People Reach Out To Us To Get Insights On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
35. AITJ For Offering My Nephew To Live With Me When He Turns 18?
“I told one of my nephews he could move in with me as soon as he turned 18 and my brother and sister-in-law didn’t agree and said I shouldn’t have done it.
I have 2 nephews. 6 years ago my eldest nephew had some legal problems. My brother and SIL moved states to be with him during his trial. My youngest nephew was 12 then. A year later they moved again to be close to the prison he was sent to.
Three years ago my eldest nephew was transferred to a different facility across the country and they moved a third time.
My youngest nephew was always unhappy about having to move. He didn’t like any of the places they lived and my brother/SIL said he had a hard time making friends at his new schools.
I told my youngest nephew he was welcome to come live with me once he turned 18 if he wanted to move back here. He turned 18 at the beginning of the month and he already had enough credits to graduate so he did end up coming to live with me.
My brother/SIL weren’t exactly thrilled about it. When they first moved away I offered to keep my nephew here because he didn’t want to move but they said no. I’ve been accused of meddling by my brother/SIL and planting thoughts in my nephew’s head.
He only applied to colleges around here because he wanted to return so he would have moved back here with or without me. The last 6 years have been rough for him and he’s always thought of this city as home.
I’m in regular contact with my eldest nephew both by phone and in writing and when the global crisis didn’t stop in-person visitation I have flown out to visit him every year when I could swing time off. I love both my nephews and having my youngest nephew live with me isn’t a favoritism thing, I just knew how hard all this was on him.”
34. AITJ For Responding To My Significant Other's Rude Family In Italian?
“Due to my dad’s job, we lived in Italy for 3 years when I was younger, so I speak Italian almost fluently (it’s been a while, so I’ve lost some of it).
Recently I started going out with a girl. She’s great and I love her so much. I met her family a few nights ago for dinner. She warned me that the male side of her family is very big into being macho, into ‘testing’ the boys the women go out with, and VERY big on taking pride in their Italian ancestry.
I think besides the grandfather, however, they were almost all born in Bergen County, NJ but whatever, it’s nice to take pride in one’s heritage.
Long story short, at dinner, they kept making jokes at my expense (I honestly would not call it bullying, just things about my height, beard, and shaved head).
They tried making fun of my IT job too but stopped once I told them my income. It was overall not a bad experience, but a not-so-pleasant one. Anyways, her older brother kept pushing things, giving me exceptional amounts of crap for playing Lacrosse in HS (apparently it’s a sport for prissy rich kids and not manly like football or baseball).
He ended his rant by saying ‘Hey, we’re just a big Italian family, we’re loud and tell it how we see it! Hahaha!’ and all the family except my SO laughed. So I, for the next minute, responded to everything they said in Italian.
My SO buried her head in shame, the grandfather laughed and everyone else kept looking at each other confused before telling me they didn’t speak Italian. I replied, ‘Then don’t use your Italian heritage as an excuse to behave poorly when you can’t even speak the language.’ They got mad, but the grandfather told them all I was right and to be quiet.
My SO isn’t mad, just ashamed. I think the grandfather likes me, but word from my SO’s sister is that all the men are furious, think I’m a smart-aleck, and that I disrespected them and their masculinity in an unforgivable way.
So AITJ?
Edit: My SO was ashamed her family dug so deep into me, not about my response. After wanting to die for the next 48 hours she agreed I did the right thing and that it was funny.”
33. AITJ For Telling My Brother That My Niece's Room Will Not Be Given To Someone Else?
“I have a rental that my brother has lived in since 2016 and currently pays $1200/month rent. He has 3 children (18, 24, & 24). The oldest 2 live on their own and the 18-year-old is a senior in high school.
He got married in December and moved his new wife and her 3 kids in.
The issue is my niece does not like or get along with her step-siblings or stepmom. WW3 broke out when her stepmom tried to take her room from her. My niece’s ‘room’ is a finished basement and with its own living quarters and a separate entrance.
SIL wanted it for her son who is 22 and still lives at home. My brother had not made a final decision and I really don’t know which way he was leaning. My niece called me in tears and told me her stepmom told her that she would be giving up the basement and to accept it.
I called my brother and told him I found it unacceptable that his wife was trying to take his daughter’s room away and put her good-for-nothing son in there. He told me to mind my own business and hung up on me.
I proceeded to email him and tell him that I was considering 2 options. I would raise his rent to $3000 a month if my niece moved out and I would mind my own business. Option #2 I evict all of them and my niece stays put and I mind my own business.
I also told him I did not want his stepson living there at all period. If he was there 30 days from now I would start eviction proceedings.
This got his attention and he backed down completely. He was angry with me, his daughter, and angry with his wife and he told SIL to never mention it again and told his stepson to find his own place.
Problem solved told my niece to call me if her stepmom caused her any trouble. My brother has gone and told other family members how I interfered and if I just let him handle it he would have resolved it himself.
He says his marriage is now in the ditch and no one is talking to each other now. Somehow that is my fault? Did I involve myself when I shouldn’t have? The only place where I think I might be a jerk is when I told him to kick his stepson out because this made issues worse with his wife.
It’s been brought up so much that we are on a month to month and my state does not have rent control laws. We’ve always had a good relationship so we have never had a lease. I never gave permission either in writing or verbally for him to move in his new family.
I never said anything until my niece called me crying. I don’t like the stepson because he is an entitled piece of work who was gunning for the basement because he thought that since he was older he deserved more privacy.
I called him a good-for-nothing because he has some crackpot belief system about working so he does not even work. I don’t know any details of it because I did not care enough to learn about this crackpot philosophy.
My brother called me this morning and said that he blamed himself for all of this and he should have never delayed in telling his wife that her son could not have the basement.
He was really busy with work and wanted to have an actual discussion versus just saying no. He did not expect his wife to tell his daughter that it was going to happen. He acknowledged it was a huge red flag and they will be getting marriage counseling.
He said he made it abundantly clear she was to never (his words) approach his daughter about giving up her room and that no one was allowed in the basement unless they were invited by my niece. He is as we speak getting the silent treatment from wifey.
He said when I called him he just found out that his older adult kids Facetimed his wife and really hurled some insults at her. Then they sent him some not-so-nice messages about betrayal and being henpecked. Then I called and told him off and he was really upset and felt attacked from all sides.
He said he was very disappointed with the threats I made and wanted us to set up a time when we could talk more in-depth and make some future decisions about the house. I blame the SIL for this whole fiasco. She has been reality-checked though and knows better than to try and flex her muscles in my niece’s home.
That is where we currently stand. My brother might not be as spineless as I thought. I don’t know how his marriage can survive. She made enemies with his kids.”
32. AITJ For Not Wanting To Provide Service For This One Client?
“I (24F) work at a salon and have been there ever since I got out of Beauty School. It’s a very small shop, and all the clients know every detail about your life and vice versa.
When I started, I was a petite person weighing about 110 pounds, however when I got pregnant with my son that quickly changed. Along with all the stress of pregnancy, being pregnant during 2020 when everything was shut down and also not being with the right person, I took my stress out by eating which caused me to gain a significant amount of weight on top of the baby weight.
It’s something I’m very insecure about, and I’ve been struggling to get the weight off, but I never expected an interaction like I did when I came back from maternity leave.
Then we have ‘Sue’, a client who is the biggest nightmare to deal with.
Every time she comes in, she has a 2 L of diet Coca-Cola, two hotdogs, and a shopping bag filled with random knickknacks and leaves them all over the place. She constantly asks us to heat up her hotdogs so that she can eat them while she’s being shampooed (we always say no), and to top it off no matter what service she gets she tips in nickels and dimes.
She also constantly tells us about all the people she is currently suing, for example, she’s suing her trailer park home for having too many cats in it. So you guys get the gist.
So I come back from maternity and see that Sue is in to get her hair washed, and when she comes in I say hello and the first thing out of her mouth is ‘Oh my gosh you really have gotten big’.
I truly didn’t know what to say to that, I just kind of shook my head and said yeah let’s just get you shampooed. During her service, she kept going on and on about how fat I had gotten and kept mentioning how small I used to be and it started to really bother me.
But the comment that really made me upset was when she looked at me and said ‘You know I think I figured out why I don’t have a big belly and a big neck like yours, I’ve never had children so that must be the reason’.
I started to tear up, finished her service, and went to the back room and cried. And then two weeks later she comes back in and I refused to service her, as I did not feel comfortable working on someone who is just going to insult me.
My boss ended up being upset with me for refusing service, but I honestly don’t see how I’m in the wrong here, I don’t know maybe I just need a different perspective on this. Am I the jerk?”
31. AITJ For Pranking My SIL After She Kept Sneaking Into My Bedroom?
“My (32f) SIL (43f) is super nosey.
It’s come up before, but she’s one of those people that will just deny something to the death, no matter how much proof you have, and then get angry at you for not believing her.
At my house, the guest bathroom is partially shared with the master bedroom.
(The toilet and sink are separate for guests, and then through a door, you can get to the shower, our closets, and another sink, then through an additional door is the bedroom… if that makes any sense). Basically, you can get into our bedroom through the bathroom without going through the main door.
So, when she comes over, she would sometimes take just a bit too long in the bathroom. During maybe the 3rd or 4th time, I happened to be walking by the bathroom and heard 2 doors close. I asked her if she was looking for something in the bedroom and if I could help her find it.
She replied, ‘No, why would I go in your bedroom?’ And then changed the subject.
The next time she was going to come over, I set something small behind the bedroom door, so I could see if it had been opened by the small item being pushed back.
Later, I could see that it had been. So, for me, confirming that she had been snooping again. I asked directly if she’d been in our bedroom, and she said something like ‘I don’t care what’s in your bedroom, get over yourself.’
So yesterday, SIL and BIL came over. But before that, I ordered a full-sized cutout of Dwayne Johnson, which I placed in our bedroom, facing the bathroom door.
About an hour into the visit, she heads into the bathroom. Very shortly after, there’s a scream, a thud, and a door slam.
She came out, clearly angry. She’d been quite startled and slammed her upper arm into the door frame while turning away from the cutout. BIL made it worse by asking ‘Well why were you in their bedroom?’
But she didn’t answer, and they left.
She’s posted on social media that she has a big bruise on her arm, as a result of my ‘nasty prank.’ People are saying she could have been hurt worse and that she’s too old to be the victim of a childish prank.
I feel bad that she was hurt. It wasn’t my intention. But I might be the jerk because I still think it was hilarious.”
30. AITJ For Wanting To Split The Rent With My MIL?
“I (27f) married my husband at 24.
We went out for 9 months before we decided to get married, after knowing each other for almost 4 years. I became close to my husband’s family early on, but I never would hang out with them if my husband wasn’t there.
My husband and I decided to move about an hour away from his parents’ house. The apartment we were looking at was a beautiful 1 bedroom apartment, but it was large and I was in love with it. My husband also seriously considered choosing said apartment, and the rent would be close to $1700 a month.
It was downtown, close to both our jobs, and even though it was stretching our budget.
When we told our families about this, my mother-in-law started crying at the table saying that her baby boy would be too far away.
This annoyed me, but I said nothing thinking my husband would handle it. Instead, he said that he had actually been thinking about renting a larger apartment so that MIL could visit multiple nights, and I shot him a death glare.
Of course his mom was all over the idea, immediately planning the whole design of the apartment. It would be so much more money, not to mention the sacrifice of privacy. He later told me that he had found an apartment that was $3200 per month and had 3 bedrooms rather than 1.
I did not want to do this, and I told him so. He said he would cover the difference for me between the other apartment and this one, so I agreed.
Fast forward 3 months. My MIL has moved in full-time, and my husband has asked me to split the cost of the rent with him.
I told him I would cover my part of the rent. He looked relieved and said great, and that he didn’t want to have to ask his mom. I laughed at him and told him that since his mom had been living here for 2 months now, she needs to pay her part of the rent.
She’s always judging my cooking and cleaning, and she’s just overall aggravating.
Finally, I sat down with my husband and mother-in-law and told them that we would be splitting the rent by thirds, or his mother-in-law would no longer be welcome to stay with us, and we will be downsizing to something more affordable.
My husband is mad and says I should have talked to him in private. AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Not "Supporting" My Friend After She Damaged Someone's Lunchbox?
“My friend Shannon (F25) lives in a shared house.
Yesterday when we were chilling at her place, her roommate Bess (F, around the same age) suddenly knocked on the door. Bess was furious and yelled at Shannon because she found her reusable lunchbox in the trash.
Bess claimed that Shannon took the box without permission and destroyed it. It was completely scratched, partially melted, and had paint stains on it. Bess said that she had been searching for it for some days, and had asked Shannon, but Shannon had claimed to not have seen it.
Shannon had used it to transport nail polish in there when a bottle burst. She then tried to clean it, but the nail polish remover didn’t work, so she tried to scrape it off. Her last resort was to bake the box in the oven and try to soften the color to scrape it off.
When nothing worked, she hid it in the trash. Bess demanded an apology and a new box.
Shannon started to cry and say she didn’t do anything wrong. Our other friends who were around started comforting Shannon and telling her she was NTJ and she ‘didn’t do anything wrong’, because ‘accidents happen’ and she didn’t know she didn’t have permission to take the box.
They told her that she doesn’t have to apologize because she didn’t do it on purpose.
I said I agree that Bess shouldn’t have yelled at Shannon. And that I’m sure there will be a solution and that I will help Shannon buy a new box for Bess.
BUT I still think it was a bad idea for Shannon to use a lunchbox that’s not her own to transport nail polish. And it was very much wrong to hide it from Bess, she should have immediately told Bess what happened. And lying about not knowing anything makes it even worse.
Shannon started crying harder and the others called me a jerk for not ‘supporting’ her. I think she is a jerk because it wasn’t an accident like something falling off a cupboard.”
28. AITJ For Kicking Out My Daughter Because I Don't Approve Of Her Life Choices?
“I (47M) have a daughter (19F) who I care very deeply for and have worked hard alongside her mother to provide for her the best life I can but I am deeply hurt by her current actions. She has been in college since last year and I am proud of the work she has done but 8 months ago she quit her job stating she really wanted to focus on school which both me and my wife were ok with however, I have found out that she actually quit her job to start a business page where she does solo adult videos for money.
My wife found the tab open on her laptop while she was cleaning and saw that her account had been active for about the same time she quit her job. I was very uncomfortable about her doing this and while I understand it is her body her choice I don’t think it is a wise decision for her future nor do I want this going on in my own house.
I sat down and tried to have a long discussion with her about the dangers this can pose and how this could impact her future job prospects and even college as I have heard horror stories about people getting kicked out of college for reasons like this.
She basically ignored the concerns saying she could make a lot of money for her future.
For context, she will not have student loans as we were fortunate enough to have a good college fund saved up so she is doing her work to basically buy designer clothes and other expensive items as she also revealed. After both me and my wife trying to talk with her for two weeks.
I basically stated that she either stop doing what she’s doing or she will have to find another place to live in a month. I am not disowning her as I still love her. I will still pay for her college and she is welcome in our house at any time but I do not want this sort of activity going on in my house and I am staying firm.
My wife does not agree with her choices either but thinks I am going too far as some of my other family members that I confided to expressed as well. I really don’t see any other solution as even if I took away her phone and computer (which I bought) she would still need them for school and I don’t want to affect her school life so I figured the best course would be to stand my ground and say: ‘You are still my daughter and I love you but I do not want this in my house.’ However, maybe I am being too harsh but at the same time, I really don’t see any other way as she is still standing firm on doing her work.
WIBTJ?”
27. AITJ For Not Lending My Nephew My Camper?
“My sister and her husband fell on hard times because of the global crisis. They went from renting a nice house to having to rent a room from a friend. It was supposed to be temporary, but they’d been in his house for an entire year.
And he didn’t have more than one room to spare to rent to them. I have a family of my own, and my house is full. So I didn’t want them living with me. But I have a vintage camper trailer in my backyard.
One of those small ones they called a Canned Ham type. It’s had various repairs over the years, including redoing the floor and ceiling, as well as getting a new axle. And it’s in pretty decent condition for being over 50 years old.
I take this camper on yearly trips with friends and on camping trips with my family. And I’m very strict about its upkeep.
My sister though has asked to borrow the camper numerous times to put in her friend’s backyard so her teenage son could have some privacy and use it as a personal bedroom.
But I know my nephew. He’s destructive with everything and would turn my camper into a total mess. And I’m certain they wouldn’t want to give it back whenever I need it because he’d already be living in it. I know they can’t simply go out and get a camper of their own because the ones in usable condition are not cheap.
And right now they are trying to save every extra dime to get back on their own feet.
Recently my sister has gotten our parents involved. And they think I should just lend them the camper. But I’ve still refused. They won’t let up and seem to think that if they keep hounding me as a collective, that I’ll give in.
But I haven’t. My wife is on my side and has refused to let my sister and brother-in-law in when I wasn’t home. They have a vehicle that can tow the camper. So I don’t trust them not to take it if they can get in my backyard.
My house also has cameras, and my sister and BIL are aware of them now. They say I’m a jerk because I only use the camper a few times a year, and they need it now. But I worry that they wouldn’t want to give it back, much less return it in the same condition.
I firmly believe I’m in the right. But with my parents and sister constantly breathing down my neck, I thought I’d come here for an unbiased opinion. AITJ for not lending them the camper?
Info: I did suggest they get my nephew a tent.
But they shot that idea down and called a tent temporary. If anything that just felt like another red flag to me.
Our parents do not live close anymore. They moved several states away to retire a few years ago.”
26. AITJ For Wanting To Have My Own Birthday Celebration?
“There’s a pretty big age gap between my sister and me, so when I was 12 I became an aunt, and my nephew was born the day before my birthday.
I’m turning 21 this year and my nephew is turning 9. Since he was born my family just did ‘joint’ birthdays but they were clearly always directed towards my nephew and had to be kid-appropriate. It sucked turning 16 and 18 and having my birthday party be a kid’s party.
I figured this year as I’m turning 21, (and we haven’t had bday parties for like 2 years) that I’d get to finally have my own party. I texted my sister and parents and told them for my birthday I wanted to go to this restaurant that has amazing reviews on their food and drinks.
I don’t want to get smashed, I’ve obviously tasted booze before, but I wanted to dress nice and have a fancy dinner and drinks for my birthday with my family. It was a unanimous no as it wasn’t child friendly for my nephew’s birthday.
I tried to negotiate, I’ll pay for my own food and drink and I’ll pitch in towards the bill, we can go on a different day so my nephew also gets his own bday, all no, no, no. Joint party or nothing.
Honestly, I probably have kept some of this pent up but I texted them that it was awful that I haven’t gotten to have my birthday, a me day, since my nephew was born. I never get to choose anything, theme, cake, or food.
It’s 100% my nephew’s day except I get my name in the birthday song and the gifts.
I get that this sounds spoiled, and I know it is 100% a first-world problem but I think the root of it is I feel like since my nephew was born, I’m the runner-up in regards to my bday.
It feels like I got put on the back burner for the shiny new baby and I’ve carried that from age 12 to today. I tried to explain this to my sister but she says I’m being selfish and that since our birthdays are so close together it makes more sense to have joint parties, and I need to get over my jealousy of my nephew.
I’m not jealous of my nephew, it’s not his fault, but I just want to have my 21st birthday be my birthday. I feel really torn between wanting to be selfish and beating myself up for being selfish.
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Leaving My Roommate And Her Son?
“I (25M) live/lived with my roommate ‘G’ (28F) and her son ‘H’ (13) for 4 years. When I moved in I made it clear that I have school and work I need to focus on and that I wouldn’t be available to help out much with her son but that if she needed a sitter or a break and I was available I’d try.
H and I got along well. I’ve been told numerous times that he sees me as a role model and a father figure and I’ve as kindly as possible, explained that this made me uncomfortable. I’m not a role model.
I guess G hadn’t gotten the memo because she went on a tangent about him looking up to me, she’s asked me to stop smoking and to stop swearing. I told her that I pay rent as well and I’m allowed to smoke in my room on my balcony.
I would respect her wishes and not cuss in front of him if I could help it.
I started seeing A (23F) last October and we decided to plan to move in together (things are going super well). G has started treating me differently saying that I’m risking a lot for someone I hardly know and that H will be heartbroken to find out I’m replacing him.
I’ve tried to be civil but I’ve just resorted to grey rocking her because it’s gotten to be a lot. A and I are in the moving stage of things and we were moving out of my room this weekend.
G sent H into my room to tell me that he was sad I was leaving. I told him I was too, but that I was headed to the next step in my life and that I was excited to start this journey.
He cried a little and hugged me and said he was gonna miss me but that he was happy for me.
I then gave him some of my old games and my old PS4 so we could game together online.
He went and showed his mom and she came into the room calling me a jerk and saying that gifts weren’t gonna make things better and that I’m just walking out of his life and treating him like nothing after so long.
She said he grew up with me being around and that I’m throwing him away for some broad. I was fed up and told her to get over herself and that her kid is more mature than she is. That I’m not his dad and she’s not gonna guilt me into staying when I don’t want to.
She started crying and left the house for a couple of hours. H apologized on his mom’s behalf and I told him it wasn’t his fault and that I wasn’t mad at him.
A thinks it was a little messed up of me to go off on her in front of her kid and that I could’ve said something later.
G hasn’t spoken to me since then and H said he’s just embarrassed about it. Some of my friends think I went too far yelling at her in front of her son and that there’s a time and a place.”
24. WIBTJ If I Don't Attend My Sister's Wedding After She Changed The Date?
“My (21F) sister (24F) is getting married overseas and I’m staying with my parents.
Her wedding is in September, and I start college in September too. Initially, I told her to have the wedding on Saturday so I can take a flight on Friday, attend the wedding on Saturday, and leave Sunday so I can go to college on Monday.
It is a tight schedule but I was willing to do this for her. She went ahead and planned the wedding on a… drum roll, please… Wednesday.
I told her absolutely not, I’m not missing any classes as it was the first month of college and I cannot afford to skip.
She tried to convince me that it was only for a week and I can go back to college after the wedding, and that it was the biggest day of her life and I cannot miss it. My mother talked to me, crying that I have to attend and make an exception for her and that the whole family will be at the wedding asking where I am.
I told my mom and my sister that they can cry all they want but this is my life, my education and I get to choose and make a choice and I will not be guilt-tripped.
In the end, my sister changed her wedding day to Monday as it was the only available date for the venue apart from Wednesday.
She then formally announced to everyone and confirmed the wedding to be on a Monday and then informed me that she changed the day for me. Now I know she’s trying to make it seem like I have to attend now because she changed it to accommodate me.
Still, this meant that I would have to skip class and attend her wedding in another country. At this point I don’t even care if the wedding is on a Saturday, I’m so sick of everyone trying to manipulate me to attend this wedding.
Plus I don’t even like the guy she’s marrying.
I don’t think I owe anyone anything, but since she changed the date, am I obligated to go?
Edit: I get that I can skip just a day or two of classes.
I start college on 29 August, her wedding is on 5 September. I am an architecture student and the contents are heavy. This is why it’s crucial for me not the skip the first few weeks of classes so that I know the modules and assignments.
I don’t mind missing classes if the wedding is in November or December. But missing classes at the start of the semester is gonna affect my assignments in the long term. I told her this too.
I’m quitting my job in June and I start college in September.
I told her to have the wedding in between these months so I can attend the wedding without any issues. She chose to have the wedding the week after my college started. Of course, her side of the story is that her fiance was getting a bonus in September so they decided to wait till then to have the wedding for financial reasons.
I gave her months to choose a date and she went ahead with what was convenient for her. Then again it’s her wedding, I don’t expect to be forced to attend.”
23. AITJ For Not Letting Mom Be The First One To Try On My New Dress?
“My (20F) birthday is coming up, so my best friend sent me a gorgeous dress as an early birthday present. Before I had a chance to get the package from our mailbox, my mother retrieved the gift and asked me to unbox it together.
Excitedly, I agreed and opened it to find a beautiful dress inside.
My mother asked to try on the dress and I unconsciously murmured ‘Yeah sure’ because I was distracted by the other gifts in the package. However, I quickly retracted my consent when I realized what I had agreed to.
For context, I grew up pretty poor. This means birthday gifts were a luxury and trips to the mall were once-a-year enjoyments. Combine this with my mom’s tendency to try on EVERYTHING first, I was always a bit protective of my things.
Whenever I get new clothes, jewelry, makeup, shoes, etc. she HAS to be the one to test it out first. I’ve never asked this of my mom though, as I understand it’s good to have nice things to yourself sometimes.
So, when she asked to try on my birthday dress (brand new) I said ‘Yes’ out of habit. However, I quickly retracted and said ‘No please, you always —‘ and before I could finish my sentence she started yelling at me.
She told me how I valued a dress over her, how I was an ungrateful piece of work, and that once I graduate college she wants nothing to do with me. She started slamming doors and telling me how it wasn’t worth it to birth a daughter like me.
To be honest, I understand that I should’ve just let her try on the dress. But in these twenty years of life, I just wanted ONE brand new thing for myself. I wanted to wear a dress that had been solely mine, worn by me for the first time.
Especially since this is probably going to be the only gift I receive for my birthday. I tried apologizing to my mom, but she won’t talk to me.”
22. AITJ For Not Allowing My Stepson To Eat Noodles?
“My stepson (12) is an insanely picky eater, which I think has been exacerbated by his parents giving in to his every whim. He doesn’t eat anything he doesn’t want to, ever. Recently his foods have limited themselves to super noodles and jelly exclusively.
He won’t touch anything else. He’s eating an obscene amount of noodles. It’s getting costly, and his health is suffering for it.
We’ve taken him to the doctors countless amount of times, and each time they say to not allow him to eat noodles.
Just take them away, and offer him other foods. If he refuses food for three days (72 hrs) then take him back for a referral.
I’ve been on board with this, but neither of his parents wants him to go hungry.
Doctors won’t give a referral without proof. It’s a vicious cycle.
Well, last week I decided to just do it. Hubs was out of town. Thursday morning I woke him up and made him breakfast. A wide variety of foods.
He refused and I recorded it. Same thing at lunch and then at dinner. He was still allowed jelly, but only one pot a meal, so he did eat some. His doctor was fully aware and on board with this.
Saturday evening and he still hasn’t touched any of the food. Sunday morning I make him his noodles as usual while he waits for his mother to come. He tells her and she blows up at me obviously.
After an argument they leave, but she does take him back to the doctor (who she also yells at) and he is getting his referral to a feeding specialist. My husband was angry too but understands my actions have in fact got their son the help he needs.
My stepson hates me, as expected. I hope he’ll understand one day, but if not I won’t be mad. I did what was needed. His mother is obviously disgusted and doesn’t want me near her son.
I understand that what I did wasn’t favorable, but we were going in circles.
The doctors weren’t listening without stone-cold proof, and it would just end up getting worse and worse.
I know I’m a jerk in some aspects, but am I the complete jerk? I feel like I was doing the right thing.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Saying I Don't Care About My Coworker's Baby's Health?
“I’m a boiler room operator at a steam plant. We need a 4-man crew all doing 12-hour shifts. At the beginning of 2022, we lost 2 guys and brought back a girl who left before I started. Still down to a 3-man crew that night, the girl made it known that she can only do night shifts (1800 to 0600) and 4 days a week (48hrs).
The day guy does 5 shifts (0600 to 1800) at 60 hours a week. I do 2-day shifts and 3 nights 60 hours a week. It’s tough but I’m getting paid.
After a few weeks, she keeps saying how she has a baby and can’t work days or 5 days straight.
Even 4 is pushing it and she started to call out. The first 2 or 3 times, I didn’t care and she covered one of my shifts but would pick what shifts she’d cover. It was annoying but I can look past it.
Finally, she called. The baby is in the ER with a fever. I get that at around 6 to 12 months, you got to watch it but that isn’t my issue when I’m busy on my day off. So my company calls me and tells me I have to cover and she will take a shift from me later.
I tell them I have a lot going on and planned, and if I took the shift I would have 2 hours to get home, shower, make coffee, and order food then drive the 45 mins to work when I’m an hour from my house.
They try to say that I can show up late like 8 pm. After a 30-min conversation on my drive home, I finally said it. I got so mad at them for trying to tell me that I have to, like I have no other choice.
I told them, ‘The health of her child is not my problem and I don’t care what happens. I don’t wish harm upon the kid but the baby daddy can watch it in the ER. If I have to show up for my shifts she has to for hers.’
I go off for about 10 mins on the guy who wasn’t at fault. But I told him I’m done. I still got forced into the shift and even word got around that I was unwilling to cover her shifts when I still owed her several. This made some people mad.
We have a special team within the company whose job is supposed to pick up shifts in this situation but none of them wanted to come to my plant and that’s not my problem.
Now I’m looked at like a jerk because I won’t cover shifts when her kid is sick or when she got hives while at work.
I’m tired of being called for shifts when I barely have enough time to see my partner. I have my schedule and she has hers and they screw me over by having her on 4 shifts all nights and me on 5 shifts 2 days and 3 nights.
My direct chief understands my anger and frustration but not our company and they act like I’m a jerk for telling her and her baby’s health are not my issue nor concern. How am I the jerk?
20. AITJ For Wanting To Adopt My Husband's Kids?
“I (32F) have a husband (38M). He is a widower having lost his last wife when their twins (9F) and (9M) were only a few months old. We started going out 7 years ago and got married 3 years ago. I love them both and view them as my own children, they even call me Mummy as I’m the only mother they remember.
I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first biological child by my husband and am worried this may make them feel uncertain about their position in my affection once the baby comes along which I don’t want.
I brought up to my husband that I’d like to adopt them if they’re willing so it’s clear that they are as much my child as their future brother or sister (we’ve not found out the gender as I want to be surprised).
He reacted negatively to the idea not seeing why I needed to adopt them as it won’t change anything and he worries it’d seem like I’m erasing their birth mother out of the picture which I won’t lie, I was hurt.
I’ve always done my best to keep her memory alive and make it clear that while I may be the mommy here now they have another one in heaven who loved them just as much. I even join them when we go to visit her grave on special days so to say that it’d seem like I’m erasing her stung.
I explained I didn’t want them to feel like the baby would make them come second and that it also had legal benefits we should consider for the chance something could happen to him down the line before they’re adults but he doesn’t want to hear it and has told me to let it go.
I get this is a sensitive topic for him and a part of him will always love her. I knew this going into the relationship so I don’t mind that but the fact he won’t even consider why I’m asking this upsets me, plus I’d made it clear we’d only be asking the children if they wanted it not forcing the matter…
I plan to bring it up again when I’m not as hormonal and easily upset and he has had time to cool down and think it through but I worry it’ll make me the jerk if I bring it up again… am I in the wrong here?”
19. AITJ For Being Mad When My Significant Other Secretly Invited His Mom Into My House?
“I went interstate to see my mother over the Christmas period. I had asked my significant other to look after my cat and house-sit for me while I was away. I said to him not to have anyone over which included MIL.
I think that’s a pretty reasonable request. While I was away, my SO secretly had MIL over to my house under the guise of meeting the cat.
MIL got it in her head that I needed her to ‘tidy up’ so they set to work ‘tidying up’ while I was gone.
I asked my SO not to get too carried away and not to touch anything that could be classed as rearranging. I thought I made myself very clear on my stance about this. My SO actively lied to me about not having anyone over while I was away.
I come home, and my SO picks me up from the airport to tell me that my father is coming to my flat to see me. I thought the flat was still the way I wanted it. We get through the door to my flat and absolutely everything has been changed. I walk around and I lose my mind saying to my SO that I told him not to go overboard.
I started crying because he didn’t respect my wishes and told me that MIL had been there to help him.
I lose it even more finding out that MIL who is a first-class snooper has been in my apartment touching my things and putting my life on display.
My SO got up in arms because I was being ungrateful and I said to him that I didn’t want this, I didn’t ask for this at all and to find out that MIL had been here without my permission really made me mad.
I said to him he should have consulted me about the changes he was going to make instead of just doing it and making me learn to like it.
My dad came over and I was in a foul mood having just learned that my privacy and my home had been violated. Dad thought I was being unreasonable about the state of my house (my SO and MIL made it look like no one lives there).
I stood my ground and said it was too much change and now they have made it so I can’t change it back.
My SO said I was a jerk because of my reaction to this. I’m starting to think I am, but I also feel like it was a healthy reaction to someone completely turning your house and stuff upside down without you knowing.
So AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Dismissing Someone's Feelings?
“My significant other Jason (24M) and I (21F) just recently found out we’re pregnant. Our friend group hosts movie nights every other Friday, and we thought it’d be a good idea to announce it last Friday because it was our turn to host. It wasn’t meant to be a big deal, just casually letting them know since we had everyone over anyways.
All of our friends seemed happy for us when we told them. My best friend Kim (22F) made a comment about how she already knew which gender I wanted. Kim and I have known each other since middle school, and I’d always told her that I wanted my first child to be a girl.
I’ve always been in love with the name Lacey (obviously changed, but starts with the same letter) and I’m not too sure I’ll want more than one child given that a lot of the women in my family have had complications.
I also had a very close relationship with my mom growing up, and I always wanted to be able to do the same things that we did together with my own daughter. It goes without saying that I won’t love our baby any less if they turn out to be a boy, I don’t mind if we do have a daughter and she’s not into ‘girly’ stuff, I’d accept having a trans child, etc.
Jason’s friend’s SO, Vanna (23F) made a face when Kim said that. I wasn’t going to bring it up, and the rest of the night went by fine. As everyone else was leaving, Vanna sort of pulled me aside.
We all know that Vanna didn’t have a good childhood. Her mom wasn’t great by any means. She started going on about how I was already putting expectations on my baby, and how her own mother had always tried to force her to be more ‘girly’ and it was one of the many things that ruined her childhood.
I told her that I was sorry for what happened to her, but I’m not doing anything wrong by having a preference, of course, I’d love the baby either way, and I did take offense to the comparison because of the kind of person her mother is.
I did give her my reasons as well. She insisted, going on about how harmful my thinking was and how I couldn’t see how much damage projecting my wants onto my baby would do to them. She was getting very upset and speaking over me.
I finally told her that I’m sorry again, but what happened to her isn’t my problem and she’s wrong to assume I’d mistreat my child over a preference. She stormed out and hasn’t been talking to either of us since.
Jason is on my side, given that he knows me well enough to know those assumptions weren’t true. But a couple of other friends, including her SO, have reached out on Vanna’s behalf, asking me to apologize to her because she felt like I dismissed her feelings.
It’s made me feel sort of guilty because I didn’t mean for it to be taken that way, I tried to be as civil as I could. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Making My Mom And My Father's Partner Cry?
“I (25M) live in a house of mine with my little siblings (15M, 12F, 11M).
My parents (44M, 43F) got divorced 3 years ago, and my father left to be with his lover. A month later, my mom showed up at my house (it is an inheritance) to ask me if I can have the kids for two days or three until she settled down because she was moving to her partner’s house.
Well, it’s been three years now and all my siblings get from them is a visit once a week. They pay ‘child support’ (doesn’t help that much) but I haven’t taken them to court.
Two weeks ago, my brother turned 15.
I hosted the party (my parents’ help was to buy the cake and the sodas) and I invited them because after all, they are still their parents but I specified on the invitation that I didn’t want to see their spouses (because I simply don’t like them).
Anyway, they came with their spouses and stepchildren. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make a scene because it wasn’t my birthday and if my bro was ok with it, I was too.
Everything was messed up in the family photo.
I said I wanted a picture of me and my siblings together. My parents couldn’t help but make it about them. My mom requested that her stepson should be in the picture too because he is also ‘family’ and my dad said that his stepdaughter should be there too and also his wife because she is carrying a baby.
I got shocked because of those random and nonsense comments so I just couldn’t keep it in and told them that they were selfish, irresponsible, narcissistic, terrible parents, and their requests were out of the question since those kids (I have nothing against them) are not our family and will never be.
I also told my dad he should have a vasectomy and not be allowed to have more kids. I screamed: ‘And if you think I’ll raise this too, you’re wrong.’
My mom started crying calling me rude, and my dad’s wife cried too so I kicked them out.
My siblings told them to go so they both accused me of turning my siblings against them and trying to take them by force but they refused. Now my mom and dad said they’ll go to court to have custody back because I’m a ‘bad example of disrespect and irreverence’.
In my country the legislation allows my siblings to decide who they wanna live with and they say they pick me.
My grandma (father’s mother) said I should not have restrained my parents’ authority over my siblings and it’s not my job to take care of them and I should give them up to let my parents be responsible again.
My father’s brother said that I was a jerk for making my mom and a pregnant woman cry. So AITJ here?”
16. AITJ For Telling My Mom That My Stepmother Is Driving Under The Influence?
“So I am now thirteen but when I was younger my dad started acting strange, picking up extra hours when my family really didn’t need the extra income.
This made my mom start looking into the situation, and long story short he was having an affair. At the time I didn’t understand what was going on but as I got older I found out. My mother in the end got to keep the house because it was a gift from her mother when she passed away.
So now I am thirteen and my brother is 12. Now I wanted to form a relationship with my stepmom but I found out that she knew my father was married with two kids so that ruined everything for me. So my mother and father got joint and I have to go see my father for two weeks in the summer.
(This story is a little old, by the way) I barely talked to my father for the whole year and when my brother and I get to his house I find out he’s married and his wife is expecting.
I was upset I didn’t know or wasn’t invited to the wedding but the problem doesn’t start until three days into our being there.
So I wanted to go to the mall with my friends but they ended up not being able to go but I still wanted to go shopping so I took my brother with me instead.
I asked my father for a ride but he gave me and my brother money to go shopping and some to buy a lift there and he said he would pick us up and take us home after.
We said alright and our shopping trip went well and we even got some new shoes and some food.
The problem starts when I called my father to pick us up and he said he would have to send my stepmom instead.
I was not looking forward to riding with her but agreed. When she got there I saw her driving was off and when she rolled down her window I could see and smell that she was under the influence. (She and my father had gotten wasted a day before and I don’t even know why she is drinking if she is expecting).
Anyways I am smart enough to know that drinking and driving isn’t safe so I do not get in the car with her and my brother calls my mom on his phone and she tells him to stay on the phone with her and me to call the police on mine while she did the same on the house phone.
My stepmom drove away after we said we wouldn’t get in and halfway into her driving the police end up catching her.
She’s getting charged with driving under the influence and child endangerment and my father could also lose shared time with my brother and me.
People on my dad’s side of the family are cussing my mom out and are mad at me for calling the police saying that we should have just called someone else to pick us up and accused us of doing this because we didn’t like our stepmom.
So, AITJ, and is my mother also the jerk?”
15. AITJ For Not Knowing My Sister's Significant Other's Allergies?
“I (18F) planned my sister’s 21st birthday party, which was conducted yesterday.
It was a huge party, with many of our family, friends, acquaintances, old classmates, etc. there were about 65 people.
My sister gave me a budget for it and a list of things she wanted at her party, including flowers, food, lanterns, doves to be released in the sky, etc.
I did the best I could, but because the party was planned last minute, when I called the florist she only had lilies in large stock. I said that was ok.
I double-checked with my sister if she was fine with my arrangements because she’s a bit of a micromanager.
She said it was fine.
The first quarter of the party was good. My sister’s significant other was late, so she was a bit worried about him. He soon arrived about 15 minutes before the cake cutting, calls me out of the hall, tells me he plans on proposing.
I was really excited and set up a dramatic entry onto the stage where she was going to cut the cake.
Cake cutting begins. My sister is calm now that she’s seen her partner. He gets down on one knee after she slices the cake and pops the question.
She excitedly says yes but then he starts sneezing and itching really badly, and he’s broken out into hives.
My sister is visibly upset that her birthday/proposal is ruined.
Turns out he has an extremely bad allergy to lilies.
My sister and he went to the hospital because they’re not sure if it’ll get worse.
After all of that died down, at night, my sister messages me, asking me why I hadn’t used another type of flower, stating that her SO had apparently informed me of his pollen allergy (along with soy and wheat) in response to my food and other allergies query.
Unfortunately, he sent me an e-mail, when I specifically asked him to send me a message instead. I don’t remember my e-mail password, and I hadn’t even sent this query by e-mail.
My sister then asked me why I didn’t contact him if I didn’t see his message, because she reminded me that he had allergies.
I admit that it slipped my mind because I was planning the other details of the party.
(My sister is not a huge fan of the first date flowers or bouquets. because of this, her fiancé never got her flowers, so she didn’t know about his allergy.)
She told me about his soy and wheat allergies, which were the only ones he told her about. He had mentioned he had a few more (pollen, shellfish, dairy, etc) and told her that he would send that in the allergy response sheet.
Thankfully pollen was the only one that he was extremely allergic to, and he didn’t really get the chance to eat anything, so he didn’t have multiple allergy reactions because I didn’t see the dairy and shellfish ones.
Edit: The doves she wanted to release were trained to return back to a certain point, and had ribbons tied to their feet (I have no idea how they were trained but they’re used often for weddings, proposals, engagements, and the like.)
I am quite sure my sister had already found out about the engagement (possibly weeks back, I wouldn’t doubt it, she can literally find out anything) and decided on releasing the doves to represent peace, serenity, hope, love, etc.
We didn’t release the doves nor the lanterns at the end because of the allergy attack. Couldn’t get a refund but that’s ok.
My sister skipped a whole decade’s worth of birthdays just for her 21st to be an elaborate one.
It’s a tradition that our family practices. I’ve skipped my past few birthday parties for my 21st to be more extravagant too. Normally the mother or the sister plans the birthday, or if it’s a guy’s 21st, the father or the brother will.
Also – my sister’s fiancé’s pollen allergy is not life-threatening. It‘s basically just hay fever and hives.”
14. WIBTJ If I Report A Coworker For Telling Me I Have "White Savior Syndrome"?
“I (f30) have dreamt of moving to Buenos Aires since I was a little girl when I was there on holiday.
I’ve been learning Spanish for the past few years, and I finally feel that I am fluent enough to move.
For the past few years, I have also been working towards establishing a career that’s fully remote (I am a self-published romance writer).
For the past 2 years, I’ve been at a point of being able to quit my job and support myself fully by writing. However, up until now, I kept my day job to save up funds for the big move.
I finally know when I am moving to Argentina and obviously am super excited and have made a post about it on my private social media. I suppose it was a bit braggy but heck, my dream is coming true, I am gonna brag.
Anyway, I was at work a few days after that, and one of my coworkers, Alice, asked me where I am going to work when I move. I said that I am going to be working from home and supporting myself with my writing.
She asked me how I was going to meet people and I replied that I wanted to volunteer in an animal shelter (this is something that I have been doing since I was a teen) and it’ll be a good start to start meeting new people and try to slowly integrate myself into the culture as I am planning on settling there.
I wanted to add more to that but she wouldn’t let me. She went off on a tangent about how it’s typical that someone moving to South America will suffer from white savior complex. She told me she thought I was better than that and that she was disappointed in me.
I tried to explain to her that she knows very well that I volunteer already and it’s something I am passionate about, but she just wouldn’t listen, so I told her we were done, and I left the lunch room.
I thought we were done with that conversation, that she would calm down and come to her senses. Boy, was I wrong. It’s been days and she’s been spamming my social media with comments and photos showing white women with indigenous children, commenting how that would be me soon and that I should do some self-reflecting.
I tried explaining myself, and I tried explaining that she doesn’t understand what ‘white savior syndrome’ is but nothing works. I blocked her everywhere, but she went as far as using her work e-mail (stupid) to send me articles related to that.
I want to report her to HR because at this point, she’s really hostile but I am quitting my job in a month (to prepare for my move) and I feel bad for reporting someone especially when I am leaving soon and won’t have to deal with her.
I tried to talk to her but she ignores me and she is a young (25) single mom and I’d hate for her to lose a job. WIBTJ for reporting her to HR?”
13. AITJ For Making Sure My Mother-In-Law Is Clean If She's Going To Hold My Newborn?
“I have 3 children under 2 years old with my partner.
His mother (who he is very protective of and always takes her side as his father passed when he was young) is an avid smoker both inside and outside her house. That’s her right and I didn’t ask her to quit smoking (which my hubby wanted to do).
I never brought my newborns to her house but asked my husband to ask her if she could shower and wear fresh clothes before coming to visit our newborns.
Well, today was my birthday and she bought a cake and met us at a restaurant to celebrate with my family.
When I was passing her my newborn I asked her if she had showered and changed her clothes (I can always smell smoke on her even when masked with perfume etc) and she replied that she always does before coming out.
I asked it offhandedly and when she replied she didn’t seem upset or angry.
Fast forward to when we all got home and I emailed her a thank you as per usual and got this reply: ‘No probs.
I do, however, have 1 comment to make… Having said that, it will never be brought up again.
Today was the THIRD time you asked me whether I had showered and washed my hair as I picked up (this time) baby X.
I am X years old, a mother of extremely well-brought-up children, a caring grandmother to X-year-old X, a University graduate, a teacher, and an intelligent and capable woman who has held top executive positions in my career.
Frankly, I find it insulting that you think it necessary to remind me of what I should and should not do where the health of your babies (and my own grandsons) are concerned.
Apologies are not necessary. Just be mindful to never ever do it again.’
The last line is the killer because I don’t think I would have even thought about apologizing until she mentioned it. Yes, she is their grandmother but I am their mother. I am sorry she feels offended but I feel like as their mother, it is my job to protect them and to ask everyone who smokes (or smells of smoke), that same question, regardless of how educated they are or how illustrious their career was.
Am I the jerk?!”
12. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Husband's Birthday Dinner?
“My husband (30M) and I (27F) have been together for 3 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship has been without any problems until the week before our wedding. My husband was very close friends with a woman (let’s call her Ava) whom he has known since they were sophomores in high school.
I never had a problem with Ava, I thought it was very obvious that she and my husband are just friends, I mean she had a long-term partner and all. So, I felt no jealousy or anything. I actually got along with Ava pretty well.
We all hung out together regularly. But then my husband dropped a bombshell on me the week before we got married. I remember he sat me down and told me that Ava revealed to him that she has feelings for him and tried to convince him to not get married to me.
She even broke up with her partner (of 6 years) to prove that she was serious about my husband.
My husband and I both agreed to cut her off, we uninvited her to our wedding and neither one of us has been in contact with her since.
It was my husband’s 30th birthday yesterday. He just wanted to have dinner with family and friends so that’s what we did. So, we are all in a restaurant eating when all of a sudden Ava walks in.
She walks to our table and says she didn’t mean to intrude, that she was just getting dinner by herself, and then saw us. She then wishes my husband a happy birthday. I expect her to leave but then my husband asks if she wants to join us.
I look at my husband like what are you doing. I’m visibly uncomfortable and irritated. I stand up and tell Ava that she can have my seat and then I walk out and get an Uber home because I want absolutely nothing to do with her.
When my husband comes home almost two hours later, he immediately starts an argument with me. He tells me I overreacted and acted immaturely. I ask him why did he ask Ava to eat with us because I thought we were on the same page.
He replies that was just being nice and that he didn’t think it would be a big deal because it’s been a long time since he has seen her so she probably doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.
And then he tells me that I ruined his birthday.
I’m still upset about it all. I don’t think I’m the one in the wrong. I mean, this woman literally tried to steal my partner. AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Telling My Mom's Husband That I'll Eat Whatever I Want In Our House?
“I’m (20m) currently living with my mom full time since my dad is working out of the country.
She has a husband and he has 2 daughters from a previous marriage (12F and 14F) and my half-sibling (6M). My mom’s husband is unemployed because he was abruptly terminated. Both of them do gigs here and there while he looks for a job but they barely bring money to the house.
I’m in my second year of uni. While working and getting money from my dad every month, I’ve been paying for most of my stuff (clothes, hobbies, phone bill, etc) ever since I was 16 and when I turned 18 I began to pay rent and my car.
My mom’s husband and his daughters are big eaters, but I don’t mind. I just started to buy my own groceries and they knew they weren’t allowed to have any (tho, I’d let my step-sisters take some of my snacks because I get that they are kids), but ever since 3 or 4 months ago, my mom has been asking me to ‘buy this, buy that, buy this again’ and I’ve been doing their groceries too, so I’m basically paying for all of the food, plus rent, plus driving my step-sister to and from school and among other things.
Yesterday we were having dinner together and I remembered I’d bought a watermelon a few days ago. It was almost all gone, but I could eat the last of it and it was okay. My step-sister said she wanted some too and I said there was barely anything left and she could have an apple or something.
She said she wanted watermelon and I said sorry. My mom’s husband said kids go first but I said kids have been eating watermelon for the past few days and it was my turn. He looked me dead in the eye and said ‘Put it back, son.
You can eat something else’ so I just said I’ll be eating whatever I want because I was paying for it. Nobody said anything after that and I took it to my room.
Later my mom came and apologized for him, but said that I shouldn’t have said anything in front of my sisters and that I was rude because I was being ‘financially abusive’ to my family, so I don’t know?”
10. AITJ For Refusing To Change Our Daughter's Name?
“When my wife (31F) and I (29M) were trying to get pregnant, we had a deal that if we have a boy, she would get to choose the full name and if we had a daughter I would.
I was fine with this deal but we both had a veto in case we didn’t like the name the other had chosen. Once we got pregnant, my wife was completely sure that we were having a boy because ‘a mother knows.’ Her entire family was convinced of it too.
During the baby shower, everything was blue and all the gifts were demanded to be masculine. Her mother had already started knitting things with the name my wife had chosen
Once the baby came, we saw it was a girl and I was ecstatic because, although I wanted both a boy and a girl, I always imagined my firstborn to be a girl.
My wife, though seemingly exhausted, was happy too. When I wrote the name on the birth certificate, I let her know I was using the name I had already run past her.
Now, a year later, I come home from work and I find my MIL and wife there talking about my daughter, only they are using another name.
When I inquired who they were talking about, they kinda went deer in headlights and blurted that they were talking about our daughter. When I asked why they were using another name, my MIL said because that’s what we decided to name her.
Then she went on a rant about how it’s unfair that I chose the name and how it’s completely unsuitable for her, etc. I was shocked because this was the first time anyone had claimed any objections to the name.
So now I realize that the reason my daughter has trouble recognizing her name is that we have been using two different names the entire time. My wife later came to me suggesting we officially get her name changed and I stuck to my guns and told her we are not doing that and she needs to stop.
This led to a fight about how unsupportive I am and stole her right to name the child she gave birth to. I told her that the opportunity to veto any name is long gone and she can’t expect me to support something this stupid.
Here’s the worst part. I could be convinced to change the first name but the one she wants is a very odd feminine version of the name she wanted for her son. Imagine using a female version of the name Drake or Thomas.
She got angry and left both my daughter and me and went to her parents. Her entire family except my FIL is calling me controlling and how it’s unfair I chose the entire name and made it all about myself.
Honestly, this is so out of left field and creepy that I’m considering divorce. My parents and friends said they understand why I’m upset but should come to a compromise and change the name to something we both like and that divorce is overkill, but I don’t think so.
I feel in my gut that she may be trying to recreate this son by sacrificing our daughter. If she can use a different name to address her for a year! What else has she been doing to her?
So AITJ for not compromising with our daughter’s name?”
9. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor To Parent Her Children?
“Our dog gets treated monthly with vet-prescribed flea stuff. My neighbor, Jill, ‘treats’ her cats for fleas with a blend of essential oils and garlic.
I dislike Jill, but I’ve always been courteous to her.
I restrained my laughter when she told me she ‘cares so deeply’ about the environment, so she just HAD to protest at the summit in Glasgow. I didn’t even point out the irony of driving hours in a 4×4 to attend.
She’s the epitome of a champagne socialist; her husband works in banking, her kids go to private schools, lives in a massive house, and drives fancy cars, but acts like she’s a modern-day Lenin because she complains about the Tories.
She acts like a veritable earth-mother, taking every chance to remind us she doesn’t ‘use chemicals’, boasting she makes her own soap, laundry detergent, and deodorant. Good on her. I mean they don’t ‘work’, but I applaud her efforts nonetheless.
Her claims of environmentalism are somewhat undermined by her flying to and from London every fashion season, to buy new clothes.
We see her as a pretentious hypocrite: claiming to be vegan ‘except when at an all-inclusive resort’; preaching tolerance, then making digs about me being English; claiming to love rescue animals, then paying £1000s for pedigree cats; calling our spaniel a ‘mutt’, because he came from a rescue charity, so we ‘can’t be sure of his origins’.
Last week, without asking if he was friendly or ‘liked’ to be restrained in a 7-year-old’s vice-like chokehold, Jill’s young children ran up to my dog and started enthusiastically cuddling and clinging to it. Luckily he is well used to our kids, so is very gentle.
Jill smiled indulgently, I fought the urge to say dogs with a different nature would’ve ripped their faces off.
Sunday Jill came to our door and said she and the kids are ‘covered in flea bites’. I was like ‘Right, thanks for telling me’ and went to shut the door when she screeched ‘From your mutt’.
A discussion ensued, where she insisted our vet-prescribed flea prevention was inferior to her own mix of oils and garlic. I said, ‘Sounds delicious’.
Jill said she paid £250 to rid her house of fleas. I said, ‘Wow, garlic prices have really risen’.
When she insisted that we pay for the flea treatment (done by a company that uses chemicals, by the way), I refused to pay. I reminded her that her kids hadn’t even ‘asked’ to get so close to our dog.
She replied, ‘Oh well what was I supposed to do?’ My sister says it was judgemental of me to reply ‘Parent them’.
I feel 100% in the right. My wife supports me. My sister is like Jill but with the actual principled follow-through.
She thinks we dislike Jill’s alternative lifestyle, but it’s her hypocrisy we hate. But I am now wondering if I was rude like she says. Well, I ‘know’ I was, but feel it justified. Maybe I should pay half? Am I the ‘judgmental, sarcastic, rude’ jerk my sis says I am?”
8. AITJ For Removing Things That Keep The Door Propped Open?
“I live in an apartment complex made up of several different buildings in a major city. For most of the area, you have to swipe into several different led gated areas before you swipe into your building. But, because my building has several restaurants on its main floor, you only have to swipe into the building.
I have noticed several times a day that the door has been propped open, oftentimes by an empty Gatorade bottle, a rock, or a piece of wood. Because there are so many random people walking nearby, especially homeless people, I always remove whatever is being used to prop the door open.
Last week, I unpropped the door on my way in. As I was waiting for the elevator someone started banging the (glass door) front door. I ignored them, made sure I was away from the sensor that would unlock the door from the inside and as I got into the elevator I could hear them yelling ‘Let me in’.
I pretty much forgot about this until today, I came home for lunch (I work within walking distance). As I was walking in, I passed two people. One of them points at me and says ‘That’s the guy I was telling you about, the one who keeps removing the door props and wouldn’t let me back into the building.’ I initially ignored them and sat and waited for the elevator but they then said ‘So you don’t have anything to say for yourself?’
A little confused I said, ‘Wait what? Are you talking to me?’ They said ‘Yeah. Care to explain why you keep removing the door prop?’ I said ‘Because it shouldn’t be propped open. If you live here you have a key card and should use it.
The building is locked for a reason.’ The person said, ‘I live here and have every right to prop the door open if I forgot my card’. I said, ‘No you don’t. Call the front desk (manned 24/7) if you get locked out.
It’s not that hard.’ The person said, ‘And it’s not that hard not to be a jerk’.”
7. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Partner Over A Toothbrush?
“So I (26f) have been with my current partner (35m) for 4 months. Here is the issue, I have some little quirks as most of us do. This story is about my ‘obsession’ (his word not, mine) with brushing my teeth/oral hygiene.
Let me preface it with that I don’t like brushing my teeth raw or brushing more than is recommended. Just your typical morning, after lunch (yes I have a toothbrush in my office but I have a private restroom) and before bed. The only exception is when I am having a ‘sleepover’ with a partner.
I will get up before them and brush my teeth and come back to bed. I mean knowing that there is an almost guarantee morning ‘activities’ will be happening I like feeling fresh and clean. I have been teased about it playfully in the past with other partners but no one has ever taken issue with it.
Honestly, I am sure some past partners have appreciated it, morning breath isn’t super hot.
Now here is the issue where I may be the jerk. This weekend I slept over at my partner’s place and Sunday when I woke up and went to brush my teeth while he was still sleeping my toothbrush was missing from the bathroom!
I knew for a fact I had brushed my teeth before bed, and so I went through my toiletries bag over and over. I checked the trash to see if it accidentally got tossed, and nope! I was freaking out a bit but I improvised using toothpaste on my finger to ‘brush’ my teeth and rinsed with mouthwash.
So I go back to bed and cuddle up until he wakes up like an hour later. My partner kisses me and pulls away like something is wrong, he remarks that I am ‘minty’. I said ya and explained how I somehow stupidly misplaced my toothbrush and had to improvise.
He then tells me no that I, in fact, didn’t lose my toothbrush, and that he hid it. To. Teach. Me. A. Lesson!
He then goes on to say he was making a point about how my brushing my teeth first thing habit wasn’t ‘normal’ and even used the term ‘OCD’.
I was so upset.
First, OCD is a legit disorder and you can’t just go around diagnosing people or slapping labels on them. Second, well ya it may be a bit weird it makes me feel more comfortable and confident knowing my breath is good.
I then proceeded to get up, throw clothes on and say I was leaving. I was wicked mad! He tried to prevent me from leaving saying I was being dramatic, overreacting, and that he wasn’t the problem!
He has been blowing my phone up ever since I left. I had some choice words for him but I’ve told him to back off and give me space.
He has ignored my request for space though. I might have overreacted by flipping out and leaving his place but his behavior came off as kind of controlling to me especially when he like physically tried to prevent me from leaving.
I don’t see myself as someone who needs to be fixed. I kind of want to end things but everything until this point has been amazing. AITJ for freaking out over this and refusing to talk to my partner?”
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Son's Bio Dad Meet Him?
“I met my son’s biological father in 2011 while in the military. I was 21 at the time and he was 23. We went out for 3 years and talked about marriage. When I ended up pregnant he decided he didn’t want to stay and let a child ‘cramp his style and stop him from partying.’
Before anyone says why I decided to get pregnant, my birth control failed. I was on the Mirina birth control and it stopped working, even though I had the 5-year birth control inserted. I was supposed to deploy and that is when I found out.
I went and told him the news and he reacted that way. He did not tell me that he was PSCing out of Germany, I was in the Air Force and he was in the Army. I went to visit him at his base and his roommate told me that he had left and moved to Colorado.
I was stunned and upset and went through a depression.
A year later I was a single mother and met my now husband. He was really nice to me and when I finally introduced him to my son he instantly treated him like his own.
He did not care that he wasn’t his, it was his son (that’s what he told me). We ended up getting married a couple of months after being together and everything was going fine.
My son’s biological father had contacted me when he found out from his sister that I was married and another man was saying (let’s call my son Phil) was his son.
Everyone we met automatically thought my son was my husband’s and we didn’t bother to explain. He met my son when he was 1 and has raised him since. My husband showed him how to walk, talk, and potty trained him.
My son’s biological father (let’s call him Billy) started to harass me about wanting to be a part of our son’s life when he was 4 years old. My husband said we should meet him halfway from where we were stationed in North Dakota to Colorado.
He agreed, and we drove to the Mcdonald’s halfway and waited there for hours for him. I called him and texted him, and no reply. We decided to get a hotel room and try the next day but that didn’t happen.
We tried this 5 more times and my husband said no more.
My son’s birthday is almost here and he is in my hometown and contacted me through email asking if he can be here and introduce himself to my son and tell him about himself being his dad.
I wrote back saying no. His mom, sisters, aunts, uncles, and friends have started sending me messages on social media, email, and text messages saying I am horrible for not letting him meet his son and keeping my son away from them.
They haven’t even tried before this, but I feel like maybe I should let them meet him. I don’t know AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Miserable Sister?
“My sister ‘Annie’ (30sF) is obsessed with a girl, let’s call Jane (20sF), who her husband had an affair with in mid-2020. I don’t know why. Jane’s not the first or the last. She was one of the decent ones.
Didn’t realize he was married, broke it off when she found out, and sent the proof of his infidelity to his wife. Somehow he spun this as ‘She’s trying to break us up,’ and my sister fell for it.
Which is stupid because Jane already blocked them on everything. He’s the one that basically stalked her for months after.
Anyway, Annie’s been stalking Jane’s socials. Any time Jane posts about something bad happening, Annie calls me up to gloat.
Any time she posts about anything good that happens, Annie starts crying about how it’s not fair. In the last few months, Jane apparently got a high-paying new job, got engaged, and is pregnant. Annie had a full-on meltdown over it.
It’s all she ever wants to talk about. She’ll call me at least twice a week with this nonsense, and text me multiple times a day. She doesn’t want advice, doesn’t want to leave him, and just wants to vent endlessly.
My other sister is also tired of this, but my mom says we need to be gentle because it’s hard for Annie. I just want her to stop!
I tried sympathy, tough love, changing the subject, and suggested counseling, but nothing works.
It’s nonstop Jane did this and Jane said that. I hit my boiling point this morning when she was going on about how Jane’s fiance would have an affair because she’s too fat (she’s pregnant!) and her baby would be an illegitimate child, etc. Then she said ‘I don’t care because I won and she lost. She had him for a week and I have him for a lifetime.’
For some reason that made me snap. I told Annie she ‘won’ a slimy serial liar who likes to creep on barely legal teens, who never supported her through illness or depression, never lifts a finger around the house, sulks about having to ‘babysit’ his own kids, constantly makes mean jokes about her, and criticizes her appearance harshly even though he’s below average in looks.
I said something like ‘Maybe you’re obsessed with Jane’s life because yours is a massive dumpster fire.’
Since then, I had to deactivate my socials because I’m getting nonstop hate from Annie, her friends, and extended family for being cruel.
Apparently, I have no morals and condone infidelity. None of them are going for the actual liar though. Just me for pointing out that he’s a liar.
My other sister says that I wasn’t wrong, but I was a jerk to say it so harshly, and that Annie is a victim too.
I don’t know, am I?”
4. AITJ For Wanting To Be My Wife's Business Partner?
“In 2020, my wife took up crafting and has become quite good at it. She makes beautiful creations. We have talked in general terms about setting up a business or renting a table at a craft show to sell her goods but didn’t take any concrete action until recently.
One day my wife was commenting about how she wished she could do her crafts as a full-time job. I decided to surprise her and registered her preferred domain name and over the course of a couple of weeks secretly built her an online store.
I showed her the store and things got real very quickly. We built a business plan, spent several thousand dollars of joint funds on start-up costs, and have been actively pursuing sales, with some early success and positive feedback. It is early days and we are not yet profitable.
I am involved in all aspects of the business (procurement, sales, marketing, fulfillment) except design and production. I have also happily taken on more of the housework so she has time to create products
Over the last few days, my wife has gotten very territorial and cringes when I talk about ‘our’ business.
At times she actively tries to correct me and insists it is her business. She sees my role somewhere between an employee and what is expected of a supportive husband.
I get it – this business is her dream that I was helping her realize.
I don’t want to overstep and I have reassured her that she is the CEO and gets the final say over all aspects of the business, but I am still a co-founder and owner.
I feel like the recognition that this is a joint business is important given the amount of time and energy we are both investing into it – it is a journey we are doing together.
Life partners and business partners. Her dream has become my dream.
Here is where I may be the jerk. My wife continues to be protective and I told my wife that unless she accepts me as a partner (let’s say 49%), I will find other ways to support her but won’t be working on the business.
There is too much work for 1 person to do and I am afraid of sabotaging the business by ceasing work. She has given me lousy answers that she appreciates my support but won’t say the magic words that she considers me a business partner.
Am I overstepping and AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Giving My Daughter's Friend Raw Milk?
“I (36F) live on a homestead with my husband and two daughters.
Homesteading is super important to me, getting in touch with the land and growing our own food. We have a garden and chickens. It’s all been really beneficial to the mental and physical health of our family. However, we’re not an ‘unschooling’ type of family — our daughters attend the local public school system.
This weekend, our oldest daughter, ‘Lily’ (9F) invited over a friend for a play date. We live in an area where not everyone has gardens and animals and it’s usually a delight when kids come over. Parents of course know about our homestead since we are pretty vocal in our smaller community.
Lily’s friend, ‘Sam’ (9M) enjoyed talking to our chickens, helping Lily collect eggs, and playing in our backyard.
The play date was a few hours so I prepared lunch for Lily and Sam. Cucumber sandwiches and chocolate milk. The chocolate milk was raw milk from a neighboring homestead and organic cocoa powder.
My family strongly believes in raw milk, it’s healthy and not dangerous. It’s also local. It’s a bit of a mini activism thing since it is illegal in our state. Also, we simply just don’t have pasteurized milk, no purpose in buying it, especially if it’s not local. When serving the two lunches, Sam asked if the milk was from our cow.
I said we don’t have a cow but it’s from our friend’s cow and it is called raw milk and is super good for you. He seemed interested and the two finished lunch and the play date with no issue.
Later I get a call from Sam’s mom, nearly screaming at me. She said Sam told her about the raw milk and I put her son in danger by giving him something not safe and something illegal in our state.
I calmly explained the benefits but she said Sam will not be coming over again soon. I’m sure she’s telling other moms.
I feel horrible but raw milk is just the norm in my family and I don’t mentally view it as dangerous, it really isn’t.
I’m morally conflicted – I want my daughters to have a good social life and children to feel comfortable at our home but I also want to not demonize a natural product. AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Digging Into Our Family History?
“My (29F) sister (25F) has been quite interested, maybe obsessed, with my grandmother’s family history and stories. My grandmother passed away about three years ago and was probably 95. The ‘probably’ comes in because she immigrated from China in the early 1950s, and she made up her age and some other details when arriving in America.
When my grandmother was alive, she never talked about her past when she was in China except for the very very basics and things like recipes and a few folk songs, and according to my father (60s), that’s all she told him too when he was growing up.
We do have extended family that I live kind of close to and see occasionally, and when my sister has visited them she has sometimes asked them about their family’s life in China, and is met with similar non-answers or ‘(relative) is old and forgets’.
Recently, when I mentioned them, my sister said she really wants to be able to visit to talk to them and learn more about our family and China. I snapped at her and I told her to stop bringing it up and stop talking and asking them about it.
They (including my grandmother when she was alive) clearly didn’t want to talk, probably for good reason given that it was China in the 1930s-50s, and whatever happened will just have to remain a mystery to us. Then she got mad at me, saying that I don’t care about our culture and that it’s important that she understands who she is, and it’s a good thing to know about your family’s history and so on.
That she’s just really interested in the family’s history and I shouldn’t stop her. And it is true – she has asked and learned more about other branches of our family as well whereas I’m simply not that interested.
So, AITJ for snapping at my sister and telling her to stop digging into our family history?”
1. AITJ For Not Talking About My Work With My Significant Other?
“I (40sM) work in academia. My job requires a great deal of technical knowledge and it isn’t particularly accessible to people without a certain level of education, that’s just a fact.
I’m currently seeing someone (20sM) who does not come from an academic background. He is very different from people I’ve gone out with in the past and from the majority of my friends. He is a wonderful person and a lot of fun to spend time with but he is not particularly educated so I tend not to discuss my work with him.
I was having friends from work over for drinks and he asked if he could join us. I tried to politely suggest he might not enjoy it but he still wanted to come. My friends were very friendly and accommodating but ultimately he just couldn’t understand a lot of the things we wanted to talk about.
Several of my friends suggested we steer clear of work-talk to be more inclusive but to be perfectly honest I didn’t want to do that, I wanted to talk about the topics I found interesting. My SO tried to ask questions and contribute to the conversation when he could but overall he seemed lost and it made the evening uncomfortable.
I admit I ended up getting slightly snappy when he asked questions and I told him there was no point in trying to explain because he wouldn’t get it.
I accept that I was too blunt and I did apologize afterward but he’s still being quiet and stand-off-ish.
He said I told him he was ‘too stupid to understand (my) work’ which is deliberately misrepresenting what I said. My friends who were there are divided. Several agree with me but several think I was unnecessarily rude. One made a joke that I must struggle to apply for research funding if I can’t even explain what I do to my own partner – I understand the point she was trying to make but writing a lay summary is very different from explaining my work to someone who didn’t even go to college.
Was I the jerk?”
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