People Ponder If They're The Jerk in These Fascinating Life Scenarios
35. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Niece Despite My Clear Dislike For Children?
“I (m27), have an extreme aversion to children. I am very happily child-free and consistently tell everyone in my family that I and husband do not want anything to do with kids, or babies, ever.
Now, my mother has fought for months on end with my younger sister who lives states away from us, to let her watch her granddaughter (3 yrs old) for the entirety of the summer. After being hounded with constant phone calls and texts to the point of my sister calling me in a mental break down begging me to take moms phone away, she relented, mom can watch the baby for the summer.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, we have the kid, mom is loudly lamenting about how much trouble this toddler is being, how much money she’s wasted on her granddaughter to feed her, pushing the kid off on her own mother (D) to watch every day.
Well D went to a wedding which means no one can watch the kid. Mom decided to clean a friends Airbnb, she has asked everyone, including my other sister, whose only 12, to watch the baby. Everyone has told her no. Finally she asked me to watch my niece.
I told her no, absolutely not, not even if she paid me what she was offering to, I want nothing to do with children. She called me selfish and screamed at me about how I’m awful for not helping her, she’s always so stressed with this kid, no one has ever helped in her entire life, etc etc. I feel bad for the kid, because of course she deserves love and attention, but I don’t want anything to do with her, So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it seems you have been pretty clear and consistent about your boundaries. Your mom made her bed now she can sleep in it. Why can’t they give the girl back? A whole summer is too long to be away from primary caregivers at that age.
If it were me I would do it just for a refreshing reminder why I want to stay child free.” Queefmi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ/ your mother demanded full responsibility of this child and didn’t arrange additional support for when she needed a break.
She assumed that everyone would drop their lives so she could play grandmother on her terms. This is a good learning curve for her and hopefully she’ll never ask again.” Sea_Supermarket_9728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom begged and begged for this and now doesn’t want to do it anymore, which is why you’re all in this situation to begin with.
Your sister is a jerk too for not listening to you and just trying to guilt you into doing things you don’t want to do. And guess what? When you have kids, you sometimes have to give up events that you wish to go to when you don’t have childcare lined up.
That’s just reality. Nobody else in this scenario forced her to have that kid. It’s her problem, she can just not go to the wedding. You’re the only one here who isn’t being a jerk to be honest. EDIT – Just went back and re read and realized the sister who is the mother of the kid is states away still at this point, and it’s the rest of the family who is pushing this.
Still, it’s the mom who wanted this, so she can suck it up. Not your circus not your monkey.” [deleted]
34. AITJ For Refusing To Be Volunteered As A Driver For My Sister's Boss?
“So basically I’m looking for jobs. My sister works for this woman and well she’s like her personal assistant. Does everything for her for a very low wage. Not even minimum wage. But she’s happy so I don’t interfere.
However, recently her boss is house searching and isn’t a great driver.
My sister goes with her all over the country trying to find places. She doesn’t drive so can’t drive for her boss. This is where she decided to ‘volunteer’ me as a driver. They said they would pay me under the table. Thing is I’m not comfortable with this idea.
1/ the car is automatic. I’ve only ever driven stick. 2/ the car is a jaguar and I’m worried about what happens if there is damage. Will I have to use my car insurance. Would they even pay. Especially as my insurance is for my average family car.
3/ the boss is known for being well bossy. She won’t shut up and basically her staff are her mindless lackys. They have to go work when she decides. Sometimes on a whim. My sister is ok with this dynamic for some reason. I want contracts with defined hours and worker rights.
Not some weird Downton abbey/slave mashup. 4/ I don’t even know what I’m being paid. The journey they have in mind is a good 12 hours drive and that doesn’t include the walking around. When she wants to stop for food, of she wants to stop.
I just feel the legality and risks aren’t worth it.
Well I said no but now my sister thinks I’m a jerk for saying no when I need a job. But I feel like the risks way out do the pros. Am I being ungrateful and a jerk.
It’s keeping me up at night”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not taking a job that you don’t really want. You don’t have to work in a job that you hate. That being said – this might be the first time I’ve ever heard someone being worried about driving an automatic.
Might want to give it a try one day.” HottieMcHotHot
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ for not wanting to get involved in that. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. It is totally valid that you wouldn’t want to sign up for something with poor boundaries and little pay.
Your sister is the jerk for not understanding.” YarrowPie
33. AITJ For Kicking My Brother Out Because He Won't Respect My Germophobia?
“I (23 M) have extreme germophobia and clean everything in my house everyday (including my partner’s stuff).
My little brother (20 M) loves my clothes and wears them out and then puts them back in my wardrobe without washing them knowing darn well how I am about dirty things.
I ask him constantly to wash them after he wears them and he refuses, saying my phobia “is just a phase” or “it’s not even a real phobia” and “just get over it”.
I asked my partner what she though about it and she agreed with my brother, stating that I should “just learn to deal with it. I explained to her that it doesn’t work that way and she shrugged and just walked off to work.
I came up with a solution as no one was on my side.
I came up with a solution and told my brother if he doesn’t wash and disinfect my clothes after wearing them, then I’ll kick him out and he can go live elsewhere. Our parents don’t like my brother as he just sits around in their house and does nothing other than playing games and eating food, This is why he lives with me and has no where else to go.
He quickly jumped out of his chair and started yelling at me about my phobia and my obsession with cleaning and how I wasn’t being reasonable. I wasn’t listening to any of it and stated that if he doesn’t do what I asked he’s out.
He refused, saying “you don’t have the courage to kick me out”. Soon later I had his suitcases packed and grabbed him by the arm and chucked him and the suitcases onto the streets with the pouring rain.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Your house your rules, if he can’t live with them then he should not be there considering he grew up knowing how you were about germs and things being clean.
Besides it’s rude and insulting not too clean/launder other people’s clothes if you wear them.” Flinx98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t have issues with germs and still would not want someone else wearing my clothing then putting it back like it was clean.
While I may wear things more than once, I wouldn’t re-wear something that someone else did. That said, it sounds like your little brother is being enabled by everyone and he may need a swift kick to get his act together. However, if you want to keep helping him out – a lock on your closet could be the answer.
It will remove the issue altogether. If your partner is telling you to get over it, I imagine she sees this as an ongoing issue in your relationship as well. You may want to address that. Are you two planning to have children? I assume you are in therapy?” SeorniaGrim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has nothing to do with your phobia and everything to do with respect. He is using your things, which you would be cool with if he adhered to the extremely easy and reasonable rules of using them. Except he’s so lazy that he doesn’t want to bother washing the clothes he borrowed before returning them.
So he weaponizes a condition you have to make you think you’re being unreasonable. I’m not a germaphobe in any way, but if ANYONE wore my clothes regularly and NEVER laundered them before returning them, I’d get upset right quick and not let them borrow them anymore.
Your partner should have your back, what is their problem with this request? Your brother is selfish and disrespectful. Your clothes, your say. And yeah, if bro can’t respect that, then he needs to leave.” questionably_edible
32. AITJ For Making My Mom Cry After Setting A Boundary?
“I (18F ) unexpectedly made my mom cry. How? I was sitting on the sofa, minding my own business on my laptop. My mom sat next to me and started poking me. She tends to get playful sometimes, however I wasn’t in the mood so I said, “stop” and placed her hand away.
Despite that, she instead started poking me faster and aggressively. At this point, I’ve already told her to stop repeatedly that I wasn’t in the mood, and placed her hand away multiple times. I’ve had enough and eventually tapped her hand away.
“What are you doing??”, “You’re so rude!!”, with tears streaming down her face.
I didn’t expect her to have an outburst in tears. “You’re so selfish, have I ever done that to you? I am your family, why can’t I touch you? I love you, why can’t I have my way?”, “I am trying to keep a peaceful and happy environment in this household, even when I am unhappy I don’t show it!!!”, so I counter argued with “You also have the right to express yourself, no one is stopping you from doing so.
I just want you to respect my feelings.” Then she goes on about how it’s not about respect, it’s how love and some other stuff idk. “You don’t do this to your dad?” Cause he doesn’t do what you do, and actually backs off when you tell him to??
“No, it’s cause you’re scared of him.” Tf is he gonna do?? I gave in and started apologising, but she just went into her bedroom, called Dad crying, in the phone he made me go into her bedroom and apologise to her as she was snug in her blanket teary eyed. Am I at fault?”
Another User Comments:
“No. You’re not at fault. You made a clear boundary. Your mom ignored it and then tried to guilt trip you into feeling bad. She succeeded you went back on your own boundary and apologised. Your mom then escalated the situation further.
This is emotional neglect. This is why children don’t learn how to make boundaries to get their needs met. When they do, their parent disregards it and turns it against them. In end end, children just stop trying because there’s no point. Please don’t stop trying.
You deserve it. NTJ – your mom however…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom kind of sounds like my mom. They will push your boundaries and then start whining as you defend yourself. Stick to your gut feeling with this. If it feels wrong, if you set a boundary and she ignores it thats on HER.
Im sorry your dad is not on your side. I’d also say her response is waaay out of proportion for the actual event. It went from a child not wanting her mother to tap her to you don’t love me in 2 minutes. As other commenters, I also wonder if more is up in your family and if things like that happen more often.” Fit_Permit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just witnessed an adult throwing a temper tantrum like a child. Complete with running to Daddy to get her way. If this is a one off, Mom has something going on she should talk about with Dad. If this is a pattern, it is called emotional abuse.” [deleted]
31. AITJ For Refusing To Stop Calling My Daughter By Her Nickname "Goose" Around My Partner's Family?
“I (m37) have a daughter (13) who I call Goose.
She was born at 27 weeks and only weight 2 pounds. While she was in the NICU I decided she needed a fighter pilot name (top gun is one of my favorite movies) so I started calling her Maverick and Goose to see which one stuck. Goose stuck so I’ve been calling her that ever since.
I rarely ever call her by her first name really only to introduce her to people or if I’m talking about her.
I have been seeing my partner (35) for about 10 months now. She’s great she and my daughter get along well. A couple of months ago I met her family.
For some reason they don’t like nicknames example: Christopher they wouldn’t call them Chris for short just Christopher. Well because it’s second nature I was calling my daughter goose around them, they called it Cute but I could tell they were just trying to be nice.
Well, the partner’s family always goes to the Lake for a week around the 4th of July and invited my daughter and me to go with them. Well, last night I got a call from my partner telling me that If I go to the lake with her family I have to call my daughter by her first name.
I asked why she said when I call my daughter’s goose it makes them uncomfortable and that if I don’t call her by her first name we can’t go. I laughed and said I should be able to call her by the nickname I have for her.
She said I should be able to call my daughter by her first name for a week I’m just choosing to be a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would understand if Goose didn’t like her nickname. I would even understand if family didn’t want to call her Goose themselves (with her permission).
But to police your use of the name is overbearing and really weird. Like, why do they GAF what you call her as long as it’s not degrading? Goose *is* cute, and the story is adorable, and every time she hears it, she remembers that she is a fighter who overcame the odds and that she can do it again if necessary.” Constellation-88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless it is the same nickname as a recently deceased family member, there’s a multicultral/different religion situation that makes a nickname offensive, or it’s a harmful label (e.g. ‘uglier than me’ is not a nickname outside of a college dorm), the request isn’t reasonable.” Melificent40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner and her family sure are. They do not get to dictate how you address your daughter when it is done with love and good humor. I think your partner may have saved you and your daughter from a terrible week trapped with insufferable people.
Might want to rethink the viability of a future with her…” InterabangSmoose
30. AITJ For Wanting To Ask My Best Friend About Not Giving A Wedding Gift?
“A few days ago I(30F) got married and had a lovely day. In my country weddings are really expensive so it is very normal to have “day guests” and “evening guests”. Your day guests are often family and close friends and because of the high costs it is really an honour to be invited as one.
As a day guest you are there the whole day so you also dine with each other. We asked for money as wedding gifts (also very normal in my country). Yesterday we opened our envelopes with cards and at the end I realised I missed the cards of my best friend and a few others, but let’s just keep this post about my best friend.
We celebrated with only 50 day guests so that is how I noticed. Of course I do not keep track of everyone, I had with the evening guests more than 100 guests. But I feel a bit disappointed, she is my best friend and we give each other always gifts for our birthdays or just random.
I even paid for her hair and make up the morning of my wedding. That was done by my hairdresser/make up artist, which was over €100,- euros.
I also know my best friend earns a lot of money. It is not that I expect money, but it hurts my feelings a bit that she did not give anything.
Not even a present. My husband says I should let it go and not mention it, he says it is weird but not important. But right now it feels weird for me to not say anything and continue our friendship without saying anything. So will I be the jerk if I ask her about it?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – You had 50 “day guests”. That means 49 of them gave you a gift, I think you can do without a single gift. It was your choice to pay for hair and make-up. Sounds like that was a gift with strings! Don’t be greedy, just take your husband’s advice and let it go.
Don’t let something like this ruin your friendship with your best friend.” LutraMustil
Another User Comments:
“YMBTJ. If you’re going to ask, you have to phrase it right. Tell her you’d love to send her a thank you note but some gifts got mixed up/separated from their cards.
Did she get you the toaster or the blender? I had a friend not give me a wedding gift. I did just this. I truly wanted to give her a thank you note and some gifts got mixed up. She said she was unable to give a gift as she didn’t have the money.
Which I was fine with. Not everyone can afford to give a gift. And I wouldn’t want to lose out on their company on such a special day simply over finances. I sent her a thank you note anyway because I was thankful she could spend the day with us.
How you say things is sometimes more important than what is actually being said. Best of luck and congrats on your wedding.” QcumberThunder
Also, it does sound like your best friend was in your wedding party. If so, you paid for her hair and makeup because you wanted all your attendants to have a certain look, and that is YOUR responsibility. That said, your best friend had the dress, the shoes, the jewelry - in short, probably around 500 euro at cheapest. That SHE paid for. That's quite a nice wedding gift, wouldn't you say?
I think you're spoiled and entitled and your best friend needs to run like crazy from you. Shame on you.
29. AITJ For Refusing To Give Half My Earnings To My Parents For Rent?
“I (14 F ) will be getting a job next summer. Me and my parents have discussed how I will be spending my funds. For example phone bill and school supplies and clothes just to be prepared. My parents have also told me that I will be giving them half of the funds I make to help with rent.
I looked at them and laughed they told me they were being serious and that I need to learn to be financially stable for when I’m older. I told them I will not be paying rent because I want to go to fashion school.
For anyone who doesn’t know it’s very expensive and time consuming but what I love to do. My parents told me I’m selfish and to repay them for all the things they bought me as a kid. I asked them are they for real and they said yes.
They said when they were my age they helped their parents with bills and they didn’t have any funds left for themselves. I told them as an adult you shouldn’t want that for your child and want to be different than their parents.
They yet again called me selfish. Now let me tell you why I have to save up for college. My parents told me that they will not be responsible for my college funds and I will have to figure it out on my own. And that they will not be messing their credit score over me but for my brother.
I was heart broken but now I’m livid of how selfish they are but will help one child and not the other. So AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re legally obligated to provide you with the means to stay alive (housing, for example).
There’s no Back In My Day clause for making a kid responsible for maintaining their own existence, jfc.” ChristieLoves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is their responsibility to provide you with housing. It doesn’t matter what it was like when they were young, their parents owed them the same things that you’re owed, just because they were cheated and abused doesn’t mean that you deserve that.” abhorric_nonsense
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and dang, that’s harsh, sounds like your parents have a favorite child and it isn’t you. If it were me I would be sure not to give them access to any funds you earn – no accounts with their names, no cash in a place they could find it, the way you describe them I assume they would steal it.
Honestly I wonder if demanding that you pay rent as a 15 year old is even lawful, is there someone else you could go live with? These people obviously don’t value you at all but rather see you as a burden they’d like to be rid of.
Sorry this is happening to you.” Reddoraptor
Protect your things. Everything. It's so sad that you need to protect your money from your parents at 14.
Btw, you're absolutely right. They SHOULD want better for you than what they got from their parents.
28. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Pay Me Back For Our Joint Bills After Her Unemployment?
“I (33m) am working with my wife (35f) on moving. She has spent the last 6 months unemployed while paying rent from her savings and unemployment.
She no longer has any cash left. She will be paid for the first time in 6 months in 2 weeks. She is currently 10-20,000 dollars in debt and has a credit score under 600. Because of this the place we are moving into is requiring the lease to be on me as they would not approve her to rent from them.
We have to pay the deposit (1 month rent) prorated rent for the second half of July, as well as rent at our current apartment through July. I am going to put down the $6000 + so that we can logistically do all of this.
I have stated to her multiple times that we need to split all of our bills and utilities equally.
I have stated to her her first order of business with her new job is to pay off her credit card debt. After that is completed I want and need her to pay me back for her half of what I am covering for this move.
She makes me feel like a monster for asking this of her and says that I have no empathy for anything she is going through. I have been working 60-80 hours a week for the last 6 months while putting myself through grad school among many other things.
Am I the jerk for having this verbal conversation with her and requesting this arrangement of her eventually paying me back for equally splitting the rent and deposit on our apartments once she has cleared her debt from being unemployed that last 6 months?”
Another User Comments:
“My wife and I have been together for 21 years. I would never, ever make her pay me back for joint bills. We are a team. If she can’t work for whatever reason, I pick up the slack. She has done the same for me. Neither of us has kept score on who owes who what.
That is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard of between married people. YTJ” HopeG8518
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not dealing with these issues as a team. You are married. That means that her finances (bad or good) are yours. And yours are hers.
You aren’t even clear on how much she owes. The right thing to do is sit down together and determine a budget and both agree to stick to it. Tackle this together. It’s not a her vs you.” Applesbabe
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
That’s your wife, there’s no “her” or “your” money, just family money. Why don’t you both work towards paying the debt as soon as possible so that you can unite financially?” LessResident9495
27. AITJ For Telling My Cousin She's Not Welcome On Our Family Trip If She Doesn't Do Chores?
“Ever since my cousin (Jane-21f) turned 18, she’s turned into this totally rude and insufferable person.
My family is quite tight-knit and we have one big family rule; we help each other. Obviously, this has levels to it but you’re expected to help to the best of your ability. You can say no, of course, but there is a basic level of respect and help you’re expected to give.
My family is planning on spending part of the summer at my grandmother’s lake house and my aunt and uncle are organising it. The invitations clearly state that you will be expected to help out; cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, babysitting, shopping, dog walking, etc. It makes total sense to me and everyone else.
You stay for free, just do chores.
Well, Jane is not pleased with this. She wants to go but doesn’t want to do any chores. She asked me to talk to aunt and uncle about her not doing chores but I said that’s not how it works and she should talk to them herself.
She started an argument with me (I think she thought I wouldn’t argue back because I’m younger than her- 20f) about how I’m ‘gatekeeping’ the family. I told her to get a grip and suck it up.
A few hours later she calls me and says she’s been uninvited because she refuses to do chores.
She was very upset on the phone and asked me to please talk to my parents about it. I said no. She’s not welcome on this family trip if she doesn’t do chores. This caused her to explode on me. She accused me of saying she’s ‘not worthy’ of being in the family and all that crap.
I just hung up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- it’s simple, if she wants to come she has to help. If she doesn’t want to help, she doesn’t get to come” WhettSocc
Another User Comments:
“Jane is all kinds of wrong. She knows what she needs to do if she wants to go on the trip .
. . just like everyone else who’s signed up for it. NTJ” baka-tari
26. AITJ For Not Inviting My On-Again-Off-Again Partner to An Event?
“In late March my partner broke up with me in hopes to eventually get back together, but take some space and work through some things. I accepted that for what it was and went to no contact for a while to give him some space.
We reconnected sometime in May and decided to give things another shot and go from there. In April while we were in no contact, my best friend invited me to the rodeo with her family. It’s one of their family traditions. Now mind you, my best friend has two sisters and one brother all the girls, including my best friend bring their significant others.
One is a husband and the other two partners. Her dad asked her how many tickets she would like him to get this for year and she said three.
He bought these in April in order to get good seating for the show on July 2.
When me and my partner reconnected, I mentioned to him I would be going with her family to this rodeo. He didn’t say much at the time about it. As I’m getting ready for the rodeo, he asked me if her partner is going.
I say yes he is, a family tradition that they do every year. Everyone has a couple except me. He states that he feels left out and upset that I did not invite him or ask for him to be invited. I honestly just didn’t really feel like it was my place.
But I can understand why he would feel left out, as he always invites me to gatherings with his friends. Am I the jerk for not inviting my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He chose the “on-again-off-again” mode of the relationship. While you were “off”, you made future plans with friends.
You COULDN’T plan in advance to include him since you didn’t know you’d be “on” with him now. He doesn’t get to pout when his actions have consequences. And why are you putting up with this childish behavior? I hope there is something you haven’t mentioned that makes being with an emotional 5-year-old worth it.” gevander2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wasn’t invited because he needed a break, and this event required previous planning. “He missed the window.” (From Coupling.) Your case of going to a rodeo with a friend and without a date is obviously OK. People who are married, exclusive, and committed for life do that.
Your BF needs to learn that needing space works both ways, and it’s always there. People should spell out what they mean when they are “on a break” or “hoping to get back together.” It would have saved us all from years of Ross’s whining.
Specifically: are you both free to see others or have relations with others? Maybe you just want some time to think, but want to maintain exclusivity, maybe you want to see around, but want to communicate before you fully break up / commit to exclusivity with another / have relations with another.” Owl_plantain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wanted to be included in everything with you going forward, he shouldn’t have asked for space. When the tickets were purchased you essentially did not have a partner, why would you have asked for a ticket for one? That said, he can buy his own darn ticket if it matters so much to him now.” ParsimoniousSalad
25. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner's Cousin For Going Too Far Into The Ocean?
“My (25M) partner(19F) and I were celebrating our first fourth of July together at the beach. Her cousin came along who we’ll call Maurice, and he brought his friend Jacob.
My partner’s family was there too.
So basically Maurice and Jacob are VERY loud and they drank all night and made a lot of noise. We got a ton of stares from other people. Well, Jacob who had a lot to drink kept going further and further into the ocean and we told him to stop.
All he said was “I do this stuff every darn day” and other nonsense.
So after a few mins, the water level rose and the waves kept crashing over his head and I got very concerned, so I got the life guard. The life guard went into the ocean and Jacob said he was fine, and they both came back to shore.
After he got back, Jacob blew up at me and said he didn’t need the life guard, and Maurice backed him up. I admit I lost my temper and yelled back at them both, saying that he was ruining the night and the vibe with his inebriated yelling and raging.
My partner said that I should just let it go, but this seemed like a big deal to me and I just ended up leaving because I was still shaking (I thought he was drowning). Maurice and Jacob told my partner I was a jerk for blowing up and also for getting involved when I shouldn’t have.
My partner said they were being kinda dumb but I shouldn’t have let it ruin the night and just moved on.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ assuming you are being honest that you really thought he might be drowning. The way your post is written gives me suspicion that maybe part of getting the lifeguard was actually because you were frustrated with his behavior (and worried about his safety) and felt you needed some way to control him/make him stop.
If that was part of it then YTJ.” navelbabel
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Yelling at them just added to the noise everyone else had to deal with. Your partner and her family should have stepped in much earlier to “manage” the two ragers.
You know what would have ruined the night even more? One or both of them drowning.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Inebriated people and the ocean don’t mix. In my opinion inebriated people and any body of water don’t mix. This is a safety issue, you did the right thing by alerting the lifeguard.
And I would have yelled too, it’s scary to see someone just walk into serious danger like that.” [deleted]
24. AITJ For Telling My Adopted Brother He's Being Dramatic About Our Dad Adopting Him?
“Two of my younger siblings are my stepmother’s biological children that my dad adopted. They’ve been my siblings since they were toddlers.
My brother, who is now 15, has recently started butting heads with our dad, not dissimilarly to my own conflicts with our father at that age. He recently told me that it wasn’t right that our dad adopted him without him getting a say.
I chuckled a little bit at this, which annoyed him.
I asked how exactly they were supposed to get his input when he was a year old. He said they should have waited until he was old enough to understand and asked for his permission. I told him that didn’t make any sense. I said “Most other people don’t get to pick their parents either.
You aren’t special.”
He didn’t appreciate my comment and said I didn’t understand. He also pointed out that his mom never adopted me, so I couldn’t get it. I said okay and basically shrugged off the conversation. He was still upset and said “you don’t care about how I feel.”
I said that I *do* care, but I feel like he’s being dramatic because he’s frustrated. I don’t think he’s actually been wronged in any way. I understand that he wants/needs to vent, but I’m not going to feel sorry for him, because what he’s saying he wants to have happened isn’t realistic.
He said I’m being a jerk and acting like I’m so above it all just because I’m older now.
I said I’m not above it, but I do remember being his age and hating dad, and it’s normal. He’s not talking to me now, and I think I handled this wrong.
Maybe he just needed a sympathetic ear, and I should have just acknowledged his feelings and left it at that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – he’s right, they should have waited. His feelings- and those of every other stepkid who didn’t get a choice, are valid.
He lost his last name – which was a connection to his bio father.” Silent-Total-9586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There may be info you haven’t provided which would make me say you are a little bit jerkish but really he is too immature to understand that him not being adopted would have meant his last name would have been different than most of the rest of his family.
That can lead to an awful lot of unwanted attention. So you could have coddled his tirade that he doesn’t get to fling the ever popular “You’re not my dad, First name!” but you are 100% right that kids normally never get to choose their parents.
And that you care but not about his solely wanting someone to validate his position. It sounds like you attempted to validate his feelings while trying to inject some reality to try and calm him down. He may not feel you validated his feelings so you probably owe him an apology, but I am a highly logical person and that is a highly logical argument which would have made me stop and perhaps get a different perspective.
I’d probably have said something similar if I was in your position and thought of that.” siroh92
23. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Defend Me Against His Father's Accusations?
“I (22F) and my husband (23M) have been married for almost a year and a half.
He was raised in Dallas and has his family there, I was raised in Houston and have my family here. Before we got married we were together for 5 years – throughout college. Right after graduation, we were bouncing around from living with my family and living with his until we finally got an apartment together in Houston because I got an amazing job opportunity.
I work at the medical center and he was super supportive of it, and we moved to Houston but got an apartment to finally be on our own.
We have both been working a lot and have been saving for a house at the end of this year.
That is the ultimate goal for us this year.
I believe my husband’s family is having a hard time adjusting to him leaving them and an issue has come up. His father texts him in a passive aggressive manner. He always blames me for “not letting him speak to his family” or somehow always asks “is she not letting you talk to us or what?” I’m always telling my husband to reach and call them but we’ve been super focused on our goal of buying a house this year that when he comes home from work, he just showers, eat together and catch up on our days, and sleep.
He usually texts them and calls on the weekends when we rests.
AITJ for wanting my husband to simply put a boundary up and defending me against his father? How do I tell my husband that I don’t like when my father in law blames me for something I don’t do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband should defend you… You shouldn’t even need to ask, but since it’s clear you will need to, maybe bring it up when you catch up. Just tell him something has been playing on your mind, and explain that you don’t want his family to see you as a villain when you haven’t done anything wrong.
He needs to set clear boundaries with his parents and not let you take the blame because its easier for him” ZefinitelyAlive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your father in law needs to accept you are adults and he needs to cut the cord as he sounds really clingy!
You need to reiterate to your husband that you don’t appreciate his fathers snide remarks and how would he feel if your family were acting that way towards him? Good luck OP” ColdstreamCapple
22. AITJ For Calling My Friend A Hypocrite Over His Lateness Complaints?
“Me, Frank and Clint went out for beers a couple days ago, we ended up talking about how we used to go out more often in the past blablabla then all of a sudden Frank says it’s because he’s the only one who makes plans nowadays and even if we get together one of us is usually a couple minutes late(5-10 minutes).
While this is true and I should be okay with it, for 5+ years in the past Frank was always at least half an hour late for every outing we had, sometimes didn’t even show up after saying he will be there 15 minutes before the agreed time, sometimes Frank just dropped in all grumpy then left 30 minutes later.
I wasn’t okay with this ever, but the others were so I didn’t make a big deal out of it but calling us out like this annoyed me.
So I told him all of the above, and told him to stop calling us out when he did all of this in the past.
Then he denied it multiple times, that annoyed me even more so I took out my phone and showed him a convo from way back when we were supposed to go swimming, he refused to wait 30 minutes for me so I agreed to leave work 30 minutes earlier so we can go in together but in the end he didn’t even show up and texted me after I got out that he got inebriated at home.
He still didn’t think he did anything wrong so I called him a hypocrite. I don’t think I was in the wrong for this but it’s good to have an outside POV on the event.”
Another User Comments:
“Is that hypocrisy or idiocy? I guess it doesnt matter.
NTJ.” Stoat__King
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex-Wife See Our Son On His Birthday?
“Today we celebrated my son Kevin’s 9th birthday. The entire time he kept asking if/when his mom Sarah will show up.
Sarah and I have been divorced for 2 years now. I gained full custody of our 3 children m18, f15, m9.
Sarah has been struggling with substance abuse for a while now.
Today while celebrating, I got a call from my watchman/gatekeeper that there was a disheveled looking woman shouting to let her in so she could see her son. She was there with a man and he was asking whether he should call the cops.
I came down and saw what I expected, Sarah with her companion asking to see Kevin. But she was reeking of strong drinks, she was dressed in what looked like pajamas, and just shouting at me to let her see Kevin.
And for a second, I wanted to, I really did.
But looking at her, just made me furious and angry. I couldn’t risk her saying something that could hurt Kevin. I told her to leave, because she’s in violation of her court order. Thankfully my gatekeeper could take care of the situation without escalating.
When I got back, I guess Kevin noticed something. He asked if that was his mommy, and if she’ll come to wish him happy birthday. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth. Told him she isn’t feeling well. The look of defeat in his eyes tore me a new one.
My daughter says I did the right thing. My eldest son said he would have called the cops on her just for daring to get so close.
But I don’t know, he wished to see his mom so badly, surely a glimpse wouldn’t have hurt.
AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Aunt?
“So I have an elderly Aunt who has a lot of self-induced health issues, but that isn’t the issue. The issue is the ways she treats her entire family excluding her own children. She always feels the need to put people down, berate and belittle them.
And she does this loudly and in front of people. She’s one of those people who never has a nice word to say about anyone. I (33 female) have been dealing with this my whole life and it finally came to a head. My other aunt (grandmother had 10 children) had a fish fry and let’s just say long story short she disrespected my entire family from my mom step dad and both brothers.
I don’t have enough room to elaborate what was said to me directly but I.
Short, I was called a heifer (female cow) and told when she is talking to me I better look at her. Oh and this was screamed at me. So long story short instead of dropping to her level I just decided not to be around her anymore.
Well my mother invited me over the 4th of July and originally she said she wanted only a small celebration with her kids and grandkids. When this changed and now it includes all my local aunts and their kids. I didn’t find this out until I went over to my mom’s house and I politely said bye and packed up my kid and left. Now my family is like family is forever and you have to put up with stuff.
Or they make excuses that she doesn’t mean what she says (bull@&$!). There’s always some excuse to keep her around and I’m in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to have boundaries. Stick to them. If other people in the family want to subject themselves to abusive behaviors, that’s their choice.
It’s not yours, and that’s more than ok. Sharing DNA is not enough of a reason to put up with abuse..” extremelycrabby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you have taken a long overdue stand to not be around someone who insults and puts you and others down.
Sounds like a good decision to me.” Realistic_Head4279
19. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel Dog Sitting Due To Health Issues?
“I dogsit for my mom’s friends pretty often. They go on vacation a lot, and they sent me a list of dates about a week ago and I reluctantly agreed to them. They said to let them know as soon as possible if any of the dates don’t work for me.
It seems like the flights were already scheduled before I said yes. I don’t get paid very much ($30 a day for 5 dogs) but in the past I didn’t mind because I love the dogs. However my health is severely declining due to nearly daily migraines (that get much worse when I dogsit, it’s basically a 24/7 migraine) and figuring out medication changes that will take months.
I’ve been having an extremely hard time the last two times I’ve dogsat, even hallucinating and panicking because of one of my medications that I am now stopping. I also don’t do well not sleeping at home. These dogs need to get up early and I generally need a lot of sleep to feel okay.
When I told my mom I might have to tell them I can no longer do one of the vacations because it is a week long, she got extremely upset with me and said I’ve already committed so it would be horrible to back out.
She said a lot of pretty hurtful things about my character. I think she’s making this into something a lot bigger than it needs to be. She even cried. I think the people will react way better than she did, and they’re not even her dogs but I keep going back and forth thinking maybe I am a terrible person and I should just suffer through it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your health should always come first. They will have to figure it out. There are dog boarding facilities, apps to find sitters, they can ask family/friend, many other options. Also $30 a day for 5 dogs?! Please raise your rates if you continue to dog sit in the future, that is not nearly enough money for the amount of work I’m sure you put in.” spicykitty_x
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – at $30 a day, I would consider it more of a favor than a job. I have one dog, and I paid a dog sitter like $1200 to watch her for 6-7 days. I also get migraines, and $30/day is absolutely not worth it for me to be miserable for a week.
You agreed to it a week ago – if you cancelling now is considered “last minute”, so was their request to you. That isn’t your fault. Your mom is being unreasonable. Edited to add: It is also not your responsibility to find alternate pet care for them, especially at the rate they are offering.” cippy-cup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be honest. Don’t get caught out partying the week you were supposed to dog sit. And cancel sooner than later so they have time to make alternative plans. Every day you wait to cancel is a day they don’t have to figure out their situation- and another day that doggy daycare etc is getting booked by other people.
Also, call your mom out on her behavior. Caring more about her friends feelings than your health is not cool. On a side note, quit working for basically free. $30/day for 5 dogs and it’s making you miserable? Is it worth it?” No_Location_5565
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Meal With Disrespectful Relatives?
“I am based in Aus and recently had family from China come over to stay with me for a couple of weeks.
In Asian culture, it’s pretty much customary to invite or pay for meals when relatives or friend’s relatives visit.
One of the relatives, let’s call her Auntie, has been disrespectful and inconsiderate to my relatives. She has been late to meals, hogged food, and asked intrusive questions.
On two occasions, Auntie and her daughter were late to meals. On the first occasion, they were an hour late to yum cha and the booking only had 30 minutes left. On the second occasion, they were again late and hogged all the dishes on their side of the table, barely leaving anything for my relatives to eat.
Auntie has also been asking intrusive questions to my aunt and cousin, such as “Why don’t you find a better job?” and “How much money do you make?” She has even talked negatively about my parents, saying things like “Your dad doesn’t earn a lot of money” and “Your brother is bad at studying.” Always saying how much better and successful they are.
I didn’t tell my mom about these incidents to respect my relatives wishes. But the Auntie gifted me a Swarovski necklace which not gonna lie looks really tacky and cheap. When I told my mom that I didn’t want to share a meal with Auntie and her daughter, she got angry and called me bad mannered, selfish, and ungrateful.
I understand that my mom is upset but I don’t want to feel as though we are entitled to repay them. I don’t feel comfortable sharing a meal with Auntie and her daughter after the way they have treated my family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But INFO: how old are you? If you’re a teenager I would say “wear that ugly necklace every time you see them and remember once you’re older with you’re own family (if you choose to have one) you can exclude Auntie and her spawn”, if you’re an adult then I would say “talk frankly with your mom.
Explain how this upsets you and see if you can at least miss some of the meals.” I’m not Asian but my Asian friends talk about this a lot. I wonder if the younger generation is going to pull away from the “enforced respect and bend over backwards for family even the ones that are toxic” aspect of the culture.
Strong family bonds are great but to have to deal with people who make you feel horrible in the name of respect and tradition seems unfair.” Travelcat67
Another User Comments:
“>I didn’t tell my mom about these incidents to respect my relatives wishes. Tell your mother.
She needs accurate information to make correct decisions. Think of it as being respectful to your mother to not have her interact with toxic people while blindfolded to the danger.” latents
17. AITJ For Prioritizing My Kids' Future Over My Family's Past?
“I (33F) and my spouse (31F) just left our long-time home of Texas with our 3 children to seek a better life in Washington State.
Shortly after arriving, our housing option fell through, and I’ve been working hard as we live out of a motel room to rectify it.
Earlier tonight, my younger brother (32M) called out of the blue. For context, he has not called me in 12 years for anything… He proceeds to verbally browbeat me for “worrying mom” (she thinks I’m going to burn for being in the relationship I’m in and ‘corrupting’ my children by proxy of existing in the same space as them) and harps on about Portland and Seattle being “unsafe” compared to Texas, Oklahoma, and Florida.
I refuted all of his points with the published crime statistics for each area, told him to eat a fat one and asked why mom wouldn’t just call me herself if she actually cared. His retort amounted to, “You’ve had to ask the family for help for years.
I’m leaving for 8 months (he’s active duty) and if they need you for something, you need to be there to help.”
I told him mom is more than capable of providing for herself. My duty is to my children’s future, not her poor past decision making coming back to haunt her.
She has a husband, she hates me, and frankly I was angry at being barked at by my brother who abandoned his daughter, divorced 3 times, and has “belt-notches” from Texas to Australia in both directions, for not putting “family” before my family.
I’ve made mistakes, I’m doing my best for my kids, and I’m far from perfect.
AITJ for prioritizing my kid’s future over my family’s past, and telling them as much?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t answer when he calls next time. You’re not going to change his mind any more than he’s going to change yours. All you’re really accomplishing is wasting your time and upsetting yourself.
You don’t need to keep up the pretense of having a relationship with people who hate you. Just ignore them, and focus on your real family, your wife and kids.” magicalboytransform
Another User Comments:
“My coworker moved from Texas to Washington state and gave me eye opening experiences of a colored person as well as LGBT+ in Texas.
WA is much more safe for people, sure there are issues in the metropolitan areas but overall much safer on the grand scheme of things. I like what you’re saying and I am going to use it in response to inlaws life choices. It IS true, your responsibility is to the betterment and future of your children, not of the choices of the elders” Beneficial-Idea-7161
Plus, do you have jobs lined up for both of you? Child care arranged? How about the sales tax rate in WA versus that of Texas and Florida?
Nice job, ladies - really nice job. Don't blame your brother for calling you out on your foolishness. You'd have been better off where you were.
16. AITJ For Wanting My Neighbor To Stop Visiting During Our Evening Porch Time?
“I (F42) have a neighbor (F48) who I am friends with (outside of just being neighbors). We work in the same field and are social with one another. She is very kind but, in my opinion, she doesn’t really have a sense of other people’s boundaries.
We live in a suburban neighborhood in the Midwest. She has two dogs. They are small dogs who bark a lot. I have two dogs. They are big dogs who do not care for her dogs. She walks her dogs multiple times a day. She usually takes her dogs for a walk before bed, around 9 p.m. My husband and I like to sit on our front porch at night in the summer.
If my neighbor sees us when she is out walking her dogs she always stops by. I wouldn’t mind if she just said hello and then moved along but she frequently stays for 30 minutes, sometimes longer. The other night she stopped, sat down with us, and stayed for over an hour.
Her small dogs barked the entire time. My dogs were in the house losing their minds the entire time. I find this behavior rude. I just want to sit on my porch in peace. I do not want to hang out with my neighbor every night.
My husband usually just gets up and goes in the house. He hasn’t complained to me, and he likes our neighbor, but she frequently talks about matters in our shared profession which he finds boring (can’t say I blame him).
WIBTJ if I told her to stop coming over at night?
I know if I tell her it will hurt her feelings, but I literally cannot take it anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For 18 years I lived across the street from a couple who had small barking dogs. They would sit out every night and when people came to their porch the dogs would bark constantly.
After a few years I stopped opening my front door on warm summer nights and moved to the back of my house where the noise level was lower I HATED them They were absolutely unconcerned about the impact on their neighbors.” feminist1946
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I think she is trying to be sociable/neighborly. I would just gently tell her that you and your husband use this part of the day to unwind together and that while you enjoy chatting with her other times, this is your couples time.
If she doesnt take that hint, then I would be more blunt and say exactly what you said above – that you and your husband just want to sit on your porch in peace, in the evenings and dont want to socialize, and that a ‘hello’ is fine, but not a visit.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“Nobody is the jerk but nobody actually sucks here. It’s just a sucky situation. She probably feels obligated to stop and say hello or thinks you both enjoy it. I know I always feel obligated to stop and talk to neighbors despite having a dog pull and bark.
Maybe just have a polite conversation with no name calling or accusations. “ I noticed when you go on walks you always stop by for conversations. I love talking with you but it really upsets the dogs and quality time with my husband. Is it possible we move our chats to a different time?”” foreverwint3r69
15. AITJ For Texting My Best Friend's Partner Without Her Knowing?
“So my I (F21) live with my best friend, Jan (F20), and her best friend Lisa (F20). Jan started talking to this girl Analiese (F19) about 8 months ago and they’re finally starting to get serious. Because of how close they’re getting, Annaliese is always at our apartment.
A few weeks ago in June, Analiese soft launched Jan on her social media story, hinting at their budding relationship and I took this as an indication of her more permanent position in our friend group. Later that day, I asked Ana for her phone number because I thought she was cool and I wanted to get to know her better as friends since she’s seeing my bestie.
Since then I’ve been texting Ana casually about stuff like tv shows and things she’s into, and I guess Jan found out and got a little upset, but she didn’t really say anything. Things really came to a head yesterday when Jan and I went to the laundromat and I got a temporary tattoo from one of those toy dispenser things.
I put it on and told Jan I was going to send a picture to Ana. Later on Jan came into my room and confronted me, saying that me texting Ana behind her back was making her uncomfortable and she didn’t like how I was talking to her.
I explained that I was confused because I hadn’t said anything suggestive or inappropriate to Ana in our messages, so the whole conversation just felt very accusatory and hostile.
I didn’t mention it to Jan, but part of me thinks she’s worried I’m gonna steal Ana because she and I had matched on a dating app before Ana and Jan met.
I don’t know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not putting the dating app info in the beginning. Because of that, you painted a whole different pic of the situation and made your roommate seem jealous for no reason when she had a very valid reason for not wanting you to be as close as you are to the friend.
While you may not have been trying to be intrusive, it seems suspicious. I can see why the roommate is upset.” Responsible-Stick-50
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Although brief there is a romantic history, which lets be honest, you tried to downplay so that you would look less like the jerk.
You also did this without your friends knowledge which is even weirder. Respect her boundaries and maybe work on your communication skills.” Pedgebellie
14. AITJ For Not Being Close With My Distant Brother and His Kids?
“My sister was 10 and I was 9 years old when my brother moved out the house at 17 years old to raise his baby. When my brother left, he never talked to my sister and I or came to see us.
Therefore, we haven’t been close since we were very little. Shortly after he moved out, my mom had an affair and tons of drama began in our family. My brother became even more distant. I am now 25 and he still has never reached out or tried to start our relationship back.
I’ve tried texting him and my sister has tried countless times to be close with him. He’s just very distant. He has hardly showed up for graduations and other events. He usually just doesn’t show up. He now has a 14-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old daughter.
He has blamed my sister and I for not being close to his kids. My sister and I always go for the girls’ birthdays but my brother doesn’t really talk to us when we go and neither does his wife. The situations are always very uncomfortable.
But now him and his wife are saying it’s mine and my sister’s fault why we aren’t close to the kids. I just don’t see how that makes sense. I missed the 6-year-old’s party recently because I had to put my cat to sleep so they decided I wasn’t invited to my other niece’s birthday party..
and started making social media posts about “cutting people off that don’t care about your kids”. I would think some relationship with the parents is necessary to have a good relationship with the kids. Now my dad’s wife has deleted me off social media due to stuff my brother and his wife are saying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure what issues your brother has but it’s not your fault based on what you said. You tried and he has ignored or rebuffed your attempts.” jimmap
Another User Comments:
“Relationships are two way streets, not one way streets. Your brother just closed the road.
You could try to find a detour, but why should you? If you want, leave your side of the road open and maybe one day your nieces will reach out, but honestly, sounds like it’s time to move on. (I think I have stretched that analogy as far as I can.) NTJ” the_owl_syndicate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and sooner or later he would have his wife trying to draft you into free childcare giver when they want to waltz off on vacation. So you dodged a bullet. And by the way, why do you want a relationship with people who don’t want one with you?
It’s their loss, so move on.” RealbadtheBandit
13. AITJ For Wanting To Declutter Kids' Toys My Husband's Family Gave?
“My husband has a hard time getting rid of things in general. When we moved in together, he had a box of junk and I discreetly threw away years later as he refused to (old papers, random junk, etc).
He will keep things just to keep them but has gotten better over the years.
Now we have three kids. His mom or sister will buy them things and, naturally over time, they don’t want them anymore or won’t play with them. Every now and then, we do a “purge” where we go through things they don’t want or play with and ask them to get rid of some things.
We live in an apartment and clutter is an issue and main anxiety point for me. I’m also trying to help my kids realize that if they want to keep something, they should play with it or use it and not keep it just because as space is a major issue.
Well, if I try to get rid of a toy my husband’s mom or sister got our kids, he will flat out refuse and won’t want to discuss it. He has NO problem getting rid of stuff my mom or family has given our kids.
We’ve certainly done that before and he will encourage it. But he is too sentimental to anything his family buys. I’ve had to secretly get rid of small things he won’t notice because of this issue.
We’ve talked about it but he gets too irrational when it comes to his family.
I don’t know if it’s due to his upbringing but he clearly has no problem getting rid of other gifts. Am I the jerk for wanting to get rid of toys that my kids don’t want anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Try to understand that gift giving is a love language and he sees those gifts as a manifestation of his family’s love. Obviously he is going to be more sentimental about things from his own friends and family than yours, he is his own person and has closer relationships with those people.
It’s better to be Type-A than a hoarder, but I have a mom who throws away sentimental things all the time, and it really hurts. Try to remember that the things in your home belong to the whole family, not just you, and it’s not fair to unilaterally toss out meaningful items.” CulturalEmu3548
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine to hold onto things that hold specific sentimental value, but holding onto everything gift your family got the kids simply because it was a gift – especially when you have an issue with space – is sort of ridiculous.
There needs to be some sort of middle ground. And perhaps he needs to do some reflection on why he actually feels this way, because it seems likely it’s rooted in some other sort of issue.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“Yes and no. They have a lot of toys and a lot of family that buy gifts.
I try to have them go through toys yearly to see what to keep and what not to. One toy they said they didn’t want and my husband flipped out when he found out I was donating it. His star gave it to my daughter and has the same one, so it was very sentimental (apparently).
Yet my daughter didn’t want it anymore.” KingFanpire
12. AITJ For Refusing To Support My Sister's Wedding To Her Cheating Partner?
“I (30M) refused to be part of my sister’s (25F) wedding. I love her with all my heart and in my eyes, she’s still the silly goofball that I grew up with. But recently, she came to me saying that her partner proposed to her and the wedding will be set by the end of the year.
I told her I don’t support her wedding and won’t give her away, as our dad passed 3 years ago. The guy (let’s call him M) came to me for permission to marry her and I told him to get lost.
The reason why is because last year, her partner was unfaithful to her, not once, but three times.
I told her to break up with him, but she refused saying she still loves the guy, and it’ll make things very complicated as they just bought a house together.
All my friends who met her love her and treat her as their own sister, and when they found out about what happened, they were equally as upset as I was and took a lot of self control for not bashing the guy’s head in.
As of now, there’s a lot of fighting with the family, where my mom and sister are quite upset at me. I’ve been very protective over my mom and my sister as before my dad passed (he was ill for the past 12 years prior his death), told me that I need to take care of them as I’m the man of the house.
Am I doing the right thing? Should I let her get married (I know she’s a grown as woman and can do whatever she please) and give her away or refusing to do so is the right thing to do?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re both adults.
If she wants to marry him it’s her prerogative, and if you don’t want to be involved that’s yours. I find it a little hypocritical that they want you to “be the man of the house” to take care of them but not taking into account your concerns and the fact you seem to be protecting your family in your way.
Seems like they want you to conform to their version of how they think you should be. But, again, you are an adult and you can make your choice and them theirs. I don’t think you’re the jerk. I think this is just a crummy situation where people will make their choices and it might hurt.” CanadianPrairieGirl1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you have every right to be upset. But again you need to see the bigger picture, she’s going to get married regardless. And if she falls into trouble she MAY not approach you due to the fear of being told I told you so Or worse may end up resenting you for not supporting her.
You want to do best by your sister then just make sure she knows she can rely on you and make her believe you’ll be there for her” Midnightrambler28
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but don’t think for a second that you get to control your sisters choices, even the objectively bad ones.
It’s her life to live, you can express your concern from a place of love, and hope for the best. Ultimately, she is an adult and will need to live and learn from the consequences of her decisions. It sucks to watch someone you care so much about be treated so poorly and feel helpless to stop it.
I suggest trying to maintain the relationship you have with her (with boundaries) and be there to support her should all of this blow up down the road.” Flashy-School1359
I think you should go, and give her away. But when they inevitably get divorced because she finally wises up, she'll know she can turn to you, and you can say I told you so lol.
11. AITJ For Feeling Insecure About My Wife's Love for a Pop Star?
“I (28M) and my wife (28F) have been married for 2 years now. It was an arranged marriage but she seemed perfect for me.
That was until I found out about the other man – a pop singer. She loves me and she does show it and she never compares me to him but I can’t help but feel insecure when she’s yelling at another man’s abs as he’s dancing to a song.
The other night was a last straw. She spent money on a concert which I was fine with as I like their music too, but as Body Rhythm came on she started (quite literally) foaming at the mouth and screaming. I told her she was being weird and asked if she loved him more than me.
She said yes and continued with her concert. I broke and yelled that she never loved me in the first place and to that she looked at me and continued Ring Ding Dong-ing. But after the concert she got angry at me for suggesting such a thing.
It’s been a couple of weeks now and I’ve tried to be fine but it’s been replaying in my mind. I’ve locked myself in my room as I’m typing this and I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty for having an outburst on her because I know how much this pop singer means to her but I’m also sad that she doesn’t seem to show me the same love and she shows him.
I know the pop singer has helped her through some of her roughest patches but I want to be that to her as well and not feel inferior to another man.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it’s an arranged marriage. Why would you expect your wife to be desperately in love with you?
The reason for arranging marriages is for practicality, not love. You say your wife treats you well, shows you affection, yet she loves a band. You think she’s going to leave you for this guy? Please. A marriage built in respect will be more powerful than on an obsession which will likely fade in time.” Fianna9
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I dont know how arranged marriage works. But I’m quite sure she does not love him the same way she love you. If she is not mentally disabled she should know that this men is not a “real” men (not the public part of him) and she has no possibility of even meet him.
I assume its like a fantasy as other people are in love with their sport teams or hobbies. Perhaps she should not say that to you but she was just enjoying the show and at the peak of her “crush” because he was there and you just came with your insecurities.
Let her enjoy.” Marfernandezgz
10. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With My Boss's Behavior Towards Me?
“So I started this new job 2 months ago! Within the last two months I’ve noticed some things. I work for a program where I have multiple bosses. The person who hired me is my boss as well as the person who directs the whole program.
Recently the director has stepped in place of my boss and in the beginning I was excited because I like my boss! He’s funny and he treats us really well buuuut there’s something off about the director? He avoids me like the plague??
Which makes my job harder to do because when I have a question I only get short/ quick answers or he sounds like he would rather do anything else but talk to me.
We recently had a presentation and throughout the whole thing he refused to make eye contact with me?
He basically only looked at the right side of the room? I was sitting on the left. It’s been so uncomfortable lately and I’m not sure what’s wrong? I’ve thought about whether or not I’ve upset him? Or maybe he’s thrown off by the fact I’m 3 years older than him, I’m not sure.
I thought about the fact maybe he doesn’t like black people? (He lived in a certain area his whole life so that’s a possibility). He only does this to me and he has no problem talking to anyone else.
The other day he sneezed and I said bless you because I was the only person in the room and he didn’t even say thank you or acknowledge I talked. So I’ve given up!
I don’t know what’s wrong and I’m over it. I feel like if I were to flip out I’d get in trouble but I’m getting really annoyed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But since you are three years older than him, perhaps you could act like it, and simply ask him if you have said or done anything that might have offended him as you feel a weird vibe between you.
There’s no need to flip out. But it’s OK to ask, if there’s something you could do to make your interactions more comfortable for both of you. Maybe he is concerned because you’re older than he is but age doesn’t necessarily mean you’re more experienced. And while you shouldn’t have to reassure your boss, if you like you job and it would make it easier for everyone why not give it a try?” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. OP, you’re not going to be best friends with everybody at your job, and certainly not your boss. This sounds like an ordinary situation in which two people simply don’t mesh well together.” ChemMJW
9. AITJ For Not Getting My Daughter Braces As A Child?
“My daughter (21F) and I (48F) just got into a huge argument on the topic of why I didn’t get her braces as a child.
I personally felt that her teeth were fine, and we were even told by several dentists that she does not need braces for any sort of purpose rather than cosmetically straightening them, so I thought it would be quite unnecessary to put her through years of orthodontic treatment.
She would constantly ask me to get her braces once she became a teenager, claiming her teeth were overly crooked and she felt as if every one of her friends were getting them. I told her that her teeth were fine, and that her friends actually need braces for corrective procedures.
She then began approaching her father (father and I aren’t together) to help her get braces, but he always insisted that he didn’t have the funds.
Eventually I agreed to get my daughter Smile Direct Club aligners when she was 17, and they worked for the most part.
I didn’t have to hear her complain about braces anymore. Until she decided to go to an orthodontist to get real braces, and was told that she would need serious treatment because she had now developed a crossbite from the Smile Direct Club aligners. She became furious with me, telling me that I practically neglected her feelings and insecurities about her teeth, and that I encouraged her to “ruin her mouth” by getting her the Smile Direct Club aligners.
Her treatment is estimated at $7,500 and she is demanding I pay for at least half, since I was the one who “ruined her mouth in the first place”. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Getting braces for “cosmetic” reasons is why they exist. You could have given her a much better life now if you had forked over the funds when she was a teenager and gotten her teeth straightened. It’s like you didn’t even listen to what she had to say when she was a teen, and your responsibility as a parent is to care for the health of your child.
Do you not understand what a stigma it is to have even slightly crooked, slightly overcrowded teeth? And later, if you were willing to pay for Smile Direct, why didn’t you just pay for a real ortho?” PopularFunction5202
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ. You commented before saying there was overcrowding going on when she got older yet you still didn’t do anything except get something that would take longer to fix and did more damage.
You did basically neglect her needs when she very obviously did need them.” Shot-Tomato-5512
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, as someone who didn’t get braces as a child, I got them myself when I was 30 years old as it was something that always bothering me and had to pay thousands.
It’s embarrassing to have braces at 30, especially because I might have gotten them for free as a child.” MorbidDeceiver123
8. AITJ For Not Wanting to Sell My House to My Ex at Cost?
“My ex (26F) and I (29M) have been having problems for over a year now and have recently decided to break up. On the phone call where we decided to end things (don’t worry folks, she told me to call her in a moment I knew what I wanted to do so it’s not like I just called him, broke up with her out of disrespect), she asked me to sell her the house I purchased three years ago to her at cost. That would have me leaving at least $40,000 in equity behind.
When I told her that was a big ask and I have to think about it, she started asking me. What do I plan to do it whenever I move (military- could move in a few months). I told her I’d rent it out or sell it and that clearly upset her.
On one hand, we did shop for houses together and she fell in love with this one right away. She also made it her home so I get what she wants it but on the other hand $40,000 is almost life-changing money. Additionally, the house and the utilities and everything is in my name.
And the house got storm damage. I pay the deductible without help from her. AITJ if I keep my house or should I look at all of this in a different light?
Edit: she does pay $850/mo into a joint account. The account was recently opened so most of the money from the first two years is of course not in there.
I do intend to give her the account. I also covered all of the utilities and paid for all home improvements. Everything is in my name only.
Side note: I’m skipping a lot of contextual information that’s probably important, but for the sake of brevity if someone in the comments ask, I’ll give it to them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Explain to her that you she is welcome to purchase the house at market value minus the realtor fees, which will give her a discount and you the equity you deserve.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. AT COST? $40K is an insane amount of money.
If she wants the house so badly she can buy it at market price. She may have loved it and lived in it and put in work, but if that’s the case she should have bought it under her name. It’s under yours, and she is not entitled to it.” profanitea_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you cut ties with her and she with you, you don’t owe her anything. List the price at what you want to sell your house at, if she wants to buy it she can contact the realtor.” OozingDabs
7. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Partner Refused To Order Food Without Me?
“Partner (23) very recently got operated on. He is not allowed to bend over or carry anything heavier than a carton of milk. He’s still very sore and sleepy from everything, so I (24) do all the household chores including taking care of our dog.
Today we wanted to order food.
Our favorite place doesn’t deliver and I was exhausted from everything, so we turned to a delivery app.
All of the restaurants had minimums, so to get to that amount we had to pick quite some sides. I didn’t want any, because I simply didn’t like any (basic fries wasn’t an option, for example).
So I asked him what did he want, he told me “I already picked”. So I said, you can pick more I don’t want.
He didn’t want to, because he said I didn’t like any. I offered him to make stuff we have in house.
His answer: I want to have dinner with you.
I was frustrated and took some space, I told him I lost my appetite (which I really did). Every time I would come back to him and ask what he wants for dinner (giving specific options from the delivery places to me cooking different meals), he said “to eat with you”
I broke down crying basically because this simple thing was turning into an entire elephant, and instead of consoling me or just picking a darn meal, he started to defend his reason for not picking anything yet again.
I said he needs to stop putting everything on me (not wanting to eat without me), and left.
Now I think I am the jerk for saying that to him.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You couldn’t just order 2 more entrees and save them for later…? Not sure why this is such a big deal.” zilleans
6. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Partner's Thoughtless Birthday Gift?
“Today is my birthday, and I was really excited for what others would get me. My birthday is really special to me and is one of the things I always look forward to. Particularly my partners.
So at the party, I was opening gifts, and I eventually got to my partner’s. When I opened it, it was socks with holes. I got upset because it was not only socks but they also had a holes pattern on them. I have extreme trypophobia, so it really freaked me out.
My partner got upset because I didn’t give the reactions he was expecting. I told him before that I have trypophobia. He was so really well-off, so it’s really insulting he got me socks for my birthday when he got expensive jewelry for his mom, sister, and grandma.
Not even for special occasions.
I was so upset I ended the party early. When we came up, I balled up the socks and gave them to my dog as a chew toy to play with. So it won’t go to waste. Later, when he saw my dog messing with the socks, he got angry and yelled at me that I was misusing his gift. He told me that I should be grateful.
I told him that he’s given his family members expensive or well-thought-out presents for just normal days like it was nothing and that he’s a jerk for not even putting half of the thought he did for me into them.
I talked to my brother about this, and he told me that maybe my partner doesn’t believe we are as far into the relationship to give me items as he does to his family.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not including that it’s polka dots and not actual holes. This sounds like an honest mistake, I don’t think most people would think that polka dots would trigger trypophobia. Him giving jewelry to family members does not mean he should be giving his partner of 5 months some.
This sounds like a mismatch of expectations that was escalated wildly by you destroying the present. Edit: I think it’s buried far down in the comments now, but for those who haven’t seen OP also admitted that they never told him they had trypophobia.
She expected him to know because she freaked out over a wasps nest once when they were together.” annedroiid
Another User Comments:
“Damn, bf tested to see if you were about him or the money. You failed. YTJ. Edit: Am I the only person who would be perfectly happy with socks?
Especially fun socks. My wife has gotten me socks with ice cream cones on them and I love them, wear them all the time. Additional edit since I’m near the top of the jerk heap: the “holes” in the socks were clarified as polka dots.” tibearius1123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Socks?!! Unless you have a particular thing for socks that’s a really terrible gift. The holes thing is just icing on the jerk cake. The only way this makes sense is if you’ve only been in a relationship for less than a month and he’s not sure how serious it is.” foofoofoofooood
5. AITJ For Refusing To Confront My Fiancé's Mother Over Unauthorized Use Of Our Debit Card?
“I, f24, and engaged to my fiancé, m27, who we will call Jeff. Just as of recently we found out his mom had our debit card on her Amazon account and had purchased a few things and the bills added up to a couple hundred dollars.
Last night he asked if I could ask her for the money back, I said no and that I was uncomfortable with that situation. After I had said that, Jeff then went into great detail about how it would be way better to come from me than him and that I talk to his mom more than him anyways.
He said stuff along the lines of “it will just end up in a screaming match if I ask her.”
I told him that he was making me feel bad and that I still wasn’t comfortable to have that conversation with his mother. Then he told me all I have to do is say “Jeff wants to talk with you about our card being on your account” and I told him that he wasn’t taking my feelings into account here at all.
Then he starts going off about how it’s just one favor and that if I can’t do it then he will and he’ll never ask for favors like this ever again. At one point I got up and told him that I don’t deserve to be treated this way and he gave me grief about walking away from a “stupid argument.” What I said before I walked away was that the reason there’s an argument is because he wasn’t listening to how I felt and kept pushing me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with and that to me isn’t stupid.
So AITA for walking away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA Can you log on to her account at all? If so delete that card information. If not then cancel the card. It may sound extreme but if she has happily been using it without telling you and it is in the hundreds now it could soon get to the thousands.
It may be an honest mistake – using it once then it defaults to that one, maybe she ordered something at your/Jeff’s request and got the information that way. If he cannot speak to his mum about it then he is not going to stand up for anything in future.” AggravatingSand8896
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You should be mad enough to cancel that card and ask him why she has the card on her account. If she obtained it fraudulently, then you should report her to the police for theft. I don’t get how you can be so casual about someone using your bank card.
Once she has your card information, it is out there for her to use forever unless you cancel the card.” holisarcasm
Bigger problem is he only cares about how he feels.
4. AITJ For Telling My Father I Don't Love or Hate Anyone?
“So for context, I (16M) live with my father and my brother (M3), I have neurological difficulties which makes things harder for me. I have difficulty with my emotions, I don’t feel too many of them.
I’ve never loved someone, not my parents, partners or anyone else. I used to feel insecure about this but recently I’ve come to accept how I am.
The actual problem came up last week when I was spending time with my father and grandmother. We were in the middle of a conversation about who knows what.
At one point my father laughingly said “S, haha sometimes it feels like you don’t love me”. I didn’t think too much of the actual question and answered with “Because I don’t really do, I don’t love nor hate. But I highly respect you”. Now when I’m thinking about the actual wording I feel like I could’ve said it better, I know that.
I apologised after for my wording but reinforced that there is no actual person that I feel able to love.
He seemed upset, the psychologists I’ve been to have explained my struggle with emotions to him and he still called me a jerk for not loving him.
The only person in my family who seems to support me after saying this to my father is my grandmother (father’s side) who told me she feels kinda the same so she understands what I’m going through.
I don’t feel bad, but I don’t want to see my father sad.
So, am I the jerk for telling my father that I don’t love nor hate anyone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you can’t help feeling the way you feel, or don’t feel as it were. As you said, you have a neurological condition. You also show concern that you may have hurt your dad.
If you had said what you said and acted like your father’s hurt feelings weren’t a big deal, then it would be YTJ. And it’s not as if it came out of nowhere. Your father asked and you answered.” duermando
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You spoke the truth so you’re NTJ.
But I can see that as a parent, even if you understand your condition, being told you’re not loved out loud is hurtful so your father’s feelings are valid as well. But you recognized the situation and apologized already which was the right thing to do.” ElenaFjwr
Another User Comments:
“I would say YTJ… even if you don’t feel it, you must have known that saying this would hurt him. If he isn’t such a horrible father, would a little white lie be such a difficult thing to do? I don’t like a lot of people and I don’t feel the need to say that to their faces.
It’s not a neurological problem. It’s manner…. and this is your father you’re talking about. You could have even said nothing at all and it would still be better than this.” myrabell
3. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Skip Gym On Certain Days For More Sleep?
“My wife has been going to the gym 3-4 times a week for the last year. She’s seeing tangible results, and it’s improved her self image and mental health.
It’s also been a big social outlet for her while she was on maternity leave. She does classes because she does better in that kind of environment.
I do shift work, switching between early and late shifts. When I do late shifts I sometimes don’t get home until 1 or 2 in the morning.
We also have 2 kids (3 and 18mos). They go to daycare Monday to Thursday.
The problem is Fridays (or any day the kids aren’t in daycare) and I’m on late shifts. She leaves for her gym class around 6:45. After class she comes home, gets ready, and leaves for work around 9:30.
The kids are pretty much always up before 7. So that leaves me to do a full day of childcare, then go do a full work day until 1AM, all on less than 6 hours of sleep. That takes a toll on me mentally and physically, and I work a safety critical job so being properly rested is a requirement.
Her not going to the gym would give me an extra 2 hours of sleep.
So I want to tell her not to go to the gym in days when we both work, I work late the night before, and the kids aren’t in daycare, but I don’t want to act like I’m forcing stereotypical gender roles and making her take care of the kids while I sleep.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is totally reasonable and you’re not going to be out of line for raising it with her. HOWEVER – you _will_ be the jerk if you frame it the way you (maybe unintentionally) do in this post’s title – like you’re planning on _telling_ her not to do something.
This should be a discussion with the aim of arriving at a compromise that works for everyone… otherwise you’ll definitely be the jerk” STATEofMOJO
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, assuming you phrase it as a question and not “telling her.” The gym is important for her mental health, and the relaxation is important for your mental health.
There’s plenty of room for compromise, you switch off weeks where she goes to the gym and where she stays home, or you find a way to get more childcare, you find a way to allow her to do some workout stuff at home, etc. The importance is just expressing how you feel and acknowledging how she feels and finding a solution as a partnership.” Fitness-Throwaweigh
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – there’s other compromises here. The kids go to daycare more often or on different days. You switch your job to a more consistent schedule. She goes to the gym a different time on those days. Work WITH her.” Stlhockeygrl
2. AITJ For Refusing to Transport Wedding Favors for My Brother-in-Law's Wedding?
“My husband and I live in a country that is a 12 hour plane ride away from his parents and siblings.
His brother is getting married and the wedding is where the parents live. We are obviously flying in for the wedding. When his other brother got married six months ago, they ordered traditional favors from the country where we live. My husband had to figure out how to get them to the bride’s brother, who was doing a gap year in our country, it was a huge pain.
This time my mother-in-law reached out to us with a question about the favors(she doesn’t speak the language here fluently and we do). My husband helped her, but suggested buying local to them(and the wedding), and told her very clearly that we won’t be able to transport them.
They are very heavy, and would mean an extra suitcase that would probably also be overweight. She said they could ship them to the wedding location and we left it at that.
Now it turns out a family friend was supposed to bring them(he commutes regularly between our country and theirs) but has already left. Now my mother-in-law and brother-in-law are contacting us for our address so they can be sent to us.
We don’t want to do it(they haven’t even asked if we will, they are just assuming we can). Would we be the jerks if we tell them we can’t transport them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You *already* said no. Now they are ignoring your no because they didn’t make better plans.
Unless they also want to pay for your extra, overweight bag, I’d definitely hold firm on the no.” Weekend_Breakfast
Another User Comments:
“Your husband and you had already said no, but your mother-in-law is assuming you will help them. As she’s asking for your address, give her the address of the venue then, and remind her that it was her initial plan.
On the other hand, your MIL is willing to pay for the cost of the extra suitcase, and while it’d be heavy, unless you won’t be in a taxi or a car, it wouldn’t be a big deal to take that along.
So I think that in this situation: ESH” xoxo_jk29
Well, sucks to be her. Stick to your plan. Remind MIL that you said you wouldn't be able to help in that way, and give the address of the wedding venue. If the venue charges storage on the favors until the wedding, that's on her. Do NOT alter your plans or accede to hers. Good luck.
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's In-Laws To My Wedding?
“This past weekend my parents held a couples shower for my wife and I (28M) with members from both of our families in attendance.
Setting up before the party everyone pitched in with the exception of my brother and his wife. They stayed in their room while my nephew (5) ran around asking for someone to play with him as we tried to get all of the preparations done. Although annoyed we managed to get everything ready before people arrived and the party seemed to be fine with everyone having a good time.
Towards the end of the day I pulled a prank on my nephew and emptied rainwater from the tent on to him (I may be the jerk for that). My brother and his wife were upset but it didn’t seem to be too serious.
The next morning I am woken up by my parents who said my brother and sister-in-law are leaving early and are upset. I go to talk to them and one of the reasons they brought up for being upset was that my wife and I are not inviting her parents to our wedding.
Apparently they were going to have them watch my nephew who is the ring bearer. This is the first time I heard anything about it and I am inclined to say no. The wedding is taking place near where my brother lives and they could just as easily have their regular babysitter watch him if they prefer to be on their own for the reception.
WIBTJ not inviting my brother’s in-laws to the wedding even if it means they have to figure out childcare some way else?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Prank aside (which I hope was nothing more than a few harmless drops of water and not a deluge from a water laden tent) these people are not your family nor your friends.
You said that they’ve only met your wife once; they’re essentially strangers to her. You’re not a mind reader. If your brother wanted his in-laws invited so that they can watch your nephew, they need to tell you that. They also need to be prepared to have the request rejected. Their childcare problem is not yours to solve.” BadBandit1970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so they want you to include 2 additional people with the sole purpose of having them watch your 5yo nephew at the reception. This is a pretty strange request. Most people either watch their own kids at the reception, hire a babysitter, or don’t go.
I’d say no to this “request”, especially since you and your fiancée are not close to them. If it’s close enough, you could always use the “sorry, the headcount is already locked in with vendors” excuse.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but is there a real reason to say no?
Can you not financially afford it? Most weddings don’t have 100% attendance. Generally making accommodations for ring bearers/flower girls etc would be something worth considering. Does your brother have to spend extra money on an outfit for the ring bearer? And likely needs a sitter for the grooms dinner evening and the reception?
The child has to be at the ceremony and then elsewhere for the reception?” No_Location_5565
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