People Discuss Their Stressful "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Telling My Dad Her Partner Is Not My Mom And I That I Will Never Claim Her As My Mom?
“So my (14 f) dad has a partner. I don’t know how old she is but I think their close in age. My dad says he plans on marrying her one day, which I do not believe because he said that about his last partner and they broke up a couple of months later.
But he kept making me say she was my stepmom and that her son (7 m) was my brother. I never said that to people I always introduced her by her name. (let’s call her V for now. And her son is Daniel.)
I never claimed her as my mom cause she hasn’t done anything to deserve that title plus she’s just my dad’s partner and they aren’t married, they aren’t even engaged!
And I already have a mother. My dad always told me I acted funny around her. And that I never talked to her or talked to anybody in her family and that I was embarrassing him. I told him I DO talk to them but it’s small conversations because I don’t know them and I’m not comfortable with them just yet.
But for whatever reason he says this is ’embarrassing’. They complain I never eat anything she cooks (the last thing she cooked had flies flying over it) and complain that I bully Daniel when all I ever do is tell him to stop doing certain things!
One of the most recent things is that he goes around telling people I’m his biological sister. I don’t like that but I’m not rude about it cause hes 7. I always correct people when they ask me. And V heard this once and told my dad.
My dad was mad and said Danny was my brother and I had to get over it. They both berated me about it until I cried and yelled at them. I told them ‘Danny isn’t my brother and V is not my mother! YOU GUYS AREN’T EVEN MARRIED YET SO SHE’S NOT MY MOM AND I WON’T EVER BE CLAIMING HER AS MY MOM!’
V looked hurt and they both took me back home to my mom. My dad said I embarrassed him and hurt V’s feelings and that I needed to apologize. I told him to get lost. My mom says it’s good I stood up for myself but my friends say I was a jerk and that V and Daniel are innocent here.
So AITJ?
A few things: My dad and V have been together for 3 years.
He and my mom were never married.
I’m not mean to Daniel unless he does something to make me angry.”
35. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Crying Over Not Catching A Fish?
“My husband recently picked up a fishing hobby. He went two nights ago and stayed out until nine a.m. He wanted to go again tonight. I packed up our three kids, two of whom are toddlers, and took them with me to our oldest’s 3-hour-long competitive sports practice.
It was a nightmare with screaming toddlers running everywhere. I got back home and made them dinner. I needed to work, but that proved to be impossible.
After a lot of chaos, I gave up and played with them outside until bedtime, thinking I would work after they were asleep.
The toddlers refused to go to sleep.
After two hours, I finally managed to get the youngest down. The other toddler didn’t go to sleep until after 11. Next to no work was accomplished. I straightened up the kitchen and cut my finger, worked for about 20 minutes but was exhausted and couldn’t concentrate.
It was a rough afternoon and evening. I decided I’d be better off to unwind with a book for 15-20 minutes, go to bed, and then get up early to try and catch up on work and hopefully not miss a deadline.
I go to get in bed, and it’s covered in clean laundry my husband threw on the bed instead of putting it away.
I put the clothes away, crawl in bed, and in walks my husband before I’ve read the first sentence. It’s after midnight. He immediately starts complaining about how he didn’t catch any fish.
At first, I try to be empathetic and remind him that he’s just recently started, and as with anything, it’ll take time and practice to get good.
He continues to go on about how he had a terrible time, everyone else caught fish and he didn’t catch any. He looked like an idiot so he’s never going again, etc.
After several minutes I tell him I’m not in the mood to continue to listen to him cry over not catching a fish.
He immediately said I was being mean and stormed out. I acknowledge I should have chosen nicer words. He didn’t give me a chance to elaborate on why I no longer wanted to listen before storming out. It was his expectation that as his wife, I should have continued trying to make him feel better.
However, I also had a difficult day and did not have the mental capacity or spoons to do this emotional labor for him.
Am I the jerk?”
34. WIBTJ If I Don't Give My Stepson A Place To Stay?
“I (50 F) was married to a good man. I was his second wife. He had a son (22 M), whom we will call Mark, from his first marriage. Together we had a son Chuck (16 M) who is special needs. My husband passed away 10 years ago.
My husband had a life insurance policy for Mark for 500k, as a part of his divorce.
I talked him into getting a policy for Chuck too. He got a 250k policy for him. But with Chuck’s diagnosis and wanting to save for college for Mark I asked my husband to also start individual savings for both boys. Before he passed I looked at the accounts and he fessed up to giving Mark the savings over the years.
Expensive clothes, phones, trips with friends to Disney, walking around money for a kid. My husband never told him no. Whatever my stepson wanted he got. So Chuck had 25k saved, and Mark’s account only had $800. I was livid and stopped giving my husband money.
Instead, I kept putting funds away in my own savings for the boys. My husband said he just felt guilty his son was the child of divorce and wanted him to have a happy life.
After my husband died, Mark got his life insurance policy.
But his mother blew through the 500k before he was 16. I used the 250k money and bought an investment property. It’s worth a lot more now and Chuck has a healthy savings from it as well as I reinvest profits into a trust for Chuck.
It’s about $630k in total value. I had 6k set aside for Mark that I saved on my own. I gave it to him when he turned 18. He bought a car with it.
My stepson recently found out his brother has money. He lost another job so he has been staying with a woman because he doesn’t get along with his mother’s partner.
The girl’s parents are evicting them. I offered to let them live with me for a bit if he contributed to the bills by getting a job and keeping it. Then he could save for a place on his own. He refused that help. Instead, he wanted to live in his brother’s rental property for what sounded like free.
I said absolutely not. We have reliable tenants, I’m not going to evict them so he has a place to stay. He said no, he meant GIVE him the property. Because he says it was purchased using his dad’s money and I had no right to be keeping him from what should be his.
And if I didn’t give him the house I needed to give him the value of the house out of the funds invested. He threatened to sue me. I was stunned. I said absolutely not. He should be asking his mother for his money, not me, not his brother.
He called his father’s sisters and said he’s struggling and going to be homeless and his partner just found out she’s pregnant (that’s why her parents are kicking them out. I guess they weren’t expecting her to get pregnant from that living arrangement).
So he needs the money and I’m being a greedy evil stepmother according to him.
They are calling me a jerk and heartless. AITJ ?”
33. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Either Get A Job Or Be My Daughter's Nanny?
“So I (23 F) have been a stay-at-home mom since my daughter was a year old. I used to work full-time as a CNA but got burnt out and around that same time my husband got a promotion and raise, and my dad was living with us.
We split bills 50/50 so they decided that since my husband would be making more than enough to cover our part of the bills I would quit and stay home. My dad moved in with his long-time partner. We had an extra room and my brother (25) had been having issues with his roommate so we let him take the spare room.
He had a job and would be able to take over what my dad paid so we had no problem. He agreed to take on half the bills before moving in.
That was about 4 months ago. Last month, my brother quit his job because he ‘wasn’t having any fun’ (his words).
He hasn’t even attempted to look for a new job and all he has done since quitting is playing video games. He told me he wanted to be a Twitch streamer.
He has 2 subscribers.
I’m not trying to bash his dreams but that’s not realistic.
I know some people make money from it, but that will take a while. My husband and I got fed up with paying all the bills from his paycheck, with no help from my brother.
Last night, I gave him an ultimatum. Either get a job or become my daughter’s nanny so I can go back to work, and if he didn’t like either of those options, find somewhere else to live.
I gave him 3 weeks to either find a job or a new place to live. He thinks I’m being unreasonable but I really don’t think I am. My husband and I talked before we told him and are both in agreement. This is happening.
This morning I got a call from my mom saying I’m a jerk and ‘he’s family and he’s going through a tough time.’ My mom is also the type to enable him. With everything.
Now I’m getting texts and calls from my mom’s side (grandma, aunt, grandpa, etc.) saying that I should help him ‘follow his dreams’.
I hate to be THAT person, but his dreams won’t pay the bills.
I have my dad and husband behind me, and I didn’t talk to him in a rude tone. I was very mature and calm the entire time.
So AITJ for telling him to get a job or be my daughter’s nanny if he wants to keep living here?”
32. AITJ For Telling My Mom My Partner And I Should Move Out?
“I (21 F) have lived with my mom (42) my whole life. When I was younger, my brother passed away causing her to have a breakdown, and is now currently medicated and diagnosed with many mental health issues. Due to this, I pretty much raised myself and have been her main support person since his passing.
I have been on and off medication as well as therapy for my own trauma.
I eventually started going out with this guy (before she met her husband) and we’re still together. My mom got remarried when I was in school and they got their own place with me.
I have previously had issues with her husband during this time as he was just plain disrespectful. My significant other (22 M) moved in with us due to having family issues.
My SO and I help out around the house as well as pay some of the bills.
Her husband on the other hand only goes to work and leaves everything else to us. This has caused a lot of issues as my SO and I feel he isn’t pulling his weight despite the numerous talks about it. He’s also fairly disrespectful to my SO and me and makes snide comments to pretty much everyone.
We’ve been biting our tongues for a while to benefit my mom, but we’ve reached our limits.
My SO and I have been saving up to get a place but my mom and her husband have repeatedly come to us for money. This ended up depleting our savings worth a couple of grand and putting me in credit card debt.
We have been secretly saving up and telling them we don’t have money so that we can get out of there. This has led to a lot of stress in my relationship with my SO, as well as my mom. It’s been causing some of my mental health issues to resurface too.
Today my mom asked to talk. She started off by asking me not to move out. She started talking about how she was depressed and felt lost. She also felt that no one wanted to help her and that she was alone with nobody caring about her.
She mentioned feeling stressed at work and how annoying it is to come home to a minefield with me and her husband. She asked me to be more patient and understanding with her husband and how he’s learning to be better and to help out more.
The thing is over the 4 years I’ve lived with them, I have asked him numerous times to help out and about how his actions make me feel and that I don’t like how he treats me. Nothing ever changes, he never apologizes or takes responsibility for his actions.
My mom makes up excuses for his behavior.
I told her in the nicest way that I could that I didn’t want to be patient anymore. I told her he had years to learn and still doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I didn’t want her to feel like she was walking on eggshells in her own home, but I didn’t want to be disrespected in mine too as I pay more money and help out more than he does.
I said that if that’s how she felt it’d be best if my SO and I moved out. She got upset and stormed out. Now I feel like the jerk for not wanting to be patient with him and for telling her that I wanted to move out because of him.”
31. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Brother?
“I’m (19 m) in my first year of university, three hours away from my hometown. Honestly, I’d been looking to get away since I was 14 and was one of those kids with the fantasy of just moving away and never looking back.
Obviously, I haven’t actually disappeared. I’ve been back to my hometown a handful of times since September for friends’ birthdays and recently took my sister (10 f) and cousin (11 f) out for the day, but I haven’t been back to my parents’ house.
Unfortunately, my brother (7 m) has a genetic condition that impacts a lot of his basic skills. He is wheelchair-bound and has issues using both hands, he struggles to pronounce words correctly and has hearing issues and it is likely that he will have the mental capacity of a child his entire life.
Looking after him is incredibly stressful for my mother (37 f) and stepfather (50 m) and takes up a lot of their time. Sometimes my sister or I are expected to help feed or change him or worse.
My mother has frequently asked me to come back to visit, sometimes to give her a break from my brother, and sometimes just because she ‘misses me’.
But I always make up an excuse. I know that if I do ever go back there, life will resume how it was last year where everything has to revolve around him and his needs, and I don’t want to do that at this stage in my life.
I want to live and make up for all the time I lost over the past seven years shut in the house with him. This is a point of contention between my mother, my sister, and me because she doesn’t understand why we feel so overlooked or used whenever she or my stepfather want a break.
My mother has started to think that I don’t like her or that she has offended me, which is not the case. I have invited her to meet me locally at a coffee shop before, but she has been unable to make the trip without my brother due to my stepfather’s work schedule.
I have tried to explain that I would love to spend time with her, but not my brother, but it never goes over well. I do not want to add additional stress to her life but I also want to feel like I’m actually allowed to live mine.
Am I being selfish? AITJ?
Edit: My mother and stepfather do not support me with university, they wanted me to stay at home and get a job instead. I have taken out loans and am using money my grandfather left me to pay for accommodation, they pay nothing.”
30. AITJ For Implying To My Husband That Being A Freelance Illustrator Is Not A Real Job?
“My husband and I (26 M and 27 F) have been married for about two years. I’m currently doing my residency, and I work on average 60-70 hours per week. My husband used to be a project manager, a remarkable position for someone his age. But about a year ago he decided to quit his job to be a freelance illustrator.
It was an incredibly rash decision in my opinion, but he said it was something he had been wanting to do for a long time. I want to be supportive, but this really isn’t the best time for him to be pursuing his passions. We want to have a baby soon so we should be trying to save up, but he’s buying all these expensive art supplies and tablets for his ‘career’.
So far he’s had a few odd gigs for various companies, but his income is still far from stable, which is really concerning to me. And I really don’t want to say this, but lately, I feel like I’ve been losing respect for him. Like I’m coming home after a 10-hour shift and I see him in his little studio drawing pictures and having the time of his life.
I guess I’ve become a bit resentful.
The other day I came home after a really long shift and I was exhausted. I asked him if he could wash my scrubs since I really couldn’t move a muscle, and he just said ‘Later, I’m working right now.’ That really ticked me off because all he was doing was doodling in his sketchbook and he called it ‘working.’ I told him that he wasn’t working and was just making excuses and he got pretty offended by that.
He started ranting about how it was part of the process or something, and I got frustrated and told him that he needed to get a real job. Guess I shouldn’t have said that because we ended up having an argument and he ignored me for the rest of the night.
It’s not that I have anything against art, I just think he should be doing something more productive since we want to start a family. AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Telling The Truth To My Ex-Wife's Sister That We're Not Married Anymore?
“My ex-wife (32 f) and I (30 M) split well over a year ago. Our divorce was just finalized about 2 months ago.
Her family lives across the country then with the global crisis, they hardly were ever around. And throughout our marriage, she only communicated with them once maybe every 2-3 months.
Seems like her sister came to visit the state because my partner and I ran into her at an outdoor mall 4 hours away from our city when we were doing a romantic weekend getaway.
It was definitely awkward since according to my ex and her Zoom calls with family, we were still married. So to her sister, this just looked like I was out with another woman as a married man.
She kept trash-talking me, it was so confusing.
Then it clicked my ex never told them we divorced. Her sister didn’t even believe me but I told her the whole story, and I don’t know why she didn’t tell any of them. I know telling the truth shouldn’t be something you ask if you’re the jerk for.
The reason I’m asking here is because my ex called me crying about how I humiliated her. She was working up the courage to tell her family we divorced, it was hard because her family doesn’t ‘believe’ in divorces. She said instead of telling her sister I could have directed her to talk to my ex instead.
Then telling me it was the least I could’ve done after leaving her so now she has to deal with her family knowing she lied, and taking her chance to tell the story herself about the divorce.
So because of the way things played out for her, I’m asking if I’m a jerk.
For me, it was not wanting to be seen as a liar but exposing what she didn’t tell them makes her seem like a failure (her own words) and a liar to top it off. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Banning My Brother's Best Friend From My Apartment Because Of His Comment About My Cat?
“My twin brother (m 20) fell on a rough patch and moved in with me (f 20).
I have two cats I love DEARLY. One is a long coat tortoiseshell named T (F 6), and the other is a short coat black cat named B (M 1).
I’m fine with my brother being here but obviously, the couch isn’t the best arrangement.
So he invited his best friend (M 22) I was fine with it. I didn’t care since it was supposed to be in and out since he just wanted to see the apartment layout because they wanted to rent the one below me with two bedrooms.
They get here and my brother begins gushing about my cats since he too loves cats. B is out and about, and T is in my room, she prefers her alone time and just wants to sleep on my bed and occasionally look out the window, beg for pets, and zoom at my feet.
That is her ideal day. She’s a lazy bone. My brother asked me to please go get T for his friend to see. I’m like sure okay whatever. I go get her, she walks in and she’s a beautiful cat.
His friend immediately begins insulting her coat, and her eyes.
Saying she was an ugly bug-eyed cat. (She isn’t, she’s a beautiful angel baby) To me my cats are family. I consider them in everything. I immediately told my friend that it wasn’t okay, I didn’t appreciate him insulting my cat.
He said it was just a joke, but the insults were honestly really mean. Like saying she looks diseased. That her eyes are too big for her head. Comparing her to Buggsy from bedtime stories. Saying her coat is weird and hideous. I asked if he’d be okay with someone insulting his pets that way and he said it’s fine because they don’t understand.
I told him he should leave.
My twin brother got really angry with me for telling his friend to leave and for being rude. When my SO got home I told him about it too and he agreed with me & said that friend isn’t allowed over anymore.
This was a while ago but my brother’s upset I banned his friend from my and my SO’s apartment and I do think I may be the jerk because his best friend was also my high school bully so I may have been excessive in banning him just because I already didn’t like him.”
27. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Aunt In Front Of The Whole Restaurant?
“When I (30 M) was 5, my family took me to one of those Japanese steakhouses where they cook the food at your table. When the cook lit the grill and the huge flame shot up into the air, it scared the heck out of me and I ran and hid in the corner and was too afraid to come back to the table.
My aunt (64 F) has teased me about that ever since. That was twenty-five years ago and I swear she brings it up every single time I see her! I’ve told her repeatedly to stop talking about it. My parents have also asked her to stop bringing it up to no avail.
It’s gotten so tiresome and embarrassing and she teases me about it in front of the whole family despite me repeatedly telling her to stop.
I’ve never really gotten along well with my aunt and lately, I’ve made it a point to avoid her at family gatherings.
We celebrated my birthday Friday and I wanted to go to one of those Japanese steakhouses. I didn’t invite my aunt but my grandmother invited her behind my back. I didn’t know she was coming until she showed up. I was already mad that my grandmother invited her (she told me that my aunt is family and I can’t just exclude her from everything) but as soon as we sat down, my aunt started ribbing me about that incident when I was five.
I told her to stop bringing it up and my mom told her to stop as well, but when the cook was fixing to light the hibachi, she asked me in this really condescending way ‘You sure you don’t wanna go hide in the corner for old time’s sake?’
I finally just lost my temper and went off on her right there in front of the whole restaurant. I basically yelled at her ‘Will you just shut up about that already? That was 25 years ago! Is that literally all you have to talk about?
I’m sick of hearing about it! This is why I didn’t invite you!’
I swear the entire restaurant must have been staring at me and I felt like just walking out. The entire rest of the dinner was awkward and I couldn’t even enjoy my meal. After we left my grandmother told me that I embarrassed her in front of everyone, that my outburst was completely uncalled for, and that I owed my aunt an apology.
My parents told me I didn’t owe my aunt anything and were angry at my grandmother for inviting her, but I still feel like a jerk for losing my temper and yelling in front of the restaurant, and the whole thing was deeply embarrassing. My grandmother and my aunt are also both blasting me on social media for embarrassing them in public.
So AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Not Having A Job?
“I (M 16) have always wanted a job since I was 12 years old. I feel as if it’s important for me so I can learn how to manage my expenses in the future with future jobs.
My mom (F 40) and my brother and his significant other (both 19) work at a hardware store at the same place. Ever since I was 14, the only thing I heard was ‘Get a job’. No biggie there so I started applying.
Now, here’s the issue.
2 years later, I still have not found a job due to the lack of essentials (such as a social security card and a birth certificate) and I have no issue with it. However lately, I try to eat something but my brother always chews me out for cooking food for myself.
He would make comments such as ‘You should get your own job so you can stop eating all of our food’ or ‘Instead of spending a lot on clothes, you should spend your money on food’.
Those comments wouldn’t be an issue but I have no job and the little amount my mom sends me doesn’t even top 30 dollars.
It’s not just food, Everyone including my mom likes to buy nice things for themselves but doesn’t bother to give me anything. I keep asking my mom if she can order me a social security card so I am able to get a job but she never does (she lost mine a while back).
I felt really insecure because they were able to buy nice things and do nice stuff but I have been feeling insecure about the fact that I am unable to get a job. Fast forward to today, my brother accused me of eating his sausages but I didn’t because
1. He wrote ‘Do not eat’ on the box.
2. I don’t even eat sausage.
It turned into a fight and my mom took his side so I told her: ‘If I keep getting yelled at for eating food then maybe I should just starve myself’. I was tired. I was tired of the ‘Get a job’ comments and I’m tired of getting yelled at for eating food but I feel like I may have gone overboard with that comment soo… am I the jerk?”
25. AITJ For Refusing To Go On A Vacation With My Husband And Stepson?
“I (F 33) have been married to my husband (M 38) for 2 years. He has a 9-year-old son from his former marriage.
He’s always been on bad terms with his ex, they had a messy divorce and basically hate each other’s guts. It got worse after his ex got remarried.
The current problem started when he found out that his ex-wife planned to go on vacation without their son (my stepson). Why? because her new husband didn’t want him to go (probably because it’s a romantic getaway). My husband pitched a fit and insisted they take my stepson but she refused. My husband then brought him to stay with us, not his days but I welcomed him and I made sure to keep him entertained and happy.
All was good til I found out that my husband had booked tickets for a vacation to the same place his ex and her new husband were going, same hotel same everything. He booked the tickets in my and his son’s name only. I was confused, I asked him about it and he said he did this to spite his ex and show her she can’t exclude his son from a vacation and who the better parent is.
He told me he’d ‘arranged for everything’ and all I had to do was take time off work and take his son and go.
I was shocked I asked if he was serious and he confirmed it. I went off on him saying I can’t just take time off work and go with his son to a place I’ve never been before just so he could one-up his ex.
He ranted about how busy he was otherwise he would’ve ‘taken care of this himself’ but ‘sent me instead’. I yelled saying I’ve got a lot on my plate. I work full-time, I take care of my cancer-stricken mom, I clean, cook AND take care of my stepson on top of that.
He said my boss would understand if I took time off unlike his but in response I called him selfish and said ‘no’ to this arrangement and told him it was final.
He flipped out on me and then told his son that I just said no to a fun vacation for him funded by his dad.
I told him to stop it because I have commitments and won’t risk losing my job over an unexpected vacation and for what? We just got back from one a month ago!
He’s been ranting about how I’m wasting his time and money by declining to go.
And that his son will hate me for this forever.”
Your husband clearly cares more about one-upping his ex than he does about you or his son. In your shoes, I'd be looking for a good divorce attorney and putting money away to fund your escape. Now you know why (at least in part) his ex is an ex, because she's been here before. Good luck.
24. AITJ For Telling My Son He Can't Bring His Significant Other To My Wedding?
“I’m a formerly single mom of my son ‘Jace’ who’s 15. His dad and I have divorced since he was 11 one of the reasons being he’d always undermined me with Jace.
Jace would run to his dad every time I said no to something or was punishing him for something he did wrong and his dad along with my ex-MIL would pressure me into letting it go or just letting Jace have his way.
I’m getting remarried next month and over the weekend we were trying to pick out Jace’s tux.
The issue is Jace has always hated dressing decently and is as much of a boy as a boy can possibly be and I’ve had to fight him constantly to get him to wear anything nicer than blue jeans and a hoodie his entire life.
Jace has been in a relationship with one of his football teammates ‘Kite’ (16) and he wants to bring him to the wedding. Apparently, it’s this really big deal to him.
I told him he could as long as he was on his best behavior up until the wedding.
He’d already gotten in trouble for skipping class last week and he went out to his significant other’s the other week without asking and I already told him he was on his last straw. Well while picking out tuxs he had a bad attitude the entire time and refused to work with me.
I could barely get him to try anything on and he kept saying he didn’t like anything. I’ve finally just picked one out and told him we were getting it and he just threw a fit about how he didn’t like it and how I was just trying to impress my fiance’s family.
I’d had enough and just flat-out told him that he wasn’t allowed to bring Kite. He started begging me to change my mind and I said no.
He went over his dad’s after that and I’ve been getting calls from my ex and my ex-MIL about how I overreacted and that I should just let him bring his SO anyway.
I told them I was standing firm and that Jace was just going to have to accept it. They started calling me shrewish and overbearing after that. AITJ here?”
23. AITJ For Suggesting We Go To A Restaurant That I Like?
“I (29 M) was a chubby kid growing up.
I started weightlifting in college and kept up with it as I was pretty good at it. Over ten years later, I’m still kind of chubby but I’ve got quite a bit of muscle on top in addition. I’m about six feet tall, weigh about 250 pounds, and have some darker features.
My story all started last Friday. My partner Paige (29 M) and I went to our friends’ apartment after work: Alex (28 M) and Sasha (28 F). They live together and are engaged.
We wanted to go out for dinner, and we were pitching options on where to go while being pretty indecisive.
You know exactly what I’m talking about. I remembered they live near this Salvadoran restaurant I really like that makes great pupusas, and I pitch it with enthusiasm.
Not saying the name of the restaurant since it can be looked up online.
Nobody objected, so we ended up going there.
It was amazing, as always. Some of you may be able to guess why I’ve always been the chubby kid.
Paige told me last night that she had a chat with Sasha over the weekend and Sasha told her that she and Alex didn’t really want to go to the pupusas restaurant on Friday that I ‘made them’ go to, and that they’re mad at me about it.
I got confused because they both agreed to go. I told Paige that I don’t recall pressuring them, nor do I recall them giving any opposition or resistance to the suggestion, nor do I remember them seeming upset at the restaurant.
Paige told me that they probably felt intimidated to speak up because I’m a big dude and that I should be more mindful of my size.
I’m not sure how I feel about this, since my size is arguably not my fault. I suppose I did choose to lift those weights, but I’m pretty sure I’m stuck this way until I’m an old man. Secondly, I don’t understand why they didn’t speak up and continue making suggestions.
It’s not like I’m just going to flip out and start acting irrationally just because I’m a big dude.
AITJ in this situation? Is there some kind of expectation for big dudes to act more ‘demure’ that I’m not aware of?”
22. AITJ For Being Rude To My Brother-In-Law For Snooping Into My Phone?
“So I (23 f) live with my parents and so do my sister (27 f) and her husband (33 m)
A month back, I suddenly woke up from my sleep to find my brother-in-law holding my mobile near to my finger (looked like he was trying to open it), I confronted him then and there and he denied saying he was trying to wake me up by taking my phone away.
The topic died down.
Now 3 weeks back, I started talking to my ex after the breakup (personal reasons) and my brother-in-law got to know about it. He told everyone at my home, people at my home doesn’t like my ex as he was unable to convince his parents for our marriage… So my mom explained to me nicely and asked me to stop talking for my own good.
But my brother-in-law (I don’t know how much influence from my sister) started to sneak near my curtain at night and try to listen to me talk and if by chance he caught me, he threatened to stop my studies and my job and make me sit at home.
Then he told me he checked my phone THAT day and looked through my galleries wearing inappropriate dresses and hanging around with friends. He also read my personal chats with my (female) best friends and said we talked like we were having inappropriate chats. It was too disturbing to hear and I felt extremely violated and felt like all my privacy had been stripped. He hasn’t told anyone else because I know if my parents get to know me, there will be bad consequences for me.
He says he is concerned and only wanted to see if I was doing anything wrong but it was still extremely wrong.
Now I might be the jerk because I was rude to him and told him it isn’t his place to do all of it, he isn’t my brother.
I told him that even my parents had never done such things to me ever. They have never checked my phone behind my back secretly. He is a good man, he has helped my family a lot so that’s why I feel bad for saying him and making him feel like not a part of the family.
I don’t have any friends or can talk to my ex anymore to clear my mind… so I am dumping it on here.
I just want to say that don’t ask me why I’m not leaving or choosing to stay there after all of it.
I can’t leave I can’t do that. I earn enough to cover my needs and live with them as I need to complete my studies… also leaving and living alone is not feasible in my country and huge generational cultural influence too.”
21. AITJ For Taking Back My Toys From My Cousin's Son?
“I (20 F) am staying at my parents’ house for the summer currently.
Both my parents were never affectionate to me or my older brother. As a small child, my love language used to be physical touch as I used to give hugs and kisses a lot to my direct family members but eventually, I stopped because mom hated being kissed on her cheeks or getting hugs and would actually yell at me if I ever touched her.
So as any kid, I unleashed all my love and affection on my plushies and toys. Toys that were bought for me by my aunts, uncles, and grandma. My parents never bought me any toy or plushy that was worth more than 2 dollars. I actually grew up reserved and cold and it’s taking a toll on my romantic life because mom rubbed it off on me and now I don’t like physical touch as well.
Lately, Mom has been running around the house trying to unload some stuff and give it away to random people. Well, a few days ago, Mom walked into my childhood room and looked at the toy basket I had put away in my closet a long time ago except for a few plushies I still cuddle to bed to this day (I know, pathetic) and she said: ‘You know when you were away for college your cousin’s son Eric came into your room and really liked your toys?
How about we give them to him?’ Now I immediately said no, that these toys had some real emotional value and if I were to give them away, it would be my own children or some truly needy kids, Eric has 2 engineers as parents so it’s not like he needs them.
Mom got so mad and called me a kid and told me to grow up, yelling something about me telling her that I said I wouldn’t have kids anyway and that that wasn’t a question, it was a statement. I said I don’t care if I’d have kids or not, those were my property and she has 0 authority to give them away.
She kept huffing and puffing but eventually let it go.
Yesterday, when I went home from work, I noticed the basket wasn’t in its spot so I asked my brother about it and he said that mom took it outside. So I went over to my cousin’s house to take it back with the excuse that some of the toys weren’t mine and that I’d give them back once I separated the ones I owned from the ones I didn’t and I took them to my friend’s house til I go back to my college so I could pick them up.
Apparently, my cousin called mom and told her about it because mom kept screaming at me for ‘having the audacity to go against her wishes like this and embarrassing her in front of family members’ and how ungrateful I am and threatened to sell all my clothes if I don’t bring back the basket and give it to eric and apologize to his mom.
I said no I won’t do any of those and currently am staying at my grandmother’s house with my phone blowing up with text messages from mom and dad berating and guilt tripping me into giving back the toys.”
20. AITJ For Not Allowing My Grandmother To Bring Her Junk Into My House?
“My grandmother is a hoarder. She has been one almost her entire life.
She currently lives with my dad who is taking care of her, she refused to get rid of anything when she moved in with him and now his entire 4000 square foot house is filled with junk, literal junk. Everyone has been pushing her to alleviate some of it because some parts of the house are completely unusable, and the floor is hardly visible.
However, everyone just gave up after a while because of how stubborn she is so they all just live amidst the junk.
I just purchased my first home. It’s not a big house by any means, it’s only 1200 square feet. When I first told my dad he was very happy for me and that was that, then he told my grandmother and that’s where this all began.
I invite them over to see the new place and my grandma arrives with boxes, filled with her junk. I was pretty annoyed and asked why she was bringing the stuff, and it started with her ‘trying to help decorate.’
I had my own plans about decorating my house which did not involve the 50+-year-old junk so I told her she couldn’t bring her things to my home because I already had plans to decorate it to my own tastes.
My dad stopped me and said something along the lines of ‘She doesn’t have that many years left on this earth you can let her decorate a little.’
I hesitantly agree and say no more after this. Time progresses and more and more junk seems to be subtly brought to my home whenever they come over (sometimes without my knowledge) she will literally just place things in my home without telling me.
This past weekend I put my foot down and told both of them that there are to be no more things brought into my house, especially without my permission. My dad and grandmother both lose it and say that I am being ‘vicious’. My dad later told me privately that I didn’t care about my grandmother who was ‘just trying to help decorate my new home.’ The thing is, I know she is not trying to decorate my home.
It is just a way to spread out her crap without trying to get rid of it and my dad is just encouraging it because he doesn’t want it at his place.
I told them both that they could not come over anymore until they promised not to bring over junk, and neither of them spoke to me.
AITJ for doing this? Am I just being cruel? I feel very guilty but at the same time I will no longer tolerate my house becoming the new hoard sanctuary.”
19. AITJ For Not Helping A Neighbor Out With His Rent?
“I (30 m) run an I.T. business. Behind my office, there’s a large public lot where I park my vehicles.
I frequently go out to the lot to check on the vehicles, and a tenant in an apartment next to the lot has recently befriended me after recognizing me for having brought in his PC to be repaired by a tech.
For some background, I know this guy doesn’t have a lot of money.
He told us how much he needed his laptop when he brought in his PC but was concerned about the price. Knowing this, I gave him a free hard drive for his laptop and discounted the labor. He was very grateful and couldn’t thank us enough.
Fast forward 3 weeks later, he was having another problem with his laptop. He stopped me while I was in the parking lot and asked me to take a quick look. I ended up spending about an hour working on it and didn’t charge him. He thanked me and said he owed me/my team a cookout.
We planned to have the cookout for this past Friday, but early last week he asked if I could help out with some money because he got hours reduced at his job. I reluctantly agreed. We had the BBQ and his cooking was great. I was happy to have done a good deed and someone return the favor… until he called me yesterday asking if I could loan him a few hundred dollars to help him pay for rent and he’d pay it back in installments.
I told him I have a policy of not loaning money to friends as it strains the relationship (I’m still owed thousands from a few people).
Now, he’s upset, saying he knows I have the money since I have new vehicles and ‘fancy technology’, and own a business.
I also feel bad because I still have to see him every day.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For How I Reacted When My Dad Gave My Room To My Stepsister?
“My dad remarried only 8 months after my mom’s death, to a woman with 2 children, a son the same age as me and a daughter just a year younger.
They all moved into my dad’s house while I was away at my aunt’s house to celebrate my cousin’s 16th birthday (on my mom’s side) when I came home I discovered that all my stuff was moved in the basement disorganized and all.
My room was taken over by my stepsister unexpectedly, I honestly could’ve reacted better but seeing all of this really upset me, I yelled at my dad telling him ‘that he’s a worthless father and that I couldn’t believe that he was putting me away in the basement to replace with his new little family’.
My dad told me that he thought I wouldn’t mind and since the basement is bigger than my old room and I’m older I’m gonna be going away to college soon anyway. I just don’t understand this! I had been upfront with him about me not even wanting him to remarry so soon after my mom died, why on earth did he think I’d be okay with him going behind my back to swap me to the basement?
Maybe I have no right to request when or how long he should wait to get married but I do feel like I have a right to at least know about a new room change that’s coming up.
I felt a mix of emotions, I locked myself in my new room (the basement).
My stepmom is angry at me for having a reaction and thinks my dad should ground me from basically everything. She said I’m being a selfish brat and never even tried to make an attempt to get to know her or her children, which is true I kept to myself but have been having a hard time accepting their relationship because of how soon my dad got with her after my mom died, he only waited a month to date his coworker, it doesn’t feel right to me, I understand some people move on faster than others but he could’ve waited for me to have more time to heal.
Maybe I am the jerk in this situation Do you all think I should say sorry, I understand my stepsister and brother aren’t at fault here.”
17. AITJ For Refusing To Call An Uber For My Brother After He Insulted My Significant Other?
“I am ‘babysitting’ my little brother (13) while my parents are visiting a friend of theirs abroad who’s on her deathbed. My significant other and brother got along pretty well the past few days.
Last night, we went bowling and then had dinner at a restaurant afterward. It was a great night because we had so much fun. We were walking back home after dinner, and my SO and brother were arguing about Stranger Things, it started as a fun little debate at first but when my SO corrected him he didn’t like it so he told her ‘What do you even know?
You are just a dishwasher’.
I was shocked and furious at him. When he saw our reactions he tried to backtrack saying it was just a dumb joke that he didn’t mean. I told him to shut up and went to catch my SO because she walked away.
I apologized for what he said and told her that he would do the same thing. I knew that an apology wasn’t enough so I promised her I would give him a stern talk and ground him for the remaining time he’d be staying with us.
She said that I didn’t have to apologize because it wasn’t my fault and that his apology wasn’t going to be sincere so she asked me to leave him alone to teach him a lesson about not disrespecting women and throwing sexist insults.
I told her I couldn’t do that because it was late and I wasn’t comfortable leaving him alone especially since it was a 20-minute walk.
She suggested I call an Uber for him because she wasn’t going to walk back with him. I refused again because he was my responsibility and I couldn’t let him go with a stranger because if something happened to him my parents would never forgive me.
She sarcastically told me it felt nice being supported by her SO when she literally just got insulted. She said that my brother wasn’t a child and that many teenagers ride in Ubers alone but since I wasn’t interested in going with her she’d call one for herself.
During the walk back home I told my brother that if he insulted my SO or anyone else in my presence he could forget that I am his brother. He started crying but I was so angry that I told him to save his tears because he should’ve regretted what he said because it was disrespectful and not because I threatened to cut him off.
I informed him that he would not be allowed to leave the room except for the bathroom or to eat until our parents came back so he kept sobbing the whole way back.
When we arrived, my SO had just been dropped off by her Uber.
It was very awkward because they both were angry at me and when we entered the house they directly went to the rooms and closed the doors. So now I can’t sleep and have been just lying on the couch wondering what was I supposed to do.”
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Parents' Guests Stay In My Bedroom?
“I (32 f) am staying with my parents temporarily while I’m between places. Fortunately, I moved into my new place in 11 days.
(Hooray!)
When I moved in, they told me I would need to pay rent and my share of groceries, and I was happy to do so because I know finances are tight for them right now.
However, there have been several times when I have been ‘kicked out’ of my room so someone else could have it.
My brother and sister-in-law came into town, and they got it because they were married and should use the queen-sized bed. And I was moved into the office.
Same thing when my sister and her husband needed a place to stay for 2 weeks during home renovations… I was expected to give them my space.
I communicated that it made me uncomfortable that it was always ASSUMED that I would move… and I was never asked. It makes me feel like a child with no agency. I don’t like other people being in my space with my things. I don’t like having to pack my things up and prepare the room.
I don’t like living out of a suitcase or trying to figure out when I can go back in and get something I need. I don’t like feeling bossed around.
In both situations, I would have probably still given up my room… but the fact that I’m not asked irks me.
When I’ve tried to explain my point of view, I’m made to feel like I’m complaining and inconsiderate.
This is on top of the fact that whenever we take family vacations, I’m always the one who gets the couch or the crappiest accommodations because I’m single while my siblings are married. I get it, but it still makes me feel second-class.
Today, my mom told me that I would need to be out of my room in 3 days so her friends could be in there. I could stay in the guest room on the twin bed.
I told them that I didn’t want to give up my room and that they would need to figure something else out.
My mom was like ‘So you’re going to force them to get a hotel?’
… no. But they’re my parents’ friends. Not mine. It’s not my job to accommodate them in MY room which I pay for. It’s important to feel like I have a space that’s mine.
The constant shuffling drives me crazy.
My mom refused to take no for an answer, so when they sent me a payment request for rent, I refused to pay it. Because if they make the rules for the room, I’m just a guest.
But now I feel bad.
Should I suck it up and stick it out for 11 days? Or do I stick to my boundary, because I’m an adult and my parents should ask my permission before assuming I’ll do what they want me to do?
It’s not about the money. I just want my boundaries to be respected.”
15. AITJ For Refusing To Bake A Birthday Cake For My Obese Sister?
“I love cooking and baking. I learned how to do so from my mom.
That was our way of bonding. My mom was an excellent baker and used to make pastries and desserts for the family all the time. Late last year, she passed away from complications related to her obesity. She was only 57.
I’m the only one who picked up my mother’s skills in the kitchen, so I do the majority of cooking when I go home from school.
When I’m not there, my dad usually gets my sister fast food or microwaveable dinners since he never learned how to cook.
So my sister’s birthday is coming up and I’m able to go home. This is the first birthday without my mom and I’m expected to make my sister’s favorite cake.
The only issue with this is that I feel very uncomfortable doing this for her. My sister is turning 19 and she’s 370 lbs. Objectively speaking, unless she was 6’3 and some type of powerlifter, she would be considered unhealthy. Ever since our mom passed, I’ve been very worried about her health and have tried to get her to eat healthier.
According to my dad she has been to the doctor they have told her that she needs to be more conscious of her diet and exercise, and nothing has changed since no one wants to eat healthy.
So I decided to stop contributing to this.
I don’t cook for my family anymore unless they want something healthy (which is never). I guess she expected me to be a little nicer during her birthday because she called me and told me what cake she wanted, and I told her I wasn’t making her one.
She got mad at me and told me I was being selfish and she deserved to have some sweets on her birthday. I told her that she hasn’t been making any changes in her diet and I’m not going to contribute to her eating herself to death.
She called me selfish and hung up.
I went home yesterday and my dad has been trying to convince me to make the cake fire her. He also called me selfish and told me that a few slices of cake weren’t going to hurt her any more than a single meal was.
I told them no. I said I’d be willing to find a healthy dessert recipe and make that for them, but they didn’t want that. So now everyone hates me when I just care about her health.
AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Reporting My Coworker To Websites That They're Blackmailing?
“I work part-time in a small office.
I’m a single mom of a disabled child.
One coworker, Jane, a woman a decade or so older than me, bought stuff for my child from Etsy fairly often. I always thanked her and told her it was not necessary but she said she enjoys shopping.
Sometimes she buys a matching pair of something, like a couple of months ago she got two identical handmade twirly dresses that my daughter loved. Jane said she bought two so my daughter wouldn’t worry about ruining one.
A few weeks ago I found out that Jane and several office workers do what they call ‘Thrifty Buys’ on Etsy, Amazon, and other sites.
They buy something, leave a terrible review, and blackmail the owner into not only refunding but often into sending a replacement, so they get items for free, and sometimes two items for free. They tell each other the shops so they all buy stuff from some and leave several poor reviews one after another, especially if they got lots of free stuff from them the first time.
I was horrified and realized that those cute dresses Jane got my daughter were probably gotten that way. I contacted the shop owner from the tag on the dress, and yes, Jane had gotten them both for free. Even though I don’t make much money, I insisted on paying for both, because they were nice, and I felt so bad about it.
The shop owner sent me a link to a website that showed Jane’s reviews on Etsy. Many were positive, but about half were negative. The shop owner said that once Jane got a refund and a free dress she had given her a perfect stars review.
It appeared that shops that didn’t give her refunds or made her return the item for refunds had to keep the poor reviews, but she changed the reviews to shops that gave her free stuff.
I felt bad because I had been given some of those things she got through blackmailing the shops, and I contacted both Etsy and Amazon with Jane’s name and told them what she and the others in the office did.
Nothing happened for a few weeks after I reported but then at work, Jane was mad because her Etsy name was canceled because of her blackmailing for reviews. I told her that I had done it because it was unfair to steal from small businesses and that I had talked to the dress shop owner and she had told me what a financial hardship it had been to give her those two free dresses, and how it hurt her sales while the poor review was on her page.
Jane scoffed and said they shouldn’t be in business if they can’t handle normal losses, and that it was a jerk move to report her. She also said it was no big deal and she would just have to start a new profile, and I hadn’t done anything but show my true colors.
Since then Jane and the others at work have been treating me badly. They ‘lose’ my work so I have to redo it, and when I left my computer open while I went to the bathroom they changed my passwords and it took me the rest of my work day to get it fixed and I got in trouble.
Jane and the others keep bringing in the free stuff they have gotten and ask me if I’m going to report them for those things too.
I’m wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut since all it did was make them mad at me, and it didn’t help anyone, and because I think I might have to quit if this keeps up.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Calling Out Another Employee's Lie?
“My company has a training website that we use. Think companyname.trainingwebsite.com.
Employees are required to log in to this website with a username and password to complete this training. If you go directly to that site all you need is your username and password. If, however, you go to the website you have to log in with an organization code.
As I get at least ten calls a week from people asking me for their login information (For some I just forward the same exact email I sent them last time with the same exact attachment) giving them the company code will just cause confusion and encourage more idiotic phone calls to me.
Last week an employee called me up insisting that she needed the code and that the website on her login sheet required it. I instructed her to type the link into the address bar which she insisted she had done. I asked if she had typed the link into Google or if she had clicked on it, as typing the link into Google will bring up the main website.
She insisted she clicked on it. I went to the website and logged in as her with no code and told her it was fine. Boomers tend to type web addresses into Google search, I have no idea why.
Well, she went to her supervisor in tears that the website was broken and I refused to help her.
The vice president of the company pulled me into a conference room, ripped into me, and ordered me to give everyone the code. I tried to explain she wasn’t following simple instructions but he kept cutting me off saying that my instructions were wrong.
I saw red. I found the employee and ordered her to come with me, I brought her to the conference room, handed her login sheet to her, and instructed her to log in on the presentation monitor.
She began pulling up Google. I ordered her to stop, reminding her that she had insisted she didn’t type it in Google.
She said that’s how you go to a website. I shook my head, ‘No, it isn’t! You swore you didn’t go to Google so if you are not a liar, show me where the website required that code.’
Her supervisor told her to type it in the address bar, and when she did, surprise surprise, no code required. She insisted that it had required it before.
I said, ‘No, it did not. You lied to me, you lied to your supervisor, and you wasted everyone’s time today.
Next time just admit you can’t follow directions.’
The supervisor thinks I should have handled it one-on-one and I was a jerk for embarrassing her. The VP agreed with me and thought that she needed to be ready to back up her complaint. The employee keeps insisting she’s not a liar and I went out of my way to insult her.
Edit: 10 people a week forget their username and/or password. Maybe 5 people a year fail to follow the directions and end up asking me for the code. There is literally only one scenario in which this happens and it’s the one I described above.”
12. AITJ For Buying An Extra Movie Seat?
“We went to the movies last night. There were still multiple empty seats throughout the theater and a few clusters of empty ones, and where we sat (just right of center) seemed okay. My wife is 7 1/2 months pregnant and was hesitant to go to the theater for such a popular movie in 2020, but really loves Marvel so I tried to make it comfortable for her.
We purposely went on a weeknight to avoid crowding. When I booked the tickets I saw that someone had already skipped a seat on one side of us, so I purchased a 3rd seat on the other side to give her a bit of breathing room.
(This theater lets you pick your exact seat when buying the ticket).
About halfway through the previews, the next group over from us arrived and one of the guys just sat down directly next to her instead. I figured he probably didn’t pay attention to his ticket, so I politely told him we had purchased that seat and asked him to move to his assigned one (one seat over).
He seemed really confused and asked if the person was running late and said he’d move when they got there. I explained that my wife was very pregnant and didn’t want someone to be unmasked and sitting directly on top of her, so we bought the extra seat for some personal space.
He got really annoyed and told me it was a jerk move to buy a seat you don’t plan to use because we were ‘forcing’ him to sit in his own seat, a few feet to the right, which was not as good of a view.
The screen is like 80 feet. You can see it well from everywhere. His friends joined in mumbling about what jerks we were but eventually slid down one.
I did switch with my wife and she sat on the other side of me, but at this point, I was just upset that I had preplanned something to try to make her comfortable, spent money on it, and then this random person felt entitled to stop all over that.”
11. AITJ For Disciplining My Daughter?
“I (39 M) have custody of my daughter ‘Rose’ (9 F) for only a portion of the time. I pick her up every other Friday after school and drop her off at school the next Monday. My ex-wife has her the majority of the time.
I want to say that Rose has been diagnosed with ADHD.
Being a parent with a disabled child is so much harder than having a normal child. I’ve made many sacrifices for Rose; I still have to monitor her as if she’s 5 and have to make sure she doesn’t watch TV unless her homework is done.
She also is a bad listener and I have to have extreme patience when dealing with her. I also have to split costs with my ex to pay for a math tutor for Rose because she rarely focuses in class.
Last week I had to pick her up and take her to the grocery store because we needed dinner supplies.
I was listing off the dinner ingredients and couldn’t remember one. Rose suggested the one I forgot and I told her that was it. She puffed out her chest and said ‘No need to thank me’ in a very arrogant way.
We were at a red light, so I turned to her and sternly asked ‘Rose, what did you say?’ She mumbled out nevermind.
I firmly explained to her ‘That is extremely inconsiderate and disrespectful. I don’t owe you anything. I don’t have to do half the stuff I do for you, so you need to really think about the way you talk to me and be grateful.’
Rose (rather insincerely) mumbled out ‘Sorry’ and was quiet for the rest of the time. She sat in the backseat even when I offered her to sit in the front again. I even offered her ice cream but she said no and would refuse to look at me.
We got home and she did her work (a reading project she was SUPPOSED to finish in class that day) without me having to monitor her but then didn’t want to watch a movie with me. She was really quiet for the entire weekend.
My ex blew up my phone on Tuesday saying she ‘knows what you told Rose’ and that I’m a horrible father.
My ex is honestly the reason that Rose acts entitled and still has meltdowns. What am I supposed to do? Stop disciplining Rose just because she has a tantrum?
As I said, I make many sacrifices to help Rose. I drive Rose to and from school so she doesn’t have to walk the three miles.
I buy her toys and other things and just last month I agreed to babysit Rose for three days when her ex’s mother was in the hospital.
My father was barely in my life. He wouldn’t buy me things and would make me walk home.
Rose isn’t a baby anymore. She’s old enough that she needs to learn to be grateful when people do things for her. Because they don’t have to and her attitude won’t work in the real world. I could have been gentler, but sometimes showing tough love is necessary to correct bad behavior when coddling won’t fix it.
AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Date's Babysitter?
“Tonight, I (32 m) was supposed to go out with N (29 f), a girl I met online. N has two kids – neither of them is mine. We’ve been out four times before today.
For this past evening, I made reservations at a local restaurant; I made all the plans for tonight and had previously informed N that I took care of everything for dinner.
When I arrived at N’s apartment to pick her up, I texted her that I was outside. I figured she would come out to me (I can’t go into the building without a passcode). N texted back, asking if I had cash for the babysitter.
She said she’d run down for it, but she wants to make sure she pays the sitter now and then she can tip her when she returns.
I told N that I had some cash, but I was planning on using it as a tip for our waiter.
I offered to loan it to her, but it wasn’t a whole lot – only $30 or so. At this point, N came downstairs and was visibly angry. She said that if I was taking care of the night, that included taking care of her kids.
Now, here’s where I may be the jerk – I did tell her I would take care of everything for the night, but I meant making the reservations and picking her up. I did not mean paying for a babysitter for her children. I have met her kids once, but only briefly.
Like for 2 minutes. She introduced me to them as we were heading out.
N asked me to go to a nearby ATM and get money, but I refused to. For one, I didn’t want to pay for her children’s babysitter, and two, we needed to get to the restaurant to be on time for the reservation.
N ended up going back up to her apartment and wouldn’t go to dinner. She said she had to go and dismiss the babysitter before she had to pay her too much since it was an expense she had not been planning on. She hasn’t messaged me since, but I’m kind of okay with that, to be honest. Anyways, I don’t think I’m a jerk because I don’t understand why anyone would think that I would pay for a babysitter for two children who are not mine and that I do not know or have any relation to.
N, on the other hand, thinks I’m obligated to do so. So AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Husband's Behavior Toward A Waitress?
“My husband (34) is your ‘brutally honest’ type of guy, He’s also incredibly attractive because he takes good care of his appearance. From when we started going out, I pretty much got used to strangers or servers complimenting his looks and expressing their admiration in different ways.
I always found it harmless but he’d get so worked up over the smallest comments from people. He thinks it’s rude and ignorant.
We went out to eat at a new diner. When we gave the waitress our orders, she looked at my husband, smiled, and complimented his hair.
He smiled and said, ‘Thank you!’ He then looked at me and asked if I noticed how the waitress was ‘basically trying to flirt’. I did notice but figured maybe she did this to get more tips or something since it’s pretty common practice and I myself used to do it.
He looked at me shocked and asked ‘Really?’ He then dropped it til the waitress got back with our meals.
As she was putting the food down at the table he looked at her and said ‘Hey let me tell you a little secret’.
She looked at him and was like ‘Um?’ He then said ‘I have been all around the world for the past 10 years and I’ve seen many many beautiful women but I’m MARRIED (he stressed like this) to the most beautiful one and she’s all I see now and forever’.
The waitress looked dumbfounded, she smiled awkwardly and then asked why he was telling her this. He replied saying that it was to save her time and effort with whatever she was trying to do. She looked down and quickly walked away.
I said that was hurtful and was uncalled for but he said that she needed to hear it to learn a lesson and know her place.
I told him she was just being harmlessly flirty (barely) which could be her way of getting better tips and that he didn’t need to embarrass her like that. He was like ‘I don’t get you, you should be encouraging me to shut this down instead’.
I said it was just a comment she made about his hair and that’s it. He got upset and said that I made him feel bad for trying to set a boundary for himself but I thought he overreacted.
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Be The One To Pick A Movie?
“I (28 F) have 2 sons aged 11 and 8. My partner of 4 years (who just moved in 5 months ago) has a daughter, age 9. He has her on a week-on, week-off basis. Prior to moving in I did not see this side of his daughter. I want to point that out.
If I had, I would have suggested correcting it and spoken to her directly about it, with the permission of her parents.
When my partner moved in, things went well for a while. Shortly thereafter his daughter started becoming severely bossy and entitled. She is one of those ‘boys are stupid’ girls but takes it to the highest degree possible.
As in, I moved my boys into a room together so she could have her own room and she has thrown it in my kids’ faces every single time she is here. Or I will tell her she can’t have a certain snack because there isn’t enough for everyone and she will pull the ‘the boys don’t deserve it’ line.
Anyway, we have a rule in our house. No electronics past 5 and we alternate who gets to choose a movie that night between all 3 kids after 5 until bedtime (7:30). Most nights she will full-on flip out on my sons saying it’s her night to choose when it actually isn’t.
Every time they do choose, she wigs out, saying she hates that movie and starts whining. Her dad works every day except Saturday so it’s me dealing with it. It alternates with my oldest, her, and then my youngest.
Well, today is my oldest son’s day to pick the movie and she goes off saying it isn’t fair and that it was her day.
I’m used to dealing with this so it’s nothing new. But I go back inside after hanging laundry and I see my oldest son on the verge of a breakdown (grinding his teeth, red-faced, clenching fist) and saying ‘What freaking movie do you want?’ I step in and ask what’s going on.
He tells me she is freaking out and won’t shut up. I tell her to sit down, be quiet, and tell my son to pick what he wants.
My partner comes out (he got home early) and says ‘He already gave her the go-ahead to pick the movie’ and his daughter pipes up with ‘Yeah so it’s my turn’.
I immediately tell this child to go to her room for an early bedtime and tell her to stop being selfish. My partner says nothing but follows me on the porch and says I was out of line. I beg to differ, honestly. Like I said, I’m quick to admit my wrongs but if he isn’t going to correct his child when treating my kids this way, I’m not afraid to speak up and I don’t think I’m wrong.
He also babies her because she has threatened to not come over anymore so she gets whatever she wants. AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Friends' PDA?
“Five years ago my (22 F) childhood best friend (Sam) (27 M) moved interstate. We still talked every day online but never got the chance to meet up. Late last year, I introduced my other best friend (Mary) (25 F) to him and they hit it off really well and they started talking online and video calling a lot.
I was really happy for them because they seemed happy.
Recently Sam had a trip that was where I am. He only had one day free so we were going to hang out right after he landed. Mary wanted to come along too. I wanted some one-on-one time with him alone but Mary deserved to spend time with him
as well.
I knew they were both very touchy people so I asked them to not be too lovey-dovey in front of me because I didn’t want to feel like a third wheel and PDA makes me uncomfortable. They both agreed.
When we finally got to meet, they were both all over each other.
We were at dinner and every second sentence from Mary’s mouth was ‘You’re so cute!’ or ‘You’re adorable!’ They were feeding each other and doing the whole ‘You have a spot over here’ and cleaning each other’s face and whatnot. I couldn’t even get a single word in because of Mary and her ‘You’re so cute’ spiels.
I told them to tone it down a little and they did for a small amount of time. After that, they were back at it again.
Eventually, I just tuned them both out and went on my phone. They tried to include me in their conversation but it seemed disingenuous.
After we left the restaurant we were, we sat down in an outdoor area to chat. I just sat there whilst they were facing each other. Mary noticed that I was withdrawn from the conversation and tried to put her arms around me and cuddle me and make sure I felt like I was included, but by that point, I was already annoyed so I pushed her off and told her to get off me.
I think she felt bad so I told her to please not touch me and told them I was leaving.
I stormed off and Sam ran after me asking for a goodbye hug saying that I probably wouldn’t see him again for a while and I absolutely refused to.
Mary came running up to me after that and told me that I should spend the night with him and not her and they were both just spouting stuff at me to get me to stay. I gave a sarcastic little ‘Bye!’ and ran off to the bus stop and cried all the way home.
Later I got messages from them saying that I was being a jerk for leaving like that because Sam wouldn’t be seeing me again for a bit. Mary told me that she felt like she was third-wheeling when Sam and I were talking about a South Park episode (she doesn’t watch it).
I told her it wasn’t the same and we argued about it. I also told her that it was unfair because she’d be spending the rest of the night with him and I only got to see him for that short amount of time. She accused me of wanting Sam all to myself.
AITJ?”
6. WIBTJ If I Tell My Niece Who Her Real Mother Is?
“When I was ten and my sister was 15, she got pregnant.
She wanted to give the baby up for adoption but hated every couple that she met through the agency and ended up asking our parents to adopt the baby. She didn’t want anyone to know so we had to move states and move back to my dad’s hometown.
I resented my sister about the move since I left all my friends and family behind and had to keep the huge secret.
When my niece was born my mom raised her from the beginning and my sister wasn’t involved. She told me when her daughter was around two that she was going to tell her that she was her mom when her daughter was 16 and old enough.
I thought that was her plan still all these years later but now things have changed. She’s now 24 and she met this guy who she loves. The problem is he doesn’t want kids ever and doesn’t want to be with anyone that wants kids.
My sister lied to him and told him she didn’t have kids.
I asked her why’d she lie if she was planning to tell her daughter she’s her mom when she’s older and she said she’s not planning to tell her anymore and that if she ever takes a test one day in the future she’ll confess but other than that there’s no need since she doesn’t know and thinks our parents are her biological parents.
I told my sister she’s a huge jerk since she’s basically choosing a guy over her daughter and his feelings over hers.
I already gave my parents trouble for not telling her since I did research and they say it’s very damaging to lie and not tell a child, but I thought as long as my sister told her like she said it would be okay.
I’m really close with my niece/sister and I’m thinking that maybe I should tell her when she turns sixteen since my sister refused. I told my sister I would if she wouldn’t and she told me to mind my business, I’m a huge jerk, and she’s allowed to change her mind.
WIBTJ?”
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Sister's Wedding Planner For Free?
“My sister is engaged and she assumed I would plan her entire wedding for free (I am a wedding planner).
There are several reasons I’m against this. While I’m not famous or planning weddings for royalty or A-list super famous people, my services are for luxury and high-profile events and I’m not ashamed to say I charge a lot. Any time I spend planning my sister’s wedding for free is time away from paying clients.
I’m the owner and I have bills and my employees to think of. I can’t ask my employees to work for free just because it is my sister and I can’t afford to pay them if I’m working for free. I had fewer clients the past two years but my business is doing fine.
If I work for free it will be a monetary loss for me.
I did some things for my brothers and my sister when they got married. My brother and his wife fell in love with a venue that would have been out of their price range and needed a large sum just to get on the waitlist. Since I’ve had weddings at this venue before I was able to get them on the list at no charge and get 10% off the normal rental price.
When my sister got married I got her the services of a florist who normally doesn’t work with the budget my sister and her husband after my sister saw the florist on Instagram. I’ve worked with them before so they were agreeable. I gave both my brother and my sister the family discount on my planning services but they still paid me.
My other brother and his wife didn’t hire a wedding planner at all because they wanted small and simple but I still got his wife an appointment at a slightly exclusive salon so she could get the dress she wanted which would have been out of reach.
I’ve told my engaged sister I’ll give her the discount and help her just as I helped our brothers and sister but this is not enough for her.
Strangely my parents and step-parents are in the camp of my engaged sister. I’m being guilt-tripped to be a good brother and do this or accused of not understanding because I’ve never been married before.
My parents and stepmother/stepfather didn’t help pay for my three sibling’s weddings or demand I do everything for free so I don’t know why I’m being told to do it now. At least my brothers and sisters agree my engaged sister is being hard-headed about this and so are our parents.
Is a jerk thing to do to not plan my sister’s ‘dream’ wedding for free because I’m a wedding planner who does this for a living.”
4. AITJ For Giving A Negative Feedback About A Pregnant Coworker?
“I handle a team of 5 people, and our work is crucial to close the yearbooks. I assigned the tasks for everyone at the beginning of February to get them done in 3 weeks.
(We all work from home)
PI is a pregnant part-time teammate (working in my team for the past 5 months) but I had NO idea that she was expecting at the time. She wanted to keep it a secret as long as possible.
By the end of February, the manager asked me to submit the status of PI’s work and that it needed to be completed by the end of the day as the client requested it.
I called to check in with PI about the status because she had been telling me for the past week that she was working on that particular task. I assumed it would be done as she promised.
To my surprise, she didn’t respond to my calls or emails, and I later found out that she skipped work that day.
I checked by myself about the progress of her work, and she hasn’t even started any work on it. It baffled me and I was very angry because the client wanted reports as soon as possible.
I called up the manager and they blasted on me about this.
I honestly told them everything as it is, and that PI hasn’t been very reliable, she makes the same silly errors over and over again even after being warned several times. I wanted to give this feedback for a long time and then the manager hinted to me that she was pregnant.
I instantly regretted everything I said about PI.
I promised him that I would get it done by the end of the day. Honestly, it took only 6 productive hours to complete.
The next day I got a call from PI and she explained the situation and how she had to go to the hospital and hence skipped work.
I asked her if she told the manager she was expecting and if it was true. She said she was sorry for hiding it and she is in the second trimester. Not sure if the manager had ‘THE TALK’ with her.
I honestly feel like a jerk for complaining about a pregnant woman and adding negative emotions.
If I had any knowledge about this I probably wouldn’t have.
I have been feeling guilty about this whole situation and should I apologize to her?”
When put in a position to judge a worker's efficiency/performance, I think it important to judge that worker as if they were not pregnant. If she slacked, she slacked, and not because of her condition. She shouldn't get a pass for it. In fact, she should be written up for non performance and then lying about non performance. It is a federal offense to fire someone because they're pregnant, but it is not a federal offense to fire someone for non performance. Good luck.
3. AITJ For Wanting To Get Rid Of My Sister-In-Law's Dogs?
“My husband (24) and I (27) do live in his mother’s house due to losing our jobs during the global crisis and also losing our place to live due to a shady landlord. We have a son (age 1) my husband’s sister (22) also lives in the household and her significant other (21) and his sister’s daughter (age 2).
My husband works but I stay home and take care of the kids due to his sister going to school and her SO recently having gotten a job. Everything was going fine when we all first moved in. There was 1 dog and 1 cat and everyone got along great.
Suddenly the guy moved in in October and the cat sadly passed on. With the guy came an additional dog. Neither dog is house-trained.
Then my sister-in-law decided to start fostering animals, which was fine but none of them were house-trained. Now we are a household with 4 adult dogs and 5 foster puppies.
There’s constant poop everywhere and the house smells like a kennel. They’ve also adopted 2 cats and have failed to provide a litter box. I don’t mind helping clean up after the dogs but I also didn’t sign up for it. It infuriates me due to the fact that out of adults living in the house (my mother-in-law is here maybe 1 night a week due to staying at her SO’s house which is closer to her work.) But it infuriates me because SIL and her SO pay more attention to the dogs than they do the child they are responsible for.
I’m the one cos gently making food for the kids, keeping up with them, cleaning the house, giving baths, getting them dressed, etc.
When SIL gets home from school she doesn’t check on her daughter first, she typically goes straight to her room and locks herself in there for the majority of the day or she grabs her daughter and leaves and demands I clean the dog poop.
My one-year-old son can’t even crawl around the house due to piles of poop and pee everywhere. Yesterday I had to pull some time of doggy pain pill from his mouth because they aren’t actually making sure the dogs really take their medicine.
So am I the jerk for wanting to call CPS or animal control?”
2. AITJ For Telling My Dad To Prioritize Me, His "Actual" Kid, Over My Stepsister?
“I’m fourteen, and my parents were never married. I’m a one-night stand baby. My dad remarried again last year (seventh wife in fourteen years). My mom and stepdad have been together for ten years, with two younger kids.
My parents have split 50/50 custody, so one week with one set and the other week with the other.
Pretty simple.
My dad moved in with his wife and her daughter (12). She’s very possessive of him. If I’m there I’m second best. She’s calling him daddy all the time, I never get ten minutes with him, she won’t even let him pick me up alone.
She’s always there.
To top it off, we have to share a room, which she kicks off about, so she gets to sleep in their bed.
Last week I got upset. My dog had died and I was trying to talk to him about it, and she wouldn’t let me.
After twenty minutes of trying he told me we could talk later and left to go take her to the store or something.
I called my stepdad to come pick me up and take me back to their house. My dad was really upset and apologized. I told him it wasn’t good enough.
He needs to prioritize his actual kid over a kid he’ll probably never see again in a year or two when he inevitably moves on to the next wife.
That made him quite angry, but Mom intervenes before he can really say anything. I told her that I would not be talking to him until he agreed to set up a day just for me and him where he could actually make it up to me.
She agreed and relayed the info. He’s been really angry since and tried messaging me on my socials, but I blocked him. I’ve been talking to my mom and she says he’s been really upset, but hasn’t offered to set up a day just for us.
I don’t want to go back on what I said, but I feel awful. I miss my dad and we all know this won’t last very long before he does move on and then we’ll be back to normal.
I also feel really bad for what I said, I know it really upset him, even if it is true.
My stepdad has said we can alter custody; so I only go on the weekends, or every other weekend, instead. Or I can just have days out with him or something. I don’t really know what to do.
But anyway. Am I a jerk for saying that to my dad and refusing to see him?”
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Get More Than One Slice Of Pizza?
“Last night my partner (29 M) and I (28 F) had an argument about how I’m not affectionate enough. This is a recurring argument. This is something I’ve been working on as I’m not naturally an affectionate person and agree that I do need to be better about it.
It somehow devolved into an argument about a concert we went to the night before. The food at the concert was really expensive. One pizza slice was $9 so I was like let’s just each get one since it’s so expensive (especially since I knew I needed to pay, he’s saving up for a medical procedure and I make more money than him).
Well, during the argument he said that it annoyed me that I didn’t ‘allow’ him to get more than one slice. And also that he ‘hates being out in public with me’ because I don’t show enough affection like other couples he sees at concerts.
That upset me because I just paid cash for a new car like a week ago (because my previous car got totaled) and I’m trying to be more conscious of my spending. It bothered me that he expected me to pay for an additional slice.
Like yes, of course, $9 extra isn’t a lot but it adds up. And I also paid for the concert tickets, beer, and snow cones so it was a $$ night.
I then felt compelled to mention how much I do spend on him, maybe it wasn’t the right time or place, I get that now, but emotions were heightened. I brought up that I’ve never once asked about the $250 he owes me from several months ago.
This is when the convo took a turn. I was like, ‘It makes me feel like my money isn’t important to you.’ Especially since he had been ordering things on Amazon that were sort of expensive instead of prioritizing paying me back. He said that he gets depressed and needs to buy himself things here and there to feel better.
He then was like ‘Well I guess I’ll have to cancel my medical procedure because you just have to have your $250 back.’ I had never asked for it back, I simply brought it up because I felt offended that he expected me to pay for his pizza and got mad when I didn’t.
He was like ‘I thought I could trust you, I thought you were a nice person, guess I was wrong. There’s no coming back from this.’ And then he left my apartment.
Am I the jerk for not spending the extra $9 on another slice of pizza and then bringing up the money he owes me?”
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