People Want To Hear Some Strong Views On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Acknowledging our mistakes is the first step towards improving as a person. Furthermore, perhaps we can improve more if we make a daily effort to be a little more modest, compassionate, and caring. These people below understand that in order to atone for their past wrongdoings, they must own up to them. Let us help them by pointing out any mistakes they might have made in their stories, which are listed below. Let us know what you think as you read on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Late Mom's Family?

“I (15f) live with my dad and my stepmom. They got married when I was 9 which was 2 years after my mom died. My stepmom is divorced with a 14-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son. They have an almost equal amount of time with both their mom and their dad.

I say almost equal because my stepmom gets them every Christmas and Easter and she gets them every Sunday morning for church because she’s religious and he’s not.

One of the pains about Christmas for me is that I don’t get to see my maternal family until after my stepsiblings go back to their dad’s on the 27th every year.

This is because my dad and stepmom feel as though we should all be together for the holidays and the ‘nuclear family’ is more important than the extended family. I also think they don’t like knowing I’m having fun and getting gifts from my family and they won’t include my stepsiblings.

This year one of my uncles was home for Christmas for the first time in several years. He lives in Ireland. So they were trying to get as much time in with him as possible and I wanted to see him for Christmas Eve. I asked my dad who told me my stepsiblings would be here Christmas Eve, so no. My stepmom heard me ask and she told me I should be more concerned with time with my siblings.

I argued that I didn’t get to see my uncle enough. My dad said his decision was final.

I ended up texting with my uncle a lot on Christmas Eve and with my whole family yesterday. My stepmom complained about it a dozen or more times.

Of course that was only after my stepsister complained that I never text her when she’s with her dad.

My dad and stepmom approached me before bed and told me I had thrown away almost two whole days with my family, especially with my siblings.

They told me I should have been glad to see them for Christmas and a lot of siblings in blended families are separated for Christmas. And I spent the whole day pining for extended family. I asked them why I would want to see my stepsiblings at Christmas more than my maternal family.

They told me the nuclear family comes first and siblings are more important than extended. I told them my family, my maternal family, are more important to me and I would choose them every time.

They yelled at me until I went to bed. I could feel the tension already and I didn’t even leave my room yet.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You don’t get to choose your family, whether biological or step. But at 15 you should get a greater say as to where you get to spend your time. I find it lovely that you care so much about your uncle, despite his living so far away that you seldom see him.

I am sorry that your dad and stepmom see your embrace of your mom’s family as a rejection of theirs. But that is their choice. Your choice of words was undiplomatic and may have hurt their feelings. But they are the adults in this situation, and they gave themselves the right to decide with whom you should spend your Christmas.

They don’t get to also decide how you should feel about their decree.” Some-Selection1811

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I am sorry that you lost your Mom at such a young age and are saddled with parents who just do not get how much you miss your mom and her family.

I imagine that you miss your mom more at Christmas because it is such an important time for the family to all come together to enjoy time together. This year was definitely a special one with Uncle from Ireland in town. They do not seem to understand that (I imagine) spending time with them allows you to ‘remember’ Mom just a little bit more, by being with her (and your) extended family.

Hearing them reminisce, telling stories of their childhood and growing up – with their memories of your mom mixed in.

In a few years, you will be 18 and get to make those choices for yourself. Do you get to visit with your maternal extended family at other times during the year?

Maybe explain this to Dad. You feel how you feel for a reason. You have a right to those feelings. I am sorry they yelled at you for them. I hope you can enjoy some of this holiday time with your maternal family.” BonusMomSays

3 points - Liked by lebe, anmi and Chull
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Realitycheck 3 months ago
Definitely NTJ. Your dad may be trying to appease his wife or think it will be easier on you to not think about your mom, but who's to say?

Maybe have a talk with him telling him that being with Mom's family is like having a little of her with you at Christmas. When he forces you to stay home, it just fosters resentment for that time. Don't be whiney or angry, just tell him why it is important to have just a little time with them. I can't imagine they couldn't spare you for at least a couple of hours to enjoy them helping you honor and remember her through sharing memories.

Eventually, this will grow bigger inside of you if you let it. Be careful. In a way, it's nice that they want you to be a part of the holiday celebration, but, in my opinion, it's wrong under these circumstances. You do need to have a part of your mom with you, also. At least she will always be in your heart.
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20. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Wife About Santa In Front Of Our Daughter?

“I (39M) was watching the movie Elf with my wife (32) and 6-year-old daughter.

We reach the scene where the elves are working on Santa’s sled to make it fly because not enough people believe in Santa. My daughter latches on to this and just keeps asking, ‘Is Santa real?’ Her mother said yes, but my daughter kept asking me as well.

I said, ‘Santa is a great idea, and a lot of fun, but no he is not real.’

For some context, I love Christmas, but I didn’t get to celebrate Christmas until I had a family of my own. I was raised in a family whose religion prohibited Christmas.

I couldn’t wait to get out and experience all the moments I missed. So we do Christmas as big as we can. All the stereotypical traditions. And for the past five Christmases, I’ve passively gone along with the Santa idea with my daughter, even though I told my wife that I didn’t like lying to her, and I didn’t see the point in lying about something that would eventually come out no matter what.

I also told my wife that I wouldn’t lie if I was ever asked. Well, the moment finally came. She asked me and I said he wasn’t real.

At first, my daughter was fine. My wife gave her a long explanation as to why she was lucky we got her presents.

My daughter didn’t really like this explanation and was upset. We both told her that some parents work really hard to convince their kids that Santa exists and that she shouldn’t try to convince kids otherwise. My wife definitely felt like I should have lied. Eventually, my wife asked my daughter if learning that Santa wasn’t real changed how she feels about Christmas, and my daughter said ‘kinda’.

My wife thinks I should have lied; that kids believing in Santa is harmless, and that I can’t relate to Christmas from a child’s perspective because I didn’t have those experiences. I think we played along with a tradition for as long as we could, but when my daughter directly asked me, the truth was the better option.

I can’t really walk this one back, and we all will have a good holiday, but AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There isn’t any harm in believing in the magic of Santa as a kid. I don’t know anyone who is upset they were lied to about it, including my own kids.

Santa is a huge part of Christmas for those that believe and you just ruined that part of Christmas for your daughter.

When mine got old enough to really start questioning it (around age 10) I told them that he’s not really real but the magic surrounding the belief is… as in Christmas magic, the kindness, the giving, being with friends, and family, the whole feeling a lot of us get around Christmas.

That’s what Santa is.

The big jerk part is how you directly contradicted your wife in front of your daughter and told your daughter to lie to her friends. All you had to do was go along with it and have a discussion with your wife about it in private, not undermine her in front of your own kid.

Now your 6-year-old has to listen to her friends getting excited about Santa, and even though you told her not to tell anyone (AKA lie to them), she’ll probably slip because she’s so young. So while you were so worried about lying to her, you told her to lie to others.

Do you see the issue with this?” Caspian4136

Another User Comments:

“You’ve been playing along with the Santa charade for five years, and when your daughter finally asks, you decide to drop the truth bomb in the middle of Elf? Smooth move. Your wife has a point; you could’ve kept the magic alive a bit longer.

Your rigid stance about not lying might be commendable, but it’s Christmas, man! You could’ve handled it more tactfully and maybe discussed it with your wife beforehand. Now your daughter’s Christmas spirit is ‘kinda’ ruined, and it’s on you.

My kids are still firm believers in Santa Claus.

They’re at that age where the excitement is contagious, and I’ll be darned if I’m the one to tell them the truth. It’s all about the magic of the season. Yeah, you might have been technically honest, but you’re also the guy who killed Santa for his 6-year-old.

You’re definitely the Grinch in this Christmas tale.” JimmyAutosXOD

2 points - Liked by lebe and mawi2
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Realitycheck 2 months ago
You are most definitely a capital J.E.R.K. YTJ. You did not HAVE to lie. You dance around this with a 6 year old by saying that the spirit of Santa is alive and well because he is a kind giver, as we all should be, blah blah blah.

You created 2 new problems for your daughter.

1. At 6, she can't really even understand the truth now, either. She will only see that lots of people lie, and, I hate to tell you, but it isn't a lie; everyone is a Santa when they give selflessly. Do you honestly think she will understand that? Her mother sat there and just said, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." And you come back with. "Nope! Mommy is a liar! I'm the hero to tell you the truth!" (Totally different YTJ.) You killed the magic of Christmas as a child understands it. And, let's admit, for a 6 year old, the whole nativity story is an adult situation, she most likely doesn't even truly understand any of that situation except that it is Jesus' birthday. Depending on what you practice as religion, you teach her about giving and love now (magic) because that is what they can understand, then comes the deeper story to the nativity and the MYTH of Santa.

2. She will sure not be the favorite kid in school and parents will resent her spreading the word of what she knows. And, she will. When she is told she is wrong and a liar by the other kids, she will be hurt and want to stand up for herself and you. You armed her with a burden of knowledge that makes a wedge between her and her friends. I teach. I have taught in elementary. Kids that age tend to believe that their friends who don't celebrate Christmas don't get a visit from Santa because they don't believe. It is a justification and acceptable.

Six is too young to burden a child with 5 years of Santa and then just grind it to a halt. You could've just told her that there Santa is the spirit of Christmas, for sure, and not been lieing to her in the least. Technically, what if she even if she pointed to a picture of Santa and said IS HE REAL? You can say that you don't know because you have never met him, but, that is the picture you have always seen of him.

Besides, you don't believe, so you wouldn't have proof either way!
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19. AITJ For Choosing Not To Go To My Sister's Wedding?

“I (35/M) come from an intellectually pretentious family. I married into a very blue-collar family. Throughout my adult life, my older sister (38) has always disapproved of my partners. I met my wife when she was in college and I was in the Navy. My sister immediately disliked the bubbly and unfiltered college girl and determined my future wife was untrustworthy and dragging me down.

4 years ago my wife suffered a traumatic brain injury. It occurred right around the time we conceived our second child so we chalked off the dizziness, headaches, and other symptoms to her pregnancy. Nearly a year post-partum the symptoms hadn’t improved and she started scheduling medical appointments to get checked out.

At this point she was in the Navy; I was in grad school. Over the next 18 or so months my wife endured endless appointments, tests, exams, consultations, more tests, and more consultations until it was finally determined that my wife has a rare neurological condition that, to be honest, I don’t fully understand.

She was medically retired and classified as a disabled vet. During this whole process, my sister’s way of being supportive was to tell me it was probably nothing and not to worry about it.

This past weekend I was chatting with my sister. My wife had gotten a holiday job helping deliver packages but called out on Black Friday to stay at her parents’ longer.

My sister made a comment about my wife ‘suddenly being sick when she doesn’t feel like working’ and claimed my wife had done the same thing to get medically retired from the Navy. As is the habit in my family, I replied with equally snarky jabs, reminding my sister, who is a nephrologist, that my wife injured her head not her kidneys and she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

My sister claimed it took too long because my wife was ‘doctor shopping’ for the diagnosis she wanted. I told her if I got paid what she did to sit in an office and say ‘keep doing dialysis,’ I wouldn’t have personal days either.

I had confronted my sister and my mother in the past about their accusations that my wife was ‘milking the system’ and needed to ‘suck it up.’ After some very heated exchanges, they had gotten better about keeping their thoughts to themselves (a feat with my family) but this one pulled no punches.

My sister is getting married in September and I told her unless she apologizes and admits she doesn’t know anything about my wife’s medical history we won’t be in attendance.

Is boycotting my only sibling’s wedding an overreaction? AITJ for choosing the wedding as the event not to attend when it is such an important day to her?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your family is out of line, no question there. But it does sound like you’ve got a lot of communication issues and toxic relationships between your family and spouse. I’m not sure you’re really helping the situation.

Side note, I’m utterly bemused at a doctor trying to invalidate someone’s medical issues.

Especially with going through an MEB in the military, essentially a slew of Doctors reviewed her case and diagnosis to agree and retire her. Shake a bottle of salt at your sister next time she brings it up (medical joke).” wowbragger

Another User Comments:

“A forced apology is meaningless.

It’s spoken with fingers crossed behind their back. Words of apology without action to make up for all the meanness are worthless. Your job is to protect your family – that’s your wife and children.

Your family sounds toxic. Do you really think your wife wants to be anywhere she doesn’t feel welcome?

Where she is being mocked?

The only reason she goes with you to visit them is because of you. Believe me, she does not want to be there, look past your wife’s smile and her being polite. Do you think your child likes hearing or overhearing mean things said about their mom?

Call your sister back, tell her you just realized that apologies can’t be forced, wish her a happy wedding and marriage, and say your family won’t be there. NTJ.” Outrageous-forest

2 points - Liked by lebe and Chull
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ, and if I had your family, I'd arm myself with crosses, holy water and garlic when I had to be around them. Tell your idiot sister that it will snow in he11 before you see her again. And block your family. Gods bless you and your wife.
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18. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Help Take Care Of Our Kids?

“My partner is a Postie and has early starts. My partner states he needs sleep so he doesn’t have an accident working. I had myself and my son being sick, our baby daughter screaming because she’d seen me throw up in the sink whilst holding her due to clinginess.

My son and I took turns using the toilet, my son threw up on his bed, and on the landing, I was struggling with my own sickness, our baby daughter’s clinginess and screaming, and trying to sort out my son’s sickness.

I went to my partner with our baby daughter in my arms screaming, explaining that I needed help as my son and I were sick and struggling.

My partner asked me what I wanted his help with. Told him that I would like help sorting out my son’s bed. My partner ended up taking our daughter downstairs as I’ve been sick again.

I hear our baby daughter screaming downstairs so once sorted I’ve rushed back to her.

My partner made a comment that apparently I’ve given everyone food poisoning (the night our baby daughter started being sick he was away at a hotel and is blaming me for the situation, I hadn’t cooked for the family that night, instead I ordered KFC for the family, so can’t imagine how I could’ve given everyone food poisoning.

The next day I got in touch with the doctors regarding our baby daughter as I was concerned with the amount of vomiting and was informed that she had caught a nasty tummy bug that was going round at the moment. My partner was gone til 6 pm and I hadn’t pestered him with our baby daughter’s sickness and dealt with it myself as I was giving him his space.

Naturally, he snapped at the comment and I felt asking for his help had been a mistake. I ended up clearing the sick on the landing and had to get my son to sort out his own bed.

After finishing I took our daughter back and my partner went to go back to bed. I did make the comment that I was sorry for waking him up and felt he didn’t care to help when it involved me or my son.

Later on in the night, I was sick again and our baby daughter started screaming again. I had her on my lap as I still couldn’t put her down and she was refusing to sleep. This time my partner came down taking our baby daughter downstairs as I was still being sick in the sink.

I finished sorting myself out again and ensured my son was alright. His bedding situation was sorted and he was finally able to get some sleep.

Downstairs, our baby daughter was going back and forth between me and my partner but refusing to sleep and struggling to settle.

My partner ended up sleeping on the sofa and I ended up sitting up on the sofa and focusing on our baby daughter the rest of the night, got her to sleep but if I moved she would cry and wake. My partner ended up waking up and getting ready for work after a few hours.

I said thank you for helping and good luck with work but he brushed off my words and is in a mood with me.

But was I the one being out of order?”

Another User Comments:

“It is high time your husband realizes that he has two jobs, one is being a father/husband, and the other is being a Postie.

When he is not on the clock as a Postie, he is then on the clock as a Dad. That means doing whatever the family requires of him regardless of the time of day or how tired he is. If he is too tired to safely do his other job, then he has the option to take PTO.

Secondly, he also has a responsibility to make sure you are not too exhausted to safely do your 24/7 job of keeping your children alive. Good men make sure the family unit is safe and healthy, and they support their wives. I am sure when he is sick and unable to go to work, you take good care of him.

Now, the roles have flipped, and he needs to step up. NTJ.” EsharaLight

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you are all sick and your husband was refusing to help because his sleep is more important than the health of his family. To him. He really gets this in sickness and health huh?

I do most of our overnight so we have a lot of early mornings myself. Because my husband drives and I have a chance to sleep later. But if the child is ill or has an accident he gets up and he helps. Because he’s their father and it’s his responsibility to do so.

So is he literally just a sperm donor? Don’t think I’m joking.” PicklesMcpickle

2 points - Liked by lebe and Chull
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Mawra 3 months ago
Taking care of his own kids, is not helping. It is parenting. Part of being a parent is taking care of them.
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17. AITJ For Kicking My Daughter's Significant Other Out Of My House?

“I picked up my daughter’s significant other (Ron) from his house Friday night so we could watch a Christmas movie together. My daughter (Molly) and I had already had dinner at a restaurant after Christmas shopping but he hadn’t.

So I offered to make him dinner. Ron wanted to prepare something on his own, so I told him he could use our kitchen. He’s done this before, is responsible, and uses our equipment with care. By the way, they are both 17.

We get home and he walks into the kitchen… which was a mess and that’s my fault.

I hadn’t had time to clean it up after cooking dinner the night before.

Ron says he can’t work like this and proceeds to clean up the kitchen with my daughter’s help. I left the kitchen to do something else. A few minutes later I walk into the kitchen to make tea and hear my daughter say the mess is due to my procrastination.

So I explained that I had been up since 3 am (I work the early shift) and hadn’t had time to clean the kitchen because I had other things to take care of AND I had taken her Christmas shopping after work. She asked if I was done.

I went to the living room to watch TV.

Minutes later Ron goes outside with the small compost bucket for kitchen scraps to dump in the large bin provided by the city. He walks back in complaining about the gunk stuck in the bottom which did not fall out.

It’s a mixture of coffee grounds and bacon fat so it’s hard to shake out. He tells me he’s going to hose it off outside. As he’s leaving I remember that the outdoor hose is off because it’s winter, so I yell, ‘Come back!

The hose won’t work it’s turned off!’ My daughter tells me not to yell and I tell her to tell him the hose won’t work, it’s winter.

Note: This is the second time in a week that he’s expressed disgust at our kitchen scraps bucket so I’m getting irked about it because I take it as a criticism whether he means it that way or not.

Also, the fact that his parents’ kitchen always being clean is something that he and my daughter have made a point of mentioning a few times.

Ron returns with the bucket and Molly washes it out in the sink. When she’s done washing it he comes to the living room holding the bucket explaining that he’s going to put parchment (baking paper) in the bottom to prevent the gunk from sticking to the bottom again.

I interrupt him and ask him to please not tell me about it because I’m not interested. He continues and I ask him again not to tell me, I don’t want to know. He has a puzzled expression on his face and starts again.

I tell him to stop talking about it and if he cannot stop to go home because I don’t want to hear about it. He stops and leaves the living room to join Molly in her room.

About 15 minutes later Ron says goodnight and leaves.

Molly has asked me to apologize to Ron and I’m having a hard time convincing myself I was in the wrong.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You offered to make him dinner. He declined and wanted to make his own. If he didn’t want to clean the kitchen to do it, he could have gone out, gone back home, or eaten a sandwich.

Great that he cleaned the kitchen, but not at the expense of guilting an exhausted soul. If it were me, I’d prefer that he not harass me, not clean the kitchen, and let me clean my own kitchen in my own time after I had a little rest. He’s not a child.

He’s a teen – almost an adult. So yes, young and dumb, but still out of line with the condescension.” yvonnics

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, I think. Good intentions on both sides: It was kind of you to offer to let him use the kitchen, and Ron wanted to show you a way to prevent a clear problem that exists in your food scraps container, easily.

You were defensive, he was overbearing.

To be honest, I identify with Ron in terms of a kitchen needing to be clean in order to be used… but it’s not his space, and he doesn’t live there, and he shouldn’t complain or mutter remarks. If your daughter wants to, as she lives there, fair game and you have your own relationship with her.

‘I interrupt him and ask him to please not tell me about it because I’m not interested.’ This was just rude, I think, when you could have simply said ‘Makes sense!’ or something equally noncommittal, but not overtly negative. Your response clearly baffled him, and he did not pick up on needing to ‘drop it’, either due to age/inexperience or trying to show he was only being helpful.

He believed he was doing a good thing, offering an easy solution to a clear problem.

I would do the same thing (to my wife) if she was letting bacon grease and coffee grinds congeal in our bin. Then again, you had already turned the other cheek and perhaps were out of good cheer… and 17-year-olds are jerks sometimes, whether they mean to be or not, let’s not kid ourselves.

Sounds like your graciousness ran out, and he was overbearing, but both of you meant well in your respective intents.” ndhl83

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I suspect that Ron’s intentions are good and that Molly – also with good but misguided intentions – had some part in encouraging him to make these points regarding kitchen cleaning, but nonetheless, he’s gone about it in the wrong way entirely.

Making these passive-aggressive comments about how he ‘can’t work like this’ and whatever is a really poor choice when you’re hosting him at your place and essentially allowing him to have the run of the house. You don’t owe Ron an explanation as to why cleaning standards might occasionally slip at your home, and even if you did, working full-time and taking care of other family business is a perfectly valid reason.

I definitely don’t think you’re the jerk or that you in any way whatsoever owe Ron an apology, however, I do think this is something that can probably be resolved with an honest conversation. Ron is probably in actual fact a pretty cool kid with a good work ethic – cleaning up at your place was a nice thing to do, he just came across as a jerk in trying to ‘educate’ you as to how to organize your own house.

Likewise with Molly, she probably just felt a bit of that teenage social pressure to look good in front of her SO and ended up acting unappreciative as a result.

If Ron and Molly can be made to understand that they’re welcome to keep hanging out at your place as they have done, but they need to respect your hospitality and not take these passive-aggressive little jabs any time you leave a few pans out, then I’m fairly sure this will work itself out.

If not, then screw Ron, kick his butt out, and don’t feel bad about it!” BanterPhobic

2 points - Liked by lebe and Realitycheck
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Realitycheck 3 months ago
NTJ, but you were a little rude toward Ron about the suggestions he was making. Ron was a bit condescending, but my biggest problem is with your disrespectful daughter. Why did she not clean the kitchen before you got home and left back out to take her shopping? Or, at the very least, not work on it hen you got home before Ron got there? She lives there also.
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16. AITJ For Arguing With My Friend At A Restaurant?

“I (22 Female) and my (ex) friend (23 Female) used to like going out a lot. We would frequently eat in the city and since my family is more upper class and hers are more ‘middle’ working-class, I end up paying for 75%-100% of the meals we eat.

At first, I didn’t mind paying, but ever since I started to object, she would make snarky comments like ‘What, daddy didn’t pay your trust fund?’ or ‘What’s the point of having so much money if you’re not gonna spend it on your friends?’ or ‘You’re so stingy, You know I don’t have as much money as you do.’

Yet every time we went out she would pick the more expensive and fancy restaurants, and as soon as it was time to pay, she would be like, ‘Oh you’ll cover the bill, right?’ or ‘Sorry I didn’t bring my wallet.’

It’s just excuse after excuse with her and I’d just get so annoyed that last time we went out to eat, I asked her if she would pay her half, and she told me, ‘No, I don’t have enough money’ so I said well then you’re not eating.

At first, she laughed and when she saw my face, she looked at me like, ‘You’re joking, right?’

At that point, I got so fed up so I told her ‘If you’re not willing to pay your half of the meal then I’m not buying you food, you’re a full-grown woman with a bank account, use it.’ And after she heard that, she got angry and we kept arguing so loudly that we got kicked out of the restaurant.

And to top it all off she had the audacity to demand me to call her an Uber because it was my fault that we got kicked out of the restaurant. Of course, I didn’t and left her there. But ever since that night, my friends have been blowing up my phone calling me a jerk for leaving her there at 11 pm at night.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“If your friend is only choosing high-end restaurants because you are paying, then she isn’t a friend. She is stepping on you to upgrade her lifestyle, and that isn’t cool. You maybe could have asked her if she was going to pay her share before you left for the restaurant.

That would have played out a bit milder. It would have the same end result of your friend not eating on your dime and having to go home on her own.

Waiting for her to be ‘on the spot’ to say something and getting loud in public was overkill.

Still, how she has been treating you is way worse!

I would have dumped her as a friend in a hot minute. That is totally fair. I am teetering between everybody being horrible, and the friend being the jerk. Two wrongs don’t make a right just because one is severely more wrong.

NTJ.

I think maybe you just couldn’t take it anymore. Seeing her so comfortably spending your money without a sign of humbleness or appreciation had to be hard.” User

Another User Comments:

“Your friends are outraged about the wrong thing. They think you’re in the wrong for breaking the Girl Code of leaving a girl alone and potentially in danger.

I assume that this was in a crowded area and does not apply. She was obviously able to get home somehow anyway. She was still trying to sponge off you. You’re asking if your entitled, nasty friend was in the wrong – yes, she was.

Perhaps a social media post or generic response to anyone hassling you is in order – you have cut off this person as she has been extremely abusive towards you and it was effective immediately. The action was harsh but unfortunately necessary for your well-being.

No questions will be taken.” sati_lotus

2 points - Liked by lebe and Chull
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Realitycheck 3 months ago
I can't say I totally agree with leaving her alone, but I don't know where you were....

I say NTJ and, instead of arguing, you need to tell her that you feel used. Firmly but not angrily, tell her that you will no longer pay for her meals and you can together select places that her budget can accommodate on your outings OR she can drop you and prove that she was only friends with you for your $$$. Her next move will tell all.
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15. AITJ For Punishing My Stepson?

“My wife and I share two sons, Dave (13M) and Ryan (12M), and she has a son from a previous marriage, Gordon (15M). I’ve been involved in Gordon’s life since he was around 1 1/2 years old due to the fact that his father passed away 6months after he was born.

Although I’ve basically been in Gordon’s life since he can remember, he still doesn’t view me as a father and I respect that.

Recently, for Ryan’s birthday, he was really adamant about celebrating his birthday at Dave and Buster’s. However, Gordon didn’t want to attend.

This upset Ryan as he wanted his brother present for the celebration. Despite our efforts to persuade Gordon, he insisted on not attending, claiming he didn’t want to go to Dave and Buster’s. In an attempt to avoid any conflict with Gordon, I allowed him to stay home, with the condition that he remain in the house and answer our calls when we check on him.

He agreed.

Ryan really enjoyed his time at Dave and Buster’s and was eager about turning 13 next year. We checked in on Gordon three times while we were away. Once while we were driving to Dave and Buster’s, second while we arrived at Dave and Buster’s, and third when we were driving home.

When we arrived home we discovered Gordon was not at home. We called and texted him multiple times and he didn’t reply or answer. My wife contemplated calling the police because this isn’t the first time he has done this but I suggested we go search first before we call.

After a while, we located him at a friend’s house. My wife and I were relieved. He reluctantly came back home with us.

I expressed my disappointment and told him that if he wanted to go to his friend’s house he should’ve called or texted us and we would’ve been fine as long as we knew where he was.

I told him that he’s shown us countless times that he cannot be trusted. We decided, due to his actions, to temporarily restrict his access to his phone and PS5 until trust is rebuilt.

This made him angry and he said that I’m not his father so I don’t get to tell him what to do.

I told him that I legally adopted him and told him that whether he likes it or not he’s living under my roof and will abide by my rules. My wife backed me up and supported my decision which only angered him even more. He eventually handed over his phone and his PS5 and I put them in my room.

I told him that he’ll get them back if he shows a change in his behavior.

This led me to wonder because my stepson is barely talking to me and his mom at the moment and I feel like if we give him his things back he’ll think that he can get away with anything.

In November of last year, he snuck out of the house while we were sleeping and once we woke up we realized he was missing and we had to call the cops because we didn’t know where he was. Once he was found we only grounded him for 3 days.

I feel like we keep enabling his behavior just to please him but I’m wondering if I was too harsh?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. However, you’ve got a problem, and therapy is needed. Yes, teenagers get rebellious and do stupid crap, but there’s a thinking issue happening here.

Why would he sneak out to a friend’s house rather than just ask? He thought you would say no. Instead of running home once he got the call you were on the way back, he had to have known it would be discovered he wasn’t there and still stayed. He’s pushing back, but why?

These are questions a therapist can help him sort. It’s only going to get worse. Good luck.” Beneficial-Sale7510

Another User Comments:

“It sounds like he is in a very normal teenage phase. Pushing boundaries and doing what you want. NORMAL. It is also totally normal for the kid to throw in the ‘You’re not my real dad’ as other kids might throw in an ‘I wish I was adopted’ or ‘I hate you’.

100 percent normal 15-year-old behavior. They told him to stay at the house while they were off having fun. Does not matter that he did not want to go. He was sitting there thinking ‘How dare they go off and have fun without me. Well, I’m leaving’ – a well-thought-out teenage plan.

This is sooooo normal and does NOT need therapy.

He literally went to a friend’s house. Hardly the end of the world. He was not partying, drinking, doing illegal stuff, not breaking any laws. Sounds like a good kid to me who made a normal dumb teen decision and was appropriately punished. NORMAL.” Personibe

2 points - Liked by Justa33508 and lebe
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CmHart2008 3 months ago
NJ. This boy needs therapy and sooner is better.
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14. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Let My Significant Other's Siblings Stay With Us?

“I (19f) have been with my significant other, Jake (19m), for almost a year now. We have lived together for a while as well due to circumstances. Jake’s mom (Vicky, 37ish f) has 8 other kids aged between 10 months and 16 years with one more on the way but they live in a 4-bedroom house.

So there isn’t much space. Jake and I live in a 3-bed rental a 5-minute drive away.

Vicky asked me if I and Jake would mind if the younger kids came and stayed with us for a few weeks after the baby was born so they don’t have to worry about the other kids.

I said no, I don’t want to be responsible for them as we looked after 2 of them for a few days when they went on holiday and had to spend our own money on the kids, for food, and all of that. Vicky was insistent, telling us we had enough space and wanted the 2, 3, 5, and 7-year-olds to stay with us, saying the reason they waited for the next kid was for me and Jake to move so that they could spend more time with the baby.

Then she asked us if we would at least come to stay with them on their sofa for a few weeks as we used to live on the sofa, and just prepare meals and make sure the younger ones were cared for.

Jake now feels guilty because he knows his parents are overwhelmed, but personally, I don’t think they should be having any more kids as they don’t have space, I am not going to stop them, but I feel like it’s immoral to enable them.

However, I feel like I might be the jerk as if the kids don’t stay with us they won’t be looked after properly.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Vicky’s demands are unhinged. I don’t know if you study or work, but looking after 4 kids under 10 is a full-time job.

A very demanding job that comes with a lot of responsibilities. It’s within your rights to refuse. Did she even talk about money? Or does she expect you to do it for free?

‘saying the reason they waited for the next kid was for me and Jake to move so that they could spend more time with the baby.’

Well, their bad life planning is not your problem.

‘However, I feel like I might be the jerk as if the kids don’t stay with us they won’t be looked after properly.’

That’s sad, but again, not your responsibility.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. His parents have an atrocious sense of entitlement. To the point they actually PLANNED to have another child (that they can’t look after properly), hoping to palm off responsibility (for the other kids) onto you (!?!). It’s not even like they asked you first if you would be willing to help (before getting pregnant).

That’s because they knew you’d likely say no. Instead, they deliberately planned on trying to guilt you into this, once it actually happened.

And it seems they know Jake well – since he does, in fact, feel guilty. It would be unacceptable to expect you to care for one child of any age, without full prior permission.

It’s beyond a joke, they want you to look after several very small children – at such a young age, yourself. That is a crazy amount of work to expect from you. It would take up every spare minute you have. Plus, those kids would be traumatized by being separated from their parents.

I’m embarrassed for them, that they are so shameless. And you can be sure, it won’t even be for a ‘few’ weeks. It will be for far more, once they’re there. I’m not sure how they expect things to suddenly change, looking after so many littles (including the baby) after just a few weeks.

Babies don’t suddenly stop being so demanding, a few weeks in. Insist on the answer being no. Give in now, expect constant childcare guilting forever more. This was all planned, and it is their problem. If they neglect their kids, report them to social services.

Contrary to belief, most social services don’t want to get involved in taking kids away (to an overwhelmed system). But awkward questions can at least cause many families to get their crap together. ” NoSurprise82

2 points - Liked by lebe and Chull
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deka1 3 months ago
NTJ Vicky needs to cross her legs.
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13. AITJ For Not Telling My Brother About My Engagement?

“I (29F) have an older brother (32M). We were raised by a single mother, and don’t have any extended family, so we grew up pretty close.

I moved across the country 11 years ago to attend college, then stayed in the new state because it has better job opportunities for my field.

My brother, on the other hand, remained close to my mother.

8 years ago he introduced his partner to us over Christmas and also told us that he got engaged. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I accepted, but when she told me that their wedding date would be close to my finals, I warned her that I might not be able to do everything she needed me to do.

She was very sweet and said that that was ok, she just wanted me to be involved.

3 months before the wedding, my brother called me, he said that my ‘lack of involvement and enthusiasm for being a bridesmaid’ was stressing his fiancée and that they decided that I should just be a normal guest. I said that that was fine, apologized to him, and then called her to apologize too.

Fast forward to when they finalized the seating chart, and apparently, I was seated at a back table, with some of my brother’s coworkers, not even close to the family table. I was upset when mom told me, but didn’t want to make a scene.

My mom on the other hand demanded they change my seat, which resulted in me being uninvited. I remember my brother telling me that his wife deserved the wedding of her dreams and that I was ‘stressing her’. I asked my mom to back off, didn’t go, but still sent a congratulations text and a gift.

But I also stopped reaching out to my brother, and it became obvious that I was the only one keeping us in contact. We rarely met after that, mainly because they spent holidays with his in-laws, and then the global crisis hit.

I met a man in 2020, we hit it off, it became serious, and he proposed last year.

I asked my mom to only tell my brother if he asked about me, and she respected my wishes. Also, I don’t have social media at all, so there was no announcement or anything like that.

We just sent out invites, and my brother got his, and for the first time in years, he called me upset, because I didn’t tell him that I had a serious partner, let alone a fiancé.

I let him rant and rave, then just told him that it was not a secret, and if he bothered to ask me or my mom about my life, we would have told him. He said that I should have reached out to tell him, but I said that I did not want to stress him or his wife with my presence.

He called me a jerk, and said they would not attend, to which I said ‘It’s your choice’, which made him even angrier, so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“First of all, congratulations! I think your brother’s wife loves the fact that he only has 2 relatives.

She gets all the holidays and no major family input on their lives from his side.

Sadly, your brother is blind to her ulterior motives. We always hear about abusers who isolate women but forget that it happens to men too. She has every intention of isolating him from you.

I can guarantee she’s making you out to be the villain for not contacting him. Unfortunately, until he realizes it, there is nothing you can do other than live your life. Good luck and have an amazing wedding!” shaylgarcia

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The bad seating & disinviting you from the wedding is awful.

SIL sounds pretty central to being the root cause of the estrangement between you & your brother. The thing is, he reached out to you when he received your invitation. And was angry he didn’t know you were engaged. Then angrier when you didn’t talk him out of saying they wouldn’t attend.

Those aren’t the actions of a brother who has no feelings for his sister & is fine with her being out of his life. So isn’t it worth telling him how hurtful the seating & being disinvited was? And ask why his lack of contact?

Clearly, both of you are troubled by the lack of a relationship. Now’s an opportunity to get some answers & see if he will mend it. There’s nothing to lose by it! And, by the way, people in unhappy marriages often go low contact or no contact with friends & family.

Best of luck OP & hope you have a wonderful wedding!” OceanBreeze_123

1 points - Liked by lebe
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CmHart2008 3 months ago
NTJ. You have been treated shabbily. Your brother has been content to be led by his wife & abandoning any relationship he had with his sister. Your brother & his wife do not know how to have more than one relationship. Find your own life with your husband & realize that your brother did not share your feelings. He allowed & even defended your mistreatment. Walk away from this. Congratulations on your wedding with good wishes for a loving marriage.
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12. AITJ For Bringing My Dog To My Uncle's Birthday?

“My family was at a restaurant to eat out because we celebrated Uncle’s 50th Birthday. We also brought our dog along. I completely understand when people are annoyed when there are dogs everywhere and some people really take it too far, I get it, but basically, we had no choice.

Our girl has trauma and can’t stay alone for too long and we had no one to watch her. And, I know everyone says that, but she’s really well-behaved. She just lays under the table, looks around a bit, and sometimes begs a little, but only from us.

She’s also really small.

Anyway, there were some couples and groups of threes present but the only other bigger party was, what I guess, a mum, a grandma, and two kids (3-6ish). I should say that I like kids. I really do. I want to work with kids in fact (I’m 18, by the way).

But these little guys were still somewhat disturbing. They screeched and yelled and one of the kids asked like three times for fries when they had already ordered for him. A bit annoying but not to the point I would complain, honestly.

However, pretty suddenly the grandma started to complain about people who bring their dog everywhere and that it’s so gross when one is in a closed area.

She looked in our direction with an annoyed face and I admit, it annoyed me pretty much. Would it have been any of the other guests, I would understand. But our girl was simply minding her own business while their kiddos annoyed everyone. So I looked at her and said ‘That’s rich coming from you, since your group is the most disturbing one here while no one complains about Tinka’.

The grandma stared at me and then looked at my parents so they would say something but my mom simply continued to eat and my dad looked back at her and grinned. She looked like she wanted to say more but the other woman told her to let it be and tried to calm the kids down.

We didn’t interact further for the rest of our stay.

This happened two days ago but I’m still unsure if it was my call to say what I said. Because I know how kids can be and it really can be annoying when everyone brings their dog everywhere but I just felt the need to defend my dog because she wasn’t doing anything.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I feel a bit conflicted on this one. On the one hand, if your dog was truly well-behaved and you were in a dog-friendly restaurant, she had no reason to be rude about it. However, your assertion that the kids were super disruptive seemed a bit flimsy to me when a big part of your evidence was that one kid repeated a question 3 times.

I also think you could have addressed the woman’s comment without involving the kids. I get the feeling that you want to stand up for your dog, but your dog didn’t understand or care about the woman’s rude comment. If I were you, I would have maybe asked her what the dog was doing that was irritating her.” librarygirl21

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for getting in a tit-for-tat with her. No reason to insult her or her family. No big deal though. You weren’t defending your dog and your dog doesn’t need defending anyway. Dogs under the table in a restaurant just want whatever treats drop their way!

Haha. So don’t try to make your lowering yourself into a spat with an old lady into something noble. Next time just ignore, or say, ‘Sorry, hope you can overlook this time’ and let everyone try to enjoy their meal.” knowsaboutit

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Eatonpenelope 3 months ago
YtJ Your dog is NOT a service dog, it should have NEVER crossed into the restaurant!! People like you with their entitlement make it very difficult for people with allergies to go into places that should be animal free!!
-2 Reply

11. AITJ For Wanting To Get My Birthday Presents On My Actual Birthday?

“I (24F) have a birthday that falls on Christmas — every single year, as that’s how it works. Apparently, this is a big, big issue with my brother (27M).

When I was little, my parents established that I would open my birthday gifts on Christmas — on my birthday — either before or after the Christmas gifts.

They didn’t want me to feel lesser and miss out on a birthday present by combining it with a Christmas present. I’ve always appreciated that. The few times that it has been combined was by my request — they helped me buy a used car when I turned 19 as my present, and then they paid for a trip once I graduated college.

Anyway, we’ve begun discussing holiday plans. My brother let us know that he planned on bringing his partner (29F) so that my parents could purchase his plane tickets. After that, we started a new group chat to include her in our planning — my parents organize a Santa lunch and we usually go to a light show or caroling.

My mom asked me if I wanted to open my birthday gifts at the beginning of the day or the end. I told her I didn’t care. The chats and scheduling continued seemingly without issue.

Then two or three days later, my brother asked me if we could do my birthday presents another time.

Apparently, his partner doesn’t want to buy me a birthday gift AND a Christmas gift — I was kind of wishy-washy about it. I didn’t want to open them on a different day, but I told him that all she needed to do was sign her name on whatever he got me and that’d be fine.

She doesn’t need to get me anything at all. He says that’s not an option for her. She’s freaking out and saying she won’t come now.

My brother texted the chat and said I was making myself the star of the show on my birthday as always.

He said that I refused to move my birthday (lol) and was making his partner feel unwelcome. When dad stepped in and said I was allowed to enjoy my birthday on my birthday, that he and mom wanted me to celebrate then, my brother said he wasn’t coming at all now.

I talked to my parents separately and said we could change the day. I didn’t care that much if it meant that Jack wouldn’t come. They refused, saying it was the principle, but Dad also let me know that my present was actually something to be done on my birthday/Christmas too.

When my brother asked me ‘to change my birthday’ again, this time I said no because I knew that there were plans involved.

My brother’s partner is now calling me a birthday grinch to anyone who will listen.

AITJ for being born on Christmas?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Obviously. I get your brother being weird/jealous about this when you were kids – Christmas means so much to young children and I can see how, say, a 6-year-old would struggle to process the feeling that the day is being made less special by the partial focus on their younger sibling.

A child of that age would also struggle to understand the trade-off (that they get a separate birthday all to themself as well as Christmas, while the sibling only really gets one day). For a child, it’s understandable. For a grown man in his late 20s, it’s frankly embarrassing.

Your brother seems to be deeply lacking in maturity when it comes to this issue, I don’t know if it’s just Christmas/birthday stuff that sets off his inner toddler or if he’s like that in his everyday life, but he is for sure the jerk for getting this upset and blowing up family gatherings over a perfectly reasonable, long-standing compromise to account for your date of birth.” BanterPhobic

Another User Comments:

“How dare you!? Christmas has been a long time, I’d think it would be appropriate for you to have scheduled your birth at a more convenient time. Maybe even wait until January? But nooooooooooo – you had to choose Christmas. Well, I hope you’re satisfied. Or maybe, without the sarcasm: WHAT is wrong with your brother and his partner?

All you seem to be interested in from her would be a ‘Happy Birthday’, which isn’t exactly asking for a lot. Your brother is a raging jerk here. NTJ.” JsCTmav

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 3 months ago
Definitely NTJ but your brother's partner needs to be put in her place. You make no mention of him having any problem about your birthday before he met this spoiled whinyarse, so it's clearly coming from her - and it sounds like she thinks that she ought to be the guest of honour and the centre of attention. Let him skip Christmas this year rather than upsetting your family plans, and hope that Little Miss Main Character gets dumped before next year.
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10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Dad's Autopsy?

“My dad passed away from metastatic lymphoma at the age of 86. He also had dementia and I have been his guardian for the past decade.

I am also the executor of his estate. My dad was a shipbuilder and had asbestos in his lungs. He also was a smoker for about 50 years.

When he passed away, he had no money left. I had spent everything on his care, and for the past year had been paying his expenses myself since they exceeded his SS.

I opted not to treat his lymphoma but he had excellent palliative care. I know this would have been his wish if he was still of sound mind. I also opted not to put him through any procedures to determine the origin of his cancer.

Because of his dementia, he wouldn’t understand anything being done to him. Instead, he lived out his final months high on morphine.

My brother and sister are now pressing me to autopsy dad to find out if his cancer originated in his lungs. They think we will get a big payout from the asbestos trust fund.

But I will have to pay about $3000 for a private autopsy. I am refusing. If dad’s cancer originated in his lungs but is not mesothelioma we have no claim to a payout because he was a smoker. (I checked with an attorney.) So my siblings expect me to pay for an autopsy when there is no guarantee of compensation.

I will add that neither of them paid a dime towards his care after I used up all his savings. And neither is contributing to his burial costs even though I have requested that we split it three ways. So AITJ for refusing to spend my own savings to autopsy dad?

I just want to bury him next to Mom, let him rest in peace, and tell my siblings to get lost.”

Another User Comments:

“Please accept my condolences on the loss of your father. Please accept my admiration, too, for stepping up to take care of your dad at the end of his life.

You had to make some tough decisions and it could not have been easy but it sounds like you did everything right and your dad was comfortable at the end.

I am a retired healthcare professional and have seen dementia patients treated for diseases and watched them suffer more than necessary because they did not understand why people were hurting them, why they had to stay in the hospital when they just wanted to go home, why they were so sick, etc because their adult children thought they ‘should try’.

It is obvious that you were thinking of your dad and his level of comfort, providing him with excellent palliative care because you know that is what he would have chosen for himself.

You treated your father with love and respect. Continue to do just that and bury him next to your mom so that he may rest in peace.

Your siblings need to ‘get real’ – the amount of any payout from the asbestos in his lungs would not be enough to be worth the anguish of waiting for the autopsy, the autopsy results, the endless paperwork and documentation, etc.

The fact that your dad smoked for 50 years would probably diminish the amount of any possible payout, too.

Your siblings did not help with his end-of-life care or expenses and they are not going to be able to pull together all the necessary documentation without assistance from you so it would essentially be you doing all the work for filing the claim and you deserve rest, a time to mourn the loss of your dad and let your body and mind rest and recover from what you have asked it to do over the last few years.

Caring for a dying parent is tough physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Rest and relax now. NTJ.” Proverbs21-3

Another User Comments:

“Definitively, I think you’re trying to play in the best interest of your father, and thank you for that, you’re a good person OP.

This question is really tedious here, I tend to think that you and your sibling deserve this money, a bad thing had been done with asbestos. And getting benefit from it is a form of deserved justice. But on the other end, I understood that you would like to respect his body.

NTJ here on the two sides of the story, despite your siblings trying to be greedy. I will suggest that you consult the private autopsy firm if they were able to determine his condition without any invasive act on his body (by CT scan, and perhaps a bronchoscopy) and if so let your siblings pay for it.” pauvre10m

1 points - Liked by lebe
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CmHart2008 3 months ago
NTJ> Your inclination was correct. Tell them they are welcome to arrange for & pay for an autopsy but you will not contribute. Ask them instead, to reimburse you for what you paid for your father. After that, tell them to go get lost!
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9. AITJ For Refusing To Make Pumpkin Pie For Thanksgiving?

“I (36f) have been married to my husband ‘Anthony’ (37m) for eight years and we have been together for five years. Throughout all of that time, my MIL ‘Mary’ (60f) has always hosted Thanksgiving with my FIL ‘Oliver’ (61m).

I am usually in charge of making mac and cheese and cooking the ham, but Mary will ask me occasionally to do desserts.

This would be fine if only she didn’t come up with inane complaints about whatever she asked me to prepare.

I tried to not let it get to me by reminding myself that everyone’s tastes were different and that it was just my MIL’s opinion but I snapped last year when Mary called me after dinner to complain about my ube pie apparently tasting like cherries.

I in no way had cherries in any shape or form in my house when I made it, and even if I did, none of my in-laws have an allergy to cherries and there was nothing cherry-flavored served for dessert at the dinner.

I told her that she needed to get her tastebuds checked before hanging up on her.

Anthony convinced me to apologize for the way I said it and we moved past it.

Yesterday, Mary called me and asked me to make a pumpkin pie for this year’s Thanksgiving, and I told her that I wouldn’t be making that. Mary asked me why and I told her that since none of the desserts I made were totally up to her standards, I would just stick to my usual dishes.

Mary told me that I was being ridiculous and I should just make it anyway since she and the others were so busy with their own food prep. I told her no again and that she could just grab a store-bought pie if she desperately wanted pumpkin pie for one of the desserts.

Mary got angry and said that store-bought food has no place on her dining table and told me that she expected me to get over my ‘petty little power trip’ and to show up with pumpkin pie in hand when I came to her house on Friday.

She hung up on me afterward, and my husband was mad at me when he got off work because my MIL told him and his siblings what I said. Anthony says I’m being childish and I shouldn’t let a few comments get under my skin.

My SIL is on my side because she too has my MIL criticizing what she bakes for the holidays but my BIL thinks similarly to my husband and texted me that I should make the pie to keep the peace.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for sure.

So it seems like she has asked a few times to do dessert and every time had something to complain about the desserts. How frequently has it occurred that she has made the rude comments because that may help determine if snapping was appropriate in that situation?

Did she ever have any comments about the ham or the mac and cheese or is it always desserts? Did she give any specific reasoning as to why all of a sudden you take on the desserts randomly? Also, there is no shame in store-bought desserts!

It is her own ego getting in the way in regards to that.” Barbie-3000

Another User Comments:

“Yeah, husband problem right here. I would just go visit my own family (or stay home if you don’t have any family) then you can be grateful you don’t have to deal with the witch… ahem, MIL.

This is your husband’s family and he should deal with them. He should also do the cooking because again, his family. I would block MIL’s number from my phone, and tell my husband to check his mom and that you are not dealing with her anymore.

Then do NOT go to Thanksgiving. Shoot, fake an illness if you have to. Every single year. Now if you truly enjoy going, then go, but cook NOTHING. That IS your husband’s job.” Personibe

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Redneckdebutante 3 months ago
MIL sure has a tight rein on your husband and BIL. I'd be letting him know right quick that he best get to cooking cause it sure as heck wouldn't be me because I don't answer to his mom. If he does, that's his problem to handle.
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8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé To Smash Cake In My Face At Our Wedding?

“I absolutely love my fiancé. We have been together for over five years, own a home together, have two dogs, and live a happy life.

We have had a rocky relationship at times though, and are definitely not perfect. He is the oldest of two brothers and sometimes when we get playful, he will take it just a tad too far and he may push me a little too hard or tickle me until I’m frustrated, things like that.

As we started planning our wedding, he off the bat talked about how excited he was to put cake in my face. I was a little apprehensive about this, but he seemed so excited, I’m not having makeup professionally done, and I figured it is just one moment of the day so I said sure.

As time has gone on I have seen the TikTok tragedies over cake in the face at weddings, and I began to get worried. With the way he is, I’m worried he will take it a little too far.

When I started to feel this way I talked to him and told him I would want to practice beforehand, to which he seemed a little frustrated about but said sure he understood.

He promised he wouldn’t get it in my hair or on my dress, but really how can you control that?

I have kept trying to get him to practice, and he never wants to. He will do it without the cake, but never wants to with cake or whipped cream because ‘he doesn’t want to be sticky’.

(like I would be at the wedding right?) Anyway, every time we do it without the cake, I swear he will touch my hair, which I call him out on.

Today was Thanksgiving. He started talking about this with my dad and I mentioned I really didn’t want to do it unless we practiced. Once again he did it without anything and touched my hair.

I called him out and my dad said ‘We have whipped cream, why not try it’. So I said sure. I said please be careful, don’t get it in my hair or on my clothes. (Once again it was Thanksgiving) I showed him where I was okay with it going on my face and he went to do it.

He put way too much on and I told him, ‘See, even that was too much’. And then he smashed the rest in my face. I guess I moved and it got all over my hair, eyebrows, and some on my clothes.

I immediately started crying and ran to the bathroom.

He came in and apologized and cleaned me up and said, ‘I’m sorry, you just moved and I got it on you’. He was really nice and cleaned me up, but it just frustrated me and I said we were absolutely not doing it at the wedding because if he couldn’t control himself now, he wouldn’t at our wedding.

I was upset for like 30 more minutes and he said, ‘I understand if you don’t want to anymore, I just want you happy’.

I said we will see but IF we do it we have to practice properly… Not on a freaking family holiday. As of right now though, my answer is a hard no. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Just drop the whole idea. It was terrible to begin with. Cake smashing is only fun when both parties want to do it. When the person getting cake smashed in their face doesn’t want it, then it’s just cruel. Your wedding is supposed to be the happiest moment of your life, not a moment to be humiliated. If he’s so desperate to smash your face into a cake (which is really weird as far as I’m concerned), then you can do it on the honeymoon when you’re in a relaxed environment, not surrounded by people or dressed in formal clothing.

But above all else, tell him very firmly that this isn’t going to happen at the wedding, and any attempts to do so despite your protests will result in a crying bride and a ruined wedding, and everyone from you to the guests being angry with his immaturity.” CuckooPint

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, this is a huuuuuge red flag like… From the hypocrisy of not wanting to get sticky (nonsense) to fully going in for a second completely non-consensual slap to the face (literally) after you expressed multiple times that you did not want to do it if he could not control himself, I’d be questioning not just the cake thing but the whole relationship.

He proposed and the thing he was most excited about was the notion he’s entitled to RUIN your hair and makeup on purpose on your wedding day, like what message is that in and of itself? I’ve never ever understood the concept that it’s acceptable to humiliate someone you seconds ago vowed to love and respect as your partner in life.

Some say it’s tradition but so are so many non-aggressive acts like feeding each other your first bite, he can use his hands if he wants to get messy but clearly as you said he can’t hang with sticky fingers unless it means getting to violate your boundaries you’ve set again and again.

You deserve better babe, genuinely.” Adventurous_Gur6998

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Redneckdebutante 3 months ago
It feels like you think you have to do this to get him to go along with a wedding. I can't figure out why else you are so desperate to participate in your own humiliation. The moment you wanted to practice it was your cue that you didn't trust him to do it.
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7. WIBTJ If I Tell My Dad What His Partner Has Been Telling Me?

“I (16F) have lived solely with my dad because, from what I’ve been told, my bio mom wanted nothing to do with me. Since then it’s only been the two of us. He’s had some partners here and there but he wasn’t too serious about any of his partners until 2 years ago, when he met Daisy.

At first, I was happy for him, as he had always made sure that I was happy so now it was his turn to find happiness. Daisy seemed nice when I met her and she was nice when she moved in, that was until my dad started leaving us both alone together and it was like a switch flipped. She would give me attitude, constantly tell me about how much crap I put my dad through, she would insult my appearance, and she would yell at me for seemingly minor things.

(One specific time I accidentally knocked down my water and it spilled on the table and floor so I got a mop and started to clean it up but while I was doing that Daisy came and started screaming ‘How could you be so irresponsible!

Look at the mess you made! I hope you don’t expect me to clean this’ which I didn’t because I was already cleaning it myself)

But you get the point. I haven’t told my dad anything because he’s been extremely happy with her and I would feel like crap ruining his happiness.

On Thanksgiving was when my dad proposed to Daisy so both of the families would be there. I tried to be happy but really I was not. I had gone back inside (we had dinner in the backyard). I was going to get my phone because I left it there.

Daisy followed me inside and mocked me for being the 2nd most important thing in my dad’s life, how after she and my dad got married she was going to convince him to make me live with my grandparents and that she wouldn’t let me be at the wedding.

She eventually went back outside but I stayed in the house and went to bed.

I really want to tell my dad everything but I’m scared he won’t believe me or that I’ll ruin his happiness but I feel like I need to tell him so WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If she switches personalities with you, who is to say her love for your dad isn’t an elaborate facade? When she gets a ring on her finger she might make his life miserable.

Get in the habit of recording her tirades, and save them to the cloud.

Tell Dad you have a personal problem that you need some help with and tell him everything. Don’t forget to play the recordings. Especially if you can get her to admit that she will make your dad send you away once they are married. He has a right to make decisions based on facts.” Adept_Tension_7326

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re worried about compromising your dad’s happiness with this woman—please consider that she only does this when he isn’t around because ‘she knows he would never want to marry someone who behaves in this way’. He’s proved you’re the most important thing in his life, and she’s pathetic and jealous of that.

You won’t be ruining his happiness by telling him about this. His happiness is a lie. The woman he is happy with is a fake persona. The real woman is someone he wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.

I’m probably closer to your dad’s age than yours, and I’m telling you: you have to save him from marrying this woman.

I would die if I thought the person I loved was abusing my kids behind my back, and that’s what this is. It’s emotional abuse. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.

Get proof via recordings and bring them to your dad, tell him you love him and didn’t want to spoil his happiness, but he needs to know this woman isn’t who he thinks she is.

He sounds like the kind of good dad who would want to protect his beloved daughter, and who deserves to marry a good person who will love what he loves. A million times NTJ. Good luck to you both.” fairylighted

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ, definitely record her saying this sort of thing and tell your dad. Is he wealthy, by any chance? She may have her eye on his bank balance, or she may be someone who has to have all the attention, all of the time, and every one of her whims indulged. Either way, she will abuse your dad as well as you once she has a ring on her finger. If you think he might not believe you (even with evidence) then think through who else in the family you could turn to if necessary.
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6. AITJ For Making My Brother's Partner Leave And Refusing To Explain Myself To Her?

“My brother and I share a mom but have different dads.

Mom died when I was 14 and he was 6. Prior to his birth, I remember her being a really involved and attentive mom. But once he was born she acted like he was her only kid and I was treated like an adult. As he got older I saw she treated him so much better than she ever treated me before.

It made me jealous and resentful.

Once my brother started school mom would get up so early in the morning to cook him a school lunch. Something she never did for me. Also, something she didn’t do for me while doing it for him. About once a month I would get a cheese sandwich for school.

Otherwise, she told me to get lunch at school. Our school lunches were trash so it hurt me more that she was okay with me eating the trashiest food while waking up at 4 am to make my brother lunch. I used to hear her up and she’d make so much noise doing it.

She’d also make sure to pack it in a way that it would stay warm for him. Other stuff was that she would take him out for special days and leave me behind. Or when I did tag along she would yell at me to hold his hand if he wanted to and I didn’t.

She would tell me he was ‘our world’ and I should be stepping up more as a brother. She told that he was important and should get whatever he wanted. My mom’s parents noticed and pulled her on the stuff. But she dismissed them.

Then mom died and I chose to go live with my dad, who I didn’t know, over my grandparents, because they were going to be taking both of us, and I wanted away from him.

We lost contact for 15 years until 3 years ago when they tracked me down. I’m still not close to my brother. I no longer resent him. I went to therapy to work through all that. But therapy didn’t make me start loving him. I hadn’t back then and I still don’t today.

Though our relationship isn’t bad. Being a dad of two has made me more disgusted with my mom.

Anyway, my brother has a partner and she is apparently bothered by the fact I never made up for the past and didn’t grovel to my brother.

She believes I should be all about him now. She decided to stop by unannounced at my house and said she wanted me to explain why I’m not making more of an effort to be close to my brother and to make up for lost time.

She said he would yell at her if he knew but she felt like I had explaining to do. I told her I was not going to explain myself to her. She told me she needed to know. That she loves my brother and she knows he has adored me since he was born and she cannot understand how I ever resented or blamed him.

She told me to forget the little boy I was because he was a baby and I should have known better and she didn’t care if ‘my mommy hurt my feefees’ because I crushed his. I made her leave and refused to explain. She told me I was a jerk and was clearly hiding stuff.

She sent a string of texts after that too. So I blocked her. But the run-in has given me some pause.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You lost your mom at a young age when she died when you were 14. But in reality, you lost her long before, to your baby brother.

That’s on your mom, not on you, or your baby brother.

You’re in therapy, that’s a good thing. But therapy doesn’t make you love your brother, and you’re right about that. It takes spending time with him and getting to know each other to grow a bond.

It’s up to you to decide if you’re ready for that. Though I don’t blame you for postponing that while your brother is in a relationship with his current entitled partner…

You DO NOT need to explain yourself to her. You owe that girl absolutely NOTHING.

NTJ.” DoIwantToKnow6417

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You and your bro had two very different experiences in childhood. He has a rose-colored version, where everything is magical and happy. That’s not what you got. You were traumatized and frankly, abused by your mother. I’d be willing to bet that you felt if you went with your grandparents instead of your dad, you’d get parentified even further without knowing that word.

You moved on and are still dealing with that trauma, keep at it. He is totally fine to want a closer relationship with you, but he’s not entitled to one. And you have nothing to ‘make up for’ either.

You did nothing wrong here. You were a child who also lost their mother.

Why are his wants and desires the only important thing in this situation? You can’t force closeness. If he is ‘crushed’ that you aren’t closer, that’s his problem to deal with, not yours. You are practically strangers now. Carry on and don’t be afraid to establish boundaries that are in YOUR best interests.” maxpowersdb

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CmHart2008 3 months ago
NTJ. This woman his a surplus of gall to come to your home uninvited and demand that you explain yourself. Your feelings to and about your brother are your business. Where does she come off being aggressive, meddling or even involved? I hope you unceremoniously kicked her out of your home. That is the response this demanding, controlling meddler deserved!
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5. AITJ For Abandoning My Bridesmaid Duties At My Cousin's Wedding?

“It was my cousin’s wedding and I was one of the bridesmaids. Everything was going well at the church and it was time for the reception.

For a little background, we are a Mexican ranchero family, the wedding was formal attire.

As I arrived at the reception I noticed my family wasn’t getting let in.

I know that the reception was by invitation only and I had their invitation in hand so I assumed that was the problem.

As I was waiting to be let in I was informed that my family wasn’t allowed in because of their attire.

My uncles were wearing very expensive boots, black pants slacks, and a nice button-up shirt.

For context, the bride had sent a group message to all the family saying what attire was not allowed and my family followed the guidelines. It said no hats/sombreros, jeans, sandals, and T-shirts.

So I was confused when they told me that they weren’t allowed in due to them wearing boots. I told them that we were never informed that they weren’t allowed boots.

To my surprise, there was another group chat with my immediate family not included stating that boots were not allowed. The bride then said we can go to Walmart to get some cheap dress shoes instead.

Now I wasn’t too mad about that until I noticed that there were already people inside the venue who had boots on and hats which were against the attire but they weren’t told anything. And when I mentioned this the groom acted like he couldn’t see them even though they were right in front of them.

So instead of causing conflict, we decided to leave, when I went to go say my goodbyes all of a sudden the bride said that it was okay and we could stay. At that point, it was embarrassing not being let into the venue and we declined and left.

Later we were told that the family was asking where we went and the bride’s family had told everyone that we went to the store and would be right back. I also want to point out that the invitation system was whack. One of the bridesmaids didn’t have an invitation because the bride forgot to give it to her.

And even though she was wearing the same dress as the other bridesmaids and all the bridesmaids were saying that she was included they wouldn’t let her in.

So am I the jerk for leaving with my family and not staying to finish my bridesmaid duties?”

Another User Comments:

“Your cousin and her husband sound like aspiring snobs just dying to show how classy they are by putting down and hurting other people. Not just your family, but that poor bridesmaid! I would suggest that you cancel her. What she did wasn’t classy; it was trashy.

And if anyone asks why you weren’t at the reception, be sure to tell them. Anyone with an ounce of sense will understand exactly what was going on. Take a trip to Walmart indeed! NTJ.” Nester1953

Another User Comments:

“God no you weren’t the jerk.

But she and her groom are – and anyone else that would not let them through.

Good for you standing up for your family. Good for you to point out the others who broke the dress code but were still allowed in. Seems to me both bride and groom (and many others) did not want your family there.

Don’t know why but this was deliberate. You know this will hit social media or somewhere. Have your response ready and reply. Anyone who directly reaches out to you or your family asking why you aren’t there or what happened, reply right with what happened, who was able to stay anyway, and why you left.

What they did was so incredibly rude, mean, and disrespectful and that’s being nice. NTJ… at any events you’ll be hosting, might want to exclude her and her husband and others as needed. You don’t need them in your life. Go no contact with them.” Outrageous-forest

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4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Exclude Three Classmates From Her Birthday Party?

“My daughter is eleven going on twelve, and her birthday is coming up in a few weeks.

For her birthday, she wants to go swimming, so we rented the local community center that has a pool and a giant activity room where we’ll have lots of treats and stuff. We asked her to make us a list of invitees so we can get everything coordinated. She asked if she could just invite her whole class of 20 or so kids.

It’s a big activity center with lots of room so we said that was fine.

So she goes to the kitchen and about ten minutes later comes back with her classmates’ ‘directory.’ Her school puts together a small binder that lists the names of the students by each class, the names of the parent(s), and a phone number and/or email address.

She hands it to me and I quickly notice that three names have been crossed out. I asked why, and she said those are the ones she doesn’t want to invite. I started asking her other questions, like if they had an argument, or if they were mean, bullies, etc., and she maintained that no, she just thought they were strange and didn’t really like them.

I told her that she couldn’t just invite the whole class with just three exclusions. She just kind of looked at me and said it was her birthday. I explained that this could be hurtful to them and that if she was so staunchly against them attending, then it would be better to have a smaller party and invite just a handful of her closest friends.

She said she didn’t want a small party, she wanted a big party, and I told her then everyone in the class would get an invitation. She said no, they aren’t, and I told her okay, then no one is and she ran out of the room crying.

She has started crying and running away whenever she has seen me since and I’m starting to feel guilty.

My wife was frustrated with me and said that she understood where I was coming from, but it WAS our daughter’s birthday and she should only have the people she wants there.

I tried to explain that I don’t want our daughter to be the reason these three kids have a crappy time in school. I can’t in good conscience let her exclude other kids like this.

Am I the jerk here? My wife says all we need to worry about is our daughter having a fun birthday and I’m already ruining it for picking a fight over something no one will remember years down the road, but I don’t agree at all.

If they were bullies, that would be one thing. But they aren’t, so to me, it’s cruelty. And cruelty sticks with people.”

Another User Comments:

“This is a tough one, but I am going to say YTJ. I understand wanting to teach your daughter to be kind and inclusive, but not at the expense of her own feelings or comfort.

Women are taught from a young age that we have to be nice and considerate of other people’s feelings sometimes at the expense of our own.

I understand what you are trying to do but you are also telling your daughter she can’t celebrate her birthday with the people she wants to because it would be rude to the kids that aren’t invited. You are telling her she has to make her celebration about including other people.” Such-Awareness-2960

Another User Comments:

“I don’t know that I feel comfortable calling you a jerk for this because, ultimately, your heart is in a good place. It does suck to feel excluded, and when it’s only 3 people they are probably going to feel that way.

On the other hand, our brains do this thing called thin-slicing.

You ever have a feeling that someone is just… off? And they haven’t really overtly done anything to you to make you feel that way but there’s this nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right? That’s an example of thin-slicing. It’s basically your brain’s ability to make a judgment based on very limited interaction or information.

Sometimes it can be biased but, overall, it’s pretty accurate.

I would caution against teaching your daughter to ignore her gut instinct if that is in fact what’s happening. She simply may not have the language or knowledge to articulate to you the reasons why she feels the way she does.

That doesn’t necessarily make her wrong. And teaching her to ignore those signals could ultimately put her in a dangerous position someday. I think there are no jerks here and you should delve a little deeper into this conversation with your wife and then your daughter.” thedartofwar

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you’re allowed to not like people. In adulthood, if you worked in an office and didn’t like a few people you wouldn’t invite them to a party you were hosting. It’s the same here, someone doesn’t need to be a bully or start an argument with you for you to not like them, maybe they’re rude, like to annoy her, tease her, rub her the wrong way, or just creep her out but she’s 11 so she can’t articulate this so just called them strange.

At the end of the day she’s 11, not a little kid, most 11-year-olds wouldn’t be hurt if a random kid in their class that they aren’t friends with doesn’t invite them to their party. And if they are a little hurt that sucks but it sucks, even more, to not be in control of the guestlist for your own party because you don’t like 3 people in class, what makes you think these kids even want to come?

If your daughter doesn’t like them there’s a good chance the feeling is mutual.” Alternative-Pea-4434

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Theflamazing1 3 months ago
Esh. You need more info. Is your daughter a bully? Are these kids disruptive, disrespectful? Maybe she has a reason besides bullying to not want them there. Maybe she's a bit snobbish. You shouldn't force her to be nice to people she's uneasy about. But she shouldn't be allowed to be pointlessly rude either.
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3. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Didn't Like My Partner's Gifts?

“I (21f) received gifts from my partner (24m) today as my Christmas present. I kinda knew from the start before I even opened them that I wouldn’t like them. I just had that feeling. Turns out that feeling was right.

He got me two gifts.

One gift was a giant life-size cutout of Hatsune Miku and the other was a makeup palette.

The first gift just kinda blew my mind. I’ve never once hinted that this would be something I’m interested in, nor have I ever directly mentioned/said anything about liking the character.

This gift was based on a poster I had in my old apartment that my ex left when he moved out. He was a fan of the character and I was just left with a poster I had bought for him. When we left my parents, I told him that I wasn’t very fond of it because I think cutouts are creepy and I didn’t want to set it up and get scared by it randomly in the middle of the night.

He kinda got upset by this even though I did thank him for it.

The second gift was alright but when it comes to makeup, I’m very picky about the stuff I use. I’m into more pinks and bright colors than the more tone-down colors that the palette had.

This was also another thing I didn’t specifically mention I wanted. I didn’t say anything about not liking it and just thanked him.

It feels like he assumed I would enjoy this stuff when I don’t. I don’t wear makeup often and I’m not fond of random things that could freak me out by just being in the corner all freaky-like.

I texted my friend to ask her opinion on this and he caught a glimpse of my telling her about the presents and how I didn’t like them. He told me he was upset I went to her instead of telling him but I already felt bad for telling him that I didn’t really like the first thing, so saying I didn’t the second one just seemed like a jerk move and I was just gonna keep it to myself.

Now he’s just giving me the silent treatment even after I explained that I felt bad telling him I didn’t like the things he bought me. I know I should be grateful but I went to lengths for his gift and it feels like he didn’t listen to anything I’ve been saying I’ve wanted in the 3 months I’ve been talking about random stuff I would like.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, only because in my subculture (southern US), you accept gifts with grace whether you like them or not. This is because giving a gift may be traditional for certain occasions, but it is by definition not an obligation. Sure, you might wear the hideous bunny pajamas only when Aunt Clara visits, since she made them and you don’t want to hurt her feelings.

But you don’t ever complain about the ugly pajamas, because that’s considered extremely rude when you could have gotten nothing at all.

Also, after only three months, he can’t possibly know you well enough to get a perfect gift for you. You need to cut the guy a break.

Here, you’d be keeping the life-size cut out in a closet, and bringing it out only when your partner visits; and you’d be wearing something from the palette on your nights out.

After you’ve been together a while, he’ll get to know you well enough to choose better gifts.

In the meantime you can ‘use up’ the palette quickly, and eventually tell him the cut-out gave you a jump scare one night, so you’ve put it away but will always cherish it. But you would never, ever complain about a gift, to anyone. Here, your friend would be secretly judging you for being ungrateful, and probably wondering if you’ve complained behind their back about their gifts too.

(Sorry, but you asked for brutal honesty.)” LuckyFishBone

Another User Comments:

“Not liking the gifts is not jerk behavior, but where it kinda gets a little grey in my view is your seemingly relatively quickly venting to your friend about the gifts. I kinda think that you should have stewed on that for at least a day and only really brought it up in conversation if your friend started talking about gifts and then she got an inclination that you wouldn’t have liked yours, and then talking about that is perfectly fine.

I think that you should totally understand why he got hurt feelings, catching a glimpse of you talking about it with a friend would be embarrassing. Still, I am going to go with NTJ. He is NTJ either unless he doesn’t let this go soon.” Gold-Stomach-4657

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Realitycheck 3 months ago
YTJ. Sorry. You could've so easily graciously accepted and then told him in a few days that the cutout is not something (character) that you were ever interested in. You appreciate the sentiment and didn't want to hurt him, but could he return it or take it. Maybe you all could have a nice evening together, which would mean just as much because he made effort to piece together clues to get you a gift that he thought you would like. That in itself makes the cutout special. He used silent clues and you were asking for it since you left up a random poster from an ex. I am positive you never told him the story behind it, stoopid gurl.

As for the makeup, could you seriously not mix it in with your pallette as accents?
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2. AITJ For Hating My Stepsister?

“My (28M) mama died not long after I was born.

Dad married Tina when I was 7. She had a daughter (also 7) from a previous relationship, Diana.

Diana and I did not get along. Diana was spoiled and to adult me, it was obvious she resented not being the only child anymore. She took it out on me.

She would break my toys, steal my stuff, and lie to get me in trouble. I would complain to Dad and Tina but they told me to get over it. If I did the same, I would get punished. It only got worse as we got older.

I felt abandoned by my dad. I often felt lonely in my house. So I guess you guys can see who the golden child was.

At 16, Diana spread a nasty rumor about me in school and I almost got expelled. Diana got caught lying and got suspended. Of course, Dad and Tina blamed me for this.

That was the last straw for me. I rang my cousin, Shyla from my mama’s side and told her what’s been happening. She came over to my house angry at Tina and Dad. She gave them a piece of her mind. Dad said if it bothered her so much, then she was welcome to have me.

That was a blow to my heart to hear my own dad say that to me. So Shyla and I went to pack my stuff. Diana’s room was open and she was sitting on her bed smirking at me. We got my stuff and we left. I haven’t looked back since.

Over the years Dad or even Diana tried to contact me. But I would block all attempts. Now a week ago, Shyla visited me. She told me that she got a message from Dad, for me. I was surprised she even mentioned Dad since she knew how I felt about him.

She told me that Diana was in a fatal accident and didn’t make it. She said he wanted to talk to me. Shyla handed me his number and said it’s up to me. I did ring him out of curiosity, more than anything. He didn’t even recognize my voice.

But when I told him it was me, he broke down crying and most of the time I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying.

When he calmed down, he said my sister died and it’s time to come back home and make things right with each other.

I asked what sister? I have no sister! He started crying and saying don’t do this! She doesn’t deserve this. This enraged me and I just let out all my anger, hurt, and frustration I had felt towards them and ended with I don’t care if she died!

My significant other who was beside me took my phone off me and ended the call for me. Glad she did, before I had said anymore. She told me later, that I could have been more understanding. I’ve had time to think over and wonder if she is right and AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your father enabled you to be abused in your own home and then tossed you out when he was called out. Now his golden child is dead he’s suddenly remembered he has a consolation child. Hard no. He created this, he put everything in place for this and he’s not sorry, he’s just sad his favorite child is dead.

He’s lost two children, and he’s the reason he lost one. He failed as a father, he doesn’t get to waltz back and pretend nothing happened just because he’s feeling sad. You’re not a consolation and you don’t have to listen to your abuser feel sorry for themselves so they can continue their fantasy and not be held accountable.” Hoplite68

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hate to say it but your SO needs to stay in her lane. If she has a functional family, she has no idea what goes on in dysfunctional ones and how it affects people. Her opinion is important because she’s your SO but it is completely uninformed. What’s there to understand?

He was a subpar father, who brought in a subpar stepmother and her spoiled kid, who then made your life a misery. He lost you because of that.

The loss of Diana doesn’t mean he’s suddenly entitled to your presence. Those privileges were removed when he behaved as he did.

This is the path HE chose. Outside of that, he didn’t even recognize your voice. You two have been apart long enough that you’re now effectively strangers. That’s also a path he chose, and unfortunately enough for him it’s not a path he can walk back.

His choices came with consequences.” Panaccolade

1 points - Liked by lebe
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1. AITJ For Not Buying My Youngest Son A Car?

“I (49M) have four kids – twin boys (both 27), one girl (25F) and another son (21M). This is about my youngest son, Jack.

Since they were children, I promised my kids two things, one, I’ll fully pay for all of their college expenses (housing/tuition/food, etc), and two, once they graduate college, I will buy them a car.

I kept that promise for all my kids, except with Jack and now I want to know if I am a jerk for that. I paid for Jack’s college expenses, but I am refusing to buy him a car, below are some of the reasons why:

1. I co-signed my name on the lease for Jack’s room that he rents with a friend, and I send Jack his portion of the rent every month. The friend started taking advantage of my name being on the lease and stopped paying for rent too, knowing I would cover the amount because I don’t want missed payments on my credit score.

I asked Jack multiple times to ask his roommate to pay his portion, but the boy did not care to even respond to me and I ended up paying for six months of his friend’s rent too until I finally solved the problem by getting my name out of the lease.

2. Jack has a very rude and entitled attitude. He speaks to us like we are his low-performing employees, the only time he contacts us is when he wants money and goes no contact otherwise, and we don’t know what we ever did to him to treat us that way.

3. Last year when my wife had to be hospitalized, all of my kids flew back home to be there for their mother. Jack didn’t want to but one of his siblings bought him a ticket and talked him into flying out. Instead of being glad to be beside his very sick mother at the hospital, he spent the entire visit making everyone run errands for him (his sister had to cook a very specific type of meal for him/we had to drive him to the gym at a very specific time he demands, etc) and acted like it was one huge inconvenience for him to have to fly out.

I even talked to my other kids about whether we were bad parents that caused Jack to act this way but all my other kids don’t know why he ended up so entitled and spoilt. The rest of my kids are extremely different from Jack, we all get along with each other and care about one another.

For the rest of my kids, I spent maybe $100K on each kid’s total college expenses. With Jack’s careless spending habits and unwillingness to save us any money, Jack’s college years ended up costing me $180k. So I refused to buy the promised car.

Jack’s upset and has gone to his grandparents complaining about me. My MIL already hates me and now is calling me a jerk saying I am playing favorites because I bought everyone a car and not Jack.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

1) If you cosigned on the lease, and you were worried about these missed payments, why didn’t YOU talk to the roommate, instead of making your young adult son do it?

2) If Jack has a rude and entitled attitude, I doubt this is something that magically occurred at 21 years old. Children are often a product of their parents and the environment they grew up in, take some accountability for their actions. It’s great you want to do something about it now; but if you had done more when he was younger, you probably wouldn’t be in this situation.

3) Jack is the youngest. He’s a low man on the family totem pole. Why was everyone honoring these requests? Is behavior like this why Jack acts the way he does?

You’re NTJ for not wanting to give your son a car with his behavior, but YTJ for allowing his behavior to get to this point.” makethatnoise

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here: I get why you don’t want to, but you didn’t promise what KIND OF CAR…

So: uphold your promise, by buying a simple, cheap, ‘remember all that extra money I spent on rent that was taken advantage of?

Well, here you go’ kind of car.

As far as being fair to ALL siblings go, you have to follow through, even when he doesn’t. Prove to him that your word carries weight, even when his doesn’t. Just close this chapter already about a promised car.

Sounds like this is a bigger problem though. OBVIOUSLY, he sucks because he didn’t learn to appreciate your name as a co-signer NOR did he appreciate the fact you paid the rent for his roommate, who somehow managed to talk him into breaking your trust.

He was a jerk to his mom and siblings. You gave him a chance to be an adult and speak and act for himself beyond the co-sign aspect but he just decided he’d rather shut you out or get your money rather than your respect.

And you – as far as PARENTING goes, don’t bring your other kids into it! ‘Gasp! Did I do something wrong?!’ Of course you have to look deeper.

This is also why you are a jerk. You should be having a debate about your parenting with a therapist, your spouse, but not the siblings.

If you had a habit of relying on them regarding him (parentifying) and tend to include them in discussions about how to handle your youngest, without actually including your youngest, you have to accept this is most likely part of your very, very bigger-than-a-car problem.” Throhwehweh

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. I mean, it was a pretty silly promise to make without some kind of stipulation that they can't abuse their privilege of they want it to continue. But at the same time, people break promises all the time, it's not a big deal if you have a valid reason, which you clearly do given the extra $80k you spent in comparison to the other kids. If you want to continue you having a relationship with your entitled son, I would recommend buying him a very cheap and more expensive than its worth to run car, it will give him a bit of independence and also force him to continue earning money to support himself. It sounds like money is no object for you guys, and you've taught your son the same thing incidentally. You're not necessarily the jerk, but you need to nip this in the bud soon.
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