People Ask For A Chance To Explain Their Behavior In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I’m (25F) an only child. My relationship with my mother has always been awful – she used to be a model (a very pretty one), but after I was born she was never able to lose the weight, which ended up with her blaming me for 'ruining' her.

She made sure, during my whole life, that I would see myself as the ugliest person alive, which obviously led to multiple severe eating disorders and body dysmorphia, it also led to some more serious problems and I was hospitalized many times. I stay away from her as much as possible but am still in contact due to my dad. (My relationship with my dad is good).

Because of all of that, when I met my now fiancé (25M - I will call him Gabriel), I was in disbelief that he was attracted to me.

He’s a very good-looking man, and although he would call me pretty at every single possibility, I’m just now, after 3 years together, believing him. He has been an essential part of my healing journey, and I’m so grateful for having him in my life

The drama started last week, at dinner. Mine and my fiancé’s family were having dinner together and we were all talking about our wedding plans. We decided to talk about old happy memories, when my mother told my fiancé, out of the blue: 'I still don’t know why such a good-looking man like yourself is settling down for that' - with an emphasis on ‘that’ while giving me the look that one would only get from a high school mean girl.

She then laughed very nonchalantly and continued her drink.

The table went dead quiet. Gabriel’s mom immediately confronted my mother, who answered 'What? She’s too ugly for him, you should be concerned too'. It was like I was a teenager again, it felt like all the hard work that I put into healing suddenly didn’t matter.

I broke down immediately, and before I stormed out I just told her: 'Don’t you dare show up at my wedding'.

In the last week, I got comforted by Gabriel and his family and talked to my dad about what happened. He told me that he understands why I uninvited her, but to reconsider because she was wasted and I’m her only child.

I know she was wasted, but it still hurt so much, and it’s something that she totally meant because it’s not the first time that she talks about me like that. She hasn’t apologized but sent some messages about how I was overreacting and was going to regret not having my own mother at my wedding.

Gabriel and his family are on my side, and his parents, specifically my future MIL, have become very overprotective of me, saying that I can call them mom and dad.

I do feel, however, sad for my dad who has to put up with all of that, and I’m afraid to regret my decision.

Am I overreacting? AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

It doesn't matter if your mother was wasted. She said those same things to you plenty of times sober, right?

Moreover, being wasted doesn't excuse bad behavior. As the saying goes, 'In vino veritas.' Which means, 'In wine, truth.' As if you didn't have enough proof of your mother's 'ugly' intent, being wasted does not give her a whole different personality.

It brings to the fore what is already there.

Is Mel Gibson any less an anti-Semite and a misogynist because he made those remarks while wasted? No. It's just that being wasted lowered his inhibitions to the point where he could bring to the front the ugliness that was always there.

Invite your father, if you wish, but I wouldn't invite your mother. You have your in-laws backing you up and I'm sure your fiancé has well-acquainted your in-laws with the kind of mistreatment your mother has been giving you.

ETA: I don't believe you'll regret rescinding your mother's invitation at all.

On the contrary, I think you'll regret it if you do invite her. I imagine during the reception she'll get wasted again, grab the microphone and make a speech about how she can't believe that such an attractive man as your husband will end up with someone as 'ugly' as you.

You know she'll do it. If you want a happy, memorable wedding that you can look back on with fond memories, you'll ensure that the security guards have orders to keep her out." RighteousVengeance

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

Your mom is awful, and you don't need those memories or that energy at your wedding.

Of course, invite your Dad but your mom is a big No. Honestly, your Dad should have your back; he should have told your mom to knock that off years ago.

Have somebody guard the door and refuse to let her in.

I think you know this but being 'wasted' is no excuse to humiliate your child. Plus if she was wasted at a family dinner why is anybody expecting her to stay sober during a wedding reception?

You're going to be a beautiful bride and you shouldn't have to feel anxious about your mom staring at you & making comments from the audience.

You should be able to enjoy all the wedding planning, ceremony & reception with people who love and respect you." CarrieCat62

Another User Comments:

"I know you don't want to hear this or may struggle with understanding this, but your father has failed you as a parent too.

Not only should you stick to your guns on this by way of keeping your mother uninvited but you should also uninvite your father too.

Your father has made way too many allowances for your mother for the entirety of your childhood.

No self-respecting parent would let their spouse mistreat their child and make zero attempts to kneecap that mistreatment once aware of it.

OP, for your own sake, now is the time to be realistic with the fact your father will never protect you from your mother and your mother will always see you as a burden.

None of this is your fault but you have to understand these people are not a support network for you and that you can't fundamentally have a relationship with someone who occupies the role of the abuser in your life. And your father by way of making excuses for your mother is complicit in the mistreatment you suffer from her so yes, he is your abuser too.

You can't have a relationship with him as much as you can't with her.

Uninvite them both and enjoy your wedding with people who actually value you and react appropriately to seeing someone disrespect and hurt you.

NTJ." addisonavenue