People Want To See If We Can Handle Their Tough "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Giving My Sister's Kids Colorful Gifts?
“I (17 f) have a sister Rebecca (29 f) who has three kids – Lori (8 f), Cami (7 f), and Tray (7 m).
I babysit them and they are really good kids. I like to bring over toys when I babysit, all of their favorites are dolls. We also like watching shows and movies from doll brands.
Rebecca is a vlogger with the whole ‘beige aesthetic.’ It isn’t my style but it’s not my business either.
Now that I have a job and get paid for babysitting (plus a store discount for what I buy there) it is the first year I can really buy people gifts on my own for Christmas. Most of it I got months ago. I got each of Rebecca’s kid’s two dolls and something extra.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. I got Lori a signature Monster High g3 Frankie doll, a winter Poppy Rainbow High doll, and a Rainbow Dash necklace. I got Cami a neon frights g3 Monster High Toralei doll, a LOL OMG doll (I don’t know the name) with kinda a camo outfit, and a pop-it purse.
I got Tray a Rainbow High Dahlia, a Disney Tiana ballet doll, and Lisa Frank stickers. All of these are child-friendly and cater to what they which I would know from my time with them.
When Rebecca heard I got them gifts she wanted to see them.
I showed her and she said that I should have known them (she used the word ‘us’) better than that and not gotten those things. She told me to return them (which I can’t return most of due to how and when I got them) and get something else that before buying I prove with her.
I got mad and asked what was wrong with what I got and she called them ‘disgusting’ and said that they ‘don’t fit in with anything.’
I told her that she might not be into those things but that they aren’t for her so her preferences aren’t a factor and that her kids deserve to be happy.
She got mad and said that they were happy and stormed out. Our mom is siding with Rebecca and said that if I really don’t want to buy something else I can just sign on with her gifts. I really don’t want to. I got them gifts that they deserve to have and I don’t understand why I shouldn’t just give them to them.
But I could be wrong, no one agrees with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her children aren’t props in her home. They are living, breathing human beings with their own preferences and they deserve to have the things they like for Christmas. You clearly know them a lot better and if you know they would be over the moon for your gifts, then I can’t see why the kids shouldn’t have them.
The whole ‘they don’t fit in with anything’ is a disgusting reason to reject your kid’s happiness. Kids’ toys are bright and colorful because that is what they respond to. They respond to color and sounds and if you guys have watched the shows on TV, they already know the characters and thus it’s a perfect gift for them.
Our children’s cousin this year wishes for something called a Magic Mixxie (it’s like a cauldron where you mix in some stuff and a stuffed animal comes out). I feel like it’s a one-off thing and she can’t use it again, so I think it’s a stupid thing to get, but we got it for her because that’s what she wished for.
Our opinions do not matter. Only the kid’s!” Bimodal_Shrimp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your comment about the kids deserving to be happy was a step too far – I can see how your sister would interpret that as an attack. But she shouldn’t be so bratty and entitled that she thinks she can dictate what others buy as gifts.
She should be grateful that you care enough about the kids to spend your money on them.
She should be grateful that she has a trustworthy babysitter who cares about her kids.” sol_lilja
20. AITJ For Not Allowing My Half-Sister To Stay At Our Family House?
“My (31 f) parents divorced 18 years ago because my dad had an affair resulting in my half-sister (18). My dad chose not to pay child support but instead my mom got all the money in their joint account and I got the family house we lived in.
The house was left to him by my late grandparents with instructions to not sell unless absolutely necessary and to keep it ‘in the family.’ My dad moved two hours away to live with his mistress (they never got married) and ever since we were in low contact with him and his side of the family.
I moved across the country for university and got a job there. Six years ago my mom remarried and moved to another continent with her partner so I basically paid my mom’s cousin living in the same town to look after my house and didn’t pay much attention to it.
A couple of weeks ago my half-sister reached out to me. She was just 18 and pregnant. Her mom has been out of their lives for almost a decade so with my dad kicking her out for wanting to keep the baby she has nowhere to go.
We met a total of two times our entire lives—once at our uncle’s funeral and once at my university graduation.
She wanted to stay at the house until she figured out what to do. I told her no. We have no relationship and I don’t trust her with my house and my stuff.
She said I was free to hate her but she was still my grandparents’ grandchild and should be able to stay at the house in her time of need. She’s currently staying with a distant relative on her mom’s side but couldn’t make it permanent as their place was already small.
She said they kept telling her to abort the baby so our dad would take her back and she could continue school but she didn’t want to.
I know I don’t owe her a thing but what she said about my grandparents got me thinking.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have had no relationship with this girl or know her at all. She is the product of your dad’s affair. There is family & then there are outliers. She is definitely in the outlier category. She doesn’t have any rights to a house that your dad gave to YOU as part of the divorce.
She needs to figure out her own life. It isn’t your responsibility.
I might suggest getting some security on the house. In case she decides to break in & claim squatters rights. Perhaps contact the local police & tell them what is going on. You might even rent the house out to a family that you trust so that the house isn’t sitting vacant.” Straysmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rent out the house or consider putting the house up for sale if there is no chance that you will move back into it. Give your father 1st offer to buy it at a fair market price. Then any other relative.
If no one in the family buys it, then it goes on the open market. Don’t let your half-sister move in. If you try to get her to leave in the future, then you will have flying monkeys coming after you. You don’t need the headache.” PDK112
19. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Reduce His Workload?
“My husband and I have known each other for 6 years and have been married for almost 3 years now. We have a one-year-old, and we’re expecting another baby.
Our marriage has been full of emotional highs, we love each other and let each other know regularly.
My husband has a 9 – 5 job after which he is also a tutor. He had started this back when we were in college, and it was never an issue, he always had enough time.
Even in the years leading up to the marriage and the first year of our marriage, this was never a big issue. However, in the last year or so it’s become a big issue, and it’s getting worse. He keeps on adding more classes to his schedule.
Until last month we had a red line that no classes on Sunday, he would devote that entire time to us. But last month he even added a class on Sunday with the excuse that exams are starting. It started to feel like my son and I weren’t a priority to him anymore.
Some days he comes home at 11. On other days he’s doing it online but that’s not much better because he still can’t give us any time.
Last Sunday, I finally spoke out and told him he was neglecting his family. He was offended and told me that he doesn’t enjoy having to work so hard but he’s doing it for our family.
This is where I told him that no, I think he does enjoy it, it gives him an excuse to not spend time with us, and that he was doing this for himself not for us. As things currently stand, our collective income is more than enough, there really was no need for him to add more classes on top of his existing ones, he’s doing it for himself at this point.
He’s literally busy Monday – Saturday and now he’s trying to cross the red line we established for Sunday.
We’ve been on bad terms since this fight. He keeps saying he can’t believe that I said he works for himself, not for us. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set one reasonable boundary and he disregarded it, without even having a serious conversation with you. You work full time, are pregnant, and caring for a toddler. You need an equal partner, and you are compromising by asking for just one single day.
I would discuss why he feels so financially insecure if you are of the understanding that everything is fine, if he handles finances, it could be that he’s trying to make up for something that isn’t going so well.” Mnt_Watcher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate it when you tell your partner this isn’t working and you’re struggling and they say they’re doing it for you or doing it for the family. Um no. If I’m telling you it’s not working, then you’re not doing it for me/the family.
You can’t be now that you know it’s a hardship for me/us.
OP, you’ve already put up with this for way longer than you should have and I’m not sure why you would bring another child into this. You’re working full-time and then coming home for your second shift of full-time parenting, house cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, meal planning, house and logistics management, etc. Other than going to work and sharing his money, what exactly does your husband do for you and his children and his home?
This is make or break it time.
I’d say he either needs to stop working on the weekends and do his fair share as soon as possible (along with counseling so you both can work on resentment, avoidance, etc.) or I would speak to a divorce lawyer.
You deserve so much more than being a single mother while married to the father of your children.” friendlily
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Stay At Our Apartment?
“I am 22 and I took a huge step about six months ago and moved away from home to be with my partner (26). My parents (mom is 47, dad is 60) weren’t happy about it.
They didn’t like it when I moved 35 miles away to go to a university, so now that I’m around 1,300 miles away, it’s a BIG deal for them and they call and text constantly. I’m genuinely shocked neither of them has tried to make me get Life360 or something because they’re always asking where I am or what I’m doing and freaking out about every possible bad thing that could happen.
It’s emotionally exhausting. Despite this, I do love my parents, and I try to maintain a good relationship with them.
Ever since I moved, my mom has asked when she can come and visit. For those of you who have uprooted your life and moved hundreds of miles away, I’m sure you understand how stressful this is.
I had to find a new job, get my new documents in order (license, insurance, etc), unpack my entire life, find a new routine, just a never-ending list of tasks to get acclimated to this lovely new place.
Anyway, she has finally settled on coming to visit in April, when she’ll be able to take leave from work for a bit.
We started discussing activities and places to visit, and I told her which towns nearby would be the best places to get hotel rooms because I’m pretty sure that there’s nothing like that in my new town, as it’s so small. I told her if there were some vacancies in town, though, I’d keep an eye out and let her know.
Things got awkward at this point because she had apparently assumed she would stay with my partner and me in our apartment. I told her that wouldn’t work, and when she asked why I provided all the reasons I could think of at the moment:
1) If she gets a rental car, she can’t park in our driveway, there isn’t room.
2) Overnight guests aren’t allowed in our lease.
3) My partner and I want our privacy. This is our home, and we do not want to keep overnight guests.
4) We don’t have the room to keep her. We have one bed and one bathroom.
Her response to all of these was basically ‘BUT I’M YOUR MOTHER!’ I told her I’m sorry, but we can’t host her overnight. She also has a habit of bringing her dog along with her when she says she won’t, and my partner and I aren’t allowed any pets in the apartment whatsoever.
She’s angry with me and has since been accusing me of not loving or caring about her, that I’m ungrateful and selfish, and that I obviously don’t want to see her and just moved to get away from her. She also said that if we visited, someone would host us instead of making us get a room.
I told her we would get a room anyway because again, we prefer our privacy, and I’m pretty sure my relatives don’t want to host a queer couple anyways. My coming out last year had mixed reviews, to say the least.
After all of this, I’m wondering if I was really being a jerk here or if my mom is just unreasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What part of ‘Overnight guests are not allowed in our lease and neither are pets’ does she not understand? It is non-negotiable whether you want to have her stay with you or not. Plus not having a spare room means that she would have to sleep on the sofa or both of you would have to try to sleep on the sofa or floor.
Also, NO is a complete sentence. Stand your ground on this or it will happen again and you’ll end up with both your parents, the dog, and sundry relatives taking over the place. (I may be exaggerating.)” ShineAtom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you may want a plan in place in case she shows up and tries to stay anyway, I wouldn’t put it past her.
Just make a plan with your partner, stick to it, and keep telling her. ‘NO’ ‘She’s angry with me and has since been accusing me of not loving or caring about her, that I’m ungrateful and selfish, and that I obviously don’t want to see her and just moved to get away from her.’ This is called emotional manipulation and should be shut down as soon as possible.
She needs to accept the fact you are a grown adult and she has no control over you. Just because you are living your life in a way she doesn’t like, doesn’t give her the right to make your life miserable.” RogueInsanity90
17. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancé's Mom From Our Wedding?
“I (28 F) met my fiancé (28 M) during college, and we have a great relationship. Last year we got engaged, and we’re planning the wedding for this fall.
While he has an awesome dad and really sweet sisters, his mother is kind of a sore spot for him.
She is separated from his dad and from what I’ve heard (and witnessed), the family doesn’t get along much with her. If you met her you’d understand why – she’s super judgemental and rude and barely has a nice word to say about her own kids, let alone me.
Unfortunately, my fiancé (being her only son and the youngest child) is her blatant favorite – she really wants him to be Mommy’s Boy, but he’s not that way at all and does a great job of handling her and keeping his distance (which honestly he prefers).
Upon news of our engagement, she was super excited, very uncharacteristically. We then all realized that she basically wanted to frame the whole day around her – think ‘Everyone should be praising me for birthing this boy, he couldn’t even get married without me!’ From there the craziness really ramped up – she was coming along with him to tux fittings, trying to plan out the music (even OUR FIRST DANCE), and getting angry at me for daring to choose a dress she didn’t like.
The rest of his family and I were actually beginning to toy with the idea of uninviting her based on this behavior, and as wrong as it kind of innately feels, this is a pretty exceptional case and honestly, her actions were starting to make us dread our own wedding.
A further incident a few days later where she told my son she wanted to walk me down the aisle so she could ‘have a moment with her son at the altar’ made me, my husband and my future in-laws snap.
We very recently arranged for her to come over to our home, where myself and my husband sat her down in peace and quiet and gently explained to her that we no longer wanted her to attend the wedding.
She got really angry and immediately flew off the handle at me and not her son, as though I was the one who had influenced the rest of the family to uninvite her. My frustration at her boiled over, and without shouting I stood up and told her that I wanted her to stop yelling and that she had no right to speak to me as she was.
When I realized she was about to blow up again, I cut her off with ‘In case you don’t know, I’m the one marrying your son, not you’. She didn’t say anything else, just snatched up her bag and left.
She hasn’t spoken to me since, but she’s trying to get my son to change his mind (believe me when I say he will not).
She wants an apology from me, and while my husband (and the rest of the family) don’t think I did wrong, I kind of wonder if my comment was unnecessary and whether it would’ve been better to stay the calm and collected party. I’m just so done with her and I wanted to let her know exactly how I felt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regardless, but I think the fact that all her children are on your side tells you everything you need to know. This isn’t new behavior for her, she’s done nothing to make her kids give her the benefit of the doubt, and they were all ready to cut her from the wedding before you even said anything.
Listen to your fiance and those who know future MIL well, you said nothing wrong and she brought this entire thing on herself. (also consider hiring security for your wedding, you don’t want her trying to race you down the aisle in some deranged white dress day of)” CP81818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But as satisfying as it must have been to deliver the well-deserved line to your soon-to-be MIL, it may not position you the way you’d like in the long run. By directly confronting her yourself, you put yourself in a point position, at least from her perspective.
It’s clear you did it confident that your future husband and future in-laws are behind you. And I’m sure you’re right. But you don’t want to be the point person against your husband’s mom. He should be the point. He’s probably not as directly confrontational as you may want to be, but it’s better for you (and in the long run, your relationship) if your husband handles his mom.
Cutting her from the wedding isn’t some final act regarding his mom. In fact, you really ARE marrying her, in the sense that you will always have a dynamic with her because she’s your husband’s mom and HE will always have a dynamic with her.
This isn’t the last chapter of this story. You already noted she’s unjustifiably blaming you. That’ll only get worse if you’re the one twisting the knife. So far you have a coalition, don’t get out in front. You may even run the risk of finding yourself isolated at some point (it may not come to that… but if you’re the one out in front, it’s a risk).
Everyone you need on your side is on your side. Take comfort in that, and find your calm when it comes to future MIL. Let others handle it.” Justsaying0000
16. AITJ For Kicking My Best Friend And Ex Out Of My House?
“I (20 F) have a child and another on the way with my ex, Jared (30 M), and we’ve been successfully co-parenting for the past two months. My best friend (21 F), Sarah, has always been a big part of my life, and we’ve been close since high school.
I had a casual meet-up with my friends last month, Sarah was there too. This was Sarah’s first time drinking, and she probably overdid it because she casually mentioned that she has been hanging out with Jared, my ex, and the father of my kids, more often.
I was immediately taken aback but tried not to jump to conclusions and asked her for more information. She replied saying that they had just ‘hit it off’ and that ‘he’s a cool guy’.
I thought it was strange, considering our history and that we had only been broken up for two months.
Not to mention, we co-parent our child and have another one on the way. Sarah said it simply wasn’t her problem and she’s not the ‘one single, pregnant, and broke at 20’. This comment hurt, coming from my best friend, but I was able to keep my composure and ultimately moved on after she apologized.
Last Friday, Jared came over to my place to take our daughter for the weekend. He didn’t mention, however, that he would be bringing Sarah too. As soon as Jared and Sarah walked through the door, I was disoriented, but I tried not to create tension in front of my daughter.
I pulled them over to casually ask why they were here together. Jared and Sarah were denied being anything other than friends and told me that Jared was Sarah’s ride home. Sarah suggested coming over because she wanted to see me and my ex had to make this stop anyway.
Their behavior was beginning to bother me, and I told them that I would prefer if they did not come to my house together again in the future. Jared argued back, claiming I was being controlling and that he could decide who his friends were.
Sarah made a comment about me, that was something along the lines of ‘Maybe if you were more fun, he wouldn’t need to look elsewhere.’
That was the last straw for me. My immediate response was to tell them to leave, quite loudly and harshly.
Since they’ve left, I’ve been replaying the scene in my mind and just feel a mix of anger, betrayal, and sadness. The situation made me feel uncomfortable and as if my best friend didn’t even care about me, but maybe I could have handled it better.
It has been stressing me out, and I don’t want my daughter or my baby to be affected. I have to know, am I the jerk for the way I reacted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sarah seems more interested in shoving a blade under your ribs, and Jared is happy enough to go along with it.
Jared can play with her on his own time, I think you should drop any delusion that she is your friend. They had their fun with you today, but in the future keep your communications with him at arm’s length and focus on the kids as much as possible.
If you don’t have an official custody agreement, make that a top priority. There are apps you can use to communicate about the kids. I would not be trying to chat and be buddies with this guy.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“You don’t mention your child’s age, how far along you are, or how long the relationship lasted. So I’m going to assume he was in his late 20s being with a teenager, that was probably a minor.
I think it’s best you end the friendship with Sarah and allow them to do what they want. Make it clear that the friendship is over and she is not welcomed into your home.
As for affecting your kids and co-parenting. Only communicate in writing so there is no he said she said.
Have a parenting plan. Have clear boundaries about new partners interacting with your kids. Don’t care about what he does because he’s clearly trying to hurt you. Again he was a full-fledged adult dealing with a teenager he clearly wasn’t mature. Focus on your child and having a healthy pregnancy.
NTJ” Whorible_wife69
15. AITJ For Making My Husband Choose Between The Dog And Our Kids?
“My husband and I have 3 little girls aged 5 and under. We have a golden retriever who just turned 7. Since my middle daughter was 2 years old, I have a feeling that she is allergic to the dog. The bags underneath her eyes were always a little swollen.
Some days are worse than others. It’s not to the point that it is bothering her but still noticeable. It also seems to flare up more when she’s playing with the dog. I told my husband that maybe she’s allergic to something (like the dog) and we should get her tested.
On one of her wellness checkups, I told the doctor I was interested in getting my daughter tested for allergies. She said they will need a blood sample to have that done so if I am interested, they will schedule it. When I got home and told my husband this, he didn’t like the idea that they had to draw her blood.
He thinks we are putting her through the pain for no reason. He also made a comment like even if she’s allergic to the dog, are we really going to get rid of him? I was a little frustrated but eventually just let it go.
Fast forward to today. Our littlest girl is 1 1/2. She has a constant running nose and watery eyes and it’s been like this for months. Again, I suspect she is allergic to something. I took her to get an allergy test without telling my husband.
When the results came back, it confirmed that she was indeed allergic to the dog.
With the results, I went to my husband. Of course, we got into a huge argument. First, because I did it behind his back. I can understand his anger. But I knew what his response would’ve been if I had asked him. And then secondly, he refused to rehome the dog.
He said her symptoms are not that bad and it will get better. He also says he is allergic to cats but still grew up with them in the house and he is fine. I was so upset so I told him he needed to choose the dog or our girls.
I don’t think it’s fair to put my girls through this when it could be fixed.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I thought the normal procedure for diagnosing allergies is a skin test? A quick Google search showed that blood tests for allergies can have a false positive up to 50% of the time.
I think you’re jumping the gun. I’m assuming the kids also love the dog. Have you considered how much rehoming it would hurt them?
The next step should be to see an allergist and confirm the allergy. Then there are additional steps you can take.
Keep the dog out of the kids’ rooms but a couple of really good air purifiers, and make sure that you’re vacuuming frequently including furniture. I’m sure an allergist would have better ideas as well.
Rehoming a dog that your kids have had their whole life will not only hurt the dog but also your kids.
I couldn’t imagine doing that without at least trying something else. ALSO, you gave your husband an ultimatum without even a proper discussion and threatened to take the kids which would again hurt them. Stop being so stubborn and bend a little.” Effective-Essay-6343
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I think rehoming a dog without looking into another solution is cruel especially since the dog is 7. Have you discussed this with a doctor further? Have severe the symptoms are? Have you tracked how they’ve gotten worse? Is there any medication they could possibly take?
Explore all options.
I’m also allergic to cats, my eyes get swollen shut if I touch her then rub my eyes, etc. and I will say we got one by accident and my allergies did get better over time to when I don’t need aerius daily anymore.
I’m not saying don’t do what’s right for your kids but I am saying going straight to removing isn’t right either.” SatisfactionCreepy44
Another User Comments:
“Plenty of suggestions on here about allergy treatments that if you really cared about your girls you would look into regardless of the dog.
Beyond that tho, YTJ.
It sounds like you weren’t a fan of the dog, to begin with and now have the perfect excuse to get rid of it. Treat your daughter’s allergies, both of them, this is better for them in the long run. Keeping the dog will help them to build up a tolerance for that particular animal.
I’m allergic to cats. So long as I don’t rub my face or eyes after loving on my cats I’m fine. I go to someone else’s home and get exposed to their cats, and then my allergies kick in.
Furthermore, the dog is 7. He may only have another 3-5 years with the dog at the most. Their allergies will never improve if you never try to treat them.
It’s easier to treat a lot of things for people while they are young. Get out of panic mode and look at more solutions than getting rid of the dog. Really comes across like you just want the dog gone, period.” Aolisgone
14. AITJ For Pointing Out The Problem With My Sister's Service Dog?
“I have two kids (11 M & 9 F).
My sister-in-law has a Service Dog who has been with her for about six months now (he is 18 months old).
It was my son’s birthday party last weekend, which she was at, and obviously had a whole ton of young boys running riot around my house.
My daughter also had two friends over (younger siblings of the boys) as well as our pets. All in all, there were nine children, three dogs, and a cat causing chaos. At one point one of our rabbits escaped and was running around too.
My SIL’s dog couldn’t cope.
He was so excited and wasn’t paying any attention to her. My daughter and her friends said hi to him but otherwise left him alone. He was losing his mind the whole time and my SIL had to leave.
My son was a little upset but overall didn’t mind, just asked that she could come over for a mini birthday.
Yesterday was that ‘mini birthday’. It was much quieter, just the family, and the dog was still losing it. He was jumping around and she wasn’t able to control him. She had a flare-up which he ignored.
She got quite frustrated and asked my children to leave the room.
They did and he finally calmed down. They came back in and he got excited again.
The kids weren’t comfortable so they went to play and we had a conversation. I basically said if she can’t control him I don’t want him in my house.
She replied that he’s a service dog and goes everywhere with her, so I’d essentially be banning her.
I said that he was a bad service dog as he’d ignored her flare-up and wouldn’t listen. She then blamed my kids, saying my daughter had got him excited last time and now he thinks that kids mean ‘playtime’.
I told her that if her service dog can’t ignore children while working he’s not really a service dog.
She got upset and left, saying she was uncomfortable with me. Later on, my husband pulled me aside and asked me to apologize because I’d hurt her feelings.
I said I didn’t think an apology would be worth it because I’m not sorry – I meant what I said. He told me he understood but that it was a jerk move to not even try to apologize.
She then texted me and said that he had a ‘situation’ with a child when he was in training, but she is paying out money to get him retrained.
I don’t know what the situation is but I do feel bad. I think she was trying to use my kids to socialise with him and it hasn’t worked and I feel much worse.
I haven’t yet responded, because I do still somewhat stand by what I said, but I also feel awful about making her feel so insecure.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is wrong to insist that you apologize since you did NOTHING wrong. A dog that can’t stay on task around children isn’t an acceptable service dog. This is a ‘her and her dog’ problem, not a YOU problem.
Not sure what type of ‘flare-ups’ she has but if they are life-threatening rather than just inconvenient then you’ve done her a HUGE favor by pointing out the problems with her dog.
Do thank her for letting you know that she’s actively working on the DOG’S problems and that once the dog is retrained they are both welcome to come back to your home. NTJ” celticmusebooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people with service animals must realize they need to avoid environments they cannot control.
This issue is an example of why. Service Animals, especially young ones like this 18-month-old dog, must be trained to ignore environmental stimuli so they can focus on their job. These are not pets. They are working animals. Your SIL has an angle here. Note how she tried shaming language by saying her dog was no longer welcome and that you were banning her from your house.
That’s. Nonsense.
Don’t cave. If you don’t want the dog in your house, it’s your decision.” Intelligent-Bat1724
13. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Going On A Vacation After I'd Just Given Birth?
“My husband’s grandad lives in Central Africa and is in his early 70s. He’s got a couple of underlying health conditions that he ‘does not take care of’ and routinely misses doses of medication for and engages in behavior he knows will make him worse.
I was 6 weeks postpartum after a c-section when this situation kicked off (3 weeks ago), so I’m very much still in need of help.
We have no family nearby and while our friends are good at listening, none of them have any experience with helping with a child or postpartum mother.
So my husband gets a phone call from his mother saying his grandad has been hospitalized and the doctor can’t figure out what’s going on. They catastrophized and started saying oh maybe he’s on his deathbed come now.
My husband left the same day 5 hours later on an international flight to go see his grandad.
Turns out that he hasn’t taken any blood pressure or cholesterol medication in months and he’s also been reckless with his blood sugar.
Doctors stabilized him very quickly once they realized this and he hasn’t had any permanent side effects.
Meanwhile, I’m still in pain and struggling from post-op complications, struggling to produce milk, and having to take the baby for regular doctor visits (every 3 days.)
I get photos of my husband on a beach, sipping from coconuts one night, at his uncle’s for a BBQ another day, going hiking on another day, etc etc.
I was furious.
He came home last week (so after being away for 2 weeks). Started telling me how nice it was that Grandad came home a day and a half after my husband reached there.
I didn’t say anything negative then but on Wednesday he started comparing his mini holiday with me leaving one grandmother in India who was in ICU at the time to go to the UK for MY grandad who died a few hours after I landed.
I exploded at him that they weren’t the same! I had 2 grandparents on different sides of the family actively dying (and they did die shortly after each other) because of organ failure and a disease that couldn’t be treated! I told him his grandad would’ve been fine if he’d bothered to take his meds but he hadn’t and the end result was a needless hospital bill, a mini family reunion while I was struggling alone!
My husband is saying I lack empathy and is being very harsh with me now. AITJ for saying the truth?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA It’s hard to have empathy considering the circumstances with you being post-partum with no help and the fact that his grandfather isn’t dying at all – and yet your husband was enough of a jerk to go and take a 2 week holiday knowing you are going through an incredibly difficult time while everything is sunshine and roses in his home country because he can’t take 5 minutes to not be an inconsiderate pr*ck.
His grandfather is obtuse for not taking his medication and landing himself in that position and, while potentially scary, he was out of the hospital a day and a half later so there is no way he was at death’s door.” Sad-Mall-6704
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You’re very dismissive of this man and what he means to your husband. All of the ‘reasons’ you gave to dismiss the concerns of an ailing old man really just make you seem like a shallow, selfish jerk. Your husband made poor choices after it became clear his grandfather wasn’t, in fact, about to die.
But your dismissal prior to that makes you an absolute jerk.” Isopropyl77
Another User Comments:
“OP – NTJ! Empathy? Where is HIS empathy? He takes a 2-week relaxing vacation while HIS wife who just gave birth via being CUT OPEN is left ALL ALONE! This was HIS CHILD you birthed, correct?
What kind of inconsiderate, selfish, husband doesn’t come back right away once he KNEW Grandpa was FINE? You are supposed to be happy HE got a vacation while you are in pain and struggling with a newborn while he’s off sunning at the beach and having BBQ?
HE OWES YOU A HUGE APOLOGY! Then maybe you should also weigh your options of needing him in your life other than child support $$ because it’s obvious he doesn’t care about your health or taking care of you and the baby.” Chance-Cod-2894
12. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor For Parking Her Car In Front Of My House?
“We live in a neighborhood where the houses are mere feet from each other and each house has a two-car garage/driveway so there’s only really one street parking space on the public street per house.
Our neighbors next door are a middle-aged couple with at least two teenage/twenties kids and all four of them have a car. They’ve lived next door to us for about four years and over the years we’ve had little interaction. They do not park in their garage cause it’s full of boxes and prefer to park only one car in their driveway, leaving three more for the street.
In the past, the only time I’ve spoken to them about parking was when I was out walking my dog, and when someone else left the street parking space in front of my house the ‘dad’ was hustling to move the car out of his driveway to take the street spot for himself.
I reminded him that we also have three cars and that it would be nice if he could share the parking. Then we had no issues for at least a year or two as it seemed that their two kids moved out and my niece moved into her own place.
Earlier this year, the ‘mom’ decided to park her car on the street in front of her own house for the better part of the year and both kids returned with one of them only staying during the day and moving his car regularly but the other parked her car in front of my house for more than four months.
Having company in town and a storage box for a garage cleanout made parking tight with all of the other cars in the neighborhood, so I asked the HOA if they could do a courtesy reminder for the neighbors about the city ordinance requiring cars to move at least 1/10th of a mile every 72 hours.
I was told they could do nothing and that I needed to report parking issues to the city. And so I did.
Several more months go by and the two cars are still there, so in October I knocked on the neighbors’ door and asked if they could please move one of their cars as it would be nice to park in front of my own house for a change.
They agreed and moved another car into the driveway and pulled their 3rd car in front of their own house. I parked in front of mine and thought we were good. Nope.
Earlier this week, I guess the report I made in July/August finally got to the top of the parking authority’s list and they left a warning on the neighbor’s car that had returned to the street in front of my house where she had previously parked for most of the year.
Rather than read the warning and take her own behavior into consideration, this young woman decided to write a note to ‘K@ren’ (the word was scratched out and the title ‘companors’ (sic) was written instead. Her note:
‘I moved my car, I am injured and have health issues that require parking close.
(First come, first serve public parking in our neighborhood NOT assigned (confirmed by the cop I spoke to)) But I respect your complaining and have moved PLEASE ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Please leave my family alone before I need to get a restraining order’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was a one-off situation, I’d say it’s pretty crappy to file a report, but when it’s persistent and causing issues (I guarantee you aren’t the only one with a problem with it), then you absolutely have every right to file a complaint.
It’s public space, not theirs specifically, which is the entire reason the city has the statute in place. I would not deal with them directly again – no courtesies, they’ve burned that bridge.
Report violations as they happen (only when you’re sure there’s a violation, of course).
The lame ‘I am injured and have health issues’ garbage can be ignored – they have a garage, if these issues were real they would use it.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sure, it’s out of compliance, but is she making it so other people can’t park?
Is the street parking competitive? Why does it bother you so much where someone else parks? But also… these are your neighbors. Why make it more difficult by starting things like this? Minding your own business or maybe a civil discussion or note with her before going to the city is likely way more effective.
Who wants to live by crappy neighbors? And you get more crappy neighbors when you are a crappy neighbor.” DNAture_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing is stopping them from cleaning out their garage or parking two cars in the driveway. Or both. I get it because it’s annoying having to ask your family members to move their cars so you can get out.
But it’s awfully inconsiderate to the rest of the neighborhood. And if one of those cars is not moving at all for months, it could easily be in the garage and be out of everyone’s way.” 1962Michael
11. AITJ For Inviting My Brother And His Wife To Exercise With Me?
“I (20 F) love sports. I’m the junior coach of a youth wrestling team, I referee basketball three times a week and I love going to the gym and rock wall climbing.
I get a discount at the climbing gym because the wrestling group rents from the same building and my head coach and the owner of the gym struck a deal.
I have started to get into competitive climbing, both in a club and at my university, and have equipment of my own.
My brother and his wife (29 M and 30 F) are coming home for the holidays and he asked me if I knew of any trust exercises for him and his wife to do while they’re in town. I told them I could get into the climbing gym on a good deal and he asked how much weight the harnesses and rope could hold.
I looked it up and it’s over 2000 pounds. He also asked how it was trust-based and I explained about belaying and climbing and trusting your belay partner will catch you when you fall.
I have only met my brother’s wife once due to him moving across the country, she was an average weight when I met her, however, I didn’t know that over the course of 3.5 years, she had gained over 300 pounds and my brother didn’t mention that exercise might be an issue.
I didn’t comment about her weight when we met up at the gym, just said hello, paid for our time and their rentals, and went in toward the more difficult bouldering section. After about 25 minutes my brother came over to me and told me they were leaving and we would meet at home.
I told him ok and kept working on my bouldering until my two hours were up.
After I came back to my parent’s house, my SIL cornered me and screamed at me, talking about how I set her up to make her look and feel fat and how I rubbed my athleticism in her face.
I apologized, but she and my brother got a hotel room, and both of them refused to speak to me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her insecurities are not your responsibility. If she thought rock climbing would be too strenuous then she didn’t have to try it.
She also sounds jealous. Tell your brother that you had no idea it would be an issue for her and you are sorry they didn’t have a better time. (To preserve your relationship with him.). Really she owes you an apology.” Introspekt_Fun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t know and she is 100% in the wrong for screaming at you. You’ve only met her once. What is she thinking by disrespecting you while you helped them to find some sports?! Maybe if you said swimming would have been easier on her joints, she would also put you at fault because everyone is in swimsuits and she could not help but feel bad about herself?!
Good riddance they went to a hotel.
I am obese as well (210 now, gained about 50 pounds in 6 months due to my thyroid) and would never have put that nor my anger on you.” ResistAlternative935
10. AITJ For Ruining Secret Santa?
“I (24 F) did Secret Santa with 5 of my colleagues from work.
We are all women in our 20s and we work in a male-dominated company, so have become quite close as the only women in our department.
Our office throws weekly socials at a nearby pub and I attended all of them and did drink quite a bit socially.
However, after a health scare last month, I gave up drinking and quit cold turkey, and haven’t had a drink since. My work friends know I have quit and I told them I wanted to be healthier. One of them Anna, has made a few jokes about how I will be there at the next social and we can all drink together, but I have brushed off her comments and stopped drinking.
I know she meant it as a joke but it got annoying after a while, which I brought up to her and she stopped making comments and I thought that was the end of it.
I work in the UK and after going sober, realized there are not many sober work socials.
Apart from a dinner I went to with work friends, it is really hard to see them outside of work and I feel excluded from our group as I don’t go to the socials anymore. I proposed Secret Santa as I missed talking to them.
After drawing names, I mistakenly picked up someone else’s slip of paper and after my friend said that was hers, I apologized and then realized I could work out who had who for Secret Santa as two of the girls were together and didn’t want to get each other and worked out Anna has me.
When we opened our presents yesterday, I got a bottle of wine from Anna. I opened it, poured it down the sink, and told Anna I was upset she wouldn’t support me going sober, especially as we had talked about her comments before.
Our group chat blew up after with Anna calling me a jerk for spoiling Secret Santa by working out who had me for Secret Santa and not being able to take a joke.
I didn’t tell anyone I had worked out who had who and kept it to myself as I didn’t want to spoil it. Our other friends haven’t said anything and I’m wondering if I took it too far.”
Another User Comments:
“This was… a joke? What part, exactly, was supposed to be funny? I’m afraid I just don’t get it. Anna is not your friend. Nor is she even the slightest bit funny. NTJ. I can’t imagine purchasing wine for a sober friend, coworker, faux friend… anyone!
Like what?!
On the other hand, though, I think you went a little nuclear on the situation. You have every right to be offended, mad beyond belief even, but a grand opportunity to highlight Anna’s jerk behavior was missed, in my opinion, because it’s likely now been overshadowed by said nuclear reaction.
Upon opening the ‘gift,’ I would have handed it to someone else nearby and been like, ‘Merry Christmas to you I guess,’ and just let it hang in the air awkwardly.
At the end of the day, you still have to work with these people, so I think letting Anna simply look like a jerk all by herself would have been more effective.
I can’t blame you for your reaction though, and regardless of what I think should have happened, I do admire your chutzpah. The figuring out Secret Santa thing is neither here nor there. How would she figure out YOU figured it out unless she had also figured it out?
I mean, what? You’re a jerk for having common sense and a brain between your ears? I think she knows she messed up and is grasping at straws with that one.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anna was the one who took it too far; you pouring the wine down the drain was needed to underscore that this wasn’t a joke and she needed to cut it out.
What you said put her actions in the proper context. Anna may still be refusing to acknowledge the reality of what she is doing, but I think it should be clear to everyone else that it’s not funny to you and that Anna must know that any future comments or actions won’t be seen as jokes either.
If she continues she will only be making herself look bad (unless your coworkers are jerks like her).” kurokomainu
9. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom To Come Over For Christmas?
“My mom was a single mom to me until I (28 M) was 7. She then met my stepdad Joe and married him. Joe had been divorced for 3 years and had two kids (6 F and 4 M) at the time. Joe’s relationship with his ex-wife was hostile, possibly the most hostile I have ever witnessed even today.
Joe’s ex decided she and Joe’s kids should never treat my mom with respect and she had them treat my mom like she was the other woman. I was upset for my mom at the time and she told me they would grow up and realize what their mom had done and they would come around, at least to the point of being civil.
I think at some point my mom saw her stepkids as a challenge she needed to win. She went out of her way to win them over and there were many times it came at my expense. The worse they treated her the more she focused on them and forgot she had an actual son who loved and needed her.
Joe was fine but he worked a lot so I felt abandoned by my mom and I felt like my mom wouldn’t even notice if I was gone.
When Joe’s kids were teenagers their mom died and they moved in with us permanently. Before this, they were at our house every other week.
Them moving in was awful. They would yell insults at my mom on a daily basis, would tell her they wished she had died instead of their mom, and called her a disgusting, repulsive woman who infected everyone she met. They spread a rumor around high school that Mom had an affair and had infected Joe.
Joe had his kids in therapy, he had talks with them and issued consequences for their mistreatment of my mom. But at no point did it stop and equally, at no point did my mom give up.
When I moved out for college it became clear to me that mom was going to stay more concerned with her stepkids than with me.
She was disinterested when I introduced her to my wife (we met in college). She really didn’t take much of an interest in our wedding planning. She was busy trying to get Joe’s kids to see her because once they moved out they told Joe they would only see him alone.
Once or twice his kids asked my mom for money and that kept her holding on.
When my wife and I had our first child, I gave up. My mom showed zero interest and didn’t make any effort to meet my daughter for weeks and when she did meet her there was still zero interest.
Joe went to his kids for Christmas this year and left my mom home. Mom sent me a text saying this and I ignored it.
Two days ago she left a voice message saying I should have invited her to my house for Christmas so she wasn’t alone and could be with her son and grandchildren.
I called her right back and told her she couldn’t discard us and then expect me to invite her to Christmas. I told her she wanted to chase people who would rather see her dead and would dance on her grave than her son who loves her so she can get lost and leave me alone and stop trying to make us her consolation prize.
Mom claimed I was cruel and out of line with how I treated her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try asking her ‘Mom, if Joe and his kids had asked you to be with them for Christmas, we both know you wouldn’t even be thinking of spending time with me and my wife and your grandchildren.
You want your stepkids, you don’t want me.’ She wants to be with Joe, fair play, he’s her husband. She wants to be with his kids rather than with you. That’s so hurtful. You say you love her. It’s possible that family therapy might work – you and your mom: it’s more possible your mom needs therapy.
But it seems clear that so long as she’s focussed on the most important thing in her life being her stepkids liking her, she’ll never have enough time for you.
And I suspect that is because to Joe, ‘his kids’ are the most important thing in his life, and your mom loves him and wants his kids to feel a family connection to her.
So she’s lost the family connection she had – you, and the family you’re making.
Do you want her back in your life enough to propose she go to therapy to get over the need to obsessively try to build a relationship with her husband’s kids?
Do you love her enough to consider forgiving her for the years she spent neglecting you if she does figure out honestly that what she did to you was stupid and wrong and hurtful?” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So let’s say you had reached out to your mom to invite her to come celebrate Christmas with you and your family this year.
And as she knew she’d be alone she accepted. The day she needs to leave for your home her husband calls and says his children have included her in the invite to celebrate Christmas. Based on past history your mother likely would have sent you a text along the lines of ‘change of plans – going with Joe to his kids’ Christmas.
In other words, your mother has never doubted you loved her so it seems that made it okay for her to focus ALL her efforts on her stepchildren.
What your mother forgot is love that isn’t acknowledged and nourished very often eventually withers and dies.
You may want to send your mother one more text and then ignore her communications. Something along the lines that she has been so uninvolved in your life for years that you no longer have a reason to include her in it. Wish her the best in winning over her stepchildren.
Also, suggest she be sure to have a good retirement/long-term care plan in place should she need help in the future as you doubt her stepchildren will be interested in helping her unless possibly they will get something out of it. Your mom has been so driven in her efforts to win over her stepkids I suspect she can’t or won’t admit having lost you by her own actions.
I hope for yourself you can forgive her just so she doesn’t live rent-free in your head. Then go on with your life making your own close and extended family from friends and other relatives. As you do have children if you haven’t already please be sure you and your wife each have a current will indicating who you’d like to be appointed the guardian of your children, how assets should be held, and what specifically those assets can be used for until your children are X age.
A lawyer can also tell you if you can stipulate in the will who isn’t allowed to have access to your children and why. Ideally, those documents won’t be needed until many years from now but it’s good to have your wishes stated.” 3Heathens_Mom
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Push Our Family To Become Perfect?
“My parents got married when I (16 f) was 5 and my stepsister was 8. My mom brought me into the marriage and my dad (technically stepdad) brought my stepsister Rosie (19 f) into the marriage. My parents had my younger siblings Angel (10 f) and Jonah (8 m) together. Both Rosie and I lost our other parents to death.
My original dad died when I was only a baby and Rosie’s mom died when she was 6.
When my parents first got married and for a few years afterward I just said family and called Rosie my sister, dad my dad, etc. I never used step or anything.
But Rosie did. She always called me her stepsister and made sure people knew that around her. She never called my mom anything other than her first name and she never gave her a family title. She was ‘dad’s wife’ to Rosie from day one and that has never changed.
My parents were big on us all being one close-knit family and while our late bio parents weren’t hidden, an emphasis was put on how we were a family unit. While we might have some unique relationships (me with my bio-paternal family and Rosie with her maternal family) we should always make sure we stay a solid unit and not be mean or think less of some people based on blood.
Rosie did feel that way. I was never her sister and my mom was never her anything. She’s closer to our siblings but they are still half for her.
As a kid, I was hurt by this and didn’t understand Rosie at all. But then my best friend lost her dad when we were 9 and I remember when her mom was remarrying and she was so upset about it.
Then we talked about it and it opened my eyes more to the difference when you remember the lost parent vs not, like me. I was maybe 12 when that talk happened and after that, I saw Rosie and our family in a new light. I told her not long after that I was sorry if my pushiness when I was younger made her pain more painful.
My parents have struggled more as the years went on with Rosie not getting on board with the family unit the way they wanted. It became such a hyper-focus that they did online therapy with Rosie when we were all at home. They tried harder than ever to correct her use of half and step.
Then a few days before Rosie turned 18 she moved out of state to live with her maternal grandparents.
We don’t see her as much now because of how bad things are between my parents and her. My siblings miss her and because my parents only get more annoyed at Rosie with time, I decided to have a heart-to-heart where I told them I understood where Rosie was coming from and that I thought they should focus less on the titles and put more into accepting the family we have so maybe, just maybe, Rosie wants to see us all more.
And maybe we can all be happier just accepting how things really are.
They really didn’t like that I was telling them what to do. I also think my dad was kinda hurt that I had accepted Rosie’s feelings about me and my place in her life.
They said it was wrong for me to act like this was okay or that our family was healthy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hmm. I think it’s great that you can understand where she is coming from, and I kind of feel that if your parents were not so pushy about it, she would have accepted the changes better.
NTJ from me.
I was pretty old when my dad passed away, if my mum remarried that person would always be the ‘guy mum married’ and my dad would always forever be my dad.
I feel that a blended family can still be a solid family unit.
It doesn’t matter who calls who what – what matters is the love. An adopted child can end up calling the adopted mother mum too. It might be that to Rosie, your mum is trying to ‘take over’ the mum that Rosie has in her mind and she doesn’t want it that way.
They need to talk it out.
Your mum can love Rosie without needing to be called mum too? (Sort of like Manny in Modern Family?)” Crazy_Past6259
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I always find it weird how quickly some people (mainly men) marry after their partner dies, particularly when they have kids.
Rosie was very much still mourning her mum when her dad essentially replaced her. That’s got to build resentment, especially when she’s being pushed to replace her mother too.
To add, whilst you may not have known your dad, there is a whole family you have on his side that I hope your mother has kept in contact with for you.
If she hasn’t, don’t rule out seeking it out in the future – you deserve a connection to your bio father too. That part of you shouldn’t have to be erased to make room for everyone else.” chaserscarlet
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay $500 For A Car My Parents Bought For Me?
“I (f 18) had a car that used to be my mom’s since I was 16.
It was a 2010 and was no longer safe to drive (something was wrong with the axle? I don’t really know). The car was worth less than the amount it would have been to fix it. My parents graciously bought me a new car that I am very thankful for.
They were set on this one used car that was a cheaper option and I was okay with that.
While we were at the dealership to test drive, they saw a new one that we all really liked that was about $4000 more than they were planning on spending.
When we got home I told them I was okay with either and I was not gonna be picky since they are the ones buying it. They should just do what they think is right.
The next week I was told I was getting the cheaper option but they came home with the new car.
I was very happy and thankful that I had a car at all since I have to drive an hour every day for work and I was Ubering for the time being. They then told me they bought it in cash and SINCE they got the new car, I should pay them $500 by the end of the summer for it.
That’s a bit under what I make in a week but I only work during the summer and a few weeks in the winter since I am a sophomore in college.
The car is under my mom’s name, not mine. I am not sure if/when it will be transferred to mine but I am assuming when I’m done with college.
I would be happy to pay any amount for it then since it will actually be mine. I have always paid for my own gas but they pay for my insurance. If they had told me that the new car would cost me $500 beforehand, I would have made them get the cheaper option.
I genuinely would have been fine with any car if it meant I didn’t have to pay and they knew that.
I also go to school 8 hours away and as of now there is no point in me having a car on campus so I leave it at home.
They also just don’t want me to bring it to school even if I wanted to since it would be a burden on my dad. I feel it is unfair for me to pay for a car when I can really only use it for 5 months out of the year.
I wouldn’t mind paying for it when I am able to bring it to school since I will be the primary user.
My dad also uses the car sometimes when I am at school since he doesn’t want to put miles on his.
I also want to reiterate that my parents did not buy a new car out of the kindness of their hearts. It was obviously very nice of them to lend me a car at all but they got the new one because they wanted to show off to their friends.
I am aware I am very fortunate for getting a car at all but AITJ for refusing to pay for the car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, $500 is VERY little to spend on a brand-new car. It’s also a lot for what you’re making and it’s an obscene amount to pay for what you were told was a free gift. They chose to spend more without your input and now want to charge you for it.
That’s ridiculous, a gift is a gift.
Also given that your parents bought you a brand new car in CASH it kinda sounds like they think they’re teaching you financial responsibility and the value of a dollar but are too wealthy to even know what those things mean themselves.
Someone giving you a gift and then demanding you cough up $500 for it isn’t financial responsibility, it’s the scam those mascots in Times Square pull.” CapoExplains
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The car isn’t even in your name so you could essentially pay $500 for a car that’s not actually yours.
Also, there was no discussion about paying for it. We have no idea what expenses OP has or what they use their money for. Not everyone has $500 they can cough up randomly. Yes, $500 is very little for a car, but OP was never made aware they’d be required to pay.
Especially for a car that’s not even in their name.
OP also didn’t care if they went with the cheaper car, but the parents decided to buy the new car anyway. However, OP might want to consider the cost of Uber and see which option would be cheaper.
But it’s entirely possible OP pays $500 and still doesn’t get the car. It’d be more like a rental fee” _SidewalkEnforcer_
6. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Roommate's Significant Other's Pregnancy Symptoms?
“I (m 28) live in an apartment that I got from my uncle. The apartment has two bedrooms so as I don’t need the extra space I rented the room. My roommate (m 24) has been living with me for a little over a year and a half.
He’s been with his significant other (f 24 as well I believe?) for like five or so years, she has lived in another house and has four roommates herself. As her house is more crowded, my roommate asked me if it was okay if she stayed over sometimes, I agreed since I don’t really have a problem with it at all, as long as they’re respectful.
We haven’t had any major issues until now. But his SO got pregnant, he told me and I was like ‘Oh, great, congratulations’, he did try to bring up a conversation to see if I allowed her to move in with him/us but I said no. I work from home most of the time, I don’t want to deal with a third person or a newborn in the future.
He asked me if she could still come and stay some nights as before and I said that was fine.
She’s like four or so months along her pregnancy. Well, these last three months she has grown to be very annoying whenever she’s staying over.
What I mean is that I got woken up in the middle of the night/early morning too many times because she was running to the bathroom at the end of the hallway. I don’t use that bathroom (I have my own connected to my room) but my guests sometimes use it and they have said that it’s dirty and messy.
She’s staying over a lot more nights than she used to before.
And the biggest problem is that she has developed really bad nausea, even now she’s still having morning sickness which I believe must’ve stopped already (? We’ve had many issues regarding food because she and my roommate asked me to stop having some foods that get her sick.
I told her that this was not her house, and she had no right to come and expect me to change my diet because of her. They took that very badly. I continued my life as normally, she always complained and ran to the bathroom when I cooked, there have been a couple of times when she has actually thrown up on the floor too, which is disgusting.
I’m sick of it, to be honest, so I told my roommate that either she stops coming over, she stops complaining or he moves out. I would give him a month or two if he needs it to find somewhere else to live, but I’m tired of having his SO over.
She’s annoying me.
He of course got very upset and said that she wouldn’t annoy me so much if I was more understanding of her condition. Said that they’re not in a comfortable position to move, that she’s sick and needs his support, and all of that.
Some of my friends/coworkers and family are on my side but some others said that I’m behaving like a total jerk and I could easily change my diet for a couple of months. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You had my sympathy until you described her vomiting and peeing as ‘complaining’.
But even with that, your frustration at the physical fall-outs of pregnancy is understandable.
Let me circle back for a touch and comment that she really does need to pee, and she is nauseous (even if she’s in that month of pregnancy) and the smell of your food is really obnoxious to her.
She’s not being willful or selfish, she’s being pregnant. You didn’t pick her as a roommate, you didn’t get her pregnant. And these inconveniences are imposed on you without any input from you. Entirely understandable.
Of your options:
1. She doesn’t come around doesn’t sound realistic – the peeing, barfing, and being affected by odors isn’t going to stop until birth.
(or you shouldn’t bet on it.) Let it be a life lesson. Think of it as a lesson in loving family planning in your lifestyle.
2. Your roommate moving out needs to happen. If your roommate stays, your home will be visited frequently by mom and infant and that won’t work for anyone.
A key question would be ‘Where is she going right after the hospital’ and you should make sure that isn’t your place.
The couple of months that you are willing to give them is right about the correct timeline. NTJ for not wanting to live the life of a pregnant partner.
But it sounds like you may be a jerk in the way you are getting from here to there.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t live there, and you’ve made it clear you don’t want an infant in the house since you work from home.
While I do agree you might be a little more accommodating while she’s there, your roommate and his SO need to move into their own space to prepare for a baby. They made a choice to get pregnant and stay pregnant, so they need to adult up and prepare for bringing another life into this world they will need to support.
I was going to say everyone sucks here until she threw up on the floor multiple times. That’s nasty. While I know you can’t control morning sickness, she should be able to make it to a bathroom/sink/garbage can to throw up.” Discount_Mithral
5. AITJ For Telling My Employee I Don't Think The Customer Was Recording Her?
“I am the general manager of a rather large sports bar. I have 70 servers on staff and it’s not unusual for them to be verbally harassed by guests who are wasted. When that happens I cut them off and force them to close out and leave.
One of my servers came up to me in the middle of a busy Friday and told me ‘Hey that man at booth 21 just Venidero recorded me with flash on cleaning booth 22’. As soon as she said that I walked over and saw he still had a flash on his phone and was holding it out like he was recording but his booth was in the corner by the thermostat so I pretended I was adjusting the temp so I could see what he was doing on his phone.
He was old and farsighted so he was holding his phone straight out in front of him reading a text and he didn’t know his flashlight was on… I fiddled around for a few seconds and his friend came to sit with him and told him his flashlight was and they laughed it off.
At that point, I told the server I didn’t believe he was recording her but I was reassigning the sections because I knew he made her uncomfortable and I didn’t need her to go back over there. I watched the cameras and he had his phone out with the light on in that position 30 seconds before she even came to bus the table next to his.
I let her know this and told her it wasn’t malicious and just seemed like honest confusion but I understood why she felt that way.
For the next half hour, she went around telling the rest of the wait staff she was recorded and I did nothing about it and then the wait staff flipped out on me one by one saying she could’ve been recorded for deep fake stuff and that this guy can be getting off to her tonight and that it’s all my fault and how she needs to sue.
Did I handle this wrong in some way? I let the owner know just in case and he said if the guy didn’t touch her then he really didn’t care.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you handled it really well. You can’t demand that the patron show you his camera roll and videos.
You made an assessment that he was not recording to the best of your ability. Reassigning the server was a good idea. I think your server should have a meeting with you, the owner, and whatever other manager you have. You can discuss the incident and your exact steps of action and assessment.
If you still have the surveillance, she should be allowed to view it. If she still feels uncomfortable and feels the need to upset the other staff, she needs to be given an official warning against spreading her trauma to the rest of the crew.
If she still feels so violated that she can’t stop her gossip or do her job she needs to be let go with sufficient warning. I can’t think of anything else you could have done.” eowynsheiress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly I have PTSD and even get really paranoid sometimes.
The fact is, you did investigate it, and it looks like he probably just hit something wrong on his phone without even noticing. Technical mistakes happen, especially like that.
Just because we might think something happened, doesn’t always mean it did – and I am not trying to deny anyone’s situation or past. You were just able to look at it from a different perspective, and it’s probably good there wasn’t any unnecessary drama or confrontation involving the customer from a business standpoint when they didn’t do anything wrong.
I also want to note, as a female with a difficult past, I appreciate the consideration shown to your staff by having them move sections in hopes it would help them feel safer even though it may not have been necessary based on the circumstances.” xutopia7
4. AITJ For Being Angry At My Brother For Getting Married One Week Before My Wedding Day?
“My partner and I (33) got engaged in September 2023, we quickly found a venue we loved and had it booked for December of 2024. Parallel to this, my brother and his partner had become engaged in January 2023 but had made no progress on booking a wedding and had declared they were likely to just elope.
Fast forward to January 2024. Despite regularly asking them what their plans were in the preceding months, they’d continued to state nothing was booked and they did not know what they were going to do. It was then dropped on us, that they were likely to get married the week before us as it was the only weekend that would work for them due to restricting factors such as work commitments, leave entitlements, wanting another child (but not wanting to be pregnant at the wedding) and ultimately not wanting to drag the engagement out any longer.
This initial conversation left my partner and me a little shocked and upset – as we felt it just wasn’t something we would do to someone else given the emotion, effort, and money that goes into a wedding and wanting it to feel special. We left it with them that we’d have a conversation in a couple of days to see what the plan was.
After a few days of no contact, we reached out to them to see what their thoughts were. Long story short, they were unwilling to make time for us to speak outside of their social schedule, which is a pattern for them in constantly expecting everyone else to bend to their plans and needs.
This was a bit of a straw that broke the camel’s back and led to the discussion on this topic becoming more of an argument. They ultimately told us the week before was booked and we had no right to feel upset. Ironically, this is exactly how we felt because they did not communicate with us and their cold, robotic ways of discussing this with us were upsetting.
This has since led to a significant family feud between the 4 of us as they feel we have no right to have an opinion and our feelings are invalid – whilst we feel they have been selfish and shown no empathy.
To clarify, we are not saying they cannot have a wedding before us, we just felt empathy/etiquette would have been to include us in the discussion prior to just dropping on it.
Our issue and the reason the argument has occurred, is more that we feel they have shown no empathy and are now dictating how we should feel – which just isn’t how human emotions work.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right and you will never convince them of that.
So ignore their wedding entirely. Focus on yours. Don’t be angry. Be baffled. Send your Save The Dates out in the next 24 hours. If you can’t reasonably make theirs due to working on yours, then RSVP no. If they complain, then just act confused. Of course, you can’t go.
Your bachelor party is that weekend. Final fittings. Making centerpieces. Of course, he’s invited to your bachelor party if he can manage it around his wedding. Of course, you don’t expect them at your wedding. They will be newlyweds. No, Aunt Polly, you aren’t sure why they booked that weekend when you had already booked the next one.
The questioner should ask them.” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – how do they expect all their family to come two weekends in a row to the same location, also to pay for accommodation, travel, and gifts all in the same month? It’s also Christmas month which means people have already tight pockets.
Seems like your brother and his soon-to-be wife really don’t care what you think or feel. Like you said it’s not about the fact that they having a wedding a week before yours it’s about at least discussing it with you. That’s not right.
It sounds like your brother feels entitled and because he got engaged first means that he needs to get married first. But that’s my opinion from reading this. Good luck and maybe check your planning to yourselves otherwise next thing you know their wedding will look exactly like yours.” KPBambi
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My One Kid To Miss Opening Christmas Gifts?
“I have three kids, two are in high school and one is 12. The 12-year-old got really sick on the 23rd… the eve of Christmas Eve. 103.8 fever, aches, tummy hurt… he just felt lousy. I put him to bed and he stayed there all day on the 24th.
By that night, he still was very sick. Normally we open family presents on Christmas Eve, but we decided to wait.
My 12-year-old is at that age where I don’t think he believes, but he WANTS to so after I put him to bed, Santa came and we all crossed our fingers there would be a Christmas miracle and he would feel better.
By Christmas morning, when we normally open Santa presents, he really tried to get up – he took a shower, said he was well enough to go down and see what Santa brought, but took one look at the presents, turned right around, and went back upstairs and crawled into bed. I said we would wait to open gifts until he was better, but one of my teens had an attitude about it all day and tonight my husband said he felt bad that we made the kids wait to open their gifts.
Now I’m second-guessing everything. I thought it would be cruel to let the kids open their gifts while their little brother was sick upstairs but tonight my husband said we should have let them open their gifts. I suppose I could have picked out a couple of gifts for them to open, but I have no idea which gifts are which… Santa wraps everything in red paper and many of the packages look similar.
Even though they have the kids’ names on them, I have no idea which gifts are which, so it’s hard to pick out a couple… I didn’t want one kid to open a pair of socks and another kid to open their ‘big’ gift.
Tonight, my 12-year-old seems to be improving a bit – his fever is now around 102 but he stayed in bed sleeping all day and I’m just really hoping he’s MUCH better tomorrow, the 26th.
I didn’t think I was asking too much for making the kids wait, it’s not like I’ll make them wait for days and days but my husband now thinks that making them wait was wrong. Maybe it was.”
Another User Comments:
“I struggle with this, but soft YTJ.
I understand not wanting your son to miss out on the Christmas magic but this was also a moment where you could gently teach him that the world keeps turning even when you’re ill and sometimes you miss out on moments. His presents from Santa had arrived and he had confirmed it, so I really don’t think there was a reason to keep the older ones from opening their presents and spoiling their bit of fun.
His gifts would wait for him.
There’s also no telling when he will get better. You’re betting on an unknown. He could end up being super sick for a week or more (though I hope not). Will you make them wait until New Year’s Day to open their Christmas gifts?” Elegiac-Elk
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. I know you wanted to make sure your 12-year-old wasn’t left out. After all, it wasn’t his fault he got sick. But you completely neglected to take into consideration what your oldest two would want and need. They have been looking forward to Christmas for over a month, and it was delayed by your decision without any conversation or input.
The fair thing to do would have been to say, ‘Hey, I want to wait to do presents for a bit to see how 12 feels. But if he isn’t better by X time, we will continue with opening everything.’ This would have solved both the issue of trying not to let your 12 feel left out without ruining Christmas for the other two.
I would apologize to your kids, explain that you made a mistake in your decision, and maybe offer something to make up for it.” EsharaLight
2. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother's Kids?
“My brother doesn’t discipline his children. At all.
Every holiday he visits, our entire family must put up with his children. We all talk about it after they leave every year, but nothing is ever said while they are here and while it’s happening.
I don’t blame the kids either. I 100% blame the parents. The most I ever heard my brother get on to his children is just an, ‘Oh hey now, come on.’ It drives me insane. His wife doesn’t either.
So my brother’s family came down for Christmas at my mom’s house.
Immediately the littlest one (we’ll call him Hayden), keeps making this guttural, whiney noise every five seconds.
‘Ennnnh!!!’
No matter what anybody said to him, that was his response. ‘Ennnnh!’
‘Hey Hayden, it’s nice to see you again. You’re getting so big!’ ‘Ennnnnh!!!’
‘Hayden, you want something to drink?’ ‘Ennnnh!!!’
He’s constantly in ‘cranky-just-woke-up’ mode 24/7.
While this is going on, their daughter (we’ll call her Jayden) is picking up my mom’s pets by the throat like the Undertaker and throwing them onto the furniture or just throwing them into the air.
Last night, we’re having dinner. Jayden is ignoring her parents, not sitting down, chasing the cat like she’s on some substances laced with Mountain Dew. She slides on her knees and crashes right into Mom’s tabletop. She knocks the table over, a vase falls over and breaks.
She looks around the room and starts fake-crying. She runs to her daddy and of course, he pops his titty in her mouth, figuratively speaking.
Again, while that is happening we’re all trying to talk and Hayden is ENNNNH-ing at the table,
Admittedly, I snapped.
‘HEY! SHUT UP! Nobody wants to hear that crap! How are you not getting on your own nerves? Shut up!’
‘Jayden, if you pick that cat up one more time, I’m going to pick you up and throw you the same way you do the cat!
SIT DOWN!’
Awkward silence around the table. Nothing but the sound of forks hitting plates.
After dinner, I go outside to smoke, I come back to the door, and I can hear my brother’s wife saying ‘If he’s going to talk to our children like that, then we just won’t come back.
I can’t believe you let him talk to them like that.’ She’s talking to my brother.
I walked inside and just went off. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I basically covered everything.
‘I talk to your children like that because both of you don’t!
Nobody likes it when y’all come over because you don’t discipline your kids! They mistreat animals! They break stuff! They just whine and scream constantly and you do nothing! And we all talk about it when you’re not here!’
So naturally, his wife called me a ‘jerkhad.’ She walked out of the room.
My brother mean-mugged me. I go visit the rest of the family in the game room. Next thing I know they’re walking out the door with their bags to go back to Texas. They left before Christmas.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes it comes down to the blunt approach.
I will say, tho, that rather than the rest of the family talking about how bad it is after they leave, seemingly implying no one addressed it, someone at some point should’ve had a serious convo with your brother. Even while all this is going on at dinner you could’ve called your brother out of the room and told him to get his kids under control right now or caveat that this will come to a head.
With parents like that their kids have a rough life ahead of them.” Agreeable_Pickle_806
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Allowing children to mistreat animals is wrong no matter how you spin it. However, they prefer to teach/educate/discipline is their choice (outside of mistreatment), but something must be taught and done in that situation as it’s genuinely endangering the cat’s life.
However, yelling at children suddenly and without warning also is not the move. The children likely rarely if ever are taught and explained what to do, and were likely shocked and not able to intake what you said, aside from fear. Those parents seriously need to develop a real relationship of trust with their children to be able to communicate and keep everyone safe.
And you deserve to set boundaries, with the parents and children, that are respectful and ensure your space and the animals/other people are safe. But that doesn’t include yelling or snapping at them. Nor does watching their children hurl around animals and saying/doing nothing.” serpentelotus
1. AITJ For Siding With My Brother Over My Husband?
“My husband (26) is a very particular guy.
He has certain things that he deems are a must and will fight tooth and nail for it. For example, never leave anything in his car. If you go inside with a full and and groceries and leave the receipt by accident, it’s a problem, even if it’s a once-in-a-while thing where you forgot.
Another one of these things is his parking spot in the driveway. My brother (18) lives with us. My husband and I both pay for everything equally. And my brother moved in due to unfortunate circumstances from not having reliable parents. He’s generally never home due to always being at work and when he is we usually don’t see him pass the catching up.
My husband has asked my brother in the past to stop parking in his spot in the driveway and to park on the street 5 feet from our mailbox. And he will continually correct him if either of these rules are broken. Recently my husband and I got home from his sister’s roller derby game, and found my brother and his spot.
My brother had stated that he was just pulling in real quick to drop us off some food on the counter and he was about to leave. But my husband wouldn’t have any of it. And stated that he (my brother) is to never park in his (my husband’s) spot no matter the circumstance.
And what does he (husband) need to do to help him (brother) understand it?
Of course, in front of my brother, I do not say anything and I stand by my husband. But behind closed doors, I expressed how angry this had made me and how childish I thought he was being.
I told him I understood if my brother was playing at the park there all night, but this is a situation where he was coming here to drop us off some food and was leaving and he didn’t need to be so rude. Let alone have such a ridiculous rule to never ever park in his spot even if it’s just for two minutes.
My husband took this as mean not being on his side. And threw it in my face that he pays to live here and my brother lives here for free so he should be able to enforce this.
So am I the jerk for not being able to understand where my husband is coming from?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m on his side for the parking spot in general. It’s where your husband parks, it’s his home, and your brother is living there free of rent. And it sounds like your brother still parks there regardless of being told not to.
However, I would let it slide if it was a quick thing like in this instance. But clearly, you both know how regimented your husband is and your brother still disregards that.
This outburst sounds like he was fed up with your brother constantly regarding house rules.
His no parking at any time makes sense because who knows when he may have to pop home for any reason and his spot isn’t open because your brother was just using the spot temporarily. He clearly told your brother his parking spot was on the street and not to ever park in his spot.
I don’t know where in that you and your brother are getting lost/finding wiggle room to be able to park there.
As for the car thing, I feel like maybe you’re like your brother and he has had to ask you to remove your trash from his car on multiple occasions.
Don’t trash his car and leave his parking space open are two very reasonable things.” lankyturtle229
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stood by him in front of your brother. You showed whose side you would take in a conflict. By bringing this up in private, you made precisely the right move both times.
Your husband, it seems, really needs to tame his inner jerk, because he embraced it hardcore. It’s clear that he’s resentful of your brother living with you and wants him gone. That’s what this is really about.
Your husband was swinging his thing around, making sure that your brother knew just how uninvited he really was.
He’s trying to make your brother uncomfortable, so he moves out. That’s where he was coming from. So you need to examine whether or not having your brother stay with you will put too much of a strain on your marriage.
Your husband expressed resentment towards you during your private conversation, basically blaming you for the inconvenience of your brother living there.
You also have to start examining your husband’s overall behavior. He sounds like he has abusive tendencies. It could just be your brother living there that’s bringing this out, but it could also just be how your husband is. If that’s the case, he needs counseling and your marriage might as well.
I wouldn’t even take divorce off the table if this is his general personality.” LousyOpinions
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. OP how many times has your brother disregarded your husband’s rule? Why isn’t it so important for your brother to park there? I’m not asking about this 1 time but all the other times he’s done it.
Have you asked your brother why he needs to park in your husband’s spot at all? Is it a 300-foot-long driveway or something? A mountain of snow that makes street parking hard? Why can’t your brother follow the simple rule?
OP it’s not about the food your brother brought but the constant lack of consideration your brother shows your husband about the parking stall.
And how do you know it was ‘for a few minutes’ and not that he was parked there for an hour or more? That sounds like what an 18-year-old would say when they get caught doing something they weren’t supposed to ‘It was only a little bit’ ‘It’s not even a big deal, gosh!'” handyandy808
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