People Want To Resolve Their "Am I The Jerk" Problems Once And For All
35. AITJ For Not Giving My Son's Number To My Sister?
“My (40 f) sister (43) was 23 when she got pregnant with her (my) son to a deadbeat who left her after he found out she was pregnant. The moment I held him in my arms, I fell in love with him. My sister however was indifferent to him.
In the beginning, my parents said she was going through PPD. But as time went on, it became obvious that she wasn’t and she just didn’t want to be a mother. She asked my parents to take him, but due to our dad’s health at the time they couldn’t.
She threatened to put him in the system. So I said I would take him. Once he was legally mine, my sister went into low contact with us and moved to another country.
Over the years when she did contact us, she never once asked how my son was doing.
My son knows the truth about me not being his biological mother, I never hid it from him.
My sister recently returned home. She showed up at my house and we had a good catch-up. She then asked how my son was doing and I told her he was doing good at school.
She asked for his number. I said I would have to ask him if it was okay since he is particular about who has his personal number. She got upset with me and told me she was his mother! I said a mother who abandoned him 20 years ago!
I kicked her out after she started screaming at me.
I rang my son and told him what happened. He asked for her number. I gave it. He told her to get lost and he wanted nothing to do with her. She went to social media and posted how I stole her son and turned him against her.
I got backlash from my family. But I don’t care what they have to say about me, but I do care how my son is getting heat from them as well, and making me think I shouldn’t have said that to her. AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Keeping My Stepdaughter's TV In My Room?
“My husband and I have 3 kids.
My stepkids are 11-year-old Annabelle and 4-year-old Benjamin, then our together baby, who is 3 weeks old. Annabelle has ADHD and struggles with impulse control (this is what I’m told/excuse I’m given by her dad – I’m by no means a medical professional). She’s actually a great kid.
She’s artistic, absolutely hilarious, super smart (when she can focus), and has a lot of passionate viewpoints that are admirable. But her downfall is that she destroys pretty much everything she touches. Her expensive memory foam mattress has giant chunks that she ripped off of it.
Her wall has peeled off paint everywhere because she took her Scentsy candle and poured the hot wax on the walls to see what it would look like and peeled off the paint trying to hide the evidence. Her windowsills are covered in nail polish and makeup because she still draws on walls.
Same with my kitchen table. I own the house and it’s bothersome to me that she’s destroying it, with the excuse of ‘I don’t know why I did it, I just wanted to and couldn’t stop myself’. She’s been in therapy for a while.
But anyway, she kicked a soccer ball in my living room 2 weeks ago and broke my 60″ wall-hanging TV.
As a punishment, her dad took her TV out of her room but instead of putting it in the living room, we hooked it up in our bedroom because he grounded her. It’s a smaller TV (26″). I insisted that she was also made to pay for another TV for the living room with her allowance/chore money but my husband was against that punishment.
I didn’t push it because it’s not my place. However, she’s been asking for the TV back and I’ve said no. I don’t have a TV anymore because she broke mine and until my TV gets replaced, I don’t think I should be made to give it back.
Especially where I have nothing to do during the day since I’m newly postpartum and nursing the baby.
She, on the other hand, has her tablet and doesn’t need the TV. Annabelle is mad. Slamming doors is a new thing of hers because she says I ‘stole’ her TV and that her breaking mine was an accident.
I will admit it’s not about punishment at this point. I just have nothing else to do so watching TV while nursing passes the time (I already cook and clean so this is just in my downtime). My husband says I’m acting selfish and entitled to other people’s property.
Before anyone asks, I bought her the TV for her birthday 5 months ago.”
33. AITJ For Not Wanting To Use Our Child's Old Savings Account To Buy A New Car?
“I’m really trying hard to put money away for our daughter. My mother passed when I was 18, and my father was a drinking addict – Mum put away as much as she could, left us with a house, had insurance that paid out, and gave me the start in life I needed without her.
I don’t make a ton of money, but over the past 2 years, I’ve managed to put away about 5,000 USD for her. I’m kind of angry at myself for not saving more, but it’s still something, and it’s in the highest-interest savings account I can find.
I just want her to have a good life, free of too many worries about the small stuff. Perhaps I can help her with a deposit for a house one day, tuition, her own car, or something like that.
My wife doesn’t like that I save for her.
She says we have things we need NOW, that are much more important. We don’t own a car and don’t need one for the most part, but my wife’s starting a business and will need one. She doesn’t understand why you should save, her parents never saved for her and don’t help her financially.
I don’t really want a car. She got even more mad when I tried to meet her halfway and say, how about we pay our little one back over a year, and add the interest she would have had on the money if it had stayed in the bank?
She said that’s incredibly messed up and how could I even suggest we pay interest to our daughter?
I’m at a loss. I’ve never been great with money but I recognize how much having savings helps. AITJ for being resistant to using our child’s savings on ourselves?
I recognize that money is just money and these barriers I’ve put up are artificial, but surely I’m doing the right thing?”
32. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cover My Sister's Flight Expenses Anymore?
“I’m having my wedding next year where I want to bring over my parents, brother, sister and my niece from overseas. My family cannot afford the flights themselves, which I’m already aware of. The cost of the flights is not an insignificant cost to me but I’m very happy to do that as I want my family to be there at my wedding.
I had contacted my sister about the dates a year in advance as I knew my sister had to do a bit more planning because of my niece. I was assured that it would be no problem for them.
So I lock in dates for 3 weeks during the month of my wedding.
When the time came to book the tickets, my sister was unsure of the dates now. I told her to take a week to talk to my niece’s school and decide what dates work for her as it is cheaper to book everyone together instead of separate flights.
Come the end of the week, out of nowhere I get blasted by her saying she feels pressured to lock in the dates and she doesn’t care about the planning for the wedding. She tells me to go ahead and book for my parents & brother.
She said she’d handle her flight tickets herself.
So I go ahead and book the flights for my parents & brother.
2 weeks went by, and I got an apology message from my sister. She said she was ‘just not in a good mood’ that day.
She asked if I had already booked the tickets. I confirmed I did since she told me to go ahead. She now told me she could come a week after my parents as that ‘works for her’. I told her I needed to think about the costs and get back to her.
I took some time to think. I do want my sister at my wedding so I decided to book her flights at the end of next month when I get paid. I told her of this and locked in the dates.
The next month arrived, and my sister called me suddenly and told me she ‘can now come on the same dates as my parents’.
I was very annoyed, I asked why her dates changed again. She said she had to get some things sorted and clear her mind, but didn’t even go into details. I decided I didn’t want to argue. I said fine I’ll book at the end of the month as I said before when I get paid and I told her that had she already agreed to the original dates it would have cost me less.
She now has an issue with the ‘tone of my voice’ and started going on and on about her problems and she insisted that I didn’t want her at my wedding. Like what?!? I ended the call as I couldn’t deal with her endless ranting.
After talking with my fiancè I have decided I am not going to finance my sister’s flight anymore as she is so indecisive. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. She keeps changing up the dates for the flights which I’m sponsoring with my money and all other expenses for her stay during MY wedding.
It’s just too much for me right now and I’m tired of having my generosity taken advantage of. My mom thinks I’m being too harsh. AITJ here?”
31. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate In?
“I (19 F) live in a university dorm with a roommate (18 F).
This semester we haven’t really fought but she’s been continuously frustrating.
On multiple occasions, she has forgotten her room key and asked me to let her in. This wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t such a common occurrence for her to expect me to run across campus for her or let her in at early hours (all while being very unappreciative whenever I let her in).
She could easily go to the residence help desk and get a spare key as it is less than a block away and open 24/7 but always chooses not to. She has also on multiple occasions given me no warning before replacing her key and in the process demagnetizing mine.
This is slightly annoying because when I get back from a three-hour lab I would like to be able to fix my key before I get to my room and realize I can’t open the door.
Over the reading week, she also called me numerous times asking me to search for her wallet and key in the room, even though I had told her and texted her that night that I was at home (hours away from the university).
In addition to all of this, it is clear that she hates living on residence and as such is overall just negative to be around.
Now this is the part where I might be the jerk. The other night I fell asleep at 2 am after studying for finals.
She came home at 5 am and turned on all the lights – this woke me up, but only enough to make my eyes open and look around before I fell back asleep as she left the room. As far as my roommate knew, I was asleep the whole time.
A few minutes later, she tried to call me and my phone rang. I looked at my phone and when I saw it was her, I muted it, figuring she was trying to get me to let her back into our room. She tried calling me again and made my phone vibrate and fall onto the floor from my lofted bed. I later found out she tried to call me 4 times.
Eventually, she started continuously knocking loudly on the door. I still didn’t get out of bed.
After five minutes she started calling my name and it almost sounded like she was crying in the hall. It is exam season, so quiet hours were in effect especially strictly.
Eventually, someone else let her in, probably the RA (resident assistant) on duty or our RA down the hall. When she came back into the room I pretended to be asleep so she wouldn’t know I was ignoring her the whole time.
So, AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Choosing To Sleep Instead Of Babysitting My Nephew?
“So my sister is staying with us with her kids (3 of them, 3, 5 and 7) for the foreseeable future. Long story.
The 5 and 7 year old go to school/nursery full time. The 3-year-old stays at home.
I am currently unemployed and admittedly, do nothing but recover from burnout from work, watching TV, gaming, social media, etc.
Also, as a result, I have a very bad sleep pattern which means I head to bed at around 8 am-11 am and wake up between 2 pm (earliest) and 5 pm (latest).
On the days I am up before school run, I watch him while she picks the other 2 up.
Although very reluctantly because the 3-year-old makes me very uncomfortable and I worry he will seriously injure himself whilst under my care and I don’t want that responsibility. I say this because I think it’s highly likely he is severely autistic. Non verbal. Hits his head/hurts himself, has random zoomies, etc.
Plus, I actually really am not a fan of children. I find them highly annoying and overwhelming and I am staunchly childfree. I’d rather not be around kids cuz they make me uncomfortable and burdened.
However, recently I got so fed up and annoyed with the burden of FREE BABYSITTING and started pretending to be asleep to get out of it.
At first, she let me be and took him with her but now it has resulted in my sister knocking on my door, shouting my name, sending the 3-year-old up to scratch and claw at my door, etc. to get me to wake up and watch him.
I’m a light sleeper, so on the days I am actually sleeping, I will be wakened by the noise and this angers me to no end because I cherish my sleep. Like… what?! How dare you?
Seriously, how hard is it to put shoes and coat on and take your kid with you?
Not like she’s walking 3 miles to pick them up. It’s a 10-minute drive. And her car is parked right outside the front door.
So it all came to a head and I went to complain to my mother about it. Lo and behold, my mother revealed my sister already complained to her about the same thing and said that she would ‘disown’ me for not watching her kid and said I was a useless auntie.
How audacious.
I sent her a text saying ‘I disown you too, look after your own kids, you had them, not me. You’re so entitled’.
She read the message and ignored it.
We have now not spoken for over a week. (I don’t actually care, we weren’t that close anyway and at least I can sleep in peace now)
My mother also took her side and said I should watch him and help her out. Obviously, I think they’re both wrong and very entitled.
So AITJ for not waking up to watch my nephew whilst sister goes to pick up the other kids?”
29. AITJ For Closing My Ex-Wife's Bank Account?
“I (46 M) recently finalized my divorce with my now ex-wife Liza (41 F). We were only married for 3 years and the cause for divorce was issues with finances. We had separate bank accounts for our own savings and checking accounts for where our salaries went. I did create an extra account for her where I would deposit money in monthly just as fun spending money as I make significantly more and wanted her to have less stress with her finances.
Even with this setup, she would consistently go over the limit and would even take lots of cash out of my wallet and personal safe without informing me.
When we were married, she and her two kids (18 M and 16 F) from her previous relationship moved into the house that I own and I paid for them to go to a private high school.
Their dad is in their life so they never saw me as anything other than the guy who married their mom, but I understand that because they did meet me much later in their lives and not as little kids. Regardless, I tried to keep a good relationship but neither of them ever wanted that and made me feel like an ATM.
I got a really thorough prenup made before we married, so I basically kept everything I had except for some alimony I had to pay every month. After the divorce, Liza and her kids moved out and I informed her that I had closed the bank account I made for sending her money and I was going to stop paying for the kids’ private school tuition after this school year was over.
So that way at least they finish the year out and have a few months to figure out their next plans and transfer.
It’s been about 3 months since then and I got a nasty call from her saying she can’t afford rent anymore so she and the kids have to move in with her mother and basically berated me for ‘taking away’ the credit card attached to my bank account.
Apparently, the kids have also had to stop some of their extracurricular sports because she can’t pay for the programs. She said I left her in ‘poverty’ and she had to apply for government assistance and food stamps.
Also when we were married I had mentioned potentially paying for her kids’ college tuition when the time comes, but it was never a set thing.
Apparently, she still thought this offer was on the table and mapped out how her son just got accepted to his dream school and the cost of attendance will be 80k per year, so she wanted to know how I would be sending the funds for this.
I just told her she’s crazy if she thinks I’m giving up my hard-earned money for someone else’s kids I have no ties to anymore and that I covered her bills completely for 3 years so she should have saved her salary then instead of blowing through it on designer items. A lot of her family/friends and her kids’ dad are all calling me saying I need to provide for the kids at least because I’m their ‘stepdad’ and that’s a lifelong commitment.
Also according to them, it’s not fair that I’m taking away their opportunities to be at a fancy private school and college especially when I have the money to pay for all of it and keep up their lifestyle to how it was when they lived with me.
So AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Not Giving My Husband Lasagna?
“My husband has food insecurity and overeats even when he’s not hungry; out of fear of it all being eaten before he gets to taste it. Every item of snacks/soda in this house that is bought is gone within a few days because he binges until it’s gone.
AND he has in the past told the kids they couldn’t have more dinner because there ‘wasn’t enough’, just so he could eat it later. I was at work for that one. I did make him get therapy but it’s not doing much good because he doesn’t apply himself at all (thinks it’s pointless and refuses to do the steps they provide).
Today I bought stuff for lasagna and bought myself a big salad because I can’t eat red sauce. Within an hour of being home, he was already in the fridge asking if he could have my salad because he was starving. I said no originally but he kept prying and said ‘C’mon, please?
I will share it with you.’ I said ‘Whatever’ and walked off. He left me 3 bites. I tossed it in the trash. This was not even 10 minutes before I started cooking. He said multiple times ‘I’m so full’ or ‘Now my belly hurts’ or ‘I ate too much’.
Which is common for him. But I was still salty about it honestly. So, I only made half a sheet pan of the lasagna, which would only feed the kids. My husband said he was ‘so full’ anyways.
I give the kids their food 20 minutes later (I prep so cooking takes zero time at all).
I tell them they can finish the pan off. Well, my husband comes out and sees the lasagna and says ‘Oo, that’s what I’m talking about’. I said ‘Absolutely not. You just ate my dinner and you were full 30 minutes ago. This is the kids’ food.’ (I didn’t say this in front of the kids).
He says I’m a ‘royal jerk’ because he ‘needs’ the lasagna and it’s going to ‘send him backward’ because now I’m ‘withholding food from him’.”
27. AITJ For Not Accommodating Our Guests' Dietary Preferences?
“My husband Todd (43 M) and I (37 F) are supposed to be hosting Christmas dinner including a number of his colleagues and spouses.
I’d like to make it clear that I agreed to this, and Todd helps plan, shop, and cook for holidays because we have a large home with space meant for hosting family and friends. If I had said no and asked to do a small Christmas, Todd would not have invited anyone, and he gave me his proposed guest list ahead of time, to which I agreed. I WANT to cook and bake, we have already started on some things, and we are happy to host.
The issue is that I sent out a message to the invitees asking about allergies.
In return, I received back a number of messages requesting vegan, low carb, high protein, low potassium, low sodium, low FODMAP, pescatarian, alkaline, low histamine, dairy-free, and gluten-free.
I went a bit cross-eyed trying to figure out some of these things and found it impossible to cover all of these dietary restrictions.
So, after consulting with Todd, he and I agreed to send out our planned menu with recipes and informed guests that if the night’s menu did not accommodate their dietary needs, they were encouraged to make a potluck dish or dessert to share, or they could feel free to pack their own meal from home in order to safely dine among friends for the evening.
Two have agreed to bring their own food (gluten and dairy, FODMAP), but Todd and I have gotten nasty backlash from a couple of colleagues (vegan, low carb, and low sodium) that as hosts, it’s our job to accommodate their needs. My husband has jokingly told these folks that since so many restrictions contradict one another, we are thus far supplying water, which is guaranteed to fit all dietary needs, and that we cannot be expected to cover ELEVEN sets of restrictions for eight people and maintain our sanity.
So are we the jerks for refusing to accommodate a mind-numbing number of dietary restrictions? We genuinely tried to look, but I ended up having an anxiety attack over it and Todd said it wasn’t worth it. We still plan to host and our own families will be able to eat everything provided, but we are going to have over twenty guests to consider.”
26. AITJ For Accepting A Neighbor's Inheritance Money?
“My (23 f) mom (50) recently passed in an accident. A few weeks ago I got a letter from a lawyer saying I was given a house and some money (low six-figure USD) in my mom’s stead.
When my dad passed when I was 15, my mom and I moved. We managed to buy the smallest house in a nice neighborhood.
Our next-door neighbor was Ella (now 62) who lived alone. She was divorced and her two children lived several hours away.
Ella and my mom were fast friends and they worked in the same building until Ella’s retirement (different companies). I knew they hung out often though I was usually busy with my own things.
I was often playing the errand girl dropping and picking things up between our houses. Ella’s children visited every new year and they were cordial with us.
I got a scholarship for university overseas and since then didn’t visit much. I learned that Ella’s health was bad and she was often in and out of the hospital.
I took a break from grad school and visited my mom in November. She got into a car accident a week after I went back. She clung to life for several days before leaving me forever. I am still grieving even as I have to settle all her affairs.
I’m her only relative so naturally I inherited all she had. I also learned Ella passed a few days before my mom was in the hospital.
Ella’s lawyer reached out to me, saying Ella left the house she lived in and money for my mom in her will.
Her children got her other properties and more money. Because my mom passed, as her next of kin, I am to inherit Ella’s house and money.
Ella’s children reached out to me. They said though I have the right to the inheritance, I should relinquish it because I am almost nothing to Ella.
They are OK with my mom receiving the inheritance because she has been an active part of Ella’s life. They said it would be greedy of me if I decided to take the inheritance.
I think back to all the nice things my mom did for Ella over the years.
Ella would want my mom to live a comfortable life and I’m sure my mom would want that money allotted for her to help take care of me. Still, I wonder if I’m a jerk for receiving the inheritance intended for my mom just because I’m next of kin with no special connection to Ella herself.”
25. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Not Serving Me A Decent Meal?
“I’ve been the main cook for this family for 17 years (I’m 40 years old). We have five kids, he is nearly 50 years old, and he rarely cooks, but he is capable of cooking. 7 days ago I had a total hip replacement (planned). I’m on crutches and a lot of pain meds.
He is my carer.
Yesterday at 7 pm he said he would start cooking dinner. I was concerned, and starving, and I asked him what dinner was. He said he was defrosting FROZEN chicken breast (for a Hello Fresh meal).
To set the scene, the lunch he served was 1/2 small plate of broccoli and sweet potato, no protein.
Breakfast was a banana and a cuppa – I had to ask for 1 slice of toast. So by 7 pm, I was starving, helpless, and in pain.
When he said frozen chicken, I yelled, ‘I know there’s food in the fridge please just bring something!’
Plan B was microwave lasagna leftovers which a neighbor delivered the day before, which he ‘cooked’ (ie threw in the oven). Lacking protein, I started yelling again, ‘I can’t believe you can’t find something proper, 17 years & I can’t even trust you feed me?’ (lasagna is Woolworths brand basic lasagna.
Not homemade. A neighbor was very kind to deliver it but not high in protein.)
He got mad saying ‘Don’t you want food? I am offering chicken or lasagna with salad, what more do you want? How are you mad, I am offering you a choice!’
I felt betrayed, disappointed, and unloved. But I needed to eat, so I told him lasagna. He served it, I ate and I went to bed.
After 30 minutes, I was still mad so I texted him: ‘I didn’t think I would have to spell it out, feeding a person is not difficult.
Your ‘plan’ of defrosting frozen chicken at 7 pm is ridiculous. Please have a nutritious meal for me tomorrow. The trust I had for you has been going for a while now, but this is a huge low. And for you to throw a fit and try and make me look like the crazy one – screw you if you can’t apologize.’
I realize how awful this was. But I was mad.
He said nothing and completely ignored the text message. This morning, he went to work as planned. My 16-year-old daughter was caring for me during the day, and she fed me well. He came home at 6 pm.
Still no apology.
He made the chicken dinner tonight (he defrosted it last night), brought it to me, and then he left silently. He parked himself in front of the TV. I ate and finished, but I could not take care of the dirty plate, so it was sitting beside me on the bed.
Ten minutes after I ate, I used crutches to hobble to get my own medication, and he ignored me while I struggled to get a glass of ice water and take the meds. It was an obvious struggle and he was choosing to ignore me.
I managed to take the meds, and as I walked by him to go to bed, he said nothing. He just now crawled into bed and is nearly asleep. He hasn’t said anything to me yet. No ‘how are you?’, no apology, no consideration.
Silence.
Does he owe me an apology? Or AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Not Wrapping My Ex's Gifts To Our Son?
“I (26 M) have a 6-year-old son, Ollie, with my ex, Caitlyn (26 F). Caitlyn has not been actively involved in the past 4 years, by her choosing. She hasn’t seen Ollie in a year, I have sole custody.
By court order, Caitlyn is supposed to pay child support. I have to harass her for it every month, threatening to go to court until she pays.
I am doing it all on my own otherwise. The day-to-day care. Doctor’s appointments. Dance, soccer, school.
Nursing every fever, soothing every nightmare. And I truly don’t mind. I love my little boy. It doesn’t change that it can be exhausting and emotionally draining. I have asked Caitlyn to help more but she says she has no interest. I finally gave up.
That being said, Caitlyn expects me to facilitate all contact. She gets mad if I don’t initiate the court-ordered weekly FaceTime call when according to the court, she’s the one who has to call. Same if I don’t have my son call her, even on Ollie’s birthday.
She just can’t be bothered. I finally stopped doing all of that because it’s not my job. And half the time when I call, she doesn’t answer.
If Caitlyn sends gifts for Ollie is a crap shoot. She usually doesn’t even send a card.
If she does send a gift, she tells-not asks-me to wrap it, put her name on it, and buy a card. I did in the beginning until this past birthday. Ollie is learning how to read and asked why his mom’s card looked the same as mine.
I just said that I was helping his mom out. But that made me realize how much labor I was doing for Caitlyn.
My sister told me to stop all the effort. If Caitlyn sends gifts, don’t wrap them. Tell Ollie they’re from his mom, obviously, but no more gift tags or cards.
A few weeks ago, Caitlyn told me what she was buying off the wishlist. She added she found them cheaper outside Amazon so she’d be sending them herself. She told me to wrap them and get a card. I told her she could do that.
She pointed out I was already wrapping gifts. I asked if she was wrapping gifts for her partner, family, etc. She said yes but I could do this for her. I told her no, put some effort in and just wrap them as well as write a card herself or at least just put a gift tag.
But if she doesn’t, I’ll just give them to Ollie as is on Christmas morning and say they’re from Mommy. I don’t think he’ll care that they’re unwrapped. He’ll be happy just to get what he wants.
Well, Caitlyn called my bluff and sent them unwrapped. I put them in the closet and plan to put them out as is on Christmas morning.
Caitlyn texted me a reminder to wrap them and I said ‘I already told you what I was doing. I’m done doing all the work for you. If you wanted to put in the effort, you could.’ I added that as she lives 45 minutes away, if she wanted, she could come down and wrap them herself.
Maybe even give them to Ollie herself. She said I was being a jerk and hung up.
I’m starting to wonder if I should just wrap them. But I also am just so tired of taking up for her. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Supporting My Late Cousin's Wife And Family?
“I (32 f) am from a small, tight-knit family.
There is my family of 4, my parents, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle, their two kids, and families. We all live in the same area and will do whatever we can to help each other.
My cousin, Derek (28 m), tragically passed away a year and a half ago from an irresponsible driver.
He left behind his wife, Monica (27 f), and 4 kids, all under the age of 8. It was devastating and Monica completely shut down. We all understood and started caring for her and the kids. This included me no longer charging her rent (they lived in a house I own, next door to me), helping prepare meals, taking care of the kids, helping with appointments, school work, shopping, etc. I can’t tell you how many times I was her shoulder to cry on.
She let me put the kids in therapy but refused to go herself.
On to the now and the issue. As I said, it’s been a year and a half… and she is still completely shut down. She doesn’t work, she doesn’t cook or clean, and I have been raising the kids along with my 2.
This isn’t sustainable. The kids miss her. They lost their mom the day they lost their dad.
I sat her down the other night and was trying to be empathetic towards her but nothing was getting through. She just kept crying and saying she couldn’t do it without Derek.
I told her she didn’t have a choice. She has 4 kids who need their mother. She still wasn’t listening but I had enough. I told her she had a week to get an appointment with a therapist before I stop supporting her and went for custody of the kids.
She ran out crying.
The rest of our family thinks I’m being cruel because she loved my cousin deeply but I think this is what she needs. She can’t live like this and can’t keep putting her kids through this!”
22. AITJ For Telling My Mom It's Not My Responsibility To Monitor My Brother?
“I (20 F) have a 13-year-old brother with severe autism.
He likes to rummage through stuff throughout the house which I’ve never faulted him for. He’s just an adventurous, happy kid.
When I go out, I ask my mother (45 F) to not let him in my room because I’m a collector and don’t want my things messed with.
She does freelance work so she only works for about 3 hours a day on the computer so she’s kind of just a shut-in for the rest of the day.
I want to add that she really doesn’t chase my brother around. She medicates him, feeds him, and basically lets him do whatever.
Her parenting strategy is basically the bare minimum; keeping the kids alive. Which results in me watching my siblings over half the time.
I put a childproof latch on my door, convinced that it was enough to keep my brother out after several frustrating incidents that I tried not to make big fusses about.
Yesterday, I went Christmas shopping and put all of the bags in my room and only left to walk my dog the next morning. I was gone for maybe 20 minutes and I came back to my child’s latch broken. The presents I bought were sprawled all over the floor and half of the clothes in my closet were pulled out but my biggest issue was the fact that my clarinet (inside its case) that I’ve had for over ten years was also on the floor in front of a shelf that my brother can’t reach with the stuff that was on it also thrown on the floor which made me conclude that he used the case as a stepstool.
When I opened it, luckily the instrument was fine with a few reeds that were in the front pouch broken. I went downstairs and asked my mom why she didn’t stop him from going upstairs and she said she ‘can’t tell the difference between when he goes up or down stairs’ (I live in a townhome with 3 floors and my bedroom is the only room on the 3rd floor).
I told her that was nonsense because he always runs upstairs but is always a lot more cautious going downstairs, making sure both of his feet hit each step. I’ve caught him by sound alone multiple times from the first floor of the house so I know there’s a distinct difference.
She told me it was my fault for not securing my room better and that she didn’t care because I didn’t care to take more precautions. Really, all she had to do was tell him not to go upstairs. He tends to listen when you just ask him to do something but she never even tries.
I snapped and said ‘It’s not my responsibility to monitor your son’ and she scolded me to get out of her room. I ended up putting a security lock on my door that needed a code to get in. It’s ridiculous but she’s the one who offered it as a solution as (what I assumed was) a joke a few months ago after a different incident.
My brother (11) told me to let it go and that I was overreacting. We all argued for a while before I went upstairs with my dog and locked myself in my room. She said we’re going to have a ‘talk’ tomorrow. AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Sister-In-Law's Kids The Food They Want?
“My husband and I had his sister and her family staying with us for a month while repairs were carried out on their house.
SIL has 3 kids (5, 7, and 9). My husband and I have two kids (8 and 4). SIL and I both work from home so we were both home all day when they were staying with us.
So here’s what happened. She asked if I would cook for all the kids vs us each cooking for our respective kids.
I told her sure but explained to her how my kids eat and wanted to know whether she wanted them on the same schedule or whether she wanted a typical three-meal deal. She said to feed them three meals.
For context on how I feed my kids.
We do smaller meal sizes but eat more often. So pre-meal snacks are big in our family. Seconds are also a thing if we have a ‘hungry day’. I also try to mix in a lot of different choices week to week so food is still enjoyable.
I know her kids’ likes and dislikes with food so I took those into consideration when making food. But the kids did not want to eat the stuff I was making. They were upset it wasn’t pizza or burgers or they were upset about tacos I make at home vs takeout ones.
The kids dug in their heels and said I needed to give them the food they wanted. I told SIL and she would go to feed them. Then she’d get mad that I hadn’t given them the food they wanted. I asked her if she wanted to take over feeding her kids and she said no.
It got to the point where the kids stopped coming to the table at meal times. Since SIL was aware of this I just let it go because I felt like she would make them come to the table if she was upset by them not eating much.
They were in the office with her sometimes when we were eating.
The day they were going back home she turned to me and told me I should be ashamed of myself for letting her kids go without food. My husband told her she was here the whole time and should have done more.
He also pointed out we did them a favor and she was acting very ungrateful.
A couple of weeks later she sent me a text saying yet again I should be ashamed and how could I refuse to accommodate children. I told SIL it wasn’t my job to make her kids eat and that I had communicated with her while this was ongoing but she ignored me and expected me to bend over backward for them.
She accused me of cruelty to kids and told me I was a jerk for thinking it wasn’t my job to make sure children under my roof were eating enough.
AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Refusing To Take Accountability For What I Wrote In My Journal?
“A few days ago my two younger stepsisters ages 9 and 8 found my therapy journal in my room after my mom decided she wanted to do a deep clean of my stuff and clear out ‘unwanted junk’.
Now I’m not sure if I totally believe that. But basically, she recruited my stepsisters to help her out and they went through my desk, found the journal, and then read it. All while my mom was in the room. They became upset with what they read and my mom then took it from them and read it too.
I (17 F) had been at my grandparents since the previous day and arrived home to them in the living room with the girls crying and my mom and stepfather glaring at me.
Background: I started in therapy at age 10 after my mom and stepfather married. Two years prior I had lost my dad to a heart condition and my stepsister’s mother also died but the details around that have always been very secret.
My mom told me just before the wedding that she and my stepfather were expecting me to be a good big sister to my stepsisters and to really take an interest in bonding with them because I was so much older. I told her they weren’t my siblings and I didn’t want to be their big sister.
She and my stepfather then decided that I needed therapy and so I was sent to therapy. My therapist had me use the journal to figure out more of my feelings. Those were things like I resented my mom for expecting so much of me, I resented her for remarrying so fast after dad died and only giving me four months to get to know her husband and never asking me what I thought of him before they got engaged (they were married within a few weeks of the engagement).
I realized I didn’t hate the girls but was indifferent to them and had no interest in being their big sister. It also made me realize through the years of therapy that no point came where I would stay in their lives if my mom and her husband divorced. When my mom and my stepfather separated for a period of time I was happy.
All that stuff was in the journal and I kept it because I still occasionally see my therapist. My stepsisters read a lot of the stuff about them. Between my stepfather telling them I had done all this stuff for them that I hadn’t (like he bought them bracelets and said they were from me, etc) which I only found out that day, and apparently my lack of outright being cold to them, they thought I loved them and that we were sisters forever, no matter what.
My mom and stepfather demanded that I apologize and make amends for the insensitive and mean-spirited things I wrote. They told me I needed to take accountability for what I wrote in that journal and for feeling that way. Once the girls were out of the room I told them it was not my fault and if anyone was to blame it was mom for inviting them to look through stuff in my room and then not watching them, if that’s actually how things went down.
They told me to take accountability for my actions and by claiming it’s all on my mom it shows I am an immature little girl.
AITJ?”
You might want to mention to mom that the therapist that she FORCED you to see, was the one who told you to write your thoughts and feelings in these journals, and that mommy looking at them is detrimental to your therapy progress and you'll have to tell your therapist allllll about what happened, and watch her backtrack like crazy. Stand your ground. Won't do much good since your mother will never admit she did anything wrong and stepjerk wants to have a peaceful life where she doesn't b!tch at him, so will take her part as well. Just keep your head down, keep seeing the therapist and start making plans to leave as soon as you're old enough and can care for yourself. Might want to see if you can live with your grandparents at least until you're 18, just to get out of that house. Have your grandparents take you to family court and see a judge about changing your living situation. Good luck.
19. AITJ For Making My Daughter Writer An Apology Letter To Her Brother?
“My husband (32 M) and I (33 F) have 4 children (13 F, 11 M, 8 M, and 2 M). Our two oldest are our daughter, Kayla (13), and our son, Liam (11).
Every year, we give the kids money to spend on other family members. This year they got $100 to spend on each sibling, $50 on us, their cousins, and their grandparents, and $30 on aunts and uncles. The 3 oldest can pick stuff that they think the others would like fairly easily, obviously, we substantially helped our 2-year-old pick gifts.
Earlier this year, Liam saw a TikTok of some guy going to a thrift store and finding basketball merch. Liam plays basketball and wanted to see if he could do the same and he found some really nice stuff. Ever since then, Liam has been a huge fan of thrifting.
He has found $50 or $100 items for a few bucks. Liam also wanted to thrift gifts this year, and the vast majority of the gifts he got were thrifted. This also means he was able to get each person quite many gifts. My husband and I had to get some big black trash bags to fit them all.
The kids all shop for Christmas gifts separately, so they didn’t know which stores each other was going to. Last night, we were in the living room watching The Polar Express and my husband paused the movie to make hot cocoa during the hot cocoa song/scene.
We had started talking about Christmas and Liam had mentioned he got some gifts at various different thrift stores earlier in the day. Kayla said that was ‘gross’ and ‘You better not have gotten me any gifts there’. She said that she was ‘above that filth’.
I will admit that we are quite privileged and live in a privileged area, so when my daughter said that, I asked where she learned that, and she said her friends said similar things. I told her that was not nice and she needed to apologize.
She refused and we started arguing until my husband intervened and said he would come up with something. After talking to me once the movie was over, we agreed that Kayla should have to write an apology letter to Liam for insulting him and why thrifting can be a good thing to do.
She said she wasn’t going to do it and has been arguing with us all day over it. I asked some friends who are also parents of teenagers if I was out of line and got mixed results. AITJ?”
You might also mention that people who are close minded and nasty have a way of missing out on really nice things that are sourced from a nontraditional place. Your daughter sounds like she's well on her way to being a very entitled brat, and I'd be stepping in frequently from now on to bring her down a few dozen notches and let her know she's not all that because your family are wealthy. Good luck.
18. AITJ For Telling My Son He Deserved To Fail His Assignment?
“My son ‘Devin’ plagiarized an essay for English by copy-pasting most of the sentences from Cliffnotes and replacing one of the letters with a specific Russian letter that looked the same as the original English letter.
It wasn’t as if Devin plagiarized without meaning to. My son knew exactly what he was doing.
Devin’s essay did bypass the plagiarism software but his teacher immediately recognized that it was from Cliffnotes and informed me that Devin would be receiving a zero, which is how I became aware of the situation.
Devin’s grade dropped to a D. Devin asked me to essentially fight with the school to get his grade fixed. I told him no and that he deserved the zero. If you’re struggling with an essay, you reach out and ask for help.
You don’t try to do something dishonest for school work. He knew better than that.
Devin’s mom ‘Emma’ called me because she just received the physical report card in the mail and saw the D in English. Devin hadn’t told his mom about what happened and it’s too late to challenge the zero now since grades have already been finalized.
Emma tried to interrogate me on why I didn’t challenge the zero when it was possible. I told Emma that I wanted this lesson to stick with Devin. Devin will graduate high school in two years. Getting a D in high school is better than getting kicked out of university or fired from a job for trying to pass off someone else’s work as his own.
Emma argued that a D would seriously hurt Devin’s university prospects. She said she doesn’t condone what Devin did and would have been in agreement with a home punishment such as grounding Devin. But that I was a terrible parent for making our son experience a punishment that she says can seriously impact his future.
Unless Devin was applying to an Ivy League (which he has not had any interest in) then I doubt one D will destroy his university prospects. I’m struggling to understand Emma’s perspective and need more opinions. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Wearing My Clothes?
“So I (21 F) and my mum (54 F) don’t really have a great relationship.
I am currently in university and I live away from home. My mum called me and asked if she could wear an outfit of mine to some work party I think. I was like which one? She was describing this dress that I have only worn once and it’s so pretty and one of my faves.
I’ve been wanting to wear it again but an occasion hasn’t occurred. I said no you cannot wear it. She said please and that everyone would be wearing something really nice. I was firm on the no and told her if she wanted to wear something nice then go buy something.
She was like, but I don’t usually wear these outfits. I said that’s not my problem and DO NOT wear it.
About a week or two later, I came home for Christmas and at first, I forgot about the whole thing. I opened my cupboard and saw my layout of clothes was a little different.
By the way, I have a thing about people touching and moving stuff around while I’m not there. Like it feels like spiders are crawling all over my body or something, I don’t know how to explain it. Anyway, then I saw some glitter from my dress on my bed. I went down to confront her and she completely denied it.
I asked 3 times and she still lied so I gave up and went to bed.
The next day after she came home from work I didn’t try to make any conversation. She asked what was wrong so I told her ‘You wore my dress’ and just stared at her.
She gave in and said my dad said she could wear it. I repeated that I said no and that she lied right to my face. She didn’t exactly apologize, like she said sorry once in an insincere way. She kept trying to talk to me normally and I ignored her.
She then started talking loudly to my dad in the other room ‘Oh (dad’s name) what am I going to do? What can I possibly do to fix this? I didn’t commit some huge crime’. Then she asked are you not going to talk to me and I said up don’t really feel like talking to you right now.
Then she asked ‘Oh so you’re never going to talk to me in your life ever again?’ I sighed and left the room. My parents kept talking like it was no big deal, told me to get over it, and that my dad said she could wear it.
So AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Saving A Dog From Getting Hurt In The Elevator?
“I was staying at one of those beach resorts that have like 20 different floors with my family and our condo was on one of the highest floors. Something important to note was that the elevators were super sketchy (the doors shut really hard and fast with no warning and the sensor to see if something was still in the way of the door was really bad and didn’t respond to smaller things like your hand).
My siblings and I were heading down to the beach and a woman who was probably late 60s to early 70s got on a floor down from us. After a few seconds, a really small dog followed her on. This dog had no leash, vest, harness, or even a collar.
It was tiny so I wasn’t sure if the sensor would pick up on it, not to mention the dog was moving pretty slow. I panicked because she didn’t acknowledge it at all, so I assumed it slipped out of her condo without her realizing it.
I thought the doors were gonna close on the dog, so I gently pushed it over the threshold by its butt. I just wanted to make sure her dog didn’t get hurt. It wasn’t the best way to deal with it in hindsight, but it was a split of the second decision.
The woman freaked out when she saw it and yelled at me for the minute-long elevator ride, saying that it was her on-duty service animal and I had no right to touch it. I’m physically disabled so I know the importance of never touching or distracting someone’s service animal. Had I known, I wouldn’t have ever touched her dog and probably would have put myself between the doors instead.
My siblings told me that it wasn’t my fault and that she was just a Karen and that in that state a service animal on duty is required to wear a vest, but at the end of the day, I still touched someone’s service animal without permission and it bothers me to this day.
AITJ?
EDIT:
I’m aware I could have been bitten, but I’d rather get bitten than watch a dog get crushed.
There was a button to hold the elevator, but it was on the other side.
I was mistaken about it needing to wear a vest to be considered ‘on duty’.
I was going off what my sister-in-law said at the time. It was years ago so I don’t know if the laws were different back then or if she just misread something when she looked it up.
I didn’t have time to ask to touch the dog, because the last thing that I knew set off the sensor was the woman and her dog were lagging several seconds behind so the doors could close at any second, otherwise, I would obviously have asked.
I have doubts that it was actually a service dog considering the fact that it obviously was lagging behind its owner. I lean towards it being an emotional support animal and not a service animal, but I don’t feel it’s my place to definitively say that.
I mentioned that the dog was tiny because I didn’t think it would be big enough to set off the sensor, not because I don’t think small dogs can be service animals.”
15. AITJ For Following The Custody Agreement?
“My daughter’s father and I separated when she was less than 1 year old and it was a messy divorce, he tried very hard to have full custody and did everything possible to ruin my image in front of the judge.
The judge didn’t agree, because she was very young, weekend visits were established and when she turned 1.5 years old, she became a 50/50 guard and has remained that way to this day (she is 3 years old).
We didn’t have healthy co-parenting, but we are slowly improving and currently have a friendly relationship with our daughter
It was established in the guard that the holidays would be divided equally. Last year, on 2 different holidays that would have been mine, he talked to me asking if could stay with our daughter, as his family was going to get together at a house with a pool and he would like her to go.
I agreed and didn’t mind exchanging it for one of his Sundays, but obviously, I would have liked to spend it with my daughter because in one case it was a ‘2-day’ holiday. I never asked for this.
At Christmas, my family would go to the beach from the 23rd to the 26th, and this year on Christmas Eve/Christmas our daughter would stay with him.
In November, I asked if we could change it for the new year because it would be a family trip, etc. and I would love to take her. He immediately said no and that he already had plans, going back and forth, I reminded him that I did the same for him several times and that he would be doing me a lot of help, he responded with it’s just go with our custody agreement, let’s follow it.
I didn’t say anything else, but I decided that if we’re going to follow the custody agreement the way he wants, I don’t see the point in always compromising myself if he won’t do the same for me.
Next month there will be a holiday of mine and he sent me a message, saying the same thing as the other times he asked and I said I wouldn’t change it, as it was my day with her.
He started to insist, saying that we exchanged it for a holiday or Sunday, but I stood my ground even more because it was a great holiday for me with more free days and it was the only one I insisted on having for that reason.
He didn’t like it, saying I should be more committed. I had my limit and made it very clear that we were to respect our custody agreement.
This exploded, saying that I was being petty towards him for Christmas, being that it is an important holiday and I should understand that I should be better for our co-parenting.
This is not a subject that is at peace, because he is still calling me petty and vindictive, but I don’t think it’s fair to compromise if he won’t do the same.
AITJ?
Some points:
– I don’t have Christmas with my daughter, I don’t care much about the date and I don’t care about keeping the New Year.
My request was much more for the family trip. Of the 4 Christmases we’ve been apart, he’s kept them all and I’ve never asked to change that, except last year and I don’t want to change this year.
– He asked for Carnival (basically 4 days – Saturday to Tuesday).
Not a minor holiday in my country. I gave up last year’s Carnival.”
14. AITJ For Using The Bathroom During My Roommate's "Reserved" Time?
“So we’ve been living together for over a year now in college and we have 1 attached bathroom.
My roommate is the laziest person I know and lays down for days on end. He also uses the bathroom for hours every time he goes in and 3+ hours when he needs to ‘trim his beard’ twice a week. He also needs a ‘minimum of 45 minutes’ in the bathroom every morning, so if we have an 8 AM class, I am expected to be done and ready by 7:15 AM.
It sounds completely unreasonable and I too could’ve used some extra sleep on some days since I only need about 10 minutes in the bathroom anyway, but he’s a really old friend of mine so I try to adjust.
Like this, he also ‘reserves’ the bathroom from x time to x time because he has to get ready to go somewhere and I’m just not to use it during that interval. I’m happy to coordinate as well because I hardly need much time in the bathroom.
The problem is that he is also the laziest person I know, so even though I’m not using the bathroom BECAUSE of him, he also continues to lie down and not use it at all, and the bathroom just stays empty/unused. Now if I try to use it after that, suddenly he too has to use it and will knock continuously saying ‘Dude I have class too’, even though 90% of the time he ends up not going anyway.
If I tell him how he doesn’t use the bathroom nor does he let me, he’ll say things like ‘Yes but it’s my time so it doesn’t matter when I go as long as you don’t go’, but the bathroom isn’t like a plane seat that you can ‘reserve’ right?
It’s a shared asset.
So I’ve now started to wait for 10 minutes only, and use the bathroom anyway while ignoring his knocking during his ‘reserved’ time (if I do need to use the bathroom), which brings me here. I don’t mind letting him ‘reserve’ the bathroom as long as he at least uses it, but him just laying down while I just have to wait till his time is over really bothers me.
AITJ?”
LAUGH at him for it. He's not your boss or your owner and he doesn't get to keep you out of a shared facility that he is not using. This is him trying to put you in your place: lesser than him.
13. AITJ For Forcing My Husband To Come With Me To A Work Event?
“My husband (39 M) and I (40 F) have been married for 12 years and have 3 kids (10, 8, & 5). I was a stay-at-home mom for most of our kids’ lives and only re-entered the workforce 2 years ago when our middle child reached kindergarten so we didn’t have to pay an arm and a leg for daycare.
I have worked my way up the ladder in my chosen field of work and finally feel like I am more than just a stay-at-home mom.
The company I work for holds a big black-tie gala for an Xmas/Holiday party every year. Last year we were unable to attend due to me being sick so I was really looking forward to it this year.
My sister even agreed to drive 3 hours to spend the night with the kids so we didn’t have to worry about a babysitter. I bought a nice fancy dress and my husband rented a tux in preparation for the event last Friday.
Then, the week of Thanksgiving, my husband’s favorite uncle passed away.
My husband didn’t have a relationship with his dad growing up and his uncle didn’t have kids of his own, so his uncle was definitely a father figure for my husband even if it was in more of a ‘funcle’ way. The funeral was held the week before my work event, but because it was held in another state that required a flight, only my husband attended.
When he got back, I talked to him about it and he said he was sad and grieving, but also said he was fine. Nothing about his day-to-day stuff was out of the ordinary and he did take a couple of days off work after he got back to have some time for himself to process things.
My sister arrived the day before my work event and that night my husband told me that he didn’t feel up to attending the event. His reasons were that he was socially and emotionally exhausted and the last thing he felt like doing was making more small-talk with a bunch of strangers like he had to do at his uncle’s funeral.
I reminded him that my sister had just driven hours to watch the kids, I had already bought a new dress, he had rented a tux, and most importantly, this was something I was really looking forward to. He said that I could still attend by myself, but I told him that it was also important to me that he comes and that we hadn’t had a night out in almost 6 months.
He agreed to go but he sulked about it the entire time. He dragged his feet getting ready, he didn’t socialize, he didn’t want to dance, etc. At one point, I lost track of him and found him sitting at the bar by himself.
When I went to talk to him to try and get him to come to socialize with me, he told me that he already told me he had no energy for that and that he only came because I ‘made’ him.
I told him that if he was going to just sulk and drink alone, we might as well leave and he said ‘Great, let’s go.’
I told him how disappointed I was that he acted that way at an event that he knew was extremely important to me and he got defensive and told me it was my fault for dragging him there when he didn’t want to go.
He’s barely spoken to me since unless it’s about the kids.”
12. AITJ For Moving A Shopping Cart?
“I was in the grocery store and there was a guy standing on the right-hand side of the aisle. He had his cart diagonally to his left and so the entire aisle was blocked.
He had his back to me. I said ‘Excuse me’ to him, but he was wearing big over-the-ear headphones, so he couldn’t hear me.
After waiting for him to respond, I moved his cart to the right side of the aisle. He had all of his groceries in the basket by the handle, so I made sure to only touch the side/front of the cart as far away from them as possible.
This is obviously not the first time I’ve encountered a situation like this, and I have done this before.
I did not do this in a way that I perceive to be in any way aggressive, and I did not express any level of negativity towards him (I did not have any negativity to express; this is just one of those things that happens in a store.)
Then he said: ‘That was very rude what you just did. I don’t like the way you moved my cart. And don’t touch my stuff.’
I said: ‘When I walked up, I said excuse me, and you couldn’t hear me.’
Him: ‘Yes, I’m wearing my headphones.’ (Points to his headphones.)
I said: ‘I made sure not to touch anywhere near your stuff.’
Him: ‘You should have gone around the aisle.’
I continued on with my shopping and thankfully that was the end of the interaction.
The action to be judged: I moved someone else’s shopping cart when I couldn’t get their attention in the store.
Why I could be the jerk: 1) there are people who don’t like having their shopping cart touched, so what I did could violate their shopping etiquette; 2) I didn’t apologize for moving his cart; 3) I could have spent more time trying to get his attention after he appeared to ignore/not hear me.”
11. AITJ For Going Into The Pool With The Other Kids?
“I (27 F) and my husband (27 m) have a baby boy who is 6 months old. His 2 brothers have kids too (3/3/1 year old). His aunt has a disabled son (25 m) who I will call Jimmy.
Jimmy is Physically and mentally disabled (he is like a 5-year-old boy who can’t properly walk/hold things, etc.).
I really love Jimmy and I am trying to do everything to make him happy but since I had my baby I can’t focus on what he wants if that affects what my baby needs.
For example, he wants to play with his ball and some card games (he doesn’t understand the rules everyone just throws a card until it’s done) all the time.
The problem is if I feed my baby or he is sleeping in my arms or anything else I can’t play with him because I have my hands full.
I think he does understand it a bit but he doesn’t stop saying I should play with him until my husband tells him to leave me alone.
But then Jimmy’s mom would freak out and yell at us and tell us we should do what Jimmy wants but I simply CAN’T. (he always rotates on which he wants to play with but we all have kids so I’m not the only one who this happens with).
Jimmy’s mom says that we are all mean and shouldn’t come over to her house if we only want to bring negative energy and make her baby sad. None of us is trying to make Jimmy sad and I really think (I have known him for 8 years) that he understands if you tell him loud and clear but his mom just wants him to have everything and therefore just tells us to do what he wants and then Jimmy is confused plus he knows if his mom is there he gets everything he wants (if we are alone with him this doesn’t happen because if we tell him 3 times we can’t play he says ok and goes on).
The last straw was when we were on vacation at Jimmy’s Family’s Beach house which has a pool. We were all there but Jimmy got sick because he has a weaker immune system than we have.
We and the 4 kids wanted to go into the pool because it was like 100 degrees outside but Jimmy’s mom said we couldn’t because Jimmy couldn’t and that was unfair (She wanted us to sit inside and play games with Jimmy but how do you tell 4 kids that they can’t go swimming because Jimmy’s sick?).
Fair enough. I understand that but it was so hot and the kids wanted to go swimming so we told her we would go to the beach and then she said but we have to take Jimmy with us because he wants to come too, which doesn’t make sense because 1) he can’t go into the water what are we supposed to do with him, and 2) we have 4 kids and no time to take care of him especially if we go swimming with kids with is dangerous.
Everyone looked around and no one wanted to say anything so my husband and I told her the reasons why we couldn’t take him with us. Jimmy’s mom freaked out and said that we are bullying her son and are treating him badly and not equally because he is disabled. I told her that we couldn’t treat him equally because he was disabled. It doesn’t make any sense.
Then I told her we could say we go somewhere not fun so he wants to stay at home and watch TV. She told me I was a bad human being for lying to him so that he didn’t want to come and that we were excluding him and she threw us out of the house.
So AITJ?”
10. AITJ For How I Reacted After My Friend Gave My Dog A Fish Fillet?
“I (28 F) always knew that when I could live alone, I wanted to have a dog. When I moved, I had that opportunity in the form of a relative’s pet that needed to be rehomed. She was already very old (13), deaf, and generally needed a lot of attention.
It’s been a year and I love this dog. She truly changed my life. I am absolutely an annoying dog mom.
She is also very allergic to SOMEthing that her vet and I are trying to figure out. It manifests in dry flaky skin that she will itch hard enough to bleed. We’re trying a food allergy trial. This means she is on a very specific diet of a prescription dry food until a trial period of 8-9 weeks is over.
If she does get something off-menu, we have to start the trial period over. Most of my friends know this because I always complain about how expensive the food is.
Cut to the party: I invited a few close friends around to my place for a holiday shindig.
Living far away, work, etc usually keeps us apart so I was super excited.
I ordered us McDonald’s (we all agreed beforehand to split a big order because why not) and made a ton of jokes to my dog about how ‘None of it is for you young lady!’ in front of everyone.
I’ll admit this was a thinly veiled reminder for everyone else too. The food comes and we’re all having a good time.
I stepped away to find my friend (25 F) dropping a piece of fish filet for my dog to gobble up in the kitchen.
I freaked out and asked her what she was doing. Again, my dog is deaf so she just keeps pawing my friend for another piece, which she gave her saying ‘But she’s so cute! A little piece of fish can’t hurt’.
I’ll admit it, I kind of lost it.
We were 6 weeks into the trial and now I would have to start all over, buying so much more expensive food. I’m sure I yelled and cussed at her. I don’t really remember, I saw red. I do remember telling everyone that I’m sorry but I’m too angry to enjoy or host a party right now and asked everyone to leave.
I told them to also feel free to take the remaining food and not worry about paying for their shares since I’m the reason the party is ending early.
The next day I apologized to my friend for yelling. She seemed very hurt and wasn’t very open to continuing the conversation.
She said she honestly forgot and didn’t see the harm. To be fair, fish was on the list of things I don’t suspect she is allergic to, and may have mentioned that to the group. Also, my dog also is on other medications that stop any harmful reactions to off-list foods.
At most she’ll get flaky skin, but not super itchy or upset stomach or anything.
My friends overall seem pretty split. Half the group thinks I’m justified and isn’t upset with me ending the party knowing how much I care about my dog. The other half thinks I’m overreacting over a piece of fish.”
9. AITJ For Not Visiting My Sister-In-Law Who Had Just Given Birth?
“I (f 33) am a single mom to my daughter Ellie (f 15). I’ve got a brother (m 29) who’s been married for a year, his wife being Hannah (f 28). They’ve been together for a total of 3 years.
A couple of weeks ago, Hannah gave birth to their first child together.
She’s welcomed visitors but I have no intention of visiting her and their baby because I’m angry at her.
I’m angry because a month ago, Hannah and my brother stayed at my place temporarily for a week. They were between rent leases and didn’t have anywhere else to go in the meantime.
I wasn’t enthusiastic about them staying as my relationship with my brother has been complicated but I wanted to help them out.
On the day they arrived and on the day they left, Hannah had screamed at my daughter and berated her for very petty things.
The first was Ellie helped them bring their stuff into the house, and she left a pack of their soda bottles on the kitchen counter. They ended up being forgotten about until sort of dinner time and Hannah got all riled up because they weren’t in the fridge and warm soda makes her feel sick.
She did say sorry to Ellie afterwards but it didn’t seem genuine and she just blamed it on her hormones.
The second time happened when I was at work. Ellie had eaten some fruit roll-up snacks that were in the kitchen, which I sometimes buy for her.
These ones actually belonged to Hannah (which my daughter didn’t realise) and she screamed at Ellie and made her cry, telling her she’s useless and stupid. My brother tried to calm Hannah down and drove her to the store to buy some more of the snacks.
Hannah never apologized for this and pretended as if nothing had happened.
I confronted Hannah about this and she still hasn’t apologized. She said that she was just heavily pregnant and on edge, and implied that my daughter has no manners and should’ve asked before eating the snacks.
Ellie is in the clingy teenager phase so she’s told me everything about how she feels about this. She doesn’t want to visit Hannah and the new baby and quite frankly neither do I. I can’t really look at Hannah quite the same. I’d never scream at someone else’s child the way she did, even when I was pregnant, especially for such small things, and I’m struggling to understand why she’d overreact so much and be so mean-spirited towards my daughter.
My brother has been asking why we haven’t been over to visit and I explained to him it’s because I’m upset at his wife’s actions. He says I’m overreacting and babying my daughter. Our parents got themselves involved and told me I was being a jerk and hurting everyone’s feelings.
Am I the jerk?”
8. WIBTJ If I Legally Change My Name?
“I (21 F) was given my aunt’s name when I was born. She died before I was born and my mom would always say she was the kindest, sweetest person she ever knew. Hence she gifted me her name in her honor. At the time obviously, she would not know how much I would come to dislike it 20 years later.
My name is Karen. Yep, most of you are probably laughing now.
As some may imagine, every day I and my name are made fun of. I have started using another name when I order a coffee or doordash. Anything in public where they call out my name.
I begged my boss to allow me to change the name on my nametag because even customers would ask me if I was a ‘good K’ or a ‘crazy K’. I’ve been called everything from a racist to a psychopath simply because of my name.
Is it ridiculous and childish? Absolutely. Will people ever stop using my name (and millions of other people’s name) for everything hateful? I doubt it. I have no faith in humanity at this stage.
So that is the main reason I want to change my name.
My mom and I have had a few major fights over this. I feel so guilty every time it is mentioned because she loves and misses her sister so much and she gave me the name out of pure love (funnily enough ‘pure’ is what it actually means).
She is not on social media so she doesn’t understand how bad it is. Every day I am mocked and made fun of and if I complain, I am told that it is such a K thing to do. I have no voice and I am so depressed about it (I’m in therapy once a week).
I hate arguing with my mom and I have come up with similar names but she won’t budge and refuses to discuss it now. I don’t care if she still calls me K, but she says I am dishonoring her and her sister if I go through with it.
My dad doesn’t care either way really and some of my friends think I am too sensitive, but they aren’t the ones whose name is a blanket name for all things hateful. I would still instantly and automatically feel ick anytime I saw someone making fun of the name but at least I could hide much better.
WIBTJ if I legally changed my name?”
7. AITJ For Expressing My Frustrations To My Partner About Our Living Setup?
“I (F 24) recently moved in with my partner (M) and his mother (F 65) because we’ve been together for a while and thought it was time to make the next move + I had some big issues with my previous flat (if it rained it would seep through floors and the walls and the roof was starting to mold, etc, it was a nightmare) so I got a transfer at work and moved.
We had a discussion about what was expected of each other, and we had come to an agreement on chores (I would do slightly less because I’m the only one working, he doesn’t work) and what we are paying. We agreed that we would both give his mother R1.5k a month for food since his mom is an amazing cook and I’m not the best, originally I was going to cook after I came home from work but then we figured it would be better if she cooked, he’d cover electricity and insurance for the car since it’s his, I’d cover Fuel (R400) for work transport, and once I hit 25 they would make me the main driver on the car so I could drive myself to work.
I’m in my second month of being here and nothing we agreed on has stayed in place. I’m not sure he is paying his mom the agreed amount we said, and suddenly my amount being paid is to cover every other expense (water, electricity, food, fuel, internet) and they are pressuring me to pay them more and more.
I work minimum wage so what I’m giving them is just over a third of my salary. They cook foods that I don’t eat half the time, just foods they like, he is using the car to galavant and wants me to put more fuel in the car (or he won’t take me to work), he doesn’t want to pay the insurance anymore meaning I can’t drive the car, and they won’t let me cook my own food because they “need” the money for everything else.
I had a talk with him and told him he was EXTREMELY misleading because if I had been told about all these extra things in the beginning before I moved, I would’ve had to reconsider. As mentioned, I work minimum wage and am currently paying off debts and I am struggling because of how much they are asking from me.
This all came to light when I asked if I could rather cook my own food next month because I need some extra bucks in my pocket to pay for Christmas presents and into my debts, I’ve been slacking on them due to giving them so much, and he said I was a jerk and selfish and ungrateful.
I know I probably sound really entitled, but fair is fair. I was promised I could drive myself to work, I was promised certain amounts for things, now suddenly I can’t drive the car and have to ask for permission to go to the shop to get a snack and I have to put a pause on paying my debts because they won’t let me cook my own food.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Recognizing Someone?
“I have a high-grade memory when it comes to my conversations with other people. I remember most details that people tell me, what they’re wearing, and interactions like a little .wav file in my brain.
I am also a very quiet individual, I’m polite and personable, but not many people know me. I prefer to watch conversations and soak in the information rather than participate actively as my form of socialization.
I am a part of a subgroup that used to have coffee meets which has been disbanded since November of last year, and I’ve always been a sort of friend to one of the hosts of this meet.
There was a girl there who came a couple of times a few months before the disbandment, a little younger than me, I thought her fashion style was interesting, and I noted a few things she said (I’m a gay male for reference). I did introduce myself to be polite, as I did to everyone I hadn’t met at these meets
There was a housewarming for the host two weeks ago. And I was sipping a drink out on the deck. This girl came up to me and introduced herself, I guess she didn’t recognize me. I said we had met. She didn’t remember me and I said that she didn’t like most caramel flavors from coffee shops as they tasted funny and that she was wearing a sundress with chameleons on it last I saw her.
She got a bit uncomfortable and left me. I went on and just floated around during the night. I learned that she was thoroughly freaked out and complained about why would anyone remember that about her if they weren’t a creep. The host’s partner had to step in and say he knows I can recall things like this.
He then said to me I shouldn’t have mentioned that to a girl as she might have confused me for someone that was more malicious. I didn’t think my behavior was wrong, others have found it interesting.
AITJ for bringing up my recollection of her?”
5. AITJ For Letting My Parents Sell Their House To Help My Sister?
“I (43 F) have a younger sister (38 F) who has a lot of issues. Substance issues now but growing up she was always the problem child. Liked to get into things and have interesting friends which caused our parents a lot of headaches.
She got pregnant at 16 with a guy nearly double her age and our mom made her get rid of it. So she has a lot of anger towards our parents for that.
She then got pregnant again at 22 and moved out and has moved in and out every year since then.
She has stolen from our parents and they have spent a lot of time and money keeping her afloat.
She has 3 kids and my mom hasn’t had a vacation in over a decade since she babysits and takes care of them. My sister barely takes care of her own kids and often disappears for days leaving our mom to deal with her kids.
I really feel bad for both of them. Our dad took lots of overtime all the time because they are basically the kids’ parents and they are getting older (mid-60s around retirement age) and can’t retire. But I’ve told them to stop being involved, move away and let her deal with her own crap and they won’t.
I’ve had enough of dealing with my sister, she tried to flirt with my then-partner-now-husband when we went over for the holidays one year and she acts in such irrational ways. Our parents helped her get jobs from friends who are business owners and she has caused them to lose those friendships because of her actions at work.
I stay far away from her.
My parents called me a few months ago asking for money because my dad, who recently had a heart attack, has been forced to retire and they don’t have money apart from an old age pension. There is an over-55 condo they bought to retire in over a decade ago and they can’t go because of the grandkids.
I told them to go there and they said they can’t because they still have the grandkids to take care of. I told them I can’t help. I want to but our parents have burned so much money on my sister that if I start opening my bank account to them I will be broke in no time.
I told them they should go talk to the condo management about bringing the grandkids and they said they did and there are no exceptions. My mom argued they only need 700 a month to keep their current home and I should be willing to help my nieces.
I told her she used to have everything paid off and was ready to retire but helping my sister is a trap and cost them their retirement and I refuse to get involved. She keeps calling and texting me saying they are putting their house up for sale and recently sold.
They had put a reverse mortgage on it years ago because of my sister but that’s dried up and now they can’t pay the taxes insurance utilities etc. She keeps telling me I have a responsibility to my nieces and I don’t like my sister but she’s still family.
I have money. Both my husband and I are engineers but I refuse to get involved with anything to do with my sister including helping her kids. AITJ for that?”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister And Her Kids To Stay At My House Again?
“Yesterday was my birthday. My sister came in from New York to spend the weekend with me and brought her kids along. I’m not big on birthdays but I figured I’d do something small and at least spend time with my family.
My sister arrived Friday night with the intention of spending the weekend. I live on the third floor. Her kids woke up at 6 am, Sat morning, and were running in my small 3-bed apartment. She also has 2 teenagers who left my bathroom messy and out of order.
They were also leaving lights on, turning on the heat without notifying me (running up the light and electric bill) I gently pointed these things out to her and told her that we’re on the 3rd floor and out of respect for the neighbors downstairs should try to keep things quiet.
I should point out that I have no kids and enjoy this aspect of my life. I don’t ‘hate kids’ and enjoy being around the children in my family, but I do get annoyed when kids are unruly and disrespectful, related or not.
Anyway, she packed her things and made it seem like we were all good.
Said she was staying at my other sister’s house and coming back the following day so that we could celebrate my bday on Sunday. She gave me no indication that she was upset about anything I said or did during her time here.
The next day I got a measly ‘hbd’ text and she was a no-show.
She did not come to my home and left back to NY from my sister’s home. I responded thank you, but then later found out that she was upset that I asked her to control her children while in my home.
My mother eventually told me why she was a no-show for my actual birthday the following day and I texted her and let her know that moving forward, when she comes into town, she should stay at my sister’s.
She tried to act like she was unaware of what was going on but I couldn’t really care – the damage is done.
Am I in the wrong for asking her to rein in her kids while they’re in my home?
I ended up spending my bday alone with zero family, all because of a misunderstanding.
Maybe it was deserved.”
3. AITJ For Visiting My Friend Instead Of Watching My Stepbrother?
“My (21 F) stepbrother ‘Joseph’ (22 M) is home from college. Originally his plan was to stay with us for a night and then stay with his friend for most of the break except for Christmas Eve and Christmas.
Joseph was helping his dad replace a second-story window on our house the other day and fell, got a concussion, and broke his elbow. He had a quick surgery to put in some pins or whatever. My mom asked me to clear out my second room (his old room) since he would be staying a little longer than planned. I got out of bed and then went to visit with my friend.
When our parents got back with Joseph they got mad that the room wasn’t in good enough condition for his high standards I guess. I came back and cleaned up more of the room.
Yesterday he just laid around in the room all day and to my knowledge didn’t need much.
My stepdad had to work and my mom had to leave for a couple of hours to pick up my grandparents from the airport and take them home. They told me to ‘watch after Joseph’ as if he’s a child. When they left, I peeked into his room and he was asleep.
I went to go see my friend again I left his meds, a cup of water, and a note saying where I was and to call me if he needed anything otherwise I’d be back a little later. I meant to only be gone for an hour or so but you know what happens when friends get to talking and catching up.
Plus this was going to be the last time I’d get to see her because she’s going out of town with her family for two weeks then back to school and our first visit already got interrupted.
Well, to my surprise, my mom brought my grandparents back to the house so they could eat a quick dinner before driving them the rest of the way to their house.
She called me upset and told me to get home.
Later when she got back again and Joseph’s dad got home they lectured me about trust and irresponsibility going so far as to say I was a selfish brat for leaving when they told me not to.
My argument back was that Joseph slept through everything and was fine. Besides that, while yes I get he’s hurt, he’s a grown adult and can take care of himself and he could have called me if he needed something. I wasn’t far away. And they didn’t even tell me not to leave, they just said to watch after him.
That doesn’t require me to hover by his bedside for hours.
A day later my mom has come around but my stepdad is still angry. He made the decision to take a sick day today so he could stay home but now he’s blaming me for that even though it was his choice.
I told him he didn’t have to because I didn’t have any plans but all he says is ‘That’s not the point.’
AITJ or who is the jerk?”
2. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Be Home Early?
“I’ve asked my husband a few times what time he is off and every time he tells me 5. His commute is 15 minutes so I assumed that would mean he would get home from 5:15 to 5:30, right? I guess not because he consistently gets home at 6 or later most days.
Today I got off early. I was excited because we had no days off together and this meant we would have a little more evening time, assuming he was off at 5 like he kept saying. I got home at 5:30 only to find out he was still at work.
So I called and asked what time he was off. He flipped out and said 5. I said then why are you still at work? He said because he had to close the office, pick up stuff, close the gate, etc. I said then you’re still working, so when are you off so I know when you’ll be home?
I was looking for an answer that would set up realistic expectations going forward. Like ‘I have to do x, y, and z but I can’t do that until 5 so 5:30 is a more realistic time to say I’m off.’
Pretty much we argued back and forth for a minute with me insisting if he’s off at 5 then it’s not crazy to expect him home by 5:30 and him arguing that he is off at 5 and he’s just locking up for 30 min to an hour.
He then asked me if I was off at 6 and why I didn’t get home until 7. I said because my commute is an hour, but I still leave at six. He keeps insisting this is the same logic. He ended up getting home at 6 and has been ignoring me for an hour and a half because he’s busy with his game and insists I need to apologize for asking him what time he is off again.
I did and tried to explain that I kept expecting him home based on what he told me and kept getting disappointed. Which just started another argument.
So AITJ for thinking he should be home 15 to 30 min after he’s ‘off’? I could be because maybe I should have just asked what time he was getting home instead of what time he was off again.
I’m just tired of being told one thing and then something else happening.”
You need to cut him some slack and expect him home by 6 and not a nanosecond sooner. Then, when he comes in before 6, he'll have kept his word and you'll be satisfied. But if you keep your husband on that short a leash, sooner or later he's going to get tired of that, and of you and your rules and leave.
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Being Overdramatic?
“I (15 F) have a scholarship to a private school that would otherwise charge a total of £120K. I have a group of 6 close friends (all 14/15-year-old girls) who all range from regular middle-class to very wealthy.
We occasionally have sleepovers at each other’s houses, and I’m the only one who’s yet to host one. Here’s the thing: I live in a council house (basically a house we don’t have to pay for) in a very lower-class neighborhood full of crime, burglaries, robberies, fights, etc. My friends know that I’m poor but they’d never treated me differently for it until now.
We planned to stay at my place for the weekend, and we went straight to my home after school. On the way, one of my friends kept making remarks about how ‘intimidating’ the people were in my area and the others just agreed, including calling this homeless man who came up to us asking for money ‘creepy’.
This group of teenagers started randomly harassing and yelling stuff at us, trying to start an argument, and when they left my friends called them ‘trashy’ and ‘chavs’ (a derogatory term for lower-class people).
Previously I’d opened up to them about how hard it was to live here, how our house had been vandalised before, and how we had to hide valuables in case of a break-in.
I live in a small two-bedroom flat on the first floor. My bedroom is only a box room that’s small enough for my bed to fit exactly at one end, I sleep on a mattress on the floor, and the only other furniture I had was a box for storage and when my friends saw this they kept giving fake, sarcastic compliments about how ‘cozy’ and ‘tiny’ it was.
After about an hour, one of my friends called her parents to pick her up and made some excuse about how she suddenly remembered that she had a family thing planned, which I initially believed. Then, soon after, another friend also said she had to leave as she was feeling sick.
At this point I got suspicious and they eventually revealed that they felt ‘unsafe’ staying over in my neighborhood and wanted to leave. One friend said my house felt dangerous since my mum was working a shift that afternoon and wouldn’t come home until midnight, and my friend was scared someone might break in, which was so irrational because I’d lived here my whole life and I was fine.
She was the richest of us, lived in a huge house, and had no idea what it’s like to not be privileged. She had an awful experience in a poor neighborhood a few years ago so I get what she was feeling, but we were literally staying inside so there’s no reason for her to overreact.
I told her she was being overdramatic, yet the rest and my friends all agreed with her saying she was justified in feeling unsafe. I couldn’t stand how they made me feel alienated for being poor and how they couldn’t even walk in my shoes for one weekend.
In the heat of the moment, I said my friends were all spoiled brats, and we ended up in a huge argument and they ended up canceling the sleepover. AITJ?”
No, I think you didn't prepare your friends and got upset when they acted as privileged 15 year olds do, and you got your feelings hurt. Plan better next time.
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