People Ask Us To Tell Them Who's To Blame For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Getting Married At My Stepsister's Dream Wedding Venue?
I (f 25) am getting married next year. I am six months into the planning. I picked the venue pretty early on, and it happens to be the same venue where my stepsister (f 27) has always dreamed of getting married.
When I announced to the family that it was all finalized, Lucy (stepsister) flew off the handle.
She said I was a sneaky jerk for picking that venue when I knew she had always said that was her ideal wedding venue. I understand her disappointment, but this reaction is, in my opinion, over the top for two reasons.
- The venue is very famous. I’m not the first or last person to get married there. It’s a cultural landmark with a rich history that has played host to weddings for centuries. I also love the location, I have for over a decade.
Nothing is stopping Lucy from getting married there someday if she so wishes.
- The cost of a wedding at this venue is astronomical. My fiancé and I are aware that between my dad’s family and his, we are signing up for a certain type of event and we’re fine with that, but I can admit the cost is eye-watering (I will not be giving the exact number but when I contacted the wedding planner and asked if we’d be able to get the venue for 100k, she laughed at me and said the venue would not return our call for that price).
I know that Lucy always said ‘If she could pick anywhere in the world’ she’d get married there, but very few people have the pick of the whole world for their venue.
So, Lucy was shouting at me saying I was copying her wedding idea.
I tried apologizing, I tried to tell her that just because I’m getting married first it doesn’t mean that when she gets married she can’t do it there, I even offered to trim the guest list from her dad’s side so that if she ever did get married there there would be next to no guest overlap.
Nothing worked, there were tears, and she was calling me a snake and a backstabber. Eventually, I just got annoyed and was like, What was I supposed to do? Not pick the venue I wanted just in case you one day have a million-dollar wedding?
Lucy be serious.
Our parents are saying I went for the throat with what I said and I should apologize. I think that as much as I am sensitive to the fact that she might feel a bit annoyed, she has the rest of her life to get married there or anywhere else if she wants and she needs to let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for picking the venue.
But unless you and your fiancé are multi-millionaires, spending over 100k on a wedding is ABSURD. It’s a day. Yes, an important one but think of what you could be doing with that cash.
I digress though, as it’s just my opinion. So many people focus on the wedding and not aiming for a successful marriage. Again, my opinion.” Ok-Context1168
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you’re supposed to cancel your venue so she can have her imaginary wedding there?
God, no. Don’t cancel, don’t trim. Don’t compromise. Don’t do anything to ‘keep the peace’. She’s completely unreasonable. Just do what you’re doing and don’t apologize anymore. Do not engage, discuss, or argue with her. ‘It’s done. If this isn’t something you approve of, that is your choice.’
Don’t soothe her feelings by including her in the bridal party unless you intended to invite her in the first place. Remember. She is not the bride here. She is not the main character. That is you and your fiancé.
If she threatens not to come, tell her it’s her choice. If she drags the family into it, keep calm and do the same. They can come or not, but they cannot change your plans to accommodate her.” FuzzyMom2005
24. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Still Calls His Late Wife "His Wife"?
“So my husband (Daniel for privacy) and I have been married for just under a year and I love him very much.
He has an 8-year-old daughter (Jane) from his previous marriage who I love as my own. He’s always been respectful and patient which is part of why I decided to marry him. We met right before 2020 when he had been recently widowed the year before so we tried to take things slow.
After 3 years we decided to tie the knot. The wedding ceremony was everything a girl could dream of and we’ve honestly had very few issues in our first year as a couple. It wasn’t until we went to pick up Jane from her summer camp that I started seeing an issue.
I went to meet up with him at the front desk, I found him chatting with the camp coordinator which was all well and good until I overheard what he was saying. He mentioned that ‘My wife made me this jacket actually, she was really good at all that sewing stuff’.
He was referring to his ex-wife (Alyssa), NOT me. It bugged me a little but I brushed it off as a one-time thing, an accident. We don’t talk about Alyssa much unless we’re around Jane, and even then he usually refers to her as ‘Jane’s mom’, I never heard him call her his wife, especially now that WE were married.
It wasn’t until a week or two later that I learned he does this a lot. We were at a get-together with some friends from work, my first time meeting them. It was all good until one of them asked me questions about baseball.
I admitted I didn’t know much about the sport and he said that was weird because Daniel had mentioned I was really good at the game and even played some in college, which left me very confused.
After talking to some more guys I found out this was a common issue.
A lot of them thought Alyssa and I were the same person because Dan called us both his wife. At this point, I got really offended. We had been married for 10 months and he didn’t even call Alyssa his ex-wife yet.
I was super awkward, and explaining to people that he still called his ex-wife his wife was utterly humiliating, especially the amount he does it, not just one or two people but the whole office.
When we got home we fought.
He said he didn’t even think about it that way, that since he never divorced Alyssa he never stopped thinking about her as his wife, he still stands by the fact that Alyssa is his wife, despite how embarrassing it is to explain to people that I’m not his second wife but rather his new wife and Alyssa his ex.
I told him that if he wasn’t ready to move on then he shouldn’t have married me, if he can’t commit to being my husband then he shouldn’t get to call me his wife. I spent the next night at my sister’s house ignoring his calls, we recently started to smooth things over by not talking about them but I can tell that this is going to be a sore spot in the marriage I am trying so desperately to save.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She’s not his ex. He is her widower. There is a whole world of difference between a marriage that ends in divorce, and a marriage that ends in the death of one of the partners. If you can’t cope with the fact that he can love both you and his late wife, then you shouldn’t have married him.
You are completely at fault here.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She’s not his ex-wife and you can’t expect him to call her that.
But he’s making a habit of being unclear about your marriage and it’s actually confusing people.
It seems like he might have some unprocessed grief.
Instead of being jealous of a dead woman, try talking to your husband about what he’s been feeling lately. You should talk about his late wife together, not just for the child.
It’s healthy.” Comprehensive-Fun47
23. AITJ For Firing My Half-Sister From Being My Maid Of Honor?
“I’m 27, she’s 26. We share a dad but have different moms. It was kinda awkward growing up.
Being just a year apart in age but having different moms. But we were close for the most part even though I was only an ‘every other weekend at their house’ kid. Not an ‘equal time between parents’ kid.
I asked her to be my maid of honor because we genuinely do get along and I thought it could bring us closer.
But then the drama started. She took my asking her to be my maid of honor as meaning her mom should be more involved (her mom is married to our dad) and she was making comments about having her mom do a certain thing instead of my mom.
Then she told me she wanted to throw me a late engagement party, and I found out a week before that my mom was not invited yet she made sure to invite my fiance’s family. I told her not inviting my mom was wrong because even if she didn’t like it, she was MY mom.
Her response was her mom would be there and as my stepmom since I was small, she deserves to have some time to represent as an equal parent/mom to me. I told her it doesn’t work that way. I told her if she did anything like that again she was not going to be my maid of honor.
And she did it again. She took it upon herself to draft up an idea for a seating chart and put my mom at a regular table, away from our dad, her mom, and my future in-laws. She even wrote her mom as ‘Mother of the Bride’ on the chart.
I told her I had had enough and she was not going to be my maid of honor anymore, or even in my bridal party. She called me her half-sister for the first time ever and followed up with a string of texts about how she was trying to make us sisters, but I was always going to remind her and everyone that her mom was nothing to me (which I never said) and that she’s just a half-sister.
My dad jumped in and asked me how I could take the position from her like that. He said dialogue was needed and compassion, because imagine how hard it is for her to know I never loved her mom, despite her mom being in my life for a long time, and I’m her big sister.
He said I was wrong. I said it should never have been a dirty thing that we are half-sisters. Those words are not dirty. That I have loved her even with that. He said it was still very wrong of me when she was insecure about it.
AITJ here? Because I flip-flop between this is crazy and was I too harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Self-respect’: your Mom is part of you and respecting your mom is part of your identity. That’s what they are trying to strip from you and why you are feeling completely uncomfortable.
Then, trying to confuse you, guilt tripping you, and manipulating you into changing your decisions by disrespecting your own mom.
Loving your stepmom doesn’t mean unloving and disrespecting your mom.
Trust your intuition and feelings. Please, don’t betray your mom.” 11arwen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ wait wait wait. So your dad told you to imagine how it feels for your half-sister to know you never loved her mother, but she can despise your mother and erase her from your life and that’s okay?
Your sister is 26 not 12. To be honest, after this crazy nonsense, I’d completely disinvite her. And your stepmother has zero to do with your wedding, you are not her daughter she can play the mother of the bride to her bio daughter.
Ask your dad if he still wants to walk you down the aisle – if yes he better stop this nonsense now.” User
22. AITJ For Not Trusting My Homeless Friend?
“I (F 36) have an acquaintance (F 33) who has been homeless for a few months and a group of people including myself have tried to help.
She stayed at mine for a few nights a couple of months ago and it was difficult: she refused to talk about her circumstances (how things happened, what help she’s been seeking, etc.), and rolled her eyes at pretty much everything I said.
I bought a whole bunch of groceries for her which she refused to eat, then she asked a friend to bring her food because she was starved, and made a big show of stuffing her face as if she hadn’t been offered any food for weeks… she appears to have severe mental health issues that I’m not qualified to deal with (imaginary allergies, very paranoid, delusional – see point below about work).
Since then I know from other friends that she’s not made any progress on finding a job because she refuses to apply for things she perceives will not look good on her CV (she’s been unemployed for about 18 months though…) So she is still relying on people and no one really knows anything further about her circumstances.
I tried texting her a few weeks ago to ask her to stay at my house while I was away for a weekend and realized she had blocked my number. Two weeks later she unblocked me to ask if she could stay at mine.
I haven’t replied to her and told a friend who was asking on her behalf that I’m not willing to host her just now. I do not trust her, and I don’t want to offer unconditional support when I know nothing about what’s really happening and her behavior has been off.
Even lovely house guests tend to really drain me so I am prioritizing my well-being, but I know it’s cruel as she is homeless.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like your friend or ex-friend is having some severe mental health problems. It is difficult as I don’t know where you are (guessing the USA), but in the UK if someone is having a full-on mental breakdown you can get them taken in under certain mental health acts.
And they’ll be appropriately assessed in the hospital.
You’re definitely NTJ but this person doesn’t sound OK, and if you care about them then you may want to keep a close eye on them (if you can).” ruthifer123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is not cruel to not offer your home. Your home is your safe space and you are giving up that space to someone with undiagnosed mental issues and unmedicated. She is being secretive about her situation and not being straight with you.
She pretended to a friend that you weren’t feeding her. So what else will she lie about? She is doing nothing to help herself out of her situation. Help can come in many forms, but it doesn’t have to be in the form of your space.” User
21. AITJ For Giving My Niece A Non-Disney Gift?
“My niece just turned 5 and we got her a Magic Mixie. My sister, ‘Elsa’ has a strict ‘Disney Toy Only’ policy and literally gives us lists of acceptable Disney-only toys, but that’s not what my niece wanted. She’s been obsessed with getting a Magic Mixie since her friend got one.
My BIL doesn’t care and gets her other stuff all the time. I texted him and he said it was okay to not stick to the list since the grandparents got her stuff that wasn’t Disney-related. He said he wants Niece to branch out more and ignore the list.
‘Elsa’ is a ‘Disney Adult’. Everything has to be Disney-related. Before my niece was born Elsa sent out a social media post and a family-wide email that anything without a Disney character on it, toys, clothes, bedding, furniture, ‘anything’, would get thrown out.
Not donated, thrown out. We’ve never actually sent my niece a gift at all because we knew Elsa would throw it away. Disney is her aesthetic and she’ll throw things away in front of the people who gift them to her if they’re not plastered with cartoon characters.
At her birthday party, Niece opened the Magic Mixie and went bananas. Elsa didn’t say anything other than a neutral ‘how cute’ and then moved on to something else. After the party was over, Elsa went crazy and said it was my fault she had to throw her kid’s toy away.
Apparently, she and BIL got into a big fight when she tried to throw it out during the party. She also tried to give it to several of the parents at the party. The moms from her mom group called her insensitive that she’d try to get rid of a toy her kid was so excited about and asked if she was going to do that with their gifts.
My mom called me later and said I was a huge jerk for not sticking to what Elsa wanted and ‘making her anxious about the presents’ because I guess after the party, her mom group friends got mad at her when they found out she threw gifts away so she and Niece are uninvited from a lot of spring activities.
AITJ for not giving in to a Disney Adult and getting the kid the toy they actually wanted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked Dad, he was okay with it. And the kid really liked it. Mom does not ‘have to’ throw it away at all.
She could have let her keep it. She is the one creating the problem here. Children have their own preferences, they should be allowed to get toys THEY want. I hope her mom will come to terms with the reality that children are individuals with their own preferences.
And they do not at all have to be what their parents prefer. Please never give in to this demand of hers, the kid needs other people who will provide her with more than just Disney, only Disney is soooo limited (she will miss out on so much if her play is limited to ‘princess only’).
Her mom is a jerk for demanding something she likes herself and for limiting her daughter’s development this way. And for hurting her by throwing away her toy. Mom has no right to do so either, she does not own the toy!” FoldingFan1
Another User Comments:
“Your sister needs help. She is unreasonable and wasteful. Why does she get to choose what her daughter likes? As a parent, she should encourage her daughter to branch out. She is a Disney snob and is projecting her opinion on her own daughter.
What is even more disgusting is the fact that your niece was looking forward to this specific birthday present, and your sister was determined to throw it out immediately. Her daughter is going to grow up stifled and it is important to raise kids with a sense of self autonomy.” Nyankitty666
20. AITJ For Meeting With My Wife's Parents?
“I (28f) lost my wife, Em, two years ago in an accident when our son was less than a year old. Throughout our entire relationship (from ages 20-26) she was very open about how her parents did not accept her, and that she’d given up on offering an olive branch.
She seemed to have made peace with the fact that they weren’t around anymore, and my family always embraced her with open arms so she still had some support regardless.
When we had our son, Em told me she didn’t want her parents to know anything about our child, even through the grapevine.
She had let her mom and dad know that we were getting married a few years prior, but they didn’t respond very well to the news so she didn’t think they would change their tune if they did ever manage to hear about our son’s birth, they never contacted us to say anything about it.
They didn’t come to the funeral. I invited them because I thought that maybe they’d want to be there. She was their only child and I assumed that any animosity they had about how she lived would have been overshadowed by the loss of her in general. I heard nothing from them for two years until a few weeks ago when I got a message request on social media from Em’s mother.
She said she and her husband wanted to know more about me and our son, so she invited me to get a cup of coffee since they were in town.
I agreed to meet them to talk, but I left my son at home with my sister.
They looked a little disappointed when I got there and he wasn’t with me, but they didn’t say anything about that at first. They started off with a few normal questions, how we met, what Em’s life was like, what our wedding was like.
Then they started asking about when they could spend time with our son because they had a right to as his grandparents. I told them that my wife had made it very clear that she didn’t want them to know anything about our baby.
I felt like I was already betraying Em’s wishes by agreeing to meet with them and even showing them pictures of him, so the idea of them meeting him on top of all that was a little too much for me at the time.
I said I needed to take a bit to think about whether or not I’d allow that.
They both seemed upset about it, and they started to argue with me so I shut the conversation down and said I’d contact them again when I made my decision.
I went home and told my sister what happened, and she said that she understood I wanted to listen to Em’s wishes, but she’s gone now, and it’s totally possible that her parents have changed. She felt it would be wrong of me to stop them from having a relationship with their daughter’s only child.
She also said I was just making it harder on myself by avoiding people who could help me raise my son since now I’m doing it on my own.
I just don’t want to betray Em.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parents who are capable of not showing up at their own daughter’s funeral should NOT be given access to additional children. You would very much be putting your child in danger by introducing these people into his life. This isn’t just about your wife’s wishes but about the fact that they are not safe people and have already proven themselves bad with children.
The fact that these people already feel they are entitled to some kind of relationship when they had none with their daughter and didn’t come to the funeral – is all the information you need to make sure they stay out of your life forever.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no matter what you choose.
I would be very careful about building a relationship with the people who didn’t attend your wife’s wedding or her funeral. I would have concerns about their newfound interest in your son, given their talk of their ‘right… as the grandparents.’ I would be wary of challenges to your custody if you live in a place where you might be subject to a moral panic, as the way Em talked about them suggests that they’d absolutely be the type to use that to ‘remove the child from immoral circumstances.’ Basically, I think there’s a chance they could introduce a LOT of stress to your life.
But you’ve met them, and I haven’t! If you think that you could set and maintain boundaries with them that would allow them to be supportive grandparents in your child’s life, if you think they could actually be a help and not a hindrance to you, if you think you and your son would value the connection to Em’s childhood, then you can ease into that relationship and see how it goes!
Don’t do this for Em’s parents, or for your sister’s idea of right and wrong. Proceed with caution, trusting that your wife had reasons for wanting this separation, and looking for data on whether or not they’ve changed.
Or, say thanks but no. The child can get in touch with them as an adult if he wants to. Your first responsibility is to protect your son, and if your instincts tell you to keep your distance, I for one fully endorse your doing so.” Aealias
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Room With Three Toddlers?
“My (16f) parents split up before I was born. The custody is I live with my dad most of the time and my mom every other weekend (plus random staying with her if I want).
Recently, my dad got engaged to ‘Hanna’, and she and her kids are moving in. Hanna’s kids ages are: 9, 7, 2, 2, 2. She is widowed, so they live with her full-time.
This made room arrangements a bit awkward since there were only 3 kids’ bedrooms to go around.
Dad and Hanna talked it over last night (without consulting anybody) and Hanna came over this morning to announce to my dad what they decided. Apparently, they want 9 and 7 to each have their own rooms, and me to share with the triplets because my room is significantly bigger than the others ‘and I don’t stay there full time’.
I said their plan was stupid, they wanted me to share with 3 toddlers. They said they didn’t want me to move but it was the biggest room so other people should share. I said I didn’t care if I switched rooms, because the more logical move would have been the triplets in the big room, 7 and 9 share, and I get my own (I said I’d take the smallest one) until I move out.
They said it would be more work to move my things to another room, and their idea was more ‘practical’. Then asked why I was so pressed since I don’t even live here full time.
I said not staying in the room four days a month was a sorry excuse to land me with a bunch of toddlers, and if they seriously planned on doing it to me I’d make the custody arrangement change and I’d stay with mom for the most part (I know she doesn’t mind because both of them remind me I could stay with her whenever I wanted).
This made Hanna cry because she just wanted her family to blend together nicely and apparently I was ruining her plans. This made Dad mad at me and I’m not allowed to talk to Hanna until she forgives me. I didn’t know this meant so much to them but I’m still saying I’ll stay with mom longer if I have to share with toddlers, but my dad made me feel a bit guilty so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They KNOW what they are doing to you. They only act like they don’t. You sharing with the triplets makes you care for them at night and as soon as their bedtime begins.
It is not practical at all, where should you hang out between your bedtime and theirs?
Living room with them?
I would assume Hanna wants you to leave and your dad either wants you to babysit or simply doesn’t actually care if you are there but they want you to be the bad guy.” CakeEatingRabbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Hannah thinks the best way for her ‘family’ to ‘blend together nicely’ is to instantly make her stepdaughter the free babysitter for her 3 toddlers?
Dang, like… at least the evil stepmother waited till Cinderella’s father died, not just made her a free maid instantly.
Also, your dad kinda sucks, who in their right mind would want to share a room with 3 toddlers? Let alone someone who’s almost an adult? He’s favoring his stepkids over his bio daughter to keep Hannah happy, and he’s willing to make YOU sacrifice things like your privacy.” JustAShyAvocado
18. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Hate Being Around Her?
“I (17f) live with my mom. I moved in after having no contact with my father.
Within the last year, my mom and I have started arguing a lot.
She expects me to go to school, work my main job, work at my internship that she basically pressured me into getting, and clean the house. I am so overwhelmed at all times and I can barely keep up. I’ve tried telling her about this but she won’t listen.
No matter how I approach the situation she won’t listen to me. I’m honestly at my breaking point.
So about two months ago we had another big fight and I told her that if she wouldn’t make any effort to listen to me or acknowledge my feelings I was going to stop putting effort into our relationship.
I waited a while and when I realized nothing was changing, I stopped putting effort into our relationship completely. I started only giving her one-word responses and tried to be away from the house when she was there. I would only leave my bedroom to use the bathroom.
Today she texted me and asked about my senior pictures and how to look at them online. I said that she couldn’t because there was no way for her to log in and it wasn’t a big deal because my grandmother and I already ordered them and they were on the way and she could see them then.
She blew up and accused me of excluding her from ordering my senior pictures. This isn’t true because two days before when we were at my grandmother’s I said they were available to order and she didn’t say a word.
I told her that and that she was making a huge deal out of nothing.
She then started threatening me with putting Life360 on my phone. She always threatens me with that when she’s mad. But this time I told her no, that she wouldn’t be doing that because it’s my phone and I pay for it (my grandmother bought the phone for my birthday and I pay my own phone bill.) She said ‘that this was her house’ and that my car was hers too but that’s also not true because the car was a gift from my grandmother for my 16th birthday.
I said that if it was her car she could start paying for the insurance and gas. She told me I could either put Life360 on my phone or she would take my car. I said, ‘OK you can find a way for me to get to school (30 minutes away), work (45 minutes away), and my internship (25 minutes away).’
After we were arguing back and forth for at least 45 minutes I told her that she was one of the most selfish and childish people I knew, that I hated being around her and talking to her, and that she had destroyed our relationship.
I again told her that she never listens to me and constantly invalidates me and my feelings. She said she doesn’t listen because I’m always attacking her. I then told her that if she was going to continue treating me this way I would be looking into emancipation.
I’ve been crying since this morning because I love my mom but I don’t understand why she’s been treating me like this. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is very dismissive of you and your feelings, as well as your emotional well-being and stress.
She also seems quite entitled with her threatening to take away things from you that she had no right to, as she didn’t buy them or contribute towards them. Her lack of care towards you would have worn away at your relationship regardless of if you had stopped putting effort into the relationship.
She clearly had stopped doing that a while ago.
Your mother not listening to you when you informed her of the photos is evidence of that. I’m sorry that you’re in such a difficult place right now OP. I hope you’re able to reach out to people in your life for support.” User
Another User Comments:
“What is the point of the 360 since it sounds like every second of your day is already planned out? It’s like she’s trying to control you but all of your points are valid. It’s not her car, she doesn’t pay for it, it’s not her phone, she doesn’t pay for it, you and/or grandma paid for your pictures.
Did she suddenly wake up and realize you’re basically an adult and freak out? Was it the same with your dad? NTJ.
I read this as you let her know pictures were available to select. She ignores you. So you and your grandmother selected and paid for them.
Now she comes and asks about selecting pictures and you let her know that was taken care of. She gets angry and says you’re cutting her out. Things have deadlines! It sounds like she’s not very responsible and is angry that you are.
Her behavior does sound childish.” slendermanismydad
17. AITJ For Not Sitting Through My Sister's Entire Baby Shower?
“I (24F) was invited to my younger sister ‘Kate’s’ (22F) baby shower on Wednesday. She’s been really excited about this, as it’s her first child and she’s always wanted to have children.
An important part of this story, I have autism.
My support needs are pretty small in comparison to some people, but it’s still there, and pretty much the main antagonist in this story.
So, we got to the baby shower, and I got her a mobile customized to have a Saint Bernard on it since that’s the kind of dog she has – and because she had been speaking to me about how she wants a mobile.
I also got her a gift basket with baby clothes, wipes, some of her favorite chocolate etc, etc. All was going well until:
There are about 25 people there altogether, most being her friends who I don’t know, after about an hour I’m starting to get pretty irritated at being there.
I don’t like talking to strangers and this feels (to me) like somewhere I’m very out of place. I’m starting to rock, which is kind of my secondary go-to stress relief stim – with my main one being pacing, which is something I can’t do.
My mood is just dropping rapidly at this point.
I end up leaving after an hour and a half, when all of the gifts have been opened and we’ve kind of been through the small talk and gush phase, and now it’s just cake/food left. Kate seems a little disgruntled at me leaving but doesn’t say anything.
My mom messaged me later saying that Kate was disappointed that I left so soon since she wanted us (her family) to stick around to talk after the baby shower.
I won’t lie, that sounded bad to me at the time, but I just told her to tell Kate I was sorry.
The issue is that Kate hasn’t spoken to me at all since. I’ve messaged her only to be ignored, and I can only assume it’s because I left the baby shower. I feel pretty guilty about it now since I hadn’t thought she’d take it so hard.
I could’ve definitely forced my way through the entire party, like I said, my support needs are very small, like almost astronomically small, I definitely could’ve dealt with it and then just passed out for a week afterward. It wouldn’t have done me that much harm, just made me really tired and irritable.
My leaving was kind of just a byproduct of my assuming she wouldn’t care that much, which I was obviously wrong about.
So now I’m just wondering if I’m the jerk. I have apologized to Kate personally now, but still haven’t gotten a response, so just kind of trying to garner how much I messed up here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No matter if your needs are small you started to NOT feel well. And your sister most likely saw that you were not feeling so good. Did she do anything about it? No.
If you felt like you couldn’t stay longer without forcing yourself too much then you did okay leaving.
Your sister should be more supportive and understanding.
You could talk the next day. Doesn’t have to be after the party is over.
You stayed there long enough to be part of the baby shower. Your needs, small or big, matter as well.” Low_Actuator_3532
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Good on you for recognizing your needs and advocating for yourself. You never have to be anywhere you don’t feel comfy.
Your sister is understandably disappointed, and she’s allowed to be. Giving you the cold shoulder is admittedly not the best form of conflict resolution, but she’s also pregnant and I know how hormones can affect your mood and decision-making skills.
Try not to take it personally. She’s sad because she loves you and wanted you to be there.” uglyenbybug
16. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Classmate Copy My Work Anymore?
“The girl who sits next to me in class does nothing. Absolutely nothing. She doesn’t bring her own textbooks, asks me to write her notes when I can barely do my own as it is, and copies down all my homework every single day and I’m sick of it.
If she was sick or didn’t know or forgot about the assignment, couldn’t access the document, fine, I’d get it. We’ve all been there. I’ve forgotten loads of my assignments before and have lied my way out of being punished for them multiple times.
But this girl. She has a list of assignments that she has left to do that she keeps in her bag and she writes the list out the night before every single day and then reads out the list and expects me to just give her the homework that I spent 5 hours crying over at 4 am when I need to get up at six.
And she stops me from doing work in class just so she can copy the stuff down. She doesn’t bring her textbooks and doesn’t let me turn the pages of mine because she’s a slow writer. She takes stuff out of my pencil case without even asking.
It drives me insane. First, it’s impolite. Second, get your musty dusty hands off of my stuff. You don’t get to touch it. You’re going to make it filthy.
That turned into a bit of a rant, but I’ve been contemplating never letting her copy again and calling her out about it in front of everyone because I’ve asked her nicely before and she hasn’t listened and peer pressure works well usually but like is that a bit too manipulative and am I just being dramatic about this or is this an actual issue?
So, WIBTJ if I called her out and stopped letting her copy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
DOCUMENT EVERY TIME THIS HAPPENS AND EVERY TIME YOU TELL THE TEACHER.
Have your mom email the teacher AND principal so that you have it in writing that this is an issue and has been since the beginning of school.
Tell her to shove the list up your butt – from now on turn your homework in at the beginning of class. Just put it right on the teacher’s desk (make sure the teacher is present and sees you do this).
If she wants to copy the homework, she will have to get up and get it off the teacher’s desk (which obviously looks bad, but now you have other students as witnesses).
Continue doing your work and DON’T stop for her.
If she tries to force you, just loudly say ‘If you need help, ask the teacher. I am not responsible for stopping my learning just so you can copy my work. That is what the teacher gets paid for’.
Ask your mom about getting you a pencil case that has a lock, only take what you need to class – leave the rest in your locker.” Intelligent-Bite9660
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you need to be stronger with her and involve an adult.
If she is copying off of you, and you know it, a school with a no-tolerance policy for plagiarism may blame both of you.
Plus, she is taking valuable time that you need for your own schoolwork.
In addition, this type of disorganization with schoolwork isn’t normal. She may have a problem at home that is interfering, ADHD, or eye problems that make it hard for her to read the work or any number of issues that could be addressed if she had an adult’s help.
Go to the teacher, ask for a different desk because you suspect she’s copying your work and you don’t want to get in trouble.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
15. AITJ For Moving To Georgia With My Family?
“I lived in Maine with my wife and 3 children. Our house was falling apart. Leaks in the ceiling, mold on the walls, furnace goes in and out, roof problems, electrical problems. You name it.
It was also a 700 square foot 2 bedroom trailer. We’re a family of 5 – my 7-year-old son, 6-year-old daughter, and 1-year-old son, plus me and my wife. Space was tight. 3 kids in an 8×8 room tight.
Then we got pregnant again.
So baby 4 is on the way.
I insisted that we move to Georgia (where I’m from) and live in the house that I grew up in.
It’s still in the family and provides something like 6 times as much space for the kids, inside and out.
The school’s curriculum here is more stringent. I also have tons of family in the area that can help us out with the kids.
My mother passed away in April so I came here to take care of her estate, and I brought my family with me.
Now that my wife sees how much better the situation is here, she’s okay with staying.
Now the jerk part. I’ve been trying to get my kids out of that trashy trailer for 4 years. Every time we try to leave my mother-in-law guilt trips my wife into staying in New England.
Even though we’re living in poverty there.
My mother-in-law thinks I should sell the house that I grew up in so that we can move back to New England to be close to her. We have a nice place to live with an affordable mortgage.
I’ve found a job doing the same thing I was doing in New England but making about 30% more with a shorter commute. My kids are able to have things like bicycles and power wheels. Where we came from there was no space for all of that.
I guess what I’m saying is, in every way I can see, where we’re living is better for our family.
The only thing that is not in place here is MIL wants to be closer to the wife and kids.
I love my MIL, but I don’t think she should be a factor in deciding what’s best for our children and family.
ATIJ for moving against my mother-in-law’s wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your wife have an obligation to do what is best for your children, first. MIL starts the guilt trip?
Hit her back. ‘MIL, don’t you love your grandchildren? Don’t you want them to have their own rooms in a nice house where they can ride bikes, and get a better education? Why would you deny them a better, happier start in life?
We’d love to have you visit!’ The same goes for your wife – don’t let the guilt trips from MIL get to her. Keep reminding her that your first obligation is to your own family.
If MIL really cared for you she would be happy that you have this opportunity.
Instead, she is only thinking of herself and not what’s best for the kids. MIL starts up again? You have to go because the food is overflowing on the stove. Bye! Hang up. Every time she starts in.” CADreamn
Another User Comments:
“The way this story is written, it’s almost like your wife doesn’t exist. You seem to make all the decisions and you drag your wife along with you whether she wants to go or not.
Your MIL is not the problem.
Your communication with your wife is the problem. You have a lot of objectively good, logical reasons for wanting to move and those are all very reasonable. But your wife has an emotional attachment to her family and her home and that’s who you need to talk with, not your MIL.
If your wife was on board with your plans, it wouldn’t matter what her mother thinks.
You can’t logic someone out of their emotions. You won’t solve this disagreement by being logical about the material improvements to your life in Georgia, because your wife’s reservations are emotional, not logical. Try to meet her where she’s at and go from there.” User
14. AITJ For Being Worried About My Brother's Partner?
“My brother (39) is bi and divorcing his wife.
He has started going out with Dan (36) who is also recently divorced from a woman, following his admission of being gay.
Bro has never faced any grief from our family over his sexuality, but Dan has. He grew up in a household where it was constantly pounded into his brain that being gay is a grave sin.
After several aggressive attempts from his family to ‘turn him back from darkness’ they cut him off entirely. This caused huge depression and anxiety that he saw a therapist.
Two days ago, Bro told me about a road trip he and Dan are taking to see Dan’s friends.
Bro wants to visit our ‘uncle’ (Dad’s college bestie) on the way. Bro hasn’t seen Uncle since childhood, but I have. Uncle is extremely and loudly homophobic. He yells in people’s faces, quoting bible verses and ‘studies’ that ‘prove’ that feeling gay is unnatural. Similar to what Dan’s family did.
He’s also against divorce, so Bro divorcing his wife and immediately going out with a man is sure to add extra fuel to the fire.
I asked Bro if Dan is going with him to see Uncle, or if he’ll be off doing his own thing.
Bro asked why I wanted to know. I told him about Uncle’s behavior and said I worried about Dan being subjected to that so soon after his own familial trauma. Bro said it’s wrong of me to expect him to hide his love from ‘everyone who might disapprove’ and that maybe I’m the one with the problem.
I pointed out that I’ve never even remotely suggested him downplaying his sexuality before, and that I only wanted to let him know what Dan would be walking into so they could discuss their options together. He said Dan is a grown man who knows what he wants, so I must have an ulterior motive.
Our mom told me Bro called today, upset that I’m ‘ashamed’ of him, and she says I should have minded my own business. She and my dad agree that Uncle can’t be that bad (neither of them has seen him in 15+ years, whereas I saw him 3 years ago).
Bro hasn’t even informed Dan of this discussion, with the reasoning that MY supposed disapproval of their relationship will trigger him, so no one knows what his opinion of this would be.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please warn Dan. If he wants to risk Uncle ‘not being that bad,’ fine.
But something tells me he’s not going to be remotely as cool with your brother going unnecessarily out of his way to expose him to someone who’s likely to disapprove as your brother seems to think – and he’ll be even less cool if he’s blindsided by it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d try and have a conversation with Dan by himself and give him the heads up. I guarantee your brother hasn’t warned him.
Honestly, you didn’t ask him to hide his relationship. You pointed out that Uncle is extremely homophobic and could make Dan revisit his past traumas.
But hey, if your brother wants to risk his relationship since he is too pigheaded to take the warning that’s on him.” Status-Pattern7539
13. AITJ For Secretly Getting A Nose Piercing?
“I (17m) have been talking about getting a nose piercing for the last 2 years. My parents are very ‘old school’, and have made it very clear that they do not like dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, body modifications, etc.
I had always been planning on getting a nose piercing, and today was the day that I followed through with it. I asked a few people where the best piercing place in my area was, and they all recommended the same place.
I went down to the piercing place, provided them with the documentation they needed, and paid for the piercing (with my own money).
I came home and showed my sister (19f) and she said it looked good and left it at that.
I sent some photos to my friends and they said it looked good too.
When my parents got home, I was talking to them for almost half an hour before they even noticed I had a piercing. When they finally did see the piercing they were both furious at me and were calling me some pretty nasty names that I won’t say on here.
My parents both ate their dinners without me tonight, and my mum went to bed without saying anything to me.
Meanwhile, I am now in the same room as my dad and sister, and my dad has calmed down a fair bit.
He said that ‘for the last hundred years, there has been a negative stigma to people with piercings and tattoos, and that stigma is still there, and that my piercing will only do more harm than good.’
He proceeded to say that he had coworkers who didn’t get the jobs they wanted to get, because of facial piercings they had, and that the same thing could happen to me.
My reply was that this might’ve been the case many years ago, but as time goes on people seem to care less about things like piercings and tattoos, and it is much more widely accepted in society to have them, and I really doubted that I won’t get a job because of a piercing that I can take out anyway.
So I will leave this here for you to decide, do you agree with me or my parents? Who in this situation is the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re 17 and are better informed about the cultural problems associated with body modifications.
You’re right, that the stigma, while still around, isn’t anything like what it used to be. I don’t think that responsible disobedience is jerkery. I think it’s you spreading your wings as you ready for takeoff, and I hope all the best for you.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t be bullied by the silent treatment. If your mom insists on not talking to you, find other people to talk with. The whole point of the silent treatment is to exert power over you so that you will give in by doing anything they want to restore the relationship.
It will end if your mother sees that it is not working.
You are right, times have changed, and piercings are more common than they used to be and are more accepted. Many people with piercings have jobs.” User
12. AITJ For Being Insecure About My Daughter's Stepmom?
“When I (34f) was 20 I had a daughter, Maria, with Jamie who was 27 at the time and married to a woman named Sam.
I didn’t know he was married until I got pregnant. My situation was horrible so Jamie easily got full custody. He and Sam have been the ones raising Maria. For so long I was able to get a few hours of visitation.
Then it was a Saturday. But last year I was finally able to get weekends.
I don’t have a big house like them, I got a small apartment but thought maybe Maria would enjoy decorating, maybe she’d enjoy doing everything we missed, maybe I could help with her homework, maybe I’d finally be more than a ‘good night, love you mom’ on a Facetime call to her.
But she hasn’t been receptive to anything and she just waits out the clock doing homework or sports with friends till she can go to her real home. Everything I got to decorate has stayed unused. I saved up and got her that new Xbox so we could play together but she only plays one-player games.
The most she talks to me is during therapy.
I follow Maria’s social media and I’ve seen how close she is with Sam. She’s always in her stories, in photos with her, and on Mother’s Day weekend, Maria didn’t come and had a celebration with her.
All I got was a text. The worst part is I can’t even hate Sam either cause she’s done a great job and I should be grateful I still get the title of mom.
This Sunday after breakfast I learned my grandma died and something in me broke.
I usually make lunch at 1:30 but I got late 15 mins crying to my uncle on the phone and Maria barged in and asked why I hadn’t made lunch yet. I told her what happened but she didn’t react. Something about her not caring to the point where she wouldn’t even say I’m sorry for your loss made me sadder than I was so I thought it was time for a talk.
I gave her cash for Subway and when she came back I tried to have a talk about my grandma to see if it was affecting Maria. It devolved when she said Sam said good adults don’t push grief onto their kids and it just made me mad cause once again Sam’s right.
So I admitted to Maria I was jealous of Sam cause she got to be her mom when I wanted it so bad and that her practically being a wonder woman of a mom made it worse cause why would anyone choose me over her?
I apologized for what I said right away cause I was wrong to say it. But last night I got a message from Sam that scolded me for pulling Maria into my issues. I don’t have anyone to talk to, so please tell me, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s time for you to move on OP. Get therapy and try searching for someone to spend your life with. I think you have spent enough time trying to compete with Sam. And honestly, Jamie or Sam isn’t a catch, because he had an affair with you while he was still married. I suggest that you move on and when Maria is older, she will understand.
You have wasted 14 years trying to compete, stop now and get therapy.
You knew that a 14-year-old wouldn’t understand. So, YTJ. It sounds a bit harsh, but you knew what would happen, and you did it anyway.” love_cars_more
Another User Comments:
“I understand the weight of the situation but Sam put the work in. You’re not fighting against the stepmother to have a relationship with your daughter, you’re fighting against your own insecurities. Those insecurities should be filtered through your therapist, not a 14-year-old.
Your daughter has had a reliable primary mother role filled through all of her formative years – you’re both jerks and going to fail if you try to cleave them apart rather than finding your own role in her life.
It’s hard to accept that it’s not going to be as the stereotypical primary mother role… but that slot’s full now and trying to re-establish that isn’t likely to work, nor is it fair to your daughter or the woman who raised her.
You need to build your own place in her life that will look different than your current expectations. Let your daughter take the lead on what she wants from you. You can’t expect her to mourn for your grandmother (whom I assume she had little to no relationship with given that your own relationship has been sparse).
It sounds like you were hoping for comfort from your daughter to a degree that is outside of your existing relationship’s comfort level.” Legitimate-Scar-6572
11. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Husband's Brother Move In With Us?
“So my husband has a brother who has seizures. It’s his birthday today and he had another episode.
So my husband comes over and tells me, ‘I told him he can live with us rent-free.’ I just said okay.
But I’m not okay. I didn’t wanna cause a scene.
I already am dealing with a lot of personal things mentally and emotionally.
Seeking help from professionals. I already don’t like to be around people. And that being said. I know myself and I would eventually lock myself in the room every day to avoid people.
I’m also not okay with it because when it came to my brothers, my older brother (M 31) was trying to get clean and asked if he could stay with us to get on his feet.
He and I made a deal that if he didn’t get himself together he was out. He agreed. But hubby said no. Because he would do illegal stuff again.
My younger brother (M 18) wanted to leave my parents’ house cause they were toxic.
Well, my dad is. And going through what I did I understood why he wanted to leave. So I told him he could stay. And once again he said no. Because he wasn’t gonna have an 18-year-old sleeping on his couch rent-free.
When he can go to work.
In both my brothers’ defense, they respect me as a person and as a sister because I have been there for them when we all were black sheep in my dad’s family. We had each other’s back.
I turn to them when they have issues as they turn to me when they have issues.
So now that this issue comes up I wanna say no. Because I couldn’t help my brothers when they had no one. Yet his brother has his wife and son.
And to live rent-free… WHAT?!
So WIBTJ if I told him no to letting his brother stay with us rent-free?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your home and if you’re not comfortable having others there then it’s something you have to discuss with your husband no matter who it is.
I would not want a whole family moving in for free in my personal space without me even agreeing to it. Also, the fact that your husband wasn’t on board to help out with your brothers concerns me. He can’t say no to you and then not even ask if you’re okay with what he wants to do.
I would tell him nope!” No_Argument_7936
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him no immediately. It’s unacceptable that he made this giant decision without you and then just announced it. Brother needs to find his own place, this is not about rent, this is about his double standard and his making unilateral decisions about your home.
You need to be able to minimize stress at home so that you can heal. It’s not OK for you to be forced into living your life in your bedroom because your home is no longer comfortable for you. Be firm.
There’s a very good chance that once his brother arrives, you will not be able to get him out of your house.” ghostforest
10. AITJ For Ignoring A Friend Who's Not Calling Me By My Preferred Name?
“I (17f) have two friends named ‘Ally’ (18f) and ‘Mia’ (17f). Ally and Mia have been friends since they were children but Mia has no other friends besides Ally so when Ally started hanging out with us (and by ‘us’ I mean our friend group that consists of three other people), so did Mia.
We were fine with it ’cause we kind of felt bad for her but we never really vibed well with Mia. There’s nothing too wrong with her but she can be pretentious and annoying sometimes but we’ve always been friendly with her.
Well, my name is a masculine name that’s more on the unique side. It’s a name that I’d say most people haven’t really heard of before but they’d just assume it was a masculine name. For this, I’ll call myself Egon since it’s kind of similar.
Mia for some reason really hates this and refuses to call me Egon. She’s instead trying to call me nicknames and stuff which I hate. She even tried to use a nickname that only my family calls me which really irked me but luckily I was able to make her stop using that name.
Every time she calls me by a nickname I respond with ‘That’s not my name’ but she just continues with what she was saying and does not even acknowledge my comment.
So, a few weeks ago, she found out that I have a feminine middle name, ‘Delilah’, and has been calling me that ever since.
I got fed up with this so I decided to just ignore her until she eventually called me by my actual name or one of my other friends pointed out her question to me. Well, a couple of days ago, she snapped and started calling me a jerk because I’ve ‘been so rude’ to her and like to pretend she doesn’t exist. Now I’ll admit, maybe ignoring her isn’t the nicest thing but I’ve already tried calmly explaining to her to use my first name but she refuses so this was my last choice.
Anyway, I’ve told some other friends about this and some said that I was fine and some said they understood why I did it but thought it was kind of jerk-ish of me. I think I’m completely in the right but just in case, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your name is part of your identity and your fake friend is disrespecting it and you. If she doesn’t like your masculine name and prefers to call you a feminine name, tell her you don’t like her feminine name and start calling her a masculine name.
I’d go with Richard. When she starts complaining, tell her ‘Fine, if you don’t like that nickname I’ll call you by a different one.’ Then start calling her ‘Jerk’. How the turn-tables..” Akaiji_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mia is aware of what you want to be called and purposely circumvents your boundaries every time she decides to call you by another name, which is indicative of a clear lack of respect for you.
Respect goes both ways, if she wants you to acknowledge her, she can get your name right. Sounds like the people around you pander to her a bit too.” aneggonstilts
9. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Mom From My Wedding Over Her Comments About My Body?
“Informed my mum 2 years ago we’re eloping as my partner and I are quite introverted and wanted to go somewhere and have a stress-free day.
Mum’s reaction to this was to say ‘It’s a slap in the face to me as a parent’ ‘You’re depriving me of this’ and ‘You’re just doing this because you think I’m a bad parent’.
After months of pressure and ‘never forgive you’ etc., we agreed they could come. Then it was an effort, and expensive and I shouldn’t expect them to travel and they might not be available/busy. So I said that’s fine you don’t have to come.
I booked flights to her city for dress shopping as she’d mentioned numerous times wanting to be a part of it. There had been a dress online I loved but was out of stock everywhere I called.
Then yesterday I went to a bridal sample sale and I saw it!
I was waiting excitedly and messaged her while trying the dress which was a bit big but within the alteration range and sent her a photo.
I was expecting comments on the dress but instead, I got several negative comments on my appearance and I shouldn’t wear a slim fitted dress as it’s not flattering since I obviously have a pot belly.
My chest look like a butt?! Questions about pregnancy then and several times recently also saying ‘You know that’s what everyone is going to think’. I should wear a princess-style dress knowing that doesn’t resonate with my personal style to ‘help cover my belly’.
I’m a petite extra small in clothes but if I eat a lot get a little food belly which I mentioned. It doesn’t bother me or make me self-conscious. Food has to go somewhere and the other option is starving myself (hard pass).
Speaking to her later I mentioned I felt those comments were ‘a bit harsh’ and when we go shopping together I would prefer her to give opinions on the dresses themselves not what she views as negative about my appearance.
She went off about how I obviously don’t want her opinion and I had ‘psychological issues’ if I thought her comments were mean or harsh. She shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around me or think about what she says.
That I was turning this around on her and she never actually said the word fat.
She sent me a message later basically saying if I like the dress and don’t care about her opinion I should just get it.
She thinks I’m self-conscious about it. She knew I wouldn’t like hearing it. That fitted dresses only suit models. I clearly can’t take constructive criticism and am accusing/blaming her. I do a lot that bothers her.
That if this is how I’m going to be she’s just not doing it now.
By this point, I was pretty done with the situation and basically said fine don’t come, not sure why they bother making dresses in other sizes if only size 0 can wear them, and if this is how you react anytime I ever mention something that bothers me I think I need to take some time to re-assess our relationship.
AITJ like my mum says and overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mom on the other hand clearly is, she must be seriously self-conscious to say all that stuff about you and not even the dress, she was probably never brave enough to dress the real way she wanted, and reflected her insecurities on you.
You don’t have to invite your mother to your wedding if you don’t feel like it, it would be your day of joy and if she can’t do/respect that she’s really not needed there. I’m sure you will be a wonderful bride in the dress that YOU choose.” dragongodofthestoned
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing. No, a person shouldn’t be walking around on eggshells but that’s a far cry from having absolutely no filter and saying things that you know would hurt someone’s feelings. Ask her if she really believes that she shouldn’t filter her opinions because if that’s so then doesn’t the same thing apply to what you say to her?
By her own logic, you’re not a jerk for telling her how you feel because you shouldn’t have to filter yourself either. By her own logic, doesn’t she have psychological problems for getting so bent out of shape when you gave her your opinion?
Your mother is being cruel and unreasonable then she’s blaming you because you’re not going to let her get away with it. You are not obligated to spend time around anyone who would emotionally manipulate you in that way so I think your removal from her presence is absolutely justified.
NTJ.” aboutsider
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Have A Relationship With His Biological Father?
“My (25F) ex (27M) and I have a son (4M) together. When he was born, my ex never helped take care of him, and started having an affair when he was four weeks old.
He would leave for entire weekends and I was basically a single mom.
Fast forward to Christmas Day when my son was 10 months old, he left with his ex. I tried for years to get him to be involved, but he just wouldn’t and he even ended up moving out of state.
He started going out with a girl with a kid, and when I would ask if he would come to visit, he would say he had to ‘take care of his little girl’.
I was a stay-at-home mom at the time that he left, and I found out he hadn’t paid the bills in months and our electricity got shut off days after Christmas.
He has barely paid child support and owes thousands of dollars.
I met an amazing man (26M) 2 years ago, and he is wonderful to my son. They have a great relationship, and we married in October. I was working two jobs to keep a roof over our heads when my husband and I met, and before our wedding he told me I could be a stay-at-home mom again, he provides for both of us, and we are trying for another child (I got a great opportunity and tried going back to work but pretty much decided to immediately quit because my boss is a jerk and being a stay-at-home mom is what I have always wanted anyway).
As soon as my ex found out I got married, he called me and said he wanted to visit so my son could know ‘who his real dad is’.
He didn’t make any further plans to be involved, it seemed like he just wanted to mark his territory, and he had another child with his now fiancée.
I told him he could visit but I didn’t want him telling our son that until I knew he was going to stick around. Now he won’t visit unless I let him and I’ve pretty much stood my ground.
My son calls my husband dad and I don’t want to make my son feel insecure or upset because his ‘dad’ left him and then started a new family. AITJ for not letting him visit my son and tell him he’s his dad?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think I’m qualified to necessarily judge whether your specific bio dad should have access to your little boy. You are definitely the best one to make that decision based on your experience and knowledge.
You are NTJ for being concerned about the situation.
From the standpoint of an outsider, I will say though, that if you don’t let your son know that he has a bio dad out there, and you lead him to believe your husband is his only father, it could definitely lead to issues down the road.
When you feel he’s ready, it’s definitely good that he knows that the man he knows as ‘Dad’ is a man who chose to enter his life and love him unconditionally even though he’s not related by blood.” PalmElle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless he going to step up and pay all of his back child support and spend time with your son on an ongoing, regular basis, it’s better to wait. Your son should eventually be told that your husband is his step-father and he should know about his biological father but you’re right to be concerned about your ex ‘staking his claim’ and disappearing from your son’s life again.” miyuki_m
7. AITJ For Refusing To Cut Off My Mother's Ex's Daughter?
“When I (17f) was 5, my mother got together with a man, Martin. Mom and Martin separated when I was 11. Martin’s daughter, Blair (17f), and I grew close during that time. We were like sisters. We go to the same school even now.
After Mom and Martin separated, my mother didn’t particularly encourage me to continue keeping my friendship with Blair. But I did. We hang out. My mom knows this but hasn’t said anything about it.
A year ago my mom started going out with a guy Ben who has 2 daughters (18f and 15f).
They moved in with us a month ago. I don’t have a relationship with the girls, nor do I want one. They are clingy, want to do everything together, and want to be sisters. I don’t want that. It’s nothing against them, but I just haven’t felt the ‘need?’ to bond.
Ever since they moved in Ben has started asking me to stop speaking with Martin as it makes him uncomfortable. I said no. He told me that his daughters were complaining about how it’s unfair that I do things with my former family but not with them.
I reminded him that Blair and I have been friends for a long time. He said it is disrespectful to him and his children.
Weeks ago, I was on speaker phone with Blair and she was excited about her parents getting remarried. Ben heard.
A few days ago he wanted to have a ‘family talk’ with me. He said it’s weird that I am still so close to my mother’s ex-family and that I was disrespecting my mother by keeping in contact with Martin’s daughter after he left my mother for Blair’s mother (there was infidelity).
He said I should stop this nonsense and stop disrespecting his daughters and try to bond with them.
I felt it was ridiculous, and laughed. I told him that he doesn’t get to dictate my friendships and that he needs to back off on trying to get me to ‘respect’ his daughters’ wishes of being a family.
I said I would do no such thing. He went and told my mom, and she said while I don’t have to cut off Blair, I should try to bond with the girls and apologize to Ben for laughing. I said no, and she said it was ok.
But I am having second thoughts now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is disgusting, NTJ. Martin is basically your father figure. Whatever happened between him and your mom is their business, not yours. If he was good to you, and you feel a bond with Blair that’s great.
An adult shouldn’t be telling you to keep them out of your life because of their own jealousy. Your mother’s new partner and his daughters aren’t your family, but you can absolutely consider Martin and Blair to be.
Sorry you’re going through this.” 86_emeralds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… who does he think he is? He’s not your parent and this is a new relationship with your mother and by extension you. He’s overstepping majorly. You need to have a talk with your mother, it’s unacceptable that he is by all appearances inserting himself inappropriately in a parental role when you are nearly an adult, and if he continues to try to force a relationship and your mother doesn’t correct his behavior you don’t want to have animosity grow towards her.
He has no right nor place trying to dictate your life to you. Well done standing up for yourself!” User
6. AITJ For Ghosting My Fiancee?
“Years ago, my now ex (F 27) and I (M 24) were engaged to be married. Starting out she was a great person.
We liked a lot of the same things. We would go to Ren fair, play DND, and go to Amtgard together. After being together for a bit, I asked her to marry me after I won one of the Ren fair jousting competitions.
Things started going a bit south when we started moving our stuff into a new basement apartment. We were both trying to carry boxes down the narrow staircase, with me in front arms full of book-stuffed boxes, her and one of her friends bringing up the rear carrying the remainder of the bedding (sheets, pillows, blankets, etc.).
Her friend was getting impatient and started whining about how long I was taking since I was going so slow (those boxes were extremely heavy) when my ex said don’t worry he’ll be down soon and then proceeded to lightly kick me right behind the knee.
I went down like a ton of bricks, my only saving grace being I was on the second to last step.
As I was lying there, they stepped over me. She was giggling and her friends said ‘I should have hurried up’.
From there it didn’t get much better. Mostly juvenile things like hiding my stuff, reaching in while I was taking a shower and cranking the temp one way or the other (I.E. Too hot/too cold), and pretending I was not there when I asked her a question.
She decided to let her friend move in rent-free, she refused to find a job and had me working two jobs to take care of everything. I wouldn’t have minded if she did housework, but in between shifts and sleeping, I was cleaning, doing laundry, and washing dishes.
She started to mellow once we started to plan the wedding. Now she was a practicing Wiccan and she wanted to have our wedding/hand fastening on Beltane, which she told me was a holiday for fertility. I was fine with that as long as my family could be there.
After getting a set date (a Thursday in April), I called my brother to see if he would be my best man. He told me that he was going through officer training on that day but if we could postpone it for a day or two he would be able to make it.
After hearing that, I called the priestess in charge of the ceremony to ask her and was told that the festival/ritual lasts for a few days to a week so there shouldn’t be an issue.
Later that night I brought it up to my ex, informing her of what the priestess had said and asking if it would be OK to wait for the weekend so my family could attend.
Her exact words were ‘It’s my wedding, my day. Why do they need to be there at all, what makes you and them so important’. After that, she went right to sleep and told me to sleep in the living room for upsetting her.
The next day while she and her friend were getting their hair and nails done, I packed up what I could fit in one of my duffles and left, no note, no change of address, nothing. Her mom paid the deposit for everything to the tune of around $3000, so AITJ for disappearing and paying nothing back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lots of key red flags for an abusive relationship here. Common interests are great, but she is clearly only interested in you for how you can support her and her interests. Narcissists can be lots of fun to hang out with – as long as you are doing what they want.
Not the foundation for a long-term or healthy relationship. Good on you for getting out, and do not under any circumstances get sucked back in.” curiousaccount73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I normally would say don’t ghost people, but you were not safe, and it sounds like she had the ability to be even more violent and/or emotionally rope you back in.
Please stay safe and don’t go back to her if she gets ahold of you – I would even go so far as to say keep any piece of future communication if there is any for potential evidence. She sounds like one of those people who could go nuclear.” DefiantSongDog
5. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Significant Other After He Joked About My Allergies?
“I (17f) have an extremely severe peanut allergy, it’s put me in the hospital three times and I’ve almost died because of it once. I have two other food allergies but they’re not nearly as severe as my peanut allergy.
A couple of nights ago, I went over to my significant other’s (19m) house. I ate dinner beforehand because I never eat at people’s houses out of concern. His parents completely understand this, but sometimes he gets upset with me because of it.
I can’t eat out at restaurants like he wants to, which he constantly brings up. He also hates that he has to give up certain foods when he is around me. He constantly brings these points up when we argue, even if it’s completely unrelated. It makes me sad but I understand where he’s coming from.
Anyway, the other night when I went over to my SO’s house, he decided he was still hungry after dinner. He said to wait in his room and that he would be right back after he ate. He came back to the room and looking back he was acting kind of weird but I honestly didn’t question it at the time.
He then got really close to me like he wanted to kiss and I instantly could smell his breath. It was distinctly peanut butter. I asked him what he was doing and he then started screaming at me that it was a joke and he wasn’t actually going to do anything.
As we were arguing, I felt like I was struggling to breathe. It felt like I was having a reaction even though he didn’t even touch me. I ran downstairs to where my bag was to grab my epipen just in case.
I left right after without saying anything.
After getting home I texted him that I didn’t want to see him again. He then started spamming me about how I was overreacting and that I was a burden anyway. He said I didn’t deserve him and that I wouldn’t ever find someone to put up with my problems. What broke me was when he said that he did it ON PURPOSE because he didn’t believe that I had any allergies in the first place and that he thought I was lying because he had never seen me have a reaction.
But now I feel kind of bad about it, and it makes me feel like he’s right about me being a burden/overreacting and the other stuff he said. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That ‘joke’ is not funny, and if he thinks it is now it will probably progress to him putting your allergens in food just to watch you react.
That’s what happened to a great-aunt of mine; my uncle thought it was funny to put seafood in her food. In no universe is he right. Get rid of him before he kills you.” ExoticCheesecake825
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He was right about one thing. You don’t deserve him. No one deserves to be treated like this. Keep those text messages and file a police report. Seriously. He intentionally put your life in danger. That’s not a prank or a test. That’s criminal. You’re not a burden.
This is what you have to do to survive. And if someone honestly loves you, they’ll adapt in order to keep you safe. In my house, one of my kids is allergic to cow’s milk. Do you know how quickly our diets changed?
Immediately. To accommodate one person. Because that’s what people do to protect people they love. Peanut allergies in particular can be brutal.” mindkill91
4. AITJ For Taking My Dad To Court For Kicking Me Out For His Partner?
“A year ago my (22F) dad and I got into a bad argument because his partner didn’t want me in the house anymore.
For context, my dad’s partner moved into the house about 2 years ago and has only caused trouble ever since she moved in! She has been bullying me and stopping me from eating, calling me fat. She has called me a mentally unhealthy person and I belong in a mental hospital. To this shock, I never forgave her but still accepted her in the family.
Skipping to the day I got kicked out: My dad’s partner gave my dad an option – me or her! Well, my dad said I had to leave because I was aggressive, and so on. I literally was at a loss for words and thankfully my nana took me in or I would be living on the round.
My dad wanted to take 0 responsibility and did not want to pay any support.
I live in Germany and by law, my dad has to support me until I’m 25 and finished with my schooling. So I took my time after I got kicked out and built up my confidence to go and see a lawyer.
I went there and told him what happened and with shock, I was told my dad was not even allowed to kick me out! I didn’t want to move back in so my lawyer wrote my dad an email saying he needed to pay and show his paperwork but my dad refused and got himself a lawyer.
The day I got my dad’s lawyer’s letter I started to cry. My dad lied saying I was lazy and had 0 interest in going back to school. I went to school 5 years ago and had to end it because I had a stroke and was not able to finish it.
I paid for the school and my dad claims he paid for it and I ended the schooling without his blessing. I was gutted after I saw that and gave all the evidence to my lawyer that he was lying, even the doctor’s stats that I had a stroke.
Fast forward to that day, my dad said no one will ever love me after this! Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your abusive dad made an awful decision to pick his abusive partner over his own daughter.
That’s horrible and from what you’ve said, you are well within your rights to take him to court as he is not only neglecting his responsibility as a parent (if the supporting til 25 thing is law) but he is also lying about your character via his attorney in an attempt to discredit you if you take any legal action.” nerdypunk4
Another User Comments:
“Stick with your case. If you drop the case your father will use that fact as further proof you were lying, and he will become even worse. The rest of your family will be even more likely to believe him also and you will not only be financially disadvantaged but completely on your own while suffering the pain of all of the emotions.
It would make it harder to move on in school or work. At least if you win the case you will have some financial support and the knowledge that justice was served.
Also, there is the chance that the family will start to question what evidence the judge saw to rule in your favor because they know the judges are very law-abiding.
And in his fury after losing, your father might really show himself by saying things that are so awful, and even more obvious lies that people start to doubt him completely.
For example, if someone asks him why he lost, and what evidence did OP have (because there must be some), then he might just cuss that person out and show how awful he really is.
The only way forward is through this mess, you can’t go back to whatever you had before the woman. Also, try to think of him as your ‘father’, he’s no longer your ‘Dad’. He hasn’t acted as one in a very long time.” SnooFoxes4362
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Baby Stay At My Mother-In-Law's For A Week?
“My (f 23) husband (m 23) thinks I’m a jerk because I won’t let his mom take our daughter.
She lives 4 hours away and is currently trying to find a job & place to stay down here so she’d be closer to us and her other kids.
Due to the distance & school for her grandkid, my daughter would stay there for a week.
This is our first baby, and she’s only 4 months old. My husband works full time (32-40 hours) and I’m the primary caretaker of her.
95% of the time it’s me with our daughter. That’s how it’s been since birth.
She’s teething now as well and is JUST NOW accepting me laying her down. We co-sleep a lot, and NOW I’m able to lay her next to me (as safely as possible) and sleep without her in my arms/on my chest. (I don’t wanna hear anything about the cosleeping.
That’s irrelevant).
Not to mention I know her routines. I know her cries and noises. My MIL has a handful of kids and a handful of grandkids. So I know she has experience and I trust her. She is an amazing woman albeit a bit crazy.
I told my husband once she’s about 12-18 months old I’d be fine considering it. She came down this weekend to get some stuff done and see the baby. I’m finally getting a break. I can eat, shower, and clean alone.
I can sleep on my stomach. I can sleep IN.
When she told us she’d be coming I said how excited I was to get a break because like I said I do most of the caretaking. Not to mention I help clean the house constantly, I’m job hunting for a remote job, and I take care of my two younger sisters.
He cooks a few nights a week. He might do the dishes twice a week.
But he insists I’m the jerk for being thrilled to let her care for the baby for the weekend while she’s down here but not letting her take the baby 4 hours away for a week (also, she offered to care for baby all weekend so I can get a break.
I didn’t force her. If she didn’t want to she wouldn’t). AITJ?
I told him if the roles were reversed (regardless of who’s mom it is) if he said no I’d respect his no since this is something we’d need to agree on.
He makes me feel like a jerk every time it’s brought up.
AITJ for letting MIL take care of the baby for the weekend but not allowing her to take her for a week at her place which is 4 hours away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never let anyone including your husband second guess you on your comfort level on overnights for the baby. You are right on all. If you think 4 months is too young for a week away it is.
The baby also would know that is not home because of scents and noise and mom isn’t there. The answer is no until you are comfortable and you wouldn’t start off on a week anyway. You have to be over there frequently so the baby is used to being there and then only for a few nights to start.
The baby is only 4 months so start getting the baby used to sleeping in the crib. Start that now before too much time goes by. Co-sleeping is fine until the day it isn’t.” mcmurrml
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your baby needs you to be close to sleep, how is MIL going to manage that if you are 4 hours away?
You are not comfortable with it. That’s fine, you’re not saying not ever, just not now. You know she’s capable and obviously wants to help. It’s just that you are not ready, and that is 100% okay! The last thing either of you wants is driving for 4 hours in the middle of the night cos the baby is upset and won’t settle.
Your husband is probably looking at it like a break and some couple time with you.” HunterDangerous1366
2. AITJ For Telling The Counselor To Get One Of My Teachers Punished?
” “I (m 17) have ADHD and Autism. Because of this, I have accommodations in school to help me actually succeed. This happened during my Sophomore year (I’m a Senior now).
In my Sophomore year, I had a teacher whose class was about the least ADHD-friendly class I’ve ever been in.
Lots of small print reading, passage-based question packets, and extremely long tests and quizzes. Because of this, I struggled hard to make good grades even with my accommodations.
One of my accommodations was that I got extra time on tests and quizzes which I used in this class nearly every week as I could never seem to finish on time.
Towards the end of the year, we had just finished another test and I had, once again, not gotten through it. I approached the teacher like normal to set a day and time to finish it, but this time when I approached and started trying to schedule a time to finish, the teacher brushed me off and told me that I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore.
I asked what she was on about since this was a 504 accommodation and she told me that she wasn’t going to allow me extra time anymore as it wasn’t fair to the other students. I pointed out that denying my accommodations wasn’t fair to ME but she held firm and told me I wasn’t allowed extra time anymore.
I was upset and angry, almost in tears as I had actually come to like this teacher, and I ended up walking out of the class and to the counselor’s office. When I got there, I asked to see my assigned counselor and when I was let into her office I immediately told her what had happened word for word.
The upset had worn off at this point so I was purely angry and when the counselor asked me what I wanted her to do about it, I requested that the teacher be appropriately punished.
Sure enough, a few weeks later, the counselor called me back in and told me the teacher had been issued a formal write-up.
I was very pleased with the outcome and had no issues for the rest of the year. Recently though I was retelling this story to some friends and they said that I had overacted and that I was a jerk for getting her written up and that I could have ruined her career.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not.
You have the 504 because while you are on par with your peers at the whole educational level, you simply need a little more time on tests, to ensure that you are marked fairly against your peers and are not disadvantaged by receiving lower marks than you actually could achieve.
You’ll know you only can extend your time for certain lengths that vary often between what types/pressure types the tests are too (that’s how it was for me in school), and you don’t get to take advantage of that, once your allotted time is up, pencils down.
Your teacher is, and trust me when I say this, well-educated on the rules and legality behind your 504. She was directly told at the beginning of the year when you were assigned to her class, and she likely gets checked in on to ensure she says she’s giving them.
She also could be potentially doing this to other students, who unlike you may not be able to or feel able to stand up for themselves. You just helped them out and also future kids out immensely with your actions.
She doesn’t get to disadvantage you, because it annoys her. She doesn’t want to stay there for the time? Stop giving out so many tests.” After_Kangaroo_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, yes she could have lost her career. But that’s what happens when you risk your career to stick it to someone who needs accommodations.
She was denying you something she legally had to give you, that’s a part of her job. She put her own job at risk, you took the appropriate steps to report her. She was reprimanded and she didn’t display any further issues.
Sounds like it worked out to me.” BigNathaniel69
1. AITJ For Not Giving My Spoiled Nephew His Birthday Gift?
“My (29f) nephew, Josh (12m), is quite spoilt. His parents, my brother, and SIL show blatant favoritism towards him over his younger sister Lou (9f).
As a result, sadly Josh has grown a little entitled. He also is quite mean to his younger sister because his parents never believe her when she tells him what he’s done to her stuff. Now, I’m usually very strict and when the kids are with me for a weekend, Josh is usually on his best behavior.
Now, Josh’s birthday was yesterday. Lou had a spelling bee last week and she got first prize. Her parents brushed it off but I was very happy for her because she spent hours learning each word and I was very proud.
So when I took the kids the day before Josh’s birthday so he could pick out a gift for his bday, I got Lou a stuffed animal as a ‘you did great!’ Josh picked this game that he’s been wanting.
The birthday party was yesterday and when I went to their house, Lou had been grounded and was not allowed to attend and the two friends she had invited were also sent back home. I thought it was extreme and asked what she had done.
Turns out that Josh and her argued over the TV remote and Josh went to her room and destroyed the stuffed animal that I gave her and told her she didn’t deserve it. Lou screamed at him and my brother got angry with her ‘temper tantrum’ and had her pick up the pieces of the stuffed animal and throw them in the trash ALL THE WHILE SHE CRIED. She was then grounded.
By the way, Josh’s best friend was the one who spilled the beans to me and also told me that Josh goaded his parents into punishment. I was furious and refused to give Josh his birthday present, telling him he didn’t deserve it for being mean to his sister.
I also told off my SIL and brother that they’re growing insanely cruel towards their young daughter.
Now my family is mad that I refused to give Josh his birthday gift.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Josh had his present: the toy he broke.
Silly of him to choose a different toy if he didn’t want it, but there you go. Return his gift and get Lou another stuffed toy: identical if you can find it. Ask her if she wants it kept at your house for safekeeping: but it’s hers.
And explain to the family that Josh chose to ruin his toy. He doesn’t get a second.” boniemonie
Another User Comments:
“She’s being mistreated and you stood up for her. If you can’t reason with them and if they continue in this vein, child services should be notified.
Document everything as you may have to step in and file for guardianship. This is toxic behavior and she’s alone in the home with three abusers.
How could they not celebrate her winning a spelling bee? Cruel!
They are twisted jerk parents.
I worry about violence in her future.
NTJ but you need to keep fighting for her.” MagicianOk6393
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