People Ask That We Push Our Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Since everyone has their own personal challenges and problems, it's important to always strive to treat people with compassion, respect, and understanding. Being a jerk simply adds needless negativity to the world and our relationships with other people and it brings no good no matter how justifiable you think your reasons are. These people below discuss times in their lives when they may have acted inappropriately. Which of these, after reading their stories, do you think are real jerks? AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

25. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Visit My Newborn Alone?

“I’m (27F) due with our first baby in July. My mom schedules all of her vacations well in advance because she works at the hospital and needs to have them requested ahead of time.

My stepdad is in the same boat. Once I told my mom I was pregnant, she immediately said she’d take a week off around my due date to come help me. I live in a different state and it’s just me and my husband, so I was elated. She hasn’t ever been super selfless with me or her time, so this was a pleasant surprise.

She said she’d bring my little half-brother (10M) and my stepdad with her. My little brother can’t get shots against anything (including the flu) due to a health condition from his past, and he gets sick every other week, so I immediately told her that I’d rather it just be her.

Because not only will he possibly get the baby sick, but it’ll be the most vulnerable time for me being cut open and in pain, navigating my first baby. She said she understood and that it would just be her.

A couple of months ago, she sprung on me that my stepdad requested the same vacation in July and is coming along with my brother.

I told her it’s not happening, and I’m not sure why she keeps pushing the issue. She said my stepdad can’t ‘watch’ their son and he can’t just ‘stay at home’ during his vacation. The thing is, they go on 8 vacations a year. I’m not kidding.

8. Every other month, sometimes back-to-back months. Yes, they’re wealthy, and yes, they have a great work-life balance. But he can’t stay home with his kid for one week?!?

So I again told her no and she acted like it was cool. Just her. So today she called me again and said that my stepdad is adamant about not staying at home and that he’s definitely coming.

I told her that it’s either her or no one, and if she wants, they can just visit when the baby has his shots and just to meet him; that I don’t need help. I asked her when her next vacation would be and if she could just come alone then.

She said August, but she can’t come then because she already has things ‘planned’. I asked her if she’d bought any tickets or anything. She said no, just plans, so she can’t make it. I just told her that at this point, she’s just being selfish, cares more about her 8 vacations, and that I don’t even need anyone there.

And I hung up.

I may be a jerk for taking away the opportunity to meet her grandkid when he’s born. But AITJ really?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all.

Some points to ponder.

Your mother is showing her true colors (again, by the sounds of it).

She wants everything on HER terms. She wants to visit but wants to bring her husband and child, despite repeatedly being told No. Because that’s what SHE wants to do – not what’s most helpful for you, not that it’s in the best interests of your newborn baby to be kept away from Typhoid Tim the ten-year-old, not that her husband is useless and she’ll have to spend the time she’s promised to you looking after her own child.

She doesn’t value your concerns. I suspect she wants the kudos of ‘helping’ her daughter for granny points on social media or with her friends – or to hold over you at some future point about the ‘huge sacrifice’ she made by being here with you.

As for your stepfather, it’s not ‘watching’ your stepbrother for the week. It’s called ‘parenting’ and any man who can’t manage to entertain and take care of a 10-year-old child for a week while he’s on vacation isn’t worth worrying about.

She’s holding the August holiday plans over you to call your bluff.

She knows you’re more invested in her seeing her first grandchild than she actually is. Call her bluff. ‘That’s OK, maybe we can catch up around Christmas time if you feel like you can spare the time to see your grandchild’.

Truly, you’re better off without any of them.

You need to protect yourself and your new squish. If it’s that important to her, they can come, stay in a hotel and she can spend the time with you while her husband ‘watches’ his own child.” hetkleinezusje

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It’s easier to bond and get to know your baby, establish breastfeeding &/or bottle feeding routines, sleep routines, etc when it’s just you, your partner, and your baby for a bit after birth.

It lets the three of you bond as a family unit.

This can be hard to do if you are stressed out trying to host people or dealing with older, outdated parenting ideas.

My MIL came a couple of weeks after the birth of my first. She insisted that an infant would starve without formula, even though this baby was in the 95% on all those charts.

She would try to sneak formula into the bottles of breast milk I had pumped so she could feed the baby too. She also thought that it was unfair to ask my husband to change a diaper. Ever. She would start yelling at me when he would take the baby to change a diaper.

0/10. Would not recommend it.

It’s fine to have boundaries. Protecting yourself is protecting your child. Follow your instincts.” tokiemccoy

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anma7 3 months ago
Follow your gut feelings honey.. do you have hubby to help what about friends or a trusted friend tnat will help a little.. leave mom to her vacations and have done qoth her and her family
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24. AITJ For Giving Away Free Stuff?

“I did some spring cleaning and got rid of a lot. I set everything out in the yard and posted on Craigslist ‘Free stuff!

Come to (my address) everything is first come first served. No reserving. Please don’t knock, we have a sleepy baby, just come by and take anything you want. (The baby thing was a white lie, I live alone but just didn’t want ‘choosy beggars’ coming by to ask for me to hold things for them or help them move anything with my truck)’

I guess I could have just thrown stuff away but I find that so wasteful. In the other places I’ve lived, it was normal to put free stuff out on the curb.

Then I went out to see some friends and came back that night, half the stuff was gone.

The next day, a bunch more people came by to grab stuff and a few people knocked on my door while I was working, I figured they didn’t read the post carefully so I just didn’t answer the door.

After work, I went to go visit friends, and one of my neighbors was yelling about something when I was heading out.

I didn’t look or stop because they hadn’t used my name or anything to make it clear it was about me. In most of the places I’ve lived, if you hear fighting the safest thing to do is not rubberneck and just leave.

So I went to see my friends and got home pretty late and went straight to bed. I woke up early to someone banging on my door and I was annoyed because I’d literally said in the post that people didn’t need to knock.

In the afternoon I went out to gather up the last stuff, and a couple came by, saying they were the neighbors and they were going to call the police if I didn’t get the ‘dump’ out of my yard and they didn’t appreciate having strangers coming through the neighborhood where their kids are at.

I said I was grabbing the stuff to trash and they got really mad at me asking why it took 3 days.

I said I put it up as a curb alert first so that stuff someone could use wouldn’t go to waste. They got irritated I was inviting sketchy people by, and I said that I hadn’t had any trouble.

They got mad at me for saying that when I wasn’t home a lot so I couldn’t know and said I was responsible for who I brought to the neighborhood.

I said it’s just a street, anyone can come through. Then the neighbors got upset with me that I was trying to ignore them and the other neighbors, apparently, the yelling was another neighbor trying to get my attention and they kept on knocking on my door when they knew I was home.

I was like ‘Oh I thought y’all were people who just didn’t read the ad where I said don’t knock.’

They also lectured me about how my stuff was ‘trash’ and not even stuff anyone would want… Which made no sense because people had taken like 90% of it.

I feel frustrated because I thought it was pretty normal and chill to put stuff out to the curb instead of the dump but several neighboring families were mad.

AITJ for doing a ‘curb alert’ for old furniture and clothes and home goods? My neighbors were upset by it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It’s not illegal to give things away for free. You can get fined for littering if you leave something out too long if a garbage service doesn’t pick it up.

However, it wasn’t there remotely long enough. Unless you were blocking someone’s car with it I can’t even see any police issuing a citation for it.

Sounds like you live in a crappy neighborhood full of snobs. That’s what happens when you go from the ghetto to the middle class and upper. Suddenly everyone’s in your business and being a bunch of jerks.

Why is it only poor folk know to mind your own business and heck yeah to free stuff?” Forsaken-Knowledge12

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The neighbors are probably upset because something happened on ‘their turf’ over which they didn’t have 100% control, and you didn’t even allow any of them to yell at you over it. ‘How dare she not acknowledge me screaming in the street and waving my hands like a crazy person?’ ‘How dare she not answer the door so that I could yell at her over her perfectly reasonable behavior’.

These people are dreadful. You sound lovely.” CandylandCanada

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. however you don't live in a curb alert neighbourhood anymore.... no more curb alerts it seems... but now you know next time find a thrift store to donate it all too
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23. AITJ For Calling My Dad Pathetic?

“My mom and dad never wanted kids, and I was an accident. My mom and dad wanted to put me up for adoption, but my aunt and uncle adopted me instead.

My aunt and uncle (they’re really my great aunt and great uncle, but aunt and uncle are easier to type. My uncle is my grandma’s youngest brother on my dad’s side) didn’t have kids but always wanted them, so me coming along was perfect for them.

My parents eventually got divorced and remarried. My dad used to visit, but when I was around 8, he met his wife and stopped visiting. My mom was pretty much the same thing, except she gradually stopped visiting. My dad’s wife had 2 kids before meeting my dad.

Jim, who’s 22, and Rita who’s 13 (my dad met her mom shortly after she was born). My aunt and uncle own a farm, and I work for my uncle on the farm. My partner of 4 years loves the idea of living on a farm and lives with me.

It’s my (21m) 21st birthday today, and I invited my mom and dad like I usually do, except they actually came with their new families this time. Throughout dinner, I noticed my stepsister was trying to get my dad’s attention, but he kept ignoring her.

I asked my stepbrother if that was normal, and he said it was. It irked me a bit, and I started thinking of a way to bring it up to Dad.

After dinner, we were all sitting outside, and my dad walked up to me and said, ‘I know I haven’t been there for you, but I’m ready to be a father again.

If you need any fatherly advice, I’m here.’ That made me mad. He stopped contacting me then 13 years later, and he wants to come back in. I said, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me. You have (stepsister) to be a father, too.’ He said, ‘I want to be a father to you because you’re my son.’ I said, ‘No, I’m 21, that ship has sailed, and you’re pathetic if you think you can just walk back in and pick up where you left off.’ That made him mad, and he yelled, saying, ‘YOU NEED A FATHER!’ And I said, ‘I already have one, and it’s not you.

I don’t need you anymore.’ Before he could say anything else, my stepmom grabbed him and convinced him to go.

My mom and her partner think I was way too harsh on him because he wanted to get back in my life, but my uncle and aunt think I’m right for saying what I said because he wasn’t around.

I can see how I was harsh, but it is pretty pathetic that he wants to be a father now that the hard part is over.

So AITJ for calling my dad pathetic and telling him I don’t need him?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. No one on this earth can tell you how to feel about how your absent parents have affected you.

Even if it was a bit rude, you are right you’re a grown adult, who lost out on the chance of having a father because of the father‘s decision to bail. The fact is, the consequences of his actions happen to be having a son who grew up without him and learned how to live without him.

It’s not your fault you were put in the situation that your family put you in.” User

Another User Comments:

“It’s very sad I’m so sorry about your situation. I’ve seen a lot of this where the parents tend to skip out on the child’s most pertinent years anywhere from birth to around early 20s the parent will be MIA but then they will come back when the child’s grown up and they can have a friend instead of a child.

They don’t want to deal with the volatility, flexibility, and malleability that is found in children because they need to be extra responsible, they want the casualness and the maturity of adult children.

And it’s extremely selfish. One of the reasons they might come back is because they need a retirement plan, the other reason is literally because they don’t know how to interact with children.

Either way, if they cut you off as their child in the beginning they really shouldn’t try and get you back as their child later on. They should approach you in a different manner and respect that you do not see them as a parent.

NTJ.” Ambitious-Screen

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. you are a grown man you were adopted but you still graciously allow them to see you on your birthday.. personally i would cut him off and tell her that if she feels that you were too harsh she can join him on the cut off list... maybe dad has realised you stand to inherit a farm and the land and is looking for some cheap care when he gets older... and so is she... they don't get to adopt you out then walk back in when your grown and they are older and they realise that your LEGAL mom and dad are likely to leave you everything and they think they or their step kids can benefit from it.... just NO..
You are right he is pathetic and needs to realise you are the man you are today cos of aunt and uncle not him or your bio mum but that lovely couple who adopted you raised you soothed you when you were poorly and put you through school... not the 2 people who had jerk made you and then gave you up to try come back years later cos you have a farm and land and the hard work has been done...
Maybe you should have asked him what parenting advice he thinks he can gove you seeing how he was never your parent and he looks to be doing a shitty job with his stepkids now
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22. AITJ For Cooking Pasta For My Kids?

“My wife is trying to ‘eat healthier’ and cut fat out of her diet. She also wants our kids (11m, 6f, & 5m) to eat less fat too, which I’m not necessarily opposed to, but only to an extent. After all, some ‘fats’ are good for you.

I love olive oil. It’s one of my favorite things to cook with. My wife doesn’t want to eat oily foods anymore, which I have been accommodating. We alternate which days we cook. Tue, Thur, and Sat are my nights. We usually eat at 6:30. Well, today she told me she had a work thing and might not be home on time for dinner, but not wait and she would just grab a salad on the way home.

Great. Fine.

The kids love pasta, so I made pasta. Since my wife wasn’t going to be eating this pasta, I dressed it with olive oil, garlic, and fresh-cracked pepper. There was broccoli on the side, also cooked in olive oil, garlic, and pepper. The kids all finished their pasta and ate at least a little broccoli.

My wife got home around 7:30, saw the kids finishing up, and went to our room without saying anything. She came to the kitchen while I was cleaning and the kids were getting ready for bed and told me I was a jerk. She said I was feeding the kids nothing but fat and carbs just to spite her.

She also said she was starving, but there were no leftovers for her. I offered to heat up the broccoli, but she said it was ‘greasy and gross.’ I offered to boil her some without seasoning, and she said I was being a jerk.

AITJ for not making the kids abide by my wife’s ‘diet’? AITJ for wanting some yummy oily pasta? She said I should have roasted the broccoli with the garlic and pepper, no oil, and dressed the pasta in an oil-free tomato sauce or, better yet, just made baked chicken.

Sure, that sounds healthy, but it isn’t what I wanted. Am I a selfish jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, as a vegan that’s constantly told I don’t get enough protein, you made a good meal for your kids. Vegetables and pasta. Your kids ate their dinner, your wife said she was getting her own dinner.

Also cutting out entire food groups is not healthy for anyone unless exclusively medically advised. It’s fine if your adult wife wants to cut fat out of her diet but kids need fat especially healthy fats from Olive oil. I would check in with your kids and see how they feel about the food in general too.” RussianCat26

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She can bake the chicken when she cooks. You are the kids’ parent as well and capable of making decisions independently. As for the leftovers, if she said that she was getting something else, why would you cook too much food or include her in your meal plan this time?

Unless there is something you aren’t telling us, she sounds pretty unreasonable and cranky. She may be missing her fatty oily carbs.” ScarletDarkstar

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. tell wife that your kids NEED GOOD FATS.. that just cos she wants to eat a healthy fat free diet your kids CANT cos they are growing kids... i think she's starving cos she's eating salad. Also she told you she would sprt her tea so you djdnt save her any!! You cant win.. it mignt be time to .take the kids for a check up ask for a dietary requirement sheet with HEALTHY FATS etc for kids and tell wife well look the kids NEED oily brocoli etc..
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21. AITJ For Missing The Flight To My Friend's Bachelorette Party?

“I (f 24) was supposed to be my best friend’s maid of honor. The wedding is in July but we were going to Spain for the hen do (AKA bachelorette) for a few days.

We were all meeting at the airport on the day of the flight (14 of us, the bride, maid of honor, bridesmaids, and some bride’s friends). I was the one responsible for making a lot of the plans.

A day before the flight, I went on a night out with my partner and his mates.

I didn’t think I drank that much but I got super wasted way too quickly. I don’t remember how I got home (I think my partner brought me to my flat, we don’t live together) but I woke up at 11 am, my phone battery dead.

I realized I messed up as we had a flight at 7 am.

I charged my phone quickly and I had countless messages wondering from the bride and the rest of the party as well as the bride’s mother, etc. They were worried and mad.

I called the bride and apologized profusely, promising to try and get a flight as soon as possible (I am in the UK, and flights to Spain don’t take long). Unfortunately, I was unable to get a flight and I had to miss the trip.

My friend was furious. She called me a jerk and ignored me for the rest of the trip.

I realized that I messed up big time and I tried apologizing many times since she came back, I truly am sorry. But she’s having none of it and she told me that she doesn’t want me in her wedding and that I am no longer invited. Like I said I realize that I messed up but it wasn’t planned, it was an accident and I don’t think I should be uninvited from a wedding for a mistake.

Was I really the jerk here? AITJ for missing the trip?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

You made a commitment and then didn’t follow through.

Getting super wasted is not an excuse and the fact you KNEW you had to be up super early and still went out on the town.

If this was your subconscious way of getting out of the trip you shouldn’t have accepted the maid of honor position in the first place. There were SO many more mature ways of handling this.” ColdstreamCapple

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There is no acceptance for blaming liquor here.

You knew this was a massively important event. You chose to go out the night before (bad decision 1), you chose to drink (bad decision 2), you chose to drink too much (bad decision 3), you failed to instruct your partner to take precautions (bad decision 4).

I also don’t buy the ‘couldn’t find a flight’ excuse.

With all the major airlines, Ryanair, and Iberia, it’s hard to believe there was NO flight available. It would have been expensive, sure, but that was the only way you could have fixed this. If it were me, I’d have camped out at the airport on standby.

For that matter, you could have taken a train and been there in less than 24 hours.

I’m thinking you’ve lost a friendship, maybe a bunch of them.” CopperBlitter

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Fatima 2 months ago
Definitely TJ. Sudden illness or alien abduction would have been accidents. You blew off an important responsibility to a best friend. A milestone event. A 7 am flight means you're up many hours earlier, middle of the night really. The evening before should have been reserved for packing, checking in with trip mates, and rest. Getting wasted and not showing up for *anything* is bad, but this is extra. You have no choice but to accept consequences and judgment here. If you are able to do better in the future it will be because you learned a lesson, not because your behavior was instantly forgiven and ignored. And your second chances may not come from any of these friends. That's up to them.
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20. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust The Way I Dress In My Own Home?

“I’ve moved into a uni flat of 8 recently.

It’s been really good overall, we all get along very well, except for this one small issue. So all 3 boys in the flat have partners, and they’ve been staying a lot. Absolutely fine of course, 2 of them are really lovely and basically like extra flatmates.

The other one, let’s call her M, seems to have an issue with me and I don’t know why. Our halls are very hot and retain heat, so a lot of us girls will wear tank tops/shorts, etc. However, whenever I’ve been wearing a tank top in the kitchen whilst eating or cooking, she’s asked if I could please cover up and wear a jumper or a baggy t-shirt.

Now it’s not like I’m always wearing tank tops, I do also wear T-shirts but when it’s really hot (like it is right now) and when I’m doing laundry, I’ll just wear a tank top.

Without getting graphic, I do have quite a big chest and whilst my tank tops aren’t fully v-line or whatever, cleavage does show.

All the other girls in my flat wear the same tops but they have smaller chests so less cleavage I guess. I’m guessing that’s why the issue is with only me. The thing is, we’re all friends, I would never ever try anything with anyone’s partner, and would never do anything with a flatmate anyway so I don’t see why my showing a bit of cleavage should be an issue.

I put a jumper on the first time just to avoid drama but now she’s asked again and again and I’ve refused. All the girls but one in the flat agree with me. The one who doesn’t just says maybe cover up to keep the peace but I’m the one paying rent to stay here, not the girl so I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to chill in my own home.

Anyways, please be honest, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Have a word with the guy that his partner is controlling and you’d prefer that she didn’t visit because she’s trying to tell you what to wear and how you dress really isn’t her business.

You can wear what you want in your own space.

If he gets all defensive, just say – look these boundary issues often start off small and get worse over time, maybe it’s best if she can’t mind her own business that you don’t bring her here or you go to her place instead. I pay rent here and honestly, I don’t need to be dictated to by a fixated woman, if you want that for your relationship that’s your choice, but your partner to me is just a random weird person who is overly fixated on my body and makes me feel uncomfortable.” Bringintheclowns1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She’s insecure. Remain polite and stick to simple answers. ‘Sorry no.’ ‘It’s too hot.’

Her insecurity is not your problem, but I wouldn’t engage any further than that if you can help it to avoid picking an unnecessary fight.

If she pushes, don’t back down, but don’t be the one to make the first proverbial swing.” Limerase

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rbleah 3 months ago
so she tells you to change and you just tell her NO. She whines some more and you raise your voice just slightly and tell her I SAID NO, NOW BACK OFF. Then tell her that WHEN she PAYS FOR your life THEN she can tell you what to do IN YOUR OWN HOME.
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19. AITJ For Gaming Too Much?

“This began when my (29 m) ex and I broke up. She and my sister (32 f) were friends before we went out, and she vented to my sister after our breakup.

To hear her tell it, after moving in together, I spent all day on the computer and never had any time for her. When she brought this up, I ignored her and refused to compromise. So she left me so I could go out with my computer.

On my side, she made unreasonable demands on my time and refused to respect the fact that I sometimes wanted to be alone. But apparently, being in a relationship means I need to be available 24/7, ready to drop whatever I’m doing on command. I realized we were just too different.

Before thinking that I was neglectful, here’s a general breakdown of my time:

  • Fairly flexible 40-50 h/wk work schedule, about half from home
  • Sleep 6-7 h/d
  • Hygiene, chores, and meals total 3-4 h/d
  • 2-3 h/d on gaming, maybe 3-5 on days off

The rest of my time (4-5 h/d) was available for my ex, and because of my flexibility, I worked it out so most of that available time matched hers.

The problem was she wanted me AVAILABLE to be with her all the time but didn’t want me to ACTUALLY be with her all the time.

She wanted to choose when and how we were together. Despite this, we still spent 2-3 h/d together (outside when we were already together for meals, sleep, etc).

She wanted more but ignored the realities of our schedules. She would constantly come into my home office/gaming room and want me to get off the computer.

Sometimes I couldn’t (working), and sometimes I wouldn’t (gaming); she conflated the two and put all the time I didn’t spend with her in the category of gaming. When venting to my sister, it seems she used this conflation to paint the picture of me as a gaming addict.

My sister says she’s concerned about my computer time, but I keep telling her I’m fine. A few weeks ago, she sent me a link to a treatment program she looked into. I tried not to blow up and we had a long talk where I got the details of what my ex told her while trying to clarify my side.

It didn’t work.

She said I was in denial before mentioning something that mortified me. Apparently, my ex once saw me ‘enjoying’ an adult video game and told my sister. I couldn’t continue that conversation due to embarrassment, but have started to suspect my sister believes my ‘addiction’ is more than just playing games.

Last week, I started to get calls and texts from my parents and brother. I don’t know what they’ve been told exactly, but they all want me to get help. Trying to explain my side does not work. They get mad at me for ‘ignoring my problem’ and say I’m putting the family under strain by making them worry.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Is 2-3 hours a day playing video games really too much? Am I not allowed to have time to just be by myself? AITJ if I keep insisting I don’t need help?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But also, do you live with any of these people, can they see what you do online?

Because I’m thinking you just say ‘Ok you are right, I’ve stopped gaming’ and just carry on as you are.

At the moment you are trying to reason, but reason is for reasonable people.

If you are uncomfortable with lying to them then when they call you just say you will no longer talk about gaming with them and hang up when they bring it up.

Alternatively, if you feel petty, start pretending to be worried they are addicted to their hobbies. Say your sister uses Instagram a lot. Start sending everyone info about the dangers of Instagram and social media addiction and how you are worried about your sister. Same for whatever your parents like.

Stop when they stop.” ttnl35

Another User Comments:

“Addiction isn’t defined by quantity contrary to popular opinion. 2-3 hours absolutely could be an addiction but it could just as easily not be. The real question is whether spending 2-3 hours gaming improves your quality of life or causes damage.

I.e. do you have the spare time to spend on it, or are you sacrificing other things like, being late to work, skipping personal hygiene activities, spending money you don’t have, ruining relationships… if you had kids for example you would probably be neglecting your parenting duties to find 2-3 hours spare to spend gaming.

Obviously, this has led to a relationship breakdown so it’s worth just stepping back and taking a good hard look at yourself and just entertain the idea she’s right. The answer may well be no she’s not right, and I’m leaning in that direction from what you wrote, it does sound like her expectations are too high.

Just saying it’s always worth asking yourself if something is bringing you joy or causing you problems.

To me, it sounds like a compatibility issue so I’m going with NTJ because whilst it’s fair for you to not want to give up gaming, it’s fair for her to want a partner who doesn’t spend so much time gaming, she’s gone waaaaay too far trying to get your family involved. I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’s genuinely concerned and looking out for you but I’m not convinced.” catsncupcakes

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... i would tell them all including your EX that what she is telling them is HER VERSION.. what she isn't telling them is tnat you work ON A COMPUTER for 40+hours a week and that what she wanted is for you to be,ow off work time to be available to her but obviously as a responsible ADULT you have to be financially responsible for your home bills etc which you can't do without a job.. tell parents and brother that...
Also sounds like sister had dreams of her friend becoming her sil etc and is therefore projecting her broken dreams trying to make out her friend is right amd you have an issue...
Maybe stage an intervention get them all to meet you at parents home and call her put on her ridiculous claims about your gaming addiction and get her to admit that most of the time you were working and how she wasn't happy when you wouldn't stop working to be available to her.. hopefully she will admit the truth and they will apologise to you and get off your case
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18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Birth Mom To Be There When I Gave Birth?

“I (30F) recently had a baby girl. I am adopted, but have met and had conversations with my birth mother (BM) over the years. It was never a secret how I came to be adopted because once I was old enough to understand, my adopted mother (mom) explained it to me.

A few years prior BM wanted to move to be ‘closer to me’ when in reality she had an affair and was going through a divorce. She had no job and no means of supporting herself. She expected my mom to support her.

When she moved closer to us the drama started. Essentially she came to live near us to be my ‘mom’ again.

She started telling my mom’s friends and neighbors her version of why I was adopted and bad-mouthing my mom implying that I was ‘stolen from her’ and other foolishness. When confronted she denied everything and played the victim. I had very minimal contact with her a couple of years later when she tried to get me to do a DNA test to determine who my father was in an attempt to break up a marriage.

While pregnant with my daughter she went overboard competing with me for my mom’s attention and making up stories about our relationship and such. I asked her to stop and cool it multiple times but she always made an excuse. She mentioned wanting to be there for the birth but I told her I only wanted my mom there.

My daughter was born a little early and had to stay in the NICU for about a week. My mother came down as planned for support, but BM was suddenly trying to come as well after I’d already told her earlier not to.

After several days of stressing over my baby and hearing about her asking for money to make the trip, I finally called her and told her: ‘I already have my mother here and I don’t want anyone else.’ I told her that she would see the baby when I came home for a visit.

My daughter is fine and growing well but after recounting the story a few family members are saying I was being a jerk for not allowing her to be a grandma. She’s telling others that I’m brainwashed. She has ample opportunity to be a grandma but not at the expense of my mom who raised me and has the first right, in my opinion.

I don’t hate BM or the situation that caused her to give me up, but I’m an adult now and she can’t come in ‘playing mom’ or trying to replace the one who raised me in an attempt to make up for lost time. So was I being a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ

You have your mom. Your BM wants to act as if she has been your mom all along when she really is just creating drama and destabilizing everything.

If you let her in your child’s life, be very careful. Sounds as if BM has some issues.

Allow her around your child (& you as well) to do only what makes you comfortable. She is not entitled to anything just because she gave birth to you.” Ducky818

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Actually, you got off easy. One of my closest friends was adopted; her BM came back into her life when she heard my friend was pregnant.

They had barely had a relationship prior, like maybe a call on her birthday.

BM would call every day (she lived 2 states away) to see if my friend had gone into labor. One day my friend said she was but it could be days.

Well, BM drove down, went to a bunch of hospitals until she figured out which one my friend was in, and sweet-talked her way in so she could see the baby ‘first’ before the husband’s family could get there.

It was like a contest, and she ‘won’. She thought she was Grandma of the Year rather than a petty jerk.

My friend only let her BM see her baby outside at parks or public places so there wouldn’t be a scene, and only infrequently.

I hadn’t thought of that story in years (that baby graduated college this year!) but it sounds like it’s not uncommon.

Long story short – your BM is trying to cause trouble. She’s your egg donor, and you clearly already have a Mom. Good luck and congratulations!” Straight-Singer-2912

3 points - Liked by LizzieTX, Turtlelover60 and anma7
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. sounds like your BM has lots of issues that you dint have to deal with.. personally i would be calling the police and hitting her with a restraining order.. do you not think she has caused enough drama since she came back on the scene for you and your poor mom who's had to have this woman slandering her and spreading vitriolic garbage about her when all she did was legally adopt a child and raise her... BM then reached out to try use you to break up a marriage for gods sake and now she's claiming you have been brainnwashed and are stopping her being a grandparent.... honey you and your mom need to cut her off now... amd keep her away from your precious baby... if she has daycare set it up so that only you and say mom and her daddy can pick her up...that BM cantilever way in to take baby in compensation for you being stolen from her.. cos honestly she sounds as if she is mentally unbalanced and will stoop toady level to get near you and the baby and get your mom out the picture....
i think NC with a restraining order and cameras all over your property wouldn't be a step too far to protect yourself from her escalating behaviour
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17. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner That I Was Hanging Out With My High School Friends?

“I (26M) have an awesome partner, Kendall (26F). We have been together 3 years and I plan to marry her.

We have a great friend group that includes a lot of my high school friends and their partners. We typically meet up twice a week and I live for these hangouts. Kendall has some social anxiety so sometimes it isn’t the easiest getting her out of her shell.

But for the most part, she really does try and my friends love her.

So the whole situation revolves around my good friend, Mandy (26F). Mandy and I have been friends since high school, went to the same college, and became best friends. She is the main character in our friend group.

At first Mandy and Kendall were great friends. But one night Mandy joked with Kendall that they had slept with the same guy. Kendall asked what she meant. The truth is that one night 5 years ago while in college, Mandy and I got wasted at a frat formal and slept together.

We hardly remember this. And think it’s literally hilarious now. We make jokes about it.

When Kendall found out she had a panic attack and we had to leave. We talked it over and I said that I didn’t feel like it was really all that relevant.

We are just friends. Kendall said she was fine and that it was just shocking. I reassured her that it was a hazy night 5 years ago and meant nothing. Ever since it’s been a pattern. We will go out with my friends. Kendall will see Mandy.

The panic attack ensues and we have to leave. It has happened 5 or 6 times now. To the point where my friends ask why we just leave randomly.

Kendall isn’t a jealous person at all. She’s very confident in herself and never displays jealous tendencies.

But for some reason when she sees Mandy, she breaks into a panic attack. But she keeps wanting to hang with the group and prove it doesn’t bother her so she keeps wanting to hang out. But when she does. Panic attack. Then we leave.

So I’ve gotten tired of this. I want to see my friends. So we had a trivia night recently and I told Kendall that I was hanging with my work friends, not my high school friend group. She said she would hang out at home then.

So a coworker and I met up with my friend group and we did a trivia night. Unfortunately one of my friends put up a story of us all and Kendall saw it. When I got him she was furious that I excluded her from a friend group hangout.

I said that I felt like she was isolating me from my friends with her issues and I wanted to see them for a full night, not 30 minutes. She said she can’t control her panic attacks but she is working on them and my excluding her because of them was a jerk move.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Omg. YTJ.

First of all, you bring your current partner into your friend group and don’t mention that one friend is somebody that you did sleep with, whether it was a one-time thing 5 years ago or not. Then your partner has the pleasure of hearing this not from you, but from the girl you slept with.

And both of you were so inconsiderate to think it was funny. THEN on top of that, you secretly hung out with the friend group that includes the girl you slept with, most likely giving your partner more anxiety about the situation. Nice dude.” User

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

You do realize that ‘Mandy’ was doing the verbal equivalent of peeing on you to ‘mark her territory’ as having been hers before you were with Kendall. That ‘Mandy’ didn’t do it as a joke, she seriously wanted Kendall to know that she (Mandy) will ALWAYS come first because of your long-term friendship.

Mandy may not want you as anything other than a friend, but she absolutely wanted to ‘Put Kendall in her place’ in the friend group, and show that Mandy was the Alpha and always would be.

By lying to Kendall and going behind her back to hang out with Mandy – you proved to Kendall that Mandy was right.

You do value Mandy above Kendall, and probably always will.

I sincerely hope Kendall kicks you to the curb and you can hang out with your ‘high school buds’ forever. Emotionally you are still in high school and Kendall deserves better.” Electronic-Cat-4478

2 points - Liked by LizzieTX and anma7
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
YTJ, and if you're really that clueless, instead of still having a thing for Mandy, I'll eat my keyboard. Why on earth would you continue to expose your SO, the one you plan to marry, to Mandy, who still thinks of you as hers first? When you KNOW what it does to Kendall? How would you feel, oh clueless one, if Kendall were to bring an ex of hers into your friend group and then joke that he'd had her first? You wouldn't like it at all. And yet you keep doing it to someone you supposedly care about? Yeah, I call bull$h!t on you. You kind of like Mandy still claiming you and don't give a rat's @$$ that poor Kendall has a panic attack every time she's around your "friend". You're a horrible human being as well as being a selfish @$$hole and I hope Kendall kicks your sorry @$$ to the curb. You suck.
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16. AITJ For Banning My Mom From The Delivery Room?

“My mother (F 47) has always been mentally abusive towards me. After the divorce between her and my father (She had an affair) she started valuing my step-siblings more than me in order to satisfy her current husband.

She’d do things like taking them on trips and leaving me out, saying ‘Oh I didn’t think you’d want to come’ or ‘It’s something you wouldn’t like.’ Because of that, I developed depression and needed medical attention; I ended up staying with my father instead.

A few years go by and I’m now mentally stable living with my father and my 2-year partner, 9 months ago I found out that I was pregnant! It was very good news that I decided to keep between my father, partner, and a few friends.

Somehow my mother got ahold of this information and made sure to call me every 30 minutes to check on her grandbaby. I know I may be petty for this but I still don’t forgive her for what did years ago.

Fast forward. I’m now in labor and she along with my ‘stepfather’ came to watch the delivery of my baby, I made sure to tell my doctor to not allow her into the delivery room as I gave birth.

Hours later, I found out that she got tired of waiting and went home, When I was free to leave the hospital I was blown up with several messages from family calling me a jerk for leaving out my mother from my child’s birth but letting my father & partner in.

I also found out that she went on a rant complaining about me to her social media followers (which is basically just my grandma and some of her annoying friends). My father said I need to forgive and forget but he’ll support me in what I do, while others say I was petty for doing this.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, giving birth is not a spectator sport. You need to be surrounded by those who you can trust and who will support you during a very vulnerable time and she’s not that person. She’s selfish for not putting your needs first and her reaction just proves that you made the right decision.

Ignore her and live your life.” goldilaughs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Not only was she not invited, she brought a ‘Plus One’?

Other than necessary medical staff, the person giving birth gets to decide who they want in the room.

Nobody. Not even the other parent has a ‘right’ to be there.

(The other parent usually has a better claim to the privilege than anyone else but it’s still not a ‘right’)

They are not supposed to be there to watch the birth, they’re supposed to be there to support the individual going through one of the most intense, painful, and vulnerable moments of their life.

You did nothing remotely wrong.

I hope you’re recovering nicely and that you have been blessed with one of those miraculous ‘happy babies’ that never gets colicky, rarely fusses, and takes easily to both sleep schedules and whatever way you have decided on for feeding.

Now, go look at those amazingly perfect itty-bitty fingernails and sniff your wonderlump.” rapt2right

2 points - Liked by LizzieTX and Turtlelover60
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... tell dad that it's easy for him to tel, you to forgive amd forget however he wasn't treated the way you were.. he got to move on you had to stay with her mental abuse until you could leave... reassure him you don't blame him for that but you do blame her!!!!
As for her rants on fb.. call her out take back her power over you... tell them all that your child's birth wasn't a spectator sport... you told her not to other as you didn't want there there and yet she still came and brought her husband...
That yes your baby's daddy was there when baby was born as was the only other person YOU ASKED to be there...
Then block her amdher 'followers' Nd ensure if you ever allow her to see the baby and you make sure you are NEVER ALONE with her and its always in public.. i would not put it past her to try take the baby or make up some lies to try get 'her grand baby ' removed from your care
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15. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom About My Pregnancy?

“My mom has always been a difficult person.

In the past, we have had a lot of struggles with her control issues and need to be the center of attention.

Two years ago, my sister was pregnant with a baby girl that she had wanted for a long time. Due to a previous miscarriage, she told the immediate family but wanted to wait to make a public announcement for another month to be safe.

My mom decided that she needed to tell everyone, and when my sister said that she’d rather wait my mom posted the announcement on social media anyway. My sister had no idea until the ‘congratulations’ texts started coming in. She was devastated and didn’t speak to my mother for a long time.

My mom never apologized or admitted she did anything wrong, and said it was her news to share too since she was becoming a grandma.

Flash forward to now, and I’m expecting. We wanted to wait until we were in a better place medically before making an announcement.

Fortunately, we were able to keep it to ourselves for a while. When we started telling the family, we called everyone individually to tell them the news and to keep it private since we were making a public announcement later.

I know this may have been petty, but I didn’t call my mom.

Every time I think about what happened with my sister it still fills me with rage, and I had no desire to give her the satisfaction of taking away that experience again. So, we made the public announcement without telling her beforehand.

Naturally, she called us screaming when she found out, telling my husband and me how selfish we were and how we didn’t care about family since she found out through social media.

This didn’t come as a huge shock. However, I keep getting calls and texts from our extended family saying that I need to apologize and I’m punishing my mom for being ‘excited’ about her grandchildren.

I refuse to apologize, and I feel justified because of her past behavior.

The rest of the family is saying I should apologize and smooth it over with her.

Am I being petty? AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom has demonstrated she’s not a safe person to share information with until you’re good and ready to share it publicly.

If she’s upset about that, she needs to reflect on what she’s done to damage your trust and what she can do in the future to make amends, not make it about her and her hurt feelings and what she thinks she’s entitled to.

Make note of the family members who are taking her side, or have at least decided it’s easier not to upset her than to respect your wishes and make sure they don’t get any private baby photos or updates, either.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Your mom made the first announcement of your sister’s pregnancy because she wanted to be the center of attention and have people congratulate her or whatever was going on in her head. Same thing with you. You took away her thunder, so good for you.

NOT ABOUT HER! All about you, the baby, and the father. You did nothing wrong. Congrats on expecting a baby. Hope he/she is healthy and that’s all that matters. As for your mother, she’ll get over it.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. maybe tell mommy to call off her flying monkeys if she wants to be in your s and your child's life and tell her that you will not give her the satisfaction of being able to post ANYTHING before you and hubby like she did with sister...
Oh and maybe tell her you will, deny any of this conversation if she repeats it to anyone cos her drama llama routine won't work with you and hubby
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14. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad For Disrespecting My Mom's Food During Ramadan?

“So it’s Ramadan and my family’s Muslim so we’re all fasting. My mother and I are the only 2 women in the family and the men (dad and 2 brothers) rarely help in the kitchen so it’s usually just my mum and I preparing food for when it’s time to break our fast.

My mum works very hard and puts a lot of passion into the food she makes, it’s one of her favorite things, I mainly just help her by making the desserts and washing all the dishes as we go and also after we’ve all eaten.

So it really made me mad when my dad made little comments about the food. Usually, I just sit down and shut up, since Ramadan isn’t only a time of fasting but also a time when you’re supposed to refrain from swearing/cursing at others, etc stuff like that, and you’re supposed to be genuinely trying to be a better person/get closer to God.

Today my dad kept making comments about the food to my mum — ‘Too much spice here’ ‘Why are the chicken slices so big? You should’ve cut the pieces smaller’ ‘This is cold, did you heat it enough before serving it?’ ‘I didn’t like the soup, yesterday’s was much better’ ‘Where did you buy this meat?

Stop buying from them it’s disgusting’. Just little things like that throughout the entire meal and my mum wouldn’t defend herself, she honestly just looked sad and deflated and it made me sad too because I was the one in the kitchen with her, watching her slave away to make enough amazing food for all of her children and her ungrateful husband who could only sit there and complain instead of appreciating her.

I called him ungrateful and said, ‘If you really hate her food that much why don’t you wake up early tomorrow and cook for us instead?’ Honestly didn’t even think it was a big deal but oh boy. It made the rest of the dinner so awkward.

My brothers were on the verge of laughing but couldn’t because my dad was so mad.

My mum later told me I should apologise to my dad but I don’t understand why. I love him but he had it coming, he just wouldn’t stop making little comments and it was so irritating.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell your dad that the holy month of Ramadan means exemplary behavior and being respectful. He might as well not bother fasting and praying if he is being unnecessarily disrespectful to his own wife, who is making everyone a meal whilst she herself is also fasting.

A good Muslim, and person, is measured by how they treat other people and not by fasting and prayer alone.

Ramadan Mubarak, by the way, to you and your family. Minus dad. He only gets a Ramadan Mubarak when he decides to be respectful.” majesticjewnicorn

Another User Comments:

“Ramadan Mubarak.

You are NTJ.

Fasting can turn people into jerks, though, so hopefully that’s the explanation for your dad being mean after sundown. If it’s more than that – if he regularly puts your mom down in public and demeans her – then that might be the kind of problem the two of them need to take a deeper dive into.

If you’re all generally open with each other, I would suggest talking to your dad privately about why you said what you said. If your dad is more of a ‘king of the castle’ type, it might be best to just avoid him until he calms down.

I definitely don’t think you owe him an apology. How would he react if a guest said the same things to your mom?” Arithered

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. I know islam isn't exactly a female friendly religion, but if one is supposed to treat others with respect and kindness during ramadan, that includes females as well. Your father is an abusive @$$ clown who gets his rocks off venting his bad mood on the mother of his children who just cooked him a wonderful meal. I can't help but think that allah himself would b!tch slap him into next week for doing that. He doesn't deserve an apology.
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13. AITJ For Not Calling My Stepmom "Mom"?

“My mom died when I was 5 years old. My dad met and married my stepmom when I was 8. At the time she asked if I wanted to be adopted and accepted my no. She did, however, bring up a few times over the next decade that if I wanted to call her mom she would love it.

That’s not something I ever wanted to do so I didn’t. But I do think she’s genuinely a great person and she makes my dad happy. I never minded her saying I was her son, or her firstborn or whatever. She and my dad had children together so I get her wanting to include me as well.

But over the years my dad has stopped talking about my mom completely and calls my stepmom my mom. I have asked him not to and he has refused to listen.

Now I’m 22 and I live with my amazing significant other. And she has been put in weird situations with my dad, half-siblings, and extended family all calling my stepmom my mom.

Her parents met my dad and stepmom for the first time recently and they were confused when my dad was saying stepmom was my mom. They knew my mom died, they also knew I had a stepmom. But my dad brought up stepmom as my mom in a way that they were a little thrown off.

Not to mention him saying ‘When we had OP’ and stuff like that.

My half-siblings brought it up too. Even calling me out for using her name over dinner. Saying don’t call mom ‘name’, call her mom like you call him dad sort of thing.

After my SO’s parents left I told them to stop. That my stepmom is not my mom and they need to stop saying that she is. I told them they had made things VERY awkward because my SO’s parents knew the truth and having them behave the way they did made it seem weird and probably had them wondering if I was some crazy jerk who made up a story about my mom dying.

My stepmom was pretty quiet during the whole thing.

My dad told me I stepped over the line trying to police them and he said whether I liked it or not she was more of a mom to me than my mom had ever been.

He said I break her heart every day I put ‘step’ in front of mom and don’t show her the same kind of love my siblings show her. He told me I also had no right to tell my siblings what to do.

AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You don’t have to call your stepmom mum, I don’t do it for my stepdad, simply because he isn’t my dad. What your dad said about her being a better mother than your actual mother is horrible. I think maybe you should sit your dad and stepmom down and explain that you will not call her anything but her name or stepmom and that if they overstep the boundary of trying to bully you to call her mum in front of other people, then there will be consequences, whatever these consequences are you decide for yourself.” emptywashingmachine

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I get the sense it’s less about the title for you and more about the fact your dad is trying to erase your mum from ever existing.

Maybe you could take your stepmum out for lunch. Just the 2 of you.

Explain that you love her, you appreciate everything she’s done and while you do see her in a motherly role, the name ‘Mom’ is one of the only things you have left of the woman who gave you life.

You could also get her a necklace or a bracelet with a saying about family isn’t always blood, or titles, etc.” Sarah_J_J

1 points - Liked by anma7
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anma7 2 months ago
Honestly reach put to mom's family if possible.. reconnect with them get them together with SO.. get them to tell her and YOU exactly who mom was the type of woman she was AND WHY if you lost touch with them that happened... build a new family with them included then introduce them to SOs parents if you can find them on social media.. getting a copy of yourbirth certificate will be a massive help it should have mom's maiden name on it too to help you search for her parents and possible siblings
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12. AITJ For Keeping The Flowers My Ex Gave Me?

“My ex and I still live together with our two kids. The daycare we used was permanently shut down and our only option to provide for the kids was to live together again so I could watch the kids while he worked. This hasn’t been an issue for us.

On to the actual issue.

My ex has been seeing someone for a bit. I mind my own business so I don’t know much about her. I just know that he says they’re not very serious right now and they’re just seeing where things go.

Beyond that I’m clueless. Anyway, August 15th was the anniversary of one of the babies my ex and I had lost. On the anniversary of the loss dates for those other babies we struggled to carry to term he buys me flowers. Two red roses for the two kids we have and one white rose for each lost. Mother’s Day and their loss dates are when he buys them.

He came home with the flowers the other day and a small stuffed bear he had custom-made using the hospital blanket from the birth. However, today I received a message from his partner that she didn’t like him buying me flowers and saying a lot of rude things.

It ended with her demanding I throw away the flowers and tell my ex to never buy more.

I refused and then blocked her. I told my ex what happened and we didn’t talk much before he left for work. He seemed angry, but I don’t know at who.

I told my friend, venting because I was really angry, and she said that she saw why his partner would be upset. She claims his partner has the right to demand what she did and insinuates that I only care about the flowers because of the old romantic connection.

She says I should throw them away like his partner wants.

Am I really in the wrong for not wanting to get rid of them?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If his partner has an issue, she should be talking to him like a grown adult, not attacking you.

It’s kinda weird territory for a relationship – going out with someone who is living with their ex and the kids and buying flowers – but that’s a them issue and not a you problem. If she wants to set boundaries, she needs to do it with the person she’s actually going out with.” KaliTheBlaze

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Just because you and your ex are no longer in a romantic relationship, doesn’t mean you don’t have a relationship. You have a history including the loss of children. Losing a child is devastating; I speak from experience. A few flowers in remembrance of the children you lost is no one’s business and a sweet way of remembering.

It was out of line for her to text you and make demands. She could have discussed it with your ex and then left it alone.” Murky-Historian-9350

1 points - Liked by Turtlelover60
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... this is a them issue not a you issue. As for your friend tell her to STFU too he buys you the flowers for a reason if she can't work that out and stand by you HER FRIEND then is she really a friend?
As for his partner she is taking this up woth the wrong person if she has an issue with HIS actions she needs to take it up with HIM not you.. maybe she thinks they are more serious than he does... maybe she wants him to move in with her or wants to move in to your home with him but she sees you as a roadblock...
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11. AITJ For Not Showing Support To My SIL After Her Dad Passed Away?

“I (44 m) didn’t get along with my brother (47 m) for a really long time. During this time he got married to a lady I will call Amanda for the rest of this story.

From stories he told her she grew to dislike me as well. Even when my brother and I got back on good terms she didn’t make it a secret that she still didn’t like me. Considering the circumstances I never really blamed her for this.

Fast forward to the present day and my brother and I are as close as we have ever been. He has a good relationship with my daughters and his daughter likes me a lot. Amanda doesn’t talk to me much. When she does it is mostly passive-aggressive statements.

I understand the situation she was probably put in so I just let the comments slide. I just pretend I didn’t hear them or say something along the lines of ‘Yeah, so anyway…’

Now to the conflict. One day my brother texts a group chat that includes me, him, and our male cousins.

He said ‘Hey, Amanda’s dad passed a few days ago. She needs to see some friendly faces. Can you get your wives and come over?’ Over the course of 2 days, all of my family that live near came to check on her. Some brought food while others just came and talked to her.

I never went. I basically ignored the text. I never felt like I wasn’t invited but I didn’t think I was wanted there. I don’t have a wife so when my brother sent that text I thought I was being included in a conversation that he was having with our cousins.

I didn’t think much of it until after the funeral one of my cousins sent me a social media post that Amanda made after the funeral. It thanked my family for being there for her. At some point, she said, ‘It surprised me that someone I barely talked to could be there for me more than someone whose children have slept in my house.’ This was about me.

I didn’t think she would want to see or hear from me but here we are. I also didn’t think I was needed because a lot of people went to see her.

I talked to my brother about it and he understood my thought process.

The cousin who showed me the post said I was wrong because I knew the situation she had with her family. I don’t know specifics but I do know that her dad was the only person in her family she spoke to. With that being said, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

From your side, your brother poisoned her against you. It’s his job to fix that. He knows what he said that made her not like you and she should be able to see you got past that. She’s a petty person.

You could have made an effort to show up for your brother’s sake. Helping his wife process her grief is exhausting for him too, which is why having support from others benefits both of them.

You need to talk to her directly at this point.

Just be honest.

‘I saw your post. I am going to be honest. I didn’t come because when we spent time together, you made it clear you disliked me. I don’t know what I did to upset you and I wish you would tell me.

I assumed having me around while you were grieving would just make you hate me more, so out of respect for your feelings, I chose to keep my distance so you could focus on the people you care about. If I misunderstood your feelings, let’s talk about it now.

Otherwise, I am just going to continue to assume you dislike me due to the way I feel when you (say X to me/treat me Y way (specific examples)).’

Something like that. Be as cordial as you can, use I statements, and leave the reconciliation ball in her court.” Just_A_Sad_Unicorn

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – I think the least you could have done was send a text with your condolences. You ignored the text completely. Not even reaching out to your brother to see how he was doing. If you are close to him now you could have asked if there was anything he needed or your niece since you like them both.

The entire story showed no empathy at all.

I get not liking SIL and you feeling you would not be wanted. But I think at least you could have done something to acknowledge the loss for the family since you like 2/3 of them.” hope1083

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anma7 3 months ago
ESH... bro for not putting wife straight seeing how it's HIS stories that coloured her view of you but he hasn't thought to set her straight when she is making comments at you based on his words...
SIL for making digs even when her own hubby has moved past this now and you are both close now and she knows it but she can't stop making digs at you...
YOU cos although it was her dad it was bro's fil and nieces granddad so you could have gone over and checked on them while telling her you were sorry for her loss...
Now I think you need to reach out and tell her that you think its time the pair of you cleared the air once and for all... and do so and gove her your condolences for gods sake
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10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Watch A Broadway Show With My Family?

“My family and I (17F) are going on a trip for my brother’s wedding, and my dad plans to take an extravagant vacation afterward.

He’s putting a lot of money into it, and making sure we know it.

He is a very outgoing extrovert who loves to travel, see, and do things with very little organization about his planning. I’m quite the opposite. I’m introverted, and shy, and prefer staying at home doing nothing most days.

I like organization, and knowing what we’re doing, where we’re going, when we’re doing it, etc.

Yesterday my dad asked me if I wanted to go to a Broadway show on one of the only days I’ll get a break from going places. I politely declined, as it wasn’t my cup of tea to be sitting down for a long period of time without getting up.

He didn’t push, and I thought that was the end of it. Tonight I walk into the kitchen and my father informs me that he paid for tickets for the whole family to go to a Broadway show. I reminded him that I had told him the night before that I didn’t want to go to a Broadway show.

He said he paid for a different one that he thought we’d all enjoy. At this point, I got a little frustrated that he ignored my decline and got tickets for me anyway. I’ll admit, being a teenage girl, I angrily sighed in displeasure.

Of course, this offended my sensitive old man, and he said that I was going whether I liked it or not.

Instead of trying to argue, I mumbled under my breath about this being the last vacation I take with him (I’ll be getting a job soon and he can’t force me to take time off work every 2-4 months).

He got all annoyed at me about being ungrateful and that he’s ‘only doing this for me’ and that ‘I’ll like it once we’re there.’ I tried to explain that I’m not like him and that I get tired easily from doing a ton of stuff in such a short amount of time and how it really runs my already low social battery even lower, but I guess my point didn’t get across to him.

At that point, I left because trying to win an argument with my parents is like trying to wrestle a bear. Mom was there the whole time and she came in later to tell me how selfish and horrible I’m being, that my generation is growing up with the mentality that everything has to go our way or we throw a tantrum, and how that makes lazy people, how dad’s spending so much money on this for us, and how she’s introverted just like me but she’s done and seen some amazing things because my father ~~forced~~ brought her and she’s grateful for that, and that I owe my dad an apology for being so selfish.

I believe both of my parents are manipulative, narcissistic, selfish, guilt-tripping pieces of crap. But please let me know if I really am just being a horrible, stubborn teenager because at this point I don’t know. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – This wasn’t a misunderstanding, where your dad surprised everyone with tickets etc… He literally asked you, you said ‘no’, and then he decided to force you to go and act like you’re the one being unreasonable and selfish.

It’s gaslighting. If he was ‘only doing this for you’, he would have respected your answer or, at the very least, tried to have a respectful conversation to understand and see if there was some other way to compromise.

Speaking as a parent myself – it boggles my mind the number of parents who treat their children as property rather than people.

It is reasonable for parents to set (age and ability-appropriate) rules and boundaries to help their kids learn and grow safely, confidently, and compassionately. It is not reasonable for parents to create arbitrary rules around their whims and to prop up their own purposeless authority.” Blendinnotblandin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Was going to go with ‘no jerks here’, but he is gaslighting you. He got the tickets for himself and is most likely embarrassed so he internalized it as ‘got it for my daughter’. Granted idle speculation is being generous. That said, unless you have something else planned, you should think of sucking it up and going.

Little moments like these don’t come often. Will you regret going or not going more, ten twenty years down the line?” Legitimate-Review-56

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... get a job get saving and move out... i think your diagnosis of parents is probably correct... and the sooner you can get employment and then move out the better for your mental health... bewarned though if you are dependant on them for paying for college you may wanna look into financial aid or scholarships cos I can see them using their financial help to control you more
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9. AITJ For Uninviting My Stepdad From My Graduation?

“My stepdad (56) and my mom (42) recently got into an argument about me (17f) again. We’ve been having a lot of power outages in my town recently and the other day our power was out again when I woke up. I asked my mom what I should do for food since I couldn’t open the fridge and we don’t have many foods that don’t require electricity or water to make.

My mom offered to pick me up something on her way home. When she got home I heard her and my stepdad arguing about how my mom coddles me and that I don’t do anything for myself.

I was caught off guard by their argument, especially because I had two jobs up until about three weeks ago and I pay for my car insurance, gas, my phone, all of my clothes, and anything extra I need outside of food.

My stepdad continues on to say that I’m spoiled and I won’t be able to live outside the house alone because I’m not self-sufficient enough to make myself food. My stepdad even went far enough to say that I wouldn’t ever make it and that I haven’t made it very far now anyway.

He said that he hopes my mom is always there for me because I’ll end up ruining my future and I’ll need her to take care of me ‘like always’.

My mom did defend me and told him he was a jerk because I heard everything he said.

His excuse was that he didn’t know I was home.

I’ve since told my mom I won’t be speaking to him and I don’t want him at my graduation. My mom told me that it’s unfair because he’s been there my whole life (they’ve been married for 12 years), I told her I don’t think it’s unfair since he sees me as a failure to not want him there when I graduate.

My sister agrees but my brothers and my friends are telling me that I’m the jerk and that I should want him there in spite.

So my question is, AITJ for uninviting him?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and your stepfather is unreasonable to you.

Your uninviting him to your graduation is not a sign that you are ungrateful but sends a message that you are done with his bad behavior and that you deserve better. The way he calls you a failure is super not okay

You do what is right for you and go ahead and uninvite him.

Do not let mum, brother, and friends tell you otherwise. You are not a failure as what he claims you to be.

Moving forward you focus on yourself and work hard in what you do at your jobs and your future education post-high school. Your best revenge to him is living life to your best and your good work ethic be the talk of your bosses (present and future), uni tutors, fellow students, and coworkers.

If your stepdad still cannot see it otherwise well tough luck he does not know what he is missing.” KangarooOk2190

Another User Comments:

“You’re graduating and you’ve worked multiple jobs. That’s what success looks like for a 17-year-old.

Unless he’s a crazy person or he’s paid so little attention that he thinks you’re in your 20s, he can’t be expecting that you’ll have gained adult independence, found a meaningful career, or moved out.

So I’d be really interested to hear what his definition of a ‘failure’ is. Is this just some kind of anger that you don’t have a crappy life? Is he jealous that your mother loves you or that you get to be a teenager while he has to be an adult with a job?

I’m guessing there’s something else going on in his head because considering you to be a failure is just nonsensical!

NTJ, obviously.” Grayson81

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... but i would let him come and when he starts crowing about how lazy etc remind him that he watched you graduate recently.. that up to recently you worked 2 jobs and you have been paying your own bills for X period of time....
Has he always been like this with you or is it recent ? Maybe he's realised that you are the youngest and then that's it your off college and then what's he got left at-home?? Maybe he's got a mental illness or something and he's lashing out cos of that...
Get sorted for college get settled there and if you have any sense you have chosen a school away from home so that you don't have to deal with his crap anymore than school breaks if you choose to come home
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8. AITJ For Telling My Niece That I Can't Take Back The Kittens?

“My nieces wanted 2 kittens and their parents both agreed to it.

I ended up rescuing 3 kittens from a shed in a lady’s backyard. The lady was terrified of cats and the mom was MIA so she asked us to find the kittens and take them. Kittens were starving, had fleas, and were so dirty from not being taken care of but I decided we should take them and save them.

I already have 2 cats at home and decided I would adopt the 3rd kitten since my nieces were only allowed to bring home 2 of them. I bathed and fed the kittens the 1st night they came home. Got rid of ALL fleas and de-wormed them.

Kittens are incredibly cute and are long hair domestics.

The girls finally took them home and everything was going well. Then the girls came to spend the night at my house and asked if they could bring along their kittens so I agreed since it was only one night.

Then the next day when it was time to take the cats home with the girls the mom suddenly said that the landlord did not want cats in the home… so I let the cats stay another night and my older niece but I told her this morning she and her parents have to find what to do with the kittens because it is their responsibility.

They accepted the cats and 2 weeks later all of a sudden just can’t have cats. I told my niece ‘I’m sorry but these cats are going back to your home today. I can not afford to have 5 cats at my house. You guys have to find someone to adopt them or find where to take them.’ She called her mom and her mom seemed upset but she accepted the responsibility of the 2 kittens.

Am I in the wrong here for not taking in the 2 extra kittens I can’t afford and making her resolve to rehome the kittens on her own? My niece spent the whole night crying at my house because she was told she couldn’t keep them anymore and her mom seemed to think I would be keeping them here at my house.

Went out and bought ice cream and cookies to help her feel a little better but she still woke up crying. I am not keeping them, I am dropping the 2 kittens off with the 2 girls tonight after we go to the movies tonight. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The parents made a mistake that has caused their kids some emotional pain and are looking for/assuming solutions for easy fixes. It’s not your responsibility to take the kittens on (and honestly though it would be a lovely idea in general, 5 cats is a lot and it is unreasonable to expect you to take those cats on).

Keep validating your niece’s feelings, that is unfair and hurtful that she cannot keep the cats and some rules in life don’t feel very fair. Be there for them just as you are.” Interesting-Film-369

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But I’ve seen this a lot.

A lot of people adopt cats and later regret it so they return these poor kittens to the person they adopted from. If they can’t take responsibility for kittens then why adopt them in the first place?! Even cat lovers have a limit of cats they can keep at home and these people think that what difference would another or two cats would make.” PreparationExpert457

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anma7 2 months ago
I agree with interesting-film-369 too reassure neices that you agree it's not fair that tney can't keep theor kittens however you can't afford to keep them either and sometimes we have to do things we dot want to do like fjnd the kittens a new home.. tell them they can always play woth your kitten and cats but you will help mommy find new homes but you can't take them in forever that it wouldn't be fair to the kittens or your cats either or YOU.. then work with parents to find a RESCUE rather than a shelter if needs be to take these kitties
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7. AITJ For Not Warning My Classmate That The Piece Of Metal Was Hot?

“I (18M) went to my class at the workshop at my college, today half of our class had to do Arc Welding and the other half did Gas Welding. I was tasked to do the latter half. Now one thing I have to mention is that there are 8 Welding Tables for Gas Welding, no labels or signs that say ‘1’ ‘2’ ‘3’ ‘4’ ‘5’ ‘6’ ‘7’ ‘8’.

But the table I worked at was under a sign that said ‘Gas Welding Area’ (this is important). So after welding together 2 pieces of metal using an Electrode, you need to wait for it to cool down before you attempt to pick it up (it cools down in 10-15 minutes).

I waited 7 minutes and tried to pick it up and of course I scalded my index finger (yes I know I was impatient that one is on me). I also need to mention that I worked later than the people I was working with, and the store was a bit busy and I needed a few electrodes to weld the pieces together (me being a bit late is the key factor here).

So after I went to the store to get a cream to treat my finger, I saw another student sitting at the table I was working at (we’ll call them DG just cause), and this is how the conversation went:

Me: ‘Hey, you need something?’

DG: ‘No, thank you.’

Me: ‘This is my table, mind if I sit here?’

DG: ‘This is actually my table, maybe you got ours mixed up?’

Me: ‘No my table was under this sign, and that’s my work over there, you’re the one who got them confused.’

They insisted that they were waiting for this piece to cool down for 15 minutes now and told me to stop. At this point I was irritated and decided fine, I’ll play along. I told them ok they should show it off to the tutor so they see if they did it correctly or not.

They, of course, picked it up with their hand and instantly screamed in pain from holding a welded piece of metal. I told them they should rush to the store to treat their hand, and then I went back to my table and waited for our next task.

At the end of the class, we were all dismissed and they came up to me and berated me for not warning them the piece of metal was hot. I told them they had it coming for not listening to me and ignoring me saying that it was my table.

One other classmate told me I was out of line for doing that. So I’m wondering, AITJ? If I am put in my place, during my next class I’ll apologize to them.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here: I feel like around those kinds of setups the number one priority is physical safety, period.

Nonsense High School drama has no place here, so: your argument was stupid, he was a dummy and should be more careful, you were a jerk rooting for him to hurt himself (borderline actively setting him up), and whoever runs this chaos of a class should do a better job.” Decent_Sky_9880

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. OP left to rest a burn and came back to another student saying that OP’s work was theirs. That’s what they get for not using their brain and trying to steal something they didn’t make. OP did not say to pick it up.” DyingBananas

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Let me see if I understand the problem; your classmate, who did a welding project, using an acetylene torch that heats up metal until it glows red, b!tched at YOU because you didn't warn him that the metal was hot? Seriously?
Tell him to go suck a big one. NTJ.
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6. AITJ For Wanting My Foster Mom To Pay For The Lego Set That Her Daughter Stole And Broke?

“I (15, F) recently got moved to a new foster home and have been here for around 4 months. This isn’t the first time things have gone missing.

My fosters have a daughter who’s around 9 and seems to have never been told no as they’re well off financially. Recently, I’ve moved in with my brother, (17, M) and brought a pretty decent-sized Lego collection as it’s one of my most precious belongings (Given to me by my father before he passed.)

Of course, as children are, she asked to play with it but I declined and told her ‘Sorry, but this is very fragile and can break, okay?’ She ended up crying and attracted the attention of the foster parents, which prompted them to tell me to give it to their daughter as we’re now ‘siblings’.

Of course, I declined once more, telling them it was a gift from my father. They left it at that but seemed bitter because their daughter kept crying and throwing a tantrum.

Yesterday, I was gone because I was still in high school. Unbeknownst to me, they had opened my LOCKED door, and told their daughter MY things were also HERS because we, again, were ‘siblings’.

This frustrated me as I got home and found my things missing.

I went out to the living room to find the parents but ended up finding my Lego sets now completely destroyed as well as a $50 ‘Fawkes the Phoenix’ Lego set completely broken. That one in particular broke me as that was the first set I ever paid for without help.

When I found them, they complained saying ‘She’s only a kid, she can’t help what she wants!’ Taking that as defeat, I walked away to try and scavenge whatever I could from it. When I finished, I had left more than half of most sets.

However, I had no clue where the Phoenix had gone. The daughter had refused to tell me.

I went to the parents, asking if they would pay me back $50 due to their daughter essentially hiding it from me and breaking all of my other sets.

They looked at me, mortified, and tried to justify it by once again, calling us ‘siblings’. That angered me more, but I tried to keep my calm and tell them that I ONLY wanted the money back to rebuy the set, not even mentioning the other ones she had broken.

(about $150 worth).

Now they won’t even acknowledge me, or speak to me, and are essentially ignoring me. I’m just very confused as I’ve never done anything to be rude, I’ve always kept to myself, and never done anything to set them off. All I’ve ever asked for was to be driven to stores to get basic essentials.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As a former foster kid, tell your social worker all of this. This is a blatant violation of your privacy and destruction of property. If they are going to let her behave like this with no consequences and destroy stuff left to you by your deceased father, your social worker needs to be aware.

And make sure you tell them the door was locked so they essentially broke into your room to allow their child to destroy your stuff. Not okay. Not okay at all.” mrsorzhova728

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I’m sorry that your foster parents did not respect your boundaries.

You told them these Lego sets were important to you and why. I think you should be open with them that if they are serious about you being a family, then you need to be able to trust that when you open up about what’s important to you, they do better to listen and respect that.

Also, I know it’s not the same, but sometimes the great thing about Legos is that even when you can’t re-create the exact set from the instructions, you can still create something new and awesome, I hope you’re able to do that now.

Good luck OP.” SomeJargon

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. please tell your social worker asap.. you have a door lock for a reason and they are breaking the rules and they know it... tell social worker exactly what's gone missing been broken of you have had the same worker for a while they will know about your collection and its relevance and will have told your foster parents this too.. tell them that bio gets EVERYTHING she wants including access to your room and that's not fair either
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5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Pay An Equal Share For The Airbnb?

“My (32m) wonderful wife (26f) attended a bachelorette party recently where the group was supposed to stay together at an Airbnb for a 3-day weekend. Everything was planned in advance by the bride’s friend/maid of honor, we’ll call her Chelsea.

When it came time to check in to the house, they quickly realized that Chelsea had miscounted the amount of people that were there vs how many beds were available. As such my wife was informed that she would have to share a twin-sized bed with another girl who she didn’t know.

She immediately called me and I agreed that there was no way that was happening. Luckily, this party was happening very close to my wife’s parent’s house, so she politely just said that she would go spend the night at their house instead.

She returned to the rental house the next morning, participated in all the things, and then helped clean the house when it came time to leave.

Fast forward to now, Chelsea is asking for everyone to pay their share of the Airbnb but wants my wife to pay an equal share to the rest of the girls who slept at the house.

I personally thought we should offer to pay half instead since my wife had to drive back and forth between the rental and her parents’ house just to have a bed to herself over the weekend. Being that she still participated in all the games and events, I think that half is very fair considering that she was not aware going in that she would be required to share a bed with a stranger.

My wife had the conversation with Chelsea to ask if this was acceptable to which Chelsea replied with a firm ‘No’ and said that everyone was paying their portion of the bride’s stay as well. My wife just wants to pay for it and be done with it, which I understand.

She doesn’t want to cause unnecessary friction in her relationship with the bride or her friends. Personally, I don’t think it’s very fair to have to pay for a whole stay that my wife didn’t get to benefit wholly from. We’ve also had disagreements in the past with Chelsea that have caused problems in that particular group and my wife wants to avoid that happening again.

In the end, it’s not that much money and we will just pay it in full to help preserve the relationships, but AITJ for thinking that my wife is getting taken advantage of a little bit by Chelsea?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Wouldn’t everything be covered anyway?

Since there was 1 more person than expected… the person who got the bed should pay the full amount.

It’s not like they were short a person and everyone had to pay more. She miscounted and now they had 1 extra person. So, since your wife didn’t want to share a twin-size bed with a stranger (totally reasonable)… the other person and the bride should have understood who was paying (the person who took the bed).

Since your wife didn’t stay overnight at the house, she would be pretty generous by paying 1/2 of the AirBnB.” Geckosaurus-Rex

Another User Comments:

“Chelsea is clearly the jerk. If there weren’t enough beds, it was up to her to sleep on the floor, an air mattress, or a cot.

That said, I absolutely understand your wife not wanting to cause extra drama for the bride by dragging this out. If you can afford it, she can certainly buy some peace by paying up. She is certainly welcome to let the rest of the wedding party know or add a comment about Chelsea’s math skills with her payment.

You are NTJ unless you push your ‘fight her’ agenda too drastically.” VoyagerVon

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. but wife needs to realise that chelsea isn't her friend at all and that she KNEW someone had to share a bed and then voluntold wife it was her.. then tells her she's paying the same as everyone else to just use said house during the day!! I get it she likes these people but she needs to realise that they are using her probably to subsidise their fun times...
What would wife have done if her parents place wasn't close by? Sucked it up and shared the bed in which case yeah she was there for all the fun and no extra driving... or she could have slept on the sofa and used the facilities overnight same as the rest of them...
Good on you for having her back but until she wants to face reality that Chelsea is using her and isn't her true friend all you can do is support her pay the money and the next time so etching like this comes up then get her to ask if there is definitely enough beds no sharing needed. So then she can decide BEFORE she accepts the invite whether or not she wants to go for sure
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4. AITJ For Inviting My Ex-Wife To Our Baby Shower?

“My ex-wife (42F) and I (40M) divorced when my daughter (13F) was around 4 years old. I got remarried in 2016 to my wife (38F).

My ex-wife and I don’t have a bad relationship. We’ve argued a little bit, but we don’t hate each other or anything.

My wife and ex have a pretty good relationship, too. Since my wife didn’t have kids, she always saw my daughter as her own. A few months ago, my wife and I announced we were pregnant and later found out we were going to be having a baby girl.

My ex-wife was happy for us, and my daughter is super excited to be having a sister.

Now, here’s where things go a little downhill. My wife wanted to invite my ex to the shower. Since me and my wife have no problems with my ex, we both agreed we would invite her.

We knew that usually, the ex-wife doesn’t go, but we didn’t think it would be a problem if we invited her. My parents invited me, my wife, and my daughter for dinner as a celebration one night so we agreed to come over.

During dinner, I mentioned that my ex-wife was going to the shower and my mom got visibly upset. She didn’t say anything, but the rest of the dinner was a bit quiet.

After dinner, my mom asked to talk to me. She asked me why I would invite her and that it was disrespectful to my wife, I explained that we have a good relationship and ultimately it was my wife’s idea.

My mom still was mad, though. She said that my wife probably just said that to be nice and that she didn’t really want her to go. (Mind you, my ex-wife and I divorced simply because we just fell out of love. I didn’t have an affair, and vice versa, we didn’t argue much, and I had never hit her, you get it.

We just didn’t love each other anymore.) I told my mom that she was being ridiculous and that my wife would’ve told me if she didn’t want her to go.

When I went home that night, I told one of my buddies about it and they agreed with my mom, that it’s really weird to invite my ex-wife to the shower.

I don’t think I’m a jerk, but what do you guys think?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think your wife’s opinion is the one that really counts here because she’s a ‘bonus mom’ to your ex’s child and your ex is her baby’s big sister’s mom.

If they get along and can be friendly (or heck, even real friends!) then that’s fantastic. It’s wonderful when blended families actually blend.

Look, families can look all sorts of ways, there’s really no one right way to do it so long as the kids involved feel safe and loved. Maybe there’s no way some of your buddies would stay friendly with exes if they split up.

Maybe your mom would (or does) resent your dad’s new wife if he remarried. Whatever, that’s them. You and your wife and your daughter’s mom are different people, and the dynamic between the three of you (or eventually four of you if your ex finds a new partner) is up to you all to figure out.

No one else’s opinion really matters much.” AccessibleBeige

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is not for someone else to decide how you live your life or who you involve in it. Every situation is different. People divorce and still vacation together and all kinds of things.

Count yourself lucky that you all get along. Mom may have feelings about it for other reasons but it is the decision of you and your wife. Congratulations, by the way.” Jarodje

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. maybe get WIFE to tell MOM and buddy that SHE invited your ex cos they get on and as the coparent to your older daughter she figured that it's better for daughter to see her mom and step mom getting along
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3. AITJ For Planning On Taking A Break After Giving Birth?

“My partner and I are 7 months pregnant.

He lives 3 hours away and does not contribute financially to my home. I pay for our blended family vacations and some extras for his two children (13 & 11 years old with his ex-wife). He supports his home in another city. I also support my daughter (9 years old with my ex).

I am paying for my maternity leave on my own (thanks to US policy). It will likely be only 4-6 weeks long.

He does some chores when he’s at my house and has helped with a few home projects here over the years. I have a guest room for his children and an office/workout space that is just his when he is here.

I don’t have any space for myself at his house.

My daughter (9) will be in day camp all summer as she always is while I recover from my c-section.

I asked that his kids be in day camp while they are at my house this summer or he takes those days off from work to take care of them.

He does work from home, but I often cook and clean and take his children places while he’s working. They also have a large dog who hasn’t learned not to jump yet. I simply can’t manage recovery from birth and his children + dog while he works in another room.

He isn’t offering to help pay any utilities or hire help for me during my maternity leave.

I told him that if he can’t be off or put them in day camp he and his children may not stay here during my recovery from birth.

He says he can work from home and manage his children/dog at the same time. He’s tried this before and it just leads to him ignoring the kids until after work, leaving me to feed/entertain/and clean up after them for 8 hours.

He thinks I am being unreasonable (‘controlling’ and ‘dramatic’) asking for camp or for him to be off on the days his children are here. He claims I am trying to keep him and his kids from the new baby.

I’m worried that I won’t rest or recover properly before I go back to my demanding job in healthcare if I don’t set limits in my home.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. At all. And until a baby actually comes out of him how dare he have any thought about your recovery other than to help you in any way you need. Using his kids as his weapon to guilt you isn’t even logical as your child will be doing the exact same… ridiculous.

You’ve set your boundary and it seems you did it much nicer than most would. Either he respects and supports you or he doesn’t and seriously do you want your daughter to see and assume that is ok treatment from a guy?

Honestly, you sound like an amazing independent, educated woman.

You deserve more in my honest opinion. You’re asking for the minimum to continue being productive and he’s giving you grief because??? I wouldn’t do it now during hormones but after the baby comes, you might benefit from some counseling… him as well but it seems he might argue it since self-care seems such a momentous obstacle… but a professional may help put his and your behavior into better perspective.

Boundaries shouldn’t be an argument, ever.” shananddr

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your recovery is just as important as your bonding time with the baby. He needs to either stay put or find other arrangements for his kids & dog while you’re in recovery. It isn’t fair to you to have to entertain his children while you need to focus on yourself & your baby especially since he hasn’t historically helped with his kids after work hours.

He can stay at an Airbnb or rent a hotel room nearby if he wants to be close but your house needs to be anxiety-free & a place you can recover if he’s not going to help out at all.” Few-Entrepreneur383

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MadameZ 2 months ago
Why are you with this man? He sounds like a lazy moocher. Even if he's fabulous in bed, you won't be in the mood for jerk for a while after giving birth, so you would probably be better off dumping him now/ He's unlikely to demand access to the new baby.
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2. AITJ For Wanting To Invite My Family To My Son's First Birthday?

“I (f 26) have been married to Joseph (m 33) for 2 years.

We had a long-distance relationship and I moved to his country shortly before marriage.

My family only visited us at the wedding and I haven’t seen them ever since. When I got pregnant they wanted to visit, but Joseph didn’t allow it saying that meeting ‘people’ coming from a distance might harm our then-unborn baby.

I got to video chat with them but not much.

When I gave birth to our son nearly 12 months ago, I wanted my family to visit. Joseph said we should wait because having visitors around a newborn, especially from another country might affect our son’s health.

A week turned into a month, and a month turned into months. It’s been nearly 12 months now and my family hasn’t met my son in person.

Last night I brought it up with him and said I want them to visit for our son’s 1st birthday party.

He said there was no need for a birthday party and suggested that we wait til our son is old enough so he won’t pick up on words my family says that might confuse him. I suddenly couldn’t take it and blew up. I yelled at him telling him that it’s ridiculous that my family hasn’t seen my son for a whole year and accused him of looking for an excuse after an excuse to not let them come.

He remained calm and then said that first of all, that’s his son too so he gets 50% say and second of all, I was being irrational and quite selfish because meeting the family is something I want not our son wants since he isn’t old enough to decide, also said he just has our son’s best interest at heart.

I again got called selfish for thinking of my own ‘wants’. I firmly told him if my family isn’t allowed to visit for our son’s 1st birthday, then I’m gonna be taking my son to visit them. He got agitated and started arguing with me saying he’d cancel the birthday party if I decided to make it about me then walked out of the room and hasn’t spoken to me since then.

I think that I might have approached the issue and handled it the wrong way, he might have felt like I was enforcing my decisions on him without calmly discussing them with him. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but

  1. Get your ducks in a row in case you need them (finances, documents).
  2. Tell your husband his family will no longer have access to your son, as just like he can make the choice on the child’s behalf not to meet your parents, you take your 50% of parenting rights, to keep them from his.
  3. Ask him to clarify how never meeting your family is in his best interest.
  4. Just invite your family over. Risk the fight.
  5. As for your approach: Yelling is never gonna give you the upper hand over a normal human being. However, while he might sincerely feel you are enforcing a decision, he is the one enforcing the decision.
  6. Suggest counseling.” GrassTerrible5262

Another User Comments:

“You didn’t know this guy! LDR and you moved to his country! You haven’t known him long and you should have lived there first and gotten to know him. He is absolutely controlling you. My dear, you have bigger problems than the baby’s birthday party.

You take the baby back home to see your family and don’t come back. Have you told your parents what is going on? Did anyone try to talk you out of moving there? The other thing you do and say nothing to him! Make sure you have your and the baby’s passport and what you need to leave the country.

You need to tell your family the truth. I don’t know how hard it is to leave the country with a baby.” mcmurrml

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. tell your family to come don't tell him they are coming or take son and go visit them.. honey HE IS CONTROLLING YOU...
The excuses he gave for them not visiting are LIES....
Get your passport and sons and hide them unless he already has them both... you don't know this man yet you moved to his country, left your family behind have on,y seen them once at the wedding and now nothing !!!
Did he buy you from the Internet?? Are you on a visa that states you can't travel ? Do you work ? Have you got money of your own ?? Could you move out qoth son and get your own place if needed ??
He is a manipulative controlling jerk...
If you don't work the likely hood is he controls the finances so would you be able t get the tickets etc to go visit family without his input ??
Honey you need to go home you married a jerk stranger who you were LDR with from another country..
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1. AITJ For Not Eating Breakfast?

“I have parents who are fitness coaches. They are crazy when it comes to when and what you should eat, how often you should work out etc.

Ever since I was little I can remember hating breakfast. It’s always made me feel crappy, I feel sick and can hardly eat in the morning however my parents say it’s normal and I just need to train my body.

Last year my parents started to open their gym up earlier so they could sanitize it properly before they opened, so I was able to skip breakfast until my mum realized nothing was being eaten. So they started making me breakfast before they left at 6 and at the same time I would get up.

My friend who I walk to school with has to take her 2 little sisters to school so only has 20 minutes to shower, get dressed and ready before they wake up so she never gets breakfast, but then she always says how hungry she is.

So I decided to start putting the breakfast my mum made into tubs so she could eat on the way to school.

This has been working since school began and I would just eat breakfast at break which is around 9.30 am and my body has woken up more.

Well, yesterday my mum got home just as I was getting the tub out of my bag to wash it.

She asked me what was in it and I told her the whole thing as I thought she would be okay with it since I was still eating.

She yelled at me and said how I could end up with an eating disorder like she did, and that the school food is nasty and made in a factory.

I told her I wouldn’t as I’m still eating 3 meals a day, and the food isn’t that bad. She called my dad and I sat there for an hour’s lecture on how I’m damaging my body for not eating at the right times, and I have just been wasting the breakfasts they made for me.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

How can these ‘experts’ think they can control your food choices? You can’t browbeat them into eating a certain way over the long term. They gave you the information and now they need to back off.

Food science is one of the most imprecise sciences out there.

It changes on a dime and you find out that what the experts said for 20 or 30 years is the opposite of what you should be doing.

Advice on transfats, butter, eggs, fat-free foods, nuts, sweeteners, and wheat have all had total flip-flops in my life.

‘Breakfast is the most important meal of the day’ is a Kellogg’s slogan and not a scientific fact. I am 47 and don’t usually want breakfast either. I prefer brunch or lunch.

Your parents browbeating you about food choices, telling you to ignore your body’s ‘not hungry’ signal and eat extra calories are more likely to give you an eating disorder than skipping breakfast.” Intelligent_Stop5564

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Disordered eating often manifests when external pressures try and dictate how much and how often you should eat. You are the authority on what works for your body and you deserve full autonomy in your food choices.

That they think there is a general standard for how every single individual person should eat tells me they need to update their education in the world of health and fitness because they are flat out wrong, like scientifically, research-backed studies say that they are wrong.

Every body is different and you’re eating intuitively which is milestones beyond what most people are able to achieve in healing their relationship with food and combating the detrimental ways society tries to impose restrictions and rules around people’s dietary needs.” User

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. go google on how forcing people to eat at set times can also set up eating disorders.. print it out and then give her it and tell her it works both ways... that you appreciate she worries about you however you really can't eat so early and that you have tried but it makes you feel sick and makes school harder etc. Then tell her that you are honestly fine if she wants to take you for a check up you will go however YOU want to be allowed to explain how you feel and what you eat and when to the dr. If she won't accept that then maybe swap to food bags and dump them in the trash so she can't catch you cleaning the tubs
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