People Ponder If They Were Jerks In These Regrettable Stories
25. AITJ For Giving Away Concert Tickets?
“So I (29F) have been seeing Neil (35M), now, we are both high earners, he has a small but successful business, while I do consulting and have several clients so while we are at the same level professionally (If I’m not a bit higher), the difference is that he is a very good looking man, while I’m…well, not too bad, bad.
I have known him for 10+ years, and recently he requested my help for his business. I agreed and helped for free, because I liked the guy, until his changes and demands became too much. Especially a request he did for a profile he wanted to hire, he wanted me to find him a physically attractive female assistant, because “the majority of his clients are male” I laughed at it and told him that was so stupid and sexist, but he insisted, so well, I tried.
None of the girls I interviewed was ok for him so I just stopped helping.
Now, some weeks ago I asked if he wanted to go to this great metal concert going on in our city, he is also a fan of the band, and I thought it would make a nice date.
He said textually “yeah, get the tickets, and I will clear my schedule”, but that was before I stopped helping. As soon as I didn’t provide my services, he stopped talking to me, so not wanting to go alone, yesterday I made a post on FB giving away the tickets, they were VIP and were snatched right away.
A few hours later he called to ask why on earth did I give away the tickets, since we were going together, I asked him to send me a screenshot of the confirmation he had given me that his schedule was clear and we were actually going.
Told him to get lost since he only called me when he needed me to do something, and told him I was hurt and not in the mood to talk to him. He immediately backtracked and started telling me that he wanted me to be a partner on his business, that he trusted my talent and then he said “it’s not beauty I’m looking on a partner, it’s your mind I’m interested in”
I realized immediately that what he wanted was a business partner, told him so, told him I wasn’t interested, because in past dates he told me he was looking for a romantic partner that would also help him grow his business (which I think is ok), and we even kind of hooked up under that assumption.
But now I felt used, hurt and lied to, and of course, concert date cancelled, then hung up.
Our friends in common (we have a lot) have been texting me, it appears he told them about it, some tell me I shouldn’t have had my hopes up, knowing that I am not at his level physically, and to try and understand him, others are sympathizing with the situation, and a few others are calling me a jerk for pressuring him, and putting conditions for a concert I knew he wanted to go to.
While I don’t feel I was wrong, I admit sometimes I’m not the most emotionally accurate person, and can be a bit of a deadpan, so I thought to ask
AITJ for giving away the tickets?”
24. AITJ For Leaving The Family Gathering When My Brother And Aunt Showed Up?
“My brother and aunt live together and have for around 7 years now. One day, around a year ago, something unfortunate happened. My car broke down, so I asked if they would take me to work for a day. They agreed.
They dropped me off at work, but when I got off work, no one was there to pick me up. So, I called to see what was going on and something that had nothing to do with me upset my aunt.
She told me she wasn’t going to pick me up and I would just have to walk. Now for context, I lived 2 hours away from work at the time. It was also 90-degree weather that day. So, as anyone would be, I was very angry.
I yelled over the phone to never ask me for anything and I hung up and walked home that day. I wouldn’t talk to them for a while. I still talked with my brother a bit because he didn’t do anything, he was still at work.
I slowly forgave her but after that, I started noticing that they would both make remarks covered as jokes whether it was about my weight, since I’ve struggled with it for a while, my appearance, or other things. I’m usually the type to just shrug things like that off because I, for the most part, don’t care what others think.
This went on for quite a while. Then, 2 months ago, they asked me for help. They needed help ripping up and installing carpet for the house they were moving into and they said they would pay me decently for the work I put in.
Now, this should’ve been easy but while we were there, they kept needing help with more than just the carpet, like their water heater or a/c for example. They also liked to run back and forth and leave me trying to do most of it on my own.
So, this project that should’ve taken a day or 2 extended to a month. How long it took wasn’t the issue since I would be getting paid decently, right? So, after everything is done and over, about a week ago, they finally pay me.
But the issue is, they handed me $75 with a smile on their faces, expecting me to be happy I just got paid that much for a month’s worth of work. At this point, I exploded. I told them to never talk to me, to never ask me for anything, that I didn’t even want to see them again, and I meant it because they knew what they were doing, they planned it.
Since then, I have repeatedly told family that I don’t want to see them or talk to them and most of my family understood. Recently, I was invited to a get-together at my parents’ house set up by my parents. Now, keep in mind, I told them multiple times I didn’t want to see or talk to my brother or aunt.
I even told them that I wouldn’t go if they were coming. I was told they weren’t going to be there, so I agreed to come. When I got there, everything was going well and I was having a good time.
Until about 30 minutes after I got there and guess who came pulling up into the driveway. I gave my parents an angry look, walked to my car, and left. Later that day, my parents called and told me I was overreacting and I should’ve stayed. Am I the jerk?”
23. AITJ For Going To Breakfast Alone?
“So I (16F) have this best friend (15F) who we’ll call Sandra. Sandra and I met at elementary school and we were super close until the 8th grade, which is when i changed schools. Now we’re in the 10 th grade and in different school and we’ve kind of grown apart.
But this summer, we are at summer school together for 2 weeks and we’re staying at a dorm with 2 other girls. So far it’s been 4 days and she is annoying the heck out of me. Sandra also has ADHD so I feel guilty when I blame her for stuff, but this time I was really annoyed.
So our breakfast time is from 7 am to 10 am here and our first class is at 10. I get up at 8 am and wake Sandra up but she doesn’t get up until around 9 and insists that I wait for her.
By the way, I am staying on the top of a bunk bed and I have a really old phone so my battery dies in around 3 hours and there is no power outlet on the top of the bunk, so I’ve been setting my alarms on my laptop for the past 4 days.
Sandra just refuses to set her own alarms even though she has a power outlet next to her bed. I am a picky eater and I am allergic to a lot of things so I can’t eat a large variety things for breakfast, and by the time Sandra and I get there (which is literally 9.30) all the food I like is done.
I tried explaining to Sandra that I was going to go to breakfast earlier from now on and said that if she doesn’t want to get up, we don’t have to go together. She just told me she’d wake up and I left it there.
This morning, I got up around 7.30 and tried to wake up Sandra but she said it was too early. I was dressed by 8 and tried once again to wake her up but she didn’t get up. I was really annoyed at this point so I just left for breakfast with our other roommates and I finally ate proper food.
In summer school, we have a rule whoch says thar we are only allowed to miss a maximum of 2 classes or else we get expelled. Sandra apparently skipped one class a few days ago which meant that this would be her second missed class (I didn’t know about this because we don’t have the same classes except the first one).
She missed our 10am class and apparently woke up half an hour before her other one (about 2 hours after the first one ended).
I didn’t run into her all morning and honestly did not try to look for her because i was in class or with my other friends on breaks.
On my 2-hour break, I went into a cafe to study for a bit. This break overlaps with a short one of Sandra’s so she was there in the cafe and started yelling at me asking why I didn’t wake her up, but I told her that I did.
Twice. I also told her that I warned her that I would leave early in the morning like 3 times, but she blamed her adhd. After she caused a big scene in the cafe (which all my friends saw) she left and my friends told me that i’m not her babysitter or mother and I shouldn’t put up with this, but now Sandra isn’t talking to me and I feel bad. Am I the jerk?”
22. AITJ For Secretly Going To An Interview?
“So, me, an 18-year-old female, went to a job interview two days ago and my mom got angry when she saw me get into my aunt’s friend’s (who she knows) car and just said “I’m going out, see you later.”
(My mom had been angry for days before for other unrelated stuff.)
The thing here is that when we talked about her being angry about it, she asked me with whose permission I’m going to work, because she didn’t give me any.
I told her that I don’t really need permission for that, and if I did ask for it, she would’ve said no. And then she said (not quoted) “Well, I guess you take your own decisions now and you don’t need anyone’s opinion.” This is where I have a problem because yes? I’m pretty much an adult, in the country I live at least I already have an ID and am considered an adult by law, so I don’t know why I shouldn’t make my own decisions.
I know maybe I should’ve told her, definitely, but since she has been like this all my life (a gaslighter, but also giving permission to go out once per month, doesn’t want me to go anywhere (almost literally) alone, never wanted me to learn how to cook, etc), I now want to start to get more independent so in the future I don’t have to be dependent at home who just sits and eats (also I’m obviously giving her a part of the pay because I have to give something to her and the roof I live under, so it’s not like I’m just taking all the funds for myself.)
*Long clarification, my parents are separated but not divorced, so he gives us a medium amount of funds per week, but he’s not obligated by the government and she thinks he can stop giving us the funds the moment he knows I got a job and obviously an income but he’s not an absent dad nor a bad one, he practically comes to see me every day after his work and I told him that I was thinking of getting a job and that if he ever planned on stop giving us the funds and he said no! He even gave me tips for the interview and today he asked me how it went.
The thing is she has always been like this, she thinks I’m going to leave her at any given moment, and she has always told me stuff like “go with your dad then” or “I know you hate me and I know you think I’m the worst mom ever.”
I know I should’ve told her, but under the circumstances, I think it was better I did it this way (I had my grandma’s approval anyways, she’s like my second mom and we’ve lived together all my life) but I still feel kind of weird because I know she doesn’t want me to leave her (which I won’t do for now) and I feel inconsiderate and I don’t know what to do.
I’m not saying she’s the worst person on planet earth, it’s just that part of the overprotection that bothers me.”
21. AITJ For Backing Out Of A Friends Trip?"
“This started with a friend Pete who planned to go see his spouse’s sibling with his spouse out near a resort the week of the holiday. Pete talked to our friend Gary at work about the trip, from there it evolved to renting a place at this resort, so they could vacation together with Pete’s sibling-in-law.
They booked a 4 bedroom that could sleep 10, then invited me and our friend we’ll call Conrad.
Context, the 4 of us me, Pete, Gary, Conrad. We have known each other for over a decade, save for Gary we met through work a few years back.
All great friends that spend a lot of time together, meeting once a weekish for game nights and outings. Pete and Gary recently helped me get hired on at their company after I was out of work for a while. Pete and Gary were bringing their spouses, plus Gary’s spouse’s sibling making 7 of us.
At some point, Gary invited his own sibling, as well as his cousin and their spouse, nobody was asked about this. There were 4 bedrooms and the rest was pullout couches and a bunk bed in common areas. The idea was to fill this up and split the cost evenly, so we could all afford to do this trip together.
When we sat down to talk about planning the trip initially, I asked if I could claim the 4th bedroom. I am a notoriously light sleeper with chronic insomnia from more than one sleep disorder. All of them knew this already, but I explained I might not be able to sleep in the common areas because of my condition.
I am happy to rough it for a few nights over a weekend or overnight stay, but a whole week seemed unwise. I knew I would be sleepless and irritable, I want to enjoy a vacation I am paying for and not feel lousy and have my insomnia impact their trip.
I was happy to pay as a couple if that was an issue.
Gary, who made the initial booking, said no. He promised the 4th bedroom to his spouse’s sibling, stating she would be more comfortable in there and not out in the commons with the singles.
I said OK, maybe if someone else drops out we can make this work. We looked at hotels, RVs, and other options nearby, did not find a good alternative. We broke discussion and agreed we had time to figure it out.
Next day, there is group text chatter about the trip. Sounds like everyone is confirmed now. I politely backed out of the trip and encouraged them to go and have fun. Without a bedroom I knew I wouldn’t have fun and I would be a damper on things, told them we can plan another trip later.
Gary is now upset I backed out, saying I ruined our friend vacation if one of the 4 of us is not going. He suggested I get a hotel again, but it would be more expensive and I don’t see the point.
He is firm that him and Pete are going and will not change any of their plans. If nobody can make any accommodations or compromises, I don’t see what can be done here. No matter what someone is upset. As much as I wanted to go too and feel obligated to make everyone happy after getting this job, I was fine staying. Am I the jerk?”
20. WIBTJ For Taking My Sister On A Trip?
“I started working the day after my 15th birthday and worked all through HS and then college. I grew up hearing how my aunt had started saving “fun funds” since she started working so she could do something when she turned 25, I decided to copy her.
So I’ve been saving a little funds from every week’s paycheck since my very first job, only I raised the age to 30 🙂
I didn’t know what to do with the funds, but my friend went to Japan in March, and she sent me some amazing photos of the Disney parks in Tokyo.
I grew up near Disney World, and I’ve been a few times as a kid and adult but I had no idea how cool the international parks were until then! I started looking at the costs and spent about two months really heavily thinking about it, but I’ve never wanted to go on a trip more than the one I planned: Disneyland in California, Hong Kong, Tokyo, and Paris.
(I’m planning on a trip to China in 2026, so would go to Shanghai then).
I asked my partner if he would want to come with me, I would pay for all the travel fees so like the hotels, tickets, food, that kind of stuff.
He’s loves anime, manga, and gaming stuff like Nintendo, so I was telling him how we could even go to the Universal Studios in Osaka to see the Nintendo park there if he wanted, as an early birthday present for him, and how I could add extra days in Tokyo if he wanted.
After I got done telling him about the trip, he just laughed and asked if I was serious. At first I thought he was asking in happy disbelief since he’s always wanted to travel to Japan. So I said yes, I’m serious.
He started telling me how I was being a child and that no real adult would ever think my plan was a good idea. I was a little shocked and asked if he wanted to maybe look at some videos to see how cool the other Disney parks were.
He scoffed at that idea and told me that it would be stupid to waste time at an American theme park if we were traveling all the way to Japan and Paris. I asked again if he would at least look at the parks but he just kept repeating how stupid and childish the plan was and how it was such a dumb waste.
I got mad and left. I talked to him the next day threatened to take my sister instead of him since he obviously didn’t want to come and he got mad again. We decided to just not talk about it for a few weeks to both cool down so we could come back to it later on when things weren’t do heated.
But I ended up actually talking to my sister about the trip, just to test the waters, and apparently this is her dream trip! I haven’t told her I am thinking about taking her instead as like a joint HS graduation/Freshman college destress gift to her instead. Would I be the jerk if I actually did just take my sister, which I want to do instead of taking my partner, even though I planned a lot of it with him in mind?”
19. AITJ For Not Accommodating A Friend On My Wedding Night?
“My (24f) fiancée and I are getting married in August and it’s about an hour away from where our family and friends live.
I have 4 girls in my bridal party and of those 4 girls, 2 have partners. We will call them Hayden (24f) and Gillian (24f).
I originally did not give them plus ones because they were not together their partners when I sent out invites in January. We all booked an Airbnb for the night before and night of the wedding as well at that time.
A week ago I realized that we had some extra room at the wedding and wanted to give the girls the option to bring their partners to the wedding. Gillian called me and declined because she said she knows she’ll be busy being a bridesmaid and her partner also doesn’t want to have to drive home after, she said Hayden would probably say the same thing since they both have only been official with their partners since April, but I waited to hear from her myself.
Hayden answered my text a few days later and said that she’d love to bring her partner to the wedding and asked if he could stay in the Airbnb with us on the night of the wedding on an air mattress.
I was hesitant because I’ve only met him twice and my fiancé and her partner actually went to high school together but weren’t friends, so it adds a layer of awkwardness for him.
I know this was where I went wrong but I initially said sure, and then as the day wore on realized that I definitely did not want him staying in the Airbnb.
My fiancé was upset with me and said he didn’t want someone that he barely knows staying in the Airbnb on the night of his wedding and when I asked my other bridesmaids what they thought they all were upset that Hayden even asked to have him stay at the Airbnb because they also don’t know him well and thought it was just going to be the wedding party.
They all felt it would be uncomfortable.
So I reached out to her that same day and let her know that the more I thought about it, the more I realized I just wanted it to be my bridal party and that he is more than welcome to come to the wedding but I want to keep the Airbnb to just my ladies.
I also offered to give her the funds back for that night of the Airbnb if she wants to get a hotel with him instead. I apologized profusely and was very nice in this text.
I didn’t get an answer for a week, but finally she sent a very terse text saying that I can do whatever I want because it’s my wedding and that her and her partner will be “staying elsewhere the night of the wedding”.
I was kind of taken aback when I saw this text because she is obviously very angry and annoyed but I don’t think I’m wrong for making this request.
She has been with her partner officially since April but were friends for 6 months+ before then and when we asked if they were seeing eachother she always insisted no and to stop calling him her partner.
She now told my other friend she is upset because she’s been with him for a year and thinks I’m being unfair.
So in short, am I the jerk for not allowing him to stay at the Airbnb on our wedding night?”
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex Using My Car?
“Ex-wife and me ended things in relatively good terms about a year ago. After the separation, I slowly took over the car payments and everything related to it, as we agreed that I would be the one keeping it after the divorce.
I took the payments faster than agreed, to reduce stress for the both of us and give her peace of mind, since her new partner kept pushing her to sever all ties, even though we had decided that we’d stay friends, since things didn’t end up due to cheating (on my end, as I came to learn later) or anything particularly bad, we just drifted apart.
Her partner (who lives in another city.) thinks I am a degenerate monster (despite him being the dude she cheated on me with), or that I still want to get back with her and can’t even stand to be in my presence.
The guy just hates my guts and makes it clear with every chance he gets. Me and my ex had an agreement that if she ever NEEDED the car, say, to go to the ER, or even go get heavy groceries during the winter (we live in a place where it can get down to -30C or below in the winter), she could use it, as long as I didn’t need it.
It worked pretty well for a little while, but recently things changed. A few weeks ago she finally admitted that she had cheated on me with her current partner. I was upset that she’d lied to me, but since it was water under the bridge and I didn’t want to make it more than it was, I let it go.
Even my current partner was surprised that I took it so chill, but I though it was not worth it to throw away what was, up to that point, a solid friendship with someone I had never stopped caring about, for stuff that happened a year ago, since I am happy with how my life turned out, anyways.
A few days after that my ex asked me to use the car. It is summer here, now, and that since last December I’ve been paying ALL of the car payments, insurance, gas, maintenance, etc…, so her access to the car is limited to REAL needs.
I asked her what she needed it for, and how long she would take with it. After dozens of attempts to justify her need for the car, she finally admitted that she wanted to use it so that she and her partner could go on a date at a fancy restaurant just outside of the city, for their 1y anniversary.
Mind you, I did the math and to no one’s surprise, it just happened that they were celebrating their 1 year anniversary in a date in which we were still together, one year ago. She went on to have a tantrum, saying that she didn’t see why her using the car that one night was such a big deal, and that I was a jerk for not understanding that he’d come to the city “just for this dinner” at a restaurant neigh impossible to get reservations for, and I had been lying about wanting to stay friends because I didn’t care about her relationship like a real friend would.
AITJ here, for deciding that, from now on, even our previous deal of “times of need” is no longer applicable, and that if she wants a car, she can rent, take an uber or buy herself a car?”
17. AITJ For Letting My Nephew Stay At My Place?
“A couple of days ago my best friend (20+ yrs) got home from work and my nephew (16) who was supposed to be watching his 3yo sister, wasn’t. The teen previously had his cellphone taken away for indiscretions, found out where it was hidden, and decided to take it back, turn it on, call his friend, mom walked in & caught him.
A fight ensued.
He was sent to bed, decided that was a breaking point for him, decided to run away. She let him.
Her stance is that there are consequences to actions, and if he can’t follow her rules, he can sleep on the streets.
Cue – me – Auntie.
After she came over to see if he was at my house, I was almost asleep, in bed. He wasn’t. I got up drove around with her to find him where she told me explicitly that she didn’t want him at my house, that if he wanted to be foolish and he could literally sleep on the streets, it was his choice.
If he came to my place she wanted to know but she didn’t want him under my roof period.
I explained to her my house is and always has been a safe haven for the people we love. We don’t have to agree with their decisions but that is where we stand.
It’s ALWAYS been that way with us.
I told her if he came over I’d tell her, we switched topics and it was left at that.
We got back home to a light on and it was enough to make her suspicious that we were lying to her about the kid at our place, we snapped at each other, she left.
My husband was awake waiting for me, we sat on the couch talking for a bit and then there was a knock at my front door at 2am, nephew.
We got him some water, explained if the police got involved there was nothing we could do, if mom came over he would likely have to help deal with her, we were leaving for a planned trip early in the am, and that I had said I would call mom if he showed up and he said he understood it all.
Proceeded to call mom on speakerphone, who for the next few minutes was very angry… Told me I was messed up for going behind her back(not true), told me I was messed up for undermining her parenting, told me it was messed up that I wasn’t listening to her wishes, told all of us that he should be sleeping on the streets yada yada then hung up on me and sent me a text basically saying she was done with me and she’s sick of this nonsense.
Radio silence.
We made the decision to let him stay because it was nearly 3am.
Nephew slept on the futon in the garage and had talks with my husband for a while as much as possible was feeling ok when I went to bed hugged him and told him he was loved and to eat food and drink water.
I woke up and he was gone.
Haven’t talked to her in 3 days. Don’t have an update on nephew yet due to being out of town.
I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and she literally sent me and her son into a stress induced panic attack over this.
I still feel like I made the right choice, I still feel like I somehow failed my nephew too. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Supporting My Partner Against My Sister?
“My partner (f23) and I (m28) have lived together for a year and I plan to propose soon. This isn’t a secret between my partner and I as we openly communicate.
My sister (f19) is engaged to someone she has dated for a few months.
The other day, she called me to ask if my partner would be a bridesmaid. My partner had anticipated my sister would approach me and told me to say no because of her social anxiety. My sister asked “Will your partner still be around then? And if so would it be okay if I asked her to be my bridesmaid?” I didn’t realize how that could sound so my response was “Of course she will be around! I’m proposing soon.” To which my sister seemed excited about.
Telling my partner about it later, she was mortified at how my sister had asked and said she doesn’t want to go to the wedding now. I don’t think that was the intention and my sister can lack tact sometimes. My partner said my sister should have asked her, that she is annoyed they always go through me instead of her directly since they have her number.
This past year, my parents have complained about how manipulative and selfish my sister can be. My sister and I rarely talk as she doesn’t respond much and I haven’t lived at home since she was 9.
I text my sister what my partner said to give sister a chance to make it right.
Also called mom so she can hear our side before my sister manipulates. Mom had an attitude as my sister had already sent her the text. My mom said my sister didn’t mean that so you shouldn’t feel hurt to my partner and that I should “know her heart better” and defend her more.
My sister called me in a similar state. She said I should have convinced my partner it wasn’t what she meant and that mom told her about me wanting to propose so she was asking to get me to admit it.
This did make me realize she didn’t know it isn’t a secret, which I explained to my partner. My partner apologized at this point for hurting sister’s feelings but also said she would like her feelings acknowledged and an apology too.
My partner and I did not raise our voices and tried to be understanding. My sister doubled down and says she didn’t want me to feel sad if my partner was in her wedding photos and we broke up. At one point sister cut us off, yelling “NO, NO, NO”.
Sister hung up and turned off her phone.
Mom called, we had the same conversation as before. My sister finally answers and I talk to her alone. She is still holding to her guns. She even said “as the head of the household you should have made her” (My family is religious, my partner and I aren’t) I cut her off and told her how wrong that is.
We kept going in circles. She hung up when I said she should talk to my partner and texted me saying we would talk later. We haven’t.
My partner no longer wants anything to do with them. I always try to be a peacemaker so I want a resolution, but am seeing painful truths about my family and how we have let these interactions slide in the past. This is the first one my partner has been a part of. This was 3 days ago. My partner and I will get through this but would love some unbiased opinions.”
15. AITJ For Calling My Partner's Mother?
“For some context of this story I (f21) don’t have a driver’s license. I do have a learners and I just bought a car to help me with learning. Not that it matters but with my family situation, I never had the resources to learn.
My partner (m24) has been driving since 15.
I’ve had my car a total of three weeks. I drove around the town and to a neighboring town last weekend with my partner’s mom. I have also driven around the city with my partner.
He lives on a mountain in a subdivision in town and I decided to go driving with him Saturday. For reference, there is only one other house above his house that leads to a dead end along with a house directly across from him.
Besides those, there is one house below him sitting in an S curve that can really only accommodate one car at a time.
My car is parked in the grass and not the pavement and I’ve never pulled this car out of the grass.
When pulling it out, I jerk the car a bit because I was trying to avoid running the car into a ditch. That is when he starts getting upset that he is disappointed I had not made progress since the first time I drove with him.
I go to pull out of the driveway, looking both ways, and he gets extremely upset that I’m so slow. I pull out and head down to the first curve which had a blind curve where another “road” connected with a yield sign.
Someone here had pulled out in front of me the weekend prior when I drove with his mother. I know it probably wasn’t right but I slowed down/stopped just to make sure I could see around the blind curve and my partner loses it.
He is screaming about how if we were somewhere else it could have been catastrophic and that he doesn’t understand how I regressed so badly in a week. Mind you again, four people total live on this hill and I checked my mirrors before I did this.
And that’s where I lost all my confidence. I go into the second turn in tears asking him not to yell while I’m driving.
He opens his car door while I’m driving so I break hard again. He gets out and tells me to just go drive by myself and that he’s walking back home.
Mind you, I legally cannot drive alone and he just left me in a blind curve alone.
I tried calling him and he wouldn’t pick up so I called his mother which is where I might be the jerk. I don’t know how to demonstrate the feelings I had in that moment to you all but I broke down when she answered the phone.
He had just abandoned me in a one-lane blind curve where I could not turn around when I’m not even supposed to be alone while I drive. His mom consoled me and then called my partner who came back a few minutes later even more mad because his mother just screamed at him and threatened to take his car/more.
Well, it didn’t really fix his attitude, he was still in a bad mood the rest of the drive and criticized every single thing I did and didn’t apologize for getting out of the moving car because he said it’s even because I got him in trouble with his mom. I really can’t be the jerk in this situation, can I?”
14. AITA For Getting A Haircut?
“I (M34) got my hair cut on Sunday, and my partner (F29) is now refusing to speak to or look at me.
For some background, we have been together for 8 years.
In our early relationship, one weekend she visited me, I decided to make a bit of extra effort.
I got a hair cut, a shave, put on a shirt. When she arrived, she freaked out, said she couldn’t look at me, that she has this issue with anyone who gets a surprise haircut. This happened every time.
In 2020, I couldn’t get it cut.
My hair is extremely thick and hard to manage. I don’t like how it feels or how it looks long.
My partner has expressed to me since that she prefers it longer, as I have expressed that I prefer it shorter. It has been long quite a bit since then, partly because I am too busy to get it cut often (we have a 5 year old daughter and I work full time) and partly because I didn’t like the stress of her reaction.
Cut to Sunday, my partner took our daughter out for the day, while I did the weekly shop. While I was there I got my hair cut. It was very long and irritating, so I ended up getting it quite short.
I knew my partner would be shocked, so I messaged her before she got back, saying I’d had my hair cut and would she like to see a picture so it wasn’t a shock. She didn’t respond directly, just told me I should have talked to her before I did it rather than after.
I then had to wait in stress for her to get home, and when she did she immediately told me it looked awful. At this point, I got angry, and told her that I was angry, and that I’d been stressed about her reaction all afternoon.
She shut down, refused to speak, then got up, whispered something in our daughter’s ear (which she told me was ‘I’m going out for a bit’) and then left without a word. She stayed out for about 4 hours, so I cooked dinner, gave our daughter a bath and put her to bed.
My partner then came back, wouldn’t speak to me. I confronted her and demanded to know why and she said she was angry that I had got so angry at her when I know her issues with hair and I still got a haircut behind her back, and that she finds me less attractive with short hair, and I was disrespectful by not talking to her about it first because she would have told me not to get it so short so it wouldn’t upset her so much.
I apologised for getting angry, explained that I’d built up stress about her reactions to my hair and acted without thinking. I also told her that I regret how short it is, but she didn’t care, she was more focused on my doing it without talking to her first.
She also said that every time she looks at me or I speak, and she’s forced to look at my hair, she feels angry again.
Since then she won’t be in the same room as me, and won’t speak to me when she is.
This evening, she got home, said hi to our daughter, the dogs etc but when I said hi she didn’t even look at me. I don’t know how long she’s going to keep ignoring me, but it’s getting very upsetting.
AITJ here?”
13. WIBTJ for Re-homing my Old Roommates Cats?
“I’m a 21-year-old woman living in a large West Coast city. Almost two years ago, I moved in with two roommates I found online through a roommate app. One of them, Rachel (not her real name), became a close friend. When Rachel mentioned getting two cats, I agreed as long as they didn’t enter my room due to my allergies.
Rachel went home for Christmas in 2022 and stayed there for about a month. During that time, I took care of the cats despite my allergies (which I agreed to do). She later received a job offer on the East Coast and decided to return briefly to sort things out before moving.
We discussed the cats, as she couldn’t figure out a way to get them to her new city. I agreed to take care of them for the time being, but made sure to mention it was just until we could figure out a way to get them to her and that if my allergies got really bad, we would need to figure something out.
She agreed.
Fast forward to the present. It has now been 8 months that the cats have been in my care, and they have been causing me some serious issues. I took over the master bedroom when she left, and the cats do not like to leave that room often.
I understand as they see it as their room too, but it has become increasingly more difficult to have them around. I have constant allergies and am even starting to break out in rashes, but that isn’t the only issue now.
They get litter all over my room which I have to clean up daily, they have peed on my bed multiple times when I consistently keep their litter box in good shape, and continuously (accidentally) scratch my partner and I while sleeping.
I am a full time student and work 40+ hours a week on top of this. Plus, I don’t want these cats to live in an environment where they can’t be given 100% of the time and care they need. It breaks my heart that I can’t give them this, I really do love them very much.
I have texted Rachel many times about the situation, and the first time she offered to pay for the allergy shot that would fix my cat allergy. I told her thank you, but that I don’t think I can continue caring for the cats regardless.
She left me on read and whenever I try to bring it up now, she just sort of brushes it off.
Unfortunately, I can’t afford to fly myself and two cats across the country and give them to her. She even said she didn’t think her apartment allowed cats, which has me wondering what her plan was in the first place.
My sister offered to take them, and I think she would take great care of them. I brought it up with Rachel, but she texted she would just try and figure out a way to get them to her mom, and she hasn’t followed up since.
I know I can’t take care of these cats forever, but feel like a horrible person because she did offer to buy me the allergy shot, and I agreed to take care of them. I want to call her and tell her that if she can’t figure out a way to get her cats that I am giving them over to my sister to take care of. WIBJ for doing so? Any advice is appreciated.”
People think cats aren't human companion bonded, but I'm here to tell you they are. When their primary person deserts them, they get very insecure and display behaviours like inappropriate urination, destructiveness, isolation - all the same characteristics shown by an abandoned child. You will be doing those kitties a huge favor by putting them in a secure home where they can feel loved and protected, so they'll stop waiting for $h!theaded Rachel to come back for them, and then they'll settle into a new environment much more quickly. Gods bless you for taking care of them this long. You're putting a whole wing on your house in heaven by your actions.
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Neighbor After Her Dog Passed Away?
I live in a large city and reside on a street that many use as a shortcut to avoid a very busy intersection of highways. I’ve complained about how people speed down our road and we have no sidewalks. So a neighbor, we will call her Jan, has a German Shepherd that had 5 puppies.
Last year, the puppies and mom dog would get out of the fenced yard and run around the neighborhood. First few times I just returned the puppies thinking it was an accident, Jan said the mom dog can open the fence.
I told her I was worried something would happen to the puppies. Fast forward, my dogs are going crazy, the dogs are in our yard. At this point, I’m annoyed. I was not the only one, woman walking her dog afraid of the puppies-now 60 lbs each-running at her and her leashed dog.
We get the dogs away from her and Jan’s across the street neighbor is yelling at her about being an irresponsible dog owner. Her defense always was that they weren’t mean dogs we all said it doesn’t matter if they are mean they could get hit by a car.
My MIL lives in our back yard and said the mom dog had been getting out for years. I talked to 3 neighbors and we agreed I should call animal control. The officer came and said there was a problem with the fence but Jan said she would fix it.
She didn’t. He told me she would get fined $200 per dog out per incident. I sent many pics and vids. A few more months go by and the dogs are out again and would openly approach cars in the road.
No fear. I have been terrified that a dog was going to be hit by a car would be so sad to see that and for the person who hit the dog, that would be terrible. Today exactly what I’ve always feared happened.
I WFH and my dogs and I all heard a loud bang, all our heads snap up, we waited then I see an unfamiliar car in my neighbors driveway with a frantic person. Sure enough here comes Jan running. I came outside and am watching her scream and cry over the dog (which by the miracle of a slightly raised street I cannot see) and I ask the man if he hit a dog and he said no it was a different car but that car drove off.
I yelled at Jan. I told her this would happen and it was her fault and the dog did not deserve to die like this. She went to get her car to pick up dead dog, my FIL had just pulled up and went to help her, both my MIL and I could not go help.
just couldn’t handle seeing the dog dead. I’m hoping it was quick and he didn’t suffer. I called AC to tell them what happened, I asked if she could get the dogs taken away and they said no, would have to be owner surrender which I know Jan won’t do.
I’m livid that Jan continued to let her dogs get out and I’m heart broken the dog is dead because we don’t deserve dogs and that dog didn’t deserve to get hit and killed because of an irresponsible human. But I’m also feeling kinda like a jerk because I yelled at Jan while she is sitting next to the body of her dead dog. AITJ for yelling at her?
11. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Don't Want To Visit His Country?
“My husband (32 yr), daughter (11 yr, his stepdaughter) and I (34 yr F) traveled to his home country this summer for two and half weeks. He will be staying for one week longer, but my daughter and I are already at the airport.
Context- He moved to America last year to be with me and to finally build our lives together. We had been doing long distance for 5 years before this. He is still adapting and he misses his home country, family, friends, and culture A LOT.
He has not yet built a support network in America except for my parents, my daughter, my friends and me. I try to encourage him to join social groups, but he is very attached to his family and friends at home and doesn’t feel like he needs to make new friends.
He also does not enjoy his current job. He is waiting until next year to join a program to pursue a career he is interested in.
We did travel to his home country twice last year, once with my daughter. We spent the time in his small hometown visiting his family and friends.
It was different from when I used to visit him during our long distance relationship because we didn’t have a lot of alone time together and we barely did any sightseeing (maybe two days out of three weeks of our trip).
I wanted him to be happy so we spent 95% of the time with his family and friends.
This trip I expressed to him that I’d like to do more than the previous trips because it was my trip too. I was trying to be understanding because he misses his home so much.
So when we spent the first week of our trip in his small hometown I didn’t complain. I even offered to invite his mom to our 5 day trip to a different part of his country. He promised we could have alone time together.
It never happened. We spent morning until night with his mom and my daughter. He planned our itinerary. I would ask and make suggestions, but he was always the ultimate decision maker because I can’t drive his manual car. One morning during this trip I expressed to him that I was annoyed and upset because he told me I made a mistake by posting pics of his mom on the trip with us.
His parents are divorced and he didn’t want him to find out that his mom was was there because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but he never told me before I posted pics so I didn’t know. He saw that I was upset and in bed and told me that I needed to hurry because we needed to leave since his mom was ready and waiting.
I told him I didn’t feeling like going, but he he was begging me to get ready so I did. During our sightseeing his mom could tell I was upset and asked him about it. He came to me and said I was acting childish and disrespectful because I was acting upset in front of his mom.
I tried my best to make small talk with her, but I’m not an actor and I couldn’t hide my feelings. This conversation was during some sightseeing so I told him we’d need to talk about it later. We had to wait until my daughter and his mom went to sleep around midnight.
We did discuss it. He told me I shouldn’t complain because I’m on vacation. But I said even though I’m on vacation it’s hard to spend all this time with his family and to not have any time for ourselves to talk about things.
And regardless I’m allowed to have feelings even if I’m on vacation. I decided to get over it and try to enjoy our trip in this different city.
We make it back to his hometown to spend more time with his family and friends.
I tell him it’s a lot for me and I wish we could have more time together.
Before our trip to his home country I told him we needed to bring my daughter to this one attraction which would take about an hour.
We end up bringing his mom and sister to this city. I was totally okay with this, but I reminded him at least three times that we need to bring my daughter to the place she wanted to go. He said to trust him.
We made it there at 9 PM and it was closed. I was upset, but I also knew I could’ve googled it too. But he said to trust him so I did. I didn’t get angry. But as we were dropping off his sister, he told her he’d pick her up tomorrow because he wanted her to accompany him as he dropped my daughter and I off at the airport (he’s staying one more week).
He could’ve asked if that was okay with me, but he didn’t. I told him that’s fine but I wanted us to leave with our baggage before we ran an errand and picked her up to save time just to be sure we could still make it to the attraction my daughter wanted to visit before our flight.
He said to trust him. I said it was our last day and it was the only thing my daughter asked for so could we just do it my way this one time. He said no unless I drove which again I can’t because his car is manual.
Finally he agreed after I brought it up again because we were still driving with his mom in the car. When we got to her house I asked him if we could talk outside for privacy. I told him I was upset because I feel like every time we visit his home country he treats me like a child who needs to follow him and go along with everything he says.
He yelled at me and said we were still going to the place my daughter wanted so what was the problem. I said I try to go along with everything most of the time, but any time I express any unhappiness it’s a problem for him.
And it was our last day so couldn’t he just listen to what I wanted.
The next day he was still upset and not really talking to me. He was speaking with his sister in a normal way though. I asked him if he was just going to ignore me on our last day before spending a week apart.
He said he was still upset about the night before. I was trying to get over it. But he said I didn’t need to make a big deal when we only saved thirty minutes and I needed to just trust him.
At this point I decided not talk about it. We did make it to where my daughter wanted to go. But as we were saying bye at the airport I said I didn’t want to come back to his home country again if he was going to treat me like a child who doesn’t get to express her feelings and have opinions and ideas.
AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Mom's?
“There needs to be a little context so let me explain. I’m an only child (16M) with divorced parents. My mom has a guest (another cousin of mine) who is staying in MY room from June to August. I was with my dad on a Sunday when my mom texted me to bring clothes to her house.
I asked why and if she had any plans. She said not to worry about it and that it shouldn’t matter if she has plans or not because it’s her week to have me as my parents have 50/50 custody over me.
She also said that she’s on vacation time from work but never mentioned about going anywhere. And although in the past she thought of going somewhere, she mentioned that it might be local.
Anyways, I told her that I already have plans with some cousins and she snapped asking why I don’t want to come home.
I tell her that for starters, my cousin is staying in MY room because we have no guest bedroom, and that I don’t want to sleep on the couch in the living room or on the floor (I am a big guy as well so the couch or the floor wouldn’t be as comfortable).
Also, my cousin would be staying until days before I start school, and I didn’t want to not have my room for months before I start school again. After a few minutes of bickering back and forth, she eventually said that she wants me to go to my cousins.
After about an hour, she texts back again saying that I should bring clothes. I ask if she has plans and that I need to know because not only do I not want to sit in the house all day (not even in my own room) doing nothing, and that I already have plans with cousins.
She snaps and after, I eventually give up wanting to end this argument. I tell her she can pick me up at the end of the day, but she refuses and says I can just go to my cousins. I tell her that I chose the latter and then she gets mad again.
I end the conversation by telling her and I quote, “Let me know when you’re done being mad at me.”
I am now at my cousins and after looking at things on sale on Amazon, I notice delivered packages a few days earlier (me and my mom share the same account), and they were supplies for the beach.
I check my mom’s location, and she is in the middle of Honolulu, Hawaii. I am in disbelief and anger that my mom wouldn’t tell me her plans and that I missed out on a trip to Hawaii. I have yet to lash out at her but I tell my cousins about it and I empty my frustration.
AITJ?
TLDR: My mom wouldn’t tell me if she had plans after texting me to bring clothes to her house. I didn’t want to go if she doesn’t have anything planned because of a guest who is staying in my room and that I have plans with cousins.
After arguing for a little bit, I decide to let her pick me up, but she refused. I end up going to my cousins the next day and after noticing packages delivered a few days before, I check my mom’s location, and she’s in Honolulu, Hawaii. I am angry and frustrated that she didn’t tell me and now I missed out on a vacation. AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Letting A Cat In My Ex's Room?
“This is a throw away account for obvious reasons. Before I begin, this was not out of spite, mostly, I guess. This was an honest mistake and I promise I have grown from this experience.
Me (24f) and my ex (25m) who I will call Mason, have recently been going through a lot of hardships.
We have always gotten along in our 4-year relationship with minor fights here and there, but nothing like the one we have been facing the past month. I found that he had been going out to many parties late at night, which has never been a problem before.
I knew he was big into parties, and he would always tell me when he was invited and would ensure I was fine with it. I was on Snapchat one night and saw my close friend’s story which had a photo of a party, and a very clear shot of my partner dancing with a few girls.
I was shocked, and disgusted to say the least. Upon asking some other friends if he had done this multiple times, which they all said yes to, it was safe to say I needed to talk with him.
I confronted him, and he finally admitted to doing these things.
The reason we only took a break is because I know he had been going through a lot during this time, and sadly turned to some of his friends who have never been the greatest influence.
Okay, moving on to the cat situation.
While taking out my stuff from his place I came across a cat outside his sliding door. I half assumed that his roommates had gotten one since I hadn’t been over in a bit and they have had some in the past, but the other half kind of knew it was a stray.
Instead of leaving it out, I went with the safe option and let it in, not thinking much of it. My partner was gone at the time and wouldn’t be returning till the next day, so I just hoped it would be fine.
The next morning I got a call from my partner who seemed pretty angry at me. It turns out the cat I let in was in fact a stray, and had knocked stuff over, ripped up pillows, and chewed up/ate a few personal belongings.
He knew it was me based on the note I had left telling him I let his cat in, and hoping our relationship will be back to what we had soon enough. I said I was sorry, and if there was anything I could do.
Which led to him just telling me that it ripped up a lot of photos he couldn’t replace. Although I felt kind of bad, deep down I felt a little bit like he deserved it for what he did to me.
Long story short, he wasn’t exactly super happy with me at the end of that call and so the only thing I could do was just hope everything would be fine.
After a few hours, I began getting multiple texts from his friends and close family, telling me that what I did was wrong, and how I should have asked him if the cat was his, and by me not doing this I’ve ruined many special memories from his childhood and important moments in his life. Honestly, at this point, I just turned off my notifications because as much as I do believe that I am somewhat in the wrong here, it was all an accident. So, AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Best Friend A Second Change?
“I am a girl and I have a male “best friend”. Since 2018, we have been extremely close, sort of like brothers. Every day we saw each other in high school, we hung out, even at Christmas (yes, too intense), I loved him just like a brother would.
As it turns out, we both chose the same orientation and enrolled in the same classroom. There were other acquaintances in the class (who were more friends of theirs than mine).
The first day of school arrived, and as if he didn’t know me, he literally ignored me all day.
He sat with his friends from him and did not speak to me. I thought it was temporary, but days, weeks passed, and he kept ignoring me. I asked him on WhatsApp if he was okay, if I had done something wrong, and he said that he didn’t notice anything strange.
Months passed and things did not change, I began to despair. I cried even in class, I went home alone (because the acquaintances I had in class were his friends, not mine, so I was excluded), and on my birthday from him I went to class.
That day, he wished me a happy birthday and I was glad to think that he would spend the day with me, which obviously did not happen. He didn’t even post photos of us.
I kept asking him countless times, I even sent him some recordings in which I was crying and begging him to talk to me.
He kept telling me he had no idea what I was talking about.
Very rarely, we would talk on WhatsApp to pass the time, but for some reason.
I made new friends in my classroom, and that’s how the year ended. Him ignoring me and begging me for his attention from him.
Summer started and I told him about making plans together, but he never could.
In February, he finally texted me. He explained to me the reason why he ignored me all year. It turns out that he liked me, since the end of 2021, and he didn’t have the courage to tell me.
I can’t describe if what I felt was anger, disappointment, or relief to find out.
I told him that I was absolutely disappointed with his attitude, even knowing the reason. I also told him that I understood why he didn’t tell me, but that I would have preferred that before going through all that suffering.
That his feelings from him were something totally unexpected.
We gave ourselves a while, but then in March he spoke to me again. He invited me to go out, but that day he never came. One night, I sent him a 14-minute audio, and to sum it up, I pretty much said this:
“I love you, you were an amazing best friend, but I can’t bear to continue being your friend after everything that happened.
I suffered too much and I feel that you didn’t care about me. I forgive you, but don’t talk to me anymore”.
He told me that he understood my reaction but he didn’t want to end the friendship. He asked me for a second chance, but I denied it. He said that I should understand his motives for him. I told him that he understood, but wasn’t a whole year enough to realize that he was hurting me? I just couldn’t give him a second chance.
AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Friend's Wife?
“Four of us went out on a bottomless brunch, started at 12:30 and I was the only one not drinking.
We sat till 15:00 and then found a sports bar where they three (my wife, my friend and his wife) had some more beers.
At 16:30 we went to a wine bar (it opened at 16:00).
My wife was really reaching her limit around 18:00 and I wanted to leave but my friend’s wife said that we, the guys could go home and they would have max one more drink and she would look after my wife, give her just water etc.
We left (took 20 min) and I was home around 19:00 and I watched an episode of the Witcher before calling my wife at 20:00 to check if they were headed home.
She was so intoxicated that she just repeated my phone number to me again and again and again, my friend’s wife got on the phone and said they were about to take a taxi.
I was a little worried but started another Witcher episode and decided to wait, not go down town and make a mess of things.
At 20:40 my daughter calls and tells me her friends found her mother downtown trying to hitch a ride home.
I called her and she could not say where she was and just that she really needed to pee. I got worried for her heading in an alley to pee and got annoyed because my friend’s wife had lied, again about going home.
I called her and she said she was looking for my wife and while I was on the phone with her she found her. And again promised they were going straight for a taxi and head home.
15 minutes later I wanted to verify they were heading home so I called my wife, she could not talk, what she said just didn´t make sense but my friend’s wife was telling her just to hang up.
I called four times and in the last call my friend’s wife took answered and said they were OK everything was under control and they were about to grab some pizza.
I raised my voice calmly told her to be very careful, I would not speak to her again if she wouldn´t take my wife home ASAP and hung up.
Since I knew what pizza place I jumped in my car and drove there, picked them up and headed home (it was 22:25 when I arrived at the pizza place).
I had decided not to speak in the car on the way home but when my friend’s wife started to talk about how aggressive I was and everything would have been OK if I just hadn´t meddled in, I explained how I got a call from my daughter and how she in fact taken my wife hostage by lying to me repeatedly about them heading home.
My wife was crying in the front seat, but she was more lucid, she could talk but not make a conversation.
My friend’s wife then said that she felt my wife was in an abusive relationship and “if I hadn´t bugged in this would have been just another great night out for them two girls”
The day after she sent my wife a text that made her cry, she just said it was crazy, didn´t show me but I can just imagine what it is.”
6. AITJ For Ditching My Friend At Lunch?
“Me (24F) and C(24F) have been co workers for a couple years, over time we grew to become friends and would regularly go out to eat together either during our lunch breaks. We have done this many times before and have never had any issues prior to this day.
On this day, we decided to try a new place for lunch. After a quick google search we find a nice Mexican food spot that looks good so we agree to eat there. Lunch time rolls around and we make our way to the restaurant, get seated, etc.
We usually get something quick when we go out during lunch break so we decide on some nachos to share. We order, the nachos come around, they’re great, all is well.
As we are starting to polish off plate C suddenly pulls out her phone to take a photo of the nachos.
I thought that was weird since they were already halfway eaten but then she points to something on the plate. She is making a disgusted face at this point so I follow the direction of her finger and notice a bay leaf that was buried under some chips.
C is visibly grossed out thinking that this was a leaf from outside. I almost wanted to laugh but I didn’t, because in all honesty, I had no idea what a bay leaf was or what it was used for in cooking until about a year or so prior.
But before I could even try to explain, C was calling over our server.
I am embarrassed at this point because I couldn’t stop her in time to explain what it was before she was calling over an employee, but I thought, oh well, the server will just explain what it is and we will all move on.
This did not happen. After being explained to what she was looking at and what a bay leaf was, she continued to insist this was a leaf from outside and that she would like the nachos to be comped. Too stunned to interrupt, I continued to listen to her and the poor server go back and forth until she eventually decided to get a manager.
When the server walked away I tried to explain to C that she was wrong, and she even began to try to argue with me. She only realized she had made a mistake when I literally pulled my phone out and googled “bay leaf” to show her.
She seemed to be genuinely embarrassed and apologetic to ME, at least. Knowing her mistake, I assumed she would apologize to our server as well and tell them we would be happily paying for our bill, but I was shocked when the manager came over to rectify the situation and she stuck to her guns.
I was mortified. Without saying a word I just excused myself to the restroom. I went and found our server and paid our bill plus a tip for her, apologized, and left out the door back to work without telling C.
When C got back to work she confronted me about ditching her in the restaurant. I asked why she didn’t apologize and pay for what we ordered after realizing she was wrong and she said she was embarrassed and it was easier to just follow through instead of admitting her mistake, but that I made her look like a jerk by leaving her there alone and not backing her up as her friend. So, AITJ?”
5. WIBTJ If I Confronted My Friend For Not Letting Me Practice?
“I (20M) live with three housemates, who we’ll call Dave (19M), Sally (19F) and Kyle (19M). All four of us are students. Sally, Kyle and I are musicians, and Dave isn’t. I play the flute, while Kyle is a vocalist and Sally is an electric bassist.
Kyle and Sally also play fife for their summer jobs. As an added piece of context, Sally and Dave are together.
I would practice flute for 30 minutes-1 hour every couple days and have an hour long lesson weekly. At first, Dave didn’t bring up any problems with it, so I assumed he was okay with me practicing.
But, in the middle of a lesson, Dave came up to my room and asked if I could do my lessons in the music building at our university. I told him I’d see what I could do. In reality, I wasn’t going to do that, I just needed to figure out a way to tell him no.
That would be too much work because I would have to take all of my equipment to another place just for a lesson and bring it all back right before I have work.
A couple days later, I was just practicing and he interrupts me to ask if I could practice elsewhere and I, told him I’d think about it.
Later that day, my housemates and I had a discussion that lasted an hour and a half to talk about this situation. Sally sided with Dave, but stayed quiet because she can practice quietly (plug headphones into her amp) and refuses to practice fife off the clock.
We asked if Dave could wear headphones, but he said no because he doesn’t like the way they feel on his head and got upset we were “pushing headphones” on him, which was only because it is the easiest solution.
The solution we reached was we would have “loud vs quiet” days.
On loud days, we could practice at home for an hour slot, but on quiet days, we would need to practice elsewhere. Kyle and I didn’t like it, but agreed to it because we could practice at home sometimes.
At first, I only practiced on loud days to “maliciously comply” with it, but we never set up any more weeks after the first one.
The new rule became “practice when Dave’s at work”, but I was never told that. I only heard it from Kyle after Dave and Sally decided on it. Without me. Or Kyle, as far as I know.
That rule sucks because his hours have gotten cut way back and he only works small morning shifts.
I am not a morning person, and by the time I’m ready to do stuff, Dave’s home. Kyle also works full-time and his schedule completely overlaps with Dave’s.
.Today when I got home from work, Kyle told me the new rule and we ranted about it.
We both have ranted about this to a lot of our friends, and every single person we have spoken to has said Dave is being entitled. Out of all of my friends I have spoken to about this, only *one* of them was a musician.
We want to talk to Dave and Sally because we believe it is ridiculous that we can’t practice in our own home without tight rules and need advice. Would we be jerks if we confronted them? If not, what should we say to them?”
4. WIBTJ If I Sued My Family?
“I (30f) have lived in this house with my mom. I decided to stay in my childhood home because my mother had a stroke and needs 24/7 care. There’s been a lot of drama with this house. First off, my mom does not own the house.
My aunt and uncle do because she did not have the funds at the time for a down payment and at the time, she was filing for bankruptcy. My mom though would help pay the mortgage but she also paid all the utility bills.
She even got renovations done once she had the funds.
Fast forward a few years later, my mom wanted to get some repairs done on the house but didn’t have enough funds. She decided to ask them for help. It ended in some petty argument which resulted in them not talking about the house whatsoever.
So over the last 15 years, the house has slowly been falling apart. We had infestation issues, severe water damage, plumbing issues, mold, and lots of electrical issues.
Nothing has really been done properly; only temporary fixes. I’ve tried to explain to them that we need to fix the house and I will help but they just shrug it off, try to convince my cousin to do patchwork or my favorite quote: “pray we win the lottery so we can fix the house”.
My uncle suggested a friend for 5k to do some “renovations” but they only made things worse. It even took them 1 year to help us with a plumbing issue that constantly backed up.
I recently started to make a decent amount of income and have been trying to save up to replace and fix a few things.
I also used to help pay the mortgage but had an argument with my aunt after she thought I wasn’t paying her when I gave her a check every month and also got mad when I couldn’t pay when it was for an emergency.
They wouldn’t even tell me how much is left. I had to figure it out on my own
Being fed up, I had a contractor come out. They assessed that with the condition of the house, it can be considered condemned. There were 2 options we can do, either do a full renovation or sell the lot as is.
If we did the renovation, it would be a lot of funds. The other option was to sell the lot. It would be undervalued given the condition of the house and my aunt would want half of the profits if I decided to sell.
I personally want to do it the right way and get everything done as it would be cheaper than the housing prices here. This house would eventually go to me so why not get the house completely fixed? I’m not really concerned with the cost and I’m already overtaking the bills.
Instead, they want to cut corners to save. This angered me. They will not listen to me and rather do it their way.
I can’t really do an apartment as I can’t find a place that will allow 4 cats and a dog.
My aunt and uncle really haven’t done anything properly with the house and is basically leaving it to rot. I don’t know how much more I can take and I am also concerned with my mother’s health because of the mold.
WIBTA if I sued my aunt and uncle for neglecting home repairs?
EDIT:
Going to state a few more things since there is some confusion.
I did not miss any payments. I was being accused of it even though I showed them my statements showing the check being cashed.
There was a housing agreement somewhere that I am trying to find along with other documents that show that my mother put all her effort on the house as much as she could.
The reason she asked them for funds was because there was serious water damage from a roof leak and wanted to get the roof repaired.
She didn’t have enough to fully cover the cost. That’s where the argument started. (the roof is still leaking by the way and has been patched several times)
I am doing the best I can to cover as much of the cost when it came to repairs but I personally do not want to do any more temporary repairs and rather do a full renovation to properly get the house fixed and updated.
EDIT 2:
So I asked my mom more about the argument. She said she asked her sister if they can get a small loan to cover the costs for new roofing as there was a leak and the patches were no longer working and she didn’t have enough.
She went with her to several banks and said she will think about it. My aunt went behind her back and used the loan to pay for her own credit card debt. There was a massive fight because my aunt asked her to pay more and my mom found out she took out 80k on the house.
That’s why my mom stopped paying for the mortgage
Edit 3:
Thanks everyone for the replies. I’ll provide more context to help
The original mortgage is 100k. When my mom was helping to pay, it was almost paid off until we needed new roofing.
My mom wasn’t asking much since she had funds set aside but it wasn’t enough. My aunt took out 80k for her own needs and none of it went towards the house. There is about 10k left from the 2nd mortgage.
I have offered to fully pay if off but they declined.
For utilities, overall I am playing about 800-1k. The electric is $500 for a small home which is ridiculous to me. Water/sewage is 60-$100. There is an underground leak and I was told at the time it would cost 5k.
Trash is $50 and internet/tv/phone is $250. I know that’s a lot but my mom mainly watches international shows and it’s only provided with certain packages and she also still wants a landline. I am trying to see if there’s a cheaper alternative.
The utilities payment do not go to them. I have my own accounts to pay it directly.
I am not asking them to take out a 250-300k loan. That’s just the rough estimate for a full renovation. My main concern is the roofing and structure as we were told it is collapsing on itself. It’s still a lot and I am looking for other contractors for a 2nd opinion on an estimate just for those only.”
3. AITJ For Telling My Son Who His Biological Dad Is?
“I (42M) was with my ex (41F) for 4 years from the ages of 27-31. In the second year of our relationship she got pregnant and I was so happy to be a dad, so excited to give my child everything I didn’t have.
Later on in the year, we welcomed a beautiful healthy baby boy.
I should preface this a bit more by saying that myself and my ex are both pale Korean. So when my son was born of darker skin, I had some doubts but told myself that he would gain features that resembled his mom and I the more time went on.
I was wrong. Within the first year of his life I knew that my son wasn’t mine. Along with his darker skin, he has hair that defies gravity while mine and his mom’s is as straight as needles. He has different facial features than the both of us.
Despite knowing most of these within the first year of his life, I decided to stick around and raise him as my own because I already grew an attachment to him and vice versa. I of course didn’t mention that I knew to my ex and whenever my family would question me about it, I’d just say “he’s my boy.”
Of course the relationship with his mom and I ended, but for other reasons.
Despite that I’ve still stuck around to raise my son, he’s 15 now and lives with me 75% of the time and with his mom the other 25%(it’s just what works for us). Last week I took my son to get his haircut as he didn’t want to grow out his afro anymore.
He went back with his mom shortly afterwards and the day after I got a call from my ex telling me she needed to speak with me and that it was serious. We met up, and she sits me down very dramatically and proceeds to tell me that my son isn’t my son and that he’s her old coworker’s son, and that he’s in a very vital stage where he needs to learn about him and his biological dad’s culture and what not.
I told her that I knew. She looked shocked and confused. I told her that I wasn’t stupid that I knew since the moment that he was born, and that I loved him and if he chooses to meet his bio dad then I fully support him.
She ended up getting mad at me saying that “if you knew you should have said something and we could have prevented depriving him of his other culture long ago.” When I brought up that she should’ve told me she just said “I didn’t want to hurt you.” That conversation ended and she went on to tell my son everything.
He was rightfully upset and called me afterwards to pick him up(I told him that I had knew and just loved him from the beginning). He was upset with me for about a day, then he came to me and said he wanted to meet his bio dad.
I said okay and called his mom, long story short bio dad doesn’t want to be involved despite knowing about my son since he’s been born. My son is still rightfully sore about the situation and my ex is saying it’s just as much as my fault for not saying anything. Maybe if I did say something that he could have grown up with his real dad and didn’t have to go through this or any of the other things he’s experienced. AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Wanting Help On Father's Day?
“My husband (36M) and I (33F) have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids (5, 3, and a 1-month-old infant). I am currently still recovering from my planned c-section and it is taking a lot longer than I had hoped.
I am not on bedrest, but pretty darn close. Unless it’s to go to the bathroom or changing or feeding my baby, I’m pretty much always sitting or laying down. I don’t like it, but it’s what my body needs to heal right now.
Both my husband and I are still on maternity/paternity leave.
Obviously, that means that pretty much every other aspect of our lives falls on my husband right now. He’s been doing a great job of taking care of the older kids and making sure everything in our lives is running as smoothly as it can given our circumstances.
He’s also great about taking care of the baby and giving me breaks as much as he can. But I can tell it’s starting to wear on him mentally and physically. Neither of us is sleeping well and I swear he looks like he’s lost more weight than I have since the baby came.
Due to me being pretty much immobile, I can’t really go out of the house to do anything without assistance. So I wasn’t able to plan anything really fun for Father’s Day. I did help the older kids make him cards and ordered him some nice steaks to cook though.
I felt bad because for Mother’s Day he bought me a 6-hour pregnancy spa treatment and took the older kids out of the house all day so I could have peace.
But on the morning of Father’s Day, I was feeling worse than usual as I had to strain myself the day before to pick up something off the floor and I aggravated my incision.
So, I was laid up all day. Again, this meant my husband had to do literally everything that day. By the time he got the older kids to bed, I could tell he was irritated and upset. I told him to try and relax for a bit, but then the baby started fussing and he jumped up off the couch, grabbed a pillow, and yelled into it.
I tried to calm him down, but he just kept freaking out about how he’s at his wits end and he needs a break and that I couldn’t even find a way to give him a single hour of quiet on Father’s Day.
I started crying and he just looked at me and walked away to take care of the baby without saying anything.
After he took care of the baby he came back to me and apologized, but he said he needs a break and he’s going to talk to family about taking the older kids for a week or so and that he’s just disappointed that his Father’s Day was spent running around doing everything for everyone else.
He didn’t even get to cook his steaks, he ate cold pizza for dinner.
I asked him what I was supposed to do because it’s not like I can move or leave the house and he said I could have looked into a sitter for the kids or made them sit with me and watch a movie for an hour so he could have just a sliver of time for himself. He said he feels like his needs are at the bottom of the list and he just wanted to feel like he matters for one day.”
1. AITJ For Cutting My Stepdaughter's Hair?
“I (31) met my spouse (34m) 8 years ago, and we have been married for 6. He has an 11 year old daughter from a previous relationship.
I work from home so I mainly end up taking care of her. I have since she was young.
We have a generally good relationship. She stays at her mother’s most weekends.
She has incredibly long blonde wavy hair, just past her bottom. It’s a nightmare to take care of. It frequently tangles and she always needs help brushing and styling it before school.
I’m not a morning person and I do not like having to wake up early to do a kid’s hair. It’s expensive to maintain as she requires more products, she insists on using hair oils which can cost around $11 and only last a few weeks.
She also insists she has to use curly hair shampoo instead of regular shampoo and conditioner which is often over $10 per bottle. And she goes through it at a fast rate. She won’t use a regular brush on it as she insists it breaks her hair and hurts so she uses a wide tooth comb which takes a long time to brush when she could be doing other more productive things such as homework or helping me with chores.
I decided she had become obsessed with her hair, and I do not want her to become vain, so I decided it needs to be cut. I don’t see it as a big deal as I have always had shoulder length hair as my hair does not grow very fast and I get frequent trims.
It’s a lot more practical.
I took her to the hair dressers as normal. In the car on the way down she said she wants to make sure the hairdresser doesn’t cut too much. I politely explained that I would like her to cut her hair to shoulder length as it has become a burden.
At first she thought I was joking, but when she realized she started to cry. When we got to the salon, the hairdresser was reluctant to cut her hair due to her tears but I explained the trouble we have maintaining it, and assured cutting it would be best for her.
In the end the stylist agreed and cut her hair. The stylist braided her hair then cut it. She kept it. Her hair was now just past shoulder length, and looked a lot darker. The car journey home was silent, I offered her McDonald’s but she refused.
She went straight to her room when we got back.
My spouse went up to see her when he got home and apparently found her on her bed sobbing holding her old hair. My spouse immediately called her mother to come and collect her and as soon as my stepdaughter was out the door, he started yelling.
Her mother also came in and gave me a mouthful.
I explained my reasoning but my spouse wouldn’t budge. He said if I had issue he would have done her hair in the mornings and that he didn’t mind paying for the products.
He was so furious he said he no longer trusts me around his daughter, and doesn’t know if he can be with a woman who he doesn’t trust with her. This broke my heart.
I didn’t mean her any harm, I was just so tired and I’m trying to reduce stress. I’ve always been the one to raise her and her brother and I’m just exhausted. AITJ?”
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You didn't dodge a bullet, girl; you dodged an intercontinental ballistic missile. This jerk is so full of himself, I bet he has to hang a cup out his @$$ to catch the excess. I'm so glad you ditched the tickets and him; exactly what he deserves. What he doesn't deserve is a nanosecond more of your time or consideration. Go find yourself a man who knows you're gorgeous, and is proud to have you in his life. You are beautiful and don't let anyone ever tell you different, especially someone as shallow as walking @nus and his friends. You deserve the best.