People Talk About Their Complicated "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
33. AITJ For Leaving My Home Due To Lack Of Help And Respect From My Husband And His Daughters?
“This wasn’t my first partner with kids. I was prepared to not have any real authority with his 2 daughters. I’ve navigated the family dynamic as well as I can.
My childhood was about absolute obedience and labor. His upbringing was progressive but also neglectful. He lost his childhood to caretaking his grandfather with early onset Alzheimer’s.
It hasn’t been rainbows – we both have psychiatric disorders – we cope, work on things. But after dozens of conversations about my PTSD triggers and mutual respect in the home, things have gotten steadily harder. Never more so than when his daughters came to live with us full-time.
He’s very tidy and responsible so it never occurred to me that when they came to live with us they would not be given chores.
When the health crisis hit, I resigned from my warehouse job. I was left with everything. Cooking, cleaning, meal planning. They would “help” me briefly when asked, expect praise, and then immediately go back to their phones.
Though we have enough money for food, I began skipping all of my personal favorites to avoid being treated like I was selfish for buying anything they don’t like.
He says he can’t infringe on their childhood, but at the same time, he also can’t make himself just appreciate what I get done without criticizing things like how I fold shirts. He’ll wake me up hours before my alarm to be angry at me because the dishes aren’t done or he can’t find socks.
I’m on edge all the time just waiting for the criticism.
It all came to a head. Our cats got fleas, we had to treat the house. Everyone was itchy and it was awful – but apparently cleaning and killing fleas was my pet project, not a household project.
When his oldest daughter (19) left 4+ loads of dirty laundry from her closet floor (where her cat sleeps) in the dining room for a week while she was at her partner’s, I got blamed for it.
For not finishing the cleaning I had started.
That broke the camel’s back. I slept on it. The next day I talked with his mom and then I had a talk with him.
I am staying with her for the next 6-8 months to help her clean and prepare her home to sell it. I am boxing my nonessentials and, if things don’t get seriously better, I’m looking for an apartment.
I have been living 4 blocks away for one week. He is having fits taking care of everything by himself. I’m scraping old paint, washing floorboards, clearing out mouse nests. He had 3 loads of laundry this week and dishes daily and is FINALLY upset that his kid just doesn’t do it. Upset and insulted and all I can say is “yeah, that’s rough”.
Am I a jerk for quitting the home? That I would rather live in and clean an old broken down house that smells like mouse and dog waste than keep cleaning up for my family? Is it just petty that if my husband doesn’t have a moment of “oh, wow, she made life better” and apologize for shaming me looking at a box of frosting-free pop tarts, I’m not going back?”
32. AITJ For Defending My Relationship And Pregnancy To My Husband's Ex?
” “Background, my husband and I met while he was living with his ex. I know it sounds bad but everything was above board.
They had broken up, she was already seeing someone else (I heard her verbally abusing my partner and being with her new partner in the common area etc. , in case anyone thinks I was misled about the nature of their arrangement.) Unfortunately, he just didn’t have the means to move out immediately as she was threatening him financially if he left before their lease was up.
This was all over 5 years ago.
I owned my (now our) place when he moved in, so when we later discovered the next-door neighbour was her new beau’s sister there wasn’t much to be done about it but curse the unlucky circumstance.
In the last five years, we’ve moved in together, built a business together, got engaged and married and have had a wonderful relationship.
We are now expecting. Hadn’t heard from or about his ex until yesterday.
Onto the jerk moment. Our neighbour is friendly with us and often asks us about the pregnancy in passing. Yesterday we were letting the dogs out and she asked about the baby and I didn’t pay attention when two people walked up behind her.
I was telling her how it’s been going when the woman behind her went ballistic.
She told me I was a homewrecker rebound and a jerk to flaunt my pregnancy in front of her. When I realised who she was I pointed out she and my partner were broken up and presumably the guy with her was neighbour’s brother, her partner, so it worked out best for all of us.
She said she had been with my partner longer and never got proposed to and we were just having a baby to make her feel bad.
In not my finest moment I told her she was crazy if she thought she ever passed our minds when deciding to start a family and that marriage is a love thing not a time thing.
Then I walked away while she was still talking.
The few mutual friends we have who know her and heard about the run-in have told us we shouldn’t have told her we were pregnant (not that I meant to) and she’s really hurt because she hadn’t expected my partner to move out or move on.
Apparently she hoped I was just a rebound and she would get back with him. (Talked to hubby he recalls being clear with her he was done, did not love her, and was in a relationship with me)
I’ve been told my unkind words to her were really petty and uncalled for because she and her partner don’t have a great relationship, also and neighbour has taken our side making her relationship with her partner worse.
My husband is furious she talked to me that way and is now upset at the friends who dismissed her behaviour. Now I feel like a jerk for causing all this drama by not assuming someone visiting our neighbour may have been her or her partner and not keeping my mouth shut AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Not Dropping The Lawsuit Against My Ex's Manipulative Therapist?
“I 33M was with my ex 29F for four years before we did an oops and found out twins were on the way. Turns out it’s less birth control and more birth avoidance. Much further along than usual we had a miscarriage and she spent a few days in the hospital and was understandably devastated.
I wasn’t in the best shape myself but her doctor strongly recommended she see a therapist to help her work these issues out.
While she was in therapy we got even worse news after a genetic evaluation revealed we likely wouldn’t ever be able to bring a child to term. I’m short on details because the doctor who explained it to us made my eyes glaze over, but the gist was us combining genes wasn’t a thing that should happen.
Things weren’t the same after that, and we started to drift apart. Well, I say we but I mean she for reasons that will shortly become obvious. She kept saying it was a sign and it wasn’t meant to be and kept shooting down alternatives I looked into, like an alternate donor or adoption. Eventually, she decided she’d had enough and moved home to her parents.
I won’t lie and say it didn’t tear me up even worse and I didn’t plead for her to reconsider, but I never ever blamed her. I recall feeling bewildered about what had happened but never thought she acted out of malice.
A month after she’s home she calls me in tears and says she made a huge mistake and trusted someone she shouldn’t have.
Turns out her shrink was manipulating her into leaving me. I know this is what he was after because she didn’t clue in until he ASKED HER OUT three weeks after she’d moved out. Once she stopped thinking of him as a doctor and took a step back she saw what he was doing and felt awful.
She’s still my ex despite both of us doing our best to make things work it just wasn’t happening. She gave me the information to start the lawsuit and it’s been progressing slowly but surely. Recently though she’s asked me to drop the suit because she just wants to close the door on this chapter of her life and move on.
I’m on the fence about this. It’s not just her life that’s been ripped apart here, and what’s to stop this guy from just doing it again? I don’t wish my ex any more pain than she’s already endured, but I also don’t know that I could live with myself not doing everything in my power to stop this monster.
WIBTJ if I didn’t drop the suit?”
30. AITJ For Defending My Husband's Housework Role And Mentioning My Colleague's Infertility?
“I f36 (married with 3 kids) have worked in this company for 4 years. I transferred to another department and met new colleagues. We were having lunch days ago and had small chats when my husband called asking where I put the ceramic pan.
I told him where to find it and ended the call. My new colleague Ross (40s, married with no kids, calling him passive-aggressive is the nicest thing you can say about him) was looking confused throughout the phone call. He asked if my husband cooks. I said yes, not just cooks but he also cleans, takes care of the dishwashing, floor mopping, toilet scrubbing, grocery shopping, and deep cleaning rooms once a week.
Ross started laughing as I went on and listed the things my husband does then casually asked who’s the man in the house then if my husband’s busy being the ‘housewife’. I just glanced at him to explain as my colleagues kept staring. Ross said ‘ok there’s a man in the house alright, and I’m thinking it’s you since you’ve emasculated your husband to the point of…mopping the floor.
‘ Others laughed.
I said no we’re just splitting duties and since I’m the current breadwinner he took it upon himself to help make things balanced after he lost his job. My other female colleague pointed out that I in fact am lucky my husband believes in partnership, unlike most husbands which is a global issue.
Ross said that I was indeed lucky to find a man with little to no self-esteem to be ‘gleefully’ and ‘passionately’ taking on a role of a…’homemaker’ like that. I was shocked and got extremely agitated after he proceeded to say that he was 100% sure my husband no longer feels like the ‘man’ he used to be before losing his job.
He called him ‘poor soul’ and sarcastically hoped he at least still gets to keep his manhood in the bedroom. I was about to yell but kept it civil and looked at him and said ‘Oh don’t worry he’s doing just fine in the bedroom because he’s always been enough of a man for me and as a result, we have 3 kids.
3 kids while he (Ross) on the other hand….’
Everyone stopped for a sec and Ross had a shocked look on his face then lost it saying it was insensitive and pathetic of me to bring up his infertility in an argument and use it as a low blow and said that I should feel ashamed of myself for bragging about my kids knowing that he can’t have children for reasons he cannot control.
I replied that he should feel ashamed of how he was talking about my husband and told him maybe it’s better that he just stop getting himself involved in other people’s business. He doubled down saying he gets to get himself involved in whatever and wherever he wants because it’s a ‘free country’. Other colleagues started getting involved as the argument escalated.
Ross told me he will make sure to let HR know about the lovely conversation we had and walked away like he dropped some sort of bomb on me. I got a lot of heat from his guy friends but one female colleague said Ross was rude but I took it too far with what I said. AITJ?
Edit: I have nothing against infertility and I know how devastating it is for families who want to have kids. I have 3 infertile close loved ones and I feel secondhand devastation for their pain and suffering. I myself had my share of pregnancy issues in the past and I’m blessed even though my oldest has a chronic condition.”
29. AITJ For Not Tipping Everyone, Despite My Mother's Insistence?
“My (30M) mother (60F) is a former waitress. She has it in her head that anyone who does anything for you deserves a tip. On a family vacation to a no-tipping resort (read: people get fired if they take tips) she would loudly instruct me to tip someone who brought me a drink from the bar.
I told her she needed to stop because she was going to cost someone their job.
I took my car in for maintenance last week and it was all covered under the contract I have with the dealership, something I paid for at the time of purchase. When I told her it didn’t cost me anything because it was under contract, she replied, “But you certainly went in, asked who your tech was, and gave him a nice tip, right?
” When I told her that they are paid a living wage with no tip credit taken out, she clicked her tongue and told me that if it didn’t cost me anything I should have given the guy $20 out of my pocket.
For a while we were having issues with the Internet. Our ISP sent a technician to the house who determined there was an issue with the outside line and it was entirely on their end.
Yesterday they sent two guys over who, in a half hour, replaced the line and got everything running great. I got a call at work from them letting me know that we were up and running fine. I did not interact with them otherwise. When I later told my mother that I was happy the Ring was running uninterrupted again, she immediately said, “So I’m sure when the guy showed up, you offered him a cold drink and handed him $50 for coming out, right?”
I replied, “About as sure as I am that you’re ever going to keep your mouth shut and mind your own business. I never even saw the guys! They were there for a half hour doing their job! Not everyone gets a tip for doing the thing that they were hired to do. That’s why they get a paycheck at the end of the week.
” I told her if I tipped everyone in the world, there wouldn’t be any money left for my family when I was done.
She tells me that I’m entitled, selfish, and have never had to depend on tips while earning $1.50 an hour. I told her that I work hard for my money, I always tip those who have a tip credit against their wages (20% minimum at restaurants even for takeaway), and many of those whom she is falling all over herself to throw money at are earning better money than me.”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Husband Until He Resumes ADHD Treatment?
“My (27F) husband (35M) and I have been married for 2 years. Until the last year, I would have said that things were great.
My husband has had an ADHD diagnosis since he was a child and has always done well with medication. He took meds through school and has managed to hold down a good job with only some mild symptoms.
About 6 months after we got married, I noticed that he started to change. He was a lot more forgetful, irritable, and he started doing a lot of impulsive spending.
I’m a medical resident and knowing he had ADHD, I asked if his meds were giving him trouble. He said that he had stopped taking them. I tried to reason with him, but he had been reading some blogs and become convinced he didn’t need meds. He said that ADHD was his “superpower” and that I should love him the way he is or not at all.
Things have gotten worse quickly over the last year. He used to help out with chores and now can’t even load the dishwasher without losing focus and wandering off. We keep our money separate and even with a good amount of expendable income, he’s gone through a lot of his savings and has trouble paying his section of the bills.
He explodes verbally sometimes and has alienated one of his best college friends over a silly argument in a way that’s not likely to be forgiven. He won’t acknowledge any of this is happening and gets angry when I point out that I’ve been covering the lion’s share of the expenses for the last four months and trying to take care of the entire house while also doing my residency.
I reached the end of my tether when he asked me for money to cover his car payment for the third time. I told him that I would keep the utilities on, but his car, insurance, and other expenses were on him and there would be no more handouts. I also told him that I couldn’t keep burning the candle at both ends, so his laundry and meals were now on him to prepare.
This lasted for less than a week before he started asking for help with his car again. I told him the only condition on which I would help would be if he started back on some treatment for his ADHD. Not necessarily the same meds if he didn’t like them, but something, because this was unbearable.
We had a fight about it and he told me that I should help him because he has ADHD so he can’t help it and needs support. I told him that he had spent the last year telling me that ADHD is his superpower, so he can superpower his way into regular car payments and laundry then without my help or get treatment and receive help.
He called me an ableist jerk and stomped off.
I talked to a psych friend who says that the quip might have been a little unkind but the boundaries are reasonable. My SIL is angry and says I shouldn’t force him to take meds if he doesn’t want them. All I know is that it’s exhausting and as much as it hurts the next step is leaving him.”
27. AITJ For Kicking Out My MIL After She Disrespected My Wife And Secretly Altered Our Son's Diet?
“My wife and I both work demanding jobs. Sometimes my mom comes over to help with housework and sometimes it’s my mother-in-law (MIL). Since my mom has some back issues she can’t come around as much as my perfectly healthy MIL so sometimes most of the work falls on MIL.
My wife and I don’t mind if none of them help us out with our housework since we can balance it out on our own but my mom and MIL insist on helping us.
A year ago my wife gave birth to our son. Since then my wife and I consult the pediatrician and have come up with a perfectly balanced diet for our son.
My MIL is not happy about it and she tries to intervene on how we raise our kid and what we feed him. My wife always tells her to mind her business but MIL doesn’t listen.
My MIL and mom take turns watching our son while wife and I are at work. A few days ago my wife had her day off of the week.
I went home after work and my MIL was there arguing with my wife. Basically she was accusing my wife of being lazy and not a proper housewife for not always cooking and cleaning for me. She was accusing my wife of being a bad mom but didn’t offer any reasons on why she thinks that.
I got in between them and reminded my MIL that my wife is not my maid and we share the housework since we’re both working adults. MIL told me to stop trying to justify my wife and that she did a bad job raising her daughter because she’s not a properly trained housewife. Then she started attacking me for not demanding my own mom to do more to help us out and only expecting help from her.
I told her we’re not expecting help from anyone and that she was insisting on helping us out but nobody’s forcing her just like I won’t force my own sick mother to do more than she’s able to do. She kept yelling and woke up the baby and then accused us of waking up the kid.
I ended up telling her to get out of our house, that she’s no longer welcome here if she insults my wife and we’ll just take our son to her place a couple of times a week to see him. Out of spite then she admitted she’s been feeding our son stuff we don’t want him to have in his diet and she’s doing it behind our back because we are stupid to listen to whatever our pediatrician says.
Then I also told her, fine, she’s also not allowed to be alone around our son anymore and we’ll be limiting contact.
Several relatives of my wife told us we’re being the jerk, especially me since I’m acting ungrateful towards my MIL who has always helped us. They say I should apologize to her if I don’t want to be called the jerk.
26. AITJ For Wanting To Rent A Flat Instead Of Sharing A Room With My 8-Year-Old Brother?
“I (19m) am the oldest of five children. I usually live at University but I still have a room at my parents’ house. However, while for the past few years my brother (8m) and sister (10f) have been sharing a room, my parents have decided that it’s unfair for them to continue to live this way, which I completely agree with.
They also think it would be unfair for either of them to have to share with my younger sisters (4f & 2f) due to their routines being so different, so they have decided to give my sister the attic room to herself and move my brother in with me.
I don’t want to share with an 8-year-old.
I’ve never had to share a room long-term before and I have lived in that room for 10+ years and am not really sure how to manage sharing the space. I am someone who spends most of my day in my room so this would be a big change for me. I also have insomnia so sharing with a child who sleeps before 8 pm is likely to be an issue.
Considering our dogs live in the living room, our conservatory has been turned into a playroom and the shed has been renovated into a full-time sanctuary for my sisters’ pets, there are no other options for where I can sleep for the few months or odd weekends I will be home, so I’ve started looking into renting a flat relatively nearby (twenty-minute drive or so away) so that I will still return to my hometown for Christmas etc.
and see friends over the summer.
I didn’t know how my parents would take to this idea, but my mother is angry. She thinks I’m being irresponsible with my money by renting since I already have to rent university accommodation and that I am ‘weaseling out’ of having a relationship with my siblings. My father also seems to be annoyed that I value my relationships with my friends more than my ‘own flesh and blood’ but spending a Saturday with a 4-year-old isn’t my idea of fun.
My parents are also annoyed because they expected me to spend the summer helping them look after my siblings and our five pets, especially since one of my sisters has some serious health issues. They seem to view this as me saving myself discomfort but causing them a lot of issues.
I know that this may seem incredibly selfish and the more I think about it the more I do understand why my not being there could cause issues for my parents, but at the same time, honestly, there is no space for a teenage boy in this house anymore and they seem to manage well enough when I’m at university.
I didn’t intend to move until February anyway due to financial reasons so there is still time to reconsider. AITJ here? Should I just bite the bullet and stay put for their sake?”
25. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner For Interrupting My Job Interview Call?
“I’ve been applying for jobs recently. This morning my partner “Ian” was still sleeping and my phone rang. It was one of the jobs that I applied for and they asked if I had a minute to talk. I said sure and went into my office and shut the door, I had been in my living room anyway but noise carries more from the living room and I was trying to be quiet.
Well right after I closed my office door Ian got up and I heard him walking around. Then he opened the door and came in. He asked “who is that? ” “Oh! Is that your mom? Tell her hi”. I was still talking to the HR person and he said “Is that Mary? Who is that?”
I got up and waved my arm (trying to wave him away) while still trying to answer the HR person’s questions, and went back in the living room. He followed me and said “is that Kim? Ask if she and Kyle want to go for lunch with us later”.
So I went in the kitchen instead, he followed me AGAIN and started unloading the dishwasher.
I started walking back to my office and the HR lady said she wanted me to come in for an interview Thursday at one. So I said “Thursday at one works great”. While she was explaining how to get there, get in the building and everything Ian comes running and says “no no no! Not Thursday today!
I work Thursday. ” I thanked her and hung up.
I was annoyed. I said “that was about a job that wasn’t Kim, you’re worse than a nosey 5-year-old that needs attention.”
He said “well you could have just told me who it was.”
I said “yea in the middle of a call I’ll say ‘hold on my partner wants to know who I’m talking to.'”
He said “well you could have written it down or something, I was just curious, I get up and you’re already on the phone. Sorry. You don’t have to be mean about it. ” He’s done this nonsense before and it’s annoying.
So I just stayed in my office and have been checking emails and futzing around.
I’m just irritated because if that HR person heard him I would have looked unprofessional and he was disrupting my concentration (I have Adhd) and made it harder for me to focus on what she was saying. Maybe I shouldn’t have snapped like that and I overreacted.
24. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Gave My Backpack To My Niece Without Asking?
“I have this Vans backpack that I bought for myself in my first year, and it was for the gym, for books and my lunch, etc, it wasn’t cheap either because I figured I would like to spend a bit more money for a backpack that will last ages (and it has).
For some dumb reason I completely forgot to take it with me when I went back to uni for my final term, and remembered it was in my wardrobe at my mom’s house. No big deal I thought, I will use it when I move back there.
When I get back, I see my niece using that very same backpack.
Naturally I’m not mad at her because I know what’s happened; my mom, as usual, has thought of something and decided to go through my room and then give the bag to my niece.
I should also add this isn’t the first time she’s done this. She has a habit of coming into my room without knocking, asking me ‘Do you have ___’ and not even waiting for me to answer, instead simply helping herself to look in my desk, my wardrobe, anything she can find for whatever random item she’s ‘looking for’.
90% of the time I don’t even have what she’s after and I know this, so I tell her, but it doesn’t stop her mooching.
My niece is like 8 years old so I just calmly explain to her that it’s actually my bag, I still need to use it for things and take it to job interviews, etc.
, and that if she really likes that one I will get her one that looks similar to mine. I don’t shout at my niece or anything or blame her at all, the problem yet again is my mom assuming things and taking things without even bothering or trying to ask me.
So I go up to my mom and ask: ‘why did you not even ask for my permission first?
‘ Her response was, ‘Well it was in your wardrobe so I thought you didn’t want it. ‘ I explain to her it would have taken all of two minutes to call me or text me just to ask permission to use something I paid for and is mine. It even had notebooks/stationery supplies inside the backpack and was shoved inside my wardrobe for a reason, it’s not like I had tried to throw a perfectly good bag out or something.
Her only response to me telling her that she should have at least asked me first was ‘Drop the attitude. ‘ No sorries, no apologies, not even a ‘Yeah you’re right I should have asked’. I just get told to drop a non-existent attitude (I’m pretty upset because someone took my belongings without asking) and an expression that just says oh you’re being dramatic again.
Again I got called selfish and that if I’m not using it, what does it matter? She obviously didn’t get the principle of asking before taking other people’s things.
AITJ for this?”
23. AITJ For Publicly Thanking My Late 'Adopted' Grandmother Over My Biological One?
“My mom never had a good relationship with her mother (who I’ll call Lucy), so when my sister and I were children we were never close with her. Lucy always treated my mom like the black sheep and has scammed her, but she always manages to look like the victim. She was horrible to her in her childhood too, so we never really loved her and my mom did everything to keep her away from us.
I was very close to an elderly friend of the family while growing up (my Mommy Leo), whom I consider my real grandmother. Mommy Leo passed away some time ago, but she always motivated me to follow my passion, which was writing. I recently won a writing contest and was asked to give a speech during the ceremony.
Lucy was in town at the time, so my mom was forced to invite her.
I didn’t like the idea of having Lucy at the ceremony, but I wasn’t going to let her ruin my day. In my speech, I thanked my parents, my friends, and my teacher. Almost at the end of my speech, I said ‘I want to thank a very special woman, who is my motivation and my inspiration.
To my grandmother. ‘ Lucy stood up, thinking that I was talking about her, but I added ‘to my Mommy Leo, who is no longer with us’ and finished my speech. I could see from above that Lucy turned red, but I didn’t care.
At the post-awards party, Lucy threw a huge tantrum. She blamed my mom for raising an ungrateful girl, putting her through a giant embarrassment, and denying her for a woman who wasn’t even part of the family.
I defended my mother, since she would never speak back to her and blamed Lucy for everything she had done to my mom, that I never considered her my grandmother, and that despite not having blood ties, Mommy Leo loved me and supported me, so I wasn’t going to leave her in the shadows for an old woman who means nothing to me.
In response, Lucy left crying (fake cry).
Since then, the maternal side of the family blames me for Lucy’s suffering and demands that my mother apologize on my behalf for not raising me well. Lucy recently had a heart attack and everyone says it’s because of the pain I put her through, but I don’t feel sorry for her or guilt for what I did.
The only thing I regret is all the hatred they throw at my mother, although she says that I did nothing wrong and that Mommy Leo would be proud of me.
So, AITJ for humiliating my grandmother in my speech?”
22. AITJ For Wanting An Apology From My Sister Before She's Involved In My Pregnancy?
“For context, I’m the youngest of three children and recently I fell pregnant with my first child.
My sister has always tried for a baby but has failed to conceive one leaving her angry and bitter over pregnancies. My sister let’s call her H, seemed to expect me to never conceive a child myself because she found it unfair that she herself couldn’t have one. When I found out I was pregnant my partner and I only told our close immediate family members such as our parents and siblings saying we wanted to wait until we knew the gender before revealing it to the rest of our family.
H instead decided to write a post on social media announcing my pregnancy to the world. Instead of making the post to congratulate me, she made the entire post about how jealous she was and how unfair it was that I was getting a baby. She mentioned me maybe once in the whole post. I ignored this and just explained to the family members who asked that I was pregnant and did plan to tell them.
I just hadn’t planned for her to post it so soon. I let that roll off my back.
It wasn’t until family problems came to a head, that H and I got into a grudge match leading her to say some horrible things about my pregnancy. The argument affected me a lot leading me to block her as I refused to allow her negativity to ruin my happiness in this blessed time.
As time passed and I’m now closer to giving birth, H has reached out again saying she wanted to be more active in my pregnancy and life. When I asked for her to admit she was wrong for the terrible things she said and for an apology, she refused going as far as to gaslight me saying she never even said those things even though she had argued with me through text and I still have the messages.
I told her flat out if I wasn’t worth an apology then I didn’t want her around. Growing up, H did this frequently. She would start arguments, say horrible things, and expect to be forgiven the next day and my mother used to scream at me if I didn’t forgive her. And just like when we were kids, H ran to my mom when I told her to apologize.
My mother contacted me furious demanding me to just sweep it under the rug and I refused. I feel like if I let this go I will spend the rest of my life being treated like crap and being expected to just take it. So, am I the jerk?”
21. AITJ For Correcting A Classmate's False Claim About German Education?
“Background: I’m originally from Germany, but moved countries after my A levels and currently visit college here via a scholarship (it’s a partner college of the German university I am officially registered in; saved me the tuition costs; will move back next year for my bachelor thesis).
Okay so on Friday I (21F) was in philosophy class about historical philosophy, our current topic’s about the importance of teaching history and critical history teaching. I am not the biggest participator, but it’s not like we never participate. One girl starts to talk about how ‘Teach history to never repeat it’ isn’t necessarily true because “Germany didn’t fall back into dictatorship and they don’t learn about WW2”.
Obviously, that really struck me and I raised my hand and explained to her that this was false and that, in fact, WW2 is a huge subject in German schools. She called me a liar and said that German schools are prohibited from teaching about that.
I was very confused because I would say my accent is very noticeable (but maybe she just didn’t realize it’s German) so I told her “I went to a German school for 13 years, so I know what I was told in history class and WW2 was definitely the biggest subject.”
Other students chimed in and even our professor corrected her on this stance. Class moved on as usual.
A few hours after the class I received a private message from her, telling me that I was being unnecessarily rude towards her and asking if I had any personal problems with her. I don’t. To be fully honest, before she sent me a message I didn’t even know her name and for me, she was just another face in one of my classes.
So I told her no and then she just said “Next time you should maybe not be as rude towards others who are just stating their opinion. You don’t need to embarrass them for it”. Which baffled me because for me it was nothing personal at all and I really just wanted to correct her info since it happened to be something I am very knowledgeable about (education of Germany, not WW2.
While I know a lot of stuff after like 5 years of intense history classes and everyday German life that’s still very focused on it, I must admit it was never my favorite subject). But she said, “Next time just correct someone in a kinder tone”.
I don’t see how I was rude in this situation.
My friends already joked that she maybe mistook me as being rude because “Germans always sound angry”, but even if that’s true, I don’t think WHAT I said could be interpreted as a personal attack in any way? I mean, she got corrected by other students and our professor as well, so it wasn’t just me.
I personally don’t think I was rude, but maybe I am just missing something here?
20. AITJ For Leaving My Partner's Birthday Party After Being Blamed For His Nephew's Accident?
“I F25 have been with my partner M28 for 3 years. Our relationship is great and we rarely argue. His birthday was days ago, I wanted to do something together but his parents already decided to host the party at their house.
My partner got there first, I showed up after I got off work and he was there with the guests busy talking and greeting in the backyard.
I took a seat in the back and his sister showed up with her husband and son Jake (4). We’re not on good terms by the way. She said Hi then asked if I could watch her son Jake. I was like ‘umm’ but she disappeared and left her kid with me before I could even answer so I decided to just keep an eye on him til she got back since he was sitting across from me.
I spilled my drink on my top which was messy. I gave Jake my phone to play on it and asked him to sit still til I get back then I went to use the bathroom to clean up the stain. Clearly Jake walked towards the pool and the floor was slippery so he slipped and fell and injured his knee.
That’s when I heard a loud noise coming from outside like people panicking. I went to see what was going on and saw my partner and his family with Jake.
I heard my partner’s dad ask who was ‘supposed’ to watch Jake and his sister said my name.
My partner saw me and shouted ‘Op where have you been?
How could you let this happen? ‘ I was taken aback, I said I was in the bathroom cleaning up the stain. He asked is the stain more important than my nephew? I explained that his family or his mother should’ve kept an eye on him. He said there were many guests so they probably didn’t notice and said I should stop turning this around on his family since I agreed to watch Jake.
I said no I did not initially agree to watch Jake and came to the party as a guest NOT A BABYSITTER and that his sister just dumped him on me and disappeared without even waiting to hear if I was going to say no.
We had an argument and I got fed up being presented with a hypothetical scenario after a hypothetical scenario of what could’ve happened if Jake fell into the pool and was blamed to no end so I grabbed my stuff and walked out.
My partner’s parents saw me leave and he followed me asking me to wait and return but I refused. He said I have no reason to be upset but more reason to be worried just like they all were and insisted I go back inside but I got in my car and left.
He came back later looking upset.
He said that yes while it might be his sister’s fault for still bringing her son after he stated he didn’t want kids there because of the pool, I ruined the party by walking out and refusing to take responsibility and admit I should’ve made sure Jake was safe before leaving him out of my sight whether I agreed to watch him or not.
He said his parents are rightfully upset and didn’t appreciate my behavior earlier on and then walking out which hurt him on a personal level since his birthday should mean something to me. I felt like he might be right and I mishandled this entire situation. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Introducing My New Dog After My Sister's Internship Announcement?
“So last Thursday, I (27F) adopted my new dog, Pirate. He’s 5 years old and an owner surrender. I volunteer to walk dogs at my local humane society, and over the last two months, I’ve bonded with him. I told myself I would wait, see what happens. I didn’t originally want to get a new dog as my previous dog had just passed a few days before meeting Pirate.
I wanted to take time and maybe try being dog-free for a while. Well, that didn’t happen. I’m in a place where I can afford to have a dog and take care of one, so I adopted him.
Now, I didn’t tell anyone because I wanted to do a stupid reveal and be like “Ah!
Look! ” We do a family game night every Saturday and we use my house because it’s a nice middle point for everyone to meet. It was me, my parents, my two sisters, and three family friends who came. Everyone who came is either a huge dog fan, or has dog(s).
I had Pirate in the kitchen when everyone arrived.
Then I told everyone I had some news to share, and then my younger sister (19F) jumped up and said “me too! ” So I told her she should go first. In my head, I figured the guest should go first.
She announced that she got the internship she applied for in her engineering program! We were all super excited for her, we were clapping, and then Pirate started barking.
Which kinda turned the attention away from her.
My dad asked me what my news was, and I told them to wait. I got Pirate, and we made our announcement. And everyone was extremely thrilled. I feel rude writing it, but they were more excited about seeing a dog than they were about hearing about my sister’s internship.
As the night went on, my dad made a toast, and his words were “To (sister’s) internship and to our cutest little addition to game night! ” The whole night, she seemed really bummed. I tried talking to her about it privately that night, but she brushed me off.
Then Monday came and she texted me this long paragraph saying how it was rude of me to spring a dog as news onto the family.
She said I obviously knew my news was more exciting than hers and I should have waited to share.
I texted her back saying I had her share first because she was a guest in my house. Pirate was already in the house, what was I supposed to do, keep him hidden all night and hope he stays quiet?
We went back and forth, her increasingly angry, saying I ruined her news and this was a big jump for her future career, and it should have been more exciting for everyone to hear because she’s a female in a male-dominated career. She said that my news overshadowed hers and no one cared about hers.
I finally told her I’m sorry it ended up this way and that I’m proud of her for her accomplishment, but that I had news I wanted to share, too. And she hasn’t replied back.
My mom did send me one text about it, saying that my sister was still hurt, and to give her time.
But I honestly feel like I’m not wrong here. AITJ for ruining her moment?”
18. AITJ For Banning My Narcissistic Mother From My Wedding Unless She Apologizes?
“My (27F) mother (46F) is the classic narcissist. If she’s not the center of attention, she will MAKE herself the center of attention. There’s a whole other story of her narcissism affecting me, and nearly making me check out of life when I was 16, but that’s not what this is about.
I got engaged to my wonderful partner of 7 years (35M) and started planning our wedding. Mother became a nightmare during this whole ordeal and slowly but surely took control over my wedding.
My fiancé vocalized that he was concerned about the control and I agreed, but we got many things for free because of her, so we kept the peace.
I sent out my invites and she asked to see the guest list. I showed her and she said, “You got most of my friends. Can I invite 3-4 more?”
Sure, no problem, she was paying for a lot of things.
Our first wedding was postponed due to unforeseen circumstances and we put it off for a year.
About 4 months before our new date, the explosion happened.
She made a social media event for the wedding and gave me admin over it.
I went looking through the people she had invited – 38 people in addition to the ones on the guest list, almost all of whom I didn’t know. It may be selfish, but I asked her if she could not invite people I didn’t know to my wedding and to keep it to 4 extra people she said she would invite.
I thought was a reasonable request.
In a colossal meltdown about how I’m ungrateful, she pulled my whole wedding from me, saying she wasn’t going to pay for anything anymore if she couldn’t invite these friends.
During this, I’ve tried really hard to keep my siblings out of our fight, which I found out my mother is making up excuses and lies to turn them against me and failing LOL, since they know the truth.
Now, here’s where I might be the jerk.
I told some of my family members and siblings that my mother would not be coming to my wedding unless she apologizes for her behavior and that she needs to be the first one to open communication with me because I was done being the first one to speak to her or to apologize for something I didn’t do.
I never explicitly told her these terms, but I did not want to message her at all at this point. I wanted to tell her if she ever reached out to me, even to belittle me more, but she never did.
My siblings, my fiancé, and most of my family support my decision.
Mother’s friend, who I called an aunt for most of my life, says that I’m being cruel for “putting conditions on your love”, that I’m no better than what I say my mother does, and that mother sunk all these funds into my wedding because she just wants what’s best for me.
I feel I’m not being cruel, but I’m starting to doubt it. I want my mother’s love, but I’m not going to bend over backward to keep it.
17. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About Her Home Office And Cleaning Expectations?
“Recently moved into a new flat with a person I found on Spareroom. Before we moved in we talked about how we both were in a hybrid work-from-home environment and how that would be fine a few days a week. We also talked about how clean we like to keep the flat, and basically just clean up after yourself.
Fast forward a couple of months, and she’s worked from the office maybe 3 days and has made our living room her personal office. Not only that but she is working long hours and is sometimes working until 7 pm-8 pm. I’ve been very considerate and didn’t say anything and have tiptoed around her working or waited to use the kitchen until she was off a conference call.
However, she’s started sending me rude and sarcastic messages about the cleanliness of the flat. To be clear the flat is immaculate, I’ve had guests over and told them I’ll have to clean after they leave (to avoid the messages) and they are flabbergasted because it’s already clean. She also sprung on me that she expects the flat to be fully deep cleaned once a week and we should take turns doing that.
This was never discussed and I think is quite extreme. However, I still just tried to be a nice roommate and started cleaning and mopping every other week, while I still continued to get snarky messages.
So now the drama, I wanted to have a date over for dinner one night and asked my roommate if there was a night she knew she wouldn’t be working late so I could have someone over.
She seemed really put off by the request and said she doesn’t really know her schedule and she’ll have to look. Finally she got back to me that she was going to a show Friday, so I said fine that works. Date comes over I cook a fancy meal, and we clean for 20 minutes afterward (really setting the mood), then sat on the couch, had a couple of bottles of wine, and moved to my room.
Left out were two empty bottles of wine, two glasses on the coffee table, and some missed stains on the counter (beet juice). My roommate gets home at 3 a.m. and stomps around the flat (presumably because she’s mad about the ‘mess’). I got up early in the morning (7:30 am on a Saturday for god’s sake) and threw the bottles away, and put the glasses in the sink, but missed the tiny beet stains on the counter.
The next day I got a message about how she’s tired of waking up surrounded by stains and bottles. So I sent her a message that said if you can’t stand two empty bottles being on the counter for less than 12 hours, and can’t stop sending me rude messages then I’ve been entirely too nice about you setting up a desk in our living room and using it as an office for 60 hours a week and you need to move it into your room.
She came back that it’s a shared space and that’s unfair and she has a right to it as much as I do. I don’t know am I the jerk here?”
16. AITJ For Banning My Mom From Visiting After She Woke Up My MIL's Sleeping Husband?
“My husband and I had a financial setback and were struggling with the cost of our apartment. My MIL said we could stay with her and get back on our feet, but she just had a few rules 1) she is not providing free childcare 2) we do our own cooking, clean up after ourselves, and 3) (the most important) her husband is a surgeon who sometimes works strange hours and we are to be respectful when he is sleeping.
I think that is more than fair. It usually isn’t an issue, because my son is a quiet kid, but the few times he was getting rowdy, I took him to the park. MIL can be a bit rude sometimes and I’ve had a few issues with her in the past, but living together has been fine.
My mom comes over sometimes to see my son (her partner is a smoker, so we don’t go there). She came over today and we had lunch outside. MIL’s husband got called in last night, and he got home at around five, so he was asleep.
My mom dislikes MIL for some of her previous rude behavior, and for acting like she is above people.
MIL ended up sitting outside with us, and this is embarrassing but my husband brought up the topic of farting and us having farting contests. I was upset he brought that up in front of MIL, and she made a big production out of how disgusting we are, and what is wrong with this generation.
My mom rolled her eyes at MIL for being so haughty. My mom then said she was going to the bathroom inside, but I noticed she went in the opposite direction, so I went in and found her in MIL’s room, waking up MIL’s sleeping husband.
First that’s totally crossing a line, but also MIL’s husband was shirtless and my mom was touching his bare chest.
He woke up and she asked if MIL farts in front of him. He was like what the heck, and I told my mom to get out, but MIL walked in on that. Not that it was ok to begin with, but FIL was a huge deceiver and MIL’s second husband is very attractive, she is absolutely the jealous type and my mom had her hand right on him.
MIL began yelling at her for waking him up. She also was yelling at my mom for trying to get information on their marriage and said she was taking advantage of him being half asleep. My mom said it was just a big joke and she just wanted to prove she probably farts in front of him, but MIL yelled at her to get out of the bedroom.
My mom left right after, and MIL did not say anything to me, but I told my mom she is no longer welcome to come over. Of course she can see her grandson, but at a neutral location because right now she is jeopardizing our living arrangement. Honestly I might have overreacted because MIL’s whole family is crazy and she tolerates a lot of nonsense and probably would never think to kick us out, but I just wanted to play it safe.
Also my mom was so hurt because she adores her grandson, and now feels she will have less time with him.”
15. AITJ For Being Furious At My Sister For Killing My Pet Ant Colony?
“I’m an 18-year-old Trans Male, I have a pet fire ant colony named Reign of Magma, and if you know something about fire ants, it’s that you DON’T mess with them.
I had this colony for a year… well I say had because of what my oh dear sister did. She has a bearded dragon, his name is Pop. I love that little guy, my sister and I have had him for quite a long time.
A couple of weeks ago, we had to buy food for Pop and my sister started a really weird topic with me.
‘Hey, I read somewhere that bearded dragons can eat ants, is that true? ‘, ‘Uhh, I don’t know, I never searched it’, ‘Well if someday we run out of food and we can’t buy it, I can just put a cup on your “Reign of Magma” (she said it in a sarcastic tone) and give them to Pop’, ‘Over my dead body you would.
‘ She became silent, my dad scolded me for saying that and I admit, I got a little defensive.
My sister always did that some kind of talk about ‘getting rid’ of my ants or killing them or just smashing the terrarium outside and ‘freeing them’ because ‘ants are not pets’ ‘ants shouldn’t be pets’. Ever since I caught Lava Queen (name of my Fire Ant Queen), my sister hated her and I still don’t know why.
Anyway, I never thought anything of that talk. I mean she never really did anything to my ants, I still was cautious with her around the Reign but I never thought she would really do something.
One day, Pop got sick and we rushed him to the vet. I don’t remember what she said exactly but I remember one thing, she said really clearly that he was sick because of ‘formic acid’ (which some ants and especially Fire ants use as a defense mechanism).
When we went home, I lost it on my sister. I shouted at her so badly that my head hurt all day long.
After a day or two, Pop did not seem to feel better and I couldn’t trust my sister because she could just be feeding Pop the workers from my Reign! So, I asked my dad if I could spend some days at my mom’s (my mom and dad are separated) and that’s what I did.
I was packing my bags downstairs and when I entered my room to put the colony in my mom’s car, I noticed some strange behavior and smell in the terrarium. As I came closer, it became clearer, someone sprayed poison on my terrarium! And who do you think did this?! I was bawling my eyes out in my room, desperate, it couldn’t be happening!
My dad came upstairs and my mom came along, I started screaming ‘SHE KILLED THEM, THAT MONSTER KILLED MY REIGN’. I really don’t remember after that, everything just went black. I only remember my mom shouting at my sister and my dad shouting at my mom.
My sister sent me a message saying it was ‘an accident’ that she ‘didn’t want to kill them all, just some stupid ants because they hurt my poor baby’.
I left her on read and blocked her, I don’t think I’ll ever EVER be able to forgive her. My dad says to just ‘leave it be’ because ‘it’s just some ants’ and my mom says to just apologize to my sister. So, AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Telling My Dad I Don't Need His Permission To Leave For The Weekend?
“I’m (20F) currently a law student in Ireland, living with my dad since I missed on-campus accommodation for the year.
I don’t really have the option to move out until next September because housing in Dublin is extremely expensive. For me to live outside of student accommodation, I’d probably have to give up eating most days, seeing as I can’t work more than part-time for obvious reasons. The majority of young people here live with their family throughout college because of this.
I’m also slightly afraid to move out because my dad has made comments in the past about falling into depression and how I need to help keep that from happening. My mom died in 2020 so I’m especially worried about leaving right now.
Last Thursday I told my dad on the way to college that I’d be going to Cork for the weekend (another county in Ireland) for a moot competition.
For people who don’t know, moot is basically a type of debate for law students where you represent a fictional client in court. I tried to explain this to my dad and he didn’t believe me. He accused me of only wanting to go out of town so that I can do substances and party and that I should stop lying.
I got frustrated and told him that I wasn’t asking for permission, I was just telling him that I was going.
For context, this isn’t the first time he’s accused me of being on substances. He’s been especially persistent about it recently. He keeps going off about how I’m ‘unmotivated’ and ‘spaced out’ and how that’s clearly a sign of me being on substances.
I have no history of substance abuse and I’ve always been a good student.
I came back on Sunday and this morning I asked him if he could give me a lift to college. I’m okay taking the bus, I was mostly asking since my class was canceled and I wanted to plan around that.
He said no because while I was in Cork, I didn’t call him and that he was worried. He told me that I was extremely rude in the car when I told him that I wasn’t asking for permission.
I tried explaining to him that I couldn’t call him because I was in a trial and that I sent him a text saying that I was okay but it didn’t deliver (which I didn’t notice until Saturday noon.
I was there since Friday morning). I did call him twice on Sunday when heading back and I called him on Saturday night during the law dinner. I also talked to my aunt on the phone Saturday morning, so it’s not that I gave no sign of life to my family. My dad knew where I was.
He said that he only supports me because he’s morally obligated to but because I act poorly with him he doesn’t feel the need to do it. He said that I only act like an adult when it’s convenient. I got annoyed and told him that he’s the one who controls me like I’m a child and that I stand by what I said in the car.
Am I the jerk for telling my dad that I don’t need permission to leave for the weekend?”
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother Reconnect With My Brother She Kicked Out?
“I (35F) was raised in a family that honestly is pretty messed up. Reputation and wealth always come first for everyone and perfection is the only answer. I’m not even joking lol.
I have a brother (Oliver-19M).
Everyone adored him and he was definitely favoured growing up but he’s been through some stuff that caused him to act out A LOT.
My mom had enough of his behavior and kicked him out when he was 16. He’s been staying with me for the past three-ish years.
While living with me, he managed to get his act together as I put him in therapy to help him and I kind of realized that the whole “perfection” thing my family drilled into our brains is kind of what was causing him to deteriorate so much.
He goes to a good university, is on a sports team, and even has a part-time job. His mental health is still a work in progress and he does have bad days but we’re working on it. I’m proud of him in all honesty.
Anyway, my parents were aware that Oliver was with me but only contacted him a couple of times in the past years.
I would say I get it because of how stressful it’s been but I don’t. That’s your son for goodness sake.
Well, a few months ago, my parents decided to divorce which hey good for them. Should’ve happened years ago but whatever. Ever since my mom has been trying to convince me to let her talk to/hang out with Oliver.
This extreme switch-up isn’t good for him as he relies on stability a lot and I told this to her.
She started crying when I did and said that she’s his mother. I kind of rolled my eyes. and said something like “what a great mom” sarcastically and she cried even harder.
She said she was sorry for kicking him out but she just didn’t know how to deal with a “problem child” anymore.
It wasn’t her fault etc.
I didn’t think she was really getting my point as I’m more annoyed by the whole perfection nonsense she never shut up about (even I have problems with that) but I let her rant.
Then I told her straight up that I wouldn’t and couldn’t help her with Oliver until he said he was ready (even then idk if I’d encourage him) and that she needs to live with her decisions.
She practically called me a jerk and said she was his mom, not me but I just ignored her. It’s been a while now and I haven’t heard from her and I feel a little guilty.
What right do I have to keep a mom away from her precious son is kind of what’s been going on in my head (it’s what she said as well). AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Telling My Partner Her Hygienic Standards Are Irrational?
“I (M21) have been together with my partner (F21) for 1.5 years.
We moved in together 8 months ago. We have some differences when it comes to hygienic standards. She is very picky with the food she buys from the supermarket, does not eat food that is open for more than 3 days (even if it is still good) and throws away food before expiration because she has a bad feeling about it expiring soon.
I am not so strict with food expiration. I prefer to use my senses (smell, taste, …) to check if the food is still good. She is a clean person who makes sure everything is tidy around her. I on the other hand am sloppy. Stuff tends to lay around a lot before I get the courage to clean up.
Today we wanted to make waffles. So I got a banana, which we needed for the recipe, and peeled it. Then I wanted to cut the banana. So I grabbed the knife, which was still lying on the cutting board we used to prepare tofu on for lunch. My partner told me that it’s disgusting to use the same knife for the banana because we cut tofu with it before.
To me the knife seemed to be clean, there weren’t any tofu pieces on the knife. But whatever, so I put the banana down on the cutting board that we cut tofu on, went to the sink, and washed the knife. Then I wanted to grab the banana and cut it. But because the banana was lying on a wooden cutting board that we cut tofu a few hours ago, she didn’t want any waffles anymore, because she thought it was disgusting that the peeled banana was lying on the cutting board.
The cutting board itself did not have any tofu pieces or other food on it. I think it is ridiculous and said to her that I find it irrational of her to not want to eat the banana anymore. She got mad at me because in her eyes I am ignorant. I did not force her to eat the banana or anything, I was just disappointed that we cannot have waffles together, because that was the last banana, and she killed my desire to continue the waffle-making for myself.
Then a debate started about me not fulfilling her hygienic standards. For example, she finds it unhygienic when I don’t dry the washed knife before I cut anything with it. I try to do it when I remember but oftentimes I don’t do it because I find it unnecessary. It’s just water that touches the food.
I told her that this is irrational because it doesn’t change anything about the hygienics. Then she got mad because I don’t respect her understanding of hygiene. I do respect it, but as a logical thinker, I find it difficult to follow rules that don’t make any sense to me. I don’t think it’s fair that she expects me to live up to her standards, even if they don’t make a lot of sense, at least in my world.
She told me that she does not want to lower her hygienic standards for me, and I have to deal with it the way she is.
AITJ for telling my partner that some of her hygienic standards are irrational and don’t make any scientific sense?”
11. AITJ For Defending My Partner Against My Racist Grandparents At Thanksgiving?
“For a bit of background info, I 23M am white and my partner 22F is black.
My grandparents are extreme racists and although it’s just the two of them, they are the loudest and will find any opportunity to let everyone know that they hate non-white individuals. Because of this, I am not that close to my family, especially my parents as they never say anything about it and even laugh at racist ‘jokes’; I don’t go to family gatherings or parties because 1.
my partner is black and I don’t want her to be subjected to straight-up harassment by racist family members, and 2. I don’t want to be around racists and people who tolerate racism.
A few weeks ago my parents invited my partner and me to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner, this was a huge shock to us as ever since my family found out we were together, they stopped contacting me and cut me off financially.
I was a bit hesitant but my partner insisted we go as I had gone to her family’s Thanksgiving dinner last year and that if anything went wrong, we could just go home.
When we showed up, the majority of my family greeted her, but my grandparents stayed seated on the couch and refused to even look at us.
When it came to the dinner itself, my parents started asking my partner what she did for a living and just the typical get-to-know-you questions. My partner told them that she was a college graduate and a registered nurse, my grandfather chuckled and said ‘Of course it is. ‘ The table kind of got quiet after that and even though I hadn’t touched a single thing on my plate, I started gathering my stuff.
Grandad ‘Are you seriously leaving? ‘ No answer ‘You know what? Get your stupid (slur for black people) out of here, it was never invited anyway.’
My partner ran to the car and I completely blew up on my parents and grandfather. A lot of my family members were also defending her along with me and some people just left.
I told him to never talk to me ever again and that I would never be coming back to any other family gathering. My dad tried pulling me to the side to get me to calm down but I blew up on him and my mom for even inviting me in the first place. They knew my grandfather would say something and the fact that they weren’t even defending my partner when he said that made me even more upset and I stormed out.
My partner and I just got home and when we both calmed down, I apologized to her about everything but I got a phone call from my Dad. I thought he was calling to apologize for everything that had happened but instead he yelled at me for ruining the Thanksgiving dinner and told me that I overreacted and that I should’ve just left.
He said that I just made everyone hate my grandparents and that he was born in different times so I should’ve just let him be. I’ve gotten texts from my mom and sister telling me to come back and apologize to my grandfather. In my opinion, I did what I had to do in order to defend my partner but am I the jerk here?
Did I overreact? Should I have just left?”
10. AITJ For Not Charging My Nephew Rent When He Moved In With Us?
“So I (44 M) have an older sister Maryam (47 F) and she has a son Javed (18 M) with her husband Joe (51 M).
My wife and I have two daughters (one 15 and the other 12) and no sons. My daughters love Javed like their big brother, and in our culture, he isn’t their cousin but is their brother.
My wife loves Javed like her own son. When I’d broach having a baby to give our kids a brother, she’d point out they have him as a brother. She got me thinking that way too as I love my sister and Javed is a good boy but I do know he isn’t my son, even if I love him like one.
The point of contention is this, in September Javed started university and his parents evicted him and made him take out loans because he’s 18 now. This was odd to me, since my parents never did any of that. But, their house their rules. As my sister explained to me, this is what Joe’s father did with him and he thinks it’ll work because it has for him.
Javed moved out to a place where he could pay low rent while also working as much as he could. He bombed all his midterms. So he came crying to my wife and me. I didn’t want to take him in because that might ruin the relationship with my sister (which has been rocky) but my wife pointed out how much he was struggling and I agreed.
We are not going to make him pay rent as if I wouldn’t ask that of my kids, I’m not going to ask it of him. We make him do chores like cleaning, watching our girls, getting groceries (on our cash) and work a much lighter schedule part-time job to focus on those loans and a tutor.
In the weeks he has been here, he seems readier for his finals (but damage to his grades may already be done).
My sister came over yesterday with Joe. They knew Javed was here, I didn’t hide that from them. But they assumed that he was paying rent. After asking how much I charge, I admitted I don’t and Joe got all angry and told me I was undermining his authority.
I pointed out my parents never charged me rent and I wouldn’t charge my kids rent and I’m not going to treat Javed differently if he lives in my house. They left after that and I got a text from Maryam saying that she and Joe weren’t going to come over until I enforced their rules for Javed.
I feel like a jerk because I do love my sister and I don’t want to cause her difficulties, but I don’t want Javed to go down the wrong path since what was happening before was not working for him.”
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Cat Expenses After My Roommates Sneakily Added Them To My Share?
“I live with 3 roommates. We all get along great, except for one thing: I am not an animal person. I just don’t see the point of having one: they serve no purpose, are dirty, and need constant care that I don’t wish to give.
This has been a debate for about 3 years at our place, but since there were 2 of us who did not want animals, and 2 of us who did, we never got one.
Somehow, my roommates convinced the other person that it would be a great idea to get a cat. Since it was now 3 against 1, we ended up getting a cat.
I was very clear from the beginning that since I never wanted the cat, I don’t want to be responsible for it and/or pay for anything cat-related (food, healthcare, toys, …). I am also most certainly not the person to keep the cat after we all separate!
Now that this cat has been in our lives for almost a year, I got used to it and even appreciate having some company since the others are sometimes away.
I have noticed that they often rely on me to take care of him since ”I am more often at home”. I usually don’t mind it, since it doesn’t require much effort and I will not let the cat lack for anything out of spite (am not a monster).
We all collectively pay rent, internet, and gas/electricity.
We also have a ”cat” category that my 3 roommates pay for, not me. I have noticed that the amount I used to pay monthly has gone up, but thought nothing of it. However, I recently pointed out to my roommates that they needed to buy something for the cat to scratch on, since he’s damaging various things around the house (my yoga mat, my desk chair and more recently my couches).
They are now demanding that I pay for a quarter of a cat tree with them, since the cat is only damaging ”my furniture” and they wouldn’t buy one if I didn’t ask for it. I disagree since they are responsible for the cat, and this includes behavior problems.
That is when one of them slipped and said it wouldn’t be much more than I usually pay for the cat.
Then, it clicked that they were slowly charging me for the expenses of the cat to reimburse themselves for all the costs, so we pay a quarter each. When I confronted them, they said I was overreacting and that I should pay now since ”I play with it and pet it sometimes”, thus I reap the benefits of having an animal.
I said absolutely not, and I demanded to be reimbursed in full the amount that has been stolen from me, and that they would pay for the cat tree between them and pick something that they could afford.
They say that I’m being petty and unreasonable, that I shouldn’t be so money-driven. Although I am aware that the amount is relatively small, and it is true that I play with the cat sometimes and such, I still feel disrespected by people I considered my friends.
I have been very clear from the beginning and feel like they violated my trust. So, I stood my ground and asked to be reimbursed. AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Giving My Half-Brother A VIP Birthday Experience And Not My Half-Sister?
“I (32F) lost my mom suddenly when I was a teenager.
My dad remarried about a year later to Maureen, and when I was 16 they had twins, Ben and Bella (16M/F). I’ve never had a close relationship with Maureen or the twins. I went to boarding school so I wasn’t around much, then moved to the opposite coast for college, and she’s never been particularly polite to me (when I was 15 I overheard her on the phone calling me ‘aloof and pretentious’ and it never got better, LOL).
For the most part I see them 1-2 times a year for the holidays.
I have a high-level job within a professional sports organization, and when Ben was about 10 he became increasingly interested in that sport – he’d ask me really involved questions and showed interest, whereas Bella pretty much wanted nothing to do with me.
Since then, I’ve taken him to games a few times a year, and we always have a good time. He’s grown into a smart, conscientious kid and I like hanging out with him. Bella still makes it clear that she doesn’t like me very much and is generally nasty to me when I try to make conversation during family events, so I just let her live without forcing my presence on her.
During a period of time when everyone was home more often, Ben started reaching out to me here and there to vent or ask advice, and brought up that he’s never gotten to have a birthday party of his own because my dad and Maureen always throw a joint party for him and Bella, which he’s grown to resent because it usually ends up being all about her and her friends and makes him feel like an afterthought.
So for his 16th birthday this year, I came up with the idea to take Ben and a few of his friends to a game and surprise them with a VIP experience (amazing seats, Facetime with some of the players, etc.). I figured it’d kill two birds by letting Bella have her own party without having to share as well, and that everyone would be satisfied.
My dad was on board and he said that Bella was ‘relieved’ that she wouldn’t have to share her sweet 16 with her brother.
The day after Ben’s party, Maureen called me and unloaded about how Bella saw her brother’s social media posts with (athlete everyone has heard of) and the amazing seats/experience and was crying and furious because she ‘never got anything like that.
‘ Maureen accused me of favoritism and told me that I should make it right by treating Bella to an extravagant night out as well. I told her she was being unreasonable as Bella has never shown any interest in the organization I work for, and that she’s not even nice to me when we see each other, but she called me a jerk and said that I ruined Bella’s birthday.
She’s never shown any interest in having a relationship with me, but I feel bad that she feels her birthday was ruined because I know these things feel like the end of the world at 16, and I truly don’t want her to take it out on Ben, either. So. AITJ here?”
7. AITJ For Asking My Brother's Partner To Prove Her Pregnancy?
“My (F20) brother (24) has been on and off with his partner (27) for a couple of years now.
It’s been the same song and dance, they’re happy for a few weeks, then something small happens, they argue, it gets really nasty, and they make up and back to a loving couple. When I learned my brother got kicked out of his apartment and needed a place to stay I offered him the extra room in my apartment and my brother agreed to pay rent, help with bills, and pitch in with food.
For three months now, she’s been announcing she’s pregnant. She alone will eat a snack box with 50 small bags of chips in a week. I tried to reason with her and get her to cut back (not only from overeating but she was running us low on food) but she insists she and the baby are healthy and it’s just cravings blah blah blah.
Since last month, most of what my parents send to my house (my mom is a couponer so she bulk shops and gives away what she has too much of) my brother’s partner is the first to get into it and a large portion of it is gone by a few days to a week.
From a 24 case of Monster (the energy drink if you’re not familiar), 8 will be gone in a week from just her.
She eats a lot of food too, most of which no pregnant woman should be consuming so much of and yes I know all pregnancies are different but words can’t explain how much she eats in one sitting.
So, today I had seen her drinking coffee and after her 2nd cup I asked her if she should be drinking so much and she said her doctor told her it was fine and she had no worries. When I suggested she take on a healthier diet for the baby she just scoffed and walked out.
I went and asked my brother if he’s been to any of her doctor appointments or even seen a positive pregnancy test and he said he didn’t. I confronted her about it and she said she didn’t have to prove anything and started to get defensive. I told her she needed to show a test or some proof of going to the doctor or she needs to move out as she doesn’t help at all.
My brother started defending her and changed his answer from not seeing any proof to seeing her pregnancy test. My parents got word of what I said and my mom says I was in no place to say anything and every woman’s body is different and I wouldn’t know since I’ve never been pregnant. AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Roommate's Cat While She's On Vacation?
“My roommate loves cats, she’d like to have a dozen and if it was up to her alone I have no doubt she would have at least several cats. About a year ago after she kept bringing it up I finally relented and let her get a cat, the reason I say let is because we both have to agree, if one of us doesn’t agree it’s not allowed by the landlord.
Onto the story, my roommate informed me she was going to go on a vacation with her family about a week ago, nothing more, I just said okay and made conversation asking when she was going, where she was going, usual stuff.
That brings us to yesterday, she starts running me through the types of cat food I should give her cat, how often its litterbox needs to be cleaned, what the number of the vet is and at that point I just stop her and ask her why she is telling me all this.
I was plain confused, she looked just as confused and told me she was just telling me stuff I needed to know since she is leaving on Monday. I just told her that I am not sure what she is getting at but I sure hope she is not assuming that I am going to take care of her cat while she is gone because that’s not happening.
Cue a full-blown panic where she starts tearing into me about how she assumed I wouldn’t mind taking care of our cat and how she doesn’t have time to find someone else. I retaliated by saying it’s her cat I got nothing to do with it and suggested she house him in one of those animal motel-type deals.
That was a no go and she has since been crying, panicking, arguing, and begging about it.
I obviously can’t help but feel bad, the vacation is already paid for, a cat motel is really expensive, especially on short notice and she doesn’t really have friends who she can ask. On my side it’s less so that I do not like cats which I don’t and more so that I think cleaning up after her cat is disgusting and I don’t wanna be forced to look after a cat that can’t sleep alone, he will meow all night if she doesn’t let him in her room.
Talked to my partner and some buddies about it all of whom agree to some extent that I should just watch the cat this one time.”
5. AITJ For Refusing To Deliver A Fridge To A Buyer Who Stood Me Up?
“I recently won an off-road fridge at a charity event and decided to sell it via various off-road and jeep forums.
Someone messaged (I assumed it was a man, they never sent a name), got my cell number, and texted that they wanted to buy it.
They set a time to come to my house and get it, then stood me up and promised to get it tomorrow at the same time.
Tomorrow about 45 minutes after they were supposed to show up they call me. She says she actually came yesterday and came again today, but got too scared to get out of the car and she wants me to put the fridge in my Jeep and drive to the police station.
Folks, I do not live in the best neighborhood, but I am not in a bad one either.
I live directly across the street from an old folks home, I have a street light in my yard and it was only dusk not dark, I actually got up to look outside and check.
I told her I was not willing to do that because the fridge was heavy and difficult to move with one person, but also because since they were supposed to pick it up, I had already loaded tools into the back of my Jeep for my jobs I needed to do the next day.
She got really upset with me and said I wasn’t taking into consideration she was a woman and I was a man. I said if she was going to act like this then buying things used online wasn’t for her or she needed to bring a friend but this was not my problem. She got really upset at me and called me some names, I didn’t swear at her but did tell her she was acting like a child.
She hung up on me and I went online and took another offer to sell the Fridge. A gentleman came and picked it up late that night and I promptly forgot all about it.
Two days later, today, she calls and says she has a friend willing to ride with her and she will come get it now.
I informed her I had sold it to someone else and got called a bunch of names and hung up on again.
I was telling a female friend of mine about this today and was shocked she said I was kind of a jerk about it.
What do you guys think?
EDIT Additional info for people wanting to know what an off-road fridge is, it’s a giant YETI-type cooler that has refrigeration in it.
This one in particular has two sides. One side is fridge only, the other side is fridge or freezer. It can run on your car’s power system, a regular electrical outlet, or even solar panels.
This one was new in a box, so while it wasn’t so heavy that one person absolutely could not pick it up, the box did make it so wide that it’s very difficult to get a grip on it and move it alone.
I planned to help whoever came to get it pick it up and get it into their vehicle.”
4. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Date That Happens To Be On My Brother's Divorce Anniversary?
“I, M28, have been engaged to my fiancee, F26, for almost a year (what caused a delay was my future mother-in-law falling sick).
My fiancee and I decided to have our wedding on Jan 11th/2022. We’ve already booked a venue, set the guest lists, food menu, etc.
My parents live hours away. Once they received the invitations they called to confirm the date then demanded I drop everything and come alone to talk about the issue they’re having with the date.
I took time off work and went to see them and they sat me down to remind me that on the 11th of Jan 2 years ago, my brother ‘Isaac’ (30) got officially separated from his ex-wife of 8 years. They went on about what a dreadful day that day is for the family and Isaac and told me he told them he wouldn’t come to my wedding since this day happens to be his ‘divorce anniversary’ unless I change the date since he said he’s planning on getting intoxicated and crying his eyes out for doing what he did and causing his ex to leave him.
I was flabbergasted..like I couldn’t tell if they were kidding but I politely said I’m sorry but not changing the date period. Dad angrily said ‘Why the rush? You have a lifetime ahead of you no harm in moving the wedding date. Think about it.’
I explained that my fiancee and I paid for the venue and set everything up we can’t cancel it now.
Mom firmly told me to leave my fiancee out of it cause she had nothing to do with the conversation we were having. I got upset and said I’m not changing my wedding date and Mom said that I’m clearly choosing a day-long celebration over my brother and warned me that I’ll have to live with the fact I ruined my relationship with him over this.
Dad added telling me to think of it this way: I’m getting married on the very same date my brother’s marriage ended and asked how I can possibly not feel guilty for having my wedding anniversary be my brother’s divorce anniversary for years to come. I argued that Isaac’s only himself to blame for being unfaithful while married and my ex-sister-in-law was right to decide she was having none of it.
My parents justified it as ‘he was intoxicated’ but the outcome is the same.
Before I left they said if Isaac isn’t coming then they too won’t come to the wedding which devastated me cause I want my family with me to share my joy. Cause this is a big deal for me and I wasn’t sure if my parents have a point seeing more and more family are saying they won’t attend if I’ll still have my wedding on Jan 11th.
3. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Respect My Food Boundaries?
“Partner and I have been living together for 4yrs. We typically share food but he has little self-control (his words). This has led to a number of occasions where I have gone to eat something and it is gone, even though the last time I used it, it was nearly brand new. Long story short, we decided that for a few items, I would have my own stock that he was not supposed to eat so that when I wanted it, it’s still there (ex: peanut butter).
The other night, I go to make a PB&J, and lo and behold, my peanut butter is gone. I ask my partner if he moved it or if we are out. Long pause…then tells me “sorry I must have finished it off. ” He did say right then he was sorry and would go get me more, but it was late and I was hungry so I just made something else.
I reiterated that we agreed he wouldn’t eat my food because this keeps happening and he said ” I know, I am sorry”.
Well, yesterday I went to make a PB&J again (forgetting I was out) and once I got to the pantry I remembered. I must have looked bummed because my partner asked what’s up, and I told him I was gonna make a PB&J but forgot we are out of peanut butter.
LONG story short, this devolved into the most ridiculous argument ever that culminated in him telling me that it is my responsibility to check if things are low and replace them. I was actually shocked at that, and was like, seriously? It was my food that we specifically discussed you wouldn’t eat…so it’s somehow my responsibility to check and see how much of my food you have eaten so I replace it?
I easily would have gotten more at the store had I thought I was low, but since I hadn’t eaten any of it lately, it shouldn’t have been gone!
We are somehow still arguing about this today and I just don’t understand how I am the jerk here…but if I am in the wrong here, please let me know.
Edit: Just to be clear, we share things almost 100%. It’s not like I am paying for everything and him nothing, and he often replaces things whenever he eats them all, but I keep running into the same issue where I go to use something and it is still gone. He is considerate in many ways, but I guess we just don’t agree on this?”
2. AITJ For Not Explicitly Telling My Partner That I Cooked Vegan Meals?
“I (f21) am vegan and have been so for several years. I started seeing “John” (m22) about three and a half months ago. We’ve gotten along wonderfully except for this past issue. When we went out to dinner for the first time I told him I was vegan when ordering my dish and he just kind of went “oh, cool” and started talking about something else.
It never really came up ever again as a point of discussion, though when he’s come over and I’ve made lunch/dinner it’s always been vegan dishes. I’ve never tried to actively hide this from him. When he asked what we were having I’d say things like “burgers” and I assumed that he knew it would naturally be something like impossible burgers.
For Christmas, neither of us could afford to travel home and neither is very close to our families so we had Christmas at my apartment and I cooked dinner, vegan lasagna. After dinner we were watching some cooking show and a contestant was making something with fake meat. John commented how he hated when dishes pretended to be meat when it was plant-based and it was deceptive and gross and he would never eat that.
I was naturally very confused and pointed out that he’s eaten that several times. When he questioned me I explained that dinner had been entirely vegan with fake meat and every time he’s eaten at my place it’s been a vegan dish.
He got really mad. I’m trying to keep this post concise but he accused me of tricking him into eating something he found disgusting and “forcing” my diet on him.
I said he was stupid for being mad at this and he said it would be the same as if he had tricked me into eating meat. I said it wasn’t the same because I was morally opposed to eating meat but nobody was morally opposed to eating plants. We argued some more and he left and went home.
He hasn’t been over since.
Yesterday I texted him trying to smooth things over and hoping he’s cooled down. He wrote a few paragraphs about how betrayed he felt. He said that he hoped I understood how disappointed he felt that I would tamper with his food like that, and that something like this was a serious betrayal of his trust.
He said I should have disclosed that none of the food I ever made contained meat. He finished it by saying he would come over for New Year’s only if I apologized for lying to him. I got frustrated and said that I didn’t lie, that this wasn’t something I should apologize for, and he was being stupid and childish.
He hasn’t replied.”
1. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Reduce His Gym Time After His Mother's Death?
“I’m a 38F married to a 39M. We’ve been together since we were teens. We’re still crazy in love and have three children, two girls and one boy.
My main issue isn’t our immediate family. My husband goes to the gym a lot, and has done so since a particular day when he was 14 when I was his best friend. He’s fit and has muscles on top of muscles. He doesn’t look disproportionate or unattractive with his build, but he’s quite buff and fit and in general has a muscular frame.
I’m not complaining at all but I still worry for him by how much he goes to the gym.
I worried that the gym would cause him to become encased in himself. He goes 5/6 days a week for at least an hour, sometimes more. It doesn’t cause him to miss a lot of time with me/the kids though, but I’m sure it’s cause of his bad upbringing.
He was quite big as a child and even when I met him as a teenager but steadily lost weight going into adulthood. But that didn’t prevent his family from treating him terribly. They’d call him fat, they’d say they’d make him starve himself (and sometimes they did). They’d say he was a worthless fatty.
It hurt him so bad.
At school it was a bit better but I remember one horrible incident he went through. We were all in the same year, and some guys came up and started mocking him, calling him a bunch of horrible names to do with his weight. I saw something in him crack.
After that day, he told me he vowed to get fit. His family hated that he was gaining some “character” and would rarely look out for him and give him a normal childhood. The bullying and standoffs with his family would just increase. When he reached adulthood, he immediately moved out and his family and he would have as close to zero contact as he could with them.
So the issue. Last weekend, my FIL “broke the ice” and reached out, wanting to meet my husband. His wife passed away, he wanted his son to help him with preparations for the funeral service. My husband coldly responded no, and he doesn’t want to hear from him or his siblings at all. His sister contacted him, shouting and screaming at him for disrespecting their father and their dead mother, and his brother called right after too, calling him a “gym freak” who was the odd one out in their family, but my husband simply said he doesn’t care and to leave him be.
I got even more worried since he put all his energy into working out even more this week. So I said something I probably shouldn’t. I said, “honey, I think you need to cool down with all the gym,” or something along those lines. I continued saying I know he wanted to be strong, but his mom was still his mom and being fit and muscular wouldn’t replace the bond that a mom and son have.
He simply responded “woooooow” and said he’s fine, and that I crossed the line.
He’s been kind of silent towards me and he hasn’t responded to repeated calls from his remaining family. I want to break the ice with him and apologize for what I said, but AITJ for it?”