People Unravel Their Personal Dilemmas In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

From mowing lawns and familial disputes, to secret pregnancies and intimate weddings, these real-life stories will have you questioning your own judgement. Are they justified or just plain wrong? You be the judge as you navigate through these captivating tales of love, loss, betrayal and the everyday trials of life. Welcome to "Am I The Jerk?" - a collection of stories that will challenge your perceptions and keep you on the edge of your seat. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

25. AITJ For Leaving My Husband Behind After He Insensitively Delivered News Of My Brother's Death?

QI

“I lost my brother in a motorcycle accident 3 weeks ago at the age of 21. This was sudden and devastating beyond measure. I live 3 towns away from my entire family and I didn’t know about it right away.

My husband was calling when I walked into the room where my phone was on vibrate and charging.

I answered and he asked why I didn’t answer my sister’s calls. I asked why and whether she called him. He said yes then proceeded to tell me he received the news of a family member’s death from her. I was shaking at this point while I was waiting for him to tell me more but he said “guess who!” I angrily told him to stop it and tell me but he still thought it’s fine to ask me to guess that’s when I lost it on him because my nerves were done.

I yelled at him then hung up and immediately called my sister and she told me it was our youngest brother.

I had an awful reaction because this is my baby brother whom I adored so much and my husband knew how much I cared about him. I drove to my hometown 6 hours away by myself and my husband was mad after he found out I didn’t wait for him to take him with me.

I told him I didn’t want him there after how he treated me and played my emotions like that. He said he was trying to prevent me from being traumatized and didn’t want to dish the news all of a sudden. He wanted to come but I said I’d have kicked him out if he showed up which got him mad yelling that I had no right to rob him of saying goodbye to his favorite brother-in-law.

He said my anger was misplaced and I was taking it out on him for no reason other than being the “bearer of the bad news” and that nobody wants to be that person but he tried to be as nice as he could about it. I haven’t talked to him ever since despite him calling me to come home so we can talk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. How does making you guess help YOU? You have to process in your mind the potential deaths of all your family members until you guess the right one?! That’s horrific! Anything you had to do to protect yourself after that was understandable! Ugh!” TurbulentDrawing6

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband is the most colossal jerk I’ve read about here today.

Who talks like that? Like it’s a game? A fun surprise!? Who could be so sadistic???? Counseling now. If he refuses, I think you know what to do. I am so, so sorry about your brother.” Issyswe

Another User Comments:

“”Guess who”?! Who says that in this kind of circumstance? NTJ. I’m so sorry for your loss; may your baby brother’s memory be a blessing.

Also, maybe take some time to think about how invested you are in the marriage. Telling you someone died and then saying, “Guess who?” doesn’t leave me optimistic that he’d be able to handle, say, you having a serious illness or something where you’d need support.” Significant_Frame197

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Turtlelover60 6 months ago
Two choices, couples counseling or divorce attorney.
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24. AITJ For Confronting My Husband About His Lack Of Effort With His Daughter From A Previous Relationship?

QI

“I (31F) am married to Jason (31M) who has a daughter, Callie (12F), from a previous relationship. We have two kids (7M and 5F) and he’s wonderful with them. Very attentive and affectionate, never misses any of their events, etc. So he’s a great dad to our kids. However, his relationship with Callie is very different.

I didn’t even know she existed until our son was born, and Jason hadn’t had a relationship with her at all due to issues with her mother. I was the one that pushed him into being more involved with her. Because Callie and his ex live in a different part of the country, we started flying over to visit them every once in a while for holidays, which eventually became Callie spending some school breaks over with us as she got older.

She’s a very nice girl, gets along well with her younger siblings, we’ve never really had any problems with her outside of some typical kid behaviors that mainly had to do with her mom being a lot more lax than we might have been.

I hate to say that I think I might be closer to Callie than Jason is, but there’s definitely a difference there.

I never want her to feel out of place when she stays over so I try to take her on outings, Girls’ Days with her and my daughter, movie nights, if there’s anything she wants to do or see that she might not get to back home. We text and call from time to time when she’s back home and sometimes she FaceTimes with me and her siblings.

I would say we have a good relationship. With Jason, however, there’s a lot less consistency. I usually have to ‘suggest’ that he give her a call or check in with her, when she visits us they don’t spend too much time together, and once or twice he’s canceled or pushed back her visits either out of the blue or by making vacation or other plans with us.

When I ask him if she’s able to come on a trip we have planned, it’s either that she has some other engagement or that her mother said no.

Callie is about to turn 13 later this month, and I’ve been trying to look for a present to send her ahead of time as we won’t be able to go see her.

Callie’s been talking about wanting one of those instant Polaroid-type cameras for a while and I figured I’d get her one of those with a case and some film. We share an Amazon account so Jason saw the purchase and asked about it, I told him I’d gotten it for Callie’s birthday. He told me I didn’t have to go out of my way and get her something that expensive that she likely wouldn’t use, and I told him she had said that she wants one.

He was weirdly against the idea, and the conversation got heated pretty fast. I asked if he had any better ideas, he said he didn’t, to which I said that maybe he would if he actually bothered to at least call his daughter more often. He asked if I was calling him a bad father and I said no, but it wouldn’t hurt to make more of an effort with Callie.

Since then, he hasn’t been in the mood to speak to me. AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but he IS being a bad father in regards to that little girl. It doesn’t matter how good he is with your children if he can happily leave out his eldest. He is failing that child, and now begrudging her a gift she wants for a milestone birthday.

Your husband needs to realize that, regardless of the nature of the co-parenting between him and his ex, HE made a life and is now as responsible for her as he is for the children you have together. Anything less just isn’t good enough.” Panaccolade

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My father and I (30F) have a similar history.

He “got it right” with his second kid and wife and became distant and uninterested in me as years went on. Barely called, made no effort to see me or learn about my life, forgot my birthday and holidays and left me out of lavish family trips/vacations. I cut contact with him and we have no relationship now.

Your stepdaughter won’t be 13 forever. She will grow up, she will mature, and she will get wise to his neglect. If your husband doesn’t shape up as a father he will lose her forever. It honestly doesn’t sound like he would care anyway.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and you need to point out to him that his kids with you, who do love Callie and being with her, are witnessing how he treats her versus how he treats them and it will influence their opinions of him as a father.

Remind him that Callie is an innocent victim of everything that happened with her mother and that punishing an innocent child by ignoring her is not what a good father or even a good person would do. He’s an adult and can handle getting called out on his nonsense when needed.” Reddit User

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anma7 6 months ago
NTJ.. i would be asking him if he thinks that treating your kids like that is being a good parent. You are right he IS being a bad parent and he knows it that's why he doesn't want to talk to you.., I Hooe you realise fhat if YOU hadmt pushed him he wouldn't have reached out to her at all.. if you don't prompt him he doesn't ring her.. he cancels her trips etc cos he can... he is being a trashy father and he KNOWS it . I hope that of you amd he ever split he doesn't do the same with your kids
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23. AITJ For Banning My Brother's Partner After She Ignored My Wife's Medical Condition And Pushed Breastfeeding?

QI

“I’ll keep this short and simple. My wife has pernicious anemia. Her body can’t absorb vitamin B12. Even if she ate a bunch of food full of B12 or an entire bottle of supplements it would make no difference. She has regular B12 injections to make sure she gets enough. My wife is pregnant. She’s being monitored closely because a lack of B12 is not good for the baby or for her.

Her due date is in 20 days and her doctors have told her under no circumstances is she to breastfeed. They say the lack of B12 will cause harm to our baby.

The situation: When we announced her pregnancy my brother’s partner wouldn’t stop asking my wife about breastfeeding. At first she was not bad, she gave my wife 2 books about it but she would not stop bringing it up when my wife explained she can’t breastfeed because of her condition.

She invited my wife to a support group for moms who breastfeed (Called Triple L or something like that). She went as far as to give my wife’s email to other moms she knows so they could email my wife about why she should breastfeed and give my wife printouts from the internet about a woman who had B12 deficiency and breastfed. (That woman was a vegan, she didn’t have my wife’s medical condition).

My sister-in-law also apparently solicited for milk donations on our behalf even though we never asked for this. We wouldn’t take milk from random strangers, there’s no regulations or checks and balances where we live so we have no idea what was in the milk. We asked her to stop it but she wouldn’t.

The last straw was her having these donors email my wife after we asked her to stop.

I understand she is passionate about it and it worked for her with my nephew but she isn’t a doctor and neither are the people emailing my wife. Since she wouldn’t stop when we asked her I told her she is no longer welcome in our home. My wife made a new email address and we are going to listen to actual doctors.

My brother’s partner actually said the doctors don’t know what they are talking about which is so out there I can’t even. My brother reamed me out for speaking to his partner harshly and he says I owe her an apology. For the record, he backs up what she says and thinks my wife needs to listen to her.

His partner is mad too and thinks our baby is unfortunate because of all this. I get she was trying to help but she went way over the top in my humble opinion.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. A baby with severe B12 deficiency can have permanent brain damage. I would trust the doctors who understand your wife’s condition more than a bunch of random Internet articles.” mr_mini_doxie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My wife breastfed and joined a bunch of groups. Even she said it gets cult-like with the mothers in these groups. You guys have to do what’s best for you and your baby. As long as the baby is healthy, breastfed or formula, you guys do you.” ColtonYetti7

Another User Comments:

“Triple L is la Leche league and they can be militant. I personally have seen them harass parents for buying formula and do “nurse-ins” at the offices of doctors who have the gall to offer a quieter and more comfortable nursing area than a waiting room full of sick kids. You are NTJ by any means, you’re standing up and protecting your spouse and soon-to-be child during a very emotional and scary time.

Fed is best, 100% doesn’t matter if it’s breastfed or formula. FED is best.” Acrobatic-Ship-7298

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anma7 6 months ago
NTJ... tell brother that neither of them are welcome to your home anymore and that when he and partner become actual drs and understand the serious condition your wife has then you may consider them worthy of listening too.
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22. AITJ For Ignoring My Late Father's Partner's Claim Of Being Pregnant With His Child?

QI

“My (36f) dad was always mean, bad-tempered, abusive, and bullied anyone who would stand for it which unfortunately included Mum who was completely cowed by the time my brother and I were old enough to get out of Dodge.

Our homes were always open to her, to him? Not so much.

Then last year he surpassed himself – after a heart attack mum devotedly nursed him through, he decided he’d “never really lived” – threw mum out of the house they owned in joint names (she came to me and we were glad to have her) and moved in a girl known in the family as ” Dad’s Bimbo”.

Never held a job, no qualifications whatsoever (which is quite difficult to do in the school all the local families went to – including ours) and exactly one-third his age. I refuse to believe she was attracted to him – the stereotypical bad-tempered, over-weight, red-faced gammon.

Well, sucks to be the bimbo. He had another heart attack last month and passed away intestate.

Under English intestacy rules, the house is mum’s automatically and the relatively small size of the rest of his estate means she gets all of that too. The Bimbo of course, gets nothing.

So we went in, emptied the house of portable valuables, replaced Dad’s big screen with a small portable and served her 28 days’ notice to quit.

She’s blowing up about “her rights” all over social media and the small rural town we live in. We don’t care. She says she gave up a council flat to move in with him and can’t get it back – we don’t care, she gambled and lost. She says she’s pregnant – we don’t believe her, it hasn’t stopped her from having a drink or two.

My husband thinks we ought to find out if she is carrying our half-sibling. We don’t care. Even if she is, the kid is entitled to exactly one-third of what I and my brother are sharing ie bugger all. So AITJ for ignoring this woman’s alleged child. This is England, she won’t end up on the streets but she won’t get my Mum’s house and garden either.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I like your style. In fact, I’d go one further and tell her that if she is pregnant and she won’t stop having a drink or two then you’ll have no option but to report her to your local social services department who will investigate if they need to get a child protection order when the baby is born.

That should get the truth out of her – I should point out that I don’t think she is pregnant either, nor is that something social services may be willing to do. But she won’t know that.” history_buff_9971

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. (call her bluff) Take a pregnancy test to her. (do not believe her saying that she went to a doctor, tell her, you need to see said proof of pregnancy right now) If she is, let her know a DNA test is NEEDED, for proof that said child, belongs to your dad.

She still needs to vacate the property, with a proper eviction notice. I would address her social media rants with… Oh, you have rights as a Mistress to a known MARRIED MAN? Please show us where…(always call people out on their bluffs)” AugustBabyLEO

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anma7 6 months ago
NTJ.. tell her to take her eviction notice to the local council along with your phone number and you will gladly tell, them that she has 28days to bugger off... (uk here)... i would take a pregnancy test round get her to piddle in a pot in front of you and when it comes up positive tell her to add it to her housing application lol....
She played at stupid game tell her and won the booby prize... your dad and even he wasn't that much of a prize by the sound of it...
as for your hubby ask him if some tart did that to his mum would he be so forgiving ??
Tell her to get down the DWP they will give her some money once she has the kid.. if she's pregnant
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21. AITJ For Feeding My Nephews Plant-Based Meals While Babysitting Them?

QI

“I (30m) have been on a plant-based diet for 10 years for health reasons.

I take supplements and have regular checkups with my doctor to monitor my health. So far, I haven’t had any problems with my diet.

A week and a half ago, my sister (32f) asked me if I could do her the favor of taking care of my nephews (13 and 15) for a week, since she and her husband were going on vacation.

Honestly, I was kind of wary to do it, since my sister has a history of being very specific with how other people take care of her children, but I still agreed.

She knows about my diet, so I sent her this message “Do you want my nephews to eat meat? If so, could you give me the money so I can go buy what I need so I can cook for them?” but I didn’t get a reply, so I assumed it was okay if my nephews ate the same way I did.

They left them with me, and we had a really good week. In my personal opinion, my nephews ate healthy and got all their nutrients (except for the absence of protein), but the kids had plenty of energy and said they loved my cooking, so I don’t think they had a problem with my diet.

EDIT: I didn’t feed them animal protein, but I did include plant (vegetal?) protein with every meal (tofu, rice, seeds, beans, etc.) My nephews also really enjoyed what I cooked, so there was no objection on their part. I even made plans with my niece to teach her how to cook certain dishes that she really liked.

Today, my sister and husband came to pick up my nephews. My sister asked them what they ate, and my niece said that she ate the same as me. My sister was Angry with a capital A. She yelled at me that I abused her children, that I have no right to push my lifestyle on them, that she should never have left them with me, etc. When I asked her why she didn’t respond to my message asking her if she wanted my nephews to eat meat, she replied that it was my obligation to pay for everything my nephews wanted to eat, and that it was implicit that her family eats meat, so she didn’t think it was necessary to reply.

In the end, my sister told me that she will never trust me again and she will tell the whole family how untrustworthy I am.

Am I really such a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“So you took your nephews for a week, paid for their food, in general took care of them, and she has the audacity to scream at you cause they didn’t have meat for a week?

Sister can watch her kids on her vacation next time. Op send her a bill for reimbursement for all the food they ate, and all the utilities they used. If you “had an obligation to pay for everything they wanted to eat” then she has an obligation to pay for her children’s care. NTJ.” Professional-Fail554

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Vegan diets are healthy as long as they are planned appropriately and I’m guessing based on the fact you’ve been vegan 10+ years that you know how to make a healthy meal. I highly doubt you were feeding them anything “devoid of protein” (all foods contain amino acids… the building blocks of protein).

I used to watch my niece during the summer and would feed her vegan since that’s how I eat. Mom knew all about it and her child didn’t die of protein deficiency.” [deleted]

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anma7 6 months ago
NTJ... no its on sister to provide the meat she wants HER KIDS to eat not you, you did nothing wrong at all and tell any family,y that come at you that SHE ignored the message you sent her and therefore it's on HER. Your sister sounds unhinged.. you don't expect anyone to watch your kids for a week and not pay for the food they eat especially if you want them eating meat when you know the person who's watching them doesn't eat meat for health reasons for gods sake
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20. AITJ For Wanting My Own Life Separate From My Step-Siblings?

QI

“My mom married Mark when I was 7. Mark had Eli (pronounced Ellie) then 5 and Mia then 4. Eli and Mia were so excited to have a big sister and thought we would be best friends.

At first I was kinda like wait, I didn’t ask for siblings. I also found it a little too much that they called me their sister straight away and I wasn’t ready for it. But eventually, I decided it was fine if they felt that way. It didn’t mean I needed to. I just needed to be nice (which my mom helped me to understand).

Over time I grew to enjoy having them around but then it changed when I realized they didn’t just see me as their sister but they truly believed we were best friends. They started wanting matching stuff, they wanted to come everywhere with me, they would get jealous when I was hanging out with my friends.

My mom did her best to put a stop to it but Mark said they didn’t really remember their life without me so they were going to idolize me a lot and my mom said they should still be okay with me having a life.

I pulled back a lot from them when they started talking about a sister adoption.

Which meant they wanted mom and Mark to write these contracts for us to sign saying we would be sisters forever and would always put each other first. I was 13 and they were 11 and 10 at the time. I still saw them as step-sisters and not just sisters. To me they weren’t just my sisters because they weren’t my mom’s kids, and they weren’t part of my everyday life.

They spent time with their mom and I spent time with my dad, so we were apart a lot too.

I really got annoyed when last year Eli broke a necklace my best friend bought me. She was mad that I had told my best friend something I hadn’t told her yet and that was her response.

The thing I told her was I’m a lesbian. I knew from age 12 which is when I told my best friend, I told my mom a while after but didn’t come out to everyone else until last year. Mia was also mad at me for not saying anything and said I should have told them first because that’s the stuff sisters share.

Back in June my best friend got a Switch. We both missed out on the Animal Crossing edition so we decided it would be cool to buy stickers and skins for our Switches to make them match and bring Animal Crossing into our lives. I knew it would be a big deal with Eli and Mia but I decided it was worth that to do something with my best friend.

The girls were so upset. Mom defended me but Mark said it was callous and was another snub from me toward them and showing them they don’t matter to me.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Mark really needs to sit down with his daughters and actually explain the nature of your relationship. You have boundaries that need explaining to them, that’s Mark’s job.

Just because Mark wants this dream blended family that is super close doesn’t mean everyone does. He needs to accept that instead of letting his children hurt themselves by misunderstanding the relationship and then having him punish you when they lash out about it.” notahappybunny123

Another User Comments:

“Honestly NTJ. As the oldest of 3 full-blood siblings, you are allowed to have your own life!

You should never have been required to pacify them. What concerns me is that it seems like the older one has got off scot-free with breaking your things?? I really hope there were consequences to her behavior? Because that is not ok for her to be doing. Yes they can want for you guys to be close but the way they are going about it isn’t going to foster that closeness.

It is on their father to teach them how to navigate that.” aliceiw82

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anma7 6 months ago
NTJ.. forst off mom need to sir HER husband down amd tell him that YOU do not have to do everything HIS KIDS want you to do... that HER daughter has a life away from them and that HE needs to address that with them. Then HE needs to have that conversation with HIS KIDS before you do cos i just know that it ain't going to be pretty and you will lose your temper and then HE will expect you to be punished for HIS failing to set them straight. I think you need to sit with mom beforehand and show her this if needs be cos sorry this is on HER and HER HUSBAND to sort this out not you
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19. AITJ For Kicking Out My Daughter After She Ruined Her Sister's Wedding?

QI

“I have 2 daughters, one is 33 and the other is 31. The younger one got married a couple of months ago. She had a hard time in life, she had surgery and got addicted to substances at 15. She struggled through school for a while, and ended up doing a lot of things she wasn’t proud of, but once we managed to get her proper help, she was fine again.

In context, the things she did whilst an addict were really bad. I’m talking ruining family reunions, causing arguments around the house, the works. One example is when the older daughter was graduating. The younger one didn’t want to go, and insisted we both go without her, but this was when she was at the height of her addiction, so we called her grandparents to watch her, and they would take 10 minutes to get to the house.

She warned us that if she went she might cause a scene, but the older one told her to just shut up and come, and she should at least be able to sit through one of the most important moments of her life.

Well, she ended up projectile vomiting all over the next 2 rows, then proceeded to break down and wail/cry because of the embarrassment.

I left with her, whilst my husband stayed to support the older one. Obviously, her sister was furious at her, and when we got home, she promised the younger one that when her graduation came, she’d ruin it for her.

The younger one had been off substances for long before her graduation and begged us to not let the older one come.

We obliged and told the older one to stay at home or do something else. She was not welcome at the graduation. The graduation went fine.

There were a ton more incidents in the 2 years where she was an addict, but in the end she got clean, went to a good college, and got a great job.

She’s well past her addiction now. Now, because the older one never got to ruin her sister’s graduation, she’s been waiting for another big life moment for her to ruin. If it’s relevant, the older one never got to go to college so that high school graduation was her only graduation.

The younger one graduated from college, but only me and her father were able to go because of the distance. Now, the moment that the older one had dedicated herself to ruining is her wedding.

The younger one is often sensitive to life events, and she has some issues she’s working through with a therapist on the side.

She thought that the older one would be over the high school graduation issue, and the older one pretended like she was. In the dressing room right before the younger one was meant to walk down the aisle, the older one took her aside, and started insulting everything about her. I had gone to the bathroom at this time.

She called her fat, she said her dress made her look like a pathetic woman, that her husband was constantly looking at other women’s backsides. She went on and on until the younger one was on the ground in tears. Her makeup was ruined, no one was there to fix it, and the wedding was ruined. The younger one walked down the aisle still crying.

After this, I told the family what the older one had done, and no one’s talking to her. I kicked her out and told her to not come back because she was a vile human being who can’t let anything go. She has nowhere else to go now because she can’t afford any other house

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“From the picture you’ve painted here it sounds like you’ve alienated the older one for the last fifteen years or so while giving the younger one the extra attention and support she needed. And it sounds like you’ve consistently, all three of you, sided against the older one on every issue.

While I never would have done what she did, I honestly can’t say I wouldn’t be harboring serious resentment against all three of you as well if I had been in the older one’s position. You straight up said she wasn’t wanted at her sister’s graduation – whatever she was feeling over the embarrassment the younger one caused her at what sounds like the only major event she’s ever had be about her, you don’t think that didn’t seriously compound the issue?

Darn. YTJ.” HonkyTonkCronk

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Not because of this moment but.. So here’s the issue. You have one child who’s an addict. Who will ALWAYS be an addict. A proper addict will tell you “once an addict always an addict.” You can’t shut that off it’s a malfunction in the brain.

An addict will always have a more high-strung life because that temptation will occur and they will have to battle it. And often times during important life moments it’s entirely vital they stick with a program. She got married so she should be back in a program. She’s still sensitive which means she’s so emotionally high strung her sobriety is at risk.

Addiction is lifelong there is no sobriety without constant steps to combat this disease. When she’s finally had proper help and sticks with it little things won’t knock her down! Please for the love of God just research some addiction programs in her area and encourage her to go to group and get support from people like her.

Whatever she did “not to be proud of” is a chapter in her long story. Things she doesn’t need to be ashamed of.

Second! Your other child went through this addiction but in a different way! You got help for ONE child without considering the other. Your child sought revenge after all this time!

Much like children with glass syndrome!!! Where they do something so idiotic sometimes even self-harm just to get their parent to notice them. She waited half her life to settle a score because you failed her as parents. You didn’t have one child in a crisis you had two. Both your girls need help.

Addiction cripples EVERYONE involved. Most don’t understand that addiction can kill someone who falls off the wagon. Most of the time it happens to those who feel they have to hide it in shame. The tolerance in their body changes and one relapse could be the end. It’s important that your daughters get help.

While both are adults and you can’t force them it’s important you finally step up as parents and stop coddling one at a time. You have a double task to each daughter for the rest of their lives. They both need therapy. Therapy should have never been a choice when she was growing up.

It should have been mandatory!” Forsaken-Knowledge12

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LilVicky 6 months ago
YTJ you failed miserably
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18. AITJ For Forgetting To Buy My Partner's Pop Tarts?

“It’s my household chore (household=myself and partner) to order and pick up our groceries every weekend. I think I do a pretty good job of it.

This morning, come to find out we ran out of Pop Tarts.. my partner has Pop Tarts with his coffee every morning. He was so angry about this that he threw out “my” coffee (the one “leftover” cup that I get when I wake up).

I wandered into the kitchen this morning, looking for coffee. He tells me,”no Pop-Tarts, no coffee”. I had just woken up, so I wasn’t very happy. I was like, “what?! Are you serious right now?!”.. so I made my own coffee, we argued a bit. I told him that’s no way to treat someone, his response was, that he “warned” me last time that he wouldn’t be so nice if it happened again.

And then I found that he tossed my breakfast food of choice into the outside trash bin (2 1/2 containers full of Aussie Bites!).. we had more words. He told me that it’s not about Pop Tarts, he’s upset because I never listen to him. He told me that what he says goes in one ear and out the other.

I told him that I’m human and I make mistakes and it shouldn’t be this big catastrophe when I make a mistake.. and also, there won’t be any pop tarts tomorrow either because I don’t shop til Sunday! Arrgh.

I’m upset.. I went to work upset, came home upset, I’m still upset. I feel violated in a way because he intentionally threw my stuff in the trash.

Uggh, violated may be too strong of a word.

I feel dumb just writing this, but I’m also aware that my perspective could be whack.. could use another point of view. I don’t know if I’m making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Should I have been more vigilant about keeping his favorite food in stock?..

I feel like it’s not a big deal (there’s other food to eat!), but obviously it IS to him.. so maybe I should be more empathetic. Blehh

Adding info that we are both in our late 50s — yah embarrassing! I know..

Also- there was no yelling. Not much of a difference, but I want to clarify – neither one of us yelled about anything.”

Another User Comments:

“Sorry to tell you this OP, but you are in a very abusive relationship. You are NTJ, and the fact that you doubt it proves that he did a very good job at manipulating you. This is not a healthy relationship. This is just a bunch of red flags.” MaybeAWalrus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But your partner is showing some concerning behaviors. He didn’t get the breakfast he wants so he throws away your coffee, throws away your Aussie Bites, yells at you, and throws a tantrum. That is not a mature way of dealing with things. Imagine if you have kids and one of them eats the last pop tart.

Will he also yell at them too?” alpacaboba

Another User Comments:

“What else is your partner emotionally abusive over? I highly doubt running out of PopTarts is the only thing you’re partner throws a tantrum over. If I went and bought groceries and accidentally forgot my partner’s favorite snack, he would go “awh man” and go eat something else.

Your partner sounds grown enough to take his behind to the store and buy himself pop tarts if it is such a big deal. OP, I can’t judge your whole relationship from this post but considering your partner threw a big tantrum and threw away food over a POPTART, the rest of your relationship probably isn’t what you deserve.” catfoodonmyshelf

3 points - Liked by jemu3, anmi and Turtlelover60
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paganchick 6 months ago
He "warned" you?? I'm going to tell you a story OP, my 1st husband "warned" me about a couple things then he put his fist through a wall because I didn't file his bills like I do mine immediately after we got married, that progressed to "I'm going to stand over your body and watch you bleed out" I immediately threw his stuff outside changed the locks and made him my ex. I suggest you do the same
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17. AITJ For Turning My Stepson's Playroom Into An Office So I Can Work From Home?

“I f32 have been with my fiance Kevin m37 for 3 years. I’m 4 months pregnant and have a stepson (Teddy) and he’s 9yo and we live at Kevin’s house.

I work and provide while Kevin’s unemployed. I was recently given a different position at my company so now I work from home but the problem is that we have no office; Only 3 rooms. Our bedroom + Teddy’s bedroom + Teddy’s playroom.

I need private space to work and I asked Kevin if I could use Teddy’s playroom and he said no. I asked again and he said no means no even after I begged.

Last week, I admittedly got fed up with TV noises while working in the living room and decided I was going to move Teddy’s toys to his bedroom and turn the playroom into an office.

I organized everything while Kevin was out and when he came home he lost control of his nerves and had an argument with me about how I should have never done that. He told me I needed to understand that this is his house and every room in it belongs to him and I should have never overstepped and taken Teddy’s playroom and “kicked’ him out like that – I agreed with a few of his points.

Yes, it’s his house and his name’s on the lease and no one can deny that….However, and to put it bluntly, I pay for everything around here. Water, electricity, other bills and I handle renovations and more, I filled that room with toys Teddy can play with – I’m fine with that he’s my son that I didn’t give birth to and Kevin knows how much I adore Teddy, and willing to sacrifice for him but kept yelling at me that I overstepped and was only making Teddy hate me gradually starting by taking his playroom!

His favorite part of the house!!

I argued with him deeper about it and told him I did this not out of malice but to work so I could continue to provide for the family since he’s unemployed. Don’t know how he managed to call that “obvious financial abuse and control” and said that no decent future wife shows this amount of disrespect and inconsideration for her future husband’s wishes and rules and that hurt me because I’ve already tried to communicate my problems and he’s just dismissing me completely.

He demanded I put everything back but I said sorry but no. He told me I have an attitude that doesn’t look good for a stepmom, called me selfish, and told me to go explain to Teddy how I have no problem stealing his room and refusing to give it back and to not be surprised if he begins resenting me even if he agrees to let me have it.

I understand Kevin has always been protective of his son and puts him first which not many dads do and he even said he chose me to be his partner based on how close I am to his son but this issue basically caused a rift between us.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but honestly, OP, what are you doing with this man?

You are supporting him and Teddy financially, taking care of the kid presumably as well and you have a reasonable request – then your partner acts like this? You deserve better. Also, considering you only have 3 rooms and you’re pregnant – wouldn’t Teddy’s playroom be converted into another purpose anyway?” No-Jellyfish-1208

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: you should get out now.

Get your own place for you and your baby. Where is the baby supposed to go in his house since all the rooms are already taken? Will Teddy hate the baby if he has to give up his playroom for them since his logic was Teddy will hate you for taking it? He has you feeling guilty when you didn’t do anything wrong.” Weary_Molasses_4050

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Teddy has a space and is taken care of. In a house with 3 rooms, 2 shouldn’t be dedicated to 1 child. You’re working and need a dedicated quiet space, also you’re 4 months pregnant so Teddy giving up one of the rooms is probably on the horizon anyway? Your fiancé is being ridiculous.

It seems like you’ll never get a rational outcome by discussion and compromise, he’s just decided “no” despite it being completely unreasonable. Seems like he has control issues and maybe stemming from low self-esteem and hang-ups that you are in fact providing for the house. Granted – being the sole provider isn’t a license to financially abuse someone, but it doesn’t at all sound like you’re doing that, you just weren’t getting anywhere over something that he should have seen was a logical move in a small home.

I would suggest moving somewhere where you’re on the lease if you can, or getting your name on this one – but sometimes if someone sees a place as “their house” it’s hard to break it even with documentation stating otherwise… things need to be equal. Especially if you’re contributing as much as you are and you’re having a baby.” albert_cake

3 points - Liked by jemu3, Turtlelover60 and anma7
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LilVicky 6 months ago (Edited)
Run as far & as fast as you can. This man is an idiot. He verbally abuses you & is controlling. Teddy will just mimic what he sees his dad doing & saying.
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16. AITJ For Refusing To Move Into My Partner's Family Home With A Lifelong Residence Clause?

QI

“I (27f) have been together with my partner (29m) for 10 years. Currently, he’s living in the family home (where he grew up in) with his brother, his brother’s wife, and their two children.

My partner’s parents bought a second house a few years back to live in after they’ve both retired. Because of the possibility of working from home, they’ve already moved there but spend one night a week in the old home.

The brother, his wife, and two children will buy a house in January and will move there sometime next year.

In order to be able to buy this house he needs a lot of funds, so my partner agreed to buy the family home off of his parents. The brother will get the funds as his part of the inheritance. So far, so good.

Now for the bad part. The parents will sell the house for a lot less than it’s actually worth but because of this, they added a line in the contract which allows them to have a lifelong right of residence in the family home.

This includes their old bedroom, so this room cannot be altered at all. For the next four years, they’ll continue spending one night a week here because of work. After those four years, they’ll both be retired so they won’t come over as often but they will occasionally.

My partner told me this after he and his parents agreed on that contract.

But to be honest, for me this is a hard no. In my eyes, this will never be our home, our house. It’ll always be their home, they’ll interfere with every decision. And my worst fear would be, that when the parents get older and cannot live on their own anymore, they’ll just return to the old family home…because they can.

And I’m not willing to live in constant “fear” of that happening.

So I told my partner, that I will not move in with him into that house as long as this line within that contract exists. I want to have my own place to live and start a family in, I’m not going to share it with my future in-laws.

Now his side of the family is guilt-tripping me and telling me I’m the reason our relationship will end. But honestly, no. I wasn’t included in any part of drawing up that contract and instead was presented with a fait accompli. Even though I feel like this also concerns me…somehow.

So, please tell me, AITJ because I’m not going to move in there and share a home with my in-laws until the end of their days?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You weren’t included in the drawing up of the contract but they expect you to go along with everything in the contract. That line would be a problem for most people, it doesn’t give you freedom in your own home and allows his parents to come over whenever they want and use their bedroom.

It just sounds like you’ll feel like renters with a live-in landlord, even though you’ll own the house.

I’ve realized I said you’ll own, I do mean that the partner will, but due to you living there, the issues are still the same. You’d be uncomfortable with the lack of freedom in a home you’ll be living in.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And I really think your partner can’t afford to buy out his brother and pay the mortgage so that might be why the entire family is guilt-tripping you. This plan might be fully impossible without a second income. They might just expect you to move in, pay the mortgage for them, and pay the bills for them, while your partner pays his brother, and the parents retain partial ownership in a free house they pay nothing for.

All while your name never goes on the deed. And any funds you put in can’t be recovered. I have a bad feeling they are trying to use you as a free ATM so all of them can afford their dream life and you are just sucked dry.

Buying out half a house is EXPENSIVE.

Tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars depending on the market and the area. The cheapest houses are 100k in the midwest. The cheapest houses somewhere like New York or California are a million dollars. Your partner probably does not have 50k-500k just sitting around in cash to pay his brother. So he will have to take out a very expensive loan.

And pay it back. I’m betting he can’t afford that at all and he and his parents decided they were going to dip into your pockets to make it all work by encouraging you to move in and “pay your fair share.”” [deleted]

3 points - Liked by jemu3, Turtlelover60 and anma7
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rbleah 6 months ago
DON'T DO IT. You will end up broke and STUCK WITH THE OLD FOLKS controlling YOUR LIFE. You have not lived together in ten years tell them why should you start now? That if they WON'T remove that line then you will stay in YOUR OWN PLACE.
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15. AITJ For Continuing To Mow My Lawn While Parents Wait For The School Bus On My Property?

QI

“Yesterday I was cutting my grass around 3 PM. I have a corner property and a double lot so it takes about 40 minutes.

I was well over halfway done when a group of parents showed up to wait for the school bus. For some context – they stand in my yard as there is no sidewalk, as they have for years without asking.

I really don’t care if they do this, it makes no difference to me as long as they don’t leave any litter behind.

I had my headphones in and was working on a different part of the grass when a woman tapped on my shoulder and asked if I would stop cutting my grass, as she was waiting for the bus and wanted to get a video of her child getting off the bus since it was the first day of school.

I asked what time it comes and she said in 5-10 minutes.

At that point I told her I would keep an eye out for the bus, and stop when I saw it so that there wouldn’t be a lawn mower in the background of her video.

She then proceeded to tell me that I needed to stop until after the bus got there, as the lawn mower is too loud, and she and the other parents were trying to talk.

I told her politely that I had to get this done as I needed to get dinner started for my family, and I was working away from them so it’ll get quieter. She got very angry and told me that I had no right to make this much noise, and that she was calling in a noise complaint about me.

She also told me I should “dress more modestly when the whole neighborhood can see me”. It was 27 degrees (Celsius) and I was wearing a tank top and shorts.

At that point I told her that she was being unreasonable and that if it was that much of a nuisance, she and her friends could wait somewhere else, and continued cutting my grass until I saw the bus pull onto my street, when I shut off the lawn mower.

So AITJ for continuing to cut my grass?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You politely stopped when the bus got there so she could get a video. It’s your property in the middle of the day. Personally, you could have mentioned her being stood on your property aha.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Did you tell her she was on your property?

Maybe they thought they were on public property. Her comment about your outfit was way out of line, I hate it when random people outside tell you you are dressed immodestly, it’s super rude. Maybe if it was at work or school, but outside your house was completely inappropriate.” mintychocoice

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ!

OP you were more than accommodating. Letting them on your property in the first place is already accommodating enough. You agreed to turn off the mower for their video, and they kept going! Then they tried insulting you too. This is definitely an entitled parent! You owe them nothing OP!” GuiltyPick

2 points - Liked by jemu3 and taf
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LilVicky 6 months ago
I’d call the school & tell them that they need to move the bus stop because you don’t like entitled people standing on your lawn. Especially when you are trying to mow it. Lol but I’m petty like that
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14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend To My Intimate Courthouse Wedding?

QI

“Nancy (27f) and I (27f) have been friends for 8 years now. Adam (27m) and I have been friends for 10 years, and he’s my best friend.

My husband Mark (26m) and I got married a few days ago. We decided to only have 2 witnesses and an officiant there, the legal requirements, to minimize stress.

Our 2 witnesses were Adam, who’s my best friend/man of honor, and Mark’s best friend/best man John. We did not invite our parents, our siblings, or any other friends outside of those that I mentioned. I have very toxic parents and really didn’t want them there for my courthouse wedding, they bring a negative energy with them everywhere.

As to not offend my parents, Mark decided to also not invite his parents and keep it a stress free intimate day with our best friends.

A day after we got married, Nancy messaged me a long paragraph about how I excluded her and she felt hurt. She said that if I invited Adam, I should’ve invited her because we’re a “trio”.

She claimed I hid the ceremony from her purposefully. Here’s the thing, I told her this was our plan MONTHS in advance. I’ve talked about it with her in front of Adam, which he confirmed is true, and again at my bday dinner while my brother and his fiance were also there. I told her that she must have forgotten, to which she responded by saying it was my responsibility as a “good friend” to remind her.

The date was very easy to remember because it falls on the same exact month and day as our wedding next year, so I didn’t feel the need to remind her since I had spoken about it with her multiple times. Her response to that was I reminded Adam and invited him, she should’ve had the same thing out of courtesy and that I violated our friendship dynamic.

I told her that not even our parents or siblings were invited and apologized that I made her feel bad, but she continued to victimize herself and call me inconsiderate. She then said she needed time to reconsider her involvement in my wedding next year. That message really hurt me because I feel like I didn’t do anything to deserve that response.

I then took back my apology and told her it’s not my responsibility to prioritize her feelings on a day that is not about her. I told her that a “good friend” would just be happy for me and wouldn’t be attaching guilt to one of the most amazing days of my life. I also told her that she cannot compare herself to Adam, who’s basically like a brother to me, and that Adam is my man of honor and will continue to play a more involved role in the planning and execution of my wedding next year, and that she’s just going to have to accept that.

AITJ here??”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And not that it matters much because I’m a rando stranger on the internet, but I’m really proud of you. You stood up for yourself firmly but politely. That’s a fantastic skill to have. Congratulations on your nuptials!” ScubaCC

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You explicitly invited only 1 person each to have the min witness requirements.

She’s allowed to be sad that she didn’t get invited, but her feelings aren’t your responsibility and her feeling hurt doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. You can do what is right for you and not be wrong, and she can also have her own feelings about it. Her making you feel like crap for her feelings and blaming you and saying what you did was wrong, however, isn’t ok.” breathemusic14

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and rbleah
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anma7 6 months ago
NTJ... she's entitled to her feelings sure she she's not entitled to come to what sounds like a quicker intimate wedding with no parents etc.
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13. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Should've Put My Sister Up For Adoption?

“I (15 F) have a younger sister (12 F) who has multiple mental disabilities and learning disorders. She has the mentality of a 3-year-old and throws huge tantrums over everything. My mom constantly makes me take care of her while she goes out to parties or hangs out with her friends.

Recently my sister threw a huge tantrum while my mom was out at the store.

She was freaking out over wanting Burger King and I couldn’t get her it, so she destroyed my room and stole over 100 dollars worth of stuff that I bought with my own money. (I still haven’t gotten the items back or money to replace them since my sister has over 400 dollars since she is obsessed with stealing from my mom and others) I told my mom about it and she did literally nothing to punish my sister.

A few days later I’m hanging out with a friend and after my friend leaves, my sister starts throwing a tantrum over fast food again. My mom yells at me to go deal with her since I “had the privilege of hanging out with friends today” and that she “had to deal with my sister all day so it’s only fair that I deal with her now.”

I said no and yelled at my mom saying that if she couldn’t take care of my sister then she should have just put her up for adoption when she had the chance. My mom got really mad and said that I was being a spoiled brat and shouldn’t have even suggested that she wasn’t fit to parent my sister.

I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong here since my mom does buy me gaming consoles and gives me allowance to make up for me having to basically parent my sister.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re the child and it’s not your responsibility to take care of your special needs sibling. Your mom needs support and resources.

It’s a lot for one person. That resource shouldn’t be her teenage daughter though. It’s fine to help some, but your mom should check into what resources are available through the state. There might be some options for a home aide or something.” CarolineSloopJohnB

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Though I have to say that saying your mom should have put your sister up for adoption is not the nicest thing to say, I see where you are coming from.

Being a child/teenager hanging out with friends is not a privilege. It is your mom’s job to take care of your sister. She is so, so selfish for going to parties and leaving you alone with her. By the sounds of it, this is just an assumption, leaving you home alone with your sister could be potentially dangerous.

I don’t know how violent the tantrums can get, but either way, it could be dangerous. Your mom should pay for someone to look after your sister. I am so sorry that your things get destroyed and not replaced. Do you have a key to your room? If so, then always lock it. To the people who say OP is YTJ or ESH, no she is not.

Her mother is shoving HER responsibility onto her daughter and goes out and enjoys life. OP is being neglected and forced into a parent role. Look up parentification.” antisocial-potato-

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LilVicky
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Ninastid 6 months ago
Ntj put a lock in your room and anytime your mom asks you to watch your sister leave the house that way she can watch her herself or better yet call CPS whenever she makes your watch her for child abandonment
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12. AITJ For Giving My Mother An Ultimatum About Attending My Ex's Wedding?

QI

“I (38F) have always had a strained relationship with my mother.

When I was 12 my siblings and I were placed in foster care and adopted out when she chose a very abusive partner over us. We have an agreement in place now where we do not discuss anything that happened before I was 18. We went a lot of years without speaking so this is for my sanity.

She has been with a terrific guy now for about 18 years and he’s awesome. As both a stepdad and a grandpa to my kid. His daughter…..not so cool.

6 years ago while going through an extremely difficult pregnancy, his daughter had an affair with my fiance. I left him and they got together and are getting married in a few days.

I told my mother I didn’t want her going to the wedding. These two have made my life a nightmare the last 6 years, first being unfaithful, then calling CPS with false stories, trying to start fights in front of my daughter. She’s not quite 6 and needs therapy to deal with the mistreatment he’s put her through.

My stepdad is awesome. I would never make him choose between his daughter and me, but he has stated if he had a choice he’d not go at all. My mother had a heart attack 2 weeks ago. I left my kid with family for a week so I could sit at her bedside so she wouldn’t be alone and all she could talk about was how she was going to miss the wedding.

She’s home now and I told her if she goes I’m done. I can’t be put last again. I can’t have my kid feeling like she doesn’t matter either. My daughter is his daughter and she’s not even invited to the wedding. My stepdad has my back on this. My mother says I’m being childish and her best friend says I’m being a jerk and controlling.

I’m honestly just tired of always coming last with her. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t take this the wrong way, please, but…OP, are you in therapy? You sound like you’re still trying to create the mom/daughter relationship you never had. I don’t blame you but you’re just setting yourself up to be hurt more.

Please consider putting some distance between yourself and your birth mother and also maybe getting some professional help to navigate this mess.” BirthdayCookie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – save yourself the heartache and headaches. Block your mother and pretend she doesn’t exist. You and your daughter deserve better. Of you choose to, let your stepdad know that you’re no contact with your mother and why and ask that he respect that boundary.

Or don’t.” Life-Wealth-3399

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Oh darling, for your sake and your daughter, get away from this toxicity. Your life will be full again. But personally? I’d find someone to be unfaithful with the ex & ruin the other girl’s peace. Better yet, night before the wedding. Can u pull it off?” [deleted]

1 points - Liked by anmi
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anma7 6 months ago
NTJ... OP i hioe you are in therapy too. Get away from your monster mother and go NC.. do it for you and your daughters sake, tell step dad why you are doing this and tell him you are sorry but you will not allow your mental health to suffer anymore thanks to HIS WIFE or HIS daughter and your ex. Tell him you are open to him coming to meet you and daughter in public places but the first time he brings his wife that will be you and he done with. She knows exactly what she is doing to you and she didn't care when you and siblings were kids and she doesn't care now... why the jerk did you run and sit with her.. you are chasing a relationship that is NEVER going to be there not the way you want and the sooner you realise this and get some help the better
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11. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother And Cancelling Our Trip Because He Resents My Family?

QI

“My brother (32M) and I (29M) were close as kids. When we were like 15 I remember we used to say we’d always be child-free and all that dumb stuff you say as a kid. We went to different colleges then I met my partner. I noticed he was really mean to her for no reason.

And I used to tell him off. He still wanted us to hang out all the time and we did whenever it wasn’t too busy. Every weekend he wanted to hang out to do boys trips like we used to before. And if I couldn’t because of work or me and my partner were doing something he’d flip out.

Last year my partner found out she was pregnant. We were both so excited but when my brother found out he was upset. And he said I wasn’t going to have time with him like before and he can’t believe she and I “messed things up,” he left my parents’ house then ignored me for almost 3 months.

My son is 5 months old. My brother still hasn’t met him. And it’s not that we haven’t seen each other at all he just doesn’t want to meet my son. We’ve still had drinks or hung out at his place. My birthday was last weekend and he wanted us to go on this camping trip we’ve done before.

Didn’t go last year but we always went around my birthday. To be honest we never said we were doing it this year so it wasn’t expected either. But this time wasn’t gonna work either.

We hadn’t slept in days because our son was teething, fussy and crying all the time, had a million stuff to do around the house.

Wasn’t a good time at all to leave for 2 days on a road trip. I told him why it’s not gonna work so it would be better to plan on it for another weekend. This time my brother started talking a lot, like what about me breaking my promise about being child-free and us always hanging out.

What got me was him saying my son being born “ruined” things enough and he wants us to at least have that weekend. I’ll admit that had me fed up with his attitude about my family. Most of what I said was telling him I’m sorry that I don’t have the free time I used to but he needs to understand that they’re my priority.

We went back and forth in our argument and I said “you know what why don’t you grow up and stop relying on me all the time to hang out with you.” And I told him I don’t want to go on the trip at all with him at this point with his attitude.

And he replied by hanging up. Reason he thinks I was a jerk is this was his moment of venting about not liking my family taking up my time, and instead of being understanding or trying to be all reassuring I lashed out then canceled the one thing he was looking forward to. He thinks “it’s not too much to ask to have at least one thing since my family gets to have me all the time.” So far I haven’t changed my mind so he’s been really upset about that.

Keeps complaining to my mom I ruined things and it’s just a whole mess. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ of course. You’ve done nothing wrong. But I’ve been your brother in this situation and here’s what’s likely happening: You and him had a really particular dynamic before you met your partner.

He (inappropriately) depended on you to meet a lot of his social needs, perhaps even relying on your singleness to make himself feel better about his own situation. He thought the dynamic would last forever. Naturally, it didn’t, as you did normal things – like getting a partner, having a child, and devoting more time to your family – and he didn’t adjust his expectations of you.

Rather than seeking therapy so he could get help navigating the transition in your brotherly relationship, he blamed you for engaging in normal life decisions. He got bitter and needy. The camping trip was the final straw, in that it finally showed him how your priorities have changed. He can no longer ignore the fact that the relationship between the two of you has fundamentally (and understandably) changed. He needs therapy.

You capitulating to his needs won’t address the underlying issues here. You did nothing wrong, and you are NTJ, but please encourage him to seek help if he’s open to it.” Most_Poet

Another User Comments:

“He’s treating your family like they are parasites. He’s a 32-year-old man who needs to get over himself and realize the world doesn’t revolve around him.

NTJ but I suggest figuring out how much you want him included in your life if he says those things about your family.” HufflepuffPrincess7

Another User Comments:

“My brother and I when we were little said we would buy a farm together and raise goats and never have partners…. Spoiler alert we grew up and each have a family now.

NTJ but he needs to go to therapy. It’s not normal to hold on to something like that from that long ago and the age you guys were.” [deleted]

1 points - Liked by anmi
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anma7 6 months ago
NTJ... does brother still live at home with your parents by any chance? Jeez the dude needs serious therapy. He seriously thinks you were going to stay SINGLE and childless for the rest of your life based on a stupid promise you both made AS KIDS!!!
Then you meet partner and he treats her like trash and now you have a kid too and he loses it that your CHILD has ruined things by being born cos he wanted to go camping with his brother and as a parent you can't just drop everything and run off cos big bro wants too....
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10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Biological Mother's Other Children?

QI

“I’m the product of a short-term relationship between my biological mother and my father that ended when I was 4 months old.

For her own reasons, my biological mother decided she didn’t want to raise me and she gave up her rights to me. She got married when I was 10 months old and had the first of four children with her husband two weeks after my 2nd birthday. My dad raised me by himself until I was 13 when he died. My uncle adopted me and raised me.

My biological mother came to the funeral but she didn’t reach out to me at any point. I’ve always considered myself an only child and an orphan.

Recently her 4 kids reached out to me. I’m not sure when/what they’ve been told, if they know the whole story, but they seem to have known about me for a while before reaching out.

Oddly enough, I actually know their father (I guess my stepfather) because he was my art teacher in high school and he privately told me who he was. We kept in touch and have a distant, friendly relationship, but I don’t consider him a stepparent.

So, as I say, their children have reached out to me a few times and I’ve declined their requests each time.

I’m sure they’re lovely people but they aren’t part of my world and I really don’t have an interest in knowing them. I went through a lot of mental hurdles growing up knowing I wasn’t good enough for my mother but they were and it’s been with a great deal of help and hard work that I’ve worked through my issues and have become much healthier and happier from it.

I’m married with a family of my own and as bad as it sounds I’ve got enough going on without adding more to it in the form of meeting these people. Part of my issue with meeting them is that they’ve intimated that their mother wants to know me now and I really don’t want to do that.

I have absolutely zero interest in knowing her. I have no malice for her, I wish her well, but she has no idea what her rejection of me did to my psyche and how much work I had to do to get through it. But, that’s not her problem and I have no right to put that on her.

She made her choice and we all have to live with that.

The problem is that the four siblings are very upset that I don’t wish to know them. They’ve sent multiple messages saying that all they want is one meeting and if I don’t want to know them after that then they’ll stop but they think that we all need to meet and talk.

Up until recently these were all messages on social media but they recently sent a letter to my home address which means they know where I live and that really creeps me out. So I threatened legal action and now I guess I’m a jerk because I’m some heartless person who doesn’t care about family.

I’ve come here for outside judgment. What do you guys think?”

Another User Comments:

“‘I’m some heartless person who doesn’t care about family.’ Right there, that’s where you’re wrong. Being related to someone doesn’t make them family, these people are nothing to you and if you don’t want them in your life then that’s your prerogative.

Also NTJ.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But I just think it’s strange that they’re so adamant about meeting up, I mean, they’re practically trying to force your hand. I could be wrong, but I feel like they’re doing this more for their mom. Idk, she may have told them her regrets or something and they’re trying to get her at peace by getting you to meet up and maybe forgive her.

I could be totally wrong, but it just seems strange that they’re pushing so hard.” Caribe92

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you’ve clearly marked your boundaries and they’ve crossed them repeatedly and are trying to bully you. For the sake of your own mental health, take whatever action you think is necessary to protect you and your actual family” DrFishTaco

1 points - Liked by Turtlelover60
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rbleah 6 months ago
Tell them THEY ARE NOT YOUR FAMILY. That THEIR MOTHER THREW YOU AWAY as an infant and you now have NO DESIRE TO KNOW ANY OF THEM. PERIOD. Then have a lawyer send them a cease and desist letter. If they don't stop there? GO TO THE POLICE and have them charged with harrassment and stalking. Tell police that they got you address and NOT FROM YOU and you are fearful that they will start coming to your house to harrass you more.
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9. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Plans With My Partner After He Invited His Underage Daughter To An Adult Event?

QI

“I (29F) live in Las Vegas, Nevada and one of my closest friends (36M) is currently in town with his two aunts (~ mid-50s) and uncle (~mid-50s).

This friend is in town about every 2-3 months for work and my partner (48M) and I always make an effort to grab dinner, or something along those lines, while he’s here. His aunt and uncle recently bought a home here and we periodically visit with them as well.

Tonight we had planned to go downtown to the historical Fremont Street.

For those of you that are unfamiliar, Fremont Street is a mini version of Las Vegas Boulevard or “The Strip”. It’s lined with casinos, bars, live music, and street performers. It’s basically a big block party.

When we go downtown, the aunties like to gamble while my partner, friend, his uncle, and I find a good spot to just sit and have a few drinks while we catch up; which is why I was confused about why my partner thought it would be a good idea to invite his daughter – who is only 17.

While both Fremont and The Strip allow children, it’s not exactly “family-friendly”. Minors aren’t allowed on casino floors other than in passing, they obviously can’t sit at a bar either. It can be fun to sightsee and people-watch, but it’s the middle of winter. It’s freezing outside.

Plus, we live here and it’s not OUR vacation.

We can go downtown to sightsee and people-watch any time we want. My friend and his family deserve to enjoy their night out without feeling like they have to accommodate a minor in an adult environment.

I just feel like this was a wildly inconsiderate and disrespectful move on my partner’s part. I love his daughter, and I love spending time with her, but this wasn’t exactly an age-appropriate activity, and considering we didn’t have a whole lot of time to hang out tonight as it was – I wasn’t interested in trying to figure out how to turn it into a family affair and impose the change in plans on my friend and his family at the last minute.

So I refused to go.

I’m extremely frustrated. I feel like this was wildly inappropriate for a variety of reasons, but all of them are just going right over my partner’s head. He genuinely doesn’t see how problematic he made things.

AITJ? Am I just uptight and inflexible?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I absolutely understand your point here: it’s not about what’s appropriate for Daughter, but about how her presence will disrupt the plans of other people, to which you were invited to join.

Be ready for people here to misinterpret what you said and claim that 17 is almost an adult and can see whatever you see.” taway425698

Another User Comments:

“Doesn’t matter that she’s an older teenager and mature and could entertain herself or that you are closer to her age than her dad’s or anything else people are saying.

Bottom line: she is legally not allowed to go into the places your friend planned on visiting and invited you to join. By inviting her to come, your friend would have to change plans entirely, and it’s incredibly rude to force that decision on someone else’s plans when you were only invited along as a guest. In addition, regardless of age and legality and all that, it is rude to invite additional people to join someone else’s plans without first discussing it with the person who invited you.

So not only is your partner the jerk for trying to invite his 17-year-old daughter along on plans that she legally can’t join, but also he’s the jerk for just entirely disrespecting proper invitation etiquette. NTJ.” vandersam

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I don’t think you should let your partner effectively cut you out of your plans with your friends.

Tell him to enjoy his evening with his daughter and you’ll see them tomorrow. Enjoy your evening catching up with your friends, as planned. He can decide he wants to deviate from previously agreed plans but he shouldn’t get to run the show for everyone.” NotThisAgain234

1 points - Liked by Turtlelover60
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Tarused 5 months ago
Only thing to have suggested is op could have talked to the partner instead of just flat out refusing to go. You know, tell him that if he thinks his 17 year old is old enough to go then they are old enough to watch themselves for a few hours. But, yeah ntj.
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8. AITJ For Telling The Truth About Why I Didn't Bring My Partner To A Wedding?

QI

“Tom and I roomed together for two years in college.

We became really good friends but sort of lost touch after we graduated because sometimes, life goes too fast to catch up with everyone.

Several years ago, Tom got engaged to CB. I congratulated him on social media and he messaged me. We found out we actually live in the same city, so I met up with Tom and CB.

I told them I came out as bisexual and told them about my (at the time) partner. Tom told me about his cool new job, etc. CB seemed a little odd, especially while I talked about my partner, but I shrugged it off, assuming it was because she didn’t really know me. Plus Tom and I were chatting almost exclusively to each other since we hadn’t seen each other in years.

Three months go by and Tom texts me to ask for my address so he can send me a wedding invitation. I get the invitation and RSVP, saying I will go and I’m bringing a +1. CB later calls me and asks me if I’ll be bringing my partner. I say yes. She says her family is extremely conservative so I can’t bring him because it might cause drama.

I asked my single neighbor Sarah, who is quite pleasant, if she’d like to come with me. I asked her because I knew she’d been stressed with work and I wanted to do something to help her get her mind off everything. She accepts, knowing full well I have a partner and knowing we’re just going as friends.

I get to the wedding and start catching up with everyone. I introduced Sarah to everyone. Things went south when a few people who knew I had a partner saw me and asked why I didn’t bring him. I’m awful at thinking on my feet so I told them the truth – CB didn’t want me to bring my partner.

They seem upset, but I pay them no mind.

Later, Tom and CB confronted me, asking why I told people the truth about why I didn’t bring my partner. I apologized profusely and explained that I tried to think of an excuse but couldn’t. Tom said I made CB’s family look like a bunch of jerks, for lack of a better word.

CB said I should not have brought anyone. I haven’t spoken to either of them since. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – if you have to lie to make people not “look” like jerks, it’s probably because they are jerks and are just being exposed – there is no façade here. Plus you went out of your way to try and make her family comfortable by bringing a different date, most people wouldn’t even do that.” Lost_Tomato_1635

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for being honest. But, if it had been me and I was offered a +1 that was rescinded because of who my SO is, I’d skip the wedding altogether. I feel sorry for your partner and he must be a good guy.” SonuvaGunderson

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I don’t get it – if she thought what she did was right, and she and her family think the way they think is right, why are they ashamed of people knowing?

Why all the secrecy? They told you not to bring a male companion, not to help hide their bigotry. They want to invoke their right to exclude and discriminate against people, they need to own and confess it.” JuliaX1984

1 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and rbleah
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helenh9653 6 months ago
NTJ. CB and her family shouldn't care what anyone thinks if they believe their homophobia is right. You shouldn't lie to protect jerks like that.
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7. AITJ For Refusing To Sign A Document Accusing Me Of Not Being A Team Player At Work?

QI

“So, I have been a SAHM for several years. I worked very hard on our budget, shopping, and meal prep and we were ok.

We recently became empty nesters. The last one moved out, pays her own bills, got a scholarship.

I was bored so I decided to take one of the many grocery store jobs available at the store across the street.

My intent was part-time but they quickly moved me to a different, full-time position, which I do like and am good at and it pays quite a bit more.

The store is short-staffed and I have been doing my best to help but recently my manager sat me down with her boss (witness) to have a “documented discussion” about how I am not a team player because I won’t help other departments even though I am struggling to get my own stuff done because my position should have 3 people but it’s just me.

They wanted me to sign a paper acknowledging that my behavior was unacceptable.

I told my manager “you need me, I don’t need you. In my previous position in management, I learned it will cost your store an average of 10k to hire and train a replacement. I also know you have a ‘walk-in interviews welcome’ sign outside every day and you all are stressing about how short-staffed you are and have limited applications.

So no, I won’t sign this, feel free to fire me. There are 10 stores within a mile that are also offering walk-in interviews. So, no, I won’t sign this. You can accept that or replace me and I really don’t care if you mark me as not eligible for rehire, I’ll just leave you off my resume and do just fine.”

Still have a job 3 days later and everyone is acting like nothing happened, but some people are saying I am being the jerk because the management is also struggling because they are short-staffed.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you called their bluff and they folded. You’re right, they need you a lot more than you need them, and they should treat you way better for doing the work of three people by yourself!” amelia_airhart

Another User Comments:

“Management is struggling. And that’s their problem. Their struggles with doing their job are not your problems to solve. Your problem is to do what you were hired to do and collect your paycheck. Do you think management would care if you were struggling? What would they do if you were? I can tell you.

They would fire you. NTJ.” MissAnth

Another User Comments:

“NTJ the only reason these places are struggling is because they won’t pay a decent wage. People can’t pay for rent, child care, food, and bills on $10 an hour or $12 an hour or $13 an hour. On top of that a lot of these places are making thousands of millions of dollars a day on the backs of their workers.” Booklovinmom55

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rbleah 6 months ago
Good for you for NOT LETTING THEM BLAME YOU for THEIR lack of enough employees. As for signing that crap? HAHAHA Again GOOD FOR YOU.
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6. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up For My Parents' Party After They Cancelled Mine?

QI

“A side note: I am a full-time college student and a part-time worker so seeing my friends is a rare occurrence.

We had to start planning this party weeks in advance so we could make sure people could come.

I (18F) and my friend (18M) were planning a Halloween party several weeks ago and I suggested that we hold it at my place. It seemed like the ideal place since it had hard floors, was single-story, friends were familiar with it, and it was overall the best place to have the party.

He agreed and I got the approval from my parents to host the party here.

About two weeks ago my parents told me out of the blue that I was no longer allowed to host the party. They said it was because the house was not clean to my mother’s standard even though I was not home all day and my brothers made the messes she was complaining about.

I claimed that this was unfair since I didn’t make the mess and they shouldn’t expect me to clean the house even if I am not home, but they persisted.

I then texted my friend and he said he could host the party at his place and that there was nothing to worry about.

I was joyed and I told my family that the party was still on.

Now my parents know that I am not a bad kid. I haven’t done any substances ever and I have a 4.0. But my friend is different. So they tried to change my plans.

“What if you held the party outside here?”

“You could just put a projector outside and play outside.”

“We don’t want you at a party with drinkers.”

I deflected that and said that we couldn’t do anything outside and that we already changed locations.

So it’s today and my parents have their own party going on here, and they told me to clean the house today while they went out.

Long story short, I only vacuumed and put my stuff away. When they got home though they were mad.

They tried to take my phone away and told me that I was awful for not preparing the house for their guests. I said that it was unfair that I had to clean a house for guests I didn’t invite and that I wouldn’t even see on Halloween.

I am currently in my bedroom contemplating and now here I am. AITJ?

(Edit) just to clarify I have two brothers, both are older than me and stay home most of the day.”

Another User Comments:

“Old switcheroo. NTJ. They agreed, pinned you for what they all caused, tried to milk you for what they had unjustly scorned you for, (aka your brothers being slobs) just so that they could have their party but worst of all is that they are hoping you’d get no party at all so that you’d stay there under their hawk eyes because they want an active maid during their shebang; that’s why they freaked when you quickly found alternative plans.

Think about it, really. They canceled you on such a close call, they wanted you to stay home and “away from drinking” like you’re a little child (young, yes, but you are no child) and last but certainly not least they want you to clean up after every single one of them while never applying the same expectations or standards on the ones causing the majority of the mess in the first place.

Boys will be boys, eh? Too many girls are forced into this lopsided situation, ditch that. They’re sexist. Your brothers are just as capable of simple household tasks and responsibility. You are not a maid.

Off note. I’m not saying this because I assume you don’t know this already but it’s important to reiterate – OP, drinking can be a recipe for disaster, not that it likely would be, but be aware of your surroundings and keep in mind how drinking is not an excuse for others to treat you badly, get away immediately if anyone, sober or not, treats you with disrespect.

Tell a friend, get away, and or bounce if it looks like it may escalate. Your safety > someone’s feelings. Good luck.” Sheepbjumpin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – They expect you to clean for their guests but didn’t allow you to have a party due to lack of cleaning. Sounds suspicious; makes me wonder if they canceled yours so that they could have their own party.

Even if not, my judgment doesn’t change.” lc_2005

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helenh9653 6 months ago
NTJ. How convenient. You can't have your party because you haven't cleaned the house, but now you can clean the house for our party instead. Have fun with your friends
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5. AITJ For My Ex-Friend's Dog Getting Taken Away After She Ignored My Warnings?

QI

“My dog, Koda (chihuahua mix) is scared of other dogs. He actively goes out of his way to avoid other dogs and even hides behind me on walks when other dogs come by. I have a vest that says ‘not dog friendly’ so people know this.

My sister recently bought a puppy (Rhino a Shih Tzu Australian Shepherd mix) and we introduced him slowly to Koda and he’s gotten along with him. (No signs of aggression or fear). Rhino has no prior training of any kind. A week ago my ex-friend (Allie) asked if her dog King (Mastiff) could have a play date with Koda.

King is a nice dog but he plays way too rough with smaller dogs and Allie doesn’t correct him so I said no and offered for him to meet Rhino who is bigger. She got mad and called me many nasty names because I stayed firm on my no.

Incident: This morning while my sister and I were drying Koda and Rhino off from their baths, Allie pulled up with King in her car.

My sister immediately took Rhino to the backyard since Koda was getting a little anxious with King’s barking. Allie got out and I started yelling at her to keep King in the car. I didn’t want to move in fear Koda would bolt since we don’t have a fence in our front yard. Allie said this would help Koda and opened the back door to her car.

King bolted from her car straight at me. Koda started yelping and trying to get out of my arms. I tried to pick Koda up so King wouldn’t get to him but I tripped. I don’t really know what happened at that moment because I had a panic but from what my sister told me, Rhino slipped out the back gate and jumped at King.

He kept barking and biting at King until he ran back to Allie. My mom came out and helped me get in the house so I could calm down while my sister grabbed Rhino.

At some point, one of them called the cops and Animal Control took King from Allie. Allie then tried to get them to take Rhino because he attacked King.

But we showed them security footage that showed Allie starting the whole mess. The police forced her to leave and my sister filed a police report. I’ve been getting angry texts from Allie and her family calling me cruel and evil for causing Allie to lose King and how he was going to wrongly be put down because I couldn’t control my dogs.

I truly feel like this is my fault but at the same time, I don’t know since King isn’t an aggressive dog. Am I the jerk here?

Edit: Allie was the one to call the police.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, nowhere near. You repeatedly asked your friend not to bring her dog. When she showed up uninvited, you asked her to leave the dog in the car.

I get that King was likely a big baby and just wanted to play but it ran straight for you and your sister’s dog took that as a threat. As far as your friend’s family, it’s none of their business. You have texts, hopefully, asking Allie not to bring the dog. I’m sorry the dog had to be taken away but this is on Allie.” Intelligent-Help8946

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, Allie didn’t listen to you despite you telling her to keep her dog in the car (and all the times you said no to protect Koda). If Allie decided to let her dog out even though you said no when she pulled up (and after you explained why King wouldn’t get along with Koda) then it’s kind of on her, especially because her letting out her dog caused the panic.” m48_apocalypse

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helenh9653 6 months ago
NTJ. The only person at fault here is Allie. You told her repeatedly not to bring her dog, and why she shouldn't, and she brought him anyway. You said not to let him out of the car and she did, without leashing him. Make sure her flying monkeys see the CCTV footage,and understand that it was the police's decision to take King after ALLIE rang them.
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4. AITJ For Not Sharing Potential Indian Baby Names With My In-Laws?

QI

“So I’m Indian American and my husband is white. We’re expecting a baby, the first grandchild for either side of the family. My husband and I have agreed that any children we have will have Indian first names and his last name.

We’ve also agreed not to talk about names with anyone until baby is here.

The exception being my parents. Because I grew up in a majority-white area, I don’t have a big list of names that are specific to my Indian subculture, so I asked my parents for help in coming up with a list.

Last weekend we were staying with my in-laws and their family. We sleep in a bedroom in the basement. I usually call my mom on Saturday mornings and because my in-laws are late risers, I called her. We chatted for a bit and I mentioned looking over the list of names she sent me and how I was narrowing it down.

After I got off the phone I ran into my mother-in-law, who was in another part of the basement. She told me she overheard and wanted to see the list of names. I said that we really didn’t want to share the names right now and my mom was only helping because we’re giving baby a name from my culture.

My mother-in-law wasn’t hopping mad but she was insistent and she and father-in-law were a bit passive-aggressive for the rest of the weekend.

My husband thinks we should share the shortlist with them, but I know they’ll tell everyone in the family, or worse, make a fuss about pronunciation. I don’t think they’d be deliberately unkind, I just think it’s easier to be polite when a baby is already here vs.

when you’re considering names. AITJ for sharing with one set of parents but not the other?”

Another User Comments:

“Light YTJ. It only makes sense to ask your parents for a good name considering they are more versed in Indian culture. However, still tell them at least a few names so they can be included.” DJ_Too_Supreme21

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, anything to do with your baby is your business and there’s no obligation to discuss it further. Also the fact that they will mostly not be familiar with the names on the shortlist is another good reason not to share. I made the mistake of sharing some less common Irish names I liked with my British in-laws and it wasn’t very well received. I mean I’m awfully pigheaded so I haven’t been swayed but if you think they could end up ruining names for you, don’t do it.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here I think it’s understandable that your partner’s parents are feeling a bit hurt/left out, I think that I might feel the same if I were them. But also just because their feelings are valid, it doesn’t mean their feelings trump what you want. I have faced a lot of the fuss over pronunciation and some thinly veiled racism from my white family over my Indian partner’s last name (they aren’t keen on it becoming my last name).

I cannot imagine what my family will be like when we have kids with Indian names. I’m glad that you have family that can help you.” bunziebaby

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Tarused 5 months ago
I agree with bunziebaby, no jerks. My take is it is ops and partner can keep the names to themselves but I don't blame the inlaws for feeling hurt and not included
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3. AITJ For Telling My Childhood Bully I Hate Him?

QI

“A little somewhat long backstory for context: When I was in first grade, I moved to a new city, which consequently led me to go to a new school.

I made friends quickly but ended up having a few close friendships, most notably, a girl who I’ll refer to as “D”. We were what I would consider, best of friends, although, after the end of the school year we grew apart. Near the end of fourth grade we somewhat reconnected.

In fifth grade, D seemed distant, but I didn’t pay any mind to it until she started with the name-calling.

She would make fun of me for what I was self-conscious about, namely my height and intelligence. This led on for several months, with her neighbor and three other kids joining in. It wasn’t just verbal abuse where nobody noticed, they also stole my backpack, calling me a “freak” in class, in front of other kids.

I ended up hating school, which I loved, they made me hate myself because I believed what D said. At the worst times, it was so bad, I cried myself to sleep, I didn’t want to drag others into this so I didn’t tell until much later. All happened in the span of a school year.

Eventually, my mother was forced to step in and threatened legal action to the bullies after my reports to teachers and bus drivers went ignored. But the damage was done, they gave me depression and anxiety. It took 2 years of therapy and 3 years of anti-depressants to somewhat fix the damage to my mental and emotional health.

I never knew what happened to D yet, although I never forgave her. I’m on neutral terms with one of the bullies and do not speak to the other two although I interact with them for school.

In PE I was talking to one of my friends, telling them about my experience when one of the bullies “J” comments, “I never bullied you.” And this made me mad.

I ended up listing every insult he called me, and what his actions ended up doing to my self-image for years. And all he could say was “I didn’t, and even if I did, shouldn’t you move on from this now? It wasn’t that bad.” I ended up saying, “No, what you did to me, I will never forgive.

You ruined me for years and I can’t just let that trauma slide! I hate you and always will.” Later his friends told me I was too harsh on him. and that I should let it go. Maybe I was but I’m not sure.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Wait so when you call out the bullies they start saying you went too far on them.

Yet they themselves never thought they went too far when they kept messing with you not realizing the long-term effects they were causing? It doesn’t seem like they’ll ever understand how messed up they were being but you shouldn’t let those kinds of people try to antagonize you either.” SpeedBlitzX

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: Your feelings are valid.

You suffered and you hurt. Bullying is a painful experience – With that said, you should try to come to terms with what happened and try to compartmentalize it. Those things happened then, they belong to then and the person you are now is someone different. The person that J is would also be different and memory is not always so clear.

Don’t let him live in your head space with wasted hate, be indifferent.” Acrobatic_Business49

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helenh9653 6 months ago
NTJ. You went at J once. He and the others bullied you for a YEAR. Anyone who can't see the difference is just dumb.
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2. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Not To Marry Into A Racist Family?

QI

“Some background; my wife and I worked and lived in a somewhat larger city where my daughter was born. My wife got a job opportunity in one of her employer’s field offices and it was too good to pass up. We moved to the boonies when my daughter (Amy) was a pre-teen and we have been here ever since.

The people are nice but we were quickly labeled as “city folk” and so we never really integrated very well.

Amy came back the summer between her freshman and sophomore year. She got a summer job which is where she met her Fiancé (Dan). We have had him over to the house countless times since then and he is polite, respectful, and he seems to truly love my daughter.

He is a local and his family have been locals for generations. We rarely met up with his parents, but they also seemed nice when we did. They were together long-distance all through her college years.

This past summer they got engaged. His parents decided to throw an engagement last weekend at their house. We had never been there and I was excited to see the home where he grew up and meet his extended family.

The party was fine, we did our best to fit in but, like I mentioned, we were from the city and they poked fun a little bit.

His dad gave a speech and while it wasn’t overtly racist, he mentioned how he was happy that his son found a “nice white girl” and looking forward to “white grandbabies.” As the night progressed, they started to share a bit of family history so that we would know the “proud” lineage our family would now be a part of.

Without going into too much detail, they are descended from members of a hate group. We decided to be polite and not say anything but we didn’t stay much longer.

I let this stew for a few days until Amy returned home. She tells me that she was not aware of his family history but it doesn’t change her mind.

I don’t want her marrying into this family and I told her so. She says Dan doesn’t wholly believe what his parents do but I’m not convinced. You can’t be raised to believe you are of a superior race and not have it become internalized to some degree. She assures me that they have a lifetime for her to point out all the ways his parents are wrong.

But I am worried that if they never leave his hometown, there will be too much pushback from his family.

I told her that I am going to be firm on this. That I don’t want her marrying into that family. She called me a jerk and has been ignoring me ever since. I feel horrible but this isn’t what I had hoped for her.

So is she right? Am I being a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“You would be the jerk, your heart is in the right place and you can voice your opinions against it but at the end of the day it’ll be her choice. I’d advise talking to Dan himself (in private if possible) though, I’m a black person myself and you’d be surprised how often the least racist kids come from the worst parents.

I just want to add you’d be totally within your rights to explain to her that you do not want any of those “traditions” passed on to any potential grandkids.” Sk111W

Another User Comments:

“You are not the jerk. Ultimately, your daughter is an adult and can (and will) do whatever she wants, even if it means marrying a racist. But you are absolutely within your right to abhor racism and make that stance clear.

In fact, this is the kind of reaction to racism that you and everyone SHOULD have, especially when it still runs so deeply and rampantly like in Dan’s family. You are right that racism has been ingrained into Dan, and from what your daughter said (“he doesn’t WHOLLY believe what his parents do” and that she has a lifetime to convince Dan that racism is wrong), I think she knows that too.

It will be very difficult, but you may have to come to terms with the fact that your daughter is accepting of this disgusting ideology (evidenced by the fact that she wants to marry into it) and adapt your relationship with her to that fact, whatever that looks like. At the same time, while you can’t limit her, you certainly are not the jerk should you opt to distance yourself and have no part in paying for or attending the wedding.

It comes down to how bothersome the racism is to YOU and how you want to reflect that in your actions going forward—which may look like a tough decision between your relationship with your daughter and your commitment to your morals and principles.

Racism in America is systemic, and those who benefit from that system automatically have the responsibility to critically engage with anti-racism.

If your daughter has to convince a grown man that racism is wrong, the contents of his heart aren’t as pure as you’d want. Complacency with racism is really not better than active praise of racism; they are besties and cannot exist without each other.” cocoataylor

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Jamie5001 6 months ago
You are a jerk..you haven't ever even sat down with the future son in law, but you assune he is a racist? Wow ...if we all turned out believing exactly what our parents do, the world would be a much different place. I 100% understand if you spoke with him, and he was a racist, but you don't even know! I mean think about it, MOST ancestors found it abhorrent to be homosexual...yet, the world isnt like that today ....sorta proves that we can have different beliefs than them.

What gets me is you pushing your assumptions on your daughter WITHOUT HAVING SPOKEN TO HIM. Imagine if she was the same way with everyone! Racism is horrible and ugly, so is judging people as something so loathsome without making an effort to find out. Honestly, if I was your daughter i wouldn't even invite you to my wedding .. you are approaching being as nasty as the racist parents, j/s. Imagine telling someone that they are a horrible human because their parents are and thats what you believe! ....yikes thats gross
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1. AITJ For Volunteering My Partner's Truck For My Brother's Move Without Asking Him?

QI

“My (24f) partner of over two years (27m) owns a newer, full-sized truck. I think he sinks way too much of his income into it and should probably just drive a regular car since he just drives it back and forth to work and to do errands, but he loves it and it’s his baby.

My older brother (31m) and his wife (31f) recently bought a house and are moving out of their apartment. I was at my parent’s house with the two of them when they announced it to us. When I asked them when they were moving and they told me I told them “Well, hey (my partner) has his truck which I’m sure will come in handy.

I’ll have to ask him, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you using it and helping you out.” They told me that this would be great.

When I told my partner about it, though, to say that he started grumbling would be an understatement. He started going on about how he didn’t want to give up his Saturday to help my brother and his wife move, and how he didn’t want to put that wear and tear on his truck.

He said that people moving stuff in and out of his truck bed were likely to put scratches on it and how I shouldn’t have volunteered him and his truck without talking to me first.

I told him that I told them that I’d have to ask him first, and that it was ultimately up to him.

He responded that there was no way for him to say “no” to it without looking like a jerk to my family, so I pretty much made it so that he had no real choice.

I think he’s being kind of a baby, honestly, and should just be happy to help. My brother actually helped my partner get his current job, so my partner kind of owes him one.

But maybe I was a little presumptuous? What do you think?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You can’t do that for him. You should have said nothing and asked him first. If he now feels obliged to do it, you need to help. It’s very hard work. People can only offer themselves to do something like that.

I bet he doesn’t tell his sibling that you’re gonna make a dinner for them and their 30 guests, cause they helped you with a plant too.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“I say YTJ. You pretty much volunteered someone else’s time without asking them. Doesn’t matter if it’s family or not it’s still their day and not yours to give away and let’s be honest moving sucks.

And people can’t say he can back out, you pretty much backed him into a corner to not being able to say no without looking like a total jerk to your family. Also you really shouldn’t talk so badly about how he spends his money on a hobby that he clearly enjoys. If his bills are paid then what he does in his spare time that gives him joy then it’s not stupid.” Leeper90

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rbleah 6 months ago
You KNOW YOU ARE IN THE WRONG. Otherwise you would not be here trying to get people to tell you what you did was good. NOT YOUR TRUCK AND NOT YOUR PLACE TO OFFER WHAT IS NOT YOURS.
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Sometimes it's obvious, other times it's not! You be the judge about who's the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)