People Want Us To Side With Them On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situation
36. AITJ For Not Coming To Family Events That Are Announced At The Last Minute?
“I (30F) am the youngest out of three. I have two older sisters, one nephew, four nieces, and of course my parents. My family always has something going on! Always! Be it a BBQ, a birthday party, dinner just because, a trip, or whatever. They can’t just take a chill pill and do nothing.
This is mostly my middle sister’s fault who always has to organize something for the sake of ‘we’re a family and we don’t spend enough time together!’ If you ask me we spend too much time together.
Now I’m single with no kids (just a dog) while both my sisters have kids.
I also work a full-time job (7 to 3) with one day off during the week and every other weekend off. Despite my telling my family MULITPLE times that I need to know about events in advance in case I need to require time off or change plans, they just assume I can just tell my boss I’m not coming in today cause it’s my nephew’s 40th baseball game or we’re going to the beach cause reasons.
On my days off I tend to catch up on chores, take the dog to the park, buy food, etc. My family would call demanding to know why I’m not at whatever place they picked and turns out NO ONE called me to let me know about the event. No one bothered to pick up the phone or text to say ‘Hey OP, we’re going to the park for BBQ on this date.
Come’. If I refuse saying I have plans then I get berated with comments like – What could you be doing?! It’s not like you have kids. Your nieces and nephew want to see you, We expected you to come and bring this, Put your stupid dog in his kennel and hurry up, and so on.
It’s exhausting.
So it’s Easter Sunday. I have had Saturday and Sunday off. I got things to do. At 7 a.m. (mind you I was still asleep) my middle sister called to see if I had some pink shoes (I didn’t) and then asked when would I be coming to her house cause she needed someone to hide the eggs while they were at church.
I asked what eggs.
‘OP! It’s EaStEr! You’re coming over to hide the eggs while we go to church. You can also prep the meat and vegetables so they can go straight on the grill when we get back! I told you about this!’
‘No, you didn’t. You haven’t called me or messaged me all week and I got things to do.’
‘If this is about your stupid dog you can bring him here and chain him to a tree or something. Me and other sister are going to church. We can’t hide eggs with the kids around. So what time will you be here?’
I just hung up, put my phone on silent, and went back to sleep.
It’s now 10 a.m. and my sisters are blowing up my phone with text messages and calls, demanding I come to prep everything for THEIR Easter dinner while they are at church (cause I can do all my stuff later), and again NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS! I already took out my own food last night to prep for my own dinner and I don’t plan on not cooking since I need leftovers for work tomorrow.
AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Choosing To Go To My Best Friend's Wedding Instead Of My Brother's?
My best friend got engaged last year and they are having an international wedding so they were very on top of it with securing a wedding date and sending out the save the dates. I received mine a couple of months ago and accepted being a groomsman about a month ago.
I’m super stoked to be there for him and the wedding will also be a vacation for my fiance and me.
My little brother also got engaged last year and they have been planning a wedding but not sharing many details with family. My mom, my aunt, and I told him multiple times that I would be unavailable the weekend of my best friend’s wedding.
To not leave any confusion he was told the exact date multiple times. Well we all recently got the save the date cards from my little brother and it’s the same date as my best friend’s wedding. When my mom opened the card in front of him her heart dropped and she said ‘What about your brother’ to which he replied: ‘Oh he will figure it out’.
Turns out he never told his fiance about this date so she has been planning without knowing this. Now he is claiming that he forgot about multiple people telling him multiple times and is pushing the line that since he is family I should bail on the other wedding and go to his.
I tried to look into even making both work because I genuinely wanted to be at my brother’s wedding. I’m not not going out of spite or because I have a random trip, concert tickets, or it’s someone’s wedding I’m just going to. This is my best friend’s wedding that I’ve known for over 25 years.
When I told my brother I couldn’t make it he gave me the line ‘But I’m your brother,’ which really sucked to hear. If I could be at both I would be and I’m sure he is sad but I just can’t be there.
This has caused more drama in the family than I want.
His future FIL called my mom and said that I should skip my friend’s wedding and go to the family wedding because family comes first. My mom, myself, and my aunt all disagree. He was told multiple times by multiple people, whether it’s because he messed up by not telling his fiance or that he forgot it apparently was not important enough to him to have me there so he picked one of the two weekends all next year I said I couldn’t be at.
The family wants him to change the date of the wedding and I have told him to just go through with it and have a great wedding and that I’m sorry I can’t be there. So AITJ for keeping a commitment to my best friend and not wavering on it because of a family member’s disregard?
Edit: We did not directly tell his fiance. She is generally a recluse and hasn’t been communicating with me, my mom or my aunt about the wedding just doing her own thing. We just assumed my brother would tell her. Now in hindsight, we should’ve just told her.”
34. AITJ For Saying My Coworker Is Lazy?
“I’ve (M34) been married to my wife for 5 years, have a son, and have been working in this company for almost 3 years.
On lunch break, we’d (mostly the dudes) gather around and start talking about all kinds of stuff, funny, sad, home issues, work issues… that kind of stuff.
There’s this guy ‘Brandon’ who constantly complains about how slow his wife is to get tasks done.
The last time we talked, he sat in the middle and loudly started complaining about his wife not ironing his shirt for him that morning – he went on about how lazy and irresponsible she had been. Now keep in mind this woman is a stay-at-home mom taking care of 3 kids all under school age as well as doing all the chores (he bragged about how he does nothing when he gets home and uses the breadwinner card).
I saw that the other dudes were comforting him and telling him he should give her ‘an ultimatum’ to stop or get out. I was shocked, and upset because my wife and I have 1 kid and can barely keep up while splitting everything 50/50, WHILE working.
Brandon looked at me and asked what was wrong, I sternly told him ‘Man!
Are you serious? Your wife takes care of 3 kids and you’re complaining about some shirt not being ironed?’ He was like ‘What? I gotta keep a professional look and need at least 5 clean, ironed shirts ready every week, and besides that, she’s home 24/7 doing nothing’. I replied ‘Taking care of 3 kids surely isn’t doing nothing but you’re just making excuses for being lazy and ungrateful’.
His face suddenly went pale then he got up and walked away.
The other dudes lashed out at me asking what was wrong with me, said I hurt Brandon’s feelings, and completely dismissed his massive sacrifices and crucial role in his family since he brings in the money. I asked if they thought what he said about his wife was okay, and they told me it was none of my business and that I should’ve kept my opinion to myself.
They later said Brandon was incredibly upset and was expecting an apology for humiliating him in front of everyone.
AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Critiquing Me All The Time?
“My mother has never once said she was proud of me for anything, said good job, etc. until this recent stretch of time. I graduated high school recently, and said she was proud of me but ‘I could have done better academically and been more social.’ When I got accepted into my choice college she said ‘Cool, but I wish you would have stayed closer to home.’ Just things like that within the past few months.
But basically today I got upset because I showed her I finally got housing at the college I wanted to go to, and I got assigned the room type I wanted. All she said was ‘Good, I’m glad you don’t have a roommate.’ I asked her to explain what she meant by that and she said that my room is always a pigsty and that I would be a detriment to another person being in the same room as me, and that I’ve never been able to make friends anyways.
First of all, my room isn’t a mess. I have a cluttered desk and a few clothes on the floor at most, but by no means is it uninhabitable or ‘piggy.’ And she knows my lack of friends is a huge insecurity of mine. So, without yelling, changing my tone of voice, or anything I said ‘It hurts my feelings when you say things like that.
You are allowed to just say congratulations or good job and leave it at that. Not everything has to be followed with criticism.’ And then I left the room.
A while later she came by my room and told me I was rude and that what I said was uncalled for.
I really don’t think it was, but I think at this point I need to give up on setting boundaries because she never follows them. AITJ for telling her to stop critiquing me all the time?”
32. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Neighbor's Kid's Medical Bills?
“We bought our new house last year. When we first viewed the house, we noticed bikes and children’s toys in the driveway and in the side yard. At our final walkthrough, before we signed the final documents and got the keys, we noticed kids in the driveway coloring with sidewalk chalk and riding scooters and bikes.
We introduced ourselves to the kids and asked where they lived, they pointed at the house next door.
After the walkthrough, my SO and I went to the house the kids pointed out and introduced ourselves to the parents and let them know we were buying the house and would be moving in, we also mentioned that with the trucks coming and us moving things in and out, it was not safe to have the kids in the driveway.
All was fine when we moved in, the kids didn’t play in the driveway, but they were still leaving toys and digging in the side yard. We went over and asked the neighbors to please have the kids clean the toys up and stop digging in the yard. The mother said that Mr. and Mrs. X (previous owners) always let the kids try and dig for fossils in the yard and laughed. We said that we were not Mr. and Mrs. X and that we did not want the kids digging or playing in our yard.
Then they started up with the bikes in the driveway again.
We had cameras facing the front of the house and saw that they would ride in the driveway and the yard, and they were also starting to draw again with the chalk. We again went over to the neighbor’s house and let them know we did not want the kids playing in our driveway, our yard, or drawing on it with chalk.
The neighbor again said that Mr. and Mrs. X always let them do it, and again we explained that we were not Mr. and Mrs. X and we did not want them to do this. We also followed this up with a letter to the neighbors and informed them that the kids were not allowed to play, dig, or draw on our property and sent it by certified mail.
Fast forward to Sunday. My SO is in the house and I am in the garage cutting wood for some projects. I pulled my truck out of the garage so that I could work. About 20 minutes in, I heard the neighbor’s kids laughing in the driveway so I went out to see what they were doing.
They were riding bikes on the driveway. I told them to please not ride their bikes on the driveway and go home.
Not five minutes after I said that I heard the kids again, and then heard a scream. One of the kids rode his bike straight into the truck.
The neighbor came out screaming at me accusing me of causing this, the other kid told her that wasn’t true and that kid rode right into the car. My SO came out to see what the commotion was and the neighbor started screaming at SO that we would regret this.
Last night, the father came to our house and said that we were responsible for the medical bills for the kid getting hurt. I told him we were not responsible and that his kids should not even be in our yard.
AITJ for not paying the medical bills?”
31. AITJ For Canceling My Family Netflix Subscription?
“I (23F) have been with my significant other (24M) for half a year now. Since we started going out I left my job to return to university to do a one-year postgraduate degree. My mom said I should stay at home and not take out any loans.
She had always wanted to persuade me to do this degree even though I wasn’t 100% set on it. She said she’d pay for my petrol/food/phone bill etc. if I did the course and agreed not to take any loans.
She also told me to save up some funds during the summer I worked before I started my degree to pay for anything else I wanted as she was offering what I ‘needed’ not what I ‘wanted’.
I did this and up until now, I’ve been paying for everything I’ve ‘wanted’ by budgeting, including my Netflix account which my whole family uses. Unfortunately, there’s only so much budgeting one can do and I’m running out of funds to last me until summer so I was talking to my SO and he said he and I can open Netflix together and he’ll fund it until I get back to work.
We both thought it was a cute idea and the ‘next step’ in our relationship.
I told my mum on Friday night I wouldn’t be able to afford the family Netflix anymore and would have to cancel the subscription this month. She started saying it’s unfair as she pays my phone bill (around the same cost as Netflix as I have an old phone that is paid off it is just the data/minutes that are paid for) and she’d have to cancel one of her other subscriptions to afford it.
My mum is in no way broke or out of funds. It’s not my business what she does with her money but I know she has more than enough to afford her own Netflix. We had an argument yesterday and she brought it up again and I told her that I have no income right now and I’m running out of money.
AITJ for canceling my Netflix when I could perhaps give up something else I pay for?”
30. AITJ For Selling The House My Dad And His Family Are Living In?
“My parents divorced when I was 10 because dad quit his job and refused to work so he could gamble and drink all day. Our country has crappy laws about child support so mom had to support my sister and me on her own. Growing up I tried reconnecting with my dad but it felt like all effort to reconcile was from me.
So I eventually gave up and minimized contact. I kept in touch with Dad’s side of the family – his siblings and my cousins. I have a good relationship with them.
Fast forward to now my sister and I are living comfortable lives. Our parents remarried. My mom married a nice man and they live overseas.
Five years ago, Dad married a girl who’s the same age as my younger sister. She was horrible. Whenever my sister would reach out to our dad, she’d get mad and accuse my sister of trying to ‘steal’ him. They have a son and I’ve been nice to him.
But because our dad’s wife continued her rotten streak, my sister and I decided to cut ties with them.
Dad’s mom died last year. A few months ago my aunt (dad’s older sister, who’s in charge of their parents’ assets) called to tell us about our grandmother’s will.
Our grandfather is also dead, by the way. All our grandparents’ assets have been divided among grandkids and I got my grandparents’ house – the house where my father and his family live. Since I live miles away from said house and have no plans of moving there, my aunt suggested I sell it and keep the money for myself.
My aunt was pretty insistent that I sell the house because she said it was what my grandmother would want. My dad neglected her during the last years of her life and put her in a home. He also apparently sold her burial lot to buy illegal stuff. So I agreed to sell the house since it’s my inheritance after all.
I haven’t sold the house yet but I called my dad to tell him about it so they can start looking for a house. I wanted to give him a heads-up and told him they could stay as long as I don’t have a buyer yet. My dad was obviously not pleased but he didn’t argue.
Meanwhile, his wife got angry and called to scream at me, saying I was being selfish and that I didn’t need the house. She let slip that her parents and siblings also live there, so basically freeloading off it. She tried to make me feel guilty because now they have to rent.
I ignored her. Then she went on harassing me via text and called me names.
At this point, I got mad so I told her that if she didn’t stop harassing me, I would have them evicted as soon as possible even if no one was buying the house yet.
My dad found out and he told me I was a jerk to his wife. His siblings found out and they had my back. They said that his wife was never nice to them. Apparently, she’s the one who persuaded my dad to remove my grandmother from her own house and put her in an elderly home so her own family could move in.
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Family To Stop Talking Trash About My Mom?
“My parents divorced when I was 7 because my dad was having an affair with his current wife and had gotten her pregnant. My life was a mess after. My mom was broken and my dad was really trying to bring me and my sister into this perfect family mold with his wife, but because he did a bad job of keeping me out of it, I knew, and I didn’t like either of them for it.
I still don’t. I think his wife is a homewrecker because she knew us before she and my dad started their affair, and I think my dad is also a homewrecker, and a bad husband and even a bad dad to me. For breaking up my family in the way he did and causing so much instability, and for exposing it in a way that would hurt my mom but also air everything to me, yet expecting me to be okay with everything.
Ultimately, my mom kept her distance from them and I respect that. She has never said a bad thing about them to me. But she did sit me down and tell me that she would not be able to present a friendly front with my dad and that when people hurt us, sometimes the healthiest thing is to avoid being around them so we don’t fight or make things worse, and that was what she was doing.
My dad and his wife ended up in a bad financial position 3 years ago and things at their house have been very tight, so my sister and I ended up staying with our mom and going to dad’s sometimes.
My dad had a birthday recently and we were all at his house, with his parents and in-laws, and they all started talking trash about my mom not doing more to help the household when she knew my half-siblings were not doing great.
They also brought up how my half siblings had asked to meet her several times and she never did meet them and how she was petty and spiteful and should be the bigger person and help kids who are her kid’s siblings. I told them to shut up with that nonsense and lay off my mom who owes none of them, even the kids anything.
I said if they wanted her to be more involved they should never have had an affair behind her back and my dad shouldn’t have done the most to hurt her when he told the truth. My sister agreed with me. She said it’s not like we even cared about the kids so why should mom?
We ended up leaving early and my dad and my grandparents have been on my case about being jerks to everyone.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Not Helping With My Nephew's College Fund?
“I (38M) am single and childless by choice but am close with my family. Especially my niece and nephew, Stephanie (18F) and Alexander (18M).
I own a small business near a major university that caters to students.
It’s mostly a bookstore that specializes in discount textbooks, but we also sell coffee and baked goods and offer study areas.
Since it’s hard to find jobs that fit high schoolers’ schedules, I’ve allowed Stephanie and Alexander to work at the store since they were 15.
I had an offer with both Stephanie and Alexander that either I would give them their payment weekly or put it in a bonus college fund for them.
I recommended the college fund, as it would be more useful in the long run, but it was still their choice. They could change this payment route anytime. Stephanie chose the college fund route while Alexander wanted weekly pay.
Now they’re 18 and going to college in the fall. Stephanie has a hefty amount saved up in her college fund.
She claims it will be enough to cover three years at her chosen university. She has also received several scholarships, so she can easily cover the rest with student loans.
Alexander is much less responsible with finances than his sister: He has no savings because he will almost immediately blow his paycheck on things he doesn’t need. The longest he saved was for three weeks before he decided to spend it on a video game console.
Alexander was accepted into his dream college but says he is unsure how he’s going to afford it.
My SIL and brother were previously middle class but lost a lot of money in 2020. They recently asked me if I was willing to help cover at least the first few years of Alexander’s undergraduate program and how I could pay them in segments if need be.
I could technically afford to, but I would need to take some from Stephanie’s college fund. I told them I thought it would be unfair to Stephanie to bail her brother out with the funds she worked to save all those years. I have some of my own savings, but it’s an emergency fund in case something happens with the store.
My SIL and brother were disappointed but told me they understood.
The problem is with our parents. They told me that it was selfish to ‘leave my nephew unable to attend his dream school’ and should split the college fund. I told them that Alexander already got his money and just spent it.
They told me I should then give away my emergency savings because most teenagers aren’t that great with finances, and if Alexander had to leave his dream school while Stephanie could afford hers, it could ’cause the family to resent Stephanie’ and I should ‘prevent that rift before their relationship gets hurt.’ But the twins have always had a good relationship with each other.
And I think it’s hideously unfair that Alexander gets bailed out while his sister had to work hard. AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Sending Away My Cousin From My Grandma's House That Is Now Mine?
“I (25F) inherited my grandma’s house after she died. We were incredibly close, I spent every weekend with her, and she heavily influenced me to study what I do now (forensics) as that was what she would’ve done had she the opportunity. She always told me that she was going to give me her house when she was gone (a 3-bedroom).
I have 4 other cousins on my grandma’s side, from my uncle, but they don’t live in my country. All of them got some amount of her money, but nothing material like I did. Except for ‘Molly’ (28F) who got nothing, as she never phoned my grandma, never thanked her for gifts, and ignored her altogether.
Didn’t go to her funeral either.
I live in the house, as I don’t have the budget to rent and honestly it has a lot of good memories for me. I do live alone but I don’t mind too much.
Last week Molly came to our city unexpectedly, no one else in my family knew except for maybe her siblings.
She went to my great aunt originally to ask for good places to stay and was then pointed over to me. She asked me if she could stay with me for the duration of her being in the city, and I refused.
I told her that she had the audacity to come to me and ask to stay in our grandma’s old house when she hadn’t spoken to me in over 15 years, and when she hadn’t even gone to the funeral. She told me I was being unreasonable, and that it wasn’t right to hold the past against her when she wanted to regain a bond.
(Grandma died 6 years ago).
I told her that I had no interest in a bond with her, and sent her away.
The issue is no one else in my family has room for her, and now I’m getting ganged up on by my great aunt and her side, who all think I’m being petty and should let her stay just to see what happens.
Maybe something good. I don’t agree, and Molly has been staying in a hotel since she showed up.
They haven’t stopped whining to me though, and one of my cousins (Molly’s brother) who I’m close to phoned me and asked me to give her a chance. I firmly refused.
I don’t know, am I being unreasonable?
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor She Can't Use My Deck For A Party And BBQ?
“My wife (35F) and I (30F) live in a duplex with a backyard. We rent the main floor of the duplex, and a woman named Lisa (25F) rents the basement. The square footage is really similar for both of the suites, but we pay significantly more because we also get the deck in the backyard and a small garden plot where we grow wildflowers.
My wife and I are responsible for all lawn maintenance, snow shoveling, and any upkeep in the backyard.
Since we moved into this duplex, we have been putting a lot of money into making our deck beautiful. We purchased patio furniture and a nice BBQ, we’ve planted dozens of flowers in planters around the deck, we’ve made an herb garden, and my wife even sewed all of the new pillow covers for the patio furniture when the other ones got old.
We love this deck and like to spend time on the deck in the summer. We have spent a lot of time and money making our backyard as cozy as possible. We live in a cold climate where we can only use our deck for a few months out of the year.
When Lisa moved in, she asked about the deck. We told her that we don’t have a problem with her using the deck and our BBQ in the summer, as long as she asks us ahead of time so we can make sure that we don’t have conflicting plans.
She said that was fine. Lisa is aware that the deck is ours. She has not contributed anything to the deck or backyard since moving in.
Today, Lisa texted me and said that she would be using the deck tomorrow afternoon/evening for her birthday party (her birthday is tomorrow, apparently), and she would be using the BBQ as well.
My wife and I had already made plans to have some friends over for drinks and then dinner on the deck. It would be at the same time as Lisa’s event.
I texted Lisa back and told her that my wife and I made plans to use the deck tomorrow afternoon and that we were sorry, but she wouldn’t be able to use the deck.
She got upset at me and called me selfish, and said that she only wanted to use the deck for a few hours and I should have just made it work.
My wife thinks that I was the jerk for telling Lisa no, on her birthday, but the fact is that we put a lot of time and effort into our deck and I want to be able to use the deck when I want.
I have been out of town for weeks, and just want to enjoy a nice night on my deck.
I am annoyed that Lisa didn’t even bother to ask ahead of time – if she had asked, we would have tried to work around her plans, but now it’s too late to change them.
Also, the last time Lisa used the deck, she left our BBQ absolutely filthy, even though we left our BBQ brush right beside it for her to use. She’s also left garbage on the table before.
So, AITJ for not letting Lisa use my deck?”
25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Mom With Her Homework?
“My (28F) mother (late 50s) started college in January and it’s been hard ever since. English is not her first language and she’s been struggling.
Every single one of us minus my father has been helping her with her homework and assignments (doing it for her) and we’re exhausted. She forgets how to use a computer when someone is there with her but she uses one at work all the time, she’ll ask us how to submit homework despite having submitted something a couple of days prior and she refuses to ask the professor questions if we don’t do it for her.
So I decided to go out this weekend and celebrate some friends’ birthdays. I packed a weekend bag and made my way to my car when my dad asked me where I was going. I said ‘I’m going out’ and he said ‘Who’s going to help your mother with her homework?’ I said, ‘You guys are’ (meaning he and my brother) and that was not good enough for him.
Despite the fact that I already correct and help her submit all of her homework, have a job, and play the role of mom/professor, I have to stay home to answer all of her questions and help her find articles and do research. I was at my wit’s end and said ‘I already do everything, you don’t even help her, you stand next to her and tell her to do the wrong thing, you don’t even know how to do citations and you went to university.
Am I supposed to stay home and do her homework for her? I’m not responsible for her homework.’
Side note: One thing about my dad is that he loves to dismiss people and their feelings. When I was younger and struggling with school or literally anything, his response would be ‘You think you’re the only person who struggled?
I did too and I dealt with it.’ So I just learned to do a lot of things on my own. Like asking for help stresses me out. Yes, I am in therapy for that.
He called me mean and aggressive and my mother stayed quiet. I later found out that she texted my sister and she tried chewing me out before I told her exactly what happened. A part of me feels bad because that’s my mom but another part of me is making me realize that I’m back at school and stressed out.
I literally do everything + my own job, I barely get any financial or emotional support from them.”
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Niece On A Trip To France?
“I (37m) live in the US with my spouse (36f). She is American and I’m French. We both didn’t want kids and didn’t have any. And we enjoy our life this way together.
We have nieces and nephews we see occasionally during the holidays or family gatherings. We just came back from a family visit that ended up in some argument with our relatives over taking our niece (17) on a planned trip to France to hang out with my family for 4 weeks during the summer break.
By any means our niece is a good kid, we watched her a couple of times at our home or theirs when her parents needed to be out of town and couldn’t take her. She listens to us for the most part but there are things she just doesn’t do and gives us some attitude about when asked to.
Like taking her shoes off, not eating on the couch, asking adults for food instead of snacking, staying at the table until the end of the meal, waiting for everyone to start eating, setting the table, asking if she can watch TV instead of turning it on at will. Those may seem like minor trivial details but they are not where I come from.
Arguing with adults over this type of trivial thing is not even a thing in my family.
No fault of her own. Culturally kids are raised differently here and there, and I’m fine with it but this is also why I don’t want to bring her with us on our trip.
My sister has a big property with farm animals, and a bed and breakfast, and all the kids are used to doing chores and don’t argue because it’s a communal thing we do together. Her property is a classic French small castle gem and there is always something to do.
We planned to drive to a couple of wine places, and visit friends and we would need to leave our niece in the care of my sister. I already know that the way my sister plans days for her kids will be a problem for my niece and I don’t want to burden her with that.
She is making her home a welcoming place for over 18 family members + the guests in the bed and breakfast throughout the summer. We just do what she tells us and help where we can because she is the host. It’s the way we’ve done it since forever!
So when my BIL asked if I could take our niece on our trip to France, I said no. He insisted I ask my sister before I answered and I said that I wouldn’t.
I asked that we talk in private and not in front of the kids to explain why to him. He started screaming so I answered why, mentioning that French families operate differently and it wouldn’t work for anyone.
I know for a fact that my sister doesn’t want any of it.
She hosted an American exchange student once and didn’t have a good time at all and it was around the property work and chores.
Now BIL, SIL, MIL, and FIL are mad and trying to get my wife to make it happen ‘for the sake of our niece’.
AITJ for not wanting to take my niece to France?”
23. AITJ For Making My 3-Year-Old Daughter Use Deodorant?
“My daughter (3f) had some serious body odor last summer. Let’s call her Brynn. To the point that I took her to her pediatrician and to see an endocrinologist because man, it was bad. They said she was fine. They just gave me instructions and I follow up every 6 months.
She was also recently diagnosed with ASD (autism spectrum disorder).
My mom was visiting and I was getting Brynn ready for bed, normal shower stuff. My mom was just hanging out with us and after diaper and lotion, I put deodorant on her because she sweats so much in her sleep.
My mom freaked out. She accused me of creating body issues and forcing her to be afraid of germs. I call her ridiculous. Tell her to get out so I can finish up with Brynn.
After she goes to bed my mom accuses me of having Munchausen by proxy, I take her to the doctor too much, and is upset that I got her evaluated for ASD because she thinks she is fine.
I tell her that Brynn is fine. She just has ASD. And everything I’m doing (all the therapy services) is just because I don’t want to spend time with her. To just use cornstarch on her armpits and make her shower twice a day. I point out that she goes to daycare and my fiance and I both work full time which just isn’t doable most days.
Then it just clicked that I don’t owe her an explanation for anything so I told her to drop it or she could go home. I have never been so blunt with my mom. She left immediately after. My bro is on my side, my sis says I’m a jerk cuz I should have just let her talk.
Now I’m second-guessing myself because I’m not sure if she’s gaslighting me or if I’m really creating body issues for my daughter.
The instructions from the endocrinologist were to watch for signs of puberty, like acne.
It does run in my family my mom knows this. I had prescription deodorant when I was in high school.
The deodorant is just deodorant. No antiperspirant or aluminum. It is unscented. My GP and endocrinologist have approved.
Since I have been hyper vigilant it has not been a constant problem. As of lately she only smells after a particularly active day (park or zoo).”
22. AITJ For Correcting My Mom's Story About Her Sister's Death?
“I (f16) corrected my mother’s (f49) story about her own sister’s death.
About 5 years ago my aunt died after having a heart attack in her car. Me and my two younger cousins were in the car when it happened. The car was parked, we were all safe, and were waiting for my eldest cousin (15 at the time) to get out of school.
We had arrived 15 minutes early and did not know what was happening, so we weren’t able to help. When the eldest got into the car he realised something had happened and called an ambulance. They were unable to resuscitate her and her funeral was held a few months after that.
Two weeks ago my family was having a gathering with some friends of hers for the anniversary of her death. My mother, uncle, cousins, and grandparents all know how she died. And I thought her friends knew too. My mother started speaking to her friends about how her death was ‘such a shame’ and how she ‘never deserved to die like that’.
The friends agreed and all was fine until one of them mentioned how me and my cousins were lucky to have survived. This had perked my interest so I decided to listen to the rest of the conversation. My mother proceeded to retell the story she had fabricated in her mind.
So what she had told my aunt’s friends originally was that her sister had died in a car crash when driving to pick up her eldest. She blamed the crash on her ‘heavy drinking problem’ and mentioned that I was in the crash but was not hurt. That’s when I stepped in and corrected her story, this was met with shock from her friends.
These friends have been completely avoiding our family now. Even one of them posted about my mother’s ‘terrible and disgusting lies’.
After the gathering, my mother shouted at me about how I had embarrassed her and that people in her workplace were bullying her for these lies. She supposedly had an investigation done on her by her higher-ups, but I don’t know if that’s true.
My mother is blaming me for almost getting her fired from her office job. My grandparents have also been rather rude to me after this telling me I shouldn’t have outed her lies like that. They have completely sided with my mother believing I’m in the wrong. But I kinda think that’s nonsense, I was wondering am I the jerk in this situation?”
21. AITJ For Scolding My Nephew For Touching My Son's Tablet?
“I (36F) am married to K (36F), and I have two children L (14M) and P (9F).
My wife and I have a very good financial condition, in addition to encouraging and supporting our children’s tastes.
That said, L is a great designer and has been interested in digital painting and has been asking for a tablet for over a year. It is a relatively expensive item and although we can buy it, we chose another method. Encourage homework, improve at school, do chores, etc. We are teaching from an early age that some things have to be the effort to achieve and if he had done it until his birthday, he would get what he asked for (which he did).
Last week was my family’s annual event where all the members gather at a beach house to have family time. Me, my wife, and 2 children; my brother Y (38M), his wife and a son (2M); my other brother D (33M) with his wife and my parents.
L doesn’t really like to stay at the beach (too much sun and too much sand for his taste, as he says), so he prefers to enjoy the pool at the house and hang out with my brother D, who doesn’t like the beach either.
Faced with that, he asked to take the tablet and I agreed as long as he was only going to be on it for 1 hour a day.
Sunday, the last day of the trip, L was with the tablet and my nephew was delighted by the fact that he could draw on it and have a pen for it.
He kept asking to use it and L let him.
My nephew doesn’t have a very good electronics background, having broken several, so I was worried about the possible final fate of the tablet and had my eye on it.
At some point, he got annoyed with the pen and threw it on the floor.
With that, I bent down to talk to him and say that he shouldn’t do this with other people’s stuff and that it would be better to take the pen and return it with the tablet to the owner. Which he understood and returned.
Y was on the couch watching (he didn’t do anything when his son threw the pen) and pulled me aside, saying that it was just a pen and that I had been a jerk for scolding someone else’s son.
We had a little fight, but ok.
After a while, my nephew asked to take the tablet again and before my son said anything, I said that it was better not and that he had other things as nice to do. He cried a little wanting the tablet, but 2 minutes later he forgot.
My brother started arguing with me, saying that I shouldn’t have done this and that anything, my spoiled son would get another and a bunch of stuff (L wasn’t around).
After a long discussion, we didn’t talk anymore.
I don’t know, but was I the jerk?”
20. AITJ For Opening Up At Therapy?
“I am the youngest of 5. I’m 17f and my siblings are 19m, 20f, 22f, and 24m. When I was 5 our dad died. When I was 7 my mom remarried but she had been living with my stepdad for a while.
Stepdad tried to be a father to all five of us. He sat us down and told us he wanted to be there, wanted to help our mom, and was going to be the best father he could be to us. My oldest brother told him he was never going to be a father to him and he should quit while he was ahead.
My other siblings all spoke up too but not quite in the same way. I was more quiet. I felt bad for him then because I saw he struggled with what my siblings were saying.
All the photos of our dad were removed from common areas of the house after he and my mom married. My siblings and I all took them into our rooms. It led to some tension on both sides.
We weren’t happy to have all of them removed from the rest of the house, and he hated that each of our rooms had at least two photos of our dad in them, and if he looked in he would see them. He was very jealous of how much we all loved and missed our dad and how closed off we were to the idea of him being another dad to us.
I think, understandably, he struggled to cope with the fact he wasn’t valued as much as we valued our mom and dad, and I think he felt disposable. I think it added to his feelings.
Over the years he has been there and tried, but has always asked for more.
Admittedly I am the only one who tried to have a good relationship with him and even then I pulled back because the second I started agreeing to some bonding time with him, he asked about adopting me, or asked if I would like to take his last name too, and got upset when I gave my answer.
None of my siblings maintain much of a relationship with him. They are civil but he feels left out in the cold. Mom realized things would not get better without help and asked for family therapy. I’m the only one going. We spent the first couple of months addressing what my mom and stepdad see as problems. Each session is about 35 minutes and we address one topic at a time.
She also gives us a chance to speak.
At our session during the week, I was asked to address some stuff my mom and stepdad had mentioned. I decided to go with honesty. That I didn’t consider my stepdad another dad to me, that I didn’t love him but didn’t hate him either, and had a confusing mix of feelings toward him, but that I loved my mom enough to try but I wasn’t happy with him trying to be my dad.
This broke his heart. I saw it happen. I kind of knew it would. For the first time ever I saw him angry too. He placed a lot of hope that I would be the one who would be open to more with him, and hearing that from me pushed him over the edge.
He said I should have just refused to go if all I was going to do was hurt him.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Aunt For Taking My Fan Without Asking?
“I (18F) live with my mum (42) in a tiny flat in the city. Recently my uncle (38) and his wife (29) have had a baby, and they chose to stay with us whilst they get used to the whole ‘parent’ thing.
To be honest, the whole situation has confused me from the beginning. My aunt and uncle live in Scotland in a huge house, and instead of getting help from my aunt’s family who actually LIVES there, they’ve decided to drive down to England to stay in a pokey flat with me and my mum.
We didn’t ask questions, though, and just welcomed them with open arms, because that’s what families do.
Anyway, as some of you may know, right now in the UK, there’s a big heatwave hitting us. It’s more limited to England I think, but recently it’s been about 29 C (84 F) but temps are set to hit 40 C (104 F) which is the hottest it’s ever been over here.
Our homes are not equipped for heatwaves, they’re actually designed to insulate instead of keep cool, so we’re all panicking about how hot it’s going to get in the flat. My mum and I thought that my aunt and uncle would go back up to Scotland where it’s cooler, but they were insistent on staying with us, so last week, we bought an air conditioning unit and some fans to keep us going.
However, as of late, my aunt keeps stealing all our fans and the AC for her and the baby. ‘It’s too hot, we need them.’ The rest of us are literally baking, including her own husband who has asthma and suffers in extreme heat, but she doesn’t seem to care or even understand that.
We were trying to be accommodating at first, but now it’s actually getting beyond ridiculous. She won’t even let us use the things that WE bought in our own home, which I find really selfish and unfair.
It kind of came to a boiling point (no pun intended) this morning when she decided to take the one-hand fan that I had in my room and put it in the baby’s cot because ‘the baby was crying and the AC unit and the two fans weren’t enough.’ I tried telling her that maybe the baby was actually too COLD or maybe just hungry and that led to an argument where she accused me of questioning her parenting, etc etc.
I didn’t engage, just told her that I don’t care how she parents her child as long as she doesn’t steal from me, took my fan back, and didn’t say another word to her.
AITJ for getting annoyed? I get that she’s a first-time parent and she’s worried about her baby but I don’t know, I just don’t think it justified taking my stuff.
(Just for some context, as far as I know, nothing has happened up in Scotland for them not to go back. I honestly have no idea why they want to be here when the weather is bloody minging and their house with built-in AC is empty but !!!! these are the things I am dealing with).”
18. AITJ For Going To My Grandma's House To Get Away From My Dad?
“My dad (M42) and I (F17) do not have a good relationship. To give some context, my parents had worked overseas since I was 5 and only lived permanently home when I turned 16.
We always get into petty arguments and I admit that most of it is to discipline my attitude and I’m working through it.
But recently he has been verbally abusing me whenever he ‘disciplines’ me. Calling me worthless, you have no purpose, or saying things like ‘When am I ever gonna be proud of you’ or ‘What’s the point of being smart when you have a trashy attitude’. And these are for reasons like me putting a glass on the dinner table or not filling the water jug.
It has come to a point where I am not comfortable at home because I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I feel conscious whenever I try to eat in the kitchen or even hang out in the living room because I’m afraid of the comments he’s gonna say.
That is why I avoid hanging out in the living room in the morning and am normally awake at night because it’s the only time I feel comfortable outside my room.
One time we were grocery shopping and when we were at the counter he suddenly said ‘Well if you were nice I would have bought you more things’.
I had been quiet the whole day. His sarcastically calling me ‘nice’ has been a normal thing and I genuinely believed that I was a bad person even though I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I’m actively working on my attitude but he constantly belittles me and refuses to see that I’m trying to change.
This particular incident though has really got off my last nerve. The whole family was out one morning except me because I did not want to come and I just told my brother to buy me some food. I did my laundry and cleaned the terrace because the dogs made a mess and I ate some cereal but I forgot to clean it because I fell asleep.
When my parents got home my dad immediately yelled at me saying ‘You did nothing at home, you really are useless. You even had the audacity to ask us to buy you food’ and yelled at me for leaving a cup at the table and forgetting to wash the cereal bowl, he even called me a liar when I said I was doing something in the morning.
The next morning I got some clothes and stayed at my grandma’s house which was just right across the street. He immediately stormed into the house to complain to my grandma calling me a liar and saying that I’m worthless and good for nothing.
It has been a month and I am still staying at my grandma’s.
My parents did nothing and during the times I have ‘interacted’ with my dad he said ‘I don’t care about her’. When I was coming to the grocery store with my grandma and my dad was driving he said to my grandma ‘Why is she here!?’ ‘I invited you only’ ‘She ruined my mood’ and repeatedly complained until my grandma had had enough and said we’re not coming anymore.
Am I really a bad daughter for temporarily moving into my grandma’s house because I cannot handle the comments my dad says to me?”
17. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Nicer And More Expensive Seat So A Woman Could Sit With Her Partner?
“I (26f) had a flight from Rome, Italy to New Jersey yesterday.
It was 9 hours long and I had work today, so I had picked a window seat so I could easily sleep the whole time to prep for work. After I sat down, buckled in, and got ready to sleep, a man (about 45) tapped me on the shoulder and said ‘You wouldn’t want to switch seats with my partner, would you?’ The seat was in the middle of the middle aisle, and I knew it would be impossible to sleep there.
I politely said no, I’d like the seat I had chosen. If it had been a child, I probably would have switched but these were two middle-aged people… they definitely could have bought seats next to each other if they reaaaaally wanted to but instead got random ones and hoped people would switch.
Anywho, I stay in my seat. The girl (also 45-ish) proceeds to stand up hourly and glare at me from her seat several rows away. When she sees I’m not giving it any attention, she proceeds to come over to his seat hourly, sit on his lap, and talk very, very loudly, waking me up 5 separate times.
It should be noted that the lights are out in the cabin at this point and everyone is trying to sleep. Flight attendants keep telling her to move. She persists.
After the flight, we are deboarding and she winds up behind me. She’s loudly talking trash about me for not switching seats saying I ruined her flight.
I must stress again that she is 45. Her seat was in a much cheaper area than mine. They could have bought seats next to each other but might not have wanted to spend the money. The man revealed to me while we were flying that they didn’t sit next to each other on their first flight either, so this lack of planning seems to be their usual move.
AITJ for not switching seats? I wanted to sit in the one I paid for that was in the area I chose, and I don’t understand why a middle-aged woman is throwing a hissy fit over her own choice of seats. If it were a child and parent separated, I probably would have done it due to the flight being 9 hours… but I don’t think their lack of planning and choice of cheaper seats should have been made to be my problem.
I don’t get why I was in the wrong for wanting to sit in my seat.
Anywho, let me know.”
16. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Pay My Nanny?
“I recently found out that my sister-in-law for the past year and a half has been dropping her two kids off for a few hours each week with Eve, my nanny/babysitter so that my sister-in-law can either go grocery shopping, take a nap, gym or to the salon to get her hair/nails done.
Eve is a generous and kindhearted person who I know would have a difficult time saying no to a pushy person like my sister-in-law. Eve did say that she preferred that my SIL didn’t but she didn’t want to cause trouble and didn’t want me to do anything.
So over the weekend, I had a chat with my SIL and I asked her to stop asking Eve to take care of her kids and that she needed to look into daycare or get her own nanny as Eve will no longer be doing free childcare for her. I even gave her the details of the nanny/babysitter service that could match her with someone.
Since then my in-laws have been on my butt pretty much. They’re saying that I should ‘share’ Eve with my SIL and when I sarcastically asked if they’d go half with me, we’d split Eve’s 80k salary, suddenly my SIL could never afford that. I of course knew she couldn’t pay even half her wages.
So I asked her to at least pay her 25 an hour every time she dumps her kids on her. This also was met with she can’t afford it.
So I told her that if she can’t afford it then she’d need to watch her own kids. Apparently, that was rude and I’m using my money to bully them.
I don’t think I’m the jerk in this and in fact, I think they are for thinking it’s normal to have free childcare. My husband is also annoying me because he thinks I’m being a jerk for saying anything and for even asking them to pay.
Now after having discussed this with my colleague, I’m starting to doubt it as she pointed out that Eve has been put into an awkward situation since my SIL did text her asking if she was okay with her having dropped her kids off with her.
But the thing is I know Eve.
I know she’s just too shy to say no or she’s possibly worried that this could maybe affect her job (not that it would and I have reassured Eve that her job is in no way or shape in jeopardy).
So am I being a jerk and should I let it go?”
15. AITJ For Letting My Partner Pay For My Meals?
“I’ve been with my partner for four years now, and since our first date, I’ve never paid for a single meal when we go out to eat except for his birthday and I treat him.
I never really thought much of it since it’s just something that we did.
My partner says he just likes treating me out to eat since we love trying new restaurants (food culture is big between us) and it’s a big part of our bonding. He says it just makes him feel good and he can afford it so why not?
The rest of our relationship is pretty ‘fair’: we evenly split bills/our rent, and he doesn’t buy me other things outside of regular gifts/treats (i.e. Christmas), etc.
This became an issue last weekend when we went out for dinner with a few of his co-workers and their SOs, including a recent new hire named ‘Ashley’.
At the end of the meal, we all got separate checks and Ashley noticed that my partner paid for me. She directly asked me if my partner was paying for me, and when I answered in the affirmative, she asked if he did it all the time (to which I also said yes).
It wasn’t something I ever felt ashamed of, so I didn’t even think to answer any other way.
She ended up making a big deal about it, doing things like loudly telling the coworker next to her, ‘Must be nice to be spoiled’, or questioning whether or not I worked (I do), and how much stress my partner must be under to pay my way.
My partner stood up for us, but the more he explained the more she had to say about the situation.
It got to a point where even other members of our party noticed, and one of my partner’s co-workers tried to make a joke about how she was sure there were other more interesting things to talk about than our relationship and changed the subject.
The entire situation was so embarrassing, and although some of our dinner party reached out to comfort me, I feel like Ashley’s reaction was very severe so she must have been super offended by me. I can’t imagine that she’d react that way for no reason, so I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been a giant jerk and taking advantage of my partner.”
14. AITJ For Misreading My Husband's Cousin's Message?
“My husband (37M) ‘Jack’ works at the same company as his brother ‘Tom’ (32M) & cousin ‘Trey’ (33M). Brother & cousin are bachelors and room together. They live only 10 minutes away from us.
Jack and Tom both had to travel for work together. They had to drive trucks to an office in another state, and then fly back.
They left Tuesday and got back today (Saturday). I (32F) am a work-from-home mom with 3 kids (5m, 3f, 1m) so it’s been a rough week without Jack.
Yesterday Jack texted and said he would land at 10:30 a.m. I asked if I needed to pick him up and he replied ‘Probably’.
I was annoyed because the airport is an hour away so I was trying to plan my Saturday. I FaceTimed him at about 8 pm to say goodnight to the kids, but also to finalize plans and he gave the kids a quick goodnight and then said he and Tom were getting into an Uber and he couldn’t talk.
He never called back.
I went to bed and my 1-year-old had a rough night and was up crying for over an hour. Then I couldn’t go back to sleep for another hour after that. When my alarm went off at 7 a.m. I had a text from Jack that he might need me to pick him and Tom up, but Trey also might get him so I should call Trey and see.
I was annoyed, but I also had a text from Trey saying he’d get them. I was happy and went back to bed.
By 10:30 I was up and just having a normal morning and hubby called me to see where I was. When I told him at home he asked why I wasn’t there to get him.
I told him Trey was there and he said he’s not. I looked back and the text actually said ‘Am I getting the guys?’ And in my sleepiness, I thought he was telling me he was. I called Trey and he hurried and went to get them, but Jack and Tom had to wait an hour for their ride.
When Jack got home he greeted the kids warmly but gave me the cold shoulder. When we were alone he started in on me about how he works hard and had a long week and the least I could do was be there to get him on time. I said sorry and he kept going about how frustrating it is to have to be away from family and then wait for so long.
I said sorry again. Then we went on some more and I cut him off and said ‘Look I’m sorry, but you realize this is your fault too, right?’ He looked at me and said, ‘Are you really turning this around on me?’ I said ‘I’m not trying to turn anything around, but you made last-minute plans and that’s not my fault.
I’m here by myself with 3 kids.’ He walked away. Now it’s been a few hours and he still won’t talk to me directly.
Am I the jerk here?”
13. AITJ For Complaining About A Single Mom Neighbor With A Newborn?
“I (26f) live in an apartment. I’m a resident in a medical profession and I work 100-hour weeks plus a lot of additional hours of studying and paperwork. I hardly sleep as is. I cannot wear earplugs because I need to be able to hear my phone when on call or if I’m called about a patient under my care.
This happens frequently and I never turn off my phone and only update it when I’m at work. Just for an idea about how strongly I’m attached to my phone.
My downstairs neighbor had a baby last month. Since she came home from the hospital I haven’t slept through the night.
I’m woken up every 1-2 hours by the baby and this baby screams. I know the mom is trying her best – I’m sure she doesn’t want to be woken up either. But, I’m losing it. I fell asleep Thursday standing up in the middle of rounds.
My attending was not impressed and I was reprimanded. My partner has been encouraging me to file a complaint because it’s not fair I can’t sleep.
I have tried to talk directly to my neighbor to ask if she could stop walking around her whole apartment (I’ve tried sleeping on my couch which is better but mom walks the baby around the apartment) or maybe if there could be some soundproofing done.
But every time I’ve had the chance to go to her apartment she’s got a note about the baby sleeping and please don’t knock. I do not have her number or other way to contact her (I feel weird about leaving a note and want to address it in person).
So I spoke to my landlord Friday evening. I was very clear that I was not trying to blame this woman, I just wanted to know if there could be some soundproofing done or something. The landlord said they’d look into options.
Well, Saturday I had a day off mandated because I’m now considered a risk to patients which is causing a whole host of issues for me.
I was sleeping and woke up to pounding and screaming. The mother was furious with me and kept screaming about how I was selfish and trying to kick out a single mom, etc. Neighbors were watching and I kept trying to explain but she (and the baby) just kept screaming.
I lost it. I was beyond exhausted and just screamed back. I told her her baby was so loud she might cost me my job, that I couldn’t function anymore because of her, and that soundproofing isn’t the end of the world. If she can’t soundproof she should be considerate and stop living in an apartment.
She started crying and left.
I feel awful about it. I know I shouldn’t have yelled. I know that makes me a jerk. But AITJ for filing a complaint? My impression was the landlord was going to fix the issue not kick her out. I don’t want that.”
12. AITJ For Proving To A Coworker That Chocolate Milk Does Not Come From Brown Cows?
“So about two weeks ago, I and another co-worker were talking about the topic of chocolate milk, and well… she’s one of the 10% of Americans that actually believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows (correction: apparently 7.4% of Americans actually believe that chocolate milk comes brown cows… which is A LOT LESS than 10%… but still a lot, yikes!)
I admit that I guffawed a bit, to which she took offense, but I ended up apologizing BUT telling her that I thought she was a bit silly and told her that chocolate milk is actually just regular milk with chocolate syrup. She got defensive and said that she didn’t believe me.
So I asked her if I could show her proof that she was wrong and she dared me to do so; so I bought regular milk and chocolate syrup from a nearby store during my lunch, mixed it up, and gave it to her to drink.
She ended up drinking it, and just left in a huff, and apparently just told our shift manager that she was leaving for the day because ‘she felt attacked by me,’ and demanded she needed a mental day.
The shift manager didn’t approve, but she left anyway, so whatever.
But apparently, this whole thing got everyone else’s attention (because my co-worker made such a big scene about it) that it apparently attracted enough attention that my store manager had to personally call me to his office yesterday and tell me about what happened that day.
I didn’t know at the time, but I really offended that poor co-worker of mine SO much that she told my store manager about how she couldn’t work with me anymore and that she even reported me to HR for ‘discriminating against her beliefs’ and that I apparently caused enough mental damage that she couldn’t even go back to work due to how much I humiliated her… over chocolate milk.
My store manager even wrote me up and warned me that the next time I acted in such an offensive manner like that, I would be fired.
I mean, I’m already quitting and starting a new job anyways, but I’m worried about whether or not I’m actually the jerk for this and if I should be more careful with my next job.”
NTJ
11. AITJ For Training My Neighbor's Dog?
“I have a neighbor with a small yappy dog and it seems like she’s never trained it. Every morning she sits out on her porch at the crack of dawn with this yappy dog and I hear wild barking, her yelling ‘No’ and ‘Shuddup’ and increasingly wild barking.
I don’t think the dog even knows ‘quiet’ or ‘sit’ or whatever.
Last week, my neighbor told me she had a family emergency and she was looking for a pet sitter, she’d pay. I offered and she took me up on it. So I took her dog in for a few weeks and along with watching him, I started teaching him ‘quiet’ and ‘sit’ and then combined them.
So on my command, I was able to get him to sit down and stop barking.
Then I worked in a bunch more commands for the same trick, so all the trigger words I taught were ‘sit’ ‘quiet’ ‘No’ ‘Shut up!’ ‘Stop it!’ ‘Shut it’ and ‘Hey!’ which were the things I heard my neighbor yell at her dog the most.
So basically by the end of the time, anything I’d say in a sharp tone, her dog would know to stop barking and sit down.
My neighbor came back and I mentioned I’d worked on a little training too, and showed her that by firmly saying ‘no’ her dog would chill now.
She seemed a little weird about that but she still paid me. Then a few days later she showed back up at my house furious asking what I did to her dog because he doesn’t do anything but sit on his butt nowadays. And that it wasn’t just ‘no’, nearly anything she said to him he’d act like he was braindead and just sit there.
She was yelling at me that she wanted her money back for me having petsit which I didn’t think was fair, I’d honestly been trying to do her and the rest of the neighborhood a favor.
AITJ for training my neighbor’s dog?”
10. AITJ For Not Helping With Getting My Partner's Son Ready In The Morning?
“I’ve been with my partner, Brenda, for 9 months.
We’re both single parents, and we both have 50/50 custody of our kids. Her custody is a bit different since she has 2 weeks with her son, and then 2 weeks he’s with his dad because of his dad’s work. In the beginning, we didn’t spend the night with each other when one of us had our kids since we didn’t want to introduce our kids to each other right away.
Was tough at times but we made it work.
Around May-ish Brenda invited me to stay over sometimes when she had her son. A couple of those nights she had a hard time staying asleep or falling asleep so I tried to do her a favor in the morning and get breakfast for her kid and get his bag ready for pre-k so she could sleep in a few extra minutes.
Fast forward to the beginning of this week, kiddos are starting school. My daughter is with her mother this week so Brenda asked me to spend a night. I did. I got up early and left to take care of a couple of things before work.
An hour later Brenda calls me and is mad I didn’t get her son fed and ready before I left. I basically told her she didn’t ask me to nor is that my responsibility.
When she said I had done it before, I reminded her I did it fewer times than I have fingers on one hand and was trying to do something nice for her once in a while. She shouldn’t have just assumed it would become the norm when it wasn’t already.
She actually pulled the single mom card on me before hanging up. Mind you, Brenda still doesn’t want to spend the night at my place when I have my daughter because she wants to be able to sleep in and take her time getting ready for work in the morning.
I don’t believe in tit-for-tat relationships but I do believe in relationships being balanced and don’t ask to receive what you aren’t willing to give. She asked me today if I’m going to apologize and I said I’m not because I did nothing wrong but I’m starting to second guess myself.
Was I the jerk?”
9. AITJ For Telling A New Hire That No One Is Creepy At The Office?
“I (F30) have been working in my current role for a little over a year, and I absolutely love it. The only thing is that, until now, I have been the only female in the entire office (not just my team, as in, every single colleague is a man).
I really don’t mind, I like my coworkers and, unlike other workplaces, I have never had a single issue with an inappropriate comment or something similar.
Recently, a new hire started. She (F 25-30?) works outside of my team but is part of a team I work with regularly so we have interacted a couple of times.
Then we chatted during a company dinner, and she now seeks me out during lunch. I have no issue with this, she is friendly and I think she finds me more approachable than her team members. So far the conversations have all been general chit-chat, nothing too serious but also not super work-focused as I don’t want to talk shop at lunch.
Last week, as usual, she came and found me at my desk asking if I wanted to go grab something to eat. She then suggested we go to a sit-down place rather than bring food back to the office. Fine by me. At the cafe, she straight-up asked me who the ‘issue men’ were at work.
I was a bit confused, so she clarified asking who was creepy/should be avoided.
I was a bit surprised but honestly told her that everyone has always been friendly and kind and that I have not experienced anything like that at this company. She seemed like she didn’t believe me, and kept pressing but I kept saying more of the same.
On Friday, as I was packing up, the new hire asked if we could walk to the elevator together. During the trip down she said she was very disappointed that I wasn’t sharing names with her so she could protect herself from creeps. She said now she didn’t know who to avoid, all because I wasn’t a girls’ girl.
I tried to tell her again that it really wasn’t like that, but she wouldn’t have it and said that I clearly was more interested in protecting the boys club instead of being friends.
Now I am not sure if something has happened, but AITJ for the way I handled it?
Maybe she expected something different.”
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Nanna To Bring Her Dog To Our Wedding Only To Leave Him In The Car?
“My fiance (M25) & I’s (F22) wedding is soon. My fiance is close with his nanna & mum. They mostly raised him. Mum is disabled, it’s progressive. She’s reliant on Nanna, including for decisions. Nanna has caused a few issues during planning but I’ll focus on the main one.
My fiance’s cousin got married last week. His mother and nanna had to travel and stay overnight for the wedding. Fiance went but I was unable to. Nanna decided to bring Mum’s dog and leave him in the car for the wedding and overnight which upset us. She said that she would do this for our wedding too.
My fiance and I discussed and agreed not to allow this. Especially since she wants to travel for our wedding over a few days and the dog would be left alone for at least 3 days as a result.
My fiance called Nanna and told her that we’d prefer it if she made alternative arrangements for the dog.
This was 2 days after Cousin’s wedding. She called 10 minutes later to say she was offended & we’d need to find another way to get Mum to the wedding because she wasn’t coming.
My fiance was devastated. We left it for 2 days and tried again. Before my fiance could bring the dog up, Nanna went off saying she was ‘ashamed of him that he would think she would be unkind to the dog’ he ‘chose to pick this fight close to the wedding’ & she’s had a ‘rough year’.
We again left it.
We spoke with BIL (M22) & his wife (F23) who have also been talking to Nanna. They agree that leaving the dog in the car is risky & cruel. Nanna spoke with BIL a few times & said that she won’t change her mind. BIL plans to visit Nanna to speak in person.
2 days after my fiance last spoke to Nanna, his uncle called, saying we ‘shouldn’t have expressed our opinion’ and Nanna ‘has been through a lot’. Uncle said that he could transport Mum but couldn’t do her care. So if Nanna doesn’t come, Mum probably won’t be able to.
My fiance is devastated. I still feel leaving the dog in the car is wrong. I don’t think I’m the jerk but the conflict is getting to me.
AITJ for enforcing this boundary?”
7. AITJ For Taking The Kids I'm Babysitting To McDonald's For Dinner?
“So I (18F) babysit to get some extra funds and I have a few families who routinely use my services and I have a small steady cashflow from this.
One of my regulars who I adore asked me if I’d mind if she gave my number to her friend as they were looking for a new sitter. I figured this was great and told her to please do so. After all, new clients are always great, right?
I met with a friend of my regular and she seemed nice enough.
She had a 10-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl. The kids were lovely and I agreed to watch them in a couple of days. The night I was watching them so their parents could have a date night I’d honestly had a kind of crappy day myself, a long day of classes and some drama going on after my significant other and I broke up, but I wasn’t about to let that bleed into how I treated the kids however I had no energy to cook dinner.
Instead, I took the kids out to McDonald’s figuring there would be no issue with this and I paid for it myself figuring that was a small price to pay for not having to cook.
The evening watching the kids went great and I got them both to bed without any tantrums or acting up like some kids have.
When their parents got back I gave them the rundown on what had happened before revealing I took them out to McDonalds as a treat. Their mother was… not impressed. She basically tore me a new one for taking her kids there for dinner stating if she was paying me that she expected me to feed them a fully balanced meal AND dessert not take them for fast food.
I apologized and told her I had no idea she would be against that as I’d only been told to make sure they had dinner not WHAT they should have. I was insulted some more at this and told it should be obvious and that they weren’t going to pay someone to feed their kids trash.
I was then told to leave and was not paid.
They are still refusing to pay me and I may honestly write them off as I’m not sure what I can do but… is it really that big a deal that the kids got taken out for McDonalds as a little treat?
I wasn’t TOLD I’d be expected to cook dinner for them especially not to the standards she seems to hold. She has been talking about me to other parents. According to one of my regulars though those who regularly use my services are defending me I just worry this could cost me future business from others whom I haven’t worked for yet as this is a small town and people tend to talk a lot.”
6. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Lessen Her Hot Sauce Consumption?
“I (36M) love my wife (34F).
I think she is an amazing human being. This isn’t some huge life-shattering conflict like some I see posted here but has been an ongoing disagreement in our household for some time.
But she’s utterly obsessed with hot sauce. Which is fine! But she has at least 30 bottles of the stuff in our fridge.
We don’t have a large refrigerator at all and it’s overflowing with hot sauce. The entire door is hot sauce. She also keeps buying MORE HOT SAUCE. I told her that I didn’t think it was fair to keep more than 10 bottles of hot sauce in our shared refrigerator. She said that she doesn’t police how much space my food takes up in the fridge and that she refuses to abide by my ‘arbitrary and unfair hot sauce limits.’ How can 10 bottles of hot sauce not be enough?!
I really don’t think I’m being unfair here. What if I decided we needed 30 kinds of mustard and filled the fridge with mustard?! I’d be considered crazy, right?!
Plus, I used to use a few of her milder sauces on occasion, but recently I grabbed the wrong one and put a really hot one on some food and it made me actually sick.
(It was called Garlic Reaper, I think?) Have you ever vomited hot sauce? It is not fun. Now whenever I look at the rapidly multiplying hot sauces in our fridge, I get nauseous. She has no sympathy for me there because she’s pregnant and struggling with morning sickness, which I guess I get but also maybe she wouldn’t be so sick all the time if she weren’t drowning her food in hot sauce?!
All of the pregnancy resources I’ve looked at say to try nibbling some crackers, not EAT STRAIGHT SPOONFULS OF HOT SAUCE (yes, she does this.)
AND we are heading out to visit my parents soon for an extended trip and she said that she was going to probably bring 3 to 5 hot sauces with her because if she ‘has to eat my parents’ bland cooking for two weeks she might literally die.’ Who brings 3 to 5 hot sauces with them while a houseguest?!
I admit that my parents have no spice tolerance at all but come on!
Who is the jerk here? I mean, I might be the jerk because I should just be supportive and let her inundate our home with hot sauce, I guess. I said I would ask people about this, and if the consensus is that I’m a jerk, I’ll buy her a new hot sauce, but if the consensus is that she’s a jerk, she would get rid of some.
She agreed with having me tell people about this story but said that no matter what the consensus is, she’s going to buy more hot sauces, which in my opinion, is preeettttyyyyy telling about who is being unreasonable in this situation (her).
Edit: She has a dairy allergy and my milk and yogurts take up far more space in the fridge than her hot sauces.”
5. AITJ For Thinking My Husband's Niece Is Too Young To Be Our Flower Girl?
“So I (28F) don’t come from a very typical family. My parents had me during their freshman year of college when they were both 18. They had been together for about 2 months prior. During my mom’s pregnancy, they decided to break up. They successfully co-parented me for a while. When I was 12 they got back together and they got married when I was 16.
Shortly after my mom got pregnant with my sister. She had a rough pregnancy with hyperemesis so they decided to adopt. They brought home my brother 2 years later. Then they adopted 4 more children. I have a pretty big age gap between me and my siblings but I still try to spend time with them whenever I can and I love them so much.
My fiance (27M) on the other hand comes from a pretty typical family. He has one older sister who’s only a couple of years older than him. His parents have always been married and had them at a typical age.
Anyway, we’re getting married in January and so far we’ve agreed on most things.
This isn’t a huge deal, just something we’ve been disagreeing over and I want a judgement from an unbiased source.
Anyways my 2 youngest siblings are 5 and 6 but my brother will be 6 by the ceremony. And my fiancé’s cousin has a 2-year-old daughter who will be 3 by the ceremony.
I thought right off the bat that my siblings would be the flower girl and ring bearer.
But when I told this to him he disagreed and said that his niece should be the flower girl. He thinks 6 is too old and it should be a toddler. He suggested a ‘compromise’ should be that my brother is the ring bearer and his niece should be the flower girl.
I disagree with this firstly because in my opinion 6 is a much easier age than 3. My sister can easily understand directions and will be able to stand still during the ceremony. Whereas a 3-year-old (Who is currently in the constant tantrum phase) is not very easily directable and will likely need her mom to stand next to her and help the whole time.
And I don’t like his compromise because I think it’s kinda mean if my brother gets to participate but my sister doesn’t.
I know they could just do it together but I doubt my fiance will want that and, I don’t know, I feel like it’s weird for the bride’s full sister to be doing it with the groom’s 2nd niece.
And not to be mean but it’s not like they are incredibly close cousins, they grew up on opposite sides of the country and only saw each other on Christmas so I don’t think she’ll be offended if her daughter is not included.
Again, this isn’t a huge argument and I know if I stay persistent my fiance will agree but I feel like he and my soon-to-be MIL are acting like I’m being unreasonable when I don’t think I am.
So AITJ here? Is 6 too old to be a flower girl? Should I just try to compromise with him?”
4. AITJ For Snapping At My Wife For Always Commenting About My Lactose Intolerance?
” “So I (37m) am lactose intolerant, and my wife (36f), for some strange reason, feels the need to constantly bring it up at public gatherings. It usually goes something like this: we’re having a group conversation at some gathering with friends or family. Usually, when the conversation about something to do with dairy comes up she usually makes this comment ‘For someone who is lactose intolerant, I don’t understand why he likes cheese so much’.
For example, one time our friend was having a BBQ and offered me a burger, he then asked me what type of cheese I wanted in my burger. I proceeded to ask what they had. After he listed them I made my choice and had a conversation with our friend about how ‘cheese product’ is not real cheese.
Well shortly after there she was making that comment again. This usually follows up with people asking about the side effects of lactose intolerance etc., and I usually end the conversation by explaining that most cheese doesn’t actually contain lactose – therefore, doesn’t affect me.
This has gotten to be quite annoying and embarrassing depending on the questioning, but I don’t usually make a big deal about it since we are amongst other people and don’t want to make it awkward.
We’ve been together for over 10 years, and I had hoped that after I explained this several times she would ‘understand’ and stop bringing this up.
Well, today we were cooking dinner, and I was prepping some pasta and mentioned that this would probably go well with some blue cheese sauce we had in the fridge… and like clockwork, there was that stupid comment again.
Now I’ll be honest I was already aggravated about something else that happened earlier in the day. I couldn’t resist and just went off on her about her making this comment repeatedly during our 10 years together, and that I would think by how many times I had explained she would have learned by now that cheese doesn’t affect her husband and would stop putting me in this embarrassing situation every chance she gets (among other not so nice things).
Now we’re just sitting here not talking to each other at the moment, and I’m just wondering if I overdid it.”
3. AITJ For Emailing A Seller To Deliver My Order On Time?
“I (20f) ordered a print from an artist my significant other likes as a birthday present. His birthday is this Sunday and I ordered the print in early March. I had bought a print from this artist the year before, but the product never arrived – I decided to try again this year since my SO would really like this gift. I spent around $20 both times.
I was getting no signs or updates on my order, so I emailed the artist asking for the whereabouts of my order. They sent an (in my opinion, very unprofessionally worded) email saying they were traveling until next week and would ship my order as soon as they got back.
This is where I might have been the jerk – I replied to them thanking them for their response but telling them the truth, that I ordered this print in early March and was expecting it by a certain date. Firm but by no means rude, considering my past experience with this seller.
They replied, requesting that I refrain from ‘crazy talk’ when communicating with them, and proceeded to tweet about me quoting my full name and telling me to ‘chill’ and then posting the screenshots of their tweet to their social media with nearly 20k followers.
I would have been really apologetic if they had just confronted me in private and told me to watch my tone, to be honest. I work at a takeaway and also run my own business doing commissions so I know how difficult customers can be, so I try my best to be reasonable.
Considering the situation I don’t know if I was acting ‘like a Karen’ (something else they put in their tweet about me), but if I was regardless I think putting my full name on blast for everyone to see is rather unprofessional and rude. I dunno, all I wanted was to get a nice gift for my SO.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Saying My Wife Overreacted To My Friend's Joke?
“My wife is a makeup artist. She always has those heavy makeup looks on which can be weird for me as a guy sometimes, but she loves it and enjoys it so no problems there. Though my friends and family tend to make funny, lighthearted comments on her makeup which she seems to take too seriously.
Now the situation. My 27th birthday was a few days ago. We celebrated at a small dinner with my guy friends and my wife. Now my guy friends are brutally honest and make jokes and tease all the time, my wife knows how they are so no surprises there.
Anyway, my wife took a minute to use the toilet to get her makeup fixed as I and the boys were chatting.
When she got back she asked me how she looked and before I could answer, my friend Austin responded by jokingly saying ‘Gosh, you look like you just got out of the cancer ward with that heavy makeup on your face!’ The rest of the guys started laughing and I just stared at my wife.
She got very upset and started arguing with Austin about how awful he was. Others joined in and there was so much commotion. I felt upset that they were fighting during my birthday celebration. I asked my wife to calm down and take a seat but she asked if I was okay with my friends making fun of her.
Austin said, ‘Come on it was a joke!’ I threw my hands up and said that I admit that my wife overreacted because really it was a joke. She lashed out at me and took an Uber home.
The party was cut short and when I got home we began arguing.
I told her she overreacted and that she shouldn’t take everything seriously knowing how great she always looks but she turned it into an argument about how I let my friends insult her, and how I should’ve defended her and her integrity after I basically ‘forced’ these guys upon her when she was the one who arranged for this entire celebration.
She kept crying about getting humiliated and me dismissing her feelings and saying she overreacted.”
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Kids To Go With My Husband To Feed The Homeless?
“My husband, Ken, and I have 4 daughters: Sally (8), Emma (6), Katie (4) and Anne (2). Sally is my husband’s daughter with his ex. Emma and Katie are my daughters with my ex. And Anne is the daughter that we have together.
Before Ken and I got together, he and Sally had a tradition where they just went around the city on the weekends and found homeless people on the street to give money to.
That’s fine if they want to do it, but I told my husband that I don’t want Emma and Katie to be a part of it. So when he goes out with Sally, I take Emma and Katie to the park, or we go shopping, or find some other fun indoor/outdoor activities.
It was raining today, so the plan was for us to make hot chocolate and bake cookies and play dress up and watch movies but Emma and Katie wanted to go with my husband and Sally, and nothing I said could distract them.
They kept saying, ‘We want to give money to the homeless people, too’ and my husband was saying, ‘Babe, just let them come’ and I kind of snapped at everyone and told them no was no. Ken left with Sally and I calmed down and apologized to Emma and Katie but they got mad at me and said, ‘You’re mean!
You won’t ever let us go with Daddy to give money to the homeless people and we don’t want to play with you anymore.’ So I started baking cookies without them and they eventually realized they were wrong and came to help me, but when my husband came back with Sally, they got upset at me again!
I sent them off to the room and I told Ken that Emma and Katie were mad at me because he wasn’t being more vocal about backing me up and telling them they couldn’t go. He said, ‘No. I’m not telling them because you’re the one stopping them. I want them to come.’ And he said I owe everybody an apology.
I totally disagreed and walked off. Now they’re all sitting on the couch watching TV and I’m in the room alone thinking if maybe I could be wrong here, but I honestly feel like I’m not and that he’s influencing them to turn against me when he should be backing me up.”
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