People Swear They’re Good People After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

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Navigating the murky waters of life's dilemmas can be a challenge. From confronting snack-stealing husbands and overbearing future sisters-in-law, to battling the ethics of evicting adult children and the rights to a resold concert ticket, this article delves into the depths of these everyday predicaments. It explores the grey areas of refusing babysitting duties, dealing with allergies, and even the etiquette of video volume in a coffee shop. Join us as we question, analyze and unravel these intriguing narratives, asking the ultimate question: Am I The Jerk? AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Exercising And Eating Healthy On A Bachelorette Cruise?

QI

“I (28F) went on a three-day bachelorette cruise celebrating my best friend (28F), the Bride-To-Be last week. We cruised to the Bahamas as a group of four: me, the Bride, and two other bridesmaids (28F and 30F), splitting two connecting cabins.

We were all friends in college, so we get along nicely together.

My best friend, the bride, is a beautiful woman. However, she doesn’t feel this way now that she’s put on some weight in the years since we graduated from college. I’ve seen her try to start healthy habits, like joining a local Pilates club and eating healthier, but nothing seems to stick with her.

Her mom puts pressure on her to lose weight for the wedding (she was stick-thin in college), and when this topic pops up I am supportive of the beauty she is right now!

I would say though, that I do consistently maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle.

I’m a runner, I exercise on my off days, and I try my best to eat healthy.

When we all arrived on the cruise ship, things were going well! We unpacked, took some pictures, hit the pool, the classic cruise itinerary. That night the bride and other bridesmaids got pretty wasted. I don’t drink too much because I don’t like the way drinking makes me feel.

So the next morning when everyone was sleeping off their hangovers, I quietly got dressed and went to the gym.

When I came back, the girls were stirring awake and getting ready for breakfast. The bride made a comment about my trip to the gym… something along the lines of “I can’t imagine exercising on vacation”.

I laughed it off and didn’t think too much of it, until we got to breakfast. I picked up regular foods to me: eggs, whole-grain toast, and fruit. I didn’t even think about what everyone else was eating until another bridesmaid made a comment to me “do you even eat sugar?” The girls had fun cruise food: waffles, donuts, whatever.

That day we had fun in Nassau and I tried my best to have a “typical” cruise dinner to blend in.

The morning before we were supposed to disembark, I woke up early – before any of the girls got up and quietly made my way to the gym one last time.

When I came back, the bride was in the shower, and I was confronted by the other two bridesmaids. They let me know that my exercising and healthy eating was making the bride really insecure and asked me to be more sensitive during the wedding.

I apologized and agreed in the moment, but I can’t help but stew over the fact that I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – The problem isn’t your exercising, the problem is that woman’s insecurity. If you didn’t exercise at all, and ate junk every day, she’d still internalize that as “Why does she look better than me, even though we’re eating the same food?” You can be empathetic with her, and try to build her up as much as possible.

Let her know that she has value as a person! Don’t just mention she “looks good.” Ultimately, it’s up to her.” Lace_Lilac

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not like you made comments about what they were eating, and you didn’t interrupt activities with the group because you absolutely had to exercise – you quietly took yourself off to the gym while they were sleeping.

I understand the bride being sensitive about her weight (I am about mine, so I get it) but I wouldn’t think twice if someone I was traveling with got up early to hit the gym.” Own_Lack_4526

2 points - Liked by Disneyprincess78 and paganchick
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21. AITJ For Refusing To Ban Nuts From My House For My Husband's Allergic Friend?

QI

“My husband and I recently moved into the same city as his childhood best friend “Steve”.

Steve is allergic to all nuts, legumes, and soy. Because of this, my husband wants our house to have a rule that we’re not to have nuts in the house in case he comes over.

I think this is a dumb rule and refuse to comply.

I did agree to keep my nut-based products in a separate container, but my husband thinks that this isn’t enough. I’m allergic to wheat, and we still have it in the house.

I also think it’s unnecessary. I don’t know the extent of Steve’s allergies, but I do know it’s not immediately life-threatening, he doesn’t carry an EpiPen, and he also works in food service and frequently handles nuts.

Being in the same room isn’t going to hurt him. As long as we don’t serve him food with nuts and watch for cross-contamination, we should be fine.

The foods that Steve is allergic to are a big part of my diet. Also, this is where I live, not Steve, so I feel like I shouldn’t have to cater to the possibility that he might come over at some point in the future.

But my husband is worried he’ll accidentally cause his friend to have an allergic reaction if we don’t keep the entire house free of allergens. AITJ for refusing to go along with that?”

Another User Comments:

“Steve is a visitor and may become a frequent one, given that he’s your husband’s best friend.

He’s working around the things he’s allergic to and doesn’t carry an epi-pen for emergencies, so there’s no need to do anything other than exclude the allergens from any dishes you share with Steve. Your husband acts like the house needs decontamination because Steve is moving in and becoming the new sister wife?!

NTJ.” Listen_2learn

Another User Comments:

“Why does your husband care more about his friend’s allergy than yours? That’s the most important question to me. The disrespect is astounding. Also, how does he justify that the person who lives there and pays bills (you) has to play second fiddle to a friend who doesn’t live there?

I’d ask him these questions. I’d also say, if he’s so worried about it, then the solution is that Steve is not allowed over. NTJ. Your husband is a jerk to you.” friendlily

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What swung it for me was: “I also think it’s unnecessary.

I don’t know the extent of Steve’s allergies, but I do know it’s not immediately life-threatening, he doesn’t carry an EpiPen, and he also works in food service and frequently handles nuts.” It would be one thing if he was like a girl I knew where if I’d eaten a Snickers and breathed in a room and left, then ten minutes later she entered that room she would have an attack.

This guy doesn’t even carry an Epi-Pen. If he doesn’t care then why should you? Like you said it’s your home 24/7 and it’s not like he is moving in.” DSQ

2 points - Liked by Disneyprincess78 and BJ
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20. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister Take Credit For The Gift I Bought For Our Dad?

QI

“My sister (27f) and I (24m) used to live together, but she moved her partner (28m) in. I got a good-paying job in that time frame, so I decided to get my own place so that those two could have their space.

Around 3-4 months ago, my sister’s partner got laid off from a company office job he’d had for a while. Since then, though, he’s refused to even apply for a new job, whether it’s due to pride, depression, or just downright laziness. But he’s been living off my sister now, and as much as my family and I tell her he’s a grown man who shouldn’t get to live off her forever, she won’t do anything to change the situation and has been paying all the bills.

There’s not really much I can do there if my sister doesn’t want the help. I send her some cash if she’s in a tight spot for gas, but I’m not going to pay for my sister’s partner to sit on the couch.

Anyway, back to the point.

My sister has a lot less money now since she’s paying for two. She complains all the time about not having any money for herself, but it pretty much falls on deaf ears because she won’t listen to our advice and poking. My dad’s birthday is tomorrow, and he’s been really excited about his new hobby of sports card collecting.

He’s been talking for a while about buying this one complete set of baseball cards, but he’s short on cash.

I bought it for him. I’m planning on giving it to him tomorrow at his birthday dinner, but my sister somehow found out I bought it for him this morning and has since been begging me to say it’s from her.

“I don’t have any money to get him anything, and I don’t want to disappoint him,” is what she’s been saying.

She also suggested that I pay for his dinner bill, and I can say that’s my gift to him.

AITJ for saying no?”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ. Tell her, “There’s no way I’m going to say you bought Dad something that you didn’t. It’s not my fault that you’ve decided to fund the lifestyle of a lazy partner and now have no money. You made that bed and now you have to lie in it.

I’ve been sending you money when you’ve been hard up but that’s also going to stop because you’re a grown woman who should be smarter than this. Either tell your partner to get off his behind and work, dump him, or get ready to be broke the rest of your life.”” cbm984

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It would be one thing for her to ask if it could be from BOTH of you. But to ask that she be allowed credit for the flashy, special gift and you get to just pick up the dinner tab…. that’s a total jerk move.

If you want to be nice, say you’ll send her cash in advance and she can pick up dinner. Also, gifts don’t need to be fancy. She could spend the day with him doing cheap/low-budget stuff. Like a picnic and something. I get she doesn’t want to be embarrassed, but her request seems over the line to me.” FutureOdd2096

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You picked out a thoughtful gift that was within your budget. Life is long and people go from having good finances to not-so-great finances throughout it, but you can always put thought and care into a gift even if you don’t have the money for it.

Your sister needs to also pick out a thoughtful gift that’s within her budget.” ibingubing

2 points - Liked by Disneyprincess78 and Eatonpenelope
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19. AITJ For Only Taking My Niece Rock Climbing Because My Nephew With ADHD Can't Follow Safety Rules?

QI

“I (28M) like to rock climb and have been doing it on and off since I was a teenager. I have a niece Abby (7F) and a nephew Bart (8M). They have always asked me to take them climbing but I always said wait till you’re older because I didn’t want to take them until I could trust them to follow instructions.

Well a few weeks ago I took them to a gym for the first time and it was a nightmare. Bart is generally a good kid but has ADHD and once he got hyped he stopped listening entirely and I spent most of our time together trying to prevent him from hurting himself or other people.

He ran around on the mats, constantly got underneath other people, and unhooked an auto belay despite being explicitly told not to during induction (if you don’t know the auto belay retracts up to the ceiling if they’re not hooked up to something and a disgruntled gym employee has to climb up to retrieve it).

It was impossible to supervise him and Abby at the same time and no one had a good time, and to be honest I was worried they were going to kick us out.

The next week I told my sister I would only take Abby because Bart was so hard to deal with.

She agreed and it was way easier with just Abby. I started taking Abby climbing once a week which she loves but now my sister has changed her mind and doesn’t want me taking the kids climbing unless I take both of them. Apparently, Bart is upset about being left behind and now my sister is saying it’s unfair to exclude him because he can’t help having ADHD.

Well, I have ADHD too so it’s not like I can’t sympathize with him but at the same time there’s no way I’m taking both of them again anytime soon, it’s a safety issue.

I’m open to trying again in 6 months or something once Bart is a bit older but in the meantime, I don’t think it’s fair to prevent Abby from doing something she likes just because her brother can’t do it.

But my sister said my kids my rules and basically implied I was a jerk for knowingly hurting Bart’s feelings. I like Bart and I’m happy to do other stuff with him but I’m not taking him climbing until he can listen. I don’t think I’m unreasonable, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If the nephew can’t be expected to behave appropriately for any reason, then that really isn’t somewhere he should be. He could hurt other people or himself. While I disagree with the whole mindset of “if this kid can’t do it, then none of the kids can” there isn’t much you can do about it.

I can guarantee that will end up getting your niece to resent her brother, though. Maybe there is some sort of compromise you can come up with? Take the niece rock climbing and find another activity you can do with your nephew in a setting where he’s less likely to create a danger?

Both niblings would be able to have quality time with their uncle.” mercifulalien

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, Bart is literally a risk to other people’s safety and lives. Unhooking an auto belay could lead to someone falling without a belay (though I really hope they’d be checking enough that it wouldn’t happen, and it’s unlikely he could remove it while someone is on it), and if it does lead to someone falling without a belay, that will lead to serious injury.

But that said… 1) Have you discussed the safety implications with your sister? She needs to understand this isn’t just about him being annoying. 2) What does she suggest to help solve those safety issues? She has more experience with him, maybe she has advice. 3) Have you asked if she can come with as well and help maintain safety for Bart and everyone around Bart?

If she wants Bart to be able to go, she needs to help make sure it’s safe.” AceyAceyAcey

1 points - Liked by Eatonpenelope
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18. AITJ For Suggesting Therapy To My Overbearing Future Sister-In-Law?

QI

“My fiancé has a brother, Benji (31). Benji has a wife, Hannah (30F). I’m not close with Hannah, I find her extremely overbearing, but I’m polite to her when I see her.

My future in-laws find her similarly overbearing, perhaps more so because they’re very straightforward, pragmatic people. They’re polite and fun, but I’m under no illusions that they think of me as anything other than an add-on to my fiancé. And that’s fine because it’s the same for me.

But this bothers Hannah, and at every family gathering she corners me to compare notes on how hurt she is about something they’ve done or haven’t done. I try my best to console her but I don’t really understand what she’s upset about.

I know it all probably stems from the fact that Hannah is NC with her own family due to trauma and probably thought she could marry a replacement family but at the same time, I think that’s mildly delusional. The problem is she tries to lump me in with her in terms of being upset about the lack of “love” from the in-laws and I have to politely tell her to leave me out of it.

Last weekend at a family gathering she again pulled me aside and said that she hadn’t received any gifts or cards from the in-laws for her birthday. They’d sent texts, but that wasn’t good enough. She was unhappy because they sent Benji things in the mail for his birthday (I tried to explain that he’s their child but this didn’t seem to resonate).

She was getting worked up about it, saying she couldn’t understand why they don’t seem to express any love to her. I gently said that maybe it was time to talk to a professional because as much as you may wish for a good relationship with your in-laws, it’s a bit unrealistic to expect or feel a deep need for them to love you, and if it’s affecting her mental health she should take steps to heal. She did not take this well.

She walked off and she and Benji disappeared.

When Benji reappeared he said I was way out of line for calling Hannah crazy. I explained that I didn’t, I just said maybe she wants to talk to someone who can help her with these intense feelings of rejection because they’re irrational and clearly affecting her.

Benji said that’s basically like saying her feelings are her fault. And I agreed, because her feelings are hers and her responsibility. He and Hannah left after that.

I normally get along really well with Benji and I didn’t realize the topic of therapy was so taboo or offensive, so I thought maybe they were overreacting.

But when I told my fiancé what happened he just laughed and said, “wow you went for the jugular. You’re right but that was harsh”. So now I’m thinking I went way over the line?

I come from a family where therapy is pretty normal, so maybe I don’t realize that it’s a big deal. Is it wrong to recommend people get help?”

Another User Comments:

“She was looking for commiseration not perspective or a resolution. She twisted your words to Benji, when she didn’t get the validation she was looking for – that makes her the sole common denominator in her problems with other people. She’s not willing or able to see her role – which is the issue that you rightly suggested getting therapy for.

NTJ.” Listen_2learn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your FSIL does appear to have some obsession or unhealthy preoccupation with her relationship with her in-laws based on her pre-existing beliefs about how in-laws should act. You told her the truth and if it made her upset, that isn’t your fault either, because you were trying to help her.

But if her being upset prevents her from roping you into her conversations about some perceived slight by her in-laws, then that’s an added benefit of telling the truth. Better that your FSIL distance herself from you now otherwise she’ll be confronting the in-laws lumping you in with her, saying “OP and I believe you aren’t treating us the way you should be.”” Gladtobealive2020

Another User Comments:

“I have been with my wife for over 30 years and my family have never once sent her a card or present on her birthday. And her family has never sent me one on mine. If in-laws decide to do that, great. But it’s not a reasonable expectation, nor is it a rejection that they don’t.

They often send US Christmas presents and address Christmas cards to both of us. But that’s it. She needs to deal with her own feelings. NTJ.” KingBretwald

1 points - Liked by Disneyprincess78
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MadameZ 1 month ago
NTJ. I would have told the needy,whiny jerk to either get therapy or go drown herself much sooner. No one is ENTITLED to 'love' or anything more than basic courtesy from 'family-by-marriage'. If you get on well, that's great, but as long as you can be civil and friendly, that's good enough. But the more a person whines and demands, the more people will back off from them and, sooner or later, get harsh with them, and it will be their own fault.
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17. AITJ For Letting My Sister Do My Prom Makeup Instead Of Bonding With My Stepsister?

“I (18f) had my sister (22f) do my makeup for prom last year and again this year.

My sister is really good at doing makeup and we’re close which is why she was cool with doing my makeup both times, and for free lol. But this year was a little more of a big deal and I want to hear what others say.

So for the last 8 years, we’ve had a stepsister and she’s a year younger than me. Our mom married my stepsister’s dad. My sister is no contact with our mom and with mom’s husband and our stepsister too. We kept in touch but she only talks to me and doesn’t have anything to do with our stepsister.

But last year my stepsister got really jealous that my sister did my prom makeup and she was upset that she wasn’t invited along. She wanted “sister time”. So this year, because she was also going to prom, she wanted my sister to do her makeup too and we could all hang out while it happened. But my sister didn’t want to do it and I still wanted my sister to do it and didn’t care that I wouldn’t have my stepsister there.

She’s okay but I don’t think of us as close or as sisters.

Because I did go to my sister so she could do my makeup my mom and her husband were pretty upset that I went again knowing she excluded our stepsister. Mom told me I could have stayed and my stepsister and I could have done each other’s makeup and we could have bonded better.

I told Mom that wasn’t what I wanted and I wanted my sister to do it. It became a fight. My mom’s husband asked why he and mom got married if the three of us (me, sister, and stepsister) weren’t going to have a sisterly relationship.

I told him I couldn’t answer that because I didn’t have any choice.

A week and a half after prom my stepsister came into my room and read this letter she wrote about how badly I hurt her feelings and saying all she wanted was for us to see her as a sister and treat her the same as we treat each other.

I know it was meant to make me feel guilty because she kept getting more and more into her wishes and dreams and how she had a rough life before her dad married our mom. But I was in the middle of finishing a final project and it annoyed me that she was in there.

And when she didn’t get me to feel guilty she called me a mean person.

I told my sister what was going on and she ended up telling me to move in with her, which I did, and that’s when my mom really went crazy on telling me how awful I was.

She asked me if my sister doing my makeup was worth all this and she told me I should be ashamed for the selfish decision I made when I went ahead with it.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you have every right to have your makeup done by your sister and she has every right to refuse to do your stepsister’s, even more so that she’s NC with your mom, stepdad, and stepsister.

It’s absolutely not your or your sister’s responsibility to include your stepsister in things, weird move of your stepdad to make that comment about “why did we get married.” Uh, what?” freerange_chicken

Another User Comments:

“It is good when step-sibling relationships work out, but it’s not something that parents can demand.

You haven’t bonded in 8 years so it’s unfortunate, but unlikely to change in the immediate future. Your older sister has clearly decided it’s better for her to be no contact with your mom, your mom’s husband, and his daughter (your step-sister). I’m sure she had very good reasons.

She agreed to do your makeup. That doesn’t require her to agree to do your step-sister’s makeup as well. None of this makes you selfish. As an adult, you are entitled to make your own choices about who does your makeup. You’re also entitled to choose where you live.

It’s good to hear that you’ve moved in with your sister. Hopefully, she’ll be able to help support you while you get a job, etc. All the best. NTJ.” Equivalent-Board206

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like your mom and stepdad wanted you to have a closer relationship with your stepsister than you actually have and in the process, screwed up their relationship to your sister.

This isn’t because of makeup, this is deeper. The fact that your stepsister called you a mean person is very telling of the situation. I wonder if your stepsister was the golden child, which led to your and your sister’s estrangement from your mom. Regardless, you are NTJ and I hope that your mom realizes what her actions have caused and tries to make amends.” PrincessBella1

1 points - Liked by Disneyprincess78
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16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Call My Sister 'Mommy'?

QI

“I (26M) am a single father. I have a daughter (2F) and a sister (29F).

My husband and I adopted my daughter when she was 2 months old. Her biological parents didn’t want her, and my husband sadly passed away when she was nearly 1. He had a work-related accident.

I work 5 days a week for 8 hours each day at a decent-paying job.

While I’m at work, my sister minds my daughter. She stays at home with her daughter (3F) while her husband works. She loves minding my daughter and does it for free (I told her if she wants to be paid to just ask but she insists she does not).

I usually start work at 8 am and collect her on the way home at 4 pm. There have been no issues until the other day.

I collected my daughter and she was her usual happy self. She knows quite a few words such as Papa, Dog, and such.

Only basic ones I teach her. She knows hi and bye and will say hi and bye to my sister. This time she said ‘Bye Mommy’ and I was extremely confused. I asked my sister where this came from and she said that since she minds my daughter often and my daughter has no other mother she is basically her mother.

I said I don’t feel comfortable with that and that I don’t mind my daughter calling her Auntie or something similar. I also said how it feels disrespectful to my dead husband. She argued that it’s silly and it’s just a name and if I don’t want my daughter calling her Mommy I should find a new babysitter because she said (along the lines of) ‘I am more of a parent than your dead husband’.

I got mad and just left.

I have been getting messages from her, her husband and my dad calling me a jerk and saying I’m being ridiculous. My mom is on my side and understands my view but since most people are against me I need more opinions.

I am currently paying my mom to babysit my daughter in the meantime while I look for a new babysitter.

AITJ for telling my sister not to get my daughter to call her mother?”

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ. “It’s silly and it’s just a name.” No. It’s a title and it is one that does not belong to her when it comes to your daughter.

“If I don’t want my daughter calling her Mommy I should find a new babysitter because she said (along the lines of) ‘I am more of a parent than your dead husband.'” Your daughter does not need to be exposed to someone so cruelly dismissive of the existence of one of her parents.” Dittoheadforever

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister is definitely the jerk here. I cannot imagine the gall it takes to tell you, an adoptive parent, that your child doesn’t really have a parent. Seriously… your sister is the jerk here. 100% Find other care. If your sister wants to talk, tell her that the story of your family, adoption, and the death of your husband, is important to you and your child and that it will be the story you tell your daughter.

Your sister is welcome to be in the story as Auntie, as a babysitter, as a helpful and valuable family member helping you through these hard times. But she is not mommy. She isn’t even daddy. She is not the parent, any more than the teacher at school is.” rockology_adam

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is not “just a name”, it is so much more. She could very well do serious damage to your daughter with this, and quite possibly intended all along to usurp the post. It could lead to issues later as well if she is thought of as the child’s mother, potentially serious issues.

I am surprised anyone would take her side, this is a really big deal. Your kid comes first. I would be concerned for your child’s emotional and mental well-being with this person. She has massively insulted his memory, and you. She is dismissive of you, in a way that makes it clear she really doesn’t care.

If she wants another child, that doesn’t mean she can just claim yours!” Proud_Cat_Lady_too

1 points - Liked by Eatonpenelope
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Amel1 6 days ago
NTJ. Not only can that be confusing to your child, but what your sister said is cruel and dismissive of you and your husband that's passed. Just because someone babysits and/ or helps out with children does not in any way make them the parent or in charge of how to raise the child. She is trying to usurp
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15. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Can't Force Our Dad To Meet His Birth Family?

QI

“My sister (26f) became obsessed with our dad meeting his birth family when she was 14. Our dad was adopted as an infant and we always knew about this.

Dad always knew too. Even though he was raised when it wasn’t as common to know from day one, he always knew, and he always saw his parents who brought him up as his “real parents” and he said he never had an interest in knowing his birth family.

My dad’s in his 60s now and never had an interest in finding out more about birth relatives.

My sister brought it up a lot of times over the years and our parents did speak to her about it being dad’s decision whether he meets them or not.

But she was told it would be her choice to do so once she was of legal age. For a few years after turning 18, she wanted it to be done by dad but then she decided she was too desperate to know and she went searching for relatives and found out dad’s birth mother as well as five birth half-siblings from his birth mom existed and were alive.

Dad was still not interested. My sister went to meet with them. Then she wanted to include them in the family. But Dad said no. And if she wanted to spend time with them as a family, it was her right, he would not be involved and he would not let her bully or pressure him into that.

She was so upset. She continued having a relationship with her dad’s birth relatives and tried working on her dad but he has not given in. My sister really wanted to invite them to Dad’s 65th birthday party and Dad told her she could, but it would be a party minus him.

My sister was so frustrated and said Dad was too stubborn and I told her she was wrong to think she could pressure him into doing anything but especially something so big and personal. I told her it’s his decision ultimately and she needs to accept that she can’t force his hand on this.

I also warned her if she did try, she could lose dad. She told me I should be on her side and I can’t tell her what she can and can’t do and I shouldn’t speak to her like I’m her parent when I’m not and she’s a grown woman.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – not every child who is adopted wants to meet their biological family and that’s okay. Your sister is not respecting your dad’s feelings and is making this about her. She was not the one who was put up for adoption.

If she wants a relationship with her paternal, biological family – great – but she should not force this on anyone else. She is being selfish about her own desires. If she’s a grown woman why doesn’t she respect the fact that her father is a grown man and stop nagging?” Kami_Sang

Another User Comments:

“It doesn’t sound like you’re the jerk for telling your sister she was wrong to think she could pressure your dad into meeting his birth family. This is a deeply personal decision for your dad, and he has made it clear that he has no interest in pursuing a relationship with his birth relatives.

Your sister’s persistence, despite knowing his wishes, seems to be crossing boundaries. Your response was aimed at setting a clear boundary and reminding her that respecting your dad’s choices is crucial. It seems like you were trying to protect both your dad’s autonomy and the family dynamic.

It’s understandable that your sister might be upset and feel strongly about this, but ultimately, it’s about respecting your dad’s feelings and decisions. You communicated this to her in a straightforward way, which is important in family matters. NTJ.” Happy_Toad59

1 points - Liked by Disneyprincess78
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MadameZ 1 month ago
You need to be blunt with your sister: she must STOP bullying your dad on the matter. Right now. Today. Tell her that her behaviour disgusts you, that she is abusive, selfish and unkind. Because this is intrusive and disgusting and she deserved thorough shaming for it.
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14. AITJ For Shaving My Head Before Seeing My Dying Grandmother?

QI

“I (19F) just finished my freshman year of college. My grandmother (82F) is, unfortunately, in the later stages of cancer and is not expected to live much longer. We were very close when I was a child, much of which was because I am her only granddaughter, which is something she had always wished to have.

One of the ways we bonded was through my hair. I had it very long, all the way down my back, and she loved how it looked like hers did when she was a kid. I was repeatedly told my whole life, especially by my grandmother, to never cut it as it was beautiful.

I came out as a lesbian at 16 and started to take on more of a masculine appearance, and in turn, my self-confidence became a lot stronger, but it also definitely alienated me from my family. They’re not super homophobic by any means, but they’re definitely uncomfortable with the idea of me being gay, especially because I’m the only girl.

Through those last few years of high school, despite wearing masculine clothes and getting an undercut in my hair, I still kept my super long hair. My parents didn’t love this new look, but never tried to stop me.

Going to college far away from where I grew up has allowed me to embrace the look I’m going for a little more, and the obvious step for me was to cut my hair.

It was something that I had wanted to do for years, and so in April, right after I returned to campus from spring break, I had a friend of mine shave all of my hair off, knowing I wouldn’t have to face the consequences with my family for another month or so when I came home from college.

I love my shaved head. I feel so much more like myself without all that hair weighing me down, and I donated all of my hair.

I was incredibly nervous for my family to see me without my hair. I was too nervous to tell my parents, so it came as a shock to them when my dad picked me up at the airport and saw me.

His immediate concern was that this trip home could very well be the last time I see my grandmother and it would absolutely break her heart to see me without my hair. When I got home, my mom was absolutely livid. She said that it was incredibly selfish of me to do this when I knew I was going to see my grandmother who loved my hair, and that it was unfair to have her last image of her only granddaughter having, in her words, “an ugly tomboy hairdo.”

I feel absolutely awful because while I did this for me and I feel great about the haircut, it breaks my heart to think about my grandmother and what I did to her by doing this, as the first thing she always used to do when she saw me was tussle my hair and compliment it.

My parents are still very angry at me, and so are my brothers, because my grandmother is our matriarch and we are all trying to do everything we can to make her happy and comfortable at the end of her life. They are all saying that I should have at least waited for her to pass first before I cut my hair.

AITJ for not considering this when I chose to shave my head?”

Another User Comments:

“I had sort of a similar situation. When I was a teenager I had long, thick hair that I got from my dad’s side of the family. I’d blow dry it at night and then go downstairs to say goodnight to my parents and my dad would always tell me how much he loved my hair.

He would literally pet me lol. He died a month after I turned 17. At first, I really held onto my hair (for decades!) because it made me feel close to him. It was his color, his texture. I saw him in my hair. After a while, I could understand that it wasn’t my hair that he loved so much, it was seeing that bit of himself in me.

No matter what you do with your hair, your grandmother will still see that spark of herself in you because a haircut can’t take that away. Think of all the ways she’s inside you. You carry her every day. Know that.” One_Sugar_5719

Another User Comments:

“This is honestly a hard one for me. Normally I would be very much on the NTJ train with everyone else, however, I also feel like giving a huge, unwelcome, and unannounced shock to a dying woman you love is kinda harsh?

I think your parents are grieving and depending on how they acted in the past with looks “they did not love” either range from being a jerk or needing some grace in a hard circumstance. Death and funerals are hard, despite what media and society tell us should happen, hard times can create harsh words and real family deserves some leeway if they have earned it in the good times.

I am going to ultimately say no jerks here depending on the following assumptions: I am assuming you did not do this by surprise knowing your grandma was this close to the end. Even with cancer the idea that someone “might die at some point” is not enough to hold you back for all time.

I am assuming your parents have generally been supportive and this hard of a reaction is in part due to the circumstances.” Fine-Assignment4342

Another User Comments:

“I battled against my relatives for years about short hair. I’m an Afab trans guy, and back when I still identified as a girl during childhood and adolescence it was a fight to the death.

I ended it by saying “listen, if you complain again about my hair being too short for a lady, I’ll show you what “short” actually means. It’s my hair, and you get no say.” They complained again so I shaved my head. “Every time you complain, I’ll shave my head again so watch your mouth.” And I kept doing it until eventually they switched tactics – now whenever my haircut starts to grow out they say that I look good “with this haircut”.

That’s when I know it’s time to cut my hair again. NTJ. It’s your body, and your hair.” Eilmorel

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MadameZ 1 month ago
NTJ: it's YOUR hair and no one else's. But I am alsogoing to give your parents a pass on this occasion as they are lashing out because of fear and grief (unless they have always been controlling, in which case: sucks to be them.) OK maybe you could have waited but it's still no big deal what you do with your hair.
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13. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Fiancée's Last Name Instead Of Keeping My Own?

QI

“I (M) have never quite understood why it is customary in marriage for the woman to always take the man’s last name. My last name is very boring and common, and it isn’t one that I feel particularly attached to.

I recently proposed to my wonderful fiancée (F) who has a much cooler, more unique, and better-sounding last name. We live in one of the few states that legally allows a man to change his last name in marriage, so I decided I would be ditching mine.

When I told my fiancée she laughed and seemed genuinely happy about the idea since we both had always agreed her name is far superior.

When we brought up the idea to my parents they were NOT on board much to our surprise. My parents are in no means traditional people but in this case they felt very strongly against our choice.

My dad said I was “abandoning” and “betraying” our family name, to which I told him he’s blowing things far out of proportion which my mom said was a jerk move and that I should try to see where they’re coming from.

For context, I should add a few things.

My parents are both only children, and I have no brothers. My sisters are all married and took their husbands’ last names, so me taking my fiancé’s would effectively kill our last name off. That is a very disturbing idea to my dad, but I feel it’s not that big of a deal. I am beginning to think I should just keep my name to avoid further familial conflict, but my fiancée seems really excited about the idea.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, end of the day it is your name. Also, like I get the “family name” thing but the important thing isn’t the name. It’s the family. I imagine that your parents don’t feel like your sisters have been killed off because they no longer have your father’s last name, why should it be any different for you?” freerange_chicken

Another User Comments:

“I think this is just drama for the sake of drama. My (extended) family is really strangely into our last name too and they’re beyond reason on it, honestly. They were really disappointed when I changed it upon getting married, even though it’s traditional for women to do that.

When I got divorced they asked if I’d be changing it back, to which I said something like “meh” and they rejoiced because it sounded like a yes to them. I never got around to changing it and they seriously have never noticed because I don’t actually ever show them any official documents or get called by my surname.

If you avoid mentioning it, it will literally never come up again.” Lorelei7772

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is how I lost touch with my family. There were already many many other issues, but after getting a divorce and a couple of other traumatic events happening close to each other, I changed my last name to a name I love.

I don’t care for the family name as it’s boring and like I said, there are lots of issues with my family so I don’t want to be tied to them by name. I think the whole “family name” thing is outdated and irrelevant in modern times.

Let them be upset. Your fiancée should be your top priority moving into marriage.” GuaranteeCareless900

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Amel1 6 days ago (Edited)
My parents had a similar attachment to their last name and were each the "last of their line" so they really struggled when my brother dropped a portion of it. As I've gotten older I can see and understand their feelings a lot more. To them, it feels like a desire to step away from the family, or "they don't like me". But in reality that's not your reasoning for this choice. And it's your name and your decision, not theirs. And they have to accept that and not push or try to guilt/ hurt you - although I'd strongly recommend to give them some understanding that it might be hard on them while they come to terms with your choice. I'd say NTJ or NJH. If you're interested in compromise, I'd say to think about making your name hyphenated as a show of you and your fiance coming together
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12. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Stepson Hide His Car In My Garage To Avoid Repo?

QI

“My (m64) wife (f66) asked me last night if I would park my Jeep outside the garage for two weeks while we go on vacation so her son (m42) could park his car in our garage to hide it from the repo man? I said no, I want my vehicle in the garage while out of town.

My wife is upset and not talking to me now. The stepson will be staying at our house while we are gone. My Jeep is worth considerably more than his car. I don’t want my Jeep stolen or vandalized and feel safer with it in the house.

He is making the payments on his car now but it is supposed to be on a repo list because he is behind on payments.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – it is not your responsibility to protect your wife’s son from the consequences of his own choices.

I can understand your wife being upset (she probably thinks it’s no big deal to help him out). If she wants to help, she can make the overdue payments.” BulgingKegelMuscles

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s your house, your garage. You have every right to use it for yourself.

It’s on your stepson to manage his own financial issues; the consequences of his decisions are his to bear. He should not be expecting other people to suffer just because he wants to avoid the consequences of his poor choices. There’s nothing wrong with her asking, and she’s entitled to have ‘feelings’ about it, but you are not wrong for saying ‘No’.

She shouldn’t be holding it against you, and the silent treatment is never acceptable.” TrainingDearest

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I love my kids but I’m not putting my home or vehicle at risk to help them break the law. If your stepson doesn’t want his car repossessed, then he needs to pay his bills.

Honestly, this says a lot about your wife. I wouldn’t be comfortable staying married to someone who would be willing to sacrifice my property for her kids’ bad debts/wrongdoing.” Humble_Pen_7216

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helenh9653 2 days ago
NTJ. And when you go away, lock all the garage doors and take the keys with you.
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11. AITJ For Asking A Woman To Lower Her Video Volume In A Quiet Coffee Shop?

QI

“My partner and I were working from a coffee shop today. It had one of those quiet back rooms where people go for complete silence.

We call it the “boot camp” room because people go there when they really need to drill down in silence. Honestly, we try not to go there too much because every now and then we feel the need to whisper to each other and then we feel bad for distracting the others.

That’s the vibe of the room.

Today we happened to be the only people there. We were working for at least an hour before someone came in. She threw the door open (normally everyone closes it to block out the rest of the coffee shop noise) and then started to play a video at full volume.

I closed the door and put headphones in but I could still hear her video even over my blasting electronic music. I walked over to my partner (we were sitting a bit apart so we could focus) and he was clearly also thrown off by the newcomer.

I decided to go up to her at this point, with the intention of nicely asking her to turn it down. Not turn it off, just turn it down so that I wouldn’t hear it over my headphones.

Here’s where I may be the jerk – I tapped her lightly to get her attention and she immediately responded “Can you not touch me” and glared at me.

I apologized immediately. I’m from an Eastern European family so it came naturally to me, but I recognize that in the US personal space is super important. After apologizing I asked – “Do you mind turning it down a bit?” She responded, glaring at me, “This is awkward because I always work here and you’re the first one who’s said anything” and “you have those headphones don’t you”.

I told her that both of us were getting super distracted and that I could hear her video over the headphones. She continued to glare at me and ignore me and then my partner said we should go. I gathered my stuff and followed him out.

By the way, we have been visiting this cafe regularly for the past 4 years and I don’t remember ever seeing this girl.

I keep thinking about it because I really felt like she was not being a decent human, but I wonder how bad my transgression was because I did start the convo by tapping her shoulder.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Anyone playing video or other noisy things in public spaces without headphones is ALWAYS the jerk. Occasional conditional exception for places like parks if the volume is kept fairly low because music at a picnic or something isn’t too bad.

We all have smartphones, tablets, etc – want us all to play our videos and music out loud? But of course these people don’t want that, they assume everyone else will use headphones and the ‘free air’ is for them. I’d love to see that stupid woman’s reaction if you’d just taken out your headphones and let her hear your music.

“Oh, I’m sorry, with the racket you were making I assumed that courtesy wasn’t something we were doing today.”” FloatingPencil

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Anything above a conversational level is rude, worse when it is a designated quiet space. It is better to talk to people working in the coffee shop when a customer is behaving like that though.

It is their policy and it is up to them to enforce it, and you are well within your rights to stop going to that place if they don’t.” Kindly_Egg_7480

Another User Comments:

“Some people like to be confrontational in public spaces because it gives them a feeling of power and control they don’t normally have.

So they will violate social norms hoping someone will say something so they have an excuse to yell and get aggressive. NTJ, but next time go to the cafe employees and don’t approach an individual like this. They are signaling that they are inconsiderate and don’t care about the people in the vicinity – the disrespect is the point – and therefore asking them to do something will not go well.

They already don’t care about inconveniencing or upsetting you: that is the point of the behavior. Treat them like poisonous snakes, and let someone with authority handle them.” invah

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10. AITJ For Telling My Parents They Didn't Give Us A Good Childhood?

QI

“I’m (17m) the middle child. I have an older sister (19f) and a younger brother (15m). My mom has other kids though. She was married before and has kids with her ex-husband. Her other kids are in their 20s and one is 40 or almost 40.

I don’t really remember him. But the others lived with us mostly when they were younger and it was a terrible time.

My mom’s ex was a jerk and my parents ended up making a really messy childhood for me and my two siblings. The police and CPS made pretty regular appearances in our lives.

Mom’s ex called them on us several times. But also sometimes they were called on him and would talk to my mom and dad or the other kids. Mom’s ex was arrested from our home so many times because he was showing up uninvited and refused to leave and would start trouble.

Sometimes mom’s other kids caused trouble and the police had to get involved as well. They hated our dad and they hated us and they would cheer on their dad’s antics. Our house was basically a disaster. Three of the people living with us didn’t want to be here, my parents were so focused on rescuing mom’s siblings from her ex that they didn’t spend the time making sure we were okay.

Mom’s ex was a jerk to us. But my sister got it worst of all. He’d make comments about her being ugly and fat and he’d just be a total creep to her. So we were bullied by a weird guy and by people who were also supposed to be our “siblings”.

We used to be so afraid of him and seeing him around because of how he acted. And to make it all worse we came last at home. Mom’s other kids were the priority, then Mom and Dad prioritized each other, and then the three of us.

The best part of my childhood was when we lived with our grandpa for like 5 weeks during a CPS investigation. He gave us the love and support and attention we missed out on at home. He also tried shielding us from the crazy stuff. Our parents never did that.

We had an up-close view of all this going on. And even when the last of mom’s other kids moved out the focus was still mostly on them. We also saw them for Christmas every year and they still hated us so that was always fun.

In the last year, it’s been different sorta. My parents now like to talk like we’re ungrateful because we’re not close to them and don’t tell them stuff. We don’t have the typical parent-kid relationship with them. None of us have any trust in our parents.

We go to Grandpa if we need an adult. My parents complain a lot about my sister having nothing to do with them after giving us all a good childhood. I heard that a few times and the last time, which was last week, I snapped and told my parents they didn’t give us a good childhood and to look back at how terrible things were and how they brought us into a huge mess.

My parents called me a selfish, ungrateful kid. My brother backed me up but they were angry with me for saying that. They told me I didn’t appreciate them trying their best.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, some parents can ‘try their best’ but ultimately aren’t good at being parents and the children have to deal with the results.

If you care enough about the relationship to save it then family therapy is an option. As someone who also comes from this kind of home, I’d recommend writing them letters (you don’t have to save them, just as a personal exercise to get the experience on paper and work through feelings).

Be careful though when it comes to confronting them now, does your younger brother still rely on them? Is there a chance this could result in anger which gets directed at the one child they still have power over?” Ok_Program_5744

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I think you could have put it better but you didn’t need to say it less angrily. It sounds like she was legitimately a terrible parent. Say they prioritized the drama with your mother’s ex, then her previous kids, and then themselves. The very presence of her previous kids made your lives a living disaster and for subjecting you to that they have no right to even talk about a ‘good childhood’.

She never raised good children before, was a terrible mother to you all, and it’s the most understandable thing in the world that you three want nothing to do with her. If she wants to talk about being a good parent then she has about thirty years of effort still to put in that she simply never bothered with while you were actual children.

If your father wants to talk about being a good parent then that starts with finding you a better mother who doesn’t prioritize her evil spawn. There’s no harm in telling them the best memories of your childhood are when you were taken off them, so unless 5 weeks with grandpa constitutes a good childhood then she’s delusional.” ContributionOrnery29

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents are jerks and I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with so much of their nonsense. It’s good you have your siblings and grandpa. Lean on them, support each other so you can all get away from your parents.

Look for a school counselor or referral to a therapist for yourself and your brother. You could use another support.” JuggernautOnly695

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9. AITJ For Kicking Out My Deceased Husband's Mother From My House?

QI

“I am 35 newly wed to a 37M. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage. My past husband let’s call him Sid died 2 years ago in a fatal car accident, however, before dying he changed our marital house to my name. Long story short our relationship at that time was hitting rock bottom because of finding out that he was unfaithful to me multiple times and lying about work trips only to find out he was spending nights with his mistress so I was done and wanted a divorce.

But he came back begging for me to stay and promised to change so I told him I’d only stay with him if he legally put our marital house in my name. He agreed and actually did change it and that happened 6 years ago.

The 4 years before his sudden death he truly did get better and god knows that I forgive him with my whole heart and I’m not stating what he did in the past out of bitterness, I’m just stating to explain how the house became my property.

My new husband I met at work and we got married 3 months ago. He’s very good to my kids and very respectful of Sid’s memory and knows that the house is mine. I refused to leave the house so he agreed to move in.

The problem now is Sid’s mom. For the past 2 years, she has been visiting regularly and I had no problem because I did understand that’s her grandkids. However, since I got married and even before my husband moved in before marriage, she still visited us and even stayed for the night.

I tried bringing it up to her that I’m now a married woman who is entitled to privacy and so does my husband however she brushed me off.

Last week though she visited, without informing, saying she’ll stay tonight. I’ve honestly had enough.

I told her the kids have an exam tomorrow and we are not ready for visitors tonight I’ll call her when we’re okay with having a visit. She didn’t budge and we started fighting, she insulted my husband saying he’s living on another man’s property.

I talked back saying that this is my rightful property that I earned after enduring lots of pain for years and that was between me and Sid. I threatened to call the police if she didn’t leave so she left. Now Sid’s sister called saying I’m cruel for kicking my former MIL out and that I do not deserve to have this house and I’m separating a grandmother from her grandkids (even though I said many times that we can visit her at her house and that I’m okay with her visiting but not every 2 days).”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ in the slightest. Regardless of any context about past relationships, in every context when a relative “declares” they’re staying in the house no matter what you think, the answer is “No you don’t, and you don’t step foot back in this house until you acknowledge whose house it is, whose kids they are, who gets to set the rules, and apologize.” “Now Sid’s sister called saying I’m cruel for kicking my former MIL out and that I do not deserve to have this house.” Great, now you know you don’t need to take her calls anymore.

One more problem you don’t have to deal with. Focus on you and your family. You don’t need bitter people making your life harder by being entitled.” Irish_Whiskey

Another User Comments:

“That house would be exclusively yours after your ex-husband’s death regardless of whether he had signed it over to you previously.

Legally, morally, and spiritually, the property of a married couple belongs to both of them equally. That house was always yours as long as you and Sid were married. Your former in-laws have no legs to stand on and never have. NTJ.” Chickeybokbok87

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you have every right to set boundaries and enforce them!! That said, it may be that she is still grieving her son and being with her grandkids makes her feel close to him and now there is an “interloper” living the life her son should have had (not trying to be mean just thinking what might be going on in her head).

Don’t know your or her circumstances but grief therapy may be a good idea for her if this is the case. It still does not excuse her from overstepping your boundaries though. It seems to me that you have been very understanding and nice to her but at some point, you need to put your foot down for you and your family.

Good luck!” doozy_doodle_321

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8. AITJ For Being Upset At My Husband For Changing Plans To Golf With His Family After Our Daughter's Party?

QI

“We had a wonderful holiday weekend planned that included a large birthday party at our house for our 5-year-old daughter. I work in healthcare, so I had to request months ago to be off this whole weekend.

We planned the birthday party for months. The day finally came, after days of setting up.

6 days before the party, though, my husband’s brother announces he’s coming to town (not for his niece’s birthday, a coincidence). So, they are going golfing, which of course takes 7 hours, but my mother-in-law was going to watch them while I got the house back in order the day after that party.

My husband comes to me 30 minutes into the party and says, I am actually golfing tomorrow morning even earlier (leaving our house at 6:30 am), and my mom doesn’t get up that early, so she can’t take the kids. I told my husband, no. We can talk about it after the guests leave, but not going to work…we needed to rest and get our house back in order.

That had been the plan for months.

Later we talked, and he said it wasn’t his decision to go earlier or that his mom couldn’t help. It wasn’t his decision, it was his family’s (brother and father). I said you still have the option not to go, and that’s what I’m asking you to do, not tomorrow morning.

He continues to say it’s not his decision. I say it is. Ultimately I get to the point where I’m saying his family is disrespectful of ours and of our time. The worst part is that they told him of this change during our child’s party.

Even worse, my husband seemed to agree the decision to change plans last minute seemed inconsiderate of them, but he still went. My poor children had a crappy exhausted mom solo today. So he could golf.

AITJ for not being a positive mom today? AITJ for refusing to go to his parents’ house this afternoon after they got done golfing?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I think, but are you leaving some things out? I can’t tell if anyone else is a jerk or if it’s just a series of unfortunate conflicts. If your MIL was planning to take care of the kids but 6:30 was too early, why couldn’t she take care of them starting whenever she had planned to?

If you were OK with your husband going golfing while you cleaned up the house, what difference did the earlier start make? Also, why did they change plans at the last minute?” MrsWeasley9

Another User Comments:

“It’s not like the time was moved on a whim.

It’s dangerous to golf in a thunderstorm. So… it’s not like they changed the time just to inconvenience others. Plus parts of clean up can wait until your husband gets home. And kids can help? They don’t need to be sent elsewhere?

I think you are overselling this OP by stressing that the clean-up was planned for months. I mean, plans change? Especially ones that are not super high stakes? Why is it wrong to talk about a changed tee time at a party? That’s not disrespectful.

You can’t expect people not to chat about other matters during a party. You are NTJ for being tired and annoyed, but you might be one for turning this into something much bigger than it sounds like.” Squidgybunny

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. When I first read your post I thought NTJ.

But with the details you’ve provided, I changed my mind. You always planned to clean alone it seems? So what changed? Your kids are old enough that their presence shouldn’t be a big deal, they could even help with some tasks. They had a legitimate reason for changing the time which you mention in the comments.

You definitely seem like you’re being rigid. I’d be mad if my husband tried to tell me I couldn’t go out with my sister I don’t see often over something that could easily be done at a different time.” yeahipostedthat

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7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Plan A Wedding While Pregnant After IVF?

QI

“I F42 have just been through two rounds of IVF with my partner M45.

We’ve been together for just over 5 years, and though we wanted to buy a house, get married, and have children, life kind of messed that up. We agreed to try IVF twice. Luckily, and against all odds, I am now not quite 12 weeks pregnant.

My mother loves me and has been quite supportive although she really hasn’t understood the toll that IVF took on me physically or mentally.

This started with a little argument just as I was starting the second round of simulation injections. I had explained to her many times that the doctors tell you to avoid any stress during this time to try to improve egg quality.

I have not been able to get married because many years ago, my parents bought a flat and put my name on the deed. A new law in 2019 meant that if I buy any property they class this as a 2nd property and charge me double stamp duty.

I have never benefited at all from having my name on the deed of the flat, indeed it made many things more difficult. We had been trying to sell but had a few sales fall through.

Just before 2nd cycle of IVF, we managed to sell.

Anyway, the argument was because I had asked her to not cause me any stress for a month whilst I was injecting, explaining this was the last time I would put my body through this, and I wanted to give it my best shot. She then said, “Why don’t you arrange your wedding now?” I admit that I hit the roof a bit.

I mean, most people recognize that arranging that kind of life event can be stressful, and I’ve just told her that I need zero stress during IVF. Why was she pushing this now? She said she thought it would be fun. I told her it wouldn’t be.

My partner found me in tears as she wouldn’t listen.

Fast forward to 9 weeks pregnant; I have been very sick for weeks. Anyway, my mother messages me to say that I should get married this summer. I can organize it in a couple of months.

I tell her that it is stressful and that I want to enjoy my wedding rather than feel sick and awful. Also, it wasn’t until I’d already started the 2nd round of IVF that I could even get married due to the flat being sold.

She got sullen and said, “oh well, I guess we’re not the same, even though we have the same face. I think of it as double happiness” Er, no!

My hair is greasy, my skin is more oily, I don’t feel great most days, plus it will be extra stress on my body and mind whilst I’m trying to grow a healthy baby.

I was upset and angry that she keeps pushing this. My partner is supportive and thinks she doesn’t want a grandchild out of wedlock. Ideally, I would have wanted my life to be in a different order, but what can you do? We also think maybe she’s feeling her own mortality, but I don’t think it’s wise or right to add stress to my plate during such a delicate time.

I don’t feel super relaxed about the pregnancy, so I’m just doing my best to try to remain cautiously optimistic. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“If you are going to be a parent, you need to be adult enough to gently cut off any conversation you don’t wish to have.

For example, your mother says Plan a wedding! You don’t have to repeat yourself about the IVF and stress, you just say, Mom, that topic is off the table for now, I’ve got to run, I love you, bye! If she tries to call back, you text, I can’t chat now, talk to you later!

She won’t like it, but that’s her business. Your job is to prioritize your health and well-being. Good luck with your pregnancy.” atbftivnbfi

Another User Comments:

“Congratulations on reaching almost 12 weeks, I hope it all goes smoothly and in another 28-odd weeks you have a much loved and long-awaited addition to your family.

I think your partner is right, your mum wants your baby born within wedlock, especially given that most people delay their wedding for at least an additional 2-3 years after having a baby, so this happy pregnancy pushes that milestone back a fair bit. You’re NTJ for telling her no. Wedding organizing might be a fun and low-stress activity for some people, but it depends on what you want and the way your families are.

If you say it isn’t low-stress for you, I believe you. Your mum is being very rude to continue to push this. I am sure she thinks it’s best for you, but that isn’t an adequate excuse.” Equivalent-Board206

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Just being pregnant is stressful enough, imagine all the IVF that got you there.

In the first stages of pregnancy, you want to be as peaceful as possible, not move around, for sure not be in any car rides or any form of transportation if possible as the vibrations are too rough for an early fetus. If your mom cares so much, why not just do the marriage by signing the papers with two witnesses, and after the baby is born have the ceremony?

Or just don’t and do it after the baby is born.” Irdgafbra

0 points (0 votes)
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6. AITJ For Wanting Full Profit To Return A Resold Concert Ticket?

QI

“My (f27) coworker “Emily” (f27) sold me a Taylor Swift Eras Tour ticket last November for one of her shows later this year for $700. Expensive, yes. But the seats are fantastic – just at the end of the catwalk 7 rows back or something.

I have been a huge Taylor Swift fan for a very long time, and I felt like I hit the jackpot when she sold me my ticket because I know how disgustingly overpriced tickets are currently reselling for, especially for her North American shows.

Before Emily sold me the ticket she had it up for sale on StubHub for $2700, but nobody bought it.

I knew this when buying the ticket and assumed that once I bought the ticket, she’d take it down. A few weeks ago when I saw Emily in the office, she told me that she had forgotten to take the ticket off of StubHub when I bought it, and someone else bought it earlier that week.

I didn’t think too much of it because I figured that she’d have to just contact StubHub to explain that she didn’t have the ticket anymore and that would be that.

Today, I got a DM from Emily telling me that I need to send the ticket back to her.

Apparently, StubHub has a policy where if someone sells a ticket they don’t have, they’re on the hook to pay for a similar replacement ticket for the buyer at an equal or greater amount than the price it originally sold for. This means that she’d likely have to pay $2700 or more to StubHub for her mistake.

She was apologetic, but I am devastated. I’ve grown up listening to Taylor and I am such a huge fan. Going to this concert truly meant so much to me, and I can’t afford to see her anywhere else other than my city.

I am so so so sad.

I haven’t answered Emily’s message yet. She has offered to give me half of the sale profit for sending her the ticket back so I can maybe find another ticket, but here is where I may be the jerk.

I want to ask her for all of the profit so I can at least have a fighting chance at a nosebleed seat or something. I don’t think it’s right for her to mess up the way she has and still make a profit from this.

So, WIBTJ for saying that the only way I’m sending back the ticket is if I get the full profit from the sale?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She already sold you the ticket for a price she was agreeable to, namely $700. So she has already been aptly compensated and does not deserve any more money.

IF you returned the ticket she would get $2700 from Stub Hub and still have the $700 you paid her in November. ALL of that $2700 should be given to you, IF you return the ticket. Not saying you should return the ticket, but if you do then you should get the $2700 and she keeps the money from November that she was happy with at the time.

Her mistake, that is causing you a serious detriment, should not net her a single penny more than she already received. You deserve the full sale price from StubHub and hopefully, you can find a ticket and at least be able to attend the show.

Also, I wouldn’t want anyone to question whether she really forgot to remove the StubHub listing or left it up hoping that as the prices climb closer to the concert date someone would ultimately be willing to pay the $2700 and if not she had already gotten your $700.

A no-lose situation for her. But no way that is what she did, it was just a mistake on her part.” SSN-683

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You don’t have Emily’s ticket, you have your ticket. You purchased it, so as long as you paid, it is yours.

She has no claim to it. You could have sold it yourself for $3,000 if you wanted to. What you do with it after you buy it has nothing to do with your coworker. She needs to figure out the issue with StubHub on her own.

Not that it ultimately matters, but did you check StubHub’s policy to see if she’s even telling the truth? She might just want to make money off your ticket.” Calm_Psychology5879

Another User Comments:

“You bought this ticket 7 months ago!! How did she forget about it for 7 months?

I call nonsense on her story. I say you ask for proof that she is going to be out the full amount and if she’s telling you the truth then only agree to return the ticket if you get the full $2700. The fact that she offered to split the profits with you is pretty presumptuous.

7 months later is ridiculous. Not your problem. If, and only IF you decide her friendship is worth it, you should return it for the entire price she sold it for. Otherwise, it’s not your problem. NTJ.” catsandpunkrock

0 points (0 votes)
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5. AITJ For Confronting My Husband About Consuming My Snacks And Drinks?

QI

“I grew up really poor. I didn’t get to buy snacks for me, or drinks I liked. So as an adult, I get things that I enjoy but I don’t run through it within a day.

Example, I drink like one diet soda a day. I buy plenty of groceries and separate snacks for my husband. I’ll actually buy him more than I get myself. I’m not a snacker often. I’ll get one or two things for me, and plenty for him.

I’ll also get plenty of meals to make, and some easy quick pop-in-the-microwave meals just in case I’m not home to cook dinner.

Every time I buy something he’ll eat everything so fast. Like I’ll go to make dinner, it’ll be missing ingredients for said dinner.

His snacks will be gone, and he’ll start eating mine. He claims he doesn’t like soda, he then drinks all of mine because he said “it’s there.”

At first, I really didn’t want to say anything about it. But it’s frustrating because I budget, I don’t plan to have all these extra expenses of having to refill the fridge after three days when it’s a week or more worth of groceries.

I finally say something in response to this, because he polished off a whole bag of my favorite snack and drank like 6 16 oz diet sodas in one sitting. He gets so torn up at me. He tells me I’m selfish, he won’t touch my stuff ever again.

Tells me I’m basically his dad and wouldn’t unpack that subject. Tells me I act as if we can’t buy more. This fight literally turned into a huge ordeal in which I just tried to explain, that I’d buy him his own of the same thing if he really likes those items.

He refused that option saying that he knows what I’m thinking even though I’m not saying it. When I asked to explain he ran off to our bedroom and went to bed. I tried to talk to him, and tell him in no way was I being hostile which ended with him screaming and telling me to shut up.

AITJ for even saying anything about it? I’m really confused by this behavior.”

Another User Comments:

“6-16 oz sodas and an entire bag of snacks is excessive as heck. Aside from the very real eating disorder he may have, I’m concerned for you OP.

He doesn’t seem to value YOU. Whether it’s the foods you get for yourself or the time it takes you at the grocery store, eating everything so you have to keep going back. He doesn’t seem to care about the household budget either.

And the fact that he lashes out with nonsense comments then runs and hides or screams at you to shut up is a bridge too far for me. NTJ. You can’t be in a married partnership when one person insists on acting like a child.” intolerablefem

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He has some very bad habits and an unhealthy relationship with food. On top of that, he has zero consideration for you because he’s not holding himself back from foods that he knows are ‘yours’. He knows he’s in the wrong, and likely deeply ashamed – so he blows it all up into an argument to avoid facing reality.

You cannot control another person. You cannot fix him. He cannot fix himself, or he would’ve done it by now. He needs professional help to unpack his trauma and change his habits. Until that happens, this is never going to change. Either you stop buying these foods, or you lock up your foods.

These are only bandages to manage the food-theft problem, and do not fix his deeper issues.” TrainingDearest

0 points (0 votes)
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4. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit One Half-Sister's Child But Not The Other's?

QI

“I (24f) have 2 half sisters who each have a child. Gina (31) and I share a dad. She has a son, Tim (8). May (30) is my mom’s daughter and she has a daughter Rose (5). Tim’s father has never been in his life while Rose’s dad passed 3 years ago.

Both Gina and May work full-time with their own places not too far from our parents’ house. The other side of the family lives a few hours away. We three sisters are fairly close.

I recently moved back to my hometown as I inherited a house from a relative.

I’m freelancing while looking for a job, so my schedule is not too crazy. As a result, both my sisters asked me to babysit.

To sum up, Tim was a nightmare while Rose was a much nicer experience. I told both him and Gina what I found unacceptable, but Tim did not improve much.

After the third session, I told Gina I would no longer babysit Tim.

Gina then accused me of favoring May, as she learned I still offered to babysit Rose. She said it was unfair I was spending time with one nibling and not the other one.

The kids go to piano lessons together once a week and Gina said they would definitely talk and compare their situation.

I know I’m not obligated to babysit at all, but AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you talked about the problems you experienced and clearly nothing has changed. Your sister can’t expect you to keep babysitting if her son is out of control.

I would feel embarrassed if I was her. The circumstances around the behavior are irrelevant, the behavior needs to cease. Maybe try to have a serious discussion and say you may be open to babysitting him again if she can get the behavior under control but until then the answer is no.” Stan_3798

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Beyond the fact that you can choose to babysit whomever you want to on your own terms, your reasons for not babysitting Tim are perfectly valid and reasonable. You are not favoring neither May nor Rose, you are choosing not to babysit a difficult child.

I also want to point out that at 8 years old Tim is old enough to know better and be able to behave.” Dramatic-but-Aware

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Babysitting is not always the same, even if it has the same name. In different cases, it requires different amounts of effort and time.

You could say it has levels. You can offer level 2 care, but refuse if they request level 5 care. Rose is 2, Tim is 5. It’s the same with everything – cleaning, shopping, gardening, studying. If you agree to help someone clean up the dishes, it doesn’t mean you’ve automatically agreed to clean the windows, even if they say that’s cleaning too.” Garamon7

0 points (0 votes)
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3. AITJ For Planning To Evict My 26-Year-Old Son For Not Paying Rent?

QI

“AITJ for getting ready to evict my 26-year-old son? He’s literally 26 years old, works full time plus overtime, makes 27 dollars an hour, and doesn’t want to give me 300 dollars a month to stay at home. He was giving it but he’s mad because I let his younger sister, who makes way less slide with her payment at times.

I have asked him repeatedly if he is paying or moving and he just ignores my text at this point. Now I feel disrespected like he’s saying it’s his way and I can go take a hike. So I asked one more time today and if no response I am going to file for a legal eviction.

So on top of him not paying, I have to pay who knows how much to remove him. I’m sooo mad!”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your son is an adult; it’s time for him to shoulder adult responsibilities, and that includes feeding, clothing, and housing one’s self.

It’s time for him to go out in the real world and discover exactly how much he can rent for $300 per month. You’re letting his sister’s rent slide sometimes? Not his business, and not pertinent to your arrangement with him. Adults know this. Be aware that if you go through with the eviction, it will cause a rift between you and your son that he might never be willing to repair.

He sounds quite entitled, but being a parent does not mean that you should forever ease his way through life. (Just the opposite, in fact.)” TeenyNewman

Another User Comments:

“Does he buy his own groceries? If not, $300 wouldn’t even cover the cost of his food!

You should look up fair market value of a one-bedroom space and tell him that is what you will charge, going forward. Don’t let him know you are sliding on sister’s rent. Write up a letter and sign it and hand it to him without a formal eviction notice and tell him if he doesn’t pay rent by X date you will go to a lawyer.

I’m 61F and we had two kids and let them live at home right out of college for a year or two to save money. Then they moved out. At 26, he should be paying more than just $300! You’re NTJ.” HorseygirlWH

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – for setting fair boundaries that you both agreed to.

YTJ – because this sounds like you’re turning to scorched earth here. If you go to these lengths then there is a very good chance you are going to end your relationship with your son or at least damage it in a very major way.

Unless there is no other option to get your point across without evicting him; you are going too far. It’s not in the original post but I would at least tell him how you feel (by the way do not take cheap shots or attribute intention to his actions, just state your position and keep to the facts).

I.e.- I feel that I have laid out very fair expectations with you. You are not fulfilling your part of the deal. If you are going to live in my house then you will…(skip this if you see no way to work this out.) pay rent, pay back rent, be responsive to my texts, and stop worrying about your sister.

If this is not agreeable then you will need to be moved out by x date. I will be strictly enforcing this and will file an eviction if you do not leave on your own accord. I love you and want the best for you, but we have reached a point where I feel disrespected and taken advantage of, and need you to accept that or leave.” xstevenx81

0 points (0 votes)
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2. AITJ For Calling Out My Family For Forgetting My Birthday?

QI

“I (F33) just had my birthday last week.

The only problem is that no one in my family remembered.

My maternal grandfather passed away about a month ago and my entire family (mom, dad, and 2 younger brothers) flew back to my mother’s home country for the funeral. I, unfortunately, could not go as I’ve only recently started a new job.

I wasn’t particularly close to my grandfather so I wasn’t too upset about staying behind.

My family was gone for a total of 22 days and we FaceTimed and stayed in constant communication during their trip. I think it’s great that my mom got to reconnect with family and that my brothers got a chance to meet everyone.

They got back last Wednesday and have been readjusting due to jet lag since then (understandably).

My birthday was last Friday (2 days) after they got back. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting more than birthday wishes from everyone, but the day passed without a word from anyone.

Was I annoyed? Sure. But I wasn’t too upset. I’m not the biggest birthday person. I ended up having a nice birthday dinner with my partner and a few friends.

All chaos broke loose Saturday afternoon when I got a really angry phone call from my dad.

I guess my partner did a special IG post for me and my brothers saw it and showed my parents. I had no idea he did this as he isn’t a big poster. Anyway, I could hear my mom crying in the background while my dad laid into me saying that they were sorry they forgot, but not saying anything and then posting about it online was passive-aggressive and mean.

I told him that I wasn’t upset and that I didn’t think a 33rd birthday was that big a deal anyway. He said a few more things before abruptly ending the call. I didn’t hear from my family for the rest of the weekend.

Today (Monday) I woke up to a bunch of notifications. I guess my mom did a social media post talking about ungrateful kids and how I ruined their surprise party for me and tagged me. My extended family seemed to agree that I was a jerk.

I’ve tried calling my mom, but she didn’t answer so I posted my own reply and said “You guys forgot and no one wished me a happy birthday unless you count dad calling and yelling at me”. Both of my parents have been calling all morning, but I don’t want to take their calls yet.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – It’s unfortunate but understandable that they may have forgotten given having to deal with your grandfather’s passing, though you’d have every right to feel upset about them forgetting too. But boy are they jerks for trying to play the victim for their mistake and get everyone to blame you.

If the truth of what they did shames them they only have themselves to blame. You didn’t call them out, you defended yourself from their lies and manipulations. Good for you and happy belated birthday.” Dschingis_Khaaaaan

Another User Comments:

“Your family’s behavior seems irrational, and that concerns me.

Your father, one of the people who forgot your birthday, called and yelled at you for celebrating your own birthday, and allowing somebody to post about it. Neither you nor your partner did anything wrong. Your mother followed up by blaming you were spoiling your own surprise birthday party.

How exactly did you spoil the surprise party? You didn’t know about it, and you didn’t talk about it. I literally have no idea how the person whose birthday is being celebrated can spoil their own surprise party. Your family‘s behavior defies logic.

Have your parents behaved irrationally in the past? Is it possible that they had been drinking, or used some other substance that caused their behavior? NTJ.” Literally_Taken

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I don’t even get what your “mistake“ is supposed to be in their eyes?

You didn’t even do anything. Your partner made a post about your birthday which a) is super cute and b) not something you did. I mean did they expect everyone to forget your birthday because they did? And instead of apologizing, they badmouth you on social media.

Honestly, parents shouldn’t badmouth their kids on social media even IF the kids did something wrong. But shaming YOU publicly for… yeah… for what exactly? Doing nothing at all? It’s absolutely understandable that you don’t want to talk to them at the moment.” SommersWinter31

0 points (0 votes)
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1. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Anxious Daughter From Her Road Trip?

QI

“My middle daughter (18) has anxiety. More specifically anxiety about new places or experiences. You basically have to encourage her to do something for the first time or she will avoid it forever.

She graduated high school and her friends wanted to go on a road trip. I was against it but overall she is 18 and I can’t force her not to go. I made it clear that I am not getting her if she wants to leave the trip.

Well, they left Tuesday and were supposed to come back Sunday. I got a call asking her to pick me up, that she refused to go to the ocean beach and the friend group got into an argument. She is sitting in the car while everyone is on the beach.

She asked me to pick her up.

I told her no, I wasn’t leaving work to grab her. I told her she could either pay to take an Uber home or join her friends.

In the end, she paid 250 to Uber home. After we got into a huge argument and she clearly thinks I’m a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have severe anxiety, diagnosed by several doctors, and I take medication daily for it. I have a lot of empathy for others who struggle with it. That being said, you told your daughter that actions had consequences. She is a legal adult now and will be finding herself in more of these types of situations.

She needs to learn how to manage without expecting you to be her safety net and bail her out. (Not to be too morbid but) one day you will not be there to swoop in and save her. She needs to find coping mechanisms in the adult world and be able to troubleshoot these issues on her own, or else she will never learn how to cope in your absence, You should let her know that it is not because you DON’T care, but because you DO.

If there is a way you can help her via encouragement and positive enforcement when she does navigate these circumstances, I would highly recommend it.” slackerchic

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I had an older teen (college-age) with anxiety, and though my heart bled for him when he experienced it, he had to make his own choices around it.

As long as he was safe, he had to handle it. (Actually, he was abroad for a lot of his junior year, so there was no way I could bail him out. Man, that was stressful). Your daughter had the option of paying for a ride back, which she took.

It’s all about her learning her own limits and how to navigate life with anxiety. I would also urge her to see a professional to help manage it, through therapy and meds.” Regular_Boot_3540

Another User Comments:

“Are you the jerk? No. Probably not. But did you potentially break some trust in your relationship with your daughter, yeah probably.

Lots of people are on your side here so if you came here for validation. You got it. But if you came here for true honest opinions, I think you should have gone to get her. But I made plenty of mistakes when I was that age.

Lots of wrong choices. Lots of teaching moments from friends and the world. But my parents were my safety net. I could always call them even when I was in the wrong. I could always trust that they’d be there even when I made a mistake.

You just showed your daughter that you will not be.” Lost_Chipmunk_1495

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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