People Wish We'd Tell Them The Truth About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

The world can be cruel and unjust at times. No matter how many good things we do, some people will always have something unpleasant to say about us. It can be tiring to try your hardest to be kind to those around you while they continue to act in ways that are unworthy of our kindness. For this typical reason, we sometimes just let our "jerk" selves loose. However, doing so puts you at risk of being labeled a jerk. Here are some stories from folks who want to know if they've ever been jerks. After reading their accounts, tell us who you think is the actual jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

35. AITJ For Not Caring About My Stepmother's Feelings?

“My parents divorced when I was a baby. My dad married my stepmom when I was 5. My mom died when I was 7. I still remember when my mom died, the same day, my stepmom told me not to worry because I wouldn’t be without a mom for long because she would adopt me and we would be a real mom and daughter and I would be a full sibling to my half brother.

I told her I didn’t want to be adopted, that I wanted my mom, that I didn’t want to replace her. She told me she would do it and it would be great. I started hating her that day.

My dad told me she just loved me and didn’t know how to respond, but I knew she had disliked my mom when she was alive, and it wasn’t hard to see what she was trying to do.

She was eager and ready to replace her and act like my mom had never existed. She would have likely danced on her grave if I had said I wanted to be adopted. I said no. Time after time I said no.

For three years it came up on a weekly basis. I always said no.

One time I told my dad that if he let her adopt me even though I didn’t want to be adopted, I would run away from home and I would keep running until I was sent to live with my grandparents or my uncle. I think it’s the only reason he never tried taking it to court against my wishes.

Over the years my stepmom has made her want to be my mom clear. She told me repeatedly she wanted me to call her mom and she wanted me to start putting her on my family pictures for school, or draw her on my family tree.

When I was a teenager she and I would fight a lot.

She’d tell me she was trying to be a good mother to me, I would tell her she would never be my mother, that she wasn’t good enough to be considered my mother. I told her a few times she was disposable to me and that her place in my life would only exist as long as my dad was alive and they were married.

I’m 23 now. Still never called her mom. Still haven’t changed how I feel about her. I hardly talk to her at all. About six months went by of not speaking in any way, and she showed up at my apartment out of the blue to tell me her feelings were hurt and that I did not consider her my mom.

She cried. Went on this whole emotional rant about it. I told her that her feelings about not being my mom were none of my concern and I wasn’t going to console her or make her feel better.

She said as an adult I should have been more sympathetic and understanding. My response to that was she should have been that way when I was a child and I had lost my mom.

AITJ though? I know as an adult I’m supposed to be more empathetic toward people and maybe I should have been toward her.”

4 points - Liked by LilVicky, lebe, pamlovesbooks918 and 1 more

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rbleah 5 months ago
Why should you? She tried to ERASE YOUR MOM from your life. Pushed CONSTANTLY to CALL HER MOMMY. NO, JUST NO. She brought this ALL ON HERSELF. MAYBE if she hadn't pushed to hard you MIGHT have SOME KIND of relationship with her but still WOULD NOT BE YOUR MOM. And just because you grew up all of a sudden you are supposed to get where she is coming from and do what she wants NOW? HAHAHA She is delusional.
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34. AITJ For Cutting My Father Off?

“My mother (45 F) was my dad’s (48 M) first relationship and they got engaged after 8 months of going out. They had me (20 F) & my little sister (18 F).

My father has always been an emotionally abusive man. He’s always working, and when he isn’t, it’s filled with yelling and walking on eggshells. He’s the kind of guy that made his kids cry when doing math homework. However, he adores my mum. He constantly shows her love. His interactions with my sister & I felt like they were out of necessity- playing the ‘father’ role.

Of course, there’ve been times we felt his love, but that’s felt less and less. He works 2 days, 2 nights, & 4 days off. My mother has a well-paying and secure job, and she works from home. She’s been trying to bring my family from overseas here, but due to their lack of English, my mum has had to take care of everything & has cried from stress.

I lived with my mum, dad, and sister.

In the last 6 months, my father has been extremely unpredictable. He’ll be happy and loving for a few days and will be screaming and belittling the next. We also experienced a flood, in which I missed work for a few weeks. The house was flooded and I spent those weeks cleaning & helping our neighbors.

I had to claim government support to keep up with my payments. I told Mum about the payments I was getting when Dad overheard. He came in and was screaming at me that I was a ‘stupid jerk’, that I was just lazy and shouldn’t be using ‘hard-earned taxpayer’s money’. I reminded him that he also has my mum’s income to help, & I never ask him or mum for financial support, because they constantly use it as leverage.

He continued screaming so this time, I screamed back. I told him he can’t treat me like that, I’m not an idiot and I’m not a thief & he needs to learn to be a father. He then called me a ‘soulless jerk.’ And that if I didn’t like it under his roof, I could leave.

My sister heard our screaming and ran to her room.

As my dad stormed off to his bedroom & slammed the door, I had a panic attack on the floor with my mum holding me. I told her I can’t keep doing this anymore. So while she was crying for me to stop and to give her time to figure things out, I packed my bags and left, cutting all contact with my father.

I’m now staying with my mother’s parents. My grandparents keep telling me to message my father & make peace so it won’t hurt my mum. But I can’t keep letting him think he can treat me like this. I had warned him in the past that if he didn’t get help & stop treating his daughters like trash, we would cut contact.

It’s been 2 months since I left, and my father has been sleeping upstairs, & not talking to my mum. I was told today my parents are separating. Mum is hysterical & loves him, but she supports me in not tolerating his behavior. My sister can’t stand change & has severe anxiety. She supports my decision as well.

I still see them when Dad is not home.


2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
You’re NTJ, you’re the hero. Change is always hard, but these changes are changes for the better. Mom has finally come to terms with the horrific abuse she enabled against you and your sister and isn’t going to let it continue. Your sister also escape’s continued abuse because of your mother’s decision. If you hadn’t drawn your boundary, only heaven knows how much longer your dad’s toxic behavior would poison your family. I hope the consequences of his actions shock him into getting help for himself—and then who knows what might happen? Whether your father eventually gets better and whether your parents eventually reconcile is ON THEM. Either way, you’re all on the way to a much better future. Congratulations.
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33. AITJ For Being Jealous Of My Mother-In-Law's Favoritism Toward My Brother-In-Law?

“My husband and I got married in 2021. We had a small wedding and my in-laws gifted us a nice honeymoon trip to an island resort.

It was very nice except when we went to check out and my in-laws had not informed me that they only paid the deposit (500) and the rest was our responsibility (6000).

We zeroed out every card and we still had to call a bunch of people to get the rest. We got home with no budget for the next week and a half and we owed our friends and relatives money now.

We were really upset. My husband was even more upset when they told us that thought we would get enough from our wedding to cover it.

People weren’t exactly heavy-handed with cash, out of 25 guests we got 1000 dollars. They ended the conversation with we were ungrateful and we withheld our financial situation from them.

Maybe I’m missing something but we both just graduated in 2019 and we didn’t really get to start working until the end of 2020. We never planned a big wedding to save up and our original honeymoon trip was just going to be hiking and camping.

I kind of thought it was obvious that we didn’t have a lot of money.

Unfortunately, because my husband has a trust he gets at 30 (he is 28) he does not want to cut contact or minimize contact.

The reason why this is getting brought up now is because my BIL is celebrating 5 years of being together with his partner.

My in-laws paid for the same resort and even gave them a credit card to take with them to cover anything.

We approached my in-laws about it with the prefix about how we’re still trying to catch up from the honeymoon incident. We felt like they should at least give us a check for the wedding funds we got if they’re so obviously going to pick favorites.

My husband even brought up that he is the only one of his siblings who had to pay his own way for college and that he never complained once about it. No, it didn’t go over well and we didn’t get a check. All we got was a lecture about how ungrateful we’ve become and that they’re not our financial guardians and they don’t need to provide a living for us.

They also brought up that we are jealous of BIL and the only reason they treat him differently is because he is trying to get a business off the ground.

(My personal opinion of my BIL is that he is a lazy incompetent piece of work who mistreats women and will never work for anything in his life.)

Yes, I would say we are jealous of BIL. It’s obvious he is the favorite. My husband got a master’s degree and they sent an edible arrangement. BIL got a certificate from a tech school and he got a brand new truck.

The only reason I’m leaning towards us being the jerks is because we had gotten over it until we found out about BIL’s trip.

Are we the jerks here?”

2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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pamlovesbooks918 5 months ago
Suck it up til he gets his trust and then go no contact. They are awful people.
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32. AITJ For Not Letting My Vain Sister To The Family Dinner I'm Hosting?

“I (35 F) have an older sister ‘Laura’ (38 F) I come from a family of decent-looking people, I’ve always gotten compliments on one feature or another, but I never really put too much effort or thought into my appearance. I’ve never really suffered heavy insecurity, which wasn’t something I really appreciated until recently and I saw how insecure my daughter was.

Laura is also very pretty, matured now, but still very good-looking. If I was complimented when I was younger, then she was getting love letters (not really, but you get my point). She’s always been very keen on how she looks, taking hours before going out even for casual days, refusing to wear cheap clothes, manicured nails, curled hair, always wearing makeup – you get the idea.

I recall her having a few crying fits when we were teenagers over not looking ‘good enough’.

I never let it bother me, it wasn’t my business how she decided to present herself or style her clothes. She never really pushed any of it on me, my husband, or my children (14 F) or (9 F) until recently.

My 14-year-old, who we’ll call Becca, has recently hit puberty, so obviously she’s filled out a little bit, acne etc. I didn’t think this would ever be brought up, especially not by Laura, but over the past couple of times we’ve seen her she’s said things like ‘You really should wear some pretty makeup to cover those spots’ or ‘Now that you’re grown you should get some nice clothes instead of those hoodies you’ve been wearing’ or ‘You could be so pretty if you lost some weight’.

And the list goes on, it ranges from just vanity to outright bullying (in my opinion) and the last time I saw her, I told her that I didn’t want her around my daughters if she couldn’t hold her tongue. To which she replied ‘I’m only trying to help so she can stay youthful like me’.

I’m not even exaggerating, I don’t remember if those were her exact words, but the same meaning. I was so close to laughing if I wasn’t so annoyed. I haven’t talked to her since (by my own choice anyway).

Yesterday I held a small family dinner, my parents, in-laws, nephew (husband’s side), and daughters were there.

Sticking to what I told Laura before, I didn’t invite her. She ended up inviting herself because I guess someone told her, I didn’t let her into the house, and told her quite clearly that I didn’t invite her because of her vanity.

She stormed off, but the rest of dinner was very uncomfortable, with my parents saying that I should’ve let her in because she’s my sister and it’s rather ‘vane’ of me to not invite her for my own whims. That I should apologize because she was only trying to help Becca.

I’ve consulted my husband, and he thinks Laura is full of crap and should apologize if she really wants to be invited to things, but I haven’t heard the end of it from my parents, though Laura hasn’t messaged me at all.

So, AITJ?”

2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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Plv1985 5 months ago
Shes not trying to help Becca by giving her a complex.
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31. WIBTJ If I Get Mad For Being Left At Home While The Family Is On Vacation?

“I (20 M) currently live at home with my dad (63 M) and stepmom (52 F) while also taking online summer college classes. Since last summer we all talked about our family vacation for this summer including where we were going to go, how long, etc. I was rightfully excited as they talked to me about if I would enjoy this place more or this place.

At the end of June around the 25th, they started to tell me that flights are over $1.5k so they’re trying to figure it out and trying to contact our dog watcher (we have 12 dogs – 7 German Sheps, 1 Lab, 1 English Mastiff, 1 pitbull, a medium dog and a small dog/totally different issue within our family.

Stepmom keeps rescuing dogs, and bringing them home even after being asked to stop) So they inform me we are going and all is well!

Fast forward to July 3rd, they inform me that our dog watcher can no longer watch our dogs (no surprise, it is chaos) and they tell me I am staying home to watch them and no longer coming on the trip.

Keep in mind that 6 of these dogs are my stepmom’s, with only 1 being mine. With 4 being boarded still leaves me with 8. I get very upset when they tell me this because I’m the only household member who will not be there, my sister (18 F) is already out there waiting for them. So all of this really hurt my feelings and after dropping them off at the airport I cried all the way home.

About a week into their trip they called me asking me what I want from the Gucci store, THE GUCCI STORE AFTER COMPLAINING ABOUT TICKET COSTS. That one really set me off. My sister texts me asking how it’s going, as she could tell I was annoyed on the phone when they called and I’m honest with my sister and tell her I’m sad, along with angry with them.

She informs me that she’ll try to discuss it with them, and I thanked her.

The next day she tells me that she indeed tried to discuss it with them and said it wasn’t right for them to leave me at home. Our stepmom being her started to get upset saying ‘Stop trying to make me feel guilty!’

For those who are curious, our stepmother does not like to be in the wrong in any situation, even in the smallest things she always has to be right. There is not a single argument you can win against her. After that, my sister told me she said that I was sad that they didn’t take me and her response to this was, ‘He’s only sad he had to drive us to the airport and not able to play video games for the time.’ When she told me this I again got upset and told myself I am never watching her dogs again or do any favors.

I feel like my stepmom completely invalidated my feelings with that comment and I am angry.

So WIBTJ if I were to get angry at my stepmom once I pick them up from the airport tonight?”

2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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CmHart2008 4 months ago
Your sister should not have carried stories back to you after talking to your parents. She only inflamed you further. While this sounds unfair, it causes wonder why your father allowed this to happen. You have the right to refuse caring for the dogs. They are not your responsibility. At age 20 hopefully you are in college or trade school but should have a part time job. You may want to consider saving money so upon graduation, you can decide if living at home is your happiest option.
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30. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy My Daughter A Phone?

“My (45 f) 13-year-old daughter keeps begging for a phone. She says she needs one to contact her friends, keep in touch with me throughout the day, and in general stay safe.

On the other side of things, I think she’s still too irresponsible for that privilege. In the past year, she has broken our trust by going out with a boy without us knowing, ‘talking’ with a 16-year-old boy she met at the mosque, and a 17-year-old online.

She has an iPad currently, that she uses anytime she’s home.

Now that it’s summer, she’s on it constantly. During the school year, she was on it 6 hours a day, and she was on it 11 hours a day in summer. She does nothing all day except sit in her room, bright blue fluorescent lights on, texting her significant other/friends. I wouldn’t feel okay with getting her a phone, since she’d be on it even more than the iPad, which is at least contained to the house.

Yesterday, I told her about a vacation plan later this year. My husband has a work conference in Dubai, and his job will partially pay for us all to go. The only issue is, the trip will take up a week and a half of school. I told her that I would give her and her older sister (17 f) the option of staying home by themselves while we go to the conference.

(They would have several friends and family members within walking distance, my oldest drives, and is very responsible, so we feel comfortable with this.)

My daughter was happy with this idea, but then she once again brought up the phone issue. She thinks it’s unsafe for us to leave her and her sister alone while she doesn’t have a phone.

Her older sister has a phone, so I really think it would be safe. Still, she insisted that it was time for her to get a phone since her sister got one halfway through freshman year.

This issue blew up into a massive fight, and I ended up talking to one of my friends about it.

She said that my daughter has a valid point, but I still don’t want to get her a phone until she demonstrates responsibility with her iPad. AITJ?”

2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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pamlovesbooks918 5 months ago
Why on earth are you allowing her to spend so much time on her Ipad? She needs to rejoin the real world. No way would I get her a phone and I would limit her tech time to a couple of hours a day. She really needs to start some after school activities and do some chores around the house. She isn't going to have a clue how to function as an adult when the time comes.
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29. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Help Out With The Dishes?

“I’m (34 M) from a non-Western, developed country (think Japan) that has the equivalent of American Thanksgiving about twice a year. It’s pretty standard for extended families to get together and have a long, massive meal on the day of the holiday.

Normally food prep starts a day, or two before.

Now, my extended family is traditional in that it was usually the adult women’s job to prepare the food, set the table, etc. Is this patriarchal and sexist? I 100% agree. From my generation on, all of my cousins and I have always fully helped out with the work.

Honestly, it’s just mostly us doing everything while moms and aunts will chat in the kitchen. Our parents/uncles/aunts think it’s interesting that gender roles are changing and have encouraged it. That doesn’t mean that dads and uncles have suddenly started helping out, but they’re dudes in their late 60s and 70s, so my cousins and I haven’t pushed the issue.

We get together twice a year and our parents are getting older – it never seemed worth it.

My wife (29 F) and I got married last year and it was her first time coming to the family event. I met her while doing my masters in the US, so she’s not from the same country but speaks the language pretty well as she’s a second-generation immigrant.

I’d told her how the holiday logistics usually played out. She was really unhappy with it. Perfectly understandable, so I made the following offer: she didn’t have to help out with the food prep at all. I would go alone and she could just spend the two days doing her own thing. All I asked was that on the day of the holiday, she help out with what my cousins and I are doing.

If this wasn’t ok, I’d just rather skip the holidays, as I didn’t want to put unnecessary pressure on her or make things awkward for my family. She said ok.

We fly in, my wife spends the two days traveling as agreed while I go and do food prep. My cousins who were married all came with their SOs, but nobody asked where my wife was (I guess they had a hunch) and we had a good time cooking together.

On the day of the holiday, my wife sits down at the table and doesn’t do anything. Like, she was making conversation and being outgoing, she just wasn’t doing any of the work.

After dinner, I sent her a text asking to please help out with the dishes. She replied saying no, that she wouldn’t help unless the older men did as well.

I didn’t want to make a scene, so just didn’t push the issue.

Once we were back, I was honestly really disappointed and upset. Nobody in my family brought it up; my mom and dad both texted saying they had a wonderful time and that they appreciated us taking the time to come. But, we had a deal and my cousins, their SOs, and I were all participating in the work.

Was it really worth taking a stand to send a message to 5 old dudes?


2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
Your wife is the jerk. You and she are part of the generation taking responsibility for the meal. There’s no feminist point to be made if the older women as well as the older men are sitting this one out.
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28. AITJ For Derailing My Neighbor's Yard Work Maintenance Plan?

“So 2 weeks ago a big storm ripped through our community. Power lines were downs, trees ripped up, power was lost for a few days, etc, etc.

This is our first big storm as homeowners. We live in a rural area with forested yards. Our yard has a section of 50 trees that were planted approximately 75 years ago.

For the past few weeks, my wife and I (early 30s) have been slowly clearing our yard with handsaws and putting the limbs, stacked and ready for pickup, out by the road.

My 70-year-old neighbors have been doing the same thing, clearing their lawns and building their own piles out by the road.

Neither of our piles is that big. I could probably handle our pile with a few trips in my SUV.

Last week, when we were out on the lawn, my neighbor (who we are really friendly with) said something to the extent of: ‘We should get somebody out here with a truck to haul away these branches.

We could share the cost. Doesn’t make sense to call out two separate trucks for just these brush piles’.

I agreed but was heading out of town for a week. My neighbor agreed to call around.

I said, ‘If you can find someone to do it, I’m definitely interested in sharing it with you.

Just let me know.’

Looking at our two piles that would fit comfortably in the back of a pickup truck, I’m thinking ‘ok – 2 hours of work, labor/gas/disposal fee: probably $300 total. Maybe all the way up to $600’.

My wife and I then go out of town.

Today, about a week later, I get a text from my neighbor saying, paraphrased ‘I’ve found someone that can start tomorrow…your portion will be $1200.’

I responded ‘That’s more than double what we were expecting. It’s a few hours of work that I can do when we get home this week… I’ll take care of your pile too’.

My neighbor sends a long text that she let the contractor walk around our ‘forest’ & he’s also recommending we clear some larger logs that have fallen & take down a few dying pines.

He’ll do the same type of work on her property – she has a few small trees she needs to be taken down.

That’s why our $150-300 each project turned into a $1200 project.

I haven’t responded because I feel like it was a bit of a bait-and-switch.

I feel bad about it because I know she put in some leg work getting someone out for an estimate and she was planning on the work being taken care of tomorrow.

Now here’s the thing: we love our neighbors. They’re super nice people & watch our place for us when we’re gone/vice versa.

I don’t want this to create any weirdness… but at the same time, my wife and I are young homeowners of a 100-year-old historic house and there are about 50 other $1200 projects we’d like to do before we spend the funds on clearing brush/debris, something that we can do on our own in a few hours this weekend.

Am I the jerk for derailing my neighbor’s yard work maintenance plan because we disagree on the scope of the project and the estimate she was given?”

2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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rbleah 5 months ago
Just tell neighbor that you will give her 300 to 500, you choose, for the removal of the wood already on the roadside and you will take care of your own woods, thank you.
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27. AITJ For Accepting My Aunt's Dress?

“My aunt had a beautiful gown-type dress gifted to her by a friend who was a fashion designer. It was supposed to be handed down to her daughter once she turned 18.

I grew up as a fat kid, and my cousin was always skinny. She used to bully me about my weight to the point where I was deeply insecure about my body. I lost around 40 pounds when I was 16, around the time she was diagnosed with PCOS. She gained around 100 pounds in a year and was constantly bitter about it.

I know what it’s like to be insecure about your body so I never bought up the weight gain, but the same can’t be said for my family. They teased her the way she had once teased me, except she was much bigger than I’d ever been.

On her 18th birthday, her mother didn’t give her the dress like everyone thought she would.

She threw a tantrum when her mother told her that she was too big to ever fit into it and gave it to me instead.

She shouldn’t have shamed her like that in front of everyone but by that point, she must’ve been around 400 lbs and the dress was made to fit my 100 lb slender aunt.

She refuses to lose weight too so the dress would’ve been wasted on her.

My cousin stopped talking to me after that which I was grateful for but we eventually crossed paths at our younger aunt’s wedding. I’d chosen to wear my other aunt’s dress because it was stunning and fit the theme perfectly.

My cousin saw me and started screaming that I was rubbing it in her face that I’d gotten the dress and that I was a toxic jerk and she hated me. That hurt, but I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of triumph because of how she was awful to me for my weight when we were younger.

I didn’t respond and I walked away because I didn’t want to ruin my aunt’s special day and she was hushed by her mother. So, AITJ?

Edit: I did offer to let her keep the dress but she refused. In her words, she said ‘I don’t want it but you can’t have it either you don’t deserve it!’ I decided I was done with her petty nonsense and kept it for myself.

She’s a small-scale body-positive influencer and believes losing weight will give her followers the wrong impression so she said herself she’ll never be able to wear it.”

2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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Plv1985 5 months ago
Shes a body positive influencer who is bitter about being fat? Lol. So, she's a sham. She got exactly what she deserves. God doesn't like ugly.
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26. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cut My "Man Mane" For My Sister's Wedding?

“I (25 M) am a long-haired dude. For some background, my hair currently goes down to about the bottom of my rib cage. I’ve had long hair since I was about 5 years old and haven’t had a haircut that sat above my collarbone since.

It’s just how I like it.

My sister (29 F), who we’ll call Sara, is getting married to her fiance at the end of the summer. Recently, she asked me if I could cut my hair for her wedding. I told her I was planning on getting a trim before the wedding but wasn’t really going to be changing much.

She proceeds to show me pictures of guys with various hairstyles, but they were all very short, more traditional haircuts, and asked me to pick one and get it cut short. I told her I had no interest in doing that.

She proceeds to go off, telling me that I’d stand out too much in photographs, that her fiance has some conservative members of his family that wouldn’t approve of my hair, and that family is supposed to ‘do anything for one another.’ I told her I wouldn’t do anything crazy with my hair (I’m known to wear some fun braids, but I understand that a wedding isn’t the place for that).

She screamed at me saying, ‘You’re just doing this to draw attention to yourself and to ruin my big day.’ I told her if my hair was that much of a problem, she was more than welcome to uninvite me. Then I would be drawing 0 attention away from her and she could have the perfect wedding photos she dreamed of.

My family seems pretty split on the issue. My mom called saying that I’m a massive jerk and that I’m not supporting my sister, but honestly, she’s always disliked my long hair. My dad, who’s always encouraged the ‘man mane’ as he calls it, said I should stick to my guns. I’m a little torn on the issue.

I do love my sister and I do really want to celebrate her and my new BIL, but it would take literally years for my hair to grow back to where I like it. AITJ?”

2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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Plv1985 5 months ago
So, you've been growing your hair out for 20 years with the sole intent to make her wedding about you? Shame on you. Lol. Your sister is a whackjob and is being completely unreasonable. Tell her the only one making her day about your hair is her. Their wedding has nothing to do with your hair and is not a reason for you to cut it.
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25. AITJ For Not Making An Effort To Have My Ex Be More Involved In Our Daughter's Life?

“My ex and I (both 31) had a beautiful baby (f 8). We split when she was 4 but I went above and beyond for a year while he lived with friends and his dad, and his new girl.

I made sure my kid saw him every weekend, called him every day, and had what she needed at his house.

He moved in with his now ex-baby mama, they had two kids together and for three years my kid was left by the wayside. I fell back from reaching out and never got a phone call or a text in return.

There was no argument or fight, I just realized if I didn’t text him… he wasn’t texting me.

At one point I blew up and told him he was using the global crisis as an excuse to not even see her. He’s never supported her financially but now he wasn’t even seeing her. He wasn’t being a dad at all but to her, he was the hero she missed every day.

(My daughter has never seen us fight or argue at all).

Now after 4 years, he admitted he dropped the ball, said I’m a saint for not turning her against him, and is trying to rebuild his relationship.

I have no issue with this. I’m not bitter and I want him to be a positive presence in her life.

I just don’t think I have to be the one to facilitate the reconnecting. I think it’s all on him and what efforts he puts forth. I never stop him from doing anything or impede him in any way. When he asks for her and she wants to go she goes.

But a friend of mine messaged me out of the blue to ask me why I thought it was okay to not do more to make my ex an active participant in my kid’s life.

I said obviously that’s not my job. I’m her mom. I can’t waste time teaching her dad to be a dad. I need to focus on being the best mom I can be and make sure my partner whose been around since shortly after the divorce is a positive male influence.

Mind you my ex never said anything it’s just my friend who apparently thinks by not actively forcing my ex to do things I’m a huge jerk.

So am I the jerk?”

2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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rbleah 5 months ago
NOPE NOT THE JERK. It is NOT YOUR JOB to push your EX to SEE HIS OWN CHILD. Does not work, ask me I know. He will NOT do what YOU want him to do whether you push him or not. Just tell him to quit being a deadbeat dad and MAN UP. Go to court and get child support if nothing else.
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24. AITJ For Giving My Mother A Piece Of My Mind About How She Parentified Me At 8 Years Old?

” “I (35 f) have a sister (33 f) with high-needs non-verbal autism who lives in a group home. I went no contact with my parents last year due to emotional mistreatment and parentification when I was a kid and refusal to take accountability for it let alone apologize.

My parents emailed me on my birthday (from a newly created email, I had them blocked, I know I should change it but my life is tied to that email address and it’d be a huge pain in the butt) basically to unload on me about how much I’ve hurt them for going no contact, and to think of my sister, etc.

I just about lost it there, because even my birthday is still about them, their feelings, and my sister, I can’t even have one day be about me where all I wanted was some peace for once in my life so I just about exploded and wrote back amongst other things I told my mother ‘it was really messed up of you to tell me when I was only 8 years old that’d I’d one day have to be guardian to my disabled sister, be her advocate and make medical decisions for her after she dies, you should’ve waited until I was an adult to have this conversation and ASK, not demand, and still love me anyway if I say no’.

Talking to an 8-year-old about a parent’s eventual death (unless they’re terminally ill) is messed up as is. I do want to clarify my mom didn’t want me to take physical care of her but wanted me to be her guardian/advocate and decision-maker.

My dad wrote me back a horrible email about how I ‘made my mother cry, that she did the best she could, that my sister’s disability was hard and unfair to all of us, and that while it’s unfair for a child to have to think about she had no choice and wanted to prepare you from a young age, we made the best of a horrible situation’.

I still think that’s horrible to put on a child, of course, a child will say yes bcecause they’ll get punished if they don’t.


2 points - Liked by lebe and pamlovesbooks918

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Tinkerhel 5 months ago
You're absolutely not the jerk. You are being pushed into a role that's not your responsibility. Stand firm and if necessary go NC soon as possible. Make room for those who truly love you and stay away from those who have shown you they don't respect you.
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23. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Trying To Lecture Me About Taking Care Of My Dogs?

I (f 25) have two dogs. ‘Abby’ (15) and ‘Sam’ (4). Both were rescues. My partner ‘Jim’ moved in with me three months ago and I’m losing my mind. Jim had pets growing up and is a self-proclaimed ‘expert’. Inherently I have no issues with this, but since moving in, he micromanages EVERYTHING I do with my dogs.

Some examples:

1.  I feed my dogs two meals a day. The first meal is usually in the morning before I start work around 9 am. When I’m in the kitchen, the dogs will sit near me and wait until I set the food down. Jim thinks it’s selfish of me to make myself a coffee before feeding the dogs, since food > coffee.

If I feed them a little later e.g. 9.30 am, then he makes small snide comments. He thinks it’s easier to feed the dogs first and then make myself a coffee and says its an easy, small change.

2. Currently, I walk my dogs during my lunch break at 12.30 but Jim thinks I should also take the dogs for a walk first thing in the morning because they have pent-up energy in the morning and would be more relaxed. He cites Sam’s morning zoomies as boredom and lacking mental stimulation.

3. I buy Sam toys twice a year (Abby doesn’t like them), on her ‘birthday’ and Christmas. I usually buy them within 6 weeks and shop for whatever deal is available, but Jim thinks I should buy them more toys. Since moving in, he’s bought around 10 new toys, and every time I tell him it’s too much, he tells me it’s the ‘bare minimum’ to get toys for your dogs.

I don’t take his suggestions and I think it frustrates him. Yesterday, I came home and he tells me we have to talk. I sit down, and kid you not, he begins holding an intervention on my treatment of my pets. Honestly, I lose him. I began shouting and asked him to get out. He told me he was only looking out for me and my dogs, but reluctantly left after refusing for 15 minutes.

Animal cruelty is a serious issue, but the micro passive aggressiveness and subtle digs are frustrating, especially when my dogs are well-loved and looked after. My friends told me I could’ve tried out his suggestions and yelling wasn’t the right thing to do so, AITJ?

Edit: We have a backyard which they have a doggy door and 24/7 access to, I don’t make them hold their bladder until then.

Apart from sporadic zoomies, the dogs are sleeping on the couch or in the backyard until their first walk.

They get two other walks, one around 5 and one before bed. The morning walk (12.30) is about 40-60 mins for Abby and 1.5 hours for Sam. During the evening walk we go on a trial at a park near our house, roughly the same amount of time.

The night walk is just a 20/30 minute walk around the block, mainly to go the bathroom and get last-minute energy out.

Sam gets more than two toys a year! I just will typically buy them twice a year and shop sales such as buy 1 get 50% off and ‘gift’ them on birthdays/Christmas because it’s fun.

We average about 6 new toys a year, but she is a gentle giant and I’ve only had to throw 1 toy away because she threw up on it and the smell wouldn’t go away. I’m not angry that he’s buying them toys (though I think the quantity is too much), but because it always becomes a subtle dig to me and he makes it out like they’re deprived and he’s doing ‘the bare minimum’.

Jim is currently at a friend’s house, I didn’t make him homeless.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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Plv1985 5 months ago
Maybe rethink this relationship
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22. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Workload?

“I have worked at this place for years. I obviously held other jobs while doing this job since it pays so little. I only kept this job because I liked my co-workers and I liked the industry it’s in and found it fun.

About 4-5 months ago we opened a second location inside of someone else’s business. So the front desk (where I work) is being shared by both businesses. The other business had an employee at the front desk handling their customers but about a month after I started working at the new location, the other business decided they weren’t going to pay for someone to be at the desk helping their customers.

Ever since then, my workload has basically doubled. I get screamed at by their customers because I literally can’t help them because I don’t have access to their system or information. I get a line of customers and only about 2-3 of them are actually there for my company, yet I still have to constantly explain to a line of people I can’t help them.

People are super mean to me when I tell them I don’t actually work for the other business and that I can only help them with things related to the company I work for.

I’ve brought this up to my boss and he said he will look into it. Two weeks ago the other business said they want to hire me to help with their customers too, I assumed since my work would double, that I would be making more than minimum wage.

I was wrong.

They never actually hired me or set me up on their system so their plan wasn’t put in place yet. Yesterday was a super busy day and I was getting yelled at more than usual so I put up a sign that said, ‘I am only able to help customers of X.

I am sorry! I do not have the ability to use the system for Y so I can’t help you but someone inside of the store can!’

Well when I got off my shift, apparently the manager of the other business took a picture of my sign and sent it to my boss.

They are both mad. I got angry texts and some phone calls I ignored because I was too nervous to pick up the phone.

My co-worker said my boss is coming in today to yell at me… I feel like I’m being used for free labor. I was so loyal to this company and did everything to make a great experience for customers and now this.

I keep dodging his calls. AITJ? Or should I quit?”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
It’s a minimum wage job! Of course you should quit and look for a job where your helpful attitude and work ethic will be rewarded with respect—and maybe even a better paycheck.
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21. AITJ For Wanting To Get A Job?

“My (16 F) parents divorced a few years ago, my dad (40 M) remarried my step-mom Lora (45 f) while my mom (36 F) remarried my stepdad Gabe (40 M). I have 4 stepbrothers (25 M) from Lora and (20 M) (18 F) (16 F). I have a half-sibling (6 M) from my mother.

I love both of my stepparents but I honestly spend more time with my dad and Lora, they’re pretty chill and lay back in lots of things, they’re strict regarding my education (just like mom and Gabe) but they’re more open regarding my freedom (gettin’ Ubers alone, letting me meet my friend without a chaperone, letting me dye my hair and cut it how I want it, my clothes, how I do makeup, my interest, etc) basically they let me be my own person while my mom and Gabe are not so much.

It’s mostly my mom tho, she’s paranoid about bad things happening to me and I get it, but I feel caged. I can’t do lots of things when I’m at their house, I can’t have my door closed, I can’t use makeup, I can’t use earphones, I can’t have ‘weird hair’, I can’t take my laptop so I’ve to use the computer they set me there and they’ve control of it, I have to attend certain activities whether I like it or not.

If I go out with friends to the mall or something my mom is a few tables behind ‘watching’ me and it’s draining.

The last straw was a week ago when I talked to my dad and Lora about wanting to get a job because I want to be able to buy my own stuff and just…

I don’t know, have some cash without having to ask for it, they agreed under some conditions but told me that I had to talk to Mom first.

Gabe is pretty well off and my mom and he doesn’t treat me differently regarding the money but as you can imagine, I have restrictions, things always under a certain price, ALWAYS sharing with my stepsisters, ‘appropriate to my age’ (and my mom decides what is appropriate and what is not) yaddah yaddah yaddah, so when I told them they obviously told me no and my mom was like ‘but why do you need to work?

We can give you anything. Is there something you want? Do you want money?’ and I had it. I told her that I was tired of them always controlling me and restricting me and that I really wanted to do that and that if they don’t let me then I’ll stop coming since I can decide with which parent I want to live now.

Obviously, things went down and I was sent to my room after being called a selfish brat, my mom stopped talking to me and Gabe told me to give her some time but I told him that I was serious and that if they don’t let me have a fricking job by the end of the month then I’m out.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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Tinkerhel 5 months ago
NTJ. It's good you recognize that they're controlling you and it's not good for you, holding you in check for their own agenda. Their reaction to the job is textbook control protection. Once you have a job, you'll be harder to control.

You're NTJ for fighting back. Since you can choose where you live now, maybe it's time to do so.
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20. AITJ For Telling My Mom That My Dad Doesn't Love Her Anymore?

“I (19 f) have a very loving father who I would give the world to. When I was 14 my parents got divorced due to my mother’s infidelity. My mom (Tiff, 43) had an affair behind my father’s (Jim, 41)  back with a coworker of hers and since I was a ‘teen’ I was blatantly told the reason for their divorce.

The divorce was finalized in a year and during that year she was living with her ap and playing mommy to his kids.

After the divorce was finalized though, my mom and ap broke up completely. Since then my mom has dated 14 men and 2 women. My dad however was completely heartbroken and was scared to love someone much less bring them into my life.

When my mom was in and out of my life due to her many partners, my neighbor, Cathy who moved during the divorce has been my rock. She cooked and washed my clothes, and took me on spa days. She never had any children so I can tell I was like a daughter to her.

This recent year my dad has taken a liking to Cathy and has been going on dates. I wouldn’t say I set them up but I know it’s because of me they have gotten close.

After my mother’s last partner dumped her, she’s been obsessed with it my dad again. Wondering how he’s doing and asking personal questions.

My dad being a sweetie, always answers back truthfully out of respect for the fact she’s my mom. She however has taken this as he wants to rebuild something.

One day she came over to receive mail (she still has our house listed as an address) and when my dad wasn’t there she asked where he was and I told her he was on a date with the neighbor.

She started shaking and breaking down saying how long will my dad punish her. She said they were meant to be and shouldn’t let a few obstacles get in the way of their love. I told her my dad does not love her that way and that she should spend every day of her life atoning for her mistakes as a wife.

I told her to take her mail and leave. She left sniffling and shaking and my dad text me later asking what happened.

She apparently called him asking how long has this ‘fling’ with Cathy been taking place and demanded questions. My mother is acting like a drama queen not getting her mail anymore and ignoring us, all well as posting family quotes on Instagram.


1 points - Liked by lebe

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NTJ!!! Your mother made her bed let her lie on it. Block her and if she comes over do not let her in. If she starts her "breaking down routine, call the cops to remove her.
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19. AITJ For Wanting My New Housemate To Pay For My Parking Space?

“I (26 m) moved into a house 18 months ago with three friends. The rent was 2500 and parking is very expensive in my area. As I am the only one who drives I agreed to pay 900PM in rent for my room while my two friends pay 800 as they don’t avail of the parking space which is built into the price.

One of my friends is moving out and advertised his room at 800, he has the downstairs bedroom and the person taking over his room is in a wheelchair and drives an assisted car.

Obviously, the car parking space should without question go to the guy in the wheelchair as it is right outside the house, we all unanimously agreed to this when he moved in without question.

However, I stated that the car parking space is an extra 100pm, as the reason I am paying more is because of that space and now I will need to pay for parking elsewhere.

He is refusing stating that the price advertised was 800 and he was advised the house was suitable, I acknowledged his point and can see where he is coming from but I also had no involvement in the renting of the room to him and would have advised him if that was the case.

I offered to split the small difference in 100pm space between everyone as that makes it fairer but this has not been accepted either.

The landlord stated that he would not get involved as the house was rented as a singular unit.

Everyone is calling me a jerk for not just paying it and I have come to the point where I am saying I will continue using the space if everyone does not agree to split the cost and he will need to find alternative accommodation, especially since the lease is in my name.

I have also stated to my friend that I will not return his deposit back to him as he has mis advertised the price and he will need to rectify the situation first as our agreement was we need to find someone to fill our rooms if we move out before the end of the two-year lease.

I’m being called petty and inconsiderate but I think splitting the difference is the fairest way to go, so on principle, I’m not paying an extra 100 a month.


1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
Since you’re all agreed the parking spot should go to the new tenant, the entire rent bill should be split three ways.
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18. AITJ For How I Reacted When I Found Out That My Husband Sold His Wedding Ring?

“I  (F 27) and my husband (M 28) had two beautiful twins six years ago. A few months after that we got married.

Last month my husband lost his job and since he doesn’t even have high school finished he has been struggling to find a new one.

I thankfully have been saving up ever since he started working so we have enough to sustain ourselves for some time.

This morning I had breakfast with some friends so my husband took care of the kids. We live far from each other, so I warned my husband that I was going to be out for at least two hours.

When I returned home, our sons came running to me to show me the new toys his dad bought them, along with backpacks full of stuff for school, which I found weird since they start school in August. I feared the worst and I went to check my savings, but everything was there.

I confronted my husband, who was in our bedroom, and asked him where he got the money to buy that stuff.

He told me he sold his wedding ring cause the kids asked him when would they buy their stuff for school and he panicked thinking he wouldn’t have money for it (completely irrational, we still had more than three months to worry about that!). I was devastated, I couldn’t believe he would so easily get rid of something that represents our marriage and I told him so.

He broke down and said he just doesn’t want to deny our sons a normal childhood but I told him that isn’t an excuse for his irresponsibility. I told him I was going to return the backpacks and all the other stuff to see if I can get the ring back but he won’t allow me to and said that if I do that he’ll buy everything back again.

I couldn’t talk more cause our sons entered the room and he hugged them, which annoys me cause it was as if he was skipping our discussion.

I needed to vent so I told my parents and my friends about what happened. My parents said I’m right on being angry but that they warned me nothing good was going to come out of marrying someone without a real job.

I don’t agree with them, but I do feel disappointed at his actions this last month. My friends on the other hand think I’m going too hard on him and that based on past stuff I’ve told them, he sounds like an extreme people-pleaser.

AITJ for the way I reacted? I’m deeply hurt by what he did.

I think he was selfish and should’ve consulted me before doing something like that.

ETA 1: I don’t work, me and my husband agreed I was going to take care of the kids and he was going to work.

He’s studying for his GED.

He has been rejected from many works cause he doesn’t have his diploma but that sounds suspicious.

I think they just think he’s undocumented like someone here suggested (he’s Latino).

He has already sold stuff of his in the past to buy the kids stuff (clothing, food, toys, etc.)”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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anma7 4 months ago
ESH… if you KNOW he can’t get a job YOU get a job but you handle the money let him stay home with the kids til he gets his GED. Then you know 1 of you is working. So he sold his wedding ring, he didn’t touch the savings tho!
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17. AITJ For Not Approving Of My Father And Father-In-Law's Relationship?

“3 years ago I met the love of my life, Brad. Last year we got engaged but the global crisis delayed plans. We still wanted our parents to meet so we had them over for dinner a bit ago.

I invited my single mum. Brad’s mum died young but he invited the men who raised him, his dad Victor and dad’s first cousin Corey. Corey and Victor are cousins but more like brothers since Corey was raised by his aunt & uncle/Victor’s parents.

The dinner was eventful, turns out my mum and Corey used to date in uni but she hid her pregnancy & ghosted him.

So Corey’s my dad, which means Brad & I are second cousins since our dads are first cousins. Yes, it is gross, we were grossed out too. But we realized that we love each other + never had this kind of connection with anyone else, so we decided to stay together but test for diseases before having children or not have any at all.

We’ve talked so much about this & believe this is the best conclusion for our own well-being given the circumstances.

That’s not the point. Up till now, we thought Victor and Corey were best friends/brother-like. After all, they are cousins raised as brothers & ended up raising a child of their own, Brad.

Except we were so wrong when they came to us begging not to get married. We first thought it was because they were grossed out by our being related, but it’s the complete opposite. They’ve been in a secret relationship all this time & don’t want us to get married since it’ll be too weird if their kids are married to each other when they want to be together.

Yep, read that right. First cousins, raised together, thought of as brothers, in a relationship.

To me, this is 100x worse than our situation since we didn’t know! They told us they fell in love as teenagers and tried to ignore it for so long but seeing us has caused them to realize they want to be together openly…

Brad is distraught, I’m just disgusted. Call me a hypocrite but I’m not fine with it, if Brad and I knew when we first met we wouldn’t be together. The only reason why we are together is because we don’t think of each other as second cousins. But they knew, they were even raised as brothers, yet they continued. It’s so much worse and we don’t want to stop our marriage because they want to be together openly.

I decided to disinvite them but Brad is having second thoughts since he considers them his parents and only family. AITJ for being firm and disinviting them?

Edit: Corey was adopted by Victor’s mum sometime in his early childhood years. He considers Victor’s mum to be his mum as well. Brad’s mum passed when he was 1, at which time Corey moved into Victor’s house and they raised Brad together.

Brad never considered Corey a father since it was very clear he was ‘Uncle Corey’.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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Plv1985 5 months ago
I mean, weird. But if they want to be together, whatever. Just don't stop your relationship for theirs.
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16. AITJ For Quitting My Job Because Of The Manager?

“This was my first job, I’m 18 fresh out of high school, and trying to save up some funds for uni.

The first two months were fine. friendly co-workers, flexible hours, it’s all good.

Three months in we had a new manager, We’ll call him Steve.

It felt like he only had a problem with me, he would often belittle, micromanage and talk down to me.

I was always civil with him, making polite conversation here and there but he always ignored me.

He would single me out, blame me for HIS mistakes and get angry at me over the smallest things.

He also constantly made inappropriate comments about female staff members.

Month four and I’m sick of it. It’s exhausting to deal with. But here’s why I finally quit.

On the dining floor, there are three sections. Front, Middle, and Bar, each shift you get assigned a different section to work. I was working the front section alone.

I and my co-workers would often make small talk in between tasks. But we always got our jobs done. Steve seemed to have a problem with this, or rather with me.

Anyway. It’s a quiet night there are only three tables occupied and none of them are in my section.

The tables have drinks, just waiting for food.

I’m making small talk with one of my co-workers when Steve comes marching over, swipes up my water bottle, and tells me to follow him.

I do, he chucks my water bottle down on the front station and tells me to stand there. So I do because I didn’t really know what to say.

No tables were occupied in my section and I had nothing to do.

15 mins later I go to the bar to take a tray of drinks over to a table in the middle section, When I’m done I go back to the bar and Steve snaps his fingers at me at points to the front station.

So I go back, and here’s the kicker. I stand there by myself doing nothing for an hour straight while HE has a chat with the rest of my co-workers.

That annoyed me. So I wait until the end of the shift before asking to speak to him in private.

I tell him about how his actions made me feel, how I think it’s promoting a toxic work environment, and that he, as a manager, has to be mindful of staff wellbeing.

Then Steve starts a whole spiel of ‘you aren’t a committed member of the team’ ‘you don’t fit in here’ ‘you’re being dramatic’ and he finishes it off with a lovely ‘stop being so sensitive’.

I was so tired of it all by that point that I just decided to quit. My exact words were ‘This isn’t working out for me, I’m leaving’. I walked out of that place and never went back in, left the work group chat, and blocked all phone numbers the company might use to contact me.

The thing is, I feel bad for quitting on the spot because it left them no time to find a replacement, I quit three days before Mother’s Day (a busy night every year) and they were already understaffed even before I left.

I feel bad for my old co-workers because they had to work overtime due to my actions.

So, AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
NTJ. Staffing is management’s responsibility. If the manager is toxic and his bosses keep him in the job, then they’re responsible for the consequences. You don’t owe your mental health to any employer.
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15. AITJ For Not Giving My Only Two Balls To Kids?

“I (21 F) was at my local Little Caesars Pizza a bit ago to pick up food for my brother and me. While waiting in the store, I noticed they added this cute little bouncy ball gacha machine (the one where you insert a coin a turn a handle). I love these things so much, they remind me of when my dad would take me to the PX on base and he’d give me a quarter to go get a bouncy ball.

Well, I had a couple of quarters in my wallet so I had at it.

So here’s where I might be the jerk here: After I had entered the store, a mother and two young children entered the store. The two young ones must’ve seen me put my quarters into the machine and receive the bouncy balls because from behind me I could hear them asking the mom for coins.

I put the balls in my pocket and went back to waiting for my order, to which I then heard the mom say ‘Go ask the nice lady for some coins.’ The kids come over and hold out their hands and ask for the coins, but I told them I didn’t have any more quarters (which was true!

I only had a couple of them).

The mom then told me to just give them the balls since I was an adult and didn’t need them. I kinda just froze up after this because I didn’t want to make a scene in public, so I ended up just not responding or moving to hand over the balls.

I think the kids got bored and went back over to their mom but she was looking at me the whole rest of the wait, which was uncomfortable because she looked kinda irritated. Once it was ready, I got my pizza and left and the whole time the mom was still looking at me.

Honestly, I would’ve given the kids a couple of quarters if I had them, but I only had the two I used. It’s probably silly, but I didn’t want to give them the balls because of how it reminded me of those times with my dad.

She was right in that as an adult, I don’t need them, but I just didn’t want to give them over. AITJ for not giving them to her kids?”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
The kids sound more mature than their mother. What a sense of entitlement! NTJ
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14. AITJ For Hating My Family?

“I (28 F) hate my brother (30 M). He was always the golden child (I was an oops baby and they never wanted a girl, plus I was a fussy baby compared to him, so I annoyed my mother).

He hated me too and kept telling lies about me to my parents – if he stole something he would blame me and they believed him. He sabotaged all of my relationships, he bullied me, he forced my friends against me. My parents always took his side.

I left home for college (managed to get a scholarship) as soon as I could, he stayed in my hometown, renting a place near my parents, paid for by them of course.

They stopped contacting me (our family group chat was always about my brother and his achievements) and never sent me money.

I live in another state now, am married (my family was invited but didn’t bother showing up for my wedding), and with a second baby on the way. My husband’s family is great, so that’s helping me a lot.

Anyways, my parents are very traditional. The male head of the family, tradition, all this crap. So my brother coming out shocked them. They absolutely demand blood-related descendants to carry on the family name (I should mention that I and my kids all have my husband’s surname). Adoption is not an option, neither is surrogating, they accept only ‘proper marriage’.

So, out of the blue, my brother contacted me. Apparently, my parents will disown him (he lives off their money, and has never worked) unless he fixes the relationship with me (so that they can lay claim to my children) – since he is the cause I drifted away from my family (he isn’t the sole cause, I blame my parents).

He actually flew to my state, cried a lot, and blamed all the bullying on his stress from being in the closet, yadda yadda. I told him to get lost. My family is dead to me and I don’t care about him.

He is now saying how I’m petty, willing to ruin an adult’s life over childhood slights.

Also that I’m homophobic, etc. But I refuse to be back in contact with my parents, as a backup source of blood-related grandbabies now that their golden child ‘has failed’ them.


Edit: My parents also want my future baby (I’m pregnant) to carry the family surname.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. a lawyers letter telling him and the bio donors to cease and desist or face harassment charges should work
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13. AITJ For Not Going To My Best Friend's Wedding Because I Don't Want To Deal With People?

“I’m (31f) a hermit. I have exactly 2 friends, and I talk to them and to my family mostly online, meeting them only every now and then.

I don’t have social anxiety or anything, but people drain me so much I can barely function by the end of a workday. Just extremely introverted, I guess.

I don’t do social gatherings, and people who met me know this. Friend01 got married last year: I showed up for the ceremony, dropped off my gift, and left before the reception even started. She thanked me for showing up at all.

Barely an hour into the reception of my own brother’s wedding he told me that I’m ‘free to go home now, he’s surprised I lasted this long’.

The issue: Friend02 is getting married next year, and she’s planning a destination wedding. I’d like to make this clear: there’s just no universe in which I’m flying 6 hours only to spend a full weekend socializing with people I don’t even know.

I told Friend02 I will follow the ceremony online, and give them my present after they return. She got upset and is currently giving me the ‘I’m not mad I’m disappointed’ routine.

She said she was upset because I’m prioritizing my own comfort over her feelings. I told her she was right, that I will always put my comfort level above other people’s feelings, hence the number of friends I have, and that she knew this very well from the start.

Does that make me a crappy friend? Probably yes. Was one of the first things I said to her ‘We can be friends but don’t expect me to go to your wedding’? Also yes.

I do care about her feelings and I did not mean to hurt her, but I also feel like she set us both up for failure with her expectations like she doesn’t know one of the reasons I don’t do people is because I’m allergic to such expectations.

On the other hand, I guess it’s not unreasonable to expect your best friend to attend your wedding, so there’s that.


1 points - Liked by lebe

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. I wouldn’t fly an hour to spend a weekend with people I do not know. Tell her look I told you at the start and if this is a friendship breaker then nice knowing you.
As the saying goes look out for number 1 cos no one else will if you don’t
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12. AITJ For Trying To Contact My Prof About An Assignment?

“My (19 M)  teacher is definitely in her 20s. I got a grad student instead of a professor for my writing class and I think a lot of this is that she’s on a power kick out of not being a professor.

My teacher has an email policy for our class. I’m copying and pasting it:

‘I have my university email account open on my computer from 9 AM to 6 PM on weekdays. This is when you can expect a response from me within the hour. On weekends, I’ll check my email once at noon each day and answer any emails that popped up since the last time I checked. If I don’t have the email in my inbox by around 12:30 Sunday, it likely won’t be answered until 9 AM on Monday.

I have a Google Voice number set up specifically for this class for any emergencies that you need a response to the outside of these hours (including weekends). However, I ask that you use this number respectfully. If I find that students are taking advantage of anonymity to be inappropriate or are using the number for things that are not emergencies (i.e. things that could have waited for my normal email hours), I will remove this option.’

This weekend I was checking my grades when I noticed a zero on one of our major assignments. I knew I had done the assignment so I checked and I realized I forgot to turn it in after I received an extension. Since I got the extension, I forgot about the second due date and didn’t receive a reminder so it just slipped my mind to actually turn it in.

I emailed the professor, but it was a Saturday at like 1 PM. I emailed her three more times before deciding to try the Voice number since I think a major grade issue like this would certainly fall into the category of emergency. I texted her at 7 PM but didn’t receive a response by 8, so I texted again, went out for the night, and wasn’t checking until around 1 AM when I noticed I still hadn’t received a response so I texted a final time.

Never got a response. Sent a text complaining to a group chat with around 5 people in the class and went to bed.

This morning she made an announcement to the class that after a few instances of abusing the text option, she was removing the Voice number for the remainder of the semester and apologized to anyone who had used the number legitimately.

Someone immediately texted the group chat and said ‘Way to go OP’. Then somehow the news got out to other people in the class and I got a Blackboard email from another student not in the group chat saying I was acting like a jerk and now no one got the voice number.

I was just trying to get a response in an emergency and now my prof and the students are mad at me.

It would have taken her five minutes to just let me know that she got my email with the project. I used everything according to policy. I feel like it’s not my fault she was upset that anyone dared to use it while she was out sleeping around or whatever.


I personally believe it’s her job to answer emails and communicate with students and since I had a question it is her responsibility to answer it.

The reason my getting an extension is different is because I was sick when the assignment was due. I am also only 19 and a freshman, if she is a grad student she should be better at managing time than a new student.

I am not a misogynist.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
Your instructor is entitled to time off the clock to live her life. You did not have an emergency. If this had occurred after the last day of class and you were afraid your work wouldn’t be included because it was time for her to submit your grade for the course—THAT would have been an emergency. Harassing her with multiple messages for something that you could have discussed at the next time the class met was jerkish behavior.
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11. AITJ For Being Angry At My Father-In-Law For What He Did To His Wife At The Slide?

“I strongly dislike my wife’s father, but she mainly blows me off.

she is a huge daddy’s girl and my kids worship this man. It can be hard because he clearly has no respect for me as a dad or a husband.

We recently went to a waterpark to celebrate my son’s birthday. FIL was there with his wife. FIL left MIL for a much younger woman, think within 5 years of his daughter, and they are now married with children around my kid’s age.

We were standing in line for a slide. The kids were talking amongst themselves. FIL, his wife, and MIL were talking, and I was kind of just standing back. For no reason, he untied his wife’s bikini top and it fell down. I was shocked. Now I’m not the type who freaks out if my kids see something, but the fact he did it on purpose made me sick to my stomach.

She called him a jerk but laughed, and explained to MIL that he does that all the time. After the ride, I asked to see him in private. I told him that was messed up, because he is demeaning women, violating boundaries, and setting a terrible example for my kids. He smirked at me and said I was the only one who had a problem with it and it is just a little game they play.

I told him to stop smirking at me because I’m the father of his grandkids and I’m telling him he is being disrespectful.

FIL laughed again, so I told him he is an embarrassing jerk and no grandfather should be acting that way. He just walked off, but my wife blew up at me in private and said I way overreacted and how dare I talk to her dad that way.

His wife just rolled her eyes at me, and MIL made fun of me for being ‘one of those millennials’ I don’t know if I overreacted by confronting him when no one else even cared.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
NTJ. I hope your wife and her stepmother someday understand that they deserve to be treated respectfully. Did you ask your wife how she’d react if you exposed her breasts in public? In the meantime, you absolutely have the right and the responsibility to trach your children that their grandfather’s behavior is despicable and not EVER to be copied no matter what Mommy says.
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10. AITJ For Not Defending My Wife While She's Being Humiliated In Front Of Coworkers?

“So my wife (F 26) and I (M 33) have been married for 2 years. I admit that she is a hothead and can be a bit much, especially when she’s mad at me. I take responsibility for any mistake j make like not cleaning the bathroom after the shower or filling her car with gas after using it.

I even stand there and let her unload her anger and frustration on me BUT only at home and not in public. She tends to start arguing with me in public instead of waiting til we get home.

Recently she’s been coming to my workplace to berate me over something I did the night before like not getting the stuff I said I would get or doing the stuff I said I would do.

It’s embarrassing and humiliating and has been affecting my job to the point where I started getting a warning after a warning from my superiors who, I believe have been very patient and understanding especially when my wife makes a fuss at the office.

Last week I was in the middle of a 2-hr meeting and the next thing I knew was seeing my wife barge in while yelling at me asking why I was keeping my phone turned off (I had to turn it off after getting warnings about I since she forbid me from turning it off).

I was stunned because my superior and co-workers AND potential clients were there. I didn’t even move my superior dealt with it and called security to get her out. My wife started arguing with him telling him she came for me then started urging me to get off my seat and tell them to back off.

But I didn’t I just watched as security escorted her out. It was horrible because I had a fear that my job was lost. She yelled at me repeatedly to get them to stop but she got kicked out eventually.

I got told she was no longer allowed there and that this was going to be my final, last warning.

I apologized and then went home. She was there waiting then yelled about me watching and doing nothing while she was getting mistreated and kicked out. I finally snapped and said she was over the line and made a scene that risked my job over a few missed calls. She started crying saying I still should’ve defended her after getting humiliated in front of my co-workers but told her she didn’t have to worry about it because she was no longer allowed there.

She got more furious and went to her mom’s to stay there.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
Your wife needs professional help. So do you, to help you understand why you never should have tolerated her abuse. Whether or not you stay married and pursue couple’s counseling or divorce, you both need time in individual therapy before you can be healthy enough to create a healthy relationship.
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9. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Diet?

“My friend (25 M) always complains about not being able to get hot women because he thinks he’s unattractive. Every day.

One day he was talking about a girl he liked, he said she’s so hot and has the nicest body and they’re friends and I asked him why he doesn’t ask her out and I finally had enough and definitely told him that he tries to be unattractive and asked him what he expects.

His response was ‘Dude you only get girls because you’re 6’5’.

I told him to look in the mirror. I said, ‘Your hair hasn’t been cut in months, you don’t even make sure it looks good before you leave the house. You have dandruff. You have a unibrow and bushy brows. You didn’t even wash your face today, I can see your eye boogers.

You have a neckbeard, really dude? You didn’t brush your teeth or clean your ears or nose, your nose hair is looking at me funny. Your elbows need lotion, and your knees and hands. Your shirt is light green and your shorts and blue with red stripes that go halfway down your calves. One of your socks is Halloween themed, long, and curled up into an ankle sock.

The other sock is a black and short ankle sock. Your shoes have grass stains and mud all over them. You didn’t even put on deodorant, I don’t even know if you showered in the last 24 hrs. And you need to diet dude, come on. You literally make enough money to fix these issues that need a little funding, but you’d rather sit there and think that you’re helpless.’

This dude is a great friend of mine. He’s the life of the party anywhere I go and has a great personality but he just wakes up, puts random clothes and shoes on and walks out the door, and wonders why he thinks he’s unattractive.

The diet part isn’t related to me calling my friend morbidly obese in a mean way.

My friend just wants to slim out a little and gain a lot more mass which would help him with the girl he likes (she loves gym rats with huge muscles on a low body-fat body.)

My friend knows what he should be eating. Medium carb, high protein, regular calorie intake diet. He will go against the grain and just eat whatever he thinks sounds good (I know my friend, don’t assume I don’t.)

Also, don’t think that dieting is bad. Eating a surprise of 500+ calories a day is a diet.

A diet isn’t always ‘Yeah you should eat 500 calories a day because you’re fat.’ That diet is also ridiculous, so stupid, don’t ever do it.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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Plv1985 5 months ago
Sounds like the diet is the least of his problems. If he wants girls to like him, he needs to take care of himself in general.
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8. AITJ For Blaming The Death Of My Husband's Father To His Grieving Mother?

“My MIL (50 f) is extremely depressed and stressed about her husband’s death who died 2 years ago.

She refuses to move on from his passing which I can understand but the issue with her is that –

1. She is extremely controlling – she only lets me wear the clothes that she has brought for me otherwise she asks me to change.

2. She doesn’t let me cook. Im only allowed to help her around the house and assist her while she cooks for everyone.

3. I have to ask for her permission before I do basic stuff like eating chocolate or snacks or going somewhere.

4. I have to ask her how I am supposed to do household work (even when I do the same thing every day).

5. Once I was super sick and my MIL refused to let me take my medicine (I have allergies) because it’s bad to take medicine every day according to her.

6. Won’t let me have breakfast because in her family they only cook once and eat it for lunch and dinner. Also because she won’t cook breakfast for me and also doesn’t let me cook so I can’t cook breakfast for myself (I get super hungry without breakfast because I have to go to work in the morning)

7. 2 years ago when my FIL was sick he told my dad (who was their family doctor) my dad was out of station so he asked my FIL to go to another doctor who was available and not waste time at home… my FIL told my dad that his wife is asking him to take cold medicine and malaria medicine instead of going to another doctor.

My dad obviously disagreed but couldn’t convince my FIL otherwise.

2 days later my FIL got sick beyond recovery and passed away.

8. My dad told this to my mom and she told me and I made a mistake of telling this to my husband.

9. My husband now claims that I am villainizing my MIL and now he wants to leave me.

I think I am the jerk because I blamed the death of his father on his grieving mother. I told him because I wanted him to know the consequences of his mothers controlling habits.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
Why does your MIL have this power over you? GET OUT NOW! If your husband disagrees, leave him, too. Your sanity is at stake.
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7. AITJ For Treating My Coworker To Lunch?

“I (F 20) work part-time at my university. A lot of additional students have started working here during the summer. We got a lot of work piled up today due to the long weekend.

But only two of us were scheduled to work today. Let’s call the other worker Jake who recently joined us around a week ago. Since we had a lot of different things to finish and he was new, my supervisor emailed me with all the detailed information and asked me to help him when needed. We were also asked over the phone if we could stay extra three hours (we would get paid for overtime) since the deadline was tomorrow.

I happily agreed since I was getting paid and Jake also confirmed he would stay.

So when it was around 2:00 I got quite hungry and was about to order Uber Eats for myself. I decided to treat my new coworker as well since it was just the two of us there. I told him ‘Hey I’m ordering some stuff from Panda Express can I get you something too?’ He replied ‘No no that’s so nice of you.

You don’t have to do that. I should’ve thought of getting something earlier.’ I insisted he gets something so he picked his meal and I ordered for both of us.

The food arrived. We ate at our individual desks and he just thanked me again and said he would get it next time. I thought that was the end of it.

At the end of our shift when we were almost ready to pack up, a girl came to the office and left with him. I turned off the lights and checked on everything before locking the door and the girl is standing outside looking at me super mad. I was very confused and said, ‘Is everything alright?’

She said, ‘You tell me. I’m his girl. We had a lunch date today and first, you made him stay late for hours and then on top of that had a little lunch date with him for yourself hijacking mine. Seriously? That’s so nasty.’ I was like what? Jake was trying to apologize and make her leave with him.

He said, ‘I’m really sorry, (my name).’ Then he was trying to tell her ‘Babe it’s a misunderstanding please hear me out you’re making a scene over nothing.’

I was trying to explain myself as well and told her ‘Hey I think we have a misunderstanding here. I wasn’t trying to do any such thing.

Our supervisor made us stay.’ She didn’t even let me finish one sentence without interrupting with her wild accusations. My last straw was when she said ‘You think you can win him over with that thing?’ pointing at my face. I was on the verge of my tears but somehow controlled myself. I loudly said that’s it you’re either leaving right now or I will have to escort you out with security.

And don’t try to talk to me or come near me ever again else I will take actions I’m not joking. Jake finally took her out of there and I was standing there dumbfounded almost crying. I thought I just made a normal nice gesture for my new co-worker and had no idea it could escalate into this.


1 points - Liked by lebe

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Plv1985 5 months ago
Ummm, his gf is crazy. He needs to end that. Likely, she is cheating, unless he's cheated in the past. You guys didn't have a lunch date. And had he said he had a lunch date, he could have gone on it. She's just nuts.
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6. WIBTJ If I Demand My Neighbors To Fix The Damaged Part Of Our Property?

“We just purchased a house with .8 acres and moved in in Mid-April. The neighbors had a camper on what appeared to be our property line from the plats found at the registrar’s office. When my husband asked, the neighbor claimed it was on the easement in the deeds. I checked our deeds and the easement mentioned was for ingress, egress, and regress… not for parking.

The camper had been parked there for years according to the previous owners.

I tried to be nice, the lady invited me down and her big bloodhound bit me just after I asked if her dog bites and she said no. I pointed out that the dog was in our yard all the time and she told me that they used the easement… again the easement was for ingress, egress, and regress… not for dogs.

The dog bite was terrifying, it knocked me down and came after me again after I was down. I still have swelling in my ankle.

I told my husband we were putting up a fence so we ordered a survey. Surveyor came out and sure enough, the camper was on our property by about 15′.

And, the easement was now a paved road, not the strip of grass the neighbors claimed. That strip of grass was ours and the neighbors behind us.

My husband was tasked with telling the neighbors to move the camper as I am afraid of their dog. He allowed them the weekend to do it as it was a holiday weekend and they had family staying in the camper.

They moved it but have since become non-social with us.

When they moved the camper it left a 15′ by 10′ patch of dirt where it had sat long enough to kill the grass. I want to ask them to fix the grass but the husband says I would be the jerk if I did that.

AITJ for not wanting them to use the property we are paying for/own?

WIBTJ to ask them to fix the patch of dead grass the camper killed?”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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anma7 4 months ago
Just sort the patch yourself, the dog bit you do you really want them on your land anymore than they have already been ? Put up the fence keep their dog off your land and fox the patch at your own leisure
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5. AITJ For Not Paying For My Mother And Brother's Rent Anymore?

“My mom (61 f) and my brother (40 m) live on the east coast in a two-bedroom apartment together while I (37 f) live across the country. My mom has some substance misuse issues and about 10 years ago was in a really bad place in her life to which I emptied my savings account and gave her the 12k to go to rehab as she was facing living on the streets.

It helped her for a short time to get back on her feet. She got a job and worked her way into an apartment which eventually was upgraded to where she lives now.

My brother moved in with her because he broke up with his partner and moved to live with my mom who he knew would pay for everything so he didn’t have to keep a job.

Well, this worked for them until the global crisis hit to which point they both lost their income. They lived for a while on some unemployment but that ran out about 8 months ago. I didn’t want to see them living on the streets so I told them I would help them for 6 months to get back on their feet while looking for a job.

They didn’t get jobs and used the money I was paying as an excuse to not work and just stay at home. 6 months came and went and then I kept helping for an additional two months.

When I would tell them I was done they would say some pretty awful things to me. Well, I finally told them I was done giving them money as it’s not fair that I have paid roughly 10k of my money to them while they aren’t even trying to get their lives in order.

I found out they didn’t use all the funds I gave them for rent for June and only paid half. Now they have late fees and still haven’t paid the rest. They also have zero dollars for July so obviously they are going to be evicted.

I sent them shelter information to which they refuse to stay there and told me they will live in my brother’s small car with no AC.

My mom has some serious back problems so I know the likelihood of getting employment is nil as she can’t stand longer than 20 minutes at a time (we tried disability but it was denied) but my brother is a fully capable man.

I have the means to help. It wouldn’t bankrupt me by any means but this is money I’m trying to put toward my future and retirement with my husband so I don’t end up in this situation.

My mom keeps telling me without my help they will be homeless within the month and I feel awful not helping her because she’s an old woman but the thought of helping my brother too in the process keeps me from giving her anything.  So am I the jerk if I don’t continue to pay for their rent and let them become homeless instead?”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ… you have to stop helping them now. They blew the rent money you gave them on god knows what, brother won’t work cos he knows your daft enough to pay for them and in the mean time who’s saving for YOUR retirement!
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4. WIBTJ If I Report A Teacher For Punishing My Daughter For Smoking?

“My (40 f) daughter (18 f) recently got busted smoking outside the school gates. She’s in sixth form (which is a two-year course that prepares you for university). I want to make it clear that I’m not happy with her smoking, but since she’s legally an adult and can buy smoke with no problem, there’s not much I can do.

I did make her watch a bunch of documentaries and PSAs, but what she does is out of my control and even though she lives with me, I cannot be with her 24/7. It sucks but it’s reality.

Well, I get a call from her yesterday saying she’s been given a break, lunch, and after-school detentions as well as a ‘bronze lanyard’ from the school for smoking.

For reference, the school has different colored lanyards for sixth-form students that tell the teachers who is and isn’t allowed to leave school grounds during breaks and free periods. Bronze means a student has to sit with a Head of Year during breaks and free periods. These are usually given out to kids who don’t do work and break rules – my daughter has a spotless record and is an A student.

The school said they wanted me to come in, which I did. I was told that even though she was away from the school property and being respectful, the school is worried she’d bring a ‘bad name’ to the school. Never mind the fact the school has had multiple racism issues this school year alone (that got news coverage).

I asked the school if anyone had complained about her smoking, or if she had broken any school rules or laws. They said no. I asked why she was being punished. They reiterated it’s the ‘threat’ of the school looking bad. I said that’s ridiculous and that there is no logical reason that my daughter should be punished for not breaking rules.

The Head of Year (HoY) couldn’t give me an adequate reason as to why my daughter was being punished other than someone MIGHT think the school is rough. After a bit of back and forth, I realized I wasn’t going to win so I left with my daughter for the day (of course, they tried to tell me that she couldn’t leave as she was on bronze).

I was fuming with the school when I got home and was (probably unfairly) ranting to my husband about it. I said I wanted to report the HoY but my husband said that it would make me look like a ‘Karen’ and that reporting it would only make the school’s perception of our daughter worse if she has a ‘nagging’ mother.

My husband doesn’t believe I’m nagging or a Karen, but he used to be a teacher and said he was talking from experience.

WIBTJ if I reported her?

EDIT: Sixth Form students do not have to wear a uniform or any badges or anything that would indicate they’re with the school.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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DeniseSB 5 months ago
In the U.S., you’d be able to sue them for a lot of money for behaving so ridiculously. It sounds like someone in the faculty or administration wanted to target your daughter—maybe as part of a feud? Has your daughter (or you?) had a fight with someone connected to the power structure of the school? I’d report them if I were in your position and not care who I offended. They can’t take it out on your daughter because they’ll know that you’ll create even more trouble for them if they try.
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3. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For The Fun Things I Do With My Nieces And Nephews?

“I (26 F) am the youngest of four (50 M, 47 F, 42 F) as you can see I was the result of my parents thinking they didn’t need to use birth control in their mid 40’s.

All three of my siblings had their kids in their late 30s.

I like to think I’m a good Aunty, I turn up to all seven of my nieces and nephews’ school and sports stuff I get them what they want for their birthday and Christmas. I babysit when I can as well, When I babysit (normally once every two months) my siblings leave money behind so I can take them to do ‘fun’ things like movies theme parks etc. I’m fresh out of grad school so I can’t afford to do it myself plus paying for seven kids can get expensive, I never use the money to pay for myself I always pay my own way.

I’m also happy to babysit at night if the kids are asleep.

Recently one of my sisters said she won’t be paying for activities anymore (no other reason she just doesn’t want to, her husband told my brother she doesn’t want the kids liking me more than her, this has not been said to me and could be my BIL talking trash), fair enough I said I’m happy to babysit at night if the kids are asleep but just looking after them while they run around the house, etc is my kind of misery.

My sister wasn’t happy about it and is expecting me to pay for her kids to do the fun thing I do with my other nieces and nephews.

So I told her I just won’t be babysitting for her at all if that’s her stance, my brother agreed with me but my other sister said I can’t do that to the kids so I should either stop doing the fun stuff with all the kids or pay for her three kids, my brother completely disagrees and now it’s started a heated debate within the family to the point my brother’s wife said she’ll pay but my sister refused to accept the money from her… so am I the jerk?”

1 points - Liked by lebe

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Ninastid 5 months ago
No ntj she didn't want to pay for her kids activities anymore ok done but she is an entitled jerk if she expects every body to stop doing it just cause she doesn't want to pay but she doesn't want to look bad to her kids either tell her to pound sand
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2. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Be Who She Is?

“I have a 6-year-old daughter, Alyssa. My wife passed shortly after her birth, so I’ve raised Alyssa alone. My family is horrible, and my late wife’s family lives in another country so they weren’t couldn’t help.

For context, I have Asperger’s, and (I think from it) a habit of thinking aloud.

I tend to kinda commentate and/or talk to myself. Verbalizing my thoughts, repetition, and rhythm, help me think and remember. I find it especially helpful at work. It also leads me to make crappy, short songs when I need to remember stuff (I definitely try not to be near others). It’s not always conscious, often I don’t even realize I’m actually voicing it aloud.

While I try to avoid it around others, at home, it kind of just happens. My late wife found it amusing, though it probably got annoying.

Last year Alyssa picked up the habit. She would say what she’s thinking, especially when cleaning or focussing (same as me). While I have talked about not saying inappropriate or rude thoughts, I haven’t really cared much overall.

My parents shamed me for anything abnormal I did and it hurt, so I am careful not to make her feel that way. Besides, if it helps her clean better, that’s great.

My wife’s sister, Tana, moved about half an hour away last month. I never expected it, but Tana’s husband got a great opportunity, and they both wanted to move from home.

Since they were finally close by, Alyssa and I have spent a lot of time with them and the kids. Tana has commented a few times if I or Alyssa accidentally talk to myself, but I always laughed it off.

The last straw was last week when Alyssa was helping me clean after lunch. She basically talked herself through it.

Tana got annoyed and basically told her it was weird and not to do it. Alyssa stopped but was upset. I told Alyssa she was fine, and talked to Tana afterward. She refused to accept that it was not a big deal and said I have to raise her properly. Apparently, it’s weird and wrong, and basically, I’m a lazy father by ignoring it.

My brother-in-law basically said that it was creepy and said that I’m setting Alyssa up for failure. I got upset and tried to explain that it was not such a big deal, we argued, and I kicked them out until they apologize for insulting Alyssa.

I just don’t get it. She doesn’t think there’s some imaginary man talking to her, at worst she imagines what I would answer (from what Alyssa has told me).

But like saying ‘Where has the plate gone?’ then ‘Oh there it is, now where does it go’ to ‘ in the drawer, there we go it’s away, now what’s next!…’ etc as we clean. It doesn’t matter, in my opinion. But I definitely don’t exactly have a ‘normal’ perspective. In my life, a few people have found it weird, but it’s never really been a problem outside of home growing up.

Is it an important issue I’m missing, or lead to something? I don’t think I’m wrong, but Tana thinks I’m a massive jerk for punishing her when she was just trying to help me.”

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shko1 4 months ago
NTJ my sister does it all the time. I do it from time to time. I bet if your sister really thought about it that she does it too however I don’t think she would ever admit it.
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1. AITJ For Not Going To My Son's Graduation Party But Going To My Stepdaughter's Birthday Party?

“I (46 M) have two sons (20 ‘Andy’ and 18 ‘Sam’) from my previous marriage.

I got divorced from their mother about seven years ago and have been in my stepdaughter, ‘Emma’s’, life for six years. I love her to death, and I see her as my own kid.

Sam graduated back in June and was having a graduation party about a month later. But, his party happened to be the same day as Emma’s birthday party.

She was really excited about her birthday and told me she wanted me to stay for her party. I said I’d try and call my son about it.

The day before their parties, I told Sam I would try and stop by, but he kept insisting I come for the full thing. I told him I’d try, but Emma’s birthday party is on the same day, and my wife and I have been planning it for over a month now.

He just said ‘okay’ and hung up the phone. Fast forward to the day of both parties. My wife said I should go to Sam’s party. I was planning on doing so, but Emma told me she really wanted me to stay.

I didn’t want her to be sad at her party, so I agreed and told them I would just leave later.

Emma’s party was from 4-6 and Sam’s was from 4:30-7:30, so I was thinking I had plenty of time. I live over an hour away from my son, so I was planning to leave early. Anyway, I was helping my wife with a lot of stuff, taking care of the kids, and other things.

By then, it’s already 6 pm and I feel bad.

I have so many things to help my wife with cleaning up, and since I live over an hour away, I know I can’t make it. I did go to his graduation, so I assumed just going the day after to see him would be fine.

Boy was I wrong. I call him after that and he practically goes insane, telling me he’s extremely angry, saying I love Emma more than ‘my biological kid’, and that I always forget about him. He then tells me he doesn’t want me to come the next day and doesn’t want me to talk to him.

I haven’t missed a lot of his events, so I feel like he’s overreacting. I didn’t go to his 18th birthday party because of a big meeting I had, and I get why he was mad about that, but this seems like an overreaction. I apologized to him, but he didn’t accept it.

My ex-wife and wife said I should have gone and that I was being an idiot. My oldest son says I always choose Emma over him (which is not true) and that I was being a horrible father. I do feel bad, but I lost track of time. He won’t talk to me and neither will my oldest son.


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DeniseSB 5 months ago
A graduation party, whether it’s for high school, college, or whatever, is a celebration of a SINGULAR ACCOMPLISHMENT. Birthdays are important because they give us an opportunity to let the people we care about know that we care—but they are annual events. Besides, you have the whole year to let Emma know you love her. It sounds like your son (sons?) feel like you love Emma more. It’s not surprising that a simple apology isn’t going to be enough to address the issues you have with your son(s).
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