People Ask Us To Probe Into Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

The opinions of others are beyond our control. Everyone has the right to select the people they want in their lives. It seems logical to associate with likeable people and well-regarded individuals, and it's improbable that you'll give someone another chance if you already have a bad impression of them. But people are typically far more than what we believe we already know about them. In an attempt to prove to us that they are not as horrible as some people portray them to be, the people in the following stories share their experiences with us. After reading their stories, tell us who you think the real jerks are. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

23. AITJ For Forcing A Teen To Drive The Car?

“I (F 38) and my husband (M 35) have three kids (8 M, 6 F, and 3 F). We also occasionally foster kids, mostly younger ones and short-term placements, but a few months ago my CPS agent approached me and kindly asked to take in an older troubled teen.

I’ll call him Ryan for privacy.

Ryan is 16, and he’s a wonderful kid, despite his issues. He has a learning disability and he’s no genius at academic stuff, but he’s wonderful at picking up practical skills. He’s not stupid by any means, just severely neglected. Ryan also has PTSD as he’s the sole survivor of a horrible car accident.

It’s so bad he literally can’t get into the car willingly and unrestrained, last time it was attempted, he broke the window trying to get out. He has a license, though, and had it for half a year now.

So, fast forward to yesterday.

I wanted to go to the mall to buy the Christmas presents. Keep in mind that originally I asked my husband to do it a month ago and he still didn’t buy anything. I couldn’t leave the kids alone at home and I definitely couldn’t force Ryan to babysit them.

I also couldn’t leave Ryan alone because he’d feel excluded from a family activity and I wanted him to pick his own Christmas present.

The mall is quite a ride away from my house, and you need to get on a highway to get there.

Ryan told me he was not getting in the car, and since I didn’t want to argue with an already traumatized child, I handed him the keys and said ‘Okay, drive’.

Ryan turned out to be a wonderful driver. I’m a driving instructor myself, and I can tell if a person has a talent for driving or not.

Ryan has the talent, he’s basically a natural-born driver, he feels the car, feels the road, brakes and accelerates smoothly, and parks without parking assistance even though he doesn’t have much experience. He’s on high alert, but he’s not overly anxious.

To be honest, I felt safer in the car with him than with my husband who’s constantly on the phone when driving.

We got to the mall and back with absolutely zero issues. Like, absolutely zero, keep in mind that Ryan is an inexperienced driver and it was his first time driving a truck.

So when my husband got home, I told him that I bought the presents and he asked me if I left Ryan with the kids, I said no, I took him along. He asked how did I force Ryan into the car and I told him I gave him the keys.

My husband absolutely lost it. He said that it was incredibly irresponsible of me to let a kid drive the whole family on a highway. He started saying that I’m a horrible mother and could’ve killed us all, and even went as far as to drop the r-slur referring to Ryan.

I couldn’t stand it anymore as he basically insulted my son, foster or not it didn’t matter at the moment, and I yelled at him, insulting his ability to drive which my husband is very self-conscious about.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would have tested his driving somewhere less busy than a highway since he’s inexperienced and has some traffic-related trauma, but you’re a driving instructor so I have to assume that if his driving was crappy, you wouldn’t have let him get on the highway.

That said, picking up on the fact that his fear of cars was partially about a lack of control was some truly great parenting and shows how much you care about Ryan.

Your husband on the other hand is a huge jerk. The way he talks about Ryan is disgusting and clearly shows that he doesn’t consider him a member of the family.

He also downplayed your expertise; you’re a driving instructor and he knows he drives poorly – he should be respecting the fact that you know more about road safety than he does.

Finally, it’s truly ridiculous that he’s calling you a bad mother considering you solved the car problem.” itsastrideh

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, no matter who drives the truck, there’s always gonna be a risk. Yeah maybe you should have talked to your husband before letting Ryan drive, but the fact that Ryan has a driver’s license and with you being a driving instructor, you definitely know when someone knows how to drive.

You mentioned that you felt safer than driving with your husband, who is constantly on the phone while driving. To be honest, that sounds more like an irresponsible driver than Ryan does. And why should a learning disability or a trauma indicate a bad driver?!

I mean he is traumatized by that horrible car accident so I guess he is driving even more carefully.” onlyflamingo73053

4 points - Liked by lebe, Mattie, Anonymous and 2 more
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
YTJ. YOU forgot to do things on your own time, so you force a teenager who doesn't want to even ride in a car because of what happened to him, to drive YOU? Seriously? What is wrong with you?
0 Reply

22. AITJ For Not Giving My Family's Gifts Because They Offended My Partner?

“I  (31 M) and my long-term partner (30 M) bought a house together last June.

I have a big family, with eight cousins and around twenty nieces and nephews and I’m the oldest of my generation. I also have a pretty high-paying job and so does my partner.

My partner hasn’t had any contact with his family for over a decade and has been coming to my family celebrations since before we were together.

Within my family, I am known to be a bit of a splurger with gifts, and the kids are always excited about my gifts because they’re usually big things like LEGO sets and things of the sort.

Now with the story: So today (or yesterday I guess), my family held a pre-Christmas celebration since we will not be able to meet up anytime this year after this week.

It was held at me and my partner’s new house, the first family event we’ve had here. My partner really wanted to take part in the gift-giving so went all out with gifts, spending an average of 100 dollars per person. He was so excited to give everyone their presents since we spent not only funds but also a lot of time picking everything for everyone.

The festivities were a hit and my partner and I stepped away for a bit to have some quiet time together, while we were resting on the stairs, we overheard my cousin (17 F) chatting with my niece (15 F), they were joking around about a few family members and mentioned my partner and how he was ‘too gay to function’.

Honestly, we didn’t mind it too much, it’s a movie reference and they’re kids, but then another cousin (24 M) came in and began making harsher jokes, which the kids laughed at. These ‘jokes’ brought my partner to tears and I refused to let that slide.

When the gift trading began, I took the three aside and let them know that I wasn’t happy with their comments and that they weren’t ok to say. I told them to apologize to my partner because it was unfair to him and they refused because they were just jokes that we weren’t meant to hear.

I told them I didn’t care and they had to apologize. They refused again and I told them that since they didn’t respect him they didn’t deserve the presents we got for them. This got them to backtrack and say they’d apologize but I told them it was too late but they should still apologize.

This is where I think I might have been too harsh.

The youngest of my cousins told her mum, my aunt, that I was refusing to give her and the other two their presents and she was angry about it, she told the parents of my niece and the male cousin’s dad and partner about it and all of them made a huge fuss.

My sister and I kicked them out and when they tried to grab their presents before leaving I stopped them and rushed them out the door. The whole thing fell apart after that and it all ended very abruptly.

So, AITJ for kicking them out and taking away their gifts over jokes?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Oooooh the entitlement is strong with these folks. You were not disciplining her awful, stupid children, you were not giving them something that they were absolutely not entitled to. These rude dumb kids were being completely disrespectful to you and your partner in your own house.

And where have they learned this? OK, some are at school/internet, but it is reinforced at their homes. These people are nasty leeches.

Stop the presents, just stop, all of them. See who still turns up at your house, see who still keeps in touch.

Sorry OP, but your generosity has masked some deep homophobia, and you guys need a new balance.” boredathome1962

Another User Comments:

“Merry Christmas to your partner and you. He sounds so wonderful and excited to be part of your family. This must have hurt him deeply.

I wish I could give him a hug right now. I’m sending a big one anyway. He sounds like a beautiful, sensitive soul who’s been through enough already from his family. He doesn’t need more drama from yours.

Please let him understand that large pockets of people in the world are stupid, and it’s not on him.

Some people are simply beyond help, and it’s not your partner’s problem. Absolutely NTJ.

Those few people are not welcome back at your home. They’re awful and have been taking advantage of your generosity. Nothing more. They have no real respect for you, or they wouldn’t talk that way about someone you care deeply about, in his own home.

It’s infuriating. They’re not welcome back. And they are never to get gifts again. Not even after fake apologies that might come later just so they can resume taking from you.” MangoSuspicious5641

2 points - Liked by Mattie and lebe
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21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook My Specialty Casserole For Our Christmas Party?

“For almost 15 years now, my friends (we’re all 35+) have holiday parties where we each bring a dish.

Mine has always been a green bean casserole. It’s nothing fancy, just a random recipe I found online.

A few years ago, Amy joined our group. There have been 0 issues with Amy until parties. My casserole was overhyped and after tasting it, Amy said she could do better.

I gladly passed casserole duty to her. It ‘didn’t hit the same’, and it was gently suggested to get passed back to me.

Amy took this personally. For years, she texted me after parties about how offended she was that I kept making the dish to spite her, and how bad it tasted. She’s even ‘accidentally’ brought her own green bean casserole several times.

This Thanksgiving, Amy snapped over someone complimenting my casserole. She screamed at everyone for pandering to me, how I was out to get her, and for everyone hating her family since her recipe had been passed down for generations. Then she stormed out.

We all talked afterward, and I explained this had been going on for years, even showing her the texts.

Everyone said it was out of character for Amy, and wondered if something else was going on. As far as I’m aware, it’s only the casserole. We get along 100% otherwise.

I took Amy, her husband, and my husband out for coffee to talk, and was told it was all a misunderstanding.

Amy has been struggling with depression, so it was within her rights to act how she did. I asked how I could help, but Amy said questions like those were what her therapist warned her of me attempting to manipulate her. We agreed to end our talk there since we were getting heated in public and hadn’t talked since.

When the group chat began planning Christmas dishes, Amy went out of her way to say I should make the casserole since I accused her of ‘hating it’, and she wouldn’t want everyone to feel more uncomfortable than I’m making a misunderstanding out to be.

When I tried to speak up, everyone said I shouldn’t take things so seriously, and to sympathize with Amy going through a rough patch.

To me, Amy has made it well aware that something to do with myself or the casserole is causing her so much turmoil over the years.

She simply won’t talk to me about it, just claims I never listen to her.

I have no plans to make the casserole, but now I don’t want to go to the Christmas party. My husband thinks it’s unfair for me to do to everyone, and that I shouldn’t exclude myself from a fun time.

I told him there were no hard feelings of him going on his own, but he said I was missing the point. He said such a minor thing shouldn’t affect years of good moments with Amy and our friends.

I fully understand how depression affects people, but it’s hard for me to accept it as a get-out-free card.

I’m very confused, and failing to see why this shouldn’t be taken seriously.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

‘Amy has been struggling with depression, so it was within her rights to act how she did’. I say this as someone who has had my own history of depression, that is nonsense.

Depression does not give you the right to insult and harass a friend for YEARS. And it definitely doesn’t keep you from apologizing for your actions.

Seems like they are using her depression as an excuse and they are not dealing with whatever is really behind the casserole fixation.

If you don’t want to go, don’t.

I would say you need a break from these people. I am sorry they don’t have your back and have been manipulated to give Amy a free pass for her behavior.” Laines_Ecossaises

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but this has been going on for YEARS.

This is not ‘Amy going through a rough patch’ – because it has been YEARS. I don’t understand either why you have been putting up with her bullying for so long, or why you aren’t being clearer with your friends: ‘No, this is NOT a rough patch – it’s an escalation of something that has been going on for years & I’ve decided I’m not willing to put up with her bullying me anymore.’

It sounds like you’re not interested in meeting up with this friend group because they are not supporting you – but have chosen to back Amy’s bullying instead. Start using the word bullying. Start expecting them to support you – which they can ONLY do if you fully communicate what’s going on.

And yes, feel free to stay home if they don’t support you – but do make sure you are clearly communicating all of this to them, otherwise it’s not their fault they are making decisions on partial information.

To be clear, I am saying: stand up for yourself OP & don’t let Amy bully you out of this friendship group – which has possibly been her aim all along.

Stop taking this so quietly. Get your husband to support you in getting the group’s backing – by taking it seriously yourself & communicating the extent of the bullying & the distress she has caused you over many years!” amberallday

2 points - Liked by Mattie and lebe
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and Amy's issues are neither your problem or your responsibility to fix. Tell her to grow up and stop obsessing over a stupid casserole.
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20. AITJ For Pulling Out Of Our Lease?

“I (28 M) am planning on moving out of a house that I and some roommates agreed to lease.

To preface, I lived at this house for 4 years, and in the first 2 years, I had one set of roommates. All of these roommates left and that left me with the house and I could invite some people to become roommates.

So I gathered some new roommates to help me lease the house and reduce the cost of living. We were a nice bunch chilling at the house and there weren’t that many issues.

2 years passed by and some ‘changes’ have occurred around the house. A roommate started inviting her cousin over and started to become a ‘tenant.’ She would occasionally come by the house on random days, be it Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and even Sunday, and start having karaoke nights or just drink the night away until like 3 AM.

I have work from Monday through Friday at 5 AM. This ‘tenant’ and the others would tend to get rowdy later in the day and cause a lot of noise to the point where I couldn’t sleep at night. As a person who has to work early in the morning, I would ask nicely to keep the noise levels down to a minimum.

They would refuse to listen and continue their activities at the same noise level, if not louder.

This has been a recurring event for about 6 months and the situation hasn’t gotten any better. I would always ask these roommates to keep the noise levels down whenever they have these gatherings but to no avail.

I am outnumbered in this situation because every roommate is joining in on these activities and I’m the only one who wants to have peace and quiet.

So, as there is no longer a compromise with these tenants, I have decided to move out of the premises.

I gave my landlord a written notice and she has accepted it. What I did not know is that the landlord is no longer making the lease valid after I move out, so now everyone is getting evicted. This was something beyond my control and I did not know that she was essentially going to remove the house from the renting market and evict all of the tenants.

The roommates find out about this and they are absolutely furious. They are saying that I am the jerk for leaving the house and basically making them ‘homeless’. I can hear them from my room flaming me for not asking what I asked for (even though I did) and not forewarning them that I am moving out, even though the lease terms explicitly state that a 30-day written notice is required.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You can’t live with these people as they do not respect your need for sleep and your working hours. That is particularly rude because you are the person who allowed them to move in with you. You talked with the landlord and the landlord has no problem with you.

The landlord has a problem with the other roommates. It is their behavior that the landlord does not want to deal with. NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249

Another User Comments:

“Based on the given details, it is evident that you are NTJ. Despite making numerous attempts to address the noise issue caused by the roommate and her guests, your requests were consistently disregarded.

Since you have early morning work commitments and the right to live in a peaceful environment, it is understandable that you took appropriate actions such as providing a 30-day written notice to your landlord.

The eviction of the other roommates was a consequence of their own making and beyond your control.

With that said it’s time to set aside this moment in your life and embrace a future filled with brighter opportunities and better roommates, or no roommates if possible.” Marigold1245

2 points - Liked by Mattie and lebe
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. You repeatedly asked your roommates to respect your sleep schedule and work hours and they repeatedly refused. What else are you supposed to do? Let them all get kicked out. Not your problem.
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19. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Family That I'm Autistic?

“I (F 24) have been with my partner for 2 years. We’re family friends and have known each other and the other’s family growing up.

Throughout my life, I thought I’d struggled with anxiety, depression, and mild OCD, but never quite fit the diagnostic criteria and struggled to get effective treatment or a diagnosis.

This has been pretty private my entire life- it was rarely visible from the outside.

Shortly before my partner and I started going out, at 21, I saw a new provider who suggested I read about how autism presents itself in women. I was hesitant since I had a preconceived idea about what autism looked like, but just about everything I read clicked and it was like a light flipped on.

I felt so understood and everything made so much sense, including my past struggles to get an effective diagnosis/treatment.

I underwent two evaluations (one was just for a second opinion) and was diagnosed with autism from each.

The diagnosis did not change much about my day-to-day life but understanding autism definitely helped me learn better coping mechanisms for some of my struggles.

My evaluations were literally right before my partner and I became ‘official’ and it took me a while to disclose to him, but he was super understanding and read up on autism in women. It has never been an issue in our relationship.

Recently we were at a bonfire with his extended family and I was sitting with the women.

My partner’s sister Sara is pregnant and shared her fear of her baby having autism, and the women started talking about how awful that would be – how if the baby had autism it’d need round-the-clock lifelong care and ruin the parent’s life.

I sympathized to an extent because autism is a spectrum, and some autistic people do need round-the-clock lifelong care, and raising a severely disabled child is taxing.

But most autistic kids grow up into functioning adults, so I kindly told her that and that even if her baby had autism, everything would most likely be alright.

She responded ‘Have you ever MET an autistic adult? Clearly not.’ Then went on about how even the few autistic adults who don’t need round-the-clock care can’t hold ‘normal’ jobs and could never support themselves.

Everyone with autism is different, but Sara and her family have always raved about me and expressed extreme support for me and my partner’s relationship. I have a great career and very comfortably support myself.

I listened until I couldn’t anymore and then I said ‘Sara, for what it’s worth, I am autistic.’ The women freaked out and said there was ‘no way’ I was autistic.

I went on to share that I’ve been evaluated twice, and autism is pretty widely misunderstood.

Sara practically ran to tell on me to my partner, who just said ‘I know. It’s not really a big deal.’

He is on my side but the rest of his family is saying I ruined their night and should’ve sat them down to have a serious conversation about my diagnosis rather than ‘springing it on them.’ They’re extremely mad at me for the way I went about this.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I truly appreciate your candor. You do not owe them anything. They’re sprouting stereotypes and you knocked them down a peg. A joke I tend to use when people have said my children do not look autistic. It’s how you style the hair and cover it right up.

Women classically have been underdiagnosed. I myself am very likely on the spectrum, I am literally too busy taking care of my kids to seek diagnosis. Actually, that’s not fair. Half is the kids. Half is fighting the system that treats people who are on the spectrum like crap.” PicklesMcpickle

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They aren’t mad at you for how you told them. They’re mad because you let them reveal themselves as the narrow-minded and judgmental people they are. Please don’t let them get under your skin.

You sound like a very sensible person who has learned to deal with difficult issues successfully.

You have a partner who is a good person, you have a good job, and you deal with life on your terms. Not everyone can say that about themselves.

Please don’t let these shallow individuals take the wind out of your sails. Best of luck in all you do.” HappyGardener52

1 points - Liked by Mattie
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18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Stepdaughter Any More Christmas Gifts?

“I have 2 kids – 1 teen, 1 in elementary school. My husband, Josh, has 2 kids – both teens with his ex. We have a 1-year-old together. This is about my oldest stepdaughter who is 19.

My 2 kids asked for several small/medium items for Christmas as did Josh’s younger daughter.

Nothing any of those 3 asked for cost over $75 per item. (The average cost for them was $500 each) My oldest stepdaughter, Ruby, however, asked for the least amount of gifts, but the cost added up to be way more than the other 3 kids and everything for the baby ($300) combined. Macbook Pro, iPad Pro, iPhone 15 Pro Max, AirPods pro, and tickets to 2 concerts (each ticket was over $500), 1 which requires airfare and a hotel stay, the other one we’re paying for her to stay 2 nights but it’s in driving distance.

Josh wants us to get Ruby more gifts to open on Christmas day as she’ll only have 4 actual gifts to open, whereas the other kids will have significantly more. He says we should get her some makeup, cute dresses, jewelry, and accessories so Ruby is not feeling left out while the other kids are opening all of their gifts and she’s sitting there with nothing left to open.

I’m against this as between just her 2 concerts and all costs associated with them is over $2500 and her other gifts are rather significant, too.

Josh says I’m being unfair to Ruby, that it’s the holidays so getting her some more gifts won’t hurt, and we can afford it, but to me, it’s unfair to the other kids when funds-wise, Ruby is getting so much more than all of them combined.

I told Josh, I refused to do any more Christmas shopping but as Ruby’s dad, I won’t stop him from it. He says he’s so busy with work he doesn’t have time and if I don’t do it Ruby won’t have much to open Christmas day and might have hurt feelings or feel left out.

I told him she was 19, she got everything she asked for and I’m not doing any more shopping for her. Josh says he can’t believe I’d treat Ruby like she’s not important, I told him again that I’m done shopping, anything more, he’s got to figure out.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Tell him you completely understand what he is saying and if he wants Ruby to have numerically more gifts instead of the ones she specifically requested, you are willing to do that so to make sure she feels loved. Which of these extremely expensive gifts should you return in exchange for having trinkets instead?

(We all know that isn’t what he had in mind.)

In that case, since it wouldn’t be fair to the little ones, he’s going to have to earn a lot more funds so they can each get something extremely expensive since he is saying that equal gifts are the only way to reassure children that they are equally loved.

It is a shame he will have to work longer hours to pay for such needless extravagance and miss so much time with the family. He’s going to have to do it every year too, since once you set up expectations, he wouldn’t want to disappoint the children.

The whole family will really miss him.

I wish you could say all that in front of someone he respects who would explain to him that he is being a jerk. (I am not suggesting that he doesn’t respect you, merely that he is making assumptions and not truly listening as he thinks you have a bias.)

Maybe the only way to wake him up is to change the words? If he gives Ruby so much so easily, how is she supposed to understand that these things are valuable gifts and not trinkets? I would think that her Christmas list was a list of all her wishes, not an invoice that must be purchased?

NTJ” latents

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Wrap up the concert tickets, separately. That’s two more ‘packages’. Wrap up the airplane ticket, one more. Wrap up a photo of the hotel reservation, one more. There are 4 right there. Besides that, she’s a 19-year-old young woman, if she’s counting gifts, that’s an issue right there.

I’d be interested to know, what her bio mom is hosting her for Christmas, do those packages get included? Dad has issues. In my opinion, a list is a wish list, not a must-get list.” Traditional-Bag-4508

1 points - Liked by lebe
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17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel With My Newborn Baby For Christmas?

“I (33 f) have a 6-month-old boy and my husband (33 m) and I can’t wait to have our first Christmas with him.

For months we have told each set of parents that we are not traveling this Christmas and want to relax at home and if anyone wants to see him, we can arrange something for Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, etc.

Tonight I have had a phone call from my parents asking to bring him to their house on Christmas Day as the rest of the extended family want to see him.

None of the extended family messaged or contacted us during the pregnancy or in the last 6 months unless it was a birthday or family emergency and this included not checking in or asking about the c-section and recovery, minor operations, and development issues my son had at birth.

I explained to my parents that if they haven’t bothered with him and us for six months then I’m not going out of my way, packing all the baby stuff we need to travel, etc for an hour visit with family who hasn’t shown that they actually care about us and checked in.

Parents said that everyone may feel distanced from us due to the routine we’ve been trying to establish as the baby hasn’t slept through the night since birth and we normally are in bed or trying to wind down from 6 pm/7 pm. I understand that this could be difficult to organise visits but they’ve not texted or attempted to organise anything for weekends or other times.

I told them that I’ve felt abandoned by my family as I’ve had no contact or check-ins from anyone but my friends and my husband’s side of the family have always messaged or called in with no issues and they dismissed my feelings of abandonment and tried to blame my attitude.

I’m feeling pretty defeated by it all and disappointed that when I explained how I felt, it was spun into me being difficult but we’re first-time parents trying our best

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Most new moms don’t want to travel or go to LARGE family gatherings in the first year.

Besides, all you have to pack no one wants to expose their baby to a large number of people with possible winter illnesses.

A new baby at a family event usually ends up with the baby getting passed around. Some are ok with that and some are not.

Hold off until next Christmas. Don’t stress about the baby not sleeping through the night at 6 months. None of the babies I have raised slept through the night until on solid foods and it was usually only 6 hours at most in the beginning. Not the solid 8.

I’m sure you are craving. You are doing the right thing for you!” becoming_maxine

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you have a baby they need to be at home, especially if settling into a sleep routine is being challenging. Tell them that they can drop by for a visit on Boxing Day afternoon at a convenient time for your child’s sleep schedule.

Outside that they can whistle for it.

If they whine about the inconvenience then point out how much worse it is with a baby and hang up.

Babies and traveling = 10x more stuff than 2 adults and a huge amount of faffing about. Plus disruption of schedules, feeding, and sleeping.

Oh and let’s hope they don’t get car sick…” firebirdinflames

1 points - Liked by lebe
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16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister-In-Law To Name Her Baby The Same Name As Mine?

“I (30 f) and my husband (32 m) have one daughter, Madelyn (8 f). I have a SIL, Jasmin (32 f), and she has been having infertility issues for a while now and has had a couple of miscarriages. Jasmin and I aren’t that close but we’re friendly to each other.

She got pregnant a few months ago and she had her gender reveal party about 2 weeks ago. Everyone was so excited and happy when we found out she was having a girl.

During this year’s family Christmas dinner, she announced that she was going to name her kid Madelyn, but spelled differently of course!

(as if that made it any better) Her daughter’s name was going to be Madilyn. I was completely shocked. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that Jasmin would want to name her kid Madelyn as well. If she told me before we named our daughter, I probably would’ve taken that into consideration before naming her.

I asked Jasmin why she would want to name her daughter the same name as mine, and she said that technically it wasn’t the same name since it was going to be spelled differently. She also said that her great aunt’s name was also Madilyn and that she thought that Madilyn was a cute name.

Jasmin also mentioned that Madilyn was supposed to be the name of her kid before she had a miscarriage (this was before Madelyn was born). I never even knew that was what she wanted to name her kid because she never told anyone!

I was really upset and told her she could’ve just told me before I named my daughter that she also wanted to name her daughter Madelyn.

She said that I was always such a witch and that I probably would’ve named my daughter Madelyn either way. I don’t even know what I ever did to this woman. I then asked what we were going to do about the confusion of them having the same name and she told me we could use my daughter’s middle name!

Like, what? I told her if anything, we should be calling her daughter by her middle name since my daughter came first.

We went back and forth a few more times before I decided to leave early with my husband and Madelyn. My daughter was also pretty confused and asked why her aunt would want to name her daughter the same name as her.

I’m still really upset and hope she changes her mind, but this morning my BIL texted me and said that I should try to better understand Jasmin and her feelings. I texted him back and told him that she should stop being such a witch and try to understand my feelings instead.

I really don’t think I’m a jerk, but AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. I don’t think anyone is in the right here. She may or may not have had the name picked out first. Which is where the anger came from. But the issue is getting all petty over it.

Both parties. She called names, you stormed out. It was Christmas, you both could have let this go. And deal with it on a different day.

No matter what you say, and how much you protest she’s going to do whatever she wants. While I think naming a cousin the same name is silly, but to each their own.

I know plenty of people with the same name who show up at my house. Not the same issue, or scale, but it’s easy to deal with. Let’s say Jacob for instance, one is Jake the other is Jacob. We have two Madelyn’s, one is Maddy.

I’m sure you already have a nickname you call her.” squiffyflounder

Another User Comments:

“As a card-carrying member of The Decade of Jennifer, YTJ. Yeah, it would be nice if the cousins had different names, but getting into a fight over it, PARTICULARLY with someone who has lost multiple pregnancies, is where you lost the higher ground here.

From her perspective, you may even have used HER chosen name. She definitely told her husband what she wanted to name that first child and she can’t know who her husband might have told.

Both of y’all need to sit down and have an adult conversation about this.

And you need to be willing to apologize for your part in this mess.” DaemonNoire

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Of course, your SIL naming her daughter the same as yours is a weird, kinda trashy move. But she has clearly stated an emotional attachment to the name AND a belief that if the roles were swapped you wouldn’t have waivered either.

But no matter how awful an idea YOU think it is to have them share names, YOU don’t get to veto your SIL’s baby name!

Tell everyone your daughter has used the same name for 8 years and will continue to do so, and let your family work it all out.

For the record, I have two uncles and a brother who all share the same name, and two of them share the same first and last name. Sure – I’ve texted the wrong one on occasion, but it’s something that connects them, not something that divides them.” catsndogspls

1 points - Liked by lebe
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HROB1 3 months ago
It's a name. Calm down. It's not that unique of a name. My son is Jacob. I asked my husband is there another Jacob in the family and he said nope. Well, he forgot about his cousin son who is older than my son. So now we have 2 Jacob Johnson in the family. My niece got the nick name nae nae at the day care. That is my daughter nickname. My daughter is 20 years older. I think there is more to the story and you both dislike each other and making it a big deal. Yes, it is weird to name her the same name since you are close relatives, we never see the other Jacob, so it's no big deal.
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15. AITJ For Wanting To Wear An Oversized Hoodie?

“I (15 f) recently finished a really tough online course. The course took me 6 months of work and lots of crying over problems. The course is part of an extremely well-known university, and it’s an online version of the actual course taught at that school.

Once I finished, I got my certificate and was sent a link to the (name of school) shop, where I could buy merch for the course, or the school. I felt proud of my work, so I asked my dad if I could buy one of their course hoodies, with the course name printed on the front.

My dad, proud that I finished the class, agreed, so today I showed him the website and started picking the colors and the size. Important to note that I’m half Japanese, half Korean with a typical small stature.

I decided to pick the American L size, which my dad immediately said no to because it would be too big.

He said that American size differed from Japanese size and that an L would look huge and baggy on me, but I told him that I wanted an oversized and baggy hoodie, because I don’t have one of those. Besides, it’s really cold where I live so with a baggy hoodie I could wear layers without having to wear parka.

He explained to me in a REALLY exaggerated form, saying I wouldn’t be able to walk cuz it would be too big. He started getting mad and insisted I wear the medium size, literally yelling, and I asked him if he would rather I wear a revealing bikini to school and went to my room.

He went out for a smoke after that.

My mom told me that an American L is a Japanese XL, which is not a problem because I have a Japanese L-size hoodie that fits me right, but they both seem to think American L is a Japanese XXL or something.

I just don’t understand why my dad can’t let me wear the L-size hoodie, it’s not that big of a deal and it’s what I want. I’m not the type to show much skin, I never wear shorts in the summer except in the house or wear tight-fitting crop tops.

I’ve always liked baggy clothes, and it’s not body dysphoria or whatever, it’s just what I like. AITJ here for not listening to my parents?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. If your parents are this worried what I would do is look up the size chart for the hoodie and then a size chart for a local shop to you and find the equivalent size.

Then go try on the equivalent size hoodie. You may find you love the size and think it looks nice, or you may find you underestimated the size and it’s so big it’s uncomfortable (and that is a thing that can happen, neck hole so big it catches on your shoulder, sleeve cuffs bigger than your forearm so you can’t even push them up).

If you go and try on something of the equivalent size and like it then NTJ, you know what you like.” SheepPup

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ.

As a parent, I have had this fight. There is a difference between wanting to wear something a bit big and baggy on you, and wearing something 3+ sizes too big, to the point it obviously doesn’t fit.

Your dad isn’t trying to police what you wear. He is trying to be practical. He didn’t say you should buy your size. He said to buy 1-2x bigger, which is the normal size range for baggy clothing. You didn’t state your clothing size, but an American L is the equivalent of a 13-15 Japanese size (XL – XXL).

If you are normally a small or a medium, this is going to be ridiculously sized on you.

Getting an American M would already be oversized on you. It isn’t about showing skin or looking skinny. It’s about being practical about something that costs funds.

Your dad said No. Your mom said No. Instead of trying to find out why or understanding their point of view, you see them as being jerks and controlling. Honestly, if you were my child, I would tell you to buy whatever size you want, so long as you pay for it.

If they are paying, say thank you, be grateful, and accept the medium.” Jynx-Online

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is your choice after all. That said, he is kinda right about the difference in sizes, and as a skinny person myself a Medium sweatshirt is still big enough to feel loose or fit extra layers underneath.

People do like to buy oversized sweatshirts that feel like a big blanket or something, and sometimes big enough that you can fit your knees under it while sitting down. I suppose if you have zero experience with what a Large size is for American clothes vs Japanese, that perhaps this is a good chance to see what the large is like.” Ryugar

1 points - Liked by lebe
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14. AITJ For Being Mad At Our Relatives For Saying My Adoptive Mom Isn't My Son's Grandmother?

“When I was 10 I was put into foster care. I was placed with my aunt (my dad’s sister) and she eventually adopted me and my older sister. My adoptive mom and dad raised me until I became an adult and moved out at 18.

I started going out with my husband soon after and we got married when I was 20.

About a month we found out we were pregnant. Everyone was elated and in my eyes both my adoptive parents and bio dad and stepmom were equally my child’s grandparents.

Fast forward to when I was 9 months pregnant and could pop any day. My extended family has a family reunion every year and one member asked on our family social media page who all was coming.

Since I was due a week after the reunion was to take place I said I wasn’t coming. My adoptive mom so said she wasn’t going because she ‘was waiting for her grandchild to arrive’.

Everything was fine and dandy until my adoptive mom and I found out that our extended family was talking about our situation and said that my adoptive mom shouldn’t be excited to see my child because my kid was not her grandkid biologically.

In response, my mom wrote a post about how family is family no matter how we are related, and if we love each other that’s all that matters. One of the extended family members said that my adoptive mom treats my sister and me separately from her own biological children (the only reason why we’re treated differently is each of us has our own special needs.

For example, I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD. One sibling is autistic, another has BPD. We all have different needs). I told this person ‘Tell us honestly how you see any of us raised unfairly compared to any other SIBLING. You sound stupid sitting there repeating yourself so if you feel that you get to have a say in the first place then defend it, otherwise shut up’.

This offended her (insert eye roll here) and she messaged me literally an hour after I had given birth telling me I needed to respect my elders and that what I said was rude. I believe that respect goes both ways and what I said was mild compared to what I wanted to say.

Also, this entire conversation could’ve waited until I was at least out of the hospital. By the way, she knew I had just given birth.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She is your mother in the most literal legal sense of the word and it sounds like she is in the most important way too (the role she plays in your life).

Your extended family are ignorant jerks. The fact that she raised you should be enough, but looking past that I’m surprised they’re not counting the fact she is actually biologically related to you, as it seems to be what counts for them. Ridiculous and they should be put in their place.

Next time an older relative makes a comment about your mum like that just say ‘I know you’re acting from a place of jealousy but it could have been you if you just had the decency to step up for a child in need, but here we are’.” chaserscarlet

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Adoptive parents are real parents. Legally, there is no distinction between an adoptive parent and a biological parent. Therefore, your child is their grandchild.

No one ever became an adoptive parent because their birth control failed or they got wasted at a party.

There are no ‘surprise’ adopted children. You KNOW your (adoptive) parents wanted you. They went through a great deal of effort to become your legal parents.

Can all these people who are so hung up on blood say the same? Tell them to shut up and stop treating you and your parents with such disrespect.” aculady

1 points - Liked by lebe
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13. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter To Get Over Her Parents' Divorce?

“I (48 F) met my husband (51 M) 5 years ago, and we got married 2 years ago. Pretty early on in our relationship, he told me that he had 2 daughters with his ex-wife who are now 15 and 22, and were 11 and 18 when I met them. While he was telling me about them he mentioned that after he and his ex-wife split up, his older daughter Chelsea (Not her real name) blamed him and still does.

I didn’t think much of it at the time and didn’t end up meeting either of them until a year later.

The first time I met Chelsea was during a 4th of July party with my husband, both his daughters, his ex-wife, and her husband, and various friends.

By that point, I had already met my younger stepdaughter a few times and she and I actually hit it off pretty well. However, Chelsea seemed upset and kept her distance from me the whole party, and when I tried to introduce myself or even talk to her she gave me very short answers, before going into the house (it was at her mother’s house) for the rest of the night.

That is essentially how our entire relationship has been. I’ve known her for 4 years and in that time I don’t think I’ve had one friendly conversation with her, nor have I seen her have a nice conversation with my husband. Every time that my husband or I try to reach out to her to try to spend time or even talk to her, she’ll blow us off or directly tell us she doesn’t want to see us, and she has never spent any individual time with us.

By which I mean she’s only around in group settings like parties and family events, etc and even then she’s very cold and distant towards both of us.

When my husband and I got engaged, I called both Chelsea and her sister to tell them, and all Chelsea said was congratulations and then not to expect to see her at the wedding before hanging up.

She ended up not attending the wedding at all.

The straw that broke the camel’s back, however, was a few days ago when she walked by while I was on Facetime with my husband’s younger daughter. I called her over and asked her about her graduation (she’s graduating from college this May).

She once again blew me off and told me not to worry about it, and when I told her that my husband and I would be there she said she already knew who she was giving tickets to and that it wasn’t either of us.

I snapped and told her she was being ridiculous and acting like a child and that her parents’ divorce was 14 years ago and she needed to get over it. She told me that she was over the divorce but that she’ll never get over her ‘father being a piece of crap’ (her exact words).

I was honestly speechless and she hung up the Facetime before I could respond.

My husband got a text from his ex-wife that night, telling him that if he wants to have a relationship with his younger daughter he needs to leave Chelsea alone and tell me to as well.

My husband told me Chelsea has been this way towards him since she was 9, and we’re not sure what to do and it would be helpful to get some outside perspective. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Chelsea is an adult and is perfectly capable of choosing if she wants a relationship with her father, and you, if she wants to.

You getting in the middle of your husband’s relationship with his daughter is not going to help matters at all, especially if all you are going to do is vent your frustrations on her.

Honestly, we can’t give you the outside perspective you want, because we don’t know what happened in the past between Chelsea and her father.

We don’t know if she is being unreasonable or if he deserves what he is getting from her. But it has apparently been going on for well over a decade, so it’s not reasonable for you to expect to fix it with the few times you see her.

And his ex is right – you would be best to leave her alone if you want any hope of healing their relationship. Your pushing it will only make things worse, and it tells Chelsea that you are only concerned for your husband’s feelings, not hers.” bamf1701

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Leave Chelsea alone. It’s what she wants, she’s not obligated to like you or even her father.

Depending on your husband’s actions during his first marriage she may have cause to dislike him (I don’t see a nine-year-old hating her father for no reason; maybe her reason is petty, I don’t know).

Either way, Chelsea is an adult. She chooses who she wants to be around and invites to her life events.

Telling her ‘she was being ridiculous and acting like a child and that her parents’ divorce was 14 years ago and she needs to get over it’ was a bit childish on your part, I think.

What did you think that would accomplish? Who are you to demand someone ‘get over’ something that happened in their life long before you were around? She’s been civil if cold to you when you have to be together: follow her lead.” Icy_Blueness1206

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 3 months ago
No adult is entitled to a relationship with any other adult. Suck that up and leave this girl alone. She's mature enough to show you basic courtesy when you encounter each other and that's all you get.
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12. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More Just Because I Can?

“So I (27 F) live in a house share in a reasonably priced city in England. I moved here during the global crisis for what was meant to be a temporary move, but I liked it more than I expected so I stayed once things went back to normal. I lived and worked in London before.

I live in a 3-bed house, where I have my own bathroom and office. I share with 2 other women my age. I pay more rent because I occupy more space.

The girls I live with are nice. We’re not besties, but we watch TV together and occasionally hang out outside the house – a pretty sweet arrangement where I’m concerned.

Recently, one of my housemates accidentally opened a letter for my employer which detailed a new pay rise and bonus I was getting. I believe it was an accident because it was in a regular white envelope and at a glance our names look similar enough for this to happen.

She says it wasn’t until she was glancing over it that she realized it wasn’t hers – that part I have a difficult time reading.

The problem is she knows how much I earn. It’s a lot by London standards – which is where my job’s based – so it’s a lot by northern standards, which is where I live.

She started off acting strangely, then passive and it escalated to hostile. It came to a head when I sent a payment reminder for the funds she owes me for a shared takeaway on Monzo. She sent a voice note on the WhatsApp group calling me a ‘greedy southern cow’, who was penny-pinching when I could more than afford to let this go and let her get the next one.

The thing is, we’ve never done that – there’s no precedent for it and I don’t see why we should start under these circumstances.

The third roommate started off silent, but I guess they spoke behind my back because they called a flat meeting and said that I’m ‘basically minted’ to it’s ‘cheeky’ to ask the roommate to pay me back my £20 when I can afford to let it go.

It escalated to me being called a Tory, accused of mocking them by ‘pretending to be like them’ and living in a house share when I can afford to live alone. They said that given the state of the economy, it’s only fair I pay more because I can pay more.

I told them no. I said it’s not my fault they chose low-paying careers – teaching and nursing – and pointed out I’m already paying significantly more rent than everyone and our house isn’t exactly cheap to begin with. I refuse to let them punish me because I’m doing well in life and they’re not.

I feel I’ve now isolated them but I really don’t think I’m in the wrong. Happy to corrected if I am though.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your roommates are entitled creeps. It shouldn’t matter how much $$ you have when you make a loan. There’s an obligation to pay it back.

Doesn’t matter how much the person loaning the $$ has. You know what happens when people say ‘Oh, you can afford it.’ Then you end up paying the next time. And the next. And the next. They’ll completely take advantage of you.

Unfortunately, since your roommates are being such brats about it, you may have to look for other accommodations.

But keep to a shared rental if that’s what you like.” stroppo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’re not in the wrong at all. They are simply jealous jerks whom you live with. If I was you and someone called me a Tory they’d be dead to me, not much of a worse slur you can use.

Find somewhere else to live and enjoy the peace and quiet. Write them a note letting them know that you enjoyed the time you lived together up until they realized you weren’t poor and decided this made you a lesser person. You are sad that you did not see sooner what type of people they are.” _DoogieLion

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ but think about new housemates or a new place to live. These people are housemates/casual friends, not your dependents and you do not have to offer them financial support, but given that they have decided you are fair game to take financial advantage of, you would be happier cutting them ouot of your life.
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11. AITJ For Defending My Stepsister From My Stepdad?

“So I’ve basically been living with my mom (37 F), my stepsister, and my stepdad for my whole life and we’re really close. My stepdad is alright but he isn’t like a father to me and sometimes he’s pretty strict.

Today was a warm day so he suggested that we should go to the beach with my stepsister which sounded great although my mom was busy with other stuff.

Already at the beach, my stepdad asked my stepsister why she had to wear so revealing bikinis in a pretty negative tone. It wasn’t even that revealing, just a normal thong bikini. She said that she likes it and that it shouldn’t be a problem.

Everything was alright at this point but after chilling for a few hours we decided to head to the beach boulevard that had some nice restaurants. This is where it gets worse: my stepsister decided to put on a see-through cover-up as it was just by the beach and others were wearing similar attires.

My stepdad didn’t like it and called her a cheap-looking woman in the outfit to which she responded that it was normal and I called him an idiot.

After that incident, everyone was quiet until we got home. Later my mom told me that she understood that I wanted to stick up for my stepsister but that it wasn’t my place and definitely not to swear at my stepfather.

I feel like he was completely out of line but now I feel bad for cussing at him too.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Calling your own daughter that? Wow. He sounds like a jerk. However, I do understand the dad not liking the situation.

Would you walk around your house with your whole butt out to chill with your dad?

No. So why at the beach? Just wear normal bikini bottoms. Pretty much the only reason to wear a thong bikini is to get attention or show off your butt, is that necessary for a beach day with your dad?” perro_abandonado

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And your mother sucks, she should be defending her kids, not the man in her life. Your stepdad was out of line and you had every right to call him out for his nonsense.

You’re a good brother, your sister will remember how you defended her.

Your stepdad can choose how HE dresses but doesn’t get to decide for you or your sister. Your mother should be on your side, a good parent would defend their kids when they’ve done nothing wrong.” ThornedRoseWrites

1 points - Liked by lebe
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10. AITJ For Telling Our Family My Sister's Food Made Me Sick?

“I’m allergic to seafood. I don’t have an anaphylactic reaction but I break out into severe hives and have terrible stomach problems when I eat it.

My sister recently graduated from college and decided to hold a party.

The problem was, it was a seafood party and there were no other options at the restaurant she chose which was a seafood restaurant. I spoke to her about bringing my own food but she said she’d prefer if I didn’t and when I contemplated going, she said I don’t get anaphylactic and nothing happens just from being near the food so I have no excuse not to attend.

I thought no biggie, I’m not at risk just from being close to the food and I can go eat elsewhere or something after the meal is over so I could be there for my sister.

The problem is, I work a 30-hour shift and was on call on a very busy day so I couldn’t find time to have anything outside of a protein bar.

By the time my shift ended, it was almost time for the party so I couldn’t prep anything to eat beforehand or wait for delivery. I decided to eat a small amount at the party since I was famished and pick out the seafood.

I just quickly got ready and had a Benadryl to help with the hives and asked my husband to place an order for liquid IV that would be delivered the next day to help hydrate after the inevitable stomach problems I’d have.

Well, picking out the seafood didn’t work and I still got sick but not too bad thanks to my preparation but I was out of it the next day and very dehydrated.

My mum asked me to come over since the whole family was there for the first time since the global crisis started and I declined. I told her I was dead tired from the shift and party but she kept trying to convince me to come.

I told her I wasn’t well and she started to accuse me of making up excuses.

I eventually snapped and told her I’d had seafood and had a reaction so I was sick and couldn’t make it. My sister for some assumed it was a dig at her and I was cribbing about not being accommodated on her big day.

Not once did I even mention the word or make a scene. I also made it very clear it was my responsibility since I knowingly ate seafood but she’s been calling me some choice names for making her look inconsiderate. She told me I should’ve kept my mouth shut and not told people why I was sick and should have cited other reasons to not have made it to the family get-together.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your sister is definitely kind of a jerk for not having an optional meal choice although it’s not her fault.

You should have taken responsibility for your own health so you didn’t get sick. You knew the seafood would make you sick yet you ate it, anyway.

You couldn’t bring your own food but you had other options: you could have skipped the event, spoken with staff for any seafood-free options; arrived late after eating, and/or packed a lunch/snack to eat on the way to the party.

Basically, you had a lot of options.

Your sister is selfish but not responsible and you should be honest about that. Sorry you got sick tho!” SnooHesitations9269

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. So this seafood restaurant didn’t have any choices for side orders? Like a salad or some veggies, a baked potato or something?

I can’t believe that they served strictly seafood and nothing else. You should’ve talked to the waitstaff. I’m sure they could’ve accommodated you.

Your sister and your family suck because they know about your seafood allergy, but they forced you into going anyway.

Then they made a big stink about you being sick. You being sick was partially your fault, yes, but if they hadn’t forced you, maybe you wouldn’t have gotten sick.

Next time something like this arises, talk to the waitstaff at the restaurant.

In this day and age, so many people have allergies to so many things, most restaurants can accommodate.” Romance-BookWorm-55

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9. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Letting Her Partner Install Cameras In Her House?

“I (21 F) am a senior in my undergrad and live in an apartment near my college.

I come home frequently on the weekends to see family, and this weekend I came home to cat-sit for my mom. She and her partner are going away for a spontaneous trip (she told me yesterday and I came home that night to take care of the cat).

Her partner recently moved into our house (less than a year ago), which is my childhood home. It has caused a lot of tension in my relationship with my mom. She never directly told me that he was moving in, and I have never had a good relationship with him over the past decade that he has been involved with my mom.

When I came home this weekend, there were cameras (5 total, 2 outside and 3 inside) in the house and recording. No one told me about them. I know that her partner installed them, as this is not something my mom would do herself. I strongly feel this has everything to do with control and nothing about safety.

There were multiple windows left unlocked, so if that was really the reason for installing cameras in the family room that is irrational. I felt so disrespected. It is common decency to tell someone (who lives in this home) that there are cameras installed in the common living areas and only one person (the guy) can access the video feed.

I confronted my mom about this and told her they both crossed a line and I don’t know how she expects me to want to live here. (she wants me to move home after college before I start grad school). I already felt so uncomfortable with him living here and have addressed it in the past. She responded saying I ruined her trip and that the cameras weren’t installed to watch me.

I explained that whatever the reason, they were recording every room of the house and that I should have at least been informed. She deflected saying that most people have cameras in their homes. I continued to say that she was missing the point. I just can’t get through to her.

it seems like this guy just is destroying my relationship with my mom and I don’t know what to do.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You don’t live there. It is your mom’s house and she can do what she wants to. It probably would have been helpful for them to tell you the cameras were there, but since you saw them that means they aren’t hidden.

The real issue is that you don’t like the new guy. I really don’t get your conflicting statements that you live in this home, but you also live in an apartment. If you still lived there then you’d have a right to complain. Spending the weekend there catsitting does not mean you live there.

Be an adult when you graduate and continue to live on your own.” cowboys4life93

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Let me get this straight – you live in an apartment near your college but think your parents’ home is somehow under your command? If mom is okay with it then you’re beat.

You have your own place. Once you grow up and have your own place, you have zero say in what your parents do with your ‘childhood home.’

Just because you have some emotional attachment to it doesn’t mean you can dictate what the two people who ACTUALLY RESIDE THERE do with it, not to mention pay all the bills, etc to be there.

The narcissism of youth blows my mind sometimes.

That’s not your house anymore. If you don’t want to go over there because there are cameras that’s your prerogative. But the two people who actually live there seem to be in agreement about it.

Sorry honey, time to grow up.

Also, your mom is trying to move on and have a life after spending 18 years raising you. The fact that you think by installing cameras someone is trying to ‘destroy your relationship with your mom’ even though mom is in agreement with the cameras just shows that you’re getting defensive and that you’re trying to control what’s going on in the home, even though you don’t actually live there and cannot be forced to live there.

There’s an old saying that when you see darkness everywhere, it’s because it’s inside of you or something along those lines. You’re upset you’re losing control at home and projecting that into this man by saying he’s trying to control by having cameras.

You sound like a little brat to be honest.” [deleted]

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8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay My Mother-In-Law Anymore?

“We recently got our 3-year-old out of daycare because he really disliked it.

Since then either my mother or MIL have been handling the childcare when my husband and I are at work. We have been paying for both. However, I do not want to pay my MIL anymore. These are my reasons why.

Financial reasons:

She has access to one of our credit cards for general top-ups, taking our son out during the day, etc, however, she has been excessively spending on it and our monthly bill is double what it was;

She went out ‘Christmas’ shopping which we had ok’d but she spent an insane amount on toys and decorations;

A lot of it is personal spending. She bought several turkeys for my SIL and BIL which we had not ok’d at all;

We leave food in the fridge, leftovers, and plenty of snacks but she orders food sometimes twice a day when it is really not necessary.

Other:

She is not considerate of what she puts on TV when with him or her language around him and he has been saying languages we don’t use around him;

She also just feeds him so much sugar which we have spoken to her about but we still find candy that we haven’t bought;

She doesn’t clean up after herself. Yes we appreciate her help and she is not our housekeeper but often we come home and the house is worse than we left it. We can accept toys scattered around but this is an adult mess.

I believe it is fair not to pay her since she has taken it into her own hands to make sure that she is getting funds out of this.

We appreciate her help but a hired babysitter might be more financially feasible. Even though our son adores her and she is great with him. AITJ if I refuse to pay her from now on because we have spoken about it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ under the circumstances, but this is going to blow up on you if not handled carefully.

Take away the credit card and just give her cash or a prepaid card to spend on excursions. I suspect if you stop paying her, she’ll just stop watching your child. You just need to cut off the free funds via the credit card.

Lay it all out in black and white with her use of the card on things that weren’t for your child.” cachalker

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. MIL is abusing the cc but you can’t take away her wages unexpectedly. This is one of those situations where you gotta find a solution without burning any bridges.

Mixing funds with family (especially older in-laws) never works out because you expect the obedience of an employee while they still act like family. This arrangement isn’t working for either of you. I’d take the card away and hire the babysitter.” slow_poke00

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your frustration is understandable but not paying her isn’t the answer. Instead, I’d take the credit card away and go through your past statements closely, creating an itemized account of her personal spending. Tell her that her ‘pay’ will go first towards reimbursement of what she spent without authorization (ie what she stole), then to her once that’s satisfied.

As for ‘top offs’, going forward, she is to spend her own funds and present an itemized account to you for reimbursement, which you’ll pay only if it was actually for your child’s benefit. Free ride is over.” BellaLeigh43

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7. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Still Pay For Her Flight Tickets?

“Last week, my friends and I went to Las Vegas for a trip.

We have all been friends since high school and are really close-knit. One of my friends (let’s call him Aaron) insisted that his partner (of 2 years) wants to come along. While most of us were initially not very keen on it since we did not know her very well, we agreed because it was important to Aaron.

One day before the trip, Aaron’s partner ended up fainting because of dehydration and was taken to the ER for a glucose drip. Her parents insisted that she stay there overnight and get discharged the next day. They stayed back with her to care for her and told Aaron to continue with the trip anyway.

It was nothing major but she ended up missing the trip.

Now, we have an amazing time, and at the end, we are paying each other what is owed (renting a car, flight ticket, hotel, etc) and Aaron’s partner says she will not be paying her share but one of my other friends (who was in charge of booking) said it was unfair for him to give it out of his own pocket.

Aaron also insisted that she paid but she refused since she did not get to go. So, all of us ended up dividing the funds and paying for her flight.

It was not a hefty amount, but I still believed that it was not very fair.

So, when we ended up meeting the next time, I told her I was sorry that she had to spend the night in an ER but she should have paid regardless of that. She did not say anything to me then, but went to Aaron and told him to stop talking to me as she felt ‘insulted’ and ‘stingy’ the way I brought it up.

All I said was that she should have paid.

Aaron told me I was being a jerk and should apologize to her but I refused. So, AITJ for asking her to pay her share?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you ever choose to invite Aaron again (whether his partner is invited or not) he can pay for his own tickets to wherever you are going rather than paying as a group.

Yes, it sucks that she wasn’t able to go. She also had a choice of being an adult and could’ve left the hospital and gone on the trip. It was her parents that insisted she stay in the hospital.

It’s more unfair that you and your friends needed to pay her costs just because she couldn’t go.

Aaron should’ve paid it if she didn’t. Did she just forget to drink? How did she get that dehydrated? Was she at a festival and didn’t realize how much she was sweating? That I could understand but she’s an adult who should know how to drink.

Especially if she has any underlying conditions where dehydration makes you more prone to fainting ie POTS.” KitchenDismal9258

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She wanted to go. Her medical issues should not affect the rest of the group. Emergencies happen and that’s what trip insurance is for.

She (or Aaron) should be liable for the flight ticket and event ticket purchases. If Aaron sided with her, I would never invite him to any group events again. He is not reliable.” amk1999

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6. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Help My Father And His Partner?

“My dad (67) lives on a different continent. And three years ago my husband (37) and I (32) paid for him and his partner (58?) to come to stay with us.

His partner turned out to be a nightmare, she had a cold and was just in the worst mood. She made us wait 2.5 hours for her at the hotel, she lost her mind after my husband made a joke, just generally awful. We were walking on eggshells.

At the end of this stay, we had a conversation, and she assured me that everything was hashed out. But after the stay she refused to answer any of my messages. (start of 2020, I messaged saying I was worried about the entire situation, she texted my sister that they didn’t need me and that they were perfectly fine.)

Now my dad messages me every now and then for funds because since he got sick they can’t sustain themselves without his paycheck. (She does art, but will not find a stable job)

I have paid in the past, about 7000 euros in the past few years.

But last time I told my dad that I was happy to pay for his medical expenses, but I would no longer be paying for his partner and her two adult kids until she called me and we had a conversation about this argument.

But a few days ago my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, and on a call today he asked me for funds again.

I told him I would only pay after a conversation with his partner. He says she will never agree to that. I said she was free to make that choice, but then she would have to get the funds sorted on her own.

I think I’m not asking too much by wanting to not be ignored by the people I pay for.

But I feel like a jerk because my dad is in the middle here. And he might not have that long to live. Should I just suck it up? Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You should never have paid anything for his partner and her adult children.

Going forward, I would suggest that any monies your father needs are to be paid directly to the medical facilities, doctors, etc. I highly suspect his partner will confiscate all monies you might send otherwise.” Stormy19611111

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They have FOUR ADULTS living in the home and they can’t afford their bills?

Absolutely not. Don’t even make the woman talk to you. She’s not worth the effort and it will just bring more drama into your life.

Tell your dad that his household can support itself, even with three adults working to cover four people it should be fine.

If he needs help with medical bills he can provide you the bill and you’ll pay directly.

After all, if she doesn’t want anything to do with you, she shouldn’t want anything to do with your hard-earned funds either, right?” Natural_Garbage7674

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5. AITJ For Canceling On My Grandma After Finding Out My Sister Requested A Different Food?

“My (18 f) mom is out of town for the week. My sister (16 f) was supposed to go with her but had to change plans last minute so she’s staying home with me.

Last month my grandma said she wanted to make a meal for me while my mom was away and asked me what I wanted. She makes these really great meatballs with like 3 or 4 different kinds of meat, ricotta cheese, garlic, onions, tomatoes, and idk what else.

They’re huge and they taste amazing. She rarely makes them though. I asked for those.

Today my sister reminded me that we had to go to grandma’s and said something about chicken and rice. I said no, grandma’s making meatballs and my sister said that she doesn’t like meatballs so she called grandma yesterday and said we want chicken and rice instead.

Grandma makes chicken and rice almost every time we see her. Honestly, I’m kinda sick of it but my sister loves it so she always asks for it.

I was mad. I was looking forward to these meatballs all month. I told my sister to figure out her own way to get there because I wasn’t going then I called grandma and said that I was not gonna go to dinner tonight because my sister changed the meal to something I didn’t really like without asking me.

Grandma was apologetic and said she’d talk to my sister then she called my sister and yelled at her. She told my sister not to bother coming over for dinner. I didn’t cook for my sister either and she refuses to eat things like cereal, sandwiches, bagels, etc. so she didn’t eat tonight.

She thinks I’m a jerk for tattling but she had to cancel the one meal I never get to eat just because she wanted some freaking chicken and rice that grandma already makes for us all the time.

AITJ for not going to grandma’s and telling her why I didn’t go?”

Another User Comments:

“You and your sister are both massive jerks – You wanted an elaborate meal that has many different ingredients, ingredients that cost funds – Your sister called grandma and changed the meal plan to something you didn’t like – You called grandma and told her you weren’t coming out of pure spite Cheezus Christ on toast, you BOTH made grandma into your personal chef, and neither of you even thought of how much time and funds she used making the meal – FOR YOU, just so you’d go and spend time with her.

A dinner invite is always code for ‘I’m lonely and would like you to visit me.’ But nah, you both were only thinking of yourselves. YTJ” crocodilezebramilk

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and it’s clear you’re only 18 cause what you did was childish and selfish.

Your grandmother is a person who loves you and wants to be around her grandchildren, even if that means playing chef. But you and your sister are so selfish and bratty that you looked past the person your grandmother is and only at what she could offer you.

My grandmother could offer me spam on graham crackers and I would always show up. She’s not with me anymore and I remember her as the person I made memories with, not from what she had to offer me. You both need to immediately apologize to your grandmother and be better people” VeterinarianIcy6872

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. You were promised your favorite of your grandmother's meals and your sister changed it. Shame on sister.
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4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To My Father And His Affair Partner's Wedding?

“When I was 17, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. 2 years later she passed away. During these 2 years, my dad was not around much. He was always working and going on business trips. My aunt and grandma took care of mom.

About 5 months after my mother’s passing my dad introduced me to his new partner.

I was angry. I yelled at him how quickly he moved on from mom when they decided to tell me they had been in a relationship for 3 years. My dad had been having an affair while my mom was dying. His business trips were to meet his affair partner.

I was so angry I packed my stuff and left his house. I haven’t spoken to him since that day.

Currently, I am 25. The only family I speak to is an aunt who helped me when I left my dad’s house.

A few days ago my aunt called me, asked me how I was, and then asked me if I heard from Dad.

I asked why would I hear from him again. My aunt said Dad was getting married to his affair partner and going to his wedding would help us mend our relationship. I said why would I do that. He is dead to me.

There was a silence on the phone for a bit before my dad replied asking if that was what I felt about him.

I immediately cut the call when I heard his voice. I realized he was with my aunt when she made the call to me. I texted my aunt telling her I asked her not to tell Dad anything about me and she agreed back then.

She texted me back saying I was a jerk for saying what I said and my dad is crushed hearing that and that I should move on by now. I did not want to argue with someone who helped me so I blocked her.

Over the next 2 days, I got sent a wedding invitation to my mailbox.

The only person in the family who knew my address was my aunt. And she gave my number to various members of the family. I am being bombarded with calls and texts from dad, uncles, cousins, and aunts saying I should give him a chance and come to the wedding.

Some calling me names for saying what I said.

I got a text from the affair partner saying my dad is thinking of postponing the wedding and I should just talk to him. (For context, the affair partner was a friend of my mom and knew she had cancer).

I said it’s not my fault if he postponed the wedding. I don’t want to have a relationship with Dad or her. They are trying to force it. It got quiet after that but being told by so many people from my dad’s side I am a jerk did leave me conflicted but I am sticking to my guns.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Block all of them, including your aunt. Change your number. If you can move without telling anyone, do it. Because they’re going to show up in person to confront you next. Get some security cameras in case someone tries to go nuts like trying to force their way into your home.

They’re all horrible people. Your dad and his affair partner are the worst. Both were close to your mom and did this to her. Ask his affair partner what she would do if she got cancer and he did the same to her. Actually, don’t bother, don’t engage any of them.

Don’t feel guilty, you’re doing the right thing. Stand up for yourself. Everyone here supports you.” queenlegolas

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ but your father and his whole family are. Block their numbers, block their email address, and social media, and change your address if you can.

6 years isn’t enough to get over the man who literally betrayed your mother when she needed him the most and was out fraternizing with another woman who was supposed to be your mother’s friend. They were enjoying themselves while your mother was dying and didn’t even have a lick of decency or care for you and your pain – by the fact that merely 5 months after your mother’s death your father thought it was prime time to reveal his affair partner to you.

They care for nothing but themselves. In fact, even if you don’t forgive this man and woman for as long as you live, it’s still understandable.

And honestly, I’m smelling a catch from this. Why now? Why does it take him 6 YEARS to suddenly, desperately want to ‘mend the relationship’?

Either way, it’s not your problem and I hope you ditch this whole nasty family. You deserve better.” Born-This-Gay

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and block dad and his side piece. And tell your aunt if she pulls some bull$h!t like that again, you'll go no contact with her, too. So sorry your family are not trustworthy.
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3. AITJ For Not Eating My Husband's Cooking?

“I (28 F) and my husband (30 M) have been married for 6 years together for 9. During that time he has always been a hunter and I am an avid animal lover. I understand his hunting and have never said anything negative about it, but I have always refused to eat what he killed. I am the one who cooks in our marriage and have told him time and time again if he wants to eat his deer meat, he has to make it himself.

We have been going through a rough time with other issues, me feeling alone and like he doesn’t care about me as much as his friends and hobbies, and feeling like a roommate who takes care of the house and bills.

Well, December 23rd is supposed to be OUR Christmas day even though we don’t exchange gifts.

He had planned to go hunting that morning and I argued that if it was our day and we couldn’t go see my family early then he should be home.

After some back and forth he cancelled hunting and said he was already going to make me dinner.

I was so excited because I always make dinner and he never cooks for me. He then tells me he’s going to make deer roast. Again, I don’t eat deer. I asked him if he was going to get me beef and he went off on me in front of people about how we talked about this and he’s trying to be better and wants to start cooking more and is proud of his hunting and wants to provide.

I explained again how I felt about eating deer and it fell on deaf ears. He did not care. He made the deer roast and when I didn’t want to eat it he got defensive and upset and blamed me for not giving him praise for trying.

I feel like if I were trying to make our relationship better I would value my spouse’s opinions and beliefs and make something they’d like. So AITJ for not eating my husband’s cooking?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – not everyone likes venison, and no one likes a pity party.

What is he expecting – for you to act like his cheer squad? And has tantrums? How exhausting. It sounds as though he spends his time talking himself up but not making any contribution.

Make him do half the work, or stop cooking entirely.

Also – you can tell him he doesn’t know how to age or cook venison properly – it shouldn’t be tough.

10-15 days vac-sealed wet aging, slow cook in a Dutch oven at 55-60 Celsius (135F). It will be tender and succulent. Taste can be highly modified by seasoning – try a sweet curry with figs. If he shot the animal himself he should know better than to disrespect the meat.” Ozludo

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. If you don’t like the taste of venison you don’t have to eat it. However, your complaining about hunting and his hobby is definitely jerk territory. You eat meat, don’t get sanctimonious and clutch your pearls because your husband kills meat.

You have this strange superior attitude about your husband’s hobbies. Your husband continues to cook food he knows you won’t eat so that is jerk territory as well.

He may be confused as to why one dead animal is acceptable and another isn’t.

You both need to talk about this and figure out the root of the issues. I think this is more than just deer meat.” Expensive_Pain_5987

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The point aside that the beef you eat has suffered so much more than the deer he hunts is beside the point, although you should rethink eating beef as an animal lover.

You are not a jerk for not liking deer. Why you don’t like it is completely irrelevant to this. You don’t like it, your husband knows, and he wants to force you to eat it. That is not ok. He tries to guilt trip you by saying things like you are not supporting him just because you don’t like eating deer.

It’s absurd.

Also, what exactly does he do to support you in your hobbies? If you already feel more like a roommate and he makes time for everything and everyone except you, why do you try so hard? It’s not only your job to make your relationship work.” _Katrinchen_

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2. AITJ For Canceling Thanksgiving Because Of My Son And His Wife?

“I canceled Thanksgiving a few hours ago. It was just going to be my son, DIL, and infant granddaughter, and my son invited a friend. I’m disabled, so don’t have a ton of funds, but went and bought all kinds of food. My son and DIL have been living with me for two months, and it was really a last resort.

I REALLY did not want them to because they lived with me for a year before and she didn’t work one single day, clean, or help out at all, either of them. They lived with me rent-free. They trashed the place and left a bunch of garbage when they left. So I was really against them moving back, but they just had a baby and had nowhere to go.

I’ve spent two months waking up to dirty dishes in the sink every morning. My son works nights, so they cook at night. My rule has always been to clean your dishes before you go to bed. Well, once again today, I woke up to dirty dishes, trash overflowing on the ground, and a dirty stove.

Since I was doing food prep today for Thanksgiving, I was especially annoyed. Ants are out because there are crumbs. I woke them up to clean, which they weren’t too happy about.

Out of frustration and half as a joke, I took photos and posted them to my personal social media account without blame, criticism, or any mention of them, just basically saying this is my life now and showed the sink full of dishes.

Well, they didn’t like it. A huge fight ensued as they got mad that I posted generic photos. They both scolded me like a child. But the issue really began when my son’s wife kept calling me a narcissist. Not really sure why. Then she goes on to say I’m mentally ill because my house is a mess.

No, my house was a mess because I’m disabled and an entire family moved in without notice and I had to clear out two rooms.

I’ve asked for help repeatedly moving furniture, but no one will help me. But I literally spent two days cleaning everything.

But then she goes on to say how I’m a horrible mother (so she lived with me for a year and I supported her, then I gave them thousands of dollars to pay bills, then they had to move in with me) and then she calls me a jerk and a witch.

Mind you, this is all over the fact that she left her dirty dishes in the sink.

The second she called me a witch, I just looked at her and said, do you really think I’m going to waste any more time cleaning the house and cooking Thanksgiving dínner for you if this is how you’re going to treat me?

I canceled Thanksgiving and took all the decorations down. Now my son is mad at me and said, Thanks for ruining Thanksgiving, Mom. Well, guess, what, actions have consequences. This witch isn’t going to slave away anymore and be taken advantage for it.”

Another User Comments:

“I know it’s hard when there is a baby involved, but when you know they are going to be gone a long time, you need to hire someone to help you move all your valuables to a storage unit. TV, computers, games and systems, jewelry, pictures, anything you prize, etc. Then, have a 30-day (or whatever it is in your area) notice already prepared for that day.

State the reasons, ALL of them, in the notice. Especially since you are disabled and unable to stop them, they may try to take YOUR things with them, so BE PREPARED! Hire security on stand-by if possible for that day also. It will be expensive, but worth it.

I’m so sorry for your situation. I’m also disabled and I would be quite overwhelmed. I hope you have friends who can help you. Good luck!” Head_Meaning_3514

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. If what you write about them is true, they are clearly jerks, but posting and shaming them on social media is also jerk territory.

And you are lying in your post that these photos are generic and they shouldn’t get mad.

Even if you don’t explicitly mention them, it is obvious that you are not complaining about yourself if you post that way. That is actually something that a narcissistic person would do, but also a completely frustrated person who is on the edge because she has terrible relatives.

So hard to say but you both did jerk stuff so everyone sucks here.” SickPuppy0x2A

Another User Comments:

“The moment she called you a witch would have been my breaking point. There is no way you should tolerate this kind of verbal mistreatment.

You have provided housing for them and deserve nothing less than respect. NTJ and get them out of your space. As adults, they can now find other arrangements for their living space.

Mess around and find out, and reclaim your space. You are no longer responsible for their decisions.” Mamabear_65

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and I'd be telling them to get their collective $h!t together and start planning to move out of your home. Give them 90 days notice to quit, and start eviction proceedings because it sounds like these two will be absolute he!! to get out of your home.
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1. AITJ For Shutting Down My Sister's Hope That She And Her Ex Are Meant For Each Other?

“My (20 f) sister Katie (25 f) was in a relationship with Henry (24 m) 5 years ago.

They were long-distance but they were also very in love. When the global crisis hit they couldn’t see each other for a long time and it damaged their relationship. Henry broke things up with her saying he doesn’t know if he loves her enough to keep doing this.

Katie was depressed because of this breakup for a long time. She kept saying he made a mistake and he’d come back to her but it never happened.

Then she met Mark (29 M). He was loving caring gentle sweet and also well-off. They hit it off quickly and they got married. He is really a sweetheart who spoils her and even us.

He takes her on expensive trips and buys her gifts all the time. All of the family really loves and respects him since he is such a nice guy.

This summer Katie announced that she is getting a divorce. The news shocked the entire family and we were all curious about what happened. She denied all the infidelity rumors and she just said she is not sure if she is happy with him.

Well, Mark did everything to win her back he even suggested therapy but she denied it. Seeing Mark devastated really annoyed me since I’m so close to him.

Well, yesterday was my grandmother’s birthday and the entire family was there. She came to the event with Henry.

We were all shocked the least to say but everyone kept their mouths shut. She basically explained that they were back together and it finally hit me. She broke things off with Mark for Henry.

After the party, we, girls, were sitting in the kitchen and chatting and Katie started giving relationship advice to other girls.

She started saying how true love finds a way and how she and Henry are meant for each other etc. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing and I told her her fairy tale love story is a lie. She basically left her husband for the guy who dumped her coldly but couldn’t find anyone better so came back.

She is an idiot for doing that and she should not be giving relationship advice if she dumps Mark for Henry. She just froze there for a second and then got up and left. Now everyone thinks I’m the jerk but I don’t think so.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, simply because it is not your relationship, and saying something like that will never be welcomed. And maybe she didn’t want to spill the tea on her ex-husband, but something tells me, meeting, getting married so quickly and him being overly generous and sweet… he might have been different behind closed doors.

And if she doesn’t love him, she doesn’t.

You can take this as a lesson in what you would do differently, like sticking with your vows to a man you married too quickly and don’t love anymore. That is your choice to make.

Fairytales don’t exist anyhow, one can only hope that she and Henry work out without the long distance between them to make things harder (and easier) in some ways.

We want to protect our loved ones from mistakes, but we can’t. We can only support them and help them when they fall if we love them and have the resources.” SnookerandWhiskey

Another User Comments:

“I think YTJ. Just because someone lived out a relationship differently than how you would doesn’t mean that their relationship advice is completely null and void.

Not to mention that Henry is not a complete villain here.

LDRs are tough and not being able to see someone for an undetermined amount of time during the global crisis would take a toll on anyone. You don’t know what your sister’s relationship with Mark was like behind closed doors and it’s likely she jumped in way too quickly.” coastalkid92

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MadameZ 3 months ago
YTJ because it's not your business - as a PP said, the husband might well have turned into a monster the minute he got a ring on her finger: it's not at all uncommon. Even if you have genuine, reasonable concerns about a family member's choice of partner, you don't air your opinion in public when you weren't asked for it and then whine and cry when you get told to keep your beak out.
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