People Seek Sincere Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
37. AITJ For Taking The Seats Someone Has Saved For Her Friends?
“There was a band concert in our large school district with students from multiple grades.
A giant number of kids, with their giant number of parents, all in one auditorium. There were so many people that plenty didn’t get a seat; a lot ended up standing in the aisles.
So we (three of us) got there very early, knowing how big this concert was.
There was a steady stream of people entering from the time the doors opened until past the official start time of the concert. As we got into the auditorium, most seats were already filled or quickly filling up.
We saw a row of 10 seats, with only one woman in it, and headed there.
As we got there, she was frantically trying to cover each of the 10 seats with some article of hers. Purse on one chair, hat on another, scarf across two seats, etc. She was draping her coat across the last three seats, and kind of dropped it in surprise when she saw us enter the row, so it left two seats open, and half of the top of the third seat with some coat on it.
I gave a polite smile and nod, gently lifted the part of the coat off the third seat and handed it to her, and we sat down.
She stares at me. Sputters for a second, then says, ‘I AM SAVING ALL OF THESE SEATS!’
I asked if the other people were there yet. She said, ‘No, OBVIOUSLY! That’s why I am saving them!’
I said, ‘Ok, we’re going to take these three. Thanks.’
She is stunned. Stares at me for a second, then starts shouting.
Her: ‘This is IGNORANT!
That’s what this is! IGNORANT! I AM SAVING THESE SEATS!’
Me: ‘Ma’am, we are here and they’re not. We’re going to sit here because we got here before they did.’
Her: ‘But I got here before YOU!’
Me: ‘Yes! So you get to sit in any of those seats that you like.’ (gesturing to the other seven)
Her: ‘This is SO RUDE! I was SAVING them!’
Me: ‘What’s rude is telling people who are here and are trying to sit down that they can’t because you’ve decided you get to dictate who sits in an entire row. That’s not a thing.
One butt, one seat.’
At that point, the sputtering and random half-sentences continued on her end (and she called me a jerk), but I ignored her. When her family came (about 10 minutes later), she told them that I stole their seats and told her to screw herself.
That was the only point I looked back over, and calmly said, ‘No, I did not, in fact, say that.’ Then went back to ignoring.
I mean, if she was saving one seat or something, no prob. But in a packed auditorium, how do you justify turning away people who got there early to get a seat, in order to claim them for people who are coming later?
How is that fair? Or AITJ?”
36. AITJ For Refusing To Making Videos For My Mom For Free?
“I (F 16) have been making videos for years and have lots of experience in film.
My mom (F 48) is one of the leaders of a non-profit organization. So, in the past, she has asked me to put together promotional videos for it (which has taken between 4-6 hours for each video) and I agreed to do it for free.
As time went on I became more occupied with school, especially since college applications are right around the corner. My mom, however, was still persistent in having me make videos for her.
Over the weekend, she had me make a video for a mental health support group that was going to become an extension of the non-profit organization (she originally had a volunteer make the video for her, but she didn’t like how the volunteer made it and asked me instead) but I decided that with the time consumption and the fact that my finals are ongoing, I was going to charge her.
I felt $16/hr was a fair price (minimum wage is $15 where I am from), and I sat at my desk for 4 hours working on the video nonstop, which amounts to 64$ for the video. (Note: the video ended up being about 2 minutes with rather heavy effects, so I believe the price is fair.)
Since then, my mom has tried to convince me to give her some sort of discount since then or have me make videos for free. Her reasoning? ‘It’s a non-profit organization, so you should do it for free.’
My issue with this is that I did not volunteer.
I also let her know that I would charge her money if she had me make this video. My conditions seemed very fair.
Now, I think I might be the jerk because of setting a non-negotiable price or charging her for something that she won’t be profiting off of.
However, she is still asking for my time and dedication on a project while my exams are ongoing and I thought I should be compensated for it. So, AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Our Family Ring To My Son?
“I (42 m) have a ring that’s been in my family for generations, starting with my great-grandfather. The father in the family usually passes it down to his oldest male child when he turns 18.
I have a wife (40 f), and two children, ‘Aaron’ (18 m) and ‘Mia’ (15 f).
I love Aaron, but he has always had trouble keeping track of things. It’s caused so many arguments between us. When he was 16, his grandparents gave him their old car, and he lost the keys the next day. Last Christmas, he got a Nintendo Switch, and a week later, lost one of the controllers.
He always makes an excuse like ‘It’s not my fault I forgot’ or ‘I’ll find it later.’ It gets so infuriating how much he loses things and how little he cares.
A week before his 18th birthday, I told him that if he couldn’t get his act together, he would not be getting the family ring.
He shrugged and said for me to do whatever I wanted.
That night, I talked to my wife and suggested we give the ring to Mia instead when she turns 18. My wife immediately shot it down and told me that would cause issues between Mia and Aaron.
She also told me Aaron was looking forward to getting the ring. I told her Aaron’s feelings are important, but so is the ring, and I asked if we could wait a year or two to see if he gets better at keeping things.
She shot that down too and told me the tradition is what makes it special.
This is where I may be the jerk, but the anxiety of losing the ring was all I could think about. So on the morning of Aaron’s birthday, I gave him a fake ring that looked nearly identical to the family one.
We hugged and he thanked me, and I thought it was a nice moment.
That same day, as we were driving home, he told me he lost the fake ring. I sighed and told him that it was ok. He looked at me funny like he was expecting something.
Before I could say anything, he asked me, ‘You didn’t give me your ring, did you?’ I told him no, that ring was fake, which led to another argument. I told him if that were the real ring, it would’ve been gone forever.
He told me the fake ring meant I didn’t trust him at all. My wife agreed with Aaron and said I could’ve told him about the fake ring and used it as a practice run. Mia agreed with me but said I just shouldn’t have given him either ring.
AITJ?”
In your shoes, I'd put that ring in a safety deposit box or some other secure place that your wife can't get to it, and pretend you sold it. Doesn't sound like anyone but your daughter is responsible enough to have a family heirloom, and if your wife and son know you still have it, they won't stop nagging you until you give in or really do sell it. Good luck.
34. AITJ For Walking Out Of The Restaurant After What My Dad Said To The Waiter?
“My (19 f) sister made the cheer team today. My whole family went out to celebrate her making the team she wanted. My parents love Mexican restaurants, so we went to a local Mexican restaurant.
Everything was fine until everyone started ordering food.
My parents had ordered chicken and steak fajitas and added shrimp to them. When they brought it out, it was fajitas for two and the shrimp was a different kind of shrimp than what my dad was asking for.
Never once did my parents say ‘We want to split the fajitas for one’ but nonetheless assumed the waiter would know (how? I don’t know) Some time passed and drink refills were slow and we were missing some food, but overall the meal was pretty good and the service wasn’t horrible – just a little communication error.
My dad received the bill and the waiter apologized for the miscommunication and stated that he had removed a round of margaritas, discounted the rest of the margaritas, and several other drinks, but could not remove the food items. (Everything that he removed came out to be worth more than the actual miscommunication error if it was done right) After this my dad those a fit and told the waiter ‘But this isn’t what I ordered’ and the waiter said ‘I do apologize and understand and did what I could to help.’ And my dad laughed and said ‘That’s ok it’ll come out of your tip.’
I blew up at this comment because my dad was not only rude but also completely disrespectful to someone who was trying to help. I stormed out of the restaurant after I saw my dad had only tipped a little less than 10% on a $150 meal. My dad then came to me and said that I was the jerk for making a scene in the restaurant when I wasn’t even the one paying.
I then drove off in my own car broke a larger bill and went back to the restaurant to pay the rest of the tip. I used to be a waitress and I know the exact situation that he was in and it wasn’t fair of my dad to do that to him.
I haven’t talked to my dad since, but after sitting here thinking about it I think I actually may be the jerk for making a scene when it could’ve just been let go.”
33. AITJ For Not Putting My Homework Partner's Name On Our Presentation?
“When I was a kid, I met a girl in elementary school (I’ll call her Anna) and we became best friends, she had some anger issues but was always nice to me so I didn’t care much. In 5th grade, she started to make fun of me sometimes, but it was nothing serious at first, then she started to make fun of my weight and body-shaming me, and she would spread rumors about me and would do other rude things.
I was confused since she used to be so nice to me and we were best friends at some point. But she would start being nice to me when she needed homework.
This is off-topic but it will help you understand the story better: In my country, elementary and middle school are basically the same school and have 8 grades, and after you finish that you go to high school.
A few years later in 7th grade, we stopped being friends because of everything that happened. So one day, our English teacher told us to do a presentation about a famous writer from our country and that we could work in pairs if we wanted to.
So of course Anna came up to me and asked me if she could work with me so I said yes because I am a person who just can’t say no. I noticed she wasn’t doing any of the work so I decided to do my own presentation.
I didn’t put her name in it, just mine, and sent it to the teacher.
The next morning in school, Anna asked me if I sent the presentation, I told her that I did but didn’t put her name in it since she didn’t want to help me.
She got mad, started yelling at me, called me names, and after she told everyone what I did and made me look like a bad person.
I was always the nicest person in class, I would do everybody’s homework, help them on exams… But when I didn’t send them homework or something they would be mad at me.
So am I the jerk?”
You, on the other hand, need to grow up and stop being passive aggressive. If you don't want to work with someone, put on your big girl jerk and TELL THEM, and don't lead them on to think you're going to cover for her. Shame on you for that.
32. AITJ For Excitedly Showing My Grades To My Grandparents?
“I (19 m) struggled throughout high school for reasons both related and unrelated to the global crisis. I didn’t ask for help and barely graduated on time with a 1.9 GPA.
I am now in community college taking 3 classes and I am in a better spot mentally and physically that at this point I am getting all A’s in my classes which I am super proud of considering my history. This information is important.
My cousin (20 m) is in town this weekend, he lives about 5 hours away with his wife.
He got married a couple of months ago as she got pregnant. We aren’t that close but as far as I can tell he’s happy. As my cousin was in town our grandparents took us out to eat to catch up. They asked my cousin how the baby was doing, and how his wife was doing, and he responded that they’re doing good, the minor complaints all new parents have.
Then they asked me how college was going and I was super ecstatic to show them my grades. I pulled them up on my phone and showed them and they were proud as they know how I struggled. I mentioned to my cousin that this was a big deal for the aforementioned reasons so he doesn’t think I am bragging for no reason.
Our grandparents said they were proud of both of us and the meal went on.
When my grandparents dropped me off my cousin got out with me and said that my ‘flexing’ made him feel bad as he didn’t get the opportunity to go to college and he struggled just as much as me.
I told him I was sorry if I made him feel bad but having a wife and kid is successful in his own way, that we just have different life paths. Plus there is no rule saying how or when you need to go to college – I took a gap year myself.
He shook his head and said that I didn’t get it and that he had it a lot rougher than me. That I shouldn’t have even brought up my A’s. I said I was sorry again and that I wouldn’t have ‘bragged’ about it if I 1.
Knew how sensitive he was about it and 2. if our grandparents hadn’t asked. He shook his head again and told me to be more tactful before getting back into the car.
I went into the house and told my parents about what had happened and they were on my side.
I still feel bad I mean I guess it’s tacky to pull up your grades and brag but I was excited and wanted to share. AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Leaving My Brother To My Parents?
“I (16 F) live with my mom, stepdad, little sister, and baby brother. My baby brother just turned one and my little sister is (14 F) (Their ages are relevant to the story). I am a student-athlete in high school who is also involved in other things in and outside of school.
Most days I am probably tired from doing work (I take college classes while in school and out of school), practice, or events I have to attend due to me being an athlete.
My mom and stepdad always said I have a bad attitude when I wake up in the mornings and when I am asked to watch my brother.
And no it’s not the ‘Can you watch him for a minute and feed him real quick?’ It’s ‘To where I have him until almost midnight when I come home from school’ and sometimes have to miss things because I have to watch him.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my brother but I would like to have time to myself. Here comes the problem my parents gave my brother to me while I was cleaning which they told me to do. They then proceeded to go into their room and lock the door behind them.
The next thing I heard: the fan was loud and they were doing the devil’s tango. I had to get ready for an event that I had to be at in an hour and I couldn’t do it properly because I had to watch my brother.
So I knocked on their door and told them their child needed them and let my brother slam on their door until they came to it.
My parents called me all sorts of names and told me I should not have an attitude and just watch him because I am always grouchy.
They told me I should try to be more like my little sister, have a smile on my face, and be happier. (I have also been through things that no person should ever go through and they know this so I do sometimes like to be alone and away from people).
I told them I had to be somewhere so they needed to watch their child because I didn’t create him. So AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Saying My Sister Seems To Have A Mental Health Problem?
“My (29 F) sister (25 F) has lived confined in her bedroom for 5 years. After college, she tried to go to uni but she struggled to do basic things like doing groceries, cooking, etc. So after 6 months she dropped out and came back to my father’s (65 M) house.
Since then she wakes up every day at 3 pm and plays video games all night long. She has got depression and she is on medications. She was diagnosed with heavy social anxiety. I think she is suffering a lot.
She doesn’t want to talk to me.
My father and my mother fill me on her. She hates me because I studied and now I am quite wealthy. She has nothing against me personally but when she sees me she realizes that her situation is very complex. I still care for her and I want to figure out how to make her better.
My parents are lost and have no idea how to make things better.
Yesterday, my mother told me that my sister may be planning to take a short course in online marketing. I work in the digital industry, so I know that this kind of 2-week training is completely bogus and expensive.
I was upset that they found such an absurd solution as my sister really needed help.
I told my mother that they had to find a more realistic solution since she wouldn’t learn a job with this kind of scam. I also said that my sister seems to be disabled.
I live in a country where you can be recognized as handicapped because of a mental health problem. I proposed this to my mother as my sister could get money from the government and more importantly: specific help.
She started crying and told me I was a jerk for calling my sister disabled. She told me she won’t speak anymore about her.
I refused to apologize and tried to explain to her that I did not mean to insult my sister (being disabled is not an insult from my point of view…) but to be realistic in order to help her.
So AITJ for calling my sister disabled?”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Set Up A College Fund For My Nephew?
“I (f 32), tired while writing this, have a one-year-old son. I set up a college fund for him and if everything goes as planned he will have a decent amount of money when he starts to study. Now here’s the thing my (paternal) half-sister grew up differently (I grew up on my mum’s side, went to a good university, and always earned well).
My sister ‘Amy’ didn’t even finish school, has minimum wage jobs, teen mom, and the fathers of her two children ‘Joey’ (5 m) and ‘Honey’ (1 f) are big jerks. However, she is still together with the father of her second child. They are bad with money.
My sister is lazy, not only when it comes to working around the (sadly dirty) house, but also seems to have no ambition to work at all. Her fiance is more into playing video games, drinking, and smoking than taking care of the kids. They blow through the money (literally, cuz both smoke).
Amy’s fiance has a stable income, but it’s low as well. This means they have nothing set up for the kids. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying people not earning well/never attending university have a worse life or so, but I do believe it’s nice to have a fair chance.
Or even having the money to buy a car to get to another town for a nicer job (my sister and her family live in the countryside). They are broke all the time. Can’t even afford an extra ten dollars for a gift, entrance to play areas, etc sometimes.
My best friend (who has experience with scholarships) said that in any case when my nephew wants to study in a few years, Joey will need some money for expenses, especially in the beginning which will very unlikely be covered by scholarships. She knows I love my nephew and said I should set up an account now so that in a few years I can hand him over a few thousand dollars, to secure him going to university (if he wants to).
She says that if he has no money after finishing school (very likely), it would keep him away from uni.
I am aware of this, BUT getting my nephew a college fund would mean I should do the same for my niece. Which means even less money for my son when he is starting uni.
And also I am currently saving money to buy a house in the near future. So AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Telling Our Family What They Did To My Cousin Was Wrong?
“I (22 m) have a younger cousin who’s 14 f. And when it comes to eating chicken she hates the skin.
She won’t eat it, she’ll take it off and give it to her sister who’ll eat it. But she refuses to eat it and has been like that for as long as I can remember, something about she doesn’t like the texture or taste.
But my family went out to eat earlier, we went out to a restaurant. It was me and my family (5 of us) and my cousin’s family (6 of them) and a bunch of other family showed up too.
We’re all at the table, which was multiple tables put together.
But at one point there was chicken as appetizers and the cousin in question ate some. But she took the skin off. Our aunt noticed and was like ‘Girl what kind of black person are you? Not eating the skin on your chicken. Your great grandma would be ashamed.’ And the adults were agreeing and messing with her, and at one point her mom told her to eat some.
So everybody was laughing, kids and adults. But that one cousin, and she looked kind of embarrassed. So everyone is telling her to eat some of the skin and she is kind of just trying to laugh it off. And you hear her dad go ‘If you don’t eat that skin, you’re on punishment when we get home.’
I know he wasn’t serious but that’s when she ate the skin. And everybody cheers for her. After that, she didn’t eat any more chicken and the rest of the meal went fine. But after everyone left, I texted the group chat with the all adults.
Saying that what they did wasn’t cool. And that she didn’t want to eat the skin and essentially they all bullied her into eating it. And that I thought they shouldn’t do it again. I was flooded with texts saying that I was being too sensitive and that I didn’t know what I was talking about.
And that it was all in good fun. So I mentioned it’s only fun if the person targeted isn’t having fun. They then told me to shut up and that it was just a joke.
So AITJ for saying I don’t like what they did to my cousin?”
27. WIBTJ If I Pack Up My Ex's Stuff?
“He doesn’t want me to do this, because he’s concerned about his books and the privacy of his clothes.
He’s very particular about his books. even dust or a little bent corner is something that bothers him. To be clear, I am not deriding this particularity.
People’s personal property is important, bordering on sacred.
As for the clothes, he doesn’t want me to touch them. He considers it a privacy boundary. I did do all of his laundry the whole time we were together, pardon my bitterness, but I get that people’s feelings change.
So he wants to come in and pack up himself, or send someone else to do it for him while he talks to them on the phone. I don’t want this. I don’t want anyone representing his interests in my house. I don’t want his voice in my house.
I want him away from me as quickly as possible.
I want these things because I don’t feel safe around him. He’s emotionally unstable and even when we were together, he would do and say hurtful and frightening things with an alarming frequency and variety.
I don’t want to let him or his brother into my house for an indefinite period of time to potentially do or say more hurtful things.
What kinds of hurtful things? Yelling at and insulting me over things like letting him fall asleep. Demanding emotional support and then yelling at me when I say something he doesn’t like (e.g. ‘It’ll be okay’).
Threatening or actually hurting himself when I draw boundaries (e.g. ‘I don’t want to spend all day every day together’ yes literally that). And so on. In retrospect, I can see that all of these behaviors are bad and I shouldn’t have tolerated them.
I know that he’s a jerk for doing these things. My quandary is in how I carry myself here.
I feel like a jerk for thinking this, but it’s my honest feeling: screw this man. I’ve loved and his desires. Screw his books and clothes and knickknacks.
Perhaps in a different scenario, they would be more worthy of respect, but… if one of my friends told me their partners were treating them like this, I would tell them to throw all of his stuff in a box and put it on the porch, which is exactly what I want to do now.
I don’t care that he doesn’t want me to touch his stuff.
On the other hand, possessions are important. When I was little, my mom got angry at me and took everything but my clothes and gave them away to Goodwill. It was devastating, so I know that having people mess with your stuff is terrible.
Would I be the jerk if I just packed up their things and left them in a covered place to be retrieved? I can even wrap the books in bubble wrap.”
26. AITJ For Taking My Fiancé's Mom's Checkbook Out Of Her Purse?
“I am engaged to a man who has a 26-year-old daughter ‘Kira’. Kira does very well financially with the combination of modeling, social media, and selling her art. She is engaged to a man who works as an investment banker and they are clearly doing very well.
Kira is in the process of planning a wedding and just bought a house. She has never asked her father for anything financially. He is proud that she is so independent.
My fiancé’s mom dislikes me and thinks we need to give Kira money.
For example, Kira mentioned they picked the house they were going to buy. then Kira walked off to get food and MIL chewed us out about how we should have offered her money. Kira showed her dad a picture of the venue she chose, and then when Kira got up MIL began to tear up about how we needed to give her money.
My fiancé pointed out that Kira has plenty of money, but MIL just teared up.
Recently we went to Kira’s house for dinner. The groom’s mother was there, and MIL is something of a social climber, so I think she was attempting to show off.
It was brought up in conversation that Kira’s fiancé was so spoiled growing up and his mom was unable to say no or discipline. MIL chimed in that is sweet and so much better than my fiancé, who won’t give Kira money. Kira even said she didn’t need money, but MIL continued to rant about how we only care about our own wedding and need to give Kira money.
At this point, I was annoyed. I left the table and went into MIL’s purse and took out her checkbook. I brought it back, handed it to her, and said she should give Kira some money if she felt so strongly about it. MIL went crazy screaming that I touched her things.
She was screaming at me, and then Kira joined in and said I was ‘ghetto’ and I am lucky I didn’t touch her things, and if I ever put my hands on anything of hers I will regret it. My fiancé did step in and attempt to defend me.
Kira stormed off and returned with her future MIL’s purse, threw it on her lap, and told her to hold onto it because I clearly have issues with touching things.
My fiance was shocked at Kira’s behavior and snapped at her. She told him she could do whatever she wanted and what was he going to do about it.
She refused to say goodbye as we left and said she doesn’t want me in her house again, because you don’t ever touch someone’s stuff.
I really did not think it would cause such an issue. I didn’t touch anything but the checkbook. Now the family is fighting and I feel awful.”
25. AITJ For Telling My Roommate Her Sister's Problems Are Not My Problems?
“My roommate Kayla and I have been living together since college.
Kayla recently allowed her older sister Archie to move in. We lease on a month-to-month basis because we have been there for a while.
I understand that Archie was getting out of a toxic relationship and needed a place to stay. Archie doesn’t like anything I do from my own laundry and dishes.
She will tell me I have to fill the washer all the way up or the dishwasher. She has accused me of using more water and electricity and complaining I should pay more than her sister. Archie doesn’t work and her sister is covering her bills and food.
What brought this around is Archie used a custom wine glass out of a set my mom got me when I graduated from college and put it in the dishwasher. It broke I told Archie about how that was a gift from my mom and I don’t appreciate it being used and broken.
Archie took the rest of my wine glasses from that set, broke them all, and put them in a box with a note ‘Now you don’t have to worry about your wine glasses anymore and they all match again’.
I told my landlord that this was my 30 days notice after that.
Kayla said Archie just got out of a toxic relationship so sometimes she overreacts to things. Kayla started saying how tough Archie’s life was because of their parents’ strict upbringing.
I told Kayla ‘Archie’s problems are not my problems’. I understand that Kayla can’t afford the apartment without me but it’s not my responsibility to help Archie get back on her feet after a toxic relationship so I am going to move out.
Both Archie and Kayla have been crying about me just leaving them like this and the landlord will not allow Archie to be on the lease instead of me since she has no job. So now Kayla and Archie have to move out of the apartment after me or face eviction because the landlord will not renew the lease with just Kayla’s name on it since she can’t afford it on her own.”
24. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Forgive My Dad's Wife Without A Proper Apology?
“My parents separated when I was about 9. When I was 12 my Mom and I moved 300 miles away and my Dad met his now wife around that time. She lives in the same area as I do. They’ve been together for 12 years, married for 2.
After we moved I was bullied in school for being weird (just different, cause from another part of the country) and for being fat.
I can assure you I wasn’t at that time, have video proof of me in a bikini. I was a normal 12-year-old girl.
My stepmom decided to bully me too, instead of my dad’s place being the only place I could be free from that misery.
She compared my body parts to a pig’s in public and manipulated my father to not have me there when she was, so I was left with 5 weekends a year with him. Just because she wasn’t free then. She manipulated him into not wanting me anymore on family vacations.
All of that because I used her cotton pads without asking and was so tiring to watch. I was deeply dark and depressed. I was the most miserable you can be twice before I turned 14.
After that, I got an eating disorder, binge eating, and gained a lot of weight.
At 16 I was nearly 200lbs and 4’8”.
I visited my Dad less and saw her gladly less than once in a year.
I confronted my Dad about this when I was 18, and he denied it, she would never do such things. My siblings stood by my side.
He apologized, but she never did.
At their wedding 2 years ago I got wasted and told them she was family and I would forgive her. I never meant it that way. WIBTJ for telling my dad I will never forgive her without an honest and appropriate apology?
I am happy with my life now and I like my body again. Normal eating habits. Just because I started loving myself after I stopped visiting. Not cause her 1000 tries of dieting me.”
23. AITJ For Kicking My Dad Out Of My House During My Mom's Party?
“I come from a big family. My dad has two wives and has children with other women.
I am closer to certain family members than others, but I don’t dislike any of them. Biologically, I am the youngest of 6 brothers – but I have 10 other siblings who are related to me.
My dad has a habit of ‘scouting,’ my brother’s partners.
He wants my brothers and me to have the ‘perfect wife,’ by his standards. Everything about her; her job, her looks, her cooking, etc. must be absolutely perfect. While I understand parents wanting a good partner for their child, his standards are impossible to meet.
On the occasion that a wife does not meet his standard, (which they won’t) he will demean and humiliate her in front of everyone. It’s disgusting, and I don’t speak to him often.
My wife, ‘Flora,’ and I have been married for a year now.
We had a small ceremony, and only our closest friends and family were in attendance. My dad was not invited and I made sure that he didn’t meet Flora. When he found out, he was very upset.
My mum has officially been declared cancer-free and Flora wanted to celebrate with a small dinner at our place with family.
I told my mum she could invite whoever she wanted, but I asked her to not invite my dad. (She and my dad are not on the best terms, but that is another story.)
Flora and I spent time, effort, and money to make this dinner special. This dinner was a celebration, and we wanted everything to go smoothly.
No drama and no fights.
When the day arrived, I was excited. This would be the first time in a while that my family, of course not everyone, would be together. However, to my surprise, my mum showed up at my door with my dad in her arms. I was shocked, but I was not going to kick him out.
This would be the first time Flora would ever meet my dad.
At first, everything was going okay. My dad was nice towards Flora, in fact to all the women/wives. He complimented her cooking (something he’s never done before) and seemed to be enjoying himself.
When I slipped out for air on my balcony, my dad came out for a smoke and slipped a note into my pocket. On a note, my dad had rated Flora in different categories: looks, cooking, ‘pleasantness,’ body, etc. After reading it, I stormed off.
I needed to clear my head before I did something foolish.
My dad could tell that I was angry and yelled, from across the room, that he ‘didn’t know he raised a little jerk.’ My dad’s voice was loud, so everyone stopped to stare.
I told him to get out of my house. He was upset, but I kept insisting.
He banged the door on the way out.
The situation ruined the atmosphere a little and people left soon after. My mum told me that I shouldn’t have let my ‘feelings’ ruin a good evening.”
22. AITJ For Not Wishing Our Stepmom A Happy Mother's Day?
“My bio parents divorced when I was 11 and my dad got custody of me and my brother.
(I am now 29 f and he’s 25) and not only did our dad get custody but we pretty much never spoke to our mother ever again because she was abusive and ran halfway across the country for her affair partner.
Our dad met our stepmom about two years after the divorce.
We liked her then even though we had our moments of being jerks who saw her as someone taking our dad from us. The woman has the patience of a God though and while she was human and made mistakes she really did her best to accept us as her own.
We felt accepted, myself more than my brother but even he came around pretty quick.
Our relationship progressed from starting at reluctant, to admiration, then love. By the time I was 14, everyone stopped using the term step and she was just mom and her bio kids were just simply our siblings.
I even had her in the room with me for the birth of my first kid at 22.
About two years ago though our dad died tragically and suddenly. And it’s been downhill from there. She told me I wasn’t allowed to cry and that I had to keep it together and help her with all my siblings because I am the oldest. For six months after he died I was at her beck and call every time she needed something whether it was money, comfort, or rides/errands for my siblings.
And then nothing, she wouldn’t message back when I checked in on her, and was never free to have me or my kids come over, I still got invited to Christmas and Thanksgiving but that was it for the last year or so.
I stopped reaching out, and my little brother said we needed to accept that we were orphans now so that’s what we did.
Our stepsister asked us today if we wished her happy Mother’s Day and said she asked because our mom told her she didn’t hear from us and she doesn’t understand why our dad’s death means we stopped loving her.
I immediately called her and told her to stop playing the victim because she was the jerk who abandoned us, did she ever care in the first place or was that just for my dad and now that he’s gone she doesn’t have to fake it?
She started crying and said I was a jerk because she was grieving and it’s hard to reach out when grieving. My sister also said I was a jerk because losing my dad isn’t as hard as losing her husband and that I need to be considerate.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor To Stop Acting Like An Entitled Jerk?
“My husband (27 M) and I (25 F) moved into our small apartment complex over a year ago. We’ve been living here peacefully until our neighbor moved in. She has inconvenienced us many times over and my husband and I have let it slide, but lately, it’s starting to get more and more agitating.
This person owns a dog. Let me just say I LOVE dogs. However, this one is an exception. This woman just lets her dog outside to let it roam. I came home one night to this dog walking around the complex at night with no leash and no one else around.
I had my toddler in my hands and I greeted the dog with an ‘Oh hello puppy’ and was met with an aggressive growl. Strike one.
Next, our shared laundry room has a method of ensuring that everyone knows who does laundry and when by signing up with a calendar (you put your apt number and how long you will be using it).
I was doing laundry one day and was swapping some clothes to the dryer. I came back down after having moved the laundry with a fresh batch of dirty laundry just to see that someone had quickly seized the washer as soon as it was free.
I was puzzled but I rang her doorbell to ask if it was her. She apologized and told me that she had a friend staying from out of town and he did not know about the calendar. I let it slide and told her I would let him use the dryer as soon as my clothes were done.
Well, now, it’s been quite some time since then, and she has violated multiple other rules such as having her friends take up our parking spots and some animosity has grown between us.
Fast forward to today and I am doing laundry again. I put the last batch in and waited for it to dry.
I set a timer and waited. My timer went off so I went downstairs. My last batch of laundry was sitting perched on top of the dryer, still warm and her clothes were inside. Keep in mind we were signed up to do laundry all day, with tomorrow and the rest of the week free.
So now, I am angry. I rang her doorbell and asked her why she’d touched my things. She coughed up some nonsense excuse about how she needed the washer and that she didn’t think we would mind. I told her we very much mind and told her not to touch my stuff ever again.
She acted offended and told me I should have gotten it out sooner.
I ended it with some sort of ‘We live here too, stop acting like an entitled jerk’ statement and then walked off.
Thoughts?”
20. AITJ For Telling The RA About My Problems With My Roommate?
“I (22 F) am currently in my last semester of undergrad. Before the year started, I had already made plans and gotten confirmation to live in a single studio apartment-style dorm, and up until the last minute (move-in day). I was unaware that was no longer happening.
So instead, after much back and forth, I got placed in a single room with a shared bathroom.
Now, my roommate is an 18 F who is generally a nice enough person, but who I have found is not totally compatible with me. I’ve been living with her for the last year and she has turned out to be rather unclean and a partier.
I am the only one who dedicates literally a whole day, at least twice a week to cleaning not only my room but the bathroom as well, and not once has she done the same.
She has literally left makeup and other liquids hardened on her sink and even left a bowl of dirty dishes in soapy water for an entire month.
It grew mold and a rancid smell before she even decided to touch it. Most recently, she has left her dirty utensils (including knives) right on the floor. The only reason I knew of this was because I thought she had dropped a towel and I picked it up, only to get cut by a falling knife.
It’s been a week and those utensils are still on the floor.
Apart from her unhygienic actions, she also has a habit of inviting at least 5 people over, for multiple hours, and she has even let them stay overnight. They use the bathroom, use my sink (and hand towels), and are so incredibly loud.
I’ve woken up multiple nights at 2 or 3 am because of their screams and the TV/music.
So, today, after coming back from a trip to the ER for a slip and fall (her shampoo was all over the floor), I finally got the balls to write an email to my floor RA talking about how I’ve had to endure my roommate and her friends’ loudness and inconsiderate behavior; and how the doctor said I needed rest and general quiet.
The thing is, tonight so far she has been quiet and so I feel like a total jerk for having sent that email. I am worried about looking like a jerk and how my RA and my roommate will handle it, especially considering there’s 6 weeks left.”
19. AITJ For Asking My Wife's Mom To Help Us Around The House?
“We are in a tough spot right now. My wife just had our first baby boy who’s 2 months old. I just had spinal stenosis surgery over a week and a half ago after a car accident.
It hasn’t been easy on my wife at all, taking care of me on top of our son. I am doing what I can within my physical limits, helping fold laundry, doing dishes, hanging out with my son in bed giving him his bottle/changing him/soothing him so she can focus on other things or take a shower.
She still needs to help me with other stuff like going to the bathroom and helping me lie down/get up to go do my walks. But I can’t lift anything or bend or do much. It’s all on her and I hate it.
She says it’s fine she can do it but I see how tired she is. I suggested someone come over to help her clean up the house or do meal preps so everything isn’t on her to do it. My wife said she doesn’t need help.
The other night I woke up around 4 am because my son woke up crying. The pain meds had me pretty drowsy but I definitely saw my wife crying when she put him back in his bassinet and came back to bed. She didn’t see I was awake.
For me that was it I had it and texted my MIL to ask her if she minded stopping by to help around the house. I explained what was going on, not that I didn’t think my wife could do it but that she didn’t NEED to do it all on her own.
That’s what I tried telling her once her mom got there. My wife got so mad at me and now she is saying that I think she is ‘too weak’ to do this by herself when she didn’t need anyone to bail her out of taking care of her family.
She told her mom she appreciates her coming over but we are her responsibility, and since then she hasn’t talked to me. My wife says I hurt her for going to her mom behind her back. And she didn’t realize I thought so low of her.
That’s not the case at all and I am just so confused right now.
Anytime this is brought up she says it doesn’t matter because now she knows how incapable she really is. This was meant as a good intention (and yes I know what the saying is), but was it really being a jerk thing to ask for help for us so she is not the only one doing it?”
18. WIBTJ If I Ask My Boss To Consider My Limitations When He Assigns Tasks To Me?
“I (25 M) work at a small yarn store. I’ve been there for nearly five years now, and I was my boss’s first employee.
I have a connective tissue disease (zebra gang shoutout) with SEVERE joint issues. I walk with a cane because I subluxate or totally dislocate my knees and hips on a near-daily basis, and I am susceptible to my shoulders popping out of the socket and my elbows going askew (and don’t get me started on my hands.) I also have a heart condition that can make it dangerous for me to stand upright too long.
Now, my boss knows all this about me. Knew it when she hired me. And at first, she was really considerate and thoughtful of it. But over time, as the shop’s grown and we’ve had to bring on more people, she has been asking me to do more and more things that my disability makes painful/dangerous for me, and she has cared less and less about that.
I’ve been put on more and more all-day shifts (which I am not supposed to do) and recently, she decided to whip up an employee handbook, which is, ironically, where things got out of hand.
I was hired as a knitting teacher and a salesperson, but now I am meant to be vacuuming and mopping and doing all the janitorial work.
Lugging a vacuum around – being upright, with no cane, absolutely useless shoulders, and hands – is a big no-no for me, but it’s really just the icing on the cake. There’s been a LOT of constant standing to shelve products or lugging boxes around which injures me 100% of the time.
Part of me wants to put my foot down and say ‘You know, you knew my limitations when you hired me,’ even though I know she’ll get mad about it. The other part of me thinks I am being selfish, demanding to be employed and paid, but not opening myself up to the duties that are part of a growing business.
I’ve hit a point where I am asking myself if I should just accept that the job’s outgrown me and quit. I don’t want to, but I feel like it’s that or tell my boss ‘no’ and keep taking advantage of her.
WIBTJ if I stood up for myself – or sat down for myself, as the case may be?
(I am not after some contrived disability-empowerment affirmations: Be brutally honest.)”
17. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Transfer Her Funds To Me?
“A few months ago my daughter died due to cancer. My family was devastated and so were my SIL and granddaughter.
When my SIL was wrapping up all my daughter’s unfinished business, he found out that she had opened a bank account seven years ago and used to put money into it. He was very mad at first, thinking why would she keep a secret like that from him.
He didn’t even know how she gained the money to deposit there.
The thing is, I knew about her bank account. All those years ago, my daughter confessed to me that she opened that bank account to save up money for her daughter. Also told me that her husband was a penny-pincher and just wouldn’t spend money on anything at all.
So, their family never used to go out to dinner or catch a movie at the cinema, because my SIL would say it was ‘frivolous and negligent spending’. My daughter used to work and earn her own money to spend on things she wanted, but she had a complicated pregnancy and my granddaughter had some rough early years, which made my daughter quit it all.
So, now she depends on her husband to maintain the family, which wasn’t that difficult because he is a neurosurgeon and has a high salary.
My daughter tried to talk to him about his behavior more than once, explaining that she and their daughter didn’t want to be spoiled, only to have some good time and things now and then.
My granddaughter used to complain a lot about now going to parties or having a crap notebook and clothes, but I never thought things got to this point. So, my daughter started baking some goods and earning her own money, without telling her husband about it.
That’s why she opened the account, she intended to give all to her daughter when she goes to college.
However, she got sick and the treatment just wasn’t working. Some months later, she was terminal. Before passing away, she took all the money on that account and asked me to open one in my name to keep it.
She feared that if she died and the account was in her name, everything was going to go to her husband and she didn’t want that. Of course, I said yes.
Some weeks ago my SIL asked me about the account and I lied to him.
His family is furious about this situation and I don’t even know why. I want to stay loyal to my daughter’s wishes, but I also feel bad about lying to my SIL. AITJ?”
16. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Drive 600 Miles For My Own Baby Shower?
“I (34 F) am currently pregnant with my first child and my fiance (29 M) and I are expecting in early August. We have a baby registry online and have shared it on social media for those who want to contribute.
I have told my friends and family that I am willing to accept some secondhand, gently used items and have even done so with much appreciation.
To give some background context, I have lived away from my original home state for almost 10 years. I have always been extremely independent, working hard, and never expected handouts Approximately 5 months ago, my fiance and I decided to move from Colorado to Kansas City to be closer to our families.
His lives in Western Kansas and mine lives in Ohio. This cuts the drive in half, from 20+ hrs to 10 hrs for my family, and about 7 hrs to 2 1/2 for his family. Over the last 10 years, essentially every ‘travel vacation’ I have made has been back to Ohio to visit my family.
I have spent literally thousands of dollars to make the trips back to visit. Not to mention gas is extremely expensive right now and I can’t fly due to blood pressure issues.
I have friends in Colorado, my family (an Aunt) in Ohio, and his family in Kansas who all want to throw me a baby shower.
I initially had agreed that all of these would be awesome to attend but never solidified any plans.
Recently I reached out to my Aunt to inquire about the timing of the potential baby shower. I told her that my fiance would be working 50-hour weeks this summer and that we were hoping to have the shower earlier bc of his schedule and I don’t want to make the drive across the country by myself.
My Aunt told me that it ‘would be greedy’ to have the shower so early and that everyone wanted to see me ‘all big and glowy’. I told her that my schedule would work best in late April or around Mother’s Day. She was still pushing for the end of May or early June, which simply does not work for our schedules and I am slightly put off by this.
Plus, I really don’t want to be sitting in a vehicle for so many hours being extremely pregnant, big, and uncomfortable in the heat of the summer.
I am contemplating just telling my friends in Colorado and my family in Ohio that while I appreciate their willingness to celebrate the new baby, I just want to have a baby shower in Kansas.
Everyone is welcome to attend the baby shower in Kansas. WIBTJ if I told them no, I don’t want to travel and attend the baby shower so far away?”
15. AITJ For Not Being Happy With My Haircut?
“I (16 non-binary) wanted to cut my hair yesterday. It was growing to a weird length and just didn’t look good. I wanted to try a new type of bangs so I had the photo of the bangs I wanted and a photo of how I wanted the back.
So when I got there the hairdressers were all arguing over who would do me which made me kinda uncomfortable.
So I wanted to wait for the hairdresser who was supposed to take me, she had dyed hair and an undercut so in my past experiences I think she would understand what I wanted easily.
So instead this other lady comes and starts trying to say my mom needs hair coloring and trying to take her. My mom was against that so she said it was just me.
She then is like alright I’ll just do you instead, I was like oh no it’s fine I’ll wait.
She got a little angry and said ‘No I’ll do you’. I am not a people person so I gave up and just went with her. The whole experience before she cut my hair was slightly uncomfortable especially her saying to someone else who worked there.
‘My next appointment isn’t for a while do you think I can do this’ while laughing.
So at this point, I had my pictures ready to show her. I explained very exactly what I wanted, and she said she was confused and asked if I could find a better picture which I did.
So I explained what I wanted again and she was like no I don’t understand. So I try again and she is like what ear length do you want? I found this odd since I personally never heard the term and asked what it was and she didn’t answer she just asked again and I asked how short a length would turn out.
She didn’t answer. She just cut it. At that point, I started panicking cause no you don’t understand what I wanted but she wouldn’t stop.
In the end, I accepted it would look terrible which it is, and she butchered my bangs as well which was the one part I really wanted. The cherry on top is after she finished she was like you don’t have curly hair right.
The thing is, I do have curly hair, very very curly hair.
Now the part where I may be the jerk is when I got out of the store with my mom I started panicking, I have very very specific needs and comforts one of those is being able to play with my hair sorta and shake it but I currently can’t do.
I then complained to both the store very harshly about the stylist and I am planning on following up, I also complained to corporate and feel really bad so am I the jerk?”
14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Significant Other For Defending My Abusive Father?
“I (22 f) recently told my significant other (24 m) that my abusive father (58 m) sent me an e-mail that was unusually polite. He asked about my well-being in 2020 and more personal information.
This is strange since we’re basically no contact, my parents got divorced 15 years ago and I haven’t seen him in 13 years, or spoken to him on the phone in 9 years.
The divorce was terrible, and I had to go to a psychiatrist aged 7-12 because he was incredibly emotionally abusive.
There are tons of files proving this (from both lawyers and psychiatrists).
I talked to my SO about how strange it was for him to contact me and exhibit friendly behavior.
I do not want to get in contact with him or try to make up.
My SO knows this.
My SO said that people can change and that it’s immature of me to not at least try. He might have changed and realized that having a family is important to him. He might have just needed some time to figure it out.
My problem is that my father always seems nice at first and then gets incredibly hurtful (literally told me to my face that he despises me when I was 8). Plus, I don’t care if it took him time to figure out what he wants in life.
He didn’t drop out of college, he dropped out of being a father and husband. I did not say any of this to my SO but told him that some people change, but some stay just the way they were. And I believe my father falls into the last category.
My SO called this childish and insisted that my father might be a good guy.
I got very defensive because I couldn’t believe that my SO defended a man that he didn’t even know and that he knew hurt me in the past.
I now feel kind of bad. He might have said it because his parents have been happily married for 30 years and are the nicest people on earth. Therefore he has no experience with no contact with parents.
But I am just hurt that he dismissed my feelings and chose my father over me.
So AITJ?
Edit: the reason why he doesn’t know about every single instance that my father hurt/mistreated me is that it was incredibly traumatic. I’ve told him about a lot of my father’s behavior (verbal mistreatment of me/threatening to kidnap me etc.) but getting through 13 years of trauma is a lot of work.”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Too Much For My Friend's Wedding?
“My (23 M) long-time friend (25 M) recently had a child and decided to get married, asking me to be one of his groomsmen.
Though we aren’t the closest friends anymore (live several hours apart), he was my next-door neighbor since 6th grade and all the way through high school. We went to college together and were mutual friends with his now fiance. Since he is a young recent college graduate who now has a family to provide for, he is asking the groomsmen to pay for the expenses of the bachelor party.
This wouldn’t seem unreasonable to me aside from the fact that it’s a very expensive schedule (about 800-1000 dollars each for the weekend, complete with limo rides, wine tastings, high-end restaurants and hotels, etc.) The wedding itself will likely cost an additional 300-500 for hotels and whatnot.
I understand that it’s not out of the ordinary for a groomsman to pay such expenses, but considering that all of his groomsmen are in a similar situation to me (under 25 recent college graduates still looking for long-term employment), I find it unnecessarily expensive.
For context, I am currently living at home with my parents and working doordash part-time until I start grad school.
While I am fortunate enough to have my parents looking after me, these expenses would leave me with little to nothing from what little I already have saved for minor personal expenses. I’ve voiced my concerns to him and he responded by saying that if I can’t afford the bachelor party then I shouldn’t come to the wedding at all.
I find it rude, to say the least considering he understands the situation I (and likely some of his other groomsmen) are in. I am happy for my friend and want to be there to support him, but I can’t justify making what I consider to be a poor economic decision in doing so.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to spend what I consider an exorbitant amount on my friend’s wedding?”
12. AITJ For Checking In On My Parents?
“My parents don’t have a very good track record with drinking. My mom is a borderline drinking addict but she doesn’t seem to see it that way and both my parents, despite being in their mid-50s enjoy going out and drinking.
I have no problem with this as my parents are very hard-working people and spend most of their time during the week keeping us in an upper-class household and keeping it tidy. (My mom is staying at home and my dad works)
This being said it’s not uncommon for my parents to become irresponsible drinking and either get plastered and embarrass me in front of my friends or, much worse, my dad has driven home wasted a few times, even with his entire family in the car.
My dad having his license is crucial to owning his company so I fear one day he could be pulled over, or worse.
Last night, I (16 M) went out as well as my sister (26 F) and my parents (mid-50s).
I was under the impression my parents were just going to eat and see a play and my dad texted me he would be home at 11.
1:30 am rolls around and when I go inside I see no one is home, I call my parents 20+ times with no answers, I check their locations and my dads is off but I see my mom is in some random parking lot in a very trashy area of town around 15 minutes away.
I am not going to lie, I freaked out and worried for the worse so I got in my car and sped over to see my mom’s car in the parking lot of a club, this isn’t super weird for my parents, they’ve been married for 30 years and they were just at the bar not staring at the women.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
I barged into the club and walked through the bouncer, found my parents at the bar, and freaked out on them for not giving me any sort of heads up that they wouldn’t be home and having me worried sick over their wellbeing.
My parents and my sister both think I am the jerk because they’re ‘adults’ and can do what they want and I am stuck feeling worthless and like I am alone.”
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pitch In For My Grandpa's Medicine Maintenance?
“My mother (42) asked me (22 f) to contribute to our grandfather’s medicine maintenance since he has no job, no retirement funds, and is in dire need of support.
But I don’t want to do that because I feel he does not deserve it.
I don’t feel any type of anger towards my grandfather. He was not abusive at all. I have okay memories with him but I don’t have much attachment since he was not around that much.
I learned the reason why when I was older. Our grandfather is a huge womanizer. He would leave my grandpa, and his 5 kids months alone on their own without care and he would go gallivanting around. While our grandma had to work to support her five kids with him.
When I was around 10, he just stopped showing around. I immediately understood that my grandma separated from him.
We have had very little contact with him throughout the years. He barely shows up so I have no other memory of him. Though my mom would often say how my grandfather would often bring me candies, and chocolates or take me out to McDonald’s to buy me happy meals and I was a bit spoiled since I was the first grandkid of my grandparents.
We learned that my grandfather fathered several children from different women. These children are way younger than me (age 14 and below). Now our grandfather has come back and is living with my aunt who has 2 children on her own. Our aunt has been so stressed taking care of him and is hurt by what he is doing.
She took him back because she thought our grandfather would change and try to make up for all the lost time for abandoning them. But my aunt just mentioned how stressful it is to take care of him.
Whenever our grandfather is given a tiny bit of money for his own, he immediately sends it to his other family.
And he keeps thinking about his other family and states multiple times how much he wants to be with them. That other family has no financial capability to take care of him. My grandfather can also no longer work, he had some money saved up but it would barely last a few months to support him through his remaining years.
He recently had a stroke and was diagnosed with slow-progressing dementia. This makes him irritable and prone to having outbursts. Usually, he cries and throws tantrums about how much he wants to be with his other family.
My mom and her siblings are chipping in to help our grandfather with his needs but it is barely enough since they also have their own families to support.
Now, my mom has asked me to contribute something for my grandfather for several months. Although it wouldn’t hurt to contribute whatever, I feel like he does not deserve it. He even had the audacity to ask his children to take care of their half-siblings.
Idk about you guys but I am not the type of person who would tolerate infidelity and abandoning children and just to come back to take advantage of them.
First, he abandoned his family then came back to mooch off of his adult children. Second, I don’t think it is my responsibility to do so but I came from a culture where FAMILY is important yadda yadda yadda and no matter what they did, they are still family blah blah.
AITJ?”
10. WIBTJ If I Don't Get My Son's Name Changed?
“I (24) got pregnant while I was taking a gap year traveling. I met an older guy, nothing gross, I was 19 he was 23. We had fun. I was working in a bar to make money while I explored his city.
When I got pregnant he lost interest really quickly.
I understood but I am pro-choice. And I chose not to terminate.
I went home and had my son. I also made sure to get child support. He could afford it. He did fight it though. I had to prove paternity and everything.
Through that, his parents found out.
They are well off. They have met my son and they truly do seem to love him. They have provided gifts for his birthday and Christmas. They helped me with extra money so I could complete my university without going into debt. They have taken us on vacation with them so they could spend time with him.
They aren’t my biggest fans but we are cordial to each other.
Three months ago my son’s father passed away. He got wasted at his bachelor party, tripped on the sidewalk, and hit his head. And that was all she wrote.
My son and I attended the funeral. We spent a week in that city so his grandparents could see him.
They approached me with an offer. They had no other children or grandchildren. Their son was only 28 so he had lots of time to provide them legitimate kids (they did not say this I am just assuming) so they never thought about my son’s name.
They said that if I changed his surname to theirs legally they would make him their primary heir. I think this is dumb. He is their only grandchild and they would deny him an inheritance because of his last name?
I said I would consider it, to be polite, and have left it at that.
I actually have a pretty good life as it is. My family has been very supportive. And because of the whole court thing my son’s father had to have life insurance with him as the beneficiary.
Would it be nice for my kid to get a big sum of money?
Yes. Do I want him to have the surname of a man who didn’t want him, see him, or love him? No.
I have been talking to my family about it and a few of them think I am being a jerk for giving up this kind of money for my son.
It is generational wealth and I am making the decision based on emotion. I think they are jerks for thinking money is the only thing that matters.
I think I will tell my son’s grandparents that they can talk to him about it when he is 16.
He will be old enough to understand the implications but young enough not to be tied professionally to his last name.”
9. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Family That We Usually Just Order In?
“I (26 M), my partner Madison (27 F), her parents, her sister/husband, and her younger brother all met up for dinner. Madison and I have been together 3 years so I know these people very well.
Their family is very traditional and outgoing. They really enjoy roasting each other and have a very open family in terms of what they talk about. So her sister was bringing up her love of meal prepping and cooking for her husband. And how much she loved working from home because she could cook so much more for them.
She also said that her working from home has given her the chance to do more chores around the house so her husband didn’t have to worry as much when he came home. Madison’s mom then asked if Madison ever cooked for us.
We live together and I do basically everything. I cook, I do all the cleaning, most of the laundry, and shopping. Madison takes the trash out.
I sorta laughed and said ‘No not really’. Madison said to her mom ‘He’s kidding, I cook every now and then’.
I looked at her and said, ‘No you don’t, you’ve literally never cooked us a single meal’. Some of her family started cracking up, so I thought it was fine. It’s the truth, I’ve been with Madison for 3 years and she has never cooked a single thing for us.
I don’t care, I am not with her for her cooking. But I didn’t feel like lying to her parents either. Madison’s mom gave a disappointed? Look to Madison and asked me how I did it because she knows I work long hours.
I said that we Door Dash a lot because whenever I come home late I don’t always feel like cooking. That I always make us breakfast before we go to work and pack lunches. And that we probably Door Dash 3-4 times a week.
All of which is true. Madison and her mom gave each other looks and we went back to eating.
On the way home Madison was being standoffish so I asked what was wrong. And she went on this whole rant about how I didn’t need to ‘expose’ her in front of her family.
I said I didn’t realize I said anything that was a secret. She kept going on and on about how just because her sister likes being a housewife doesn’t mean she needs to be one. I said if the truth being told to her parents was such a problem for her then she knows where the pans are and she can start cooking if she has a problem with people knowing she doesn’t.
My parents think I didn’t say anything wrong but my sister thinks I might be a jerk. AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Mom?
“I (F 16) have been going to my mother’s house for 4 years since I was 12. When I was 12 my parents had a pretty nasty divorce and got 50/50 custody of me and my siblings. I go to my mom’s house on the weekends, and a lot of the time she guilt trips me into staying longer than 2 days.
Lately, she has been guilt-tripping me into staying for longer periods of time, such as 2-3 weeks, and whenever I tell her I want to go back to my dad she gives me some sob story about why I should stay with her and not my dad.
Two weeks ago, I decided to tell my dad that I didn’t want to continue going to her house, he said he understood and told me he would talk to her. When I went to my mom’s house, she confronted me about it and started crying saying I must hate her and saying that She didn’t deserve what I was doing to her.
I tried my best to explain to her that I did love her but she wouldn’t listen.
On Sunday, when she was supposed to take me to my dad’s, she asked if I wanted to stay another night. I told her I wanted to go back and she started telling me another story about why my father is a horrible man and why I shouldn’t stay with him (sometimes he drinks and when he does he drinks a lot but makes sure to stay in his room so he doesn’t bother us).
That was when I reached my breaking point, I was tired of her guilt-tripping me into staying and lying about my dad, I told her that she was the reason why I didn’t want to go to her house and that it was her own fault.
She started crying and went into her room and hasn’t talked to me since (my stepdad drove me home). I am guessing she told her family because now I am getting messages from my grandparents, aunts, and cousins saying I shouldn’t have said that to her and saying that I am a jerk for it.
Am I the jerk?”
7. AITJ For Not Helping Plan My Parents' Anniversary Party?
“I am the youngest in my family and was a surprise. My siblings let it be known they wanted nothing to do with me, and my parents regularly told me how difficult their life was because of me. We are cordial, but not close at all as adults.
We threw a surprise 25th anniversary when I was 17. My oldest sister took charge of the planning since she was working and taking classes part-time and had flexibility in her schedule. My older brother was out of the country and unable to attend. The party happened during my football season, so I would get up at 6 a.m. for school and get home from practice around 8 p.m. My job was basically to stop to gather supplies and check with vendors on my way home from practice.
My dad would be waiting for me each day to yell at me for being 20-30 minutes late and accuse me of all kinds of things. I brushed it off so I wouldn’t ruin the surprise.
The day of the party comes and I am scrambling around putting up decorations, preparing food, greeting guests, etc. My parents got home and were delighted by the surprise.
All seemed well.
Shortly after my sister started to loudly declare she put on the entire party all by herself and that I didn’t lift a finger. She went on and on to anyone who would listen for about an hour. Then my dad started screaming at me because my aunt couldn’t find her car keys, and for some reason, he thought I took them (my cousin still had them after moving her car)?
To add insult to injury, my parents bought my sister’s nonsense and wrote her this long Thank You note without a simple Thank You to me.
Flash forward, and my sister informs me it’s time to start planning for my parents’ 50th. I gently let her know I won’t be involved this time around.
My sister is confused and says ‘But it’s their 50th!’ I let her know that I was in the way last time and that I ruined the party by getting her and my dad so upset that they screamed at me in front of everyone.
I told her that if she sends me an invite, I’ll show up and bring a gift, but made it clear that would be the extent of my participation.
She thinks I am being petty and just making threats not to help. And yes, this was a long time ago so perhaps I should leave it in the past and not have her take on the planning by herself.
However, I promised myself that I wouldn’t go through all that effort again just to be disrespected and humiliated.
So AITJ for not helping plan this milestone event and leaving it all to my sister based on what happened over two decades ago at their last anniversary party?”
6. AITJ For Bonding With My Husband's Daughters?
“I (28 F) have been with my husband for 3 years, married for 1, he has 2 daughters (7, 5) from a previous marriage, we all get along for the kids, we are not best friends but they are the most important thing in this dynamic so we keep it at peace.
Now the problem, I love the movie Enchanted, and there is a second one coming up now and I wanted to rewatch it, I did it with my stepdaughters, and the oldest one loved it, she really loves princesses so she loved the idea of a real life princess, she said that we should all be princesses, I suggested having a tea party like in the movies, I asked my husband if I could buy them a princess dress and he said yes, so I did, I got my husband a prince charming costume and I made everything happen, I got myself a dress too and we had a tea party in our backyard with all of us dressed as royalty, we took some pictures, I didn’t post anything since I don’t really use social media that much nor do my husband and his baby mama know about it, she posted pictures of the girls dressed as princesses and MIL asked her when did they do the photoshoot, etc, she told her it wasnt a photoshoot and explained it, of course, she doesnt have a picture of all 4 of us, it would be weird.
MIL texted my husband and asked him and told him that it was rude of me to try and take his baby mama’s place by doing something like that, that it is a mom’s activity and not mine, and it looked like we were trying to display the kids as if they were ours, we did print a picture of the 4 of us and kept it in our house, his baby mama has pictures of the girls only but she has been telling everyone that I am trying to act as if they were my kids and his baby mama is just too nice to say something, I asked his baby mama if she had a problem and she said not at all but everyone is now acting as if I am trying to replace their mom, and making me feel bad.
So I don’t know, maybe that it is more of a parent’s activity and I shouldn’t have done it considering his baby mama has never done it before, AITJ for this?”
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Forgive My Ex-Best Friend For What Happened Over 3 Years Ago?
“I (25 f) and ‘Ava’ (25 f) met about 7 years ago in our freshman year of college.
We were fast friends and moved into a 2-bedroom university apartment our 2nd year. At the start of our 3rd year, she began going out with ‘Tom’ (25? m). As soon as they started going out, he was always there, regardless of who we were with.
I just figured she was excited about her first relationship and wanted to bring him everywhere.
Once I made an offhand joke about how she was never free to hang out alone anymore, and she snapped that I would understand if I didn’t sleep around so much.
Ava also started to make mean comments about how I dressed, or how often I went out. Tom started belittling me in our GC, and Ava would join in. I stopped leaving my room whenever he was there. Which was always. He had moved in.
Neither of them told me or talked to me about it.
I also had stopped inviting her out – waiting for her to initiate. I realized that I couldn’t remember one time that SHE asked ME to hang out since they started going out and she would almost always cancel plans I made.
She stopped being vegan, only watched shows he liked, did his laundry, and cooked their meals. Her own hobbies and interests evaporated. I just sat by while she lost everything in her life but him. I wanted to do something, talk to her about it, but he was ‘always there’, and I was scared.
I accidentally heard him yelling about dinner not being ready. Ava sounded on the brink of tears – a group project meeting had gone long. He said some really cruel things, about how he’s been working hard all day, what’s he supposed to eat now, he doesn’t believe her meeting went over because it was JUST an art class.
I was shocked. He had said mean things to me before, but I had never seen or heard him do anything other than dote on her.
My grades were suffering and I was losing a lot of weight since I never risked cooking. It was 2 months until graduation, and my partner asked me to move in with her.
I did.
That was over 3 years ago. A few months ago, Ava posted that she and Tom broke up. Just last week, she reached out to me and asked if we could talk. I said yes, and she sent me a novel about how she felt so alone and realized how toxic her relationship was.
She wants to be friends again and she can forgive me for abandoning her. I said I don’t think I can be friends again. She has since sent me many angry texts, saying I was cruel to blame her for anything that happened. I think she is right, but I don’t think I can let go.
I think I am a jerk for pushing her away to protect my own feelings when she is so isolated. I should have done something, but I hid and ran away the first chance I got. My mom (who was in an emotionally and financially toxic relationship with my ex-stepfather) says that I am unempathetic, selfish, and a terrible friend.
My partner says I am not obligated to forgive Ava, and that I also got hurt by her. I don’t know.”
4. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law Not To Show My Daughter What She's Doing To Her Food?
“My sister-in-law, call her Barb, has a habit of putting butter and mayo on her food.
Like it’s not uncommon when she eats a white sauce pasta she will add half a stick of butter to her plate and have it melt in or if she is eating biscuits from Popeyes to dip it in melted butter as well.
My daughter is now 7 and we don’t want her to pick up any unhealthy habits.
My husband was making hot dogs and I know Barb was going to add butter to her hot dog buns (my husband already adds some and toasts them but again she was going to add A LOT More). I pull her to the side and I am like hey Barb, do you mind adding the butter to your hot dogs in the kitchen, I don’t want Emily (my daughter) to start doing it too.
She then is like, you are putting your 7-year-old daughter on a diet? I am like no, we know that she likes to copy people, especially adults and we would rather not have her do that. Barb is then like why? So she won’t become fat like me!
and starts raising her voice. She says that there is nothing wrong with being fat and that I am giving my daughter an eating disorder by restricting her.
She then brings up the fact that she is a nurse and that she knows more than doctors.
And guarantees me the anxiety and depression I am creating by preventing her from eating what she wants is way more harmful than whatever cholesterol a little bit of butter would give her.
And that she (Emily) should be able to make her own decisions that if she wants to eat hotdogs with butter she can eat hotdogs with butter.
I am like Barb, if you have kids and want to teach them to do that, that is fine, but please respect my wishes. Barb gets angry and confronts my husband, my husband talks to Barb, and eventually, she just packs some of the food from the grill and leaves.
Was I wrong here? If my daughter was 10, I wouldn’t mind at all but these are crucial ages. And I just asked her to do it in the kitchen, not to not do it at all.”
3. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Be Successful?
“I (44 M) have a stepson (20 M) and a daughter (18 F) with my wonderful wife (42 F). My daughter is an exceptionally smart girl: She enjoys working with me on scientific projects, helping out at our local pharmacy and is typically a lot more social than my stepson is.
Due to this, I’ve grown to be very protective of my little girl which I think is for the best.
Recently, a boy my daughter’s age has been coming by a lot. He spends a lot of time alone with my daughter in her room, and while she says they’re just working on a project together I tend to be wary about these things.
I used to be young myself, I know what teenagers like to do.
My daughter and I were having some father-daughter time when the previously mentioned boy came to pick her up for some plans they had. My daughter is embarrassed that she forgot but I offer that he could join our activity instead.
At one point she leaves us alone for a moment, which is where my ‘jerk’ moment allegedly came about.
We had been having some light conversation when the topic of my daughter came about, and so I said to the boy that my daughter had a bright future and that I didn’t want him getting in the way of this.
I was under the impression that my daughter was not aware of what I said, but as soon as the boy left my daughter became irate.
She confronted me, saying that I had no business to assume her relationships or speak to her friends that way.
However, I disagree. It’s my duty as a father to make sure my little girl grows up to become a successful young woman, and distractions like boys are going to stray her from pursuing the career of her dreams.
My daughter does not have the heart to call me a jerk but she certainly implied it to me and later confirmed this to my wife.
I was successful in scaring off the boy bothering her but my daughter has been angry and distant with me since. Am I the jerk for wanting at least one successful child?”
2. AITJ For Closing And Locking The Door On My Dad?
“I (29) am staying with my parents for a few weeks in between moving apartments.
I work from home and my parents know this. My dad (72) comes home from work around 3:30 pm or so while I am still working. About 5 minutes prior to this my dad starts calling my phone while I am on a Zoom call one-on-one with an external party at work.
I silence the phone call because I am in a work meeting. Evidently, he forgot the house keys because as I notice him pulling into the driveway out of the corner of my eye, he starts to knock out the door. Then he started knocking louder and calling my name.
He keeps calling my name about 5-6x and knocking progressively louder and I am doing my absolute best to ignore this while on my work call.
It finally stops and I am praying to god that this means my father took the hint that I am busy.
Nope. About 1 minute later he appears at the back door (which is closer to my office) and starts banging on the locked storm door. Now he starts screaming my name angrily and at this point, I am absolutely livid trying really REALLY hard to maintain my composure in front of the person I am on a call with.
I don’t THINK they can hear him SCREAMING, at least I sure hope they can’t.
This is where I may be the jerk: when it becomes evident the man is not going to cease, I eventually excuse myself from the call, mute my mic/video, storm to the back door, and whisper scream at my dad ‘I AM ON A WORK CALL.
FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!’, and instead of opening the door for him, I close the other door on him and lock it.
5 minutes later my mom comes home as well and lets him in. There was nothing urgent for him inside the house. He didn’t rush to the bathroom or anything.
He just wanted to be inside. Now I am getting the silent treatment from him like I was the one in the wrong.
So, AITJ?
EDIT: There may be a bit of a cultural difference to note. My parents’ house is their house, yes, but I am not a ‘guest’ in my parents’ house.
I have my own bedroom here, I use this address as my ‘permanent’ address for more important financial accounts, it is my childhood home. It was my house when I was under 18, it didn’t stop being my home when I moved out. In my culture at least, the childhood home remains the family home forever, basically, and even adult children are encouraged to visit and stay as long as they want.
We have a backup key on the back patio, right there, my dad ended up. He is aware this key exists but likely forgot the combo. He COULD have called my mom and asked for the combo and let himself in, but decided screaming and slamming louder was the better route to go.”
1. AITJ For Helping My Best Friend And His Ex-Wife Move On?
“My best friend and I have been friends since we were 5 years old. This man and I went to the same kindergarten, middle school, and high school, and even relocated to a new country (a few years apart).
He got married very young and they had a daughter. They started having marital issues a few years back. I never got to hear her side of the story but he accused her of having an affair with various dudes. 1 thing I know is that he was and still is a paranoid heavy drinker – you know 1 of those people who drink and they blow up starts calling people and literally become paranoid.
After they broke up, he moved to another state. One day I had a very innocent text conversation with his ex about getting some soup from a fast food joint close to my job and dropping it for her. I left it at her door and she thanked me later.
The next day, my bro sent me screenshots of that conversation. I tried to call him, no answer. I called her and asked her what was going on. She explained to me how he had hacked her phone and laptop and how he had been sending these screenshots to every man who texts her and tells them how ‘He isn’t the only one hit’n it.’ She also told me how she had tried to format the phone and all that but the bug was still there.
I could not believe he was actually accusing me too. One thing I knew, though, is that since they broke up, she had moved on (clearly) or was trying to because I saw a few ‘special friends’ with her. As a matter of fact, I believed him when he said she had an affair – man was always wasted and fighting.
I don’t expect anyone to just sit and accept that nonsense. I could not believe that every time my nerdy shy childhood friend would get off work, (a year after they divorced) he’d go home get wasted, and spy on his now moved-on ex. I just waited for her the next day in the parking lot, and told her exactly what to do – my friend had shown me how it works.
I even told her, I did not do this for you. I did it for him so that he can also move on. He called me the next day and told me never to talk to him again. We are now in the process of dividing assets in a small business we had started. Would like to hear your thoughts on this.
Was I really the jerk?
Edit:
1. This was during separation – I think couples with kids who are minors first do a 1-year separation before divorce. The divorce was completed a few months ago. My fault on that one.
2. The reason I told her that I didn’t do it for her was very simple.
Kids talk. Not once did their baby say some things that pointed to both of them being toxic. There is also a time he actually declined to file assault charges on her after neighbors had called the cops on them.
3. Stalking her is an understatement.
What he did was hold her life hostage. It’s obvious. In my mind, I was really helping him from stuff such as going to jail and even losing his baby. We all know what people are capable of when jealous.
4. These people come from a 3rd world country.
We grew up seeing our mothers go through so much physical and emotional mistreatment. And somehow they made things happen for us. You’d think people like me would do so much better in a situation where mistreatment is suspected.”
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