People Question Their Actions In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
31. AITJ For Ruining A Wedding?
“So I (M30) have been with my bf (M34) for 2 years. My mother is very homophobic and basically cut me out when she found out I was bi back when I first finished college. All my life she would try to control me.
She would try to control what I wear, who I hang out with only to fit her definition of the perfect son. For example, I like to knit and she would throw away all my knitting accessories because it wasn’t a hobby for “boys”.
I always told her it was her own fault for sending me to an all-boy school and that I had eyes.
My siblings have always been supportive of my lifestyle and we’re very close. My older brother is getting married to his SO of 5 years and they will get married in July 2022.
His fiancee is awesome, but her family is also very homophobic. Her mother and mine get along very well, and do many activities together. I have gone LC with my mother over the years.
I love my brother’s fiancée, but she has a tendency to try to please everyone around her… which means that when I got my invitation to the wedding, lo and behold, I was the only one with no +1.
At first, I thought it was a mistake, so I contacted his fiancé (since I knew she was the one taking care of the guest list and the RSVP) and she told me that they had to cut down the number of invitations but I checked with my siblings and all of them got a +1.
This really upset me and my bf, since he is very close to my brother (they went to uni together).
I contacted my brother who of course had no idea that I didn’t have a +1 and told me he’d take care of it.
I then received a bunch of text messages from my SIL berating me for talking to my brother and that I should have just taken the one invitation. She told me she did this to prevent any problems with me and her side of the family, and my mother.
She also told me that she didn’t want me and my bf to be the center of attention at her own wedding. She told me that she’ll give me the +1 but that I’ll be ruining her wedding. I’ve talked to friends and my siblings and they’re mostly on my side… but some have told me that it’s her wedding and that she has the right to invite who she wants.
I think I might be the jerk because my mother’s subtle homophobic remarks don’t affect me anymore but I don’t think it’ll be fair to let my bf be subject to them and her family’s homophobia, and that it is indeed her own wedding.”
30. AITJ For Not Wanting to Send Pictures Of My Son to My Dad and his Wife?
“My BioDad (now 46) never wanted children. He had me by mistake when he was about 25. He wasn’t necessarily a BAD dad but, has always been very disconnected. He has always been very open about how he never wanted children.
And his attitude towards me has always been lukewarm at best. He treated me as more of a younger sibling, than his child. To his credit; He paid his child support on time.
He got married to his wife, let’s call her C, when I was about 8 years old.
C has never liked me and is always putting me down. She has openly admitted that she enjoys making fun of me. And that it’s funny to hurt when she has clearly hurt my feelings. She has constantly degraded me, with BioDad sitting right there.
He never says anything nor does he stick up for me. Other than the occasional birthday text, I no longer heard from BioDad.
Onto the Story:
I (Nb 21) had my first child in August 2021. The pregnancy was a massive surprise.
When informing BioDad of the pregnancy, he was less than enthusiastic. I was received with “Oh.” followed by an immediate change in the subject.
Well I attempted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Stupid decision on my part.
After my son was born, I did send pictures to BioDad. I got a “Thanks for the pictures”. No congratulations. No asking how we were all doing. Just a thank you.
Son is now 3 months old. For Thanksgiving, we took pictures of him in a little turkey outfit.
We don’t post pictures of Son on social media, of any form. And I really wanted to show people the super cute pictures we got. So I made a post asking if I could send people his pictures. C commented saying, “You can always send your Dad and me pictures.”
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I told her, privately, that I would not be sending her or BioDad photos. When asked why, I told her that she has always been a jerk to me. That my son is not her privilege.
That BioDad has allowed to happen for years. She knew that I was part of the deal when marrying BioDad. If she had a problem with that she should have ended the relationship and found someone without a kid.
I think I may have been to harsh on C but, it all just kinda poured out.
Not sure if I was a full-on jerk though.”
29. AITJ For Not Liking The Gifts My Partner Got Me?
“I (30f) am currently in a fight about this with my partner (35m).
We’ve been together for about four years now, and a version of this conversation seems to happen a couple of times a year. It always, *always* goes like this:
Him: what do you want for Xmas?
Me: *gives specific answer*
Him: cool, send me a link.
Me: *sends link*
Him: you know, I have an old one of those I could fix up for you instead.
Me: Well… I really like *this* one because of the color/shape/size/matches my stuff/have already done the research / etc., and I was thinking of getting it for myself anyway; you don’t really have to.
Him: But I could just give you this one, that’s sitting here unused.
I should mention that we both have well-paying jobs, and are childfree. We split bills and mortgage and have savings. We’re not rich, but funds has not been an issue; we are fortunate.
We can do ‘nice’ things like eat take out or go on a small vacation every once in a while. And we communicate well; he admits he needs guidance thinking of gift ideas for people.
I usually give in because I don’t want to seem wasteful or spoiled. I don’t need any gifts from him at all, but he always insists for bdays and xmas so I try to be honest and name something I would actually use that’s not too expensive, so it’s easy for him.
But he always gets me a hand-me-down, thrifted, imitation brand or jerry-rigged version. One year I pointed out a $75 used bike in a shop. He gave me his old bike. (He’s 6’5”. I’m 5’4”.) Last year I asked for a hot stone massage at a spa, he gave me some massage oil and a ‘coupon’ for a massage from him.
How can I say no to that without sounding ungrateful? (It was lovely, but it was not a real massage, lol.)
So now, just this evening he asked again.
Me: Well, I have been browsing a new tent for camping this summer – a dome one so we don’t have to stoop inside as much when we—
Him: Oh cool! My dad has a tent he doesn’t use anymore!
Me: … … Is it a dome tent?
Him: (laughing) no, it’s his old army tent—
Me: (exploding) why even ask me what I want if it doesn’t matter what I actually want – sometimes I just want what I want!
Him: Whooooa, you should hear yourself, ‘I want, I want!’ (backs away with his hands up)
I’m sitting in our room alone feeling like a selfish jerk while he Calls all of the Duties downstairs. He plays that when he’s upset.”
28. AITJ For Needing A Coffee?
“I (22F) have a chronic condition that makes it hard to travel longer than a couple of hours at a time. As a result, I always request a wheelchair when flying. I’ve been using this service for over 2 years now (excluding most of 2020) and have always been very grateful for my driver.
I have a can to use over short distances, such as when I use the bathroom and enter/exit the plane.
Yesterday I was in the middle of my trip around lunchtime, but I was moving from flying to a coach bus and still wouldn’t be at my destination for another 6 hours.
Getting off the flight I was in dire need of a bathroom, which I communicated to my driver. Curiously, I wasn’t assigned to a driver, which is normally the case in every airport I’ve used this service in.
It starts off rough with her going past the first (gender-neutral/handicap) bathroom.
I remind her that I desperately need to use the bathroom, and we get to the next one, and I just fly into the first stall. I was quick in the bathroom, and come back relieved and now just hungry and tired. I took no more than 3 minutes in the bathroom.
We continue towards baggage claim and I ask that we stop at a coffee place to grab a coffee and a sandwich. My driver says nothing, but is heading in the direction of the coffee place (and also the exit past security, I learn).
We get near the coffee place, but she makes no direction to stop or turn into the line to order. I remind her of my request, and she says “no honey, there’s a line.” I don’t know if the line she was referring to was the one to the coffee place (very short) or the peeps waiting for a wheelchair.
Before I knew it, she turned and brought me through the doors past security (right across from coffee). I couldn’t get my coffee even if I leapt out from the wheelchair and stumbled and limped myself there. We get to baggage claim, and proceed to wait about 20 minutes for my luggage.
Now, she couldn’t have known that it would be such a long wait and possibly was concerned about others waiting for the wheelchair, but I do feel that I’m not the jerk here and that I had every right to ask for a second stop.
However, my friend said that since I had a responsibility to not use the wheelchair for longer than I need it, and since coffee isn’t a requirement and that I had food with me, that I shouldn’t have asked to stop for it.
*EDIT: I reported the driver for violating ADA since she didn’t let me get up and use my cane in order to release her and let her go to someone else if she was in demand. I felt that she should have at least let me offer an alternative since she saw me deplane with my cane.
I didn’t report her for not bringing to coffee but instead for not letting me know earlier that she wouldn’t stop (I asked for a coffee stop right after I left the bathroom, leaving plenty of time to let me know that she couldn’t stop).
*EDIT #2: since yall keep bringing this up, I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO REPORT HER FOR NOT GIVING ME THE OPTION TO STOP FOR COFFEE, EITHER WITH OR WITHOUT HER. If I was an abled body person, I would’ve been able to stop for coffee.
But I’m not and need help crossing large distances (which I specified when asking for the service), but fine for short distances such as the one between the coffee place I requested and baggage claim (also specified). If she couldn’t accommodate me, or if it was unreasonable, she should have communicated that to me before the moment she took me past security.
The exit was less than 10 feet from the entrance to the line and when she told that she couldn’t take me when I asked for it the SECOND time. I was not given the option to get it myself. It is not likely to fire her unless this is not her first complaint.
Those of you saying that I shouldn’t have reported her for this have no idea what it feels like to be treated as glorified luggage and not as a human being. Please stop using this to weigh your judgment.
So, AITJ?”
27. AITJ for Telling My Mom that She's Being Rude?
“I (32F) am very close with my mother (69F). We see each other every day and I love her very much. An issue we have though, is that she is very focused on weight. Her weight, my weight, other people’s weight.
For example, if I show her a picture of someone from my childhood on SM who she has not seen in a while, 8/10 times her first comment will be about their weight. How skinny they are, how chunky/heavy they’ve gotten.
I’ve tried to point out to her that she does this but she just gets mad when I do, so I’ve kind of just started ignoring her since it’s not like the people are actually there to hear her.
Now, I started gaining weight about 14 years ago in college, and at my heaviest hit 329 lbs.
When I started gaining weight, my mom and I started fighting about it. I understand that at the time she was concerned about my health and I was in denial about my weight. I just think she went about it the wrong way (screaming/crying about it, yelling at me about how I was never going to find a man and I was going to die young).
About three years ago, I had gastric sleeve surgery and have since gotten down to about 180 lbs. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come, and I’ve been managing to hover right around 180 for a while now, maybe fluctuating 5 lbs or so either way depending on the week.
Every other week or so, my mom will ask me about my weight, which I don’t necessarily mind in theory, but I hate the way she does it. I’ve tried to tell her that how she does it bothers me but she either just gets mad or excuses it away by saying she’s just concerned and she’s my mother.
Last night, she said, “How’s keto going? You look like you’ve put a few pounds back on.” I told her when I weighed myself on Monday I was at 185. She (kind of shocked) said, “You’ve gained 5 lbs back?” I gave her a look at told her that it was that time of the month and I always put a few pounds on that week.
She said, “I just worry for you, and I don’t want you to lose Sam.” (Sam’s my current bf). I told her first of all, I think “keeping a man” is a very toxic reason to lose weight, people should lose weight for themselves not others, secondly, I’m quite pleased with my body and my doctors say I’m perfectly healthy, and thirdly, I think it’s really rude of her to keep criticizing my weight considering how far I’ve come in my weight loss.
I also told her that she would never say something like that to one of her friends because that would be rude so I don’t know why she thinks she can treat me differently. Well, she got mad and started going on again about her being my mother so she’s allowed to worry.
I basically left right after. AITJ for how I handled this?”
26. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Mom?
“Bit of backstory here.
My MIL (55F) is generally a pleasant person but can be extremely pushy. She is the biggest extrovert I’ve ever met while I’m more introverted and soft-spoken, but we get along fairly well.
Yesterday, it was my mum’s birthday.
It was also day 2 of one of the worst migraines I’ve ever had. By 8 am yesterday, I hadn’t slept in 48 hours, hadn’t been able to keep anything down since the day before because I kept throwing up from the pain (sorry if TMI), and generally just wanted to lie in the dark in a fetal position until it passed (why I took the day off sick even though I WFH).
Knowing that my mum would pop by my place to say hi in the evening, MIL texted me yesterday morning asking when she could come by to drop off her card/present. I thanked her for the nice gesture, explained that I was really not feeling well, apologized, and suggested she could drop it off another day.
MIL’s response? That was no problem, she’d pop by around *lunchtime* to give me time to recover. As in, that same day. Thinking I had not explained myself correctly – I am not very coherent during a migraine – I reiterated that I really was not feeling well, and said (very nicely) that another day would really work better for me.
She again completely ignored my request and said she’d be by before 2 pm.
Lo and behold, at 1:45 a knock sounds on the door. I wanted to ignore it, but then the doorbell started going off multiple times. So I dragged myself out of bed and down two flights of stairs, nauseous and in pain, in my jammies, with my hair in a ratty bun, to find MIL on my doorstep.
She proceeded to tut over how tired I looked and seemed offended when I didn’t invite her in or linger at the door to chat besides *hi* and *thank you*. The moment the door was shut, I lunged for the bathroom and barely made it to the downstairs toilet before I threw up again.
When I was done, I texted my partner and told him that we need to talk about his mother and her inability to respect the word ‘no’, because I was tired of putting up with it after being a doormat for the last five years.
Partner backed me up and spoke to her last night, but now MIL is offended and thinks I don’t like her. AITJ here?
Edit: To all the people saying I should have puked on her shoes – I almost did!
But I held it in cause a) I would have felt bad about it and b) I didn’t want to splatter my guts all over my nice new doormat and front steps.”
Good luck, and good for you for finally setting boundaries.
25. AITJ For Not Liking My Roommate?
“This semester I got a new roommate Clare (19).
Clare just moved to Los Angeles from out of state.
Clare is very naive about how Los Angeles works (thinks she’ll be famous soon). She also won’t clean up after herself. She makes everything into an argument.
“You have arms, you can pick things up if you don’t like it there.” She keeps saying things like when “ I’m famous, you will regret talking to me like that.”
“I’m so glad that I won’t have to worry about people like you in a few years.”
I’m in school on a scholarship, local, and a black female.
The race is about to come into it.
Our other Roommate is Mia.
Latina. I’ve been learning Spanish off and on my whole life, so I’m having Mia help me.
One Night I messed up a word, and it ended up meaning something completely different that’s 100% NSFW. Mia and I erupt in giggles as she’s trying to correct me.
Then we started saying stupid, inappropriate things like trying to come up with puns.
Clare comes in and yells at that “We need to stop talking about HER.”
I replied that “We are making stupid jokes. If anything, I’m making fun of myself and my awful Spanish.”
Clare said, why would I want to learn Spanish anyway? It’s America.
I say the city is called Los Angeles, and there’s a large Spanish-speaking population.
I want to communicate with all of my coworkers. Many places hire bilinguals.
Clare goes on a tirade about how we make her feel like an outsider in her own dorm and OWN country.
Next, Clare goes maybe Mia should go back to where she came from. She can speak Spanish all she wants.
Mia loses it and tells Clare she was born in The Valley. Maybe it’s time Clare goes back to where she is from, and that’s not Los Angeles.
Clare starts Crying, and Mia leaves the campus.
Mia files a complaint against Clare for being racially insensitive.
I was asked to make a statement to our university backing up Clare’s microaggressive towards us.
When Clare came back from her vacation, she was told she was being suspended from campus, and her living arrangements were revoked.
Mia and I had to leave the area while Clare packed with campus security.
Now Clare is blowing up her Instagram feed telling everyone she was targeted for being white. Her friends are saying awful things about Mia, myself, and Los Angeles in general.
Clare is making it look like it was race-baiting against her by her POC roommates.”
24. AITJ For Making My Mom Cry?
“I absolutely love my family, always have and always will. But there’s a point where it becomes too much. This all started when I went off to college, I was 18 at the time and just out of high school and horrible at managing my finances, I went through them like white on rice, but it didn’t help when my parents were also on my bank account putting my account into the negative.
This caused a major rift between us as well as some other things, and ultimately they were really upset I pulled them off of my account.
Fast forward to my little sister now being in high school and they (my parents) are on her account.
They have been for THE last 5 years. In the time I’ve left for college to moving back home. My sister is now 21 while I am 23 and my little brother is 17.
My sister has always done the best she could with her finances but as of late (these past 5 going on 6 years) have led to the same conversation we’ve had over and over.
My sister is frustrated that my parents are essentially using her funds for the things that they cannot cover for. My sister has taken out more than one loan and now she’s in a tight spot in regards to any kind of credit she wants to build.
She has cried to me multiple times that she’s sick of it.
Well, of course I’m going to be upset because I was once in her shoes. And I ended up setting a therapy session with my therapist to talk about my frustrations.
Well, my mom overheard me talking to my therapist about some of the things that they’ve been doing and essentially got her feelings hurt.
My sister texted me furious that I talked to my therapist about the situation they’re putting her in and how I felt and how I made our mom cry.
We eventually all sat down and I opened up about how I truly felt about my sister going through what they put me through, and my mom threw the fact that she sacrificed a lot for us etc, and my dad got angry and asked why do I always have to drag them through the mud.
I got mad and told her that’s her job as a parent when having kids, and not leeching off of your children’s accounts. I don’t feel as though I’ve dragged them through the mud by expressing my feelings and talking to my therapist. But now they’ve gone and taken funds from my little brother’s account too despite him telling them not to do so.
AITJ for dragging my parents and making my mom cry?”
23. AITJ For Reporting My Mother?
“So I (21F) was visiting my immediate family for Thanksgiving in another state when my mom and I struck up a conversation about my bf (21M).
She explained that she loves a lot of things about him, but the one thing she can’t stand is how he never texts her. She explained that if he were of our culture (Lebanese) he would be trying to be her best friend, texting and calling every day to try and get on her good side.
Mind you, they’ve only met in person once and he doesn’t even text his own parents all the time. I explained this to her, and she stated this is a cultural difference (which I don’t really agree with), and shouldn’t be tolerated. I told her my relationship isn’t about her, and how he and I can’t possibly be her friend because he’s in a relationship with me and I’m her daughter.
She tells me a lot that since me and my brother moved out for college, she’s been extremely lonely and miserable (my dad lives in another state for work, they’re still together). I told her since I can’t be her friend, she should try finding her own friends and a community that will accept her.
I asked her what she’s going to do when I have a family and kids of my own and we’re trying to start our own traditions and I can’t come over for the holidays anymore. She then started crying and yelling, asking why I didn’t want her in my life anymore, which is not the case.
I tried explaining to her that when I have my own kids, things will be a lot different. She wouldn’t listen and proceeded to be sad the whole day. I got really emotional and started crying because I was already stressed from our argument earlier that day she then tells me I’m “always the victim” she also mentioned that I was making the whole family miserable every time I visit for the holidays.
I started crying more, and after a few minutes, she started pretending like we didn’t even argue and wanted to make up by hugging me, but I was obviously still frustrated.
The next day, she was expressing that she wanted to go to the mall, so while I didn’t have any nice clothes, I put on joggers and a tshirt and my trench coat, and she yelled that I wasn’t dressed up enough for the mall.
Truth be told, I got really upset. I stormed off because I felt like she was treating me like a child. I got more “dressed up” and stormed past my grandma in the hallway. My mom then told me I scare my grandma with my unpredictable “temper”, and at that point, I just wanted to leave.
I packed my bags and explained I’d be going somewhere else for the duration of my stay because I was sick of getting yelled at. She tried to get in between me and the door and tried to grab me to stop me from leaving.
I told her I’d call the cops if she kept trying to stop me. I eventually managed to leave after that. She’s saying I’m mentally ill for threatening to call the cops on my own mother. AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Visiting My Partner?
“I (27F) have a partner (27M) of 6 years. although we aren’t engaged, we frequently talk/plan about our marriage, live together, have a joint account, and are engaged in all ways but a technicality.
Throughout all these years, there was one thing that he does that bothers me a little.
Whenever he gets very sick, he leaves our home and locks himself in a hotel, and never lets me visit him. He cuts off all contacts, doesn’t answer his phone, and tells the hotel to never send anyone up to his room unless someone is dying.
He goes to the doctor and takes care of himself there, but I am just left alone in our house worried.
Granted, this doesn’t happen that often, maybe 3~4 times through, our entire relationship, but it still bothered me a lot.
He told me that he often lashes out at whoever is nearby when he’s sick, and he becomes extremely mean-spirited and hurtful. He’s driven other friends away because of this in the past and he doesn’t want me to see him in that state, but if we are going to have a life together I think he needs to get over this and face his issues instead of hiding away behind a locked door.
So when he got sick again and in late November and just told me that he’ll be gone for a few days, I decided to do something about it. My bf isn’t that perceptive when he’s healthy, so it wasn’t hard to follow him from a distance when he was sick.
I checked in to the same hotel my bf was in, and learned which floor he lives in. After waiting in the corridor for about 2 hrs, I saw my bf coming out looking like death.
He was furious that I’d followed him, but I told him that I’m not going anywhere and that I’m going to take care of him.
I dragged him to the hospital, got his medication and we went back to his room in the hotel. I brought him water, gave him some homemade soup, laid out his medicine, and generally made sure he was cared for.
He was everything he promised and worse. He cursed at me (I’ve never heard this man curse in my whole life), and pretty much verbally mistreatmented me the whole day. Surprisingly, I felt ok with all this. Maybe the fact that he warned me ahead helped me cope, or that he was normally such a loving, kind man, but I felt unaffected by his attempt to hurt me and I kept by his side.
That night, he cried as he was falling asleep and apologized to me repeatedly. It took him almost 2 hours of constant apologizing in his fevered state before he finally lost all energy and simply fell asleep.
Seeing him so vulnerable and begging not to leave him made me feel incredibly guilty though.
He told me he didn’t want me to see this side of him but I intruded anyway. I felt like a jerk and didn’t know what to do.
He has since recovered and apologized and thanked me for what I’ve done, saying that he needed to work on his issues and that I’ve helped him see that, but I still feel horrible for what I’ve done.
AITJ?”
Him work through this tho he can’t expect to plan a life with you if he’s gunna check out when he’s not well when u have kids etc
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Stay Over?
“My brother is the youngest male in my family. Our older sister & I always took on the role of caregiver to him while our mother worked. We are all older now, have our own lives. My sis & I have lupus.
I have a severe hernia that put me in the ER in the past. My Mom now has stage 4 cancer. My bro is a newlywed w/a new baby.
During the holidays my sis & I prep for days, clean, decorate, organize, cook, serve & do other traditional things.
We suffer greatly & become exhausted (at times very sick).
However, the holiday seasons seem to come all at once. It begins w/Halloween. My whole town goes all out & we get kids from other towns & gated communities.
We give out over 5000pcs of candy from 3pm to 8pm. 10 days after Halloween it’s my sis’s daughter’s birthday. Again, prep & all happens. Then 2 weeks after that it’s Thanksgiving & another set of prep & go. I was actually born on a day that Thanksgiving fell on.
Ever since then, I’ve never had a b’day party. My mom would tell me I cant be selfish & have people give up their holiday. I don’t get anything from my family. I instead clean, prep & go.
I learned not to complain, this is just how my life is.
However, every holiday My bro wants to stay over which requires me to do more such as clean bedding, prep where he sleeps, cook him lunch and or breakfast, serve it, clean up that too. So it’s more and more work, between work.
Now he has a wife & a baby. They never put the baby in the crib not even when he is asleep. They want us all to helicopter the baby so I constantly have to bend hurting my hernia. We also have one bathroom with a shower.
So when my brother comes he wants his wife to get ready So I go without showers so his family can take them.
On top of that, I have a bro-in-law who wants special foods because he is picky, so I’m doing even more work.
Now mid-Dec is my brother’s son’s 1st bday. My sis & Mom offered our home to my bro. So now I am required to again prep/work
I began to break down 2 weeks after this is christmas & then new years.
I told them I become a maid & butler. On Thanksgiving, while serving my sister-in-law my mother told me to make sure to make her tea and get her water. My heart sank because I was already tired from doing everything else.
I asked my mom & sis can my bro NOT sleep over this time, its too much for me too prep & constantly cook clean, babysit & serve. My mom says i’m just Jealous of my bro. That I just want to ruin the holidays like always.
I just want a normal holiday where he goes home. Where he comes for dinner and dessert and then goes home. Where I’m not required to do all extra sleepover clean-up.
Now my sister says she will go to a Ranch for Christmas & that I’m on my own w.
mom & bro. She believes taking her picky husband away will ease things up on me.
AM I THE JERK? Am I really ruining everyone else’s holiday? They expect me to also cook and clean for New years too.”
20. AITJ For Being Upset About A Gift?
“My stepmother has been around since I was probably 12, so about 6/7 years. she lived in Texas when we lived in Chicago then moved to Ohio and then we moved to Texas around 2 years ago to finally move in with her.
My dad gets her son birthday and Christmas gifts every year that he doesn’t even use. A scooter one year a bike another and he hasn’t touched the bike and it’s been a year. My 18th birthday was two weeks ago and I was very excited. We all went to dinner and we got home and my dad gave me some stuff that I was very thankful for even tho pretty much none of it worked (he likes to garage sale – we’re not broke but it was thoughtful- Her son comes out (she’s not in the room) and says I asked mama if we could get you something and she said no. And I was like well okay maybe it was just after school and they didn’t have time.
My stepmother is a teacher at my school and I will be taking her class next semester so a lot of students know she’s my step mom She teaches AP economics, Too which a lot of AP students say she’s a horrible teacher and good person so I really don’t want to have her in class.
I was sitting at lunch and one of my friends told me she had gotten a student cupcakes for their birthday and I was like… dang. And I’ve been contemplating for two weeks mentioning something to my dad. My brother picks me up and we meet our dad and I told him and I really made it a point to be like- I’m not materialistic but it just seems kind of rude.
And he said it’s not materialistic it’s the principle. So fast forward to this morning she and I are in the way to school and she asks why I’m upset with her and I tell her.
To which she said: 1.
I got a student cupcakes because they were finding out if they got into their university (which I didn’t get cupcakes when I got into my top choice- she didn’t even congratulate me) and the student didn’t even get into the university.
2. She does stuff for her students all the time and she does a lot for me (I asked her to make a doctor’s appointment for me four months ago because she controls my insurance and she hasn’t other than idk what she does) 3.
She said that she told her son we would get it later (it’s been two weeks) 4. She said Not to tell my father these things because it just causes problems and I need to come to her when I feel like that 5.
She got me Starbucks that morning and told me happy birthday (we get Starbucks every once and while so it didn’t seem like anything special. And I feel crappy. She was really upset that I thought that and I feel bad.
I don’t want to seem like I needed a gift but a card would have been nice. But she seems upset by the fact that I thought these things and I don’t know what to do. AITJ for just wanting a birthday card or something small?”
19. AITJ For Wanting To Speak At A Funeral?
“I (28F) have always been the black sheep of my family every since I was a child. I have had very strong opinions and have always stuck up for myself since I was very young which has always caused problems with my extended family as I did not always tow the family line (refusing to hug and kiss family, being picky about food, getting tattoos, not wanting to go to church).
This meant I was always left out of family occasions and pretty much of ignored if I was allowed to attend. My parents and Grandmother always encouraged me to be myself, and never had a problem with my way of life, we have always been very close.
My grandmother (87) passed away earlier this week rather suddenly. We have always known that the time would come as she has had heart problems in the past few years, however, she got very ill and passed away within a couple of days.
Yesterday our family got together to start arranging the funeral, which will be held next week. During the planning, my sister (30F) and I said we would like to speak at the funeral, but my uncle (her youngest child, M52) told us all that no one except him, his daughter and my Gran’s sister would be allowed to give a eulogy.
I was shocked, and calmly asked why they were allowed to speak but we weren’t allowed to, as we were also very close. He said that this is what he had decided to ensure the funeral runs smoothly.
At this point I was upset, not only from the emotion of losing a beloved grandmother but also from once again being treated like a second-class citizen to the rest of the family, so I said “Well we will be speaking one way or the other as she meant so much to us, even if this means I interrupt the service to do so”.
My uncle got extremely upset that I said this and shouted at me to leave and not come to the funeral or I will be kicked out, and that I will no longer be welcome at any family events.
Not wanting to cause any further problems, I left without saying goodbye.
My parents called me on the way home and said I was right for standing up for myself and my sister, but the rest of the family have all said I disrespected the entire family and that I am the jerk for causing trouble during this time of grief and disrespecting my uncle’s decisions.
So, am I the jerk for demanding I speak at the funeral?”
18. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor Off?
“We’ve bought a house from a nice family and are now living in a village. The direct neighbors were happy the family had left the village and immediately started saying that the woman that used to live here was a vegan (a bad one!) and extremely unfriendly.
We also got lots of gossip and information we never wanted to have, because we’ve only bought a house and don’t really care about the family that lived here. Besides that, I have the feeling that everything we do (and me especially since I am the woman and the past woman was the issue) gets compared to what she/they did.
Like, they’ve already decided that if I’m also a vegan (I’m vegetarian but it’s also bad because I don’t eat meat and don’t make grill parties), I’m also a bad person. I feel very, very uncomfortable.
So there’s a family living right beside us, the people are 50 years old and actually really nice people.
They always help whenever they see we might use some help, without us having to ask. That’s sometimes awkward, but they have good intentions I guess. I like them, except she’s having great issues with her weight and overall life, she’s stopped working due to chronic illness and nobody seems to hang out with her.
Her teen daughter is also pushing her away, that’s actually quite sad but I can see why. We’re in our 30s, I’m also at home recovering from burnout. This woman (her name is Kerstin) and I don’t have much in common, it’s just my struggle to lose weight and me having a forced break from work.
She’s been overly friendly, always seeking contact and EXTREMELY interested in ANYTHING I do. She comments any detail that changes in our garden or at home and sees everything! That has made me feel totally uncomfortable already.
And then, one day, she came to my back door through the garden without a previous invitation or the slightest sign.
She saw me in the house while walking her dog and thought she’d say hello, but at my backdoor (which is leading to the garden). She scared and shocked me, nobody ever knocked at that door before. I told her that I find it very intrusive and not ok, she could call me anytime or ring the doorbell but please, don’t do this.
I don’t want people to come to my back door, just because we didn’t build a fence to stop them.
She left and is not talking to me ever since, not greeting me back, not coming out into her own garden with her dog anymore.
I feel kind of guilty. On the other side, she might be emotionally blackmailing me for setting boundaries.
Help me please, am I the jerk? Should I apologize and try to make things better? Or is it better to not give in and keep my privacy protected?”
17. AITJ For Scheduling A Meeting?
“I (F,28) have been working with Phil (M,27) for the last three years sharing a class. He teaches Mo-Wed lunchtime, me afterwards. I am full-time, so I also teach in another class, while he is part-time and off work.
He went part-time in the first year and has followed a very strict work-lifetime-principle since then. Meaning, he will not react to any work-related messages until Monday morning, even urgent ones. I admit, I struggle a bit more with it and came close to a burnout last spring, so while I admire his dedication, I also have to say, it causes problems.
November is a very demanding month at my school. We have to meet to fill out assessments, followed by individual 15-minute parent-teacher-pupil-meetings. Additionally, we also have several scheduled meetings with our SEN coordinator as now after schools are open again we have quite a lot of children who need to catch up or are undiagnosed SEN cases.
The last two weeks I have spent seven out of ten days in the evenings with meetings (two classes plus SEN plus additional parent meetings), not being home before 8 pm. I missed quite a lot of time with my twins and they really miss me Since last week some parents had trouble logging into the meeting, tomorrow is a catch-up day with meetings from 4-5 pm scheduled.
It is incredibly hard to time meetings with Phil, since he will not answer to emails for five days, and then we only can talk on a twenty-minute break on Tuesday (different break times and playground duties during the rest).
I am online more often, so parents tend to send me emails regarding their children or concerns and I am the one briefing him. Two weeks ago I got an email from a mother in Phil’s and mine class who asked for an urgent meeting.
Her child is SEN and there were some recent developments we need to discuss and set up into their action plan. I forwarded the message to Phil as well, he did not react on it, then he was off for two days, and since it is a rather urgent case.
I finally decided to schedule a meeting with the mum to tomorrow at 5 pm, to finally get out of the meeting circle and be able to tick off all “having to speak to parents” until Christmas. The meeting will not be longer than 15 minutes, but it is easier to discuss it but sending emails back and forth.
Well, today his answer: “I am working Mo-Wed, please reschedule.”
For the last two years, I have scheduled my timings all around him. He knows how I struggle with 60 meetings for two classes, and that I am quite on the edge – and he adds a lot to it.
He answers late, he does not forward information to me (when we had parent info evening and he had not sent out invitations for it, as a week before his child was born six days before due date). Just that I did not know and had to find a new date with angry parents.
I get it, life as a working parent is hard (I have the same!) but I am so upset about the behavior and I really want him to be in the meeting tomorrow. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Prioritizing Christmas?
“I (25yF) and my (almost 25yr M) SO of 6yrs have been married for 1. We got together in HS,& graduated together. BC is a liar & I accidentally got pregnant at 19, after grad, and we had our 1st DD that year.
My SO has always been an inconsiderate jerk. In the last 6yrs, he has celebrated my bday once, Mother’s Day once, and gotten me/acknowledged me for Christmas twice—-and the first time was as friends.
I have done a lot for him, for every single special occasion.
I’m not a materialistic person, I have said many times, I would love anything. A clean house, coffee made before I wake up, wildflowers picked. I have been constantly met with nothing.
The most recent fathers/Mother’s Day of this year, he slept until 3pm.
When he wouldn’t wake up at 10, I took our girls and just left, and spent the day going to the park, store, brunch, and even went and visited HIS GMA (which was wonderful, love her). He finally texted me at 3 PM and said “where are you?”
I bought a $250 grill/smoker combo for him for Father’s Day, along with a nice grill spatula, tongs, grill glove, and seasonings, made him breakfast, & kids made cards.
My birthday was last month. Funds had been tight, so for a full month, I told him all I wanted was for the house to be cleaned up, and to spend an hour by myself because I seriously needed a break.
And then after that, we could spend time together with the kids and do anything. I got nothing.
So, decorating makes me happy. I love decorating for holidays, but I’ve never been allowed to decorate for Xmas until after 12/5
Today, I put up lights and brought home a big live tree for the front. It was just a couple of things & I haven’t even done the inside. But it makes me so happy, and the joy on my kids’ faces was literally the greatest thing.
He was absolutely ticked when he got home from work and saw it. For once I said didn’t care, because all of these years I have done everything I can to make him feel important for his birthday, never feel left out or forgotten, to make him feel loved and special, and that he has never once done ANY of those things for me, & I wanted something this year to make me happy and that angered him
I understand how I could be the jerk because Dec b-days are touchy, with people at times feeling overlooked, unimportant, and overshadowed by the holidays.
I have always celebrated and done things In his love language to make him feel special and loved. His family has never decorated before 12/5 so I also get that was a tradition.
So, AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Embarrassing A Girl?
“So some background info; one of my friends ( we’re all 14F) in my first-period class got into an argument with another girl in class and they stopped speaking for a bit. During this time instead of hanging out with her during class she started hanging out with me.
Well a week goes by and they’re back on speaking terms and being friends again. Which I have no problem with. The following Monday we started group projects and I missed that school day, so on Tuesday my friend said I could join their group so I wouldn’t have to work alone and catch up.
During this time (let’s call her “K”) the girl I’m not friends with starts ignoring me when I ask her questions related to the project and when she does finally answer me after asking her the same question 5 or 6 times she rolls her eyes at me or talks to me like I’m dumb or a small child with a really nasty attitude.
I think it’s important to mention I’ve never even talked to “K” before this project. This continues for 2 weeks.
Well finally it’s presentation day and my friend and I found out that “K” didn’t do all of what she was supposed to do for the project.
And on top of that she did part of the project my friend had already done because she was confused about what all she was supposed to do because of her lack of communication skills. Safe to say I’m annoyed, but I decide to let it go because it’s too late to do anything about it now.
For part of our project, we made a slide show and one of the slides was supposed to be a link to a quizlet she made so the people we were presenting to could play it. Mid presentation I look on the slideshow and it’s not there.
I politely ask where is it, and she responds nastily that “she has it” and I ask, “Well can you put it on the slide show?” And she’s “yeah” and rolls her eyes.
At this point I’ve had enough, I ask in the middle of presenting, “Did I do something to you?” And she goes “What?” and I say “Did I do something to you, because every time I talk to you you ignore me, talk to me like I’m annoying, or roll your eyes at me.” And she goes “no you didn’t do anything to me” and I said, “Really, because that’s not the impression from your bad attitude.” And she said “i have this attitude towards everyone.” And I was like “Well maybe you should fix your attitude instead of being rude.” This all happened in front of the majority of our class and she looked really embarrassed and I felt bad.
It wasn’t my intention to embarrass her, I actually meant to pull her aside, but the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and now I feel really guilty.”
14. AITJ For Losing My Temper?
“This family assigned neighborhood (military) so you will have kids outside yelling all day every day. Can’t escape it.
My neighbor’s little girl and my niece are around the same age so they play well together. Niece is 3.
Neighbor’s daughter is 4. (I’m taking care of my niece as my sister is incarcerated.)
I will address them like so:
Dee = neighbor
Vee = neighbor’s daughter
I can tell that Dee gets very annoyed by my niece. My niece is loud and hyper during play time as I allow that behavior at home.
Her daughter is very quiet and much less energetic. Nothing wrong with that. Just two different personalities.
When Dee and Vee came over to my home to play with my niece, I caught Dee telling my niece to quiet down and to use an inside voice.
I can understand if there is a sensitivity to sound so when we are indoors I didn’t mind telling my niece to quiet down just a tad when they come over to play. No problem. We can do that.
However.. If we are outside, Dee will tell my niece that she doesn’t need to yell so loudly. She yells “WEE” when she goes down the slide for example. I admit, she’s pretty loud. But I don’t enforce having to quiet down when the kids are playing outside.
I usually just try to make a light joke about it like, “oh pfft.. let her burn herself out so she can go to sleep tonight. Haha.” It’s awkward. That’s about as far as that issue goes.
Here is where I may have gone overboard:
My niece was playing with Vee in the backyard today. Vee took a moment to grab a sip of water from her mother’s water bottle. My niece was still running around and yelled out, ”V! Catch me! Catch me!” All giggles and smiles (wanting to play tag).
My neighbor snapped back at my niece in a condescending tone, “Stop yelling (niece)! She doesn’t have to catch you if she doesn’t want to! Let her drink her water!”
I was floored. I said, “Oh, no. Don’t talk to my niece like that.
She just wants to play tag with Vee. She’s not ‘yelling’ at Vee.”
She responded telling me that my niece doesn’t need to be telling her daughter what to do. That she is too loud and too hyper.
She started questioning me as to why my niece is so hyper. Do we read books and have quiet time. That in her house, everybody talks with inside voices. Etc. Etc.
I lost my ish and cussed at her in front of the kids.
“I don’t care what the (insert word) you do at your house. Stop fussing my niece for NORMAL child behaviors. She’s not doing anything wrong.”
She shook her head and said “WOW. I see why she’s so out of control.” Cue me biting my tongue like my life depended on it.
They left.
I lost my ish and cussed in front of the kids and now I feel like a complete jerk. I’m sure I could have handled that better and feel as though I cost my niece a friend that she genuinely enjoys being around.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Leaving A Study Group?
“A bit of context: I HATE when people chew gum. It sets me off and just the sounds of it are enough to make me really angry and irritated. One incident even made me almost cry because I was listening to it for hours with no headphones.
I’m pretty sure I have misophonia but not really sure since I only developed this in high school.
To why I’m here, I (19F) was in a study group for my calculus class. A friend group (2 girls and a guy) asked me to help them study for the upcoming final. I was more than happy to help because I was helping them with whatever they needed why I also prepare.
Killing two birds with one stone.
While we were studying, the guy (I’ll call him Tom) put a piece of gum in his mouth and started chewing really loudly. I asked him politely if he could please chew with his mouth closed and he apologized. For a couple of minutes, it was quiet … until he started chewing loudly again.
I asked him again, trying to mask my irritation, to please chew with his mouth closed. He tsked at me but quit. A couple of minutes later, Tom got up and told me and the two girls (I’ll call them Tina and Sam) that he was going to go to the restroom.
We all said ok and resumed studying. 3 minutes passed and I can hear Tina and Sam. I looked up with confusion until Tom came really close to my ear and started smacking his gum. I shot up and pushed him away.
At this point, I was in tears because I was so angry not only because of the gum but for the violation of my space. I asked him what the heck he thought he was doing and he just responded with “It’s just a harmless prank.” I didn’t want to study with this group of people anymore, so I started to pack up my stuff.
They asked me where I was going and I responded with “home.” They tried to force me to stay, saying it was just a prank and meant nothing by it, but I was too angry and needed to get out so I can get the sound of gum out of my head.
Now they are blowing up my phone, calling me all sorts of names that I don’t even want to say here. I told some of my friends about this and some told me I shouldn’t have left so abruptly since they really needed my help
AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Pushing Blame On My Mom?
“I (23f) am overweight and need to do something about it, this is the largest I’ve been since stopping smoking, currently 5’2 and around 12st 8.
I live with my parents who I generally have a great relationship with, other than this problem with my mother.
I don’t really know where to start with this as it has always been somewhat of an issue. She’s always been hyper-focused on weight with everyone but mostly me.
The first time I dieted I was 16 and starting weight of 8.5-9 stone, and only did it because of my mum’s extensive ‘encouragement’. I’ve since been on and off diets, including ones based on ketosis that make me unwell, and have a very bad relationship with food.
I believe I may suffer from a binge eating disorder as I hide my food, and will binge until I’m sick. Almost every diet I have been on is due to caving from the comments she makes to me. It started off with “should you really be eating that?” but it’s now the case that she will shout at me whenever I eat, her comments are harsher, with her more recently saying “Surely ‘Tom’ (my SO) isn’t happy with this.” It’s gotten to the point that every conversation we’ve had for the past two years has consisted of talking about my weight.
I lost it today. I had an invasive procedure in the morning that left me lightheaded and had taken extremely strong painkillers. I ate nothing because I knew she would comment. 5 hours later I opened a packet of crisps, the first and probably only thing I would eat today and she started again.
I screamed and cried. I told her (like I have multiple times) that she is making me hate myself, that her constantly bringing this up isn’t helpful and that any diet I have ever seen proper results from are the ones I chose to start on my own accord.
She still wasn’t listening, continuing to call me unhealthy and that I’m on my way to a heart attack. I told her that my being overweight in the first place is partly due to her. That her demonizing food and making eating such a taboo thing has made me form unhealthy habits (hiding food, binging), starting from when I was in a healthy weight range.
I want to make it clear that the sole responsibility is not hers but I think she definitely had a part to play.
I think I might be the jerk because my mum is heartbroken. She told me she hates herself if that’s what she’s done however she does not agree that this is the case.
I’m worried because if she doesn’t recognize her role then nothing will change. I love my mum, she is an excellent parent and has given me a very good life outside of this. But I truly believe she’s deflecting her part in this and I can’t keep denying it for the sake of her feelings when she doesn’t seem to have regard for mine in this matter.”
11. AITJ For Saying My Sister Can't Have a Phone After She Stole Mine?
“For background, when I (F18) was growing up my parents were really poor. And so extra things I wanted I generally had to pay for myself. This included my phone. I got a part-time job at 15 and I got myself a phone.
A little over a year ago I got a second phone that I only use for photos because it has a really good camera quality (this is important in the story)
Well, as of the last year or two, my parents have gotten a lot more income since my mom went from being a CNA to getting certification to be an RN and my dad has gotten a stable career in maintenance.
And so because of this my sister (13) has not had to worry as much as I did. On Monday my sister asked my parents if she could have a cell phone. My parents didn’t want me to feel like my sister was receiving favoritism so they asked me if I had an issue with her getting a phone they pay for.
I was on the way to work at the time and as a joke I said she couldn’t have one, this was just to mess with her and I was gonna tell her I was joking when I got back (I only worked a 5-hour shift if that matters) Well, when I got home I noticed things in my room had been messed with.
I’m very particular with how I store things so I noticed when my dresser had been gone through. When I looked I noticed my second phone was gone and I completely freaked out.
That phone has photos on it that are very special to me, most importantly photos of my best friend who passed away last year.
And yes, I have some of those transferred onto my personal phone but those are mostly the nice photos, not the funny ones where we’re being goofy. And those matter to me so much more. I know I should’ve been more careful with photos that were important to me but I didn’t back them up.
Well I searched everywhere, and I was crying while doing so and eventually my sister breaks and admits she stole it. And she factory reset it. Everything is gone. I absolutely lost it on her and I know I shouldn’t have screamed at her but I did.
And I told my parents I was now serious that she shouldn’t get a phone and she doesn’t deserve it.
At the time I felt completely justified in what I said but now two days have passed and my sister is still mad at me and my dad has tried to tell me maybe I should just let it go.
I’ve told my friends about it and a lot of them agree with but some said I should let it go cause she was just acting out and being an immature teen and I don’t really know now. Maybe I went too far and should just accept it and let her have a phone?
But at the same time, I’m still really mad. I figured I should get some outside thoughts so please let me know.”
10. AITJ For Not Saying Sorry?
“So to give some context, I (f32) have been married to my husband (m39) for 4 years. I work a full-time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. We have a 2-year-old and I’m 6 months pregnant.
This whole drama started days ago. My husband has a large family. And on every Christmas, they’d gather at his father’s house. My father-in-law passed away a year ago and This year my husband decided as the man of the family to host Christmas at our house.
Unbeknownst to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day Christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total.
I found out about it by accident and I was too shocked to react. I confronted him on it and he said I shouldn’t be surprised and just get used to it because after his father’s death, he’s now the family’s “head” and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence.
I freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should’ve talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing I have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son.
He said we’ll manage if I took time off work but that means more workload later and it’d take away from my maternity leave. I demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying “over my dead body” and then walked out.
I ended up sending a mass text to everyone who received an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting Christmas this year. He found out and went off on me calling my behavior outrageously appalling and said that I broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority.
I in a very strict tone replied that I didn’t sign up to host a celebration and accommodate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working. And I don’t care if he became the head of family after his father’s death because it means nothing to me.
He took offense to that and walked out almost crying.
He later talked about how I disrespected his father and him with what I said and demanded a handwritten apology for canceling the event and for being insensitive towards him and undermining his authority in front of his family but I said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my MIL giving me a stern talk about how out of line I was for disrespecting my husband’s decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family.”
9. AITJ For Not Compromising?
“I (F 35) have two daughters Isabela (18) and Lola (2). My partner (M 38) and I have always been very liberal with Isabela, she was always a good kid and we have always trusted her. When she was growing up we didn’t actually have rules in home.
But when she started high school at 13 (in our country it’s the same as middle school) she got into a very prestigious school. Because of this, she spent 11 hours a day in her school between classes in the morning and in the afternoon (7 am to 6 pm), English academy (6:30 to 8) and she decided to join the history Olympics.
My godson, her cousin went to the same school one year above her. In his first year, he developed anemia because he spent a lot of hours studying, not eating and not sleeping well. The school has the reputation of losing students as the years go by because most of the kids can’t keep the rhythm of the classes and often have developmental issues and health problems. That’s why parents decide to quit the school.
That’s why in the first year when I saw my little girl starting to stay nights to keep on good grades, I decided to make rules. No studying or assignments after 9:30 pm. Sundays were free days, the school bag has to be in our room after that hour and on Sundays.
We were good with that system, but we moved to Europe after our second daughter was born, and unfortunately, Isabela has to repeat grades and now she has two more years to go. She was devasted but it wasn’t her fault.
But this system it’s different than in our country, and she has to keep the best grades she can to go to college. Even though she has fewer hours to go (until 3 pm) she has been insisting on forgetting about my rules, because she needs to work harder to try to obtain the best grades.
I refuse because I don’t want her mental and physical health to start decreasing because she isn’t sleeping enough, she won’t take breaks or she could obsess with this, that’s why the rule exists in the first place.
Her father told me that she was already feeling down because of the move and that she was feeling she was not doing enough. But I feel that if I agree to get rid of the rule, she won’t take care of the breaks, nor in college cause it would be harder.
What would that teach her sister? That your mental health self-care isn’t important because you have to succeed?
I don’t know if I’m wrong here, my spouse insists that I am, but I’m not sure. Aitj for insist in keeping my rule?”
8. AITJ For Hating My Partner's Friends?
“I (18F) have been seeing my (18M) partner for over 2 years now. Before I began seeing him I idolized his friend group because they were the cool kids who were in the year above me. I really didn’t think they would treat me differently as many of the guys in the group had partners who were/are in my year.
But I slowly began to realize that wouldn’t be the case. They began to leave my partner out of almost everything and never even considered inviting me with him if they did. They would roll their eyes when I spoke and make me super anxious about being myself.
Furthermore, I have never once forced my partner to hang out with me instead of them, I used to frequently encourage him to hang out with them.
The final straw though was around this past summer, after over a year of bullcrap excuses from his friends, his MOM told me one of THEIR MOMS said they treat him differently now because of me.
I lost it. I was sick of his friends not acknowledging my presence at hangouts, just straight up refusing to invite me, and making me feel like I should shut up whenever I open my mouth. My partner is now at college way out of state, and our relationship has been doing fine despite the long distance.
When I went to visit him there, I was freaking out that his new friends would be just the same judgmental jerk as the ones here… surprise surprise they weren’t. Huge shocker when my partner came home for Thanksgiving and tried to make plans with a couple of them that they shortly bailed on him because they wanted to go to a kickback that night instead, my partner invited me to come and I politely declined but told him to have fun.
Most of them stayed at the college in our town which means I see them more than he does now, and they always ignore me.
He got back to school this past weekend and said he has just been depressed about the whole situation.
I told him, “Your friends suck and I hate them” I tried to talk about how they all made me feel inadequate, and he just checked out of the conversation. I understand that he’s been friends with them for literally ever, but they treat both of us like crap.
The entire situation makes me feel like I am the bad guy for ruining my partner’s life and taking him from his friends, AITJ?
edit: I also want to include there are plenty of other girls in that friend group the only difference between me and them is they conform to the style and behavior of the friend group (which is totally fine) but I do not and I think that’s one of the main reasons they (the guys) dislike me.”
7. AITJ For Not Believing My Partner?
“My (20F) partner (20M) and I have been together for five months and we currently live together. I take hybrid classes so I go to campus some days. During the times that we’ve been together, he is not working and going to online classes.
But when I’m living with him, I notice that I’ve never seen him do any school work even when midterms and finals were rolling around. We go to sleep at the same time and I always wake up before him.
While I’m in college for a few hours a week he plays video games and watches YouTube, after I get out of classes we are together all the time. I’ve never seen him attend an online class even though he showed me a schedule of his classes.
I asked him about this matter today but he told me that I’m just being suspicious. I’m a forensic science major and he is computer science so our classes are different or whatever. He told me that he “writes his code on his phone and transfers the lines to his laptop.” He also does not have any files or apps on his personal laptop that are related to school.
I’ve never seen a single download or file that is school-related. I don’t really buy what he is saying because I have a friend in computer science and she has to do homework. When we were talking about this matter he said that the reason why he doesn’t have any files or apps used for his classes is because ” they’re not allowed to use those because it leaves a signature on their codes.” I admit I don’t know anything about computer science but he has to be taking other classes where he would need to be writing papers, so it doesn’t make sense that he doesn’t have any files or apps for school.
Most importantly he usually gets really defensive if I say something that is wrong about him and is always eager to prove to me that I’m wrong. He says that I shouldn’t be in his business when it comes to school because he’s not obligated to tell me anything.
And that I’m being suspicious and questioning him makes him not want to talk to me about this matter. I asked him if I can see any of his assignments or maybe his transcript or anything that can prove he’s taking classes this semester and not lying to me about it but he refused. I find it hard to believe what he said so AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mother?
“Background: Growing up, my parents were fairly neglectful of my emotional needs, which resulted in me learning to internalize emotions and suppress needs.
I never asked for anything growing up and still don’t.
Now, I am a broke college student because tuition in America is unreal. And I need counseling desperately– a large reason for that being due to unresolved childhood trauma. For whatever reason, this semester got bad enough to the point where daily functioning was difficult and I was consistently having panic attacks in one of my night classes that is literally about trauma.
I genuinely cannot tell you the last time I asked something of my parents, but I was so desperate for help that I worked up the courage (took weeks) to ask my mom if she would pay for me to go to counseling (I genuinely can’t afford it).
My parents had gone before and had paid for my older brother and younger sister to go as well. (Both of my parents also make a ton of funds).
My mom was hesitant, but she said she’d look into it.
She did not get back to me for two months, and I didn’t have it in me to ask again. Then, a few weeks ago, she mentioned flippantly (practically in passing) that she could not afford it. She said she was sorry, but they had big purchases upcoming (and they just made a really large purchase recently), so I was completely understanding.
I left that conversation feeling like an idiot for even asking.
Then, I came back home a week later (last week) and could not believe my eyes. Several thousand dollar purchases of entertainment-related things were made during that short bit I was gone, all of which were random spur-of-the-moment buys, per usual (I confirmed with my parents that these were not planned-out buys).
Admittedly, I was overcome with hurt (and I am typically rather emotionless) and bitterness and basically isolated myself from my parents because I just could not believe it. The one time I ever asked for a favor– one I really needed–, I was told no through a blatant lie.
After a good few days of minimal interaction, my mom started acting incredibly sassy and weird towards me, as if I was this massive jerk and she needed to walk on eggshells because of it. I am also aware that I am 20 years old and should probably not be making requests– especially financial ones– at this stage in life.
AITJ?”
5. AITJ To Ask Neighbors To Stop Stomping?
“I’ve been seeing Brenda for four months. We get along great; two peas in a pod. We hang out at her place.
Her upstairs neighbors walk around like elephants. She said it bothers her, but she’s addressed the situation before and it’ll get better, but then it goes back to how it was.
She said it does annoy her, but it’s nice there are only three people there, not five, and they don’t play loud music or argue and if loud footsteps are the trade off she’s happy with it.
I was hanging out the other day and they were walking back and forth before something really heavy dropped and then it sounded like one or two of them ran around for a minute before coming back.
They were right above the living room where we watch TV and the commotion went on for 10 minutes and I asked her if I could go up and tell them to stop. She looked at me weirdly and said no. She texted them after it died down and asked if everything was ok they said yeah it was ok, they dropped a Pyrex container and their dinner went everywhere, and they had to get it up before their dog got to it.
He apologized and she texted she was glad everything was ok.
Later that night at 2 am it sounded like they were standing in place running. She was asleep but I couldn’t sleep at all. I went and rang their doorbell and told them to please stop doing whatever it was they were doing.
He said he’s sorry but it’s a foot massager and he’ll turn it off, but I also told him we can hear every step they take and that it is really disruptive. He said that Brenda has mentioned it before but he didn’t realize it was such a bad ongoing problem.
He asked if Brenda knew I was talking to him about it. I told him YEAH it is an ongoing problem, please make sure you are keeping it down or I’ll be back. I told him she doesn’t know but that I’ll be dealing with the situation from now on.
He raised his eyebrows and closed the door which made me feel like he didn’t take me seriously.
The next day Brenda asked to meet me at the coffee shop near my job. She told me her neighbor called her to let her know I stopped by.
And that she didn’t appreciate me stepping between her and her neighbor and not asking or letting her know I was going to talk to him. Then she said I threatened him. When I tried to explain the situation, she sat back and said, “Ok so you agree, you threatened him?” but I didn’t threaten him with anything, just that I would be back.
How is that a physical threat? Did he think of that as a threat and not me just saying I’ll be back to let them know I’m bothered by it?
I told her she should be upfront with her neighbors about how much it bothers her, and she told me yeah it’s annoying, but that it’s part of living in an older part of town and the guys are nice, quiet, and they are helpful and the building communicates well.
I’ve never lived in an apartment but it just seems so excessive that you would have to deal with so much foot noise from people upstairs.
She ended up breaking up with me because of this. AITJ?”
4. WIBTJ For Being Protective Of A Cookbook?
“My family is originally from a country with a very distinct style of cooking that is hard to replicate in the States. Growing up my mom always did the cooking for big family events and at home for the immediate family, so her cooking was a huge part of my childhood.
For one of my birthdays I asked her for a cookbook of as many of the recipes as she could remember – so I have this handwritten journal full of my favorite childhood recipes. This cookbook has a lot of sentimental value to me especially since my mother passed away shortly after.
My cousin has been pestering me about borrowing the cookbook for years. She claims it’s fair because my mother’s cooking was “just as much a part of her childhood as mine”. She feels this way because her own mother was abusive/neglectful and her dad was absent, so my mom was often a mother figure to her and in all honestly her only parent-like figure.
She spent some time living with us and she sometimes called my mom “mom”.
I have offered to let her take pictures or scan it (she says it would take too long and wouldn’t mean as much as the “real thing”).
The reason I am against her just taking it is because my cousin is a messy/clumsy person, especially in the kitchen. I have never seen her cook a meal without causing some huge mess or spill. This scares me because the cookbook is not laminated or protected in any way, it’s just paper and pencil.
I had the family over for Thanksgiving and realized the morning after that my cookbook was gone. I immediately sent my cousin multiple texts because I knew it was her, but didn’t get an answer. So today I went over in person, she answers the door and immediately starts crying and justifying herself.
She spilled tomato sauce all over the book and then soaked it trying to clean up the tomato sauce. Most of the pages are pretty much destroyed and illegible. Nobody else in the family knows all those recipes. I feel like I’ve lost a part of my mother and a part of my childhood.
I plan to pursue legal action. The family has caught wind of this and I have received a flurry of messages calling me a jerk and various other names, saying how I’m ruining the family over a book and a mistake, etc etc. I really empathize with her grief over my mom and I know they had a close relationship.
I also understand that she didn’t spill on the book intentionally and that she feels bad about it. I don’t think that justifies her stealing and ruining something with that level of sentimental value to me, especially after I said no, gave reasoning for the no and offered alternatives.
So, WIBTJ if I sue?”
3. WIBTJ If I Told My Friend He Can't Sing?
“I know the title sounds silly but I’m talking about a dude in his 20s who is dropping his legitimate diploma to pursue singing full-time as employment.
I (20sF) met him in middle school and we’ve been very close friends on and off ever since. I know he was born into a family that is very “artistically inclined”, as in, everyone in his family is an artist, so he’s always been passionate about singing.
He was a nerdy studious kid who got the best grades and for most of the time, singing was just his side interest.
He used to get bullied for singing in school because to be honest, he’s a terrible singer.
His voice is weak and shaky, he writes lyrics that are either very cliche or nonsensical, but I and all of his friends would clap and support him, first because we didn’t want him to feel bad and secondly because we thought he could improve, but talent shows were genuinely painful for us.
Fast forward to now, this guy has a good job in a well-paying respected field outside of the arts and is almost graduating from a prestigious school. However, he recently told us that even though he loves his job and his field, he noticed that he barely has time to sing and write songs now, and he is finally ready to make the big step and choose singing as his full-time activity.
He had already quit his job by the time he told us that because he didn’t want anyone “talking him out of it”, but he will wait until the end of this semester to drop out of school.
For all of these years, he’s been releasing original songs and he genuinely thinks that they only get 50 to 100 views because he isn’t releasing enough of them and putting in that extra time.
He does everything to go viral on social media and never works out, but he always finds a couple of well-meaning but unhelpful strangers to comment “It’ll work brother, you just gotta practice more and work harder, who cares what other people think”.
Talking to other friends about it, they’re all shocked and worried about this decision, but since his family always supports him no matter what, they think that we won’t be able to change his mind. Telling him the truth will just drive him away, my friends think that it’s best to let him try and make the mistake by himself.
I think I should’ve said something way sooner and now I might be just a jerk if I tell him that, honestly, he’s terrible at singing and songwriting.
WIBTJ?
EDIT: I should clarify that:
1- When I say he “released” songs over the years, I mean songs that members of his family produced with him and he posted on Youtube and TikTok, and no company was involved. He always disables comments on YT because “trolls/haters” make fun of him and on TikTok, he deletes negative comments.
2- He has been to many vocal coaching programs but the teachers never give him great reviews afterward. He stopped doing music for a year because one of his coaches straight up told him he shouldn’t be there.”
2. AITJ For Lying About My Relationship?
“A girl got a job where I work and shortly afterward we started going out. She was on a probation year and it is an unwritten rule that you shouldn’t go out or fool around with people you work with while on your probation year, it’s looked down on and generally not a good idea.
This is because, at this specific type of job, the people who work in her area are the ones who vote on whether she gets to keep the job. Sorry, I’m being slightly vague for anonymity reasons but it’s not so important to the point.
The main thing is that she was worried it would affect her job if it got out.
Cut to the end of the year and my GF found out she didn’t pass her trial year. This obviously sucks, but it means we can at least be open about being together.
So I told one of my good friends, who also works in the same place, about us. She is now very upset and said that I have betrayed her trust by not telling her earlier. She feels I lied to her this whole time (which is I guess true although I never directly denied it) and that that means all the friendship we have had during that time has been a lie.
She has also accused me of just using her: she has helped me in a professional capacity with both training and advice and personally, for instance, by letting me use her car when I needed to transport things or travel out of town from time to time.
But I have also helped her out with things too. We have also been sounding boards for each other on lots of things.
This friend is someone who I do spend a lot of time with and do share a lot with.
She is also someone who has expressed romantic feelings for me in the past but, after I said that I didn’t feel the same way, we were able to continue being friends. And she is adamant that this has nothing to do with those previous feelings.
I do feel bad for not having told her, and it was not easy to do so. Keeping such a secret from lots of close friends was definitely a burden, and even more so from this very good friend. But it wasn’t just my decision to make and I felt I had to keep her secrets and respect her wishes too.
It was important!
Am I really such a jerk for not telling my friend earlier?”
1. AITJ For Having Boundaries With My Dad?
“I have divorced parents, my mother is a recovering addict and we’ve really repaired our relationship, the same goes with my twin sister and her. I should also mention I’m a pre-T (testosterone/transition) trans male. This has been happening over the last few months.
So I finally snapped at a doctor’s appointment where when I was trying to get help, he was complaining about my mother and appointments. I’ve gone into therapy to complain about him with an ex-therapist who truly was not a good therapist. She said to him to try but I should be the one working to avoid these arguments.
I was fifteen, depressed, recently uncloseted, and broke up with an abusive ex-partner.
My dad used to be my preferred parent because I was still mad at my mom, she wasn’t supportive or understanding at the time either. But now it’s totally switched, my mom is my favorite person!
She never complains about what my dad does, she listens to me, she does things with me, and doesn’t make snarky remarks about what I do at my dad’s house. My dad is the opposite, he yells at me, says I’m always acting horrible to him, compares my childhood to his (he’s 50 by the way), and most of all: all he does is complain about everything.
Especially my mom.
I had snapped at him by saying “You will NOT talk about MY mother in front of me negatively. That is not fair.” And he responded by lecturing me in the car and making me apologize for it in tears.
He ruined my friend’s sweet 16 over me being upset earlier that day and I had to go home, he’s said “Oh I’m sorry” to my excited response of where me, my mom, my sister, my future stepfather, and grandmother went for my grandmother’s 75th birthday, and I can never seem to be good enough for him.
I love my dad, I really do, but he really has some issues.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and possible signs of borderline personality disorder in recent times and I’ve been told I get the neurodivergence from my father, and it makes a lot of sense but since he’s 50 he doesn’t want to go on medication which I can totally respect.
I just really want him to start going to therapy more and sort out his own issues instead of complaining constantly about his ex-wife in front of his two kids. But at the same time I can’t help but feel like the a-hole for this because he saw my mother’s fall into substance use firsthand, he says he doesn’t care but turns around and complains.
I want him to get help but he takes it out on me specifically because I’m the “troublemaker” I guess.
I’ve spoken with my mom about this and she said I did the right thing but, AITJ?”
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