People Push Us To Provide Feedback On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Refusing To Work Extra Hours Even When "I'm Not Busy"?
“Work just released next week’s schedule. Problem: I’m on it. I actually gave a few days longer than two weeks. I handed in my notice on January 25th saying that February 11th would be my last day.
For some reason, since I told some co-worker friends I’m taking some time off from working to get my physical and mental health under control before I get a new job, my boss who heard this thinks that means I’m free to work.
She wasn’t able to replace me in two weeks, so she thinks I should stay since I’m ‘not busy.’ She’s shocked that I’m not willing to, and she called me selfish and inconsiderate in an emailed reply to everyone after I asked to be taken off the schedule. I personally think it’s the other way around.
Am I the jerk for not staying, or is she the jerk for assuming I could and trying to force me?
Let’s be real, I could work next week, but the reason I need a few weeks before working again is because this job literally has me working 12-hour shifts 5 days a week (I was hired part-time, by the way, and wasn’t even asked to go above 40 hours, definitely not 60) and I literally can’t get ANYTHING done in regards to my personal life and health.
I need time to make doctor’s appointments, schedule surgery for my mouth and my arm, get my teeth looked at, and get my mental health meds refilled but I need to see somebody in person for that so I haven’t taken them in over a year since EVERYTHING opens and closes while I’m still stuck later than I’m scheduled at work, etc., but I haven’t been able to take care of business for the two years I’ve had this job.
I never want to leave a job on bad terms, but I almost don’t even want to show up for this week.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, you gave them your 2 weeks’ notice. It’s not your fault that your boss wasn’t able to find a replacement in that timeframe. You are under no obligation to show up to those scheduled hours after the last day you listed in your notice.
Your boss calling you names in a mass email to other employees is incredibly unprofessional and I’m happy you’re getting out of there because that is not a healthy work environment if they do that. The boss is definitely the jerk here. Take your much-needed time for your health, it sounds like it’s much overdue.
Hoping for the best.” Murder-me-silly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s be clear. No one works for selfless reasons. Employment is a contract where the employer pays you to show up and do a job. You show up to do that job because they pay you. When either party decides to end the contract, it is simply the end of the contract.
Your manager is a jerk and is also lousy at their job which is why they are trying to guilt you into working past your specified end date.
Tell them to get lost and enjoy your time off. Sounds like you definitely need a mental break from this job if that’s the kind of people you work with!” Epsilon_and_Delta
24. AITJ For Not Showing My Nurse Sister The Email From My Doctor?
“I am a 39-year-old male and I have a twin sister who is a NICU nurse. Every time I want to go to the doctor for something serious or surgery, my sister would insist on being involved or coming to the appointment because she knows what questions to ask and I don’t.
So I would ask her while waiting for the doctor what questions she was planning to ask him as I may have asked already and I would like to know what she was going to ask anyway. She refused and said she could ask the doctor whatever she wanted. Then she would ask him questions that I already asked every time she would tag along.
I would ask her later if she could ask me the questions first since I already asked the same questions and I didn’t get a chance to ask the doctor my questions since we ran out of time. She would just storm off and say no. Later, my mom would say that she was crying in the car because I didn’t respect her as a medical professional.
For the past 7 years after every doctor visit, my sister would ask me hundreds of questions about what the doctor said. My sister and my mom also don’t respect any boundaries.
She would even argue with me while I was recovering from surgery to my face to help with paralysis due to my tumor surgery.
After she left my mom turned to me and said you shouldn’t argue with her as it is not good for your face. I said can you please let her know that. To which she said, this is your problem, not hers.
They constantly wanted to know what the doctor said and wanted to see every report or email the doctor sent me even if I told them what was said.
Fast forward to last month (March 2022) and I got an MRI. So my mom and sister called and asked how did the MRI go. I said I don’t know yet, I have an appointment in a few days to talk with the doctor about the results. While I was at my mom’s house we were going to call my uncle who was very sick recently to see how he was doing.
My sister asked if there was an update from the doctor via email. I said yes and they said the tumor may have shrunk. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up yet so I am going to see the doctor the next day who can tell me for sure.
Then my sister asked if she could see the email.
So I told her no she couldn’t, and I just told her everything that was in it. As I didn’t want my sister rummaging through all my medical files, notes, and appointments that were in the chart.
My sister started to yell at me that I didn’t respect her as a medical professional. My mom started to say how I needed to start respecting her as a medical professional. Then started to say how when my cousins thought their dad was going to die they hugged and were nice to each other.
Then my sister said, ya well I guess my brother forgot our dad died. To which I was extremely offended. So I said my goodbyes and left.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My Dude, you are 39 years old. It is well beyond time to tell your sister to mind her business. It is time to cleave from mommy.
While it is nice to have someone from your family in the medical field, your sister is clearly very very insecure. It isn’t your job to validate her worth as a medical professional. In fact, she might need some therapy or counseling.” MaximumNecessary
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. This is crazy. Not only is she invading your privacy in one of the most significant ways possible, but she’s actually depriving you of your right to be in charge of your own medical care.
Also, she is NOT a doctor and is not qualified to be making these types of evaluations about your health and medical care to this extent. Nurses have a very important job and it’s a very different job from a doctor who spent years doing intensive study in medical school and being trained by other doctors.
Her arrogance and overconfidence in her own knowledge and abilities actually make me concerned for her patients.” ParanoiaFreedom
23. AITJ For Standing Up For My Dog Against My Sister And Her Kid?
“My (20f) sister (30f) had three kids 1 (10f), 2 (7m), 3 (3m) and 3 is a terror. He has a habit of hitting my mom’s dog and my family has done little to nothing to correct him on this, he laughs when disciplined, puts his feet in people’s food, and breaks my TV while I am gone at basic.
I now have a service dog for reasons I’ll keep private. He’s a German Shepherd who I absolutely adore. I can’t have my own kids and I just moved states so he’s both metaphorically and literally my crutch, my baby.
In my move, my sister brought her three kids to ‘help’ move my stuff and her youngest keeps poking at my dog.
Now just because I can’t have my own kids doesn’t mean I like them – so I admit I snap easily and get annoyed quickly with little kids. My niece and oldest nephew are easy to get along with but my youngest nephew is a pain. I’ve told this kid over and over ‘Don’t pull his tail, don’t poke his face, don’t pinch his ears’ but 3 doesn’t stop even when he’s in trouble for it.
Eventually, he yanks really hard on his fur, and my dog nips in front of 3’s face. The only one bleeding in this event is my dog.
3 starts crying and runs to to his mom, I tell my sister I’m not letting her bring her kids anymore if this is how they’ll act.
I love my dog and he was expensive and I don’t want him to lose his cert because she can’t control her son. She tells me that’s not fair because I live 10 hours away and with my job, the only way to see her and be a part of their lives is for them to visit, and that I’m a horrible host for letting it happen.
I understand they’re family and I want to watch my niece and nephews grow but not if it does this to my dog. What do I do? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re making the safest choice for your dog and the kids. A German Shepherd dog could do great damage to a toddler and it’s obvious that your dog was exercising a great deal of restraint.
This might not continue to be the case if this kid is allowed to keep hurting him. Moreover, this child might make the dog aggressive to all children based on repeated bad experiences with your nephew. Your sister is a bad guest for letting her child torment your service dog. By the age of 3, a child is old enough to understand being gentle.
The fact that he doesn’t is something your sister needs to deal with.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good for you for standing up for your dog. He meant no harm but it could be worse in the future that was a warning for the kid to stop hurting him. Since your sister is an awful parent who refuses to parent her child and instead lets him roam free, he won’t stop and your dog will bite him in the future when he hurts the dog much worse, which will also be inevitable as he’s only going to keep getting bigger and stronger than the dog.
You aren’t barring the children from your house because he misbehaved, but because your sister refuses to set boundaries with her children. I wouldn’t want her at my house, his behavior is only going to escalate.” nothing_666_
22. AITJ For Taking My Niece's Gift Back?
“I love knitting and crochet. It’s my thing. This year, my budget has been tight, so I decided to knit Christmas gifts for everyone using the yarn I already had. Everyone already agreed to only do kid gifts so I made small stuffed animals – unicorns and dragons in different colors. It was my first time doing these, and all the best patterns are crochet, which I’m not as comfortable with, so it took months to make them all.
I didn’t mind though. It was fun to learn something new and a good way to use up some of my enormous stash.
All on my side were happy, or polite enough to act happy, with the gifts. The problem was with my husband’s family. His sister immediately started making snippy, sarcastic, but kind of indirect comments about me being cheap/lazy.
Niece didn’t seem to like it either and said some things that, yes, I get that she’s a kid, but my feelings were still pretty hurt.
There’s a history of this sort of thing, so maybe I’m too sensitized to this, but I angrily took the gift back and handed her some cash, which made things really awkward and we left shortly after.
The big problem happened when my niece realized that all her cousins got matching stuffies, and so she wanted hers back. I already gave hers away, and I refuse to make another one. Apparently, she is crying and I broke her heart. But I’m finding it hard to care because I’m still hurt by how she and her mother behaved. They have not apologized either yet, but expect me to.
My husband thinks I should make her another one, and should have overlooked the comments in the first place. I told him that he’s in charge of his family’s gifts from now on, which is apparently petty. Now everyone, including my husband, is mad at me except his stepdad and sister. My family is, obviously, on my side, but that’s just making things worse.
I get that ‘snatching’ the gift back and ‘flinging money at my SIL’s face’ (their words, I don’t think I did) might have been overly dramatic and rude. But am I a jerk for it for being pushed too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The SIL and niece were both ungrateful for the gift. Them realizing it later that there was a bigger idea to it is not your fault.
After they apologize, you can make her one IF YOU WANT, but that was a lot of entitlement from his side of the family. My only caveat is if the niece is younger than 7. If she’s younger than 7, it’s more learned behavior than her actually being purposely ungrateful.
Stay firm that he does gifts for his family (at least for now).
Emphasize that you like to give gifts to those who appreciate it and you’re feeling too hurt at the lack of respect and from the snide comments to truly be in the ‘giving spirit’ for his family at the moment.” galindathebad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People like your sister-in-law often feel entitled to behave badly without consequences.
Apparently, she is bringing up your niece to follow in her footsteps. Good on you for providing this learning experience. They expressed a preference for money over a heartfelt handmade gift and you accommodated them. Now without apologizing (or returning the money, I bet), they want you to spend time and effort to indulge their change of mind.
I’m curious—how is your husband’s family justifying their campaign for you to spend your time making ANOTHER toy for a spoiled child who hasn’t been taught to be polite about gifts and who thinks it’s OK to throw a tantrum to get her way? ‘Heartbroken’ indeed. She’s simply jealous that the gift she rejected turned out to be something desirable.” HeartpineFloors
21. AITJ For Not Letting Visitors Bring Their Dogs?
“I live in a rural area and have a pretty big yard with a pool. It’s summer so sometimes my husband invites his friends to come and hang out for the day. I’m fine with that. Sometimes other wives/partners come along and I’m not so thrilled because I like to enjoy my free time and I’m introverted but since this is not every week I put up with that for the day.
One of the women is actually my friend and we have a good relationship. However, she’s a dog lover and I don’t like dogs and I’m also scared of them. They recently adopted a puppy and are pretty attached to it. I don’t go to their house for that reason (that puppy also has a lot of energy and I’m uncomfortable).
This weekend we’re hosting a BBQ and she asked me if she could bring the puppy. I said no. I don’t want dogs on my property and I don’t want to feel on alert the whole time they are there. She said her dog has separation anxiety and I told her it’s not my problem.
Then, her partner tried to talk to my husband and my husband tried to talk to me telling me how it may be good for me but I simply didn’t want to.
Also, there is a feral cat family living on the property (just got the mama spayed) and I don’t want a dog disturbing their peace and territory.
I feel like it’s the cat’s property too and it’s not fair to them to bring an animal just because our friends can’t leave it for a few hours at home. Mind you, where we live (rural Spain) dog daycare is not a thing and people usually leave their pets at home for work/going out.
They are not obligated to come. However, this seems to be an issue and now I’m seen as the unreasonable one by everyone even to my husband (people pleaser).
AITJ for standing my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
- you have a right to feel safe and comfortable on your own property and if you are afraid of dogs you will not feel safe and you will feel on guard the whole time the dog is there
- you are under no obligation to allow the dog to be there as it is again, YOUR home and property
- if they do bring the dog and it unintentionally hurts someone then as the homeowner that allowed it to be there, you could get sued by however the dog hurts
- if the dog gets hurt on the property your friend will for sure sue you for allowing her dog to be hurt on your property.
Don’t do it.” ProfessionalFinger76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked, you answered ‘No’, that should have been the end of it. People who think ‘No’ means ‘Let’s haggle’ don’t understand the difference between a social invitation and a marketplace negotiation. Stick to ‘No’. If they show up with the dog, regretfully tell them they can’t stay.” Particular_Force6591
Lord, but I detest people who invite their animals over. I know exactly how you feel. I've lived the last 30 years in rual settings with acreage, and some family and friends think that means they can bring their dogs over to "have some room to run". Well, we have three large dogs and they have "room to run" but it's a dog pen with a shelter. My dogs don't run free - ever. And I won't allow any other dogs on my property to, either. My SIL brought her dog over once, and I graciously put my (then) four dogs away and put hers in their pen. She got upset and I said that was the rule. The next time she wanted to bring her dog, I told her that was fine, but her dog would be crated so that mine wouldn't have to be restricted. She didn't bring her after that. LOL. Just stand your ground. And my stock phrase in such situations might serve you well; "I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that this is negotiable." Then smile and close the subject. Rinse and repeat as needed. And don't budge.
Good luck.
20. AITJ For Calling My Brother A Brat And Telling Him To Grow Up After He Keyed My Car?
“I (16M) was admittedly spoiled as a child compared to my brother (21M), Leo. He got yelled at for things I wouldn’t’ve gotten scolded for and denied things I would’ve gotten if I asked. Never basic needs or anything, but I was definitely treated better than he was.
I’m biologically theirs but my parents didn’t get to see a lot of my milestones in my younger years (I stayed with my foster parents, Ma and Pops, til age 8 due to financial stuff) so they tried to make it up by spoiling me rotten. I don’t think that makes it right but it gives a bit of reason to it.
When I was 13, I told my parents that how they were treating Leo was unfair and since then things have gotten better. Leo got therapy and my parents have gotten better at being there for him. The only thing that hasn’t improved was my relationship with him, but we never really had one in the first place.
Recently though Leo (he still lives at home) has been really out of pocket. Like trying to sell my letterman jacket because he never got one and ‘fair is fair.’ Or throwing away my yearbook since my parents buying it was ‘showing favoritism.’ It’s been really bothering me and I’ve argued with him a lot over it but I never wanted to tell my parents because their relationship with Leo has gotten so good and I don’t want to cause them grief.
This morning, though, all bets went out the window.
My brother had taken my car before I woke up – the car which I used all my savings for, and my dad and I spent literal months building. When I saw it was missing I immediately thought that it was another attempt at ‘making it fair’ since Leo had totaled his own car a few weeks ago.
That was the final straw and I told my dad everything that Leo’s been doing.
My dad calmed me down and we waited in the garage for an hour when my brother finally pulled in. My car was in one piece and fine until I saw a huge scratch down the side of it.
He had keyed my car.
So I went off on him. I yelled that he was a brat and to grow up and that I would’ve rather gone back into foster care than have him as a brother again. I said that I wished I had never told our parents that they should treat us equally if he ended up like this.
My mom heard me yelling and ran into the garage and started yelling at me for yelling at him. My dad took my side and it escalated into a full family argument until me and dad packed up my valuables and went over to my Ma and Pops’ place to cool down.
All my parents agree that I should’ve told them sooner, but my mom has been texting me saying that my yelling is making Leo relive his trauma and that I should go home and apologize.
I feel really bad for tattling like a child but I think that he really went too far and I don’t feel good living in the same house as him anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ in this situation. Your brother is behaving in a completely irrational manner, and it seems to be getting worse.
The fact that he is destroying very personal items like a letterman jacket (which is earned) and a yearbook (undoubtedly inscribed) are personal moves against your identity. Keying your car, which he apparently doesn’t mind driving is in the same vein. I don’t think it’s paranoid to worry he may try to hurt you next.
Be careful around Leo.” Vera_Telco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You responded to intense provocation. It appears your mom only has two speeds where her children are concerned, neglect or full-on spoiling, and I think you can safely ignore the accusations of ‘traumatizing’ your brother. That’s their issue, his and your parents’.
That said, your brother is clearly processing a LOT more than simple anger over being neglected, and that needs to be dealt with.
Having worked his way up through your most precious possessions, it’s not unreasonable to imagine him now going after you personally. I hope you have a safe haven with your foster family for as long as you need it.” Shoereader
19. AITJ For Not Giving My Niece A Free Painted Bible?
“I (22F) have a niece (13F), I’ll call her Bailey. Her stepmom (been present all her life) is 37F, I’ll call her Kiersten.
I have a small business on Etsy that I’ve been running since 2020 where I paint Bibles or any book (I painted a Book of Mormon once) and sell them.
This small business is how I make income on the side as my job doesn’t really support me enough.
My Bibles are a little expensive, this is because they take a lot of time.
Bailey had recently joined social media, and I sometimes post Bibles I’ve painted just to have something to share.
There’s not really a reason it’s just my personal page. My coworker Jennifer recently purchased a Bible from me, and I posted hers and tagged her in it. It was definitely one of my prettiest ones, so my niece asked me if I’d paint her Bible.
I told my niece that I paint bibles as a part of my small business, so if she wanted one she might have to wait around for her birthday or Christmas unless her mom (Kiersten) wanted to get her one.
She asked why she wouldn’t get one for free because she’s family and I told her that the supplies cost money, on top of the time it takes me to paint them. I don’t blame her at all she’s 13 so I understand why she’d want one for free.
A few hours later I got a call from Kiersten, which was odd because I don’t talk to her as much as I talk to my brother and she asked me why I’d try to scam Bailey.
I told Kiersten that I wasn’t scamming Bailey and told her that I wouldn’t paint the Bible for free because it would cost me a lot and take a lot of time.
Kiersten said to me that it’s a fundamental part of being Christian to not be greedy and that I was trying to shake funds from a little girl when I should just do it because she’s my family.
I told Kiersten that Bailey wasn’t just a little girl and that she could understand that people don’t work for free, I also said that it’s not that I wouldn’t, she’d just have to wait for her birthday or Christmas to get one which really isn’t that far away.
Kiersten then took to social media and made a post about how family members let her down sometimes, she also told my brother and my brother then told my dad.
It’s just going around the whole family tree.
I may be the jerk because Bailey is only 13 and she is my family but it’s also my small business.
I get that Bailey is a kid, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to paint a Bible for her for free when it takes such a huge amount of my time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Inform Bailey that her entitled and gossipy attempts at extortion mean you will NOT be painting one for her.
Explain that she needs to learn what a GIFT is. She was told to wait til a birthday/Christmas. As for her massive jerk of a mother, find a Bible verse about not respecting the work of laborers and text it to her. Then block her on all socials and make a social media post about this whole situation for the rest of the family.” TiredAndTiredOfIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apparently, your SIL doesn’t look at your bible painting as a business. I’m sure it would not occur to her to demand something from some other type of business venture you might be engaged in, but who knows? Some family and friends have no problem prevailing on others. That said, in my opinion, no one is entitled to what you are selling just by asking.
The fact that you offered up maybe giving her one for her birthday or Christmas should have been well understood and accepted.
I might add that it’s not very ‘Christian’ of your SIL to be bad-mouthing you to others.” Realistic_Head4279
18. AITJ For Ignoring My Sisters After Their Reaction To My Pregnancy Announcement?
“My fiancé (42M) and I (41F) have been together for little over a year. Before that, I was in a horrible marriage. It was abusive and I had to leave. So I come from a big southern family and having a fiancé so soon after leaving my ex was a big problem for a lot of my sisters.
2 (36F, 43F) sisters in particular, who I’m not very close with.
Well, I just found out I am pregnant after years of infertility and miscarriages. It’s a huge surprise but we are very happy. I meant to call each of my sisters to tell them personally because I knew the religious ones would take issue with my being pregnant and not married. I accidentally posted about it to a family/friend message thread, when I meant to send it only to a friend.
My sisters were mad! They were so mad they found out via text and responded with, ‘I can’t believe you told us this way,’ and ‘This is so messed up, I’m so insulted’ to the group. I tried to explain that it was a mistake and that I was going to call them, but they refused to read my messages and rejected my calls.
My oldest sister (46F) offered congratulations and told me to give my other sisters time… FOR WHAT?!? I’m the one who’s old and pregnant! Eventually, the other sisters sent, ‘I’m praying for y’all’ texts. I have not responded. I don’t want to. My oldest sister called me and asked why I hadn’t responded to the texts they sent.
I told her I didn’t want to because it was a stupid thing for them to still be upset about and I didn’t have time to deal with their nonsense. I’m not a young kid, and neither are my sisters. I made a mistake by sending the message to the group, I explained the situation and even apologized.
I feel like that’s enough. If they want to still be upset and not offer congratulations for this miracle baby, then so be it. I’m over their childish behaviors. I’m too old and tired to be caught up in their crap. I don’t need their negativity. My mom and my other sister all think I need to be the one to reach out to them.
AITJ for not caring anymore and moving on? AITJ for not responding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were hateful to you in a situation that should be cause for celebration and good wishes. This hiding behind religion when you have been able to get out of an abusive relationship, find someone who loves you, and get pregnant after years of infertility is just petty judgment on their part.
Are they so perfect that they have never made a mistake? You attempted to apologize but they rejected your calls and texts. They have shown you who they are (petty, judgemental haters) believe them. I am thrilled for you! Best of luck.” unionmom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You get to decide who you want to tell and how you want to tell.
Even if you did decide to inform them by text, that’s only a problem if they choose to make it a problem. They could have been cool and responded in a supportive manner. They chose not to.
As far as everything else, you don’t owe it to anyone else to live by their rules or standards unless you choose to.
Your siblings are not your uterus police.
If you don’t feel like talking to them even after they attempt to reach out, you don’t have to. They already proved to be easy to offend and critical.
It doesn’t make you a jerk. Will they think you are a jerk? Probably. It is unlikely that you will not be perceived as having jerk energy.
But your sisters are not the main characters of your pregnancy story. You are. You get to own that story and tell it to who you choose and how you choose. Just be aware that you may be crafting a story with your sisters that doesn’t have a happy ending for your relationship with them unless there is some bending and understanding from everyone.” susiebscarlet
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend's Significant Other Over His Mean Comments?
“One of my good friends (call her E) revealed to the clique that she’s in a relationship. To say we were surprised is an understatement, but after the initial shock, we were over the moon for her. E is an absolute gem, and whenever our group would go have lunch or just hang out she’d always be texting him.
So, of course, we had to meet the guy who’s been making her all giddy.
Upon meeting him, it was a bit awkward (everyone was silent) but the conversation started to flow after a bit. My initial thoughts of him were that he was alright, he shares some similar interests with us so he’s cool.
He’s been at every lunch meet/hangout with us which is quite bothersome because I miss when it was just us although it’s fine. He makes E happy, and that’s all we need. However, there have been a couple of times when he’s made some rude remarks towards us, such as judging our appearance.
My friend wears a dastar (turban) and he said she looked like a man. He said I looked like a cartoon character, and our other friend was a monkey. We all laughed it off, but none of us thought it was funny. We told E that we didn’t appreciate him making those remarks and she said she’ll talk to him.
One time he was recording us eating, then showed the video to us as if it was funny, we told him to delete it. Another time he was throwing ketchup packets at us, which was so mature of him. E told him to stop it. Another time, we were all playing Fortnite. This time he was dissing me alone, which was funny at first because I admit I am pretty bad but I try.
However, it got pretty intense. He got louder and started cursing at me in both English and Punjabi. Then we were in a shouting match. By then friends had left the lobby and it was just me, him and E. E was laughing the whole time because she thought we were just having fun. Afterward, I told E her significant other could be hurtful.
She said she’ll talk to him.
Now, today we met for lunch. I was eating my fries, and he said I looked like a pig stuffing my face. You see, I’m extremely insecure so any comment about my appearance I take seriously. My friend knows this so she told him to shut up but I had had enough.
He always has his mask on so I said ‘Take that mask off let’s see what you look like’. E told me to calm down and told him to be nice. I proceeded to tell E that she’s like his mom for having to tell him to behave like a decent human being and he’s her immature son.
I told E she deserves much better and I don’t know why she’s with this buffoon. Then I got my things and left. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… sorta. I’m a little put off with the whole group for politely laughing, etc., and then telling E to take care of it.
When he does it, tell him right then. Don’t laugh, don’t brush it off. You have every right to take up space and his child-backside needs to take a seat and be told to his face that it’s unacceptable. I’d also suggest telling E he isn’t welcome at meet-ups. You may all have to stop having them with her if she’s refusing to go alone.” GoAskAliceBunn
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – E’s SO for obvious reasons.
The rest of your group sucks because instead of calmly and politely telling E’s SO ‘Hey, that’s not funny, please stop saying/doing things like that’ you’re initially acting like everything is fine (which only serves to make you miserable and to tell E’s SO that everything is fine) and only later dumping the entire burden of confronting the bad behavior onto E.
All you accomplish by ‘laughing things off’ is hurting yourself, E, and E’s SO. Nobody gains anything from it, and people need to stop doing it.” anna-the-bunny
16. AITJ For Returning My Sister's Ring And Giving Her A Card Instead?
“My (16f) sister (22f) and I have always been relatively close, except that my parents preferred her to me for some reason.
My birthday is in March and my sister’s is in May. For my sister’s birthday last year, she called me begging that I buy her a gold bracelet. She said that she called everyone else in the family but no one would buy it for her. I told her I would buy it for her since she got me a nice hoodie that I never asked for.
Well turns out I was the first person she called and didn’t even say thank you and broke it the next week.
This year for my birthday when it was my sister’s turn to give me her gift she said ‘Oh yeah, I didn’t get you anything because I’m saving up for an apartment and I didn’t really want to spend money on you since you can have another birthday next year, no biggie, besides the best present u can ever have is my kindness, my love and me as your sister’.
I was mad. It wasn’t about the present it was her lousy excuse. I understand that saving up for an apartment is a big thing but the rest of her excuse about her love was her just being cheap.
This year for her birthday I got her a nice ring. She phoned me again crying that I needed to get her an iPhone 12 because she really wanted it and her significant other won’t get it for her.
I told her no, she pulled this stunt on me last year and I wasn’t falling for it. She cried but I stood my ground. She told me that if I wasn’t going to get her what she wanted then I was an awful person and that she has done so much for me that I should return the favor.
She told our parents and I got in trouble. I returned her ring and just bought her a card.
On the day of her birthday, she thought maybe my card might have some money in it but it was just a lousy card. She asked me if that was it and I said yes. She screamed and cried to everyone and everyone took her side.
I just told her that my present to her was my kindness and me being her sister. My parents told me that I was ungrateful and petty and my sister’s 22nd was more important than my 16th. Everyone’s calling me petty and childish but I don’t think I was. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This sounds like an abusive family and you should record what she said next time and play it for her next time and show her the hypocrite she is.
ALSO, YOU GOT HER A GIFT AND SHE DID NOT, MAYBE YOU ALSO ARE SAVING FOR AN APARTMENT OR SOMETHING ELSE?
But seriously, run away as fast as you can, find a friend you can live with or something, but when you turn 18/21 (depending on where you are from) just… Cut contact with them, you can even leave the house and just never come back nor contact them again, cut them out of your life as fast as you can because this is abuse and financial violence.” Hinata_Hajimi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds narcissistic and the rest of the family seem like enablers. Younger siblings/minors should never be expected to buy expensive gifts for older siblings, especially when she’s trying to manipulate you & lying about it. Also, 16th birthdays are very much a bigger deal than 22nd, at least in the US (not sure where you are).
After you turn 21, most people don’t care about birthdays except for the decade ones (30, 40, etc.). Sorry that you’re dealing with this, stay strong and don’t let them manipulate you.” Thumbscrewed
15. AITJ For Only Eating Food I Personally Make?
“I have a huge list of food allergies. A lot of fruits (including citrus and melons), anything from the nightshade family (tomatoes, potatoes, capsicum, eggplant) a bunch of different nuts, shellfish, honey, and hibiscus.
I’m also a vegetarian.
So this limits a lot of what I can eat because a lot of food is made with these ingredients. I’ve found that foods can also have things I’m allergic to even when it wouldn’t be expected. Because of this, I don’t eat out anymore and because I’ve had people (even well-meaning people) make foods for me that I’ve ended up having reactions even if they really thought there wasn’t anything I was allergic to in it, I only eat things that I have personally made and know for sure.
My friend had a party and beforehand asked me what I could eat and she would gladly make it for me. I told her that I appreciated her offering but not to worry as the list was too long and I prefer to make my own food to ensure I fully know what was in the food so I don’t get sick.
When I got to the party she excitedly showed me she had made a couple of things I could eat. She said she had asked several people what my allergies were and made sure none of what I couldn’t eat was in the food. I told her I really appreciated it but I stand firm in not eating something I haven’t made and that it wasn’t personal, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t get sick.
I added that even stuff you wouldn’t think of could possibly be in the food and that I just wanted to be safe.
My friend got mad and took it personally and called me selfish. She said she had seen me eat other people’s food before (the last time I did was a year ago when my allergies were new to me).
She asked me to leave the party, so I did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I can understand your friend for wanting to make something for you and could appreciate the effort she was willing to go through, I would personally try and do the same thing if I had a friend with major allergies. However, I don’t think she’s justified to be upset with you after you politely declined and explained why.
It’s not a personal attack towards your friend, you’re prioritizing your health, she’s also the jerk for asking you to leave for such a petty thing.” Final-Bell-6103
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are a lot of things that are used as additives to food that others may not recognize as being derived from your allergens.
You told her up front and she was relying on others to tell her your allergens. If you care about staying friends, I would wait and email her later and explain the last time she saw you eat something someone else made was when you were just finding out about your allergens. Tell the reason why and, if you can, throw in a few examples of things she may not realize would cause you issues, i.e. spice mixes can contain tomato and some spices have been found to contain peanuts (not listed on the label) and/or may be filtered through them.
Her overreaction and asking you to leave was extremely rude as was insisting you eat food you weren’t sure was safe. Lots of people are ignorant of this sort of thing.” holisarcasm
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Stay At My Place Over The Weekend?
“I’m a recent high school graduate who already moved into an apartment with friends. I’m starting community college in the fall and I wanted to get out from under my parents’ roof so the day after graduation I packed up my stuff and moved.
I have a younger brother who’s 14. He’s starting high school in August.
My parents have always encouraged my younger brother to be my shadow. I had to take him to friends’ houses with me growing up, they made me bring him to movies all the time, and sometimes I couldn’t go to birthday parties if he wasn’t welcome (two of my friends had siblings around his age so any time they invited me to their parties and it was made clear my brother wasn’t on the list, my parents said no).
He always wanted to be around me. I resented it. I still kinda do. I know some people would love it. But I had no room to breathe. I had no room to hang out with friends. I didn’t even want to hang out with him. He was younger, into different stuff, some of it stuff I had way overgrown and it annoyed the crap out of me to have him with me so much.
My parents always said part of being family, and being the older sibling, is spending time and learning to put other people’s wants first. I asked them who was doing that with me and they told me they did. I asked for examples of when. Everything they listed was when I was a baby.
Ever since I moved out (which is only like a week) my brother has been dying to come and stay with me.
He keeps asking if he can visit, when he can sleep over for a weekend, etc. I said to him he wouldn’t be staying with me. He asked why not and I told him because I was saying no. He told me he misses me and doesn’t want us to not see each other all summer.
I told him I needed space.
My parents told me I shouldn’t tell him he can’t stay at my place. That it’s going to make him feel unwanted. I told them they needed to talk about it with him then because I was not going to cater to him the way I had to when I was living with them.
That I want my independence and time away from him.
He asked me if he could stay with me over the 4th of July weekend. I said he couldn’t stay with me.
Now my parents are extremely mad. They said I was being cruel. I think space and boundaries might be helpful. Maybe then I can get to a point where I want to see him and spend time with him, where I actually care about our relationship again.
AITJ though?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your time, space, and energy are yours. You are not obligated to babysit for them 24/7 and I’m sorry that was your experience. Sorry to say your parents are jerks. Hopefully, your brother can come to understand once you are ready to hang out again when you both want to and do something together and repair or rebuild a sibling relationship that’s comforting for both you and your parents.” idgafemp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your parents did is what we in the trade call a massive jerk move.
However, your brother is not to blame for your parents’ behavior.
He is old enough to have a serious talk with. Explain to him (in a non-confrontative manner) why you need space and privacy. Once again, don’t blame him, this isn’t his fault!
You can totally play the ‘I’m an adult and could be liable if anything happened to you while in my care’ card. You are an adult, and you will do adult things at your place. He is a kid.
You just graduated, and your life was kinda on hold between studying and your family. Now you need a few months to live your life.
And then you have a talk with your parents. In this one, you don’t need to be as friendly. Tell them that they are now old enough to do the parenting themselves and that you truly believe they can do it. After all, you showed them how it is done for so long.” Veilchengerd
13. AITJ For Being Angry At My Best Friend For Lying About Being In Love With Someone?
“My best friend (22F) and I (22) have been friends since we were 14.
For this story, I’ll call my best friend Jocelyn and the guy in question Edwin.
Edwin (22) and I have been friends since we were 16; however, he was closer to Jocelyn because he liked her. In high school, Edwin would go out of his way to bring Jocelyn her favorite Starbucks drink every morning and would treat her as if she was his significant other, and although they never went out Jocelyn knowingly played into Edwin’s crush on her to get things out of him.
Fast forward to January of this year, we were all still friends, but Edwin texted me and said ‘I need to tell Jocelyn how I feel, I’ve been in love with her for 6 years, it’s now or never.’ At this point, I didn’t know how Jocelyn felt about him, but again for the last 6 years, the two of them had basically been a couple without the official title.
So I was encouraging Edwin’s decision. He told her, she told him ‘I’m sorry, I don’t like you in that way, I only see you as a brother.’ Edwin was understandably crushed by this but still decided that the friendship wasn’t worth losing. So although he kept his distance they were still friends and around this time Edwin and I began to become closer… let me state that Edwin and I’s friendship is just platonic.
I am exclusively into women.
Anyways, Edwin and I became closer friends and we started hanging out. While hanging out, Edwin met one of my friends, Victoria. Fast forward to April, Victoria and Edwin had been getting to know each other and they started to like each other, so Edwin asked her out. They had a great date and Edwin thought he would like another date with her.
Jocelyn found out via us all hanging out and talking about it, and then abruptly left. I called her later that day and she screamed at me about how trashy of a friend I was to set Victoria and Edwin up knowing that she liked Edwin… but I didn’t know. She explicitly told me and Edwin that she could never like him that way.
So I was confused. So Jocelyn then confessed her ‘love’ for Edwin and he stopped seeing Victoria.
Edwin and Jocelyn began going out at the beginning of May. While they were going out it was brought to my attention via Edwin that Jocelyn didn’t talk to him, completely rejected his advances on dates, or anything romantic.
So after about a month of going out, Edwin called it off last week. He decided that Jocelyn didn’t really like him and that he wasted his time. I tried giving Jocelyn the benefit of the doubt in thinking that maybe she was just nervous around him, but Jocelyn herself admitted to only saying she liked Edwin because she was jealous that he was with Victoria.
This made me so upset. After 6 long years of her stringing this guy along, he finally found someone who liked him and she intervened just because she was jealous? In my opinion that wasn’t right.
I told her what she did was wrong. This led us to get into an argument and ultimately she told me to never contact her again.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, can’t see how you could be. You were trying to protect Edwin from Jocelyn, a manipulator who took advantage of a man who knew would have an issue standing up for himself. She took advantage of him and milked him of his time and attention and got upset when he started giving that attention to someone else, hence her entire ‘confession,’ which was entirely fake.
It sounds like Edwin may need to take some time to himself. He let himself get strung along for 6 years without batting an eye. That’s worrisome.” FlakyImpact5838
Another User Comments:
“This went from sad to bad to worse.
Your best friend is an awful person. Good riddance.
NTJ but I don’t think Edwin is ready to go out with anyone at the moment.
He confessed his love, was rejected, and moved on, but then as soon as she ‘changed her mind’ he ran back to her.
Make sure he doesn’t jump into anything with anyone else right away. Six years is a long time to be secretly in love with someone. He needs time to figure himself out.” ghostofumich2005
12. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law It's Her Fault We're Not Having Kids?
“My wife (26F) and I (27M) have been together for years. My wife said she never wants kids but might change her mind because she is very motherly. (Her words not mine.) And I always wanted kids but I’m fine never having them also. I never asked but now after 5 years, I feel like I want to know the reason behind it.
So I asked and she told me that it’s not like she didn’t want to be a mother but that she didn’t want to put them through the mental abuse she went through with her mom and stepmother.
The only person in her family who was a solid female role model was her aunt and she wants to be a mother like she was but still is scared that if she doesn’t know what to do she will go towards gaslight, manipulation, or verbal abuse as her mother would.
She is an amazing aunt, babysitter, and just an amazing person with kids but that’s because she doesn’t have to deal with them 24/7 as she says.
We went to visit my MIL for dinner and she asked about us and the kids. I told her that they would probably only exist in her dreams. She said that we’re weird and not normal for not wanting kids.
I told her we do but it’s her fault we don’t have them. When she asked what am I talking about I told her: ‘Look back at how you treated your kids differently and my wife went through your extreme abuse while you and your son used her as a therapist. If we ever have kids you’d be lucky to even know they are born because I will surely never let you to them.’
With that, we left and my wife’s family besides her aunt called her and me a jerk and said that every parent makes mistakes. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in my opinion. Many people go through mental/physical abuse. Their parents probably called it ‘tough love’ or some other ridiculous concept. It’s inexcusable.
At least if your MIL realized what she had done and attempted to rectify her behavior (oh and I mean really try to change. I don’t mean just at face value. She should probably go through some kind of therapy.) it would be your prerogative to give her another chance. It seems like that wasn’t the case.” MikhailLesnichy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They asked you a question and you answered it. They continued to insult you for your answer… so you explained to them why you may not have kids.
Just because somebody is your family doesn’t mean that they aren’t toxic. Your wife is afraid that she will repeat her mother’s bad behavior.
She’s obviously traumatized.
Every parent does make mistakes, but mentally/verbally mistreating your kid and buying them the wrong shoe size are two completely different animals.” User
11. AITJ For Leaving Work During Busy Hours?
“I (F 19) have been working a waitressing job at a bar/restaurant over the summer. I have chronic pain issues that mean standing for more than 6-8 hours is extremely painful and leaves me practically bed-bound the next day. So I try to keep to my hours and hardly do overtime.
My workplace can get very busy as the night goes on but yesterday we were expecting a particularly busy night because of a big event happening in the city center.
My manager asked me if I could come in early. I was scheduled for 6 but I came in at 1:45 anyway, he put me down for then to 11 pm that night but I immediately knew this was impossible for me.
So I pulled aside my onsite managers at around 5 and told them I couldn’t stay any longer than 8-9 because of my chronic pain.
They both agreed and I was okay to do so.
Getting to 8:30 it’s quite busy but I am feeling extremely bad at this point as I only had 10 minutes at 6 to sit down even though the workplace agreed to give me multiple times to rest if need be. (This is a whole other issue thing in itself) When I started the job I informed them of my medical issue and need for accommodation and they were so ready to give me what I needed to be able to work.
Well, I told my manager I was going to need to go and my manager looked at me and said ‘You’re seriously leaving when it’s this busy?’
And I was confused. I will admit I have been teaching myself to have more of a backbone with management and their requests so I said ‘Yes.’ And she storms away and tells me to ‘just go’ in a very dismissive off-putting way.
I know that she might’ve just been stressed but being made to feel bad about something I prewarned and they all know about is upsetting. I already feel like a burden sometimes because of my issue so this sort of thing is a lot to me.
To add I have been like teased and made fun of before for ‘exaggerating’ my pain and sometimes making it sound worse than it is.
I would like to know if I am the jerk in this situation.
I suffer from anxiety so I’m really worried that my workplace may be talking trash about me or gossiping about me for my decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, she was probably annoyed with you. Yes, people are probably gossiping about you.
I would try and get a different job that is not as demanding physically. You need it for not only your physical well-being but your mental well-being. Don’t worry about what people are saying because those who haven’t experienced chronic pain or have a loved one who suffers from it probably can’t fully understand what you are going through.
Take care of yourself and find a better environment to work in where you can thrive. You probably have anxiety because of this job if I had to guess.” blueberryxxoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You told them when you were going to leave, they made the decision to not call another person in, probably in hopes of pressuring you to finish off the shift in overtime.
Tons of places do this deliberately as part of lean staffing, their trashy management decisions are not your problem. Protect your health, you can get another job, you can’t get your health back if you ruin yourself for a job.” SheepPup
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Family To Meet My Husband And Son?
“I am a 28-year-old gay man. I come from a casually homophobic Chinese family (you know the type: consider the word gay a slur, they wouldn’t be in your face homophobic, but they will make you feel bad for sure).
I came out when I was 17, and it did not go well, especially since I was my parents’ only child.
They tried to ‘cure’ me, so I went low contact with them when I went to college (I called home every weekend, but it was a superficial call, only went home for Chinese New Year and grandma’s birthday…)
While in college (on the other coast of the US, by the way), I met my current husband.
He also comes from a Chinese family, but his family is the opposite of mine. They embraced me from the get-go (both his parents and grandparents called me son-in-law the day we met). I tried to take him home to meet my parents, but my dad ended up kicking him out so I left too.
Since graduating college, I only visit my parents for a week each summer, I always say that I couldn’t get time off for traditional Chinese holidays or Christian ones. I did not tell them that I got married, nor did I tell them that I had a cute little 3-year-old son (my SIL was our surrogate and egg donor).
For the last year, they have been making efforts to get closer to me, they started calling me frequently, they apologized for how they treated me and they even flew over to visit me. When they were here I asked my husband to take our son and stay with my in-laws. He is all for me making all the decisions when it comes to my relationship with my parents, so he did so.
But I can’t exactly hide a whole nursery and the fact that I am married to a man (a huge wedding portrait is hung in our living room).
My parents were disappointed that I did not tell them about the whole thing, I said that I tried, but they did not want to hear of it.
Then they said that they wanted to meet ‘their son-in-law and grandchild’, but I refused. I told them that they got the chance to meet their son-in-law 8 years ago, but they threw him out. They don’t get a redo. As for my son, I love them, but they are not the type of people I want in his life.
It was the first time in my life that I had seen my father cry, he said that he knew he hurt me, but that he changed, he was sorry it took him this long to do so. But he really wants to know his son’s family. I remained firm.
They left about a week ago, and it is still weighing heavy on my mind.
AITJ for refusing to let them meet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They mistreated you for more than 10 years. Even if you can forgive them for that (and want to do so), you probably want to take it slowly and not have them meet your husband and son immediately. Visit them a few times, build trust, and see where it goes.
If you want to, of course. You’re in no way obligated.” thumpmyponcho
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They hurt you, badly, and you went low contact for your own protection. When (and if) that changes is entirely up to you.
Your family may have changed, but right now you have only their word on that. It is up to them to prove that to you.
If they really have and want to do what’s best for you, they won’t push this and will do this on your timetable. After all, you are the hurt party here. If they are doing this for selfish reasons, you will know because they will continue to pressure you.” bamf1701
9. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Father And Not Giving Him Another Chance?
“So I (19F, Netherlands) have had quite a rough childhood. My mother passed away last year when I was 18 and since I was 14 I’ve legally had to live with my father after the court decided that my mother was unfit to take care of me and my brother Mark (23M).
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14 and still heavily feel the symptoms most of the time when I am home and my mother’s passing last year certainly did not help with that.
I have an amazing partner (20M) who sadly lives in Scotland so we are long-distance, and an amazing best friend (20F) and they’ve been very helpful and are so incredibly sweet and safe.
Whenever I argue with my father, he threatens to cut off my relationships (mostly my partner), AKA the people who make me feel safe and loved, if I don’t listen to him and obey whatever he says.
I pay 200 a month to my dad to live in this house or else he kicks me out.
I don’t necessarily have an issue with paying rent, but I do need the money that I pay him every month. For a bit of context, my dad does not actually need the 200 a month. He gets a lot of money from work and also gets money from my mother’s passing (around 800 a month). He buys a new car every year and we live in a purchased, not mortgaged, 6-bedroom home.
I could be using those 200 euros a month to save for my future or pay for my studies. I am a full-time first-year university student and have to pay around 250 a month (roughly 2.5K a year) for my university course. I do work, but it doesn’t earn me much as it’s only 12 hours a week.
Nevertheless, I am not here to complain about money. I am here because I have mentally cut all ties connected to affection for my father. He is emotionally manipulative, lies, twists and turns everything everyone says, is a fraud, emotionally abuses his own wife by telling her on and on that she’s not good enough, publicly puts me to shame, makes horrid lewd jokes about me, makes jokes about my weight, blames me for any mistake in his own relationship, he says that I am the reason the household is not happy and it genuinely feels like he wants to make me feel as miserable as possible.
This and so much more in not only my present but also my past have made me resent my father and anything he does and it has come to a point where he now says that he will kick me out because I don’t hug him, kiss him, or show any affection. On one side, it makes me feel like an awful daughter and like I’ve failed my father and am broken and not loving enough to forgive him and just be affectionate, but on the other side makes me furious because I do not believe that he deserves any affection or respect when he doesn’t give me it himself and has mistreated me for my entire childhood.
Am I actually being a jerk, and should I give him more chances? I feel like every time I do, it just goes bad again. I am not looking for advice, I am looking for either a wake-up call or a reassurance that I’m not crazy for not loving my dad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion!
To put it simply, you shouldn’t have to pretend to show affection to someone just because they want it. Especially with how your dad is treating you, I wouldn’t either.
In terms of paying rent. I do know a few people who do pay rent to their families, so I wouldn’t say it’s uncommon.
Every parent may have their own reasons for why they do it, but with your dad’s current circumstances I would say it’s a bit rough to make you pay rent.” Plenty_Commission_54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your father is horrible. Even in a situation, say, where he would not be a manipulative toxic jerk, and you would be, say, a grumpy teen that doesn’t want to hug their parents just because they’re in that sort of phase, it would be wrong from him to demand shows of affection.
Even worse now.” Longjumping_Farm_923
8. AITJ For Suggesting To Set Up A Camera In The Living Room?
“My (22F) significant other (22M) and I lived with my mom (45) and my three younger siblings up until my mom got us all evicted from the home last month.
My SO and I were paying half of the rent and utilities before we all got evicted, but it turns out that my mom was taking her money and the money that we were giving her for the bills and spending it on anything but the bills, which resulted in the eviction. Because my SO, my brother (20), and I all work and all get paid pretty well, we were able to afford hotel rooms to stay in for the past month with our mom and two younger siblings.
However, as of yesterday, my SO, brother, and I just received the keys to our new home that is in our name and that we will be moving into later today (I don’t know how we did it, but we were lucky/blessed enough to get a 4-bedroom house, and I couldn’t be happier). Yesterday after getting the keys, we had done a final walk-through and all 3 of us decided that we needed a ring camera for the door and a camera for the living room because our mom liked to bring over unwanted company.
When it was my mom’s name on her own lease, she really wouldn’t listen to us about how the people she brought over made my sisters uncomfortable, but in our new house, we want to make our sisters feel like this is just as much their home. So everyone including our sisters was on board, except my mom.
She threw an absolute fit about it saying that we were trying to be ‘nosey’ and ‘controlling’ until finally, my brother stated ‘If you don’t like what we decide for our house, then you don’t have to move with us’, resulting in my mom calling me the jerk for suggesting the camera.”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother takes your money for rent etc and goes partying… stealing from you and your siblings… and you’re letting her freeloading, neglectful butt move in with you? What part of enabling her don’t you get? The bit where she stole your money and made you, your SO, and your minor siblings homeless, or the bit where she doesn’t get any consequences and is relieved of further responsibilities and still gets to party further and continue putting you at risk?
In fact, you reward her. Do you not see that isn’t normal or even acceptable?” multiplyinglyferal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your house, your rules. But especially not the jerk because you are just trying to make sure the rest of your family is comfortable, also your mother is a grown adult, you’re doing her a favor by letting her stay with you, she should be grateful and not complaining about how you choose to keep your house safe and secure.” Electrical-Log-4988
7. AITJ For Revealing To My Family That I Can't Get Pregnant?
“My significant other King (30M) and I (24F) were invited to a family get-together/pool party recently at one of my family members’ houses; My SO chose my outfit/bathing suit which happened to consist of a bikini because said family member has a pool.
Anyway, we arrived and I usually endure a couple of comments about how I need to eat more or I’ll blow away in a stiff breeze from my family members (most of whom are overweight, I am 5’6″ and 118 lbs). Most of my family knows or are polite enough to only make one or two comments and that too many will annoy King and he will tell them to stop.
Anyway, a family member whom we don’t see very often, Bella (48F), made several comments about my weight, verging into territory that would insult King ‘How is a man that big-‘ (Sidenote, King is 6+feet and like BUILT. We work out in the gym together usually 5 or 6 days a week.) ‘Satisfied with a stick’ and ‘You need to put more meat on your bones or you’ll never keep a man OP!’
Anyway, I tolerated these because I didn’t want King to have to tell off one of my family members and he had said prior he needed to discuss something with my dad in private so I was trying to give them some space. Eventually one of my nieces asked me to come play in the pool with them because most of the adults were inside and the younger kids couldn’t get in the pool without an adult.
So I go outside to get in the pool with the younger kids (after getting permission from their parents) and we all get in the pool. Beth (17F) announces she’s coming out with us as well. I play with/watch the younger kids for an hour and a half or so before they get tired and I decide to hang out on the edge of the pool with Beth, and she brings up having kids.
Bella eventually comes out and hears us and decides to comment that once I get pregnant I’ll lose my ‘girlish’ figure.
The weight thing really didn’t bother me but the girlish comment did and I was already kind of annoyed so I made a comment that actually I’ll never naturally have kids, and, of course, she asked so I pointed out my salpingectomy (surgical removal of a fallopian tube) scars which were visible because I was, you know, wearing a swimsuit in the pool and Bella starts going off on me for ruining God’s plan and caring more about my figure than unborn lives (Which wasn’t why I got sterilized but was an unintended side effect, and also, moms can return to the size they were before birth?) But also for trying to influence the children by showing off such disgusting scars and I should cover them up, etc. And King was obviously controlling me and forced me to do this.
I was pulling my best ‘bless your heart’ so she left me to go rant to other adults inside that I was trying to corrupt their children and I shouldn’t be allowed to watch them since obviously, I didn’t have a ‘motherly bone in my body.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But it seems like for someone who preaches heavily on ‘girly things’ and how to be a woman and maternal, she surely lacks compassion for other fellow women.
Her irrationality makes her ignorant of women who do or do not have health/fertility issues and succeeds in making them feel bad. Women like her fail other women.” saltysegall
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not the jerk, but she sure is. First of all, it’s NONE OF HER BUSINESS. Second of all, she knows there are myriad reasons people get that procedure, right?
There are a number of medical conditions where that procedure is recommended. Third: even if you only did it because you don’t WANT to ever get pregnant, it’s still NONE OF HER BUSINESS. She needs to focus on her OWN life and get that in order.
I’m sorry you are going through this!
Women should be supporting each other.” MasterChicken52
And no, this is not being petty or cowardly. Your aunt is a jealous bully, and needs to be smacked down (figuratively, of course) a time or six before she'll stop this garbage. You don't deserve to be harangued by a jealous cow who probably outweighs you three or four times over and can't keep her fallacious opinions to herself. Time for you to put your foot down, preferably with King's help, as he's a lot more likely to quell auntie without much effort. Good luck!
6. AITJ For Picking My Stepmom To Be The One To Walk With Me On My Graduation Day?
“I am a twenty-two male whose parents divorced when I was seven because my mom (42) had an affair.
My mom had this affair with her boss. When my dad (43) found out he divorced her but the thing is that affair wasn’t months old but eight years (my parents had been married for 10) so I stayed with my dad, and mom would come to see me very constantly, I never agreed to go to her house because I hated her lover.
One day my mom confessed I wasn’t my dad’s but her lover’s child for my dad to kick me out so she could take me as I didn’t want to go, but my dad told me that wouldn’t change anything and he still loved me as his own so I stayed and I still live with my father.
My dad remarried the most wonderful and kind woman in this world who earned to be called my mom. I mean I would do anything for this woman, she was there for me when no one else was not even my dad because he was busy, my stepmom never treated me any differently even when she and my dad had new kids.
When my mom had her other kids, she started coming less, I remember that when I broke my arm at the age of 11, she would come two weeks after while my (step)mom was all the time with me. To be honest, I might be a little guilty because I started rejecting my mom and after doing a DNA test (at 15) I didn’t talk to her for 1.5 years even though she and her husband would send me birthday and Christmas gifts.
We’ve since reconciled and spend some time together (without her family).
Here is the dilemma, I’ll graduate from university this June and to have someone to walk you down to get your degree is a very common practice here. If you’re a male you are usually walked down by a female figure, and the other way around (Usually, it isn’t mandatory).
This is to acknowledge all the support they provided, so I picked my (step)mom because she supported me more than anyone.
I met with my mom yesterday to let her know the date so she can make it, she asked me how many invitations I’d give her and I said: ‘One, why?’ She thought I’d invite her kids (12M, 10M) and bio-dad since my half-siblings (13F, 11M) will be invited but I never even met those people, so she seemed sad and reminded me it was my decision not to meet them (and yeah it was) also asked if I’d pick her to walk me down and I said I’ve already chosen my stepmom.
She said OK and left and let me know she’d go.
This is where I feel terrible because her eyes went teary and I also feel bad for not including her husband since this guy tried to earn my love by letting me know he thinks of me, so tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not. This is YOUR graduation. Even if she hadn’t destroyed your family and tried to separate you from your dad, even if you and your mom had a great relationship now, you would STILL get to ask whoever you want to walk with you. I cannot over-stress that even though she is reaping the consequences of her own actions, that doesn’t matter.
You get to choose. She’s allowed to be sad, but you take who you want with you and nobody else.
Seriously, enjoy your graduation, and do not feel bad about this. Do something just with your mom if you feel like you want to celebrate with her in a special way. It doesn’t have to be this.” Rooney_Tuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your bio dad had no interest in you for 8 years of your life. Then, tried to play nice when the affair blew up. Maybe he didn’t know… but it really doesn’t matter. Your bio mom… doesn’t seem like a bad person from what you’ve shared… If you have no ill will in your heart for this woman, finding forgiveness or reconciliation might put that discontent to rest.
However, actions have consequences. I won’t throw shade or blame but your stepmom raised you, loved you, and left a positive impact on your life. Choosing her is YOUR decision and your stepmom was there for you all throughout your time in university.
You did a good thing inviting your bio mom to see you walk..
Is it painful in ways? Sure… but it would be more painful to not be there/invited entirely. Your bio dad and half-siblings… if you don’t have a relationship with them… so be it.
In this situation, you might feel like a jerk but that comes with the territory. You would feel the same way if you excluded the woman who was there for you your entire adult life (stepmom).
The situation is muddy… sure… but also normal and I believe you handled yourself well. But again, it still sounds like you are very angry at your bio mom… try some therapy (no joke… does wonders) to figure things out and determine if you have/want to forgive her.” WhoIsTheRealJohnDoe
Your mother blew apart your family then chose her lover over her kid... then had more kids and didn't visit as much then in an attempt to bully you told you the person you knew as your dad wasn't your bio dad... who the jerk does that to a kid???
SHE chose to stay with bio dad and expects you to bow to their WANTS.. of you joining their family after they blew up your family.. just NO.
She can be upset but for her and him to expect you to invite them all to your graduation so that their fantasy of having the perfect family is there in photos is unrealistic and qring of her to ask of you...
Sje wants to think herself lucky that you still have a relationship with HER cos it's a fact if ,y mum had pulled that crap on me she wouldn't get my time of day let alone a ticket to my graduation ceremony
5. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Take Down Her Podcast About My First Relationship?
“I (22m) am rather close to my sister (21), let’s call her Ash. We’re just a year apart and share a lot of close friends. Unlike some of our family members, I’ve always been supportive of her ambitions of becoming a novelist. Yes, I know that it’s a bit of an iffy field to choose considering how hard it is to get published and noticed…
but Ash says she will have a day job and work on her passion projects in her free time.
So I’ve found out through a mutual friend that Ash turned one of her college creative writing assignments into a podcast. Apparently, she’d submitted a script she’d written for a class and her teacher really liked it.
Ash, she later told me, was flattered by her professor’s approval of her work and she expanded it in her free time and used it as a basis for her podcast/audiobook thing which she’d uploaded online.
Our friend told me about it and insisted that I need to listen to it. So I did, and I was just horrified. Basically, it was a fictionalized version of my first serious relationship and the ‘depression’ that followed it when it had ended (it all happened in high school).
I called her immediately and demanded to take it down. Ash told me that it was her best work yet and I don’t own the things that happened to me, and she was just inspired by it and changed so many things about the ‘story’ only a select few people could identify me in the podcast. And anyway, barely a couple of hundred people have listened to it, so I have nothing to worry about.
I argued that none of it matters, she hadn’t asked for my permission (which I might’ve given her if she’d asked) and it’s just creepy. In the end, I told Ash that she would react the exact same way if I did something similar to her, and she agreed to private her podcast.
It happened a few weeks ago and ever since then I just can’t get it out of my head.
Like I admit it, it is beyond disturbing that my sister wrote and narrated some let’s just say interesting scenes about basically me, but I may have overreacted. I hadn’t listened to the whole podcast and now I can’t since it’s no longer public.
I reached out to her yesterday, hoping that she was over it but no. She broke down and told me that it was devastating to her that I, who always encouraged her to pursue writing, could react so badly to her work.
I did feel like a jerk when she told me that, but still, it was about me, and hadn’t asked me if I was okay with it going online or not.
So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Ash had no right to share any identifiable information about you publicly (even if only a few people could identify you).
This whole situation is completely her fault.
It sounds like she still doesn’t understand why it was wrong to share your personal details, given that she is ‘devastated’ by how you ‘reacted to her work’. It’s nothing to do with her writing. It’s the subject matter and the violation of privacy.
She needs to know that what she did isn’t ok, especially if she’s going to continue in a career as a writer.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Why don’t you ask your sister to send you all the audio files so you can listen? Explain to her what you said here, that you most likely would have approved if she at least had the decency to ask you.
I think you reacted the way you did because you weren’t prepared. Your sister didn’t tell you (or ask) and you weren’t expecting it.
So you freaked out and demanded she take it down. Explain that to your sister and I think you guys can move forward. If she uses any of YOUR experiences again then explain you’d appreciate it if she included you in the process by at least ASKING you and sending any writings to you FIRST so you can at least be prepared.” User
4. AITJ For Wanting To Have A Say On Our Future Home?
“I’m in a shaky relationship with someone (3 1/2 years). We’ve talked about marriage but he says his dream has been to rebuild his family house, so he wants to get married after his house is rebuilt. While he was saving up to rebuild the house, I was covering utilities and food for both of us. He intends to use all his money to rebuild the house but in the past has asked me to borrow a few thousand from my parents to help pay for the house.
I said no since we aren’t married yet and if we break up, I lose a ton of money.
My mom is a contractor/renovator so I’ve seen house flips all my life and like to think I know enough to help build a great house. He’s asked me to build all the furniture for the new house because he doesn’t know how to and I have the experience from helping my mom.
On top of that, I’ve shown him some sketches showing what kind of house he could build with the space he has and he says he doesn’t like it. I accepted that since it was his money, he got to make the final decision and just let my sketches go.
Recently though, I brought up that since I am the only one in the kitchen (He’s cooked maybe once or twice this past year) maybe the kitchen could be catered to me/how I want it.
He flat-out said no, that it was his house, his dream, and that he didn’t like how I wanted the kitchen. (He wants a metal counter, like a restaurant, but I want literally anything but metal. I also want a built-in mug wall to show off our small collection of mugs, but he says he wants the kitchen to be bare and have no decorations.)
This made me start thinking that since he only sees this as ‘his’ house, even if we get married, I will never be able to safely call it OUR home. I didn’t like anything he was planning on doing with the house and he had given me nothing in terms of what I wanted in the house.
This led to a fight and when I brought up that my handling the monthly utilities and food should count for a part of the house, he made us start paying 50/50 instead so he could keep it the way he wants.
So AITJ for wanting a part of the house to be catered to me even though I’m not technically paying?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t understand why you’re still with someone who prioritizes a HOUSE over you. His attitude towards you is kind of insulting. He’s not viewing you as a partner. Instead, the house is 100% his to him, despite your relationship. That’s not partnership or equality, both things you should maintain in a marriage.
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Stuck in a home that isn’t even really yours, dancing on your tiptoes to accommodate his needs? That’s not a good marriage. He’s not a good future husband.” Cynthia_Castillo677
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you’re not paying for the house itself, you are financially covering the utilities and the food for the two of you.
It’s natural to want the house rebuilt in a way that suits the two of you since you’re planning on getting married and eventually living there. I’d ask him why he’s so defensive about incorporating your ideas—does he see it as a house for your love and relationship to grow?
It’s his dream, yes, but if he really loved you he would be thrilled to at least hear your ideas.” anonymousforthewin
3. AITJ For Being Insulted After My Partner Brought His Own Utensils To Dinner With My Parents?
“I (F 27) started seeing my partner (M 31) 8 months ago. He comes from a well-off family and met my parents a while ago and got along well. However, he didn’t eat well at dinner and said he was sick.
They invited him over for the second time this past week to town.
Everything went well til we arrived. He stopped the car, turned it off then pulled a bag from under his seat. I asked about it and he opened it and revealed utensils – fork, knife, napkin, and set of spoons. I asked why he brought them and he said because he wanted to use them for dinner.
I was baffled. I said dinner? At my parents’ table? He nodded and I told him this wasn’t acceptable in fact, this was distasteful and I wouldn’t let him do this. He got upset and said I should chill, this stuff is expensive and is a good brand and claimed my parents wouldn’t overreact like I did, and would not say anything.
I said no this is so insulting and I wouldn’t allow him to enter my parent’s house much less… put these utensils at their table. I asked him if he thought my family was unhygienic and he said no. He said we were getting late but I insisted he couldn’t have dinner with us like that.
He said he won’t enter the house then. I said fine and got out of the car and went inside the house.
He texted me saying I was being dramatic for no reason and pressured me to let him come in and bring the utensils with him but I refused. He said he’d tell my parents but I didn’t reply.
Eventually, he left and went to the hotel and waited til I returned… then went off saying I stopped him from having dinner with my parents over a petty reason, I said he could’ve had dinner if he left his utensils in the car. He said it was all on me, I wasted his time on this trip and ruined the visit.
AITJ for not letting him bring them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think the bigger red flag in this situation is that he didn’t seem to understand how rude his actions would come across! I mean seriously who the heck takes their own cutlery to someone else’s home?
In fact, the only time this would be acceptable is if he were a small child going through that typical phase of only wanting to use certain utensils/dishes, etc., or if he is on the Spectrum and unusual textures, etc. trigger him.
(And if this were the case you would already be well aware of this and could have worked with him)
At a push, it would have been more acceptable of him to do this if he had given you valid and understandable reasons for why he wished to use his own utensils, but from the way this reads he didn’t give you an explanation.
He just wanted you to act like it wasn’t a big deal.” AyenDrkwing
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Is it weird of him to be bringing his own silverware, even if he was willing to explain why? Of course. But that’s all it is: weird. It’s not some dire insult unless you make it one.
More importantly, it’s not your problem. Let him be weird, and if your family wants to know what’s going on, direct any and all questions to him. You can decide whether you want to invite him back or not after dinner.” User
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Child's Stuff To My Sister-In-Law's Future Kids?
“For Christmas and another time as a gift early on when my child was a newborn, my mother-in-law purchased a couple of toys and onesies for my child.
When my MIL gave me the first set of onesies she specifically told me (the mother) to put 2 of them aside when we were done for my SIL (her daughter) to use with her future children. We used them and I packed them away for our next child without another thought about it. At Christmas time we again received a toy from my MIL and some onesies from my SIL and I was told by both my MIL and my SIL to make sure I put 2 onesies away and a toy so that my SIL could use them with her future children.
When we got home my husband mentioned it when he was putting a onesie on our child and I told him that ‘I would not be putting anything away for his sister’s future children as they were gifts for our child and if they wanted the same onesies and toys that they should have bought extra and put it away for her kids’.
While I appreciate the gift, I guess it just feels to me that they essentially purchased a gift for themselves and are letting my child borrow it in the meantime.
I know this is going to become a big fight in the future with them and I’m not sure I want to go through that… at the same time I don’t want my child to feel like they are getting something in the future and be told that it’s actually for their cousin and not them but they can use it for now… I would rather just not have it at this point and buy the stuff myself.
I don’t know… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A gentle ‘everyone sucks here’ because it’s totally normal that you SHOULD be passing on stuff once your kids have grown out of it. Why wouldn’t you? It’s not like your own kid has some great use for a too-small onesie or a toy they’ve moved on from.
The normal thing in families is that the hand-me-downs bounce back and forth depending on the order the children arrive in.
What’s weird about this situation is that your MIL and SIL felt the need to stipulate that’s what would happen. Did they also remind you to say ‘Thank you’ when they handed you the gift?
As they were leaving, did they give you a special message that they expect you to remember their birthday, and give them flowers on Mother’s Day?
Given the way you’re feeling, I would suggest reminding yourself (and them, if you’re still mad) that it’s the cousin who is getting second-hand stuff. ‘I don’t want future cousin to feel like they’re only getting second-hand stuff, but sure, of course, they can have the hand-me-downs if they happen to be next in line.'” Dioptre_8
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The amount of waste accrued from raising a child is ridiculous. Teeny tiny baby clothes cost so much! Toys played with twice then abandoned to landfill! I think all efforts to share these necessarily disposable items should be made across the board. A drama over presents for babies – babies don’t remember presents!
That being said, they could communicate a lot better so they aren’t putting one-sided pressure on OP. Something along the lines of ‘Shall we agree to cooperate on gift-giving so we can make the most of the things we buy?’ Would have been a better approach. I don’t think asking if OP would put the stuff aside is in itself unacceptable, just there are ways to do it so you don’t seem cheap and controlling.” User
1. AITJ For Screenshotting Girls' Pictures And Commenting On Their Looks?
“Basically, my friend was in a very long, very toxic relationship with an emotionally manipulative girl. In the last few months, she turned her life around and decided to leave.
They were supposed to move together into my friend’s apartment which had to be completely renovated. So, while renovating it, in order to move by herself, she still had to live with her ex.
My partner and I, and her other friends couldn’t wait for her to move and supported her. It was very difficult, but she recently finally moved. Next week, she’s having a housewarming get-together with a few close friends.
Now I need to explain this – my friend looks like a Gucci model, absolutely stunning. The biggest irony of her ex having an affair is that every single girl she had an affair with is absolutely… Hideous. I don’t like commenting on people’s appearance, but I can’t put it any other way. They all look terrible and cringe, ESPECIALLY compared to her.
She asked me to help her with a drinking game she came up with for next week, and needed me to compile as many photos of all the girls her ex had an affair with and make a slideshow of it. I collected A LOT of photos.
One day I stopped by the gay bar where we all hang out often.
It’s a popular place and I’ve even seen some of the aforementioned girls there. I hung out with the bartender and the waiter, and I decided to finish screen-shotting the last girl. They asked what I was doing and I explained, instead of shutting up. The bartender laughed but the waiter wasn’t amused.
He started lecturing me, calling me and my friend body shamers.
I explained we weren’t doing anything publicly, that nobody cared, that it was a drinking game, and that humor and fun are generally my friend’s way of dealing with things. He was still mad and kept attacking me, calling me a piece of trash. I told him to calm down, and that it was not that deep.
He said he knew that girl and some other girls who slept with my friend’s ex. So I asked why he’s so protective of home-wreckers (they all knew my friend and her ex were in a long serious relationship). He then asked me to leave. The bartender said no, but I said it was fine and left.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for collecting pictures of girls without their permission. Regardless of the reason, this is creepy behavior, and YTJ for it. You and your friend need to find a better way to handle her pain without encroaching on others. Their behaviors with the ex does not invalidate their right to privacy and protection from creepers with cameras.” Shebalba64205
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You keep trying to defend yourself and your friend, but you’re both being awful. Calling the other women ‘hideous’ is body shaming, no matter how much you want to pretend it’s not. And this isn’t a terrible game between friends anymore. You editing a pic at a bar and telling others what is happening threw all privacy out the door.
You and your friend are the ones who are ‘terrible and cringe.'” jen675d
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I would report her to your former HR group for harassment. You're no longer an employee but she's hounding you to work? I think HR might have a thing or two to say about that. She has no business being a manager.
Good luck.