People Explain The Reasoning Behind Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Partner For Not Doing House Chores?
“Two months living with my partner (both 32) and we both work out the house. They finish at 3 pm while I finish at 6 pm.
Things were going well until we began living together.
We have constant fights about household chores.
Before moving in together it was decided that chores would be done between us since we’re both working.
In the kitchen, I have a shopping list on the wall so we can update it as time goes on so we know what we have and what we need to get.
Here is the thing, they won’t do anything unless they’re explicitly told to do it.
The first few times they asked what needed to be done I said a few things to do and they did it, which was great but after two months they still ask multiple times a day what they can help with instead of simply seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
What annoys me the most is them being home for 3 hours before me and doing nothing in the house.
Multiple times I’ll come home from work and the trash is full, the dogs haven’t been fed, the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, the milk/bread, etc are gone and a new one isn’t taken from the freezer.
I’ve spoken to them about this asking them to take the initiative. They said that they always help when I ask. I replied I shouldn’t have to ask them to do something. If they see something needs to be done in our home they should do it instead of waiting for me to them tell them to do it.
They said that they don’t know what needs to be done.
At this point, we’ve lived together for a month, and the same things need to be done.
To make things easy I made a list in the kitchen of the things that need to be done.
The dogs need to be fed, walked, and taken care of.
The dishwasher needs to be packed and emptied.
Laundry needs to be done.
The shopping list needs to be kept up to date.
On the weekend the food shopping needs to be done or small shopping needs to be done if we run out of something midweek.
The place needs to be vacuumed and generally cleaned.
Basic things like this and other things are a constant.
Even with this list, I’m still left to do all the chores unless I tell them to do it. No matter how many times I talk to them about this they refuse to do anything if I don’t tell them to do it.
Things boiled over one day when I came home after a bad day at work, the place was a mess, chores needed to be done, and dinner needed to be made. I was going to make a chicken and veg dish but they hadn’t said anything about using the last of the onions, peppers, carrots, etc, and chicken for lunch they made the night before so that dinner plan was out the window.
If I knew they used them I could’ve gone to the shop or made alternative plans.
When I confronted them they responded I was being unreasonable as they always do as they’re asked. I snapped saying we’re 32 and they need to start acting like an adult and not a helpless child as I’m tired of acting as their parent.
They called me a jerk and stormed out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t help but feel like this reeks of weaponized incompetence. There’s a difference between genuinely not knowing what needs to be done and having a freaking list and still refusing to do anything.
You’ve done everything you can to help them. It seems like you’ve also made it clear how much this frustrates you. Seriously, look up weaponized incompetence and see if you don’t see some similarities. This might be a hill this relationship needs to die on.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not on you to teach your partner how to be an adult, especially at the age of 32.
If your partner has disabilities that make it harder to break down a task/see what’s needed, it might be useful to have a discussion with them on what tasks need to be prioritized in the day-to-day vs what tasks can be handled on the weekend.
But this really just sounds like weaponized incompetence, and you should not have to put up with that, nor should you have to teach this person.” _sarrasri
25. WIBTJ If I Report My Friend For Posting A Baby's Photo On Social Media?
“I (22F) am in my second to last semester of nursing school. The first rule in nursing (and healthcare) is HIPAA, do not share any patient info. No pictures, no social media posts, etc. This ‘friend’ (22F) and I are in the same classes for nursing school and have been throughout the program.
Last semester, we had OB and PEDS clinical rotations. We were in labor and delivery, the maternity unit, the PEDS unit, and the NICU. In NICU, sometimes our job would be to console the babies, hold them, and rock them for a little bit. Of course, everyone loved this because who doesn’t love holding a cute little newborn baby?
Does this mean I want to take a picture of me holding a baby… probably not. But that is exactly what my ‘friend’ did. She took a video of her holding this baby and posted it to one of her private stories on Snapchat but her private stories aren’t very private because she has many people on them.
The baby was in the video and if I knew the baby, it would be easy to identify. I recorded this using another phone so I have video proof because it just seemed wrong. You never know who is seeing your videos. What if that is one of your followers’ cousins or children or something?
I messaged her on Snapchat and said ‘Hey! Just remember HIPAA still applies to babies so be careful posting this.’ She responded ‘Oh my gosh I totally forgot thank you’ but she never took it down.
The reason I’m questioning it is she is my ‘sort of’ friend, used to be my best friend, we have lived together and are in the same sorority and have the same friends.
Me reporting her to the Dean would result in her being kicked out of the program and probably not being able to get into another one. There is no way to report it anonymously so she would know that it was me which would cause a rift in our friendship outside of nursing school.
She has done other questionable things during clinical like smoking before clinical, posting other pics of patient identifiable info, and going in-depth on patient descriptions on her social media. She doesn’t seem to really take the profession seriously but that is not for me to decide because it does not affect my life.
I have had friends tell me to report it but my parents have said maybe not because, like I said, it doesn’t really affect my life, and it might be a little petty.
WIBTJ for reporting her?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. In fact, let me say that you WOULD be a jerk if you did NOT report her.
Shortly you will be employed in a healthcare setting where you will be required, as part of your job, to report any HIPAA violations to your one-up, manager, and/or Legal, whomever your employer has designated as the appropriate reporting chain. If I found out that one of the employees, you, has known of another employee’s HIPAA violations and has failed to report the person, I can promise you that serious corrective action, at a minimum, would be in your future too.” Better2021Everyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and your hospital should have a mechanism for anonymously reporting HIPAA violations. Also, your nursing program likely has someone in charge of professional standards and ethics. Report her, because if she’s doing this as a student, 5 years from now she’s going to be the person posting pictures of unconscious patients during surgery.
She’s gonna learn, and it’s better that she does it while she’s a student before she risks her career.” CrepuscularCorvid
24. AITJ For Wanting My Groomsman To Dye His Hair Brown?
“I (22F) have been good friends with my groomsman (22M) since middle school. All through high school I had bright red hair and was known for dyeing my hair wild colors. I still like the look but now that I’m out of high school I’ve opted for more of a balayage blonde/brown (natural colors).
My groomsman had never dyed his hair, until a couple of months ago he bleached it and dyed it fire engine red. It was so bright. I kept telling myself it would fade, he’d get sick of it and go back to brown, or just shave it off by then.
The wedding is now a couple of weeks away, and it’s still just a faded orange color. He asked me recently what shade of blue he should dye it for the wedding, I replied ‘brown.’
We had a fire a few nights ago with the entire bridal party, at which he hostilely brought up the hair color situation and said, and I quote, ‘Well I’m not going back to brown so what shade of blue.’ The tone of voice didn’t sit right with me, and I changed the subject because it made me extremely uncomfortable.
My issue with the hair is my colors are lilac and navy blue, red doesn’t match that. If he does dye it a shade of blue, I feel it will be eye-catching and I don’t want anything taken away from me in my dress.
I stated this to him to which he ignored me. Is it wrong of me to fully put my foot down on this? I’d even be okay with the temporary brown spray. I’ve been walked over with almost everything to do with my wedding planning by too many over-controlling people involved and I finally had this one thing I was trying to put my foot down on and he’s making me feel like a jerk for even mentioning it.
On top of that, cornering my fiancé (he’s also friends with him but they don’t know each other as well as the groomsman and I do), and asking him his thoughts. During this, my fiancé was also very uncomfortable and just said ‘Whatever you want to do’.
Which I’ve talked to him about how that made it worse. But I need opinions please.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your wedding is not, actually, all about you. If it were, you wouldn’t have guests, let alone bridesmaids and groomsmen. Those folks are standing up there with you because you care about them.
They’ve already signed on to wear what you tell them; you have no right to dictate their hair color. If you try, you may find yourself out of a groomsman and a friend.
And how do you think anyone’s hair color is going to ‘detract’ from you?
You’re gonna be the one in the fancy white dress and veil and flowers. Everyone will still know you’re the bride!
Nobody will pay attention to your friend’s hair at all.” DeVitreousHumor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I know you didn’t like his tone when he asked, but he did ask you what shade of blue he should dye it for the wedding.
This is your out. Tell him something like Superman blue—a dark, dark, dark navy blue that pretty much looks black until you see it in the sun. And ask him to do it just a day or two before the wedding so it doesn’t have much of a chance to fade or look dull.
I’m sorry that you’ve got a lot of overcontrolling people dictating what’s going on at the wedding, but your friend’s hair is not the time to put your foot down and demand your way. That needed to happen with the pushy people taking over your wedding, not with your friend and his appearance.” HedgieTwiggles
23. AITJ For Refusing To Increase My Contribution?
“I am divorced and remarried for 1.5 years now. My wife and I agreed before we got married that I would contribute x amount for the wedding and she could cover anything additional she wanted to as she was in charge – no drama. We agreed that after we got married we would split household expenses like mortgage, utilities, home repairs, groceries and takeout… and vacations 50-50 (she makes a little more than I do from work but with my investment income I make about 15% more overall) and we’d each be responsible for our own auto, phone, clothes, etc. This was spelled out in a prenup.
Incidentally, I take her out on a date every weekend and pay (of course).
While engaged she said she wanted me to pay for 70% of vacations. I agreed. Six months after we got married she said she wanted $150/month for her hair and nails. I agreed. Six months after that I gave her $1,000 to cover some missed income because of medical time off.
One month after that she said she needed $400 more each month to feel like we weren’t in a contract. I said I was willing to do that if she agreed that this was the last time we were going to change our money arrangement. She agreed and I’ve been giving her the $550/month on top of the 50-50.
A couple of weeks ago she said she wanted new furniture acquisitions to be 60-40 and I agreed, readily actually, since I moved into her house. A week ago she said she wanted household expenses to be 60-40 and I said, ‘No, you agreed six months ago not to try to change our arrangement again.
I have to stand up for myself.’ She was very angry. I suggested counseling and she refused. I have been persona-non-grata for a week and last night she said maybe this was going to end in divorce because I don’t care how she feels.
I asked for counseling again and got, ‘I’m not going to counseling with you.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have sort of made this mess for yourself by continually changing (always increasing…) what you pay her instead of saying no to her demands for more money.
By basically ignoring your agreement and agreeing to give her even more money whenever she asks you have ‘set the stage’ for her to argue that the agreement is invalid. Now she is talking about divorce. Time to lawyer up… you can because she has.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’ve been accommodating and this is a huge warning sign. She trying to use therapy to manipulate you, not work on communication.
If you go and talk about things, I’ll bet she stops after a handful of appointments because she doesn’t think it’s working.
Get a divorce lawyer.
You’re paying half the mortgage on the house, do you get any equity? You two make nearly the same amount and it’s odd she’s changing it. She wants to stop working and have you support her. You are paying for a bunch of little extra things and you had this agreement.” vt2022cam
22. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Father-In-Law Out Of Our House?
“I (39F) am married to my husband (43M).
His dad, my father-in-law (61M) moved in with us in 2016. At the time he had no income, no home, and no other family to move with after his daughter’s husband kicked him out and his other kids refused to speak to him.
When he moved in, I drove him everywhere he needed. Doctor’s appointments, Department of Human Services, and Social Security to help get him on disability, all while my husband was away for six months of training and our twins were just starting kindergarten.
The plan he (FIL) gave us was once he started getting his payments, he would move out on his own. We were just a stepping stone, so to speak, to get him back on his feet again.
During this time, we paid all the bills, bought all the food, and didn’t ask him for much, except maybe watching the twins when I wanted to shop by myself once a week.
He would reluctantly give us $50 every three months or so when we asked if he could at least help pay for the internet.
In 2019 he was still living with us. We informed him that my husband was transferring to a new state for his job and we were listing our house for sale.
He was furious that we were making him move and start over in a new state.
In 2021, the daughter he lived with before us was passing away from cancer. She wanted her dad to be there in her last days, and my husband and his other sister offered to pay for FIL’s plane ticket and hotel expenses for as long as he wanted to stay, and all he needed to do was pay for his food while there.
He refused to go and denied his daughter her last wish. When asked if he wanted to use my phone to FaceTime her and at least talk to her, he said no, he didn’t want to see or speak to her. She died just before Thanksgiving never getting to see or talk to her dad (no, they weren’t on bad terms), and cried for him at the end.
He’s still living with us. Still pays $50, but only when he wants to. My husband and I work all week and just want to relax when we get home, watch movies, or play games with the kids, and my FIL complains we make too much noise.
My husband may be transferring for work again to Hawai’i (fingers crossed!), and FIL has said he doesn’t think he will survive another move (no, he’s not that sick) and thinks my husband should turn it down and wants me to get a second job so my husband can quit his and we wouldn’t have to move ever again.
My husband told him to shut up and stay in his lane.
AITJ for wanting to kick him out and not care what happens or where he goes?”
Another User Comments:
“NO, you are NTJ. This man has FAR overstayed his welcome, and he’s become selfish and demanding.
Your focus should be on your own little family and not on your FIL. You and your husband have gone above and beyond for him and he is spectacularly ungrateful. (On a side note, how sad for his daughter who passed away that her father refused to be there for her in her last moments on earth!) Does he have some kind of mental problem?
This whole situation is appalling. Please find this man an apartment, a senior care home, or some other family member to take a turn hosting him. Your husband needs to take charge of this since it is his father you’re dealing with.” thekellysong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are very kind and giving; so much so that I wonder if he kept pushing your buttons because he never believed you’d ever kick him out. He is exactly the kind of person who needs to be made aware, in no uncertain terms, that he is living in your house as a guest and only as a favor.
He has really taken advantage of you terribly. I think your husband’s move would be a perfect opportunity to start a new life without him.” DigDugDogDun
21. AITJ For Letting A Little Boy Try On Wigs?
“I (27f) work as a hairdresser and last week a little boy came in with his mother.
He looked about 5 or 6 and was waiting while his mother had some new highlights and hair dye put in. He sat down on one of our sofas and played on his iPad.
After about ten minutes there was a little sigh and then he toddled off to go and grab the charger from his mum’s bag.
He spent a little while rummaging and eventually didn’t find anything. He looked a bit upset but slouched back over to his sofa and kept making little sighing sounds so we would notice him.
After a few minutes of huffing and puffing, I offered him a lollipop and asked his mum if I could take him to the back and see if there was anything he found entertaining.
She agreed.
Our hairdresser is made of three rooms. The front room is where we cut hair. There is a shop in another room which is where I took the boy and there is a little storage room for the shop.
So this little boy who I would say was a little over 3 feet tall took hold of my hand and I walked him round the shop, seeing if there was anything that took his interest. He stopped at the wigs, took one off of the wall, and put it on his head.
I quickly took it off of him and told him if we wanted to try wigs we needed to get a hair net on. So we did.
This little boy spent the next 25 minutes looking and trying on all of our wigs. In our shop, we have a joke wig that is almost 70 inches long and not for sale, but we do try it on sometimes as a joke.
This little boy told me he wanted to try it and I didn’t say no. He put it on his head and it actually suited him. Obviously, the length was ridiculous but it was his hair color. He spent a little while playing with it and even showed him how to tie it, an important life skill!
I asked him if he wanted to show his mum and he told me he did. So we walked back into the main room, his hair hanging about 30 inches behind him on the floor.
The mother was not pleased and said I should stop immediately.
She told me she didn’t want her son to be encouraged to have long hair as apparently, it looked stupid on boys. She called me a jerk for forcing the wig on him and screamed that it was to be removed.
After she left, my colleague and I had a little laugh about it and how the hair actually looked alright on the boy but now I can’t stop thinking that I might be a jerk for not telling the mum we were going to try wigs.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What a ridiculous thing for the mother to get upset about, particularly after you had just gone above and beyond to entertain her child. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.
I hope she’s been banned from your hair salon.” annedroiid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did nothing other than babysitting someone’s kid so I don’t understand why the woman would be mad. She’s the jerk here and I hope you’re not upset about her.
Part of me really wants that kid to grow his hair now as 2 fingers up at his mum.
Nothing wrong with long hair on boys, as my husband will tell you!” Happyhanglider
20. AITJ For Kicking Out My Out-Of-Town House Guest?
“I (f 28) live in Korea (I don’t know if it matters but I’m not Korean, I’m from Europe) and my friend (f 27) from Taiwan contacted me telling me she is planning to visit the country and if she can stay at my place for the duration of her visit, 1 week.
I was okay with it since I live alone and have space.
It turns out it is a nightmare to host her. The first thing she did when she arrived at my place was to tell me she didn’t bring many clothes and asked me to let her go through my closet to pick out a few outfits she could borrow for a few days.
I was like, no. But she kept bugging me to at least lend her a skirt because she wanted to take pretty pics and didn’t bring a skirt. In the end, I gave her a skirt I don’t use anymore.
So that day, later in the evening (this was a Wednesday) she headed out to meet some friends.
Well, she didn’t return before I went to sleep at 11ish, so I assumed she was staying the night with them. WELL AT 4 AM she returned but here in Korea we have electric keypads to open the doors and she kept putting in the wrong code and since the door wouldn’t open, she started ringing the bell.
Turns out she went clubbing, got wasted, and forgot the entrance code. Then she proceeded to cry through the night because the guy she was dancing with didn’t take her home like he promised to. I was exhausted and annoyed because I had to work the next morning.
After I returned home the next day, I sat down with her and let her know that if she was going to behave like this for the rest of her stay, she couldn’t stay with me any longer. She promised this was a one-time thing and apologized. However she did the same the next day, and I ended up kicking her out despite her pleading not to do that because then she would have to use all her money on accommodation and can’t have fun.
I was tired and felt that she would continue doing this for the rest of the week so I didn’t care and just told her to go.
Some friends are saying that she was alone in a foreign country and what I did was a jerk move, what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you would have been if you hadn’t warned her, but you did, she agreed to respect your needs as the person living there and then immediately disregarded what she told you. I don’t agree with those essentially saying that by agreeing to let her stay with you you now have to tolerate any poor behavior on her part, she also needs to respect your needs since she’s at your home, which she refused to do.
Guests have a responsibility to their hosts as well.” DonZeitgeist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you’re extending someone the courtesy of letting them stay at your place, it does not come with your wardrobe nor should it require you to not get a good night’s sleep before going to work.
She behaved in a rude, crude, and socially unacceptable manner. She can now go and spend her money on accommodations and think about how to be a decent guest. If it happened one time – okay, but for it to happen the next night too?
No. Time for her to grow up – actions have consequences.” yesnomaybe123
19. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Friend To Come Clean To His Significant Other?
“So, my partner (M 25) wanted me (F 24) to go with him to celebrate Thanksgiving with his friends this year.
It will be me and my partner, and three other couples. I’ve met his friends several times before and they are pretty cool, so I said yes and he booked us tickets to go to his hometown. I don’t know the other women that well.
My partner and I are both students, and we live pretty far away from them. A few weeks ago, one of his friends had a meeting in the city we live in, so he came to visit us for a few days.
The last day he was here, we all got pretty wasted, and he asked me if he could talk to me alone.
I said yes, and we went to the kitchen where he told me that he had been having an affair for a while. I got pretty shocked and didn’t know what to say, but I told him that he had to tell her. He said he would, but I know he didn’t do it.
This makes me really angry. I’ve been lied to before, and I know how much it hurts. But I can’t be the one to tell her. I am afraid that if I say anything it will ruin my partner’s relationship with his best friend for the past 15 years.
But I don’t think I can handle being in the same room as the two of them, especially when there’s liquor involved. My partner agrees with me that his friend is a jerk, but he really wants me to go with him and try to forget about it.
I told him that I was staying here unless his friend was honest with his partner.
AITJ for not going?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is asking you to essentially be a liar and that’s incredibly unfair to you. Not only should he not be putting it on you to attend Thanksgiving and have to struggle through keeping the secret from his partner, but he should be calling out his friend and insisting that he tell her.
Also, it’s weird that he took you aside to tell you this – he sounds like a creep just in general.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think your partner should explain to this friend why. If the friend comes clean I am assuming you would feel comfortable attending?
It’s up to the friend whether you attend. Also, while it is not your or your partner’s place to tell the friend’s partner, she might start asking questions if you don’t attend.” buildabridgeoutofher
18. WIBTJ If I Tell My Partner's Mom To Watch Her Tone?
“I (27F, black/Hispanic) was raised predominantly in the black community and learned from a very young age to watch my tone when I’m speaking to people, especially adults, and doubly so with my mom. As a result, I’m very aware of the tone I use.
I rarely raise my voice beyond shouting to be heard and never yell in anger. I keep my tone pretty neutral for the most part, other than when I’m joking around or working.
Now, on to the problem. I swear my partner’s (27F, white) mom (55F, white) doesn’t hear her own voice when she’s talking.
She does this thing where she escalates the situation for absolutely no reason other than she feels some kind of way. A few weeks ago, my partner’s car got a flat tire. I suggested just buying a new tire so she wouldn’t potentially pay to get the same problem fixed. When this topic came up in conversation with her mom, I mentioned that we wanted to get my partner a new car in several months.
Her mom immediately started using this nagging tone and yelling at us about how stupid it was to buy a new tire for a car we were planning on getting rid of. My partner started yelling back and I could see she was getting upset so I started gently guiding her out of the room to remove ourselves from the situation.
Boy, did that set her mom off! She begins a new tirade about how rude and disrespectful we’re being for trying to leave.
This kind of thing doesn’t happen every day but it’s a regular occurrence. Her mom feels some sort of way, nagging and shouting needlessly over pretty mundane things.
I actually like her mom except for when she’s in these moods. Just the other day, her mom had an attitude because she wanted us to cook dinner but didn’t actually tell us that. I’m not comfortable calling her out on her behavior right now as I’m living with my partner and her parents while we wait for our lease to start in a few weeks.
But I’m almost certain she’s going to continue this kind of behavior when she visits our home and I won’t stand to feel uncomfortable in my own home.
WIBTJ for telling my partner’s mother to check her tone and attitude?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you didn’t discuss this with your partner first. It’s her mum and she needs to clear this with her personally, especially when you guys have your own place and your own rules.
Also, there are people who yell and behave like this regardless of race and culture. It’s only a question of whether your partner minds this kind of ‘communication’ or not and what you two will do about it together.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once you’re in your own home I think it’s fine to calmly and civilly explain (not during one of these incidents) that her behavior violates your boundaries and ask that she treat you with respect.
Based on her past behavior, I’m not sure how successful that will be, though. Definitely talk to your partner before you do anything so she doesn’t end up in the middle.” gayforaliens1701
17. AITJ For Walking Out On My Grandma For Invalidating My Grief?
“I (35) lost my mom 6 months ago to a horrible, long-term illness. I already had a severe anxiety disorder, but it’s gotten worse since my mom passed away. My grandmother – my mom’s mother – is a 90-year-old, depression-era, ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ woman who raised my mom completely alone from the time she was born.
She worked in the cotton fields from the time she could walk, then was a single mom in the Air Force until she retired.
My grandma and I have been really close for the last several years, especially since my mom died. Her death hit the whole family really hard, and we’ve all just been kind of hanging on by our fingernails and trying to just live day to day.
I have severe anxiety and have had it since I was a young child. Just daily tasks of living are sometimes too much for me. In addition to my mom’s death, there has been a lot of family drama and I have had to be the one to decide what to do with all my mom’s possessions and estate, in addition to being a teacher and working full-time.
Long story short, I am at capacity for anxiety, and I cannot handle even small amounts of stress.
Fast forward to today, when I am having lunch at my grandma’s house. I mentioned that I sure do miss my mom, and my grandma snapped at me that I should just ‘get over it!’ She said ‘Both my parents died, and I was over it the second they passed. You can’t moan and groan your entire life.
Your mom is gone – so what? Get over it.’ To which I responded ‘It’s been SIX months – I’m still grieving, and there’s nothing wrong with that.’ She continued to berate me and tell me that ‘grieving isn’t healthy’, to ‘get over it’, and so on…
So I decided to get up and leave her house. She then called me selfish for leaving, because she went to all the trouble to make a meal for me and now I’m just walking out, which I ‘always’ do. (I admit that I do remove myself when she gets toxic like that.) She told me that I ‘only think about myself’, and on and on and on.
So I left. But she is 90 years old, after all, and I know it took effort for her to make a meal like she did, and I walked out before we had even eaten any of it.
I feel like maybe I should have stayed. AITJ for walking out on my grandma’s dinner that she worked so hard to make?
Or did I do the right thing by not tolerating her negativity? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
First, your grandmother is 90 and living alone and making lunch or dinner (I don’t know, you said both)!? That’s awesome!
Go grandmom!
She shouldn’t have treated you like that, but she lost a daughter too. She is grieving (whether she thinks she is or not) too. Have you considered how she needs to handle that and be treated because of it? She has probably gone through years of trauma and this is the result.
You’re BOTH grieving.” aunteemame
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but geez, she’s 90… clearly she has been raised that you don’t cry, you tough it out, don’t show ‘weakness.’ But she watched her child die a slow and agonizing death. I know losing your mom is terrible, but a parent should never have to bury their daughter.
Imagine holding all that in. So when she snaps at you, that’s her grief and rage coming out. Not a healthy way to deal with it, but understanding that might help you weather it less painfully.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I miss my mom too.” wordsmythy
16. AITJ For Removing My Study Group's Access To My Notes?
“So, I have a study group for school. If it makes a difference, I’m in nursing school. Our teacher’s lectures are really unorganized and I don’t really get much out of them, so I prefer to read the textbook and take notes that way.
I still listen in class and have the PowerPoint pulled up so I can write down anything important she emphasizes. But mainly, I focus on the book.
Last week I was reading the book during the lecture (again, while still listening for anything important) and, since I sat next to my study group, one of them saw my Google Docs with the notes and asked if I could share them with the group.
I was more than happy to do so. Plus, one of them said she’d send me the notes she takes during the lectures, so all was well.
Well today, during our break I left the room a little bit behind the rest of the group.
They didn’t see me walking up and I overheard them talking about me and my notes. From what I heard, they were complaining about how long they are. I’m not going to lie, they are really long, but I like to have details and examples and stuff.
Another girl said she doesn’t understand how I do so well when I ‘don’t even pay attention in class’ and most of them were nodding and agreeing. And the last thing I heard before walking away, was one girl (who always seemed to not like me) say that she doesn’t even know why I was in the group when I never wanted to hang out with them (outside school) and that I never talk to them.
That isn’t even true. I just don’t talk to people during the lectures because I think it’s rude and I don’t want to bother the people who actually are listening.
So I went back to the classroom and unadded all but 2 of them (the 2 looked very uncomfortable while they were saying those things and didn’t contribute while I was there at least).
They didn’t realize until after class had ended so they sent a message in the group chat asking about it. I told them that I heard what they said and that it was rude to complain when I didn’t have to send them it. Plus, they didn’t have to read it.
They said I was overreacting and that they just meant it’s a lot to read. I brought up how they were gossiping about me and (this is where I think I could really be the jerk) I said that they shouldn’t be judging the way I study when they worry about if they even passed the tests and are always complaining about feeling unprepared. I said that I’m getting high grades with what I’m doing meanwhile they’re always embarrassed whenever grades are even brought up.
I’d just like some outside opinions on this. Maybe I took it too personally? I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had no obligation to share anything with them and they, instead of thank you, talked crap about you. You should have removed all of them.
While the 2 did not say anything bad they should have said something in your defense if they disagreed with them. I hate it when people sit back when stuff like this is going on. Even if it was just to point out that you didn’t have to let them use these notes and to stop talking crap about someone they don’t even know because they are jealous.” Mindless_Sell_9283
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get good grades because you do the work necessary to get good grades. You provided detailed notes and they complained because they thought they were too long to bother reading? Do they not see the correlation between the amount and kind of study you do and your superior grades?
They were ungrateful, lazy gossips.” solitarybydesign
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Making My Birthday All About My Brother?
“I (m 17) am about to turn 18 in less than an hour. When I came home from work today I asked my grandma if mom got the cake she promised and sure enough, she did.
When I went to grab a bite later that day, I saw that there were in fact 2 cakes that were the same size and since mom never mentioned a second cake I asked my grandma about it (my mom was still at work). She said that this was the cake she bought for my brother (m 16).
He doesn’t have any allergies and I made sure to ask for a cake that would also be to his liking.
By that time I already figured out what was going on so I asked Grandma another question: I asked if Mom did ‘it’ again.
In that case ‘it’ means making my birthday all about him.
He would always get gifts when I did, he got to choose what we did, but most importantly: He always got everybody’s attention. His birthday is only 9 days later and Mom said it would be easier for her if we celebrated both of us on the same day.
In reality, he got to celebrate twice, he got a cake and gifts on his own birthday too, but I didn’t.
Grandma stayed silent, which was enough of an answer for me, I stormed off into my room and only came out once my mother was home.
I confronted her about why he always got everything he wanted.
She said that wasn’t true, but I gave her a bunch of examples that showed I was right (The birthday thing, that she pays for his stuff despite him having a job and making his own money, or the fact that I had to get high grades while my brother got a present for basically every low grade he had in Math for example).
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I yelled at her for being treated unfairly, called her a bunch of names, and was just genuinely disrespectful towards her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You clearly have a lot of examples of your mother treating him differently.
While calling people names isn’t ever a kind thing to do, you’re clearly venting your frustrations over something your mother has clearly been perpetuating your entire life. I would recommend voicing your concerns calmly. next time, but I also can see why you wouldn’t be able to do that at the moment.
And by the way – happy early birthday, kid!” cecassafrass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you know what? You are allowed to be angry. This is your birthday and she can’t help but cater to your brother instead. She is raising a future jerk that no one but jerks is going to want to be friends with.
She’s actually harming him in the long run and I’m sorry she doesn’t see it. This isn’t parenting, this is an indulgence and not being willing to put up with him having a tantrum (which is probably when this started when he was a little kid and should have been told ‘no’ when he was three or four.) Respect has to be mutual for it to truly be respect, and she disrespected you by lying to you to your face.
I don’t know why she’s incapable of having reasonable expectations of your brother, but it shouldn’t come at your expense.” User
14. AITJ For Kicking My Grandpa Out Of My House?
“I (44f) was recently having a barbecue at my house. I invited all of my family who live locally, including my sister (47f), her husband (47m), and my niece (16f).
I also invited my grandfather (93m) who was visiting from out of state. I had other family members there too of course but they’re the relevant ones here.
My niece got pregnant at 14. When she found out she told her significant other (the father of the baby) and both of their parents decided to let my niece decide what she wanted to do.
She was neutral at first but her SO wanted to keep him and convinced her to. 2 years later, they had a beautiful son. My niece is a great mom and her SO is a great dad.
My grandpa (mom’s dad) is very traditional, as was my grandma, but she died 5 years ago.
He was very obviously not happy when his great-granddaughter got pregnant at 14 but didn’t really say anything until now. When we were at the BBQ, my niece was talking about how she felt a bit of a failure as a mom because her SO has more energy to play with their son and she was talking about other insecurities in relation to her son as well.
My grandfather then started blaming her telling her stuff like ‘Well that’s why you wait until marriage’ and ‘That’s why I said no relationships until 18’, and a bunch of other cruel stuff.
After a few minutes of him talking about it and seeing my niece upset, I told him if he made one more comment, he’d need to leave and go back to my brother/his grandson’s (42m) house, which is where he was staying.
He kept talking to her so I told him to leave. He got upset and asked why I was doing it. I told him I loved him but he was going too far.
My family is divided. Most of them agreed what he said was wrong, and some of them supported me like my niece, but a few of my aunts and uncles were not thrilled I kicked him out and have expressed that to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To not kick him out after you said you would wasn’t a good option – it would have told him that your threat was empty and would have sent the message that you really agree with him about your niece.
Some old people believe that their age entitles them to say whatever they feel like and not be held accountable for saying it. This view has consequences – if that view is accepted, it means that people will just ignore everything someone like that says.
Wouldn’t that be terrible?
NTJ. He crossed the line, you set a red line, he crossed that, he had to go.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your grandfather never learned that you cannot change the past, and ‘I told you so’ doesn’t trump a person’s life.
Translated, he was telling a young mother, ‘You would be better off without your child.’
No matter what he or anyone else thinks, that child is never to be considered a ‘mistake’.
Complaining about a barn door being open while the horses are loose doesn’t help.
Does he honestly think his words would teach her more about consequences than her own child?
He was causing emotional pain to a family member with public shaming. He deserved his time out.” Willofthesouth
13. AITJ For Wanting My Stepdad To Apologize To Me?
“I (15M) recently got into a fight with my mother and my stepdad.
My stepdad has never really liked me or my brothers since he married her. He was nice to us before the marriage and treated us well but after they got married he changed completely. My mother and father had gone through a messy divorce 8 years ago and fought for custody of me and my 7 siblings for a long time.
At one point in time, my dad was able to get custody of me and my brothers which ended up being a massive mistake for us, my dad was abusive mentally, physically, and emotionally. My mom would hear about the things he would do to us and blame herself for letting us go to live with him, because of this when we came back to live with her she would let us get away with things here and there where she would normally discipline us.
Because of this, my stepdad has always defended my sisters even when they have done extremely reckless and stupid things and always blows up at me and my brothers for things he just shouldn’t.
Fast forward back to the present. My stepdad is a pretty heavy drinker, he likes to drink pretty often and it has caused problems many times before because when he gets a decent bit wasted he acts like a moody teenager.
So one day my mom asked me to cut the grass while she and my stepdad were gone, I forgot.
When they got home my stepdad went on a rampage screaming through our house how I was a ‘stupid piece of work’ a ‘lazy jerk’ and many more things.
As this was happening my mom was trying to tell him he needed to just go to sleep and that he was being a jerk because he was wasted, eventually leading to him leaving our house and going to a hotel for the night. My mom and stepdad eventually talked things out and he has come back to our house to live with us again.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
I told my mother that if my stepdad wouldn’t admit to me, my brother, and all of my siblings that he was wrong and has been wrong many times over the years getting wasted and terrorizing us, neither he nor my mom would have contact with me again.
I have a dad who lives out of state with his fiance and they are nice people, my dad has cleaned up his act and truly became a good man that I can trust. He and my stepmother both are very worried about what is happening at my mother’s house and feel that it isn’t a good environment for me to be in and has offered to keep a room ready for me should I need it.
I have already told my mom that there is a high chance that I will go live with him considering all of the things my stepdad has done and never apologized for. So, AITJ for telling my mom that I won’t talk to her or my stepdad again if he doesn’t apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
On the one hand, you surely know that this ultimatum of yours is purely rhetorical: you’ve backed your stepdad into a corner where he can’t apologize.
On the other hand, that’s perfectly okay. You shouldn’t have to say ‘If you don’t do X, I will go live with my dad.’ You should be able to just say, ‘I will go live with my dad.’
At your age, the court will attend closely to your preference, particularly if you outline to the court why.
Godspeed. Don’t wait. Do this today or tomorrow.” b1lllevansatmariposa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly going back to live with your dad is not an option.
I understand that with massive amounts of work, people can change but honestly, abusers rarely do, and given your age I highly doubt your dad has had enough time to do a complete 180. Unfortunately, most abusers who have ‘changed’ are one bad temper moment away from relapsing.
You need to sit down with your mom and let her know that the psychological mistreatment your stepdad is handing out is just as bad as the physical mistreatment your dad used to. She can’t even get him to calm down and this is just a bad environment all around.
Another unfortunate point is most people who have abusive partners wind up with another abusive partner because they never got the help they needed to be able to see the red flags before it turns to abuse.” ReiEvangel
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Quit My Role In The Play?
“I (17F) do theater acting, and I have done performances every year since I was 14. I also have a twin brother who is FTM transgender. I’ve been cast as the lead role for the musical the local city theater is showing. The thing is, the musical I’m performing in features a main character whose name is also my twin’s dead name.
I typically don’t tell my twin the roles I audition for, since he doesn’t care much about my performances. He does support me by going to my shows, but not much else (to be expected). I also only announce my roles to my family after I have gotten it, to avoid any disappointment if I were to not get a role.
When I auditioned, I didn’t associate my brother with the name at all, and I assumed he would think the same. But when I announced I got the role, he asked me if I was serious. I responded by asking, ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ and he reminded me that that character had his dead name.
I asked what the issue was and he said that we looked very similar and I still look like what he would if he was still a girl. If I took this role, it would be hard for him to watch people call me his dead name so often.
He told me if I kept the role, he wouldn’t be able to watch the show because it would be too hard on him. I told him that’s fine. But I also told him that I wouldn’t give up the role. My mom sided with him, saying that it would be for the best if I just stepped down from the role.
But it’s also the lead role, which I worked very hard for. I’m also moving for college this fall, so this may be my last show in my hometown. So WIBTJ if I kept the role?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see how it could be challenging for your brother, but he doesn’t have to watch it, or even discuss it with you.
You two looking similar shouldn’t be a reason for YOU not to pursue your interests that might stir up his upset feelings. That’s not fair to you – you are your own person. And brother might need to work on how he can work through situations where his dead name is in use because the name can’t be erased from life altogether.” inkognito_burrito
Another User Comments:
“As long as you don’t expect your brother to come to the show, you are NTJ. You have only so many roles you can audition for, and getting a lead role is a bit of a coup. Not to mention, it’s good for your CV and could potentially help you land other roles if you intend to keep acting.
Given the extreme discomfort this would cause your brother, it would be very unfair to expect him to attend, but you’ve already expressed that you don’t have that expectation.” KaliTheBlaze
11. WIBTJ If I Tell My Brother-In-Law's Fiance To Stop Sticking Her Nose In My Family's Business?
“My husband and I had some conflict with each other for a few months and he told his whole family ONLY the trashy things about me and our situation.
We have since reconciled things and he has been really transparent about our marriage and what has been going on/has gone on…
Anyway, my BIL met his now fiance about a year ago and I’ve only been around her like, maybe twice. She knows NOTHING about me.
A couple of months ago, at a family dinner that I wasn’t attending, she decided to give my husband all of this unsolicited marriage/parenting/life advice. She proceeded to talk about our kids’ behavior and how our son has trouble communicating (he’s 3) and insinuated that he isn’t developing properly because of the way I’VE raised him.
She THEN told him that our daughter’s pin-curled hair has dreads in it because I ‘don’t take care of her and don’t brush it’. Obviously, she knows all about our marriage issues that are long gone but basically tells my husband not to trust me and that I’m a toxic person and he should be careful.
She was saying this in front of his entire family and EVEN HIS MOM was like ‘What are you talking about?’
Again, I’ve met her twice. My MIL and FIL have vented to me and my husband a little bit about how she talks trash about me and my husband’s life and agree that she needs to stay in her lane because she doesn’t have any experience as a mother nor a healthy relationship so she shouldn’t be slinging around marriage/parent advice.
My BIL recently told my husband that his fiance doesn’t want me at their wedding but is inviting his brother (my husband) and the kids. This witch blocked me on every social media platform. She literally won’t stop talking trash about stuff that she knows NOTHING about.
Would I be the jerk if I told her she could get lost and realize that she needs to learn her place in this family since I’ve been here for almost 10 years and she’s only been around for 1?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t lose your cool.
That’s exactly what she wants. She is setting you up for reactive abuse where you get angry, and tell her off, she cries and becomes your victim and she proves you are the bad guy. Your husband, MIL, and FIL need to be the ones to shut down the backstabbing gossip.
It is crucial that you have no private words with her. Only public ones.
Saying something like you need to get to know me better. Or just smile and thank her for her perspective and nothing more – just smile and change the subject. If she insists on ‘going there’ let her go alone.
She will have the meltdown and you will be innocent.
If she blocks you – good – she looks bad and it’s quiet. If she bans you from the wedding of course your husband and kids will not go. MIL and FIL can do what they need without repercussion.
She is going after you as her competition in the family. Retain your position and composure – do not play her game and take her bait.” grianmharduit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But, she’s pretty much already told you to go right off already by blocking you.
So I’m not sure what you think you’d accomplish here. The people she’s talking trash to, who know the stories aren’t true, are the ones who should be shutting her down at this point.
If she invites your husband + kids to the wedding and not you, it’s perfectly acceptable for your husband + kids to RSVP no, and they should do so.
Because she’s the one setting up this situation to be horrid.” PurpleMarsAlien
10. AITJ For Asking My Best Friend To Report To Work And Miss My Wedding Day?
“I (27F) and my husband (37M) just got married last Wednesday. He owns a youth services business that provides educational programming for 700+ students Monday – Saturday.
Because he charges the least amount possible, he has a very small staff and we are often in the field together. I met my friend, let’s call her Amy (23F) when she started out as one of his employees 4 years ago. We have grown close and spend lots of time outside of work.
Honestly, I see her as the godmother to my future son/daughter.
My husband and I have been planning our wedding for well over a year. We were supposed to wrap up our contracts by mid-April but, at the start of that month, a rare request was made for us to continue to the end of May.
The school made a very generous offer and so we agreed, knowing we could use the money. We agreed that we would schedule staff ahead of time to cover during our wedding.
Because we are all very close, we initially invited all of our staff (five others) to our wedding.
There was no time to hire and train a substitute so we decided to call a meeting and select randomly the person who would have to sit the wedding out to work. Amy’s name was pulled.
My first instinct was to pull a different name but my fiancé (at the time) gave me ‘The Look.’ I knew it wouldn’t be fair to the others to give her preferential treatment for a personal event while in a professional setting.
Amy assured me over and over that she was totally okay with missing the wedding to cover for us. She mentioned how much of an honor it would be and attributed our friendship and professional relationship as two major influences that helped her get to where she is today.
I felt affirmed and no longer guilty about the situation.
The wedding came and went! Small reception, no bridal party, and some good fun. Amy stopped by our home the next day to drop off a beautiful gift and we sat together to watch videos and pictures from my big day.
I had lunch today with my cousin and some friends. They asked me why Amy wasn’t at the wedding and if we were okay. I explained to them what I shared above and they all agreed that I was a big jerk for letting things play out like they did.
Now I feel bad again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This is an overall weird situation. It seems… not great that you agreed to the contract in the first place, knowing that you and your husband wouldn’t be able to do it and you’d inevitably be sticking one of your employees on it, especially since you’d invited all of them to your wedding.
But that’s just business, I guess?
Even that said, yes, it was very weird for you to put your best friend in the hat! I mean, this entire situation is why you shouldn’t be friends (or best friends) with your employees. It’s hard to do without looking like you are exerting favoritism in situations in which work and life intersect.
But I think even in that situation people would not expect you to select your closest friend to miss your wedding. Why on earth did you do the drawing in front of everyone?
And then Amy repeatedly assures you that she’s ‘totally OK’ with missing her best friend’s wedding and is, in fact, honored and grateful?
And you took this at face value? You’re her boss’s wife. She had two options: get upset and put her professional life at risk, or act calm and just move through the disappointment. (Either that, or she’s not as close to you as you think.)” roseofjuly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you are allowed to have preferential treatment for your best friend for your wedding. If there was a clear divide between your friendship with your best friend and your friendship with the rest of your staff they would have understood. I would have offered extra money for someone to volunteer for the shift. Amy sounds like a bigger person than I because I would have felt like you put me on an equal playing field with the rest of the staff when I would hope as the best friend I was someone you wanted there more than the rest of the staff.” TheCookie_Momster
9. AITJ For Telling My Roommates To Get Out Of My Room?
“There’s three of us that live in the house. The two others are best friends. We’ve had problems since we moved in.
I am not a confrontational person. I hate drama. The other two live for this crap. I can’t even go out and sit in the living room without them starting something with me.
Let me explain a little bit of what it’s like living here:
- I have one spot in the door of the fridge for my food.
- I clean up after everyone (left piles of trash in the kitchen once and I left it and they complained about me for not cleaning up THEIR mess).
- I stay in my room.
- I don’t have friends over because they talk trash about anyone that has ever been over.
- They read my journal once when I wasn’t here (bedroom doors don’t lock).
- One told me I couldn’t hang out with someone and I said nah and when I got back home she called me out and used my depression and other mental health issues in an attempt at a low blow.
- They smoke in the house despite it going against the lease and I’ve talked with them about it and how the smell makes me sick.
So the other night, they were out in the living room smoking with a few people. I was trying to sleep (it was 2:15-ish am) and I went out and asked them to quiet down.
No shot at that.
The next morning, they came into my room without even knocking and told me I can’t tell them to be quiet in their living room. I mentioned that I too live here and we all need to be respectful. The one (let’s call her the boss) told me I lacked respect and I was the worst person she could’ve picked to live with.
Then, she kept jabbing at me. I asked them both to get out of my room. They didn’t. So I hit them with ‘Can you two leave me the freak alone and get out of my room?’ After that, they left but I heard them in one of their rooms saying things like ‘God she’s such a jerk’.
I don’t really see an issue with anything I said especially since I asked for them to leave and they wouldn’t. Let me know your thoughts.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re taking advantage of you. This is the perfect situation for you to constantly be on the receiving end of unnecessary stress and drama.
Chances are they need you financially and if they could have it their way it would be just the 2 of them. And on top of that, you’re cleaning up their mess? OP, run far, far away from this mess.” Zeebruuhh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, usually with roommates there should be some agreed upon house rules.
Basically, everyone needs to respect each other and the shared spaces. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to ask people to quiet down and honestly you could just report that they are smoking in the house, you would need proof though. Either way, I would find a way to move in with people that respect other people and aren’t jerks like they are.” Knox_7304
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents About My Brother's Lies?
“My brother and I aren’t close because we’re so far apart in age (he’s 23, I’m almost 18) and he kinda ignored me for most of my life.
When he turned 18 he started going out for days at a time and coming back wasted, usually in the middle of the night, which was super annoying. I kept asking my parents to do something about it because I was already having trouble sleeping at the time and he was making it harder for me but since he was legally an adult and 18 is the legal drinking age here, they kept telling me to mind my own business, his behavior and their response to it wasn’t my concern.
There were a couple of other issues too like he used to spend like 2 hours in the shower, he kept having a friend over who seriously creeped me out, he would let used plates and stuff pile up in his room and get all stinky then just put it in the kitchen til either he could be bothered to clean it or someone else did it for him, nothing terrible, just annoying and inconsiderate, and I wished my parents would talk to him but I kept getting told it wasn’t my business so I just stopped bothering with bringing up anything about him.
Sooooo when I found out he was lying to my parents to get money out of them I just decided that wasn’t my business too. Basically, in August I found out he dropped out of uni, which our parents were paying all his expenses for, and he never told them and just kept getting money.
He’d moved out by then and they were paying his rent. He was also getting money from the government for a welfare program for students.
When it was time for him to finish uni he just told them he’d graduated and had a degree, but there was no graduation ceremony because of the global crisis.
He said it’s been impossible for him to find a job in his field because of the global crisis and they’ve been financially supporting him on top of him getting unemployment payments. He finally got found out because my parents said they wanted to take a photo of him with his graduation certificate because they couldn’t get one at his graduation ceremony, he tried to make a fake one which didn’t fool them, and eventually, he had to come clean.
He threw me under the bus saying I’d known for months and he just assumed I’d told them, so now I’m in trouble for not snitching, and apparently ‘You told me for years that what’s between you and him isn’t my business’ isn’t a good enough excuse.
I just think they shouldn’t have expected me to suddenly know that this was my business and I should have told them after years of being told everything with him wasn’t my business. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, your brother is a gigantic jerk.
You were/are in a no-win situation and your brother is to blame. Your brother could be legally liable for conning your parents. He is a con man. I would suggest you cut off all contact with him until things are smoothed over with your parents.
Tell your parents you were sorry (be sincere!) but scared if you told them and scared if you didn’t.
I see their POV, having been stolen from and no heads up from their daughter. This is close to an ‘everyone sucks here’ and I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt because you’re a minor.” darnedgibbon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! They told you his behavior was not your business. They feel stupid that he fooled them and are trying to place the blame anywhere but where it’s deserved. Your brother is a thieving jerk and your parents are enabling him. If you ACTUALLY were wanting to be a jerk, you would dob him into the Government for benefit fraud…” Mindless_Contract708
7. AITJ For Being Angry At My Sister For Donating My Clothes?
“My sister is almost 10 years younger than me (I’m 26, she’s 17).
A couple of years ago, it was decided she would transfer to the private school I graduated from for a variety of reasons (which I won’t disclose). She wasn’t thrilled about the change. To make her excited, I gave her some of my old school merchandise – some shirts, hoodies, etc. – with the logo on it.
I’m confident that I made it clear to her that these were just a LOAN. I said she could keep them for however long she wanted and use them, but I asked her to be careful and return them when she no longer wanted them since they were sentimental to me.
A couple of the items had my name and old sports number on it. One of them was a jacket I received as being part of the Volleyball Team. I kept the matching pants since they wouldn’t fit my sister, but emphasized this jacket was really valuable to me because of all the memories it held and that I would want it back.
Fast forward a couple of years later, and she’s no longer going to the school. I live in a different city and only come home a couple of times a year. I’ve asked her to return the items previously, but she never got around to it.
So, now that I’m visiting, I asked her again more sternly to return the items since I never see her wearing them and didn’t think they’re of use to her anymore (she hates the school, so I didn’t think she’s want to wear their merchandise).
Finally, she admitted she donated the items a while ago because she wanted to clear out her closet. She says she swore that I gave them to her and they weren’t a loan, so she didn’t feel the need to even ask me if it was okay to get rid of them.
She only kept one shirt, which she wears to sleep. She didn’t even want to return it to me because she claims it’s hers now, but I demanded she give it back to me since it’s the only clothing from my high school volleyball days I have left (aside from the pants I didn’t lend her).
I’m pretty upset – I haven’t raised my voice at my sister, but I made it clear that really hurt me and I think it’s a sign she’s immature and irresponsible. Now she claims I’ve caused her a lot of anxiety and stress. Plus, my whole family is taking her side and says I should just let it go and not be upset since they’re just clothes.
They even said it was immature that I asked for the one shirt back that she did keep since I’m the older sister. I feel like no one understands where I’m coming from and acknowledges my feelings. At the very least, I’m expecting an apology.
I know there’s nothing that can be done, the clothes have long been donated. But I’m even more frustrated now that my family is acting like I’m the unreasonable one. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Memories are memories, it doesn’t matter what form they take
That being said, if your sister thought they were hers (genuinely, not trying to make excuses) it’s not like she was maliciously setting out to hurt you. I know you said you asked her to return them before, but maybe she misunderstood, or who knows – if she actively ignored that and then didn’t care and just threw them out, then yeah, she’s a jerk.
But I’d like to think she just… didn’t think about it because it didn’t matter to her (doesn’t make it right, just doesn’t mean she’s actively malicious).
She should be apologizing, and offering to replace what she can, not trying to make you feel bad.” SanoSS7
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you suck a little less, but I guess I just don’t understand your thinking. She didn’t want to go to the school, she hates the school, but you give her a prized possession like a jacket from a sport?
I would NEVER have given her that, and also, how is that going to help her fit in? A jacket like that is earned; they aren’t legacy items passed down to siblings, especially if she doesn’t play? This is just weird to me.
But, of course, her offense is way worse.
She should feel anxious and distressed because she was in the wrong, and wronged you. You were trying to help her feel better about a bad situation and she messed up big time.” RideThatBridge
6. AITJ For Calling Adult Protective Services For My Grandpa?
“My grandfather is 90, showing signs of dementia, in poor health, and is a hoarder. He is twice widowed and retired at age 83 from civil engineering.
He owns a nice suburban home, probably worth about 800k if kept up. He was widowed a second time 15 years ago, causing a decline in his self-care. My dad’s older brother, who we’ll call Shane, lives with him and physically cares for Grandpa. Shane is about 60 and has been living there for about 15 years.
I am not sure what is going on legally in terms of my grandpa’s care but I know Dad is involved in some capacity as he takes care of Grandpa’s legal issues.
Grandpa and Dad have a bad relationship. My dad is his least favorite child, but the most reliable and financially successful.
My dad takes care of my grandpa’s legal issues, hosts him with my mom’s family for holidays, etc. Grandpa does not and never has had anything good to say about Dad and vice versa.
Dad does not discuss his childhood, but from what I know it was very abusive, emotionally and physically, with extremely high standards for sports and school for the boys, especially Shane.
Shane crashed and burned under my grandpa’s pressure. He is severely mentally ill but I don’t think gets any help and has never held down a job or had significant relationships and barely speaks. Despite his mental health issues, Shane is a sweet, sensitive soul.
He has always individually wrapped Toblerone bars every single Christmas for my siblings and me. He keeps the yard of the house and his area tidy. Shane’s ability to care for my grandfather, let alone his ability to care for himself, has been in question.
Mom (the DIL) called me this week absolutely beside herself and said she was purchasing groceries for my grandpa after he called her due to running out of food. My mom got to the house and could barely walk inside. She said plumbing wasn’t working, and there was not much room for anything so Grandpa was confined to a couch in his own filth.
Shane was not there at the time. She said she was sure it would get condemned if anyone saw it. She sent out a text to Shane and Dad. No one was taking action, and Dad was out of town.
I live far away and decided to just call.
I made an APS referral without telling anyone beforehand. The APS worker let me know that if things are bad enough the police will be called. I feel so crappy right now.
Dad does not know that I made the call. Mom started freaking out as soon as she found out.
My three siblings also think it’s ‘weird’ that I made the call without knowing exactly if there are legal implications for Shane or my father. But I seriously thought it was the right thing to do. I cannot just let this happen knowing what I know.
Anyway, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The call isn’t about your uncle or father. It’s about your grandpa. If they can’t care for him properly then someone else needs to. It also sounds like your uncle needs someone to care for him. If they’re living in those conditions they need mental health care far beyond what your family can support.
Your dad, being a victim of abuse will probably benefit from no longer being responsible for his abuser.
You did the right thing, even if it feels icky.” penguinliz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and shame on your relatives for caring about ‘the legal implications’ of this situation more than your grandfather.
I don’t care what their past was: if you choose to care for someone, you do it to the best of your ability. It sounds like both your grandfather and Shane need help, and this is a good reality check/intervention. You are a good person for being concerned and getting help.
Ask your siblings if they would like their children to allow them to live in filth and squalor when they are aged and need care. Dang, buddy, you were a gem for doing this.” User
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Family Plan A Birthday Party For My Son?
“I (28F) am a single mom to an almost 2-year-old son. Around the time of my son’s first birthday, I found out my kid’s dad (29M) was having an affair and left me. Since then, I’ve secured 2 jobs, 1 full-time as a PR manager in healthcare and a night job at my son’s daycare to get a $1200 monthly discount on daycare on top of getting my master’s.
I have a 3 bedroom apartment, and my own vehicle, and have built a great support system of friends. His dad and I are surprisingly getting along and while I don’t agree with infidelity, the separation has been beneficial for our family.
My family is very judgemental. They are always looking for things I’m doing wrong.
For example, this week I got a bad throat infection. I asked my family to watch him for 2 hours to go to urgent care to get antibiotics. I pick up my son from daycare and head straight to my parents. Immediately my sister (26F) (childless) goes on about how dirty my son is, how unkempt his hair is, and how he’s wearing no shoes (he threw them off in the car).
I can’t breathe, my airway is tight, and this is what I deal with EVERY SINGLE TIME I go over.
I am starting to get anxiety attacks every time I have to see them. I’ve decided because of the trauma from last year combined with my family’s constant judgment, I don’t want to pay/plan for my son’s party.
His dad and I agreed to take him to the aquarium for his birthday.
My family thinks I’m being a jerk for depriving my son of a party. This is the same kid who I take to Disneyland nearly every weekend or to the zoo, parks, Legoland, etc. They asked to plan and throw a party for him and I don’t have to go, but I just feel like it’s rewarding their bad behavior.
A lot of my friends have mixed feelings because they say my family should be able to do something for his birthday but I’ll throw one next year. I’m just honestly exhausted and don’t want to deal with their judgment anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your family cannot be a positive influence in your and your son’s life, they don’t get to spend time with your son and plan birthday parties.
When their behavior towards you improves, they can continue contact with your son. Until then, they will have to show that they can shape up.” AbbeyCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have a great idea about the aquarium. My son didn’t have a birthday party until he was 4 and had friends from preschool and the neighborhood, and it was a little kids’ party.
For his second and third bdays, we took him to the zoo for one and the aquarium for the other. He loved it.
The party is for them, not your son. Don’t do it. You would be rewarding their bad behavior. I would suggest finding a babysitter you can use rather than your family and disengaging with your family.
You need some mom friends where you can share emergency babysitting needs… maybe some of the moms of the daycare kids you could establish a friendship with?” shout-out-1234
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Giving Unsolicited Dietary And Weight Loss Advice?
“I (F 29) am currently 23 weeks pregnant with mine and my husband’s (M 29) first. We are both very excited, but my glucose test is fast approaching and I am quite nervous because most women in my family have had gestational diabetes. My doctor (F 40s?) is aware of this and has given me some nutrition and health advice.
I am generally trying to eat healthily and exercise regularly, and so far there are no warning signs and I am having a very healthy pregnancy.
My husband and I had some friends over for lunch over the weekend, one is whom is a physical trainer, Steve (M 30).
His wife (F 29) asked how my pregnancy was going, and I said that I was generally quite healthy but I was hoping for a good outcome from the glucose test.
Steve immediately jumped in and said that he thought I would fail the test given the weight I had already gained and started throwing out numbers about recommended weight gain for pregnancy.
He said that he estimated my pre-pregnancy weight to be x, and based on my appearance now, he would estimate that I currently weigh y. That would put me in the overweight category, and I should make ‘massive changes’ if I want a healthy baby.
My husband jumped in saying that my doctor had been monitoring everything and she currently has no concerns, but Steve said that doctors don’t have nutrition or health training because they are in the business of sick people.
I was getting really upset and told Steve to back off, but he said that he was only trying to help and he would be more than happy to put together a diet and exercise regime for me ‘at a discounted rate’ because we are friends, and he can guarantee that I would come out of the pregnancy looking better than I ever did before.
I don’t know if it was the hormones or just the situation, but I started sobbing and told Steve to just leave me alone and get out of my house. He threw his hands in the air and said he was only trying to stop the baby from getting some obesity-related disease.
Just to clarify here, even pre-pregnancy, I have always been active and my doctor has never said anything remotely related to obesity.
He and his wife packed up, but she later texted me that I massively overreacted and they wanted some space from my ‘ridiculous’ pregnancy hormones.
She said that what Steve said came from a good place, and he shouldn’t be villainized for that.
I felt super justified when I kicked them out, but now I think I was maybe too harsh. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Steve is not a doctor, and frankly, he was trying to sell you his services.
His wife trying to make you and your ‘pregnancy hormones’ the villains of the story is the unmitigated gall icing on the audacity cake.
Obstetricians are generally pretty well-versed in nutrition for pregnant women. Continue following your doctor’s advice. And I would seriously consider removing these two from my life before they decided to talk to my toddler about her chubby thighs.” Bubbly_Chicken_9358
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk in this situation. While Steve may have had good intentions, it was inappropriate for him to comment on your weight and health, especially without being asked and in a public setting. Your health and pregnancy are being monitored by a professional, your doctor, who is best placed to provide advice.
His comments were intrusive and it’s completely understandable that you found them upsetting. Pregnancy is a sensitive time, and unsolicited advice, particularly about weight and health, can be very distressing. It might be worth explaining to Steve and his wife why you found his comments so hurtful, so they can better understand your perspective.” Top_Caterpillar_6889
3. AITJ For Reporting My Significant Other To The Police?
“I’m a college student and this is my last semester until medical school.
I’ve never been able to get a loan, I’ve worked 5 1/2 years to get this degree because I have to pay out of pocket so it takes way longer. I’ve worked two sometimes three jobs at a time and barely had a social life.
For this upcoming semester, I reached my goal for tuition so I quit one of my jobs so I could relax a bit. I was a server/bartender at two bars and an office job so I always have cash hidden in my apartment in my closet in a box and before the semester starts a week or two before, I deposit it so I can pay my tuition.
My significant other sometimes stays over while I’m there or when I’m not. Since I’ve been saving for this semester he’s the only one who’s been over. I’ve never told him about the box but he knows I have to pay for school.
Well, yesterday night I got home to put money in the box because I was gonna deposit it today and it’s all gone. I freaked out and tore my apartment up thinking I put it somewhere else knowing I didn’t. I called my SO like crazy no answer.
I didn’t sleep last night. I was panicking. Then this morning he finally called me back. I was yelling at him about my money. He was acting all confused and like I was crazy. He came over. I was still mad.
After a while, he finally admitted that he took it so he could borrow it and he’d pay me back.
Where is he gonna get $14,000 from in two weeks?! I went into a rage and called the police and reported a theft because that is what he did.
Well, it’s been hours now. I guess he got his phone call because his family has been blowing my phone up and his mother has said some really hurtful and racist things to me.
They’ve been harassing me for the past 6 hours now it’s stressing me out even more and I hate that I’m feeling bad for him but he stole the money that I’ve been saving for months. His brother did call and he was respectful and said they’ll help him pay it back and I should just go to the police station with him and tell them I want to drop the charges but I really don’t believe them.
I could do that and never get my money back still.
I don’t know what to do and I hate that I’m contemplating doing this. I’m just really mad and have been crying all day.”
Another User Comments:
“DO NOT DROP THE CHARGES.
14k is a HUGE amount of money.
His family is lying. They are not going to pay you back. Your SO’s first response was to lie: he only admitted to the theft afterward. They will take off and run, and you’ll never see him or any of them ever again.
Why would you drop the charges? He STOLE from you. He deserves to go to prison. Also, if you do drop the charges, it’s possible that any insurance you have will be nullified.
You might be able to borrow money from somewhere – but they would need to see evidence of your ability to save money – you’ll need the police report number as part of this application.
If his family is going on about paying the money back, tell them that they can sell one of their cars as soon as possible and pay you back, as courts usually charge interest on money judgments.
NTJ.” Bruiscear
Another User Comments:
“Do NOT drop the charges.
He stole from you and you have no guarantee that the money will come back. If his family really wants to help, they will pay the money back to you so they can tell the judge he has made restitution, for a better sentence. The trust in this relationship has gone out the door and it is over.
Block his family on your phone – you do not need their abuse. Before you do, if you have any messages from them, save them and ask the police for an AVO to prevent them from abusing and threatening you.” AussieTopCat
2. AITJ For Responding To My Mom's Social Media Post?
“My (18F) mom (42) has recently been engaged to a man (32).
A quick backstory: I’m an only child and my papa (45) died when I was 12. He was simply the best dad in the world.
Unlike me who’s still grieving today, my mom has been involved in a lot of relationships after Papa left, the earliest being a few months away from when he died.
Throughout the years, I learned how to act as if she didn’t exist. I live at my grandparents’ (66 and 67) estate anyway so people who didn’t know much about our family would assume I was a very late-born child.
My mom is known for being provided for by older men but she herself provides for men much younger than herself. I grew to resent her especially when she kept acting like she didn’t have a child. She did give me a gift once but the dress didn’t even fit me.
She never tried and I never felt she was my mother (even when Papa was still alive). I did try to allocate some of the affection I have for my late papa to her but she was simply unavailable and quite frankly a source of constant shame.
After jumping from man to man, she finally found someone to shackle. The drama started when I turned 18 and she started to reach out to me, acting as if she wasn’t absent as I was undergoing puberty. I ignore most of her nonsense. She ‘opened up’ about how my papa’s side of the family looked down on her which is why she distanced herself.
I frankly don’t care.
Recently, however, she posted the people invited to her wedding on social media. Turns out, I was maid of honor, and the word ‘daughter’ was written under my name. Her caption was basically saying she finally found ‘the one’ after suffering from constant torment (plus a lot of shade towards my paternal family).
She didn’t even ask if I was willing, she just assumed I’d go with the flow just because she reached out to me recently.
This is non-verbatim, but I DMed her to basically shame her. Saying she has no right to call me her daughter.
How my relatives were right about her, how she’s the worst mother to exist, if I can even call her that. And I told her congrats for finding the one after sleeping with hundreds before, to enjoy her lavish wedding, and to enjoy being a sugar mommy for the guy who’s so obviously milking her.
She was so hurt and told me I didn’t have any respect for her and even started to post cryptic messages on social media.
She kept pestering me in my DMs and to spite her, I caption-shared one of her posts and basically shamed her for everyone to see.
I blocked her completely after that but it’s still up right now.
My mom has created a lot of dummy accounts to message me saying I’m ruining her marriage for which I ignored all of them. A few of her friends have also reached out to me saying I should have just kept everything private because it was a ‘family’ matter.
That got me thinking if I was a jerk.
So AITJ for publicly shaming her? Should I take the post down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom was absent throughout your life and now wants you to be a happy daughter for her wedding day… without even consulting you… That’s a big ask and she took your consent for granted…
that’s so not okay – it’s a huge boundary stomp.
You have every right to be enraged with her.
However publicly shaming her was a bit too much – she does not deserve your tears, your anger, any rent-free space in your head – nothing from you ever.
Just go no contact – why invite drama?
Hopefully, you have had therapy for issues relating to abandonment.
Best wishes!” Haunting-Row-3961
Another User Comments:
“NTJ since you did privately ask her to take it down but the way you talk about her is horrible. For one you don’t know if she is grieving or not.
For two you shouldn’t demean someone else regarding their personal choices.
I get that you are angry but this is just poison for you. You carry this inside you all the time. She doesn’t have to carry it. It is worth considering therapy. You are under no obligation to build a relationship with her.
It’s not something that makes sense when you’re in this much pain. I suggest therapy because, with the loss of both parents you have a lot of trauma, you missed coping skills that couldn’t be taught either because they weren’t there or because it wasn’t known.
This isn’t about your grandparents either. They obviously did their best and are wonderful for giving you a home. No one knows all the coping skills. Losing a parent at a formative time and being abandoned by the other? Your anger is valid but it’s worth building coping skills so you can cross paths with her or even triggers without spilling poison.
I mention triggers because there will be stories and people who remind you of her. You might have to work with them and having some buffers mentally will protect you from reflexive bad decisions. This is something I learned the hard way.
My hope is for you to have joy and peace.
If you cannot do that with this woman in your life? You shouldn’t have her in your life.” FirebirdWriter
1. AITJ For Keeping The Flowers A Client Gave To Me?
“So I have a partner of 4 years, and I work in a hardware store as a cashier in Quebec. Keep in mind that we all speak French and English here.
About two weeks ago, I had a client walk in who only spoke Spanish, and not a lick of French or English.
Now obviously, nobody in the store speaks Spanish, so he used Google Translate to communicate what he was looking for. We helped this man to the best of our abilities. When it was time to check him out at the cash register, he started speaking to me in Spanish like I would understand, and I just kinda sat there.
Eventually, I understood that he was asking me for my WhatsApp, to which I politely declined.
Fast forward to today, I had to come in to work later than I normally do because I had an appointment. When I did come in, I saw a bouquet of flowers on the counter, and my coworker was laughing hysterically.
She explained to me that that Spanish client came in, dressed in a tux, with this bouquet of flowers for me, and was sorely disappointed that I wasn’t there.
As if on cue, my dad walks in to bring me lunch. My coworker, my boss, my dad, and I are having a good laugh about the whole thing because let’s face it, it’s hilarious.
I used Google Translate to write a note in Spanish telling him that I had a partner and that I wasn’t interested, and I would give him this note when he came to the store next time. So my dad took the bouquet home, and my partner (who lives with us) called me and asked ‘Are we seriously keeping the flowers?’
So my partner was upset that I wanted to keep this bouquet of flowers and told me that I should have rejected them. I explained to him that they don’t mean anything to me and that he wasn’t there when my dad took them home, so he won’t know whether I accepted them or threw them away anyway, and I looooove bouquets.
I’d have a bouquet of flowers on the table every week if I could afford to, and my partner never buys me flowers. And I’m not mad that he doesn’t, but to get upset that I won’t throw away the only bouquet of flowers I’ve ever received (without harassing him for) makes me a little sad.
I’m arguing at this point that there’s no point in wasting a perfectly good bouquet of flowers when throwing them away isn’t going to change anything.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to throw out flowers I received from a client?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You properly rejected this gentleman’s advances. Throwing the flowers away is a straight waste of something pretty. Your partner’s sensitivity in this aspect is because it makes him look bad by comparison, but as you’re not gigging him for it he needs to get over it.
PSA, dudes – A flower budget every few months (particularly delivered to your partner’s workplace so they can show off) is a good investment. Ladies, don’t feel left out – my partner had a pepperette assortment sent to my office for Valentine’s Day and all the other guys were jealous.” CuriosiT38
Another User Comments:
“Very light YTJ – C’mon… If some strange woman gave your partner a gift, and he took it home… The next time you go to visit and stare at it – I guarantee the first words out of your mouth would be: ‘Why are you keeping that?’
You would not be happy if he wanted to keep it. Try some role reversal before you put down his opinion.” LeftAlbatross2546
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!
I hate to say this, but I don't think there's a cure for your problem. Your partner has demonstrated that no matter what you do, they refuse to respect your efforts in keeping the house clean by doing their share of the work, and they communicate so poorly that the shopping list doesn't get updated so y'all can eat? Yeah, no. The passive aggressive games have run their course. I would start making plans to move out on your own, and do NOT tell partner anything about it until you're walking out the door. There comes a time where everything that needs to be said, has been said, and there's no point in rehashing the issue. I'm so sorry your partner is such an @$$hole. Good luck.