People Ask Us To Rigorously Examine Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

We work very hard to avoid coming across as jerks. We always want to be seen as a kind and polite person. However, in order to ensure that our words and deeds are consistent with our goal to be decent people, we sometimes need to seek the counsel of others. The folks who share their stories below are in need of our help. Please leave a comment if, after reading their stories, you think they ought to be called jerks. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

38. AITJ For Letting My Father Become Homeless?

“My family uses illegal substances but me and they are all homeless.

I’ve tried to help each of them and this is what happened with my dad.

He’s been staying with me since Thanksgiving ’21. He had an unregistered truck that he drove from my house to Sacramento to do whatever he did. I live about an hour from Sac.

On his way back to my house he blew a tire and had to leave his truck on the side of the highway. By the time I got there, it was towed. He doesn’t have money to get it out of impound so I paid for it.

And I had to buy a new tire and rim for it because they were destroyed. It added up to over 1k. He drove it back to my house and I stayed in town to run errands.

When I got back he was gone and my 8-year-old came to me saying Grampa left an IOU in his wallet of birthday money for $7.

This made me mad that he would take money from him and bring me back to my parents doing that to me as a kid. I went out into the garage to cool down and I noticed he took a bunch of copper I had been collecting to turn in.

I’m a contractor and it was my leftovers. I called him and told him he had to leave because he was taking things without telling me and he said I’m making a big deal about it over $30 in total. I said it was the point that I just spent $1k on him and then he takes more money without saying anything.

Now he’s texting my brother saying he’s going to sell the truck because he needs the money and I ruined all his loving memories of me. I can go on about him and the past he’s done to me and my brother but I’ll leave that for another time.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago (Edited)
YTJ for trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I was going to say only to yourself until I realised you had a fricking kid on the house!!! You did the right thing in the end, but seriously, you knew this would happen, you've been through it with multiple other people as you said, so why bother? Be a responsible parent and never do this for anyone again.
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37. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More After Having My Kid Move In With Me?

“I am a part-time working single mum with a 4-year-old, and I study full time. Last year I moved into a rental with a housemate who has since relocated for work so I took over the lease and found another housemate via social media.

She took it upon herself to invite a man whom she met on the Internet (They never became romantic despite her attempts) to move into our spare room.

I didn’t object to this as he was to be helping with rent and I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. They both were aware of my situation, the fact I have a child here, and the cost of rent before they moved in.

I am the only one on the lease as they both refuse to fill in the paperwork despite my offers to add them to the lease.

I have always had the master bedroom since moving in as that was the arrangement from my first housemate who has since moved out.

This means I have a small ensuite the size of a wardrobe and the other two share the master bathroom. My 4-year-old sleeps with me in my bed and we share my ensuite. All furniture, appliances, and homewares are mine which they use. I also do the general cleaning of the house such as vacuuming and mopping, pay for cleaning products, and up until recently was even supplying toilet paper for their bathroom despite the fact I have my own ensuite.

I have been paying $150pw in rent whilst they have been paying $120pw. The real estate has increased the rent by $20pw. I informed them they would be paying an extra $10pw each to make up for the increase and decided it is ridiculous for me to be paying so much more than them just because my 4-year-old lives here when I am the only leaseholder, it is my bond on the line, my furniture, appliances, I do most of the cleaning and they are consistently late with rent so I have to cover their share until they pay anyway.

They’ve decided that this is unreasonable, why should they have to pay an extra $10pw when there are 4 people living in this house when the two of them have to share a bathroom and I get the master bedroom? Keeping in mind they have been happy with this arrangement since they moved in, and I will still be paying more than them.

They also decided to complain that they don’t have built-in conditioning in their rooms, which I don’t have either. If I cover the rental increase on my own, I would be paying $170pw whilst they still only pay $120. I don’t think this is reasonable considering they won’t go on the lease so I am taking a risk for them of my bond and rental history if they cause damage to the house or fail to pay their share of rent.

They have visitors stay over and use the facilities which I haven’t questioned. The male housemate even now has a significant other who has been sleeping over every night and using the gas etc for cooking which I haven’t asked any extra money for so why should I be paying so much extra for my son?

AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. Find better housemates as these ones don't sound safe for your child or your finances. Since they're not on the lease you won't have any trouble with the law as long as you still give them 30 days for squatters rights. (Make sure it's in writing, via text will do)
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36. AITJ For Saying My Cousin Was Spoiled?

“My (16 f) dad brought my family and me to my uncle’s house for our Super Bowl party.

A lot of people came, including one of my aunts, who showed up with my cousin (11 m) and her husband. It annoyed me that they were coming too because my cousin kind of has that know-it-all attitude and he’s just spoiled. I know he’s 11, but it’s still not fun to be around.

He has to get everything he wants. He threw a tantrum at my grandma’s house earlier this year on Christmas because he didn’t get some of the things he wanted, and my aunt actually was mad at my grandparents too for not getting what he asked for.

I imagine that this has something to do with the way he was raised (I’ve never seen his parents punish him and it’s obvious he’s getting whatever he wants) so I guess I can’t blame him completely, but that doesn’t make it better.

Anyway, at the party, almost everyone was in the living room and I was in the kitchen.

My cousin came in because he wanted soda, but was mad because there was no Pepsi. I told him there were other sodas, but my cousin wanted just Pepsi and he was almost at a tantrum level. I was gonna walk out because I didn’t want to be in the room when that was happening, but my cousin just tossed the cup he had (that was made of glass and was probably really expensive) across the room.

I grabbed it so it wouldn’t smash (my uncle would not appreciate having to clean that up) and put it on the counter, and my cousin yelled ‘It wasn’t gonna break, idiot!’ I lost patience and told him in a harsh voice that, yes, throwing a glass definitely would break it and I put it out of his reach.

My aunt came running in and asked why he was shouting. My cousin said there was no good soda here, and that I yelled at him, and my aunt asked why I yelled. I told her that he had thrown his cup and she was mad at me for making a ‘big deal’ out of it and said that that is no excuse to yell at a younger kid.

She was lecturing me and I just started to walk out.

When she asked where I was going, I told her ‘to the living room, so I don’t have to deal with you and your spoiled son,’ and my cousin started crying. He told my stepmom, who was mad at me and told me that I’m older so I should know better.

I know I probably should have ignored my aunt and left without saying anything, but it just kind of came out of my mouth. And my cousin’s 11, he still has time to learn, so I don’t know what to think.”

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ. If your aunt won't parent her kid, that's on her. That doesn't mean you have to take everything the little wretch dishes out, and well done you for grabbing that glass. You were NOT out of line for telling the truth. And everyone there knows it.
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35. AITJ For Calling My Husband's Ex A Toxic And Manipulative Jerk?

“My husband (Rob) and I got married back in October.

We both brought in kiddos from previous marriages. Rob has 2 daughters with his ex-wife, they are 17 and 14. The ex was ok with our relationship until we got engaged. She lost her mind and started screaming at the kids that their dad had moved on and no longer cared about any of them and he didn’t love them or care about their emotional health to be getting married and turning his back on her (the ex).

Rob and his ex have been divorced for 5 years. I was not the other woman by any means! The kids saw their mom flipping out and they primarily lived with her so they took her side and blocked Rob and I from being able to contact them.

The last time I saw the kids was in April, so almost a year. Rob has seen them in therapy as they will only see him under those conditions once every 4 months. We have zero doubt the ex is still talking badly about us to the kids.

Recently the ex called demanding Rob put the older daughter’s car in just her name as she does not trust me to not steal the car from the daughter if anything should happen to Rob and it is cruel and unfair to force the daughter to live in such fear every day and it’s driving her anxiety through the roof.

I made the comment ‘Well if she didn’t have such a toxic and manipulative jerk for a mom I’m sure she’d be doing a lot better than she is now. Great job destroying the relationship between Rob and the girls.’ The ex heard me and went berserk screaming at me for daring to say that to her and at Rob for not putting me in my place and how dare he allow me to speak to her, the mother of his children like that.

Rob ended up yelling at her that he doesn’t care what she thinks and has to say. She’s only the mother of his kids and nothing more and will never be anything more than that and hung up on her while she was still shrieking her head off.

AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
You're never a jerk for telling the truth.
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34. WIBTJ If I Don't Allow My Dad To Live In Our Vacation Cabin?

“My wife and I are 39 with 9-year-old twin boys. We have been dreaming of owning a vacation home where we can retreat on a whim and spend a fair amount of time during the summer. We are finally at a place financially where we were able to make this a reality for us and purchased a quintessential log cabin hoping to fulfill these dreams.

Now some context about my father. For what it’s worth he was a fine dad growing up and was never abusive or anything like that and we got along alright… for the most part. That being said he made some pretty bad investments and ended up losing most of my parents’ retirement money.

On top of that, he had an affair once me and my sister were off to college and they ended up getting divorced and since then we haven’t had the best relationship. He also can be very entitled and manipulative. For example, prior to the divorce, he guilted me and my sister into buying a plane ticket for my mom as a gift so she could see her family.

Happy to do that for my mom, but I later realized this was just an excuse for him to spend time with his lady friend and a way for us to get mom out of the house.

Also, as soon as I started working after college he asked me to send him money every month to pay for the student loans they had taken out for me.

Although I could barely afford rent and food, this seemed fair until I realized they were asking for more than the monthly loan payment. I felt like I was being taken advantage of and we had a big argument. I just asked them to give me the loan info and I would assume the loan and just pay it off myself and they wouldn’t have to worry about it.

So that’s what I did.

After their divorce, he moved out and was on his own for a while then lived with my sister then ultimately with my mom again who has now given him a specific date he needs to move out by (he was just living there due to his health issues/surgery but he is able to live alone now).

He’s not working but receives enough social security to afford rent somewhere if he would lower his expectations and live within his means.

So, now he’s looking for an apartment and we just got this log cabin last week. Just yesterday he asked if we would rent it to him and I said no because we want this to be a place we can just escape to whenever we want.

He started to talk about how he doesn’t want to have to move into a ‘shelter’ implying he will be homeless or something if we don’t do this. I told him that I’m sure he’ll find something he can afford and that’s how we ended it.

I know it’s just a matter of time before he lays the guilt trip on hard and I worry he won’t put in the effort or lower his expectations to find an apartment he can actually afford and somehow this will be my fault.

Am I the jerk if I don’t let my father stay at our cabin when he can’t (or claims to can’t) find a place to live?

For the record, a quick search on apartments dot com comes up with apartments he could afford. Maybe not in the neighborhood he would like but small and livable.”

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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rbleah 3 months ago
DO NOT LET HIM INTO YOUR VACA HOME. You will NEVER get him out without a fight. He can deal with his own housing problem. EVERY TIME HE BRINGS THIS UP JUST tell him no and if he brings it up again you will hang up/walk away from him. PERIOD. THEN DO IT.
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33. WIBTJ If I Don't Come To My Mother's Wedding?

“My mum (57) lives in France with her partner and has done for the last two years.

About 5 years ago, it came out in a very dramatic way that she had been having several affairs throughout her marriage with my father. One of these affairs was with a friend of my parents who we shall call Alan. My mum and Alan had been having this affair for a few months but he had continued to come to my parents’ dinner parties, sit at the table next to my father, eat his food, and then obviously… sleep with his wife.

When the affairs came out my mum estranged herself from the entire family, following some extremely hurtful actions, and moved to France with Alan. I might add that, I had to lend my mother 30k to help her get set up in her new life, which I have since been told by her that she is not in a position to pay me back.

In addition to this, my mum also made the divorce between my parents incredibly challenging as she tried to get every last penny out of my father.

My sister (30) and I are extremely close and since mum left we have become really close to my father again.

My dad was extremely hurt by everything that had happened and so were we.

About a month ago my mum reached out to my sister and me saying she needed to talk to us urgently. She told us she had stage 2 breast cancer and was having a double mastectomy in the next few weeks.

Cancer is extremely prevalent in my family and my mum has lost two of her siblings to cancer. My sister and I have remained in contact for updates and have been having video calls with her. During one of these calls, she tells us she and Alan are engaged and she wants us to come to France for the wedding.

I have never met Alan, nor do I ever wish to. I didn’t give her an answer and said I would need to think about it. I already know my answer, it’s no.

My sister is on the same page as me but part of me feels really bad.

I’m worried it will really hurt my dad if I go, but I also feel bad as my mum has been so sick.

If it was a birthday or a different celebration, I would consider it, but how am I meant to attend the wedding of a man who hurt my dad so much?

Genuinely really appreciate any advice.”

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ and I don't believe for one skinny minute that she has breast cancer. She's just trying to manipulate you and your sister into coming to her wedding. She's already scammed you out of $30K that she suddenly can't pay back, and now wants you to spend yet more money to fly to France for her wedding? I wouldn't trust her as far as I could sling a Steinway. Don't go. If she complains, tell her she's got a $30K wedding present out of you already, and good luck to her and the poor schmuck she's marrying.
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32. AITJ For Going Off At My Friend Who Has Bad Taste In Men?

“One of our lecturers got fired because a student caught him being inapooriate in his office. He was married, by the way. No one found out who the other woman was but my friend group can tell you it was Amy.

Amy went out with a guy who body-shamed her in front of us when she ordered a sundae. I told her not to date him because I knew him in high school and he was just as much of a jerk then. She said ‘benefit of the doubt.

People change’ then ended up waking up with a headache in his apartment with four men surrounding her. She got out safe but still.

Amy went out with a slightly more decent guy and he ended up having an affair. She trashed his car and broke his windows then admitted she kind of deserved to be broken up with because SHE HAD AN AFFAIR FIRST!

and did it like three times.

Amy goes round and round going out with toxic men, ignoring any advice we give her, then crying when it all goes to the dump like we said it would.

Recently, Amy had another breakup. She called me but I was in a meeting at work.

When I get to my phone it’s filled with insults and her telling me I’m a bad friend. I admit I wasn’t having a good day and probably should have called when I was calmer because holy cow did I go off on her.

I told her it was her fault she was feeling the way she did. She never listens, lets men walk all over her and her friends, then defends them by accusing us of trying to steal them from her. I told her I was sick of her and I wasn’t a pillow to soak up her tears so from now on she should take her nonsense to someone who actually wants to listen to her twist her life into more of a knot.

Some of my friends agreed with me, also tired of her doing the same thing over and over again, but the rest thought I was mean and unfair to her. I‘ve calmed down since then and want to know if I should’ve handled the situation better and now.”

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ and please ditch this emotional vampire. She clearly thrives on drama, so let her create it and then soak up what she's created but to stay the he!! away from you. I hate people like that; they're exhausting to be around. Just be glad that this is one time that the trash took itself out. Well done!
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31. AITJ For Putting A "Pet Me" Sign On My Puppy?

“My 10-month rescue puppy is a 50 lb pit terrier mix (looks more like a mini lab with a brindle coat). He’s actually pretty small and super friendly. However, no one ever came up to pet him on our walks or when we took him out and he ended up really sad.

We were concerned that people thought he was aggressive or didn’t know if they could pet him…

So, we bought him a vest that says ‘Please pet me’ on it so people know it’s okay to pet him and that he’s not going to be aggressive towards them.

(He would lick your face with kisses before ever biting anyone)

We’ve had really great results with this, people read his vest and realize it’s okay to pet him and most people ask beforehand anyway. However, we did have this one woman come up all upset saying ‘We’re confusing people and imitating service dogs’.

I responded that it wasn’t our intention to do that and just wanted people to know he’s okay to pet, he’s not aggressive and won’t bite because he’s friendly and loves meeting people. She basically went on a 5-minute rant about how he (kept pointing at my dog) doesn’t need a vest then and to not disrespect service animals.

The poor pup kept wagging his tail and sitting nicely for pets from this lady.

I have the utmost respect for service animals and their owners, I personally know people who have them and they are great! I even asked them for their opinions on this and they said it was ok to do.

So now I’m a little hesitant to put the vest on him and don’t want that to happen to him again… But he actually does like wearing it and it actually helps walk him better vs. a different harness or just his collar.

AITJ for wanting him to wear it so people know? Should I just take the sign off?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
She would maybe have a point if it didn't say "please pet me" so no, don't take the sign off, because that is the part that makes it obvious he's NOT a service dog. There are many types of dogs that need all sorts of different vests, and also many service dogs that don't wear one. In the end it all comes down to never touch a dog without permission from the owner, and you are just making it easier for people to approach you to do exactly that! Clearly this person just wanted something to complain about so please go about your day and forget all about it.
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30. AITJ For Asking A Guy At The Cinema To Move Seats?

“On a trip to NYC, my partner and I just wanted to relax one evening after pounding the streets all day so we thought we’d go and see a movie at the AMC Empire in Times Square.

We had assigned seats, but when we got to them there was a lone guy sitting in one of them.

To be honest, the place was pretty empty and we could have just sat in front or further along the row, but we were quite early and weren’t sure how full it would get and just didn’t want to risk the hassle of someone else coming along later and asking us to move from their seats when there would be fewer (or no) empty ones to move to, and possibly no lights on, so we politely (and very apologetically – we’re British after all) let him know we had his seat reserved. He didn’t seem to care and pointed out there were plenty of other seats we could sit in instead.

I hesitated to object as I thought that maybe it’s just customary in the US for people to routinely ignore their own seat assignments and sit wherever they like, and I would have been happy enough to sit somewhere else since there was plenty of apparent choice at that point, but I thought of how we had been asked to explicitly choose our seats and therefore felt some entitlement to them, and also decided to head off potential later trouble from someone else, and so I insisted he move.

He did, but it was pretty obvious from his demeanor that he thought I was being a jerk about it.

AITJ for forcing someone to move from our assigned seats in a mostly empty cinema?”

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
I'm not from the US but I've never heard of it being customary to just sit wherever. Assigned seating is assigned seating. Dude probably snuck in without a ticket and didn't want to be caught which is why he told you to sit somewhere else.
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29. AITJ For Shutting My Friend Down After I Got Fired?

“Last week I (31 F) got fired from a job I’d been working at for about 2 months.

I’ve had an Upper Respiratory Infection for almost 2 weeks now, and even though I provided a note, followed call-in protocol, and used PTO, they still fired me because I was within my 90-day probationary period where they could fire me ‘at will’, and apparently, unless it’s ‘serious’, illness or not, I’m expected to be at work.

I was (and still am), understandably, upset. I had messaged a friend of mine, I’ll call him Fred (32 M), to vent, which I’d done on more than one occasion. We’ve been Vent Buddies for years. Rather than respond with ‘Wow, yeah, that sucks’ or ‘That’s crappy of them’.

He asked if I’d filled out FMLA forms. I told him that I didn’t have access to FMLA until I’d been at that place for a year, which is standard operating procedure for most employers. He then proceeded to talk down to me and say ‘Um, no, you can use FMLA any time, employers just like to make it seem like you can’t.

You should have filled out the forms, they’re available online, it’s on you.’ He continued to tell me about how he had his partner fill out the FMLA forms for some kind of surgery she needed and turn them into the job that she’d only had for 6 weeks and they gave it to her.

I got mad at Fred for saying it was on me. Like, every employer I’ve ever had has said I don’t get FMLA until I’ve been there for a year, and I’ve never had to use both FMLA and PTO at the same time for calling in just because I’m sick.

Furthermore, I’ve never heard of being able to use FMLA at any time, regardless of how long you’ve been employed. Yet, somehow I’m supposed to know this? I called Fred out for being rude and talking down to me, and he stuck to his guns, acting like I should have known it.

I told him to shut up and said he was a bad friend, that I came to him wanting support, not a lecture about how my getting fired for being sick was my fault. He said, ‘Well, screw you’.

We haven’t talked since. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ, but Fred sure is. FMLA stands for "Family Medical Leave Act" and it's only available to people with a certain term of employment (at least a year, I think) and for the specific reason of having a family member with an extended or even terminal illness. It is NOT regular sick leave. Fred is full of $h!t, which makes him even a worse friend for making up lies like that. Just ignore him, if you don't want to outright block him, and let things cool down. Fred sounds like he wanted to one up you for kicks, and you don't need someone like that in your life.
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28. AITJ For Not Taking My Brother's Fainting Seriously?

“I (f 14) and my brother (m 13) usually get along okay, but 4 months ago he started doing this thing that would stress me out.

Once in a while, whenever we were in the same room, he would pretend to faint. And I’m not talking about obviously and gracefully falling to the floor, I mean he just drops to the floor accompanied by a loud noise and it looks very real.

The first time this happened I panicked and went up to him, only for him to get up immediately and say ‘Gotcha!’ He looked so proud mentioning how he’s practiced a while to make it look real. He would do this joke maybe 3-4 times a week, and no matter how much I told him that it scared me half to death, he would just laugh at me and continue doing it.

I have told our parents about this, and Mom basically told me that I should lighten up because it’s a joke, and Dad basically said that I should spend more time with him if he’s willing to get my attention by fake fainting. After 3 months of putting up that, I just went to another room every time he pretended to faint.

Well, 2 days ago, he fainted for real while sitting at the kitchen table. I legitimately thought he was faking it again, so I just went to my room. Maybe 5 minutes later my parents came home, and they started yelling, so I came to see what was going on, and I couldn’t believe it.

My brother was still in the EXACT SAME PLACE he was when he pretended to faint. That was when I figured out that he wasn’t faking it this time, he actually fainted for real.

He woke up in about 3 minutes luckily, although he was disoriented, and by then we already called 911 and an ambulance was coming to take him to the hospital. I’ll spare you the details of what it was like in the ambulance and hospital.

Anyway, when he was discharged and we came home, that is when my parents both started to SCREAM at me. They berated me for not calling an ambulance and said that I was probably the worst sister to ever exist by leaving him. They called me other names as well, like ignorant, entitled, jerky, etc. It’s like every negative emotion they’ve ever felt was all coming out in an emotional tsunami.

I did try to remind them about the ‘prank’ he does, and that if I really thought it was real I never would have abandoned him, but my words were quickly drowned out.

Long story short, they grounded me for 6 months. My phone and laptop have been taken, I can’t use the TV, I can’t go anywhere else besides school, and the only thing I’m allowed to do on the laptop I’m currently on is schoolwork.

Needless to say, I feel terrible. I can’t talk to any of my friends right now, so I’m asking you, am I the jerk?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. Tell your parents there's a reason the boy who cried wolf is a popular fiction, because it's a warning not to be an idiot and fake emergencies because people will just stop paying attention. Which you did. It's not your fault you didn't know this one time that your brother wasn't faking, and if they're not paying you to babysit then they definitely shouldn't be grounding you for ignoring your idiot brother.
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27. AITJ For Not Inviting My Adoptive Family To My Baby Shower?

“I (32 F) was adopted when I was six by a couple from church (the Ps) after my mother was threatened that if she didn’t give me up for adoption CPS would be called and have me taken away.

I was supposed to be adopted by another family (the Rs) when I was three but my birth mom had a mental episode and ruined it by moving us to another state before it went through. The Ps had been trying to have a baby before I was adopted but it didn’t happen until after the adoption went through.

After they got the baby they’d been trying for, they sent me to live with the Rs at age eight and I was raised by them except for holidays when I had to spend it with the Ps on the Ps’ demand.

I am 8 months pregnant with my first baby after I was told I’d never have kids so it’s been exciting but also nerve-racking because I’m constantly worried about the baby’s health.

As the Rs have actually raised me, they decided to throw me a baby shower and took care of every detail so that I could remain stress-free during the process. As they don’t get along with the Ps, they didn’t invite them so they couldn’t step in and take credit for the event and create a scene.

Of course, the pictures of the event were posted on social media by various people who attended so the Ps heard about it and got upset that they weren’t invited. They’ve been sending me passive-aggressive messages about how they wish they could’ve gone if they had been invited but I haven’t responded because I just don’t need the drama.

When I found out I was expecting their first response was asking if I knew who the father was or if I thought I was ready cause I have options even though I’ve been with the same person for seven years and have a great career and house.

They’ve also never asked how the baby or I am are since I announced the pregnancy whereas the Rs and I are on a group chat so we talk daily about how I’m feeling or tips to handle pregnancy symptoms.

So AITJ for not inviting my adopted family to the baby shower or telling people not to share photos so they wouldn’t find out about it?

I’ve been feeling guilty because I didn’t push the Rs to invite them.”

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rbleah 3 months ago
Why would you invite people who DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT YOU? To them IT IS ALL ABOUT THEM. Block them and go on with YOUR LIFE.
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26. AITJ For Reporting My Coworker To HR And Causing Him To Get Fired?

“I had this coworker, let’s call him Michael, who had a pattern of disrespectful and unprofessional behavior. He came in hours late every day, refused to do essential duties for his position because ‘those idiots on nights don’t do (other meaningless tasks)’, and made plenty of inappropriate jokes during meetings.

On top of this, he has verbally harassed and pushed several women in my department, some have said he made them feel unsafe to come into work. I don’t interact with him very much, but he has been disrespectful to me in person and over IM.

He has some serious anger management issues and gets very angry when told he’s wrong (even though it’s just us trying to give him training since he’s new). Something else kind of petty but I’m upset about, he interrupted a conversation I had with a friend talking about our cats, to talk all about how cats can’t show affection and I only care for him because of a parasite he gave me.

Our department, especially his role, is very short-staffed right now, so management has been avoiding firing people or even disciplining them for fear that they will quit. Because of this and the fact he is buddy-buddy with his supervisor, he has never gotten more than a slap on the wrist (verbal warning), while we get written up for ‘causing drama’ and ‘lowering team morale’ when we bring up these things to management or HR.

According to his supervisor, he ‘does good work’, so he’s ok with all of the other unprofessional behavior.

Recently I heard him take illegal substances in a bathroom stall, he must have thought he was alone or quieter than he was. He sat down in the stall next to me and I heard everything, and I recognized his voice when he said something on his way out so I’m sure it was him.

Being so sick and tired of his nonsense, and after thinking about it for a couple of days, I reported that he did illegal stuff at work to an anonymous ethics hotline our company has.

I didn’t see him all the next week and he had been removed from the system.

Everyone started talking about how Michael got fired, but no one I talked to knew why. I don’t know of anything else that may have happened to him, from a legal standpoint. I also don’t know if he was asked to take a substance test, if they found it on him/in his stuff, or if they just took my word for it.

I assumed they needed some sort of proof, but I’m not sure of the details.

AITJ for getting someone fired?”

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rbleah 3 months ago
You are never a jerk for informing HR about people that are THAT TOXIC.
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25. AITJ For Wanting To Move In With My Partner?

“I (30 F) am best friends with a couple (33 M and 24 F), and they are both on disability for various reasons.

I spend all my time with them, we go on many adventures and they are the kindest people I have ever met.

They may not have much but they would give you everything they have if you needed it.

Last year one of them (24 F) was diagnosed with cancer. This was devastating for us. I spent many nights sleeping in the hospital and going to all the chemo appointments; anything that we could do.

After chemo finished, everything looked great and we were able to return to life as normal.

Fast forward to now. What I do for work is really stressful for me, and I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone I’ve been interested in for over 10 years.

The distance is 14 hours, and while it’s challenging, we’ve really made it work for the past 6 months. I’ve never had anyone who is so kind, caring, and compassionate. We communicate and handle challenges as a team and I am so grateful they are in my life.

The opportunity has come up that when my lease is up in 3 months I can make the 14-hour move and have my DREAM working conditions, making great money, living with the love of my life, and having the life I’ve always dreamed of, as well as the space and freedom to actually live.

Right as everything is coming together to make this a possibility (and before I’ve had the chance to even talk to my friends about it). Bam… my friend’s cancer looks like it’s back. It’ll be surgery at a minimum, and potentially chemo all again.

Heartbreak. No one deserves that kind of sickness and pain. I should be here to help and support my friend no matter what, and yet I actually feel trapped.

Instead of being completely focused on my friend, I am worried about myself and my dream life I’d be giving up.

And there is a huge part of me that really still wants to go. That wants to be selfish. That wants to leave. My friends have some other supportive people in their lives, but not like I’ve been. With them on disability, they cannot drive on their own and it is really challenging to get to all the places or afford the things that provide comfort and support in these situations.

Normally I handle all of that.

My partner is super supportive and has my back with anything I choose. (And for several reasons that I won’t go into. My partner isn’t able to move here) I know we would make it work, but the distance really does create strain on me.

I’d have to stay with the job I have now which creates so much stress in my life. And I’d be back giving every inch of myself for others… I’m tired… so so tired. It feels unsurvivable and I feel so horrible for even thinking the way I do.

I couldn’t possibly talk to my friends about me leaving now with this news.

AITJ for still even considering leaving in this situation? (Cause I certainly feel like one)”

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rbleah 3 months ago
You cannot live your life for your friends. PERIOD. You need to take care of YOU. They can get help if they need it from Social services if you are in the US. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE or you WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
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24. AITJ For Dyeing My Hair?

“When my mom was younger, she was not allowed to dye her hair or cut it, basically change it in any way because my grandma would never allow it.

On her 18th birthday, she decided to cut her hair and she ended up not liking it because it didn’t suit her oval-shaped face.

Fast forward she had me and wanted to keep my hair as long as possible so I ‘wouldn’t repeat her mistakes’.

At 6 years old I cut my own hair because I got mad at her and had to get bangs to cover up my bad haircut.

I thought she got over it but she never recovered from it, whenever I went to the stylist with her she only let the ladies cut an inch of my long hair.

This summer I found out I liked short hair better, I got a haircut with her permission, shoulder length, I loved it. Then I got another one and let it grow. I had a pretty tough month and felt like I needed a change (I moved schools and things were complicated) so I wanted to get another haircut and dye the lower half of my hair a peach color.

I tried to talk to her but her only response was ‘No, end of discussion’. My dad was on my side because he knew she could sometimes be controlling so he took me to the hair salon and I got it the way I wanted it to be.

I was so happy, but her on the other hand had a literal crisis.

She started screaming at me, calling me selfish, and a few things I shouldn’t say on here. I didn’t see the problem since I was a teenager and she approved of my last two haircuts.

She then told me I’m not ladylike and ‘I wouldn’t be able to get a husband in the future’ even tho I am queer and don’t feel any attraction towards boys in general. She then called her mom (my grandma) and she was of course on her side telling me that my haircut was vulgar and how I couldn’t go to school like that because ‘no man will respect me’ even tho most of my teachers and classmates knew I was getting my hair done and couldn’t wait to see it.

This was the one time in the last 3 months when I felt good about myself so her words really hurt me, I didn’t like the fact that I lied to her but I don’t think she should be reacting that way because she has different opinions on my hair.

She demands that I dye it back but I strongly refuse because I’m scared it would melt my hair off or ruin it, so am I the jerk?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. I'm glad you've got your dad in your corner, although he shouldn't be sneaking around with you, he should've just put his foot down
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23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change The Way I Dress?

“I’m a 24-year-old brown female. I have gone my whole life being told my by family what to wear, where to go, who to talk to etc.

When I was 21 I moved out for a university placement and then stayed out after finding permanent work. Now my family does not like the way I dress when I am away from them in a different city. My elder sister has actually stopped speaking to me because she thinks I now dress like a flirt for showing my arms and legs.

Anyway, I visit home every 2/3 weeks for about 2 days if I can and I’m very respectful of their ideals of how I should dress and stay very covered up. I usually wear sweatpants and jumpers or loose tops around my family – no skin on show, but they somehow still find a reason to complain e.g. I should wear jeans instead of joggers, and then usually comment about my jeans being too high or tight LOL.

So this week I’ve come home for a little bit longer (a week or 2) because I’ve been very unwell this past month, I’ve been in and out of hospital with severe pain because of two pretty serious conditions and I just missed my mum.

Now when I got here which was two days ago I was wearing Nike joggers and a v-neck jumper that is quite baggy but the neck is a little low, not extremely though.

On the very first day, my mum made a comment about me not dressing appropriately and not picking the right clothes because the neckline was far too low.

I was annoyed because I had actually taken her thoughts into consideration and covered up but it wasn’t enough and I am clearly very ill but that’s what she wants to focus on. So me being the stubborn cow I am, I have worn the same jumper for 3 days to make a point.

My mum complains about it every day and I keep it on every day. Should I just give in and change while I’m here? Am I being the jerk?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. Not sure why you missed your mum when all she cares about is appearances, but the least she could do is keep her mouth shut while you're sick. I would just go back to uni rather than be petty about it but that's just me. Hopefully you have other people who can look after you next time you're unwell.
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22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Sister In Our Son's Life?

“My husband (m 41) and I (f 29) have been together since 2016. My SIL (f 45) has never liked me even though I’ve always been nice.

My husband called to tell her we got engaged. She belittled him for proposing and told him he was making the biggest mistake of his life. She refused to attend the bridal shower and didn’t RSVP to the wedding until their parents forced her.

Two days before the wedding she called to tell my husband he was an idiot and making a huge mistake.

On the wedding day, she showed up late and told her parents and aunt she would not take pictures. Aunt told her she was a grown woman and to stand and smile for a few pictures for her brother’s wedding.

She flipped out and stormed off. A month later she called my husband to tell him she ran a background check on my parents and told him what it said.

Shortly after we found out we were expecting our son (m 1.5). My husband waited until we were in our second trimester to tell her.

He tried to call her for a week and she kept sending him to voicemail. Finally, he texted her and the response was ‘Thank you for the information.’ She never asked about the pregnancy. She straight up told us not to send her an invite to the online baby shower.

Once my son was born, my husband told her and mentioned that I almost died and was in ICU. Not once did she ask how I was doing or how the baby was. Her response was ‘OK.’

About a month before my son’s first birthday she suddenly texted my husband asking for updates on our son.

She even came over to the small party we had with just their parents. The whole time she didn’t say a word to me or look at me.

Ever since then, she has asked for occasional updates about our son. The few times she has FaceTimed with my son she spends the whole time criticizing him wondering why he isn’t more advanced (he is exceeding all milestones for his age).

Today I told my husband I am not comfortable with her being in our son’s life. She has never apologized for anything. I told him that until she’s willing to admit I exist and apologize for being so rude, that I don’t want to interact with her or have our son interact with her.

He thinks I’m blowing it out of proportion.

AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. Your husband has no balls, he needs to grow up and realise that you are a family unit so if sister doesn't like YOU for whatever reason, she doesn't have to see any of the family at all, and until she gets over herself what you are asking is completely reasonable.
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21. AITJ For Being Annoyed At What My Sister-In-Law Is Trying To Do For My Daughter?

“My sister-in-law is over 35 years old. Never had children. My husband and I have one daughter. She is the only baby in the family right now and probably the only grandchild ever. Ever since she was born my sister-in-law has been obsessing over things to do with her.

She used to roll her eyes at me when I would have to take my daughter for skin-to-skin contact so that I could pump enough milk for her.

Long story short she thinks that anything that she does with my daughter I can’t do with her.

Only she can have anything to do with butterflies. Only she can take her hiking. Only she can do Elf on the Shelf. Only she can do Easter egg hunts. I’m at my wit’s end no matter what you say to her it doesn’t matter it never changes anything.

I am so sick of her thinking that she has the right to take over and do anything for my child instead of me. I have no idea how to put her in her place and make her stop.

She lives with her parents but she is renting out a condo in another city.

She’s been there for weeks and hasn’t spoken to anyone. I got a text a few hours ago saying that she was going to be doing the Easter egg hunt for My child. I replied that I already got the stuff for Easter but since it’s a week away and it’s my child, that’s what I am supposed to do as her mother.

She sent me an eye roll emoji and said ‘But you know that’s my thing’. She also said, ‘That’s literally the only reason I was coming back’. I just want to tell her to go back to where she was then.

This is exhausting.

If she wants to do things stuff then she should settle down and have her own kids… I’m pretty lenient with some things and understand she probably won’t have kids. But that’s not my fault or my problem and I’m not sacrificing doing these things that are only going to be around for a little while for her feelings.

Especially when she couldn’t care less about mine.

So. Am I the jerk or is she? How do you handle this? We’ve tried literally everything I can think of and nothing works.”

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rbleah 3 months ago
BE BLUNT. Tell her this is YOUR CHILD NOT HERS and you are done with her games over YOUR DAUGHTER. That YOU AS THE MOTHER will decide who, what, when and where for your daughter and NOT HER.
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20. AITJ For Taking My Daughter's Stuffed Toy Back?

“My daughter is 6 and is shy and has had her Minnie Mouse stuffed toy since her baby shower that she has well taken care of.

She doesn’t let anybody take care of it besides me and her tata (grandfather).

Now onto the story. My daughter’s father, let’s call him Jerk, sneaks in and out of her life to see her every 6-8 months when he’s trying to impress a new girl, and when I mean sneaks I mean he goes out of his way to find when my daughter is outside playing or just plane out and about.

Just so his daughter can physically see him and he can get away with taking her any time he wants.

Well, one Saturday Jerk showed up and once again my daughter saw him and got excited and said Jerk’s here to take my daughter to the park.

She goes inside, grabs her Minnie Mouse stuffed toy, and tells Jerk she’s ready. Jerk put her in the car and said he was taking her to the park with a friend and maybe some family and that I would have to come pick her up.

Well, 3 hours later I got a phone call from Jerk Tia (Aunt) who I still keep in touch with saying my daughter won’t stop crying and wants me. I ask what’s wrong but won’t tell me until I get there to the park.

Once I’m there, she and my daughter are waiting for me in the parking lot. My daughter ran to me and hugged me but this hug was a different hug. I don’t know how to describe it but I will never forget this type of huge.

Like her spirit was crushed. Which it was. I found out Jerk’s friend is actually Jerk’s significant other and Jerk’s SO took my daughter’s Minnie Mouse stuffed toy and gave it to her 3-year-old because my daughter did not want to share. Reminder: my daughter is shy.

When she gets nervous she doesn’t let go of her Minnie until she is comfortable enough to let go and give to me to take care of.

I also found out that Jerk’s SO’s daughter only played with my daughter Minnie until she found a mother’s kids toy to play with and Jerk’s SO held onto it the whole time even when my daughter asked for it back.

So what did was I calmed myself down first then gave my daughter the biggest warmest hug I could give, put her in the car, and had Tia wait with her.

By the time I got to the playground Jerk and Jerk’s SO were on the opposite side of where Jerk’s SO’s daughter was, who once again had the Minnie Mouse toy.

Luckily there was a toy truck around so I showed her the truck and grabbed the stuff Minnie and walked back to my car.

As I was leaving I could hear her start to cry and Jerk’s SO was yelling at me. Since then, my daughter has no longer wanted to see Jerk and has gotten a lot of angry messages from half of Jerk and Jerk’s SO’s family.

Now I’m wondering AITJ?”

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rbleah 3 months ago
NOPE, NOT THE JERK. Your EX is an azz and maybe find a way to have SUPERVISED VISITATION ONLY from now on. Ignore the ignoramous EX's SO.
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19. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Dance Raffle Tickets For A Pride Event?

“I am a middle-aged cis male. That being said, I grew up with gay uncles, and my best friend since high school is gay. I have been to more pride events for my uncles and friends as an ally than I can count.

I myself have even done drag events for charity.

Now, after almost 20 years, I am back in school working on my master’s. There is going to be a ‘Queer Dance’ here. It’s great and I love it. Now, being an ally for so long, all these events that I have heard of in the past, have been ally inclusive and I have had no problem buying tickets and hanging out in support.

They are always a great time. I was going to buy tickets for my wife and me to attend and, when buying tickets they found out we were a straight couple and told us we could purchase tickets but couldn’t attend. Not gonna lie, I was taken aback.

I said, no thanks then. They then offered me, if I wanted to help, to buy raffle tickets for 2 tickets to the Prom. I turned them down again and was given an attitude about not wanting to support the LGBTQ+ community here.

That is far from the case.

I want to continue supporting them as an ally. I am not just going to hand over money though when anyone else who hands over money (it’s not cheap) gets to go to the Prom. The reason I am the most confused is that, in all my years as an ally, have I ever run into events like this being exclusionary this way.

Usually, it is for LGBTQ+ only or open to allies. Never have I been offered tickets that I couldn’t attend.

Now, I am not saying any community can’t have their own thing. I am all for safe spaces for all people. If you want to do a fundraiser, I will give you money, sure.

But don’t sell me something that I can’t use. My friends are split on this. My older gay friends/uncles think it’s stupid that they are turning away allies who want to support them but, if they are going to have a raffle for financial support, it needs to be something other than tickets.

The younger gay friends I have made here think I should be supportive by buying tickets anyway and that I’m kind of a jerk for not financially supporting their safe space. AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. It is really weird and gatekeepey to say no straight couples. That opens the door to a lot of bisexual couples being excluded because there is no "proof" they're gay, or trans people having to out themselves to be able to buy a ticket. It's really unusual and definitely not safe to have the ticket sellers decide who can come and who can't. And they definitely shouldn't be expecting people to buy raffle tickets for an event they can't attend. NTJ at all, I'm sorry they're being so weird.
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18. AITJ For Calling My Family's Cooking Disgusting?

“My family tends to leave meats out to defrost for way too long, on the counter, and either put it back in the freezer for a few hours or just cook it that following night for dinner.

After moving out and learning how to cook on my own, I learned the do’s and don’ts of cooking. I learned that you definitely do not leave meats to thaw sitting on your counter for a long period of time, doing so causes excessive bacteria to build up in your food that even cooking doesn’t get rid of sometimes, you can get lucky and not suffer the consequences of food poisoning, but other times you are not so lucky.

And to everyone who’s experienced food poisoning, you know. It’s not a great feeling.

So I’ve recently moved back into my family’s house, and they cook, ever since I see how they tend to leave their meats out for an excessive amount of time, I just refuse to eat it and make something I buy for myself.

There are times when they forget to take the food out, so they take it out ‘late’ which ironically makes the food much safer to eat, as it only sits out for 2/3 hours which then I don’t mind eating.

The issue arose when I tried to let them know that what they were doing was beyond unsafe, and I got met with stubbornness and an unwillingness to listen, while also criticizing my food and cooking habits which they know nothing about because I’ve never cooked for them.

But that’s typical for them and their behavior. They’ve admitted several times since I’ve been here how they’ve had stomach issues and have had to rush to the bathroom doing number 2s in the morning. And they don’t seem to understand the correlation between their unsafe cooking methods and the fact that they’re literally poisoning themselves.

They think because they’re cooking/baking their meats the heat is enough to kill off all harmful bacteria which is simply not true. So I got tired of trying to explain it and just called their cooking and food disgusting. I know that would offend anyone.

But, what they’re doing is literally even against FDA standards in any restaurant for a reason, it is literally disgusting in my eyes, and I can’t believe I was eating that constantly as a child. No wonder I had so many stomach aches and bad BMS and they instantly went away after I left home to cook for myself.”

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rbleah 3 months ago
Unless one of them ends up in the hospital things WILL NOT CHANGE. And you can't change them with anything you say. Just eat your own cooking and let it go. This is not a hill to die on. They will only learn when something bad happens, sadly.
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17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mother-In-Law In?

“I (27 F) have lived with SO (27 M) for about five years.

Some background: he’s from a very large and religious Midwestern family and grew up with a family culture of unexpected visitors and unlocked doors. There’s also historically been a LOT of pressure around family events – everything is life-or-death. Think ‘How could you possibly not skip work to go to the reunion?

It could be Grandma’s last holiday!’

There’s a lot of dark personal stuff in the family too, a lot of trauma, but the expectation never changes. ‘You can’t be unfriendly to X no matter what happened or you’ll ruin the entire event/you can’t bring that up in front of grandma/you can’t skip the event just because of (insert traumatic event here) because what if it’s the last chance we all have to be together?’

Since moving in together, SO has been relieved to be able to set boundaries around that for himself. He has gone no contact with a lot of his family (for good reason) and I’ve supported him in that and acted as the intermediary when necessary, because when he’s anxious he tends to freeze in the moment.

He maintains a good relationship with his mom, but she’s struggled with these boundaries.

The boundary with equal impact on both of us is ‘no unexpected visitors’. If we have not planned to see someone, they are not welcome. MiL endlessly ‘forgets’ this rule and SO has to talk her through why it is so important to us, and she swears up and down it won’t happen again.

The other day we were sitting down to dinner with a friend (planned a month in advance) when there was a knock. MiL and her sister are outside, peering through the window and waving. SO hardcore froze, .exe has stopped working, so I answered the door – opened it about halfway, and asked if everything was okay.

MiL says her sister is here from out-of-state and wanted to say hi to SO, and I said we’re just sitting down to dinner, didn’t expect them, and hope they have a good visit. Then I closed the door.

SO has been anxious about this ever since, MiL hasn’t returned his texts, and I feel oogy about being so cold esp when Aunt X didn’t necessarily know the background, but inviting them in would have been a violation of a lot of boundaries we have trying hard to enforce, would play into the ‘There are no boundaries if FAMILY’ thing that has so hurt SO in the past, and would’ve been super rude to our friend who planned so far ahead.

AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ. "No unexpected visits" means "No unexpected visits". And you know perfectly well had you caved and let them in, it would be the thin edge of the wedge and then you'd have them up your butts six times a week, with them saying, "Well, it was okay last time, why not now?". Nope, you did right.
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16. AITJ For Not Paying Our Neighbor In Full For Cutting Our Grass?

“My dad (59) and I (21) live alone in this nice secluded neighborhood in the suburbs. We have a relatively decent-sized yard where grass grows a bit fast after each cut. Both of us work full-time jobs also I’m very allergic to cut grass and my dad is old and has a bad back, making cutting our yard nearly impossible for us to do ourselves.

This is where one of my neighbors comes in.

He (19) and/or his dad (48) will come twice a month to cut our yard (we have discussed this before and they agree to twice a month cutting out yard). We pay them $40 each to do so as a thank you for helping us out.

Here’s where it all started.

A few months ago they asked if they could raise it up to $50 each and we agreed since gas prices and labor, so we paid and they cut our grass. Then suddenly TWO days later they came back and cut our grass again (we were not home so we didn’t pay them by hand).

My dad and I where confused but we shrugged it off thinking maybe they forgot some spots, but then another few days later they came back and cut again.

This happened 4 or 5 times more until the end of the month, the son came up to our door demanding we pay them $700 for all the times they cut our yard this month.

My dad laughed thinking he was kidding but he was serious. He came back with his dad an hour later demanding again that we pay them that full amount or they’ll never cut our yard again. We refused so they haven’t come back and our yard looked so bad my dad decided to cut it himself.

He’s not very sick due to overdoing himself and I’m very mad, but the people I’ve talked to said we should’ve paid them. I don’t think so since we only agreed to twice a month, we cannot afford to give them this money anyway. I did feel sorta bad so I paid them $200 out of my own wallet but they still say that isn’t enough so I don’t know anymore.

AITJ?”

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HROB1 3 months ago
NTJ...They took advantage. Who needs their grass cut that often. You also had an agreement for 2 day a month. Hire someone professional.
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15. AITJ For Telling My Sister There's No Room For Her In My Dorm?

“I’ve (18 F) just finished my exams and am planning on going to University in Ireland starting in September.

My grandmother owned a house there and when she died it was left in her will to me (officially became mine when I turned 18) as she knew how much I loved it and that I wanted to go to University in Ireland for years.

My sister (19 F) finished school/exams this time last year and gave no indication of wanting to go to university at the time. A few weeks ago she announced that she had applied to the same university as me (using her results from the year before) and had been accepted. I genuinely could not be happier for her and told her that I was excited that we’d be experiencing university together.

Now comes the issue. I am going to be staying in my grandmother’s house with 2 friends as my roommates. We’ve already agreed on how to split all the costs (rent, water, food, etc..) and have started to buy more furniture and decorations to make it feel more like ours – it really is all we have been talking about.

The house has 3 bedrooms so one for each of us.

A few days ago my sister came to me asking which bedroom would be hers so she could start organising. I was confused and asked her what she meant and she said ‘Grandma’s house, which room is mine?’ I was still confused and reminded her that my friends were going to be my roommates and there weren’t any spare rooms.

She immediately got angry and said that she had expected me to tell one of them that they couldn’t live there because she would be. I said that I wouldn’t do that and left the room to avoid a big fight.

Later on, she apologized for getting angry but proceeded to tell me that I still had time to tell one of them to move out and that it wouldn’t be difficult.

I again said no and she exploded at me saying that I have no right to say that she can’t live there, that it belonged to her grandmother too, and that I would be making her homeless.

I still said no and reiterated that there were no spare rooms and left to go to a friend’s house.

I’ve had messages and calls from different family members saying that I’m awful for not letting my sister stay with me, that it is her house too and they can’t believe I’m choosing friends over family. Other family members have told me I’m not doing anything wrong.​

EDIT: She got a lot of my grandma’s jewelry – the majority of it is very expensive, my grandfather and grandmother’s old vintage car and money put into a trust (half of which she got at 18 and a half she will get at 25).”

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ. You had been making plans with your roommates for a long time from the sound of it, and your grandmother left her house to YOU, not to you and your sister. Your sister made assumptions that proved to be faulty? And left her university accommodation until the last minute? What a shame. Not your fault she's a poor planner. In fact, it reads to me that she wasn't even thinking of going to university in Ireland until YOU decided to go, and just figured she'd go along for the ride and share Granny's house with you and not pay. Another erroneous assumption on her part.
Tell any family members or anyone else with the stones to criticize you for how you handle your own house to simmer down, that there simply isn't room for your sister since she made her uni plans so late, you'd already filled up your house with paying tenants. And then tell them to stuff it if they don't like it.
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14. AITJ For Canceling On My Significant Other For My Brother?

“I (19 M) am really close to my brother (25 M). However, I haven’t seen him much in the last three years.

After graduating he moved to another state for work. We only see each other a few times a year.

I had dinner reservations with my significant other last night at her favorite restaurant and she was really excited. Around 10 AM I got a text from my brother saying he had to come to town to help our dad with an emergency and would get there around 4 PM.

He asked if I wanted to hang out that night after he finished stuff with Dad. He’d be leaving in the morning.

I enthusiastically said yes and then texted my SO to let her know I needed to reschedule because of family stuff. She asked if everyone was okay.

I said yes and explained the situation. She said she was a little hurt I would cancel preexisting plans for a last-minute hangout with my brother.

I reminded her I don’t get to see my brother often. She said she understood that, but that doesn’t mean she should be a lower priority just because I see her more and plans are plans.

She said she’d never ask me to cancel plans for her unless it was something dire like an illness or injury. I apologized and said I would make it up to her.

I did have fun with my brother. He finished his stuff with Dad just before seven.

We played basketball in the backyard in the dark and lost our ball just like old times. He made me his famous home fries and we sat on the couch and talked about life and stuff until midnight. I also spent the night at my dad’s house and we all had a quick breakfast together at 5:30 this morning before he had to leave (then I went back to sleep, lol).

It was a really nice experience.

I texted my SO when I got up this morning (the second time), but she left me on read. I know I hurt her feelings. The thing that makes me most feel like a jerk is I don’t regret my choice, or even really feel conflicted. But we did have plans and I did hurt her feelings.

And it’s hard to get a reservation for this restaurant, which is why we had to settle for a Wednesday. It might be a while before I can get another. AITJ?”

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HROB1 3 months ago
I am going with NTJ. If I were in her shoes, my feelings would be hurt, and I would feel like I'm not important. But plans get broke all the time it doesn't have to be so dire like someone is ill or has an injury. I'm guessing she is young as well, so the maturity level is not at 100%. that comes with age.
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13. AITJ For Not Letting My Family Watch My Child Again?

“I (20s) am pretty anti-social media. At least the kind that doesn’t lend itself to anonymity – I use Instagram very casually and Reddit a bit more intense but still not much.

Recently, a sibling of mine (Charlie) posted a TikTok to both their Instagram and TikTok of my child saying something cute. They have about 8k followers across both platforms. When I learned of this I flipped out on them. I am super against children on social media even if it’s just a picture from their parents.

This has been stated to my family on multiple occasions – there are no circumstances where my child is to appear online, ever. This went double for Charlie as they have somewhat of a following.

I was so upset with them. I demanded they delete the video and they complied, but called me controlling and abusive towards family and child for this rule, that so many children have their faces on the internet and they turn out just fine.

I told them that I knew that, but it was more about how they broke a rule I had about my young child while in their care. I feel like it’s a big violation of trust. We dropped the conversation after a bit because we kept arguing.

Charlie went to our parents about it. They both agreed with Charlie – that I’m being unreasonable and if my kid’s face is online it won’t kill them. I explained that I know that, but my child not appearing on social media is a rule I have and if they can’t keep their fingers from clicking ‘post’ then they have no business watching my child again.

I then left the family group chat and turned off my phone.

Admittedly I was rude. I swore at them, I was unkind. I don’t want to deprive them of seeing my kid but I also feel like my child not appearing on social media isn’t that hard of a rule to follow even if my parents think I’m being unreasonable.

AITJ?”

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HROB1 3 months ago
NTJ...Whether or not I agree with the no social media thing is not important. My brother and his wife had foster children. We were told upfront that no pictures of the kids were allowed on social media. I did not post any but my sister did. She had to take them down. My brother could get in trouble. It's not the hard to follow a rule even if you don't agree with it.
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12. AITJ For Being Angry At My Brother For Letting His Friend Sleep On My Bed?

“I (17 m) am on a trip out of the country for 3 weeks. My brother (20 m) and his partner recently moved back into my parents’ house after my dad kicked him out for cursing my dad out while working with him. They are supposed to be staying there only for this month due to my mom and I being away.

A few days ago my dad called and asked if I had given permission to my brother to let one of his friends who I don’t know sleep in my bed while I was gone. I said no and promptly sent my brother a text saying ‘Why would you let some guy I don’t know sleep in my bed without even telling me?’ His response was ‘Where else would he sleep’.

We have more than 1 couch in the house and yet he still offered my bed as the only option. I was very much annoyed that he didn’t even have the dignity to tell me or ask me if he could sleep there.

He later sent a snap of him saying how sorry he was and how he would send me $15 and even complained how even though I was mad I shouldn’t have logged him out of my Hulu account which I pay for.

I never logged him out of the account but once he brought up that I knew he was being insincere.

I told my sister who also recently moved in to wash all of my bed sheets and to lock my door to prevent this from happening.

After, I sent him another snap saying how he crossed the line and how he didn’t even have the balls to tell me. Later he sent another snap saying how I was overreacting and how it wasn’t a big deal and either way I wasn’t gonna be home for another 20 days.

So am I the jerk?”

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HROB1 3 months ago
NTJ...I don't want someone I don't know in my room/bed. I don't someone I do know in my room/bed.
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11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law In The Delivery Room?

“My husband (19 m) and I (21 f) have been married since November of last year. She wasn’t invited to the wedding for a few reasons, but some of them overlap into this situation. My MIL (40 f) has this complex that everything must be about her or she’ll die.

We get along decently enough but she can definitely be a handful. On to the issue at hand.

My husband and I are expecting our first baby. I’m getting induced on the 23rd of this month, one day after his birthday. We haven’t told his mom because she is a bit dramatic and likes to be the center of attention for everything.

At our engagement party, she faked a seizure because she felt ‘left out.’ At the baby shower, she said very loudly as we were about to open gifts, ‘I think I’m having a stroke!’ And proceeded to collapse. An ambulance was called and we went to the ER with her when they proceeded to tell us there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

We were livid and she told us to calm down, it wasn’t that big of a deal, she just felt that she deserved some attention too because she’s been helping us with baby things. I am grateful but that was messed up. I had to have my gallbladder taken out at 8 weeks pregnant due to complications, and after we got home from the hospital, she showed up and told me that I needed to get up and move around.

When she had hers taken out, she was up the next day. I asked if she had been pregnant and she replied ‘No, but if I was I wouldn’t complain so much. Giving birth was way worse than this.’

So when we found out I was going to be induced, we both decided not to even tell her it was going to happen.

She then asked if she could be there for the delivery and we told her that only 2 people were allowed in the room when it came time because the global crisis was back on the rise. It’s not the truth. I honestly just feel like the amount of drama and sense of superiority and overall, do what I tell you, it helps, is not something I need when I’m trying to push my kid out.

We did tell his grandma (MIL’s mom) and she agreed and said it was probably for the best as MIL is very overbearing and wouldn’t help.

I am getting a lot of backlash from others though and while they aren’t saying anything to her, I’ve begun to feel overwhelmed and like I may not be doing the right thing.

I only want my husband and mom there with me because it’s scary enough and I didn’t want too many people. But now I feel like omitting her from this may not be the right idea, even if it makes me uncomfortable. AITJ?

Edit: As for the gossip, I would like to clarify that we did try to set these boundaries prior and she threw a fit.

Screaming about ‘I’m the grandma it’s my right to be there!’ And throwing herself on the ground. Her mom is the one who suggested we not speak about it at all and keep her out of the loop. I’m not sure who could’ve heard our conversation when we discussed this with Grandma and came to this conclusion but someone obviously heard it or we wouldn’t be getting hounded. I do believe my husband and I need to be outright with it and stand our ground.

If she asks for a reason I guess I’m gonna have to be mean and either tell her because it’s my choice or list everything she’s done at important events.”

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HROB1 3 months ago
NTJ, she sounds awful. I would say it's hospital policy and let the nurse know about the situation in case she shows up.
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10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Last Name Back?

“So I (30 M) recently just got ripped a new one by my mother. She called me today and immediately started going into me about how I need to change my last name to what she wants, that it didn’t make sense that I changed my last name, blaming my wife saying she forced me to do so, and why would I not want to keep my original last name.

Now, 5 years ago I got married to my wife (27 F), and I decided to take her last name for 2 reasons. 1. My father was a drinking addict and I refused to carry his last name. 2. Our initials together are now AC-DC. Thought it was cool as we both enjoy the band, not crazy fans but enjoy em, and just felt like cool initials honestly.

Back to my mother. She insisted I change my name back because she wants to put me in her will and house beneficiary. Understandable. She refuses to just put my new name because I am her son, not their (my wife’s family) son, and doesn’t know how I would even prove that I am her son.

I have my birth certificate, marriage certificate, old driver’s license with old last name, and new driver’s license.

I didn’t talk back much on the phone because I have anxiety, she didn’t give me much time to reply as she yelled, and in a Hispanic culture parents’ words are basically law.

I plan on drafting out what I am going to say which will entail me refusing to do so because this was my choice and my life. She’s going to be mad and I know it’s going to cause her stress, but I am 30 I can do what I choose.

Edit: My mother knew about my name change a month after we got married. It’s not new to her.

AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. If you were a woman would she feel the same way? She is just making up excuses for why she doesn't like it, none of them make any sense legally or morally. Go ahead and write that letter, it probably won't make a difference since she's being stubborn on purpose but do what you need to do and move on with your life.
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9. AITJ For Calling My Brother Out For Taking A Waitress' Tips?

“My brother (29 M) is known for getting a big head easily; in whatever he does he always thinks of himself as in some type of leader-like position.

Well, about 6 months ago, he started working at a pretty fancy bar restaurant. The other night after work he came in and started telling the family that he put one of the waitresses ‘in her place’.

Apparently, this waitress works 2 jobs and had it worked out with the manager that she didn’t have to do cleanup duties after work.

From the way my brother talks, it’s because she leaves one job and then goes straight to the other. So, when she works with my brother, he has to do all the rolling of the silverware, wiping down the bar, sweeping, etc. Well, that night, before she left, she grabbed a glass of wine to drink before heading out.

My brother began boasting about how he took things into his own hands and refused to split the table tips with her because if she had time to have a drink, then she had time to help him. The girl got angry and my brother said, ‘She tried that ‘I work two jobs, I don’t have time, feel sorry for me, wah wah wah’.

She’s just a lazy piece of work that doesn’t want to do her job and I made sure she knew the consequences for that. She may try it all the other little sensitive waitresses there, but not me.’

I got pretty angry with him, especially when he started mocking her, stating that it wasn’t his place to decide that, those tips were her paycheck and that she HAD earned them since prepping duties have nothing to do with the tips.

My brother argued back that he’s ‘practically a night manager’ and has been there longer than her and talked about how hard he works compared to her. He went on a rant about how she didn’t deserve the tips for leaving early. I asked him about all the times I asked him to help me clean around the house or even to take out a bag of trash and his excuse to me had always been he works or he’s tired from work.

He told me that was different and that I didn’t understand because I didn’t have a ‘real job’. (For context, I’m a full-time college student and give up all my free time to take care of my mother, but before this, I did work as a waitress for years).

I called him a selfish jerk and told him I felt sorry that poor girl had to put up with his entitlement as well hoping that she would report him to the manager. He responded that it was ridiculous I was upset over this since I didn’t even know this girl and that I was being too sensitive.

He said I was taking it way too personally and I’m starting to think he’s right, I do resent him a lot because of things that happened in the past and still happen today. I hold a lot of anger towards my brother and I worry that might be affecting my reaction to this situation.

So, AITJ for calling him a jerk, and was my brother in the right for doing this? And am I just being overly confrontational over a situation that doesn’t involve me at all?”

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Unicornone 3 months ago
NTJ. If he is indeed a manger then he doesn’t get tips. And he’s too tired after working to help around the house but she works two jobs and he is ok with stealing from her? Does he pay rent? I am petty enough to go down and tell his manager what he is boasting about doing.
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8. AITJ For Turning My Aunt And Her Kid Away?

“A couple of years ago I was living with my aunt and my two cousins (now 17 M and 13 F).

I lived in her unfinished basement by the furnace so I only paid for my groceries while I was there. She started having some mental health issues (yelling, blasting music, making it unpleasant to live there) that I could not help with in any capacity so I moved out with my partner.

I (21 F) now live with my partner (23 F) in a very small apartment that we started renting this year. We’ve worked our butts off and we’ve been generally struggling to make things work but I got a good job and we’re finally in a place where we can start the school year (next week) in a good place.

But this month my aunt’s rental house is being sold so she has to move out on Sept 1 (today is August 30th). We’ve known this for three months but two weeks ago is when she started texting me telling me how hard it is to find a place to rent right now and that she and her son would end up living in a shelter (the daughter lives with her dad now by the way) When she said that I looked on my own and sent her diverse links to different places and offered to message them for her and she shut me down saying ‘I don’t have time for more viewings, it’s a waste of time to visit places if they’re going to reject my application’ – I think a few of her applications have been rejected because of her low income.

A couple of days ago she said something along the lines of ‘I can’t find anything, I have to stay at your place for a month’ which she had never mentioned before and my partner and I were taken aback by it. We explained that 1.

That would break our lease, 2. We don’t have the room and 3. We’re not comfortable with that. Then she said ‘It would only be a few days’ and so I told her if it was only a few days a hotel would be affordable.

She didn’t reply and today she showed up at 2 pm with some of her boxes even though I told her I wouldn’t be home until 5. My partner was alone at home. We told her to leave the boxes in the hall until then, plus she said she would pick them up ‘later’.

When I got home she called me saying she was here, so I asked her if she wanted me to bring out her boxes but she kept asking to come in, which I said no to. She never told me her plans. She mentioned she was going to stay in a hotel but ‘didn’t know’ which one.

She ended up only taking a suitcase which I realized was their overnight bag and bathroom supplies which shows me she was counting on staying with us anyway.

She’s checked into a hotel now (which costs more than the homestay listings I was also sending her) and still looking for houses, however, she only has one day left until Sept 1.

I feel really guilty even though there’s no way we could’ve made it work and when I told my mom about this she said she was clearly trying to stay the night and that I should’ve had more compassion. But my dad said it wouldn’t have been just one night.

Am I the jerk for turning them away?”

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rbleah 3 months ago
NOT THE JERK. Listen to Dad.
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7. AITJ For Not Liking My Partner's Gift?

“My partner and I have been in Europe for the past two weeks. My partner knows I love designer purses as a little splurge and told me we could go shopping while here for a purse as my birthday present (much cheaper to buy in Europe than US).

My birthday is not until the end of September but we shopped in multiple designer stores and asked me to give him my top 3 purses so he could surprise me with one of them, which I did.

I have a bit of a designer purse collection so I told him I would PREFER a brand I had not gotten before.

I also told him I perfected more fall colors like green, tan, and brown and to not get me a purse I wouldn’t wear again until Summer. I especially told him to stay away from whites because his sister bought a white and gold Prada bag a few days ago and she made a big fuss when his last ex would buy similar-looking things as her.

I wanted to avoid any conflict at all costs because his sister has made multiple comments to me about how his ex walkways copied her clothes and purses. It would make me feel uncomfortable to have a similar-looking purse.

Fast forward to tonight, still on vacation, and I accidentally stumbled upon the bag.

It was white and a brand that I had already had before. I will admit I was very upset because it looks just like his sister’s new Prada bag and I won’t use a white bag in the fall/winter. I confronted him about it and said that he should take it back because it was everything I told him I did not want and I would not use it.

He spent a decent amount of money on it, so I thought telling him now instead of waiting a month to surprise me and not being able to get a refund was the best thing to do.

He said I was very ungrateful and we are in a fight over this.

He said everyone (his mom, another one of his sisters, wives of his friends, and some who don’t know me personally) said I would like that bag, even though I specifically told him which three I liked and they were all less expensive than the one he ultimately bought me.

He also said that I hurt him with my actions. I feel hurt that he promised me something and didn’t deliver/mislead.

AITJ?”

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HROB1 3 months ago
NTJ...If you're not going to listen to what I tell you I want then what is the point of asking.
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6. AITJ For Refusing To Carry My Sister's Saxophone?

“I (15 F) am a sophomore in high school. The new school year recently started, and my sister (13 F) who we’ll call Emma, is now a freshman at my school.

I walk home with Emma whenever our mom can’t pick us up from school since our apartment is only a little over a mile away.

Well, fast forward to the first Friday of the school year, school had just got out and it was the weekend.

Emma was in the marching band and decided to take her saxophone home with her to practice over the weekend.

Right before we started to walk home, she started complaining about how heavy her saxophone was, then she asked me to carry it for her.

I told her that it was her responsibility, and not mine, so she would have to carry it. She got really mad and called my mom to tell her to make me carry it. I didn’t care, because I didn’t think my mom would take her side.

She didn’t answer though.

As we were walking, she put down her saxophone to take a break every 5 seconds. (That’s not an exaggeration, it was quite literally every 5 seconds.) I didn’t get mad, I just stopped whenever she did and looked at my phone, not saying anything.

She kept calling our mom, over and over to try and get me to carry it for her. I told her to stop bothering our mom when she was at work but she didn’t seem to care.

As we kept walking I noticed that Emma started to… cry?

I didn’t say anything, but I was annoyed in my head. Was she seriously crying over this? Eventually, our mom answered and that’s when I realized… our mom always takes a crying person’s side. Emma was doing this on purpose.

She handed the phone to me and our mom seemed really mad.

She told me to ‘get over myself’ and to carry the saxophone for Emma. I refused and told her it was not my responsibility, but she hung up on me.

Emma then started insulting me, saying I was a bitter, lonely person, and that nobody liked me.

I wasn’t surprised though, she had been insulting me all week for what seemed like no reason whatsoever.

She then told me that our mom said that she was going to take all my stuff, and that’s when I gave in. If I’m being honest, I had no reason to not carry that saxophone for her other than the fact that I wanted her to start doing things for herself instead of making me do it for her.

Recently, I’ve started to regret what I did. Maybe I should’ve just carried it for her from the start…

But at the same time, Emma’s saxophone is not my problem.

So… AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ. Your "friend" is a manipulative little cow who doesn't like to do things for herself. I don't know why you're friends with someone who treats you so poorly. Lose her, and find friends that are worthy of your time and friendship.
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5. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Cousin?

“Many months ago, my cousins decided to move to the same state my family and I live in because of a really good job offer.

Of course, I was happy for them, but they also have a two-year-old daughter. Everything seemed well at first until it came to scheduling. Since they both have to work morning shifts, they basically asked my mom to babysit from 6 am to 5 pm, 5 days a week.

I had no issues with it until it affected school. Then, my cousins got better job offers and it flipped their schedules to working the night shifts, so now we’re babysitting from 4 pm-11 pm, 5 days a week.

My mom has a very bad habit of doing things at the last minute, so after school she would force my brother and I to babysit our baby cousin because of her behavior.

The problem is my mom is out for hours and we do not know how to take care of a baby. I could be asleep and my mom would drop the baby off in my room and I would not know unless the baby did something to alert me.

I love my cousin, but I do not want to be held responsible for what could happen to her. I do not know how to change a diaper, I do not know what to feed her, and I do not know how to take care of her if she were to have another seizure.

I oftentimes have to remind my mother that SHE was the one who made the agreement.

My brother and I have things of our own to do, if babysitting is becoming a problem she needs to be upfront with my cousins. My cousins may be struggling, in fact, we all are.

I am just not dropping what I have to do to watch her. I am tired of my family trying to shove the ‘family sticks together’ down my throat. I am not a babysitter.”

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DAZY7477 3 months ago
No no no!! Call the CPS!! That baby is not a doll and has epilepsy?? Do you realize how dangerous it is?? Your mother is a crappy person and unfit to care for the baby.
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4. WIBTJ If I Turn A Coworker In And Cause Him To Spend Two Years In Prison?

“So I (30 m) work in a small family-owned business in the Midwest. Think small production plant only 10 or 12 people in total. We have one supervisor who treats everyone really badly.

He grew up with millionaire parents and he thinks he’s the best at everything. Makes no mistakes and can do anything faster and better than everyone else (in his own head). He belittled everyone he worked with and took credit for other people’s work to get the position he is in now.

All the coworkers are scared to speak up because this guy has the wool pulled over our boss’s eyes.

Now, the problem is this. A year ago this guy got caught driving without a license for the 10th time. Except this time in a different county, so his mom and dad couldn’t get him out of trouble with their last name and money.

He was looking at 2 years of prison time but paid a lawyer and got it down to 6 months of work release. (he gets out of jail, comes to work, and goes straight back to jail for the night) But, before he was sentenced he got pulled over again in another county and they gave him the same deal. So this guy has 1 year of work release in county jail.

Now here’s where I might be the jerk.

He has talked our boss into saying that he works 7 days a week instead of 5. So on the weekends, he’s gonna go home to his wife and not come to work. And my boss is ok with this.

The problem is that it’s very illegal and unfair to the rest of us. So if I was to call the police station and tell them about then he would be revoked and would go to prison on his charges for at least 2 years. And my company could face charges.

Half of my coworkers say we should call and half say no. I don’t wanna be a snitch but this guy gets away with everything. So WIBTJ?”

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HROB1 3 months ago
YOU WIBTJ!!!! Stay out of it, have you heard of KARMA. Let your boss know your feelings, let him know the consequences of his actions but to turn him in, is a bad move. He will get caught eventually. New words I'm trying to live by per Elsa "let it go let it go..."
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3. AITJ For Expecting Free Tattoo?

“I recently found an awesome tattoo artist who does really good work. I set up an appointment to get a tattoo, and while I was there getting a tattoo I noticed some teens come in the studio and try to set up an appointment and got turned down for being underage, I was talking to the tattoo artist and they said it’s a really annoying problem they deal with on a daily basis.

I offered to paint them a hanging sign that says we only tattoo 18+.

Side note I am a pinstriper/sign painter and I do really good work. If you don’t know what sign painting is look it up. It’s a type of art that uses high-quality paint, special brushes, and a really steady hand to paint lettering.

So they accepted my offer. I wasn’t expecting anything in return but rather as a gift to them and I’ll take any opportunity to get my work out there.

My tattoo artist was stoked about it and said ‘Dude if you do that I’ll totally hook you up with a tattoo as a trade’.

I accepted his offer and brought back the sign a week later and they loved it. He told me ‘Hey man let’s set up an appointment and I’ll hook you up with some ink, whatever you want’. So I set up an appointment but he was booked out so it was going to be about a month later.

When it came time for my appointment I shot him a text, and I wanted it to be an easy tattoo for him since he was giving me a free tattoo. I wasn’t going to ask for a huge tattoo or something really hard, so I just told him if he’s working on any flash tattoos or anything he wants to try I’ll do it.

He agreed. I showed up for my appointment. He showed me the design he wanted to do, shaved my arm, and then said ‘So I would usually charge $300 I will do it for $200 for you’. I was shocked at first. This whole time I was under the impression I was getting a free tattoo.

So it was really awkward but I told him ‘Uhhhh I was kind of under the impression you were going to hook me up’. After saying that I felt like a total jerk.

I was still planning on tipping since I know what it’s like to be an artist, but his wording totally made it seem free.

He said well I could shrink it down for $100. I agreed at first and then I thought about it and explained ‘Actually I can’t really afford that right now I’ll have to come back another time’. He seemed slightly frustrated but understanding and I walked out.

I felt like a huge jerk for expecting free work, but at the same time I was totally under the impression ‘hook you up with some ink’ meant a free tattoo. Am I the jerk for expecting that?”

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
No jerks here, but a total lack of communication. Now that you know better, you'll do better. It's all good.
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2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Include My Partner In The Mortgage?

“It is my (f 40) lifelong dream to own a home with some privacy and land.

I live with my partner (m 62) in a small apartment.

We’ve been together for 10 years with a year-long separation before 2020. We were both self-employed over the length of the global crisis and have done well. We do separate work but he has hired me for services for a couple of his clients. That made up no more than 10% of my income and I was paid a low rate because I wanted to help.

Late last year I scored a very solid job doubling my income.

Over the global crisis, I saved enough for a downpayment on a home. I also raised my credit score by 100 points. I worked extremely hard, researching personal finance. Along the way, I would ask him how much he was saving and he would tell me 40K or that he had 30K saved but ‘at least 10K’ in his savings account.

The entire time I kept him up-to-date on how much I had saved and how much I was putting away each month. I thought we were both saving.

His credit score is bad so he asked me to help him lease a vehicle. I’ve never leased a vehicle before and I asked if it affected my credit and he said it didn’t, it was not a loan.

I realized it was a loan at the dealership reading the paperwork. We were already there and there’s just no way we could leave without him having a vehicle as he is the only driver. It is shown on my report as a loan.

He claims that he didn’t know it was a loan and it’s fine because it’s on his credit report too! He just was really sketchy around the whole thing.

The reality is he hasn’t saved except when I forced him to start a couple of months ago.

He’s saved $3500 to my $115,000.

He believes he should be on the mortgage. He doesn’t think it’s fair, he says he’s contributed to the household and I could never have saved without his help, meanwhile, we split everything 50-50. His credit is bad enough that it would affect the interest rate, I have given him proven tips to help raise it, but he turns that advice down.

I’ve poured over paperwork and listings, researched the best heating system and cost to replace oil, and turned lawns into meadows (he hates land because he thinks he has to mow it?). He’s owned a home before so he ‘knows what it takes’ and I am ‘unrealistic, not ready for home ownership’.

My plan is to consider him like a tenant, continuing to split 50/50, and for a 30-year mortgage, he’d have a 25% invested in 15 years, and 50% in 30 years. I did the hard work and the investment and risk are entirely mine and based on my income which is moderately higher than his and would be hard for him to carry alone.

If we break up, I would buy him out based on the amount of time he’s paid into the mortgage.

He believes I would make him homeless but that is not something I would do, he CAN save and it isn’t my fault he hasn’t.

I’d pay him his fair share. In fact, he is the vengeful one, if tables were turned, I’d fear he would be the one to kick me out… based on evidence of things he’s done and said to me.

Am I the jerk?”

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LizzieTX 3 months ago (Edited)
NTJ and as dishonest as he's been with you on more than one occasion (hasn't saved near what he told you he did, told you the lease wasn't a loan and it was, etc.), I wouldn't let that man anywhere near my home, much less my mortgage. He's whining at you for not letting him be on the mortgage when he can't seem to be able to afford it anyway? Nah, girl, I'd be running so fast, he'd never catch me. He's 22 years older than you, has zero savings and is looking for a place to retire. Do NOT let this fool anywhere near your finances. He'd be the type to get on the mortgage and then cash out equity without you knowing. I can't imagine why you're with him.
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1. WIBTJ If I Give My Car To My Younger Daughter?

“I (50 F) have 4 kids, but I’m specifically focusing on 2 of my daughters, who will be called Martha (21 F) and Erin (17 F).

Last year, I bought an old Nissan and said that I bought it for the use of Erin and Martha.

Martha has never gotten her license, but that’s because I have never really trusted her with a car.

I don’t really have a particular reason, I just thought she couldn’t be trusted. It’s not like she was a bad kid, but I just didn’t want help. She would often ask and beg me to help her with driving as a teenager, but I would never do it because she was a bad driver.

And with college being hectic, she just has her permit. This summer, she’s trying to change that for sure, with her taking her test in two weeks.

Here comes the problem. I told Martha she could use the car for university while she goes to school if she can get her license.

However, due to high gas prices and other things, I decided to not let her use it and let Erin use it. Martha was upset but respected my decision as I bought the car. Erin doesn’t have her license or her permit as of now, and I’m not sure if she plans on using it.

I did not disclose the fact that I was letting Erin use the car.

However, today, she did. When I was asked why Erin needed the car more than she did, I said that she needed it for her job and school and that she could walk or use the shuttle that the university provided. But she argued back that she needed it too for those reasons as well, and that Erin could easily use the bus as well since Martha was being told to do so too.

She also argued that although she has options that she’s willing to take (walking and shuttle), if she needs stuff off-campus (clothes, groceries, essentials) it will be harder for her to have access to these things since there isn’t a grocery store within walking distance.

She showed me several stores that were a 10 drive but an hour’s walk. I just shrugged and said, ‘Take an Uber then’. She would’ve saved her money.

She got upset after that and told me although it was my car, she respected my decision, she said I was playing favorites since I was saving the car for someone without a license since she would have one, and that she needed the car as much as Erin did.

The law in my state says a teenager needs to hold their license for 6 months before driving alone, so Martha said Erin wouldn’t be able to drive it anyway.

I talked to my mom about this, and while she understands, she thinks I might be the jerk.

The fall semester is hectic because of the band, and it would be the time she would need the car the most.

So, WIBTJ?”

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rbleah 3 months ago
What do you mean BE A JERK? YOU ARE ALREADY A JERK.
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