People Plead For Our Understanding Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Being Mad At My Father Because Of His Wife's Attitude?
“My (24f) dad divorced my mother to be with his current wife when I was in my early teens.
Growing up we were rarely invited to his house.
I got married ten months ago and since then he has drastically changed. He is constantly trying to be involved in our lives. He never cared when my brothers got married and told me it was different from me because I was his only daughter.
His wife still dislikes us though. She refused to attend my wedding but always tag along to never let Dad around me and my husband alone when he comes to visit.
I’ve been sucking this up for a long time now but recently at dinner, I had enough when she tried to subtly pass mean comments about my mom.
I told him to take her away from my house and if he brings her along next time, he is also not invited anymore.
He got really mad and said to my husband that it’s his duty to make sure his guests aren’t disrespected in his house and that he should fix my attitude.
My husband told him that it’s not only his house and he’s no one to fix anyone’s attitude. He also warned him that he might lose contact with me if he keeps bringing his wife every time.
Now he is upset that I not only disrespected him but also painted a very wrong picture of him in front of my husband.
AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And bravo to your husband! United Front for the win! So your dad thinks it’s your husband’s duty to make sure his guests aren’t disrespected in his house, but your dad thinks it’s A-OK for guests to disrespect their hosts?
And he had the audacity to tell your husband that it’s his responsibility to fix your attitude?!
Stepmom is a nightmare, and your dad is a nut. After all, you’ve tolerated over the years, it’s time to take a long look at what your life will be like going forward if you allow him (them) to be a part of it.
Is this really what you want to deal with until he dies?
I like your husband’s approach: if Dad wants a relationship with his daughter, the wife can’t come anymore. I somehow doubt that Dad will go along with this.
But you never know. Good luck.” IMAGINARIAN_photos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all, what a nerve of your stepmother to verbally attack your mother… Says the woman who pursued a married man.
Second of all, your dad should be dealing with you when it comes to issues, not belittling you by asking your husband to put you in your place.
What an old-fashioned attitude and if you get nothing positive out of the relationship does he really deserve a spot in your life?
Stay strong, OP. They’re the ones in the wrong.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad has a funny idea of what constitutes ‘respect’.
If a guest comes into your house and decides to be nasty, like your dad’s wife did, then you should treat that guest with the respect they deserve (none). She’s a jerk, of course, you’re not going to allow her as a guest in your home.
Then your dad went to your husband to complain about you? To tell him to ‘fix’ you? That’s the height of disrespect, right there.
Good to see you and your husband are a strong couple who have each other’s backs.
If your dad wants to have a relationship with you at all, he owes you and your husband a very sincere apology and he needs to learn to not be a disrespectful jerk when he’s a guest. I’d write off his wife as irredeemable and never waste time on her again.” JsCTmav
21. AITJ For Saying My Husband's Vacation Travels Are Becoming Overboard?
“I (40F) have a wonderful, loving husband (40M). He is an involved father, he pitches in with the housework, and he makes enough funds for us to be very comfortable while I stay home with our two young children.
(I worked before kids and intend to again once they’re both school age.) He’s the love of my life.
He’s wonderful – when he’s here.
He has a dear friend living in a different city 5 hours away, who he usually visits for 2-3 days twice a month.
A few times a year they tend to take longer (4-6 day) trips. It adds up to a lot of time away, but it’s in manageable increments and in service to an important friendship that I wouldn’t want him to miss out on.
Last Fall they took a 2-week trip abroad. I knew about it well in advance and was fine with it. I figured it was a one-every-few-years sort of thing.
A month or so after that trip, he tells me they’re planning another overseas trip for this Spring.
This time, it’s a place I’ve always wanted to go; we had previously started to plan a trip there ourselves but decided it would have to wait until the kids were older. I told him I wasn’t happy but somewhat grudgingly gave my blessing to what was supposed to be a 7-10 day trip.
The same goes for another 5-7 day trip abroad they decided to plan for this Summer, again to a place we had previously talked about going together when kids are older.
And then I found out that first the Spring trip and then the Summer trip had ballooned into 3 weeks each.
I got upset. I cried and told him I felt betrayed and abandoned like he was leaving me here to raise the kids (both trips will now cause him to miss significant kid-related events he knew about before planning) while he just goes on doing what he wants and living his life without me.
He found my response really hurtful, that I would act like he was abandoning me and the kids, and said that he deserves to have meaningful friendships and see beautiful things.
Am I being unreasonable about this? I feel like I might be because I haven’t done a good job balancing parenthood and my own social life (I basically don’t have one anymore) and worry I might be speaking from a place of envy than fairness.
And we do also take other trips together as a family. But two months of international travel in the span of a year seems like a lot. And when you also add on the bi-monthly hanging out, that’s about 4 months out of town with his friend.
(I can count on one hand the number of solo days out I’ve had in the last 3 years with any of my friends, and so again I’m not sure how much this is envy vs unfairness?).
Note: I haven’t yet insisted he cancel any of his trips, but want to ask he at least scale the summer trip back to 1 week instead of 3.
So WIBTJ if I insisted he scales back the summer trip to 1 week?”
Another User Comments:
“Sure looks like the ‘friend’ is either a lover or a wingman and you’re the safe fallback. This goes well beyond any normal friendship.
It’s been escalating and there’s no reason to think it won’t continue to escalate.
If you decide you want out, you can very possibly twist things to your advantage. Tell him that instead of two 3-week trips, how about taking a single 5-week trip because that would be less disruptive.
If he negotiates for a 6-week trip, great!
If he goes for that deal, use the 5 weeks to find a job, a lawyer, and a new place to live.
Anyway, you’re his victim; you’re NTJ.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is trying to gaslight you to make you feel guilty about being upset when you have every right to be. You don’t have a social life because he isn’t there to help raise the children you made together while he spends 4 months on trips and hangouts with his friend.
Spending that much time solo with his friend is very odd, and he is leaving you to pick up the slack with your children. Are you sure he’s not romantically involved with this friend? It sure sounds like it.
I would hire a P.I.
’cause there’s definitely something up there.” Finish-Sure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The fact that he thinks nothing of spending so much time away from you and from the kids, prioritizing himself and his friend over significant events in your kids’ lives, is concerning, to say the least.
Have you ever met this friend?
You haven’t alluded to having any suspicions that he’s doing anything to betray you while he’s gone, but from an outside perspective, my first thought was that he’s going on these trips to engage in some type of illicit activity in places where he can ‘let off some steam’ and doesn’t have to worry about getting caught; OR he and his friend are more than just friends.
I think you should consider that there is likely more to this than meets the eye. Try reflecting upon how he acts before, during, and after these trips. Be vigilant for any inconsistencies. Do you communicate daily while he’s gone?
Does he send you pictures? Tell you he misses you?
You’re definitely not a jerk for being upset. You’ve been more than accommodating and he keeps pushing for more. Something’s not right, sorry to say.” p_taradactyl
20. AITJ If I Don't Include My Fiancée's Brother To My Groomsmen?
“My fiancée and I are very much in love. She is very kind, wonderful, and considerate. Her brother is not.
It’s not that he’s an awful person. But I’ve tried taking him out to dinner one-on-one to get to know him, hang out with him by playing his favorite sports, etc.
But he isn’t very nice and is pretty self-centered. He spent every single moment glued to his phone and didn’t give me the time of day. I don’t push someone to like me and I respect peoples’ space so after three tries I gave up.
I wasn’t bitter, I just figured he wanted to keep to himself and was shy, but it was off-putting that I’d ask him questions to get to know him and he’d just grunt back at me.
My fiancé warned me he wasn’t emotionally mature and that they weren’t close either because he wasn’t a super nice guy.
But she still loves him because he’s her brother.
We’re getting married in roughly a year. It’s time for me to pick my groomsmen. I have been very blessed to meet some really lovely people in my life who I’d be honored to ask.
The issue is, I have at least 12 great friends who I’d want but only 8 spots because my fiancé only has 8 people she wants to ask and she wants an equal number on each side. That’s made it tough because these guys are life-long friends and I know some feelings will be hurt.
But I told her my list of 8 and she immediately asked ‘what about my brother?’ I told her that I didn’t want to ask him because we aren’t close and it’s not for lack of trying.
She got really offended and we got into a small fight over it. She said family is super important to her and she gets that he’s not very nice or mature but would feel super hurt if I don’t ask him.
But he’s getting married a month after we are, and he’s already asked the people he wants as his groomsmen, and I was not one of them. I want to emphasize that that didn’t hurt my feelings, as I get that we aren’t close so I wasn’t expecting to be asked, but when I pointed that out to my fiancé she got even more mad and said ‘it shouldn’t be tit for tat’.
Personally, the way I see it, it’s our wedding. Part of me is thinking ‘just ask him to end the drama and stop this from becoming a bigger issue than it is’ and ‘the wedding day is probably more important to her than me.
I’m just excited to get married, she’s been dreaming about her perfect day for a few years now’ But the other part of me is thinking ‘Nah. Hold your ground. You have a right to ask whoever you want as does she.
You don’t wanna ask him, so don’t’.
AITJ if I don’t ask him to be one of my groomsmen?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your groomsmen are your friends, and her bridesmaids are her friends.
You’re already unable to have all your friends be groomsmen, and it would make no sense to replace another one with her brother.
When you add the fact that he’s getting married as well, and did not invite you to be his groomsman, your fiancée is a huge jerk for insisting on her brother being there.” ed_lv
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if she is so worried about it she can have him on her side or not at all as this is your wedding as well.
Remind her it’s yours and that you also already compromised on how many groomsmen there would be because of how she wanted it to look.
Hate to say this is one of those hill to die on for me because it sets up that marriage is equal and not just what one person always wants but the give and take.
If one person cannot give on that or change it then it’s time to have a talk because other things will come up. Kids, how to raise them. Home. Funds. You name it. If it’s not an equal then you will always be expected to give in because it’s what she wants and that leads to resentment.” tiny-pest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Stand your ground. You can’t be the only one having to adjust. You should have the people closest to you standing up for you. Additionally, your fiancée missed the point re: her brother not including you in his wedding party.
It’s not about tit for tat. It’s about you and her brother being on the same page about the closeness of your relationship. He will not care that he’s not your groomsman so you should not have to choose him over someone who would care.
If you fiancé still insists, tell her that you will have 9 groomsmen and then she’ll need to adjust.” Remarkable_Buyer4625
19. AITJ For Suggesting My Son To Live With Us?
“I (55F) have 2 sons. 29M (Evan) & 25M (Mark).
Mark has been living with Evan for the past 4 years after finishing school and they’ve been splitting the rent because they couldn’t afford a place on their own. However, Evan recently started a new job, is now making better salary, and has let his brother know that he will not be renewing the lease and will be moving to another place.
However, Mark would like to stay in the current place, yet, he cannot afford the rent on his own. He at first researched for a roommate but decided that he would not feel comfortable living with a stranger and he does not want to downgrade.
So recently, he came to me and asked me to fulfill the portion of the rent that his brother used to pay so he could keep the place. I, however, have refused because there’s room at home for him and I told him that he could just move back in with me and his father if he really needed a place to stay.
He doesn’t want to move back in with us, however, he says ‘It’s embarrassing to live with your parents’. I told him that it’s really not and that it’s only embarrassing if you’re a 40-year-old loser who does nothing but play video games in their mom’s basement and yells at her she accidentally puts lite mayo on their sandwich instead of regular mayo.
He disagrees strongly. It’s not that I can’t afford it, I can, but I really see no reason for it. If he moves back in with us we’re not charging him rent or anything, he’s not going to have to chip in for bills or anything.
It’s not like he’s lifestyle’s going to change that much either. I mean, maybe he won’t be allowed to walk around without clothes, eating ice cream anymore but nothing really significant is gonna change. He’s an adult, we’re not gonna give him an 11 o’clock curfew, he can come and go as he pleases.
Literally, he’s just going to be a roommate who happens to be our son (I guess).
It just feels like a waste of funds for both of us. He can save funds by living with us and we can save more by not spending it on his apartment.
And I’m not doing this to force him to move back in, I just let him know that it is an option for him if he chooses to take it. However, he’s really angry with me and is now not responding to my texts or calls.
Well, I mean he is responding to my texts, but only with ‘We’ll talk when you decide that helping your son keep his apartment is not a waste of funds’. He’s also recruited my parents and now they’re hounding me too about ‘not supporting my son’ but I’m literally offering him some support!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not about the funds. It’s about being a parent and allowing him to experience the consequences of his choices. If you pay for any part of that apartment, you will send him the message that he doesn’t have to figure out how to take care of himself as an adult because you’ll keep taking care of him indefinitely.” Visual_Humor_2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he can’t afford the price of his apartment, he needs to downgrade, get a roommate, or get a second job. You did a good thing by refusing to pay. He has to learn that he can’t always rely on Mom and Dad to save him when stuff like this happens.
Honestly, there’s no shame in coming back to live with your parents, especially now since everything is getting expensive. Plus you guys aren’t even going to charge him rent! He’ll be a fool not to accept it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time for your son to adult up and live within his means. He has plenty of choices, move somewhere smaller and cheaper, get a roommate, move in with you, or move in with someone else in a different apartment.
These are all reasonable compromises any other person would make, but for some reason, Mark thinks he’s entitled to additional financial support. Have you asked him how that’s fair to his brother, who isn’t receiving financial support?” Sfb208
18. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust My Diet For My Roommate's Partner?
“I (24F) have been living with my roommate Layla (25F) for about 10 months. We have a 2-year lease so I really want to fix this so we’re not miserable for the next year and to start I need to see if I’m in the wrong.
Layla started going out with Kyle about 6 months ago. Kyle has severe food allergies to shellfish, nuts, and soy, as well as a lot of milder/moderate allergies.
I use nuts and soy a lot in my cooking and some occasional shrimp.
At first, Layla would tell me that Kyle was coming over and I would just adjust whatever I was planning on making if it was something that would be aerosolized (mostly nuts) and this was fine. He’s never had any reactions at our apartment from my food.
But it’s slowly escalated and now they want me to not keep any ingredient in the apartment that could cause him anaphylaxis, even if I’m not actively eating or cooking it while he’s over.
I’ve refused and they’ve both pushed back a lot on it and I snapped a little and told them I don’t care about his allergies.
I can accommodate him to an extent but I don’t care if the contents of my cabinet make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t need to be near my things at all. They’re being very dramatic and insisting I’m gonna ‘kill him’ with my selfishness by having closed jars of nuts in the kitchen I pay to use.
But I’m not going to have my diet restricted by someone who doesn’t even live here.
Layla isn’t speaking to me at all right now and I feel a little bad now because I do understand how serious allergies are but I also think they’re overextending boundaries by telling me what I can or can’t eat when he’s not even here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Kyle doesn’t even live there. If he feels endangered by the ingredients you keep in your cupboard then he shouldn’t come over. You didn’t sign a lease to live with Kyle.
I think the fact that you were adjusting what you’d cook when you knew he was coming over shows your willingness to compromise.
Layla and Kyle are clearly not interested in a compromise, they only want things their way.” 0eozoe0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kyle’s not on the lease, and this wasn’t part of the arrangement you made when you and Layla decided to live together.
A reasonable ask would be to not eat or allow the allergens in the living room (or Layla’s bedroom), so Kyle has a safe space when he comes over (I’m not saying that, even if you refused that, you would be a jerk, but at least to ask is reasonable).
To tell you what you can and cannot eat or even have in the house, whether or not he’s there, is overstepping. He doesn’t live there and he’s not on the lease.
Surely Kyle lives somewhere; why can’t Layla and he hang out at his place instead of yours, and avoid the danger entirely?” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. People with allergies are allowed to expect people they’re around regularly to make reasonable accommodations for them, but they aren’t entitled to force everybody else they encounter to radically change their full-time diets for them.
If he is so allergic that he doesn’t want to even be around those ingredients, then he has the choice to limit his exposure to the rest of the world; he does not have the right to force the world to adopt his dietary restrictions.” TurtleTheMoon
17. AITJ For Taking $400 Off Our Rent?
“My (27 F) partner’s (27M) salary is 75k and mine is 30k (formally 40k) We recently moved into a small town after living in a major city because it was where his family lived. I love this town and I love our house but it’s incredibly hard for me to find work.
We pay a lot for rent, however, my partner wanted to live here so badly that he said he would pay the majority of our rent just so I would be on board. (When I put our income into the rent split it was the suggested even split based on income, so he’s paying more but it’s even based on income) This was fine until everyone at my job was let go.
I went in person and online and applied to every tiny job in this town. It took two weeks and I finally got hired to work the front desk at the clubhouse in our housing community.
Around this time our 6-month lease was coming to an end and I mentioned to my partner that living in this small town I am lonely and depressed and scared I won’t be able to find work if for some reason I lose this job.
My partner is only home for about 7 days of the entire month. I suggested moving back to the city but he doesn’t want to. He spends time in the city the entire month traveling for work, so he likes the small town to come home to.
Now to the story. Because I wasn’t working for two weeks, I didn’t have enough money to help pay the full amount of my part of the rent. My partner wasn’t going to cover it so I had to borrow some money from a friend.
I casually mentioned this story to another girl who worked in the office with me. She mentioned something to me that was not brought up to me before, which was that $400 would be taken off of our rent every month because I worked in the office.
I thought this was perfect because I did end up taking a pay cut in order to live in the city that he wants to live in, so I figured that $400 would be taken off of my part of the rent.
This $400 would be life-changing for me. I would actually have funds to save up and not just break even every month.
When I brought up to my partner that $400 would be taken off of the rent and that I would now be paying less he was very upset.
Said I was being selfish to think the $400 would be taken off my rent at all and if anything he’s paying more and it should be taken off of his. We had a long argument and now he’s gone to work so he’s not talking to me.
AITJ for taking the $400 off of my rent after I’ve sacrificed so much for him?”
Another User Comments:
“I suggest you go back to the city and find a new man. Here’s why. He’s gone most of the time, yet he’s forcing you to live where he wants to without any interest in how you feel about it.
You are the only one sacrificing and you’re sacrificing a whole lot. You get that discount as a perk of your job. He would not get it if you weren’t working there, so he’s not entitled to it. You no longer earn as much as you did, and if he takes that money, then you are essentially living in a place alone without support and without finances.
He’ll have completed trapping you in a seriously difficult for your situation. He’s not trying to see things from your point of view. He doesn’t care how you’re struggling. He’s not worth your time and sacrifice. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is being unreasonable and greedy. He’s also not very concerned with your comfort/happiness. He makes much more money, you sacrificed your job and salary to move to a town he wanted to live and then when you take a big pay cut, he won’t cover the rent?
Keeping you broke is a form of control. Financial mistreatment is a thing. You may want to rethink this relationship as it seems to be all about him.” MagicianOk6393
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your job is giving you $400 to apply to rent.
You are still making a lot less than him.
But this guy sounds pretty selfish. He’s not being considerate of your desires or career goals. If he insists on living somewhere where you can’t pursue your chosen career then he has to understand that he has to help make up for that.
Either that or you should move back to where you can find better work. If he’s there most of the time anyways, why are you making the sacrifice to be in his small town? Why can’t you too stay there where you can find better work, and a few days a month he can go stay with his family.” ConspiratorM
16. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust Out Seats To Sit With Our Friend?
“My (23M) friends and I have planned a trip to Europe later this year. There are three other people going on this trip – let’s call them Steve, Mia, and Jane. We all went to high school together and are pretty close.
Steve went on a solo travel thing this year in Vietnam, so Mia, Jane, and I have been planning everything for our trip. I reached out to Steve and let him know that we were going to buy our tickets and asked him to buy his ticket too so that we could book our seats together.
Steve said he wanted to wait because he wanted extra funds to splurge on his trip. I should note that Steve’s parents are wealthy and give Steve as much money as he wants. Steve does work a job but has never had the pressure of having to save to get something.
We told Steve that we were booking our tickets now as we didn’t want to spend too much. He said that was all good and that he might use his parents’ credit card to book a business class seat.
Fast forward two months later, Steve ends up buying an economy seat and asks me to change our seats so he could sit next to us. On the flight we’re taking, the aisles come with 3 seats each, and I booked early because I wanted a window seat with extra legroom (I’m tall).
There are no more rows of 3 available, meaning that if Steve wants to sit with us, we’ll all be stuck with middle/aisle seats with no extra legroom. I told Steve that I wasn’t going to change our seats just because he was disorganized. And I mentioned that he had no problem ditching us when he was going to book a business-class seat.
Now he’s mad at me but Mia and Jane are on my side. But I feel kind of bad about leaving him alone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He would have happily dumped you in economy while he flew business, so why should you put yourself out for him when he can’t get his act together?
Plus, you’ll all get to the same place at the same time, what’s the big deal about having to sit with you? He’s not a child, he’ll be fine by himself. NTJ.” Material_Mushroom_x
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I feel kind of bad about leaving him alone’
You didn’t leave him alone. You gave him the freedom to make his choices, and he made them. He decided he wanted to better deal you by going business-class. He decided he was fine with being alone, provided he could get more than you could afford.
When that didn’t work, he wanted you to take less so that he could have what you rightfully paid for. He is entitled. This will prevent him from being a good friend in the future too, because he is putting himself first, and expecting you to take the scraps.
This behavior will come out in other ways too. Expect it, and don’t feel bad about not playing into it.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This one is pretty open and shut. You communicated everything to him. You informed him of everything he needed to know in order to be with y’all.
He made decisions based on the information. He did not like the outcome of his own decisions. That’s on him. Not everybody has the resources to cover for his mistakes.” RealBENIS
15. AITJ For Telling Daughter Is Weak For Being A Pushover?
“My ex’s wife, Anna, is a sweetheart. I don’t know the details but Anna had a crappy father which caused her to fear men.
She’s better now but signs of male anger still freak her out sometimes.
Anyways, my ex and I share a 19-year-old daughter, Jaz.
Jaz and her father were never especially close but they treat each other with respect. She only sees her dad for a week every month but she likes her dad’s family.
Anyways, Jaz was at her dad’s for like 5 hours when my ex called me to pick Jaz up.
Turns out she invited her significant other over and they both decided to prank Anna. It was a cruel prank knowing her history with her father but Jaz and her SO found it hilarious.
Anna was inconsolable and her kids called their dad because of how upset she was.
I was horrified but kept my cool to listen to Jaz’s side. But when I picked her up she was like ‘Omg it was just a joke and it was (the guy’s) idea.
Besides, Anna’s grown, and her dad’s been dead so what’s the big deal’.
I asked her if she decided to do the prank knowing how Anna would react. She argued with me on this and said ‘Well it was my SO’s idea!’
I asked her if he forced her. Threatened her? Had to beg her? She said no. I asked her if she laughed, and found it funny. She said yeah, no shame.
So I said ‘Then it’s your fault just as much as it is your SO’s.
If you’re that weak that you do something so hurtful just because your SO said so then clearly I haven’t done my part.’
She seemed to ignore everything I said except for the ‘You’re weak’ part.
She went ‘Wow Mom, now I know what you really think of me.’ I told her to cut it out but she said ‘You called me weak and insulted me and expect me to listen to you? You might be my mom but that doesn’t give you the right to insult me.
I’m an adult, for Pete’s sake.’
I told her to act like one then and stop living off of me if she’s such a big adult. She said fine and she called her SO and left. But I feel terrible.
I didn’t mean it at all. And now I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have called her weak or told her to stop living off of me. I should’ve just told her to cut it out but yeah.
I know I can’t take it back but my husband thinks I didn’t say a thing wrong. Neither does my mom (though she does think that I let her go too easily). I don’t know, I’m overwhelmed and confused and my daughter isn’t talking to me and Anna’s apparently not doing too well and I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“Your daughter is a bully. Calling her weak was complimentary compared with the other completely accurate things you could have said about her.
Jaz is jumping on the word ‘weak’ and how much you insulted her to try to deflect attention from the very ugly, cruel thing she did.
Ignore her manipulation. Hold your ground. Continue to give her the message that what she and her SO did is completely unacceptable, completely cruel, and appalls you.
She’s leaving. Swell. Don’t let her back until she apologizes to Anna. Preferably both in writing and in person, with a clear explanation of how she understands that what she did to Anna was cruel, wrong, and not amusing.
NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments;
“NTJ your daughter is right, she is an adult, which makes her behavior even more pathetic. There’s that old saying ‘If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?’ evidently your daughter would, and it wouldn’t take much convincing either.
Jaz knew what Anna’s reaction would be, that’s why she went along with the prank in the first place, she is not oblivious to Anna’s trauma. Your daughter needs to grow up and she needs to grow a new spine while she’s at it, if she’s so easily swayed by her crappy SO’s hurtful ideas.” ZebraCentaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honestly, you are supporting this person who seems to have zero respect for anyone but her dad. The fact that you are so kind and open about the fact that your hubs ex is a great person and you really show respect for her, shows just what kind of person you are.
No one should be pranked when everyone knows their history is not so great.
I think you did the right thing.
You are really nice and kind person, too bad it is being overlooked by a ‘weak’ and dare I say, spoiled-sounding, brat.
If she was so easily swayed, then yes, she is weak and maybe feels she has to be so submissive to the guy not to lose them. Again, weakness.” bethmcm1
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pick Up My Friend For Work Anymore?
“I am pretty new at work, but I have an officemate who was my friend for many years now before becoming colleagues.
Since working in this office, my father-in-law is sweet enough to offer to bring me to work as it gives him ‘purpose’ to wake up early, and do something. He only drops me off, leave, and does his morning run, that’s it.
Now, my Friend is on crutches due to knee issues and has been using ride-sharing apps like Uber to get to and from work for many years now.
One time, I offered to pick him up because technically, it is on the way to work, but it consumes 10 more mins of travel to get to him.
Once. But he assumed that I am 100% open to picking him up every time.
Initially, I had no problems, because I had no specific time in/out at work until I officially sign the contract. Since I officially had one at 8 am, I told my friend this, and that I am not sure if it is still possible to pick him up, and he said ‘No problem, I’ll wake up earlier.’
I have been late on my first week of work twice, because when I arrive at his place, he is still dressing up, and I had to wait for 10 mins. I told him about this, and he acted like nothing is wrong.
So I tried the tactic where I tell him I’ll pick him up earlier than my arrival time, but a few minutes before I arrive he’ll say ‘I had the mistake of opening my email and answering some work messages, I forgot the time’, and had to wait again.
Also, he never gave me gas money for all this. Though he offered for me to use his car, and he’ll put gas in it, which I refused.
I talked to the office secretary/timekeeper, which has also become my friend, and asked if she could move up my schedule to 7 am.
I told her about my problem, and initially, she tried to explain that my friend had mobility issues, and had trouble booking Uber. I then said that I myself don’t drive and I am feeling pretty guilty that my FIL is doing these extra things, and that it is not my responsibility to chauffeur friend to work.
Secretary lives around our area as well, and she realized the logistics of our travel could have gone better if I’m not picking him up. So she agreed.
I shared this with my husband, and he said that I sounded like a jerk when I said it was not my responsibility and could’ve said it in a better manner.
Now I’m overthinking this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You helped him once and then he expected you to do it every day. The least he could have done is to respect your schedule and appreciate the help.
But I do think, that you could have handled the situation better and communicated with him better.
I think it would be better to express a boundary much earlier to stop this from happening altogether.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have to be to work by a certain time. Your FIL has been kind enough to provide transportation for you.
Your friend is responsible for getting himself to work on time. You have graciously helped him by asking your FIL to go a bit out of his way. In return, your friend has acted very disrespectfully. He is regularly late and makes you wait for him, causing you to be late twice.
That’s unacceptable and disrespectful, especially when he stated he’d get up earlier to b ready on time.
He never offered to pay for gas for your FIL. On top of all of that, you offered one time to help him, and he assumed you’d always be his transportation.
He is taking advantage of your kindness.
You say that your friend offered to let you use his car, and he’d pay for gas. Not the most reasonable compromise if you don’t drive. And if he has a car, why isn’t he driving?
You are not responsible for getting your friend to work on time. He is an adult who needs to make arrangements for his own transportation. Your job duties don’t include providing transportation for others, and the secretary should not have come to his defense.
I’m glad she realized that this is putting an undue burden on you.” MerryMoose923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But I would have said no from the start because you’re not driving, FIL is, and it’s just rude to offer up someone’s car and time just because they don’t want to spend anything on Uber.
If you were driving then fine, you can make a choice. Hut you shouldn’t ask FIL to pick him up too, no matter how nice FIL is.” Intrepid-Database-15
13. AITJ For Having An Argument With My Fiancé After He Left Our Child While He Runs?
“I came home from work today and my fiancé told me that he went for a mile run while our 1-year-old daughter took a nap in her stroller.
I asked how he ran with her staying asleep (and we don’t have a jogger stroller) and he said he left her under a shaded tree while he ran around the track.
I was pretty adamant to him that this was not ok and I did not want him to do that ever again.
He insisted that there were many factors that made it ok, including that the track was fenced in, near an elementary school, there was no one but older people and high school kids around walking to get lunch, and that he is a fast runner and he had eyes on her and the surrounding area at all times.
In my opinion, none of these factors really matter as someone could watch the situation and swoop in at any moment, the track is actually also off a walking path that is frequently used by homeless people in the area, with some sleeping close to the park.
He is insisting that he is right and I became upset asking him to never do that again. He responded, ‘I’ll never tell you that I’m going to do that again’.
Am I totally out of line and being a jerk by overreacting?
Or is he being a jerk by not seeing how this is wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“It only takes a second for him to look away and someone to snatch your child your husband is delusional I mean your fiance is just out of his mind thinking that nothing could happen to your child your child could choke roll over someone could bump into the stroller hundreds of things could happen while your fiance is away from that stroller I would never ever trust your fiance alone with your child ever again.
NTJ” raven79may
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – this is a clash of parenting styles. He thinks it is safe and OP doesn’t. It is impossible to tell if OP is being over-anxious and exaggerating the danger or if the husband is being irresponsible or if the truth is in the middle and you just have different levels of comfort.
What is pretty clear though is you are both determined to be ‘right’ instead of just saying the baby is fine but OP is not comfortable with this. Let’s find a new solution that you are both happy with. And the obvious solution is to buy a jogging stroller as soon as possible.
Check the local classifieds/social media pages etc. for secondhand jogging strollers if you can’t afford a new one.” Cherry_clafoutis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Aside from there being sickos out there that attempt to grab children in stores with their parents there/holding them, there’s also just general life being life that he’s not factoring in.
A bee could sting her. A dog could get loose. A squirrel could drop down. A leaf falls on her while she’s yawning and she chokes on it. There’s a reason you don’t leave BABIES unattended outside of being in cribs/sleeping for long periods.
Because they are incapable of taking care of themselves and rely solely on able human adults/people.
Maybe you need to sit him down and show him some YouTube videos of ‘scary things that happen to babies’ so he can understand where you’re coming from.
No, nothing happened to her that time, but ignoring it like that is the same as someone who drinks and drives going ‘I can drive when I’m tipsy. I haven’t gotten in an accident.’
Yet. Yet is the keyword, and I promise you, neither of you will forgive him if anything happens to her.
Anything.” WikkidWitchly
12. AITJ For Kicking My Brother-In-Law Out Of My House After His Homophobic Comment?
“I (22F) share an apartment with my roommate, ‘Austin’ (21M). He is quite reserved. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s gay but doesn’t go around telling everyone either. I live in a different city than my sister’s family.
My BIL (32M) had to come here for work purposes and asked if he could stay at our apartment for 5 days.
I discussed this with Austin and he said he had no issue with it, and that my BIL could stay in the spare room. Everything was fine for the first two days, no issues.
On the third day, we were all having dinner together.
Everything was going fine. Austin and BIL were joking around with each other, mostly teasing and he decides to comment on his dressing style, and says how he dresses like a ‘gay man’.
Obviously, Austin was offended and asked my BIL what he means by that.
My BIL probably thought he was offended at the fact that my BIL ‘accused him’ of being gay, so he laughs and says ‘No offense, you are cool. I did not mean to insult you. You just dress like a gay man’.
At this point, I was starting to get irritated and before Austin could reply, I intervened and said that he cannot talk like that to Austin. He got super defensive and was explaining how ‘it’s a joke’ and asked something along the lines of ‘Why am I getting super defensive?
Is he actually gay or something?’ and laughed right after, like it was a joke.
I got super mad and was about to shout at him when Austin confirmed yes, he was gay. My BIL was shocked and replied with of course you dress like a gay man, you are one.
This was the final straw, I screamed at him.
It quickly escalated to the point that we all were just screaming. I put an end to it by saying that if he feels like he can disrespect my roommate and continue disrespecting him, he can’t live here and he has to get out.
Now. He tried protesting but this wasn’t up for debate, and he soon left.
I apologized to Austin a million times for my BIL’s behavior, cause quite frankly, he didn’t deserve it. Thankfully, Austin forgave me.
Later, my sister calls me and screams at me, and calls me a jerk for kicking my BIL out.
I tried explaining to her that it was his fault and she sides with him and says ‘it was a joke, get over it.’ She also says that I shouldn’t ruin my relationship with my BIL because of a person I’ve known for 2 years.
She says some bs about how blood is thicker than water blah blah. She also says she would cut contact with me if I don’t apologize to him. I get frustrated, refuse to do so, and hang up.
I, quite honestly, can’t believe this.
I always thought my BIL was cool and I liked him, and even thought that my sister found a great guy. We were close, and I enjoyed his company. I never thought it would turn out like this. Most of my family says I should just apologize for the sake of the family and if I don’t, I’m being a jerk for tearing the family apart over some boy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Blood is thicker than water doesn’t apply, you aren’t blood-related to your BIL unless there are some very specific family dynamics going on with your sister’s marriage.
Your BIL is a homophobe and/or bigot.
You were defending your friend and the legal occupant of the home in which BIL was a guest. Your BIL doesn’t get a free pass to viciously insult his hosts just because he married your sister.” sparrowhawk75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BIL is a homophobic jerk and thank you for standing up for Austin. Even if Austin wasn’t gay, your BIL’s attitude and language are completely unacceptable. Your family are also jerks if they think that you should apologize to keep the peace.
They are fine with your BIL being a homophobe and are likely homophobic themselves.” beneficialmirror13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think the worst part of this is your family blatantly supporting homophobia. It isn’t about being family, your BIL said something stupid and refuses to take responsibility and apologize to you and Austin.
Simple as that. You don’t stand for ignorant comments disguised as a joke regardless of how long you have known the person. This was definitely not okay. Why don’t they force your BIL to apologize to keep the family together since this whole situation is his fault?
I hate when the person who was hurt is the one that’s supposed to just get ‘over it’ instead of the person who actually did something wrong apologizing for their actions. Not only did he insult your friend he insulted you, his family.
Your sister should be on your side. Please don’t back down.” Possible-Data9805
11. AITJ For Not Knowing I Was Expected To Babysit My Cousin?
“We have some family staying with us for a funeral right now. We only have one guest room which my aunt and uncle took. My other aunt and uncle slept downstairs in the living room.
It was decided that all their 5 kids would sleep in my room since it has the most floor space for air mattresses and its own bathroom so kids could go pee easily. They’re all little so I guess the hallway and the living room with the big glass doors was too scary at night.
I wasn’t a fan of this idea, but I didn’t have a choice. I have a loft bed though so I had a little private space to myself.
I don’t go to sleep as early as them so I was up in my bed playing video games.
Around 11 pm someone turned on the lights. When I took off my headphones I heard one of the kids screaming. I didn’t really get what was going on, but my aunt and uncle took her out of the room. My mom and my other aunt got all the other kids to quiet down and go to bed. So I went back to my game and eventually fell asleep.
The next morning I find out that the cousin that was screaming had been trying to get my attention because she needed to pee, but was too afraid to use my bathroom because someone had turned off the light that was supposed to be left on for them.
She saw that I was awake and was trying to ask me for help. When I didn’t answer her she tried climbing up the ladder to my bed. She fell and ended up dislocating her arm.
Everyone wanted to know what happened and why I didn’t help her.
I said I didn’t hear her because of my headphones. Everyone started ganging up on me saying I should have known better than to wear noise-canceling headphones since I babysit. My uncle is the most angry and said that I need to learn to use my head.
But I babysit older kids and no one even said I was babysitting so I don’t think it’s fair for them to say it’s my fault.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m really sorry to hear that the blame for this is being placed on you, it must be weighing very heavy on your conscience, but in my opinion, I don’t think you are to blame at all.
I think you are well within your right to have your own little space while you share your room, I think nearly every person on Earth would put on headphones at night in that situation, including the people who are blaming you for it.
Who’s the person who turned off the light the kids were supposed to have on? No one’s blaming them no? Plus people can’t just bounce responsibility of their kids off onto somebody else without even explicitly asking first. It’s not like you were asked and given instructions on precautions to take with the kids.
It sucks what happened to the little one but at the end of the day bad things happen, kids get hurt and like my granny always said ‘it’ll be gone before their wedding day’.” BlueJuice_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have been forced to share your room with the visiting children. No one discussed the concept of you babysitting said children, so there’s no reason to expect you to have taken any special level of responsibility for said children.
You are in your own room, living your life as close to normal as you can in the situation.
It’s unreasonable of them to have expected you to just fully think about any possible implications and assume responsibility for other people in general. But you sound like you’re a teenager, ergo still a kid yourself, and it’s even less understandable to assume another child would just innately assume responsibility over everyone else in the room without a discussion about it.
And there’s no valid reason why you shouldn’t be able to listen to stuff on your headphones like you normally would UNLESS you had explicitly been asked to, and then agreed to, act as a semi-sitter for those kids.
100% not on you.
It’s an unfortunate accident, and I’d suggest the only reason anyone is even blaming you at all is that it’s really natural to look to blame someone/something when an accident happens. It’s not the girl’s fault she was scared or trying to get your attention, it’s not gravity’s fault for pulling stuff down, so by process of elimination this means it has to somehow be your fault.
Except it’s not, and that’s all just a string of fallacious thinking. This isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s a freaking accident.” Kirynn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family can be for sure. They are most likely upset with the events that gathered them and this unfortunate accident could’ve made them tip over the edge.
If nobody stated you were supposed to be looking after these kids while they slept in your room, then it’s on them to make sure the children are safe and sound. They didn’t want to deal with little tantrums or find a flashlight or nightlight for the kids to sleep with their parents, that’s on them.
I’m sorry that someone got hurt, but in absolutely no way was it your fault. That kid couldn’t go pee because of a big scary dark bathroom but not a big scary ladder? Kinda odd but sure. Kids are weird.
Everyone needs to calm down a bit, think about what was said, and prepare better for next time. I hope someone steps up for you. This is the most I can do.” ForeverYesMyLord
10. AITJ For Not Lying About Not Having The Key To A Locked Door In My Café?
“I am the owner of a Café/Bar.
Recently a couple with two small children has been coming regularly. They are nice enough guests but no more. (I should note that we have many regulars that we have become friends with but that is not the case for this couple).
The issue I have is this: They use a bicycle trailer as the stroller for the younger of the two kids and it doesn’t fit through the normal entrance. They are double wide doors but we usually keep one side locked, since it doesn’t close properly if it isn’t.
The single door is plenty for literally everyone else’s strollers, wheelchairs, and even all the deliveries we get for the business. In the past, I have unlocked the second door a couple of times since it wasn’t busy. Today they demanded (not asked) to unlock the door while we were fairly busy, so I had my employees tell them their boss with the key wasn’t here and they would have to leave the vehicle outside.
(they can lock it up, again it’s a bike trailer).
AITJ for refusing to open the door and lying about having a key for it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I have passed many businesses where a bike stroller and the bike have been locked up outside while the owners are inside.
I would NEVER expect any business to let me bring my bike in never mind one with a whole attachment! You’ve made exceptions in the past but that doesn’t mean they should expect it every time. They need to be more responsible for their own property and how they treat people.” bluemonker0
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Most people would assume that both doors work and it’s not a problem to open them both. You will have reinforced this assumption by opening the door for them. You have led them to believe that it’s to be expected. And then you act like they’re entitled, without ever clearing up that it is in fact a problem for you to open the door?
And then you lied instead of clearing it up. Yes, there are entitled parents and it’s not the greatest thing to bring one of those massive strollers in. But if they had any doubts about whether or not you were fine with it, you put them to rest. This is a problem of your own making, and it’s up to you to communicate to people that you don’t open the second door because it’s a little wonky.
Maybe put up a little sign?” succedaneousone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Things like this are extremely situational because if you weren’t busy and if they would’ve asked instead of demanding, I’d have given a different answer since you clearly stated you don’t mind doing this for other people – just not them.
Which is kind of a jerk move in my book. But because they demanded instead of politely asking, that immediately makes you NTJ. They can’t just demand someone do something for them because they have kids.” countryfriedbumpkin
9. AITJ For Forgetting To Wear My Wedding Ring Once?
“My wife has been married before and they chose to get wedding bands tattooed on their ring fingers. After years of being together, we eventually tied the knot ourselves. I’d never really liked seeing a constant reminder of her previous love and commitment but, hey, life goes on!
Once we were married I noticed my wife rarely wore her wedding ring and only put it on for special occasions, always with this attitude like she was doing it for me and I should feel grateful. I wear my ring every day and am proud to do so.
I generally take it off before bed and put it back on in the morning.
One day I forgot to and left for work. When I got home I received a bit of a grilling as to why I’d left it home and probably didn’t respond ideally as I was pretty resentful at the obvious double standard.
I said I’d start wearing it when she wore hers. I still put it on every day but each time I remember how I felt at that moment. AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your feelings are valid, and it sounds like you made a genuine mistake.
But in my humble opinion (and apologies if I’m being presumptuous), it sounds like you and your wife might benefit from an honest conversation about the whole ring situation. It’d be a shame for something so small to cause unnecessary bitterness in your marriage.” ill-advisedwarmjelly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly I would be very ticked if my partner rarely wore OUR wedding ring but didn’t bother to remove or cover her tattooed ring from her marriage to someone else. Her having the audacity to call you out when you merely forgot ONCE is a red flag.
I wouldn’t feel inclined to wear that ring every day if I were you, maybe more like on special occasions – match her energy and see how she reacts. If she has an issue with it, show her a mirror.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of her journey my butt. She is willfully ignoring how the constant reminder and showiness of her first marriage coupled with the fact that she simply can’t be bothered with the symbol of your marriage is a slap in the face to you and your marriage to each other.
Her reaction to you forgetting your ring one time is ridiculous.
The very least she could be willing to do is alter her ring tattoo so it does not resemble a ring. She sounds incredibly insensitive at best and exceptionally self-absorbed and hurtful to most, and I won’t even say what she sounds like if you want to think the worst.” Flashy_Ferret_1819
8. AITJ For Thinking My Classmate Is Lying About Being In The Navy?
“I (34m) served as a Captain in the Marine Corps. I have left the service, and right now I am doing an MBA (Master of Business Administration). One of my classmates (31F), who we’ll call ‘J’, is very gentle, very soft-spoken, and unassuming.
J and I were working together on a case study once, and I started opening up to her about my military service and all the lessons that I’ve learned from the Corps. J enthusiastically told me ‘That’s so cool! I was a Surface Warfare Officer in the Navy!’
I immediately felt suspicious about this claim. As I said, J is very demure, and she doesn’t really have the bravado that is required in the military environment (at least, I feel like a certain amount of bravado is required).
I still humored her, and began asking about the details of her military experience – where she deployed, what courses she went through, what ship she served on, etc, etc. Suddenly J got all tight-lipped, and she couldn’t say anything specific about military life.
She kept making excuses along the lines of ‘it just wasn’t a good period of my life’ and ‘I’d rather not talk about it’. Eventually, I felt like I had done enough snooping around, and I bluntly told her that she was lying and that I’d rather not work with a phony.
I talked about this experience with my friend, M, at our school’s veterans organization. I told M to be wary of anything J says. M responded by telling me that J did serve, he’s seen her paperwork and ID and everything, and that in fact, one of her MBA recommendation letters was written by a retired rear admiral (O-8) who held J in high regard.
Whoops.
The next time I met J before our class started, I tried to act chummy towards her and make up for accusing her of being a liar. She laughed in my face and told me to ‘pound sand, poolee’.
And for those of you who don’t know, yes, she was being derisive here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she ‘didn’t act military’ enough for YOU, who do you think you are? You started to act chummy around her to make up for calling her a liar?
You didn’t even apologize to her, you just decided after calling her a liar and realizing you were wrong now you want to hang with her. Accusing someone of stolen valor right is a big deal and especially when you have no evidence other than the ‘feeling’ that she’s not military.
You suck learn how to give a real apology and learn how to hold your tongue until you know the facts.” meloyellow5
Another User Comments:
“So, let me get this straight… You were trying to show off by bragging about your military career and the girl actually tried engaging with you in shared military service.
You, aghast that such a little lady could do such a thing, spent the entire conversation trying to discredit her and then not only accuse her but went into full gossip girl mode. When proven wrong, you don’t even have the dignity or respect to apologize, you just expect her to be cool.
You need help.
YTJ” angelglea
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Veterans very commonly don’t talk about their service; often the more action they saw the less they want to talk about it. Not to mention female service members are subject to extra harassment and awful treatment with terrifying frequency.
If you want to know who is faking or exaggerating their service it’s the clowns with bravado.
You know she deserves an apology, so why haven’t you given her one? Being extra chummy with her is the worst thing you could have done as if she would want to be friends with someone who was a jerk towards her the last time you spoke?!” Ashley_California
7. AITJ For Having Other Commitments On My Significant Other's Birthday Weekend?
“It’s my significant other’s birthday this weekend. The thing is, his birthday falls on Holy Week so I’m rarely in the country during that time.
This is the first time we’d be spending it together so I spend the whole two weeks leading up to it asking what he wants to do so I can book time
He keeps saying ‘We’ll figure it out closer to the date.
Just leave your weekend free.’
And the thing is, the weekend is tomorrow already and he can’t expect me to keep that WHOLE weekend open so I decided to do work during the weekend and I booked a few meetings and a lunch with a friend and I booked a date playing video games with another friend and now, he’s angry because we only have 2 hours for breakfast when he wanted the whole weekend with me.
I’m like “We could do it next week” and this boy is just complaining saying ‘I’ll spend it alone then.’
And I’m like ‘Okay go ahead, hun.’
And honestly, he should have confirmed the date and given a concrete plan of what exactly we’d be doing if he really wanted me to free up the schedule.
The fact that he just assumes I’ll leave it open for him is wild.
Maybe I am a jerk for not leaving my whole dam weekend open so he can plan some weekend-long date but I’m a busy girl. I have other friends.
Honestly, though, I think he’s entitled to think I’d leave a whole weekend open blindly.
If he really wanted the whole weekend with me, he should have told me weeks ago and it’s not like I wasn’t making the effort to plan it with him.
My time is valuable too and if people really do wanna hang out, they better be making concrete and detailed plans.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He asked you to keep the weekend free and you booked yourself to be so busy that you can only spare two hours, and you’re honestly asking if you’re in the wrong?
You belittle him for being upset, but there’s nothing entitled about him asking to spend time with you for HIS birthday. If you didn’t want to spend the whole weekend with him then you should’ve told him that when he asked you to keep your weekend free.” therookerysys
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not uncommon to leave a weekend free for a SO’s birthday. This is the first time you could have spent it with him. Just because he didn’t have concrete plans doesn’t mean it’s okay to fill it up, that’s so inconsiderate of you.
Nothing you filled it with is important or time-sensitive. You say ‘Your time is valuable’, but isn’t your relationship and your SO’s feelings valuable as well? He’s not a client that has to book months in advance, he’s your SO and it’s reasonable to expect you will spend time with him, especially if it’s a special day (his birthday) and he requested you keep it free.” LavishnessQuiet956
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – he asked you to leave it free
You sound pretty heartless, to be honest, why are you with him? You clearly don’t love him if you’d rather schedule meetings on his birthday weekend.
Like it’s two days of the year, he should 100% be able to expect you to keep it free, I’m willing to bet he’d do the same for you.
The fact he was upset and you were stone-cold and didn’t care is a massive red flag.
You come across very much as the ‘popular girl’ you think he’s lucky that he’s with you and that your time is more important than his, you’d rather do anything other than spend time with him because you don’t see him as worth it and when he’s upset you treat him like a burden.
Massive main character syndrome with your ‘My time is valuable too and if people really do wanna hang out, they better be making concrete and detailed plans.’ He even gave you concrete plans ‘Leave the weekend free’ how can’t you see that?
You’re treating him like a burden and no more than any of your other friends, if you’re together asking for a weekend isn’t much and you should be happy to keep it free for him, id be willing to be he buys you so much stuff, you’re clearly too self-interested for a real relationship
Gosh, you’re toxic.” Material-Fox7679
6. AITJ For Saying I'd Choose To Save My Wife Rather Than My Son In A Hypothetical Situation?
“Yesterday my wife (F33) and I (M35) were hanging out with our friends, we played games and drank wine. We are new parents and very busy with our 2-month-old son, so this night was much needed. We had fun and joked around.
Later that night my friend started asking ‘Would you rather’ questions and we all played along. After a while, my best friend David asked me the question ‘Your house is on fire. Would you rather save your son or your wife?’ I immediately answered ‘My wife of course’.
My wife gave me a weird look and asked why. I laughed and jokingly said that we could just make another baby, but I could never find a hot, amazing woman like her again. My wife started crying and walked into a different room.
I ran after her and asked why she was crying. She called me a jerk and accused me of not caring about our baby. I tried to calm her down and said I was just joking around. But she was not having it.
The mood was ruined after this and we went home shortly after.
Now she is giving me the cold shoulder even though I apologized to her. I can’t blame her for overreacting, since I am sure her hormones are still all over the place from the pregnancy, giving birth, and having a new baby.
I also understand that my joke was insensitive, but I was also wasted. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for the answer you chose. It makes sense you care more about your wife than a 2-month-old. You don’t really know the 2-month-old yet.
But where the jerk behavior comes in is once you noticed you upset your wife (AKA this part: ‘my wife gave me a weird look and asked why’) you can’t make a joke about it anymore. That’s where you screwed up.
In your wife’s head, this was something serious, and you made light of it.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – as a mother, she was well within her rights to get that upset! Once your child is born, you will kill for that child and they come before anyone or anything.
Family and partners included. But I feel that men don’t have the same sort of bond. Don’t get me wrong, I know they have a bond but I don’t feel it’s as strong as mothers as they haven’t carried the baby and gone through what we went through.
(This is based on my experience of men fyi, I’m not saying all men are the same) .
However, your wording is shocking. You need to think before you speak. The only situation you should be saying things anywhere near to this is if it was a life or death situation with labor and you had to choose between your wife and unborn child.
Then and only then, can you choose your wife over your child.” jade8384
Another User Comments:
“There’s no right answer to that question and your friend is the biggest jerk for even asking it, but still YTJ.
You should have deliberated for a long time and made it clear that it’s a tough choice, certainly not given a quick easy answer.
Your rationale for said answer is even worse. YOU can make another child easily in a pleasant evening, but your wife just spent 9 months growing and birthing the one you have. It’s clear you haven’t really internalized how much it took out of her to create a child for the both of you or bonded with him as a special individual. I get that there’s not a ton of personality to latch onto with babies, but he’s precious and irreplaceable to your wife and should be to you too.
I guarantee you’d be less blasé if you had to push the next kid out your peepee.” messy_tuxedo_cat
5. AITJ For Being Worn Out By My Coworker And Giving Him Honest Criticism?
“My coworker (M25) and I (F25) were both hired this year, for the same position at the same level at a tech company. We have different backgrounds, but the same years of experience.
A while ago, he asked for my salary in the interest of salary transparency.
I gave it to him and he was outraged that I made $30k more than he did. In fact, my offer was initially his salary, but I had negotiated for it to go $40k higher and we settled at $30k.
I mentioned the negotiation to him and he said, ‘Although you negotiated, I should have gotten the same salary as you did because we are in the same position and level.’ And you know what? I agree. But that’s just not how things work and that’s why I negotiated in the first place.
He was cold to me and actively avoided me for a few weeks after that.
Recently, a program opened up that was a fast track to a promotion. Only one person per team would be awarded the position. We obviously both applied, but I got the position.
When he found out, he was once again outraged. He asked what I did to get into the program that he didn’t, especially since I already made more than him, and our manager rejected his request to increase his salary.
I said that I took on tasks that I didn’t have to – after all, the way companies reward promotions is if you’re already operating at a higher level. He said he shouldn’t have to take on items outside of his job description or work longer hours.
And I agree! But I said, ‘I knew this program was competitive, so that’s what I did.’
This seemed to kick him into self-reflection mode and he pestered me what he could have done differently. I tried to brush him off, like ‘Oh, you know, upper management, who knows.’ But every day, he kept interrupting my work by asking me what he could have done differently, to get his desired salary, to get the position.
He even speculated it was due to my gender. Finally, to get him off my back, I asked if he wanted me to be honest. And he said he did. I knew this was still a work conversation, so I used my words carefully.
‘I think you’re an idealist and there’s nothing wrong with that! But you still need to advocate for yourself instead of assuming the company will go ahead and do the right thing. The company acts in its own self-interest and it’s up to you to take action to convince the company that investing in you IS in its best interest. You’ll have to do things that you shouldn’t do – like negotiate or do extra work.
That’s just how things are.’
He has since stopped bothering me, but it’s very clear he is still angry at me. I fear he will say something that will affect my new position. But he wouldn’t stop asking and I thought my words were appropriate.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your words were wisely chosen. However, I don’t think you should believe as you initially state, that you were hired at the same level so should make the same salary. If things were exactly equal, then yes – but, you’ve shown that you are a greater asset to the company and so you should be paid more.
This was probably evident in your resumes, your past performances at school, and your interview and salary negotiations. Although you had the same number of years of work – you evidently proved that you were a greater asset while he seemingly did what it took to keep his job, but no more.
You deserved more pay and that is why you got it.
Don’t underestimate or denigrate your accomplishments!” MercuryRising92
Another User Comments:
“I want to tell you that I agree with your logic and thought process. I also agree with your criticism of him and your thoughts on him being an idealist.
That being said I think everyone sucks here. He sucks because he is badgering you constantly. And taking his aggression out on you for your negotiated higher salary.
You suck for revealing your salary to him which precipitated this entire exchange between the 2 of you.
You seem intelligent but are seemingly oblivious to the emotional response generated when someone finds out a salary difference exists. Revealing this information is stirring up the crap and stirred crap makes a big stink. A lesson for next time…
‘A while ago, he asked for my salary in the interest of salary transparency.’
Why do you feel like you owe him this transparency? Your salary is your own business. You could have sidestepped this entire mess by keeping quiet.
Your coworker might have been put off by your brusque response and unwillingness to share salary info. But he would have gotten over it far sooner and created far less stink than he actually did.
Keep in mind this is not over.
Any future promotions or accolades you receive will just be ammo in his pocket to use against you. It’s unfair but this is the personality you are dealing with. You even experienced a taste of it when he insinuated you only got your higher salary and promotion because of your gender.
Next time, please shut up and remember that saying less is more. Everyone sucks here.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right. I don’t know why he would think that he would benefit from your initiative (like automatically getting the salary you negotiated for yourself).
That he brought up gender also shows how out of touch he is. You did him a favor by being straight with him and he doesn’t appreciate it. Not your fault.” Pickled-soup
4. AITJ For Embarrassing A Guy Who's Shaming Women For Their Looks?
“I’ve met this guy, ‘Jordan’, a few times in the past since we share a mutual friend (‘Brandon’).
Although, I’d use the term ‘mutual friend’ loosely since Brandon is only ‘friends’ with Jordan because their moms are best friends and Brandon feels obligated to invite him to stuff. I’ve asked Brandon how he feels about Jordan. They basically grew up together, so, in a way, he is considered family.
Jordan, in the past, has made some passive remarks. But, I didn’t think much of it. Brandon had mentioned that Jordan is a chill guy, but tends to be very socially awkward and says stuff that could come off as offensive.
Brandon had a little party at his place for Wrestlemania this past weekend.
It was pretty fun. We were all having a good time and were having conversations about movies. One of them was how unfairly Henry Cavill has been treated and that he was perfect as Superman.
Another was how both Chris Evans and Anthony Mackie are great as Captain America.
Once Wrestlemania started, things then started to shift.
Jordan looked at the female wrestlers and remarked how ‘sad’ it was that they allowed their bodies to look like that and that women have no excuse to not be built like Victoria’s Secret models since their diets and workouts are available online on YouTube.
Jordan went even further to say that since women don’t look like Margot Robbie or Megan Fox, women must work twice as hard to look good.
Brandon actually stopped him and said that he shouldn’t say stuff like that. Jordan just shrugged. He stopped a little bit but would make small comments about how the women wrestlers were buff.
Later on, we ended up talking about Chris Evans and Henry Cavill again. Jordan talked about how they were perfect. Without thinking about it, I go, ‘Yeah, so why don’t you look like them?’
Jordan was taken aback and speechless.
He started to spew stuff out like how he wasn’t as tall as them nor was his body built like them. I told him that’s exactly why all women can’t look like Victoria’s Secret models.
After that, he was quiet for the rest of the night.
The next day, I got a text from Brandon saying that, while he agrees with me, he says that next time I should just let him handle Jordan. Jordan says the wrong stuff and is offensive without meaning to be.
While I do agree that nobody should be compared to anyone, I felt like Jordan needed to have a taste of his own medicine.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The time to handle things was before he started impacting other people with that nonsense.
If his goal was to control the situation then Brandon failed. You just picked up the slack.
Brandon is clearly not in charge of Jordan and he’s definitely not in charge of you. He’s not ‘handling’ Jordan and you shouldn’t allow him to ‘handle’ you by telling you what you can and can’t say either.
Because guess what? That didn’t work on Jordan either or you wouldn’t be here asking about it. Jordan’s a jerk and Brandon has some control issues.” KrakenFluffer
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Jordan is a jerk for obvious reasons.
You are a jerk because you attacked Jordan when he wasn’t attacking you. On top of that, it was Brandon’s party, it was his place and Jordan was his ‘friend’. You should have let him handle it. Had he said those things about you, or had it been at your place, I would feel completely differently.” IceLantern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Absolutely not. Those were sexist remarks and you, as you said, gave him a taste of his own medicine and I would have done the same. Don’t feel bad and keep reminding him. And ‘without meaning to be offensive’ is not the same as ‘socially awkward’ – as Brandon puts it.
There is a huge difference.
I have socially awkward, introverted friends and they don’t talk like that. Sounds like a lazy excuse to me. He needs to think before he speaks.” FlamingoMedic89
3. AITJ For Taking Back The PC We Gave To My Wife's Nephew?
“My wife has a nephew that is raised by his grandparents because his mother (wife’s sister) doesn’t care about him.
The grandparents are old, sick, and really poor, especially after Grandpa lost his job, so their income comes purely from social help institutions. It’s not even remotely enough for people with teenage kids.
The kid is quite smart, not super smart level but he can pass exams without even bother studying at home.
The problem is he doesn’t want to go to school anymore, he wants to play games all night. And he wanted a gaming PC like every kid his age. With my wife, I thought if we buy him this PC with the condition that he will go to school every day and pass the semester.
He was the happiest kid I saw at that moment.
And he broke his promise on the first day. Then a second and third. A whole week passed and he didn’t go to school once.
I’m going to their home today with my wife and I’m taking back this PC because of how untrustworthy he is, but his grandmother is scared this will break this kid cuz he wanted it so badly for many months.
She wants us to let him do as he pleases. But this is so much disrespectful we can’t, so she is mad at us that we broke the kid’s dream.
He already has it though, but he broke a promise.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But he needs a path to earn it back. It would be sweet if he could keep it, but you could set something up like the Amazon Kids thing. You control which apps the kid has access to, when and how long they can watch videos, play apps, or read books, and even have them complete educational stuff before getting access to games.
It’s not a perfect system, but I’m just wondering if there is something kinda similar for PCs that could offer more control over access without removing the device. No school? No game. Went to school one day? Cool, you have access from 6 pm to 7 pm.
Enjoy. Something like that.” vegetable-trainer23
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – It was really nice of you to get him a computer, but a gift is a gift. You are not a parental figure to him if I understood right, so you don’t have to choose on what condition the kid can play with his PC or not.
If you wanted to have this kind of power you should have told him under what conditions he would be able to get a PC from you, and then you should have warned him that the PC can be held back if misbehaving.
On the other hand, the kid is totally unreasonable for skipping several days of school in a row because he is too excited with his new gift.” LullyBetsuni
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ… but you’re dancing a thin line.
You need to figure out what your role is in this child’s life.
You can’t bounce in, give things, give judgment, and bounce out. If you really want to help him, get more involved in his life.
Give rewards after certain goals are met – this is ‘Positive Feedback’ rather than punishing when they screw up – ‘Negative Feedback’.
Positive feedback gives someone a goal to strive for, encourages hope and betterment. Negative feedback creates frustration, temptation, and resentment.
Think about it this way – had you said ‘We’ll give you $100 to the computer for each week you make all your grades’, it completely changes the context of this situation.” RandomizedNameSystem
2. AITJ For Threatening To Stop Paying For My Brother's Education If He Comes To Our Father's Wedding?
“My (29m) mom passed away 3 years ago. By the end of her life, I was her main carer and spent almost every day with her.
Five months after she passed my dad introduced me to his new partner, who had been his significant other in high school. They apparently rekindled contact after my mother passed and everything went fast after that, but I´m convinced something happened between them prior to my mom’s passing.
I haven´t really had any communication with my dad since then, apart from things related to my brother (19m).
My brother is studying at a very expensive private university. I pay for his tuition and other school-related expenses, like textbooks and trips and he currently lives with me and my husband.
My dad does pitch in a little bit and gives my brother money, but he´s retired and receives a not-so-great pension.
My dad is marrying his partner this November. My brother and I received an invitation. Of course, I said no, but apparently my brother is attending and is very excited. I´m not mad at him, I´m disappointed and sad because he knows my stance in this situation and how much it hurt to see my dad in love with another woman only 5 months after our mom passed.
Since I see this as a betrayal, I told him that I would be no longer paying for his next semester at college. He is now mad at me, which I´m not surprised about. But my husband told me that he disagrees with me and wants me to reconsider, which is making me think that I´m overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for one HUGE reason. You do not use your money to control other people’s lives and that is exactly what you are doing and that is not right. Your brother is not doing anything illegal, immoral, or wrong.
If he wants to attend the wedding then he has every right to do that. I don’t know if your dad had an affair and apparently neither do you, not for a fact anyways. Even if he did that is your Father’s shortcoming, not your brother’s.
If you are mad at your father then you take it out on him, not the rest of your family.” Lord_Muramasa
Another User Comments:
“There are no jerks here because there’s a lot to unpack. Because of the big age difference and because you are housing him and funding him, you probably feel less like a sister and more like his parent (which you aren’t) which makes you feel entitled to control what he does (which you don’t).
You can’t hold his college fund over his head to make him do whatever you want.
On the other hand, he shouldn’t have chosen an expensive university and expected you to pay for it. If he wants to be an adult who makes his own life choices and does what he wants, he should probably start taking responsibility for himself, meaning he needs to move out of your house and pay his own tuition.” DigDugDogDun
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Paying for your brother’s tuition (not to mention to an expensive private school AND when you yourself are still in your twenties) is such an incredibly kind thing to do that I struggle to come up with the proper words to praise it; few people would go that out of their way to help their sibling.
I would have the utmost admiration for a sibling so kind as to do that for me.
That being said, blackmailing said sibling under threat of taking it away (potentially tanking their future) is absolutely jerk behavior and would immediately turn all that admiration into resentment and must have been devastating for your brother.
I highly recommend you reverse this decision and explain to them why you acted the way they did otherwise it could have a serious impact on your relationship even if you reverse your decision.
Whilst you have no obligation to pay their tuition, to stop paying it for the reason that you are is kind of messed up.
I also think it’s possible you may be misinterpreting the situation between your Dad and that woman. It’s totally possible that you’re right, it wouldn’t shock me, but the decision to punish your brother for supporting their Dad is not okay and you should also probably give your Dad a chance to convince you he wasn’t unfaithful to your mom.” XKyotosomox
1. AITJ For Telling My Mom They Were Terrible Parents To Me?
“My daughter’s communion was a few days ago. I won’t go into specifics but I spent a lot on her party.
We had it catered by a nice restaurant, huge balloons, rented several soft play/bouncing activities, characters, a cotton candy machine, ice cream, a huge cake, and a customized treat table.
I also bought my daughter a ton of toys and clothes, enough for it to be Christmas.
I had hired a photographer for the party and after I was looking over the photos with my siblings and parents. My mom made a joke about how I , compared to my daughter, looked so miserable at my communion. She had a photo of me she showed age 7, in a little white dress holding a rosary looking dead inside.
I brushed it off until she pulled out another one, again of me looking miserable and saying how I hated my dress while my daughter loved hers.
I finally snapped and told her there was a reason my daughter was happy and I was miserable.
I, even now, still remember feeling so excited at first for my communion watching my cousins get huge, lavish parties thrown for them. My communion was the same month as my older sibling’s confirmation (she was 14.) My parents decided to throw a combined party, which was already a mistake because we were of two totally different ages and interests.
I remember being given a hand-me-down dress while years ago, my siblings picked out their expensive dresses. I remember the disappointment when I saw the cake said ‘Happy confirmation’ to my sister and left me out, and it still hurts remembering my cousin pushing little me on the swing when she told me she didn’t even know it was my communion too.
I basically told all this to her in front of everyone which caused a huge argument.
I went on to tell her I’m glad she notices how miserable I was and how happy my daughter is because it proves how terrible of a mother and father they were and how good I’m doing.
While looking back she was a good mother to me as a teen, I was forgotten for the first fourteen years of my life.
My brother thinks I’m a jerk for upsetting her.”
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry you were so neglected as compared to your siblings, and that there was so much pain around you being the least cared for sibling that came to a head with your first communion.
It must have felt great to give your daughter the kind of celebration you wish you’d had.
I’m glad you finally told your mother exactly how you felt about what happened to you. You told the truth; if she found that painful, too bad!
Don’t let anyone tell you that you were wrong to tell the truth. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’ve got it all wrong and the truth isn’t the truth. Keep putting your energy into your own nuclear family in the present, and into healing from the terrible way you were made to feel as a young girl.
NTJ
P.S. Don’t let anyone try to bully you into forgiving your parents, insisting it will make you feel better, and it will give you closure, and blah blah blah. If they want forgiveness, let them repent. Let them apologize deeply and sincerely.
Let them beg for your forgiveness. You are not obligated to give it.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. What your parents did when you were little was unfair and kind of mean, not getting you your own cake, or a new dress, and making you feel like you were overshadowed. It’s very clear you were hurt about it and I’m guessing this also wasn’t the first time this happened to you as a kid so it was just another thing on the pile.
But HOLY (literally!) crap man. This is a FIRST COMMUNION. Do you know what happens to most kids when they have their first communion? They maybe get a few religious gifts and a cake with their family and maybe a few friends at someone’s house or occasionally a banquet hall if their family has funds.
Meanwhile, you sounded like you dropped 5 figures on this party. Everything you described for a kid’s party – for any reason, is beyond absurd.
Of course, your daughter was happy when you did more than most parents do for their kids’ birthdays for their entire lives combined. You went over the top.
Honestly, you really need to tone it down because if this is ‘normal’ for your daughter, it’s very likely she’s becoming increasingly spoiled. It’s not uncommon for people who were neglected or mistreated in childhood to spoil their kids into being entitled, nasty people.
Also, spending that much on communion, which is the acceptance of a deity who encouraged his followers to give up all their worldly possessions to the needy is hilariously ironic.
All in all, I think you should have a frank conversation with your parents about how neglected you felt as a child, and the communion thing just brought it to a head.
It’s possible they didn’t realize how much they neglected or hurt you, and perhaps they’d be willing to rebuild your relationship.” Keeshberger16
Another User Comments:
“Your mother was completely oblivious, which made it extra painful for you. And then she kept on making comparisons, wondering about the cause of this difference.
Out loud. Sooo… you told her.
NTJ. You could’ve said that this wasn’t the time or place to get into that and form about it and then tear her a new one in private. But seeing how much she aggravated you, I really don’t think you needed to go gentle on her.” DynkoFromTheNorth
Another User Comments:
“OP your love language has to do with giving gifts and that’s perfectly normal. Your parents got it wrong. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They just didn’t understand you. Maybe they didn’t understand you and your siblings seemed easier to please, easier to connect with.
Part of growing up is learning to see your parents as people who may or may not be a great match for us, and accepting that. It doesn’t mean you have to like how they are. It just means let it go and stop sulking over not getting all your needs met by people who are totally incapable.
I swear when you do this you’ll suffer so much less. Enjoy your lavish gift parties and best of luck redoing your childhood via your daughter. Hopefully, she will share your love language! No jerks here” spandexcatsuit
And anyone criticizing the money spent for the celebration better not ever go, if they're ever invited to a bar or bat mitzvah, or a quinceanera. Those can cost tens of thousands of dollars, especially the quinceaneras. They often cost more than a wedding, as the prevailing opinion seems to be "husbands come and go, but you only have one quince."
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