People Discuss Their Debatable "Am I The Jerk?" Dilemmas
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Send A DNA Sample For Testing?
“My wife of 6 years and I just had our first child together. Her parents, who live abroad, have come over for a couple of weeks to help us out and spend some quality time with us.
The thing about her parents is that they’re into these trendy DNA testing sites that have popped up all over the place recently and they’ve sent samples of their own DNA and had their results back etc.
So now my wife, who’s always been interested in genealogy and ancestry etc. wants to do the same so her parents bought a testing kit for her and brought it over with them.
The thing is, those companies are basically selling snake oil. While DNA science is a real thing, what they make of it is simply unrealistic and completely inaccurate according to the scientific community.
The results being inaccurate is one thing, but what really gets me is that we don’t know what they do with all that very personal data that they’re gathering e.g. we know they’re selling it to pharmaceutical companies but who are they going to sell it to next, what will malicious actors be able to do with that kind of data in the future etc.
On top of that, there’s the fact that they’re probably building these huge relationship graphs and we don’t know what they do with that data either. This, to me, is where my stance against it comes from: I’m not related to my wife, but my daughter is and I simply don’t want her information out there, that’s not in her best interest at all.
I made my concerns clear to her and her family but my wife doesn’t want to hear about it. She thinks I’m overreacting and that she can do whatever she wants with her DNA. While I agree with her freedom, I kept insisting that she has to consider the repercussions for our daughter now and factor that into her decision.
So am I the jerk for not wanting my wife to send a DNA sample and arguing against it?
Small addendum: I live in France where those kinds of online DNA tests are actually illegal but my in-laws are from the US and will take my wife’s DNA sample with them and send it from the US…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The US military has issued a blanket warning to all service personnel that these companies/sites are untrustworthy with personal data. As a person in the data/privacy sphere I 100% agree with them. This primarily applies to people living in the US.
People living in other countries like Canada and the EU have some guaranteed rights to their data privacy that all of these companies must follow. US citizens do not have these same protections. The problem here is, the marketing campaigns for these products have been very effective and everyone is going to think you’re a jerk if you are anything less than 100% supportive of your wife freely choosing to give away her private and valuable DNA just to get back a vaguely correct (but mostly not) notion of their lineage.
Good luck!” DemonCatMinion
Another User Comments:
“So first off, these tests are not snake oil and not inaccurate. True, their ability to give you certain information may be oversold, but they are accurate. For example, they can’t necessarily tell you what town in Ireland your family is from, but they can tell you, based on the sections of DNA they process, what region of the world your ancestors are from.
They are also informative (depending on the test) in determining if you are predisposed to certain medical conditions. They don’t tell you that you DO have diabetes, just that you may be predisposed to it. This can help you decide if you want to make lifestyle changes to potentially improve your health.
Second: Your daughter’s complete DNA sequence will not be out there simply because your wife’s is. These kits don’t analyze the WHOLE genome. That said, your wife’s mt DNA sequence, depending on the kit, will be out there, and therefore so will your daughter’s (mtDNA is passed directly from a mother to the child).
HOWEVER if your wife’s (bio) mother or any of her sisters have already done one of these kits, it’s out there already. All of this said, it’s her choice. Also, you are making false statements about the accuracy of these tests. I’m a trained geneticist. What’s your actual motive for opposing this?
YTJ.” kittybluth
22. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Parents' Designated Driver On Halloween After They Ruined My Plans Years Ago?
“This happened on Halloween. I’m 25M and 5 years ago my parents wanted to go to my sister’s house for Halloween. At the time I was still living with them, and I wanted to go to a party a friend was hosting.
But my parents were adamant that I go with them instead because they wanted us all to be together. I still wanted to go to my friend’s party and my parents suggested a compromise in which I go to my sister’s party first. Then my friend’s.
I figured it couldn’t hurt to do both, so I agreed since I liked helping my nephews with trick or treating. And that year I was wearing an inflatable ninja costume I was really eager to have fun in.
Well, I was ready and waiting in the costume for hours.
And by the time we finally took the kids out, most houses stopped giving candy and there was hardly anybody walking around. And we only went around the block, that’s it. Then when I wanted to go to my friend’s house my parents guilted me into staying because they needed me as a designated driver.
I would have driven them home first and then gone to my friend’s party. But my parents just kept drinking and refused to leave. So I lost out on going to the other party and cussed my parents out for making me miss it and not even being able to enjoy my Halloween.
They just said that it was too late, and what could they do about it? They didn’t even attempt to make it up to me.
I refused to speak with them later. So they confronted me and I said I didn’t even want to look at them because they broke their promise.
Then I said that unless they could somehow pull a new Halloween party with all my friends out of their butts, then they had completely screwed me over. Then I left before they could say anything else to me. My friends were nearly as upset as I was.
But my sister told me off and said I was callous because she had wanted me there. Ever since that year I only spent Halloween with friends.
This year my parents begged me to go with them to my sister’s instead. I asked why and they wanted me to drive them.
So I refused and said they just wanted a designated driver. And they’d already screwed me over before and didn’t even attempt to make it better back then. And I didn’t wanna just sit around watching them get intoxicated with the only real highlight being helping kids trick or treat.
I hung out with my friends and we had a blast with a farmyard party. But my sister called me up on Monday furious at me because our parents were pulled over on their way home and got a DUI, and that this would have never happened if I had driven them.
And now most of the family is mad at me.
So AITJ for refusing to drive my parents to my sister’s house for Halloween because of something they did 5 years ago?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ no matter the reason to say no to something you don’t want to do.
You might be family but you’re not their servant. If your parents weren’t heavy drinkers and could drink responsibly they wouldn’t have gotten a DUI or if anyone else was willing to drive them home or if they got an Uber they wouldn’t have gotten a DUI.
Yell at your sister asking her why they didn’t stay overnight since they were intoxicated. She let them keep drinking then it’s her responsibility. If she doesn’t like that then tell her that’s why it’s not your responsibility any more than hers. If I have to drive home from a friend’s house I’ll do all my drinking as soon as I get there then stop so I’m sober by the time it’s time to drive.
Your parents are terrible and irresponsible and your sister is just as bad for pinning the blame on you.” Gralb_the_muffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they couldn’t stay at your sister’s? Or call an Uber?? They made the decision to drink and drive, and are blaming it on you to make themselves feel better.
Also the fact that most of your family is agreeing with them is..appalling??? Oh yes it makes so much sense to ruin your plans so they could get intoxicated and be irresponsible, totally get that (sarcasm). I wouldn’t worry about it OP, they need to get over themselves.” No-Conversation-9053
Remind your parents that they chose to drink, they chose how much to drink, they chose to drive afterward, all without consulting you. Your sister could have driven them home, they could have called a cab or Uber - lots of ways to get around without getting a DUI and still enjoy a cocktail or two. Sucks to be them.
21. AITJ For Yelling During My Partner's Zoom Meeting And Not Apologizing?
“This morning (Thanksgiving in the US) my alarm went off at 7:45 am. I turned it off and fell back into a deep sleep.
Around 8:30 am my partner got invited to an important work meeting (their company is UK-based).
While they were not working today, they decided to attend because they were already awake. They took this meeting in bed because they didn’t have time to get dressed. In the past they have taken meetings in bed and asked if I was okay with it beforehand.
I have never had a problem with it. I am normally the first person awake. I sometimes encourage the dogs to play loudly while my partner is still asleep.
At 8:45 am I am awoken from a deep sleep by them talking. I was super confused, slightly terrified and made some kind of noise followed by loudly saying “no no no no no” when they kept talking.
I vaguely remember covering my ears. My heart was also pounding. My partner moved to the bathroom where I could still hear them and I started to get angry at being rudely awakened.
My partner’s point of view – I have never said no to them taking a meeting in bed and they did not anticipate talking during this meeting.
Towards the end there was a point where the CEO asked them a direct question. When they started to respond I started yelling loudly which caused them to get very flustered and feel super embarrassed. The CEO had to ask them to repeat themselves because “we couldn’t hear you over the other person.”
My partner is not upset at me for being flustered and scared but they are upset that I “loudly yelled” “no no no no no” and that I will not apologize for embarrassing them. While I feel bad, I don’t believe I did anything wrong because I had no control over my reaction at the time.
AITJ for yelling during their meeting and not apologizing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your partner wanted to take an international Zoom meeting on Thanksgiving morning, they should have moved out of the bedroom. (Also, NO Zoom meetings should EVER be taken in the bedroom, ESPECIALLY when your partner is in bed.)” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a huge risk to take a Zoom meeting next to a sleeping person. You have no idea when they will wake up or what they might say. What if you had talked/snored/farted in your sleep? Those things might not usually happen, but you never know.
Your partner made a risky decision that paid off poorly.” PeachesMcGhee
20. AITJ For Dressing My Twin Boys In Specific Colors To Tell Them Apart?
“I have a set of identical twin boys 1.5 years old. My husband and I are both forgetful and having a new baby is tiring, I was scared of getting them mixed up.
So we decided the older baby, Atticus, would be blue, and the younger one, Ezra, would be green. We bought only green or blue onesies at first, figuring that once their personalities developed more I would integrate more colors. Most of both sides of the family know we do this and quite a few even use it to still tell the boys apart despite my husband and I being able to know which is which no problem (such as after bath when neither is dressed).
Since the boys are so young we let them pick their shirts but we have a dresser with the top painted blue for Atticus and one with the top green for Ezra. The boys know which dresser belongs to them, they each have an average amount of shirts, just they are either a majority blue or a majority green.
They have different decorations on them, such as Hulk or Captain America, the green or blue character from their favorite show PJ masks, even their church clothes are blue or green button-ups.
We had a Christmas party over the weekend. One boy showed up in a blue sweater with a snowman on it, the other had a green sweater with a Christmas tree on it.
Many people said they looked adorable. My husband’s cousin cornered me and told me that I was stifling the boys’ individuality since I am forcing them to dress how I want them to. When I told her I would probably diversify shirts when they turned 3, maybe starting at 2.5 she went ballistic, saying that it isn’t fair to them.
I tried pointing out that no 1.5-year-old knows what they are wearing, has a say in what gets bought, nor do they care.
AITJ for dressing them in their own color and nothing else?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In the nicest way possible, the stance your husband’s cousin is taking is nuttier than squirrel turds.
They’re a year and a half. Every baby at that age is “forced” to dress how their parents want them to. They are small and have very little pocket money with which to purchase clothing, and they rarely have the fine motor skills necessary to dress themselves.” PrettyFly4AYaoGuai
Another User Comments:
“Father of identical twin girls here. NTJ. We did not do this but I occasionally wished we had. We never had any trouble telling them apart at the time but it is sometimes tricky trying to identify them in pictures, especially if it is only one.” geaddaddy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is EXACTLY what I did – right down to the blue and green (except for painting the dresser, which is BRILLIANT!!) to ID my boys when they were little. They’ll let you know when they want something different. You’re good parents!” thestreetiliveon
19. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Grandparents' Anniversary Due To My Family's Rejection Of Me?
“I was born as the result of an affair. My biological father John slept with my mom while she was married to her first husband Nate. Nate left her and she and John tried to make it work at first but she was worried she would lose my half sisters if she stayed with him.
So she broke it off. It didn’t save her relationship with them at all. Once they were old enough they chose to cut off contact after years of telling me I was disgusting and messed up and an affair baby. Mom married Mike who is a decent stepdad and never cared how I was born and treated me well.
John and Nate’s parents stayed in my life and treated me the same as all the grandkids but mom always said I wasn’t going to be around the rejection of the rest of the family so she held me back from larger gatherings. I’m glad.
When I was 16 I saw Nate while staying with my grandparents. He told me if I ever so much as looked or talked to him he would puke all over me like the disgusting mistake I am. My grandparents were horrified and they fought but ultimately they kept in touch with him.
They are celebrating 50 years of marriage now and want me at their anniversary. An anniversary where Nate and the other kids (except John) will be there, and where my half-sisters and cousins will be. The rest of the aunts and uncles reject me because of Nate and his hatred of me.
A couple of cousins reached out to me before to say they have no issues with me but they can’t have a relationship without upsetting their parents. So essentially I would be going for just my grandparents. When every other person there wants me gone or can’t interact with me.
I told them I couldn’t go but offered to meet them for dinner someplace. They said they want their youngest grandson there and they love me. I told them their love isn’t enough for me to show up to a party where nobody else will talk to me, nobody else wants me there, and where I will be treated like the black sheep of the family.
They told me my words hurt them and I was cruel to say that about their love. I know they were trying to use their love to bring me around even if it meant tolerating being ignored and treated badly.
AITJ?
Edit: John and Nate are brothers.”
Another User Comments:
“Wait so your father had an affair with his brother’s wife? Nate is hurt and he has every right not to want a relationship with you, but he shouldn’t be mistreating or threatening you. John is beyond a jerk and your mom is something I can’t even put into words.
She came into a family and married one brother (have kids with him) only to have an affair on him with his brother, get pregnant, go out with the brother she had an affair with only to end up being in a messy relationship. She has gone out of her way to hurt you and your siblings in such a deep way.
Explain to your grandparents that the situation is too much and you love them, but you can’t subject yourself to that much pain. You are not a jerk. Nate is. John is. Your mother is. You are paying for your parents’ mistakes.” Zoeyoe
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but if they really loved you, they would protect you! Stay away and don’t let those horrid people hurt you. Nate needs therapy. They all do. How the heck are they all blaming you? There are two people who messed up, but it isn’t op.
Huge hugs, I’m so sorry for what is happening to you and all those negative people. NTJ.” AmIarealbunny
18. AITJ For Wanting To Remove Lightbulbs And Lock My 3-Year-Old In His Room At Bedtime?
“Firstly to get this question out of the way, my son is not afraid of the dark. He has a table lamp that has a nightlight mode, a “hatch” nightlight that’s fairly bright, and a stars projector thing, so even if he IS at all afraid and hasn’t said so, there’s plenty of light in the room.
The last few weeks have been a nightmare with him. His bedtime is 8p and it hasn’t been an issue for over a year. However, the last couple of weeks he’s started getting up every half hour or more and comes out of the bedroom hallway with every excuse in the book.
Last night he came out at almost 10:30 to tell me he needed a bead bracelet that he made 3 days ago and left god-knows-where.
Aside from the general idea that kids really ought to have a good routine, the fact that he’s up so late means that he doesn’t get enough sleep, so every morning starts off as a difficult situation from the moment he wakes up.
My wife and I try SO HARD to stay calm with him and turn things into a game and all of that stuff, but eventually he just pushes and pushes and pushes and we end up yelling and taking away toys and so forth. Because this has been ongoing, we’re finding we are also losing our patience with him faster each evening and morning because we anticipate that it will be hours of trouble once he starts with it.
Among the reasons he isn’t sleeping is because he turns on his room lights, which are quite bright. We ALSO leave on the hallway lights on a dimmer, but they’re also left more than bright enough to add lots of light to his room. He turns them on because he decides he wants to play around with stuffed animals or look at his books or whatever.
To be clear, I’m all about kids reading or doing creative play, but 10:30p for a 3-year-old is not really the right time for that. I let our 7-year-old stay up and read till he’s tired, and we haven’t had issues with that, but he does it with his door shut and doesn’t bother the 3-year-old.
I turned the privacy lock on his door around last year because he figured out how to defeat the child safety door lock thing and was wandering around the house in the middle of the night or would come out of a timeout immediately so we had no way of disciplining him.
My wife said this morning that we should just take the lightbulbs out of his room so it stays dark and then lock him in his room as soon as we put him to bed.
I don’t love the idea, but we’re at wit’s end.
The major issues I see are that it means he can’t go to the bathroom on his own (and he will yell for us and lie about having to go to the bathroom to get us to open the door) and also he will just start pounding on the door and misbehaving from the get-go in retaliation to the discipline.
Would we be jerks for trying this? Weeks of just picking him up and putting him back in his room repeatedly haven’t worked and it’s taking a toll on our mental state and our relationships with him and with each other.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – I understand you are at your wit’s end, however locking your child in their room at night is not even close to the way to go about it.
It will do nothing to solve whatever underlying issue is causing the sleep disruptions and it also creates a hostile and frightening environment for your child, which will, in turn, cause more issues, possibly life-long ones, for your child. You need to talk to your pediatrician and possibly a therapist to find out what the underlying issue is right now and work on resolving that.” SaraRainmaker
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While it’s completely understandable you’re exhausted and frustrated, taking the lights and locking the door is not the answer. If you can, try taking a few days away with your wife to sleep, reconnect and reset from the stress. When you get back, trade-off nights so only one of you is dealing with him each night.
Look at his daytime, pre-bed routine and talk to his doctor. It sounds like he may need an entire change of his routine so he’s tired earlier.” 0biterdicta
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ because you are frustrated. Just let him have 1 lamp in his room.
Make sure he has a bath before bed and a nice story read to them. Put him to bed. Every time he gets up always respond with the same answer. “We can sort it out in the morning.” Be really matter-of-fact and put him back to bed. Keep the routine, it will take a few days to get the message through that it’s futile to keep getting up.
Good luck.” Rich_27-
17. AITJ For Losing Weight Before My Friend's Wedding?
“My (30/F) friend Kate’s (30/F) wedding was last weekend. We went to grad school together but haven’t seen each other in person in about two years, though we’ve video-called and kept up enough since then enough to where she invited me to be in her wedding.
(However, a large part of this is that her fiance Kyle (30/M) has EIGHT groomsmen and she needed enough people).
About six months before the wedding the bridesmaids were all talking in a group chat on Discord, and I overheard Kate (who must have thought she was on mute or that her voice wouldn’t carry) rather snidely turn to Kyle and say that I would “round out” the group because I would be a good “counterweight” to her fiance’s friend Tim, the idea being that Tim and I were both obese.
When she moved back toward the mic and said something about not being on mute, I acted like I couldn’t hear anything, and said something like “Yeah, you were really far away, you sounded like you were underwater, I couldn’t hear you.”
I had been planning on losing weight anyway, but I lost thirty-five pounds of fat in six months and put on four pounds of muscle largely out of spite.
I’ve always hated pictures of myself and don’t maintain social media, so it wasn’t outside of the norm for no one to see me. As soon I knew what my plan was I ordered a size down in my bridesmaid’s dress, then had it tailored in a little more.
I wore the tightest Lululemons I could find when I met everyone at the hotel the day before, and seeing the visceral shock on Kate’s face was priceless. At the wedding I still walked in with Tim, but he was a bit stiff and awkward around me which I attributed to nerves or just not caring for strangers.
Later, after enough beverages had been passed around, the truth finally came out that Kate wanted to set me up with Tim, which I refused, and before she was 86’ed Kate said “you’re not supposed to be skinnier than me, you’re upstaging me at my own wedding.” We didn’t have a knock-down, drag-out fight and it wasn’t particularly dramatic, but apparently the other bridesmaids and groomsmen got the impression that I had somehow been a jerk to Tim and that it was wrong of me to refuse to go out with him.
Kate and I haven’t spoken since the reception, during which I said “Congratulations” and essentially ghosted after things went south, and now I’m sitting here wondering if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It shouldn’t be any of the bride’s business what weight you are.
You shouldn’t feel pressured to go out with anyone, and provided that you didn’t tell Tim that he was too large for you, you’re all clear for rejecting the idea of being set up with him. You didn’t report saying anything rude or dramatic to the bride, and it seems like her preoccupation with your weight was largely based on her own insecurities.
It sounds like it was just a bad event with not-so-great people who aren’t really your friends. You haven’t said anything to indicate that you’re the jerk. As an aside, I’ve also been accused of ‘upstaging’ the bride by being thinner than her, and to me, it was just a really bizarre comment.
I highly doubt anyone except you and the bride were even thinking about people’s weights at the wedding.” arsenicpixie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kate only wanted you as a bridesmaid because she wanted someone who looked like Tim (who, by the sound of things, is an innocent bystander here).
She then complained about you for losing weight saying that you, someone who people rarely saw as it was, upstaged her at her wedding? She wanted to set you up with a random person too, on what basis? That you both were heavier? She comes across as an extremely self-centered woman.
You are not the jerk by any means here.” JustAHighFlyingBird
16. AITJ For Being Upset That A Guy Lied About His Height?
“For context, I am 27F and I am standing at 5’2” and I was wearing short boots wedges for the date.
AITJ for dropping out of a date after finding out that he is actually shorter than what he had told me?
I am asking because after talking to my friends, I’ve been getting mixed responses.
Originally, I had met this guy on an online platform, and we’ve been chatting for quite some time. We would have conversations about random things and it could go on all day long.
Casually, the question about height came up, and I told him that I was short at 5’2″ and he told me that he was 5’6″.
I was really excited for this date because to be honest, I could see potential even though we’d only been chatting through text.
Imagine my disappointment when I arrived for the dinner and movie date to find out that he was in fact a bit shorter than me. I was literally standing over him and I am 5’2″ and I was only wearing short boot wedges. I was kind of freaking out a little bit by the fact that he had lied about his actual height.
Height does not matter to me I just do not like liars.
After leaving the date early, I talked to my friends about it and they said that I should text him and ask him why he needed to lie about his height. Mind you, two of my friends are 5’6″ so I do know what 5’6″ looks like because they would be literally standing over me.
Time and time again, he would still insist that he is 5’6″ even though that is not the case. I eventually just stopped talking to him and just blocked him from everything because I cannot stand a liar and I would’ve hoped that he would just admit that he had lied.
A couple of my friends told me that I am being dramatic about it and that I shouldn’t have stopped talking to him even though he had lied about his height. I told them over and over that it didn’t matter about his height, it had mattered when he had continued to lie about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to go out with someone for whatever reason you want. But yeah, I never get the lying about things you will absolutely get caught on sight about. I had a guy on an online app send me his photo pre-meeting for coffee that was 20 years old and looked nothing like him currently.
Like you think we aren’t going to notice that? Just be honest.” EngineeringDry7999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s perfectly okay with lying about something so simple, then he’s probably also okay with lying in general. You cannot trust a liar, you cannot build a relationship without trust. Perhaps he is really 5’6” when he is also wearing his boots with wedges?” AbbyBirb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If he would lie about something so obvious, what else would he lie about? That stated, he can’t help the height and it’s probably a sensitive topic for him. He might even get pretty defensive about it. If he confronts you – stress it is the lie, not the height that upset you.
There is a social stigma around men’s height so much so that short actors (like Tom Cruise) have their contracts written to only allow shorter women to play their ‘love interest’ to not appear “less than.”” t_a_degen
15. AITJ For Refusing To Contribute More Than My Christmas Budget For My Stepdaughter's MacBook?
“I (f32) have been married to ‘Mark’ (m36) for 6 years. Mark had a child ‘Sara’ (f12) with ‘Ali’ (ex-partner) who is starting high school next year, meaning she needs a computer for school. We also have a child together ‘Alex’ (m5).
The issue arose last week when my husband asked me to contribute 1/3 of the cost of Sara’s computer, saying it could be a Christmas present from all of us.
Sara wants a MacBook and they decided on the latest MacBook Pro, over $2000 after AppleCare, accessories, etc, with my share totaling at least $700. I make significantly less than my husband and before this year, we would stick to a budget and half the costs together.
This year the budget I scheduled was $200 per kid (I typically handle all Christmas shopping but run everything past Mark). I told Mark that was double what we spend each Christmas and I wasn’t aware until now that I was expected to chip in the costs.
I said if I’d had time to save I might’ve but on short notice it wasn’t possible, and suggested we look at cheaper options which was quickly shot down. I told him that I could contribute $200 from my savings but no more as we still had the buy presents for Alex.
This wasn’t received well by Sara, Ali, or Mark and they said I was selfish for not helping out, and Sara was devastated as she took this as me favoring Alex over her and not liking/wanting her. Their suggestion was that I don’t spend much money on Alex and give the money to Sara instead but I refused, since I didn’t consider that fair to Alex and didn’t want him upset that he didn’t get any/many presents for Christmas.
This has had a severe impact on my relationship with Sara and Ali, and Mark thinks I should do this to ‘prove’ my love for Sara. Sara has 3 people contributing to presents while Alex only has 2 so Sara typically gets more presents anyway, but we always keep things fair anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“Mark and Ali are the jerks for getting Sara involved in an issue of finances. She’s 12 years old she does not need a 2k piece of equipment. Let them get it for her and see what happens when she breaks it.
The fact that he equates sticking to a budget with not caring as much about Sara is a huge red flag as well. NTJ however keep your eye on your husband and his ex playing their daughter against you. You will be the jerk if you play into their game at your son’s expense!!” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why does a 12-year-old need a MacBook Pro in the first place? I got through university with a laptop I got open box at Best Buy for $400. It sounds as though you tried reasonable compromises and suggestions, and it’s pretty rude of them to have involved her in this conversation.
Good luck untangling this mess & I hope the adults can reach some kind of agreement without spoiling the joy of receiving gifts gracefully for your stepdaughter.” TemperatureTight465
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you’re “choosing your son” by contributing equally to presents for both? To “prove your love” for your stepdaughter she needs to get a very expensive present while your son gets less than usual, or nothing?
How is that remotely fair? Ask Mark if he’s willing to contribute $1400 to presents for Alex, to “prove his love” for his son and keep things fair? Ask him why he doesn’t love his son as much as his daughter, given that he wants not only to spend vastly more on his daughter himself, but to take your gift budget for your son for his daughter as well.” Katja1236
14. AITJ For Returning An Expensive Gift My MIL Asked Me To, And Spending Christmas With My Family?
“Backstory: my husband (23 male) and I (24 Female) got married in court in 2020. No family was invited due to circumstances but we are having our ceremony sometime next year (if it all goes according to plan).
Our families live in California but we were living in Missouri due to my husband being in the military.
In July of 2021, my husband and I finally moved back to California and have been staying at my mother-in-law’s house and we pay rent and buy the groceries.
When we arrived we asked her to pick what holidays she wanted us to spend with them this year so we could spend at least one of the holidays with my family, my mother-in-law chose Thanksgiving and New Years, so we agreed Christmas would be with my family, my MIL was okay with this as long as she got gifts from us.
She gave us a list of things she wanted from us which included: $180 ceramic boxing bowl set, $90, and $400 Kate Spade handbag. We bought all of these and wrapped them.
Fast forward to a week before Christmas, we reminded my MIL we were spending Christmas with my family, she looked at the bag that we had bought for her (that she chose since she went to look for it with us) and said she no longer liked it and wanted us to return it, so we did, my husband and I have been tight on finances so that $400 were way over our budget but we wanted to make her happy.
So anyway we went and returned the handbag.
On Christmas Eve we were leaving for my family’s place so we could help set up for Christmas, and MIL was not happy and started saying I was ruining her Christmas and I was taking her son away from her then told my husband she was dying and he would regret leaving her (she is not sick).
After they had a big argument about how it is important to also spend time with my family she told us to leave.
We left for my family’s place and upon arrival, my MIL called my husband and said “what did that jerk do with my bag, she is an ungrateful piece of junk”, and admitted to digging through our room searching for the bag she had asked us to return because she “did not like it anymore”.
My husband told her it was not okay to do that especially since she had told us to return the bag and told her it was not okay to call me things as I have never disrespected her.
She went on to say that her family is more important and my family “isn’t crap” and that I am just an additive but have no importance to their family, this upset my husband as I am always the one cleaning their home, cooking for them, folding their clothes and helping in any way I can to make their living comfortable as they are older people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you never have to see her again. Only your husband does. She has been indulged and enabled enough by her husband and family. This has to stop and you need to not be around her.” binarysolo_0000001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But you may want to consider getting your MIL a full physical and mental evaluation. Seems odd that she keeps forgetting what you told her about Xmas, that she wanted you to return the bag, etc. Or has she always been like this?” Electronic_Trick_13
Another User Comments:
“OP Wait, you are paying rent and purchasing groceries for the house and she went through your stuff? Hard no on that one and let’s just say you and your dear husband need to get out there NOW and do not return.
Pack up everything and put it in a locked storage unit, save a few changes of clothing. Do not buy any more groceries and find a new place to live. He needs to put his foot down with his mother, she has crossed the line, and the days of the expensive gifts would be gone, it is now one card, and good luck ever getting to see any of your future grandchildren.
Op, you have every right to be upset with this woman. I read that and I am upset and know that my spouse would probably be trying to calm me down and putting food in my mouth so I would not be able to speak to my inlaw if they pulled that crap.” JCWa50
13. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Cousin Who Criticized My Mental Health Treatment?
“I’m really big on being open about my mental health because I believe when we do so, we destigmatize talking about it. I have depression and anxiety, get very serious anxiety attacks (but am improving with therapy) and yesterday made a Tik-Tok called “On Wednesdays, we treat our mental health”, showing me going to therapy, picking up my prescription for Zoloft & taking it, and doing my CBT journal before bed.
My cousin “Emma” (36), who has told me before that I should be embarrassed about being open about my anxiety and depression, replied with “you and all women need to stop taking antidepressants, they make you infertile”. I don’t know the facts on this, because I’m childfree, so it makes no difference to me, I just want and need to treat my mental health.
Emma is going through IVF because she can’t have kids & when she realized she had infertility issues, started to think people should be forced to keep unwanted pregnancies because “I’d love to adopt”. She also told my MOTHER she had an “obligation” to talk me out of it because “it will make her infertile”, and stuck by it when my mother told her I don’t want kids ever and that my anxiety attacks are debilitating.
Thankfully my mother, who is supportive of me being childfree, internally rolled her eyes and said something like “OP is 32, she’s old enough to make her own health and lifestyle decisions”.
I saw Emma’s comment the next morning and since I happened to have done my makeup all nicely and was pretty annoyed at the comment, I did a direct reply video to her comment where I filmed myself popping my Zoloft and then lip-synced to the “babes don’t threaten me with a good time” clip.
I posted it before bed and went to sleep.
I woke up to a ton of messages and missed calls from Emma, “Betty” (her mother/my mother’s sister), and my mother. Emma was offended by my “insensitivity” and Betty called me “disgusting” because how DARE I “wish away the gift that is your fertility” and my mother just wanted to know what was going on because Betty was blowing up her phone until she answered.
I think Emma had it coming by projecting her problems onto my video (if she didn’t like it, she could have just kept scrolling or unfollowed me), and I don’t think I’m obligated to tip-toe around her infertility and that it is really gross to think my ability to have children I don’t even want is more important than my mental health and happiness, but my mother says I probably could have been a bit nicer about it knowing that Emma is doing IVF but she wasn’t mad at me or anything, she was more annoyed Betty blew up her phone about it tbh.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What did Emma expect from someone who she knows is childfree? If she didn’t want to hear someone say they’d be happy not being a mom, she shouldn’t have needled someone who she knows doesn’t want kids, especially by suggesting they should be more worried about their ability to have kids than their health.
Classic case of “don’t poke the bear”. Emma had it coming. I saw a similar Tik-Tok a couple of days ago with a girl who used the same sound clip in response to the misinformation and was laughing. A+ clap back from both of you.” cherryblossomkoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emma went out looking for a fight. I also loathe people who are so selfish and have such intense baby rabies that they’d gladly go back to the bad old days when pregnant teenage girls/unmarried women were told to go out of town for a few months, have their children stolen by greedy vultures then be told to pretend that they were never pregnant.
Think Philomena for a most vile version of that. She’s precisely the type of person who should NOT be raising a kid. You have a condition and you’re taking medication. You are more than your uterus. I’d frankly block her and avoid her. If she tries to get in your face, I’d loudly yell “NO, I’m not having your baby for you!”” Maleficent_Ad_3958
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Emma and her mother are the ones being insensitive. Other people should be forced to go off of their meds so that if they get pregnant she can adopt that child?!? Major Handmaid vibes, no way. I’d tell her to her face that even if you did get pregnant you would never give your child up for adoption to someone who values fertility over Mental Health.” HowardProject
12. AITJ For Deleting My Phone Tracker After My Parents Overreacted To My Location?
“I (18AFAB) just moved to college across the country from my parents (55F, 61M). They’ve always been very strict, and have had access to my location at all times through my phone since I got my first one, I think.
The other day I played some video games with my friends, went to bed late, and didn’t wake up until maybe 12 p.m. When I did, I saw that there were a bunch of missed calls from my parents and texts from both of them plus my extended family.
I went ahead and answered “hey, just woke up. What happened?” And they immediately called me saying that my tracker had said I was somewhere in a forest, and that since I wasn’t answering they thought I was dead. Not to mention, the first call was barely an hour before I woke up.
Think the first call/texts are around 11:30, and by 12:30 everybody thinks I’m missing.
They had called my aunts and made them all scared too, and a few minutes later the RA knocked on my door and asked me if I was alright. I was really mad at the time, but after calming down a little, I decided that I should just delete the tracker.
Last time I did that my mom got really mad at me, but I decided this would probably be best. If they didn’t see that poor GPS signal, they probably would’ve thought “ok, they slept in” or “maybe their phone is off to study.”
I deleted it, and called my mom to let her know, and she’s been giving me the silent treatment since.
Am I the jerk here?
Granted, when I was a freshman in high school I had a few run-ins with booze and substances, which made them very suspicious of me. But since then I’ve been on the straight and narrow, honor student, no parties, studies come first, etc.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re coming into the world as an adult, and don’t need your parents tracking you insistently. And that while out of concern, that they raised such a bloody fuss is key enough it’s time to let go.” Kennytime
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. Welcome to life. You are officially a grownup now. And when your parents complain – as they naturally will do, just tell them “you had to let go some time. Now is as good as any. I got this.” And good luck with school.
I am a college prof. Classes can be sneaky in that they start off slow but pick up speed.” Dobg64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I moved away for college I LET my mom track me and she also shared her location with me. It was a decision we made together.
It never felt like an invasion of privacy. She never assumed I was dead after an hour of no contact lol. I think she only looked at it if I mentioned I was going somewhere. She didn’t force me to be tracked and she certainly would never give me the silent treatment if I turned it off.
My mom having access to my location was about safety. Creeps go to college towns to prey on girls. It’s on the news every year when school starts. I’ve seen this myself in my hometown, which is why I’m happy to share my location with someone.
My mom and I also have healthy boundaries, which you seem to be lacking with your parents. Based on what you said, it seems like your parents don’t trust you to be responsible, so they feel the need to track you. It’s disrespectful and demeaning in my opinion.
It’s funny how because my mom and I have a relationship based on mutual trust and respect I’m happy to volunteer more information compared to someone whose parental relationship is based on control. It’s something to keep in mind when I have kids of my own.” kimjong_unsbarber
11. AITJ For Wanting To Collect My Supplies From My MIL's Salon After Being Fired?
“I (23F) was working at my MIL’s salon for roughly two weeks doing nails (I’m licensed) before she decided to tell my fiancé (her son) to tell me that I am no longer welcome in her salon, and to get my stuff and get out.
She originally said to get my stuff on Monday, but now to come get it on Sunday at 11 am. The thing is…. Now she’s telling my fiancé I am not allowed to come get my stuff, but he is allowed to. He does not know about every little thing I have at the salon because I have a LOT of stuff.
I have tried my best to make a list of everything that I could think of for him to go off from.
The reason she said I am not welcome back, and I swear on my life I am not making this up, is because I didn’t say “hi” or “goodbye” to her the other day.
To explain myself, when I came in that morning, she was at the sink washing someone’s hair and she wouldn’t have heard me anyway. I was also very afraid and anxious that morning because I knew she was going to try to talk to me about the argument she was having with her son.
However, I did say “bye” to her when I left. She was once again at the sink washing someone’s hair. I am a very soft-spoken person to begin with, and she is honest to god hard of hearing in general, so she didn’t hear me.
That was her reasoning. I would also like to mention she has been fighting with her son (my fiancé) for a few days now. She also instigated an argument with me the other day after a client left where I stood up for my fiancé which she did not like.
She is being so petty right now but whatever.
Anyway, WIBTJ if I went with my fiancé anyway to get my stuff? My fiancé wants me to come because she’s just being petty and trying to intimidate me, but I also don’t want her to get me in trouble for being there.
However at the same time… it’s MY SUPPLIES! Why am I not allowed to get my stuff because she’s mad at me for such trivial things? My parents and fiancé promised to replace anything that I might not get back. However I don’t want them to have to dig into their pockets for that stuff because just a bottle of gel polish alone is $17.99.
I also just want to make sure he comes home with my license because if I don’t have it I can’t work and I don’t have time to try to get a replacement in the mail. Whether she withholds it from me or it’s forgotten, I wouldn’t be allowed to get it myself and my fiance wouldn’t be able to go because of work.
I have bills to pay so this is stressful. I think I would be the jerk for showing up anyway but I don’t think it’s trespassing? But I also don’t want to risk anything.
I would also like to note that everything in the salon that’s nail related are things I bought with my own money, with the exception of the desk, table lamp, dust collector, foot bath, and some towels.”
Another User Comments:
“WNBTJ: a job has no right to keep your personal items after you’ve been dismissed. Go there during operating hours and collect your items. If she tries to stop you make it clear you will return with the police and create a very unpleasant scene for her customers.” BaltimoreBadger23
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ to yourself but overall NTJ. She sounds like the type to do something crazy. Cover your own backside and let him get your stuff. Or call the cops and ask for someone to assist you in retrieving your belongings. Nonemergency police can help handle that.
“However I don’t want them to have to dig into their pockets for that stuff because just a bottle of gel polish alone is $17.99.” From one nail tech to another, you’re overspending if you’re paying that much! Even the best polishes shouldn’t be that much, and definitely not with your tech discount that all suppliers give.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Giving My Daughter Her Birthday Gift At Her Friend's Party?
“My daughter Stephie just turned 9 on Saturday. She’s been asking for a Switch for a while now, and I think she’s gotten old enough and mature enough that I can trust her with a big present like that. So the plan was always to give Stephie the Switch at her birthday party which was the same day.
However, that ended up falling through. We ended up not being able to pick up the Switch until Sunday morning.
See, Stephie was invited to her classmate Jolene’s party on Sunday. So I figured that since we were still in the party spirit, I would just give Stephie the Switch after cake at Jolene’s party.
Nothing more than that. Just the unwrapping and then the spotlight would be right back on Jolene. Besides, the girls are friends so I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal. They’re 9, they’re old enough to understand this was an extenuating circumstance.
Or so I thought.
Everything went as I had planned and I thought it went well, but after the party was over I got a call from Jolene’s mom essentially asking me what the heck I was thinking. That I was “undermining” her because she couldn’t afford something like a Switch for Jolene.
Correct me if I’m wrong but I have not raised Stephie to even really care about things like how much a present costs. Also, Jolene didn’t even care because she had numerous new things to play with, and Stephie shared her Switch with her so it seems to me like everyone made out well.
Jolene’s mom also called me petty and a show-off (she and I do not like one another and I won’t sugarcoat it, but I put that aside for the kids because our issues aren’t their fault, which Jolene’s mom is definitively not doing). Husband says he gets where I was coming from but maybe should have at least waited until after Jolene’s presents were opened so she could have hers first. That’s fair but I’m not sure if that quite makes me a jerk to Jolene.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why would you do this at another girl’s birthday party? Why couldn’t you do this at home with just your daughter? I can’t imagine bringing a gift to someone else’s party and making it about you and your daughter.” Monkeyruler164
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not nice or polite to open presents for you at someone else’s birthday party. It reminds me of “equal attention” presents which are lame. Why couldn’t you have given your child their gift at home? It’s not nice to take the spotlight off someone else on their special day.” kickstotherim
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. By even saying “then the spotlight will be right back on Jolene” means you knew the spotlight would be on your child at a party that wasn’t hers. Then you’re gaslighting that the parents must be teaching their kids to care about the value of presents, you say you don’t, meanwhile, you’re teaching your kid other people’s parties can be about them and a big gift must be given in front of others.
The only reason to give your kid a gift at another party is so everyone can see what kind of gift it is. It could have been done at home. Wanting a public display of your kid getting a Switch isn’t an extenuating circumstance, it’s just showing off.” Gigibean3
9. AITJ For Not Informing My Toxic Sisters About My High-Risk Pregnancy?
“I (27F) have three older sisters who are ten, eleven and fourteen years older than I am. While I love them all, I hate being around them.
They all are emotionally unstable and instead of getting the help they need, they take everything out on each other and other family members. They have no problem completely disregarding any boundaries by gaslighting and manipulating people, including their own family. My mother, who did her best as a single mother to raise all of us, is constantly having to deal with their antics to the point where the stress has made her ill at times and I personally, have had countless anxiety attacks because of them.
I’m still in therapy to this day because of my chaotic childhood. As soon as I got the chance, I moved 45 minutes away from the city they live in.
At the age of fifteen, I found out that I have endometriosis and my physician told me that I would never be able to carry a child to term safely.
It really messed me up for years because I’ve always had dreams of being a mother. Especially since I’ve met my fiance, M (27M). In November of 2020, I found out that I was not only pregnant but an entire month along! My fiance and I were over the moon with how excited we were.
My doctor warned me though, that since I was a high-risk pregnancy, I had to take special precautions; with stress being a big no-no for me. Since I was unable to take any anxiety medication + this pregnancy being sensitive, I decided not to tell anyone on my side about being pregnant, except for my mother.
On June 4th of this year, I gave birth to my son! He is healthy, beautiful and the greatest thing that ever happened to me. M is an amazing father and I’m really loving motherhood. I decided to wait until last week to tell everyone that I had given birth and that’s when things hit the roof.
My sisters were all extremely upset with me, to the point where they started crying, which they never do and it took me by surprise. They all called me, telling me that they are hurt that I did not tell them about being pregnant, that they wouldn’t have done anything to stress me out.
That I had missed out on a baby shower and beautiful memories and that my son is missing out on having a family, given how they haven’t seen him yet and due to me living 45 minutes away from them. My fiance backs my decision 100%, as does my mother.
AITJ for not telling my family that I was pregnant? I’m starting to worry that I’m a jerk for not telling them about anything and not letting my son meet his aunts earlier.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “We wouldn’t have stressed you out!” they cry while stressing you out.
They can take it personally all they want, but you knew what you could and could not handle, and the best predictor of future behaviour from your sisters is past behaviour. Your son is also not missing out on much, he’s a newborn, and if his aunts chill for a second, he can meet them at some point.
They are trying to guilt you for a good decision that hurt their feelings because it was about their bad behaviour. Congratulations on your new family member!” queeftheunicorn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations on your little boy! And don’t let anyone guilt trip you into thinking what you did was wrong.
You don’t have to share your pregnancy with anyone until you are ready even if that means after giving birth. It’s not about them and they can get out of their feelings. This was about you feeling comfortable and stress-free during a high-risk pregnancy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ. Your job as a parent is to protect your child and never let him experience the chaos that you endured. That’s what you’re doing and I’m sure you didn’t take the decision lightly either. Keep doing what you need to do to keep that baby happy and healthy.” Toothfairy07
8. AITJ For Not Helping My Husband With His Spontaneous Home Improvement Project?
“My (39F) husband has a tendency to get obsessively focused on projects or solutions to problems around the house and cannot rest until they’re completed. He forges ahead with repairs, modifications, improvements, etc. without regard to time, energy, or resources. This often manifests itself in the evenings, so I will come home from a hard day’s work to a half-torn-up room and him so focused on the task that he barely has time to say two words to me.
Last night the project was installing the new fridge. I came home with ingredients for dinner to find the kitchen inaccessible, and him out in the garage modifying a small piece of wood to replace some damaged molding around the cabinets. He barely greeted me, then told me to figure out where to go to pick up dinner.
I obliged because I had no choice, but then went into the other room to change and relax and play with the cat until our pickup order was ready.
After we ate dinner he jumped right back into the project, asking for my help twice, which I gave him, but I needed to take some time and call my mom to coordinate post-op care for her upcoming surgery, and so one of the times he needed help was during the call, and he acted annoyed when I didn’t hang up with her and focus entirely on him.
After he had finished installing everything he came and found me relaxing in the back room with a book. He proceeded to order me to get up and come to the kitchen. When I did, he pointed to the two fridges and said it was time to move all the food over and that I should get to work because that was my job.
I confronted him about his attitude but he expressed that he felt that he had the right to step away from the project because he had just done all that work while I sat around and took a phone call. I countered with an acknowledgment of his hard work and a willingness to help but an objection to being ordered around.
He then expressed that he felt that I should have been more helpful and attentive to him in regard to the project from the minute I got home.
So my question is: am I the jerk for not being willing to sacrifice my day/time/after-work downtime to help with a project that I didn’t initiate or know was going to be happening that day?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! If your husband wants to spontaneously forge ahead with big home improvement projects then he’s welcome to do so, but he doesn’t get to be snotty with you for not dropping everything to help him out. It’s inconsiderate of him to expect you to rearrange your time at the drop of a hat just because he’s decided this is the moment for action.
If he wants you to devote substantial time to helping him with these things he should either let you know in advance or communicate that request clearly with his words like an adult – not expect you to read his mind and then get upset when you don’t.” invomitous-rex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband needs to learn to respect you and respect your time. You didn’t say it was a bad thing so I assume most of the time, these projects do improve the house or other items on which he is focused. You should sit down with him and tell him while you appreciate his work, you’d like to remove the spontaneity of projects.
It could even become an enjoyable activity for you both with proper communication and planning.” farmerfran117
7. AITJ For Confronting My MIL About Her Comments On Grandchildren At My SIL's Memorial Service?
“My (26m) wife’s (26f) younger sister (23f) passed away unexpectedly.
It was shocking for all of us and I’ve just been trying to be supportive while processing my own grief. At her memorial service, I overheard a relative (who had lost her only child) tell my MIL that while my SIL’s death was tragic, at least she had another child.
My MIL tried to explain that wasn’t any consolation since her daughters were both unique individuals but then they got into a borderline argument about it. My MIL then tried to put it to rest by saying, “In any case, even if I still have (my wife), (SIL) was my only hope for having grandchildren since (my wife) doesn’t want any so I’ll always be mourning that missed possibility.”
For context, my wife and I aren’t even child-free, we just don’t want to have children until at least our late 30s. It has been a very sore point for her mother, who has made it clear to everyone that she believes we are lying about delaying it just to avoid discussing it with her.
At that point, I interrupted and said it’s a very insensitive thing to say about both her daughters, to reduce one’s entire value to her openness towards having children and dismiss another’s value for not having children (in the near future.)
My MIL seemed to not even consider my point and was mostly just incensed about how I could even confront her at a time like this.
She finally told me she’s not in any state to deal with this and left.
I later told my wife about it and she said that even if I was right, then wasn’t the time to bring it up and that she doesn’t have any emotional capacity to even care about it at the moment.
I feel really guilty for being responsible for creating some new drama right now, but I also think what my MIL said was highly dismissive and that I had to defend my wife right there.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife is right, this wasn’t the time or place to have this conversation.
Your MIL is dealing with incomprehensible grief and isn’t in a position to have perfect feelings about things and while her comments were ugly and mean-spirited, confronting her at her dead daughter’s memorial service was comically inappropriate. You should apologize.” hraedon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and the relative who started the conversation is a massive jerk.
Who the heck says “well you lost one but hey at least you’ve got another!” What?!?! That’s so insane and then for you to be rude to her about your opinions on having children while she’s mourning the death of her child?
She is absolutely allowed to mourn the fact that she will never get grandchildren from her younger daughter. Who cares if she made some passing comment about not having grandkids, she’s allowed to mourn not getting grandkids just as much as you’re allowed to not have children.
You should have bit your tongue, you were way out of line and so was the relative.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife is right that it wasn’t an appropriate time. Your MIL didn’t tell you or your wife that, you overheard it after she was (it seems) somewhat baited into an argument at her daughter’s memorial service.
First, the person who acted like your MIL’s grief should be less because she has another child (who is an entirely different person than the daughter she lost) is a jerk. That person probably “meant well” but seems to have doubled down, probably in defensiveness when MIL pointed out their insensitivity.
So that created more tension at an already emotionally wrought event. You could have said, “Hello, MIL, so-and-so wanted to offer their condolences” and steered her away from the tense conversation with the other relative, but at the daughter’s memorial service, you chose to pile on by pointing out the comment a grieving mother made.
You didn’t need to “defend your wife” because your MIL wasn’t trying to attack your wife, she was trying to explain her grief to an insensitive relative. Sure, your MIL’s attitude is not great, but she was under pressure and grieving and it wasn’t the time to address the issue.” Purple_Sorbet5829
6. AITJ For Leaving Home After An Argument With My Dad And Stepmom?
“My (18f) dad got remarried a few years ago and we immediately started having problems. My parents went through a nasty divorce when I was younger, and it went on for years. I had no problem with my dad getting remarried, I’m glad he’s happy, but it changed him.
My dad and I used to be so close, but ever since 3 years ago all of a sudden, he just stopped trusting me. He started treating me like I was a lazy, unmotivated, and attitude-filled kid. My step-mom up and changed our whole lifestyle, and it just never stuck.
She would talk about how the way we used to live was this big unhealthy thing and that we needed to fix it. This wasn’t true, because we lived with my grandparents and my grandma would predominantly cook at home, and include the food groups.
She set rules on things that never were actually a problem before. God forbid you leave a cup on the table without getting told how much of a slob you are.
This was 3 years in the making, but I finally hit a breaking point with my parents.
I recently had spine surgery, and can’t get a job just yet. My dad took part of the money I could make at home from me, and justified it with “teaching me a lesson because I didn’t get up early enough”, even though I had been getting up early and doing the things I needed to do.
I got mad and said that wasn’t fair because I had been working a lot on the project for money at home, to the point of straining my back for hours, which you could imagine hurt.
It erupted into a huge argument, about how I was lazy and never contributed anything to the family and that I would sit around all day on my phone, which is a fat lie.
Of course, my step-mom came down and defended my dad during the argument, and told me how ungrateful I was, and that they all work 40-hour work weeks while I sit around. I told her that she brings that up all the time, and she said “well that’s just in your head”.
I told her to not say that because that implies being not right in the head and crazy, to which she screamed ” YOU’RE CALLING ME CRAZY, YOU’RE CRAZY!” I’m known for not lying, and if I ever try to do, I am really bad at it.
They said things just to hurt me.
After yelling at me and saying really nasty things, they kept saying “where are you going to go huh? You have nowhere to go, it’s best if you stay here”. I straight up told them that I’m only staying now because I’m financially dependent on them, because living with them has been unbearable, and the pressure has driven me to the brink.
They of course got mad and said “if you don’t like the rules and expectations you can leave, and we’ll help you pack”. I finally called my grandma and she came to get me the next day. I found out later that my dad was going to get rid of my dogs behind my back.
I was heartbroken that he would hurt me like that. I plan on bringing them to my grandma’s somehow, and I don’t want to return. I feel like I’m the jerk for leaving over an argument, and leaving my brother behind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It sounds like a bad place for you to be. It’s cruel of your dad to plan to get rid of your dogs, and even worse that he planned to do it secretly. You need to focus on getting yourself out of that situation safely & with as little further trouble as possible.
Once you’re getting onto your feet with work, then you can reach out to your brother & try to support him, but don’t stay in a terrible situation just for his sake. Good luck OP!” originalfreckle
Another User Comments:
“Wait, you had spinal surgery, you’ve not been cleared to physically go to a job, yet still work from home and earn money, but your dad says you’re lazy?
Oh, no. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with them, and I hope you’re safe at your grandparents’ now. NTJ.” LeReineNoir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Same exact thing happened to me. Stepmothers can completely change post-divorce Dads. It’s very sad.
They are being manipulative, emotionally abusive, and controlling and you need to get out no matter what. Stepmother probably has turned your Dad against you because she feels threatened by you being around. You need to leave and make it clear you won’t be a part of your Dad’s life until you are respected as a person around him.
I know it’s difficult but you need to stick to it. Don’t give in. Put your foot down.” NoSatisfaction4251
5. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Daughter I Can't Legally See Her Without Her Mother's Approval?
“My ex, Cara, has a sweet, amazing daughter, Layla. I’ve been in Layla’s life since she was 5 (now 14). We’ve always gotten along super well, and were ridiculously close.
Layla has never met her biological father but considers me her father, and calls me dad. I consider her my daughter.
My ex and I planned to have more children together. Though when we were at least 30 and financially stable. Despite waiting and protection, we got a false positive about 2 years ago, when we hadn’t started trying yet.
About a month after this Cara realised she didn’t want any more children. We tried to work it out, but just couldn’t because I wanted more children, while Cara didn’t. Despite trying to figure it out and marriage counseling, we broke up four months ago.
However, there was a major issue, Layla. I was legally just the mother’s ex-partner. My lawyer told me I have no rights to see Layla if Cara disapproves. And Cara took our separation hard. She feels I’m choosing blood over her and Layla (not it at all) and won’t let me see her.
I’ve missed them both so much, and not seeing Layla is killing me. But just giving in and going back is a bad idea, according to my therapist anyway.
This is the context to the actual event. Last month Layla showed up at my work all upset, she even skipped school to see me.
She was hoping I’d come to see her and felt betrayed that I hadn’t. I took her back to school and we talked. She felt abandoned, that her dad (me) didn’t love or want her. I ended up telling her the truth. That I love her more than anything, and she’ll always be my daughter even if I can’t see her.
Where I may have crossed the line is explaining how I legally cannot see her anymore without Cara’s ok. And that if Cara changes her mind, I’ll happily be involved in her life. She seemed happier when I dropped her off, but it didn’t end well.
A week later Cara called me furious. Apparently, Layla had been trying to convince her to let me see her, or even take me back (I didn’t ask her to, and did NOT say I wanted Cara back). Since I talked to her apparently she’s refused to listen to her mother and been extremely rude and cruel.
Layla is basically acting out until Cara lets me see her. Cara wants me to talk to her and end it. As I said to her, I’m happy to tell Layla to stop and be good, but I’m not going to tell her I don’t want to see her.
My parents think I’m being unnecessarily cruel to Layla. They say I’m being unfair by involving her in matters between me and Cara, and that for now I should listen to Cara and just end things. My friends have basically said they understand why I’m acting this way, but I shouldn’t have given Layla ‘false hope’.
I honestly just didn’t want her to think I abandoned her or hated her. I love her more than anything. Clearly it hasn’t gone well but I just hate the idea of lying to Layla about how I feel. Because I do want to be there for her.
But maybe it was just cruel and selfish like everyone is saying. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming you didn’t paint her mother in a bad light, she asked you why you weren’t seeing her. She’s a 14-year-old, not a 4-year-old. She deserves to know why someone who loved her most of her life—who, for all intents and purposes, was basically her dad—just disappeared like that.
Cara shouldn’t have been keeping that from her daughter. That’s a great way to foster abandonment and self-consciousness issues.” ImprovisedMess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cara can’t have it both ways: if she doesn’t want you involved in Layla’s life, then she doesn’t get to pull you in on disciplinary issues.
Either she needs to set aside her feelings and find a way for you to be involved if that’s what her daughter wants, or she needs to just deal with being the “mean parent” for now until Layla moves on (or is officially old enough to build her own relationship with you).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve kept the door open so that when she’s old enough she can come to you without having to ask permission. She is allowed to want you in her life if she considers you dad. You did nothing wrong for simply wanting more children.
She shouldn’t be asking you to lie and break that child’s heart because of her misjudgment. Breakups are hard and maybe one day she’ll come around to you seeing her before she’s 18 but until then it’s ok for her to know you still love her and your door is open when she’s older.” Working-Kangaroo-639
IMHO I think you were absolutely correct in telling her the truth. Her mother wanting to not let her see the only dad she's known, is f-ed up. Her mother is showing she cares more about her bad feelings toward you than her daughter's happiness.
4. AITJ For Buying My Unemployed Partner An Expensive Gift Despite Agreeing Not To Exchange Presents?
“My partner (25F) who worked as a veterinarian nurse has had a rough year. She was diagnosed with epilepsy 10 years ago but her seizures have suddenly become very frequent and she was told by her doctor that she has to stop working until they can get her epilepsy under control again.
I (28M) didn’t want her to eat through her savings so I have been financially supporting her as I work a decent paying job. This has made her incredibly depressed because she loved her job and she hates depending on others.
This Christmas my partner and I agreed that we weren’t going to be doing gifts.
But after such a terrible year, I felt like she deserved something and I decided to go all in and buy her a Coach bag. I spent $800 on it and I’ve been hiding it from her for two months. I thought she’d be over the moon but this morning I finally surprised her with it and she literally broke down crying and then started yelling at me.
She told me that I was purposely trying to make her look like a poor partner because she can’t afford to buy me anything and then said that I was treating her like a “sugar baby” which I thought was completely ridiculous. I told her she was being dramatic and it’s just a bag, she should be happy.
This argument went on for about an hour before she told me and I quote, “shove the bag up your behind,” and then she called her sister to come pick her up and take her to her parents’.
We’ve been together for 6 years and this is the first Christmas we spent without each other so I’ve been upset all day.
I called her repeatedly throughout the day but she ignored them all so I sent her a snarky text message “Thanks for a great freaking Christmas.” I think it’s understandable that I’m frustrated.
Around an hour ago, my partner’s sister called me to tell me that my partner had a bad seizure and she had to be taken to hospital and then her sister tried to blame ME for it because I “stressed her out.” I’m honestly that angry about this entire situation and I can’t even see my partner because no visitors are allowed at the hospital due to the restrictions.
This is the worst Christmas ever and it’s all because I bought my partner a present. AITJ here? Because I feel like I’m missing something.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I was on your side in the beginning until the text. Your partner is clearly going through a very stressful time and is not processing her emotions appropriately.
This doesn’t give her the right to take it out on you, though. She and her sister also can’t go around blaming other people for her seizures. Yes, stress can exacerbate them, but it’s not your fault that she’s not dealing with her feelings about her financial situation appropriately.
I understand your frustration but hitting back with a text that is obviously sent to upset her/make her feel guilty didn’t do anything to help the situation, especially when she very clearly is already struggling. You both could work on your communication.” OverlookedCharm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you agreed not to do gifts, you didn’t pick up something small because she was important to you (that could be reciprocated by a good gesture in return), you did something she could not reciprocate and then tried to write it off.
She was already stressed about it and felt worse for your gift.” s10wanderer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew she was feeling terrible about being dependent and not having money and AGREED no gifts. Then, you not only got her a gift, but a very expensive one.
While your motive was good, your judgment was really awful. Return the bag and provide an experience that you can do for each other – cook a wonderful dinner together and watch a movie, give each other a massage, etc. For now, you need to grovel.
Good luck, OP.” NGDGUnpunished
3. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Keeps Promising Me A PS5/Xbox But Never Delivers?
“I (31m) am a big gamer. Always have been, even before my wife (28f) and I started seeing each other. It’s nothing that gets in the way of our relationship or to the point where it causes issues. It’s just my way of relaxing after a hard day at work and escaping reality for a little bit.
Both the PS5/Xbox came out last year and she asked if I was going to get one of the systems, I told her not right away, I’ll wait until the hype calms down. She then tells me that maybe she’ll get one of them for me for Christmas (2020).
I told her it’s fine, it’s too dangerous trying to get one at that time. Christmas comes around and no new system, I’m not upset, I didn’t expect it just because of how impossible it was to get one back then.
Still had an amazing Christmas because I found out we’re expecting our first child!
Fast forward to my birthday and she says maybe I’ll get it for my birthday, that’s when I start anticipating it because the hype has calmed down and they’re kind of accessible then.
Birthday comes around and still no console, still not upset, still understanding.
Valentine’s Day, “Maybe I’ll get you one for Valentine’s.” Told her not to be crazy, it’s only Valentine’s Day. No system, still not mad.
Our 10-year anniversary comes around and again, she tells me she’ll get one of them for me.
I get her an amazing anniversary gift, I got nothing. This is when I start getting upset.
Then I lose my job during the summer and she tells me if I find a new job, she’ll buy me the PS5 as a reward. I didn’t need the system as a reward, just having a job was motivation enough.
But I get an amazing job that pays better than the last. Still no PS5/Xbox.
I have had multiple opportunities since getting my job to purchase them myself and have been told no, because she wants to get it for me.
We have our child finally and I give up on trying to acquire one of the systems because I have a baby now.
Not going to have time to game anyway and need to get the essentials for them anyway.
Fast forward to now and my buddies all got PS5s for Christmas, their wives/partners gave it to them early. She asks what I want for Christmas this year and I tell her a PS5 or Xbox would be cool so I could play with my friends; she gets upset and tells me to give up on ever getting one of them, we have a child now so I won’t ever get one.
Even after all this leading on that I would eventually get one, I’m now being told it will never happen…
AITJ for being upset about being led on about getting a system and never getting one?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She deliberately led you on when she had no intention of buying one?
So instead of her having an open and frank conversation about why she didn’t want you to have one, she essentially lied to you for a long period of time and acted like she wanted to get it for you?? First you need to sit her down when you’re calm, and ask her why she would do that.
What led her to lead you on again and again when she didn’t want you to have it. Actually listen to what she says. Does she feel like she’ll be doing 90% of the house/baby work while you game? Is she afraid you’ll only do that in your free time and ignore her?
She must have some reason, even if it’s not justifiable, for doing this. And maybe she has some valid points?
But the bigger problem here is how she chose to handle a problem. Instead of sitting you down and sharing concerns, she repeatedly lied to you.
She owes you a huge apology for that. And frankly – unless she has some incredibly compelling reason, I’d be out buying that system ASAP. But again – the bigger issue here is how she chose to handle a problem in your life. Things will arise again in the future of any marriage, so now’s a good time to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
Good luck.” PilotEnvironmental46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but are PS5s easy to buy where you are? Because I’ve been promising my kid for the last year and I had no idea they were darn near impossible to get. I literally needed to make accounts for every store that would possibly sell them and then make sure I kept them signed in.
Then I needed to sign up to every social media platform that had PS5 in stock alerts. Even after weeks of trying they would sell out within seconds. Call after call each and every day to stores, going around weekly to different places just in case they happened to get any in-store.
Battling with the fact that IF a store did get them in there are always employees who alert family or friends first. I finally got an alert one day at 2 a.m. and had to jump out of bed, needed 3 different browsers open on 2 different devices while constantly refreshing the pages until I was finally able to get one.
This was practically a part-time job. Maybe she just doesn’t realize how hard it is to actually get one.” Life_with_lemonz
Go buy one for yourself. Or, continually promise her something you know she really wants and repay her. But maybe you shouldn't be as petty as me.
2. AITJ For Allowing Nuts At Parties Despite My Roommate's Partner's Allergy?
“So my (20F) roommate (22M) has a partner (23M) who is allergic to peanuts. My roommate and I are very careful when he is over. I grew up with a lot of Asian food, so a lot of peanut products find its way into a lot of food I cook at home which my roommate eats as well because he likes it.
If my roommate gives me notice of when his partner comes over I try not to cook with any peanuts that day. But if I don’t get notice I cook whatever I planned to make. If he’s over and I cook with peanuts it’s not my problem at that point.
To be clear he only gets a reaction if he touches it or eats it. So me cooking with him around does nothing to him. I just try not to if I get enough notice.
Ok for the actual problem. My roommate and I always have parties with our friends.
Specific fandom parties, Holidays, etc. Roommate and partner always say that there can be no peanuts in any of the food. And that’s fine. We all make sure and take multiple steps to not have peanuts in anything. We had a The Lord Of The Rings party.
Made food from the books/movies and all of us kept in contact with partner to make sure everything would be good for him to eat. In the end everything was 100% peanut-free.
The day of he says that he’s not coming till after we eat because he doesn’t want to take the chance and he’ll come for the movies and trivia games.
Everyone was a bit annoyed that they catered to partner and ended up being for nothing.
Another time, we had a party to see everyone. Again roommate and partner said that there can’t be any nuts in anything. We all follow the request. All food is 100% nut-free.
He ended up bringing his own food and didn’t eat anything that was made by anyone.
So for Halloween this year when we had our party. Same thing they said no peanuts in anything. At this point we are all a bit done with this.
So people ask me if it was ok if they brought both nut-free and could contain/had nuts. I said yes.
At the party he again brought his own food and then spent the night complaining that there were nuts or could contain nuts in some items. Even though the nut-free stuff was completely separate from everything else and perfectly fine.
AITJ for not continuing to bring nut-free stuff?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already gone above and beyond to cater to someone who won’t even eat what you make. He’s shown he’s comfortable bringing his own food to this type of get-together, so the extra accommodations aren’t necessary anymore.
I wouldn’t be into going the extra mile for someone who didn’t trust or appreciate what I did to make them comfortable.” DidntAskDontCare
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t live with the fear of food allergies— you won’t get it. People will claim to make safe food but then when you ask them a question — “oh just a little bit”.
Personal experience. So for me it’s not surprising that he is likely AFRAID to eat even supposed safe foods but likely has less anxiety knowing peanuts aren’t in the foods. My son’s worst reaction ever was to my rinsing my hands after making a PBJ sandwich for my daughter and trace amounts got into his mouth when I took a toy out of his mouth he was playing with.
None was visible on my hands. Just didn’t scrub my hands like a psycho. Two epis. Ambulance ride. Oxygen. Neb. The works. For me— you’re not the jerk but you’re also not understanding of what it means to live this way. I guess it doesn’t surprise me because it isn’t something you have to live with.” Grumpygeese4
Another User Comments:
“Eh, you’ve never truly accommodated him in the past during daily life, and you say the majority of your food contains peanuts, and that there are many peanut products in your house. I really can’t blame him for not trusting your food.
Him not wanting peanut stuff at gatherings feels more like he doesn’t want to worry about someone eating a handful of peanut butter cookies and then touching him, or other forms of cross-contamination which would be at a higher risk if there’s a group of people playing games and stuff.
He doesn’t trust your food to be 100% safe, but if there are no peanut dishes, he can at least be relatively worry-free. Considering it’s super easy to not put nuts in things, he’s likely interpreting the sudden sprouting of a peanut section of the buffet as a purposeful act meant to make him feel unwelcome.” millac7
1. AITJ For Refusing To Drive 2 Hours To Watch My Sister's Puppy?
“Quick background: I (22f) live on my own in an apartment and am in my final year of nursing school. My sister (23f) is finishing her master’s online and works in retail full-time while living at home with our parents.
6 weeks ago, my sister got an 8-week-old puppy which I believe was an irresponsible choice.
She is working full-time, has schoolwork, and can’t afford to live on her own. My parents say that it’s fine if the dog lives at the house, but she has to pay for everything (food, vet bills, etc.) I already knew this wouldn’t last long, and my parents are already paying vet bills along with watching/training the dog while my sister is at work 5/7 days a week (both work remotely).
My parents are flying up to WA to visit my grandmother this weekend and my sister has to work all day Saturday and Sunday. About a week ago, my parents asked me to come home to take care of the puppy for the two days she is working (I live 2 hours away).
I’ve already had to go home multiple weekends for other reasons, and I just want to stay at my place to get my schoolwork done. I told them I really didn’t want to because I had a lot of work to do and it was a lot in gas money.
My parents said that it would be really nice of me to go help out my family, and they’d be disappointed if I didn’t. I told them I guess I would think about it, but I don’t have a lot of free time and have assignments to get done, so I’m not sure yet.
Flash forward to this week, my mom called yesterday to make sure I would be home on time to watch the dog this weekend. I told her that I never confirmed that I would come, and she immediately flipped out on me saying that I had agreed to watch the dog.
She then stated that she took my “maybe” as a yes. I told her that her assumption is not my fault, and again that it was too much for me to drive home and back again when I have a lot of homework to do.
She kept saying it is too late to find someone else (puppy is too young for daycare) and they believed that I would help out my sister because “that’s just who I am as a person”.
Mom is furious and crying and keeps saying how she’s gonna cancel her trip if I don’t come home, which will make my father angry if he has to go to WA alone.
I spoke to her about what I’ve been working on in therapy, and she stated that I should “just go be best friends with my therapist then because she’s clearly a bad mother” which I never implied. She keeps trying to bribe me, but I keep shooting her down.
I stated that I want them to respect my choices and realize I have my own priorities. She said that no one loves me more than she does, so I should just do this for her. I told her I would reach out to my sister about it since it’s her dog.
My mom then said that if I didn’t do this, she would never trust me again and then hung up on me. She then texted me and said “be here by noon on Saturday”. I just feel like they are trying to guilt me by making me feel bad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This puppy needing to be watched by someone is a big fat your sister’s problem. Not a you problem, not a your parents’ problem. Somehow they’re trying to make it theirs and then turn it into yours. They’re gonna be really upset for a bit but eventually they’ll learn your boundaries are yours and start to know that your no means no. Do not cave.
They’ll know that you’re bluffing every time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are pet boarding facilities or pet sitters for this type of thing. This is on your sister to find a solution. And how the heck did your mom feel that escalating the argument with you would result in a good outcome?” Trick_Few
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…your mom sounds pretty toxic….what sucks though is I’m sure that your parents are helping you with student loans if you have them as you have to be 25 I believe to be considered an independent student, or I’d tell you to just tell her how you truly feel and be done with it.
I do know that’s probably not possible though in your situation.” GreyCoffee8
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I think you're being way too reactive about this. It's not a RFID chip that someone is putting in your child; it's looking for your ancestry and possible relatives. Simmer down.