People Want Us To Understand Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Every now and then, especially when we're really emotional, we all make bad mistakes. When we are too overcome with rage or someone has exhausted our patience, we may act in a way that comes off as "jerk-ish" in the eyes of other people. Here are a few stories from people who want to defend their attitude. Tell us who you think the real jerk is as you read on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

18. AITJ For Not Finishing The Sweater I'm Making For My Mother-In-Law?


“My (44 F) son (21 M) is getting married. I’ve been fairly involved in wedding planning, and I did notice that the day they were booking was my MIL’s 65th birthday. I’m very careful not to give unsolicited opinions because I would like to have a good relationship with my DIL, unlike the one MIL has with me, so I told them they should do what they want, but just so they know there is no way MIL will attend.

I tried getting her to attend a celebratory dinner for her son once on her birthday and it almost caused world war 3.

My future DIL thought that was silly. My son said it was just a birthday and she has had plenty.

Sidenote MIL never celebrates her birthday with the family, so this shouldn’t be a scheduling issue in the future. It is just about this specific birthday. Well as predicted MIL and FIL will not be coming to the wedding.

My son thinks they are being dumb, and I don’t disagree, but I also think he should drop it. He called MIL and told her she was being childish and selfish, and this is the reason no one is close to her and she is isolating his future wife.

MIL called him a stupid piece of work and said she doesn’t care if she ever sees him again. I was appalled and called MIL to confirm she actually said that. MIL said he is disrespectful for thinking she would prioritize him over her own birthday, and she said she really doesn’t care if she sees him again.

I told her that was messed up. I also said I need a break from her and will not finish the sweater I’m knitting her. MIL said I was being dumb and that she has always helped me out and done things for me, even when she didn’t like me, so I should make her sweater, and she called me a ‘con artist’ because her sister paid for the yarn.

About the yarn, we were at a craft store and MIL’s sister was purchasing hundreds of dollars worth of art supplies and told me to throw the yarn in. It wasn’t even so much as a gift for MIL, as just come check out with me and save time.

One of MIL’s daughters texted me that I’m a joke and if she ever sees me wearing that yarn she will destroy it.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your son because he really thought someone should sacrifice their special day for his and suck it up for ‘sacrifices’ when he was warned what would have happened.

He should have said okay and ended the conversation. Not everyone is going to be excited about the wedding, so he needs to move on.

Your MIL cause calling your grandson a piece of work is next level, but then again I have no clue what your son said to illicit such a response.

You for trying to press the point. It’s fine if you want to be petty and stop making the sweater, but honestly just send back all the yarn and stop pressing the point.

Your SIL for her threat.

What does your partner say in all this? Y’all are all being dramatic and petty.” sherrytomatoe

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your son knowingly planned his wedding on her birthday and was warned that she might not come to the wedding.

He knew what he was doing and decided to do it anyway, there’s freaking history of her choosing her birthday over everything else. Instead of dropping the issue or picking another date, he called MIL calling her stupid, selfish, etc.

He deserved the word she said. Your son harassed her and you all blamed her for lashing back at him. The world doesn’t revolve around your son and he needs to learn that. Your son’s behavior was not cool and it sounds like you’re babying him.

I hope the MIL has an amazing birthday knowing she doesn’t have to associate with the trash DIL and her trashy grandson anymore.” FluffyPal

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your son should have just let it go.

There was absolutely no need for him to call MIL up and antagonize her over not wanting to come to his wedding. MIL definitely could have been nicer about it, but ultimately she can decline to come for whatever reason she wants.

It was pretty appalling how she spoke to her own grandson and the rest of her family. She sounds like an exhausting person. You also should not have gotten involved, the situation only blew up even more.

Your son was the one who called her up and yelled at her, I don’t know what he expected to happen. If I were you I would definitely cease contact with everyone on that side of the family for now and reimburse them for the yarn so they can’t hold it over you. Just focus on the wedding and don’t worry about them. Focus on the people who actually want to be there and support your son.” No-Passage546

6 points (6 votes)

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AmyWA 11 months ago
I can't imagine a grown woman expecting their grandchild to tiptoe around their birthday when scheduling a wedding. And that reaction? Outrageous.
Pay them for the yarn. Don't EVER accept any favors from them again because they obviously try to use it to control others. (Although I question if OP was doing the same thing, I mean why bring up the sweater at all? Just drop off contact.)
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17. AITJ For Changing My Name When I Get Married?


“I’m 28M. My fiancée is 27F. We bought a house built in the late 14th century last year.

This house is our dream. It’s big, old, and definitely haunted 300x over, it comes with a ton of property and even more history.

There are windows on the outside that don’t seem to match up with any rooms so we know there are more areas of the house we need to find, I could talk about this house for hours.

My fiancée and I have sunk our entire lives into this house. All of our funds went into the purchase and restoration of it – luckily my fiancée’s job involves historical restoration so we have a good foot in the door, but even so, every free moment we have is put into this house, fixing things, modernizing things, and just, in general, trying to explore the entire house and grounds.

We’re getting married next summer (at the house!) and my future wife and I have been talking a lot about the whole last name thing. She said she’s never felt 100% comfortable with taking the husband’s name, and I said I didn’t care at all if she chose not to.

Then she brought up an interesting idea. She suggested that we both change our last names to the name of the house. We both know with the amount of money, time, labor, and love we’re putting into this home we want it to be a legacy home (to pass down to our children if they want it) so we know we will be living here at least until we’re gone (and hopefully long after).

I loved the idea of both of us changing our names to the house’s name. I’m not going to put it here, because a quick search will tell you exactly where I live, but let’s just say it’s ‘Andersall Manor’ – it works as a last name as well.

She and I both agreed to this, but when it came time to tell my family my plans, my father got upset, since this means the family name on our side will end with him since I’m his only son.

It’s not like our name is a particularly unique one, and there are some distant male cousins and I’m sure some of them will have children so it’s not like the name will be gone forever.

I’m not entirely sure why he’s getting upset over this, since he’s never been much of a ‘family lineage’ guy until apparently now. My mom says I’m being a jerk and says I’m causing problems for no reason, and that she thinks my fiancée and I should both keep our names (with the implication our kids will take my last name.)

AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:


The entitlement is tied to patriarchal societal views. If that’s what you want to raise your children under, follow the father’s advice. If you’d rather change the name to something connected to historical significance in a name tied neither to you nor your wife that can become significant to generations (and maybe encourage new spouses of your kids, male or female, to take the house’s family name, HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?!? Something you BOTH are changing to start a NEW family and a new legacy! That’s insanely amazing and leaning into history without the hateful patriarchal views (that you can teach your kids against with your story of the house).

I am so excited for you and your fiancée!! I think what you’re choosing is a wonderful base for a new legacy and a wonderful (haunted) love story!” Persephone_Ann_

Another User Comments:


You’re a whole person, and your name belongs to you, to keep or change as you see fit.

You are not a vehicle for someone else’s legacy. You are free to create your own.

You and your fiancée sound very cool. I love the project you’ve taken on, and I hope you share your restoration journey where others will appreciate it.

People love to see progress being made on interesting old houses. I wish you the best of luck!!” DiTrastevere

Another User Comments:


You are 100% well within your rights to do it. If you want to do it, you should do it.

No one can tell you that you can’t, not your parents, not me, not anyone on the internet – no one!

But… and I say this as someone who absolutely isn’t all that into ‘tradition’ – I’m not a big ‘my son must carry on my family name’ kind of person, and I’m not conservative in these kinds of ways…

I can understand why your parents don’t like it. I’m not saying they are ‘right’. But just that I can see why they feel like it is a big deal.

You aren’t being the jerk here. If anyone is, it’s them… But it probably feels like a bit of a slight to them (even if it isn’t).” beast_boy_1905

3 points (3 votes)

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Wodkabottle 11 months ago
NTJ. Keep your name. Change your name. Change it again. Be Princess Consuela Bananahammock. My kid wants to change their surname to my mother's maiden name because it's cooler than mine or theirs. (I never changed my name when I married, and the kids got their dad's last name)

You are not responsible for carrying on a nominal family line.
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16. AITJ For Buying My Friend's Daughter Tampons?


“I (M46) met Cassie (F40) last year, we got on and despite not seeing a huge amount of each other in person because of various restrictions, we have stayed in contact.

I have known my friend since I was 16, and as a consequence, I have known all of his kids (all 4 of them) since they were born, they know me well enough to be completely comfortable with me and have been to my current house a number of times and when I lived in London the older kids would stay, etc.

C (F21) his daughter is in healthcare and I live close to a teaching hospital that is offering a course in her field, this is about 30 mins from where she lives, longer during peak.

Last week, late afternoon, Cassie and I were at my house having a coffee in the kitchen. The doorbell rang and it was C – I knew she had a meeting to discuss the course she wanted to get into at the nearby hospital, so I started asking her how her meeting went and she immediately said ‘can I use your bathroom?’ I said no problem and she ran upstairs to the main bathroom rather than use the toilet downstairs.

Less than a minute later I heard her swear and I went upstairs to ask if she was ok? She said that she had just started her period and didn’t have any tampons.

I’m going to add I have zero problems talking about this or buying sanitary products.

I said hold on and mentioned that Cassie was downstairs, went down, and asked Cassie if she had any sanitary pads or tampons as C had been caught out, she seemed embarrassed and said no.

I went back upstairs and explained that Cassie didn’t have any and that I could run to the shop (it’s a few minutes away in the car) and grab her some.

C explained that she didn’t have much time as she was on her way to her meeting and didn’t want to mess her clothes up.

The best I could say was do what you need to do to clean up and I’ll be back in a few mins.

I went out got some tampons and then told C to pop any towels etc.

in the washing machine and I would start a wash.

C did what she needed to do and then came into the kitchen to say hi (to Cassie) and bye to me, she came in to give me a hug and I wished her well for her meeting.

After she left Cassie said that she thought it was weird that C was so comfortable asking me for help with her sanitary products and that it seems like I’m overly familiar with her.

To be honest – I was taken aback by the comment, all I did was help my friend’s daughter out ahead of an important meeting.

I also said I’m not sure any of this would have been C’s first choice to deal with the situation.

Cassie left shortly after I said I wouldn’t do anything differently and that I’m sure she just got a bit caught out.

Apart from a couple of messages, I haven’t spoken to Cassie.


Update: I do not think I did anything special, I was only trying to help out in what was a moment of need.

C messaged me over the weekend to thank me and has apparently dispatched her Dad with beers for me.

Her meeting went well and she’s confident she has a place for later this year.

Regarding Cassie, I have said that if she wants to discuss this properly, then we can. I did also say that I have a sister, friends that are female and I have been in relationships, so I don’t have any problem with talking about periods, also given that C was close to my house I would expect her to come in if she, or any of my friend’s kids, had a problem they needed help with.

And just to add – I will have a supply for female visitors in the future.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but Cassie certainly is. ‘Overly familiar’ is polite code for ‘inappropriate’ and you most certainly were not.

After a 30-year friendship with her dad, and given the way she responded and that she literally HUGGED YOU of her own impetus on her way out, it sounds like she sees you as a bit of an uncle, which makes sense in the overall context.

You did nothing inappropriate. You helped the daughter of a lifelong friend out in a potentially embarrassing situation. You were not intrusive, you left her to clean herself up in private. All you did was run to the store to fetch a couple of things that she needed.

If Cassie thinks that buying necessaries is ‘overly familiar’ then SHE is a jerk for projecting some weird personal issues around natural bodily functions and the things we have to do to deal with them on you.

Would she have said the same thing if you’d run out of toilet paper and had to go get some? Tissues? Because it amounts to the same thing. You’re NTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Honestly, it’s no different than being caught without toilet paper and I’m sure Cassie wouldn’t have had an issue with you making a run to the store for that if someone needed it and there was none in your house.

It’s a product necessary to manage a perfectly normal biological function. A couple of my guy friends keep a stash of feminine hygiene supplies on hand because they have friends/family members who menstruate, and it has been much appreciated by each of us at one point or another.” SaturniinaeActias

Another User Comments:


Menstruation and sanitary products are normal stuff. It’s awesome that she feels comfortable asking for help when she needs it, and you reinforced that she has nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, a lot of men won’t even be comfortable acknowledging periods as a thing much less help out a young lady in a tough spot. You weren’t being familiar, you were being compassionate and gentleman-like” occultatum-nomen

3 points (3 votes)

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Arj 11 months ago
NTA, it's great that she felt comfortable and was able to ask you, I don't understand why your other friend thinks it's weird or she might have just been embarrassed and just said it, but you did nothing wrong, if it had been me, I would have said "bring a few different brands, just in case anyone has another emergency,"
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15. AITJ For Wanting To Prioritize My Grieving?


“My (37F) best friend (38F) is terminally ill. Her prognosis is about under a week. My wife worked a long week roughly 50 hours but has tried to be there for me. She even came to the hospital with me once.

My best friend and I have been friends for 32 years. We grew up together and we are each other’s family.

Tonight was rough because I’m the point person for a lot of her friends. We have a lot of the same mutuals so I’m doing the best I can with making sure everyone knows and gets a chance to say goodbye.

Since visitation is finally allowed I’ve been taking my iPad to the hospital and have been video-chatting everyone that wants to say goodbye. Tonight I’m not going to the hospital because of other family visiting.

My other bestie (41M) is her ex and he’s taking it HARD. My mom suggested that it may be best for us to be there for each other because we both knew my friend and loved her deeply.

My mom knows how close the three of us were and her idea sounded good. My wife is not good with grief so I thought leaning on someone who isn’t her would be good for us both.

She doesn’t have to deal with my feeling and he and I would have space to grieve together before ole girl passes.

I mentioned to my wife that I wanted him to come over for a slumber party so we can do all the things the three of us used to do and cry it out together.

My wife was not pleased. She copped an attitude with me on the phone when I mentioned him coming over though she did agree. We do have space in the house for him in the guest room so that wasn’t the issue.

When I got home from my mom’s I mentioned her attitude. She said she just wanted a peaceful night’s rest as she had a long week at work. She did work about 50 hours this week and was the sole breadwinner.

Normally I’m super respectful of her schedule but grief is tough and I feel I need the support. She isn’t that great at it so I don’t wanna burden her with my feelings and just wanted to be sad with someone who I know is also going through it.

I snapped at her and told her one of the people I am closest to is about to pass away and she could get a peaceful rest tomorrow as she has work on Monday, not Sunday.

I really feel bad about losing my cool and going off but like this isn’t a normal situation.


EDIT: I was laid off due to the global crisis. I was actively contributing to the household with my savings until my wife told me to stop and just save my money.

I am currently job hunting. 50 hours is not her normal work week just this one. We have a policy that there can be an overnight guest on weekends but not during the week. Any weekday guest gotta get ghost by 9-10 PM.”

Another User Comments:

“I do not think anyone is a jerk, but you prob owe her an apology & maybe she you.

Not that you were wrong in asking your friend to stay, but I’m guessing when you snapped you didn’t talk to her very respectfully – like when she copped an attitude with you. I think you prob took some of your stress out on her as she did with you.

Two diff types of stress you guys are under but, to me, it’s not about who wins the ‘stress Olympics’ or whose stress is more important or valid.

I think talking to her in a moment where you can be open and loving would be good.

You do not want to look back on this time as a time when your wife was not supportive. And, she prob was not trying to be unsupportive – we all have moments when we act like jerks even if we don’t mean to.

Give it some cool-off time and then go to her if she doesn’t come to you first. I know you are hurt and hurting, but letting this fester out of pride or righteousness may feed that angry part of your grief, but it can destroy your relationship (which overall sounds pretty good).

Good luck, ma’am, and I am sorry for the pain you are in.” MerryGritsmas

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Grief is hard and it is so different for everyone. It can make you snap and be angry when you normally would not be because so much seems…

trivial compared to the grief and loss (or impending loss) of someone close.

Being very tired can also make you snap and be angry when you would normally not be. Give your wife a hug. Seems like you could both use one.

You did not ask for advice but I’m gonna give you a little. Tell her you understand she is tired and you and your friend will keep out of her way and don’t need any special attention.

Tell her to get all the rest she needs and you are gonna do the grieving that you need to do. And a random stranger is reminding you both that you are in overwhelming circumstances…

so after you snap at each other, apologize… both of you are just being human. I’m so sorry for your situation…

I lost a dear friend last year and there is just nothing that words can change…

grieve in your own way and in your own time. Remember that it hurts so much because it was so very good. If that helps you. That was my mantra a lot last year.” thatotterone

Another User Comments:

“I am going to say no jerks here with maybe a very very slight YTJ.

I am so very sorry about your friend. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to lose such a close friend after so many years of being in each other’s lives and having said that you’re more than entitled to grieve and get support from your other friend who also knows your bestie very well.

All TOTALLY valid and good for you and nothing wrong there.

BUT… you noted that your wife is the SOLE breadwinner in the house, and she’s working long hours. It is a lot of mental and emotional stress to be the only one responsible for earning the money, probably something she’s feeling pretty regularly.

She’s also entitled to feel worn out and wants her own space and time to relax and decompress. It sounds like maybe you are not very supportive of her most of the time (you mentioned you were respectful of her schedule, but what else do you do to support her?), and obviously being caught up with your bestie and her illness takes up a lot of your time.

Both of you have valid feelings and are entitled to them, one does not exclude the other. The only reason I would say you’re very slightly the jerk is that you are trying to make her be the partner responsible for supporting you financially, emotionally, etc without giving any of that back to her in return.

Also, obviously, it is hard to weigh in on your relationship since none of us know the two of you, but wanted to say even if your wife is not great at emotions she may also be feeling left out/upset/disconnected by you leaning so heavily on your other friend and not giving her a chance to help you at all. Just a thought.” deebee227

2 points (2 votes)

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BarbOne 11 months ago
You have been spending nearly every waking hour with your dying friend. Has your wife been doing all the necessary housework in addition to working 50 hours this week? I can certainly understand wanting to be with your friend at this time but being there for your wife who is being wonderful to you should be your priority right now. How would you feel if she was in an accident and never made it home from work this week? Would your sacrifice for your friend still be worth it? As someone who watched her mother pass from cancer, I know Mom couldn't handle people being around and wanting her attention at the end. What little energy she could muster for immediate family wore her out. Make sure you are being attentive to your friend's needs and not being selfish with your desire to spend every possible minute together. Make sure your wife knows you appreciate all the sacrifices she is making for you and your marriage. She sounds like one in a million.
1 Reply

14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom To My Wedding?


“So I (27M) am getting married next fall to my wonderful fiancée Amber (28F). My parents divorced when I was 2. My mom remarried her current husband, they had 1 child together along with his 2 children.

My dad remarried and has one daughter. I have always had a great relationship with my dad and stepmom and step-sister. I consider my stepmom to be my mother and have always called her such.

I have never gotten along with my mom or stepdad. Nothing really, in particular, growing up, we just butted heads, especially me and her husband.

I hardly ever talked to my siblings from my mom’s side.

Around 11 I learned my mom had an affair with her current husband and that just made things worse. I really do not like her kids at all, even my half-sibling. I didn’t wanna spend time at her house and while she did not force me to, it caused a lot of bad blood between my mom and dad.

Things blew up when I was 14 and made a social media post for Mother’s Day with a picture of me and my stepmom. I didn’t do this to be malicious, I have just always considered her my mom and she’s known this.

My parents got in a huge fight and I hardly spoke to my mom much after. She would still show up to my big moments. But I didn’t even want her there and it was always sorta awkward between her and my stepmom.

My mom still included me in family events but as time went on I spent less and less time with her due to her husband and kids. I’d rather just spend time with my dad.

I decided I did not want her whole family at my wedding. I said my mom’s invite was for her only. She freaked out. Saying that I was purposely excluding her kids and her husband.

I said it was not to be mean, but I simply didn’t have a connection to those people and did not want to add to my already limited guests (Amber has a huge family and the venue we have is really small).

My mother said she would need to think it over and hung up.

I got calls from my mom’s siblings saying it was rude because they considered us family. I just told them that it’s my wedding and I choose who comes.

My mom called freaking out when she learned my dad’s daughter was a bridesmaid. Saying that I was being hurtful including one half-sister and not the other. And that she would be pulling out of the wedding if her family wasn’t included.

I was fed up and told her not to come then, and I won’t be holding a spot.

We did not talk for months until last week. She told me she was willing to come now because she could not handle missing her son’s wedding.

I told her no, that she canceled her spot already and I was not gonna redo the seating chart. She started to yell/cry so I just hung up. She called my dad and he’s telling me to have some empathy and include my mother.

I told him that I called her bluff and she was fine not coming for months. My stepmom is on board with whatever I decide but wants me to think about it because it’s a tough situation for my mom.


Edit: my step-siblings/half-siblings have never really done anything wrong to me. We just haven’t ever been close. They reached out expressing how upset they were that they were not invited, however. I was invited to my step-sister’s wedding and couldn’t make it, for your information.”

Another User Comments:


You should have the people you love, value, and respect around you on your special day, not people you don’t even get along with. Furthermore, from what you have described, your mother has not done the bare minimum to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with you or facilitated that with you and her husband/children/family.

It is understandable that she was upset but she became an even bigger jerk when she turned her flying monkeys loose on you.” TypicalManagement680

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your mother’s husband is her husband, whether you like it or not.

He was never cruel toward you or acted in a way that would make you feel unsafe around him, and neither have any of the kids from the sound of it. This means that while you don’t need to find roles of honor for him or your step/half-siblings in the wedding, refusing to invite him and any still-underage kids they have if you’re not having a childfree wedding, to begin with, is a massive breach of etiquette on your part if you’re not just going to automatically exclude that whole part of the family, your mom included.

And you can’t even pretend you were doing it to spare your dad’s feelings when he has made it clear he thinks you’re in the wrong, so either admit you’re being incredibly petty and need therapy to deal with your parents’ divorce once and for all or have fun potentially alienating your entire family over this.” mm172

Another User Comments:


You do not really have much of a connection with your mom and her side. Familial bonds are beyond genetics, it’s whose been there with you the whole time, and looks like your stepmom is really more of a mother to you than your bio mom.

And your half-sister from your mom’s side is not entitled to be a bridesmaid. She ain’t even close to the bride.” No_Fee_161

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Yes, the wedding is about you and your fiancée above all else, but the point of a ceremony is for others to celebrate your union.

Your mother has made it clear she wants to be there along with her husband and has a right to be upset that you are not inviting somebody that has been part of your family, whether you like it or not, for more than half of your life at this point.

Flipside? It’s clear you don’t get along with your mother, step-father, half-sibling, and step-siblings. It is your decision, but be aware that this will have long-term repercussions in your relationships with these people.” hydrochloric_bukkake

2 points (2 votes)

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mima 11 months ago (Edited)
Wow you're are a fucking piece of shit. All I have to say. From the moment of separation you deliberately excluded your mom and any family she had. I hope you die full of regret and sorrow and carry it from your death bed on with you forever. Sounds really mean doesn't it? That's how you have treated your mom and sibling. There are no half siblings, only siblings that have probably wondering her whole life why you hated her. You will die with regret if you don't open your heart. Kids don't have to choose a side in divorce and your dad has never made you aware of that fact. Your entire life he has deliberately tried to keep you from loving your mom.
-7 Reply

13. AITJ For Asking My Brother-In-Law To Move Out?


“I got married 8 months ago and before that my husband was living with his brother and two more roommates. After we got engaged we found an apartment but I decided to move in after the wedding.

But my husband decided to move in before his brother also emptied the previous place and decided to look for a place closer to his work. So he was crashing at our new place till he could find a suitable place with his friends.

After our wedding when I moved in, my husband assured me he will be staying for a few weeks till he finalizes his place. It should be noted that I’m on rather good terms with my in-laws and people find me delightful, but I’ve never gotten along with my BIL.

I’ve tried very hard to connect with him but he doesn’t exactly talk to me and when I do the conversation seems to be forced. I’ve tried to be considerate of his needs and I’m a very hospitable person.

He doesn’t exactly like the food I make or things I like to do on a normal day. So I always compromise. My husband tried to tell me I don’t have to be that considerable and wanted me to cook and do stuff around the house as I wanted to.

But still, I completely feel like the only place I have my own space is the bedroom.

After a few months, I gently brought up the topic to my husband asking whether he found a place, turns out his friends found alternatives and he doesn’t want to find a place with strangers as roommates or live alone.

He doesn’t get along with his co-workers to find accommodation nor does he want to live alone.

He doesn’t contribute to the rent or the household chores. And doesn’t adhere to any cleaning schedule for his room which I have tolerance issues with – I like to maintain a clean house.

I have often cleaned up after him and asked him to follow certain rules but it never seems to bother him.

A few weeks ago, my tolerance level burst and I told my husband that he has to go and I don’t feel comfortable in my own house.

My husband is reluctant to ask his brother to leave. I also found my in-laws debating behind my back when I am going to ‘separate the brothers’ as in breaking up the family. Today when I and my husband were arguing about the same issue again I felt like this issue is the only major disagreement we are always fighting about and this made me feel like I’m not considering that my BIL is family and I feel like a jerk.


Update: after I had a discussion and told my husband what I wanted, he took his brother out and asked him to move out as soon as possible. Thank you all for your support, it gave me the push I needed.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – and to be honest the fact that you had to come here for the answer is concerning! You NEVER agreed to live with BIL.

And the fact that he DOESN’T contribute? WHAT?!?? He has a job, yes? Why isn’t he paying 1/3 to 1/2 of RENT AND BILLS? This is basic stuff and the fact that your new husband hasn’t enforced any boundaries is very concerning.

This is not a good way to start a marriage. I would put your foot down and blow this thing wide open. Either BIL leaves or you do. At least you will know where you stand.

Otherwise, you are setting yourself up to be disrespected and taken advantage of for the rest of your marriage.” sarahhruby

Another User Comments:


You aren’t breaking up any family. When you got married, you were told by your husband that the two of you would be living alone.

Your BIL needed a few weeks to get it together, not months, and definitely not permanent.

Stop having this fight with your husband and be clear – when we got married, you got an apartment that was supposed to be for the two of us, then your brother was going to stay a few weeks, he is still here and I am not okay with it.

I am uncomfortable, I am cleaning up after him, and this is not what we agreed to when we got married.

Tell him his brother has 30 days, or else you will need to reconsider where you live.” mfruitfly

Another User Comments:


But your husband? Gosh.

Why would your BIL leave? He pays for nothing, uses your maid service, and acts like you don’t belong in your own home.

He is blocking your marriage. He stalled on his former roommate’s so as not to move and ‘prefers’ not to live alone.

Your in-laws treat this as if you’re an interloper in a brother relationship?

Boot him. He can go back to Mom. Your husband needs to step up for you. You won’t get this crucial honeymoonesque bonding time back.

None of BIL’s excuses here are accidents. They are deliberate actions to interfere with building an intimate foundation for your marriage.

Drag your husband to couples counseling. He has huge issues if he’s okay with this situation.” drhoctor42

2 points (2 votes)

12. AITJ For Telling My Step-Sister To Become A Responsible Mom?


“My mother and my stepfather married around 2015, my stepfather brought over our stepbrother from El Salvador around 2016 (15M) and we love him dearly, I (24F) consider him my other younger brother. On New Year’s day, with the help of my mom, our stepfather brought over his daughter/stepsister (22F) and her daughter (5), she has been currently living with us for almost 3 weeks now.

With the new addition to our family, our house has become quite cramped, my brother (18M) has ADHD and later had a diagnosis of autism last year so we do try our best to not overstimulate him.

We have three cats and two dogs and mostly, the cats spend a lot more time with my brother while the dogs spend more time with everyone equally. With our stepsister and her daughter (D will be used as her name), D does act like a kid and is always hyper and running around, etc.

My brother, M, hates kids, is always uncomfortable around them, and usually coops up in his room whenever our cousins and their kids come around to avoid being around them. Recently, M has been having issues with D, as D would suddenly enter his room even after we tell her not to go in, grabbing M’s stuff and moving it, playing too harshly with the cats or dogs, and or whenever M bakes, trying to grab the cookies or cakes or knocking stuff down.

M understands that’s how kids are but will get overstimulated and stay in his room for the rest of the day to calm down.

M is very shy and does try to tell D’s mom if she can watch her closely next time so she doesn’t either get hurt/enter his room without permission and D’s mom usually says she does that and then the event happens all over.

I’m not a mother at all so I didn’t get involved originally.

Today, however, I had to get involved. It was M’s turn to go and get the cat and dog food and I offered to go out to help him bring the stuff back.

We got home, and while attempting to bring the food in, D attempts to run out of the house with one of the cats in her arms. M tries to get the cat back and D inside but due to the snowy weather in our area, they both fell on the ice.

D’s mom was on her phone answering a call when this happened and upon hearing D crying, jumped up and started yelling at my brother. M got upset and started crying and that’s when I just lost it.

I told our stepsister that this was not the first time when D has done something and we tell her to keep a close eye on her and that she shouldn’t be blaming anyone for her kid’s actions if she’s just going to let her kid do whatever she wants and how she needs to step up and be a mother.

I’ll admit, I said that out of anger but seeing as how during these weeks, whenever D does something she shouldn’t, her mom is always on her phone and finally does something when D is either hurt or gets reprimanded by other family members.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ: she needs her kid taken away if she only does something when her kid gets hurt. That child is in danger because her mother is neglecting her. I’d have a family discussion about her and the child.

Cause she’s not a fit parent.

Not only that but she’s letting her kid harass your brother with disabilities and abusing the animals in the house. Start disciplining her kid and if she has something to say about it tell her hey maybe if she wasn’t a neglectful mother you wouldn’t have to parent her child for her and if she doesn’t like it she can move out.” Elizis

Another User Comments:


You are your brother’s advocate! People that are autistic need someone to be their voice. You understand his needs, you have to be the one to help him. You are absolutely in your right to set boundaries for D and her mom to follow.

If they cannot abide by them, where is the dad/grandpa in this to help make these boundaries clear?” No_Spinach6508

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you all probably need to make adjustments. See if your parents will get a lock for your brother’s door so the little girl can’t get in, he should stop putting treats where she can see/reach them, etc.

Also, other adults need to set rules and enforce them like not taking other people’s food and being gentle with pets. Her mom clearly needs to also watch her more carefully. Your brother probably isn’t going to be happy no matter what because he’s in a house with a little kid and it sounds like he just can’t deal with them well, but some changes will help.” Javyswag

2 points (2 votes)

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Doglady 11 months ago
NTJ You are standing up for your brother and your pets. Someone needs to. I cannot imagine living in a house that sounds this chaotic. Your brother does need his privacy and this child is not behaving. Her mother is "always on her phone". That needs to stop. Is she employed? Is she freeloading with her child? Is the child's father a part of her life? My kids knew to leave other people's things alone, to knock on closed doors and how to treat animal by the time they were younger than five. This child needs some manners and fast. Your brother needs a lock on his door. Your mother and step father need to get this resolved ASAP.
0 Reply

11. AITJ For Letting My Dog Poop On My Neighbor's Driveway?


“My wife, daughter, and I were taking our puppy for a walk. We’re two houses down from our house and the dog stops to poop. In doing so, she pulled over onto the neighbor’s driveway.

The owner (who we’ve never met) happened to be out there and gives us the look of utmost disgust and starts griping.

Mind you, we’re standing there, bag in hand ready to clean it. ‘I can’t believe you let your dog crap on our driveway.

You chose to have a dog. I didn’t. That’s unbelievably rude.’

‘We’re cleaning it up. Are you really that petty?’

(continues complaining as she gets in her car)

Am I in the wrong here? I mean, I don’t care if someone’s dog craps in my yard as long as the owner picks it up, but am I just weird?

EDIT: There is no grass.

There is a stone wall running along the front of the property, as there is for (nearly) every house on the street. The wall is probably 200 years old. Probably originally one long wall surrounding a large property that was broken up over time.

She was running along and instantly squatted and started pooing. She’s a puppy and still learning.

I didn’t ‘let’ her wander onto someone else’s property. The sidewalk is pretty narrow and we live on a very busy street so I walk her on the inside away from the road.

She pulled into the driveway and immediately squatted. It was literally inches. I estimated less than 6”, which is probably extremely generous. They have a line of bricks marking the boundary and she was close enough that some poo fell on the inside, and some on the outside.

I did react poorly. I admit that. I usually apologize even if she’s going on the sidewalk and someone is walking by. But I literally didn’t have a chance to hear. She was griping even as I was looking up and she hit a nerve so I pushed back.”

Another User Comments:

“I have to go YTJ.

Yes, dogs will go where they want, but honestly? You let your dog ‘pull over onto the neighbor’s driveway’. So it wasn’t on a public sidewalk, so you should have kept your puppy closer to you to make sure she didn’t go onto other people’s property.

It doesn’t matter whether you were ready to clean it up or not, because there could be stuff left behind that needs to be hosed down. You don’t know that person’s situation. I know I would be upset if I just saw a random stranger letting their dog wander onto my driveway (no matter how close to the sidewalk) and letting it do its business.

It doesn’t matter what YOU don’t care about, it matters what that PERSON cares about. She obviously cares about dogs going on her property, so next time keep your dog away from their driveway/yard. Also, if someone does get upset with you for letting your puppy go on their property, apologize, say it won’t happen again, and I am planning on cleaning it up.

Because otherwise, you will be the jerk again.” DiegoIntrepid

Another User Comments:


You watched your dog go onto someone’s property and instead of having them go somewhere else, you stood there and watched them take a poo, and instead of apologizing to the owner, you argued that you were going to clean it up and called them petty.

They’re right, they didn’t choose to have a dog, you did and as a dog owner, it is your responsibility to deter your dog from pooping somewhere they shouldn’t and that includes someone’s property. It doesn’t matter that you don’t care, it’s not your property.

If you had apologized, they would have been the jerk, but since you couldn’t do that because of your view of what they should allow on their property, you are.” PhoenixRosehere

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you should’ve apologized yes it’s a puppy and hopefully you’ll learn to curb your dog but clearly the owner of the property was upset just apologize and move on with your life.

Not everyone likes dogs/pets some people really care about the curb appeal of their house and spend a lot to maintain it and it’s understandable that they’d be annoyed. Some dogs have sticky poo that could stick on concrete, dog pee can ruin grass, if I see a ‘please curb your dog’ sign then that’s exactly what I do – I do not complain about it.

Realistically no it’s not a big deal, it’s not a huge issue first-world problem but that was still her driveway and your response was rude.” Julissaherna692

1 points (3 votes)

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Doglady 11 months ago
Wow! Surprised how many people think you could just get a puppy to poop in the "appropriate places". Sidewalk is narrow per the poster. Curbs are dangerous as that is still part of the road and you don't want your dog to get hit. Once the dog is older it will hold things longer and hopefully this will not happen again. It is nicer if you have a yard and can get them to poop before you go for a walk. However walking stimulates things so poo happens. The fact that you were holding a bag shows all good intentions. That is not always the case. Sounds like both of you over reacted. Walk the other direction for a while.
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10. AITJ For Not Giving Back A Painting?


“It was late afternoon on a Saturday. I was driving around while waiting for an appointment. I drove past a yard sale when I saw a beautiful fairy painting. I was so excited. I realized when I got close that the painting is actually an original and it’s huge, five feet by three feet.

I only had twenty dollars in my pocket so I thought there was no possible way she would sell it to me. I asked anyway and to my surprise, she only asked for twenty. She explained she’d been trying to sell it all day for a higher price but she needed it gone.

Then she told me she paid the artist two hundred for the painting. I thanked her and told her I would love this painting forever. As I turned around two cars pulled up. The first one offered me fifty for it and the next car offered me a hundred.

I could feel the woman glaring at me but I kept my painting and practically ran to my car.

My friend told me I’m a jerk because I should have given her the painting back to sell for a higher price.

I don’t think I’m a jerk because she would have sold the painting to the next person for twenty dollars if I hadn’t already bought it. The second person wouldn’t have offered her fifty for it.

They would have asked the price like I did. The third person might have offered more but I feel like that’s unlikely. It’s more likely they would have left disappointed. They only offered more because I wasn’t willing to sell for fifty.

I might be the jerk because the original owner would have made a hundred dollars on the painting if I returned it.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, she even said she’d been trying all day without luck to sell it.

Just bad timing for her. You’re right though, chances are she’d still have only gotten $20 or so for it. $50 at the most. If it’s bothering you, could pop a photo of the painting in its new home, a nice note about how happy you are, and maybe even $20-40 (basically whatever you’d have been happy to buy it for before hearing the price) and drop it off to her.

Zero obligation to, you’re already in the right – just a nice gesture if you’re feeling bad about it.” shiny12kittens

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Yard sales are for bargains, which is what you got. It’s up to the seller to set a realistic value for the item.

Besides this, I suspect the other 2 buyers were dealers with funds to throw around, whereas you bought it because you really love it. You made a great deal, good for you! You might want to get it appraised sometime, maybe the dealers recognized a known artist?” wwolffstarr

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

Your timing is impeccable but you did nothing wrong. I voted this way because the seller didn’t ask you to return the painting and her facial expression alone isn’t enough to call her a jerk – I think anyone would be kicking themselves at that point, but she didn’t actually try to take the painting back.” murdocjones

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, seller’s remorse is understandable but when you buy something it’s yours to do with what you want.

Ask your friend if when she sells her house for more than she paid for it, does she run and find the person she bought it from years ago so she can sell it a second time? It’s a ridiculous idea.” FM_Einheit

1 points (1 votes)

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Botz 1 month ago
One person's junk is another's treasure. Ntj, enjoy your windfall!
0 Reply

9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Babysit My Son?


“I get along well with my MIL. We had a non-existent relationship at first because of her homophobia. She completely came around after my husband and I had our son, who’s four now. She loves being involved but we have our differences that have started creeping up the older he gets.

We have a babysitter come over, who is incredibly reliable. My husband and I pre-make all our son’s meals and all the babysitter has to do is follow a routine.

We do have a few rules at home.

No sweets and juices. No tech and a few other things. My mum is quite on board with this and doesn’t try to contest what we do. A few times when the babysitter couldn’t make it I reached out to my mum to see if she was available.

I am a lot more comfortable with her being home alone with our son.

MIL on the other hand loves to undermine our parenting styles. She’s quite stubborn. Either by giving him her meals or sweets or giving him her phone to use and watch YouTube on.

There are many other things she does under the guise that it’s harmless. My husband sometimes sides with her because he sees it as a one-time thing.

Her parenting style is also a lot more aggressive while ours is more gentle.

We don’t use a naughty corner but when she’s over and he does something small she likes to come over and use terminology we don’t like, such as calling him a ‘naughty boy’.

I have made excuses for why she hasn’t been picked to babysit after she told us to save our funds and she was happy to do it instead.

My husband thinks I should relax and allow her to come over once a week. I much prefer it if she’s there when we are all home having family time.

AITJ for not allowing my MIL to babysit?”

Another User Comments:


Stuff like giving sweets and allowing screen time is, in my opinion, not a big deal once in a while. Your husband has referred to it as a ‘one-time thing’.

Have her babysit regularly and it becomes an ALL the time thing.

If that’s not the kind of childcare you want, it’s well worth paying a babysitter to avoid a family battle and hard feelings over how your child is being cared for. It’s one of the most contentious possible family issues.

Let her babysit once in a while, knowing her rules are different and he will be allowed some things that are not on the regular routine. Do NOT put yourself in a situation where she’s doing you a significant ongoing favor but doing it in ways that drive you crazy.

It is NOT worth it.” B4pangea

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – for one it’s your child so therefore whatever you say goes. The whole ‘well grandma’s rules over the parent’s rules’ thing is dumb. You’re choosing to not give your kid sweets or juices, which is very understandable because a lot of sugar isn’t good and many juices have a crap ton of added sugar.

Sugar rush and crash isn’t a fun thing to deal with. I’m assuming you also make specific meals for a reason, and her meals are completely opposite of what you make for said reason.

I don’t have kids, however I 100% back no tech.

Tablet kids are becoming a problem, because the ones I’ve met (family and friends) are basically just given the tablet whenever they want with unlimited screen time, but then proceed to throw tantrums if they can’t use the tablet because it’s charging or because it wasn’t brought with or can’t use whoever’s phone to watch youtube or play games.

I know some parents limit screen time and only do it for like 30 minutes while they cook dinner, but the ones I see do it because they wanna play video games or something and don’t want to deal with their kid.

And maybe those are harmless to her to give every once in a while, but then your child may start to get upset because ‘grandma lets me do it!’ Or ‘grandma gives me sweets/juice!’ And ya know what? It’s okay to put your foot down to stand by your rules.” alexinhorror

Another User Comments:


Time to sit your husband down and have this talk.

This is your child, a being who you are raising to have the values that you want. As guardians of said child, it is also on you to determine the rules that the child will have to follow until the child is 18.

Some of the rules are only for a short time, like bed by 6 pm for one age, and 7 pm for the next age.

However, what should never, ever be tolerated is anyone who would undermine those rules or fully ignore them.

Many of the rules are personal in nature, however, there are times when those rules have more important meaning, like if your child had a serious food allergy or breathing problems. Stuff that is more serious.

And right now your MIL is ignoring those rules that you and your husband agreed to and thus is no longer an option to be a babysitter. And if she continues this kind of activity, unsupervised visits may not be a good idea, until she can understand, respect, and actually follow those rules that you and your husband have set up.” JCWa50

0 points (0 votes)

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Botz 4 months ago
If she can''t respect your boundaries, too bad for her, no alone time with baby for you!
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8. AITJ For Dropping My Son Off At His Dad's?


“Our custody agreement is that my ex has our son for overnights two weekends a month. He never sticks to it, though, and usually asks to see him whenever it suits him.

I was supposed to drop him off Friday evening but the night before at 2 am he texted me to let me know he had a flight to catch late Friday so I would have to keep our son.

I was mad because this isn’t the first time he’s done this and this was one of the biggest issues we had during our marriage (him leaving on short notice constantly and just expecting me to deal with it).

I ended up taking my son to him and ignoring his message. When we got there, he tried to get me to take him home with me and called me childish and petty when I refused.

He ended up taking our son with him but he’s been sending me angry texts the entire time since apparently, our son has been making it hard for him to get any work done.


I’m going to add this here because people keep telling me to go to the courts to try and get full custody…

I’ve tried. My ex ended up getting even more time and refused to give me full custody.

Also, my son is enjoying his time with his dad. Despite everything, my ex isn’t the type to take out his anger on our son or make him feel like he isn’t wanted when he has him.”

Another User Comments:


Your ex wanted more custody well he got his wish and I think you should keep doing exactly the same thing, if he’s supposed to have your son then you drop him off and let your ex deal with figuring out what to do about having your son with him.

I think that you should tell him that if he wants to give his visitation time because of a work commitment he needs to inform you as soon as he knows, and you won’t have a problem with it, but he isn’t just going to get to see your son whenever he wants if he can’t stick to the visitation schedule.” cindyp1976

Another User Comments:


He knew when he took the job that it would involve short-notice travel. He needed to work that out with you in a mutually agreeable fashion or find other work. I’d expect to be able to plan long-range on my child custody schedule and count on that.

His life isn’t more important than yours, nor the reverse. He agreed to have his child that weekend, he doesn’t get to wreck your plans on a whim. He chose to make it difficult for himself, that’s his choice.

I have kids from my divorce, I’ve been there, thankfully, my ex is a far more reasonable person, and understands the idea of commitments.” User

Another User Comments:

“You did what is right. You are NOT the jerk.

He knows when he has his son and if he is going out of town it is up to him to find someone to care for his son while he is away or take him with him.

He cannot change the rules whenever he wants. You are not obligated to cancel any plans you may or may not have made for the weekend knowing you don’t have your son. A last-minute message is not acceptable.

Advanced notice and a proper request can absolutely be considered but not mandatory to accept his change in schedule. You have a schedule too even if it is home alone in a nice quiet house with wine and food, a movie, or a book.

You need your downtime too.

Also, side note thank you for being a good mom and recognizing that your son does need time with his father and looking out for him that way. Even if you hate him the father-child relationship is a different dynamic.

(And dripping your son off as you were supposed to is not sabotage or anything else it’s just what had to be done.) Hopefully, this is a wake-up call for him that he can’t do this stunt anymore.” User

0 points (0 votes)

7. AITJ For Restricting Access To My Things So My SILs Can't Get To Them?


“I (23F) live with my husband’s (23M) parents in their basement. For some context, my husband got out of the military last year and we moved home but the housing market is absolutely terrible and it’s been hard, so they opened their home to us.

A little bit more context, I grew up in a home with just my brother and my father. While I have sisters, they were never there.

Anyway, I have been living in this house for nearly 7 months now.

Lately, the way they live is just too much for me. My youngest SILs (twins, F10) and the older one (20F) constantly take my things. I always tell them that I would gladly give them the clothes off of my back if they just ask, but they have never.

They use my shampoos, my movies, my clothes, everything. Usually, I can come down in my room and smell all of the lotions the twins have gone through, and find multiple things missing along the way (clothes, really).

No big deal. I tell them to ask (they won’t), and I move on. What pushed me over the edge is the older one taking substances off of my shelf. I spend a lot on this stuff because it’s technically my ‘medicine’.

What really got me here is I smoke with her every single night. I don’t invite her; she invites herself. No problem, no big deal. But I came back from a weekend trip and she said: ‘hope you don’t mind but I went into your room and took your substances.’ Look, I literally don’t care that she did but it’s the fact that she didn’t ask.

They never, ever ask. So I took every single thing I own from every single access point and packed it away. I carry my shampoos to and from the bathroom, I logged them out of all of my streaming services, and I stopped cooking dinner.

(Which I do four to five nights a week because I feel like I’m mooching off of this family.)

My husband says I’m punishing the entire family by not doing these things, and I am being a jerk and that I should stick it out until the end of the month because we’re moving out.

But I feel SO disrespected. I don’t ask for a lot. I really don’t because I live in someone else’s home. Just respect me, my space, my things. But I can’t get that.

AITJ for restricting access to my things after it’s been taken without asking one too many times?

EDIT: I’ve decided to continue to keep my things away but not to stop cooking dinner.

I do admit that was a heat-of-the-moment decision. I also agree that it shouldn’t even be a problem since I’m so close to leaving but I pushed it down until I couldn’t anymore.”

Another User Comments:

“A little bit the jerk, but overall I’m going to go with NTJ.

Asking to borrow or use something is such a basic courtesy and doesn’t cost anything to do. The fact your SILs can’t respect this is unacceptable. Has your partner or his parents said anything, especially to the younger ones?

Totally get locking your stuff away, but I think the not cooking for everyone is taking it a bit far.

Don’t fall out with the entire family over this, especially if you are moving out soon.” xpotential31

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Going into your things without asking permission is very rude and just plain disrespectful… regardless of what the living situation is.

And those kids (the 10-year-olds) need to be taught boundaries so they don’t get older thinking that kind of thing is ok to do. Hope you can find a place soon and get out of there!” Intrepid_Detective

Another User Comments:


Your husband isn’t telling his siblings to quit taking your stuff and your husband isn’t cooking for his family? What is he doing to make you comfortable exactly?

My real advice is to move out.

Find a shared home, head back to your dad’s house, live with a sister, and don’t bring your husband.

But if you don’t want to do that, at minimum hide your things (or install a lock on your cupboards) and have a conversation with your partner about his lack of support.” shestammie

0 points (0 votes)

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Ana341 11 months ago
Have you told the parents about the girls using your stuff without permission? If so, then they're all jerks. If not, then why? If the parents don't know their kids are doing wrong then they can't correct the problem.

Either way, the 3 girls are jerks. And your hubby for not helping you with correcting his sisters.
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6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Do Wedding Traditions From My Culture?


“So my (F25) partner (M27) of 5 years recently proposed to me. He is half Japanese and half Korean and his cultures are very important to him and his family. I absolutely love them too so we decided to get married in Japan with lots of Japanese and Korean wedding traditions.

So, I am not really fond of all the wedding traditions from my culture/country so we won’t be doing them. (But my partner’s family is going to be wearing some traditional clothing from my country for the after party, we’re having some traditional food, hosting the ceremony in Japanese and my language so everyone can understand and his family is learning my language so they can communicate.

But that’s pretty much it.)

When we broke the news to my family, they got incredibly angry and called me a selfish witch because I’m not going to include a lot of our wedding traditions. We’ve only been arguing since then and they are refusing to come to my wedding as long as we were doing it that way.

My family told me that the whole situation even has a negative impact on my mother’s health since she was incredibly upset that she can’t see her oldest daughter getting married.

And by the way, we were going to be paying for plane tickets and all my guests can stay at the Inn my partner’s family owns for free.

We are doing one of those small wedding receptions at my local town hall so it’s official in my country too. We offered to do a small party after coming home from Japan but unfortunately, that’s not enough for my family.

I feel incredibly guilty for refusing my family those things but I never really felt a deep connection to my culture since I had to suppress it when I was growing up. Also, I do not really like our typical wedding traditions and I don’t wanna be doing something at my wedding if I do not enjoy it.

So AITJ for refusing to include my culture’s wedding traditions, upsetting my family and therefore making them unable to attend my wedding? What do you think?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You can do whatever you want.

But be aware that you fully embracing your partner’s wedding traditions because his culture is important to him and his family while rejecting your own family’s cultural traditions because they are not important to you looks really bad.

You have shown your family that you value the importance of your partner’s family above yours and incorporating some traditional costumes and foods into the reception afterward as a window dressing just emphasizes to them how little you value their place in your life.” Cool-Clerk-9835

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you are making some choices that have consequences.

It is your wedding, so your choice.

You probably did not know much about the Japanese/Korean culture, fell in love with it, and are willing to participate in their marriage traditions. So this establishes you are not against traditions as a whole and are willing to adhere to them.

On the other hand, you seem to disregard your own family’s traditions. Yes, this will seem rather odd to them. And yes, it will be seen as you dismissing them. If that is your intent, go for it.

But those are choices that likely will be held (probably rightly) against you and perhaps for a long long time.” phiwong

Another User Comments:


Your wedding, your wants. Normally I do NOT advocate rewarding tantrums like your mom’s with any good result, but my wife and I have spent the last 25 years hearing crap about our wedding and both of us heartily wish you may avoid that experience.

You REALLY gotta consider your mom’s ability to rag on you about it for the next thirty to forty years. The sorry fact is, sometimes we all do things we would rather not, for the sole sake of getting our mother to shut her yap about it. Sometimes it is worth enduring some unwanted ‘traditions’ for the sake of a lifetime of peace and quiet.” RandomNetNerd5150

0 points (0 votes)

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kipa 11 months ago
Ntj. You are not "making them" miss your wedding. THEY are choosing wedding traditions over seeing their daughter married. Their choice entirely.
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5. AITJ For Accusing My Neighbor Of Leaving A Mess?


“Last weekend I took a trip out of town and asked my neighbors to watch my dog. I gave him the keys to the house and a schedule for her. The Father and Son of the home were coming over to take care of the dog while I was away.

When I came home, there was something that had been spilled on the ground and tracked around my entire living room which caused the floor to be sticky. I asked them if they knew what had happened the day after I returned and they claimed to have no idea.

As a thank you, I offered to make them a steak dinner in a few days. They accepted and planned to come over today.

Last night, I went to make myself a drink with some booze that I had in the freezer.

When I took the bottle out, it was frozen solid with it being 3/4 full. I did some research to make sure that I was not crazy and verified that 40%-spirit booze freezes around 16 degrees Fahrenheit and my style of freezer only gets 20 degrees Fahrenheit at the lowest.

I sent a text to the father and said that he may want to have a discussion with his son since booze does not freeze at these temperatures. Obviously, water has been added which no adult whatsoever does since they know it is a very obvious way to ruin booze.

I received a response today from the neighbor saying that neither he nor his son had any idea about it and that they would pass on dinner this evening.

At this point I have basically accused my neighbor of spilling things on my floor and drinking my booze, possibly accusing their son of being a heavy drinker.

Am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

Not sure if you had arranged to pay them or thank them ahead of time but that would have been the appropriate thing to do (unless perhaps you’re really good friends with them which it sounds like you’re not).

But sometimes neighborly deals are struck and that’s okay.

When I ask someone to house sit or pet sit I tell them whatever is in the house food/drink wise is theirs if they want it. That takes any weirdness out of the equation.

If they had had permission to enjoy your booze they may not have watered the remainder down. As for not cleaning up their mess, that was probably the kid (and he probably had some friends over and they drank and made the mess together).

I’m not sure how old the kid is but if he was underage I would definitely avoid giving him your house key again just in case.

You get what you pay for. In this case, it sounds like you didn’t pay them anything, or maybe they just owed you a favor.

Either way, I think they were rude to leave a mess but it’s not the end of the world.

It’s good that you did not outright accuse them but the implication is pretty clear which is probably why they don’t want to come to dinner.

It does not mean they feel insulted, but maybe the dad knows the kid and his buddies got into things and left a mess and he doesn’t want to deal with the awkwardness with you.

I would just maintain a cordial relationship and refrain from bringing the incident up again. And hire a professional dog sitter next time, or board your dog at a kennel.

If you really do want to thank them for the help (they did take care of your dog after all) then you could always give them a gift card or something.

But I would let go of the dinner idea for this one.” 1cecream4breakfast

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did not accuse anyone of anything. You asked a question and made a comment. You handled it better than I did in a similar situation.

They were in the wrong, not you. I think it is likely the dad had the son do most of it and had no idea the kid would act like that. Rather than facing reality, it’s easier to think you are crazy or a troublemaker.

Sadly he will have to learn the hard way. This is not on you. Also, they didn’t deserve the steak. Share it with your dog instead as an apology for leaving lol. Or just as thanks for being my buddy. Win-win!” KaoJin-Wo

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Doglady 11 months ago
Wow. Your dog could have gotten into the spilled booze and died. That is not taking care of the dog. Not to mention drinking your booze. Does sound like the kid did it. Underage or otherwise, just popping in to let the dog potty and feeding it does not mean "eat my food and drink my booze". I would care for the next doot neighbors' dog for free and would consider a steak dinner a blessing.
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4. AITJ For Not Sending Out Thank You Cards?


“I had my wedding a while back but my mom’s roommate made a comment this holiday about being rude for not thanking my guests for coming to my wedding and for their wedding gifts (which she also said was tacky).

My total wedding cost was about 5k, it was also planned kind of rushed so I ended up sending out e-invites to the wedding and never actually sent any physical invitations. We’re both Chinese and our wedding was kind of merged between an Americanized and Chinese wedding.

We had a small wedding registry for people who preferred that route, but I did specify that we will do ‘red envelopes’ (classic Chinese tradition). This is where you have red envelopes that family/friends/guests will give you cold hard cash (or checks) as a wedding gift instead of the classic amazon gift registry waffle maker.

I also hosted about 30 of our out-of-state guests in a cabin on the colorado mountain (on us, free for our guests) for 2 nights. The goal of this was a way to thank our out-of-state guests and also to do two nights of board games (also part of the bachelor/bachelorette party night).

Anyways, I felt we all had a great time.

During the holidays this year, my mom’s roommate (aka tenant) said it was trashy that I never sent out individualized thank you cards to the people who attended the wedding and said doing red envelopes was trashy as well.

Now thinking back on it, it’s true I have received thank you notes from almost every couple’s wedding I’ve been to.

So was I a jerk for not sending out ‘thank you’ cards to every attendee after the wedding?

(If so, should I send that out, albeit super late now?)

Edit/update: It has been like 2-3 years since the wedding.

I personally never cared for TY cards when I gave out gifts, but if that’s what’s expected here, I suppose when in America, do as the Americans do. I’m due for our baby boy this month, so I guess we can do a combined ‘belated TY for coming to our wedding and wedding gifts’ and a greeting card to introduce our baby at the same time.

(For your information – we’re not ungrateful, we’re both raised Asian style and never heard of these TY cards as an expectation until now. We also always give back more than we receive when we go to their weddings as well).”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, yes, in American culture it’s bad form to not send thank you notes after the wedding.

It’s also bad form to call others out on etiquette mistakes without being asked for an opinion. It’s especially bad to call traditions from another culture trashy. Gentle YTJ for you as it seems you did not know of the thank you note issue.

Major jerk for the woman that called it trash.

It’s never too late to send a quick note thanking people. Although most will understand it may be a cultural difference if you don’t.” Objective_Oil_7934

Another User Comments:

“NTJ (because you didn’t do this intentionally and from a non-US point of view).

Giving money may seem trashy by Western standards but I had a conversation with an Asian colleague once about why we tend to do gifts rather than money and it’s true that there really isn’t a logical answer.

Wedding gift lists usually (at least in the UK/France) allow the couple to then rearrange the funds the way they want, what the guests say they want to give is just a suggestion, so it ends up being like giving gift vouchers.

Giving a physical gift hides the value but then you have the risk of giving something expensive that the couple doesn’t need.

Sending thank you cards is customary. I think it’s a nice touch. Personally, we had a period in our lives when we attended quite a few weddings over a few years and I did notice when a couple didn’t send us a thank you card.

Not a big deal though. Sending something a couple of years later is not an issue but yes if you can do it around the time of the wedding anniversary, including a photo of the guest for example (a lovely way to remember the day in my opinion) or when announcing your baby’s birth that would feel more natural.” l4mpSh4d3

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your mom’s roommate is harsh… also I’ve never heard of sending a thank you card to every person who attended the wedding. HOWEVER, I do think it’s tacky that you never sent a thank you to the people who gave you gifts/cash.

It is basic manners in the US, but even outside of the whole manners thing, why wouldn’t you want to thank people for giving you a gift? It takes minimal effort to appreciate someone for giving you a gift. Weddings just typically have a more formal response for a thank you versus a birthday gift, etc.” kratzicorn

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Botz 1 month ago
I always give money, it's never the wrong, size, colour, duplicate, etc. Send your notes and apologize advising you had never heard of it. Ntj
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3. AITJ For Not Replacing The Delivery Guy's Shoes?


“I ordered pizza for delivery for dinner from a local place, a place my family orders from often. I got 2 pizzas for my family and waited for delivery.

25 minutes later, I went to greet the delivery driver at the door.

I have 4 dogs that are free to poop in the yard, so I have a sign that tells people to keep off the grass. I have the sign so people who aren’t my friends/family stay off the grass in general.

I don’t want people who I don’t know on my grass. Especially considering it’s been rainy and muddy the last few weeks, I never would have expected the delivery boy to walk through the grass.

He did. Once he got to the door he began complaining that he stepped in dog poop and that his new shoes were ruined.

I looked at his shoes, and he indeed had dog poop on them.

I shrugged and pointed to the sign that said to keep off the grass. I tried to hand him the money and get the pizzas, but he refused. He told me I needed to pay for the shoes to be replaced as they were around $120.

I laughed in his face.

Thinking he must’ve been joking, I brushed it off and once again tried to get the pizzas. He didn’t budge and told me that he was taking the pizzas back and would be back to get the funds later.

I was angry with what happened, but I made alternate dinner plans and let him leave. He pulled in again and demanded payment for the shoes, and I once again declined. My husband came to the door as well, on my side.

I wasn’t going to pay because the delivery driver was careless.

While I continued to argue with the driver, my husband called the pizza place and put them on speakerphone. He asked to speak to whoever was in charge and was informed that it was the owner on the line.

My husband let him know about the situation, but to our surprise, he sided with the delivery driver.

‘If you don’t pay my son for his replacement shoes, your address will be blacklisted from our restaurant.’ The owner clearly was angry as well.

My husband ended the call and we decided to just ignore them and not eat there anymore.

The driver clearly was not going to leave, after another hour and a half of arguing. I told him I would call the police if he didn’t leave our front door.

Now he’s parked on the street, technically not our property, and sitting there. It’s been another hour. Police can’t remove him since it’s not our property, but I’m very uncomfortable. I told my family about the situation and my BIL told me I’m acting like a jerk.

AITJ for not paying?

EDIT: I haven’t cleaned up the dog poo due to the constant rain and it being extremely cold outside. I have a walkway that’s very large and lit up. The sign is lit up as well.”

Another User Comments:


You went out of your way to put up a sign about your lawn. He disregarded a posted sign to walk through disgusting, already muddy grass and then cried when he happened to step in poop (honestly a risk inherent to that job).

I used to work as a delivery driver and I once slipped on black ice on someone’s front walkway and my knee was so injured and swollen that I was in tears from the pain driving back to the store, had to leave work early, and take some time off.

I never once blamed the homeowner, things happen—again, it comes with the job. Why on earth was he wearing his nice shoes to deliver pizzas and walk through muddy grass in the first place? You’re not acting like a jerk at all, stick with your convictions, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise; if someone walks on grass when there is a sign actively posted telling them not to and steps in the poop as a result, that’s on them.

It’s not your responsibility to make up for his own mistake. He can wash the shoes off or pay to have them cleaned.” versikendra

Another User Comments:


Even if you didn’t have a sign up saying to stay off the grass, that kid was obviously not looking where he was going, and he walked himself into the dog poop.

You didn’t force him to walk over a pile of poop; he entered your property and acted irresponsibly.

Considering that you specifically had a sign up saying not the step on the grass, it’s even more obvious that you’re absolutely not at fault, and you shouldn’t give that kid anything.

People who deliberately do stupid stuff like this and then claim that you should bear the consequences of their actions are generally people looking to trick others out of their funds. It’s very unlikely that this kid is wearing $120.00 shoes for his pizza delivery job.

Sure, don’t judge a book by its cover, but there’s no reasonable kid who would wear expensive shoes like this while delivering pizza in the rain. He is 100% a scam artist trying to trick you out of your funds.

If that kid wasn’t related to the owner then the chances of him being upset would be very unlikely. I’d hazard a guess that he’s only siding with the kid because it’s his kid. It’s unfortunate (especially if you really like the food at this place), but don’t let idiotic people like this walk all over you like a doormat.

That kid can absolutely just wash his shoes – yeah it might smell on the way home, and that’s really unfortunate for him, but this is the real world, and he can’t expect other people to pay for his actions.

It’s not really clear why people would say that it’s your fault; I doubt there’s a single person who would immediately go out to pick up their dog’s poop every single time the dog did their business.

You should certainly be picking up dog poop regularly, but you’re never going to have a completely clean backyard or front yard when you have dogs. No matter how much poop you pick up, the dogs are always going to create more.

I also doubt that there are many (if any people) who would willingly go out in the rain to pick up poop – if everything is muddy, that can be slightly dangerous cause it makes for easy slipping conditions.

It would also make it a lot harder to distinguish between the poop and piles of mud – especially if this is at night time.

Also, if he’s this idiotic and this much of an entitled con artist, it’s likely that even if you hadn’t had dog poop in your yard, he still would’ve walked in some mud and claimed that your mud dirtied his shoes so you should pay him.

People like this are beyond reason and will do anything to act like a victim.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You had a clearly marked warning and a clean, lit path to your door. Also, it sounds like he was wearing ‘real’ shoes, and not tread-safe kitchen shoes.

Which is a big no-no in nearly every state and restaurant chain (in the USA). It would be difficult to find tread-safe shoes for $120, as most kitchen and support staff don’t make that kind of cash (they definitely exist, but only a head chef or server/bartender in a fancy eatery is gonna be able to spend that kind of $ on work shoes, most ppl spend around $20-$50).

I will say though, cleaning dog poop out of the treads on a tread-safe shoe would be nearly impossible, and an absolutely disgusting chore. I know, because I have had to do it myself.” Haunting_Chemist4251

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BigGrandma 11 months ago
Good Lord, it's dog poop. It DOES wash off
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2. AITJ For Not Contributing To My In-Laws' Anniversary Party?


“I control all of the funds in the family. This wasn’t always the case but my husband has real issues with finances and got us into awful debt by spending frivolously and trying to keep up the lifestyle he had grown up with.

He is currently in therapy, and I make all financial decisions, which he is on board with. The goal is for him to get to a place where we can split it again, but he isn’t there right now, and we are still paying back debt, but he makes good money and we are comfortable.

SILs recently approached us and said they want to throw MIL and Step-FIL (their bio dad) a party for their 30th anniversary. They assumed we would want to be involved and split the costs three ways.

I said it is a nice idea but we won’t be giving any money. Now to be clear that doesn’t really affect anything. They can afford the party without us but they both acted like we were being cold, and cited that I paid for a small trip/private vow renewal for my parents’ 40th.

The party itself doesn’t sound too crazy. They are thinking of a nice winery with gourmet food trucks, and maybe 40 people, but SIL showed me the dress she is going to buy MIL and it is a couple thousand, for a dress.

God no.

I have three reasons why I don’t want to contribute.

  1. I don’t support the marriage. I think Step-FIL had good intentions and thought he could handle marrying a woman with a kid, but it is clear he had never loved my husband like he loves his bio children.

    He was harder on him, and less patient, and when my husband had issues with MIL as an adult Step-FIL was quick to turn on him. MIL turned a blind eye because she loves this man, and I judge her for that.

  2. MIL doesn’t like me.

    she isn’t awful, but she has had her rude, snarky, passive-aggressive moments, so why would I want to pay for a party?

  3. They don’t do much for us. MIL has never once helped with the kids.

    They have done much more for their daughters, and I don’t know if that is because MIL likes her sons-in-law, or because they are Step-FIL’s kids, but since they don’t do anything for us, I just don’t see why I should go above and beyond for them.

    My parents have been nothing short of supportive and loving.

SILs said I’m favoring my family and I’ve always done this and it is the reason they don’t like me and support MIL being rude to me.

One BIL said I’m not a team player. My husband understands but was a bit quiet after the discussion.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I think the reasons you listed aren’t the best reasons, the first especially is a bit petty and judgemental.

However, you have super valid reasons that do not judge their relationship at all:

  • You are currently paying off debt, because of your husband, so cannot justify this expense.
  • They are asking for a significant amount (a couple thousand alone for a dress) as opposed to what you paid for your parents’ smaller celebration.
  • You paid for your parents to go because they have supported you in X, Y, and Z ways (child care, paying for other things, etc.).

I would just reframe these to be about simple financial things, so you aren’t getting into a back-and-forth about feelings, tempers, etc.

And of course your husband was quiet – he would pay for this party, but he doesn’t get to make that decision because he screwed up royally, and if he hadn’t screwed up, you probably would be okay going 1/3 on the party.” mfruitfly

Another User Comments:


You sound like a judge and jury to your husband’s family.

They are his family. It is wrong for you to judge them from your perspective alone and to cause a rift between them. Going above and beyond would be doing more than what you would normally do for your family.

Doing nothing is going way below even normal.

Paying thousands of dollars for a dress does sound extreme, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do something. It sounds like you ARE favoring your family with your control of the finances and justifying it because you don’t like them.

This could seriously harm your husband’s relationship with his family and your marriage.” lsummerfae

Another User Comments:

“They are rude to you, then you are rude to them, then they are rude to you, then you are rude to them, then they are rude to you….

They are your (& your husband’s) family. It’s clear your husband would give something if he were able to access his own income at this point. He can’t and that’s honestly fair given your current situation.

But you aren’t being fair in this situation.

You complain they do nothing for you, but you don’t do anything for them either from the sounds of things. If they haven’t done anything bad enough for the both of you to go no contact (and just being ‘rude’ to you doesn’t count) then sit down with your husband and possibly a therapist and decide what your husband is going to do for his mom for her anniversary.

If the two of you want to donate a set amount to the party that is reasonable (I wouldn’t say paying a third, given the excess debt). If you want to get them a different gift less expensive than a party that is also reasonable.

What is not reasonable is to damage your and your husband’s relationship with his parents because you don’t like them. She’s your MIL, if you care about your husband at all, try to find a way to interact with her, maybe start by being the adult in the relationship and treating her like she’s someone that your husband cares about.

Are you the jerk? Not really, but you’re no one to be proud of either. Don’t wreck your marriage and make your relationship with his mom worse than it currently is here. If I were your spouse this behavior would cause some resentment. Right now he’s feeling shame and not crossing you, but eventually, he won’t have that shame, but the resentment may still be there.” BadwolfRoseTyler

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Doglady 11 months ago
Wow. Party of 40 "or so" at a winery and food trucks plus fancy, expensive clothes! That does not seem small to me. Rent the winery, pay for the wine, food trucks to be paid and then THOUSANDS for a dress for possibly one wearing? Crazy. That sort of spending is what caused your husband to get into trouble. Don't know what the total bill is going to be but you have debts to pay and those come before parties. If the inlaws have never helped with the kids but help with the other grands and your parents are the ones who have helped, I am on your side. Of course, my closet has never seen any piece of clothing that costs thousands! Does not compute in my world.
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1. AITJ For Wanting To Ban My Husband's Daughter From Our House?


“My husband has a 29-year-old daughter ‘Claire’ who is very hard to get along with. I’m not just looking for an excuse to dislike her. She legitimately is hard to get along with. I blame my husband somewhat but she has gotten 10x worse since she met her current husband 8 years ago.

He is a massive enabler.

Thursday night we had a huge snowstorm and she lost power, we didn’t. The house was freezing and she has a dog and two small kids, so obviously we asked if she wanted to come over.

When they arrived I offered them dinner. Her husband took one bite and asked what I put in the meatballs. I make them with oatmeal instead of breadcrumbs. I told him (he is Italian, very proud of it) and he threw himself down on the floor dramatically for a ‘joke.’ I was offended and Clarie ended up making him grilled cheese after dinner when he found out the pasta was actually zucchini.

While staying with us she spilled paint on my kitchen floor while doing crafts with her kids (who brings paint to someone else’s house?), and didn’t clean it up. My husband’s excuse is that she ‘married rich’ and doesn’t know how to clean.

The final straw was when she told her two-year-old that I married for riches and still have outdated appliances, while she was trying to wash the kid’s leg in our sink. This annoyed me because I did not marry for riches.

Her husband has quite a bit more money than her father, so there is that. When I called her out she said she was kidding and why do I hate her?

I told my husband I want her banned from the house and he said I’m overreacting and she was his kid.

He said it was a joke and I don’t understand ‘her personality’ or ‘their dynamic.’ I cited the other stuff she did and he shrugged. I said if she comes back I go to a hotel, and I’ll make it a nice one and enjoy a little vacation.

He said I’m being dramatic and shouldn’t have married a man with a kid, but she isn’t even a kid. All of my friends think I did the right thing.”

Another User Comments:


She’s not a kid.

She’s a 29-year-old who is self-centered and with a mean streak. He needs to own that and be her parent.

Now with all that said… she probably shouldn’t be banned from her father’s house. But you need to call her out the moment she’s acting this way.

Let her know it’s not funny to say you married for riches. Let her know she needs to clean up after her kid. And her husband has no right to complain about a meal you cooked for them.

There is no valid excuse for being mean and inconsiderate to people who house you during a snowstorm.

Tell your husband he needs to be a better dad, and frankly a better husband.” User

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Honestly? Most of the things you cited as reasons she’s hard to get along with either weren’t her or… weren’t a big deal? You say you’re not looking to hate her, but it sounds like that’s exactly what’s going on…

Let’s look at the things that upset you:

  • It was her husband who made the offensive remarks about the dinner you made (and you’re right, HE was obnoxious, lots of people use oats instead of breadcrumbs as a filler), not Claire.

    So I’m not sure why you would hold this against her. They’re two entirely different people. Are you angry that she made her husband grilled cheese? Because that seems excessive and petty on your part.

  • Who brings paint to someone’s house? Um…a mother of small children who wants to keep them occupied while staying at their grandparents’? Bringing a craft activity is a completely normal thing to do.

    And unless you have a carpeted kitchen, I’m not seeing how spilling what I’m guessing was a bit of easily-cleaned-up watercolor children’s paint on the floor was a huge deal. Again, you seem to be hugely overreacting.

    What did you expect two young kids to do at your house? Sit in a corner perfectly still and stare at the walls? Screen time the entire time they were there?

Yes, it was incredibly rude not to clean up the mess that they made.

And yes, it was rude and uncalled-for to make ANY kind of joke about you ‘marrying for riches’ or about your house when she was taking advantage of your kindness and offering to stay there.

But you’re also jumping at every opportunity to see her as terrible even when she HASN’T done anything dreadful. So everyone sucks here.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She is his daughter, and he loves her. You have no right to dictate his relationship with his daughter or blackmail him into banning her.

As for the meatballs, I’m sure the oatmeal changes the taste quite a bit and the zucchini shavings don’t have the taste or the filling power of regular pasta. Serving that diet meal to them seems on the passive-aggressive side.

As for the kids and the paint, yes, she should’ve cleaned it up but it’s not that big a deal. You are looking for reasons to dislike your husband’s daughter, and it’s obvious.” EuropeanLady

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Not sure if you’re being dramatic, but you can’t ban your husband’s daughter – it’s his house too.

As a rule of thumb, always assume stupidity before malice. Daughter and SIL sound genuinely clueless.

Before you write them off, clue them in when they do something thoughtlessly.

Don’t get emotional, but let them know, like you would a child, that:

  • Criticizing food someone else made is rude. Criticizing the relative worth of someone’s belongings is rude. Making a mess in someone’s house and not cleaning it up is inconsiderate.
  • Doing these things while staying as a guest is asinine.

Before refusing to stay in the house with them, at least try to communicate.

Again, don’t get emotional, just explain that according to the way you were raised – the way they act is disrespectful. And explain it the same way to your husband – he is allowing them to disrespect you, so he is being disrespectful.

I know you shouldn’t have to, I know it will be uncomfortable, and I know your husband will probably be useless, but it’s the right thing to do.

If everyone laughs it off, then, by all means, take a spa day, shopping trip, or hotel stay when they visit.

If that’s not possible, order out when they visit and have a maid come in after they stay.

It’s useless to set yourself up as some sort of nemesis or martyr to his kid & her family. For better or worse, they are your family now too, and the only thing you can control is how you react to them.” No_Investigator4807

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LizzieTX 11 months ago
NTJ. In any way, shape or form.
Whenever a situation like this comes up, the standard of conduct I use is what I would expect from a house guest/guests who aren't family.
When a guest in someone else's home, be respectful and appreciative that you've been asked to stay in another person's home. That includes not criticizing those doing you a kindness. If the food is so bad or the envireonment so offensive, LEAVE! And without criticizing your hosts. ADULTS should know this. Those who don't should be asked to leave.
And family should be doubly grateful and redpectful, as these are relatives with whom one must deal for life. Getting yourself banned from a family member's home by being stupid and rude is always a jerk play.
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