People Disclose Their Perplexing "Am I The Jerk" Stories

No matter how kind or patient you think you are, there will be times when you will meet someone who is so spiteful that they will bring out the worst in you. These people below might have experienced something similar and would like to share their stories with us so that we can assist them in identifying who the real jerks are. Continue reading and let us know who you think is really at fault. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

34. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Older Brother To My Wedding?

“I (24 f) am going to marry the love of my life (25 m) next month. My fiancé has 4 adopted siblings (20 f, 25 f, 25 m, and 26 m) who both of us are extremely close to.

I on the other hand only have one older brother (27 m) and we don’t get along at all. Never have. We fought harmlessly like normal siblings until our teenage years.

When my brother was around 18 he came out as transgender. My entire family was nothing but supportive and so was I.

However, he very quickly became narcissistic and controlling. He berates my family and I am always disgusted by the way he talks to my parents (53 f and 56 m). He is always stealing other people’s stuff to the point where we have to put locks on our bedroom doors.

Every event would be turned so that it was about him. We all constantly feel as though we are walking on eggshells as saying the wrong thing would set him off.

This obviously put a great mental strain on both my parents and as a result they began to rely heavily on me for emotional support.

I love my parents endlessly but it was exhausting having to always be cheerful. It felt as though I could never have one bad day. My parents also have a habit of giving in to my brother and not punishing him when he is rude or disrespectful.

Although it was bad, it was nothing compared to when my brother’s partner (36 f) moved in with us. He just got so much worse and she was also constantly rude to my parents. They dropped out of their jobs and stayed home all day wasting money on electric and yet they refuse to pay my parents, who don’t earn much and are struggling, any rent.

I went to university when I was 18 and moved in with my partner when I was 21. My brother and his partner are still living at home with my parents.

Anyway, when my fiancé and I were discussing who we’d like to invite to our wedding I said I didn’t want my brother to go and my fiancé agreed, as he too does not like my brother due to his behavior.

However, when I told my parents and my grandmother the reaction was completely different. My dad agreed with me but my mum and grandmother (76 f) said I was selfish and that I should invite him as he’s still my brother.

It got quite heated and I’m a little ashamed to say that I erupted. I asked them how could they insist I invite him when they knew how cruel he was to me growing up.

I told them I had wanted to cut my brother out of my life completely when I moved to university but I didn’t as I didn’t want to upset the other members of my family. My mum started crying and my grandmother made some snide comments.

My dad, however, defended me saying it was my day, that I was an adult and I could make my own decisions. Since then, they haven’t spoken to me. I’ve always felt guilty after arguments, even when I know I’m right so I can’t tell whether I’m being the jerk here.

Any thoughts?”

2 points - Liked by LizzieTX and anma7
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DeniseSB 4 months ago
The real problem is not your wedding. The real problem is that your family has gotten so used to enabling your brother’s awful behavior that they’ve lost their perspective. Of course you get to decide who to invite to your wedding. My hope is that your family supports your decision and that support offends your brother so much that he and his partner move out and stop freeloading on your family. Good luck!
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33. AITJ For Not Giving My Mother-In-Law All The Uncooked Meat From Our Wedding?

“My wife (21F) and I (24M) paid for the wedding ourselves. We recently got married, a small wedding with about 25 guests attending although it was supposed to be around 35 guests. Food was planned for 40 guests so it would be enough for everyone (meaning a lot of leftovers now).

One of the guests works as a head chef and her gift was that she fixed everything with the food.

When MIL and SIL had to leave they asked if they could take some leftovers, we said no problem since there was a lot left, they asked if they should bring anything else since they had a cooler because they brought the cake there (we and SIL fixed the cake).

We gave them the sauces to put in smaller containers, and the still-frozen meat so it wouldn’t thaw during the trip. We were clear that the stuff that wasn’t cooked was only for transportation and was still ours.

The day after when we had unpacked everything my wife went to pick up the food they transported and came back with just the sauces, I asked about the meat and my wife said that they must have forgotten it and brought it with them to their caravan.

Yesterday, things went down because today my wife was supposed to drive SIL to the caravan and I told her to ask about the meat. So summarized from some texts and a call, MIL had brought it to the caravan on purpose because MIL felt entitled to the meat, we apologized if she thought she could take it and asked her to bring it back and she got mad and called us greedy because we didn’t give her all the meat after everything they’ve done for us during the relationship (lending us money when it was tight.

And letting us borrow a car which we pay gas when we do).

To which I replied that we didn’t plan to keep all of it ourselves but it was a wedding gift and we decide who should get what since there were a lot of other guests at the wedding who had also supported us through our relationship, but since it is a wedding gift it’s not only about the food but also that it’s a matter of principles.

Later I sent a text to MIL: I know we wouldn’t be able to eat all the food, but it was a wedding gift and just because you and FIL have supported us through the relationship doesn’t make you entitled to the food.

There were guests at the wedding in more need of it than you 2, for example, my best man is couchsurfing as you know, and he had to leave the wedding before the food and cake were even served, so he didn’t even get to eat it at the wedding as you did.

You are currently in your caravan and at home, you have half your freezer filled with meat, most even venison. So, I think he is a bit more in need and entitled to the meat. So, hope this gives you a bit more perspective on everything.

So, AITJ for denying my MIL all the uncooked meat from the wedding and instead planning to give it to my homeless friend.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... i would get the person who gave you the wedding gift to go over woth you and wife and get HER GIFT back, so mil KNOWS it was a gift and still feels entitled to your gift... oh dear this is the start of things to come.. personally of youknow she's away go to her home if you have a key and remove it all ask friend for a list of the meat she provided and in future don't trust mil and sil woth things you know are expensive to buy such as meat
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32. AITJ For Not Hiding My Liquor And Coffee?

“Three years ago I moved to rural Alaska from Utah with my husband. We both grew up in a certain church that forbids liquor, tea, smoking, coffee, etc. We are no longer members of this church, however, the majority of our friends and family are very devout.

Over the years, we have hosted many friends and family members and they all understand that my husband and I reserve the right to drink liquor/coffee tea and use other recreational products in our own home. We do not overconsume in front of people, I am talking a glass of wine with dinner or a little gummy before bed. It has never been an issue for visitors and sometimes they join in if they are in a safe, non-judgement area.

However… my cousin informed me this morning that she bought plane tickets for her and her family of 6 to come out over Labor Day and that she expects us to hide all of our liquor, and our coffee maker and refrain from drinking any liquor, coffee, tea, etc while they visit as she has young children.

I never invited her. In fact, I haven’t spoken to her in years so I am confused as to why she thinks she can come whenever with her entire family. I reluctantly told her she could stay for 2 nights but they need to be gone during the days as my husband and I work from home.

I also told her that she was overstepping by expecting to use my home while making me uncomfortable to be in my own home. It is very upsetting to me that she would ask that when I felt for years I wasn’t allowed to make my own choices due to religion.

I am not about to skip a glass of wine because her precious kids can’t see responsible drinking. Not to mention, do these kids not look around and see booze and coffee at restaurants? Give me a break.

She threw a huge fit and cried to my mom that I must have a drinking problem and that I was so mean and now they can’t come because they can’t afford a hotel and the tickets are non-refundable.

My mom called and berated me and called me a drinking addict and substance addict because I ‘can’t’ stop using. I can, and I often do, but if someone is in my home, they cannot dictate my actions. My mom says I am a jerk for disrespecting their beliefs.

But I would like your opinions. So, AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... call mom back and tell her that 1 cousin invited herself not theother way round that 2 you will NOT host her and her brats for a week based on her TELLING YOU she is coming 3 that mom KNOWS all cousins lies are untrue as she has visited herself. What you take offence to is mother believing cousin who YOU HAVEN'T SPOKEN to FOR YEARS demanding you host her UNINVITED without even asking if these dates were A ok and B if you were agreeable... then tell mother that seeing how she wants to believe the bullshit she won't be wanting to visit either will she and hang up
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31. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Stop Being So Needy?

“I (55 m) have been married to my wife (51 f) for 29 years. We recently moved our 19-year-old daughter into her college apartment. My wife had already helped move in the day before, and we had to help finish up the process.

Upon arrival, we moved the boxes into her apartment. After we took all of her things in, I figured we were done. My wife informed me that she was going to help our daughter unpack and get settled in. I asked how long it would take, and she told me about an hour.

I waited in the living room as my wife and daughter unpacked. After an hour, I went in to see how much longer they would be, and my wife was busy helping our daughter decorate. I politely said that our daughter didn’t need help with decorating and that she had plenty of time to decorate the next day before classes started. My wife told me that she was going to help and that since we didn’t have any other plans, time shouldn’t matter.

My wife does a lot for our kids, and I think that because they are young adults, they can do things for themselves. This is one of those cases. When it was time to leave, we drove our daughter to the music building, because she had an audition for vocal ensemble.

My wife got teary-eyed and gave her a hug goodbye.

I got out of the car and told my daughter that I didn’t mean to offend her, but what if something happened to either of her parents? What would she do? She needed to stop being so needy.

My daughter got mad and said I ruined everything. My wife yelled at me and said that she wished I hadn’t even come. I walked away.

Finally, I got in the car, and we drove home in silence. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. however needy was the wrong word to use.. maybe tell daughter that she needs to become more self reliant. Also have you thought your wife has spent the last 19yrs of her life caring for your kids its her job now she is 1 kid less to care for and as such helping daughter decorate and unpack was the last job she could do for daughter FOR NOW. I think that wife KNOWS that once daughter gets settled etc she's not going to need her as much and she's struggling with this at the minute especially if 19 is the first child to leave for college... if she's the last to leave then she's panicking BIG TIME cos she has all these hours in her day to fill and has no clue how to process this
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30. AITJ For Letting My Best Friend's Partner Drive Home At 2 AM?

“Two of my best friends, Chris and Matt (23 m) have been taking birthday trips together for years.

They’re both born in August so they pick a weekend that works for everyone and we all go on a small road trip vacation. They started this tradition a few years before I became really close with them (I started attending when they were 19 and I was 17) but to my knowledge, there were never any issues in the years before I started coming, and I know there haven’t been any since.

There’s usually a group of five of us, with our friends Nathan and Nick also in attendance. Other people have joined, especially during Chris’s college years, and it’s always still been great. The two groups usually seamlessly meld together and even lead to independent friendships outside of group settings.

My point is that it’s always a great time and there have never been any issues before, extra guests or not.

This year, Matt’s partner attended. Things got off to a rocky start since, instead of carpooling the way we typically do (Matt and Chris in one car + me, Nate, and Nick in the other or all riding together), she wanted to ride with him separately.

We could tell this annoyed Matt – the drive there and back is usually a highlight of our trip – but he agreed.

Over the course of the four nights we were there, she was miserable for all of them. These trips are usually very unstructured (we hang out, walk to nearby shops/restaurants, roast smores in a firepit on the beach) and she just seemed restless.

She continually suggested we drive to a fancier restaurant for a birthday meal and everyone kept politely sidestepping the topic. Chris would come to us annoyed every single night because she would interrupt them, beg Matt for at least 30 minutes to come to bed with her at 11 pm, then eventually go to bed by herself when he wouldn’t.

I guess it was because I was the only other woman there, but she began clinging to me on night two. I played along and tried to get to know her, but it was mostly just her talking. She complained about Chris for a large portion of that time, saying he took up too much of Matt’s time, etc.

Now I’m a girl’s girl forever, but this is a woman I’ve known for mere days compared to best friends of mine I’ve known for years. Obviously, I tell the boys about this while we’re out at a diner at like 2 a.m. When we came back, the woman was fuming and claiming it was ‘so unsafe’ that we left her at the house alone sleeping without telling her we were leaving.

Matt was over it and asked her to leave, citing the things she said about Chris and how angry she had been throughout the whole trip.

She called me a pick-me and claimed I should know as a woman how unsafe it is to leave her alone and ask her to drive home at 2 a.m. in an area she doesn’t know well.

The friends I’ve told this to have all had mixed reactions. I’d like some outside perspective.

AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. basically she was jealous that you were there andshe doesn't like she is HER PARTNERS priority so she expected YOU to drive back with her and you didn't... think matt has some serious thinkimg to do about his relationship with this girl cos she's gonna get worse the longer they are together... maybe tell her you ain't a pick me but you have the guys have been making these trips FOR YEARS before she came on the scene and this was the worst trip EVER and that'd not just your opinion.. that shen
either gets with the program or she stays home next year cos the guys ain't gonna change for her... i assume you didn't leave all the doors unlocked and wide open and a sign saying sleeping lone female in there either..... she's only mad cos you didn't take her with you or YOU as the only other girl didn't stay behind
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29. AITJ For Defending My Sister From Our Mom?

“My sister had a baby when she was a teenager. Long story short, our parents essentially forced her to give him up for adoption. It was one of those private planned ones so the adoptive parents took him straight from the hospital.

It’s been years now and she hasn’t been the same. It was especially bad the first few years and she stopped talking for a long time. She had to be hospitalized at one point.

She’s not that bad anymore, seems perfectly fine to most, and even works part-time but I doubt she’ll be able to live on her own or anything like that any time soon.

She currently lives with our parents.

Anyway, I was visiting them and my mom was talking to my aunt on the phone. My dad was out and my sister was at work.

I was just waiting for her to hang up when I heard her say ‘The youngest is still at home, she’s just so lazy.

The others have families and good jobs and she’s just here to make my life difficult. I’m sick of it. My husband and I were thinking of kicking her out but she can’t do anything without us. It’s my mistake for spoiling her too much.’

I was confused but mostly annoyed. I understand not wanting to care for a 23-year-old woman but my sister is mentally unwell. She cannot be on her own for too long but she’s trying. She’s putting in a lot of effort to be better and it made me feel terrible hearing mom say all that about her.

My mom noticed I was listening and quickly hung up. She jokingly went ‘Don’t tell your sister.’ But it wasn’t funny and I rolled my eyes at her and sarcastically said ‘You really think I’d tell her that her mother thinks she’s lazy, spoiled, and difficult?’

My mom told me to tone down the attitude and she was just letting out some steam—it’s not like she says any of this to her face so I shouldn’t care.

I told her that I didn’t care if she didn’t say anything to her face, knowing that she thinks her daughter is all this and that she even planned on kicking her out was enough for me to be upset.

Like? If she won’t tell anyone the real reason behind my sister’s behavior and only tells them the bad parts then what am I supposed to think?

My mom told me to stop overreacting and understand that it isn’t easy taking care of a mentally unstable young adult to which I told her that she wouldn’t be mentally unstable if her parents weren’t so terrible to her in her toughest moments.

My mom just went silent and told me to get out.

My dad called me after to yell at me for what I said and said that they did what they needed to do. My sister also called and asked if something happened. I don’t feel bad because it’s been on my mind for years.

I’m not saying that giving the baby up for adoption was wrong or right, but the way my parents went about it was shady, odd, and incredibly manipulative. Then they blamed my sister for reacting terribly and having issues as a result. Still, AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ...so they basically kept it quiet to keep up appearances which caused your sister to suffer a complete mental breakdown that severe that she had to be hospitalised for quite a while and has left her woth serious mental issues no.. but your parents are completely glossing over the fact that THEIR ACTIONS caused THEIR daughter to be like this!!!!! But they expect you and all the people WHO KNOW THE TRUTH to carey on their delusional lies and make our that sister is just a spoiled lazy brat so they don't lose their standing in the church and community and with the family either!!!! Omg your poor sister.... can you not take her in ? Help her move outnmake sure she has ONGOING therapy etc.
Your parents KNOW they caused your sisters illness and they have to live with the guilt amd the repercussions now ie... they traumatised their youngest child at her lowest point and now get to pay penance for that.. so no you weren't wrong in calling her out for her actions causing sister to be like this.... maybe they should do the kind thing and get sister into assisted living and then they can come up woth another lie about why she needs to live in there.... i Hooe you realise that 1 day sisternis likely to blow up and tell EVERYBODY the truth and then watch mom and daddy world blow up... see so obviously sister picked up on something seeing how she rang you to ask if something happened that day... maybe what you said made mom realise you were right and she was acting differently with sister.. maybe pick sister up take her to your place and have a chat with her and see what's been happening and ask her whether in the long term she wants to move out and live independently.. someone has to help her Coa parents seem more bothered about shesstill under their roof not the fact THEY CAUSED this woth the shady way they shipped the kid off
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28. AITJ For Giving My Daughter A VERY Simple Birthday Celebration?

“Birthdays and holidays are a big deal in our family. We are fortunate to be able to celebrate one another with gifts, cakes, parties, etc. My spouse (M 47) and I (F 39) have three children – Juliette (18 F), Marie (16 F), and Thomas (9 M). A typical birthday in our family is breakfast in bed, the person chooses how to spend the day, gifts (~$300-$500), cake, and any dinner they would like either at home or out.

We don’t take off work or anything but try to make whatever time we have together special. We all enjoy being celebrated but Juliette is the birthday queen.

The issue is that Juliette diminishes other people’s birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Christmas. I remind her prior to and day of, will say something so she at least acknowledges her sibling’s or dad’s special day.

For Mother’s and Father’s Day, she straight up pretends like it’s not happening despite everyone else making plans. A few times, she has signed her name to a card that Marie buys. If I give her money to buy her dad, and siblings gifts, she often keeps it or buys something generic like a coffee cup for someone who doesn’t drink coffee.

This year on my birthday, she didn’t come home the night before for the first time ever. She ignored my calls, and texts for a few hours then showed up around 10 am with an ‘I’m sorry, I fell asleep at Brianna’s.’ It felt deliberate, but I am an adult and told her it hurt my feelings, then left it alone.

On her sibling’s birthdays, she often picks fights with someone in the family, ignores them, or does something distracting from the person’s day. Despite reminders, this year for Thomas’s birthday, she just wasn’t around after telling him she was going to spend time playing Minecraft with him.

She came home for a few hours in the evening (after work), told him happy birthday at my request, then went into her room, got ready, and went out.

Last year, after she turned 17, I sat her down and told her how hurtful it was that she doesn’t like to celebrate anyone else but revels in being celebrated. She acknowledges her love of being celebrated but significantly overestimates her effort and makes excuses for her behavior.

I’ve made small comments previously (ex: ‘It hurts my feelings when you ignore dad on Father’s Day, he provides everything for us’) and began telling her that this year, she is going to get the same amount of energy that she puts into everyone else on her birthday.

Well, today is her 18th birthday. I’ve purchased her favorite cheesecake and bought her a card along with a $50 Target gift card. It makes me like the jerk because I know that despite my warnings, she is expecting the usual. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... yes 18 is a milestone but you warned her that from now on she was going to get the same amount of effort that she gives others.... she won't like it at all but remind her I warned you what would happen LAST YEAR. It not my fault you chose to disregard my warning. Let her gp spend it woth friends that might celebrate her in the manner that she is accustomed... lol NOT cos they won't be bothered either
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27. AITJ For Telling My Sister The Truth Why I'm Not Letting Our Parents See My Baby?

“My partner (26M) and I (26 M) had a baby less than a couple weeks ago.

My partner is trans (born female then transitioned to male) but I knew him for years before he came out. And I was in love with him all those years (he was too), that didn’t change after he came out but it was a lot to mentally process for me.

We had a one-night stand and he found out he got pregnant.

We’re together as a couple raising our son.

My family knows everything about this but they are huge transphobes. Before we got together they had lots of negative opinions when he started making changes.

It bothered me so much. Then when I told them we were having a baby they lost their mind. A few months ago they seemed like they came around until they said maybe ‘motherhood will change her mind’ and yeah I didn’t want that nonsense around us.

We had a fight, I told them they’re not allowed around our baby until they accept my partner and keep their opinions to themselves. They haven’t contacted me at all even after my son was born so that told me they don’t want to come around.

My sister doesn’t know about our fight. She was really excited to become an aunt so a few days ago she came to meet him. When we were talking she said how come our parents haven’t come and I let her. They told her that I supposedly wasn’t letting anyone meet the baby for a few months because my partner said so but I told her no.

It made me mad that they tried to put the blame on him so I told her everything. And she was, of course, mad she even called them outside to yell at them. The thing is my sister is like their golden child. They care way more about her and will do anything to be around.

Like when she moved for college a few hours away they moved too. Everything is for her. So she was so mad she stopped talking to them and now they’re mad because my sister is pulling away from them for how they’re being with us.

The reason they think I’m a jerk and why I’m wondering if I am is because it was a separate issue between me and them and didn’t involve her at all. But now she’s involved and doesn’t want anything to do with them.

Which they’re super devastated about. I don’t know if I made the right move telling her why. I’m very mad at them so to them it comes off as petty telling her knowing how she would react. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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anma7 5 months ago
OK so does this mean they are homophobic too then ? Sorry but they have no issue with you being in love woth him apparently although they were hoping he would stop his transition due to the baby so that he would present female rather than male... personally I think your parents would react the same if you had come out as out and out gay to start with never mind gay woth a trans partner.. if you have known him all these years surely they have too and know it doesn't change the person he is just the gender he presents as
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26. AITJ For Bringing My Own Sheets And Laundry Detergent?

“My (30 M) fiancé (25 F) and I have been together for three years, living together for the last year.

My fiancé has extremely sensitive skin. She has to be crazy careful with fabrics and detergents, otherwise, she’ll break out into hives. It’s miserable for her. We’ve found detergent that doesn’t cause her to have a reaction, and our sheets at home are linen.

We visit my mother (60s F) a couple of times a year. My mother is the type of person who goes all out with decor – meaning the bedding in the guest bedroom gets changed with the holidays/seasons. Currently, the bedding is still winter holiday-themed. She has nearly 10 bedding sets for the guest bed, and I hate to sound elitist but as such, none of them are of great quality.

My fiancé would always have a reaction when we’ve stayed with my mother in the past. She’s a trooper though, she never complains. We had the idea of just taking a set of our own sheets for when we visit my mother so she wouldn’t have to suffer through another reaction.

For reference, it’s not like we bring all of our bedding, just two top sheets that my fiancé can sleep between and a pillowcase. We also bring a small bottle of our own detergent from home in case we have to wash anything.

I never thought this would be an issue, but a few weekends ago we found out apparently it is.

We were staying with my mother and exchanging some gifts. My mother gifted my fiancé a sweater and was pushing my fiancé to try it on so she ‘could make sure it fit right’. I could tell my fiancé was about to do so in order to just please my mother, but I didn’t want her to have a reaction and suffer the rest of the night, so I told my mom to drop it.

Basically, it turned into this huge deal where my mother said something along the lines of ‘Are my rags not good enough for you princess? (I distinctly remember the princess part) Is that why you have to bring your own fancy sheets and detergent?’ My mother then proceeded to insinuate that my fiancé was a gold-digger.

When we explained the situation with my fiancé’s skin my mother just brushed it off as her faking. Which, if anybody knows how to fake hives let me know.

It ended with me telling my mother that she was way out of line, us leaving that night and my fiancé feeling awful and crying most of the way home.

My mother has texted and told me my fiancé and I are being dramatic. My fiancé wants to apologize but I’m currently refusing to.

AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ and the only one who should be apologizing is your mother, to your fiance. What a horrible way to treat a guest in her home! What is wrong with her? Is she so jealous that you're marrying your lady that she can't be civil or control herself? Sorry, but your mother sounds mentally unbalanced, and definitely cruel. Please don't let your fiancee apologize for having allergies.
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25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Serviced By My Landlord's Maintenance Guy?

“I (f 24) started living alone 6 months ago. I got a security system, its a motion sensor in house, & an alarm on my door.

Both are turned ‘on’ when I leave the house. I only turn off the motion when I’m actually inside hence only leaving the door alarm on (relevant later).

Last week, at about 6 a.m., I woke up to this blaring sound I could only compare to police sirens/ambulance.

I was half asleep thinking ‘Wow they are literally right outside my window, they’re so loud’. But it wasn’t, I gathered myself realizing it was my dang security alarm. I got up & panicked. All I could think of was shutting it off because it was TOO loud & my neighbors were probably annoyed. Stupid me not even thinking about the obvious that something tripped my alarm.

Prior to this, I had never heard it go off as when the company offered to test it, I didn’t bother.

The hub was in the living room so I put my password in to stop it. I stood there & realized that the only thing that could’ve tripped it off was the door opening cause the motion sensor wasn’t on when I was inside.

But the front door was locked & I panicked thinking ‘DID SOMEONE LOCK IT FROM THE INSIDE’. I was frozen in fear, barely woke up & checked the whole place. The security company called me as my alarm is linked to them + police. They asked if I was okay since it indicated my front door was open this morning.

I did another check inside, but still couldn’t explain what happened & thought maybe the alarm tripped on accident. I went outside & a neighbor approached me to ask about the sound this morning coming from my place. She said it woke her up so she peeked outside to check.

She mentioned she saw our maintenance guy speed-walking away from my apt this morning. She had a ring camera and even showed me the video of him going towards my entrance and a couple of seconds later, alarms blaring, speeding away from my apartment.

This just gave me chills.

I only met the guy once, a middle-aged guy & we had only exchanged a convo when he fixed my tub 3 weeks ago. I called my landlord right away to explain what happened so she called the guy. My landlord called me back & told me the maintenance guy was gonna fix something at a different apartment that day & he got the apartment wrong so he accidentally entered mine, tripped my alarm so he locked my door again and left.

Like what?! He didn’t even bother to let anybody know? What if I didn’t have an alarm system & he proceeded to go inside the apartment while I was sleeping? And at 6 a.m. at that? My landlord said she was sorry. I have some repairs lined up next week & I told her, I’m not comfortable having that maintenance guy around my place.

She’s telling me he’s the main guy in our apartments & it would be hard for her to contact somebody else but I insisted there’s no repairs happening unless it’s someone else.

AITJ? Maybe I’m too paranoid but this whole thing was scary for me, especially watching the video of him speeding away that morning and not telling a soul about it until I inquired.”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. the excise she gave you is bullshit and he's using it to save his jerk and his job... get a door camera asap and get a copy of the video off the neighbour.. tell landlord that you don't care, and WHY was he going to do repairs at 6AM.. ask her if she thinks that is NORMAL then ask if he has keys to all the apartments as after this you DO NOT feel safe at all now thanks to her creeper maintenance man... also she had to ring him to ask why he was there??? Does she not KNOW what repairs he has in what days ? Maybe tell ask neighbours if any of them were expecting him that day cos apparently he was in the wrong apartment and then if they all say no tell landlord well nope neither neighbours in direct vicinity were waiting on hi.. stand your ground tell her you will only have him if there is someone else present and if it was a mistake why did he hurry off and disappear? Why didn't he hang around and knock after you disabled the alarm and explain the mistake, instead legging it the way he did
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24. AITJ For Asking My Best Friend To Be My Kids' Godfather?

“I (27 F) am 22 weeks pregnant, first pregnancy, twins. My best friend James (27 M) and I have known each other our entire lives. Our mothers are best friends, and we grew up together.

We promised as children to be one another’s person when we got married (Best Woman/Man of Honor) and that we would be one another’s godparent to any children.

My husband Alan (29 M) is very accepting of this and calls James his BIL and vice versa.

The issue is James’ wife, Annie (24 F). First of all, she doesn’t particularly like me and has made insinuations that I was jealous and wanted to be married to James instead.

James quickly put an end to that by telling her that she had to try harder to get along with me or they would be over because I was as good as his sister, and I was a permanent fixture in his life.

When they married a year ago, she said she wanted children and was tolerant of the future godparent situation.

After announcing my pregnancy, she decided she didn’t want any after all. James was heartbroken but did not push this issue. The first thing James asked my husband and me was, ‘I still get to be a godfather, right?’ He’s decided that if he can’t be a dad, he wants to throw himself into being an uncle instead.

Last weekend, we planned a very small gender reveal party. Dinner with a cake (pink! We’re having girls!), and we formally asked my husband’s best friend Tom (30 M) and James to be our children’s godfathers, as well as a mutual friend Angela (26 F) to be our children’s godmother.

Everyone seemed excited – except Annie. She pulled me aside and demanded that I rescind the offer to James because I didn’t ask her, she didn’t want children, and she wanted nothing to do with mine. I told her she needed to talk to James about it, not me, because I would never tell him no when it comes to being in my children’s lives.

She left in a huff afterward, telling James she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go home, and he left with her after hugging me goodbye. I didn’t hear from him for a couple of days and sent him a worried text. When I finally heard back, he said Annie had told him that I said I didn’t want her around my kids, only him.

I told him that never happened. After I explained what really happened, he and Annie ended up having a big argument. They have barely spoken since, and I started getting a bunch of nasty texts from her and her friends on Tuesday night, blaming me for the whole mess.

I’ve been waffling for days about posting, but every time I block one of Annie’s friends, another one starts. My husband even went as far as telling James about it since I wouldn’t, and things soured even further between James and Annie, and I just feel like everything here is my fault.

If I am the jerk, I’ll suck up my pride and apologize to them both and tell Annie I’m sorry I didn’t consult with her before asking James.”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. sorry but james has a wife problem you have done NOTHING WRONG at all... you need to screenshot all the messages from her and all her flying monkeys before blocking them and have hubby message her telling her if she doesn't call her cronies off then HE will be calling the police about the cj stant harassment of his pregnant wife.. james knows you have dine nothing wrong like i say this is a her problem not a you or him problem... you are pregnant with twins you don't need this stress for gods sake let hubby have your phone for now if needs be. Not the jerk at all.
Why do you think you have to consult with her before asking your BEST FRIEND since childhood to be your girls godfather ? Honey you don't, his wife is unbalanced and if he can't see she is a controlling witch who thinks that because she suddenly decided she doesn't want kids he has to stay away from all kids.. personally I think she is jealous of the relationship you and James and hubby have.. good luck woth the babies
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23. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Give Me A Heads Up When She's Visiting?

“I (23 f) just had a baby in November with my husband (24 m). Our baby is the first grandbaby for my parents and as expected my mom is obsessed with our baby.

She facetimes me every day to see the baby, which I usually don’t mind since we live in another state. She also talks to me, but it’s clear the baby is the main attention, no big deal. She was here for the birth and blessing and spoils baby rotten.

My husband decided he wanted to finish school, and we decided to go back to the school we met at, which is a 45-minute drive from my family. Mom was over the moon and said we could drop the baby off whenever, yay free babysitting.

Now to the conflict, with a bit of backstory.

My father mentally and physically mistreated me my whole childhood with my mother standing to the side. To be fair, she was also verbally mistreated but has abusive tendencies as well. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I started therapy to end the cycle of mistreatment and better my mental health.

I was also recovering from miscarriages and other traumas, stories for another day. I noticed my mother started paying more attention to me when I was pregnant and caring more about me. I talked to my therapist and we decided I needed to set clear boundaries.

This was not fun for me to explore as I have a hard time standing up for myself, but have gotten better with therapy. This leads to the question of AITJ.

I was talking to my mom and she said she can’t wait to see the baby all the time.

I said, ‘You can see baby, but I don’t want you stopping by my house all the time. Please just text me if you want to come over.’ I could be busy, having intimate time, or just want to be alone with the baby (I am a stay-at-home mom for now).

To be fair my mom is a very busy lady. She works a lot mainly because she wants to, and does lots of community things as well. Our apartment is a little over an hour’s drive from her. She then gets super offended and says I’ll just knock.

I say, again, please just text me instead of showing up. She gets more offended and even tells her mom about this and my grandma says that boundaries do not count for grandmas and grandpas. Mom then says I won’t just walk in (like that’s any better).

She’s now upset and I have not called her back.

She called me yesterday and said are you mad at me, kind of playing a victim card. I said no, because I am not, but I will not change my mind on this subject. Am I being too harsh or would this be a reasonable boundary?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. basically you are NOT being firm enough oh and when you move back get cameras and KEEP THE DOORS LOCKED at all times. DO NOT fall for the emergency key crap nor leave your keys laying around.. cos she will NOT text or knock she DOES NOT believe that you will have boundaries or stick to them.... have you actually addressed the issues you suffer with as a result of your father's actions ? Of her just standing there to the side while this happened to you ?? Would you trust her with your child alone knowing she has abusive tendencies herself ?? Because honey of that were my mother she wouldn't be FREE babysitting from my mind... it would be supervised visits only not well she stood and watched dad do xyz.. but to be fair she was verbally abused by him so that's ok.... I think you need to book a better therapy session tbh... cos guess what she isn't going to listen and your baby can't tell you granny took me to grandad and xyz for years... but that's my thinking on the subject. Now as for grandma does she know what they BOTH did to you? Or was she the same with mom. I think she thinks she gets to overrule you too.. honey you need to be that baby's voice.. but for your sake too you need to stand firm tell her no if you Di not text me FIRST you will not get in to my home PERIOD... will she listen to hubby ? Will HE be able to get through to her ? Maybe he needs to be the 1 telling her and grandma that these are BOTH of your rules if they can't abide by them then it will be set visits only. Ie Saturday 1-6pm only
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22. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Mother-In-Law's Full-Time Caregiver?

“My mother-in-law had a stroke 10 years ago. She is paralyzed, in a wheelchair, and cannot complete most daily tasks by herself. Six months ago, her husband of 10 years, dropped her off on the doorstep of her sister in Washington (We live in Texas). The family decided to keep her in Washington as they have better benefits than in Texas and the sister is a wealthy retired doctor.

The family was able to quickly get her enrolled in Medicaid, with 100% full coverage. She now lives in an assisted living facility with regular PT, therapy, and all meals, they dress her and feed her, give her medication, etc. We have a van, which picks her up for her doctor appointments and we pay an additional caregiver to visit her 3 days per week.

We have daily communications with her, as well as two to three Zoom calls per week.

The sister decided to supplement her care, with a variety of other services and therapies. Each week, she has a multitude of appointments – Dentist, dermatologist, three additional therapy sessions, the urologist, etc. Our calendar currently has 24 different medical appointments in March.

This does not include any of the services she is receiving at the facility. As of today, the sister’s life is spent scheduling new appointments, attending these appointments, and tending to her every complaint, etc.

To make matters worse, my mother-in-law is openly manipulative.

The most recent example is when she called my wife saying, her sister did not drop off her pot. She said if we did not figure out a way to get some, she would roll herself out of the facility and go get pot. We did not appreciate her behaving this way and when confronted, her response was, ‘Sometimes you have to shock your family into doing things.’ This is an everyday situation.

From the very beginning, we voiced concern over this type of relationship. And after six months of this type of care, the sister has thrown up her hands and said, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ As of last night, multiple family members demanded we either move to Washington and take over for the sister or we move her closer to us and continue this same level of care – with their preference being we move her in with us.

I said, ‘That is not, nor ever will be a reality.’ We do not have the resources and we refuse to risk our personal well-being and marriage the same way the sister has. I said we would move her closer to us and place her in an assisted living facility like she is in now, we will coordinate her transportation, we will hire an additional caregiver, and we will visit her on a weekly basis.

They said, that without constant family interaction, her condition would ultimately deteriorate. They called us heartless and said we would have to live with the guilt. And honestly, I do not feel guilty. I feel like we have established a very clear and healthy boundary.

Am I a jerk for refusing to be the full-time caregiver of my mother-in-law?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. sorry but as a DR her sister knows jerk well that carers burnout is A REAL THING and guess what that's what's happened, her sister is burrned out cos sister a manipulative witch who is doing the same to her as she is trying with you.... I think you and your other half need to go visit the aunt in law and cut out the rest of them and tell her you WILL NOT be moving her sister in with you, you are well aware how manipulative mil is as is she. You will move her into a facility similar to the 1 she is in now however your careers home etc are in texas. Ask aunt where mils hubby is now ? Has he been in touch at all? But she will not be moving into your home its not set up to accommodate a wheelchair bound person, you will get her the care she needs to live as normal a life however the extras that sister has set up need to stop because they are not working, she's not suddenly unparalleled and out the chair Nd as a medical Dr she knows that after 10yrs she isnt going to be either so why tnrow away money etc when its clearly not working and isnt going to.... tell her if she doesn't like this option then the other option is you and spouse return home carry on with your lives and resume the schedule of calls etc you have maintained for the last 10yrs. But spouse must say these things not just you seeing how it's SPOUSES MOTHER AND FAMILY on your backs.... had her sister not thought that if mil wasn't such a manipulative witch more people might be willing to help out and lighten the load
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21. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Friend We Won't Be Investing In His Business?

“My husband and I moved to LA about 3 years ago for his job. His friend ‘A’ moved out here a few years before us.

In our home city A (40 M) was a moderately successful lawyer who lived in his childhood home in the suburbs with his parents.

He refused to move closer to work in the city citing his desire to save his money, so it was surprising when he announced he was quitting his job and moving to LA to become a comedian and actor.

He got a job waiting tables and zero acting gigs.

We went to a few of his standup open mic performances and we were the only ones trying to laugh among the 10 people in the audience. He is not funny. At all. It was grim but we tried to be supportive. He never got any acting or comedy jobs.

As time went on, he became more and more elusive and since we moved to LA every time he does hang out with us (which is rare) we can’t get through a meal without him pitching some get-rich-quick or business scheme to us. He’s pitched Herbalife, Oils (I forget the name), some weird real estate thing, and oddly a Subway franchise.

None of his plans ever come to fruition.

We both work in our chosen fields, and we’re doing alright but nowhere near being able to afford to invest in any kind of business. A knows we are saving for a house in a very expensive market and we are trying to have a family.

He frequently complains he is broke, is single, and lives with three 19-22-year-old roommates.

At our most recent dinner this past weekend, he told us about yet another ‘amazing’ plan he has to open a bar/restaurant with his coworkers from the restaurant he works at.

He even named an initial investment of $25,000 and went on about how successful the place will be.

I just couldn’t deal with it anymore and I told him we won’t ever be investing money in his ‘businesses’, and how it’s a bit rude of him to keep asking despite knowing we are saving for a home.

He then responded that investing with him would help us make more money for our down payment and I told him that if he’s that hard up for money he should study for the California bar and go back to working as an attorney.

The rest of dinner was quiet (thankfully we were finishing up) and my husband told me when we got home that I was out of line.

AITJ?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... however the next time y9ur with him instead of letting him rabbit on just stop hik dead and tell him.. look we ARE NOT interested so save your energy and let's talk about something else n repeat as many times as needed. Tell hubby that you may have been abrupt but HIS FRIEND is the rude 1 for continuing to hit you up for money EVERYTIME you meet up with him. That he is a LAWYER if he is that hard up he needs to take the bar exam and start practicing law again... but he must have noticed that you have met him it's always a different scheme.. and you get the feeling it's the only reason he meets you now... the guy sounds like a con artist tbh only he is the same as when he was going to be a famous comedian... not very good at it
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20. AITJ For Being Upset At My Friend For Being 2 Hours Late?

“A friend and I had agreed to meet to spend the day together exploring a place. We agreed to meet in the morning at a certain time at the train station right across from her house.

On the day itself, I woke up early to meet her because my house is slightly further and arrived punctually. After 10 minutes she still hadn’t shown. I texted her repeatedly but the messages were all undelivered so I knew she was still sleeping. After waiting for 30 minutes, I figured I might as well head off to the location myself.

When I was done exploring, which was 2 hours after the time we agreed to meet, she finally texted me. I was upset and let her know that. She told me to wait for her to make her way to the location. She didn’t apologize for being late whatsoever.

I didn’t want to because the travel time was an hour and I had already waited so long. So I told her I’d meet back at the train station opposite her house since there are malls nearby where we can go if she still wants to spend the day with me.

I was still upset of course and later that night I told her. She got angry at me and said I valued my time too much and I should have waited because that’s what she would have done. Her exact words are: ‘You value time SO much.

If I were you, I would have waited. That’s why I didn’t apologize. I didn’t see the need to make up for anything. It wasn’t like I woke up in the evening and we had absolutely no time to do anything else. Just know I was offended you went to the place without me.

You know how much I wanted to go to the place? I couldn’t go because you couldn’t wait for me.’

I burst. I told her to just cut me off and never contact me again. She replied saying she didn’t want to cut me off.

Now I’m wondering if I’m at fault or not.

AITJ?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... call cral on her claims of wanting to go to explore that place so much because honestly if she had wanted to go to that place so bad she would have SET AN ALARM and made sure she was up early and there to meet you at the arranged time.. but she didn't because she KNOWS usually you will sit and wait for her like a good soft head.. sue got annoyed because you REFUSED quite rightly to do as she said. So NTJ for going alone. Its not about her not wanting to cut you off cos she will miss you is it more because she knows that you will usually do what SHE WANTS without arguing
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19. AITJ For Not Being Able To Move On And Forgive My Dad For Abandoning Me And My Mom?

“My (16 F) dad (42 M) left when I was born. My mom (46 F) has always told me stories about my dad. She told me that a few months after they were going out, he moved into her house with her via her offer.

My mom was and still is very well off financially, she works in a modeling job and makes enough money to live more than comfortably.

Well, according to my mom, he knew this and took advantage of her. He quit his job, (he worked as a janitor in the Air Force at the time) and took care of the house while she was gone at her modeling job.

When they decided to have me, my mom said that he became extremely nervous when she told him that her water was breaking and needed to go to the hospital as soon as possible. He drove her to the hospital, and left.

I mainly spend my days with a caretaker who has taken the role of my dad.

He takes very good care of me and I can genuinely tell that for once in my life I have someone who cares about me.

Well, he’s back. After 16 years. He’s approached me numerous times in numerous different places. The first being my house.

He tried to get my mom to take him back, but she declined. He tried to start conversations with me, but I ignored him. He kept on repeating how sorry he was and trying to slouch the blame onto me for not forgiving him. The next time he’d approach me would be at my school, where he picked me up early from the front office and took me to get ice cream with him.

I didn’t want to be there, but I heard and acknowledged his plea yet did not forgive him.

However, a few days later at school, I injured my leg playing soccer. My ‘dad’ picked me up from school, and took me to his apartment without telling my mom or my caregiver.

He told me I was in a fragile state and It was best I’d stay in one place until I recovered. He sat me in his bathroom, bandaged my leg, and gave me an ice pack as well. I started to become very anxious.

I was left alone in the bathroom of an apartment of a man who claimed to be my dad, without the ability to move. My mind went down several dark routes, and I knew I had to escape. He had closed the door to the bathroom and told me if I needed anything to just holler and he’d bring it.

I spent that day in his bathroom until my caregiver consulted who the school had let pick me up and was furious about it. My caregiver came to pick me up and scolded my dad as I cried helplessly in my caregiver’s arms.

My dad kept saying the whole time that I was ‘ungrateful’ for everything he had done for me, and should start showing my appreciation if I didn’t want even more people to walk out of my life.

I’m not sure what to believe, and those words stuck with me. I don’t want more people to leave me, especially not my caregiver. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too stuck in the past and if it’d be easier to just forgive him and move on with my life.

AITJ?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... sweetheart get your caregiver to get mom to set passwords up on school... you are 16 but obviously school are not listening when you tell them you don't want to go... if they know about the care giver WHY didn't they ring him? How do,they have dad's number not the caregivers ? Honey your deadbeat dad KNOWS you struggle thinking that people will leave you but they won't. Ask caregiver to help you get some help about your feelings and get him to get mom to take dad to court to get him to stop turning up at your home, school etc and demanding you go with him. I personally think he kept you hidden in the bathroom cos he was going to refuse to take you home until mom agreed to take him back and get rid of the caregiver so he had access to your home and mom's money etc while trying to make you think he was there for you. Tell mom you DO NOT want to see him tell her he shut you in the bathroom and you were scared incase nobody found you. I am so sorry this happened to you. Study hard in school get caregiver to make sure HE is the only person allowed to pick you up from school,other than mom, ask him if he will take amd collect you every day for a while until you feel safe again is 'dad' even on your birth certificate? If not depending on the country you are in he has no legal claim to see you unless he goes to court gets a DNA test etc. Then sit with mom and tell her you really don't want to get to know him AT ALL and ask if she will get an order to prevent him from doing so please
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18. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Aunt To Lock Up Her Dogs On Easter?

“My husband (29 M)  and I (26 F) have been married for 3 years and have 3 kids together – 3-year-old twins (B/G) and an 11-month-old (G). He has a large family and we typically all meet at his aunt’s house to make travel easy for everyone to attend.

This past Thanksgiving one of his aunt’s 3 (small) dogs bit my 3 year-old daughter in the face. She didn’t exactly apologize, just repeatedly said her dogs have ‘never bitten anyone,’ I told my husband I wasn’t comfortable going back if the dogs weren’t put away.

He talked to my father-in-law, who relayed the information to his aunt.

We all went back for Christmas and the dogs were still out, 2 of them even got into a fight over some food that fell under the table.

In the family group chat for Easter this year, my mother-in-law asked who would be hosting.

His aunt of course volunteered her home, (we live in a small apartment, so cannot host), so I decided to voice my concern to have the dogs put away in the group chat. I immediately got a phone call from my mother, and father-in-law asking if I knew ‘everyone was in the group chat’, that my text was ‘rude’, and that I should have come to them again instead of asking her directly.

I told them that we already tried that last holiday and it wasn’t honored so I wanted to request it myself. They were both upset with me and claimed ‘She loves those dogs like her kids, they just get out and it’s not fair to lock them in a room for 3 hours.’

His aunt has 2 adult children and grandchildren of her own, my husband told me to just say ‘okay’ and hang up the phone. I’m not comfortable taking my small children around her dogs who are untrained and now I’m even more uncomfortable because his family was so upset about the boundaries I set.

AITJ?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.... however maybe you should have gone to the in laws again but added the caveat.. if we get there and the dogs are out WE WILL be leaving NO DISCUSSION we wont be staying, 1 dog has already bitten my child then the following visit 2 got into a FIGHT over food scraps dropped on to the floor, that's 2 incidents 2 many for your liking. Would they rather she put the dogs out the way for 3hrs or risk another incident where 1 of the kids gets bitten again and requires medical care because then she has NO CHOICE but to have all 3 dogs removed from her care, temperament tested and potentially then destroyed and her prosecuted for it.. they might only be small buy they can still do some damage and aunt isn't seeing that. You job as a parent is to PROTECT your kids and they are expecting you to hope her UNTRAINED dogs don't hurt your kids possibly worse than the last time.
Also ask hubby if he is comfortable taking the kids round the dogs.. if he says no say we'll ok then we stay home just us and the kids then HE TELLS HIS FAMILY that is the plan or HE tells them that ok dad yountell her again that we would prefer due to the last 2 holidays and dog incidents we would like the dogs away from the kids in a room where they CANT get out if they are not away WE WILL BE LEAVING. Or you tell him he can attend alone but you amd the kids ain't going cos its not hos family that will have to deal with hospital visits nightmares scarring etc it will be you and him if he can live with that then he's failing his VERY YOUNG kids
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17. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother-In-Law Join Our Family Vacation In The Mountains?

“Yesterday my wife and I left for a vacation with a bunch of my family up in the mountains. We rented a cabin out for the weekend. Everyone had to pay their share which was not as expensive as people think.

A few months ago, we were talking about it in front of a few of her siblings and I invited them.

All of them declined except her younger brother. He said he wanted to go and I made sure to tell him he had to pay his share. 2 weeks before, I let him know again that he needed to pay.

I would’ve offered to let it slide but he already owes my wife a lot of money so I didn’t.

He asked me if I could spot him the money until the week after. I said no and he said okay that he would figure something out.

In the early morning before we left, he showed up bags packed, saying he was ready to go.

I looked at my wife and I told him that he didn’t pay so he couldn’t come. He looked at my wife and said to let him slide on this one. She sighed and said okay. I said no that he wasn’t coming and that was final.

He said that my wife said yes. I told him I said no, that if he didn’t have money now, how was he supposed to pay for things up there in the mountain? My wife said to let him go and I said no because he’s taking advantage of you.

He got defensive and called me stingy and stuck up and flipped me off and went home. My wife said it was none of my business how much he owes her and I should’ve let it go.

She got so many calls from her family telling her how much of a jerk I was.

My wife has been mad at me today and won’t let it go.

Maybe I should’ve stayed out of it but AITJ?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... but the younger brother is obviously the golden child as the boy and I can bet my life if it had been any of the others the family wouldn't have gotten involved.. however cos he's the baby of the family they all let his mooching slide...you don't say how old he is or whether he works etc.. he sounds like the family layabout who everyone is expected to pander to just because... doesn't mean you have to obviously. If he's earning and still borrowing money from wife WHY is he and more importantly WHY is she handing over money i assume SHE WORKS for KNOWING she won't get it back
BUT the thing is unless wife is giving him money out the joint finances and its affecting your house it really is none of your business.. if she's giving him money from her personal earnings etc then although yes it's annoying it's very little to do with you unless she is giving him money and then coming to you to top her money up cos well brother needed... I think you amd wife need to sit and you need to have a proper calm conversation about it... tell her he's mooching from her and as long as its her personal money then you will stay out of it.. however don't extend an invite again especially if you know he's going to do it again . Or if wife invites him tell her fine however you pay for him cos I WILL NOT i don't care what it is i will NOT subsidise him in any way that includes his portion of the trip so if you want to pay his portion then send it over to me cosmif it's not paid before we load up the same will happen as last time he will be sent back home
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16. AITJ For Not Telling My Mother About My Brother's New Partner?

“My (M 31) brother has broken off a long-term relationship. He decided to see a therapist to help with his depression and that has helped him tremendously. My mother and I don’t have a relationship because she’s homophobic, my brother and I are in low contact with her; she’s been very upset about him breaking his engagement.

Not once did she call to see how we were coping. She only called to berate him.

My brother met someone (Anna) at a party we went to. They hit it off and went on a few dates. He asked me to keep this to myself and that he was doing things at his own pace.

Yesterday, I got a call from my mother asking me if I knew that my brother was seeing someone. She said she saw him with Anna at a restaurant and confronted him. My brother freaked out and left Anna at the restaurant. I told her that his love life was none of her business she responded by saying I manipulated her ‘only son’ into breaking off his engagement.

I just hung up and called Anna to see if she needed help.

She asked me to come pick her up. When I got to the restaurant I saw her outside getting screamed at by my mother (she was with a family friend), calling her a homewrecker, and gold digger.

Anna got in my car. My mother came to my car and banged on the windows. People were staring now, and my mom literally put herself in front of my car to block our way. I got out of the car, grabbed her arm, and pushed her away; she couldn’t get a word in because I was yelling about how she’s a pathetic excuse of a mother, that all her children hate her, and that she’s the only reason my brother didn’t want to tell her he’s seeing someone.

My mother was speechless for a second and we just left. Anna was shaking so I decided to bring her over to our house. My brother locked himself in his room and didn’t want to talk to anyone. We just sat Anna down and when she got her bearings she decided to head home, and my partner dropped her off at her house.

The next day I got a voicemail from my mother telling me that I humiliated her in front of her friend by telling lies and slandering her reputation and that I assaulted her. I am getting calls from ‘family’ saying that I should never speak to my mother like that and that it affected my poor mother’s mental health.

Some of our extended family didn’t know why my brother ended his engagement, but they’re all taking my mother’s side now.

I only feel bad because my brother is also getting bombarded by calls and texts saying he let his ex down, that he was hurting his mother so much, and that he should be ashamed. I feel like we’re back at square one because I chose to confront my mother.

I tried to get him to make an appointment with his therapist this week but he’s been ghosting me. I feel like this turn of events could have been avoided if I hadn’t confronted my mother and just left with Anna, and that it made Anna an even bigger target for my mother because she was with me when I exploded.”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. but brother can't live woth you and ghost you forever. Maybe write hum a letter put it under his door.. then block mother and her flying monkeys and tell them she destroyed her own reputation seeing how she verbally attacked brother and Anna and then you for NO reason seeing how she doesn't KNOW why brother ended his previous relationship... oh but your brother needs to grow up and stop letting you get hassle because HE ran off and left poor anna alone woth your mother n her cronies KNOWING what she is like he shouldeither have taken her with him or stayed and have anna ring you
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15. AITJ For Getting My Sister Gifts But Not Help Other Siblings?

“We are technically full sisters however I (21) do not consider our biological father my dad. He abandoned me, came back for a small part of my life and he and Mom slept together again and had my sister (15). When she was 2 he started being more of a father to her but he was too late with me.

My mom died 3.5 years ago and my sister went to live with him. He’s married and has a bunch of stepkids and bio kids with his wife.

I was offered the chance to see my sister only if I became part of the other kids’ lives.

So I went to court and was granted visitation with my sister. It annoyed her father and stepmother because I was willing to be a big part of my sister’s life.

I get one day a month of time with my sister, and then one overnight monthly.

I also get to see her for at least 6 hours during her winter break and I have the right to see her either before, during, or after her birthday for another 6 hours. They also have to allow us to talk. This is because we lived together almost full time for most of her life and I was seen as an important part of her life by the courts.

So think grandparents visitation only as a sibling.

My sister doesn’t care that I don’t include those other kids. She likes the break from them and has admitted she considers me her only sibling.

Anyway, the issue is I am now making pretty decent money for my age.

I did an apprenticeship to help me get on the ladder in a more affordable and practical way. So I make sure my time with my sister is extra fun. We do things from going to a local trampoline park to eating at the nice pizza place an hour from where she lives, and I have gotten her some pretty nice gifts too.

This bothers her father and his wife and they say it hurts the other kids’ feelings.

A few of the people in my life have suggested getting small things for the other kids would be kind and would save any hardship for innocent kids.

AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ. Tell sperm donor that since he never gave a rat's behind about you and declined to be in your life until it suited him, he can stuff his expectations where the sun don't shine. And keep your relationship with your sister as it is. And bless you for doing that.
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14. AITJ For Moving Tables Because The Vegans Didn't Approve My Lunch?

“I (f 34) have been best friends with Mia (f 34) and Louie (m 35) since we were toddlers. Mia has been vegan for about 3 years now for ethical reasons. Louie has been a vegetarian for 1 year. Neither of them has been bothered by what I choose to eat or forced their ways and opinions onto me.

About a week ago, I went into a takeaway joint to grab some lunch with Louie. We saw Mia in there with her own friend circle. She waved us over and asked us to join them. I hesitated at first because I knew everyone at that table was vegan and I had a container of chicken stirfry.

Louie knew this and knew what I was thinking so he told Mia it was probably not a good idea, hinting that I was having chicken for lunch. Mia being Mia told us don’t be silly, it’s fine, and that we should sit with them.

So we sat down and I felt like I couldn’t eat my lunch.

Mia turned to me and said just eat don’t worry. So I started eating when one of Mia’s friends asked ‘Uh is that meat?’ I rolled my eyes at Mia for telling me it was okay to eat at the table.

I said, ‘Yes it’s chicken I’m sorry if it’s a problem for you.’ Another one of Mia’s friends overheard what was going on and said that they didn’t feel comfortable with anyone eating meat at their ‘vego’ table. Usually, I would have made a scene about this but this is Mia’s friend circle and I didn’t want to embarrass her, so I stayed civil.

So I said ok and moved tables towards the entrance of the place. Louie decided to come sit with me instead of them.

5 minutes later Mia sent me a message telling me it was okay, she had spoken to them, and that we should come back to their table.

I refused (out of respect for everyone at that table and to save myself any further problems that might arise) but told Louie if he wanted to join them it’s not an issue, and I don’t mind taking my lunch home to eat. He was against the idea of going back to the table and me going home to eat just because ‘the vego table doesn’t approve my lunch’.

We continued to enjoy our lunch for about another 20-30 min when Mia and her ‘vego’ table decided to get up and leave. As they walked past us, we nodded to Mia and she just looked at us with disgust. We thought ok whatever Mia.

Later on that night, Mia calls me saying I’m a petty jerk for refusing to sit at the table with them after she had ‘persuaded’ them to not mind what I’m eating. I told her I appreciated that but she really didn’t have to and that it would have just felt awkward for me to go back and sit there after I was pretty much told to leave their table.

Again, she said I was being petty by doing that and for dragging Louie to another table with me (which I did not in any shape or form. He chose to follow me) and that I embarrassed her?

I asked other friends if I was in the wrong for what I did, and the response was 50/50.

I really don’t feel like I was a jerk but now I’m not so sure. AITJ?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... tell Mia that her 'friends' aren't like her obviously and whereas she is more accepting of you being a meat eater her vagn frie ds she was with aren't. That they didn't approve of you sitting with them and you both know it and she shouldn't have to speak to her vego friends because SHE invited you to sit there.. yes she spoke to them which was nice but YOU knew they weren't comfortable with your meal and YOU didn't feel comfortable eating with them KNOWING they didn't want you there... that you did t drag louie away and you offered to go home and for him to rejoin them but HE REFUSED to... if anyone embarrassed Mia it was her 'judgy' vego friends not you or louie
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13. AITJ For Letting My In-Laws Leave My Family's House Early?

“Last summer I invited my partner’s brother and family to my family home with us. This was the first group trip we’d taken together, but we’d always gotten along well so I anticipated it being a nice trip.

Issues:

1: They brought along SIL’s cousin. She was staying with them for the summer which I wasn’t aware of. Okay, fine, plenty of room. It was off-putting that they didn’t mention that ahead of time, but not a big deal.

2: Their parenting style is a struggle.

They have a 4-year-old boy and a 6-year-old girl, and they follow their son around berating him for every little thing he does. This rubbed everyone the wrong way.

3: We took the kids to my grandparent’s farm one night and to my sister and BIL’s house for a cookout the next.

Both times they didn’t even get out of the pool until right before we had to be there, well after we’d gotten out and been ready. Again, not a huge deal on its own. I have anxiety about lateness so I maybe was a jerk for being frustrated by that.

4: When we were at my sister’s they all stood in a corner of the yard and barely interacted with us. My sister and her family are the sweetest people, they’re so welcoming and friendly. All the kids played together but it was super awkward. We ended the night all sitting around the fire pit.

They sat with us but again, no engaging beyond answering my family’s friendly attempts at conversation with dead-end responses.

The last morning we were packing up and getting ready to leave. I was taking my time because we weren’t in a rush. Partner was giving me some hassle because BIL & family were wanting to get on the road.

Since they’d traveled in a separate vehicle, I said that it was totally fine if they wanted to leave, no reason to all go at the same time. We said our goodbyes, they left, that was that.

We didn’t hear from them after that. It would have been nice to offer a thank you to my family, but not a big deal. After a couple of months though I asked my partner if anything was up.

He got uncomfortable and gave vague responses, but when I pressed he said when I’d told them they could leave and didn’t have to wait around for us. They thought I was kicking them out of my mom’s house which wasn’t the case at all.

Ways I’m Possibly The Jerk: I seem outgoing but I can’t be ‘on’ for long, I need to go off by myself to recharge which can seem standoffish. I’m also bad at masking emotions so it’s possible my irritation with them came out on my face.

It’s been almost a year now. Partner and BIL speak almost every day, but as far as family to family we’re not in contact. We were talking last night and he brought it up and said I should apologize. I said I won’t because I didn’t do anything wrong and if he wants a reconciliation he’s going to have to facilitate it.

He’s nonconfrontational and I usually do the sticky communications, but I’m going to be standing my ground on this one. AITJ?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... has he not even acknowledged the fact that HIS BROTHER and his family were down right RUDE.. you invite them ie 2adults n 2kids to mom's home and they rock up with an extra person not even a heads up again RUDE ... they then proceed to berate a 4yr old constantly for seemingly just existing, then they KNOW you have plans and wait til last minute to get ready then just ignore the hosts at another event. Then as your leaving because tney were actually ready ahead of time they want you to work to THEIR timeliness.. err nope so you tell them tney areok to leave earlier if they want then after the fact they proceed to assume you were kicking them out!!! Well maybe they should have extended your family the same grace tney were given and WAITED until you were ready to leave.... however if you know a couple of times you may have come across as a jerk and the relationship between partner and his bro is important to him and by extension you then you may have to offer a backwards apology....
Look bil I am sorry if I came over as a jerk however.... 2x you and sil delayed plans we had made and you KNEW about and that's rubbed me the wrong way, i didn't mean to come across as i was kicking you out the house however j wasnt ready to leave and what i actually said was if you wanted to leave at that time then you could as we hadn't travelled down together so you didn't have to wait for us if you didn't want to. Then explain that although sils cousin being there WASNT an issue you hadn't told mom so she wasn't prepared ie grocery wise to host another person so a heads up ahead of time would have been good... then say sorry for the misunderstandings and that moving forward you will BOTH have to make the effort to communicate better... it doesn't have to be totally meant on your side but it clearly means alot to your partner
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12. AITJ For Not Moving Back Home For My Mother Because Of My Brother?

“I moved two states away to be with my fiance about 4 months ago. And now my mom needs to get knee surgery, this is compounded by the fact that my stepdad had a stroke about a year ago, and even though he is getting around just fine and is quickly recovering he still sometimes needs help taking care of himself and there are many repairs that need to be done around the house.

But my brother is completely capable of taking care of himself and other people but chooses not to. He will not clean up after himself and he won’t do anything kind of basic chores like cleaning up after the cats or taking the garbage out.

He’s also just in general extremely mean and spiteful.

Yelling, screaming, throwing things, calling my mom and my younger sibling everything in the book. All he wants to do is sit around and play video games and have no expectations. He’s literally held down a job for only 3 weeks that I can remember.

Giving all this information I told my mom that if she wanted me to come and help her she would have to get rid of The Manchild because I was not going to take care of my mom my stepdad and my younger sibling (who I have no problem taking care of) and my brother.

My mother would constantly complain to me about these things and when I told her that she needed to kick him out she told me ‘I’m not going to kick somebody out onto the street I have a feeling it would put him down a really dark path.’ But I told her in a matter-of-fact fashion that if she wants my help and wants me to uproot my life here with my fiance where I have a good job and new friends she’s going to have to get rid of the person that won’t help.

I was told that I needed to think of my family and that I’m a jerk for me wanting her to kick my brother out.

I told her that she needed to consider the health of her and my stepdad.

So I’ll ask. Am I the jerk?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... stick to your guns, why should you move back leave your job or use YOUR PTO to go help when there's someone already there who chooses NOT to help. Tell her you ARE thinking of your family the 1 you are making with fiance 2 states away. How long is she expecting you to stay for ? Sounds to me like you left 4months ago and she needs to lure you back cos she cant cope with him and the younger siblings without you there to even the score... you need to think about your longterm plan for life and also your MENTAL HEALTH. You can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm if you cave now she is going to find another excuse to stop you going back to fiance when your ready and keep it going as long as the toxic POS that SHE RAISED is in that house.... she won't kick him out but she knows that's the only way you will go back, however what's to say she wont tell you she HAS kicked him out to get you to go back for him to be sat there when you arrive, cos then it will be but you are here now so you may as well stay and help..... I personally wouldn't help her cos you are setting yourself up to be trapped back there with him
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11. AITJ For Causing My Senior Neighbors' Source Of Income To Be Take Away?

“My (54 f) elderly neighbors (70s? m/f) breed chihuahuas that bark constantly and nip at people who enter the yard. They sell the puppies and as far as I know, that’s their only source of income besides social security.

They leave a big stick outside of their gate for people to carry and threaten the dogs with should they need to enter. Yeah, it’s pretty weird and very trashy.

Granddaughter (8) was overplaying in the yard. Listen, we live in the country where everyone’s kids play in the yard alone all day.

The few neighbors all keep an eye out for each other. I didn’t have a problem with it as long as I could see her out there. The dogs have never hurt her before.

I was washing dishes and had just checked on her when I heard her scream.

I ran outside to see four of those yippy little monsters in my yard on top of my granddaughter, biting her arms and clothes. They got off of her when I came over and just stood around barking at us. She was crying and I picked her up and carried her inside while the mongrels bit at my ankles, sometimes actually hurting.

I angrily checked my granddaughter for wounds and the dogs hadn’t drawn blood, just left imprints. I was fuming at this point and went banging on the door next door. The old man and I exchanged some choice words and I told him I was calling the police.

I don’t like calling the cops for any reason unless I have to and I was livid so I called them. I expected them to harass my neighbors a bit and then leave but before I knew it there were cop cars all up and down the road and animal control vans.

Turns out they had way over the maximum number of dogs people are allowed in my county, and their house was disgusting for it. My neighbors are angry and upset and I do feel for them but I’m not playing when it comes to my kids.

I’m worried though that I acted too rashly. Maybe I should have talked it over with them first?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... you didn't cause their income to be removed THEY DID.. because if they had kept it to the legal maximum of dogs and TRAINED THEM out and ensured their dogs couldn't get into your yard then there wouldn't have been an issue... the problem is that an untrained dog no matter how small is still a dangerous dog. And packs of dogs which is what they had runs as a pack.. if 1 attacks they all attack, your granddaughter could have been seriously hurt by those dogs and been left needing hospital treatment but now she is mentally hurt and that's just as bad... i would hazard a guess that someone had already reported them for running a PUPPY MILL, and they have been under investigation for a while and your call was the cherry on the top... mail service workers can report them, because as you said anyone entering the yard is attacked continuously to the point they have a big stick for people to use to defend themselves.... so please you did the right thing. Sounds like they just got greedy over the TAX FREE money and that's why they had so many dogs cos more dogs is more money... this isn't on you it's all ON THEM
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10. AITJ For Moving Into My Brother's Old Room?

“I (15 M) have an older brother, Zander (18 M). Zander and I have always been close with one another. Nothing has ever changed that. He is going off to college a few months after he graduates from high school and has already started looking for an apartment close to campus.

I’ve been helping him look. Our mother (43 F) has also been helping but she seemed very bothered. When Zander asked if everything was alright she began crying telling him how ‘it was too much to see her little boy growing up’. Zander and I were very confused by this but didn’t ask her any further questions.

He found an apartment complex with good ratings and a great living space for him and began to pack his things. I asked him if I could have his room once he left. He had always had the nicer room, it was never a bother for me being the younger brother but I always envied his room over mine.

He said sure and would help me move all my stuff. Jackpot.

Once my mother heard about all this she flipped out on me. Saying it was so rude of me to take that away from him and that if I moved into his room I would be punished greatly.

I didn’t understand why she was so angry since Zander okayed it and he was already moving out anyway. When I told Zander about the situation he flipped out on our mom calling her selfish and saying I could take his room no matter what she said because it was his room.

They got into a huge fight which ended in my mom in tears begging Zander to not go to college.

For weeks of Zander and I packing his things and moving my things, our mother avoided the both of us. She finally broke her silence at dinner saying how I was ungrateful for the room I was given and was forcing my brother to give me his.

My brother, my father, and I all looked at each other confused. She proclaimed she didn’t want me in that room and that was final. Zander stated that practically all my things were already in there so there was no point in moving it all back and she freaked out.

Didn’t talk to me for almost a week. Zander said I didn’t do anything wrong but my mother has made me think I had. AITJ?”

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DeniseSB 4 months ago
Your mother is having a mental health crisis if this is abnormal behavior for her. (I’m assuming it’s abnormal because you describe the family as mystified by her behavior.). There may be physical factors like perimenopausal/menopausal/postmenopausal hormone changes triggering mood swings and erratic behavior or it may be a “simple” midlife crisis/fear if the empty nest phase she’s having trouble with. Do encourage your dad to encourage her to get a thorough check up that includes being honest with her doctor about how she feels and then they/she can decide what, if anything, comes next. NTJ.
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9. AITJ For Rescheduling Our Day So I Could Pick Up My Baby?

“I used to be married and my ex-wife and I had a baby. He’s only one, and we have a schedule – every two days I get him, and every two days she gets him.

I guess it’s relevant that because our baby is so young we try to be open-minded with each other and help each other out as much as possible, the day after when I drop him off and vice versa he is super fussy and nonstop crying because he wants the other parent, then he gets used to being with us and then he goes with the other parent and it’s a cycle.

I think that this is okay. Anyway, my partner and I have been going out for only a few months, hasn’t been too long but I’m just getting back into seeing other people so…

My partner and I made a plan the same day saying that we would go out to eat really quick on her break.

We live about an hour from each other and we would meet in the middle.

I ended up getting a call from my ex, and the baby was wailing so bad I had to pull the phone away from my ear. She said she was sorry for calling now but wanted to see if it was possible for me to pick up the baby and she’d pick him up later but she had a lot on her plate and he wouldn’t stop crying.

You could hear that she was crying too.

I hung up and called my partner and asked when her next day off was and I’ll make it up to her or she can come over here, or something like that.

She hasn’t met the baby yet, but I was just seeing if we could work something out, and before even answering my question she got pretty mad at me and she said that I should stop making plans without including her and just deciding.

I said that I hadn’t given her a definite answer yet and I was TRYING to include her by talking to her before telling her yes.

She was still mad and said that I was just going to make her look like a jerk if she said no and then said it was unreasonable to even think of doing this when we had plans.

I reasoned saying that of course I would take it into consideration but that’s why I’m trying to work something out here. I said that these plans were super last minute with me and her and if we go the next time she has off we could do something more.

She was still mad but I told her that sometimes these things happen and I understand its inconvenience but that’s why I’m saying this, and to try to understand.

She just said whatever and hung up saying she would go back to work.

I get that it’s annoying, but I really don’t do this often. Usually, we cherish the time we do have with the baby but he’s a really fussy baby and I can understand that it’s overstimulating when you’re trying to work, do house work, and have no way of calming the baby or doing anything to soothe him or yourself, it gets frustrating and again I completely understand that it’s annoying and frustrating for my partner I get that but I’m making an attempt to include her or make a compromise.”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
NTJ. You did the right thing by prioritising your baby over some girl you've only been on a few dates with. She may decide she doesn't want to date a parent, which is up to her, but anyone jerk someone who has a child with a former partner HAS TO accept that the child's needs come first.
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8. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Name My Daughter After An Animated Rat?

“So today was my baby shower and since my partner and I haven’t picked a name for our daughter yet we didn’t have an answer for anyone when they asked what we were planning on naming her.

My partner works a third-shift job seven days a week and I work a second-shift job so sometimes we’re not home at the same time which makes it harder to sit and actually talk about what name we both like. Our friend who lives in the apartment above us suggested Remmy/Remi/Remmi, however you want to spell it, but I automatically thought of Remy the rat from Ratatouille and I hated the name.

Well, she brought up the name at my baby shower and everyone automatically jumped on it saying that they liked it but I kept telling them that I didn’t like it. I let it go because the conversation moved on to other things but while everyone was leaving to go home later on they kept calling the baby Remi.

It’s kind of upsetting to think that apparently no one cared about me saying that I didn’t like the name and now I’m worried about telling people that I don’t want to name her Remi (side note I’m used to never having my opinion respected growing up so I eventually gave up on actually giving one) because no matter how many times I go over it in my mind I can’t stand the name.

I have a name in mind that I want to name her that I was going to bring up to my partner but now I’m worried that he’s going to just brush it off and tell me to just let it go. I have half a mind to just call her by the name that I want without anyone else’s opinion even my partner’s since they couldn’t be bothered to listen to my opinion.”

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DeniseSB 4 months ago
YOU are the person who puts the baby’s name on her birth certificate. This is a decision for you and the baby’s father to make together (assuming that he’s involved as your post implies). I’m troubled by your implication that your husband would think the neighbors’ opinions are more important than yours. It sounds like some combination of individual and couples counseling would be helpful.
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7. AITJ For Wanting To Go To The Concert With Or Without My Mom?

“There is a concert I am interested in attending soon. It’s about an hour from my hometown, so I would probably head back that way and then go to the venue. I initially strayed away from the idea of buying tickets in case there was an event I had to go to for work, but it doesn’t look like there will be anything.

I told my mom I was thinking about going and she immediately expressed doubt about the plan, saying she didn’t quite feel comfortable with me going by myself. She also said it was too short of notice.

She then said if she had time off she could come with me but she didn’t think she would get that time off and she repeated she did not want me going by myself.

I told her it would be fine considering I have done a lot of long drives before, and to be honest, it seemed like she didn’t want me to do it because it was not good for her.

If she wants to come with me, she’s more than welcome and I’d love to have her there, but I don’t think I should have to back out just because she can’t come.

She said I should just plan on not going and said it was the end of the discussion. I told her I was an adult and I should have the right to make my own decisions. I was not asking for permission.

She said I should listen to what she has to say and I told her I was willing to listen, but not willing to let her make the decision for me.

I make my own money and I should be able to spend it how I want. I don’t like when people try to tell me how I should live my life. I’m not hurting anyone by going to a concert but she just wants control over my life.

She got upset with me and hasn’t spoken to me since Friday. I told my dad about what happened to see his thoughts, and he said she was just trying to make sure I was safe.

I just don’t necessarily like to live my life in fear.

There are some things I will be extra cautious about, but I want to be able to live my life, too. Like I said, not hurting anybody.

My stepmom took my side and said I should have the right to do what I wanted. I do not rely on my parents financially, so it’s not like they would be giving me money.

I’m thinking maybe I should not have even told her, and I do feel bad for shutting down her concerns, but it is my life, so I’m torn.

EDIT: I am 24. I am completely financially independent and I did not ask my parents for money at all.

I am not asking them for money for this event.”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
Yu are an adult. She may advise you or give her opnion but it's up to you, not her, if you go or not.
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6. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Reading My Messages?

“My mom and dad have been divorced since I was around 6-7 years old. Around December, she had birthday plans, but we got into a huge argument.

I didn’t attend her birthday trip because of it, and it riddled me with guilt. It was my mom’s 40th birthday. I spent Christmas, and New Year’s alone. Eventually, we made up, or at least agreed to work towards fixing our relationship.

I’m a 19-year-old in college.

I live in a co-signed apartment with a roommate (my mom co-signed for me). I have been moved out of my mother’s house for around a full year now. Recently she texted me out of nowhere, completely upset at me. Telling me that if I needed anything from now on, to ask my father.

Questioning why I would go to my dad about her being ‘toxic our whole lives’ even though he was absent for most of my childhood.

I was totally confused as to where she was coming from. What did I even do? She then told me she went through my messages because I was still logged into my little sister’s iPad.

She went through the messages I had with my dad around the time of her birthday.

I tried to tell her it was a complete invasion of privacy and to respect my boundaries. You made yourself upset by reading my private messages! She informed me that she didn’t care, and to not speak to her for a long time.

Highlighting ‘Go tell your dad ALLLL about it’. Also calling me a backstabbing snake.

She then followed up by saying she was canceling my phone, and calling my leasing office to ‘find somewhere else to live’. She said it wasn’t revenge but in fact only a matter of time.

My lease is up soon and I plan to move out, but to not have my mom’s support, I feel like my life is in shambles.

I was so caught off guard by this entire situation, and not long after our conversation, my grandmother reached out.

We were supposed to attend a concert the next day, so I answered in hopes it was unrelated to my mom.

The call was filled with her telling me how my mom always made a way for us as kids, and how she is going to always defend her daughter when she’s upset.

Screw me, right?

She told me not to bother coming to the concert anymore because she doesn’t feel comfortable moving on with such.

In a moment of frustration, I blocked both of them. I always tiptoe across what is disrespectful and what isn’t.

Now I have around 3 months to move out with my three other roommates and I’m scared about where to start. Without their support, I feel doubtful in myself.

I love my mother, but this isn’t the first time she hasn’t respected my boundaries and blatantly didn’t care.”

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DeniseSB 4 months ago
I’m so sorry that your extended family isn’t supporting you during this tense time with your mom. Is there any older person—perhaps a neighbor or a co-worker—who can give you some practical tips on establishing yourself as an independent adult? It’s part if building your own network of friends you can depend on. Most of us have such a network: those of us who haven’t been gifted with one that shares our DNA build them. Good luck.
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5. AITJ For Blaming My Family For Neglecting Me When I Was A Kid?

“I (19 m) was always taken to my great grandparents’ home after school because my parents worked 9-5, & school ended at 3:10 pm. My g-granddad (Dan) kept me entertained as there was nothing else for me to do. When Dan passed away, it became harder to busy myself, there weren’t any toys & I didn’t have the attention span for the TV

I was 9 when this happened, my g-grandma (Edi) had become too old to care for herself. I was hungry and the only available food in the house had to be cooked. Neither me or Edi could cook so she begrudgingly let me go to the corner shop.

On the way there a man crossed the street and scared me. He apologized, smiled & I continued to the shop.

On the way back I realized the food I had had to be microwaved, fearing I may undercook it as I didn’t know how to use microwaves, I saw the same man and asked him to help me cook.

Instead, he took me back to the shop and called the police. He thought I lived with Edi full-time and was being neglected/underfed.

In the end, my parents had to come home early, and I was severely told off for ‘talking to a stranger, all over some food’.

Fast forward to now, I don’t have the best relationship with my family, but I don’t make that obvious. I act content with them because it’s easier this way. During dinner, they were talking about stuff from the past, unsurprisingly the story was brought up.

How I was so ‘irresponsible’ for going up to a stranger, ‘all over some food’, they used the same line again.

I argued that leaving me with someone who couldn’t care for themselves was wrong & unsafe. I was bound to do something moronic.

I could have been kidnapped because they didn’t want a babysitter? I could have been taken to my nan’s house, but due to the fact that she lived 30 minutes away from where I lived, my mother (the sole driver) didn’t want to drive there and back to pick me up.

My family argued that leaving me with her was ‘perfectly safe’ and that my uncle never got into such a dangerous situation before. But the issue with that is my uncle is five years older than me, when he was nine, Dan was alive, and both he and Edi were still in the right state to cook and clean and care for each other.

It’s caused tension. My mum is a very emotional person and cried at me suggesting it was partly her fault I ended up in such a dangerous situation. My dad (who split from my mum when I was 15) is angry with me because he now has to ‘deal with’ my mum crying to him on the phone.

My nan is upset I implied staying with her mother for a few hours was ‘so unsafe’, and everyone else in my family isn’t getting involved.

I think I’m the jerk for pinning the blame on them and making my mum so upset, I should have ignored the conversation entirely.

My uncle had a good experience with Edi when he was young, so my family didn’t see the harm in letting me stay with her. I did go against their rules of not talking to strangers and leaving the house, so it’s not their fault I got into that mess.

So, AITJ?”

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ... maybe they don't want to face the fact that g grandmother was in declining health and wasn't fit to cook. The fact is they DID leave you woth someone that allowed you to gp to the shop, you didn't know how to cook the food and edi wouldn't have known, they are also forgetting the fact that grandpa used to be the main childcare when uncle was younger and you... maybe tell them that they are not listening to what you are telling you... that that was how you felt seeing how YOU as a child realised that edi wasn't really capable of cooking etc but they THE ADULTS didn't. You were A CHILD the adult told you to go, let it go now and the next time they bring it up tell them lokk i get it i messed up let's drop it. Do that EVERYTIME they bring it up and talk to uncle alone if possible ask him how he would explain it tp them cos they clearly are not listening to and understanding what you are trying to say to them... as for dad tell him well no you don't have to deal with mum seeing how you are divorced, tell her that i am 19 and if she is upset with me then she doesn't HAVE to ring him and he doesn't HAVE to answer to her or he could hang up on her.. as for nan you need to tell her that uncle was older and had Dan there to cook for him
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4. AITJ For Refusing A Lower Settlement Offer?

“Between the ages of 12-17, my mother was moving me from one psychologist/therapist to another, claiming ‘they weren’t a good fit for me’. I found out years after, that she was offering them cash under the table to tell her what I was saying and probe me on particular issues she had covered up, to determine how much I knew/suspected. When they refused, she switched them.

I found out a few years ago that the last guy she took me to (ages 15.5 onward), a psychiatrist she left me with for over a year, not only DID take the extra money to tell her what I was sharing (which I already kinda knew) but the medication he put me on was at her request. There was no medical reason for me to be on ANY medication, and on top of that, the medication mix I was prescribed was a no-no to combine due to serious counter-acting.

The medication had a demonstratively harmful effect on my general health, with side effects I still suffer to this day. I lawyered up, gathered overwhelming and indisputable proof, and started the legal process to sue him. Realistically/conservatively we are looking at a mid/high-7 figures amount.

A few weeks ago, he had a heart attack and died.

I ran into (was ambushed by?) his widow recently. She was remarkably collected (numb?) and informed me that she did not have the mental bandwidth to handle this lawsuit as she was grieving, and taking care of the kids (2 kids between 8-12 years old, I believe), as he was the sole breadwinner.

She also let me know that they did not have the ability to pay out the amount the lawsuit would probably settle for, and she would have to drain college funds and sell their family house, cabin house, and a place that houses her parents, leaving them, herself, and the kids homeless (5 people).

She begged me to accept a much lower settlement offer, and not rob her kids of not only their father but also their childhood home, all of their memories, and their future.

Here’s where I could be the jerk: I told her no. Nothing else, looked into her eyes, and just said ‘No’.

From what my lawyer advised me, you do not engage in conversations with people you are legally opposing. I started walking away, and she teared up, saying his heart attack was from the stress of the lawsuit, asking do I really want to punish little children for what their father did.

I told her ‘Do not contact me again’ and got out of the store.

Knowing their situation, I am now having a moral dilemma. Even at 7 figures, I will not MISS this amount, but I could do good with it. I have also lost my father young, so I know how devastating it would be to lose my home as well.

But as much sympathy as I have for his family, it is on my torment he had built their life (and not just mine, as we have discovered). My lawyer, fiancé, and family encourage me to let it play out.

AITJ if I do not settle for less?”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
NTJ. WHat she is saying may not be true anyway, and it may not be his kids' fault, but YOU are not to blame. It's worth bearing in mind that if he abused you for money, he may well have done it to other kids and there may be similar lawsuits pending from them and their families. He did it. He risked his family's future and income by abusing children for money.
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3. AITJ For Letting My Younger Daughter Wear My Wedding Dress, But Not My Older Daughter?

“I have 3 children: Anna (40 F), Becca (37 F), and Charlie (35 M).

Becca and I are petite while Anna, Charlie, and my husband are on the heavier side.

When Becca got married 10 years ago, she wanted to wear my wedding dress. My wedding dress belonged to my mother. It wasn’t a wedding dress. It is a full-length blue satin gown with long sleeves and ruffles.

It was also worn by my aunt during her wedding as a surprise to my mom because my grandparents used to make fun of my mom for her courthouse wedding in an ugly dress. So, lot of history. Since Becca and I were similiar bodywise it was easy to alter it to fit her and remove the extra stitches so that I could use it again.

My husband and I celebrate our every 5-year anniversary in our wedding dresses.

Anna has a complicated history with Becca. Anna was very envious of Becca and always excluded Becca and me. I don’t blame her because some of the comments from Anna’s friends were really hurtful back in high school.

Every time she introduces us, someone or the other mentions that we/they don’t look alike. One of her exes even said that Becca and I look like Anna’s kids (cringe, I know). Anna always wanted to have a family but Becca got to have all these milestones before her.

Anna tried her best to be happy for her sister but she has cried to me multiple times about how unfair it is and she can’t help but resent Becca. Becca knows this and tries her best to be sensitive to Anna. While they didn’t get along while they were younger, they have worked past their issues in adulthood and are now very involved in each other’s lives.

Anna got engaged recently and we are happy for her. She has found someone who really loves her and they are wonderful together. When she last came to visit, she brought up altering my wedding dress and wearing it. I spoke to my friend who worked on the dress during Becca’s wedding.

She told me that she could alter my dress to fit Anna but there would be a lot of changes as Anna is much larger (350 lbs vs my 150 lbs). She told me that while she can try to remove them afterward, it is very unlikely to alter it back to how it was before.

I finally called Anna and told her that I could not give her my wedding dress and Anna was very upset. She said that she always pictured herself wearing the family wedding dress on her wedding. She called me fatphobic and a bunch of other words.

She told me that this is bringing up a lot of bad memories. She accused me of loving Becca more. I tried to explain to her but she told me that I would give her the dress even if it meant I could not have it back if I loved her.

My mother is no more and this dress is incredibly sentimental to me. However, I also realize that weight has always been a sensitive topic for Anna. I understand that she is just feeling left out.

My husband, Becca, and Charlie are on my side but Anna and her fiance are not.

Anna even told me that she would stop talking to me if I continued being fatphobic like this.

Becca and I have also offered to help her find or recreate something similar but Anna has rejected those ideas.

What my friend said was that new pieces of the same color/white need to be patched into the dress.

The dress needs to be cut and new pieces put in (especially for the chest and hips). It might be possible to alter it to fit Anna but bringing the dress back to its original state would be impossible.

AITJ or not?”

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LizzieTX 3 months ago
NTJ. Anna's wishes don't make it right for you to destroy your/Becca's dress to make it fit someone 200 pounds heavier than either of you. Sorry, but Anna is delusional if she thinks she's being fat shamed. She IS fat, unless she's 6'6" and very fit, which I strongly suspect she's not. And if she were serious about wanting to wear your/Becca's dress, she should have realized that it wouldn't fit (how could she not?) unless she dropped some serious weight and she evidently didn't think she should try to do that before demanding the dress. And the fact that this isn't a traditional white dress, but a blue satin, long sleeved formal gown, makes it impossible to remake unless there's a whole bolt of matching blue satin fabric just hanging about that you can access to make Anna's impossible dream come true. Let's get real here instead of tiptoeing around Anna's size. I swear, if this world gets any more woke, no one will be able to do or say anything without getting ripped for offending the perpetually offended. Jeez.
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2. AITJ For How I Organized My Wedding Photoshoot?

“I (F mid-20s) and getting married to my wonderful fiancé (M mid-20s). I am very happy and cannot believe I am marrying a wonderful person.

For context: My brother (M 30) and SIL (F 29) have been married for a few years and have 2 wonderful children. I love them to pieces. I have posted the children on my socials before on a private social media account for family occasions. There have been no issues.

After another family event, my SIL messaged me after seeing the images, to not post any of the children, and her family (my brother included) again and to take them down. I said, of course, respected her decision as they are her children. I later found out I was the only one of my siblings asked to do this.

It did hurt, however, these are her children, her rules.

Present: I sent out the invites earlier this week. I sent a private message to my brother saying the following:

‘Hey bro, I hope all is well. I just wanted to give you a heads-up about the upcoming day.

As you know, we will be having a photographer taking pictures at our wedding. Each photo we will be doing of the official portraits will be done twice. One with your family, and one without. This is to respect your rules about posting pictures of your family online.

You will be sent all of the photos with you guys in and can distribute them however you wish. My fiance and I wish to share our big day online, especially with friends and family who couldn’t make it as it is a big day for us.

Love you lots’.

I also sent a picture of the message my SIL sent me to him for context.

He and his wife then got mad at me, calling and screaming at me down the phone as their kids would feel left out and no one would know they were there.

I haven’t posted about the kids since that message. Every time there is a family event, I ask, and they say no every time. So I did stop asking a year ago and just assumed I could never post them.

So AITJ? Did I take it too far?

Edit: I have asked about putting smiley faces on their faces, but my SIL says it’s rude and I would still be posting them. I should also add that are there any circumstances in which posting them would be allowed, my SIL said not at all.

They have asked that their kids be in all the other photos the children will be in so they don’t feel left out, but the photos they are in are not allowed to be shared with others. But NO ONE is allowed to share any images with them or their children in.

The kids are not adopted.”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
Tell her that it is HER problem not yours. She an either ask her kids to stay out of the pictures or she can pound sand. She doesn't get to interfere with your wedding photographs or ban you from sharing them because she has bugs up her butt.
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1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Be Influenced My My Ex's Wife's Spirituality?

“I (30 f) have an 8-year-old daughter, Ryan, with my ex, Greg (30 m). His wife, Olivia (27 f), has been with him for about 4 years and Ryan seems to like her.

Olivia is into a bunch of weird things. She’s an actress and was a competitive cheerleader so now Ryan does those things. She does yoga so now Ryan does yoga. She’s all about pink and rhinestones (even her car is like a Barbie car but she’s almost 30) and now my daughter is walking around with sparkles and JoJo Siwa bows.

They go to the spa every week. She’s weird about food and they only buy organic products with the occasional treats thrown in & food outings. Ryan comes home (2 weeks on 2 weeks off) always talking about how this is healthy and that isn’t, Olivia said this & Olivia said that.

It’s weird it’s like Olivia thinks she’s her little doll. Ryan was never into these things before Olivia and now it’s like she’s a completely different person. She even wants to lock her hair like Olivia’s (we’re black).

I don’t want my daughter to turn into a snob.

Now Olivia is getting Ryan into crystals, sage, meditation & things like that. I feel like as her mother I should have a say in what she does when it comes to something like this.

She brought her to a crystal shop & let her pick some ‘protection stones’ to put in a necklace that they ‘blessed’. They sage every Sunday & she even has tarot cards and ‘chakra’ candles. They go to the beach and ‘thank the water’ or go to the woods and ‘thank the trees’.

It’s really bizarre I could go on forever.

I spoke to Olivia and told her for the 50th time to stop trying to make Ryan into something she’s not and that forcing spirituality on her is not happening full stop. She claims she’s been doing this forever and Ryan was curious, so she asked Greg and he said it was okay.

I told her this stuff isn’t even real and I refuse to have my daughter involved in yet another one of her nonsense hobbies. She claims she’s teaching her to appreciate life and to be more giving to others, not be ungrateful, etc but I don’t see how that applies.

Greg said I was out of line and told me if I paid more attention Ryan has always been into all these new things and Olivia is just someone she’s really connecting with because they are into the same things. I know my child and he’s just defending Olivia as usual.

AITJ? I feel like the spiritual stuff is crossing the line. Who knows what kind of weird energy that could bring? Or a weird mindset?

EDIT: She only uses natural medicine from specific stores after checking what’s inside. She does things like putting onion & potato slices on her feet when she’s sick and gives her honey and marshmallows ‘for phlegm’.

She’s not against immunization shots but she’s big on taking a ‘natural approach’ to medicine unless ‘super necessary’ then they use scientific medicine. She also uses oils on her, Greg, & Ryan. Unsure if she’s diffusing it or using it on her wrists/temples.

Ryan says she has a machine that smoke comes out of in her room. Sounds like a diffuser to me. She claims this is how she was raised in terms of the natural stuff & the spiritual stuff.”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
YTJ as, so far, this stuff is harmless (and it is no more or less stupid than any other belief system: whether you talk about Mother Nature, Jesus or any other pantheon or myth system, what matters is that you are not harming yourself or anyone else). Let it go. At your kid's age, it's about as much a big deal aswhatever her favourite TV show is, anyway.
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