People Rely On Us For Straightforward Comments On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

Some just don't have the guts to stand up for themselves when they're being taken advantage of. Many jerks take advantage of this chance to trample on people they perceive to be weak. This is why it's critical to know when to give in and when to defend yourself even if doing so occasionally results in unfavorable opinions from others. Those who've had enough of being called jerks share their stories here. They urge us to express our agreement or disagreement with the opinions that others have of them. As you read through their stories below, feel free to leave any comments. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

35. AITJ For Wanting My Friends Out Of My House?

“My husband and I (22 F, 23 M) are housing a friend and her husband (30 f, 22 m). They knew when they got married in October their lease was ending end of February.

During this time, they were living without BAH in a home with a buddy of theirs. Mid-Feb rolls around and finally their ‘oh crap’ hits and they ask us to house them while they are looking for a house, they wouldn’t be in my home until March.

2/25 hits, I get home from work, and they have a UHAUL outside my house. ‘They had to move in early.’ They didn’t communicate that with me or my husband until they were driving onto base to get to our house. I asked them how long they needed to stay, ‘at the most two months.’ I had to, that evening while they were unloading, take apart my office and relocate it to my husband’s.

I know finance takes forever to get squared away: reflect married pay, BAH, etc. On-base housing does not deny you if your BAH has not been fixed yet.

The first 2 weeks we didn’t ask about progress, we didn’t want to stress them out. We are not requiring them to pay rent.

Their older dog is mega alpha but old and unable to fight back, though she starts them. Our dogs have gotten into several tussles, but the sweet, poor old lady is NEVER in the wrong, and ‘my mean dog is the worst.’ Their two dogs bark non-stop.

Early April, I still hadn’t seen any effort to find anywhere, so my husband and I began asking for updates. He would tell my husband the paystub is sorted out; the following day she tells me they’re still waiting.

A week later they meet with an advisor who tells them to rent.

Last week (4/21) we told them they needed to be out by 5/10. I stated the fact that they told us 2 months, and they said they didn’t promise that. They said they were trying to find a place but there are no openings. Right there I pulled up 3 sites that list rentals, each site had at least one opening.

They said they didn’t want to be tied down with housing on base because of the year’s lease. There is currently such a need for housing, that they wouldn’t be tied down.

This week they said they would go to the housing office (4/29) and apply for on-base housing and ‘take whatever the first offer is.’ I asked how that went, they said their first offer was fully carpeted and had stairs.

Every house on this base has stairs except for the ADA ones. The wife has RA but the military does not know that, therefore housing is not required to cater. They didn’t tell the military because they wanted to be stationed overseas. The first offer wouldn’t be available for move-in until after 5/13, who knows what the second offer will look like?

I told the husband (4/29) that they are not allowed back on 5/10. Every single excuse they give is easily rebutted. They have made my dogs stressed, they have ruined our home (which we will have to pay for), and the husband treats me like garbage. Every time I point out they could have done something; they play the victim.”

3 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918, LizzieTX and rbleah
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Go to the husband's CO, and explain the situation. He should know what one of his soldiers is up to, with taking advantage of you and your husband. You don't say what ranks are involved here, so I won't assume, except to say that officers who abuse the system and fellow soldiers are highly, HIGHLY frowned upon for such behaviour, and it might behoove you to go to the JAG office and present your case there and ask for help. And be sure to tell the squatters in your home that you went to the JAG office. That should scare them badly enough that they will move into those quarters faster than you can say no overseas postings. Leavenworth is a powerful deterrent to bad behaviour. Use it. Good luck.
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34. AITJ For Causing A Coworker To Lose Her Professional License?

“I recently started working at a spa that a close colleague manages. I’m an esthetician. I came in to take over the skincare side of the spa. There are also massage, nail, and hair departments. I am the only esthetician and am there full-time.

The last esthetician left 5 months ago and a hairstylist has been doing facials when free between cuts. She is untrained and does not follow the proper sanitation law required by our state. I know because I sit on the state advisory board and am also a practice monitor for DORA.

I go into salons and monitor licensees, both personal licenses and business licenses, under disciplinary action with the courts and write reports to the judge. This determines whether they keep their license or not.

I told the manager what was going on and she started to make the necessary changes to become compliant.

This really upset this stylist as well as her friends, and coworkers, in the spa. They held a private meeting without our knowledge with the manager’s boss about us and without our knowledge. My immediate manager quit as a result and I am the only one left and they clearly want me gone.

I am documenting everything to file professional complaints about this stylist and on the business license of the spa. I am also writing a complaint to HR and letting the corporate head of all spas in the country know what is going on.

They recently did a tour of our location and told the manager the spa needed to be totally revamped talking about the staff.

Hours would be extended and current staff would have hours cut. No one that has been there wants this to happen. I have no intention of staying in my current position. I am literally walking in and acting like everything is okay to gather information to use against them.

AITJ for destroying this girl’s career and having the rest written up?”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Absolutely not the jerk. If the spa owners are stupid enough to let an unlicensed hair stylist do facials, they are opening themselves up to huge liability, the type that will not only close them down but lose them their very expensive franchise, if I understand your post correctly. You'd be doing them a long term favor by reporting them, but don't expect any appreciation because these people are the type to be shady and do things without proper licensing and because of that, don't deserve any special consideration from you.
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33. AITJ For Not Driving My Brother Home For Christmas?

“I (24 M) have a twin brother that I’ve grown distant from for the past several years. We used to be close growing up, but have had a turbulent relationship over the years that’s caused me to strongly dislike his company. He has an inferiority complex and always tries to make everything into an argument so he can try to win a manufactured debate, and when that doesn’t work he resorts to put-downs and profanity.

He’s a big reason why I have so many insecurities about myself. I generally avoid him because he tends to trigger my insecurities.

Onto the story: My parents are divorced and my brother and I spend Christmas with our parents separately. Since my parents live in different cities, my brother and I would spend Christmas Eve with our step-family and Christmas Day with our mother.

Since my brother does not have a license or a car, I have to drive him between cities on Christmas morning. These drives are usually fine since he just sleeps for the most part.

However, one particular Christmas Eve (I believe I was 21 at the time) my brother decided to have too much to drink and unprovoked started to make fun of the fact that I made some bad choices while I was in high school.

I was struggling with depression throughout high school and I was still living with the consequences of those bad choices, despite trying my best to grow as a person. This was an intensely private matter for me and I only ever shared it with my mother, but my brother found out somehow.

He framed the situation like I was doing it as a means to get attention or act dramatic and laughed at me in front of my entire family, despite me never telling anyone except my mom. I said nothing about it and didn’t argue. This didn’t really bother anyone else except me and we carried on like normal.

His bringing it up in front of my family for no good reason was deeply upsetting for me since it was a very bad part of my life.

The next morning I decided to leave and drive to see my mom without taking my brother with me.

My family was very upset with me and my mom came to pick him up since I refused to do it. I was told I ruined Christmas by being upset and making a big deal out of it. I feel like I should’ve just shaken it off because my brother was drinking and I didn’t want to start any drama in my family since I was the only one really bothered by it, but it honestly triggered a lot of terrible memories and it felt entirely unnecessary.

Am I the jerk for refusing to drive my brother home after he made fun of my history of bad choices, forcing my mom to drive him home and making a big deal when I could’ve just brushed it off and kept the peace?”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and the only reason your family are siding with your idiot twin is that now THEY are having to take care of him and drive him around and they're not happy about it. Sucks to be them. Cut ties with twin and whomever is siding with him. Believe me when I tell you how much better your life will be without them.
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32. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Invalidating My Grief?

“My (41 F) partner died 6 months ago.

My parents (Mom, Dad, Stepdad, and Stepmother) and Brother were against the relationship (which, granted, was an uphill struggle). The day he died, their reactions varied from ‘I did not know you were still together’ (Brother) to ‘good riddance’ (Stepmom and Stepdad). They tried to forbid me to go to the funeral (Dad).

They said I was not allowed to cry over him because he was bad for me (all of them). So I did not cry in front of them and cried my eyes out with friends.

With the holidays, things got really hard. There was endless talk about Brother’s work, his hobbies, the way he and his partner spent the holidays… I was asked ‘Everything ok at your job?

can you do the dishes?’ Needless to say, after the dishes, I left the family gatherings. They did not take kindly to that and told me I dressed like a flirt and that I drink too much (two glasses of wine in a whole evening?).

Yesterday it was the 6th month anniversary of his death. I told my mother a couple of times that it would be a hard day, and that I would appreciate some support.

Yesterday she called at… 9 pm. Scolded me for crying. Said that I should get over it, that she has other things to do than call me.

Things literally got black before my eyes. I got so angry that I lashed out and replied that apparently, she did have time to send a ‘good luck with the start of the construction of the garden shed’ message to my brother in the morning, but not the time to send me a little support message.

I called her selfish and self-absorbed. She got super angry and just cut the connection.

AITJ for calling my mother selfish and self-absorbed?”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Not the jerk, and your family, however they may have felt about your partner, owe you a little support and compassion. If they don't give it, cut ties with them and move on. Life is too short to waste it trying to deal with people like that. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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31. AITJ For Kicking My Sick Brother-In-Law Out Of My Home?

“So my BIL moved in September into our 3-bedroom apartment. I am married and have two kids, and a week prior to his coming, we found out we were pregnant with our third baby.

Our only ultimatum at the time was for him to help out financially with what he could (no set price because we’re helping out family) and to help with chores around the house.

So time came and went, and I never saw a dime to help financially.

My husband swears his brother was helping with rent but my portion of rent never went down. I also got stuck with the winter electric bill myself (around $250 a month because BIL would blast the heat). I ended up doing BIL laundry, flushing toilets after him, cleaning up his dinner and trash, doing his dishes, etc.

So this week we all tested positive for ‘you know’ and he passed this illness along to his baby mama and two kids (they live in a separate house). No one had informed me that the baby mama and two kids would come to get over the illness and stay indefinitely.

I was cooking for all 8 of us, cleaning up after everyone, and even feeding one of their kids. Mind you I work from home for an insurance company so at the same time as tending to all of the adults and kids in the house, I was working for my job through the illness, feeling symptoms, being 20 weeks pregnant, and not getting to rest at all.

While yesterday comes around and I’ve had enough at this point. So I blew up and told everyone they needed to get out. They all had places to go they weren’t kicked to the street. But now I feel like a jerk and guilty for handling this situation this way.

I would never kick them out or make them leave if I didn’t know they had alternate places to finish recovery and live. My BIL chose to live with us instead of his mother’s home because it was more convenient, but I see it as he never helped me financially or with chores and he is a grown man with his own family he is very capable of improving his life to provide for his family and himself rather than mooching off of me.

Again to reiterate, I feel awful for the way I did this, partially it’s because no one around me sees my point or why I am upset and partially because I am a kind and peaceful person that the manner I kicked them out makes me feel like a monster.”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Your BIL chose to mooch off you and not pay rent or food or anything else and make messes that you had to clean up and THEN invites his baby mama and her spawn to live in YOUR home rent free, with no contribution for food or utilities? Seriously? No, he shouldn't have been there, and he certainly shouldn't have invited three more people to live in your house on your dime. Time to boot them all and not feel one pang of guilt. Well done, and congratulations on your pregnancy.
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30. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For A Vacation I Wasn't Going To?

“Last September my fiance asked me to join her friends, whom I have never met, on a week-long skiing vacation this February.

In September the group overruled my fiance and me to take a 100$ p.p. more expensive housing, which had no pool nor sauna, like the one we wanted. The payment for the housing is due in February, as the host offers more flexibility due to the global crisis.

The place can host 8-12 people. The price for one week is 500$ per day, for 8 persons, and is the minimum payment. Each person more costs 40$ per week. We were 11 persons, and thus total payment was 7 x 620$ = 4,340$. Which was 400$ p.p. including the cleaning fee.

2 months before the vacation my fiance got a new job, which starts right before the vacation, thus we cannot go.

7 weeks before the vacation we noticed the people that we weren’t coming due to her work. Which is plenty of time to find a replacement. Moreover, legally we would be accountable for paying 20% of the original price in case of cancelation.

The ‘friends’ wanted us to pay the total 400$ immediately.

The guy in charge of the payment even sent us his payment link unsolicited, requesting 400$ from both. However, the guy never talked with me. All communication until today has been through my fiance. Even though the guy has my number.

Then we did research. My fiance called the host, I checked the website prices.

Both conclude that for 9 persons the total payment would be: 7 x 540$ = 3,780$. Which is 440$ per person including some cleaning fees.

Each of the 9 persons would need to pay 40$ more for one whole week. However, 9 times 40$ = 360$. The amount that they would need to pay more, which is way less than the amount they initially wanted from us (400$ x 2 = 800$).

I honestly was annoyed by such behavior. My fiance, who is the sweetest and kindest person I know, wanted to pay them. Even though she knows solely 4 of the other people they are not even close friends.

I wanted to settle for a fair split.

360$ divided by everybody. 35 $ p.p. approx. Interestingly, 20% of 360$ would be 70$ approx. ( 35$ times 2). So I considered this fair.

However, the people do not agree and want us to pay the whole. 180$ for a vacation I do not even attend, that sounds like crazy to me.

Now they proposed that we still pay half.

But even 90$ for nothing seems crazy. I do not understand why people would not pay 40$ more for one whole week of vacation. Especially, as 100$ more was no problem for the apartment. However, my fiance wants to settle for that compromise.

The prices were very clear from the beginning, there was time to find a replacement but they wanted only their friends to join.

I could not help them, even though I had a friend who wanted to go.

The situation creates tension between my fiance and me, and I hate that. However, I do also hate throwing away my principles.”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ, and I can't imagine that you would be obligated to pay for a vacation you're not taking. The others have had plenty of notice to be able to replace you and your partner. If they can't, they pay a higher price and that's that. Sucks to be them.
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29. AITJ For Not Entrusting My Dog To My Sister-In-Law?

“My (24 F) husband (28 M) and I are visiting my parents who live in another country so they can meet their grandson. We are planning to stay for about a month and in preparation for that I asked my baby cousin (18 F) to come stay at our house as we have a dog.

This worked out great because she is in college but is online and just recently her lease ended so her stay with us might be extended until she finds a new place. We don’t mind as she graciously agreed to watch the dog free of charge and my husband and I agreed we won’t ask her to pay bills because of that if she ends up staying longer.

My SIL (21 F) really likes our dog, a little obsessively in my opinion. When the time neared for us to go, she called her brother (my husband) and asked to take Thor (our dog). Thor is a giant breed and requires a lot of walks and exercise.

As much as she likes the dog, every time she has taken care of it, it comes back a few pounds heavier and with bad habits that just open more work for us. I end up with a 130-pound dog thinking it can climb on you while you eat to beg for food or take food from the counter.

For this reason, even if her pet sitting is free, I rather send him to a pet hotel or leave him with my cousin, who despite being so young known Thor since he was a puppy and runs a tight ship with him. Plus, Thor was originally mine, and for a few months, I lived with my aunt, uncle, and cousin so Thor is very attached to her.

My husband agreed his sister was not the best option so he told her Ana (my cousin) had already agreed to watch him. His sister whined for a bit and just hung up the phone.

Their mom (my MIL) called me a bit later and suggested my SIL take Thor.

I said thank you, but no. I rather Thor stay home with my cousin. She suggested SIL come stay with Ana and Thor. I said no, unless SIL has some other reasons for needing to stay at our home, Ana can manage. I offered for my SIL to come pick up Thor for a few hours if Ana agrees.

My MIL was upset and said Ana is a child and she cannot take care of the dog. I got upset because what business does she have bad-mouthing my cousin? I told her her opinion was not appreciated and our decision was final. She went on a rant and asked if this was my idea.

We went back and forth but ultimately I admitted I don’t like how SIL takes care of the dog and it was initially my idea to ask Ana to watch it.

My MIL called me a complete jerk and hung up. AITJ? I feel like SIL could have called me and spoken with me, I am kind of annoyed she got her mom involved. Family members reached out and told us SIL was very upset and we were being disrespectful.”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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rbleah 2 months ago
Tell SIL that the dog is YOURS and YOU CHOOSE who gets to watch him AND SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP.
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28. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Netflix Account With My Cousin?

“I have a one-device Netflix Account. I do not have cable, so I have 4 streaming accounts: Netflix, Hulu, Discover Plus, and Amazon Prime. Last month a cousin of mine asked me to share my Netflix account information with him so he could watch a movie.

We will call him Cousin A. I declined politely. I actually told him that it’s a one-device account and I do not want to share it with another person. He acted like it was no big deal and we went on to have a normal conversation for another 10 minutes (it was a phone call since we live in different states).

Last week I was texting with another cousin of ours and she texted that Cousin A said I was a jerk because I refused to share my Netflix info with him. He told her that I acted like he would steal and take advantage of my information.

We’ll call her Cousin B. So, I half-jokingly texted back to her: ‘I must not have a trusting bone in my body because I suspect everyone, including family members. Yes, Cousin A asked for my Netflix username and password to watch a movie. God no!

You can’t afford $8.99? You don’t need to be watching movies; you need to be searching the job boards for a better-paying one!’ The reason I said half-jokingly, to be honest, the thought did cross my mind when he initially asked about my Netflix info but of course, I did not say that to him!

I received a text from Cousin A yesterday that said I was dead to him and to delete his number so Cousin B must have shared our private text. I text him back apologizing, but he has me blocked. He was the one who shared with her about the Netflix Account conversation.

I am not the one who brought it up to a 3rd party and named me the jerk for saying no. I really would not have texted that if I knew Cousin B would share the joke with Cousin A. I feel awful! I am thinking about changing my account to the $15.99 one so I can share the account with him once he calms down.”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and please don't feel awful about seeing EXACTLY what Cousin A was up to, wanting to get your passwords and account access for free. Sorry, but cousin, brother, sister, mother, father, aunt, uncle, total stranger - if you can't afford nine bucks a month to watch what you want and prefer to mooch off people who actually spend the money, you deserve what ever you get, which is nothing. Your cousin got shown up for being a cheap @$$ mooch and he doesn't like it. Boo freaking hoo. Go out and get a job and pay the gargantuan sum of nine bucks a month and support yourself. Lord help me.
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27. AITJ For Not Helping Out With Chores?

“I (F 17) am the only daughter of my parents (F 46 and M 50). I also have two brothers (M 19 and M 15). My younger brother, John, and I are in high school, and the older one, Marcus has graduated, currently taking a gap year before university.

For as long as I can remember I was always assigned more chores than my siblings.

When were little, I would always get more difficult tasks as well, like mopping and sweeping the entire house, whereas my brothers would only have to unload the dishwasher or put the laundry in the dryer. This always struck me as a little odd, but I always chalked it up to having fewer extracurriculars or just being ‘better’ at the chores.

This system got exponentially worse at the start of this year when my mom started working full-time again, for the first time since Marcus was born. Suddenly, almost all of the household chores are suddenly my responsibility, cooking, washing dishes, whatever, name it, and it’s probably mine to do.

At first, I just tried to handle it because I didn’t want my mother to have to quit her job because of me, but it’s getting pretty difficult, as my grad exams are coming up and I need more time to study. John has completely given up on whatever menial chores he used to have, and Marcus, who had gone on a hiatus from housework when HE graduated last year, has not been any help since.

Whenever I bring this up to my parents, I always get guilt-tripped about how long my mother has been looking forward to working again and ‘Don’t I want her to be happy’.

This all reached a breaking point last week when I learned that I had just failed a test because I hadn’t had time to prepare (And I know it’s not for any other reason because this is the first test I’ve failed in my life) That I gave my parents an ultimatum, that either they start splitting the chores evenly or I refuse to do any at all.

Long story short, I got called ungrateful and lazy. So, true to my word, I haven’t done anything to help out since. The dishes are piling up in the sink, spills are left unmopped and the hamper is overflowing. My family is telling me that my mother might have to quit her job because of me and that I’m a terrible child for not wanting to help her.

So, AITJ for refusing to help out with chores even though it may cost my mother a job she wanted for ages?”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Definitely NTJ and good for you for setting boundaries. Your parents clearly are favoring your brothers and sticking to some outdated stereotype where the girl children do the chores and the boy children do nothing. Stick to your guns and don't do anything else around the house until the division of labor is equitable. And it's your mother's fault if it "costs her a job" just because she thought she could dump ALL the household chores on you and you said no. Well done!
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26. AITJ For Being Petty To My Mom After She Questioned My Lifestyle?

“I (31 F) am a server at a nightclub. Last week on a particularly dead night, a customer from out of town wanted me to drop out of rotation and just sit with him.

I cleared it with management (apparently the guy’s been in before and was established as a high-roller type so he gets what he wants) and sat with him at his table just drinking and talking until we closed. He tipped me over a grand and I was thrilled because he was cool and I’m moving soon so I can really use the extra cash.

When I told my mom (51), however, the first words out of her mouth were ‘Please tell me you kept your virtue.’ Immediately, I asked her why she thought that was an okay thing to ask me. She got defensive and said she was kidding, to which I responded, ‘That’s not funny.’ She then huffed that she was sorry.

She gave no indication that she heard how diminishing her comment was like she only wanted to cut me down about something I was proud of.

So I quit calling her. I usually check in with my parents a few times a week because I live out of state and it’s how I can lend my support and ‘be a good kid’ as it were from a distance.

About a week later, my mom finally called me first. When I answered, she asked where I’d been and why I hadn’t called. I told her it had been hard to find the time since I was just so busy sleeping around lately. She made a noise and told me that was a ‘really gross thing to say’ before cutting the conversation short and hanging up.

Now I’m sitting here replaying everything and I think I might have been the jerk for not just letting it go.”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Oh, SO NTJ and I would have given much to see the look on your mother's face when you made that comment! Good for you!
I had a mother who would talk to me that way and the only way to deal with people like that is to do exactly as you did. Keep up the good work!
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25. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Pay My $100 Back?

“About 3 weeks ago, I started a new job and I was given some money for moving expenses. My boss said that the money was mine to use for whatever, but I felt it would be best to save it for some expenses I have coming up such as a security deposit on a new apartment.

My mom had to take some time off work due to sickness and she didn’t have any sick time accrued yet as she just started a new job. She asked if she could borrow $100 so she could go get some groceries, so I said yes but I would most likely need that money back.

She said to just let her know.

Yesterday, I found an apartment that I would like to apply for but I am short about $50. I asked my mom if she would be able to pay me that money back. She asked why I could not just use my credit card, and I told her that I really didn’t want to use that unless for emergencies.

I considered using it but then I remembered that she agreed to pay me back. She gave me the money and said that you should not always expect that people are going to pay you back. I told her that she never had to agree to give me that money back, but she did and she shouldn’t be upset that I was actually asking for it.

My brother thinks that I was in the wrong for being so lenient about it and I should have given her a deadline because that’s why she felt like she could get away with not paying me back. My dad said that I could have just reached out to him for the money.

I could’ve just used my credit card and paid it off when I got paid but I don’t want to get in the habit of that and I don’t want to give the impression that I am fine with giving my money away, especially money that was going towards something important.

I’ve given my mom money before and sometimes I haven’t even asked for it back, but this time I felt like I needed it.”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Definitely NTJ and well done you for insisting on the repayment your mom promised you.
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24. AITJ For Defending My Mom Against My Dad's Family?

“I (14 F) have a mom and a dad, each with lots of family members. My mom’s family adores my dad, his older sister, and his parents.

They treat him equally and always include him. I’ve heard my family members say my mom picked the perfect guy. However, I can’t say the same for my dad’s family. They constantly take digs at my mom and are never satisfied with what she does.

My mom is an amazing mother, caring, smart, resourceful, and always there for us, but for some reason, my dad’s family really doesn’t like her. My sister (12 F) and I were never made aware of this until I was around 10 years old.

It was a family reunion when I started hearing things.

Some people were talking about a wedding coming up, and a member of my dad’s family started speaking in Farsi, which I understand pretty well. She was saying how my dad should marry another woman who doesn’t work so she can be a better housewife.

She called my mom a gold digger and some other hurtful names. I was in shock because I was sitting right there and both my parents were about 15 ft away. My dad never stands up for my mom, and his parents sometimes join in. Since I was so young, only about 12 at the time, I didn’t say anything, but I just told my parents.

The next reunion after 2020, things got worse. An aunt was talking with other relatives and saying my mother was a flirt in college and high school and was only after my dad for his money so she could quit her job. Everyone else agreed, even though everything they said was false.

They then proceeded to bash my mother’s parenting skills, saying the only way my sister and I turned out well was because of my dad’s parenting. Mind you, my mom is the one who really parents us, not saying my dad doesn’t but my mom is more in charge.

At this point, I had had enough. I told them that all they were saying was incorrect, and if they took the time to get to know my mom, they would see she is an amazing woman who does so much for us. They were speechless, and my sister was in complete shock but didn’t stop me.

I continued to go off on them, saying that my mom’s choice to stay and work as a successful lawyer was frankly none of her business, and her parenting skills have made my sister and me good kids. They were shocked and I got up and asked my mom if I could go home, and she took me home.

The next day, my aunt called my dad, screaming at him and demanding I apologize AND MY PARENTS TOO. I refused, and my dad was mad. So, am I the jerk for standing up to my mom and refusing to apologize?”

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HROB1 1 month ago
NTJ. Adults talk in front of/near kids without thinking. Kids are always listening. When I was a kid, I remember how my aunts treated other people or talked about other people. Who they thought was better than who in the family. I never made a scene, but I remember it all. They talked about my mom and all the cousins at every family gathering. They are allowed to have their opinion and discuss it. I remember that now as an adult and when me and my brother take my nieces out. I have to remind him not to talk about family members in front of the kids, they are listening. I have no doubt that your mother is a good person and a great mom. You need to have a discussion with both your parents. Talk about how this makes you feel and why does your dad not stand up to his family. Why does your mom continue to go when they treat her like this?
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23. AITJ For Kicking My Flatmate's Friend Out Of Our House At 3 In The Morning?

“My (20 F) flatmate Emily (24 F) had her birthday a few days ago and last night she hosted a party round our flat to celebrate, she’d cleared it with us beforehand that 3 people could stay round that night, with one of them, Max (27ish M) staying an extra day because he’d come to a long distance to visit.

At the party, I was chatting to some other guy, Ben (mid-20s M), about a videogame we both liked. Then Max interrupted, saying ‘Pick me’ repeatedly every time I tried to say something. I laugh it off and say sorry if I was talking too much but I tend to get overexcited about stuff I love.

Ben says I wasn’t, and the conversation continues.

Then Max starts up with the ‘pick me’ again, imitating my voice. I politely but firmly ask him to stop, explaining why the term is rude. He says he’ll stop if I stop pretending to like video games to get attention, and asks Ben to quiz me on my game knowledge since I’m clearly lying.

Ben tells him to leave and he does.

Towards the end of the night, Max runs up to me saying ‘Hey pick me girl, can you lend me a pillow’. I ask him to please stop calling me that. He says he’s only telling it like it is, and I say that it’s rude and comes across like nagging.

He responds by saying ‘It’s only negging if it’s working’. I tell him to get lost and head upstairs to my room.

At like 3 am, I’m drifting off to sleep and see my bedroom door open (we don’t have locks, but it’s never been an issue).

It’s Max, claiming he was looking for a bathroom. For context, the bathrooms are downstairs, both directly next to the living room where he was sleeping. Upstairs are only bedrooms and it seemed pretty obvious since no one went upstairs the whole party, plus he’d used our bathroom earlier.

It was very creepy, and the way he was looking at me made me very uncomfortable.

I got up and found Emily and told her Max had to leave after explaining the situation. She said it was a trashy thing to do to him since he didn’t know the area.

I said that there were multiple hotels in the area and since he was bragging earlier about how much money he has, he can get a room. She insisted he stay because he didn’t know the area (which is very safe) and it was late at night.

I said I didn’t feel safe and that I didn’t want him to come into the flat again during his stay, if she wanted to spend time with him they could do so elsewhere. Eventually, he left and the next day Emily and her friends who stayed over were saying I was a jerk for kicking him out when he didn’t even do anything to me and wanted me to pay his hotel bill.

Our other two flatmates are split on different sides, 22F saying it was a reasonable reaction and 25M saying I was overreacting.”

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MadameZ 2 months ago
NTJ, this man is dangerous. Tell the flatmate that he is not welcome in the house again unless as part of a big group, and that you reserve the right to throw him out if he doesn't behave like a civil adult even then. He is not to stay in the house and he is certainly not to set foot there without your flatmates being present.
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22. AITJ For Rejecting My Sister's Partner's Apology Despite Her Being Pregnant?

“My (25 M) little sister (19 F), or should I say half-sister (shared mom), has had a partner (20 M) for a few months now to a year now.

My sister is on the spectrum, not enough to have special needs but enough to affect how she acts and lacks empathy. Her partner is suspected to have Borderline personality disorder but his parents never had him tested.

A few months ago we celebrated my sister’s 19th birthday (no sign of pregnancy at this time).

We met her partner for the first time and all seemed well, we liked him enough.

At some point my sister came to me upset, she was a bit wasted and my mom had told her she couldn’t leave tonight because she had too much to drink and a friend of hers was staying the night, but her partner wanted her to go with him.

I got up with her and sat down with both of them to explain the situation to him. He understood at first but then kept saying she had promised to go with him.

After telling him off a few times he got mad and walked away, and my sister followed him.

He started yelling so I went to him and said ‘You can be mad all you want, but she is staying here. She lives with her mom, who decided that she can’t go, so she won’t go’. This got him more upset so he wanted to walk passed me to convince my sister to go.

I stuck out my arm to block his path, he kept trying to push passed me so I pushed him back. This aggravated him and he escalated the situation.

Our stepdad (65 M) came running and together we showed him the door. My sister is all upset.

The guy cursed at both me and my stepdad.

The next day my mom called me over for an intervention for my sister. We went over and talked about our history of abuse (long story and mostly irrelevant) and my sister agreed she should leave him.

This happened.

Skip a few months and we get a call that she is pregnant. And because he is the father, she is back with him. I told her it was her decision, but that I didn’t want to associate with someone like him so if I knew he would be with her, then I wouldn’t come to her.

A few months pass again, my mom is desperately trying to get me to forgive my sister’s partner because she is pregnant with him. And I refused. He sent me a message that can be summed up as ‘I’m not gonna apologize because I know you won’t either but your sister chose me so you’ll have to accept that’.

I never answered. But I so full heartily wanted to reply ‘I don’t need to accept anything’.

My stepdad and I both refuse to be anywhere near him. My mom and sister want me to forgive him for my sister and her baby’s sake.

AITJ for refusing to forgive my sister’s partner because she is pregnant?”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Your sister's pregnancy has no bearing on this situation. You don't like her child's father and you have no duty to accommodate him especially if he mistreats your sister. In your position, I would stand with your stepdad and continue to refuse to be anywhere near him. Unless I completely miss my guess, you will not have to put up with him very long once he sees what sort of responsibility comes with a baby. He doesn't sound the type to have either your sister's or the child's best interests at heart and most likely won't stick around. Good luck.
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21. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust My Diet For My In-Laws?

“My in-laws are staying with us for six months. They are Hindu and don’t eat meat or eggs for religious reasons. They observe a fast every Tuesday and wish that I and my 1-year-old son (who are eating an omnivorous diet) didn’t eat meat and eggs each Tuesday because of their fast (they are fine with it on other days).

I don’t think it is ever fair to ask someone what to eat and am unwilling to make this accommodation on that principle (including for our son though I realize this is more complicated as my husband can have a say over it as well) – it feels controlling to me; there are additional issues like I don’t feel my son eats enough calories per day when I don’t give him meat that day (I see legumes as a good nutritional substitute, but he only eats a little bit of them), but I feel that the principle of not controlling others’ foods should be enough as a reason.

I told the in-laws directly that I respect what they eat, but that I am unwilling to change what I eat.

My husband says I was a jerk (part of it could also be allegedly because of my tone and the way I said it – too fast, too direct, and not looking into their eyes (?) – which is possible – I am not always very diplomatic/sometimes don’t realize the tone of my voice) because it is only asking for vegetarian food one day a week.

I feel I am not, because I am making enough accommodations, and compromising would go against my principles. I am happy with them staying for extended period of time because it is good for my husband to have some time with them (they live abroad in India so visiting is a little difficult; plus I am not comfortable with my son visiting India as a child for safety reasons), and it is a good opportunity for my son to have relationships with grandparents and learn Hindi from them.

They are nice people and we don’t have any other issues.

In terms of food, they requested that I keep all meat and eggs in a separate fridge in the garage and that they want all separate cooking and eating utensils, which I accommodated. On occasions when I make food for them, I make sure it is fine for lacto-vegetarians and only use designated utensils.

I also make an effort to quickly clean up meat leftovers in the kitchen, so they don’t feel uncomfortable. When I was staying at their house in India, I ate only vegetarian. Thoughts?”

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MadameZ 2 months ago
NTJ. You and your child do not have to follow their restricted diet as long as you don't try to insist they follow your diet. This is not the same as hosting someone with severe food allergies, in which case it is fairly necessary to keep the allergen out of the house while the allergic guest is visiting - your inlaws restrict their diet for ethical reasons. They have every right to do this BUT you don't share their belief system so you don't have to obey it.
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20. AITJ For Not Checking In On My Sister When She Had A Stroke?

“My step-sister (38) and I (25) are not close. We did not grow up together, and as a child, she did not make any effort to build a relationship with me. My largest collection of memories surrounding her when I was a teen was how homophobic she and her husband (40s) were, and as a closeted teen that made me feel unwelcomed, and that they were making fun of ME.

As you can imagine, my love and desire to be close to her quickly diminished.

Eventually, I came out to my family, and she denied that I was gay. She concluded that gay people don’t exist. She told me that if I ever ‘contradicted AIDS, then you can’t come around me or the girls’ (referring to my nieces).

When I went off to college my parents bought me a new computer. She spouted that they were supporting me ‘doing evil’, in reference to my homosexuality. This, plus so much more, can be summed up to say that I have no interest in building a relationship with her.

She has never been a part of my life and I have no intentions of changing that.

Recently, she had a minor stroke that put her in the hospital for a day, and she was sent home with aspirin. My mother and step-sister are making me out to be a jerk because, when alerted via text that she was in the hospital, I did not text or call her.

To be clear, I did not expect her to be so alert and ready to Snapchat after having a stroke, so I had planned to go visit her before learning that visitors were not allowed back to her room. My family is trying to make me feel guilty for not calling/texting, asking me ‘What would you have liked her to have done if the roles were reversed?’, and frankly, nothing.

I don’t care to hear from her, and when my mom passes we will never talk. Am I the jerk?”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Why on earth would you want to have any sort of relationship with a homophobic b!tch like your step sister who never gave you the time of day? Sorry but family is overrated, and since she's not even technically family, you did nothing wrong.
And if your family have anything else to say about you not visiting her, ask them how quickly she would have visited you had the situation been reversed. And then block them all. What a bunch of @$$holes.
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19. AITJ For Complimenting My Sister's Hair?

“Growing up with 4B hair, my (20 F) mom (43) had no idea how to care for and keep my hair healthy. Although she is black as well as my siblings and I, my mom has always had what my community calls ‘good hair.’ My mom has always had 3A/3B hair so she never really had to do much to maintain it.

However, my sisters (15 & 17) and I all have type 4 hair. Hair that’s kinkier and with a tighter curl pattern.

From the moment I could understand words my mom has always referred to my hair as ‘nappy’ and ‘unkempt’ when really she just didn’t know how to properly care for my hair.

I taught myself throughout my teen years through A LOT OF trial and error.

So when my 15-year-old sister came to me a few weeks ago saying that she wanted to start wearing her natural hair because she has worn braids her entire life and asking if I could teach her about the upkeep of natural hair, I jumped at the opportunity to help her.

I taught her about porosity and how to properly moisturize, wash, and style her hair. However, since my sister has been wearing her natural hair my mom makes it a point to say something negative; such as ‘I hope you’re not walking outside with your hair like that’ and by ‘like that’ she’s referring to my sister’s naturally curly hair that’s moisturized.

My mom used to make the same comments to me when I started wearing my natural hair and I remember things like that hurting. So I told my sister that she shouldn’t feel ashamed about her hair and that her hair is beautiful. My mom for whatever reason feels as though me teaching my sister about self-confidence and loving her hair is overstepping.

I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, but if I I the jerk here I would like to know, and why.”

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rbleah 2 months ago
Your mother is a jerk. Keep telling sis good things about her hair.
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18. AITJ For Kicking My Friend And Her Husband Out Of My Apartment?

“My sister & I own an apartment complex in the Chicago area. I had a unit open up and asked my friend (F) if she and her husband (H) were interested. They stayed in a one-bed basement apartment & thought I could help F into a better space.

She has gone through some hardships this past year, so I thought I could help her catch a break. My unit is a two-bed on the second floor with a balcony. My complex is small in terms of tenants, they wouldn’t share any walls with anyone.

They recently got married too so I thought it would be nice if they could hitch off their marriage in a new space.

I told F that I would match her rent at her current apartment, about 850. We are currently in the process of renovating the units and upping the rent (range of $1100-$1300) so I’d be giving her a discount.

It’s move-in day & my phone starts blowing up by H that morning. He left me voicemails & texts saying that I needed to contact him immediately. I called him back & he informed me that the state of the apartment was unacceptable and that we needed to come to some form of agreement (hinting at compensation?) for them to be able to accept the apartment.

He claimed that there was a bag of food left rotting in the cupboard, the vent filter was dirty, the smoke alarm cover was missing, etc. I apologized & told him that I would order the parts needed and remedy it immediately. I ordered the parts online and talked to my cleaner.

The ‘food rotting’ in the cupboard was actually a bag of new Tupperware. He left it there in case they wanted to keep it, H assumed it had food in it. The vent filter was brand new as well & was not dirty. Everything he claimed was wrong was not in fact wrong, besides minor stuff like the smoke alarm missing a cover which I sent someone to fix the next day.

The next day I received a text from H again, stating that he & F were leaning towards moving out of the apartment. He said he found rat poop in all of the closets & heard mice in the walls. He insulted my sister & cleaner saying it was very poorly cleaned & gave me an ultimatum saying the only way they would be convinced to stay is if I hired a team of professional cleaners to go through the apartment.

I was surprised at this message and the way he worded it was rude too. I told him that it would probably be for the best if they just moved out. My friend then messaged me & apologized for H, I told her that what he said wouldn’t impact our friendship.

They moved out the following week and back into their old apartment.

I then went over to the apt with a couple of people to inspect the unit. No mice/mice droppings were found & none of my other tenants have mentioned mice either. The apartment looked like it was cleaned very nicely too, I know I am inclined to be biased but I truly did try to see from my friend’s perspective.

I imagine I am a reasonable person as well, if her husband would have worded the message better, without the ultimatums & insults, I would have sent an exterminator over to remedy the issue for them.”

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rbleah 2 months ago
He was just trying to get you to LOWER the rent EVEN FURTHER. He is a user so just forget about him. And good luck to your friend.
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17. AITJ For Telling My Daughter's Grandparents Not To Pick Her Up?

“I am a single mother to an 11-year-old girl who has achondroplasia, for those of you who don’t know what that means she is a little person.

Her bio-father couldn’t cope with this and left me when she was only a few weeks old and hasn’t seen her since. If he can’t cope with this it’s for the best so don’t hate on him and he has never been late with or missed a child support payment so there is that at least.

He isn’t involved but his parents are and have been since the start, she is their only grandchild so they want to be a part of her life. They tried to get him to come see her sometimes for the first few years but have given up at this stage.

I love her grandparents and they have been a lot of help as she grows up.

The issue is her grandmother keeps picking up my daughter when she sees her to give her a hug or help her reach something. My daughter didn’t mind this when she was younger, and even liked it but as she got older she has expressed discomfort to me over people picking her up which is understandable, she’s growing up and isn’t a baby anymore.

I don’t pick her up unless she ASKS me to do so which is very rare.

The same day she told me this I called her grandparents to tell them to not do this again unless she asked. Her grandmother was upset by this and told me that it was only for hugs or to help her and she’d never said anything about being uncomfortable to her.

I explained she wouldn’t as she loves her and wouldn’t want to upset her so I’m doing it. I stressed to PLEASE not do this from now on. I thought I’d gotten an agreement from her but the next time they visited she picked her up to give her a hug hello.

Once my daughter took her grandfather to go see her Legos. I pulled her grandmother into the other room and told her that I’d told her not to do that, she said she couldn’t help it and it wasn’t hurting. I told her if it was making my daughter uncomfortable she WAS hurting her.

I then told her if she did this again she wouldn’t be allowed in my house again.

She was understandably upset by this and I hated having to set such a firm line but I wasn’t sure what else to do. She seems to be under the impression I’m trying to stop her from showing affection to my daughter which I’m not she can still hug her if my daughter wants it just not pick her up.

My daughter’s grandfather has called me today to say his wife keeps crying and is upset thinking I’m trying to cut her out slowly, I tried to explain the situation but honestly, I feel horrible.

I know I did the right thing in making it clear she cannot pick my daughter up that is not what I’m doubting here, I just feel bad about setting that kind of threat up.

I just don’t know what else I could have done when I set a line already and she crossed it, maybe I should have stressed it again before going to a threat?”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ, and huge kudos to you to insist that her grandmother respect your daughter's boundaries. Some people need to be hit over the head with consequences before they stop doing what THEY want to do and start doing what the child and her mother want done. Good for you!
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16. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Taking My Clothes Off While I Was Asleep?

“It started around a month ago when we were still in school. I (16 M) met someone (16 M) at school, let’s call him Josh.

Josh seemed really cool, laid back, and fun to talk to, so we clicked. Since then we’d play together, talk online, and hang out.

A few days ago, we decided to sleep at his house for 2 days. We never really sleepovered together so I decided it’d be a fun thing we could do.

I get there and his house is REALLY hot. He has one AC and it doesn’t really work well, so as soon as he walked in he took off his shirt. Apparently, he does this every summer and even stays in his underpants or without clothes and his parents don’t mind.

I greeted his parents and we went to his room. That’s when it started. He kept insisting that I go in my underpants because it’s really hot. I told him that I was not comfortable being almost exposed at someone else’s house. He proceeded to insist all day that it’s fine, we’re both men and that we can even be without clothes around each other.

He even asked his mom if it was fine.

I, obviously, found this kinda weird so I told him that I was uncomfortable with that period. Maybe I can do it if I visit him a lot more often and I get used to it but for now no, and he seemed to calm down after that.

I went to sleep normally, in his room obviously, and I didn’t think he’d really do anything. I wake up to myself in my underpants. (Small note that I’m a heavy sleeper and I wear baggy clothes so it’s really easy to take them off.)

I immediately knew it was him, and I was mad. I asked him why he even did that, and he said that ‘he felt bad that I was really sweaty.’ I was like ‘Whatever, just give me my clothes’ and what’d he do? He told me that they were in the living room and to get them I had to go get them, practically without clothes.

And I did just that, not before hurling a few insults at him and his parents. I took my clothes, and my phone and I left.

We haven’t spoken since but I have a lot of missed calls from him and my other guy friends are fully livid at me for doing that, saying that I’m a coward for being scared to be ‘casual’ around my friend.

I have no idea what to do, was I the jerk?”

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HROB1 2 months ago
NTJ and major RED flag. Why would anyone think that is ok. I know guys go without a shirt but not sure just in jerk. In my home if my son's friends came out in just jerk/boxers I would be uncomfortable. Not ok. For someone to take your clothes off of you while you sleep, NOPE. Who knows what else they will do.
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15. AITJ For Cutting My Sister Off Of My Subscriptions?

“I (28 m) and my older sister (31) have gotten along for the most part our whole lives for the sake of our parents. This year has been one thing after another for us both; she got fired from her job and lost her car, and my parents, with whom I still live and help out the bills with, lost one of our cars as well.

Within the last month, she and I haven’t been getting along at all and it was a steady decline until last week, it exploded. I am on a cellphone plan with my parents so we can save money on our phones and I hand my mother cash each month to cover my end of the bill along with helping with other expenses in the house.

Fourth of July goes by and I’m working 9 1/2 – 10 hours a day at my butcher job to help others there. I get home on payday and my sister is there with her kids. My mother and my sister announced they were going to the store to get stuff for dinner and that they were taking my niece.

My niece (5), let’s call her J, hugs me and tells me she loves me. Having worked 6 long-hour days straight I hand the money to my niece and tell her to give it to grandma.

Two days later I got home late from work and my mother told me she was paying the phone bill the next day, I informed her I already paid her and she said that I did not.

Immediately I called my sister and she said that she had found $80 on the floor but didn’t think anything of it. I hung up and a text argument ensued in which she ended up saying ‘Don’t try to justify being lazy.’ So I told her, ‘Keep that energy when I change the passwords to everything.’ My parents pay all her bills; car, car insurance, phone bill, and even sometimes rent but I’m lazy for not handing my mother $100.

I found out yesterday, my birthday, she blocked my number and didn’t want to talk to me anymore. My father told me that she had said she was mad I changed the account passwords to everything and now the kids are mad at her which in turn made my father mad at me to which I said all she has to do is apologize and she can have it back but she said no.

They want me to apologize to her and I’m not apologizing to someone for them calling me lazy so my mother and father are upset at me for not apologizing to her.

AITJ?”

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HROB1 6 days ago
ESH. I understand being tired. But handing a child money and expecting them to do what they are supposed to do that's not a good idea. Your sister should have questioned where her daughter got the money. I say this is mis communication and a little bit of resentment on your part, since your sister doesn't pay anything, and you do. To keep the peace as long as your sister returns the money give her the passwords.
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14. WIBTJ If I Don't Allow My Mom To Use My Laptop Anymore?

“My mom (50 F) lives with me (27 F). I work as a lecturer and currently conducting research, so it’s safe to say I need a computer for about 90% of my work.

My mom is a medical doctor and she has recently started doing medicine-related YouTube videos.

A few months ago, my mom’s laptop broke. It was nothing serious and I helped her to repair it and restore all the original content she had. In the meantime, my mom asked me if she could use my laptop for her work (work being making YouTube videos).

Although I really needed mine for work and I did not see the importance of creating YouTube videos, I adjusted my time so she could have the laptop.

I thought she would stop using mine when hers was fixed, but I was wrong. She constantly uses mine, even though her very-well-fixed laptop is sitting right there.

Yesterday, I was scheduled to start a Zoom meeting with some of my colleagues at 8. When I got to my desk, I could see my mom watching videos on my laptop. I had already told her the previous day that I wanted the laptop for the morning hours.

So I went to her and told her that I needed my laptop asap. She said that I still have 15 minutes for my meeting, so it’s okay for her to use mine till then. I got upset and told her that it’s unfair for her to use mine when hers is fixed and she could’ve even used her own phone if she wanted to watch videos on social media.

Then she continued to tell me that her work is important, because she is making videos to help people, and I could’ve been a much supportive daughter.

Although I got her laptop back, she had not talked to me yet. But today I woke up to her using my laptop to edit her videos.

I do not have any work today or tomorrow, but because of how she treated me yesterday, I want to ask her not to use my laptop.

So tell me, WIBTJ if I tell my mom not to use my laptop?”

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rbleah 2 months ago
NOT THE JERK. Take your laptop and keep it in YOUR ROOM. Tell her to use her own or her phone and DO NOT TOUCH YOURS.
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13. AITJ For Trying To Teach My Fiancé A Lesson About Finances?

“So my fiance (32 M) called me (24 F) today to ask me to lend him some money as he just rented a car for the first time and he wanted to take his family to the beach today as he has to return tonight and I refused even though I could have given it to him.

So I have been with my fiance for 5 years now and I adore him and his family so much. Even though they are lovely people I noticed throughout the years that whenever they get their monthly salary, they spend everything over a week or two, and if there is an emergency they cannot deal with it as they have no money AT ALL.

I on the other hand have always been taught by my parents how to be careful with money and always prioritise having at least a small amount of it in case of an emergency.

Well lately I’ve been studying so I don’t work and have my own money temporarily but I noticed that whenever I would advice my fiance about money he would ignore me.

I don’t like to tell him what to do with his money but I do advice him to be careful because he often ends up in emergencies and asks me to ask my sister to lend him money. Even though my sister is okay with it, I find it icky to regularly ask in-laws for money for basic stuff especially as we are planning our wedding.

I have also been advising him to start procedures to get his own car as renting is more costly than buying in the long term and he agrees but always takes it lightly and says he will do it ‘tomorrow’.

Today he asked me to ask my sister for money to take his family out because neither he nor his family has ANY money to do anything and I refused and let him believe we do not have any money left too.

AITJ for trying to teach him a lesson by letting him deal with his own negligence consequences and hoping we would learn from it?”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ for trying to make him more financially responsible, but YTJ if you actually go through with marrying this man. He comes from a family of spenders who don't save, and he's had that example before him all his life, so he thinks that's the way to live. And here you come, with your responsible financial habits and emergency savings, both foreign concepts to your husband. But does he learn from you, or act on the excellent suggestions you give him? Nope, he just keeps spending like there's no tomorrow until he has nothing left, then makes you ask YOUR SISTER for money? Really? In what universe is that appropriate? Shame on you for ever starting that nonsense.
Please, PLEASE leave this man. You will never be able to count on him to contribute financially, and he will spend every last penny he makes, then he'll spend every last penny you make too. How do I know this? I was married to someone exactly like your husband. And it was he!!. Please don't make the same mistake I did. Let him and his spendthrift family go on their own way until they spend themselves into bankruptcy. Don't buy into that. Run. Run away. Run away very fast and leave no forwarding information. Good luck.
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12. AITJ For Not Waking My Partner Up?

“My partner and I live with my parents their one rule is for both of us to have jobs. My partner works retail with some shifts that are at 4:45 am and she’s the manager so needs to be there to open the store and unload the truck during these shifts so it’s important.

She has always been bad with waking up to alarms, like impossible. She sets 5 every morning and wakes through them 60% of the time the other times she immediately turns them off and keeps sleeping through them. During these shifts, she asked me to stay up late since I work 2nd shift and can sleep in.

Ideally, I would always like to go to bed at 2 am so I can get up at 10 and have enough time in the morning to do stuff. She always asks me ‘Please stay up till 3 or 3:30 and wake me up before you go to bed don’t even lay down before I’m up’.

All of these kinds of nights which I do to try and help her. But every single one of these nights I come in the room at 3:30 and try to wake her up she just keeps being like ‘I’m tired let me sleep 10 more minutes’ or is completely incoherent about what I’m saying in like a half-dream state speaking nonsense about work.

So I wake her up in 10-minute increments trying to get her to wake up but she always does the same thing ‘I’m sleeping 10 more minutes let me sleep more’. This has happened for the last 3 months multiple times a week until it’s 4:30 or later (15 minutes before she has to work and it takes her 15 minutes to drive to work so it’s URGENT to wake up) and then she finally seems to be able to wake up but treats me like I did absolutely nothing for her throughout the whole night ‘WHY WOULDN’T YOU WAKE ME UP SOONER?

I HAVE TO BE AT WORK NOW I’M GOING TO BE LATE’ ‘YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD MAKE SURE I’M UP! WHY DIDN’T YOU WAKE ME UP’ and I try to explain that I tried 5 or 6 times every night to get her up but she doesn’t budge or even try to wake up.

I’ve tried turning the light on to help, but she just gets mad and frustrated, I’ve tried shaking her she just gets mad or frustrated. I spend these nights up way past the time I’d like to go to bed just to get yelled at and screamed at every morning and called an idiot for not trying harder.

She’s like ‘Why did you not wake me up sooner?!’ And I explained that I have tried waking her up every 10-15 minutes since 3:30 or sometimes sooner for her to constantly be upset telling me to let her sleep longer and calling me an idiot or stupid for even trying to explain my reasoning.

It’s seriously putting stress on this relationship and feel like it is not fair the treatment I’m getting for going out of my way to try and help her wake up. And staying up watching stupid YouTube videos past 2 am just to stay awake for her.

I seriously don’t know what to do and think she just keeps sleeping cause she knows I am here as a backup and I won’t stop trying until it’s the absolute most urgent time she had to wake up. Plus she says if she’s late to work one time she’s quitting knowing my mom would not let us stay here… I don’t know.”

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MadameZ 2 months ago
I think you need to end this relationship and throw her out. This is lazy, passive-aggressive selfish behaviour and will get worse, not better. You are not her parent, nor her servant - if she got up the first time you called her it would be bearable, but the fact that she is resisting and refusing all the time yet making it your problem is unsustainable.
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11. AITJ For Continuing On Cleaning The Pool?

“I (27 m) clean pools for a living. It’s hard work but I enjoy it.

About a month ago I was hired to clean a house pool in a small gated community.

Turns out I did a good job and the other 3 houses there hired me too. I go on Mondays and Thursdays, this is my second week there.

The routine is I get there, announce myself to the security guard at the gate (who I was previously introduced to and authorized to enter), he lets me in, and phones all the houses just to let them know I arrived.

The houses are huge and pretty similar. They all have an outside side path to the back where the pool is which I’m told to just go in without warning and do my job (pretty normal for the business). There’s usually no one out back, sometimes a maid or gardener, but usually there’s no one.

On the off chance, there is someone using the pool or sunbathing I apologize and say I’ll do another house and come back later.

This happened yesterday. I get there, the guard lets me in and phones the houses. Everything is normal until the second house.

As I walk into the pool area I see this girl (gonna guess early to mid-20s) sunbathing. I apologize and say I’ll circle back later but she insists it’s not a problem and that I should just clean the pool now. I’m not really comfortable when this happens, but it does happen.

I put my headphones on and get to work.

Now, contrary to what adult movies might have you believe, this situation is neither exciting nor hot nor anything of that nature. It’s awkward and I consciously never even glance in the general direction of the person.

But ok, job done, I said ‘Have a good day’ to the girl and went on my merry way to the next house.

Later I received a very angry text from the client (the girl’s father) saying that I was a creep and how dare I take advantage of his daughter in a bikini.

I explained that I apologized and offered to come back later but she insisted so I ended up cleaning the pool. He said she must have said that just to be polite and that I should have been more professional and moved on to the next house anyway.

I kept apologizing but he was very angry and said I didn’t need to go back, he was laying me off. I apologized again and thought that it was unfortunate but what can you do right?

Today another house from that community said they no longer want my services.

I was positive I was NTJ but now that this other house laid me off I’m not so sure anymore…

AITJ for cleaning the pool and not leaving?”

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10. AITJ For Buying My Daughter A New Phone?

“My ex (37 F) and I (38 M) divorced when my daughter was 8, she is now 14 nearly 15 and both her mum and I have remarried. My wife and I have been married for six months but together since my daughter was 10 so nearly 5 years, have a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old while my ex remarried too, over 2 years ago, and just had twins 10 months ago.

I have my daughter every other week and both my ex and I live near her school so she walks home. My daughter is an angel, she is a great big sister and babysits for both my ex and me when needed, she keeps her room clean, does chores without being asked, gets straight As, keeps great care of all her things, is always home on time and has never snuck out and if she is running late she texts her mum or me and asks the day before to go out and is overall just a great kid.

While she was out with her aunt (her mother’s sister) her phone was balancing on a pile of things and it slipped off and fell face first. My daughter was distraught she came home to her mum crying and apologizing, my ex first yelled at her and then told her she would get her a new phone for her birthday (My daughter was born in the middle of April, it’s February) my daughter was obviously upset but let it go and didn’t bring it up or argue.

When I picked up our daughter on Friday I noticed she didn’t have her phone and asked if she left it at home to which she broke down told me everything and apologized a lot, I told her she should have been more careful but that I’ll talk to her mum.

I called my ex that night and told her we should buy her a new phone now even a secondhand one, for now, she told me no and that she needs to learn to be more responsible, she has already gone for nearly a week and can handle 2 months without a phone and she can’t afford it.

I told her she had learned already and had never done anything like this and even offered to pay for it (I already paid for her data plan). She said point-blank no and hung up on me.

I decided that I wasn’t gonna just let my daughter go two months without a phone for 2 months.

So the next day I took her out to buy a phone, she picked a phone that was cheaper than the other phones she had been looking at and thanked me for the whole drive back. I told her that if she took off the screen protector or case or was irresponsible with it I would take it back and she agreed. My ex found out somehow and blew up mine and our daughter’s phone telling us that she better not return it on Friday with the phone, I need to return it, I’m spoiling our daughter and I’m a jerk for doing this without her permission.

I refused and now both she and her husband are calling me a jerk but I don’t think I am. Am I the jerk for getting my daughter a phone against my ex’s wishes?”

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MadameZ 2 months ago
NTJ. Your ex doesn't sound like much of a parent - people who obsess about punishments FOR AN ACCIDENT are generally not good parents. You don't need to 'obey' your ex and her husband can go screw himself. Unfortunately, they may either confiscate or destroy her phone to prove a point: if they do, back your daughter against them and do so every time they are unreasonable.
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9. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Inform Me About Long-Term/Overnight Guests?

“I (M 28) have two roommates who are brothers (M 25 and M 20).

They share a bedroom with an en-suite bathroom and I also have my own en-suite bathroom. The three of us work full-time and the two of them together pay half of the rent, while I pay the other half. They agreed to pay for the utilities, with the exception of half the wifi, which I contribute to.

My roommate (M 25) works from home and I work in higher education. I am pursuing my doctorate and due to the global crisis, my classes are online in the evenings. My other roommate (M 20) works at a car dealership. Normally, we have been very good about sharing pots, pans, cups, spices, etc. We all buy our own groceries, toiletries, water, and anything else that can be consumed.

A few weeks ago, my roommate (M 25) invited 3 friends to visit. Two of them were driving up to a clinic nearby to have plastic surgery. Mind you, my roommate never told me they were visiting. I came home from visiting my parents, who live 2 hours away, and they were there.

I had no idea that this was the purpose of their visit until the next day.

When I went to visit my parents, I had picked up my antidepressants and anxiety medications because I hadn’t switched pharmacies or providers yet. So, I had been without them for a few weeks.

It was basically like starting on them all over again.

His friends ended up being there for a total of 2 weeks and slept in the living room. A few days before they had left, I texted my roommate (M 25) if he could give me a head’s up the next time he was going to have long-term guests stay over so that I could make alternative arrangements for myself; like spending more time at my parents’ house.

Since, during the time that they were there, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. He responded with a two-word text: ‘Okay, sorry.’ Having his friends there did nothing to aid my transition back onto my medications.

Ever since then, my roommate (M 25) has been avoiding me.

He locks himself in his room. Doesn’t come out if I’m in the living room. Won’t interact with me. I texted him and apologized for overreacting about what I said about his friends visiting and explained to him about my medication. He said I was ‘downright disrespectful’ for that even though I was super nice to them and even cooked for them and didn’t say anything when they drank my Gatorades without asking.

Since that incident, my roommate has been separating our stuff as well. All the mugs and glasses in the cupboard, all the spices in the spice rack, everything in the pantry and fridge, etc.

This isn’t the first time he’s had people visit like this.

His parents come down to visit for weekends and I never get a warning. His parents are great people and have even taken me out to eat. However, they always bring their dogs with them who are both hostile and territorial.

Am I the jerk for telling me he needs to keep me in the loop about long-term/overnight guests?”

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rbleah 2 months ago
You need to find somewhere else to live.
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8. WIBTJ If I Choose To Be Part Of Another Family?

“When my mother was young, she had a son (Andrew). The father was never in the picture. A couple of years later, she met another man, married, and had another son (me). They divorced a couple of years later, because he only treated me like a son, and acted like my older brother literally didn’t exist. A few years later, my mother met the man who actually became our family’s dad.

They marry, have a child (Henry), and we become a happy little family. This man adopted my older brother and me (10 and 8 at this point), and Henry never even knew we were adopted. My parents were stricter than most. My father was a U.S.

Marine, so it kind of came with the territory.

Around high school, my life takes a turn:

My parents begin offering things to my siblings, but not to me because I don’t spend time with the family. If I do spend time with them, they purposely don’t offer anything, because I’m there.

I became Henry’s personal playmate. If I said no when asked, our parents made me play with him anyway, because he’s 8 and I that’s my job.

In Junior year, I was asked to wash my father’s truck. I did an absolutely awful job, and my father as punishment said I couldn’t have a license until I was 18.

They bought Andrew two cars and Henry one but sold mine and spent the money while I was in training.

They send Henry to a private school.

They spent all the money they claimed was going into my ‘savings’ over the years.

After training, I moved to Rodeo.

A childhood friend’s (an extremely close friend) family (the Aarons) lived there and took me in as if I were their own blood. I was struggling to deal with other humans in the workplace as an adult (as a kid, you could just ignore other people, but my mother and father never prepared me for when I couldn’t) and the parents of the Aarons provided me advice whenever I asked (and sometimes when I didn’t) to help me deal with the adjustment.

They showed me how to properly deal with conflict and disagreement, how to do finances, how to showcase my natural strengths in the workplace, and showed me affection – something that I thought I’d had as a child, but in hindsight, definitely didn’t have enough after reaching my teens.

I’ve been with the Aarons for almost six years now. The way they treat their kids was absolutely mind-blowing to me: the kids joke around with the parents, and they do things together as a family. The Aaron children and I introduce each other as family.

When someone asks, ‘Really?’ My (now) siblings always respond so naturally it’s as if I’ve always been here. I live with them, I celebrate holidays and birthdays with them, and I fight with them (but at least now I know how to make peace with them too).

This has only driven a deeper wedge between my mother and me. My father didn’t hurt me purposely, but never stopped my mother. My brothers, while not perpetrators, were benefactors.

WIBTJ if I walked away entirely and completely embraced my place as an Aaron?”

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7. AITJ For Yelling At A Customer For Grabbing A Hamster?

“I (F 20) work at a pet store.

Today we had a family come in to get a hamster, the oldest daughter had a hamster who died so they were getting a replacement. The mom was nice, but she mentioned that their last hamster was super cuddly, loved being held, and stuff like that.

If you know anything about hamsters, they are very anti-social and will tolerate being held at best. Usually, when people tell me this I say ‘Oh you got lucky, most hamsters don’t like being held’ but I don’t really believe it. Another important note: they had a young son, maybe 3 or 4, and the mom told him repeatedly that he couldn’t hold the hamster until after they adopted it, which I appreciated.

A little bit later, the daughter picked a hamster and I put it into the cardboard box we use to transport pets. But then I noticed that I had folded the box wrong, I hadn’t folded down a final flap on the box, so it wasn’t secure.

But I couldn’t fold it with the hamster inside, so I told them I would have to put the hamster back into the cage, fix the box, and then get it back out again. The mom told me, ‘Oh it’s okay, I can hold it!’ I told her no, the hamster wouldn’t like being held and it would try to jump and escape if she held it.

For a few seconds, the mom kept reaching out her hands and I kept saying ‘No, it’s okay, I’ll just put her back while I fix the box’.

Meanwhile I lowered the box into the habitat (it was in the bottom row) to slide the hamster out.

As I was doing this the mom reached into the box, grabbed the hamster, and tried to hold it. Immediately it escaped from her hands and she tried to grab it but it kept wiggling out of her grasp. I was trying to keep it from falling on the floor, and she was playing hot potato with the poor thing before I finally got a grip on it and put it back into the habitat.

I was shaking because I almost had a heart attack, and I told her harshly, ‘THAT’S why I wanted to put it back into here’. And then the mom tried to reach in and touch the hamster (maybe like she thought she could soothe it?) But I stopped her hand and told her firmly not to touch it.

It was clear I was mad. I could tell she was annoyed and she asked why couldn’t she touch it even though she was adopting it.

I told her she wasn’t allowed to. And to make matters worse, when I went to fix the box, the little boy reached into the habitat and tried to touch the hamster.

The poor thing flipped on its back and screamed, and it was clearly terrified and stressed from the whole thing. I said we had to leave it alone for a bit, and the girl picked a new hamster that I helped them with. But the next day my manager told me that she had gotten a complaint that I yelled at a customer who was trying to ‘help’ me put a hamster back into its cage.

I knew exactly who it was, and my manager didn’t fault me for what happened but said that I shouldn’t have been rude to her.”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and you know it. IF your manager is blaming you for "being rude" to a customer, then it's time to find a place to work where they actually care about the animals they sell and won't put them into an inappropriate environment.
And it makes it pretty clear how the first hamster died.
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6. AITJ For Babysitting Someone's Kid The Way I Wanted To?

“I have a 14-month-old daughter. My close friend’s (Kat) cousin (Sam) has a daughter who is about 17 months old. Kat tells me Sam is wondering if I could babysit, so I found her on social media.

She tells me the circumstances. She tells me I can bring my daughter with me, which I do. She tells me there are cameras in every room, it’s okay I have nothing to hide. I told her I’d babysit if I could get her WiFi password since I take college online, I told her taking care of our kids comes first, and I’ll do homework when I get the chance.

I know I’m asking too much but I can’t babysit if it puts me behind

I show up and she just shows me her fridge. She just tells me to give her daughter snacks from the fridge all day and if her daughter gets cranky to give her a pacifier.

After the first day, I tell Sam to tell me if she doesn’t like something for example (like feet on the couch, or basic manners). She says everything looks good and thank you.

It’s been a few weeks.

Yesterday I got a call from Kat who warned me her cousin Sam is looking for someone new.

Sam was complaining about me to her family. Sam is upset because I’m not teaching her baby things or potty training her. Sam said all I give her daughter is quesadillas. Sam’s fridge looks like a 711 it’s all cheese, hot dogs, cereal, soda, tortillas, yogurt, cereal, and a whole bunch of junk.

I work with what I can, there’s no fruit or veggies. I give her quesadillas, yogurt, cereal, and chopped-up hot dogs. The best foods are danimal yogurt, gogurt, and chocolate krave cereal, the stuff that’s packed with sugar. Sam complains her daughter takes care of herself which is true, she is a very calm girl, she just lays down next to me on the couch watching the Cocomelon her mom puts on for her.

She’s an easy kid to care for, she shows no interest in playing and if she did I’d play with her. (I play peekaboo which she loves) Sam had a problem with me doing homework when she told me it was okay.

Sam tells me last minute if I’m babysitting, like 1-2 hours before.

I can’t make it sometimes because I already have errands to run. She said I’m unreliable which I guess is fair.

What bothers me is her daughter’s sick and she’s trying to point fingers at me. Her daughter had a fever so high she ended up seizing.

My daughter is perfectly fine & so am I.

If she wants me to potty train her kid & teach her ABCs she could say. I think it’s too much, I get paid $60/day when gas is $5.50/gallon and I go to her. I’m there from 9:30 am-5:30 pm.

I live in an expensive city, rent for an apartment in a trashy area is $1500/month. She could tell me these things I’ve told her to tell me if she’s bothered by anything. She asked me to take care of her kid today, I went because I feel bad if I left her with no one to take care of her kid.

I’m not scared because I know I did nothing wrong, or else she’d have video proof with her cameras.

AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Oh, sweetie - the only thing you did wrong is go to work for a cheap, entitled b!tch who wants $1000/week daycare for $5.50 an hour. Please kick this b!tch to the curb and go find yourself another job that actually pays. Definitely NTJ.
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5. AITJ For Blocking My Ex's New Partner On Social Media?

“I (24 M) have an ex (25 F). We had been together since I was 16 and last year we both felt we were no longer in love and decided to break up on good terms, she also became a good friend of my closest friends to the point that even after we broke she continued to hang out with them.

A couple of weeks after our break up she went on a vacation and there she found a guy and they got together, I had no problem with that and was happy for them until (before we met in person) I received a message from him saying, and I quote ‘Are you X’s ex?’ To which I answered a simple ‘Yes’ and then his reaction was ‘Good because you annoy me (he used a dialectal expression that translated more or less like that)’ I sent this whole conversation to my ex and then didn’t answer to him (as per her request).

After some time (more or less a week) my whole group of friends started to notice that this guy was following us on all the social media we were using, so we started paying more attention to that and we found that he was checking on us every time he and my ex weren’t together.

We started to feel a little uneasy about that so we told her that he was doing this and our suspicions that he was doing it to check on her, she reacted by saying that was only a mere coincidence and that he was following us just for the contents.

I let it slip but then my best friend had the idea of blocking him on all socials except WhatsApp, not even more than a couple of minutes had passed (mind you he did that a night that we were hanging without her and it was near midnight) and he received a very angry text from my ex about the fact that he had blocked her partner and that he wasn’t spying us or her.

So we (we were a group of six including me) decided to do the same in the span of half an hour and we all got the same message (I also got a call from her in which I clearly explained to her that we had felt uneasy because of him checking us so maniacally and that we felt that he was clearly controlling her).

After that, she completely cut us off from her life to the point where she didn’t reply to any of our calls or texts and refused to see us to try to clarify and settle the situation.

In addition to all of this, his partner completely refused to see or communicate with us about this (even before the blocking) and the only ‘meeting’ we had with him was that brief conversation with me.

So at the start I tried to be as friendly as possible and was really open to meeting him but after his first text the whole situation got worse and worse, AITJ?”

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MadameZ 2 months ago
NTJ at all. Unfortunately, your ex is now jerk an abuser, but there is nothing you can do until she sees through him.
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4. AITJ For Dressing Up As A Woman?

“So for the past couple of months, my partner (27 F) and I (27 M) have been experimenting in the bedroom along the lines of cross-dressing.

After my SIL moved out, I confessed some inner desires I had to my partner, and she was actually excited about it! We’ve been doing everything from dresses to nail polish to shaving, and it has been great! My partner’s birthday happened recently, and one of the gifts I got her was a framed picture of me completely en femme.

She loved it and now has the picture on the desk of her home office.

Now, here is where the conflict comes in. My sister (31 F) was at our house yesterday for dinner, and she asked if she could borrow our label maker for her son’s school project.

We obliged, saying that she could grab it out of my partner’s office, not really thinking about the picture. Once coming out, she questioned why my partner had a photo of a random woman on her desk.

I froze, not knowing what to say. But my partner gave me an ‘It’s okay to tell her if you want’ look, and that’s what I did: I said that it was me.

She was a little shocked at that since it didn’t look like me in the picture. She had a few questions that we were fine with answering, but then she asked if she could see me dressed as a woman.

I objected at first, but she promised me that she wouldn’t tell anyone.

I was still a little hesitant, but my partner assured me that it was okay with her if I did it and that she didn’t care either way. I took a leap of faith and decided to do it. My partner helped me get ready, and soon I was wearing make-up, false nails, a wig, girly shorts, and a sports bra.

As I walked out, my sister didn’t say anything. I was about to say something, but she began to cry. I asked her what was wrong, but she still didn’t say anything. I tried to comfort her, but she pushed me away. She yelled at me, saying stuff like ‘How could you do this to me?’ and ‘What is wrong with you?’ Then, she left. I’ve been trying to text and call her since, but she is not answering me.

My partner and I were questioning if we crossed some sort of line here, so we decided to ask: AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ but honestly, you should have been prepared for her to react that way. Learn to read the room.
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3. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Was Hurt By What His Sister Did?

“Back in November ‘22, I (34 F) found out I had massive infertility issues, with a less than 5% chance of getting pregnant without using a donor egg. Through a miraculous specialist and months of going through a lot with treatments, I am 11 weeks pregnant.

However, several months ago, before getting pregnant, my husband (35 M) told his sister (44 F) that we were going through fertility issues and struggling. His siblings are all much older than us, and they’re all very close (48 M, 46 F, 44 F) – we are sort of the odd ones out being so much younger and in a different phase of life.

They all have kids around the same age, go on vacation together, and see each other all the time. We get along fine with them, but I would describe our relationship to them more as cousins rather than siblings.

Not only did his sister never follow up with us checking in, but we also found out from my FIL that she told all the other members of the family about it (we hadn’t told anyone else yet except my FIL).

While I’m sort of hurt my SIL didn’t check in to see how I’m doing, I’ve moved past that. To be completely fair, I likely wouldn’t have checked in with her if I found out about an issue she was having, especially if I didn’t find out directly from her.

What I can’t move past is A. She didn’t check in with my husband, and B. SHE TOLD THE REST OF THE FAMILY.

There’s another layer to this, my wonderful MIL tragically passed away almost two years ago, which left the whole family distraught, especially my husband.

I know it was so difficult for him to go through the pain of infertility, as well as now the joys of pregnancy, without his mom. Part of me feels like his sisters (who had their mom through their own pregnancies, miscarriages, raising their kids into teenagers, etc) could have stepped up a bit to at least support my husband.

I brought up to my husband how I was hurt that she never followed up and that she told everyone our business that wasn’t hers to tell. He got upset (not at me, just the situation) and started taking the blame, saying he ‘could have told her in a better way’.

He told her while they were almost at the end of a 5K walk, and felt he didn’t give her many details. I’m not sure what that has to do with it, but I honestly dropped the subject because he’s been through enough and I’m not trying to put any more stress on him.

I haven’t refused to see his family or anything due to this, two weeks ago we told them I was pregnant and they were happy for us.

AITJ? I’m really not that close to my in-laws, more so just cordial with them, so maybe I’m being overly sensitive and unreasonable getting so hung up on this?”

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2. AITJ For Not Treating My Dad's Partner As Part Of The Family?

“So my (15 F) parents (52 M and 52 F) got divorced when I was 9.

I met my dad’s partner (40 F) a couple of months after the divorce.

I’ve never had an amazing relationship with her, she never really tried to bond with me. It’s not like I’m jealous or something, I was very excited to meet her at first, I just don’t really like her as a person, but I’m fine with her living with us.

Also, she’s the mom of my brother (3 M), whom I love more than anything, so I try to stand her.

There are many things that annoy me about her, but since we’ve never been close, I try not to argue with her as much as possible (apart from some little discussions).

But there is this thing that she does that I literally can’t stand. Every time my dad and I argue or even have a little disagreement, she steps in and defends him. This really annoys me, as our relationship has only been getting worse since she lived with us, and we used to be very close.

I also talked about this with my older brother (27 M), who no longer lives with us but used to until a year ago. He said that it’s true, she often defends him, but that I should talk to our dad in private about this. So I did, but obviously, he said that it wasn’t true and she was part of the family so she could step in.

I tried to explain to him what I meant, but he didn’t listen.

At this point, I know this sounds like a stupid teenage thing and that I’m just trying to argue with her, but I think it’s important for us to have our discussions, and also is very annoying not being able to talk with my dad without her defending him.

Anyway, the other night, while we were having dinner, I was telling my dad that he should be a little more supportive of my brother (he recently quit his office job to open his own gym), because he was already having trouble with other things, and maybe a little support from his family could help.

His partner didn’t even give him time to answer. She started telling me that I didn’t know anything, that my dad was supportive, and that I shouldn’t insult him.

At that point I lost it, I told her that I was talking to my dad and that she should mind her own business sometimes because he can talk for himself.

She started shouting that she was not talking for my dad and that I was disrespectful to him.

When we were alone, I confronted my dad about it and he said that she’s part of our family so she can participate in discussions, and that I’m not treating her like family.

So AITJ?”

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1. AITJ For Wanting My Stay-At-Home Wife To Be Responsible For Her Spending?

“I (35 M) am the breadwinner in our household. When we decided to get married, we chose to do the traditional, the man goes and works, and the woman takes care of the house and kids.

I feel it’s worth noting that I have never insinuated that being a stay-at-home mom is easy or that I could do it better. I am very grateful and appreciative of everything my wife does, and I make it a point to tell her and show her.

For round numbers, I make $5k a month and my wife has a small income of $550 a month. I personally do not view my income as ‘MY MONEY’, it’s ours because I provide for our family, the same way the kids aren’t ‘HER KIDS’ because she handles the home life.

I usually am the one who tries to keep us on track with our budget and asks her periodically about purchases. (Insert a ‘we are a daily Amazon stop’ joke here).

We finally got a too a place financially where we could afford to have some ‘play’ money.

We agreed that because my income is used for bills, mortgage, cars, groceries, kid clothes, savings, retirement, etc., she could have $500 a month as play money for pedicures, and go to the zoo with our kids. We agreed that $6k a year was solid for ‘Living Life’.

This has morphed into her getting the full $550, usually spending it and waiting for the next month’s check. Yes, she does spend it on Chic-Fil-A and outings, but it’s 90% of her spending on stuff.

Recently, she took a cruise last minute with her family. Because none of them had ~$3k, the wife opened a credit card, and they will pay her back.

It’s in her name, but she used our combined income to get a higher limit. I was a little shocked that she didn’t talk to me first.

I have no issue with her getting a card, I just think it would’ve been nice to know, for budget reasons.

(1) I told her if they wanted to do this, they should have planned and saved. Clearly, they couldn’t afford to do it, and it’s not up to me/us to float them just because we can.

(2) With the new credit card debt, she uses the $5k a month I make payments, and still gets her $550.

I pointed out that her trip was entirely for her. So she should help to pay it off.

(to reiterate, I have no problem with her taking a trip, I just expect better planning)

Both times I tried to discuss this, I was made to be the bad guy and income inequality was brought up.

When I asked if she wanted/needed more money, I was met with comments like ‘You just want me to work’ and ‘Who will watch the kids’. I have never asked her or told her she needed to work. I have always said I will support her choices and work with her to make it happen, as long as we agreed it was feasible.

When I see her crazy spending and lack of planning or savings, it concerns me that I won’t be able to meet my financial goals.

I do not think I was being jerk-ish, but I surely feel like it when I try to talk to her.

AITJ on points 1 and 2?”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
YTJ. If her $550/month is HER "play money", how come she's spending it on your children to take them on outings? That's not "play money"; that's her giving YOUR children an inexpensive treat, and should come out of your $5k/month.
Do you even know what child care costs? Have you looked? I'd bet no, because your wife wants to be the traditional SAHM, but I bet she never expected to have to justify every penny she spends on the kids or herself to you because your cheap @$$ has no idea what you'd have to pay for what she does. Let me give you a quick education: in my area, daycare for preschool children ( 3 to 5 years old) is $1070 per month per child. That means that you'd be spending $2140/month for two children, and that is JUST child care, not housekeeping (approximately $1280 for twice weekly cleaning per month), so your "spendthrift" wife is actually saving you $2,850 by only spending the $550 SHE EARNS to keep herself and your kids happy. You are one cheap @$$ @$$hole for having the gall to criticize her. I hope she reads this and leaves your sorry @$$ and makes you pay child support AND spousal support so she can finally have enough money to raise YOUR children without a miser overlooking her contribution and grudging her every penny she spends. Shame on you. You don't deserve her.
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