People Are Curious If We Agree With Them On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

Whatever the circumstance, we should always aim to treat people with kindness. Being a jerk may damage friendships and eventually your reputation, therefore nobody wants to be recognized for it. But sometimes, even when we mean well, we can act in a way that comes across to others as being somewhat (or really) jerkish. These people below want to know if we think they're jerks or not. After reading their stories, let us know what you think in the comments. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

38. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Half-Brother?

“Mum and his dad have separated but are co-parenting and getting along well for my (28 F) half-brother, let’s call him ‘Jack’ (nearly 3).

My mum got sick, his dad has been there to watch Jack for her to help her out. However, as he has to take time off work he’s asked me to help and take the baby myself to look after so he can pick up extra shifts.

Now, I have 0% experience with babies or toddlers or kids. In fact, they make me anxious and frustrated. I’ve never even held or touched a baby let alone be responsible for one.

I explained this to him and I said I know my mum would not be comfortable with me taking Jack because she knows I don’t know the first thing about looking after kids.

I know it sounds bad I might get hate for this but I don’t even like kids. They just annoy me, I’m pretty sure I’m autistic so the noises kids make, how unpredictable they are, and knowing that they can hurt you really makes me nervous and frustrated.

Jack’s dad has called me selfish for not babysitting my ‘own flesh and blood’ when my mum is sick. I mentioned this to my mum and she is totally on my side, my mum would never put Jack in my care because she knows he wouldn’t get the best of care if any at all.

God that sounds bad, but I really don’t know. I don’t even know how to remove or fasten a nappy. I don’t know what they eat at this age. I don’t trust myself around him. I can’t even talk to him without getting uncomfortable.

This is a kid who approached me on Christmas Day and I cried because I was so nervous because he was near me and touched me and I was so anxious I didn’t know what to do. It’s like a phobia of children.

So am I the jerk? If I am what steps can I take to be more comfortable around children? I don’t trust myself around them. I really don’t.”

3 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918, LizzieTX and LilVicky
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LilVicky 4 months ago
NTJ some people are just not kid people. Jack’s dad is an a$$hole
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37. AITJ For Kicking My Partner's Ex And Their Child Out Of My House?

“I have a stable economics job and have recently bought my own house. I am a mom of twins but divorced my ex-husband. It was inevitable because we secretly eloped 2 months after meeting at 18. We are both on good terms and he is a very great father.

My current partner was very nice to me and to my kids. I recently found out that he had a 4-year-old child. He didn’t know about it either because the mother kept it a secret. I didn’t get mad because a child is always a blessing no matter the circumstances.

Recently she lost her job and her parents kicked her out too, she then asked MY PARTNER if she could move into the pool house. Without my permission, she moved all her stuff here. I found out 2 days after it happened from my son. Of course, I got mad but I calmly spoke to him about it.

He said it was because he didn’t want his child to grow up homeless and apologized. We lived like this for another 2 weeks.

Throughout this time, she started getting into our business. During dinner she would basically plop herself on the table and order me around, she would comment on my food.

She would call me a bad partner because I work 8 hours a day, and because I go on girls’ trips. She says that I should stay home and be a good woman. My partner’s job pays less than half of mine and he basically can’t afford to pay my mortgage.

I told her this and she said I was snobby and that I should have bought a house considering his paycheck. Then she basically took over the second master bedroom. She moved her stuff out of the pool house and now we live together.

I got angry and called her on her crap, which then resulted in my partner calling me a b-word.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when she started being rude to my children, she would control them, ground them, and talk to their teachers without my permission. I told her to stop but she said that she was basically the second mother because I was ‘never around’!

I kicked her out last week and my partner is not talking to me. AITJ for doing this?”

3 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918, LizzieTX and LilVicky
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rbleah 4 months ago
NO NO NO NOT THE JERK. And kick the idiot boy out too. Let him go take care of her and his kid if he is so set on her RULING THE ROOST. NO WAY IN YOU KNOW WHERE would she be allowed to treat you that way in YOUR OWN HOME. AND what made him think it was okay to let her move INTO YOUR HOME without even asking you? KICK ALL THREE OF THEM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. You can do better that a user like him.
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36. AITJ For Wanting My Soon-To-Be In-Laws To Buy My Fiancée A Fancier Wedding Gown?

“My fiancée ‘Allison’ was raised in a mostly loving and happy family. When she was in high school, her mom’s husband found out that he had a teenage daughter.

Obviously, everyone was shocked and it was hard to adjust. His daughter, Tessa, was pretty troubled (not blaming her at all) She had been through some serious crap and did not adjust well to suddenly being in a stable home, going to school, and having a parent.

Tessa acted out a lot and it was hard on Allison. Allison had a large party planned for her sweet 16. This was a huge deal to her and she is such a girly girl/ social butterfly type, so this was pretty much on par with a wedding to her

Tessa got asked to prom at the last minute and didn’t have anything to wear, so she stole Allison’s gown. She didn’t even get punished for it. MIL wanted to punish her, but SFIL got all emotional about how she missed out on her entire childhood, and only got to experience a little bit of high school and to just let it go.

Allison was devastated and had to get a last-minute replacement dress for her birthday.

Needless to say, Allison and Tessa hate each other nowadays. It really irks me that Tessa was never disciplined, and Allison has always felt like she came second to Tessa after that.

Well now we are planning a wedding, and so is Tessa. Allison had a dress she thought she loved, but then she saw Tessa’s and broke down crying in private (Tessa’s fiancé is loaded) She said she always gets second best and it brings back memories of her sweet 16 dress.

I immediately expressed sympathy, but SFIL snapped at her that Tessa only got to be a kid for a couple of months and Allison had plenty of birthday parties. He said he is glad that his daughter went to prom, and to stop crying over a dress.

MIL said nothing, so I lost it.

I said they both failed as parents. they coddled and made excuses for one child while allowing the other to have her property stolen, and they should be ashamed of themselves. I said if they really wanted to make it right, they would spend some extra money on Allison’s wedding gown, to make up for the sweet 16 dress she never got to wear.

I accused SFIL of only loving his bio daughter and said MIL should be ashamed for staying married to him when he refused to punish Tessa.”

3 points - Liked by LizzieTX, anma7 and LilVicky
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LilVicky 4 months ago
NTJ but I doubt Allison will ever be favored over Tessa.
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35. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Confess Her Infidelity?

“I’m an ER nurse. I also have a terrible terrible relationship with my MIL. She came into the ER on Valentine’s Day and I went into the room and she immediately demanded a new nurse.

To be fair I was about to suggest she get a different nurse because in general, we don’t work with family, but she was super rude about it and said I was incompetent.

The real issue is MIL was with a date. This man is a family friend.

He was actually FIL’s (her very very recent ex-husband’s) best friend for 20+ years. My husband despises this man and would have a strong reaction to her going out with him. MIL’s dad had a business falling out with him and there were multiple lawsuits. His kids don’t like MIL.

So to say people would go crazy if they found out they were going out is an understatement.

I absolutely can’t tell anyone due to HIPAA. I can’t even mention to my husband that I saw her and it is stressing me out so badly.

MIL reminded me of HIPAA at the hospital and I reassured her that I would never risk my career like that. MIL laughed and said she knew it was going to drive me crazy and she was loving it.

This morning she texted me that she was just reminding me that she knows her legal rights and she will destroy my life if I tell anyone.

I wrote back again that I won’t tell. I asked if she was ever going to tell her son and she wrote back LOL, maybe if we get married. I told her she was a trashy mom and she said that she hardly ever sees him since he married such a witch, so it is a non-issue.

At that point, I felt like she was goading me because she must know that it kills me not to be able to tell him. I wrote back that I cannot break HIPAA as she is clearly aware, but I can dictate how much time she spends with future grandkids so maybe she should not call me names, and just maybe she should fess up to her son.

MIL wrote back that she has no intentions of having a relationship with my kids, but then said the fact I said that shows what type of person I am, and since I’m a trash person she doesn’t even want to meet my future kids.

I don’t know if I went too far with what I said.”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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DeniseSB 4 months ago
There's never a good reason to maintain an abusive relationship around your children. All that would teach them is that you deserve to be disrespected. I hope she means it when she says she has no intention of being a grandmother to your kids; they don't need that toxicity in their lives.
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34. AITJ For Wanting My Stepson Out Of House?

“I’ve been with my husband for 17 years. He was divorced with 2 boys when I met him which I was fine with. I tried to play a part in his boys’ lives (their mother was an addict and in prison and my in-laws were mostly taking care of them) but I was never allowed to have a say in well… anything.

The boys were 4 and 5 when we met but had never lived with us.

We had our own child (14 m) while the others are now 21 and 22m. 6 months ago the 22m broke up with his significant other and got kicked out needing a place to live.

Supposedly he had a good job and just needed a place to crash until he could find an apartment. We agreed he could stay here temporarily.

Now it’s been 7 months and 8 jobs and he’s done nothing nothing but drink and smoke his money away. I work swing shifts and he’s living in the loft above us keeping me awake day and night playing video games, getting wasted, etc. I want him out.

I gave him 3 months’ notice and told him he had to find somewhere to go. My husband thinks I’m a jerk because he says if it was my own biological son I’d never think of kicking him out. He may be right. But I feel like when I’ve been told for 17 years ‘Stay out of it he’s not your family’, yet the people who told me that won’t even let him back in, should I really have to put up with the results?

There is really so much more to all of it that I could write a novel, but the bottom line is that he had been lying, stealing, and living for free (because smoking and drinking are more important than rent )… should I just let it go because he’s my stepson?

I’m tired of feeling like a horrible person for wanting him out. I’ve told my husband that either he leaves or I leave because I just don’t think I can go on with working 13-hour shifts on 3 hours of sleep and taking care of a teenager (as low maintenance as he may be)… I feel like I’m losing it.

Am I a jerk and should just deal with it?”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LilVicky
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DeniseSB 4 months ago
Even if it were your biological son who was behaving in this way, you'd still have an obligation to kick him out. Letting him get away with this awful behavior makes it easier for him to postpone coming to terms with the consequences of his decisions. AND there's the point you make about being forced to deal with the consequences of another adult's behavior when you had no part in shaping that person's behavior as he was growing up. You may need to tell hubby that he'll have to choose between the two of you.
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33. AITJ For Not Wanting To Learn My Parents' Native Language?

“My parents immigrated from Pakistan. During my younger years, my parents considered me to be an overall problem child. So for late middle school and most of the high school, I was sent to a boarding school, which was basically a school in which I would also live.

At first, I considered it to be strict and I thought that all the instructors just had it out for me, most days I would be angry and would often cry a lot at night in my room. After a couple of months, I started to realize that most instructors did indeed have my best interests at heart.

They always explained why I was being punished and would always make sure that I knew I was being punished for a reason and not just out of spite. But I would still go home for the holidays.

However my sister was in middle school and I brought up the idea of her going to a boarding school too (at the time I didn’t realize that my parents sent me specifically there so I would behave more), and my dad looked straight at me and with a grin told me ‘Why?

your sister isn’t like you and behaves completely fine’. That’s where the conversation ended.

I went back to the boarding school but I was pretty sullen, the counselor there noticed and pulled me aside for a meeting, I ended up crying and telling her what my dad said and overall just started venting at her about how my family sucks.

Honestly, her trying to help me and calm me down combined with the resentment I had for my family made me want to stay at the boarding school rather than go home.

The issue is that my parents actually went back to their home country for two years with my sister, I couldn’t go because I was in the higher grades and the school told my parents that leaving the curriculum for two years would not be advised and would most likely mess up my education, personally, I was still mad so I didn’t want to go anyway.

The issue is that once they returned I was told to come home for summer break but once I did it was pretty obvious there was a language barrier, I was speaking fluent English and could ‘roughly’ understand my parents’ Urdu, but I couldn’t write, read or respond back in Urdu.

This annoyed them cuz I kept saying ‘What’ and kinda giving them funny looks when I couldn’t understand, after a month and a half of this my parents said that they were pulling me out of the school and that I’d go to a normal one and not live in school anymore.

Since I was still resentful that they put me in the school alone and were just pulling me out without discussing it with me I retorted back that I wasn’t going to.

My dad called me disrespectful and my mom started saying things about how a family should stick together, but personally, I consider the friends and staff that helped me more important than my ‘real’ family.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
NTJ. Boarding school might have it's uses but sending a child away as a form of punishment is cruel. You have every right to be upset. I'm glad you found people who care about you. There's not much you cna do if they decide to pull you out again, but soon you'll be old enough to get a job and move out anyway. Hopefully you can stay in touch with your new family.
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32. AITJ For Not Stopping By My Coworker's House For Glasses?

“I (30 F) have a coworker (50s F). She was hired a few years ago as director, from a competitor, but has been demoted to manager (same job title as me) because of bad results.

She’s not a good seller for her projects, so has to work on other people’s projects, and every time she has to work on a project that’s not hers she just won’t try. She’ll give excuses such as ‘I don’t understand.

I don’t like this topic. This is boring. I don’t know how those figures work. I’m not used to working with Excel. Can you show me again how to do a PowerPoint?’ Which is not true because we are analysts, all we do are figures in Excel.

We are wasting a lot of time to show her how to do the same things again and again. It’s very frustrating. My summer trainees who just got out of school are literally 2-3x more efficient than her.

All this is to say that she doesn’t have many close friends in the office.

But we are on cordial terms because we’re adults. Anyway, on to the story.

This morning she called me twice on my personal cellphone. I just got out of bed and was still in my pajamas, so I didn’t pick up. She then left me 2 voice messages saying that she had gone to work by bike since the weather was so nice, but she forgot her glasses at home and couldn’t work without them.

She said she had tried to call another colleague when I wouldn’t answer – this colleague (35 M) has 2 kids of 3 years and 10 months – but he didn’t answer either. She then said that it was too long to bike back to her place, so could I go get her glasses for her since I was driving to work later?

She left me a detailed message on how to get into her house and where to look for the glasses. For info the drive from her place to the office is 15 min, and by bike 20 min. I wasn’t going to be in the office for at least an hour before when she called and she knew that.

I had a lot of things to do, not so much time, and really didn’t want to get into her house. So I left her on read and when I arrived at the office she asked me if I had her glasses. When I told her no, she asked the office manager to drive her back home.

Now the office manager is annoyed at me for not going while it was on my way to work. So AITJ for not stopping at her house to get those glasses?”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
NTJ. Your office manager better watch who he places the blame on. Bet if you'd been late he'd be just as annoyed.
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31. AITJ For Not Sending My Old Classmate More Money?

“I (24 F) recently reconnected with an old classmate (24 M) whom I hadn’t seen since our high school graduation. For context, it’s been less than a month since we reconnected, and we’ve only hung out once in that time.

During that conversation, we got to talking about careers/money, and it became quite clear that I was making a lot more money than he was.

Yesterday, he hit me up and asked if I could lend him some amount. He said he was in a tight spot and didn’t have any funds left for gas or groceries after paying his bills and child support, said he could pay me back the next time he gets paid.

Now, I’m not a complete idiot, I know he’s most likely not going to pay me back, and there’s also a very good chance he’s playing me in some way and he doesn’t actually need the funds for groceries like he said. But I make really good money, and a lot of my friends are still figuring their lives out professionally, so I don’t mind helping a friend from time to time when I can afford it.

So I agreed to send him $20. If he is playing me, I’m not really going to miss $20. But if he actually is in that tight spot, $20 can go a long way at the grocery store if he’s smart about what he’s buying. But when I told him that’s how much I could send him right now because I have my own bills due soon, he tried to almost haggle or negotiate, pressuring for me to send him more.

At this point, I didn’t want to send him anything anymore, but I had already agreed. I didn’t respond to his messages asking for more, just sent him the $20. He then messaged me again, saying that I was being selfish because he knew I could afford to send more.

He then demanded I at least send him another dollar or two to cover the ‘transaction fee’ when he went to move the funds from cash app to his bank account. I declined because I felt he was being rude, and he went off on me again for being selfish.

So AITJ for only sending him $20 when I can technically afford to send him more?”

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LilVicky 4 months ago
Block him on everything & call it a day. He is NOT your friend. NTJ
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30. AITJ For Not Wanting To Play With Our Friend's Significant Other?

“I have 4 very close friends. We all just finished uni and are now working full-time, we are all also going out.

1 of the 4 friends has the most obnoxious and pretentious significant other of all time. She constantly finds ways to put you down, and 1-up you. She has to have the last word in any type of conversation or debate. She honestly is unbearable.

It’s gotten to the point where the rest of us have talked about how terrible she is.

Whatever, we left it as is and we tolerated the get-togethers we had with all of us and the girls.

We like to play video games super late at night until like 2-3 AM, and recently our friend’s pretentious SO got a PC.

When she brought it up one of my friends looked at me and literally mouthed ‘Oh god’.

It’s literally been miserable, she doesn’t care nearly as much about the game as the rest of us. She talks about things not even remotely related to the game, she AFKs constantly, and when she does badly and we lose because of her she legitimately cries.

We spent one night just sitting in Discord after a particularly bad game of hers, where she was crying and our friend was trying to console her.

One night we all hopped on and our friend with the pretentious SO said that he’s gonna call her to hop on.

I sat there for a bit and just sighed and realized it just wasn’t worth it, I told them I was going to bed.

I hadn’t played in a while, and my friend messaged me and asked what was going on, and why nobody was playing anymore.

I told him I didn’t realize the rest of them weren’t playing anymore. He told me to be honest and asked me if I liked his SO.

I was just honest and said sometimes she is a handful, and I felt terrible saying it, but I just don’t want to play video games with her because of the way she is.

He hasn’t talked to any of us since, and my friends are begging me to go and apologize. What?! What did I do? I was honest and I don’t think I crossed any boundaries with what I said, AITJ?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Friend told you to be honest and you were truthful but slightly reticent. I applaud you for your restraint. NOT THE JERK.
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29. AITJ For How I Reacted After Finding Out That A Kid At The Soft Play Had Chicken Pox?

“At the soft play this afternoon, a toddler boy came to play near/with our youngest (1.5 years old).

They started getting very close to and touching each other, sharing toys, etc and then he followed my youngest back to our table.

As soon as we saw him that close, we immediately realized he had chicken pox (no dry scabs, loads of spots/boils, little weepy in places but VERY clearly early/mid-illness pox so, still very contagious).

Important note: Our youngest has been having seizures (under investigation, no real answers, plans, meds, etc yet), which get ridiculously worse with temperatures and illnesses. We’ve had to stay inpatient 3x since February (meningitis, sepsis, infections, etc) and many other appointments. Sort-of plan is to keep cool and give Paracetamol and Ibuprofen to keep temp down when ill, hot, more jerks than usual, etc. (roughly 2 days per week at this point).

I went and found his adult and asked: ‘Sorry if this is rude but does he have chicken pox?’ (I’m Autistic and sometimes a little blunt) the reply I got was ‘He’s fine, he’s err, over it’.

I was pretty shocked at the blasé attitude about it (a very clear lie, you only ‘over’ chicken pox if all spots are scabbed over) and went back to our table, told husband ‘Yep, chicken pox, great.

Another hospital stay here we come’.

I cleaned the table, chair, and toys just to try and limit the exposure. Normally we wouldn’t be too bothered, but kids are full of germs on the best of days, and both kids are constantly catching colds, etc from nursery.

But considering you aren’t supposed to give ibuprofen when kids catch chicken pox, and our youngest relies on it so heavily to keep the temperature down we were panicking a little.

I didn’t think I was loud and wasn’t trying to make a scene, but some parents at the next tables must have heard/seen as they also started pulling their children away from the area the child had previously been playing in, washing hands and toys.

I went to the toilet and when I came back they’d left. I felt really bad then like I’d made them feel ashamed and forced to leave.

But chickenpox is highly contagious. It’s heavily recommended to stay home and now, because they decided to go out to a place where babies and young children play, when sick, my child may possibly get sick and have more seizures/hospital stays.

We had hoped to avoid it until we had a diagnosis and a better plan in place and we just panicked a little.

So, AITJ?”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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rbleah 4 months ago
Should have told the play place about it because they NEED TO SANITIZE THE WHOLE PLACE NOW.
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28. AITJ For Posting On Social Media About My Coworker's Debt To Me?

“Two of my coworkers essentially stole 80 dollars from me which to some of you might not see as a big deal but I’m 16 and I’m trying to save up for an apartment for when I turn 18 so that I can get out of my household for reasons I’d like to keep disclosed from the public but so here’s what happened: Just over three months ago I gave one of my coworkers 80 dollars to get me fireworks and stuff like that since I can’t legally buy them myself and I thought he was pretty chill because he has bought me stuff like that before and so I thought  nothing would be different this time but I kept asking him like ‘Hey have you bought them for me yet?’ And he kept telling me no.

Fast forward to now both he and his significant other have just been completely ignoring me and I’m tired of their nonsense at this point so I’m telling them straight up if they don’t get me my money back after today it’s going to cost them an extra 5 dollars every day to pay me back and that if I don’t have it within a week I will be contacting the police but here’s where the embarrassing part comes in because there have been times in the past where I’ve just asked them for my money back and they either just ignored me or said they didn’t have it then so I went on their social media page and posted on their walls because they had just posted about going on vacation and going to the beach.

I posted ‘So you guys have the budget to go to the beach and to go on vacation but you don’t have enough money to pay me, a 16-year-old, back the money you stole from me over three months ago?!’

They were livid and I have a few people telling me I’m a jerk for doing that because their families can see that but I don’t know.

What do you guys think? Am I the jerk in this situation?

EDIT: they are 24 and 25 and they have a child together.”

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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DeniseSB 4 months ago
Going to the police would have been a better option. Arrest records are public, so the families would have found out anyway--esp. if they needed to call a family member to take the kids and/or post bail for them while they're being processed in the system even if there's no actual jail time involved. Posting on social media certainly embarrassed them, but (depending on their sensitivities) may be a less effective way of persuading them to pay you,
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27. AITJ For Letting My Niece Wipe Her Own Butt?

“I (m 18) frequently babysit for my older sister (f 27) who has two twin children (5 f and 5 m).

Last week, I babysat from around 8 a.m. til 7 p.m. Everything was going smoothly and the kids were well-behaved as usual. However, at around 5 p.m., my niece started yelling for me from the bathroom.

I ask her what was wrong and she asked me if I can wipe her butt.

I ask her why she wants me to wipe her butt and she says that sometimes mom wipes her butt and she wants me to do it.

I told her no and said to her that she needed to wipe it herself this time.

She started crying and said that she wanted Mom. I told my niece she needs to wipe her own butt and that she was more than capable of doing it.

Eventually, my niece came out of the bathroom and we didn’t discuss this again.

Well, when my sister came home, it turns out my niece decided that not wiping and leaving turd crumbs in her underpants was the better option.

My sister got really mad and asked me why I thought it was okay to leave my niece sitting in her own poop. I told her that my niece is not a baby and more than capable of wiping her own butt.

My sister said that that was irrelevant and that my niece is still a child and I was being negligent.

I feel like my sister is being unreasonable, as I didn’t feel comfortable wiping my niece’s butt nor did I feel comfortable checking her underpants for poop. My sister said that I was being difficult and said if I was going to be that way I shouldn’t babysit again.

My parents think that my sister is right and that I was being silly by refusing to wipe my niece’s butt, however, I think the whole situation is ridiculous and shouldn’t be a huge deal.

Edit: No, I am not being paid to babysit. My sister does me favors like giving me rides (I can’t drive due to a medical condition) but that’s about it.

We live in the UK where kids start school at age 3 so yes my niece is already in school. I usually only babysit for a couple of hours so I can’t say for certain if this is a one-time thing with my niece but hopefully it is.”

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LilVicky 4 months ago
Kind of weird that she can’t wipe her own butt at 5 yrs old. NTJ
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26. AITJ For Finally Going Off At My Mom?

“I am the eldest of three children. Growing up, I realized things were not the most normal. What I mean by that, and I am going to put this really simply, is that I raised myself. I did my own laundry since 5, cooked my frozen meals, made sure to get myself to school and wake myself up on time, and just other things.

That doesn’t seem all too bad, right? Well, I noticed things were weird when I had to be the one to wake my sisters up, get them dressed, fed, and ready for whatever they had to take on. My dad often was away on travels, and my mom, well, she was basically locked in her room for my entire childhood.

The house was often disgusting, the laundry room filled to the top with clothes, and she did the bare minimum. If we had to be driven to tennis, then that’s fine. When it came to cooking? She would get fast food.

However, that is the basics.

My mom, in my opinion, is not only a manipulator but verbally abusive. My parents always called it discussions, and then they would blame it on being Northern. But, in reality, my mom pushed my dad until he finally cracked. Then they make up the next day and pretend nothing happened. My siblings and I were traumatized to the point where we didn’t care if they got a divorce.

I was home for winter break, from college, and my mom and father were arguing, per the usual. She then slammed into my room, my dad telling her to leave me alone and asked, ‘You had a good childhood, right?’ I said yes but she then said, ‘You’re lying!

Tell me the truth!’ And, the floodgates kind of opened. I refused one more time but she kept on insisting. So I was honest. ‘You used me as a therapist when you had no one else. You often blamed Dad for your mistakes, and you did the bare minimum to keep our childhood.

I raised myself, I raised my siblings. And you throw money at me and try to pretend everything is fine. You put so much pressure on me. Last year? When you had a meltdown? You drove two hours to my college and told me that I was the only thing keeping you from driving sixteen hours to your hometown.

Do you know how much pressure that put on me? That I am the only thing keeping you from leaving? That’s not fair to me.’

At this point I was crying, I mentioned our time in Amsterdam and how it was ruined when she stormed out of the room after screaming at my dad at 2 in the morning ALONE!

And I continued, unleashing my pent-up anger. I didn’t stop until she slammed the door and left.

My dad told me I was too harsh but he was sorry and didn’t realize what I went through. So AITJ? I haven’t spoken to her since I’ve come back to college, she’s blocked on everything right now.

Edit: I was diagnosed with MDD (Major depressive disorder) at 15 and BP (bipolar disorder). I had been suffering secretly with MDD since 7 years old.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
WAY PAST TIME SOMEONE TOLD HER SHE WAS NOT ONLY NOT A GOOD PARENT THAT SHE WAS JUST SOME USELESS LADY LIVING YOU THE HOUSE. YOU ARE NOT THE JERK.
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25. AITJ For Bailing Out On Hosting A Reunion Party Because Of My Ex?

“I met Ananya 12 years ago at work (we’re both 41 now). We started going out and over the course of two years, we fell in love.

It got serious to the point where we were talking about marriage. Like we once argued on whether we’d get married at a temple here or in India. Then, one day she just hands in her two weeks’ notice, breaks up, and then she’s gone.

She shut down all social media and changed numbers and everything. I haven’t seen her in ten years but I think of her every day.

Now, most of the people at worked with then I went to university with and we worked on a big project that we finished while Ananya was on the team.

This project made our careers. Most of that team wants to have a university reunion party masked as a 10-year anniversary of the project finish so people we didn’t go to uni with will be there too. I was added to a WhatsApp chat about it and man the people seemed excited about this.

My friend James proposed having it at my property because I have a very big backyard and I’ve held a lot of parties there before you know what happened.

I was working yesterday so I didn’t read all of it but I didn’t respond either but I was excited, I hadn’t seen some of these people in so long.

After work, I read through it all and Ananya was part of it. One of the numbers I didn’t add showed her name when I clicked on it and the profile picture was of her and I don’t know. I can’t go I don’t feel like I can face her.

I just posted in the chat that I’m going to be helping my cousin and niece at the temple that day, so I won’t be able to attend and I’m not comfortable having anything at my property without me there. With that, I left the chat.

Since then I’ve been texted by my friends on why I just left the chat and that I should still try and host, they can move the date. I’ve tried to ignore them but I stupidly answered James’ phone call and he called me a jerk for acting the way I was when I stuck to the lie about my cousin and refused to elaborate.

He told me that I should just host the party. I don’t know, I did want to host and see my friends but the idea of seeing her terrifies me.”

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LilVicky 4 months ago
NTJ you don’t HAVE to host anything. And you don’t owe anybody any kind of explanation. But with that being said, you might want to get some counseling
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24. WIBTJ If I Threw Away My Partner's Yams?

“My partner and I moved in together seven months ago. She likes yams… in theory.

In practice, she buys them in bags of 10 or 20 and they rot. I might have time to make one or two into something edible before this inevitable waste, but neither of us makes enough yam-based food to consume more than a small fraction of what she orders.

(She buys the household food in return for paying a smaller portion of the rent.)

I hate wasting (her) money and wasting (our) food, but, more than that, I hate wasting time cleaning up the resulting mess. Yam rot on the carpet, yam rot on the cabinets – if you’ve ever had to deal with it, you know how gross and time-consuming it is to clean it all up.

After the second or third time, spending hours airing out a closet with a rot-stained carpet, I told her that I never wanted her to buy a whole bag of yams again. She rarely used more than one or two, so that’s what she should buy – maybe three or four max.

She seemed to agree, but then, literally, four days later, we got a bag of yams in our grocery delivery. I told her that, while it might be a small thing, buying them right after she’d agreed not to showed me that I couldn’t trust her to keep her word.

She responded that I was being overly dramatic to bring up trust and that she would actually make the yams this time.

The bag was never opened and today I saw the familiar yam-rot stains on the lazy Susan. This time it only took a few minutes to clean up, but at this point, I want to cut out the middleman and throw away any yam bag that comes into our place.

That way I don’t have to clean the rot, and maybe she finally gets the message, which would prevent future waste, future messes, and future arguments. WIBTJ if I just threw away the yams?

To clarify, she’s put the yams in a variety of places: On the ground in a dark, dry, cool closet with a carpeted bottom; on the ground in a dark, dry, cool closet with a linoleum bottom; in a painted kitchen cupboard; and, finally, on a lazy Susan on top of the microwave – which was better for catching rot rather than preventing it, my goal since preventing seemed like a lost cause.

For the person who asked why we don’t use a cupboard, the cupboard clean-up was actually worse than the carpet one.

Regarding whether they should last days or months, the last two yam bags rotted under winter conditions; we keep the place at temperatures that, coincidentally, are supposed to be ideal for yam storage.

But we have no idea how much time elapses between when they’re grown and when they show up at our door.

Also, our freezer doesn’t have enough space for a full bag of chopped yams, and I’m not eager to make my cooking largely yam-based in the future.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Tell her if she keeps buying them by the bag then you will remove xx amount and save them and throw the rest away BEFORE THEY CAN STINK UP AND MAKE A MESS IN YOUR CUPBOARD. Or anywhere else in your house. Maybe THAT will get her attention. If she does not like this idea then IT IS ON HER TO CLEAN AND AIR OUT THE HOUSE. HER CHOICE.
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23. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Grandmother Anymore?

“My entire life my grandmother has been brutally toxic. I generally only see her for events, so about 12 times a year.

During these events, she is very racist, sexist, homophobic, and incredibly mean. My entire life she has pointed out how fat and ugly I am during almost every event.

She has called me a flirt. She has called me selfish and lazy due to not wanting to have children. She is mean to my whole family, calls my mother fat 16 days after she had a baby, calls my father a useless drinking addict, and says my brother is a baby and not a ‘normal boy’.

In my opinion, she is purely toxic. In August 2020, I wrote her a letter explaining how she hurt me and explained to her that she would not be invited to my wedding. I explained in the letter that I didn’t wish to hurt her, but I did not want to be hurt any longer.

It was basically a ‘soft break up’ with her, basically me saying I’m putting distance between us but I’ll still be polite and respectful at family events.

Well, after the letter things got worse. She became physically aggressive twice and has been incredibly toxic when I see her.

This January I explained to my family that I was done. I will no longer attend family events with her. I tried to explain that they do not have to choose between us, I will adjust my visiting schedule around hers. If she visits on Christmas morning, I’ll happily come that afternoon.

I explained that my mental health was in bad shape and I could not take it anymore.

Well, now my mother’s birthday is approaching and they expect me to attend a party and dinner with my grandmother. I reminded them of my statement in January and they’re angry.

They didn’t listen and thought I was being dramatic. They say I’m trying to make them choose between her and me. I have explained that I’ll celebrate with my mother the day before or come when grandmother isn’t there, but they say that won’t work.

They keep talking about how family comes first, how blood is thicker than water, and how we have to respect our elders. I explained to my parents that I understand their generation believed in that, but that I don’t. I explained I only have one life and I don’t want to be miserable.

I’ve never had a happy Christmas or holiday. She ruins them all.

It’s just a mess. I don’t know if I’m being a jerk for causing trouble. I’d love advice on how to explain to my parents why I don’t want the emotional abuse anymore.

Or I’d love advice on how to be a better daughter if I’m the jerk.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
NOT THE JERK. Tell folks that as an adult you will NO LONGER PUT UP WITH THE EVIL WITCH. That you love THEM, NOT HER, and will see them when SHE IS NOT THERE. If they WON'T see that she ruins EVERYTHING then go have a good life AWAY FROM THEM. They are only ENABLING HER. And always will if they won't see your point of view. GOOD LUCK
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22. AITJ For Not Going To My Friend's Wedding At All?

“I (21 M) have been friends with Joseph (24 M) for 6 years who has been with his fiancee (let’s call her Liz) for 4 years. Ever since I met her we had a love-hate friendship. For example, one day she’ll berate me just for hanging out with him, and the next day she calls me to apologize claiming she was drinking, which I knew was false.

Despite this, I was proud of the two. He popped the question to her back in October and she said yes. The wedding was scheduled to take in early February (last week). In the months leading up to the wedding, I started to get excluded from events (bridal showers, etc.).

Despite this, I somehow was asked to be a groomsman by him and I said yes.

Fast forward to the day before the wedding: My friend has his bachelor party. Since Joseph doesn’t drink, he didn’t get wasted. After the party, he came up to me and told me that although I could be at the wedding, I wasn’t allowed to go to the reception.

At first, I thought he was joking and I asked him to repeat himself and he did. He told me that at the last minute, Liz told him that she doesn’t want me at the reception because she believes I’ll give bad vibes at the reception (what???).

He asked me not to go saying, ‘Do it for me and for her.’ Then I told him, ‘You know what? Don’t expect me at the wedding tomorrow, since I won’t be able to give ‘bad vibes’ at the wedding as well. That says a lot about being my friend.’ And left the restaurant.

On the day of his wedding, I got a text from him asking where I was. I just responded with, ‘You said your fiancee didn’t want bad vibes, so I’m playing it safe.’ The day after the wedding, Joseph called me yelling claiming that I should’ve been to the wedding just to please his now wife and because I’m his ‘friend’.

Meanwhile, I’m just listening to his freakout not saying anything. I just told him, ‘A real friend would’ve defended me instead of surrendering to a bridezilla. If you were really my friend, then you shouldn’t have let Liz treat me like an outcast.’ And hung up.

Now his family members want me to apologize to him because ‘I made him and Liz look bad’, meanwhile my partner told me that what I did was right and I put him in his place. But at the same time, I feel bad for myself because he’s a good friend and this was the first time I’ve ever snapped at him.

So.. .AITJ?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
IT IS NOT YOUR JOB to put up with her I like you/I hate you CRAP. You friend is marrying her and I kinda get his position but then again HE IS BEING A WEENY about her controlling HIS FRIENDS. I think you did the right think but be prepared to lose him as a friend. Maybe look to make a new friend group if the others in the group say you were wrong. THEY ARE WRONG.
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21. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit A Kid Who Broke My Nintendo Switch?

“I (M 16) do babysitting for everyone around my neighborhood just for a little extra cash.

I only do it on weekends, or days when I don’t have school or anything to do after school. I get paid based on how much the parent gives me an hour, but I never ask for anything extreme like 50 dollars an hour unless it’s an overnight thing.

Yesterday my school closed due to the weather, and I was bored at home when I got a call from my neighbor who I’ll name Ms. F for now. Ms. F has 4 kids – 2 teens (my age), an 8-year-old, and a 3-year-old. Since I didn’t have school or any homework she called me asking if I could babysit her 8-year-old and her 3-year-old since she had to take her teenagers to the doctor.

I accepted since she said she’d only be out for 3 hours and would give me 100 when she’s back. Usually, when I take care of an 8-year-old, I have snacks to give them, and sometimes I give them my Nintendo Switch to play with. The 3-year-old was the calmest, but the 8-year-old kept running around, crashing into things, and wouldn’t sit down for more than 3 minutes.

I had to basically keep my eye on him and couldn’t even use the bathroom without hearing a lot of crashes or screaming coming from the 8-year-old alone.

When Ms. F came to pick them up, she gave me the 100 and told me that her 8-year-old had never been anywhere without her and she was sorry about anything he’d done.

I understood that some children just like to be around their mothers, but the damage he did was a lot. I cleaned up, but when I got to the living room I realized my Nintendo Switch was broken. It wouldn’t turn on, despite the charger, and when it finally did it just glitched all over before shutting off again.

Today, Ms. F asked me to take care of her 8-year-old again since she had to go out. I declined. I already had 2 5-year-olds I was watching, who were much calmer and didn’t like a lot of noise. I also expressed to her that her 8-year-old might have accidentally (giving the benefit of the doubt) broken my Nintendo Switch and until I can get that fixed I don’t want to babysit him.

She went mad and called my mom screaming about how ungrateful I am.

AITJ?”

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LilVicky 4 months ago
NTJ & you should never babysit for her ever again. She has two teenagers, let them do it
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20. AITJ For Leaving My Sister's Birthday Partner Early After She Announced Her Pregnancy?

“Growing up, my sister (26) and I (23 F) were not that close. She was my parent’s favorite daughter. I have always been a little overweight, I had PCOS, and my sister was slim and fit.

I always held that resentment towards her, especially when she belittled me with my mom. Not letting me eat more than one serving of dinner or more than one serving of dessert. Telling me that sleeping in was making me gain weight. She always overshadowed my accomplishments.

My sister married when she was 23 to a wealthy man (28) from our community. We’re Indian, and her marriage was arranged. They have 3 beautiful kids. I love my niece and nephews more than anything

I married my husband (26) two years ago and we have been trying for a baby for almost one year.

My sister always said that it was because I brought shame to my parents for marrying outside our culture that I couldn’t have a baby. After many negative pregnancy tests, a few months ago, we finally had a positive pregnancy test. Unfortunately, when I was four months, I had a miscarriage.

I was devastated. I couldn’t believe what was going on. Two months after our tragedy, my family threw my sister a birthday party. There she and her husband announced they were pregnant. My heart ached, but I was happy for them

As the evening went on, my sister kept making comments like, ‘We weren’t even trying for a baby’, ‘It’s so funny how we get pregnant so easily’.

Just as I thought things couldn’t get worse. We were standing with cousins when my sister said ‘We didn’t even want more kids, I was almost contemplating terminating my pregnancy’. She said all that while looking at me.

I am all for women terminating their pregnancies, but having my sister use it as a weapon against me.

Showing off how fertile she is, and how she was contemplating terminating her pregnancy after they decided to keep the baby and announce it. That really hurt me. I was so upset and frustrated. My husband noticed the change in my emotions immediately. We said goodbye to my parents and left the party immediately.

I got many texts from my sister and our cousins calling me jealous and a jerk for walking out on my sister’s birthday party, and not being part of their pregnancy celebration. My husband and our friends say that I had all the right to feel the way I did, but I’m not sure.

So, am I the jerk?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
NOT THE JERK. Go LOW/NO contact with sis AND YOUR PARENTS. They don't care that sis does this to you either. Go and make YOUR OWN FAMILY WITH FRIENDS THAT LOVE YOU AND YOUR HUBS. SCREW SIS/MOM/DAD. They don't DESERVE to have you in their life.
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19. AITJ For Telling My Mom It's Not My Job To Take Care Of Her When She's Sick?

“My (17 m) mom (50 F) can’t have any spicy or pork food. Whenever she does she gets so sick that she ends up in bed for a day or two, My brother (26 m) and I have told her countless times to just quit it but she’s like ‘Oh, but it’s just a little, it won’t hurt!’ and then she cries her eyes out by night.

I used to worry a lot of course, but right now I don’t really care. She’s an adult, she knows what things aren’t good for her and continues to decide to keep eating them at her own risk, I’m lactose intolerant (not severe, though, I can have an ice cream or a coffee from time to time if I’m careful) but I don’t actively consume dairy every week because I know I cant.

I’ve told her that I’m okay with not eating pork (because I already don’t eat spicy food anyway) so she doesn’t get them and has the temptation at home but she ignores me and buys them anyway. Every time she’s about to consume it I always ask if she’s sure because we both know what’s coming and she’s like ‘Yeah, it’s not that bad, don’t worry!’

She has the habit of being really reliant on me when she gets sick and what annoys me the most is that sometimes she yells from her room, I run there worrying because I think something happened to her and she only wants to COMPLAIN about how much it hurts and how she’ll never eat pork/spicy food again (which isn’t true at all) that now every time she gets sick I just ignore her.

I give her her meds every 8 hours, I leave her a big glass of water by her bed and sometimes I bring her food if she wants to eat, but aside from that I don’t engage any further until she’s okay again.

Last night my mom was complaining to my mother about how unfair is that I ignore her when she’s sick and that sometimes she only wants to talk but I told her that she actively chooses to get sick and it’s not my job to baby her just because she doesn’t want to quit things that harm her and that I have things to do during the day; school, homework, work around the house and I babysit my neighbor’s kid to mon to wends so I’m not available all the time.

My brother agreed with me and said that she used to do it all the time with him too and that he doesn’t understand how she hasn’t learned her lesson by now. My mom’s been sulky with us and I don’t know if I did or said something wrong.”

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DeniseSB 4 months ago
You haven't done anything wrong. Your mom doesn't know how to ask for attention in appropriate ways; that's why she keeps staging these medical "emergencies." You absolutely shouldn't give her more than minimal attention during these episodes; that would just reinforce the bad behavior. It might help if you go out of your way to give her positive reinforcement whenever she's behaving appropriately. The more you reward her with attention when she's behaving well, the more likely it is that she'll feel less need to become a drama queen over food. Think of her a a toddler. I know that sound mean, but all of us have a small child inside with unmet needs. Your mom needs help with transitioning to adulthood. (Therapy would be a great idea, but it doesn't sound like she'd be open to the suggestion.)
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18. AITJ For Throwing My Fiancé's Mom Out Of My Bridal Shower?

“I (25 f) am getting married in a couple of months to my amazing fiancé ‘Trevor’ (26 m).

Backstory: Trevor’s dad passed away 5 years ago unexpectedly and his mom has been very ‘you need to take care of me’ towards her kids since. As in refuses to even hang pictures in her house.

Every single thing that happens is ‘the worst thing that’s ever happened to me’ and tears galore… ex: a phone breaking, needing a new refrigerator..

So anyway, ever since Trevor and I got engaged and have been planning our wedding his mom has been demanding, rude, and trying to make everything about her.

She absolutely lost it on me when she wasn’t there for one of the many dress-shopping experiences (she canceled last minute). My SIL and my sister threw me a bridal shower last weekend and his mom was horrible to me the entire day. She was making comments about how she was going to object when that part of the ceremony came around, saying I stole her son, calling me a bridezilla because I was stressed about planning, and crying to my fiancé the night prior.

After about 2 hours of her LOUDLY complaining about me to anyone and everyone she talked to, I approached her and put it simply… if you can’t stop talking about me like this then you can leave, I’m trying to enjoy my bridal shower and your ruining the entire day.

Yes, I probably could have phrased it better but in the heat of the moment, it just came out like that. She LOST IT. Started screaming and crying saying I’m a horrible person, how could I throw her out of this bridal shower, she deserves to be here because she’s the mother of the groom, etc. She ended up storming out and I ended the bridal shower shortly after, I thanked everyone for coming but I was so embarrassed and beyond upset.

Trevor’s oldest sister (not the one who threw the shower) called me screaming at me telling me I’m a jerk… so AITJ?

Edit: He has said stuff to his mom before. They’ve gotten into many arguments about it and he’s not talked to her for a while after she’s acted like this.

I am worried about the way she’s going to act at the wedding, especially when liquor is involved. I wouldn’t go as far as not inviting her simply because he’s already missing his dad there…”

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ but maybe get some security set up so that if she starts THEY are move her and it’s out of your hands and his
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17. AITJ For Kicking My Homophobic Mom Out Of My Wedding?

“So, I (24 NB) have been in no contact with my mother since I moved out at 18.

She’s always been unsupportive of my queerness and kicked me out at 18 when I told her I had a partner (23 NB) who I had been with for several years at the time. I stayed with a friend until I graduated college, and then moved in with my partner once we both found steady jobs.

Life has been smooth sailing for the most part, and I’m very happy with my partner and close friend group that we’ve built up over the years. Recently, my partner proposed to me, and I’ve never been happier. Obviously, I said yes, and then came the rather difficult process of planning our wedding.

I wanted to invite my extended family, and I wanted my baby cousin to be a flower girl. The problem is that my aunt has always been close to my mom, and I wouldn’t be able to convince her to come without my mom (my dad passed away from cancer in 2019, he was the only parent I had context with, or I would ask him to control my mother.

Eventually, I gave up and made it very clear that she was NOT invited.

This went over suspiciously well, according to my aunt, but I didn’t think much of it and was more focused on other wedding things, and it eventually slipped my mind.

Then, yesterday, the big day came, and everything was going smoothly.

Until I looked out at the seats (we had an outdoor wedding, benches had been set up, and people were mingling among themselves or sitting down), and saw… my mom.

I immediately pulled my aunt aside, and she confessed that she’d told my mom I wanted to make up, and that she was invited. I was furious because the last interaction I’d had with my mom was her screaming homophobic slurs at me while she kicked me out of the house.

I told my aunt in no uncertain terms that my mom was not allowed to stay, and the only reason she was was because her daughter was the flower girl, and was very excited to be so.

I grit my teeth and walked out to confront my mom.

I was fuming before I even got to her because, on top of everything, she was wearing her own wedding dress. I stood in front of her and told her politely but very firmly that she was going to leave the wedding, or I would call the police.

Sadly, it didn’t. It took me another 15 minutes of arguing (I was dissociating through most of it, to avoid bursting into tears on my wedding day, but she was quite rude and openly bigoted to me through most of the argument), but it took my partner (they’re 6’2, assigned-male-at-birth, and quite strong) coming over and standing by my side for her to finally leave.

The rest of the wedding went by without a hitch, but when I picked up my phone after the reception, I was being flooded with texts from my entire family calling me a vindictive jerk for kicking my own mother out of her only child’s wedding, and that I was a horrible child, not to mention repeatedly misgendering me and my partner.”

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LilVicky 4 months ago (Edited)
NTJ but your aunt is & the rest of your family can go pound sand. Block them all & go live your best life
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16. AITJ For Dyeing My Hair Pink?

“So I’m a teenager and for years I’ve been wanting to dye my hair pink. Since I was like 9, I would spend so long staring at pictures of people with pink hair when I was younger.

Every time I even mentioned the word ‘hair dye’ my mom would lose it and say how unnatural hair looks horrible and weird, and how the hair dye would ruin my ‘nice natural color’.

I do like my natural color, but I like the pink more. So, what did I decide to do? Dye it anyway, I only live once, I want to enjoy my time and just have fun.

It doesn’t break any of my school rules, so when I was hanging out with my friends, we went into a store and picked out a hair dye that would suit me.

I waited months for the right time to dye it, and one day, my mom decided to take a long trip to IKEA for new furniture or something.

So I went into my bathroom and dyed my hair. When my mom got back, she went ballistic.

She said I ruined my hair and no man would want to get near me (I already came out to her as a lesbian and she literally denied me and called me a freak, so I don’t really care if men don’t want to be near me).

I shrugged my shoulders and said I liked it and I was happy with how it turned out, and I explained how the school doesn’t care and my friends think it looks nice.

She continued yelling at me, and for ages after, every time I’d walk in the room she would cringe at me and start to mourn my natural hair color, which was a dark blonde color.

My dad doesn’t care about it nor does my brother, and my mom gets highlights in her hair, but she claims that ‘that’s different, and it isn’t as bad’. She keeps calling me stupid and a jerk for doing this.

So, AITJ for dyeing my hair against my mom’s permission?”

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DeniseSB 4 months ago
A smart parent would recognize your right to treat YOUR hair any way you want to. There are way bigger things for a parent to worry about as a parent of a teenager. Your mom absolutely has the right to hate what you did to your hair, but she doesn't have a right to keep insulting you over it. She's TJ, not you.
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15. AITJ For Snapping At My Fiancé For Always Complaining About Our Wedding Costs?

“My fiancé’s family is well-off. My family is not. When we got engaged, his mom immediately offered to pay for a big wedding. She has four boys, my fiancé is the first to get married, and her own wedding was sort of a bust, so she was really excited and generous.

I’m not really a wedding person so I had a few strong opinions but mostly gave her carte blanche, and she was really good about still looping me in and giving me veto power.

My fiancé cared about things like his tux but was pretty checked out otherwise, which was fine with me and his mom.

Sometimes his mom would cc both of us but I was the one actually reading them and responding to them, and eventually, stuff would just go to me.

But now that we’re two months out, suddenly he has all these opinions and is very fixated on the costs.

He works in finance I think that’s part of it.

I’ve repeatedly explained that wedding stuff is eye-popping expensive, to begin with, and his mom has high-end tastes, so of course everything is going to feel overpriced. But we keep having conversations like ‘I can’t believe we’re paying $x for glassware, look, I found someone that’s $y, I’m gonna send it to my mom.’ ‘Okay well your mom and I liked this one because of the gold detailing, and in any case, it’s too late we’ve already signed all the rental agreements.’ ‘Fine, but what a waste of money.’ Or he’ll criticize already signed contracts or ask if we tried negotiating before signing.

It never really comes to anything, it’s too late to pull out of most of the bigger costs and we both know it, he’s more just lamenting the costs themselves. It’s like he’s in this mental place where he can’t stop seeing the price tag on everything.

He also has this annoying habit of saying things like ‘$x in glassware for a ‘big party’, Jesus’. Legally we’re already married (courthouse) so this really is more about the celebration, but it’s still annoying.

He was bugging me about the flowers, so I was finally like, ‘Look if you wanted to be involved you should have gotten involved months ago, it’s too late now, so you’re ruining it for yourself.’ He got upset and said no one had asked for him to be involved and he was allowed to have feelings about his own wedding, and he’s right, the costs are easily 3x as high as we would be comfortable if we were paying on our own but we’re not.

I told him that continuing to complain and question stuff like this was disrespectful to his mom because she thought really carefully about all this and he was like not if she’s paying $x for flowers for a party, and I was like shut up about the stupid flowers and it’s not a party it’s our wedding.

He left for work and we haven’t talked all day. Now I feel guilty.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Tell him to take it up with HIS MOM since SHE IS THE ONE PAYING.
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14. AITJ For Wanting To Report Dishonest Students' Discord Channel?

“I’m currently a student. After circumstances that left me unemployable, I found talents I previously never thought someone like me would have or even remotely be good at, apparently I’m intelligent. After making some money from projects I decided I wanted to get a real education in computer science and business.

I failed school and was a terrible person as a young adult. I’ve always struggled with writing and even more with reading (I should really get myself tested for dyslexia). I still suffer from my other conditions from my incident, yet I’ve been applying myself to my studies.

This has reflected in my scores for all my assignments! I have never gotten a score below 92%. With the lowest score being 92, the rest being 95 or over.

I’m quite competitive and, moreso recently, I’ve been in contact with other computer science students in the same module as me, especially other ‘high achievers’.

A few days ago, I told them about my last assignment score (99) for the last (and hardest) assignment of the module. They invited me into a Discord they were all in. This Discord was full of computer science students in all years, not just mine.

Once I joined, they asked me ‘Where I got my answers from’. I started reading the chat and turns out all these jerks are being dishonest and exploiting bugs in the university website for answers. They were even here asking people for answers. I took screenshots, told them to screw themselves, and left. My tutor was just congratulating their studying skills in the last online lecture.

I’m infuriated and even more insulted by this. They thought I was doing what they were too.

Now what makes this a tough ethical call is that I know fine well what this means for them, and I don’t really want to destroy people’s chances, but if they get caught and the university finds out I knew, (there’s evidence on the university’s forums that I joined their Discord), I could as get in trouble.

I’ve worked way too hard and long to screw myself now. I also care for the university’s reputation as it’s given me a chance and I want to believe that its graduates are credible.

There’s literally a hidden dishonest culture of current and past computing students.

This could ruin many people’s lives.

So here I am, with a written out email… AITJ if I press send?”

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DeniseSB 4 months ago
The school definitely needs to know about the bugs that need fixing so that other students can't jerk themselves out of getting a proper education. If you can identify the bugs without identifying the students, there's an argument to be made for not turning in the names. You were allowed into the discussion with the assumption that you wouldn't break the trust of the other students. On the other hand, they do not deserve the grades they are getting--and the school's reputation (and possibly yours along with it) will suffer because these students will underperform in the workplace because they chose not to learn the material. If it were me, I'd turn them in.
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13. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To By My Mom's Partner's Son's Babysitter?

“My (16 f) mom (42 f) has been with her partner (40 m) for almost a year now and he has even moved into our house.

They’ve been talking about having a baby recently and it honestly made me feel upset, it has nothing to do with feeling replaced either. So even before her partner moved in I was always cleaning up after my two sisters and my mom because they’re always ‘tired’ and my mom feels that they can’t clean up correctly, while also caring for their pets.

Even then, I was irritated about always cleaning up even when I came home from school and staying up late to clean up after them. I guess I just never actually thought much about it since they’re my family. And whenever I said I was tired it was always ‘Why are you tired’ or ‘You don’t have a job’.

So anyway, my mom had her partner and his son (10 m) moved in and they’re extremely messy. All he does is sleep all day, and he doesn’t even wake up to pick his son up from the bus stop, I have to do that too.

His son will leave all of his stuff all over the living room and he won’t even tell him to clean up after himself. And then they’ll just dump all their stuff in the kitchen on the table and floor. And I’m the one who ends up cleaning because my mom feels too ‘stressed out’ or ‘overwhelmed’ by the house being messy.

It’s so irritating because I’m cleaning up after more people and it’s people I don’t even like. I’ve even told my mom how I felt about them not helping around the house, and she said she’s talked to him, but it’s been a month and they continue to do the same thing.

I feel so overwhelmed and depressed sometimes, that I’m either crying in my room or while cleaning.

My mom and her partner would even just leave the house for hours while leaving me home with my little sister and his son like I was a live-in babysitter.

I brought this up to my mom too and she said I shouldn’t worry about it because I get by getting whatever I want.

He’s always saying he’s gonna do something and never does it. This past weekend he said he was going to paint the living room but he never did, they just waited until I woke up and asked me to help him.

He literally did one wall and sat down. They ended up leaving for about 5 hours with the kids while I stayed home and painted the rest of the living room and hallways by myself.

I just feel like bringing a baby into the house will honestly be too much for me.

I really don’t want to be cleaning up after another human, especially a baby, just because she’s overwhelmed while also cleaning up after everyone else.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
NTJ. If I was you I would get a job so I had an excuse to be out of the house and "tired" like your mum always complains to be, and then put all that money away to move out. Stay at friends/other family members places as often as you can. See how they handle the mess without you as their personal slave, they might realise having another kid is a mistake, they might beg you to come home, or they might just buck up and clean after themselves, who knows? No one does until you remove yourself from that situation.
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12. AITJ For Causing My Fiancé To Step Down From Being His Best Friend's Best Man?

“My fiancé (28 m) and I (27 f) have been together for 7 years and we are planning our wedding for spring 2023.

Anyway, he has a best friend, let’s call him John (28 m) and John is now getting married to his fiancée let’s call her Kim. Kim is a very possessive and controlling person and has been this way since I first met her 7 years ago.

She came into my fiancé’s friend group as John’s partner but she always tried to dictate who anyone was allowed to invite and she claimed she and her own best friend were the only ‘females’ allowed around the guys. She wanted to set up her best friend with either my fiancée or another guy from the group who was single.

The other guy moved away for some family business and started going out with another girl and my fiancée stayed in our hometown so Kim was trying to set him up with her BFF. My fiancée wasn’t interested at all and made it clear multiple times.

When he got with me Kim was very bitter and would take it out on me by insulting me and trying to dictate whether I could join them in outings and all that. She said she and John are allowed to hang out together because they’re the ‘main couple’ but not us.

We always had to ask her first. She always tried to exclude me in order to pair my fiancée with her BFF. And my fiancé cut some contact with her and only tolerated her because she was the partner of his best friend. He had tried to set boundaries unsuccessfully many times.

So he just avoided her.

We got engaged a year ago and Kim was bitter about that. Even my fiancé’s best friend said how Kim hates hearing of our engagement because ‘there goes her plan’. I don’t know why he still tolerates her behavior knowing how she is wrong but that’s none of my business.

Anyway, now they’re getting married and my fiancé is a groomsman and Kim’s best friend is a bridesmaid. She wants to pair them together, sit them together, have them share intimate romantic dances together and she said random guests like me will be sat in the back of the room.

I’m like yeah screw this nonsense, I’m out. Not going. I had enough of that disrespect. My fiancé was also offended by all this and said he’d attend as a guest and he could not be a pawn in someone’s wedding because the bride was trying to plan something shady using her wedding as an excuse.

Now despite what both me and my fiancé say, many of our friends blame me for my fiancé stepping down and claim I shouldn’t let my jealousy affect someone else’s dream wedding regardless of how I feel. AITJ?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
This is NOT YOUR JEALOUSY. This is that witch being a controlling witch who WANTS HER WAY AND NO OTHER WAY IS GOOD FOR HER.
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11. AITJ For Not Liking My Tattoo?

“Basically I wanted a wood grain texture on my arm done in black.

If you google ‘wood grain tattoo’ you’ll see the sort of thing I wanted. The consult went fine, he had some ideas, made some jokes, and seemed cool.

My appointment was supposed to start an hour before the shop opened. He apparently forgot because I sat outside the shop for thirty minutes texting him like ‘Hey, I’m here’.

He somehow thought the appointment started later.

He finally shows up, he has no recollection of ever meeting me or consulting me, and he has me completely confused with another client. I re-explain my idea, he tells me to leave, eat, and come back.

I’m very tempted to simply cut my losses, and cancel the entire session.

I go back inside another hour later, and he has sketched up a design on the fly, and to me it looks cool, so I decide to just have faith.

The first session was fine, the tattoo is okay, looks more like abstract art than wood but whatever, still an interesting tattoo, everything is generally fine.

Within a week it’s infected.

Infections can happen for a myriad of reasons, but I’ve never dealt with an infection from a legitimate shop before. I’ve done aftercare on multiple tattoos, so even though I may have slipped up somehow, I’ve healed perfectly fine each time.

I go to the doctor, doctor says Neosporin should do the trick.

For all I know, I caused the infection somehow with something I did during the aftercare process.

This was all back in November. As I type right now, it’s still healing in some spots.

I decided to reach out to the artist just so he doesn’t think I died, or I ghosted, or whatever.

His immediate response is ‘You should always let the artist know bro’.

It didn’t even occur to me, but I assume it makes perfect logic that I should have told him sooner, in case he infects other people or something, but on the other hand, he gave me a tattoo that is still healing, so I sort of have an indignation about it.

Now he wants me to visit the shop in my personal free time so he can ‘take a look at it’. I don’t see what he could do for me that a doctor couldn’t.

Right now, I’m sort of bummed on the whole thing. I’m not all that happy with the design anymore, or the artist, or any part of this process.

I would like to get it blacked out, but if I return to that artist, that feels kind of bad. Like ‘Hey I don’t like your art, can you black it out?’

The other option is that I find another artist to black it out.

I just feel guilty about doing that kind of thing behind an artist’s back.

Am I the jerk here?”

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LilVicky 4 months ago (Edited)
NTJ but before you black it out find another artist that is good with cover-ups. I’ve seen some amazing cover-ups that you can’t even tell what the original crappy one was.
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10. AITJ For Wanting To Leave Christianity?

“My mother is extremely within the Christian faith the only thing she would do is cook, clean, and read her Bible. Growing up I was raised to believe in god and was expected to be a Christian like her once I was of age, but as I got older in middle school I realized some things about myself (I’m gay).

One day I got the courage to come out to my parents, my father didn’t seem to care but my mother herself seemed like she was unsure at first. A couple of days later right before I was going to bed she came into my room and kneeled beside me doing a prayer, when she was done I was very confused, I asked her why she did that, but she didn’t give me an answer.

All she told me is we’re gonna start praying every night now.

After another couple of years, I’ve discovered other things about myself like how I don’t find Christianity appealing anymore and wanted to leave the religion. I sat down and talked to my mother about the nightly prayers one day and asked her if I could be excluded from the prayers, she became enraged and told me how she always gives me whatever I want but when she expects me to do something for her I don’t wanna do it (keep in mind I still do chores and do what I’m told to do).

After a couple of months of continuing to participate in her prayers, I started to become more and more frustrated, I was losing sleep and I started to feel that her intentions for these prayers may be linked to me coming out a couple of years ago.

I’ve tried to express my frustrations to my father and tried to get him involved but all he could do is just shrug and tell me to listen to my mother I feel like I’m in a corner.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Don't know how old you are but you need a plan. Get a job and start saving to move out. Hide the money you make from her or she will take it in order for her to believe she is helping you. DO NOT MAKE A BANK ACCOUNT WITH HER OR YOUR FATHER. If you can find someone else in the fam that is on your side have them make an account with you and put all your money there so mom/dad can't touch it. GOOD LUCK
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9. AITJ For Taking Back My Son's Game From My Sister-In-Law's Son?

“My wife (35 f) and I (33 m) and our three kids (8 m, 6 f, and 1 f) are currently renting a small apartment with only 2 bedrooms. It’s not ideal, but it’s hopefully temporary.

Currently, our older 2 have been fine sharing a room and our baby sleeps in our bedroom.

My wife’s sister ‘Jill’ (25 f) and her son ‘Lee’ (2 m) were supposed to stay with us for the night while on their way to her husband’s family for the holiday weekend.

The moment Jill asked which bedroom they’d be taking, she acted shocked when we told her the couch was a pull-out. And equally huffy when we said her son couldn’t sleep in our daughter’s crib either. My wife knew that I was already having a hard time dealing with her sister so she tried to diffuse as much as possible, but I could tell even she was getting annoyed.

For context, Jill has always seemed not to like me. Especially as soon as she latched herself onto her now husband, who fuels her fantasy of being a perfect little housewife and thinks a man isn’t a man if his wife has to work.

Since we’re on a budget, we planned a few meals in advance that we knew Jill and Lee would eat.

However, Jill also seemed taken aback we weren’t taking her out to dinner. My wife sternly told her it was not in our budget, which she should have remembered since both sides of our families seemed to know about our financial hardships yet offered nothing but advice.

When we were waiting for dinner to finish in the oven, Lee kept going into our kids’ room and bothering our son while he was trying to play a game online with his friends. I asked Jill to grab him from the room, but when she brought him out she handed my son’s game to Lee.

I immediately told her to give it back, but she argued that my son needed to share, I argued that the game belonged to my son so I made Lee hand it to me. Lee whined and handed it over, and Jill told me that a man in my situation had no right telling her how to parent her child.

Especially since my wife makes more money than me.

At this point, we’d had enough. I told Jill that when she’s staying somewhere for free and getting a free dinner, she ought to keep her opinions to herself. And if she wanted to, she could go and pay for a hotel room.

This is exactly what she did. She packed up the suitcases in a huff and still texted my wife to complain that she left things behind and how she had to pay a lot more for the last-minute hotel.

Jill is accusing us of being selfish for not being more accommodating, but I say that she should have been more gracious because we were more than welcoming despite the cramped quarters.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
DO NOT EVER let her in your home again. PERIOD. And she can keep her little golden child out too.
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8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Spend Out Savings On His Brother's Rehab?

“My husband’s brother is in his late 40s. He’s struggled with illegal substances since he was 16. My history with him started when I was going out with my husband over 16 years ago. In one instance, I had to hide in a closet for hours because his brother was trying to fight and destroy everything and everyone.

When he finally walked far enough away, my then-partner and I made a mad dash to the door to escape and call 911. I didn’t even have time to grab shoes.

Throughout the last 16 years, my in-laws have spent upwards of $40k on rehabs, legal issues, taking care of his son who he doesn’t have custody of nor takes care of, hotel rooms so he doesn’t freeze to death, food so he doesn’t starve, ect ect.

He’ll be normal for a period of time, but it never lasts. The last time my in-laws let him stay at their house, they had to flee to a neighbor’s home and watch as SWAT shut down their street and took down their son in their driveway.

This was just a few years ago.

He has shown up at my house randomly, high. The most recent time he did randomly show up, was just this year.

We have 2 kids. I’ve had to teach them to hide and lock the doors and not let him in if he shows up.

My in-laws paid for a 7th rehab this year, but he was removed from the rehab due to his anger and trying to fight someone. He’s currently back in jail for substance use and battery. My husband and I are not well off. I just went back to work after being laid off.

We’re climbing out of a rough patch ourselves. Our family could use that $450 dollars. The kids will be going back to school soon, we would like to save for a vacation, so we could pay more on our bills, etc. My in-laws have finally drawn a line in the sand and they are not willing to pay any more money.

Am I the jerk for being mad and telling my husband not to spend our savings on his brother?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
NOT THE JERK. Tell hubs that you are done being AFRAID OF HIS BROTHER and you will NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN LIVE IN FEAR of HIS BROTHER showing up and trying to DESTROY YOUR HOUSE. Ask hubs if he wants his children to do without because he wants to give money to his brother INSTEAD OF TAKING CARE OF HIS OWN KIDS?
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7. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Plane Seats?

“I (f 15) was flying for the first time to Florida. Due to some childhood trauma, I get bad anxiety when being yelled at for something I couldn’t control.

I arrived at the airport and being a minor flying for the first time my mom was able to walk me all the way to the gate. She told them I was a minor and that this was my first time flying so it would help lessen the anxiety I had of having to be on the plane by myself.

When it was finally my turn to board the plane the flight attendant to ease the anxiety as I was shaking a little introduced me to the pilots and I was able to see in a little. The flight attendant took me to my seat.

I made sure to book and pay for a window seat so I could look out the window and also not have to keep getting up whenever anyone had to use the bathroom. There was some girl in my seat and the flight attendant kindly told her she was in my seat and that she had to sit in the seat that was on her ticket.

She was not happy and who I assume is her partner said I could just sit in the aisle seat. The flight attendant knew why I wanted a window seat and about the anxiety as my mom told them before I boarded so the flight attendant told the woman she had to move.

I was able to sit in my seat but once the flight attendant left they both started cursing and commenting how I ruined their flight. My anxiety was getting really bad it felt like I couldn’t breathe and I wanted to get off the plane.

I stood up and walked up toward the front as it was a small plane. The flight attendant asked me what was wrong as I was crying. I was nervous and scared and didn’t say anything the only thing I said was I wanted to get off the plane.

Another flight attendant went over to my original seat to see what happened and of course, the couple said nothing but the man behind me who heard them spoke up and told them what happened. Some man at the front of the plane told me to switch seats since we both had a window seat and he sat in my seat so that the couple couldn’t have the window seat and I got his window seat.

The rest of the flight went ok besides I was extremely scared about take-off and landing and any turbulence. When I told my family some of them said I should have just sat in the aisle instead of making a big deal or once I sat down I shouldn’t have gotten up and just ignored their comments.

It’s not like they got kicked off the flight or anything but I do feel like I was a jerk and that I could have tried to handle it differently.”

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rbleah 4 months ago
YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR IDIOTS AND THEIR SELF CENTERED SPEWINGS. Somehow you need to ignore those who are IDIOTS and just go on with your life. GOOD LUCK. Maybe talk to a therapist and find a way to deal with your fears. Yes they are real to you. SCREW OTHERS WHO TELL YOU JUST DEAL WITH IT. If you knew how to deal with it you would already have done so.
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6. AITJ For Arriving At The Restaurant Early?

“I went to the zoo with a couple of friends all day, having started there at 10 am. We were scheduled for a dinner on the other side of town at 5 pm with my partner who was at work until 4 pm.

So even including the ~1-hour journey, that’s 6 clear hours of us 3 being at the zoo or out and about. After about 4.5 hours, my friends got tired and we decided to head to roughly the area of the restaurant. We arrived at around 3.30 pm. In trivia, the restaurant area was a collection of covered pedestrian streets.

I would have described the area as cheap and cheerful.

After spending a while wandering around, we circled back past the restaurant at around 4 p.m. and asked the person managing the restaurant whether it would be okay to sit down an hour early and get some drinks before my partner turned up.

They seemed fine with this, probably because they were empty and there were several available tables, so the 3 of us sat down and ordered drinks (after all, we were taking up a table) while we waited for my partner to finish work and come to the restaurant.

We alerted my partner that we had arrived via the group chat. Apparently, this was the wrong thing to do because my partner then called me to let me know she had decided to miss her bus because according to her she ‘didn’t know if there was any point in coming’.

She also spent about 10 minutes telling me all sorts of terrible things that could have happened (but didn’t and I didn’t see any reason why she would think they did) and said ‘Why do you put me in these crappy situations’ twice. She had decided I must have just sat in the restaurant without checking it was okay with the restaurant manager first and not ordered anything.

This isn’t generally something I do.

So, AITJ for turning up to the restaurant early, or AITJ for enabling my partner’s behavior? AITJ for some other reason?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Your partner has ISSUES and do you just let her get her own way ALL THE TIME? Do you cowtow to her idiot sense of superiority? Not the jerk for going to the rest. early but a bit of a brick for letting her pull this crap all the time. WTH is her problem?
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5. AITJ For Stating My Opinion About People Who Make Fun Of Vegetarianism?

“One time when I was at dinner with my friend (Katy) and her partner (Carl) (amongst others). I ordered a pizza with the main topping being butternut squash.

I am not vegetarian, but I don’t eat much meat. For some reason Carl found it hilarious that this pizza was even on the menu, and then that I ordered it. He made fun of it several times with a lot of ‘vegetarian food is so bad’ kind of stuff.

I even heard him say to the others ‘I can’t believe she likes to eat that stuff’ when I went to the bathroom, thinking I couldn’t hear him.

Although I still like Carl, he jokes about vegetarianism a lot and this incident made me feel embarrassed even though I shouldn’t be.

4 years later, my friends and I were drinking and thought it would be fun to name some personal red flags that we all have. I.e. stuff that isn’t that bad, but means that person isn’t for you. For example one of my friends said someone who wears a certain type of shoe, as they’re probably too posh for her.

Another one said someone who is too into nice cars, as she just doesn’t get it and thinks it’s a waste of money, and it would annoy her if a partner spent money on that kind of stuff.

I have always had an opinion that the type of person to goes out of their way to make fun of vegetarianism is probably not my kind of person.

Not only because I eat mostly vegetarian, but because in my opinion, it’s often an offshoot of toxic masculinity, and also I think it shows something about a person if they’re so offended by someone else’s diet choices. To me, it seems likely that those people have a lot of internal anger and use it as a way to take it out on an innocent group of people.

Also, it’s cliche low-level humor. Talking about likelihoods here, not saying all people who do it are bad people, my dad does it.

So I said this as mine and Katy immediately had a problem with it, and said I was obviously thinking about her partner.

I honestly wasn’t trying to as I’ve had this opinion anyway and would have had the opinion if that incident never happened. Also, the other girls said things that could be applied to my partner, but I didn’t get offended as they were supposed to be personal red flags, not absolute ones.

My friends are divided, as am I. Did I go too far here?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
So the next time he opens his mouth about the food YOU CHOOSE just tell him that since he does NOT HAVE TO EAT IT he should keep his unwanted opinion/not joke to himself because it is just making him look like an azz
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4. AITJ For Still Wanting To Go To My Family's Christmas Dinner Despite My Husband Being Sick?

“My fiancé and I lived together in one state, and our families live about eight hours away from us, about two hours from each other. This is my first Christmas without my children since my divorce.

It was very important for my fiancé to be with his family for part of Christmas because we feared it might be his grandmother’s last one. So the plan was to drive to his family’s house and spend a couple of days and celebrate Christmas Eve with them then head over to my dad’s house Christmas Day to have dinner.

Again, this was my first year without my kids, so it was very important to me to be around my family as well. According to the plan, everyone was getting what they wanted and needed.

The night we got into town at his mom’s house we went to dinner and I suspect my husband got food poisoning because he was up all night in the bathroom.

The next day he’s still in and out of the bathroom and the poor man had it coming out of both ends. Christmas Eve was the next day and even though he wasn’t feeling great he was there at the table, eating, and enjoying time with his family.

Christmas morning rolls around and we wake up and I ask how he’s feeling. He says ‘Still crappy’. I ask if he’s even up for going over to my dad’s house. He said ‘I wouldn’t want you to miss Christmas with your dad’ and I responded, ‘Well I could just go for dinner and come back late tonight’.

He said no it was fine and we would head over in a bit…

Well, he went off on me in the car on the way over. Told me he was testing me and my loyalty but I dropped the ball and I’m not acting like a true partner because I was just ready to abandon him when he was sick.

Even though his mom and stepdad were home he says it was not their responsibility to take care of him. It was mine. That I should have called my dad and said my fiancé was sick and I wasn’t going to be at Christmas.

Without going into more detail about the fight that ensued, I just want to know… Am I the jerk?”

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LilVicky 4 months ago
So is this man your fiancé or husband? If he’s your fiancé then you might want to rethink your relationship. Either way, husband or fiancé, you all need counseling if you want to make this a lasting relationship. NTJ
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3. AITJ For Calling My Mom A Jerk After She Tried To Throw Away My Shot Glass?

“My (17 m) birthday is coming up soon, and my mom is getting mad about it.

She just came to my room and asked if I’d be moving out and I said ‘Yeah, probably’ and she flipped out screaming ‘I GAVE YOU A PLACE TO STAY FOR 18 YEARS AND NOW YOU’RE MOVING OUT?! YOU BETTER LET ME LIVE WITH YOU!’ I thought she was joking, but when I saw she wasn’t I told her I’d be moving by myself and she screamed ‘SCREW YOU!’ And stormed away.

Then, like 30 seconds later, she yelled from the kitchen, ‘Throw this garbage away!’ I went to the kitchen and asked what she was talking about, and she pointed to a Kiss shot glass I got. (I’m Ace Frehley in a Kiss tribute band, and the band and I got a set of shot glasses with the Kiss makeup designs on them.

I kept Ace’s. We don’t drink. We got them because they’re cool). I said, ‘That’s not garbage,’ and she screamed, ‘GET THAT TRASH OUT OF HERE!’ I grabbed it, and as I was walking away, she tried to smack it out of my hand.

I lost it and yelled, ‘DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A JERK ALL THE TIME?!’ She started to scream at me, but I went to my room and shut and locked the door.

A little later, I went to get some water and when I got back to my room, my stepdad lectured me about respect and how I’m almost an adult so I should learn to respect my mom.

I didn’t listen and re-strung my guitar. She never respects me so why should I respect her? He was still standing at my door lecturing me 50 minutes later and when he saw I wasn’t listening so he called me a jerk and then left. I guess he told my mom because she came and called me a jerk too.

AITJ for calling my mom a jerk  and not listening to my stepdad?”

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DeniseSB 4 months ago
Your family sounds toxic. Is there someplace safer you can stay--maybe with other family members? It can't be healthy to live in such a toxic atmosphere, with a parent demanding that you take care of her instead of her recognizing her responsibility to take good care of you.
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2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife And Mom For Trying To Surprise Me?

“I am a huge Taylor Swift fan and my wife (we’ll call her Jenna) knows this. Ever since 2020 when Taylor had to cancel her tour, I have been talking about buying tickets for her next one when they go on sale. Jenna and I agreed on all the details – she’s not as big of a fan as I am but she would still have fun.

Yesterday morning, Jenna and I talked again about it and tentatively came to the conclusion that it just wasn’t going to work out after all due to a few complicating factors. We have several trips planned for next year already, this would be fairly expensive, we’d need a family member to watch our toddler, and some friends wanted to come with us that we’d have to make sure also got seats near us.

I was upset, but being an adult, accepted it.

During the afternoon, my mom called me saying that Jenna had texted her to give her a call and wanted to make sure everything was okay. This was odd but I didn’t think too much of it at the time.

Later that night, I checked in with Jenna again just to be sure it really wasn’t happening. She confirmed. I admit I broke down a bit at this point due to the finality of it. Then this morning, she mentioned it again, kind of having a smile on her face.

When I asked why and pointed out it was kind of upsetting that she’d be smiling about something so disappointing for me, she brushed it off. At this point, I have some idea what’s going on.

Fast forward to this morning – my mom calls me and I take the chance to ask her if she and Jenna are trying to coordinate a surprise for me and that’s why Jenna had been acting so weird.

I told her that wasn’t something I was interested in if so, I really wanted to be able to pick out our tickets and plan this myself due to how important it is to me. But she denied that that’s what was happening. However, I now get a call from Jenna that my mom called her saying I ‘yelled at her’ about it.

She got mad at ‘me’, asking why couldn’t I just let her surprise me and I was being a control freak. It turned into a whole argument and she doesn’t see my side at all.

Turns out they were planning to buy the tickets and tell me about them as a Christmas present.

But in the meantime, I’d be disappointed thinking that I wasn’t going to be able to go, which just seems cruel. If they were going to do this I would have much preferred they tell me about it sooner, like yesterday when I was upset about it, or next week when tickets go on sale.

But they also both know I don’t like surprises in general. They were so expecting me to have some big happy reaction on Christmas, and looking forward to feeling good about themselves because of it, that they didn’t stop to think about what I’d actually want at all.

So am I the jerk for getting upset at my wife and my mom for trying to surprise me?”

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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LizzieTX 3 months ago
Of all the ungrateful @$$holes, you're the worst. You complain because you can't go, you complain again because you can't go, then when you suspect they're going to surprise you and you CAN go, you go off on your wife and your mother for trying to surprise you? Gods, you are the most self absorbed jerk I've ever heard of. Poor wife and mom can't do anything right, can they? If I were they, I'd scotch the gift altogether and the two of them take the kids to Disney and leave your self pitying @$$ home alone. Wow.
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1. AITJ For Unenrolling My Daughter From School And Deciding To Homeschool Her?

“My (30 F) daughter (fifth grade) has never been the type of kid with a ton of friends, but she’s always had a few. Recently, she’s been coming home and telling me about how these girls in her class (whom I thought were her friends) have been making rude remarks to her.

Stuff like ‘Why do you still wear that shirt?’ And ‘Oh, you listen to that music? That’s cute’. My daughter’s never specifically expressed that this hurts her feelings too much, but I don’t see how it couldn’t. She’s also started making similar comments to US and her friends from gymnastics.

I can’t help but wonder what this is doing to her psychologically. It can’t be good for her to constantly hear these demeaning words. I had a talk with her about it and she said she’d not say those things anymore but she couldn’t control her friends.

The other day, I was picking her up and heard her friend laugh and say ‘I can’t believe your mom still picks you up from school’. That was my last straw, so after a couple of weeks of considering it, I decided to unenroll her from her public school for the next term and begin homeschooling her.

I did briefly discuss this with her father, but not very much because he didn’t seem invested.

Last night I broke the news to my daughter that she would no longer be attending public school after the end of March and that I had found a great homeschooling curriculum similar to the one she’s already following.

She immediately burst into tears saying she would never see her friends again. I do understand she doesn’t have a phone so she can’t text them and it will be hard to communicate with them, but I also don’t think they were right for her.

I also told her that most elementary school friends don’t even last through middle school. She is very upset with me and after she told her dad, my husband (35 M), he got upset with me too. He asked why we didn’t discuss it more and why I thought this would solve the problem.

I am a stay-at-home mom, so I am able to help her with school. I also found some great homeschooling groups so she can meet new friends.

Neither of them really wants to talk to me anymore, and after I’ve slept on it I’ve started feeling more guilty.

I’m starting to think maybe I jumped the gun a bit and made the wrong choice. Am I the jerk  for pulling my daughter out of school because of her bullies?”

-2 points (2 vote(s))
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MadameZ 4 months ago
YTJ and controlling. Are you anywhere near competent to provide your kid with a decent education in the first place? Homeschooling *can* work but only if the parent has the relevant skillset and is prepared to put the effort in. The fact that you make huge assumptions about your daughter's feelings rather than talking and listening to her suggest you will be a terrible teacher and probably aren't that good a parent. The fact that you are not interested in her distress about being cut off from her friends is even more of a red flag. You need to do what you can to fic tis, including getting your head out of your backside.
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