People Vent Their Frustrations At Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Family Anymore?
“I’m a 31-year-old man with a 25-year-old sister (who lives at home). My parents are in their 60s. My mom and sister have never worked a real job other than under-the-table things like babysitting. My dad was the only earner in the family. They were making it by until about 10 years ago when money started to get tight.
My parents’ house went into foreclosure and mom still did not get a job. I gave them money to try to help. They lost the house anyway. Again, no job was secured by my mom. This was 10 years ago.
Fast forward to today. The house they live in now is in foreclosure again and no one seems to have a sense of urgency to seek employment.
Turns out money was tight these last 10 years because my dad was a functioning addict. He really started to spiral the last 6 months and is now in prison for the next 2 years. I have always been the person in my family to pick up the pieces and be the one everyone turns to.
Since my dad has been in jail, I have not talked to him. I have also stopped talking to my mom and sister because they have not paid me for bills I have in my name that they are responsible for, yet they send my dad jail money.
I gave them months of encouragement to try to find a job and kept paying the bills while they tried to figure it out. When I asked for the money recently, since months have gone by with no employment secured, my mom straight up ignored my calls and texts.
I’m done. They tell me I’m a jerk for leaving them in their time of need and they ‘have been trying to find jobs all the time but it’s hard to get one’. I call nonsense. I’m tired of being the fixer, I’m tired of being an enabler.
AITJ for not paying for them anymore AND for not being in their lives?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is only so much you can do to help people who won’t help themselves. It is a difficult economy to find a job in, that’s for certain, but that’s also a recent development, given the timeline of your issues.
Your family are adults, and there don’t appear to be any reasons that they cannot take care of themselves. You have the right to put yourself first, and to refuse to pay for anything for them.
You should consider how this will affect your relationships with them and others if you do cut them off.
Honestly, I would invite anyone who tells you to support them that you will match their donations and see how quickly they forget about it. There are also steps to this process if you want to stay connected to mom and sister: contribute to shelter, but no phones, no internet, no food.
Frankly, I don’t see how you do that and not fall back into this trap though, so you should, and should feel free to, kick them completely and let them fend for themselves.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom and sister flat-out do not want to work.
You will be continuing to enable their behavior and there will be no incentive to get a job. Time to stop being the bank, you will not be paid back. Save yourself from these selfish people who will only continue to drag you and any relationships you have down.
You don’t owe them anything. You are not alone, many people go through similar situations and find their own family group. Too often we are fed the nonsense of what a family should be but seldom are. Live your life and don’t look back.” SliceEquivalent825
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Husband's Mother?
“My MIL received news a few days ago from my FIL that he would like a divorce.
They had recently separated so that she could figure out what was going on with her mentally and physically and my FIL decided that he didn’t want to continue with their marriage. Honestly, I think it is an extremely cowardly thing to do on his part because she stuck with him when he was an addict, had no job, and unfortunately verbally abused my husband (when he was a kid).
Anyways, my husband is the oldest child but does have a sibling living at home. They are a fully grown adult who lives at home and does work, they just don’t contribute anything to the household. Anyway, my MIL told my husband that she is going to need all of the help that she can get because my FIL paid about 1/3 of the bills.
My husband who is never really home anyway (he is a trucker) wants to start picking up extra loads and making more money so that we can basically help his mom financially.
I told my husband that I think that she should******* up. She is in her mid-40s, has a decent-paying job, all of her kids are grown, and she can work a 2nd job (if necessary).
I don’t think that my husband should have to sacrifice the little time that he has with me and our two kids because his mom is going through a divorce. After my husband and I moved in together, both of our families basically said ‘You’re on your own’ and we have built the life that we have today with only a slight bit of help from my grandparents.
Like we just became okay financially that if my husband misses a load or takes a week off work, we are not going to be absolutely doomed. And quite frankly I don’t feel like helping her since she wouldn’t do the same for us. He told me that since he is the one that is making the money and that if all of our bills are paid, what difference does it make, that since he is in fact the only one working I really don’t have a say when it comes to what he does with his ‘free money’ (basically money that is left over after bills and savings have been paid).
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ, but that probably doesn’t mean much. Given your husband’s current family situation, his beliefs about HIS money, and supporting his mother how do you see this going in the future as Mom ages and can no longer work?
You need to have a five-year ‘get out of the jail I’m living in’ plan. Most importantly: do not have more children. You need to develop a plan that will help you become more financially independent. Look at education – make sure you have at least a GED. Talk to an adviser at your local community college.
What are your interests; what are options for certifications or degrees that could lead to employment in your area? Since you have children, what are the options for online learning? Can they help you with work-from-home options?
Education is going to be your ticket to making money.
Making money is going to give you more power in your marriage. Right now your husband figures he has the power to make all the decisions because he has all the money. You may not be able to completely cut off his mom financially, but you sure could have a voice in getting worthless BIL to contribute.
If he wasn’t living there, MIL could rent out his room and make money.” Key_Plastic_3372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why doesn’t the sibling living at home pay rent? Additionally, your husband’s ‘free money’ isn’t his and his alone. He wouldn’t be able to take on extra shifts (or any shifts for that matter) without your willingness to do the lion’s share of maintaining your house and caring for your children.
Marriage is a partnership and together, the 2 of you should be figuring out how to navigate this challenge.” Pleasant_Test_6088
21. AITJ For Uninviting My Sister-In-Law From A Women's Retreat?
“I (33f) am planning a women’s retreat, it is the kind of physical that requires a health waiver but several of us have disabilities and should be able to traverse with little issue.
We have given ourselves 4 days for a hike/raft that the fit experienced hiker could do in two.
At our Super Bowl party, I invited my SIL as she’s reached a year sober and I would like to encourage that. Since then I’ve been regretting my decision because she’s never stopped being incredibly flaky with family plans this whole time and when she does show up she’s a mess and has forgotten either something she was going to bring or that she’s double booked herself and she can’t stay long.
That’s the last trait you need to rely on during survival camping, but I got caught up in her getting her one-year chip and figured an invite would be a good olive branch for her and me to heal over.
Not even a week later SIL posted a picture of a sleeping baby on her social media page.
No caption. I liked it figuring it was a friend’s. Then we did our February birthday gathering, which she makes sure she’s the star of no matter how many children are born that month in the family. She had it with her. It’s a doll.
She was treating it as a real child all night. She’s since only posted photos with or of this baby doll.
Yesterday she showed up to the monthly family get-together and had it with her again. She was insisting everyone say hi to it and fuss over it like a normal baby.
I asked her if she wanted to talk when she decided it was ‘my turn’ with the baby and she was quite offended. She told me that I couldn’t turn it into a popularity contest with her kid because that was her kid and would always like her more.
I just stepped away.
My spouse saw the whole thing go down and asked what I wanted to do, so we left. Sounds like the family mostly ignored the new behavior but I guess a few chided her for how she talked to me and it’s not that I actually try to compete with her.
I’m just a giant child who loves to play and doesn’t have to ask adults permission for MOST of the stuff we think up.
Anyways – today I called SIL to ask if we could talk. She thanked me for calling and told me I owed her and her child an apology, especially if I wanted them to pay to attend my ‘shindig’.
Y’all, maybe I’m wrong for this, but those words set my b***d to boil. I told her not to worry about the trip, that being a new parent is exhausting and expensive, and that I’ve already got someone lined up to take her spot so she doesn’t have to worry.
She’s been blowing my phone up with texts since telling me I’m a jerk and she was looking forward to the trip and her baby was stronger than regular babies and it would be fine. I haven’t responded but their other sister has now texted my husband asking him to ‘take care of the problem’.
He left her on read but I know he hates the whole situation.”
Another User Comments:
“Your SIL is in dire need of psychiatric intervention. Taking her on a camping trip is a really bad idea. Her behavior is not grounded in reality and could be very unpredictable in unfamiliar, taxing surroundings.
Camping already has a lot of inherent unknowns, so bringing someone with this level of disconnect could potentially put you and your friends in danger.
That ‘new parent’ line was brutal, but I don’t even know if I could penalize you for that. Yes, it’s a charged situation all around – her old egotistical behaviors, her new sobriety, her crazy new addictions, along with you losing your own temper – but THIS IS NOT NORMAL. I don’t care if other women do this pretend-mommy crap and the doll makers they feature in the media are all, ‘This fills a need!
See how realistic they are?’ This situation overall is messed up and your SIL needs more help now. Stop fighting about the trip – she’s not going. NTJ. And talk to your husband to see if he can get her some help.” IrregularArugula
Another User Comments:
“From an addict, an addict will always be an addict. Discipline and self-regulation absolutely always have to be at the forefront. ESPECIALLY in stressful situations. She simply switched addictions, and that can happen, too. You and your friend group will not be safe with her as her addiction will always come first. If you fall over the side of the raft or her doll does, who do you think she will save?
NTJ. You don’t need this mess on your trip.” MarigoldCat
20. AITJ For Not Telling My FIL That I Used Breastmilk In My Son's Cereal?
“My son is fifteen months (just over a year) and as such is still nursing. I don’t see the point in giving him cow’s milk and freezing pumped milk so I just put my breastmilk over his cereal or in recipes I’m going to make him.
He does have cow’s milk, just not regularly.
My in-laws are currently staying with us. This morning I put my son in his high chair, fed him his cereal, and left him to his own devices. My FIL was in the kitchen so I left to go wake up my oldest.
Anyway, I bring her down and find my FIL finishing my son’s cereal. I laughed a little but went along with my morning.
When we all sat down to eat my FIL commented that the milk in my son’s cereal tasted weird, and asked if it was off.
I then told him that he had breastmilk in his, and our milk wasn’t off.
I swear he looked like he was going to keel over and vomit. He was angry and asked why I’d watch him drink it and not tell him. My MIL stepped in and agreed, I know he ‘finishes’ everyone’s meals and I should have told him beforehand.
I do agree that I should have at least told him when he was eating it but to be honest, I thought he saw me tip it from the bottle.
My husband is on damage control and has agreed with all of us. He understands all POVs etc.
So, AITJ for not telling them I make his cereal with breast milk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for telling him. You’re a bit of a jerk for NOT telling him. It would have been fair to assume your FIL did not realize what he was drinking and mentioned it ASAP.
I don’t think you’d expect him to be willingly guzzling your milk. That said, cow’s milk is a weirder concept if you overlook how normalized it has become. I’m overall going YTJ. It would have been easy to just let him know.” junglemice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re simply living your life taking care of your kids as you always do. It’s not your responsibility to police a grown man. If he’s going to go around acting like the family’s personal garbage disposal, he’s taking the risk of ingesting something he’s unaware is in the food.
This is all on him, a full-grown adult who has been on this earth an entire generation longer than you. He needs to take responsibility for being the person who indiscriminately puts discarded food into his mouth without asking any questions.” StacyB125
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Have Days Off After Taking Care Of The Kids?
“I (37f) got the flu two weeks ago. I got it pretty bad. I had GI issues on top of the usual cold symptoms. I was in bed for four days with a fever ranging from 103-106 (Fahrenheit), plus chills, body aches, and vomiting.
It was awful. My husband, to his credit, did take care of me. He took a day off of work when he needed to, took care of the kids (14, 6, 4, and 1) solo, made sure I was staying hydrated, asked if I needed anything, etc…
However, he’s not me and there are things that didn’t get done.
I’m a stay-at-home mom and manage the lion’s share of household chores. He works long hours and you can’t do chores if you’re not home. When he IS home, he does split things with me mostly fairly. He’s NOT used to having the kids by himself for days on end though.
Laundry piled up, the kids made epic messes, the dog poop didn’t get picked up in the backyard and a bunch of other random tasks didn’t get done. He also gave the kids stickers, which they stuck to our hardwood floors, windows, and furniture.
I have to scrape them all off one by one.
I’m feeling better now but not 100%. I’m starting to dig us out of the hole we fell into. Today, my husband told me that he was going to ‘take a few days off to recharge.’
I told him we could discuss this next week but right now I really needed his help with the kids so I could reset our lives and get back to normal. He got a little annoyed and I snapped at him and said that maybe if he had done more than the absolute minimum when I was sick, it would be a different story.
He’s not happy with me and I’m wondering if I am a jerk for what I said.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m assuming here that you mean he wants to ‘take time off’ from chores and childcare at home. I think it’s perfectly logical you first want things to be back to normal with backed-up chores and cleaning up the house before having to take on even more responsibilities for a few days.
You were sick, taking care of you and the kids is the very least he had to do and not something he needs to be rewarded for before the mess he left is cleaned up. Especially since you’re not 100% better.
Firstly, when I take over for someone who’s out I don’t send their clients weird emails that need to be straightened out afterward for no reason (= equivalent of giving kids stickers to ruin the house with).
Secondly, when someone else gets back from sick leave I don’t immediately take a few days off, putting extra work on the plate of the employee returning from sick leave, while they’re still catching up on the stuff that didn’t get done during their sick leave.” BrightonRock1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not entitled to a vacation and to take DAYS for himself because he did some weaponized incompetence parenting. You’re just recovering from being sick, where are your days off to lounge and recover?
First off, do not let him off the hook.
Do not ‘catch up the house’. That’s his job now. The kids put stickers on the floor, great, Daddy will get them off. In a timely manner. Poop in the yard? Hand him a bag. Taking time off work? Hard no. You don’t have days off because you did 5 minutes of parenting.
That’s family money in the bank. Not his to just take off and spend doing nothing for himself. He doesn’t deserve a day off. He did what was expected of him. Or the bare minimum version of it. He’s acting like a child and being ridiculous.
Is he the type who works out and then deserves an entire chocolate cake too? He needs to realize it’s grown-up time now. She’s not even fully healthy yet and he wants entire days off to recharge while she does his laundry and packs his lunch for the week…” anonymoust9090
Husband just found out what you have been doing, all day everyday, 7 days a week.
18. AITJ For Getting Married In The Same Month As My Sister?
“I (30F) and my partner (30M) are ‘unofficially’ engaged. When we started going out in 2022 we discussed marriage, kids, etc, and figured we’d probably want to get married in 2025. At the start of this year, my partner asked to go ring shopping but wants to ‘surprise’ me with a proposal so we’re holding off on an official announcement.
The thing is, we’ve been really excited and talking about it a lot to the point where we accidentally started planning the wedding. I know it sounds bizarre but honestly, we’ve enjoyed laying the framework in secret because there were no outside opinions and the big decisions would be fait accompli by the time we announced it.
Also when he told his family that we were ring shopping, his SIL said it was weird that we were ring shopping before being engaged so we’re not keen to be told that we’re being weird again.
My sister (33F) and her fiancé (34M) got engaged 2 years ago and there were no wedding plans but last year she mentioned potentially doing it in 2025 and told us to block out June – September.
Maybe I should’ve said something then but it seemed a bit silly and obnoxious to be like ‘I think I’m getting married then too’ when we really hadn’t made that commitment and she was the one who was engaged.
Now to where I might be the jerk.
My partner found the perfect venue and the only viable date they had was in August so we provisionally booked it.
While talking to my sister last night, she said she is now thinking about August so I had to tell her. She got angry because she’d already told everyone not to make plans for those months so that we could be available for her wedding.
I suggested she could choose another month since she hasn’t planned anything but ‘I got engaged first so I should have the first choice’. She also says planning a wedding at the same time will split the family’s attention which is bad for both of us so I should wait until after her wedding to get engaged but that’s a no from me.
Her final argument, and the only one that makes me question my decision, is that it’s cruel to do this considering I know how long she waited to be able to have her moment and this is really important to her. She and her fiancé had been together for 10 years before he proposed and I know she’d been waiting for at least 5 of those years.
I don’t want to hurt my sister but I really don’t see the issue. Yes, it’s not the ideal situation but she’s having 20 guests at a destination wedding in Italy while we’re having a ‘traditional’ wedding with 150 guests in the town where I grew up.
There won’t be guest overlap apart from the immediate family so as long as it’s not on the same day, it should be fine right?
The venue we chose really is perfect for what we want and I’ll be away for work for a big chunk of the year so the date is ideal. We could cancel and search for a different venue but I really don’t want to unless I’m being a jerk here.
My family knows now but none of them want to get involved so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but it’s kind of annoying that you are refusing to see how having two weddings in the same month could be a massive inconvenience for your immediate family.
Your family would have to shoulder the financial burden of whatever costs they need to pay for your wedding, as well as doing the same for your sister on top of travel expenses. That’s a lot which means your sister probably can’t get married in August. I think you should call your sister and tell her that you recognize that your decision removes any August dates from her list of possibilities but this is the only date that works for you and your fiancé.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She already told you her timeline and you just preferred to be sneaky and didn’t even say one word about it back then but suddenly you’re the one who got the venue! That’s distasteful to me. Yes, you can’t block people from having their wedding whenever they want but you weren’t even nice enough to give her a heads-up.
For all we know you can be on your honeymoon during her wedding so you can’t join. The immediate family still has to pay for their dress, transportation, and hotel even if they don’t help with your weddings so they might be forced to choose one of you.
Honestly, if I were your sister I would reconsider if I wanted to come to your wedding and if I did, I would just sit and do nothing like someone you invited out of courtesy. I don’t find your intentions innocent and I think you just want to be under the thunder too.
You don’t even give her a chance to have her thunder and hijack her plans. She probably doesn’t know what to do right now. I hope she has the wedding she wants but if I were her you wouldn’t be in considering you just want the thunder.” professionaldrama-
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your sister cannot expect you to wait until after her wedding to get engaged, it’s terribly selfish. So she’s a jerk. But you also planned on secret and booked the venue while knowing your sister had announced the possible dates, which means your wedding could end up being at the same time.
She has been waiting for a long time for this wedding and you are adding stress. As you don’t give enough details on the event itself, it’s difficult to say if you are being a bigger jerk or if she is being a bit too dramatic: how many days between your weddings?
How long is the trip in Italy? Be a grown-up and discuss it calmly with your sister.” TwinZylander214
17. AITJ For Not Bringing My Kids To Family Events?
“I’ve been married to my husband for 9 years. I have 3 kids from a prior marriage and my current husband adopted them. We went on to have 2 kids together. His parents have always been doting grandparents to all, no complaints there.
My husband has one younger brother, the golden child. He’s been with his wife since high school so she’s basically a daughter to my in-laws. She’s a sweet girl despite coming from an unfortunately trashy family. My husband, my in-laws, and I can’t stand her family but she insists on hosting all family events, including her family.
I’m not using the term ‘trashy’ lightly. Her mother makes crude, rude comments in front of anybody. Criticized my husband to the point I had to confront her. SIL’s sister thinks she’s Boss Hogg because she’s married to a dealer in a motorcycle gang and occasionally uses illegal substances to control her weight.
Her father can’t keep a job. Her addict brother is my neighbor, regularly stealing pecans from yards, and last week he was scooping a dead squirrel out of my ditch to bring home. He survives off frivolous lawsuits.
The problem is they refuse to not include my SIL’s family.
This started a huge fight with us last year because we refused to go to their child’s birthday party. Despite them sending 100 invitations, no one with kids showed up, I assume for the same reasons as me. I’m blamed that there were no kids there.
It was bad optics. Everything is optics and social media posts to them. Their child is severely developmentally delayed and they won’t get intervention because of optics but I’m the problem.
I’ve told my in-laws it appears they’d rather spend their time with these lunatics over their own grandkids and I’ve accepted that.
They still see my husband and kids at their own house. We skipped Christmas, Easter and another birthday is upon us. My kids love their little cousin and I feel bad for not letting them go to her party but I just can’t expose them to all that.
It’s gonna be another fight, all my fault.
AITJ because I won’t let my kids be around all that and ruin their events?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t be if you are keeping your children safe and away from dealers and addicts.
All the rest are also worth keeping distance from. Your in-laws want the happy family picture. Arrange to do something with the birthday child separately. Whilst you don’t want them to be there or have your children around them SIL may feel she has no choice as they are her family.
It’s a tough situation you married your husband, but you didn’t marry his brother’s wife’s family so they are not your problem. ” GapApprehensive3184
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ! I suggest that you have private conversations with your MIL and ask if she is really ok with her grandbabies (your kids) being around dealers and addicts.
Start by framing your questions as possibly the dealers and addicts in question might be hanging around the school. If she wants your kids safe from that, then ask her to understand why you don’t want your kids around SIL’s family. Have the same conversation with others in the family.
Then start hosting your own get-togethers but be very clear that they are only open to the people who you have personally invited. You might even have to hang out a sign stating that as a private property, you reserve the right to refuse admittance to anyone not personally invited by you the homeowners.
SIL and her trashy family will have fits, but you have every right to stick to your guns on this.” Betrayed_Orphan
16. AITJ For Not Letting Our Families Have The Stuff They Want?
“My wife and I are moving to another country. Instead of selling our stuff, we decided to gift it to our families because it will improve their lives. Most of our stuff is high-end compared to what either of our parents have.
First, we thought about what they needed so we gave them that. Study table for her sister, washing machine for her mom, an AC for my mom, fridge for my parents’ house, etc. Then I invited my parents and hers on separate days to ask what they’d like to have and make a list for us.
The lists came out that everybody wanted everything.
Then we made our decision together and told them who gets what, which of course isn’t ideal for either party. We decided not to give our 2 cars to either family and sell them in the market since that’s the amount we might need.
Now both my parents and hers are appealing to the emotional side of us, telling each of us how the other one is facilitating their family more. They also claim they are not materialistic but the other family is.
At the end of it, both sides are unhappy and both sides are blaming me for inequitable division.
Her family thinks I took advantage of her and didn’t value her efforts. My family thinks my in-laws are materialistic and taking my hard-earned money and things for granted.
Today it got to a point that her mom is telling her how unfair and unfaithful I am to her and she’s better off without me and my family is actively hostile to my wife and my dad told me to divorce her today.
I called both her parents and mine in a conference call and gave them a piece of my mind.
AITJ for creating this whole situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would text both. ‘Since you are so determined to break up our marriage and make us feel like crap over this, at this point, other than what had been given already, everything else will be sold.
I will not give people who are supposed to be family free things when they act like toddlers who are not getting their way. Who are willing to kill our marriage over STUFF. So thanks for letting me see how both sides are more about money than about your kids.
We will be taking a step back from both sides until you get your head out of your butts and act like adults. You are not worth the effort to try and appease anyone with your actions this far. Now you face the consequences of your actions against us.
Thanks for being such a loving family from both sides and putting your kids first above your greed. Great way to send us off.’
Buttt I am a jerk.” tiny-pest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… at this point, you need to accept that they’re all materialistic, they’re all selfish, they’re all manipulative… and none of them deserve any of your stuff.
Donate it to charity, or find people who actually need it. They might actually be appreciative of what they’re getting instead of sulking about how they’re not getting everything. Both sets of parents sound greedy and entitled.” canuckleheadiam
Communicate what you want and need. Do this respectfully, and one will reap the benefits.
NTJ.
15. AITJ For Not Throwing A Baby Shower For My Sister?
“My (29F) sister (31F) is pregnant with her first and possibly only baby.
She is due in early March. She went through fertility treatment to become pregnant and of course this was a really challenging experience for her. My parents, sister, and I all live close together and see each other at least 1x a week.
Since she has gotten pregnant she has been saying she is going to plan her own baby shower because she wants it to be really extravagant and perfect.
She has very high standards for parties and any time myself or our mother has attempted to host a party for her she gets upset that it is not the way she would have planned it. So my mother and I both thought – great, she’s gonna plan the baby shower of her dreams and it will go perfectly for her.
Cut to this week where my sister actually calls to blow up at us. Apparently, all the time she was saying she was ‘just going to throw her own baby shower’, she was actually hinting/expecting my mother or me to offer to plan to throw the shower for us.
She wanted one of us to be like ‘Oh no dear, you MUSN’T plan your OWN party, WE will throw you the party of your dreams!’ Well, that didn’t happen, and she’s mad that we really expected her to plan her own party.
AITJ for not throwing her a baby shower, having assumed she really didn’t want to plan her own party when those were the ‘literal words she was saying’?”
Another User Comments:
“A baby shower isn’t supposed to be fancy. It’s supposed to be a half dozen women drinking coffee, telling labor horror stories, and giving impractically frilly little outfits. Anyone who wants an ‘extravagant and perfect’ baby shower is going to be such a pain in the butt that it’s best to just mail them a gift and not deal with it.
Add in the fact that she thinks that demanding that you NOT throw her a shower is code for ‘do it and make it perfect’, and I’d say the entire thing will be a crap show and I advise refusing to have anything to do with it.
NTJ. I suppose the one bright spot is that she isn’t also demanding the kind of gender reveal that causes a forest fire.” unlovelyladybartleby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s being an entitled jerk who thinks you can read minds. What she really wants is for you to let her plan her perfect shower but have you or your mom ‘host’ it, pay for it, and do all the setup while she stands there ‘supervising’ AKA criticizing how you do everything.
She knows it still looks bad from an etiquette and social norm perspective to throw your own shower plus she doesn’t want to do the labor or spend the money. However, given she has complained about every single event you and your mom have thrown for her plus has repeatedly said she wants to do it herself you and your mom don’t owe her anything.
The social norms that say a relative or friend throws the shower also say you don’t complain when someone does something nice for you that it wasn’t good enough. Also, it’s a pretty recent thing that it’s socially acceptable for one of the grandmothers to throw the shower.
A sister, aunt, cousin, or friend traditionally throws it.” User
14. AITJ For Yelling At My Niece For Laughing At My Son?
“I (34F) have a son, Lucas (12M). I had a challenging pregnancy with many complications and Lucas was born with several disabilities and medical conditions. Some of his conditions affect his voice, his voice slurs and he stutters sometimes.
He is very insecure about this as it means people don’t take him seriously, even though he is a very bright kid.
This Friday evening there was a family gathering at my mother’s house. My sister (35F) and my niece Sarah (15F) were both there.
This was the first time Lucas had seen his cousin in a few years and he was excited to see her again. When she arrived Lucas came over and said hello to her, the whole time she had this strange look on her face like she was holding back laughter, and I could tell Lucas was uncomfortable.
This would happen every time he spoke, she would snicker a little and try to hide it or cover her mouth to hide it. Lucas looked super embarrassed and I was getting angry. Eventually, he said he wasn’t feeling well and my husband drove him home.
My husband texted me telling me Lucas had started crying when he got in as he was super upset after his cousin’s laughter.
I asked Sarah if she wanted to explain what Lucas had been saying that she found so funny. She went red and didn’t answer, my sister said Sarah was just a kid and I couldn’t expect her to respond any differently.
I told my sister she needed to teach her kid not to be such an ignorant brat, Sarah got angry and said she wasn’t a brat. I snapped and told her to shut up and stop acting like one. Sarah and my sister ended up leaving and my parents said I took it too far.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. What Sarah did was despicable, as was your sister defending her behavior. But you are the adult and let your anger get the better of you. When Sarah went red, it showed she knew what she did was wrong.
It was a teachable moment, and if you could have calmly explained how much Lucas was looking forward to seeing her and that she made him feel so badly that he cried, I’ll bet that she would have felt so badly that she’d never do it again.
But that opportunity was lost when it devolved into name-calling. That puts people on the defensive. I don’t blame you at all for being so angry, what happened is heartbreaking.” TYJerry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At 15, a person who finds disabilities funny is just a jerk and they likely got that way because their parents are also jerks.
She thinks it’s funny because she’s seen her parents laugh at similar things. You were right to defend your child and attempt to teach your niece some manners. If I were you, I wouldn’t allow your niece or her parents around Lucas again and I would go extremely low contact with them myself.
Never stop showing Lucas that he deserves respect like everyone else and that his parents will always advocate for and defend him.” Misty2484
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (except Lucas). Yes, Sarah was obnoxious. Her mom shouldn’t have waved it away (because by 15, you really SHOULD know!).
You shouldn’t have called her a brat though. Not that she wasn’t, but because that doesn’t help Lucas and makes everything adversarial, and the goal is to help Lucas. If it had been, say, a random down-the-road neighbor, I wouldn’t feel this way, but with family, it’s better generally to avoid the name-calling to get change when it impacts your kid.
Maybe something like, ‘Sarah is 15, which is old enough to know that laughing at people will hurt their feelings. If she can’t control it, she should also be old enough to excuse herself to get composed. What happened really hurt Lucas and will cause strain on their relationship.
That’s why this is important to learn.’ Please tell Lucas that my favorite chemistry professor had a stutter, and he was well-loved by his students!” Special-Light5297
13. AITJ For Not Allowing My Father-In-Law To Take My Son For A Walk?
“Yesterday morning, my husband and I were getting ready to go grocery shopping at Costco when his dad phoned him and asked what we were doing.
He explained we were going grocery shopping, and his dad invited himself to tag along and said he would meet us there. My husband and I got there first and were in mid-conversation with some of the people working the cell phone kiosk about switching over our phone plans when I felt tugging on my cart with my 1-year-old in it.
My heart sank and as I turned around I saw my FIL trying to take my cart with my son saying ‘He’s coming with me!’
No ‘Hi’, no ‘Can I take him for a walk?’, nothing but a demanding ‘He’s coming with me!’ I was shocked & caught off guard as I was in the middle of a conversation, and responded with ‘No he’s fine here with me, thanks’.
He then said ‘Well he wants me, he’s coming with me’ and I again firmly stated that my son was fine with me.
Now, anyone who has known me for the last year knows I am very protective of my baby. I don’t like him being out of my sight at all, let alone in a big, crowded, public space like Costco, so I’m not sure why he thought trying to wrestle my cart from me in this setting was a good idea in the first place, but walking off out of sight with my baby is and has always been a hard no for me.
I get I may be a little over the top, overprotective, etc.. but it’s my boundary and I think I communicated and enforced it kindly given the circumstances. He now won’t speak to us, and stormed off and said he was going home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely NTJ, you get to make the rules for your kid. You can be as overprotective as you want. I feel the response was kind of excessive, but you’re mom, you do what you think needs to be done. Being honest just seems like a goofy situation.
Grandpa responded poorly, but I have to imagine he was embarrassed. Sounds like he was just trying to do some grandpa stuff with the kiddo, and then found out you don’t trust him enough to watch him in a store. Probably hurt a little. It sounds like they did a decent job raising your husband.
To be fair, when I was growing up grandparents were a lot more involved. We’d visit for a long time every summer and would go on trips together. My grandparents taught me to swim, so my parents had 100% trust in them.” m*********g
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think you should call your FIL and explain how that looked to an outsider. You and hubby were minding your own business with your baby in the cart. All of a sudden a man tries to grab the cart and say the baby is coming with him.
No introduction or greeting to indicate this is a safe person. To anyone looking at it, they would assume your baby was being kidnapped. Which is essentially what he attempted to do. Normally you trust him but this was a state of shock and you probably didn’t even realize immediately it was him.
Yes he is hurt for you saying no but at least he didn’t get the cops called on him. Plus your baby is only 1. You don’t know when they need a diaper change, milk, or to be breastfed, and a myriad of other things. What if he looked away and someone who saw what happened took the baby and then tried to find you?
You still love him and saying no was for his own safety. Much like he told your husband no you can’t play with knives or stick a fork in a socket.” Dependent_Praline_93
I hope when you talked to him you did not apologize; not for one part of it.
No, as is often said on here, is a complete sentence. ESPECIALLY when permission was never asked; and even more so because you're 1-year old child was involved.
NTJ.
12. AITJ For Taking My Daughter To A Trial Class At Another School?
“My (34M) sister (28F) is one of the owners of a local ballet school where she’s also a teacher. My daughter (5F) was interested in trying ballet, mostly from seeing her aunt dance and talking about how she MUST take ballet. However, I chose to take my daughter to a trial class at another school.
A brief context: my mother is a piano teacher and she decided to teach my sister and me when we were kids, and it was a terrible experience (to me at least) because it was clear that she couldn’t separate her role as a mother and as a teacher, and she’d be hard on me in a way that she wasn’t to her other students.
That’s not to say I think my sister wouldn’t be able to keep things professional, it’s just that I thought it was important to create a distance in this context.
I didn’t think to let my sister ‘know’ beforehand about this, after all, it was just a trial class, and my daughter could not even be interested in continuing afterward.
Yet my sister found out that I took my daughter to her competitor (it’s not that big of a town and there are basically two schools around, so news flies fast). My sister called me to clear things up, and I could tell she was very hurt.
I tried to explain my reasoning, and she said the right thing would be to call her so she wouldn’t need to find out from somebody else.
She also says it creates an image that her own family doesn’t trust in her abilities as a teacher, which I think was nonsense.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Small town and only two dance studios. You need to own up to the fact that you have hurt her business and given her competitor a leg up. Your sister is NOT your mother and you didn’t even give her a chance, or explain your concerns to her.
The dance world is very small and can be toxic.
As a former dancer, parents pull their students out for minimal things and studio hop all the time. You better hope that the parents do not pull their children out and send them to a competitor or another studio out of town.
Dance studios are also rumor mills. What a level of betrayal from you! Your sister didn’t even do anything. Ballet classes at that age are 30-60 mins and they just run, skip, and hop to classical music. You made her look like she cannot be trusted with children, which is her business target!
Who needs enemies when you have family members like this? She had to call you up to clear the air when you messed up, find out from someone else about her sibling’s foolishness, and explain her reasoning, and you shut her down by saying pure nonsense.
You are more than a jerk. I wish you explained your reasoning to her and told her for a trial we are thinking of sending her to a studio in the next town or even a community center class, and not going to her close competitor.
You are lucky she has not looked at you differently and you better hope that she has a heart to support and be there for you if you ever need anything.” SubstantialYouth9106
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A ballet class is so different from piano lessons.
A piano is one-on-one. A ballet class is a large group of little kids having fun dancing together. What you did was undermine your sister’s business, all without giving her an opportunity to address any of your concerns. Your daughter probably would have felt extra special because her aunt was the teacher.
While you may have not intended to create damage, you have and your sister’s reputation will suffer because you didn’t communicate with her.” czzyp
I'm assuming there's more to this history, specifically between you and your sister.
Granted, you could have mentioned this. But she has control of her own actions and definitely should be more understanding.
No one is wrong because we're entitled to our feelings. It's how we communicate those feelings that really matters.
Both of you can probably work on being more open, but I don't think you're the jerk. And neither is she.
Just learn and move on.
11. AITJ For Not Letting A Woman Cut In Line?
“My wife and I wrapped up our shopping at the supermarket today and were headed to the checkout with our cart full of groceries.
I was carrying our child, and she was pushing the trolley, with me a couple of steps in front of her.
As I joined the checkout line, I turned back to locate my wife and noticed another woman behind me with her own trolley. Seeing my wife behind this woman, I motioned for her to come around since I was ahead and ready to start unloading our items and checking out.
This is where things took a turn. The woman behind me got upset and accused me of cutting in line, arguing that she should be first because my trolley wasn’t with me; it was behind her. Ordinarily, I might have let it slide, but her accusatory attitude rubbed me the wrong way.
Despite having no particular urgency, her tone prompted me to stand my ground.
I explained to her that I had joined the queue before her, and since my wife and I were together, our collective position took priority. She countered, insisting that the physical location of the trolley mattered more, claiming I couldn’t hold the spot for someone else.
Our exchange continued with the same arguments until she eventually gave up and moved to another queue.
To the best of my knowledge, the UK follows a ‘first come, first serve’ rule for queuing, and I believe that by bringing my wife to my position, I wasn’t violating any norms. We were conducting a single transaction for all the items, with me handling the payment.
However, I’m curious to know if there’s validity to the woman’s point of view.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t have the items that you needed to pay for, your wife did, and thus her position is what matters. You essentially did that thing jerks do where one person stands in a parking spot and saves it for their spouse driving the car – though the grocery store thing is much less jerky, in my opinion.
I don’t think what you did is terrible and you should be chewed out for it (personally I would have never gotten mad at someone for their spouse cutting me in line – it’s not that big a deal) but you were definitely in the wrong.” saltymaritimer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You saved a space and your wife brought the trolly/cart forward. That’s cutting. The woman had an expectation that you and your child had 1 or 2 things then you replaced that with presumably more items. A full cart maybe? I hate couples who do this or each gets in a line to see which one appears to be moving faster only for the other one to get out of their line and push their cart into the other line.
Pick a line. Get in line at the same time when you are both ready. Otherwise, yea, you are the jerk.” theothermeisnothere
Does it really affect everyone else saying YTJ so much? I guarantee we have all been in both sides.
10. WIBTJ If I Tell My Sister-In-Law To Move Out?
“My SIL decided about 3 months ago that she wanted to leave her husband & asked if she could stay with us until she got an apartment.
She had a job she started within a week & was supposed to put her kid in daycare the following week. I’m a stay-at-home mom so I agreed to watch her kid while she worked until she got him into daycare. With help from her mom, this was only supposed to take her a month all in all.
My husband & I have 3 kids & live in a 3 bedroom home so this was a lot for us to take on.
3 months later & she’s quit the job, and is bouncing back & forth between staying with us & her ‘ex’. Her kid is 4 & isn’t on any sort of sleep schedule.
He just whines all day & night. My kids have school so they have a bedtime but it’s hard for them to sleep when her kid is still being extremely loud. She’s a terrible house guest – never cleans up after herself, comes & goes at all hours of the night & not lock the doors back, POOPING WITH THE HALLWAY BATHROOM DOOR OPEN, goes to sleep in mine or one of my kids’ beds without asking, she starts drinking & leaves me to deal with her kid all night, I could go on & on.
It’s causing a lot of problems in our family. We’re all so uncomfortable.
She makes comments about how much she loves it here because she can just be a kid & I’m the mom. I truly believe she only stays here because she’s tired of the responsibility that comes with having a kid, home, etc.
Would I be the jerk for asking her not to stay here anymore? & if not, how do I (people pleaser) ask her not to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, discuss a hard exit date with your husband to create a unified front. Together, tell SIL that this living situation isn’t working out.
She is taking advantage of you, and it stops immediately. Let her know, she has until blank date to move out. Until then, she needs to clean up after herself and her kid, put her son to bed at a decent hour, and raise her own child.
Also let her know that if she doesn’t comply, the timeline would be severely shortened. She has multiple housing options to move into, right away, if push comes to shove.” AmphibianChemical309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds terrible. Kick her out. Tell her she has till the end of the month to get out.
She is a bad example for your kids by drinking, leaving, and coming anytime she wants without locking the door and breaking all the promises she made. If she tries to guilt you like ‘that is not enough time’ and ‘you will make my child homeless’ – don’t fall for it.
She had 3 months to get a flat and has her ex and family. You could also offer ‘I’m not making the child homeless, I’m kicking you out. The child can stay for one more month till you get yourself together, if you can’t I will call CPS after that month because his mother clearly prefers to spend time drinking than looking for a home for him.’ Also, talk to your husband before.
So he will be on your side and in the best case has your back.” Trevena_Ice
9. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Do More Housework If We Fire Our Maid?
“I am a Steamfitter.
But I’ve been at it for a while and I’m in supervision. With bonuses and incentives but not counting benefits I earn over $100 an hour.
I also work out of town. I started doing that once the kids were old enough to take care of themselves with their dad at home.
So when my youngest was in middle school and the oldest was a junior in high school.
It is great. Our retirement savings are piling up and we have been able to splurge on the kids. And ourselves.
My husband is upset however because I decided to pay for a cleaning lady.
He and I discussed it and we agreed that he and the kids didn’t do a great job keeping the house clean and tidy while I was away. I hated coming home to a mess. It caused a few fights because it was like they expected me to come home and clean up after them.
Having her is fantastic. I come home to a clean house and I am happier. My kids have more time to study and do extracurriculars. They still have chores and they are still expected to clean up after themselves.
My husband came to me last time I was home and said we should cut back on the service when I’m home.
That I should be doing more housework. He thinks that we are wasting money. I said that I work 14 days in a row and that those are 13-hour days. Yes, it is mostly paperwork but his job as a teacher isn’t much more physically challenging.
I said that I could offer him two options. If he wanted we could completely get rid of the service and he and the kids could make sure the house was in good shape when I got home. Or he could pay me my hourly rate to do extra housework when I am on my days off.
He is upset with me and says that I’m being financially manipulative. I think if he and the kids actually did what they are supposed to do when I’m away none of this would be an issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband, however? Wooooboy!
He’s a piece of work. You work 14 days in a row, 13-hour days and he thinks it’s your job to deep clean the house when you get back into town? Nope. He doesn’t want to do it. He doesn’t want to pay someone else to do it.
He wants you to do it. He wants you – the primary breadwinner who is gone 14 days in a row working 13-hour days to come home and clean the house because he doesn’t want to pay someone else to do it despite EASILY being able to afford to.
No. This is about him wanting to control you. This is all about control and manipulation. You have given him two solutions acceptable to you to solve the problem and he refuses. He just wants you to bend to his will. This is purely about control.” lovetotravelanytime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband needs to take a long, hard look at what is going on in his head and get himself fixed because something’s wrong up there. Either he doesn’t think what you do is ‘real work’ (even if you mostly do paperwork, mental exhaustion is as much a thing as physical exhaustion), or he thinks that cleaning is ‘women’s work’, that you’re somehow failing as a wife and mother by not doing it yourself (even though you are by hiring a housekeeper and if it bothered him that much he could clean up himself), or something else is going on up there making him act this way.
Check his podcast listens for any of the ‘manosphere’ jerks as this seems from what you’re saying this came out of nowhere and I think there’s a chance one of those misogynists is whispering poison in his ear.” Abstruse
8. AITJ For Not Making Breakfast For My Significant Other?
“My partner and I live together with our two young kids.
We both work 9-5s teleworking from home.
Every weekday I wake up an hour before everyone else to pack their lunches, make coffee, prepare medications, and prep breakfast for the morning for me and the kids. I used to prep breakfast for my partner, too.
More on that in a minute…
I then get my kids up, fed, clothed, and ready for the day and bring them to school. I then come home and take care of our myriad of animals before I start work on my laptop. Somewhere in there I might eat a piece of toast and drink tea in a travel mug to save time.
My partner rarely wakes up before I’m almost out the door with the kids, often not until I start work. When they do get up, my SO makes it a point to ask me to make them breakfast.
A bit of backstory – I used to prep my SO’s breakfast like I do the kids in the morning.
But since my SO wasn’t getting up until later, they would get mad at me for giving them cold food (they like a toasted bagel with cold cuts).
Then I would make my SO food when they woke up, which generally meant stopping whatever I was doing at work to tend to them when they needed it.
Then I got fed up from feeling flustered at work, and a bit resentful at having to take care of all the morning responsibilities myself when they were supposed to be there. I told my partner that my work time is my work time – even if I am at home, to treat it as if I am in the office.
If they want breakfast made, they would have to wake up with everyone else and eat with us.
My SO told me it’s my job to make breakfast and I am choosing not to do my job by not feeding them. That it’s my fault for not waking them up because I know how hard it is for them to wake up on their own.
I told my SO that they are a grown adult, like me, and should be responsible for finding something that works for them to get themselves up on time to do their morning responsibilities and have breakfast with the family. I did not want to be their alarm clock.
My partner notes that I wake the kids up for breakfast, so I can wake them up too. I said they are dependents, and my partner is not.
Given we both work at home, this is a frequent issue between us. Am I being too harsh?
Can you please help me figure out if I am the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You have 3 children, not 2! Your partner is a grown adult and why are you the only one up in the mornings doing everything yourself?? This isn’t a partnership. Your partner should be getting up and helping with their kids as well, every morning.
You’re being taken advantage of and being a doormat to a grown adult! YTJ to yourself for putting up with this nonsense. But NTJ for not cooking them breakfast. Maybe if they weren’t a lazy jerk, they’d be up doing their part with their family and would have breakfast.” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“You made breakfast for your SO and they then complained about it because it was cold, they’re supposed to be your partner and not another child to be responsible for, therefore if they want you to make breakfast then they should ensure that they are up when you are making it for everyone else.
Or try this; If they’re responsible for making dinner try going out and coming back an hour after it’s been served and asking why it’s cold and complaining it’s their job to cook your dinner for you. They’ll soon realize that they are being a jerk about breakfast.” irritatingfarquar
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner For Bullying His Sister?
“My partner and I have been together for close to 2 years.
I won’t lie and say it’s the best relationship ever. We have our differences but I do love him and do want a family one day. He’s 28. I’m 25.
So today is Easter and since my partner is catholic (well culturally anyway) his family had a get-together.
I had met his family before and while I wouldn’t say there is any ill will between them and me, they are just very different from me and my family and really anyone I’ve ever grown up with. I’ll just say to me it’s odd to see a family gathering where people are openly smoking and all the guys are almost falling to the floor wasted. My family would never be that way.
I’m not judging I just grew up differently. But that’s all besides the point.
My partner has a younger sister who is I believe 19 or 20. And I suspect she is on the spectrum. I actually enjoy talking to her she’s funny, smart, and witty.
She is basically forced to be at these family events even though I know she doesn’t enjoy being there. She’s also a picky eater and doesn’t like vegetables, spicy food, or anything too extreme. Unsurprisingly her family pressures her to eat whatever is available.
My partner today was being particularly obnoxious about it. He took her plate and ate her chicken and potatoes. Leaving her just the stuff she doesn’t like. He said he was tired of her trying to be different and she needed to grow up and be normal. She started crying and it felt like everyone was just watching and no one did or said anything.
A backyard full of adults and they all let this happen. So I finally snapped and yelled at him. I asked what was his problem. To leave his sister alone and stop being a jerk.
The entire family went silent. I felt so embarrassed at that moment.
My partner just stared at me for a second before walking over to the table where his uncles and cousins were playing cards and they all just busted out laughing. No one talked to me for the rest of the day. I just spent my time with his sister.
I was just shocked that her own parents would ignore all of this.
After about an hour or so I texted my partner that I wanted to leave and he sent me a thumbs-up emoji. So I left. I came home and told my roommates about it and they agreed it was messed up how things went down but also suggested that I may have made things awkward for the family.
Does this make me a jerk?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s behavior was completely unacceptable, and you did the right thing by standing up for his sister. It’s concerning that his family didn’t intervene or support you when he was clearly in the wrong.
You were brave to speak out, and it’s understandable that you felt embarrassed afterward. Your partner’s reaction and his family’s response are troubling, and it’s important to reassess your relationship with him if this behavior continues. Your priority should be supporting his sister and ensuring she feels valued and respected, especially in situations like family gatherings where she may feel uncomfortable.” Firehead15
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to any future children you have with this man. You want a family. You want the future father of your children to be someone who tells them to be normal for once. That no one in the family stands up against a bully?
Look OP you are young still, he’s not the end of everything, and if it’s not him you’re not doomed. Either you need to lay down the law and tell him he’s going to have to change for your future kids, dump him and find a man that would be a better father than this guy, or continue on and go through misery trying to protect any child that doesn’t fit his definition of normal that you may have.
Good luck.” kawaeri
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – good job calling out horrible behavior and standing up for the sister. However, if you stay in this relationship a day more, YTJ. This is not who you want as the father of your child. What if your child is on the spectrum or not as ‘normal’ as he wants?
Or does something that’s irritating to him? And that’s not the family you want to marry into either. You may love him. But there are absolutely men out there better suited for you AND your goal of having children, etc. Don’t settle.” elsie78
6. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Sister To And From Work?
“I (19M) have an older sister ‘Maya’ (21F).
We live in the UK where the age you can learn to drive is 17.
I started learning to drive at 17 and paid for my lessons and car myself. My sister, on the other hand, didn’t start learning to drive until recently.
Maya did not get a job until December (2 months before her 21st birthday).
She is now working at the same place as me, so I have been taking her to and from work in my car – even when we aren’t working together. This has meant I have used double the petrol I would normally use – and she has not given me any money to cover this.
Maya has said that the reason she can’t learn to drive is due to the cost, which is understandable as lessons in my area start at £32 an hour.
Since I was able to, I decided to give Maya some money to pay for driving lessons.
I gave her £70 a week to cover a 2-hour lesson every week for the past 20 weeks. Altogether, I have given her £1,400.
Last night, I asked how her driving lessons have been going and she got really nervous, which confused me as she’s told me they are going well.
I asked which test routes she had been shown, and she refused to answer. This worried me as she should definitely know the test routes by now – especially after 40 hours.
I asked for the name of the driving instructor so I could google them.
She then broke down and admitted that she never started learning to drive and had instead been using the money each week to go out drinking and smoking with her friends.
I. Was. Livid.
I’ll admit, I got very angry and shouted at her after hearing this.
I said a few things I regret and she sat there crying, telling me she was sorry. I then asked to see her bank account to show me how much of my money was left. Her balance was £10.02 which meant she’d spent all of my money and blew her whole payslip on top of this.
I told her if she could afford to pay for smokes and liquor, she could afford to pay for her own driving lessons and demanded she pay me back all £1400. She got even more upset and told me she couldn’t, so I said ‘That’s fine, I’ll wait until we get paid Friday and you can give me half your payslip and do this every week until you’ve paid me back’.
She then called our mother and told her I was demanding she pay me back ‘for no reason’. Our mother came rushing home to console her and called me a jerk for demanding the money back. I explained everything and said I would not be taking Maya to and from work until she paid me back.
My mother and Maya think I shouldn’t expect the money back as I ‘chose’ to give it to her. I think she should pay it back because she was untruthful about what it was spent on.
I’ve now been kicked out for ‘upsetting’ them both and my mother is giving Maya a lift to work every day.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister needs to grow up. You gave her money with the understanding that she was going to use it to better herself and she wasted it. Also, it’s common courtesy to pay for half the gas (Petrol) for carpooling and all of the gas for a trip there when you’re not working.
I repeat, she needs to grow up, and I realize you tried to help her out of the goodness of your own heart, but, let her fall down and figure out how to solve things next time.” Sayster_A
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, you are not getting the money back.
There is no way she is going to pay you back, even if she could. Given how selfish and irresponsible she’s been, you can feel justified in not doing her favors for a long while. Also make sure she can’t access your savings or credit, and make sure to secure any valuables.
She probably won’t, but there is a chance she might feel justified in taking from you as ‘punishment’ for you not treating her the way she feels she deserves.” Cristoff13
5. AITJ For Being Annoyed That My Dad Wants Me To Pay Rent But Not My Brother?
“I (17M) turn 18 on April 21st and my dad told me that he wants me to start paying rent after I turn 18 or I’ll have to move out.
This made me upset because both of my brothers weren’t forced to move out or had to pay rent when they turned 18.
My oldest brother (25M) only moved out 2 years ago and my other brother (22M) still lives with us. I told him this and he told me that he knew and he made a mistake when raising them and he wasn’t gonna make the same one with me.
I asked my dad if he was saying this to my brother (22M) and he told me that he wasn’t because he was unemployed and if he were to kick him out he’ll be homeless.
I asked my dad why he cared about him not being homeless but was ready to make me homeless.
He told me that he’d help me find an apartment and would co-sign the lease if I chose to move out. I asked my dad why he wouldn’t just do this for my brother instead but he told me that he didn’t trust him which just annoyed me more.
I feel like I’m getting punished for being well-behaved.
I explained this to my dad and told him that if he would’ve parented better he wouldn’t have to force all his regrets on me. My dad got upset with me and told me that I was being unfair and that I know how hard he tried to raise all of us and I can’t fault him for everything when he tried his best.
I tried to call my family to try and have them convince my dad that he was the one being unfair but they told me that I should be grateful my dad cares about me and that they agree with him. They told me his only fault is letting (22M) and (25M) stay as long as they did and they are glad he wasn’t gonna enable me?!
I DID NOTHING WRONG. I genuinely feel like I’m getting punished for my brothers’ actions and I don’t find that fair at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Leaving home at 18 in this economy is setting you up for failure, especially if you are considering studying.
I understand paying rent though, because not everyone’s parents have the same financial situation. If you contributing rent will ease the burden on household financials, then it’s a given you should pay rent. Hopefully, you and your parents work something out because your parents thinking it’s ‘enabling’ to allow you to save and prepare for your future by living at home is ridiculous.” brutuscenturian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘I genuinely feel like I’m getting punished for my brother’s actions and I don’t find that fair at all.’ That’s because you are, your dad is so monumentally being stupid with this that he really has no clue. There’s nothing wrong with him offering to help you move or even asking for help with bills, that’s not where the fault lies here.
What you’re annoyed about and exactly where your dad is continuing to not only enable that leech of a brother of yours but punish you, in the same way, is by not forcing the bum to get a job. The thing is that your dad will continue to enable your brother and at no point will he force him to grow up and get a job, because in his eyes he already ‘failed’ him so why bother trying which is the coward’s way out.” Electronic_Goose3894
It's about being fair. OP is right and it's not fair to suddenly enforce something never asked if his older brothers.
If his dad feels like he needs more, whatever that means, he needs to go to the source; and not make OP guilty for his past inaction.
OP you are right and NTJ.
4. AITJ For Telling My Parents Exactly What My Wife Told Me?
“We have a 7-month-old baby that is watched by a nanny most days but on some days, my parents come over during the day to help out.
Yesterday was a busy work morning as I essentially had to run out for a few meetings just as they arrived so I handed off the baby and gave them a quick status update. My wife is upstairs at home sitting on Zoom meetings.
I get a text mid-morning from my wife saying that she’s hearing the baby fuss excessively for over 20 mins and for me to call my parents to suggest that the baby may just need a bit more food.
I do just that – I call Mom and say that my wife hears the baby fussing and that he’s probably hungry. Mom says that Dad was already prepping a bottle and that the baby was fussing just for a few minutes since they came back inside.
Mom asks why my wife didn’t come downstairs to say anything or check if she was concerned and I just tell her that she’s in a work meeting. I carry on with my meetings and carry on with my day. The nanny switched parents off later on that day per schedule.
In the evening, my wife asked me what I told my parents – I told her that I conveyed what she told me. ‘My wife said the baby is fussing, he’s probably hungry, and probably a good time to make a bottle, she’s in a meeting and can’t come down to check up.’ That made my wife very upset, saying I threw her under the bus and made her seem insensitive and inattentive.
My response was simply – ‘But I did what you told me to…’
Needless to say, she thinks I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I imagine she FELT insensitive and inattentive and wrongly took that out on you. I’m sure she feels horrible about hearing the baby fuss and not being able to tend to that herself.
I suppose she would have appreciated your text sounding less like her doling out orders and more like, ‘Hey if the baby won’t settle, he might be hungry, kiddo is growing so fast!’ If that’s the case, she needs to convey that to you, though.
Might be worth it to check in with her and see if she’s content with how she feels the grandparents are handling things. I wouldn’t apologize for this instance since I don’t feel you did anything out of line, but wouldn’t hurt to acknowledge that she feels some kind of way about it and get to the bottom of why.
Once you know that you two can brainstorm a way to move forward.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your wife is trying to be a mom, a wife, a daughter-in-law, and an attentive employee all at once. She called on you, her partner, to tag in on something she felt obligated to handle, but couldn’t address directly.
You did handle it, but in the literal game of telephone, you didn’t communicate it exactly as she would have. She’s probably (quite rightfully) insecure about all of the hats she has to wear.
I’m thinking there is either stress with your parents or stress at work (or both) that has her off-balance.
Maybe leave the baby with your parents, and take her out for something nice and give her a chance to talk? That way she gets to demonstrate that she trusts them, while also getting her needs met. You sound like a good partner, and okay maybe she’s a little bit of a jerk for taking your effort for granted—but perhaps you can find some loving ways to remind her that your efforts come from a place of devotion and care?” _debunct
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife probably contacted you the second she heard fussing. Sounds like your parents were on top of things. So wife’s impatience has been highlighted. That’s why she feels like you threw her under the bus. If she tells you to do something, then gets mad at you because you do what she asked and she feels it makes her look bad… then how in the heck is there supposed to be any partnership between you?
She’s going to have you second-guessing – will my wife be madder that I did what she told me to do or madder that I didn’t? Does she want to have enough trust and confidence between you two that you both can be an effective team?
Or does she want to blame you because she doesn’t like what her actions conveyed about herself?
I’ve answered based on how you told the story, and I’m taking you at your word. However, I’ll caveat: if you are presenting your wording here better than what you actually said, then you are the one who needs to rethink what you want to get out of this partnership.” swillshop
3. AITJ For Telling The Doctor I Gained Muscle, Not Fat?
“I’m 17m, and a week ago I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. I’m 178 cm (5’10) and have been since I was about 15, that’s remained unchanged, but last year I was 61 KG (135 pounds) and this year I’m 77 kg (170 pounds).
This is because, for the past year, I’ve been going to the gym almost every day, eating accordingly (higher volume of food, high protein content, etc), sleeping better, and thus have gained a lot of weight from muscle mass.
While at my doctor’s appointment, the doctor said that it was not good that I gained 16 kg in a year, that it could be a warning sign of obesity I should watch for, and that I should cut back on junk food.
I pointed out that I didn’t gain 16 kg of fat, but rather 16 kg of muscle, so while TECHNICALLY I might be overweight or approaching it, I asked if the health risks still apply, because I thought extra muscle isn’t inherently bad the same way excess fat is.
Instead of answering my question, he just rolled his eyes and said he didn’t need to hear me brag about having muscles and reiterated that I should cut down on the sweets. I don’t even eat sweets, and I don’t think it’s fair to roll my eyes when I was just clarifying and asking a question.
My mom agreed with my doctor and said that my doctor’s appointment wasn’t the time to bring up my muscles. I think that my weight is part of my health, and the relative ratio of muscles I have is part of my weight, plus I wasn’t even the one who brought weight up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your doctor sounds like an idiot. It’s clear that muscle mass weighs more than fat mass, first and foremost. And just by looking at a person you can tell if weight is good weight. It doesn’t sound like you were bragging, but pointing out where the additional weight was coming from.
The doc didn’t listen to you or pay attention to specific and important details. I’d be livid if I were your parent and would be looking for a doctor who didn’t assume that my kid was eating sweets when muscle mass is so clearly easy to see.
NTJ.” fromthenorth97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you’re bulking and working to get muscle, I don’t see anything wrong with this. Muscles can be expensive when you need calories and in conjunction you gain fat. But when you cut calories to get lean, you lose fat in conjunction with some muscle.
BMIs don’t always tell folks the whole story. If you want to know ballpark how much fat/muscle you gained/lost, you should get a DEXA scan. How were your vitals in terms of b***d sugar, cholesterol, and b***d pressure? I mean I understand that you’re bulking and some folks dirty bulk.
Don’t know if that’s the case here.” KyotoDreamsTea
2. AITJ For Refusing To Show My Dad's Fiance How To Empty The Dustpan?
“My (24m) dad, his fiance, and her son (18m) are all going out of town this weekend for a cruise and will be back the following weekend. She (dad’s fiance) has anxiety about being away for a week and has asked me to do many various tasks around the house (which I have agreed to do) including making sure my immature brother (27m) stays out of trouble.
For context, she does a lot around the house since she doesn’t work, and I have a job where I only get one day off each week but whenever I am home I do the chores assigned to me and anything else asked of me.
Today is my day off, and I’m on the couch with my earbuds in. She waved at me and I took both earbuds out and gave her my full attention. She told me that my dad would be home in 10 minutes and needed help moving furniture, then asked me to show her how to empty the vacuum dustpan.
I said, ‘Oh, that’s easy, you just lift up the hatch on top and pull out the dustpan.’ I’m sitting in a spot where I can see it charging, and she’s 5 feet from it, so I expect her to go over and try, but instead, she stood there and said ‘Can you just show me?’ I again replied ‘It’s really simple you just lift the top hatch.’ and she again said ‘Come show me how to do it.’ I replied, ‘You literally only lift the hatch on top of it, you can’t mess it up.’ And she stood there for 5 seconds staring at me, so I stood up from the couch and she walked away to the upstairs bedroom.
I decided to just do it myself and emptied it, then sat back down and waited for my dad to get home.
Fast forward 10 minutes until after we finished moving the patio furniture, and I went to the office to watch YouTube or something. My dad came into the room and let me know that he thinks she unplugged the Internet, and then he walked to the kitchen and I heard her talking about the Internet modem power cord.
I walked in there and asked her why she unplugged the Internet, and she said ‘Because I’m a jerk.’ When I stood there confused, she proceeded to explain how she feels like she is invisible, that she’s not respected ‘how people respect (my) dad’, and how when she asked me 3 times to show her how to empty the Deebot that all I did was sit there and be sarcastic.
When I tried to explain that the reason I didn’t get up to show her was that she was right next to it and that it was one of the most basic tasks ever, she got 2 feet from my face yelling, basically repeating her interpretation of the events and how she is treated like she doesn’t exist. I asked her to please let me finish, and she then got in my face again and continued yelling at me.
I was getting really aggravated and raised my voice at her to say ‘I’m going out to the porch. I’m not going to let this escalate and let you yell at me.’ I then went out to the porch and sat there on my phone while she and my dad went at it (my dad thinks I didn’t do anything wrong).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was a simple thing to do and a stupid thing to insist on. But perhaps be a bit conscious of her feeling invisible and ignored moving forward. It was a stupid thing to fixate on for her, but it’s not about the robot cleaner and she pretty much laid out what her actual problem was, even if the catalyst was kinda whack.
Not cool to yell at you, though, so for that she’s a jerk. But perhaps not for her general feelings here, that would require a familiarity of her situation that I don’t have.” Aether-Wind
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here or maybe everyone sucks here.
I get it, it seems painfully obvious to you, and you thought if she’d at least look at it, it would also be painfully obvious to her. However, some people can learn by hearing people describe it. Others have to see it to understand.
She sounds like the latter.
If I were her, and I’d asked you to show me, not tell me, I’d get a bit frustrated if you continued to sit on the couch and talk about it rather than do it. You’re also 24.
Do you have to be asked to help around the house and do chores? Or do you do things of your own volition, because you can see they need doing? Maybe think about being a bit proactive. It’ll serve you well when you move out.
She’s a bit of a jerk herself for the passive-aggressive nonsense with the internet, and calling herself a jerk. Unless of course, she overheard you call her that first.” No_Question8961
1. AITJ For Telling My Ex That My Wife Is Pregnant?
“Back in 2015, I (M, now 35) had a major mental breakdown and a short stay in hospital after my ex-wife Lauren (F, now 36) abandoned me and took our 5-month-old baby son, James (M, now 9), 250 miles away, under the pretense of ‘getting more help’ with caring for him.
After finding out she wasn’t coming back, and after several weeks of very weird discussions and therapy, I said I wanted to separate, and Lauren started a very, very messy divorce, including false accusations (threatening behavior against her and James) against me that still hurt to this day.
It has taken YEARS, child contact centers, and a lot of compromising to get to a stage where Lauren and James (and her partner) are all happy for me to visit (I always travel up to them, as they refuse to meet in the middle).
We have reasonably open lines of communication and plan these visits together. It’s also very important to know that James is autistic, and finds change very difficult and anxiety-provoking.
Current Day: After rescheduling two visits (one after Christmas (James felt too overwhelmed), and one in February (James was ill)), I finally went up to see James!
He even asked if my wife Kathy (F 35) could come with me, which is a huge deal because he decided a couple of years ago that he’d rather it just be me. The visit went so, so well! James was very playful and more affectionate than ever, he got on well with Kathy, and I have some wonderful memories from it!
A couple of days after the visit, Kathy and I messaged Lauren and her partner to tell them about how we were expecting a baby. We didn’t tell them before the visit because I wanted the focus to be solely on James and me. They have also always expressed that visits should be as positive as possible.
We asked if we could discuss the best way to give this news to James and started talking about planning the next visit.
CHAOS. Lauren and her partner replied, saying how disappointed they were in how we’d handled this. Lauren broke down in tears due to anxiety about what this could mean for James, and James figured something was up and basically put 1 + 1 together.
He is furious and extremely upset, thinking he’s being replaced. He doesn’t even want my name mentioned.
Cue Lauren accusing me of not doing enough to visit (I have sought counseling and have been told I have a form of CPTSD from the abandonment at my weakest time, and not forgetting the amount it costs to travel and stay where they live), the partner (who typically goes above and beyond and is an excellent role-model to James) telling me it wasn’t the ‘courageous thing to do’ and that we should’ve brought it up on the day (why would I spring that on them with zero notice?!).
We’ve been told to leave them alone for a while.
I can’t see how we could have approached this any better than we did. When messaging, I also asked when a good time to message would be so that James wouldn’t be using Lauren’s phone for games, etc.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“May I suggest, that your son’s autism is not a/the, problem at all? But rather his mother’s reactions that exacerbate things for him? And in this case, I think she’s done it on purpose. James has proven in the past that he’s able to adjust well to new people in your life.
He reacted positively to Kathy. Until you broke the news to his mother, it reads like he was really happy with her. Although his reaction might be down to early sibling rivalry, I think it’s being blown out of proportion by Mom in this case.
I think your ex might still harbor some resentment from your break up and it burns her to see you come out the other side, in therapy and doing the work, with a new partner who you’re starting a family with. I think for her, Kathy was okay, so long as she wasn’t permanent?
But now with a baby, I think your ex is spiraling. I think some small part of her was hoping you’d keep begging her to take you back, rather than realize it wasn’t meant to be, and move on from her.
You didn’t move on from James though, and it’s weird for her to want to burden your young son with whatever feelings of rejection, frustration, or loss of control she feels.
You have a right to move on (after all, she did??) and you can’t be held hostage to this idea that every change you make in your life will negatively affect James. That’s absurd. You can’t erase one child to suit the needs of the other.
Get a family lawyer and seek legal advice on what to do about seeing James more regularly. Get a family counselor who specializes in blended families and has some experience with autistic children of divorce and go from there.” SheLikesToWatch_1989
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Okay.
I’m not surprised Mama doesn’t want to drag an autistic son who struggles with change 250 miles in a car. That would be a nightmare for him. And you are not the best person to judge how hard your mental health breakdown was on her. It’s great that you are recovering, but that also would have been stressful on her too, and she’s seen you flip once, so she’s probably wary of that.
Time and trust are the only things that will repair that You haven’t put in the effort to formalize the agreement. We also don’t know if you are keeping up with your financial obligations to him, but I’m gonna assume you are. Yes, the drive is long, but there are other ways you can put in the effort as well eg weekly Facetime calls.
Mum wouldn’t have reacted as badly without your past history. She’s scarred by your breakdown too. It’s heartless of you not to realize that. You could have at least told her over the phone.” luckystar2591
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