People Want To Make Sure They're Really To Blame In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
34. AITJ For Not Wanting Anything To Do With My Brother And His Baby?
“I (30) was always really close with both of my parents and my parents divorced a few years before my dad died in 2019. My brother (26) lived with my mom (51) until she moved out of state and he got his own apartment but she paid for everything for him, and let him be on her health insurance as long as possible, but when she moved for work, I guess it made him feel like he was kicked out of the nest too early and he had to start paying for his own things, but he was 23 at the time and he got a better job to cover the difference.
In 2019 he got engaged and we were all really happy for him, and then my dad died and my brother got some money which he was able to put towards the wedding.
During all this time my mom was going broke trying to keep up with some bills and help him with his phone bill, and she asked him if he would help her.
(I also was sending her funds to help out) He lost it, from what I heard was yelling at her for asking him for money, and he thought she was asking him for some of the money he got from our dad. They were divorced before he died so she didn’t get anything.
In 2021, he and his fiance were to get married, and a few months before the date, he publicly said he was not going to send our mom an invitation and he was going to ban her from being there.
We were all really confused and concerned, as it seemed to come out of the blue and we didn’t know what happened. I tried to talk to him about it and from what little he told me, it was because she had tried to ask him for money that one time because she was struggling and she wasn’t helping him.
I tried to reach out to his fiance to talk to him about it and she told me it was her idea. I told her that was not fair, our mom made less than he did yet he still expected her to help them with their bills when his fiance didn’t work. She told me if I kept standing up for her that I wouldn’t be invited to the wedding either and I decided not to go.
I cut all contact with them both, and the family on my mom’s side that did go said it was really awkward with my mom not there.
Not long after they had a baby, making it clear she was pregnant during the wedding, and my mom wanted me to be an aunt, and my brother reached out expecting me to send gifts to them for having the baby, but I ignored his request for donations or gifts just because he now has a kid. The last text I got from him was ‘Our daughter won’t know what it’s like to have an aunt because of you. I would hope that you would look past everything and help out.’ Am I the jerk for wanting nothing to do with him because of how he treated our mom?”
33. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Kick My Sister Out?
“The history between me and my sister is insanely complicated. But to sum things up my sister (f21) emotionally mistreated me (f13) for as long as I can remember, telling me to stop eating as much, making comments about my body, saying that if I don’t start working out more I’ll never succeed, and saying that my trauma is nothing compared to hers and she’s been through much more, etc.
Many things have happened to my sister over the years, and she has become a severe addict. I don’t see this as an excuse for the things she’s done to me but most of my family does. Due to my sister’s mental health issues (PTSD and stuff), she lashes out a lot. Especially when wasted. She’s also a kleptomaniac and used to steal liquor from my grandma and my mom.
She would get mad when even the slightest thing happened that she didn’t like, or manipulate people into doing what she wanted by using the I’m gonna harm myself card. Her tantrums would often lead to the repeating cycle of calling the cops, showing them all the bottles of liquor and empty pill bottles, then she goes away for a few days and it happens again a week or two later.
This was severely detrimental to me and my mother’s mental states.
She went to a rehab center a few months ago, then got kicked out, then started living with some family who I now know had lost a daughter and she was using that to get stuff from them. She came and stole our car and took her annoying dog back about two months ago and now she has been kicked out by the family for unknown reasons.
When she got kicked out she started calling and texting my mom again which she hasn’t done since she left and my mom went on a rant to the whole family about how she’s not allowed back again. Well, she’s officially manipulated my mom into letting her back.
It’s currently six in the morning and I’m sitting sobbing in my room because it’s happening all over again.
She’s just gonna do the same thing and nobody is gonna believe me till it happens in front of their very own eyes. I hate this house, I hate that nobody believed me for years and years and now they don’t believe me again. I told my mom that if she wasn’t gone by the end of the day I was leaving and staying with my grandma since she’s the only person who has been by my side through this.
I feel like a jerk, but at the same time, I don’t want to be around her even more when I know how bad she is. So am I the jerk?”
32. AITJ For Not Letting My Niece Use My Phone?
“I (25f) have an autistic niece (7f). She, like many kids, is obsessed with technology and spends most of her time on YouTube or some other streaming service. It’s the only thing that her parents, my sister and BIL, use to keep her from having meltdowns in public, and often uses it as a way to control her.
For example, if she’s not eating they will threaten to ‘ground her’ from the phone. This causes a meltdown and her parents usually give in and give it to her regardless if she ate or not.
She usually uses my sister’s or BIL’s phone since she doesn’t have her own device due to her parents not being able to afford it.
She had her own tablet previously but broke it during a meltdown. Sometimes if both her parents’ phones are dead, she will ask other family members to give her their phones. The majority of the time, they give it to her to avoid upsetting her.
I never volunteer my phone nor has she asked for mine. I don’t allow her to use my phone anyway because I work for a secure government agency.
My phone has work emails, documents, and information that I don’t want her to access. I don’t care if she reads it, but my concern is she might delete or alter any important document or email.
Recently at a Fourth of July BBQ, both my sister’s and BIL’s phones were dead and my niece was asking, incessantly, all family members.
We were all busy preparing for the celebration that no one was really paying attention to her request. She was really getting in the way of all the food prep and set up and overall it just annoyed me for some reason. She reached me and I tried to ignore her or redirect her to someone else.
She kept insisting on using my phone until I finally snapped. She pushed my arm while I was cutting vegetables causing me to nick my finger. I told her to stop asking for a phone and to go outside and play. I told her that she’s too coddled and needs to learn when no is no.
I didn’t scream at her, but I was direct and my facial expression was very serious.
Of course, she became upset and started to cry and throw a tantrum that I ‘yelled’ at her. Her parents tried to calm her down with other members’ phones, but she was inconsolable. So inconsolable that her family had to leave the celebration.
I thought what I did was needed and everyone seemed less on edge after they left, but the day after the party my sister made a social media post. She went in about how this latest meltdown led my niece to the ER since she started to hurt herself. She placed the blame on me and called me intolerant of her daughter’s autism. The comments were flooded with family members, who were at the event, agreeing with her and blaming me. AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Get A Job Before September?
“I (31F) and my partner (31M) have been living together for just over a year. We met online through a game we both played 2 years ago. He was living in another city. After talking/video calling for a while and meeting up in person, we decided to try and start a relationship. We were long-distance until he moved to my city and into my apartment.
He tried to apply for unemployment insurance when he moved in and they were taking a while to process the application. I suggested he look for a job while he is waiting but he was confident he would get approved. They ended up denying him so he finally started looking for a job and was hired as a night stocker.
Unfortunately, he was let go before his probation ended (just before Christmas) for calling in sick too frequently. Some of the time he was actually sick, some of the time he called in because he didn’t get enough sleep and was too tired (which is also what he told the managers when calling in).
This time he did get approved for a few months of unemployment.
We talked about other job options and decided it would be a good idea to try to work as a security guard. In January I paid for his online course and his first aid certification. The course was just a handful of modules and a practice test at the end. The plan was for him to get through the course and then when he got his first aid certification he could take the ministry test to get his security license.
He ended up dragging his heels on completing the course until the beginning of March. He booked the ministry test but unfortunately failed and wasn’t able to book a new one until 3 weeks later after unemployment benefits ended. I was not able to work a lot at the time because I was in a full-time nursing program at the local college so I was covering expenses with small paychecks and disability benefits.
We were struggling to pay for food and I was stressed and depressed which caused my grades to slip and I almost failed a few classes.
He did finally get the license but then did not try very hard to find employment. It has now been 7 months that he hasn’t had a job. I also do all the cooking and the housework.
I started mentioning looking for jobs other than security temporarily and changing jobs when he finds something. I also brought up using an employment agency. He would get visibly irritated with me every time I brought it up.
I finally broke down the other day and told him that I am stressed and scared because when school starts in September I won’t be able to feed us both and I need him to find something.
That if he doesn’t have a job by then, he will have to move in with his mom. My family has also been telling me on a regular basis how unhappy they are that he is unemployed which I ended up admitting. He is now mad at me and doesn’t like my family and said I am supposed to trust him and not nag. AITJ for telling him he will have to move out by September if he doesn’t get a job?”
30. AITJ For Reporting My Manager To HR For Speaking In Her Native Language At Work?
“I (25M) work for an international consulting firm in the USA. We’re still a small office locally so we often bring people here from around the world to work for our clients. We work from our clients’ offices, and all our clients work in English.
For this particular project, we had 5 people working from a conference room.
I was the only native English speaker and I unfortunately don’t speak any other languages. The others, including the manager, are all bilingual but prefer to speak their native language (NL).
The issue was the others would constantly discuss the project in their NL, rather than in English. This kept me from participating in areas of the project other than my specific part.
They would ask me questions, then change right back to their NL to keep discussing. Even when we had dedicated meetings, they would switch to their NL and just leave me to sit there waiting for them to change back. I had asked them multiple times politely if we could work mostly in English unless one of them had a side conversation.
The manager agreed and acknowledged that we all needed to participate in order to complete the project. But nothing really changed.
This is just the start. Sometimes the manager would leave to take a call and the rest of us would chat. Even when we would chat in English, the manager would come back and join the conversation, and everybody switched languages and suddenly I was out of the loop.
This was very hurtful because I’m a talkative person so it’s not like I wasn’t participating in the discussion, but suddenly I would be excluded. The same would happen at lunch, or if we grabbed drinks after work. I totally get that it’s hard to be in a country so far away from home, and having to speak your second language all the time can be exhausting, so I didn’t really make a big deal of this and would often get up to leave after a while.
After the project, I had to complete a survey from HR, and I gave very honest feedback about how horrible the situation was, how little I learned, and how disrespected I felt. I mentioned that if I found myself in that situation again, I would certainly find another job where I could participate in projects and learn from my colleagues.
I kept my comments limited to professional situations, as I think it’s their right to speak whatever language they want during lunch or after working hours.
I guess HR forwarded my comments to my manager’s boss because when I met with my manager after, she told me I need to be better at communicating these things with management so they can be resolved directly within the team, and so she doesn’t get in trouble with her boss. I reminded her that I had, in fact, asked multiple times if we could discuss the project in English, but she told me that I should have pulled her aside for a private conversation where I could better communicate how negatively I was being impacted.”
29. AITJ For Not Having My Mom In The Delivery Room When I Gave Birth?
“I and my mum were never close, she was abusive and neglectful. As soon as I moved out I cut off all contacts with her until I found out I was pregnant. My mum was the first person I called and she immediately came to my house to congratulate me and give me presents. It was the first time in 5 years that she had been nice to me.
We spent about 2 days together and then she had to go back home. She visited me almost every day of my pregnancy, she bought baby stuff, clothes for me, a pushchair for the baby, and even helped decorate the nursery.
I was 6 months pregnant when I overheard my mum insulting me on the phone to my sister ‘Have you seen how much weight she’s put on? I never put on that much weight when I was pregnant’ ‘She doesn’t even know what she’s doing, that kid will be in Foster care before it can even walk’.
Her words stuck with me. I tried to hold back my tears as I walked past her. My fiancé came home from work and noticed how down I looked, I told him everything that my mum said and he was red with rage.
When we went for our appointment to discuss our birthing plan, the doctor asked me who would be in the room with me, I obviously said my fiancé but I had to think about my mum.
Did she really deserve that honor? When the doctor asked me again, I told him my fiancé’s mother could come.
Everything was planned and on the day we went to the hospital, we didn’t even tell my mum. The birth was painful but I had the best people with me. Once it was all over I had a couple hours alone with my fiancé and my son, I finally gained the courage to call my mum and tell her that the baby had arrived.
I called her and when she picked up and saw me holding my son, she was mortified. She was shouting at me down the phone, calling me every name under the sun, calling me ungrateful and a burden. I hung up the call because I couldn’t be bothered to deal with her nonsense.
She came to visit me a few days later with my sisters, and I had a secret I had kept from her because I knew she would freak out once she found out.
She held my son in her arms and asked ‘What’s his name’. My fiancé looked at me with fear in his eyes. ‘Michael,’ I replied. She stared at me blankly and yelled ‘You named my grandson after his grandfather on Asher’s side?!’ (Asher is my fiance)
I kicked her out of my house. So am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Telling A Woman At The Gym That A Guy Was Taking Photos Of Her?
“I am a regular at the local gym, a massive one but you see a lot of the same people. There is a particularly attractive woman who works out at the same time I do, so we see each other a few times a week. We have never spoken but always wave and smile and go on about our workouts.
It’s obvious that people check her out and she’s clearly aware of this based on her clothing (or lack thereof).
Last week, I was on a machine next to her and I noticed a younger dude (hard core body builder type) kept looking over where we were, and I initially thought he was staring at me. I’m a father of 3 with a dad bod, so I thought it was weird.
It was then that I noticed he was actually checking her out. I have seen many people do this, both male and female. I didn’t think much of it until I realized he was covertly taking photos/videos because I could see the reflection in the mirror where he was standing. What made it worse was that she was doing the leg machine where you spread your legs really wide in the butterfly motion.
I got her attention and told her what was happening, but I quickly realized when she smiled and politely told me she didn’t speak English (in a heavy Brazilian accent) she didn’t get what I was trying to say. Well, the dude noticed I called him out and left the weight area. What I didn’t know was that he was waiting to confront me in the locker room.
He basically got in my face, called me a jerk, said I broke the ‘bro code’ and said a bunch of stupid stuff like ‘She likes it that’s why she dresses like that’. I have no interest in fighting a roided-up dude who could clearly destroy me, so I rather feebly responded with, ‘There’s no photography in the gym area, there are signs everywhere saying that.’ After he tells me to go screw myself, etc I head home and tell my wife what happened.
She thinks I should report it to gym management. I’m not trying to be a snitch or anything but I keep thinking if I saw someone do that to my daughter, I’d want someone to look out for them.
27. WIBTJ If I Tell My Fiancé's Mom To Not Take Flower's From My Late Daughter's Tomb?
“I and my fiancé lost our daughter at 22 weeks. The whole thing happened really quickly, and we still are nowhere near feeling ok enough to talk about it much.
So my MIL called my fiancé last night regarding funeral arrangements and was discussing flowers and what colors, etc. we wanted.
She then changed the topic and asked us if there were any flowers ‘left over’ and if she could take them and place them on her nan’s grave.
Please bear in mind, her nan’s grave is miles away from our daughter’s funeral, and friends and family have already stated that the flowers they have brought match the flowers I had used to announce my pregnancy (white roses and lavender). Her reasoning was that ‘people have spent money on the flowers, they might as well be used a few times as they will just be burnt by the funeral after a few days’.
A bit more of a backstory about MIL is she is very selfish, and my fiancé is in very low contact with her due to some heinous things she did to him as a child/teenager.
He told his mom to ‘do what she wants’ but is really angry at her for asking. I’ve made a thing in the past of not getting involved with their relationship but always tried to be civil.
I’ve stated to my fiancé that I am ok with telling MIL that I think it’s really inappropriate to take flowers from a funeral, especially flowers from a stillborn’s funeral. He said she would just take them anyway.
I know for a fact I have a few ‘gobby’ friends and my own mother will probably speak up and say something to MIL – they are all aware of what she is like.
Would it be easier to just let her take the flowers my friends have spent money on, or would I be the jerk if I told her not to beforehand because my fiancé and I feel very uncomfortable and upset by the idea of it?”
26. AITJ For Proposing To My Partner With A Cheaper Ring?
“We recently got engaged a couple of months back. I wanted to get my partner the exact ring she wanted so instead of surprising her I took her to a jewelry store in the guise of ‘window shopping’ to see if I could maybe look at financing options. We looked at different diamonds, cuts, and bands to figure out what she likes, she wanted a 2ct diamond but it seemed way out of budget at $28-$60K for a 2ct with the cut, color, and clarity range she wanted.
We were given three diamonds to look at three different carats and price ranges. She picked the medium size at 1.50ct and a band with about .5ct worth of diamonds on the band; which totaled up to around $16K + with tax. I surprised her by buying the ring on the spot, even though it was not what I thought she deserved (if I could I would buy the most expensive one).
I always thought I could ‘trade the ring up’ when I have saved more funds. I proposed a few months later after I bought the ring.
A few months in and she disclosed to me that she settled with the ring I bought her because she was considering how I just bought a new car for us to use at that time and how I’m the primary individual working, paying, and saving for our future and all of our financial burdens is on me such as saving for a house, saving for a wedding, saving for her college as she wants to go back to school, etc.
I asked her why she didn’t like the ring and she feels that she settled with it; her response was she always wanted a 2ct diamond and always wanted an expensive ring in the event I die and she can’t support our child (we don’t have one), she can sell the ring… Even though I assured her I included her in my life insurance policy which is worth way more than the ring.
I’m deeply hurt and offended that she feels the ring I bought her which is a huge amount to me is ‘settling’. Should I be grateful as she said I should that she only picked the medium-sized 1.5ct because she was considering finances or offended because she seems ungrateful to me?”
25. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Hope I Have Cancer?
“So my father (55) and mother (46) have four kids of which I (17M) am the third child and let me just say that for as long as I remember, my life has never been easy. Out of all my siblings, I have always been the ‘sick’ one. My health has always been bad. One day I will be perfectly fine and the next day my head is about to split in two because of how bad my headaches will be.
This never happened to any of my siblings.
It has always been a cause of argument between my parents and me. I always insist that they take me to a hospital so that I can get a brain scan and find out if something was wrong with me but my parents have always refused and told me to stop bringing it up because I’m fine.
You might think that it’s because hospitals are pretty expensive but that’s the funniest thing about the situation. My mum is a doctor and my dad is an architect and they each make six figures monthly.
On the 3rd of this month, I was sick and I told them. My father then proceeded to lecture me again that it was because I was spending too much time in front of screens and because I didn’t drink enough water and more stuff like that.
This is what he always told me so I was used to it but that particular day I snapped.
I was tired and didn’t have the energy to listen to him. I screamed and just told him to stop telling me nonsense. I told him that I was tired of listening to him say the same thing over and over again.
I told him that he knows I go to the gym four times a week. I also told him that I don’t spend as much time in front of screens as my older sister because she is a programmer and her job is all about screens and she barely falls ill. I then destroyed all the reasons that he had previously mentioned.
My parents were shocked. I had never spoken back before. My mum started yelling at me and told me to apologize to my father but I refused. I then shouted at her too and told her for as long as I could remember I have always been treated differently compared to my sibling. I brought up the fact that when my sister got sick, my mom was so doting by telling her partner to do all the chores (they don’t live with us) and more stuff like that and that she had never been that doting to me when I was sick.
They stared at me as I was on the verge of tears. My mum noticed that I was about to cry and said that she had decided to take me to the hospital. I told her no and that I hoped I had cancer so that I could… (I can’t say what I said next but you should sort of get what it was) and they will bear the guilt that I had repeatedly warned them about.
My mum shouted but I just left and went to my room.
I’ve ignored my parents since then and a few days ago, my older siblings called me and told me that my mum had told them everything. They told me that they understood where I was coming from but I could have chosen my word differently and that I was a jerk for talking to them like that.
It has been weighing on me since and I want to know if I was right or if I truly am a jerk.”
24. AITJ For Telling My Parents That My Wife And I Will Decide Where My Child Will Be Spending The Holidays?
“I (35m) have a tense relationship with my parents that mostly stems from when I was in high school. Because when I was in high school my parents told me and my sister ‘Betty’ (37f) that they had college funds for us but with strings attached, in order to get our college fully paid for (4 years) we’d have to go to a state school, maintain a 3.0 GPA, allow them access to our grades each semester as proof of our GPA, to keep our nose clean, no getting in trouble with the law, and they’d have to approve of our majors as they didn’t work hard for years and save for us to blow it all away on a fruitless career path.
In addition, they would also give us a monthly allowance to use however we saw fit.
At the time my sister and I agreed to those terms and our parents helped us pick out our schools. My sister was always into STEM so she had no problem picking out a major that suited their tastes. When it was my turn I was on the fence as none of the majors I knew my parents would have approved of interested me in the long-term.
I was allowed to spend my first year as ‘Undeclared’ so I could knock out my Gen-Eds but during the summer my parents told me it was time to pick a major. I broke down and admitted that my passion wasn’t in STEM and begged them to allow me to do what I wanted.
My parents responded with ‘These are the terms’ and cut me off while my sister berated me for trying to ‘scam’ Mom and Dad.
Without my parents’ support, I had to work two jobs while going to school part-time. It was rough and I didn’t actually get a job in my field of study (that paid me enough to be my sole income) until recently but still felt proud of myself. I got married to my wife ‘Rose’ (32f) and we were trying to save for a house when the global crisis hit.
After burning through a huge chunk of our savings I asked my parents for a loan that I intended to pay back. My parents said that before they would even consider it I would need to give copies of my and my wife’s bills, paychecks, etc..
This was so humiliating and hurtful because I’ve never had a history of not paying people back nor have I ever asked my parents for money since college.
Their response? ‘These are the terms.’ I almost gave in when Rose discovered she was pregnant, but her own parents gave us the money we needed and I got my new job. We were so grateful that we let Rose’s parents pick the middle name.
Fast forward to now, my parents are meeting my daughter Lea in person for the first time but understandably Lea wasn’t feeling them too much.
Dad suggested that they come for Christmas but Rose and I were already going to spend Christmas with her parents. My parents argued that Rose’s parents already got Lea for her first Christmas and that it was ‘their turn.’ I told them that Rose and I get the final say on Holidays. My parents responded with how unfair it was and I said, ‘These are the terms.’ After my parents left Betty called me up and said that I was being a petty jerk.
Edit to add:
- When I entered college it was always my intention to do a STEM major like my parents wanted but during my second semester when I started taking low-level STEM courses to get a feel for it, I wasn’t happy and changed my mind. I hoped if I came to my parents in a mature manner with a plan that they’d change their minds but didn’t.
Yes, I was upset but accepted it.
- If I had gone to a bank they would’ve asked for the things my parents did, but I didn’t go to a bank. I went to my family. My family also said more than once in that same conversation that I ‘set myself up for failure’ and talked about how much better of a position my sister was in.
- While this was my parents’ first time meeting Lea in person, this wasn’t their first time meeting her in general.
Up until then her interactions with them had been through video chats and phones.
- Lea is the first grandchild on both sides.
- My sister is child-free and I’m starting to think one of the reasons why she’s getting on my case about this is because she doesn’t want our parents to look at her for grandchildren.
- Lea didn’t outright cry or fuss when she met my parents and was never scared of them. She was calm and after a while, she wanted to do her own thing. While with Rose’s parents, she’s happy, comfortable and will play with them.
- Rose’s parents offered us the money before they found out that we were expecting.”
23. AITJ For Filing A Harassment Complaint Against My Supervisor?
“I work in a law firm and have recently run into an issue with my supervisor who believes that I do not carry myself in a professional manner, however, I don’t think that my personal life affects the firm in the slightest. To adequately explain this all starts with how I dress outside of work. At work, I dress very conservatively wearing knee-length skirts, brightly colored blouses that are buttoned so as not to show anything, and loose-fitting necklaces with a professional amount of makeup.
In my private life I dress very alternatively in bold blacks and reds and tight-fitting clothes or flowing dresses, think Morticia Addams. I have been told by friends who have seen me in both that I look like two different people.
Last month my immediate supervisor discovered how I dress outside of work and filed to have me terminated from the firm, it was quickly dropped as the request wasn’t on legal grounds.
I later overheard him complaining that he didn’t know why I was hired and quote ‘Don’t they (referring to senior management) understand how a witch like her threatens their reputation’. I work in records so even if I dressed like that at work no clients would see me. A friend of mine told me that the supervisor asked if she could cover my shift in the coming weeks because I won’t be here long.
He even told me that the next time I screw up I’m gone. I have never created issues for the firm in the past.
I filed a harassment complaint and shortly after some of the other supervisors asked me to drop it for fear that it would get my supervisor fired. My partner has told me that I should keep checking on it weekly to make sure someone doesn’t sweep it under the rug until my HR friends tell me it’s looking like harassment on my part.
My partner also suggested that I quit and go to a rival firm as they have tried to poach me in the past. I do not understand why my supervisor is so upset about it because nothing about what I wear or my social media connects to the firm. Not to mention two months ago I would have described our professional relationship as friendly maybe too friendly even.
I would like to know from an outside perspective does it look like I’m taking it too far in filing a report that could get him fired?”
22. AITJ For Being Angry At My Partner For Not Telling Me Where He And My Son Were?
“My (24f) partner, ‘Jake’ (27m), and I live together with my son ‘Carter” (2m). We’ve been together for about a year and a half. They bond great and I love watching their relationship grow. They go on a lot of adventures together and all I ask is that I get a heads up if they’re going to be gone long or far away and that he answers his phone when I call.
I know that sounds controlling and yes I do trust Jake with my life BUT when Carter was 7 months (Jake and I had been together a few weeks at this point) his bio father came for a visit and never brought him back. He doesn’t have any custodial rights and he’s not even signed on the birth certificate.
We set up visits ourselves to be cordial and never had a problem until that day. It took 2 weeks for the police to track him down and get my baby back. It really traumatized me. I honestly thought I would never see my baby again.
Ever since then, I’ve been very protective. Even when my mom or sister babysits I call them constantly.
Since Jake was in my life when that happened he’s usually very careful about respecting my rules.
But last week there was a carnival a few cities away about a 2-hour drive and Jake took Carter to it without me knowing. When I came home and no one was there I assumed they went to the store and didn’t worry.
After an hour I called and no answer. After about 3 hours of no answered calls or texts I was shaking and crying and no one else knew where they were when I called around. I was on the phone with the police when they walked in.
I screamed ‘What is wrong with you’ at Jake and grabbed Carter and locked myself in the bedroom.
I cried all night. Jake doesn’t get why I’m upset. My family thinks I’m overreacting and says it’s not like they went out of the country. I understand I shouldn’t have yelled or cursed at him but I feel like my feelings are valid and are being minimized.
I tried telling Jake I’m not angry about him spending time with Carter more so the fact that I couldn’t get in touch with him and no one knew where he was. But now he’s being petty and loudly announces when they leave like ‘We’re going to the store! Don’t call the swat team!’ I apologized for speaking disrespectfully but I don’t think I have to apologize for that entire incident basically being a trigger for me.”
21. AITJ For Upgrading Our Internet Modem?
“When my sister (26f) and I (24f) used to live together, I paid the internet bills. I worked for the internet provider at the time and realized that we could get better service for a cheaper price if we converted the account into my employee plan. Our modem was an older model, the signal was bad and it cut out all the time, so I decided to make the switch.
When the modem shows up, I wait until we’re both off work, as we both worked from home. It’s around 5 p.m., and she’s taking a nap. The internet had also just cut out again, so I took the opportunity to swap the modems and set up the new WiFi network.
She wakes up around 7 pm and I tell her I’ve upgraded the internet modem and give her the new WiFi password, she logs into it on her phone and tablet.
At around 2 am, I hear her freaking out and screaming. I woke up and she was yelling at me that her work computer lost the internet connection, she was apparently downloading something important for work, and she was screaming at me that I ruined her work. She’s always held regular work hours (9-5) and she was napping at the time, so I had no reason to think she was still working.
Plus, she knew that we had a new modem and WiFi network at 7 pm, and didn’t check her work computer until 2 am. She also works in IT, so I’d assume she would know that a new modem and network means a new login, seeing as she did that with her phone and tablet at 7.
She calls her partner and is yelling about how I’m a selfish jerk that only does what benefits me, and that I ‘screwed her over’ on purpose. She tells him to come to pick her up so she can bring her computer to his house to ‘recover the files’, so he does.
The next day, she told my mom and some other relatives that I made her ‘get shingles’.
She says that because her partner wasn’t expecting her to stay over, he hadn’t cleaned in a while, and his bed was so dirty, that she ‘got shingles’. She said that it was my fault, because if I hadn’t swapped the internet modems, she wouldn’t have had to stay over there, and wouldn’t have gotten shingles.
Why I think I’m not the jerk:
- the internet had already cut out when I swapped the modems, so it wouldn’t have mattered if I swapped them or not, her work computer would have still lost connection
- she knew we had a new modem and WiFi network at 7 pm, but didn’t bother to check her work computer until 2 am
- you can’t get shingles from dirty sheets, so I feel like this leap in logic is so far that she might as well be an Olympic Gold Medalist for making that jump, and it’s unfair to place that blame on me
Why she thinks I’m the jerk:
- I should have checked with her before I swapped out the modems
- she thinks I did it on purpose
EDIT: I’ve never had chicken pox and have never caught her ‘shingles’, so I’m actually not sure if she’s even ever had it.”
20. AITJ For Walking Out On A Student And His Parents?
“I’m a schoolteacher who does 1-on-1 private high school tutoring on the side. There is a small office space in my apartment that I negotiated with my landlord to use for my students. For the most part, it is quite good, except for one student, let’s call Mikey. Mikey is a freshman in high school, and he is consistently 10-15 minutes late to each lesson.
It’s annoying, but since it’s a private session, I just verbally reprimand him, speak to his parents about his lateness, and I often go overtime to compensate for lost time. Two weeks ago he no-showed, and after I sent him and his parents several messages about where he was, they responded and said that they had forgotten about the lesson.
I was quite angry at that experience. If they had given me a heads-up before that they couldn’t make it, that would’ve been fine. A no-show is completely unacceptable. I responded and told them that Mikey had been late too many times and that this no-show was inappropriate, and warned them that next time if he were even a minute late, I would cancel his class and leave.
They apologized and promised to be on time next time. They also mentioned that Mikey’s test was last week and he really needed the extra help beforehand.
Come last week, I arrived at my office 15 minutes before class time and waited. At the start time, there was no sign of Mikey. Following through on my warning, I started to pack my things and began to leave, just as Mikey and his parents showed up at the door, several minutes after class started.
I told them that I had already warned them that any further lateness was unacceptable and that I was leaving. Mikey begged me to have the lesson, saying that he was not prepared for his test and that he’d promise he would be on time from now on (which he says every single class but never follows through).
My response was that I had given them enough chances in the past already and that I was being more than generous in being flexible with my time. I wished him good luck and left the office, leaving Mikey and his parents behind.
I found out this week that Mikey failed his test, and his parents were so angry that they dropped me as a tutor (which honestly is more of a relief than anything). Was I in the wrong here? I feel like the consistent lateness and lack of accountability was unacceptable, but I also feel like I should’ve helped Mikey in this case since he was so close to his test.”
19. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Partner That Her Outfit Is Inappropriate For Our Daughter's School Event?
“My ex-husband and I (both in our 40s) separated over 5 years ago, although the divorce at first was difficult and quite hostile we learned to get over ourselves for our children (12f and 8m) and are now very respectful to each other and our respective partners.
My ex-husband has been with ‘Josie’ for almost 3 years now and from the moment I met her she’s been very respectful, nice, and overall a really wonderful partner and stepmom to my children whom they love.
Josie is a beautiful young woman and takes very obvious good care of herself and she loves to show it too. I have absolutely zero care for how Josie decides to dress, she is her own person and it does not affect me in any shape or form so this is not a case of jealousy – in all honesty, I wish I had had the courage when I was in my 30s like Josie to dress how I wanted.
The issue is at the children’s school events Josie always dresses up not the most appropriate but as I mentioned before it was never something I cared enough to comment about. The other moms always commented on it with me but if it didn’t bother Josie why should it bother me? The comment I made though was for our daughter’s award ceremony.
Josie went in an extremely deep v-cut dress (when I say deep V, I mean almost belly button deep) and a short dress with a slit up one leg. As good as she looked it was definitely not the event to wear such a dress to. Not only the cut of the dress but the color was a vibrant yellow so you couldn’t miss her if you tried.
After the ceremony, I went up to her and told her lately her choice of dressing wasn’t the most appropriate for the school events and that she should consider changing it up at least for future school events. She didn’t say anything and I left it at that until we got home later I got a message from my ex-husband saying what Josie wore was none of my concern and called me jealous and said I should apologize to Josie since I made her feel uncomfortable.
So, AITJ for telling my ex-husband’s partner how to dress?
Edit: to clarify my exact words to her. ‘Although you look wonderful I don’t think this dress is appropriate for (daughter’s name) ceremony. I think it would be best to consider trying new dresses for future school events.'”
18. AITJ For Taking My Daughter To A Coffee Shop?
“I (late 20s F) occasionally take my daughter (almost 1) to a small coffee shop in the local mall. I’m a work-from-home mom, trying to run my company and finish my postgraduate degree while raising my kid, while my husband spends all day at work, it gets a bit much sometimes. His workplace is one of those that demands a ton of teambuilding activities etc.
So he’s often away long after hours.
Anyone who’s been home alone with a baby will know how tired you get and how hard it is to keep them good company when you’re cooped up all day. So now that finally the plague has been clearing up in my area we’ve decided to start going places a bit more.
There’s a local mall with an open-plan locally owned coffee shop (the place has 3 walls and is otherwise completely open into the mall lobby with a fountain, some of those coin-slot kid attractions, and such. I decided to try it and have a coffee there a few months ago and found out my daughter loves it! She will look around sitting in her stroller while I drink my coffee in peace for once.
The waitresses love her and know her by name and come to greet her. We leave a big tip to make up for any inconvenience we might cause.
She recently started walking and loves to use any open space. I take her for a walk outside twice a day with the stroller and we stop and she walks around whenever.
When the weather is bad or when I just want to, we go to the coffee shop and sit at the very edge of the seating area, basically completely in the lobby. We go when there are the fewest people because I don’t want to bother anyone, we never stay longer than 30 minutes. She sits in her stroller and when she wants to, I take her out and we walk around the lobby.
When someone smiles at her and initiates a conversation, we stop and she smiles and babbles a bit at them and then we go. I steer her clear of anyone with a laptop/headphones/book/studying/in a meeting, and if she ever gets cranky we’re outta there immediately.
Recently an old lady would sit down at the table next to us and stare.
She’ll whisper under her breath some things about ‘not in our time’, and ‘floozies’. Last time when we were leaving I felt it appropriate to at least say ‘goodbye, have a nice day’ to the lady as we were saying so to the waiters and a nice gentleman who’d made funny faces at my kiddo. She looked at me like I spat at her and started mumbling something about ‘Horrible mother’ and ‘No decency’.
I’m not a confrontational type so I just ignored it, but it’s been bothering me. I’ve talked to my friends (most are child-free) and a few of them said I’m ‘out of line for bothering people with my child’ and that ‘people go there to have some peace and quiet’. The ones who have kids are on my side, so hence why I’m asking here. So… AITJ for taking my toddler to a coffee shop?”
17. AITJ For Setting My Son Up With A Different Therapist?
“My ex and I split a few months ago, we still live together since we co-own our house. She works days and I work nights so we use the same bed except on the weekend and I sleep on the sofa bed on the weekend. We also go to family therapy with our three kids twice a week, we had this set up before our split knowing it may help the kids cope.
It took a while for my daughters (14F, 9F) to open up but they eventually did but my son (16M) hasn’t.
After one of our sessions, the therapist pulled me aside to talk to me, she brought up my son’s lack of engagement but she also said she noticed some of his facial expressions and reactions when certain topics are brought up or sometimes when my ex makes comments.
She says that she thinks my son’s issues run deeper than just the split and she thinks he will feel more comfortable and benefit from one-on-one therapy with a different therapist.
I said I would look into it. I brought it up with my son and he really liked the idea. His relationship with his mother had been tense for a very long time.
I told my ex about getting our son a separate therapist and she was adamantly against it. When I asked for an explanation she couldn’t give me a straight answer. I kept trying to bring it up for a week and she was still against it, wouldn’t listen to any of my reasonings, and couldn’t give me a proper answer to why not.
So I went and set him up with a therapist. Our family therapist gave me the contact of someone she recommends.
After my son’s first session, he said he really liked his therapist and that he thinks he can at some point actually talk about his feelings and issues.
I don’t know how, but my ex found out and she lost it.
Saying that she is still his mother and that I completely undermined her parenting and went behind her back and probably damaged her relationship with our son by just giving him what he wants. I thought I was doing what’s best for my son but my ex is technically right, I did go against her and did it behind her back. Even if I was gonna do it anyway maybe I should have told her. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Nephew Flute Lessons?
“I teach private flute lessons at home. Home lessons are a great way to make a little extra bucks on the side and I honestly love teaching.
My nephew, ‘Leo,’ has been playing the flute for almost 2 years. He’s extremely talented – especially for his age – and he genuinely enjoys playing. Leo was my first student and I consider myself privileged to watch him grow in music and in his talents.
When Leo was first born, his father, ‘Ian,’ wanted nothing to do with him. He claimed that he was ‘too young’ and couldn’t be ‘tied down,’ so soon. He left my sister, ‘Leigh,’ and Leo homeless a few months after Leo’s birth.
Over the past year, he’s supposedly cleaned up his act and has moved in with Leigh.
I’m not the biggest fan of his, but Leigh seems to be happy and Leo likes him, so I’m not going to judge.
I visit Leo twice a week for his lessons. For the past 3 lessons, Ian has watched us. Usually, this wouldn’t be a problem – parents watching their children practice is nothing new to me – but Ian likes to make snide remarks.
For example, if Leo messes up, he’ll scoff under his breath and say something like, ‘Even I could do that,’ (I guarantee you he cannot.) The comments are affecting Leo’s self-esteem but when I asked Leigh to tell Ian to stop, Leigh claims that Ian is ‘pushing Leo to be better.’
Before we started Leo’s lesson, I pulled Ian aside and asked him to stay silent as it was affecting Leo’s confidence.
He was annoyed but seemed to agree.
When I was getting ready to leave, Ian pulled me aside, furious, and told me that I was a ‘terrible jerk’ for trying to police what he could or couldn’t say to his son. He said that I was turning Leo ‘girly,’ (flute is only for women apparently) and that he’s been the best father to his ‘gay son.’ At first, I tried to argue with him but every time I spoke he would grow even madder, so I gave up.
Ian said that he didn’t want me to teach Leo anymore and I agreed.
Later that evening, Leigh called me asking why I suddenly refused to teach Leo anymore. I explained, but she said I could have ‘sucked it up’ for the sake of Leo.
I’m not sure Leigh has a point. I made that decision in a hurry, and I hadn’t considered the consequences to Leo (whom I honestly love). AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Not Helping My Cousin Buy A Car?
“I (22F) have a cousin (26F), who we’ll call ‘Anna,’ and her husband (32M), who we’ll call ‘Charlie.’ They have been financially struggling these last few years. They’re currently behind on their bills and I’ve been helping them out by lending them some funds. I’ve given them money probably five or six times which totaled up to roughly $280.
Lately, they’ve been talking about getting a new car but can’t afford it since they’re financially struggling and have terrible credit scores. I told them they should get on a budget plan and once everything gets taken care of then start looking for a new car. She said she wants a new car now because the one she has is trashy and is jealous that her best friend’s husband got her a new car.
I said I’m sorry that she’s frustrated and upset but she should at least be thankful that she even has a car. She asked if I would cosign a car with her and I told her I’m sorry but I don’t feel comfortable doing that.
When she asked why, I said because when my stepsister did that with her partner and when he failed to make the payments she got stuck paying for it and it ruined her credit score.
She got mad at me for assuming what happened to my stepsister would also happen to me and said that I could trust her because she would be able to pay for the whole thing. I said I was sorry but I just didn’t feel comfortable doing that and she called me and I quote, ‘a selfish inconsiderate jerk’.
I asked how am I selfish and inconsiderate when I was the ONLY one in the family that’s giving her money. Everyone else in the family just lets them struggle because according to them they got themselves into this mess so they should get themselves out.
This happened over a month ago and she still hasn’t talked to me since then. Some of my family members agree with me and others say I should’ve helped them out because that’s what family does which I think is hypocritical considering they let them struggle instead of helping them financially.
So AITJ here?
Edit: They have not paid me back the $280 which I gave them several months ago.”
14. WIBTJ If I Don't Give My Sister's College Fund To Her?
“Growing up, it was just my father, me & my sister. My mother wasn’t around that much, so my father depended on me to look after my sister while he worked. I would basically act as a mother for years. My dad did amazing. We grew up poor, but we didn’t know that. When I got pregnant with my oldest, I moved out.
I wasn’t there physically to help, but one day I decided when I was 19 I would start saving up for college for her. At this time, she had big hopes and dreams. Even had a big ol Dream/Goal bored. I didn’t tell her I had started this, only my father knew.
Now I (32F) have saved up $13,200.
It’s not much, but it’s a good start. On Saturday my sister (21F) and her partner (28M) were over visiting. She started to tell me that she was looking into college classes and she was going to visit a couple in the next few weeks. I told her that was great and I was proud of her for finally taking that step.
I explained what I had saved up for her and she was grateful.
3 days later, she called and asked if she could come by later in the week to get her funds. I said, ‘I guess so, but what was the plan? When did school start?’ You know normal questions… and this is where she informs me that she and her partner decided that he would attend college since they believe he had a higher chance of succeeding with a degree for a career that would benefit their life together.
SHE MET THIS MAN 7 MONTHS AGO! Has had 6 different jobs, no home, borrowing her car, and literally nothing to show for the past 28 years of his life. He seems nice and respectful.
I told her to come by this weekend so we could talk and she agreed. She thinks this is a great plan, but I’m not feeling it. I didn’t save up all this money just to hand it over to someone I don’t know. I rather give it to one of my children for college.
Would I be a jerk if I didn’t give her the fund unless she’s doing schooling or at least something that benefits her lifestyle only?”
13. AITJ For Giving My One Granddaughter Some Jewelry And Giving The Other One A Car?
“My son, James, used to be married to Elizabeth. They have a sixteen-year-old daughter, Charlotte, together. A few years ago, James admitted to having an affair with Carole, who has a daughter, Kate. This led to a bitter divorce between James and Elizabeth, and he married Carole soon after. About a month after the wedding, Kate turned sixteen and James and Carole held a huge party for her.
I admit, at that point, I hadn’t bonded with either Carole or Kate much, I didn’t know much about either, especially Kate. So I simply gifted her some jewelry.
A week ago, Charlotte turned sixteen, and I gifted her a car. This enraged both James and Carole, especially the latter. She called me to say that my gift was very unfair and that I don’t view Kate with much affection as she isn’t my biological granddaughter.
She also accused me of still being hung up on Elizabeth.
While it is true that deep down, I have a better bond with Elizabeth than with Carole as I have known her since she and James were children, I have never expressed so in front of anyone. I do go out with Elizabeth for coffee at times, but I have tried to go with Carole too, who is almost always busy.
I also think that my feelings about Elizabeth and Carole are irrelevant here.
I said so to Carole and also told her that Kate’s sixteenth birthday was different as I didn’t know her well at that point, but she refused to listen and said that I could have gifted Kate a car on any of her other birthdays.
I need some perspective on this from unbiased people and need to know if I am in the wrong here.
I should add that Charlotte got a huge party thrown for her as well, not just Kate.”
12. AITJ For Hiring A Professional Pet Sitter?
“I (25M) am planning to go on a vacation with my mom this summer, my dad recently died and she is obviously having a hard time with it so I thought going on a trip would take her mind off of things for a little while. Me and my mom both have pets so as soon as the trip was planned I asked my niece, Paige, who is 19 years old to watch both of our pets and stay at my mom’s home (because most of the pets are hers) while we were gone.
I offered to pay and she said yes.
Well, since saying yes she has backed out about 3 times, and a few weeks ago her dad, my brother (39M), announced that he was taking Paige on a trip the same week she was supposed to watch my animals. Paige initially said she wasn’t sure about the trip, but today my mom was talking to my brother and he said that they were for sure going and that he took it upon himself to find us a replacement pet sitter.
Me and my mom didn’t really trust the person he chose to take care of the animals, so we hired a professional pet sitter.
After doing so I told my niece about it and said ‘Hey your dad told us that you decided to go on the trip, we went ahead and hired someone else to take care of the pets’.
I sent her this text because I just assumed she would be reaching out anyway, and I wanted to update her on what was happening because my brother wasn’t sure if she knew we had a replacement pet sitter.
Well, she got really mad, her dad told her that he never told my mom she committed to the trip, and he told her I was lying.
She accused me of ‘getting revenge’ because she thought I was mad that she kept backing out of caring for the animals. I told her that that wasn’t the case and that I was sorry if I ever implied that I was mad about it because I genuinely wasn’t. Well, she called me a liar again, crazy, and cliche for trying to say I was sorry if I ever gave the impression I was mad.
I didn’t feel like I was in the wrong, but Paige’s mom reached out and also accused me of trying to get revenge, and said that my brother agreed with her and that they didn’t believe me when I said I was never mad about her backing out. So am I the jerk? I didn’t think so at first but now I am really questioning it.”
11. AITJ For Wearing A Very Short Pink Leather Dress?
“I (20F) and my friends (22F) and (22F) are currently on vacation. For the sake of the story, I will call them L and K. L, K, and I all decided that while we are on vacation (one week) we would go clubbing as much as possible. All of my friends know that I have a ‘feminine’ sense of style.
My entire wardrobe consists of pink, mini skirts, dresses, heels, and lots of jewelry. Not once has this ever seemingly been a problem with my friends at least none that was mentioned directly to me. When you go clubbing, most people tend to wear tight outfits so my suitcase was packed with several outfits meant for clubbing.
Last night after spending our day by the pool I started googling clubbing places near us and broached the topic of starting our first night partying. All seemed excited so we all headed up to our room to start getting ready. I was just about done with my makeup and hair when I grabbed the dress I was planning on wearing and suddenly the mood felt extremely sour.
For the sake of full clarity, it’s a very short pink leather dress.
K spoke up and mentioned that I should ‘probably pick another outfit’. I asked her why and she said since we are all going together none of us should try to outdo each other. I explained that I was not trying to outdo anyone and just liked my dress.
L sided with her saying that I was clearly trying to one-up both of them and was acting like a pick-me. I told them I was wearing the dress no matter what and I was sure they would look just as if not more beautiful than me in their outfits.
They barely talked to me for the remainder of getting ready and split up from me the moment the Uber dropped us off. It’s Tuesday and they are still being cold/short with me. I kind of want to go home but I’m curious if I’m being an overdramatic jerk. AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Telling Someone Off For Comparing My Son's Name To A Type Of Pasta?
“My husband and I have a 5-year-old son together. You must know that my husband’s family is Italian; he and his siblings are the first generation born in America on his side of the family; Italian is his first language. The entire family has first names that are clearly of Italian descent. Well, when we got pregnant and we found out it was a boy, it was a no-brainer that he would be named ‘Vincenzo’ after my FIL and we would call him ‘Enzo’ for short.
So yesterday my son had his pre-school graduation. I’m standing there with a group of about 10+ parents on one side where we want to take pictures of the kids as they walk up and get their ‘diploma’; they call Enzo’s name – some ADULT man VERY loudly says ‘Who in the world would name their kid Enzo?! (insert obnoxious laughing and snarking here) Reminds me of some type of pasta I’m going to eat!’ I’m about 7 feet away – this was not a quiet comment that I just happened to overhear because I was close.
I instantly see red because ya know, that’s my child… I walk away and decide I’m going to let it go. Well, after a few more names are called I realize there are quite a few unique names within the group and realize it’s trashy adults like him that create trashy children SO I decide I’m going to say something…
I waited until AFTER graduation was done and I very politely (and luckily for him, very quietly) said ‘Excuse me, just so you know Enzo is short for Vincenzo, NOT a pasta at all, but thank you for your comments.’ His face DROPPED and he tried to say something like ‘No, I just said it reminds me of pasta.’ I responded with ‘Sir, I was RIGHT there and clearly heard the entire comment’ (and pointed to the spot I was standing at).
I just shook my head and I walked away. (The reason I walked away is because I’m the type that can get very loud, very quick and I was not trying to cause a scene.)
This was a pre-k graduation of literally 19 children – WHY would you say something like that, very loudly, surrounded by parents that you don’t know whose child is whose? I wanted him to realize how rude that was and think twice about the next time he wanted to talk about someone in an area full of individuals he doesn’t know.
I don’t think I am, but then part of me wonders AITJ for calling him out about what he said about my son’s name? Should I have just let it go? Again, I said it very quietly, directly to him – it’s not like I shouted it at him.”
9. AITJ For Refusing To Lower My Baby Daddy's Child Support?
“When I was 18 I got pregnant. My baby daddy and I were not together it was just a fling. He was (& still is) in college in another state (1 hr & 30 mins away). He wanted me to terminate my pregnancy, said I tried to trap him, etc.), brought me out to the park late at night, where he & his mom bombarded me trying to get me to terminate my pregnancy, & his mom even said that I didn’t love myself because I wouldn’t.
After that, I left & we have been completely no contact until March. He just had a daughter in January, we got into contact in March, met up & talked & he apologized for everything blah blah, it was good. Then we met up again in April to talk, and ended up sleeping together then that’s when stuff kinda went downhill.
He stopped checking in on our son much, he came down in May and I told myself I wouldn’t sleep with him but still did.
After that he like completely stopped asking about his son, was barely in contact, etc. He was supposed to come to meet our son in June. After we got the DNA results back that showed 99% positive paternity confirming he was for sure the father, I asked him if he was still coming to meet him.
He said that he was gonna be busier than he thought & blah blah. I told him I was losing patience as he hadn’t been asking about his son, been delaying the child support, & just hadn’t shown much of an interest. He said that he just didn’t have time because of work, school (he is doing an online summer college course atm), & his daughter.
To which I said that people make time & sacrifices for what is important to them. Anyways, he came over to talk yesterday about paying less child support because he is ‘going bankrupt’, he is in the army reserves so most of his school is paid for. Yesterday was the first time he met his son and he was only here maybe 30 mins & only stopped by because his army stuff is in my state.
I told him he would pay less if he was more involved which he said would be impossible because we live a state away & because of his situation. I told him that at the moment, I’m only expecting him to see his son twice/2 days a month, as I really don’t feel like that’s a lot to offer at all.
After some disagreement he said he would try, but was not happy I was not lowering the child support. He just started paying child support in March & it isn’t officially through the state yet as he didn’t wanna go through court. He left my house on a not-so-good note. I’m just wondering am I being the jerk for not lowering child support? I pay over 800 a month for my son (not including clothes, toys, and other essentials) & childcare alone is $720 a month. He co-parents with his daughter (I don’t know their situation I think it’s 50/50), I just feel like he should be able to make time for his son, & shouldn’t use his daughter as an excuse.”
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future Sister-In-Law To Borrow My Wedding Dress?
“My (29F) fiancé (June, 32M) and I are getting married this month. We have been together for 3 years and are so excited to finally tie the knot. June’s younger sister (Jane) is also engaged to her long-time partner and they are set to wed in January 2023.
Two weeks ago Jane was diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer.
She’s only 28 and understandably everyone in the family is devastated. Jane and her fiancé visited me and June last weekend and asked us if we could let them have our wedding. Yes, our wedding, including the venue, catering, and all the vendors except wedding favors. They want to get married before Jane starts her treatment.
She’s a good friend of mine so I didn’t hesitate and agreed.
June and I have already paid everything in full except our photographer and it isn’t hard to inform all the guests that the wedding’s been moved as we only have 75 guests including our families. Jane and her fiancé had already saved for their wedding so money isn’t a problem either.
The problem occurred yesterday when Jane called me asking if she could wear my wedding dress and veil as she couldn’t find a dress that she likes. She was there when I tried on my wedding dress after the alterations. I told Jane I’m sorry but she needs to find her own dress. I told her I could take her to a friend’s boutique and help her find a dress that she’ll love.
She didn’t want to and insisted I let her borrow mine. I reminded her that my dress was my mother’s and the veil was an heirloom that was passed on to my mom by my grandma.
Jane was having none of it and told me I was being selfish. She said she doesn’t even know if her treatment will work and this is only a small favor that she’s asking.
Needless to say, our phone conversation didn’t end well.
I told June about it and he said he respects my decision. My future in-laws on the other hand have messaged me, asking to reconsider. I don’t want to disappoint them as we have a good relationship and they are going through something hard right now because of their daughter’s illness. But I really don’t want to loan my dress and veil to Jane.”
7. AITJ For Wanting To Get A Master's Degree?
“I (22F) graduated this year in August. I planned to do my postgraduation after this, so I applied to a few universities and prepared for the entrance exams. My father was not happy, because he wanted me to stop my studies here and get a job as soon as possible. He keeps saying that he is going to retire soon, so being the eldest child I should take up the responsibility of the household.
But I do not want to stop here. I want to do my higher studies, become a qualified person, and then get a job.
So it was the day of admission in one of the universities where I had applied. When my father came to know, he was enraged. He threw a big tantrum, started cursing at me, and threw things aggressively.
He said that I only cared about myself, and that I would achieve nothing great from a Master’s degree. He said I was doing this because I would like to watch him die before I manage to get a job, etc. Then at last he decided that he wouldn’t give me a single penny for any admission anywhere.
His words did not really affect me because I have heard worse things from him, but it hurt my mother. She started arguing with him for the first time. Eventually, she ended up crying and told him to his face that we didn’t need his money. Later she came to me and told me that since we do not have enough budget I will not be able to take admission today.
That I should prepare to look for a job so that I can move out of this house and live independently.
I had an exam the next day for one of the universities, and I knew he would not allow me to go. So after my father left for work, I went to my friend’s place, stayed the night there, and went to take the exam, against his wishes.
And yes, he was very angry upon hearing this, but after he saw my mother cry that day, he was a little quiet.
I do understand where he is coming from, but I still wish to continue my studies. We are a family of four, my father is the sole breadwinner but he is a senior manager in a bank, and our financial condition is good enough.
I do not understand why he is so worried about retiring. I did go against him, but this whole thing has been troubling me. So I wish to know, AITJ?
Edit: I live in India, and here usually parents pay for their child’s education until they get a job.
We do not have any financial problems right now.
We are living well. My father’s point is that it is difficult to get a job now, so if I spend two more years pursuing my postgraduation, I will be missing out on all the job opportunities in these two years, and he is afraid that I might not get a job at all in the future to support the family.
I never said I would not support my family. I will do so, but only after I complete my master’s.
Also, my father is 57 years old. He will retire in 3 years. And a master’s degree takes only 2 years, which is why I still want to study.
My mother is a housewife. I have a younger sibling who is in class 8. When my mother said about me getting a job, she meant that she would stop relying on my father for anything from now on, even for my younger sibling’s tuition fees.”
6. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Help With Changing Our Daughter's Diaper?
“My husband and I had a rule that we both agreed on that after my husband finished work he would take on all the nappy changes. This rule did not last long and has now turned to, change one nappy overnight.
I am a registered nurse, currently on maternity leave. I breastfeed our baby, settle her for all of her naps and change at least 99% of her nappies.
The rule we once had has changed to if our baby wakes up in the middle of the night and isn’t settled after breastfeeding, I’ll wake him up to change the nappy since he now does no nappy changes after work.
Issue: it’s 02:30 am and our daughter has had a feed, normally she settles and goes straight back to sleep, but due to her teething, she decided to roll around everywhere instead.
I woke my husband and told him that she was awake. He said, “Does she need Panadol?’ I said yes, she does. ‘What do you want me to do about it?’ he replied. I admittedly got frustrated and snapped back ‘I’ve only given you one job!’ My husband got irritated and said, “Well, say that. I can’t read your mind!’ I said, ‘You don’t have to read my mind when you only have to do one thing!’ And he replied with ‘Well fine, from now on, I’ll only do this one thing and that’s it’.
I said ‘Good! That’s literally the ONLY thing I can get you to do since you’ve gotten out of all the other nappy changes!’ He is now snoring next to me as it took me an hour to settle our daughter.
So AITJ for snapping at him to do one nappy change overnight? He thinks I should ask him politely to change the nappy.
It’s not like I’m shaking him awake and screaming, she’s awake! I gently pat him and tell him that his daughter is awake. But I feel, if you only have one job, why do I have to verbally say, change your daughter’s nappy? (He is otherwise a great dad, cleans and helps make dinner, plays with our daughter, etc. It’s just a struggle to get him to change nappies, despite how much we have discussed it, he will get better and then fall into old habits).”
5. AITJ For Giving Away Our Baby's Clothes?
“Ever since my daughter was born my wife developed an unhealthy habit of buying excessive clothes and toys for her. My daughter is currently 4 months old and my wife gets her clothes fit for ages all the way to 1 year old. I am a house husband so I am doing most of the baby-related work, and we don’t even change my daughter that excessively a day.
My daughter does not even wear half the clothes my wife buys.
Hence I don’t necessarily find a need for all these clothes to be stashed away when instead she could spend money on more important things like my daughter’s future preschool fees or even current things like savings etc. What my wife does after work and house chores is she goes straight to her phone and starts browsing Amazon and bulk buying all these baby clothes she fancies without a second thought or asking me.
Some of these clothes are high-end brands which I have not let my daughter wear once fearing that she would stain it.
Not only that my daughter is going to grow out of these clothes within a year so in the end all this money is being wasted on something that cannot be repurposed. So I decided to give away some of the clothes designed for ages 7 months and above to my sister who also has a baby girl and some of the others to a local charity that supports single mothers.
It is still a while before my daughter reaches her age and she already has enough to sustain her for a whole year.
I was planning not to tell my wife until she ran into my sister during a recent family gathering and my niece was wearing the same clothes my wife bought. When she confronted my sister and realized the truth my wife was furious.
I might be the jerk given that I should have taken her permission or perhaps at least resold it so that the money could be reimbursed but I knew she wouldn’t agree hence I had to make a rather harsh decision.
These clothes would be better off for someone who actually needs them than my daughter, my wife is still mad even though I have apologized and explained my rationale.
I really wish she would stop impulse buying clothes for my daughter especially after I have communicated it multiple times.
P.S. Don’t worry my wife still pays all the expenses and bills on time so no problems with that, but still feel that this impulse buying could cause a strain on her financial earnings which could have otherwise gone into our joint savings account.”
4. AITJ For Limiting My Niece's Calorie Intake?
“My (45m) sister (38f) has had to go away for a bit over some tax issues. As a result, my other siblings and I have taken in the niblings and we’ll be caring for them until she gets back to the Free World. I have happily accepted the burden of caring for my niece, we’ll call her Shelly (15f).
Shelly is a big girl. She’s 5’4″, and she weighs 320 lbs. This is the condition she came to me in, I did not raise her.
The way we do meals in my family, I make breakfast and lunch fresh from scratch every day. Breakfast and lunch are always 600-800 calories per plate. I cook for all 8 (9 for now) members of the household.
But for dinners, I don’t do it fresh every night. I make enough to last 3 days. So, I cook and portion out 27 individual 800-calorie servings of dinner every 3rd day.
Every person in my house has 2000-2400 calories of home-cooked food available to them every day. We also have things that anyone is free to make for themselves.
Want some ramen? Go for it. PB&J? Go for it. Want a frozen pizza? There are like 60 of them in the basement freezer, any flavor you want. Want a burger? I have 72 frozen burger patties, go ahead and make one!
I say all this to say that I am not denying this kid food.
This morning, as I was doing my meal prep for the next 3 days, Shelly came into the kitchen and asked me if I could start making enough so that she could have two plates of dinner every night.
I refused and explained that 3000 calories a day is simply too much food, and I would not contribute to her eating herself into an early grave. I also told her that she is free to prepare something for herself if she is hungry and she’s already eaten her dinner.
She’s bashing me all over her social media, and telling people that I’m starving her and forcing her to lose weight.
On one hand, I feel like I am doing the right thing. I am feeding her, and there is more food available for her if she feels that she hasn’t been fed enough. A 15-year-old can make some ramen, I know that for a fact. And I really don’t want to send her back to her mom weighing 400 lbs.
But on the other hand, she is going through a rough time, being away from her mom. If she’s using food to cope with that, maybe I should just cave and make her some extra food. So I kinda feel like a jerk for drawing this line in the sand. It’s not like making 3 extra plates of food each time would break the bank.
So, it’s up to you. Am I the jerk?”
3. AITJ For Sending My Family Joke Easter Cards?
“I was born to a teen mom, my mom had me at 17. She later married my stepdad and they had my siblings who are 9 and 12 respectively. I’m 18 and in college now.
Before Easter, I was at college. And I found out that my mom and stepdad took family photos without me for the cards.
My mom said that it was just because she needed them printed in time and I was at college… But college is only 25 minutes away and I feel like my stepdad is resentful that their family includes some other guy’s child. He also described the photo as ‘close family’ but then backpedaled and said I just wasn’t as close physically because I’m at college…
So I decided to play a little joke, I took my younger siblings and two of my best friends to a Walmart photo shop.
And we took deliberately cheesy family photos, all wearing blue jeans and jean jackets. My friends dressed as my mom and stepdad, my female friend wore a bald cap to be my stepdad, and my male friend wore a wig and a denim dress to be my mom.
My friend is really talented with makeup and honestly did a great job making them look like them.
We took a bunch of pictures, with props, and picked a favorite of us all standing in silly action poses wearing raccoon skin hats. Between the makeup, hair, and big hats, we all agreed my friends looked like my parents when the picture was postcard-sized.
It was honestly a really fun photo, really different than the serious ones my family always takes. I had it printed on cards and signed them with ‘Love, The (Name) Family’.
I swapped the cards in the envelopes my mom had prepared and resealed them with the sort of stickers she used.
Apparently, a couple of my extended family members didn’t look hard enough at the pictures to notice something was off, and just displayed them.
But a few people mentioned to my mom that the picture was ‘funny’ which made her mad because she thought they were talking about her very boring photo of them all sitting on a picnic blanket with a giant Easter basket.
Then my aunt sent a photo of the card to the family group chat and said ‘This isn’t you, is it?’ And the gig was up…
My mom was furious at me for sending out the joke cards and embarrassing the family, and also for not sending the cards she had made and written in.
I told her that I didn’t get why she was upset about being left out of the family photo, apparently, it isn’t a big deal to be treated like you’re not part of the family!
She said that I was making a mockery of her and my stepdad by having ‘cross dressers’ in the photo.
I said that I just wanted a photo with my close family just like my stepdad did and I consider those friends of mine my closest family! Because I guess that’s just something we can choose now!
My mom got so mad at me ‘sassing’ her that she told me to leave and I went back to college.
AITJ for pulling that stunt with easter photos?”
2. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife That My Kids Didn't Want To Get Adopted?
“My late wife died 6 years ago when our kids were 3, 5, and 6. I remarried 18 months ago and my wife has known my kids for 3 years now. She had brought up adoption to me about two weeks before we got married. She told me she would love to ask the kids their feelings after the wedding and maybe start the process when we legally could, which is six months into our marriage.
What I never told her is my kids had already expressed to me that they were worried about being adopted and didn’t like the idea. This was prior to my getting engaged. My oldest was the one with the strongest concerns because he remembers his mom the most. But none of the kids liked the idea that they would no longer have their mom’s name on ‘stuff’ i.e.
their birth certificate and other documents. I reassured them it would never happen as long as they were against it.
Honestly, I know my late wife would have wanted them to be loved but would have also hoped for adoption not to take place. She herself struggled with her father being erased by the time she was 2.
He died before she was born and when her mother chose to remarry they chose to act like she was her stepfather’s (who adopted her) biological child. She only learned the truth as an adult and I know it terrified her while she was sick that she would be replaced, especially when our youngest baby was too young to remember anything about her.
I ended up telling my wife no and we discussed it for a while actually. She was upset but didn’t push it. Then a few weeks ago her parents asked us about her adopting the kids. They said we all appear to get along really well and how sweet of a gift it would be to her and the kids.
I said it wasn’t something we were going to do. They ended up asking the kids afterward and my youngest was the one who said they didn’t want to be adopted and I knew, which then got back to my wife.
She was mad I never told her. She said she was never given a chance to see if we could figure out a way to do it that would make them happy.
I said I didn’t see any reason to talk them around. That they are allowed to feel that way. Her thinking we could convince them is part of the reason I never told her. I never wanted it to be something that needed fixing, because there’s nothing wrong with how they feel. I also figured it would hurt less. That coming from me at least we could have an adult conversation about it but she could feel like the kids were rejecting her.
Her family said I should have told her and we should have worked on a solution with the kids together. I said no solution was needed.
1. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out For How She Treated My Wife?
“So my mom stopped by a little while ago for a quick visit as we never get to see each other on holidays. We had already done gifts as a family when she got there, so I was catching up with my mom and my kids were playing with their new toys. My wife decided to do some social media snooping and was on my boss’s wife’s page.
When she saw the pics conveniently in front of the tree with the gifts open she got jealous. Envy is something she really struggles with and my mom knows this. My wife complained it wasn’t fair, made a joke she would have married him instead if he wasn’t such a jerk, and finally whined that she didn’t get a ‘little blue box’ (Tiffanys) though she does much more work than her as we don’t have a nanny.
I got annoyed and snapped at her that I couldn’t afford that. She replied that we work at the same company. My mom and I both looked at her and then my mom got mad and said ‘Are you stupid? Do you know what a boss is?’
Now I agree it was a stupid comment and my wife was in the wrong, but I feel as her husband I have to stand up for her and it is important to set a precedent about how she treats my wife as this is not the first time she was rude.
I told my mom our visit was over and she had to go. She called me whipped and said I wasted her time and she shouldn’t have bothered coming. Now my family is mad at me and saying my mom was only sticking up for me.
To be clear I do not think my wife is stupid and would never call her that, but what she said was pretty dumb and I get my mom is protective of me and it made her mad.”