometimes. I couldn’t go to uni because of that.

I fought to get better. I ran away. I’m happy now.” snowflake_007

Another User Comments:

“Your stepmother is an active participant in your abuse. This is classic good cop-bad cop manipulation. One person treats you very badly, and the other person says, “Well, you better do what they say.

Even though it’s really messed up because otherwise they’re gonna be mean to me.” Two adults are forcing you, a child, to handle their responsibilities and they’re so good at it, that you actually wonder if you’re a bad person for wanting to escape. That’s so sad.

For the record: You are never, ever, wrong to leave an abusive person or situation. Your only mistake is warning them. If you don’t want to risk your dad being physically violent, just go to school one day after turning 18 and just don’t come home.

Go to your mom’s, and only once there, call your dad and tell him you’re gone and not coming back. He will yell. Hang up on him then block his number. Then he’ll have your stepmom call to be the good cop. She will cry and she will beg and she will tell you lots of sad stories.

But her goal is exactly the same as your dad’s goal to bring you back so you can be their slave. Also, you need to get your birth certificate and social security card before running. You will need both in life, so don’t risk them with your dad.

NTJ. Good luck.” SpaceJesusIsHere

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9. AITJ For Refusing To Work Out With My Partner After He Belittled Me At The Gym?

QI

“I’ve (28F) recently gotten into lifting weights and going to the gym to build up my strength. A few months ago I would’ve never imagined myself to be going to the gym multiple times a week, but I overcame a lot of my social anxiety surrounding it.

My partner (30M) is very strong and has been going to the gym for a while now. I ask him to come with me sometimes so I have a buddy and so he can show me the ropes on certain things. However, the last time we went together he really hurt my feelings.

For one, he’s always trying to control what I do there. I did one machine and while he was doing it I went to another to pass the time. He then was super stern with me and told me not to do that and to wait my turn.

He said not to do another workout in between, even though I see him doing this all the time.

After I was done on a machine, he came over to use it and then started saying “this is all you can do, I can do this with one leg”.

He’s always trying to push me to lift more, even when I tell him I physically can’t and I know my body. He makes me feel bad about my strength (or lack thereof).

Lastly, I told him I wanted to do some core exercises and I was excited to show him something since he’s always showing me stuff.

He started talking to me so loud in the gym saying “you do know those don’t do anything right” and started lecturing me. I was so embarrassed. Once he came to do them with me he looked really unamused and then made a comment about a girl next to us saying “now that’s a good core exercise.”

I got so upset and left the gym. He started saying I have serious problems and I’m too sensitive. That the way he learns is by being pushed and he didn’t mean to hurt me – that I should’ve seen the good in what he was trying to do.

I explained I want to be built up, not torn down. That I can take some criticism, but I’m not his bro and I’m really trying as hard as I can.

I told him I wouldn’t continue going to the gym with him.

AITJ for not going to the gym with my partner?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and your partner sounds like a stereotypical toxic gym bro. It’s okay to give you pointers or suggestions, or point out if your form can cause an injury, but it’s never okay to disparage someone for how much they can lift. Oh and he wasn’t trying to motivate you, he was trying to control you and belittle you to make himself look and/or feel superior.” Jbwest31

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but he definitely is. To me, it seems like he’s taking it as an affront to his masculinity that you’re going to the gym and getting stronger. I’m not going to say ‘dump him’, etc. assuming he’s not like this in any other context, but it seems like he’s got a hang-up about this particular thing (maybe he was a skinny kid who got bullied for his weight, maybe he got beat up pretty badly at some point before he got fit, etc).  If you want to, you could sit down and have a chat about how it made you feel, and see if you can get to the root cause of the behavior from him.” peachtea33

Another User Comments:

“NTJ From the way you describe it your partner clearly views his gym activity and his physical fitness as a large part of his identity. What’s going on is he’s positioning himself as the quote-unquote expert you are the quote-unquote noob so therefore you should do everything he says.

It was probably quite exciting for him that you decided to take up his sport and he wants to position himself as your mentor. But he is not a trained instructor he’s just a dude who lifts weights. He is entitled to his opinion but he’s not entitled to be rude about it.

Also sounds like he’s trying to train you as if you were a male, not a female, they do train differently. That is understandable because the only way he knows to train is as a male. Get yourself a personal trainer and get them to work out a routine for you and then you’ll be just fine.

You don’t have to keep them as a one-on-one trainer for a long time just to set up your routine. Where I come from most gyms have got such people on staff so it shouldn’t be a problem.” AffectionateTruck984

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8. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Pay For The Meal Kit They Used Without My Permission?

QI

“I’ve signed up for HelloFresh and have been really happy with the service.

I get three meals a week with two servings per meal and usually split the two servings between myself and my two roommates. I don’t mind sharing as I don’t want the food to go to waste, but I’m the only one who pays for the service.

Last night (Friday) I was sleeping over at a friend’s house, and was going to have dinner there. I told my roommates that. When I got home this morning, and was going into the kitchen I noticed that the sink was still full of dishes and they had made one of the meal kits.

I was already annoyed as they made food I paid for without asking, but what got me really upset was that they had made the recipe I was most excited about, and the recipe I had picked specifically for Valentine’s Day (the delivery came on Thursday, so 6 days before Valentine’s Day) and my roommates knew that, as I had told them when I placed the order.

My one roommate just chuckled and said “sorry I was worried about it going bad” and the other said, “I didn’t think you’d mind.” I’ve asked them to go out and buy me replacement ingredients and they said no because I’ve “never asked them to pay before.” They said because I make more than them, I should just suck it up and buy more groceries.

I told them just because I make marginally more, it doesn’t mean I can afford to feed them all the time, especially when I told them specifically not to use something. They’re accusing me of wasting money and keeping them poor.

I feel frustrated because this was something I was looking forward to, but they’re saying I’m overreacting because “it’s just food.” AITJ for asking for them to pay, even if they can’t really afford it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They are jerks though. The problem with having roommates is that it is almost impossible to force them to change. I would draw a firm line: tell them that if they don’t pay you, you need to look for a new place to live because you are just roommates, you are not their parent, and they have no right to your income.

The problem with allowing other people to take advantage of you (which you have allowed for some time), is that they feel they are better than you, and you need to keep letting them take advantage of you. It’s sort of a problem you have created for yourself, so in that sense, you are slightly a jerk to yourself – and a bigger jerk to yourself if you put up with it and stay with these entitled jerks.” MenchitWolfram

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You don’t mind usually but you told them that food was for Valentine’s Day so they shouldn’t have touched it. “I’ve asked them to go out and buy me replacement ingredients and they said no because I’ve “never asked them to pay before.”” You’re asking this time & they should get on & do it without arguing.

It’s not ok for them to invoke Clause 1 of the Moochers Charter to justify not doing it because you make more money than them.” Apart-Ad-6518

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Food is personal! You’ve already told them you had a special plan for that certain recipe.

They disregarded your wishes and invaded your personal space (you pay for the service, you cook it, and usually share the leftovers). And, you were out with friends that night, so of course they took the liberty. They knew what they were doing. They are adults, not feeble-minded dummies.

For them to thumb their nose at your simple, well-deserving request that they replace the ingredients to the recipe they ate is very telling of their cavalier attitude towards your generosity in sharing your meals. The amount you make every month has no bearing on what food is for whom.

If the grocery bag belongs to J, then T and M shouldn’t touch it unless they are invited to. Just because J makes $XX.000 more than T and M doesn’t mean that T and M can have at it when they want to. They have absolutely no respect for you.

They are rip, roaring, glaring jerks. Now, kick ’em out to the curb!” SnorkinOrkin

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helenh9653 5 days ago
NTJ. Get a fridge for your room and a lock for your door.
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7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Properly Organize The Utensils?

QI

“My partner (27) and I (25) moved in together 3 months ago and we’re still trying to compromise on how things should be done around the house.

I usually do the cooking because I come home before he does. I’ve had to beg him to help clean up the kitchen when we are done eating. It just makes sense to me that if one person is cooking a meal for both of us to eat, then the other person should clean up.

I’ve noticed that when he is emptying the dishwasher he mixes up the utensils. We have a drawer organizer, and there is a section for all the utensils (butter knives go with butter knives, teaspoons are sorted with teaspoons, forks with forks, etc.). He puts the big spoons with little spoons and the big forks with the little forks.

I asked him if he could separate the teaspoons and tablespoons when putting away the utensils. He responded with “No, I literally don’t care. I’m not wasting energy and brain power on separating spoons.” Now I have to go behind him and fix the utensil drawer after he puts away utensils.

I want to know if I am being dramatic? There is space for each utensil category in the drawer organizer. It just makes sense to me to put all the same utensils in the same spot. Instead of mixing them. It’s not the end of the world if the utensils are mixed together.

But at the same time, I feel like if you’re going to do something, then just do it the right way from the beginning. Now I have to clean up after him after he’s already cleaned up.”

Another User Comments:

“He doesn’t want to waste his “energy and brain power”?

My my, there must be quite a shortage of it if he has got to be so careful in choosing when to dole it out. This simple, polite act requires near-zero effort and near-zero intelligence. Why are you with this guy? What happens when you ask him to do something that actually requires effort or critical thinking skills?

NTJ.” ironchef8000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I expected the opposite and that you were being kind of uptight about something that doesn’t matter that much. But nope – you asked him to do a reasonable thing and his response was so dismissive and rude. He might “literally not care” but it should matter to him that YOU do.

Relationships are all about accommodating each other’s foibles to a reasonable degree and he’s not even pretending to care. My partner has a thing where he hates it when I use human utensils to serve the dog’s food into his bowl. Even though I put them straight in the dishwasher, it upsets him.

I know it’s illogical, but I stopped doing it because it bothers him and I don’t care.” Sweeper1985

Another User Comments:

“Another part of a relationship…. If my partner is passionate about something being done “their way”, even if my man logic disagrees? It shouldn’t boil down to who’s wrong and who is right about the particulars of the situation.

What matters is that I actually am listening to her, and really how big a deal is it to just display a bit of respect and simply do it to her preference? I don’t have a huge need to always be right. I DO have a huge need to have a partner who’s not upset at me (no matter how unreasonable I think she is being) when we go to bed at night.

That’s a two-way street though…..if that deference runs too heavy to one side or the other the relationship is doomed.” Interesting_Duty_518

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MadameZ 1 month ago
He's doing it wrong on purpose. The idea is to annoy you so much that you will take over all the domestic work, because you are the woman, and therefore you must serve your man: asking him to do any domestic work is insulting his masculinity and getting above yourself. Mighty male brains must never be bothered with domestic work... Rethink this relationship.
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6. AITJ For Letting My Brother Supervise Our Cousin For The Weekend?

QI

“My brother Michael (18m) came to stay with me (26f) last weekend. This was planned a couple of weeks in advance.

A few days before he was due to arrive, he sent me a message to say that our cousin Harry (13m) wanted to come and asked if this was ok. I don’t have a problem with this, but I message my aunt Sara (Harry’s mum) to make sure that she is okay with it.

I also let Michael know that since I had plans over the weekend, he would have to be in charge of Harry.

Sara is pretty strict and overbearing with Harry in my opinion, so I figured he just wanted a couple of days to chill out and play video games.

It’s the kind of thing I would have appreciated at his age. He and Michael have a kind of older/younger brother relationship and hang out together semi-frequently anyway.

Now, Michael is a really nice, chill guy. Very nerdy, loves video games and DnD, and doesn’t drink or smoke at all.

I mention this just to say that he is very responsible and I fully trusted him with Harry, and there was a 0% chance that he would put Harry in a situation that was uncomfortable or unsafe for him.

This is roughly how the weekend went:

Friday: The boys arrive, we play some Smash, order pizza then go to bed.

Saturday: I had plans that day, so I let Michael and Harry know that they would have to sort their own meals out (I checked that Michael had money). According to Michael, they wake up, get McDonald’s, then go to one of his friend’s houses where they play some DnD and watch a movie.

Afterwards, they go back to my house and play video games some more, and have instant noodles for dinner.

Sunday: We have pancakes for breakfast, play some more Smash and then the boys head home.

I would have said it was a pretty uneventful weekend.

Pretty typical teenager stuff.

Except the next day I get a long message from my aunt Sara, and she is angry. In essence, she is upset that:

1. I left Harry unsupervised with Michael. Apparently, she had assumed that it would be me looking after him all weekend.

She thinks that Harry could have ended up in an unsafe situation.

2. I gave them/allowed them to have nothing but junk food all weekend. She is also upset that Harry had nothing but instant noodles for dinner on Saturday, and says I should have either cooked for him in advance or arranged Uber Eats for him.

3. That I allowed them to play video games so much.

I see where she is coming from, but in my opinion, Michael is a responsible guy and there wasn’t much else I could have done. If I had known earlier that Harry would be coming, I would have planned something for the three of us to do together, but since I already had plans there wasn’t much I could have done to stop them from playing video games all weekend even if I’d wanted to.

Plus, I could tell that they just wanted a chill weekend.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This sounds like a fun and wonderful weekend for a 13-year-old boy. Hanging around with his nice and cool cousins (even if you yourselves don’t think that). Yes, he didn’t eat healthy, is that really that big of a deal for just one weekend?

Let’s take a short gander at the different points: ”

I left Harry unsupervised with Michael. Apparently, she had assumed that it would be me looking after him all weekend. She thinks that Harry could have ended up in an unsafe situation.” He’s thirteen, not 3. And from how you described your brother, there was no chance that they would have wound up in some weird or dire situation.

“I gave them/allowed them to have nothing but junk food all weekend. She is also upset that Harry had nothing but instant noodles for dinner on Saturday, and says I should have either cooked for him in advance or arranged ubereats for him.” It’s just for one weekend.

“That I allowed them to play video games so much.” Again, this was just for a short weekend. If I were 13 this would have been a perfect weekend that I would have remembered long after. Seems to me that your aunt is somewhat of a helicopter parent.

I would just shrug my shoulders at her rant of a message.” Classic-Okra-3376

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There is some misogynistic nonsense circulating here. At no point did anyone request that you care for Harry during this weekend. You were hosting your (adult) brother and another person he brought along.

Sara is ridiculously out of line. Expecting you to parent them both the whole time and to cancel plans to babysit a 13-year-old when they didn’t even have the courtesy of asking if you’d be able and willing to do so, is absurd. Why would it be your job over Michael’s to keep Harry safe?

And what exactly did Sara do to make sure this weekend went as she wanted it to? She sounds like a trip. If when you’d checked in with Sara she’d made it clear she was only comfortable if you’d be with them at all times – lol and would be doing constructive character-building activities and eating exclusively well-rounded meals – you would have had the chance to set her straight so that Harry’s visit could be canceled. The only thing I would have done differently was not text her to begin with; that might have inadvertently set her expectation that you were ‘in charge’ of this whole thing.” owls_and_cardinals

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You left an older child in the care of a responsible adult. The kid was kept in one piece and was fed and sheltered. Your aunt expecting you to run your home like she runs hers is unrealistic. I do not feel as though you needed to get “permission” from the mum to feed a teenager McDonald’s and instant noodles.

If she wants to control every aspect of that poor kid’s life, she shouldn’t have allowed him to come over in the first place.” beverlyhillsbrenda

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5. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate's Fiancé To Pay Rent When He Moves In?

QI

“I (20F) and my roommate (21F) have lived in our apartment for about a month now. Originally it was supposed to be just us two but pretty much a few days before we moved in, her now fiancé (26M) proposed. They will be getting married in a little less than a month.

I am very excited for her and I figured she would want him to move in which is totally fine. I told her that I would like for us to split it 3 ways because we will all be using the lights, water, kitchen, and common areas so it makes the most sense.

A few days ago, she informed me that she and her fiancé feel as though once he moves in he should not have to pay rent. A few of their reasons were

  • His name isn’t on the lease.
  • He wouldn’t be making any changes to the place (we just moved in as I stated so it’s not like we have much to change anyway?

    And I told her he can decorate and have opinions if he would like to).

  • They feel as though his being there doesn’t really change anything but I personally think it changes a lot.

I did tell her that I feel as though he should pay rent and that was pretty much the end of the conversation.

She and I get along really well but I suppose I am just afraid this conversation will come again and it will be an issue. This first month he did not help us with rent which is fine because he does not live with us yet, he only stayed a handful of nights, but actually LIVING there feels like a whole different ball game.

Am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“Does this guy shower? Does he eat? Does he use the internet? Does he take up space? If so, then he’s changing things, because he’s either increasing costs (like utilities) or reducing space/use of the apartment just by being there.

He’s a new roommate and, as such, needs to pay his fair share of rent and related bills. OP, take this as a harbinger of things to come. Three’s a crowd and you will always be outvoted. Time to find a new apartment or roommate, these two are better off living on their own.

NTJ.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“You do not want to live with a newlywed couple. At all. It’s awful. Can you find another roommate quickly to take over your roommate’s part of the lease? I’ve lived with a couple before. It was the worst. They were only paying half they said because they shared a room, while I paid the same amount on one person’s pay for a 7ft. x 15ft. back storage room.

They pretty quickly took over the entire apartment and I ended up feeling very unwelcome and uncomfortable in my apartment. They were insufferable and things did not end well. Save your friendship and get them out of your place now. If she doesn’t want to move out, they should have to give you back all your deposits and pay for your moving expenses.” Excellent-Witness187

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, there will be another person living with you so arrangements need to be made.

1. When you agreed to get accommodation with her it was just the two of you. Him becoming her husband doesn’t mean he gets to live there for free, in fact, it can be a reason to scrap the entire agreement altogether from your side.

2. What is fair is to split the part of the rent into different pieces. Private space, common spaces, bills, and utilities. Common spaces will be used by more people, and bills and utilities will increase by up to 50% for ones that are consumption-based (water, electricity) at least. Private space is still split the way you had it originally.

3. If the husband-to-be argument to not have to pay is because he is not on the lease, you can explore adding him to the lease with your landlord. You need to redo your roommate agreement because of this, definitely. If you don’t find the new conditions agreeable, just warn that you will move out entirely and break the lease if you have to.

P.S. What you can preemptively do is make a benchmark on the utility use when there are two people so you have as a comparison when there are three.” atealein

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4. AITJ For Not Being More Involved With My Stepmom's Dementia Care?

QI

“About 2-3 months ago my stepmom got diagnosed with dementia. I have 2 older stepsisters who dropped everything they were doing and were staying at their mom’s for a little over a week. The 2nd oldest still lived close by but the oldest one lived a state away but took a whole month off work and flew down to where they lived. I live sorta close to my dad and stepmom but it’s still about a 2 hour drive on a good day while the 2nd oldest is about 20-25 minutes away.

I agreed to come down to discuss what to do now and when we all met up to discuss what to do with their mom, I don’t think I even said a word cause it just didn’t really feel right to butt into a decision regarding their mom.

My dad agreed with their plan and I truly thought that was the end of it. My work keeps me really busy add on that I’d be driving 2+ hours so I didn’t show up as often as I would have liked. I did feel bad and wish I could’ve shown up more but like I couldn’t just put my entire life on pause.

The oldest had to fly back about a week ago, but from what my dad told me the younger of the 2 stepsisters has been coming over once a week to make them dinner. The next day I decided to call and thank her for what she’s been doing.

I don’t remember all that was said but I could tell something was bothering her from the beginning and she was being kinda short.

Eventually she kinda “let it all out” and berated me for “never showing up” and “acting like I don’t care”. (This is where I might be the jerk) I will admit I got pretty annoyed too and said something like “What do you want from me?

She’s not MY mom, I’m not gonna butt into you and your sister’s decision-making with her.” All she said after that was “whatever” and hung up on me, I genuinely didn’t know how to respond to that so I just forgot about the whole thing for a while.

This was about a month ago and I haven’t said a word to her since. We didn’t really talk all that much before this but it feels a little different. IDK maybe I was too harsh so some outside opinions would be helpful. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“It doesn’t matter how long she’s known her apparently they don’t have that kind of relationship and it’s not her job to take care of her especially if she has two bio daughters and a husband. They need to figure out a long-term solution as this isn’t sustainable unless they are financially stable to have a caretaker come in and help.

I took care of Alzheimer’s and dementia patients in nursing homes they are a lot to deal with and no one knows how fast it will advance.” jaggedlittlepill1967

Another User Comments:

“”I decided to call and thank her for what she’s doing.” Why? She’s not doing it for you, she is doing it for her mom.

Why are you thanking her if you’re not closer to your stepmom than her? Maybe that’s what rubbed her the wrong way. If someone who is like a cousin (not a close one) called me to thank me for what I do for my mom, I would be like who do you think you are to thank me?

She probably thinks if you feel that close to them then why didn’t you open your mouth when they were discussing things?” professionaldrama-

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Being a caretaker for someone with dementia is expensive and exhausting. Your dad’s and stepsisters’ journey with it is likely just beginning and it sounds like they are already overwhelmed. They want you in the picture to relieve some of the financial, emotional, and physical burden.

But, if you weren’t involved with them frequently then they need to figure this out. There are agencies that do offer respite care or maybe it’s time to look for in-home care to help them out. Or in the worst-case scenario, it might be time to put stepmother in a memory unit of convalescent hospital. They specialize in people with assorted dementia issues like Alzheimer’s.” PassComprehensive425

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3. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Cut His Nap Time To Help With Chores?

QI

“I’m 26F, he’s 30M. We’ve been seeing each other for 3 years but just moved in together 6 months ago.

I have felt incredibly busy since moving in together.

I work outside of the house, commute for an hour a day, and I’m going to school part-time to try and get a better job, so my schedule is already packed, but since moving in together it feels like my time spent doing chores has almost doubled.

I talked with my partner about this hoping that we could come up with a reasonable chore schedule, but he’s adamant that he’s doing as much as he has the capacity to do.

Something else I’ve noticed since moving in together is that he takes a nap from 4 pm-8 pm daily.

He otherwise sleeps through the night usually 1 am-10 am, but that afternoon nap is like clockwork.

Long story short, I told him that he is getting 14-15 hours of sleep every day and that he can start making more time to help around the house by even shortening that nap.

I don’t even think that amount of sleep is healthy. But he insists it’s a necessary part of his day and that I’m crossing a boundary by suggesting that he not nap.

AITJ??”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He is getting nearly double the recommended amount of sleep needed by the average adult on a daily basis.

If he literally cannot function without that much sleep (he’s asleep more hours than he’s awake) it’s time he visited a sleep clinic. Does he even have a job that works around that sleeping schedule? He is the jerk for being selfish with his time and not taking an equal share of the household chores.” Doktor_Seagull

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, sleeping 4-8 is not napping, and I suggest you move back out if he’s unwilling to share why a grown man is sleeping so much and unwilling to make an effort to allocate chores equally. Did you not notice his sleeping habits before moving in?

Who kept his place habitable before you moved in – did he just stop because you’re there? If so, he’s just looking for a housekeeper with benefits. What shift does he work and is his work affected if he doesn’t sleep so much?

These are questions I think you would not be crossing boundaries for weighing the answers, and if after a discussion with him you learn there is no medically documented reason or he has fundamentally different household standards, you know what to do.” Lhamo55

Another User Comments:

“I was sleeping 15-18 hrs a day when I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I just felt tired, that was it. I would come home from uni around 3-4 pm, sleep until 6-7 pm, go out and meet friends sometimes for 1-2 hrs, and back to sleep latest at 11 pm.

Would wake up at 7 am and repeat. My mom was asking me if I was pregnant at that point. I went to talk to a gynecologist at the hospital because I was having PCOS symptoms and she looked at my thyroid with the Eco machine and was like I know you have problems with it, go to your primary doctor and tell him to make you take these tests.

Turns out I was having a flare up and the results were so bad that the machine came back with an error because the measurements were too high for the machine to measure. Nobody is a jerk here until your partner gets checked.” silv1377

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2. AITJ For Grounding My Son For Not Brushing His Teeth And Lying About It?

QI

“My 9yo son Ashton has a bit of a mouth on him. I get it. He’s a 9yo boy testing limits. But I have my limits too. He’s been pulling the typical boy pretends-to-shower-and-brush-his-teeth act lately.

At first, I tried humoring it by jokingly telling him that I know he didn’t shower or brush his teeth because I can still smell his hair from the other room.

Then he’ll ask if he can take a bath and I’ll say no. Shower but I’ll help you. Eventually, he started doing it by himself and then stopped. Now he just flat-out lies.

Last night I asked him if he brushed his teeth. I knew he didn’t because his toothbrush was dry.

He said yes. I said then why is your toothbrush dry. He said he meant yesterday. So I said ok, no video games or VR all week for lying to your dad. He cried and was pretty upset. Now his other dad thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and to just let him go to school dirty and get bullied so he’ll want to shower.”

Another User Comments:

“Mostly NTJ. First off, don’t listen at all to the dad who wants his child to be bullied. Absolute nonsense. A week is a bit long for one lie. I understand you’re sick of dealing with it but at his age, carrots tend to work better than sticks.

What if, every time he’s brushed and showered, he gets to stay up 15 minutes later and play a game with you? OR, each night he’s brushed and showered by a certain time he earns a ticket or a point toward a toy or video game he really wants.” ___coolcoolcool

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your son has an excuse that he’s a kid and still learning how to do this being human thing and he needs good role models. Neither you nor his father are hitting that mark. Now, the question is, why is he lying?

Is it really because he hates to bathe, or is there some other, underlying issue that neither of his dads is picking up on because one is too hyperfocused on the hygiene issue and the other is so lax he doesn’t even think there’s an issue to be discussed. As an aside, my brother and I both had a “lying about brushing teeth” period.

He did it because he hated standing in one place for more than two minutes because he was hyperactive as a kid and it was just a phase. In my case, it’s a matter of executive dysfunction traceable to either autism or ADHD that I still struggle with decades later.

If you’re lucky, it’s just a phase. But if there’s another root cause, it’s best to figure out what that is early rather than leave him unheard and undiagnosed.” IAndaraB

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Have you ever maybe considered actually listening to what your kid is telling you about hygiene?

Why have you decided that your son fits into some random stereotype of what a 9-year-old boy should be instead of treating him like a real person with feelings and preferences? You are making a whole lot of assumptions rather than truly listening and getting to know your kid.

By the way, he may want to take a bath because it helps him to relax, or treat growing pains, or he feels cleaner that way. Why in the world would his other dad and you send him to school dirty when you could just let him take a bath?

You are really letting your son down. Do better, be better.” BlueMoon-9786

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1. AITJ For Reporting My Housemate's Unhygienic Biology Experiments To Our Landlord?

QI

“I (21f) share a house with 3 other people. They all do some form of biology (microbiology, marine biology, etc). One of them (Jane-23f) is doing an environmental biology master’s degree. And it is causing some friction between the two of us.

I don’t understand her course at all (I’m not smart enough and don’t do any science courses) but she often has ‘supplies’ that she brings home.

Now you’d probably think like science equipment, books, etc but you’d be very, VERY wrong.

I’ve come home to animal bones being bleached in our sink, dead animals in the freezer, dried owl poop on the kitchen counters, etc. I’m not squeamish or anything like that.

In the right circumstances, I’d have no issue with this stuff but it makes me ill thinking about a dead squirrel in our freezer only being separated from the food by a freezer bag.

I understand it’s part of her course (I’ve met her buddies and they all corroborate her reasons) but it’s unhygienic.

A few days ago, I get home and see blood all over the fridge. I guess one of the bags leaked or popped and blood was everywhere. And all over the food in the fridge. It was like a scene from a horror movie. This was a new thing and I wasn’t expecting it so I jumped back and dropped my glass.

Jane comes downstairs to see if I’m ok and I admittedly lose it on her. I tell her she’s insane for this and she needs to find somewhere else to store her ‘supplies’ and I expect her to replace my food. She said it wasn’t her fault and that the guy who bagged the blood must have ‘messed up’.

I said I don’t care. It’s unhygienic and disgusting. I told her to get a mini fridge or something and I emailed her professor about the situation, asking if there were any accommodations to be made so Jane didn’t have to bring this stuff back home.

I got a response back so stale that I can only imagine it was written by ChatGPT and he didn’t respond to my reply. I also emailed our landlords. I sent pictures and videos of the ‘supplies’ and they thanked me for letting them know.

Well, I guess they contacted Jane because she came back from a lecture in a foul mood. She said I was a jerk for emailing the landlords because now they’re reviewing her lease and are making her pay for a new fridge.

However, I am now getting flak from my other 2 housemates and Jane’s friends in her course who are saying I was way out of line because now Jane has nowhere to stay and can’t afford to pay for the fridge.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Keeping animal blood and carcasses in your freezer is incredibly unsanitary. Her indifference to the situation (blaming the guy that packed it!!! She is responsible for what she puts in the fridge). Just an aside, I am blown away that the professor did not do anything.

I would think a Master’s program also teaches hygiene and safety and his NON REPLY is highly negligent. Emailing the landlord WAS the only play you had since she would not even acknowledge it was her fault. The other housemates who are worried that Jane may have nowhere to stay or afford a new fridge are huge jerks.

Where were they when they could have told Jane this is a CRAZY idea?” catskilkid

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My degree is in Wildlife Biology. I did all the things you’re talking about. There is absolutely no excuse for this, it’s disgusting. I had a fridge I bought used, and I kept it outside in a shed. I rarely used it, only when I had no lab space.

I would never, ever bring uncleaned, nonfood safe ANYTHING inside, let alone in the kitchen, even when I owned my own place!!!” MaevensFeather

Another User Comments:

“Um, I’m not sure where you go to school but my son is majoring in bio and he has never brought bloody tissue home for any purpose.

Owl poop, ok, maybe, but wet specimens don’t belong in a house–they belong in a lab, where the proper tools and gear are set up to contain the mess. What is she allegedly bringing them home FOR? To dissect? Does she have the proper gear for that–scalpels and whatnot–in her room?

I doubt it! She’s up to something. Your landlords have a right to know that someone is dissecting wet specimens in their property. Whatever exploded in the fridge could have gone off in the bedroom too, apparently, and yes, the cleanup bill for that would kill your security deposit.

NTJ.” MombaHuyomba

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Sometimes it's obvious, other times it's not! You be the judge about who's the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)