People Request That We Analyze Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For What I Said To My Biological Mom?
“I was put up for adoption along with my two siblings when I was four. My little brother got adopted pretty much immediately because he was so young, but me and my sister were in foster care for two years. It was a CPS situation, illegal substances were involved, and my birth mother was given several chances to take care of us before the judge ruled she was unfit.
She chose that lifestyle over us, my sister and I were adopted by a really nice family.
When I turned 18 I reached out to my birth mother and found out she turned her life around, she had a well-paying job, three new kids, and a husband.
She was ecstatic that I reached out to her, and seemed like she really had changed. I was the only one to contact her as my younger sister had no interest in her, and my younger brother’s family was the same way. He’s too young to reach out himself, as in legally he can’t.
I’ve told my birth mother multiple times that it’s up to him to reach out when he’s old enough, and I can’t say anything about him out of respect for his family’s wishes.
Last weekend, I visited my biological grandmother and aunt for the first time, and we were talking about my siblings.
I gave the usual speech about a loving home, and I mentioned how he’d gotten himself into a bit of trouble, regular teenage boy stuff. I also made the mistake of mentioning him by his new name rather than the name my birth mother gave him.
My grandmother told my mother what his new name was and she found him on social media through me. She messaged him saying she’d like to hear from him, and he texted me about it, understandably shaken up. I immediately messaged her appalled that she would go behind my back like that knowing she was not supposed to be talking to him.
She shot off about how concerned she was about him getting into trouble and how she was just trying to see if he was okay, I told her that that’s not her place and his parents would handle it. I also told her that she made her decision when we got put up for adoption.
She got upset saying it happened so long ago and I shouldn’t be holding it over her head, and how dare I treat her this way. I simply said, ‘He’s not your child anymore, and if I have to choose between you or him I’m choosing him’.
She’s now ignoring me, and my aunt and grandmother are saying I’m a jerk for saying all that to her, and I’m just wondering if I was too harsh?”
35. AITJ For Wanting To Make Sure That My Son's Ex's Baby Is His?
“My son (18) has found out one of his exes is 8 months pregnant. He knew nothing of the sort of her being pregnant until now and now he’s just expected to accept everything no questions asked.
My daughter (20) is good friends with this girl and knew about her pregnancy but said nothing to us because her friend asked her not to.
My son was head over heels for this lady but she ended up breaking his heart by having an affair and was very needy and manipulative, he spent a lot of money on her because she would ask for gifts my son couldn’t even afford and convince him to use one of my credit cards to achieve it.
My daughter who isn’t currently living with us and is actually rooming with her at her college is also being manipulated by her and thinks she only does good and doesn’t believe that she convinced her brother to use my credit or that she even had an affair.
Showed up with my son’s ex at my door to help her tell us that she was pregnant.
When I saw her there at my door visually pregnant I knew she was gonna be saying that my son is the father of her child and immediately said that my son would not be putting in any money or time until there was a paternity test proving that is his child.
My son backed me up and agreed.
My daughter was horrified by my comment and accused me of encouraging him to be a deadbeat father and was upset I didn’t even give them a chance to explain themselves.
My son’s ex started crying saying you always assume the worst of me and that she went 8 months of pregnancy alone and the least we could do is ensure she is taken care of for the betterment of his child.
I do agree that if this is his child we gonna ensure mom is doing well to ensure the baby is doing well but I don’t want my son to be involved with her only to get his heart broken again and only to find out that the child isn’t his.
Am I the jerk here?”
34. AITJ For Not Being Able To Support My Pregnant Best Friend Anymore?
“I have been struggling with infertility for 4 years. I’ve had a hard time starting my family & I have no kids of my own. I’ve had multiple miscarriages & issues getting pregnant. She is aware of this & she’s usually really great about supporting me through this hard time.
In the time I’ve been trying she’s had 2 kids and I’ve supported her through both pregnancies. It’s been hard but I’ve done my best to put my feelings aside to support her in her journey, as she has mine.
She’s recently decided she wants to try for her 3rd child.
My issue is that she becomes immensely annoying when she decides she wants another kid. I’ve been through this two times with her, she obsesses over every detail. She bombards me with questions, what-ifs, her personal life, pictures of her ovulation tests, google research, and ‘advice’ on what I should be doing which angers me because I’ve been living with this for 4 years.
I don’t need her advice on what she thinks I should be doing when we have vastly different issues. She’s never had infertility. She gets pregnant easily. But she’s worried she’ll struggle like I have… her words.
Secondly, she’s very annoying during pregnancy which is hard on me because I desire nothing but a healthy pregnancy so I really don’t wanna hear somebody else complaining about it.
Yes, I am aware that one hardship doesn’t negate the other hardship and pregnancy can be very stressful for women. I don’t discredit that. It’s personally hard for me just to hear her complain about something I wish I could have. She complains about everything as if it’s not what she wanted, she knew what she expected and still complains to me… the wrong person to be complaining to.
In a heartbeat, I’d trade for her position.
I’ve told her that she’s being too much right now & that if she becomes pregnant before I do it’ll be hard for me to be the support that she needs & all of a sudden I’m the jerk.
She told me before to tell her if I needed some space or if she was being too much just tell her because she wanted to be sensitive toward me knowing my struggles. I feel like she’s completely ignored that because she needs me to be her emotional dumpster even if it’s inconvenient for me.
I can definitely recall times where she hasn’t been there for me while I struggle but I don’t mention it.
To be honest, this time around I just do not have the emotional capacity to handle her in this phase of her life again.
I love her, but, I cannot be leaned on by her right now for this. I’m barely holding on to myself, recently my journey has been very tough. Although I am on the right path to starting my family, it’s still very hard for me.
I can’t pour from an empty cup.
So I wanna know AITJ for not wanting to support her through another pregnancy? It’s just really hard on me & the way that she’s acting about this whole ordeal is already so exhausting.”
33. AITJ For Limiting The Time My Sister Is Allowed To Stay At My Place?
“I (25 F) currently work full time and am in the process of moving abroad by the end of next month.
As a result, I have a ton of things to do and stuff to get rid of. I live in a large flat with an office/guest bedroom that I don’t use during the day as I’m at work.
My sister (27) is currently studying for a really demanding exam and shares a house with my mother.
They have issues with their internet connection and on top of that, my mother works from home in a separate part of the house 1-1 with clients.
Now my sister asked if she could study from my place while I was at work. I agreed and arranged a second key, made some space in the fridge, and got some drinks & snacks to make her feel comfortable.
Last Monday was the first day she came over, a lot earlier than agreed (I was still in bed). When I got home at 6 pm, she was still working. I didn’t want to disturb her and waited until she finished at around 8:30 pm. We had a quick chat and I asked her if it was OK if she came in earliest at 6 when I left for work and left again when I returned from work so I could sort through stuff, dismantle furniture, etc. She was visibly upset but said it would be fine.
The next day my mother texted me (group chat including other family members) to tell me how awful of a person I am, how much trouble I caused them as they had to create a new study space overnight, how I am no longer welcome for visits, how I won’t be allowed to use her car to get to work once mine has sold, and that I won’t be allowed to store any of my belongings in her place as previously promised. I simply texted back that I was at work and couldn’t deal with that right now but that I never said she wasn’t allowed to use my space anymore but to just limit the time she spends there so I can get my move abroad figured out.
My sister then proceeded to call me self-centered and that I was basically ruining her chance for a great career over my own selfish issues.
I was deeply hurt by their reaction, balled my eyes out at work, and left the group chat. However, my other sister (20) and my mom’s partner insist I should apologize (both also live in my mom’s house).
Now I am starting to second guess myself – AITJ and do I owe them an apology?”
32. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Bring Her Kids To My Wedding?
“I’m (28 f) due to marry my fiancé Dean (30 m) in a month. We’ve been together for 11 years and have a girl Ella (5). Important info, Ella has autism, high functioning.
She’s incredibly quiet, keeps to herself, is very polite, and acts more mature than some adults I know. Obviously, we want her there, she just wants to go as a guest, and that’s fine. She is the only child under 16 allowed at our wedding.
I was talking to Mum the other day about final plans when she asked me about childcare for Ella. I was confused as we’ve made it clear from the start that Ella would be there, to which mum said that ‘as sis isn’t allowed to bring her kids, we assumed Ella wouldn’t be there either because of their autism.’
Back story on sis (F 34): She has twins (M & F 7). When they were 3, her ex caught her having an affair, a DNA test was done, the kids weren’t his, he left, and she’s been a single mum since. Before he left, the kids were well-behaved. Had manners, knew right from wrong, etc. Once he left she gave up parenting.
When Ella was diagnosed a year ago, she came up with the notion that her kids are also autistic. They are not, she has taken them to multiple specialists, and they have all said they don’t have any mental disabilities. I know this because she moans that no one takes her seriously.
She saw the same specialist that Ella saw and she told me that she’s incompetent as she could diagnose my kid but not hers.
Her kids act up a lot. E.g no one invites them to birthdays as last time, they had tantrums as they couldn’t open the birthday boys’ presents and had to be stopped from smashing the cake in retaliation.
If they aren’t the center of attention they scream at the top of their lungs. I had to ban them from my house because the last time they visited they destroyed Ella’s favorite books because she said no to them playing with her toys.
I do not want these kids at my wedding because I know they will act up, and sis won’t do anything because ‘they’re autistic, I can’t discipline them, and they don’t understand.’ Luckily hers aren’t the only kids under 16 so she can’t claim I’ve singled them out.
I explained to Mum that Ella was the only exemption from the rule as she’s ours. She suggested that maybe it’s best Ella stays home so my sister’s kids won’t feel left out. I politely told her no, and explained the other reasons for not wanting them there, but she kept insisting it was the right thing to do, or remove the rule for my sister’s kids.
After some back and forth I had enough and just snapped. I told her to get lost, just because my sister was her favorite didn’t mean she had to have everything about her/her kids, especially not at MY wedding.
Mum left upset at me, and now I have her and Sis up my butt about it, mum saying to either leave Ella at home or let Sis bring her kids.
Sis because I said the kids misbehave. Dean is on my side and joked about just uninviting them both, which I’m seriously considering now. But AITJ here?”
31. AITJ For Getting A Refund For All The Work The Car Shop Did To My Vehicle?
“I (43 M) am not a car guy. Fix computers and stuff like that, but I’ve always paid for car stuff because it’s not my area of expertise.
So a little while ago, my car started making a weird rattling noise. Didn’t seem to affect how it drove, but I still wanted to get it fixed so I took it to a shop. Tell the guy at the counter I need this rattling noise fixed, and leave the keys with them.
Cut to the next day — the shop calls me and says they’ve found my problem. All four brakes are bad, need new pads, shoes, drums, etc. Gonna be about $2k. I’m confused, because I’ve been in a car with bad brakes, and it really didn’t feel like that, but I figure ‘I’m not the expert here — trust the experts.’ Still, I asked the guy if getting this work done would fix the rattling, and he said it absolutely would.
I tell him to go ahead and do it, then.
A few hours later, I’m at the shop picking up the car. I pay for it, grab the keys, and head out to the parking lot. I start the car and pull away, and it immediately starts rattling again.
So I circle the block, pull back into the same parking spot, and go inside. Yes, I’m annoyed at this point. I place (may have slammed) my keys on the counter and tell the guy I need my car actually fixed this time, and I want a different tech on it because the last one was obviously deaf if he couldn’t hear that rattling.
The next day, they called me. Turns out, it was a heat shield that came loose, they tightened it up and as recompense, they’re ‘not even going to charge the $20 labor for the fix.’
Here’s where the question comes in. I went full dude-Karen.
Told them I needed a refund for the work they did that didn’t actually fix the car, and no I’m not bringing it back in so they can put the old brakes back on because I consider that their compensation for me not taking them to small-claims for trying to charge me for something that’s a hundred times more expensive than I actually needed. Spoke to the store manager, who said he wasn’t refunding anything as obviously I just wanted a free brake job because no matter what the car actually needed, it also needed new brakes.
In the end, I wound up talking to his boss (the district manager) who refunded me for all the labor, and I just paid for the parts. I was still angry, but my whole point wasn’t that I wanted a bunch of free stuff, it was that they lied to me about what I needed and then didn’t even fix the actual issue.
(Which, by the way, if they had charged me $2k for the brake job while also actually fixing the heat shield, I would’ve driven away happy to have given them payment for services rendered.)
So, AITJ here? Should I have just said ‘mistakes happen’ and moved on with my life?
Or were they legit trying to scam me and I maybe should have taken it even further?”
30. AITJ For Giving An Honest Wedding Speech?
“My sister recently married her long-time partner. We are 4 kids (2F and 2M) and our parents died a while back. My sister asked me to be her maid of honor and I accepted.
To be honest, I wasn’t wholly enthusiastic about it because I’m not that keen on her husband. I think she can do better. I’ve never gelled with him, my other siblings straight up dislike him. While nobody has overtly said this – we’ve remained polite + friendly + included him in family things – my sister knows this and it bums her out.
Fast forward to her wedding. As the maid of honor, I obviously had to give a speech. Spent hours carefully crafting it so I wouldn’t lie but it was also nice and wedding-appropriate. I talked about how I wished them the best for their future, how I like how happy he makes my sister, how I love my sister etc. What I failed to say was how I loved him, how our parents would have approved, and how I think they’re made for each other… what I had said when our brother married. I thought it was a nice speech and others at the wedding agreed.
My sister asked to meet for lunch post-honeymoon. Not long in, she explodes on me. She didn’t realize I hated him so much as to neglect to say 1 nice thing about him. She didn’t know I clearly preferred my brother since his speech was so much better and sincere than hers.
I had betrayed her by failing to mention how Mother would have loved her husband. Tears were shed, voice raised, people looking.
I apologized and said I gave an honest and sincere speech that I felt was 100% true. She said I could have pretended not to hate him for 5 minutes and said something nice.
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Making My Partner Sleep On The Sofa Because Of His Alarms?
“So my (f 29) partner (m 26) of 5 years has this thing where he sets 20 different alarms in the space of an hour in order to wake up in the morning. Which would be fine normally except he never wakes up for them. I get woken up by them and then I have to wake him up, but in return, he gets angry and shouts at me for complaining about being woken up at half past 5 every morning.
We have a two-year-old son in the room next door who is also woken by these alarms every day and is not getting enough sleep due to this, I should also mention I’m 4 months pregnant and not sleeping great at night as it is.
He tells me it’s not his fault that his alarms are waking me up and that we should just ‘sleep through it’ and stop complaining.
I wouldn’t care so much if he woke up himself with his alarm but it’s a daily occurrence of him not waking up and me having to wake him up telling him his alarm is going off.
Now this morning was the same as it’s been the past 2 months, the alarm goes off, he doesn’t wake up, 20 minutes go by with it blaring so I wake him up. He starts shouting at me that it’s my own fault I woke up, our son wakes up crying because of the noise from his shouting so I tell him he can no longer share our room if he can’t learn to wake up with his alarm and that he’s to sleep on the sofa from now on.
Just for clarity, all bills are split 50/50 in our household, I do all the house jobs (ie. Cleaning cooking shopping etc) he works from 7 am to 5 pm 4 days a week. I understand he needs to get up for work but to say it’s our own fault both myself and my son are waking up due to his crazy alarms seem somewhat extreme.
So AITJ for telling him he has to sleep on the sofa until he learns to wake up to his alarms on his own, instead of me waking him up after 20 minutes of them going off?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Phone Bill?
“I (25 F) had to move back in with my folks in 2020 because I lost my job. This includes my dad (50 M), mom (49 F), and sister (17 F). Ever since I moved back in, my mom has treated me the same as my sister. I have a curfew that’s earlier than when I was in high school, she takes my car keys (that I pay insurance for and is in my name, but she did help me buy), cuts off the wi-fi even when I’m working, grounds me, but what drives me crazy is her taking my phone.
I bought my phone completely by myself when I moved out. I am still on the family phone plan because it was cheaper for everyone to have four on there. When she started taking my phone I said that I was going to just get my own plan, and she basically said that as long as I’m under her roof, then she can take my phone.
Moving out isn’t an option right now, so I can’t call the cops over a stolen property as a friend suggested, so I just stopped paying for my phone. She keeps asking about it, but she won’t listen to how deeming it is to be treated the same as my sister who is still in high school, and be controlled more than when I was in high school, plus with her messing with the wi-fi and causing me to lose projects/pay, I feel like this is fair.
So she’s been paying for it for about three months, but she actually got my dad involved recently and he’s mad. I basically told him when he can get my mom to listen to me I’ll start paying it again. I’ll even pay them back for the last few months.
He then decided he was ‘not going to get involved’ and things are tense, but I don’t see why I should pay for something that can be taken or turned off at any time. AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Suggesting That My Coworker Take Off Her Jacket Or Wear A Thinner One?
“I (22 F) started at a very small company about 8 months ago. I only have two coworkers, ‘Sara’ (F – late 60s) and ‘Mandy’ (F – 30s). Both of them have been working here for the better part of the last decade.
Mandy and I share an office space and get along quite alright. Neither Mandy nor I really get along with Sara – but that is a whole other story.
I have issues with my blood pressure, in the sense that is quite low. As a result, I have issues with my body temperature regulation and I get cold A LOT.
So I check the weather every morning and then get dressed accordingly. I layer and usually wear a body suit under my tops and a pair of leggings under my jeans or pants now that it’s Winter – yes, I’m in the Southern Hemisphere.
Mandy lives much closer to work, like around the block, and usually wears the same combination of outfits to work every day – T-shirts, jackets, jeans, runners.
She runs hot and around 9 am, she’ll open the window to our office.
Within minutes, I am freezing under all my layers and she’ll sit there sipping coffee, all toasty in her jacket. I understand that fresh air is important as well but she is aware of my blood pressure, and she’ll make comments throughout the day about how ‘snuggly’ I look in my scarf, layers, and jacket and then laugh it off when I say I am getting cold.
She often complains that she is getting too hot, and I’ve suggested that she check the weather before she gets dressed in the morning, but she says it’s too much of a nuisance. I have also suggested that she maybe wear a thinner jacket instead of the fleece one she usually wears but she says the fleece one is her favorite and more comfortable.
In the meantime, I’m freezing my butt off, and struggling to work with my hands shivering from the cold.
I don’t have any other issues with her, except maybe that she overshares a bit, but I also understand as she’s explained that she doesn’t have many female friends.
WIBTJ if I ask Mandy to take off her jacket before she considers opening the window? OR how do I ask her in the most polite way?”
26. AITJ For Having A Dream About My Friend?
“Aaron (20 M) and I (19 F) have been friends since eighth grade.
He and Ruby (19 F) have been going out for about a year now.
I always have the weirdest dreams, and more often than not, they involve people that I know. Barring anything really weird that I’d rather keep to myself, I usually tell the people who appear in them about it.
I’ve never had anyone take it as anything but funny.
I had a dream last night involving Aaron. It involved the two of us running through a thrift store and some abandoned mountains trying to find somewhere to hide while being chased by a serial killer, all while we were trying to buy his sister a new laptop.
I woke up and texted Aaron about it, and he thought it was funny and we were just kinda cracking jokes about it.
I got a message from Ruby about an hour later, asking if she could talk to me. I said sure, and she told me that she felt uncomfortable with how I’d been texting Aaron earlier.
I scrolled through our chat, trying to see if I’d accidentally said anything ‘off’ when we were talking (like something she could understandably misinterpret) but I couldn’t find anything and I asked her what she meant. She basically went off on me for telling Aaron I dreamt about him, saying she knew that was a sneaky way of flirting with him since it basically meant I was thinking about him, and told me I wasn’t being slick.
I wasn’t trying to be slick, I genuinely just thought he’d get a laugh out of it, and I told her that. She kept going on about it, asking why I couldn’t just leave Aaron alone and how stupid did I think she was, all that.
I don’t do well with confrontation so I just told her to leave me alone and texted Aaron the screenshots to tell him he might wanna talk to Ruby about it because she’s upset. He said he would and that he didn’t know she’d react like that.
Since then, I haven’t heard anything from either of them on it, but I did tell my other friend Jess (20 F) about it. Jess said she could get where Ruby was coming from since apparently, it’s a ‘high school’ sort of way of flirting to say you dreamt about someone, kinda like grabbing someone’s hat off of them and the like.
If it is, that isn’t how I meant it, but I’d like to know AITJ for it?”
25. WIBTJ If I Send My Husband's Videos To My Brothers?
“I (40 f) am currently divorcing my husband (50 m). It’s been a long process of trying to fix things but I finally decided I couldn’t do it anymore.
He has many medical issues and does not drive on his own and has relied on me mainly. He can care for himself mostly outside that. He had a severe drinking problem which is the main reason we are divorcing. I’ve tried for years with this and just can’t any longer.
I have hours and hours of audio and video of him… not being nice. At first, I recorded to play back to him because he didn’t believe he said certain things while wasted. And then it became evidence in case he fought me in the divorce.
My kids are now teenagers. I’m not too worried about a custody battle. They would only choose to live with me. I’m not asking for child support because I know my leaving will leave him a bit in need of transportation and stuff and I can fully support them myself… even though he makes more financially.
Here’s my issue… mostly minor and petty in the scheme of things. I have 4 older brothers. I am only close to one and he knows what I’ve been through and is fully supportive.
The other 3 I’ve only seen a handful of times in the last 10 years since my dad died. But my husband had started contacting them to tell them how I was abandoning him when he needed me the most. He’s saying I’m hysterical and overreacting.
They have all reached out to ask why I’m doing this to him and even though I’ve explained they still think this is an overreaction on my part.
I said I had hours of audio/video of my husband. 90% is stuff towards me but some is towards my brothers.
Calling names and making threats. I’m half tempted to send these videos to them. I don’t think anyone will ever actually need to see them but their reaction has hurt and makes me want to show them.
But part of me wonders why I care.
They haven’t been a part of my life for a long time… so I really shouldn’t care. And it feels a bit petty to do it.
So the question is… WIBTJ if I send them some of the videos?”
24. AITJ For Demanding My Mom To Transfer My Money Into My Account?
“I am in my second year of college on a scholarship.
The money I get from said scholarship and other grants is more than I need to cover my classes so the extra is meant to be deposited into my account to go towards rent, living expenses, and other things needed for my courses.
Now, I love my mom, but we do not get along all of the time, and she likes to stay in control of my life in whatever way she can.
I realize a part of this is due to being a mother, but it has gotten to the point where she believes everything I have is hers. She treats things I have bought myself or been gifted as if she can take them away at any moment even though I am ~technically~ an adult.
She didn’t even give me access to my own accounts until recently (this is the reason this never came up until now), and she insists on having all of my passwords.
I have been trying to be more independent because I don’t like this and it doesn’t feel healthy, so I have asked her to work with me on things like doctor’s visits, class schedules, etc. (she refuses to).
I am grateful she is so willing to help me, but I want to be more in control of my life. With that said, all of my scholarship money has been going into her account. She is saying she will only give it to me in small amounts as I need it.
There are multiple more expensive things I need to purchase soon, but even if that weren’t the case, I think it is reasonable that I receive my own money…
I have tried to talk to her about it multiple times, but she insists that it is safer to keep it herself and that she only will talk about it in person (I live away from home and don’t visit often).
While I think (and hope) that this money has been going towards things to help me, I have no way of knowing for sure. And let’s just say, over the past 3 semesters… it’s a decent chunk of money. After the third time of her ignoring me and hanging up on me, I finally blew up and said that I would be calling the financial aid department to make sure this didn’t happen again and that I expected the money to be deposited in my account.
She said that she was thinking about it but now that I was being demanding and rude she would have to reconsider. After that, I was told that if I can’t handle this, I won’t be able to handle anything else in my future…
I feel bad for yelling at her and being demanding… am I the jerk?”
23. AITJ For Not Accepting My Roommate's Rules?
“I got a new roommate last week and we’ll call her Hailey. It’s been less than two weeks. This is school housing so Hailey was assigned at random, and was cool when we were texting about boundaries, expectations, and what our schedules are like.
She bought herself a TV and furniture for the living room as well as a washer and dryer for the apartment. I paid for half of everything besides the television, I just don’t have the money at the moment to pitch in yet.
Her partner stayed for five days, and she had multiple friends over.
She also hosted a movie night and asked if I was okay with a group of people coming over, and I said yes as long as I could go (in an endearing tone not being serious) and she told me, of course, I could come and go as far as telling me I should go out with all of them sometime soon.
Hailey, her partner, and I all went out to eat after this conversation but were acting like I was in the way of having a good time. I forgot to mention that I’m openly gay, and I like to dress masculinely. Hailey went on to ask me what being gay was like and was openly not interested in hearing the answers wincing and eye-rolling whenever I would answer their questions.
She said she doesn’t care if I’m lesbian or how I dress as long as I ‘don’t hit on them.’
The next day I asked if my friend could join our movie night, and she told me we couldn’t go because there weren’t enough seats on the couch, and they didn’t want anyone sitting on the floor.
I thought it was weird and said that was fine as I was not trying to intrude. She said verbatim in reply ‘I mean I don’t care if your friend comes over you both just can’t watch the movie with us.’
I texted her asking if I could use her Xbox while she was at school and she said yes and thanks for asking first. (We played the night before because I asked her to and she tapped out maybe 20 minutes after we started and tried to distract from the situation by telling me I could ‘take her seat’ and I’m ‘cool to stay out here and watch TV’.
I asked her if I should be asking to use the TV and said that it was fine, as long as she gets dibs on the living room since she bought it. I thought she was joking but she wasn’t and added that she won’t kick me out of the living room unless she wants alone time or having her friends over.
She also said that if I do have friends over to let her know, but that if they break the TV I’ll have to pay her back. I haven’t had any friends over yet, so I was confused about why she was saying that. After she told me I had to agree for her to feel comfortable I said ‘Yea I guess that makes sense Hailey.’ She got upset and said no to saying that to her because it was condescending and she was ‘not a dude,’ and not to do it again.
She got home after this and ignored me. She then asked me 20 minutes later to leave the living room, and now I am here.
AITJ for not accepting her rules? I’ve never had a roommate before so I’m not sure what to expect/is expected of me.”
22. AITJ For Ignoring My Coworker Who Was Trying To Boss Me Around?
“I’m French and I am temporarily working at an elementary school (until June). My job is to assist whenever the teachers need something and take care of other things like phone calls and people at the door, and sometimes to help with a kid or two in classrooms.
Now, I have this one coworker who we’ll call C. C is actually an old friend of my mom and has known me since I was a tiny kid, but we’ve kinda lost contact until now.
The thing that made me decide to make this post actually happened a few hours ago.
We use an intercom to open the door for people, and it buzzes while it’s on, then turns off a few seconds later.
C knows a trick to make it stop sooner, which is just to take the phone out and put it back on the intercom.
I don’t really bother doing that, because nobody really cares about the noise and I’m usually alone around here. Well, not today.
She saw me not doing the phone trick after opening the door for a kid and immediately rushed into the restroom to tell me I needed to absolutely do this to stop the buzzing (I guess because it’s actually unbearable to her).
When I’ve tried explaining to her again that the intercom stops after a bit by itself anyway, she blows up and starts telling me how I do nothing but sit on a chair all day to answer the phone once or twice, and how I need to get more involved in this job and do things.
Again, I explain that I do my job, that the teachers know they can ask me to help with stuff whenever they need (C was even there to see one of the teachers do exactly that this morning), and that I always do what’s been asked of me as best as I can (the tasks aren’t really difficult so it’s fine).
She went on by saying I should go help in classrooms, and when I responded that I shouldn’t go there when I’ve not been asked to come, she said that I should go help in the special needs classroom.
The thing is, I do go there from time to time, but not often because I don’t HAVE experience working with kids, so I can’t help much there.
And I’ve told her so, but she just said that she also didn’t receive training and that I don’t have any excuse, despite the fact that she has worked here for several years now, unlike me.
Anyway, after a while of going back and forth, she had to go but kept coming back in the room trying to prove her point and ended by saying that she was sorry I was upset (I wasn’t) but that she was right.
When she came back later and tried going back at it, I just told her to stop and not talk to me like this, that I am doing exactly what I’ve been told to do by others, and that she doesn’t get to order me around because she’s not even a teacher.
After that, she just left furiously. The other people present in the room told me to leave it because C has been having personal problems recently, but I don’t think that’s an excuse to yell at me.
So am I the jerk for telling her off and ignoring her?”
21. AITJ For Wanting To Go To Couple's Therapy?
“I (26 F) asked my husband (31 M) if it was okay if I took some time to study for an exam I have today. Every time I ask him he gives me an exhausted response ‘Sure’. I have asked him before if it’s an issue when he responds like that and he doesn’t look at me and says ‘Nope’ with the same aggravated voice.
I asked him if he didn’t want me to study and he said he wanted to be honest with me.
He says ‘I am tired and I’ve been watching the kids a lot this weekend’ Backstory: he gave me permission to donate plasma to help pay for a trip.
So I did that yesterday and the first visit takes 3 hours so he had to watch the kids by himself. He, for the past 2 years doesn’t want me to work and every time I mention getting a job he says that’s stupid. So l asked him if I could donate plasma in the past so I have money for myself he told me no because ‘I can barely handle myself as it is’.
I was taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning myself. I still do the majority of everything myself because he works. He does help me straighten up now every once in a now.
Well last night I was trying to study but I ended up spending that time getting our kids back to bed, they kept waking up so I was up with them until 3 am.
I ended up falling asleep on the floor of their room.
So I said to him that I was tired from taking care of the kids all night when I was trying to take that time to study. He got mad and told me I didn’t care how he was feeling (which I understand he told me he was tired and I responded I was tired).
Well after he flipped out about how I don’t care how he’s feeling he gets frustrated that I just got quiet and wasn’t really talking. I told him I don’t have to study anymore and he said ‘Well you might as well if you are going to be grumpy about it’ and I told him no and I changed my mind I can study before the exam tonight.
And he continued for the next 30 minutes saying that I’m trying to be a martyr and how he’s on my side and he would never tell me not to study (even though this is his reaction every time I’ve asked past and present).
When I told him I didn’t know what he wanted me to say he said all this stuff I should say to him (like he was actually expecting me to say it back and I need to agree that he always has good intentions and that I know that) and I felt a lump form in my throat from holding back tears so I went to the bathroom to cry.
He then told me he’s avoiding couples therapy because he doesn’t want his parents to use it against us somehow and I need to be okay with us working through our issues ourselves. I’ve been asking him for months for couples therapy.
I feel like he manipulates me into thinking everything is okay after the fact and tries to be extra nice and lovey right after.
This is the cycle.”
20. AITJ For Wanting To File A Grievance Report Against My Doctor?
“I’m (26 f) currently seeing a few different specialists to try and narrow down what is causing my symptoms (joint pain, heat sensitivity, extreme fatigue, loss of feeling in my hands and feet, headaches – the list goes on) and ended up being referred to a Rheumatologist. For those who don’t know, for context, this doctor specializes in autoimmune diseases.
I ended up in their office a few months ago because some of my lab work came back indicating that I may have some sort of autoimmune disease, which may explain why I’ve been having so many issues. I feel like a 70-year-old woman most of the time, have a fairly decent diet, and am not severely overweight.
At the beginning of my appointment, the doctor’s assistant asked me if I had any allergies. She misunderstood me when I said ‘Yes, to antibiotics’ and noted ‘antioxidants’. From that point forward, I felt as if I wasn’t being taken seriously (and honestly, if someone told me they were allergic to all vitamins I probably wouldn’t take them very seriously either).
The doctor was very dismissive, and after her examination was done she told me I had some abnormal inflammation in my joints, but she couldn’t do anything to treat me until the inflammation progressed and became more severe. Basically, wait it out for 2-3 years and come back when it gets worse.
That was the end of the visit.
Well, yesterday, I underwent a treatment for allergies (also severe, I really won the genetic jackpot in my family) and my Allergist called after my appointment to check in with me. While we were discussing the issues I was having and how to address them, she asked if I had seen a rheumatologist yet.
I explained what had happened during the appointment, and she decided to look into the notes to see if there was any information there. (These doctors are in the same network so she was able to access the record.)
Turns out the rheumatologist determined that I have beginning-stage MCTD or fibromyalgia and just didn’t tell me.
Additional bloodwork and imaging would be able to determine which is the case, so I would be able to maybe find some relief with proper treatment. I was livid when my allergist relayed the information. This appointment was six months ago and had the imaging/testing been ordered then, I would most likely be much closer to an effective treatment plan now.
When I was talking to my friend and relayed my feelings about the doctor’s negligence and wanting to file a grievance, she said it was just a misunderstanding and I was a jerk for wanting to report it. So let me have it – AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Asking My Husband What He's Done For Our Baby?
“I (26 F) had a baby in September of last year, throughout my pregnancy my husband was amazing and helped out a lot as I had complications during it.
Ever since the baby was born minus the month of my recovering from an emergency c-section I have been doing everything. For the past 6 months, I have changed practically all of the baby’s diapers, fed, bathed, put the baby in new clothes for the day, and did household chores.
I also have a full-time job as well, while he gets to be a stay-at-home dad picking up some odd jobs here and there. I took some time off work to spend time with the baby but my husband joked ‘I get the whole week off’.
I didn’t think he would be serious. I was absolutely wrong, it wasn’t a joke.
By the end of the week, I was so exhausted from doing EVERYTHING. Cooking, cleaning, feeding (I breastfeed due to him wanting me too) (according to him if I take more than 15 minutes in a store, it’s too long).
By the end of my time off was so touched out and just purely mentally exhausted I wanted to cry. I don’t get 5 minutes to myself without the baby screaming and he didn’t even pick him up.
Anyway, I flat out told him that I was exhausted from doing everything and felt like I was a single parent.
We got into a huge fight he stated that I lost all my breaks when I had the baby and I was being petty for asking him how many diapers he has changed, how many solids he’s fed, how many baths he has given, how many xyz and so forth.
But he told me I was a jerk for pointing out everything he doesn’t do and that I didn’t have a problem with anything other than him, and called me petty and childish.
So, AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Ignoring My Coworker's Apologies?
“I (27 F) have a coworker (38 M) who is very clingy and overbearing.
He told me I was his only friend. It is a strange dynamic because he is technically one of my supervisors.
Every time I get up from my desk to go to the bathroom, get water, or fill up my coffee cup he does the same.
He literally follows me around. I can’t get away from him. He is constantly wandering over to my desk and will not leave me alone during the work day.
He also gives me a hard time for not wanting to be alone with him and tells me I’m too attached to my husband.
He tells me I don’t exercise enough or go to the gym enough (I actually go to the gym a lot just not always with him).
I went through/am going through a tough time right now. I’m a very private person and typically only share personal things with my close friends and husband.
My coworker picked up on my mood and told me he genuinely had a terrible week because I was having a hard time. This made me feel as if it was my fault for ruining his week. He will not respect that it is a personal matter and I don’t want to share.
Anyway, that’s the background on this guy. I’ve been laying low trying to get through my personal stuff and I decided to be proactive by telling him I was not going to the gym in the evening after work rather than making plans to go and then canceling.
He responded by saying that I hurt his heart and told me I wasn’t going because my husband wasn’t going.
I had no empathy for him today at work. I told him I didn’t want to talk when he tried to confront me and I was dismissive of his apology (he apologizes for everything).
This has happened several times in the past except in the past I have given in to his wallowing and empty apologies. I feel uncomfortable spending time with him outside of work at this point which probably hurts his feelings.
My question is… am I the jerk for not being understanding/empathetic and for not making time for this guy?
Is it immaturity on my end?”
17. AITJ For Not Paying The Cleaners In Full?
“I have cleaners that I usually use on a regular basis, every other week. Well for the past month, I haven’t been able to have them come out due to various issues in the house. Well, I finally had them come yesterday. I prefaced it with the house isn’t great, I’ve done my best to keep but as they know I work 2 jobs and have 2 kids.
I specifically asked for a deep cleaning knowing it needed it. Well while I was at work I got a Venmo request for $200, which seems lower than I expected considering what I had asked to be done. I went to pay it, and something in me said to wait until you get home to check the house.
Well, I’m glad I did.
When I got home none of the floors had been mopped, none of the toilets cleaned, one bathtub wasn’t cleaned, and the shower stall that was done had been done lousily. The upstairs hadn’t been vacuumed. My glass dining room table wasn’t wiped down.
My kitchen sink was done lousily. Then the extras that usually come with a cleaning weren’t done, trash was not taken out, the couch was not fixed up with the pillows, et cetera. And then considering I asked for a deep cleaning which means walls and baseboards were wiped, stove and fridge cleaned, and furniture moved to vacuum.
That certainly wasn’t done.
So I reached out to the owner and sent pictures. Was basically told well if I had been on a regular cleaning schedule like before this wouldn’t have happened. I wrote back if it was worse than expected why wasn’t I contacted?
Told the job can’t be completed today. So considering how little was done, I asked for the rate to be adjusted. I would still pay something but not $200, considering tonight when I get home from work, I will be cleaning. I am now just being ignored. Am I the jerk for not wanting to pay $200 for a job that wasn’t completed?
Edit: I normally pay $150 for a basic cleaning of the whole house that includes: toilets, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, bathrooms, kitchen, taking trash out, wiping down tables, and general straightening.
When I say it hasn’t been cleaned in a month, I mean professionally. I didn’t completely neglect my house.
It wasn’t like there was trash everywhere and filth all over the place. I had been doing the general every other day sweeping, weekly mopping, wiping counters and sinks daily, and toilets weekly.
They were originally supposed to come last week but blew me off.
Kept telling me they were coming, and then wouldn’t show up.”
16. AITJ For Getting Plastic Surgery?
“I (25 F) really hated my nose. It just didn’t fit my face and a lot of people would comment on it.
My mother (51 F) is very beautiful. Genuinely, perfect body perfect face, perfect everything. Being her only daughter, I was compared to her a lot.
She was perfectly thin even after having three kids and I was a chubby teen so y’all can already guess what happened. I was constantly made fun of.
I look pretty similar to my mum, besides my nose. I have my father’s nose. It looks good on him, but on me, it just looked really massive and out of place.
He would also make fun of me for it.
I got my first job when I was 16 and I decided to start saving up for a nose job. I told myself that I would get it once I had double the amount of money needed to get it.
E.G., if I need £7K, I would save up 14K first.
I decided to get my nose job in Iran because one of my friends is Iranian and she got hers done there and it was perfect. She took me to her surgeon and I got it done.
We flew back to the UK together and even though it was still swollen, I was so happy.
I’m not close with my parents anymore but they knew about my trip to Iran so they decided to stop by to visit me a few weeks after I returned. I live quite far from them so my dad had to get time off work which took a while.
They arrived and obviously saw the bandage I had on my nose. To my surprise, they were horrified. Especially my dad.
According to them, plastic surgery is immoral and people shouldn’t have to change their appearance to feel beautiful. I reminded them of the years of bullying I got on it and they said I shouldn’t have let others’ opinions get to me.
My dad said that he was ‘heartbroken’ because I had his nose and by getting a nose job, I was insulting him and removing the only thing I inherited from him. They also said that spending money on cosmetic surgery at a time when people are struggling to eat here in the UK is incredibly selfish.
That’s what got to me because I regularly donate to and volunteer at Foodbanks and maybe that should’ve made me realize that spending on cosmetic surgery wasn’t a good idea. I asked for my cousin’s opinion and he said I was being rude to my dad and selfish in general. AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Refusing To Order Anything For My Coworker Online Anymore?
“I (23 F) had an extremely rough day at work prior to this.
It’s near the end of the day and my coworker (26 F), let’s call her SB, goes on about how she can’t make any purchases because she plans to spend her entire paycheck on one thing (she doesn’t tell me any details, mind you).
Then she goes, ‘But when I am able to use my own money again, you’re gonna order me this and this and this…’ I’ve ordered things online for her before (using my personal account) and I’ve been paid back, which isn’t necessarily the problem for me but she seems to think so).
I go on to say that I’m not going to order her anything anymore and she continues to say that I am. But I stop her and tell her that I’m not because I’ve already had a talk with my SO and he doesn’t like that I HAVE to be the one to order things for her.
He questioned why she couldn’t just do it herself. He’s also concerned about me actually getting payment back because she’s delayed recently after I made an over $100 purchase for her.
This is where she interrupts me mid-explanation and gets mad saying, ‘Well if you guys don’t trust me to pay you back, then whatever.’ Like… what?!
She didn’t want to hear anything other than something she thought was the reason I was not going to order her anything anymore. Then I told her that I was not going to explain any further if she didn’t even want to listen to reason.
This is the reason I shall not be using my money for her wishes. I’ve told her many times that she can either buy whatever she wants or make them herself, but then she goes to say, ‘Why make it when I can just buy it?’ And when I ask her why she won’t just order things herself?
Because she doesn’t care to make an account for herself and that it’s more convenient to use mine.
I’m floored by how dumb this is and that it happened on a day that I’ve been extremely stressed out. And to top it all off, she didn’t even help me answer phone calls because she was taking a nap or on her phone.
I know for a fact that she’ll spin off a story to tell people that I’m a bad person because all she said she heard was that I nor my partner trust her.
Am I the jerk?”
14. AITJ For Giving My Niece And Nephew Secondhand Nintendo Switches For Their Birthday?
“I’m a 26-year-old woman and my older sister who is 34 has twin children, my niece and nephew. They both turned 10 the other day. I know they’ve been wanting switches for a while to be able to play games but I also know my sister can’t afford them so I offered to buy them for their birthday in private I didn’t want to buy something like that without running it by her as it’s a big gift. She agreed and thanked me.
I ended up buying two pre-owned Switch Lites as well as Minecraft and Animal Crossing for them to share. I figured pre-owned was the best way to go as I’m not struggling but it’s still a lot of money to drop in one go plus I had to ensure their gifts were equal. I did ensure however that they were in good condition and came with a warranty in case of any breakages.
The birthday came around and both of them were delighted with their Switches, my sister was all smiles until we were in private before asking me why they were not brand new as you could tell they were pre-owned. I told her they were in working condition and came with a warranty so if anything went wrong they’d be fine, she told me that wasn’t the issue, that could I not see that this was embarrassing, and that she didn’t want her kids to have some other kids hand me downs.
I was a bit upset by this but I was hardly going to take the gifts they were happy with back or even imply that so I told her that she could consider them a temporary thing until SHE could afford to buy them brand new.
My sister told me she would have never agreed to me getting them if she thought I’d get them second hand, I had enough and went home after going and telling my niece and nephew goodbye and wishing them happy birthday again.
Honestly don’t get what the big deal is and don’t THINK I did anything wrong but I also don’t have kids so maybe I’m missing something?
She could be worried that they’ll get bullied?”
13. AITJ For Getting Sick Of My Friends Who Are Always Late?
“I (31 F) had plans to have afternoon tea in the park via this special booking I arranged with my friends weeks ago. They knew the booking was at 11:45 and I asked if we could all meet by the entrance to the park’s train station at 11:30.
They all agreed to this and even asked that I bring my husband and my dog along before (I live the closest to this park) so they could meet the dog and then my husband could take the dog back home when it was time for the afternoon tea.
(Dogs aren’t allowed in the cafe) and I even reminded them yesterday to please meet me at the train station entrance to the park at 11:30, again they said they would make it.
I also told them my dog has a poor paw but I would get the bus to the park with the dog and my husband so they could meet him anyway, minimizing the dog’s time on his feet.
Again they said that’s fine.
Come the day of and no one showed up until 11:50 and none of them got up in time to take the train and had to take Ubers or get lifts which took them all to other areas of the park.
In the end, my husband and my dog just left and I sat alone holding the table waiting for my friends. When they showed up I told them to have a nice time but that I was too upset and left, and now I’m crying on my bus ride home.
I know I’m an idiot for getting upset but even when we meet up in the city and I’m the one who travels, they’re still always late and I’m still always the one sitting alone holding the table. And it was really important to me that they finally met my dog and they seemed really excited too.
Now I’m just feeling like I’m an idiot for bothering to wake up early-ish on a Saturday, get ready, get my dog ready for the bus, and make my husband come with us, only for them to again be late.
Oh and I did offer to book this afternoon tea in the park at a later time in the day on another day, it’s just that today only had the opening at 11:45, but my friends said it would be fine and that they would make it.”
If I were you, I'd stop organizing everything altogether and spend quality time with your dog and your husband doing things that are fun for all of you. And see how long it takes for someone to notice and for someone else to say something and someone else to take over and organize gatherings. And I don't want to be the ghoul at the feast, but I suspect no one will step up. Not a bad thing, because you'll find that friend groups shift and change and merge and break up, and that's just how life is. Don't take it personally, but also don't make a single effort to see your friends or entertain them. Your turn to take a break. Good luck.
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Relationship With My Sister?
“I (24 M) and my sister (30 F) haven’t had a great relationship. My older sister was from my mom’s first marriage – after which my mother married my dad and had me. This never mattered to me and she was always just my older sister.
Our relationship was normal for most of my childhood, but when she got to high school, it went downhill. My parents were normal, not really strict or anything. They let my sister hang out with friends, go out with men, give her money, etc. But she had a really bad habit of hanging with the wrong crowd and getting dragged into stuff.
This led to a lot of lying, stealing, and arguments.
Part of the problem was that her biological dad abandoned her, and she resented my dad who had adopted her. My parents didn’t treat her badly or anything, but she thought they did. When she turned 18, she left. 12-year-old me was devastated. She’d gone to stay with a family she knew and said that my mom and dad were physically and verbally abusive – which was a lie.
My parents were nothing like what she said.
A lot of things happened after that. She dropped in and out of my life. She was hardly around, but when she did come around, she would steal from me and my younger sister, fight with my parents, be wasted or on illegal stuff… she even got arrested. She took advantage of everyone she could.
My parents felt bad and paid for cars, apartments, and school – she totaled the cars, got kicked out of the apartments, and dropped out of school. They basically bailed her out of every bad situation.
For my entire high school and college career, it was like she was a ghost. She’d come around from time to time playing the ‘victim’ when she needed something.
She had my niece during this period and would bring her around and let my mom see her only when she needed someone to babysit.
Despite all this, I kind of hoped she’d ‘come back’ and be part of the family. But my mother was the only one that she really kept in touch with.
Anyway, when I was in college, my sister got wasted one night and was texting/calling me, bad-mouthing our family, and my dad, and expressing how horrible we all were – I just snapped after that. I stopped talking to her. I acted like she didn’t exist.
That was 4 years ago and my older sister has semi-gotten her life together. She has a stable job, takes care of my niece, and isn’t as bad as she used to be. She still has moments. But I won’t talk to her.
The thing is, my mother passed away a while back and my older sister has used this to try and come back into my life – she doesn’t try that hard to make a connection, but occasionally she’ll text/call me and try guilt trip me, saying how she wants to ‘move-on’ for mom’s sake and put the past behind us.
Problem is, I can’t. A lot of the stuff she did was really traumatic for me and I can’t get past it. She left me when I needed my big sister. My dad and my younger sister say I need to let it go and encourage me to build a relationship now, but I won’t.
AITJ for not wanting to really have a relationship?”
11. AITJ For Not Writing A Recommendation Letter For My Nephew?
“When I was in high school, my brother and his wife, Lisa, had a child.
It was my parent’s first grandchild and we loved this little boy. Later, my brother and his wife divorced and my brother was required to pay child support. He never did and Lisa received full custody.
My brother is one of those individuals who never accepts responsibility for his actions.
He hasn’t held a job for decades and instead finds women to financially support him. It is awful and our relationship is strained because of it.
Once my brother lost custody, Lisa stopped communicating with my family. We couldn’t see or talk to my nephew… it was awful.
She came from a wealthy family, so my nephew had everything he could want. My brother justified not paying child support because of this. We haven’t seen my nephew since he was 6 and it’s caused so much pain. For years, my parents and I sent presents and letters on birthdays/holidays but never heard anything back.
We don’t know if he received those gifts/letters.
Fast forward and I’m in my 30s, I’ve graduated from one of the top schools in my field and I am engaged. My fiancé and I decided to get married at the Chapel at my school.
I took a chance and invited my nephew and Lisa to my wedding. I sent a message to his mom, but I didn’t hear anything back. I’m crushed, but not surprised.
2 years later, I got a response from Lisa saying they were sorry they didn’t see the message, but it was odd because the response opened up with ‘I didn’t know you got into such a prestigious university’.
Lisa says that she wants me to be in her son’s life but states that he isn’t ready to contact me directly, so she asks me to write messages to her and she will, in turn, give them to her son, who is now 16.
For the first couple of weeks, it’s great.
I learned how he’s doing in school and is starting to apply to colleges. I notice the responses have more to do with focusing on how I got into my college rather than sharing personal details. I bring up that my parents would love to reconnect with their grandchild, but I get no response.
His responses slow down after that, and now his mom is saying things like ‘He doesn’t have time to message you’. I think maybe I’m moving too fast and Lisa says ‘He’s just busy with applications and he REALLY wants to get into that school’.
Later, she writes ‘If you write him a letter of rec, he will have time to talk’. It’s when I realized the only reason I’m being reached out to is to provide this letter. I reviewed the responses my nephew sent to me and there were never any questions he had about me or my family, all the questions to me were about my school.
I felt used.
I didn’t send an email back, nor did I receive one. I felt like they reached out to me only for the letter. Maybe he deserved that letter for my brother’s abandonment. But why be silent to my parents and me for years when we tried so hard to be in his life?
AITJ for not writing my nephew a letter of recommendation?”
10. AITJ For Inviting My Dad's Partner To My Wedding Despite My Mom's Disapproval?
“I (24 F) and my fiance (27 M) are getting married late this summer.
My parents are amicable with one another but my mother despises my father’s partner of 5 years.
Backstory: My mom moved to another country from me, my sibling, and my dad to work part-time, usually this was one week in one country, one week with us, but the gap began to get bigger.
When I eventually went to college in the country she worked in, she began to stay in the country with me more and more so 4 years later their relationship became fraught as it was closer to her being in the same country as me 3 weeks a month.
She didn’t NEED to work as they both had retirement funds and it broke my dad’s heart as he wanted us all to be together whilst my sister and I were still at school.
Eventually, my dad left her and began a relationship with his friend, who we all know had become his emotional support.
Both of them swear nothing happened until he and my mother split, but my mom has obviously taken it as ‘she stole my husband.’
However, my parents had a rocky relationship my whole life, and me and my sister were frankly relieved when it ended, despite the awful circumstances.
Neither of us blamed my dad, and neither of us blamed my mom, it needed to end and we’re glad for it.
Back to the now: Both my parents have offered to contribute equally to the wedding, and I have obviously invited both of their long-term partners as I care for both of them, but do have a better relationship with my dad’s partner than my mom’s partner.
My mom found out a few months ago that she (dad’s partner) is invited and had begun telling people she will either:
1. Not attend
2. Attend the ceremony and leave straight after
3. Start a fight if she looks at her
I told her it was my wedding and if she can’t be an adult 5 and a half years after the event, for 12 hours of her life, then it’s her choice to not come, but I shan’t be excluding the woman and by extension my dad.
My mom then told me that if I was going to invite the woman, then I was essentially choosing to not invite my mom because I knew she wouldn’t be there.
I obviously cried and said if she hates a woman she barely knows more than she loves me then that’s terrible, and nobody (a lot of her close friends are invited and coming) will understand why she doesn’t suck it up and turn up.
I do wonder if I’m putting my mom in a situation I know she’s uncomfortable with, just to keep my dad happy, but I love her, she’s been a great parental figure to me and my dad is genuinely happy.
Mom’s partner offered to not come if it kept Dad’s partner away, but I said no, I want them both there as they’re both part of MY life and for one day it should be about me and not my mom’s drama.
Am I the jerk for inviting my dad’s long-term partner (who my mom believes is the cause of their divorce) to my wedding this year, despite my mom’s refusal to come if I do?”
9. AITJ For Eating The Food My Sister Brought?
“I (29 M) have a neurological condition that makes me very particular about certain things. One of those things is food waste. I can’t stand food being wasted. Even though I’m lactose intolerant, I once drank a milkshake a friend was going to throw away because the thought of it being wasted was too much for me.
I was sick for hours.
My partner (28 F) recently decided she was going to do a month-long cleanse of ‘toxic food.’ She asked me to do it with her. I was hesitant because the restrictions seemed intense. No meat, seafood, eggs, dairy, processed sugar, processed wheat, etc…
Basically, we would only be able to eat fruit, vegetables, beans, nuts, rice, and whole grains. I didn’t want to make the commitment, but my partner said it was important to her, so I agreed.
Now, I’ll admit I haven’t been enjoying this. I love seafood.
I live in a coastal city, and we have some great seafood. I’ve really been craving cod lately. Still, I’ve stuck with it without deviation for the first couple of weeks.
Today, my sister stopped by. She had gone to a local restaurant and picked up my favorite dish from there, shrimp linguine with garlic, fresh herbs, and broccoli.
The second she pulled it out, my mouth started watering. She didn’t know about me and my partner doing the ‘cleanse.’
My sister hates shrimp, by the way, so if I didn’t eat this amazing dish, it would go to waste. I couldn’t handle that possibility, so I ate the dish.
It was delicious.
When my partner got home, she saw the container in the trash and asked about it. I explained about my sister and figured she would understand because she knows how I feel about food waste. Wrong. She was furious. She said she asked me to do one little thing with her to support her and help her get through it, and I didn’t even last two full weeks.
The argument got heated, and I ended up calling her controlling, saying it was messed up to tell people what they can and cannot eat, saying that’s why eating disorders are so common these days. She called me a manipulative jerk and stormed out. She still isn’t back, and she’s probably spending the night elsewhere.
I’ve made a lot of progress with my food waste issue in recent years, being able to throw away spoiled food. This dish was fresh, perfectly edible, and delicious though. I just couldn’t waste it. AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Not Always Wanting To Share My Food With My Partner?
“My partner and I got serious just before 2020. When the global crisis began, we started spending almost all our time together at my apartment for a few reasons, e.g., I live alone and we prefer privacy. Suffice it to say this isn’t changing any time soon.
Typically, he spends the weekend here plus one weekday evening.
When he’s here, I cook our meals. I like to cook, I’m a good cook, and I enjoy cooking for others. Sometimes we’ll split a pizza or order something, but I can’t afford to do that too often and usually prefer what I can prepare.
He eats meat, and I don’t, so sometimes he brings meat for himself or picks up wings. But mostly he really enjoys the healthy food I prepare. Once in a while, he brings a bean dish or some potatoes to fry for breakfast for us, but it’s not often.
Most of the time I don’t care, but sometimes this seems like a really unreciprocal arrangement. He also just uses a lot of other household stuff in general: toilet paper, toothpaste, and hot sauce. I bought a bottle of hot sauce recently, used it twice, and it’s already two-thirds gone because he pours it on all the stuff he eats.
When I said something, he mocked me for being cheap and vowed he’d replace it with an entire keg when this was gone. This is his usual response when I remark on how much stuff he uses: that he’ll give me 25 cents, or x-squares of toilet paper, or owe me seven pennies.
I don’t think I’m a cheap person, but I am frugal and conscientious in what I use and can’t help but notice what he uses too. I would describe his usage of things as ‘maximalist.’
Yesterday I told him I wasn’t making dinner for us, and he could eat a frozen meal he’d left here; he said he would get fast food.
But when he got here he changed his mind and didn’t want either. I made some toast for myself. There were two pieces of bread left. I’ve just become vegan, and it’s still a fair bit of work getting my meals organized; I wanted the leftover bread for today.
But he decided he wanted toast too and gave me a hard time in his usual way until I relented.
I don’t like being mocked as a ‘cheapskate’ for not always wanting to share my food. If the roles were reversed, I’m pretty positive I would buy the occasional load of groceries, or restock the things I use regularly.
He says he’s a ‘guest,’ but I don’t think it’s the same. I’ve never had another adult friend who comes over for multiple meals in a week, takes a thousand showers, etc. I know any one meal doesn’t cost me a ton, but I do think it adds up over time.
I should add that I pay more than double in rent, and his roommate, who is a high earner, provides almost all his groceries. I’m on unemployment currently, but my partner and I earn more or less equally money when I’m working.
So AITJ for not wanting him to finish my bread last night?
Or for getting annoyed sometimes at how much stuff he uses? I don’t want to nickel-and-dime him or make him feel unwelcome, but I don’t like being treated like I’m a stingy jerk when I say something.”
7. AITJ For Not Telling My In-Laws I Can't Have Kids Anymore?
“I (37 F) have been with my partner (35 M) for 6 years. We are both career- and travel-driven and have had many frank and open conversations throughout our relationship on whether or not we want to bring children into the world. We have decided that we don’t, but would love to open our home to children or adults who need a place to call home in the future when we are in a more solid place financially (we’re doing ok now, but have not committed to buying a house yet because we are still traveling here and there).
I’ve met his parents a few times and we FaceTime every few weeks (they live in a different country far far away) and they are lovely, genuine people. They have said from the get-go that all they want is for their son to be happy and healthy and that they respect our decision to not have biological children.
They have never once spoken about our decision negatively or pressured me in any way, and I love them for this.
Fast forward to last month. One of the aunties was being nosy (and maybe a bit inebriated) in the family chat, and kept pushing the subject of ‘When are you going to make some babies’.
I tried to brush it off with the usual ‘Haha not in this lifetime’ kind of generic response but she wouldn’t let it go. I eventually stopped responding in the group chat but sent her a private message the next day, and told her that I’d had a tubal ligation some years ago so with all due respect please stop pushing the subject.
Apparently, this factoid spread like wildfire among the family and it came back to me that my partner’s parents were upset because I/we’d never told them about my tubal ligation, just that I/we didn’t want biological children, and now they feel like they’ve been lied to?
While I understand hearing something like this about your DIL from an aunt might be off-putting, I don’t see how I/we’ve deceived them in any way. The only thing that’s changed is their perception of me from ‘chance of falling pregnant accidentally’ to ‘almost 100% won’t fall pregnant’.”
6. AITJ For Allowing My Daughter To Change Her Surname?
“I (44) was living my happy suburban life, wife, and two kids until it got upended a year ago. Turns out I have a 16(then 15)-year-old daughter Athena from my ex, who never told me because she had major pre-natal depression and post-natal and then just never did until she got sick because she continued to struggle with guilt and depression.
It was hard and took convincing from my wife but I forgave her.
The last year has been tough for my family and it breaks my heart that Athena had to see her mom like that in her last year. I was a momma’s boy myself and seeing how much love and reverence Athena has for her mom’s memory makes me so proud and so happy she got such a fantastic mom that made up for me not being in her life.
The thing is, Athena has my last name, her mom gave it to her and she wants to change it to her mom’s surname.
Nearly three weeks ago she asked me if I’d pay for it (it’s a little expensive), I gave her a hug and the money right away.
I didn’t think twice I just felt happy she trusted me enough to ask. My wife says I did the right thing and it’ll let Athena and I grow closer. I think it has cause she’s been FaceTiming me every night instead of once a week, she has been playing video games with her brothers, and has gone shopping with my wife a few times.
Her grandparents phoned me this morning livid that I gave it to her cause she’s filled out the forms and made the payment. Her grandfather straight-up called me an unthinking jerk. Apparently, Athena had been wanting to change it before she ever even met me but her mom was saying no. Her grandparents told me of a discussion I had with her mom when we were together on how moms do everything in a pregnancy so the kid should get the dad’s surname since it’s the least they give.
Yeah, it was a weird way of thinking but I guess that it stuck with her? Apparently, her mom made her promise not to change her surname because she didn’t want to take any more away from me.
Now I’m feeling really torn, because on one hand, she just misses her mom and I just want to help her feel better but I violated a dying woman’s wishes and I see why her grandparents are so upset about that because it was their daughter that died.”
5. AITJ For Making My Husband Kick His Dad Out Of Our Wedding?
“We got married recently, and it was a beautiful day. MIL was not invited because she is verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my husband doesn’t tolerate it at all. We are in no contact with her but are still in contact with the rest of the family.
She has gone after my looks, poured water on me when I was dressed up and said it was an accident, told everyone her son is with me because he doesn’t make enough money to get a better woman, accused me of stealing when she misplaced something, and posted unflattering pictures of me on the internet, just for some background.
FIL loves her which makes it hard to respect him, but I don’t want my husband to lose both of his parents.
At the wedding, I overheard this conversation
Distant cousin – are you still married to the crazy girl who wasn’t wearing shoes when I met her?
FIL – oh my god she was 12 (big dopey grin) everyone gives me so much crap, and I know she is a little crazy but gosh she is the best thing that ever happened to me
I guess I glared at him because he asked if I had a problem and I said I just didn’t like hearing him praise a jerk at my wedding.
He replied that she’s his wife and he can tell anyone he wants that he loves her. My husband asked why he loved her and FIL said she was perfect, which made me feel so small and invalidated.
My husband saw how sad I looked and asked if I wanted his dad to go.
I said it was his choice but to be honest, hearing him say that crap just brought up a lot of anger. We told him together that he was being inappropriate and it was time for him to go. FIL accused him of being a disloyal son and me of manipulating him and turning him against his dad.
SILs think I should have stopped my husband and put my pride aside for the sake of his relationship with FIL.”
4. AITJ For Wanting My Dad's Partner To Stop Eating My Food?
“I live with my dad, his partner, and my younger brother. My dad asked her to move in with him by the end of 2019, he didn’t even ask us or confirm we were comfortable with his decision, but both, my brother and I said ‘He’s old, we’ll soon leave the house and he will stay alone, pretty unfair’ so we just dealt with it.
I hear stories about people hiding their food or treats from their siblings or they’d eat it, but it was never like that in my family, we always asked ‘Will you eat that’ or ‘May I have a piece please?’ Mom didn’t let us fight over stuff like that, so we are nice about it still and you have the opportunity to say ‘Yes, I’ll eat it’ or ‘You can have a piece, but leave me a bit, since it’s my favorite whatever’.
For my birthday, my partner’s grandfather gifted me a huge box of very special chocolates, but since I only had like 20 left, I decided to put them in a Tupperware, so that the box was not lying around almost empty. Today, when I went to the kitchen to grab one, because I’ve been eating them with so much patience cause they’re so good, I came to find my Tupperware with 6 chocolates.
SIX! Out of 20. In less than a week.
I proceeded to ask if anyone had eaten any and my dad’s partner said ‘I only ate four, maybe the maid ate them’. That made me so angry. The girl that helps around is very respectful and she asks before she gets anything, and this same thing happened in 2020 when we had no maid, so I know she ate them.
I asked my brother and he said he didn’t even know I had chocolates there. I told Dad’s partner I didn’t get to try a few white chocolate ones and my face couldn’t hide how upset I was.
I wrote a text to my dad, asking him to set a limit on her, because if she had asked I wouldn’t say no, I would have only told her to take a few and leave the ones I hadn’t tried yet.
What makes me upset is the lack of respect she has for my things. She keeps a separate cabinet with her ‘special diet food’, which of course we can’t touch, yet she still takes our normal stuff, she even threw away things that belonged to my mother, without asking us.
Now she’s playing the victim saying she won’t take anything from our kitchen ever again, but she didn’t even apologize and Dad took her side. My only request is for them to ask, I never say no, but it’s my stuff, you know? Dad even said I should keep an eye on my things and mark them as mine if I don’t want those things to happen again, but that’s not the household I grew up in, besides, I don’t have the time to have someone go item by item and hope they remember they can/cannot eat it.
Dad says I’m a jerk, but I don’t think so. What are your thoughts?”
3. AITJ For Getting Sick Of My Coworkers And Suddenly Quitting My Job?
“I (f 18) started working at a restaurant which just opened when I started AKA a month ago, it was fine for the first week or so but since I’m the youngest in the group I feel like they were starting to control me around.
The restaurant is a two-story restaurant and there’s only one coworker outside the kitchen besides me. I applied as a cashier, keep that in mind; so they would tell me repeatedly to go upstairs and give out the food. At first, I didn’t mind it, but then I realized that I was the only one going upstairs and my coworker didn’t as much.
For example, one day I would go up 14 times she would go up twice. It reached to where my legs were so cramped I couldn’t move them and had to skip shifts. She (my coworker) would ignore me sometimes and boss me around cause she’s older than me.
It reached a point where she slammed the cash register on my finger and caused it to bleed and bruise.
One of the (many) last straws for me was when I came down after continuously going up and down at least eight times. I came down exhausted and asked them to let her take the bread upstairs.
She pretended she didn’t hear (which she does a lot) and they made me go upstairs again. She would not only act deaf she would also go to the bathroom with her phone for so long especially when it’s busy as well as go upstairs on a call and no one would say anything.
One day I skipped a shift because my muscles were cramped. I was crying from the pain. When I came at night for the night shift I got scolded saying I screwed them over because it got so busy, so I quit on the spot and left, she came to me messaging me telling me that I’m dramatic and I shouldn’t have quit and now I seriously screwed them over.
So AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife's Mom To Stay With Us To Help Take Care Of Our Baby?
“So my wife (F 27) and I (M 29) had our first child a couple of days ago, a beautiful little girl, the birth wasn’t easy and my wife in the end had to get a cesarean. She needs to recover after this and I work long hours so my mother-in-law has offered to come to stay with us for three months to help my wife recover from the birth and take care of our daughter.
I know my wife needs help but three months is a long time, and I’ve put in for my two weeks of paternity leave to help out. I just don’t want her underfoot for SO long as I worry she’ll interfere too much and try to change how we do things.
I don’t dislike my mother-in-law but she has a very… particular view of how things should be done and a strong personality. I also worry she’ll try to extend it beyond three months if she gets settled in.
I’ve told my wife my concerns and suggested that after my paternity leave runs out we just hire a nanny to help out for a bit until she recovers so she isn’t doing this alone but my wife is upset by this saying we don’t have to pay for a stranger to help when her mother is willing to do so for free, I’ve told her we’ll discuss this further when she’s ready to be discharged with our daughter as it doesn’t matter much this very second.
I don’t want to push my wife here as she’s been through a difficult birth and I don’t want to make things harder but am I the jerk for favoring a stranger over my mother-in-law with this? I just feel like a stranger would be more professional and not ‘meddle’ as much so to speak, I’m not against my MIL visiting as often as she likes it’s the staying part I have an issue with.”
1. AITJ For Writing My Company A Passive-Aggressive Resignation Letter?
“I work at a chain fragrance and candle store that is rather well known nationally.
I (21 m) am the only man who works there. While I love my coworkers, the store itself is honestly really draining. Customers have become super aggressive recently, and in response, my manager has told us ‘to be nicer.’ One thing I also did not know until working there and seeing the reviews, is that often people say ‘You work there as a hobby.’ And that your schedule of 9-4 is not really real. Your call time determines how long you stay.
So you can work from 9-8. The promise of $12 dollars an hour and promised hours reeled me in. What I got was anything but.
The company recently put their Semi-Annual Sale almost 3 days early, causing me on my first day to have to STAY until 2 AM (Mind you I walk home).
In my contract/hours, I marked available, I am only supposed to stay till 10 at the latest. They kept making me stay until 11 repeatedly. I also am taking 3 separate classes for summer school, and when I do have assignments due, it is pulling teeth to get them to understand.
Especially during the Semi-Annual Sale, it is pulling teeth to get called off work. I get I’m not the only person but it’s annoying.
When I started working there, my manager while hiring me, told me that I would have around 30 hours. Flash forward to my second week there, I was cut 4 separate times, giving me only around 24 hours.
I pay for rent, groceries, and utilities, as I live alone (with some (not a lot) help from my parents). I have been silently looking for jobs during the long stretches of breaks. I accidentally overslept, and the voicemail I received was my final straw.
They told me I was irresponsible. I may have been a jerk for not calling back, but I have 2 finals right now!
So I wrote a very passive-aggressive letter and taped it on their door after the store was closed and no one was there.
Some highlights include: ‘TO ALL IT MAY CONCERN: Consider this my official and immediate letter of resignation. Working here has given me a large sense of anxiety, anger, and an overall sense of doom for the human race due to the customers. That’s not to mention your arcane labor and scheduling practices.
I could barely afford to EAT last week because of how many times you cut my hours. I am 21 years old and I have to ask my parents for help with rent, utilities, food, or take out loans because of how little you all paid me.’ ‘So yes it’s you, not me.
As much as I enjoy working with all of you, it’s incredibly difficult to stay happy while working if you’re starving. Your company has left and called me like 20 times, which has also contributed to my heightened stress level. Next time don’t promise the person 30 hours and give them 20 or 15 or cut their hours 4 times in a week.
Please don’t contact me, after this letter. I will go silently, and let’s just mutually close the door. Signed your now EX employee.’
In the letter, I told them I can’t afford to work here, I don’t work as a hobby, and that ‘it’s you, not me.’ In the letter, I pointed out I can barely afford food, fun, utilities, and rent without having to open up a credit card or take out loans.
I mentioned how my manager promised me hours and then cut those repeatedly. And I mentioned that I did not want to be contacted any more, on bright pink paper duct taped to their windows. To me I’m just another number and to be corny, ‘another cog in their machine.’
I have not gotten a response yet (I just did this today) and am wondering if you will find me the jerk. I get it was unprofessional and that might be jerk-ish. But after 3 weeks of false promises, I just can’t do it anymore. Am I the jerk?
UPDATE:
1. The reason why the weekend hours were frustrating was that they could never just give me my set hours and let me leave. During the week, I would get cut, but then only be sequestered to weekends. To the point that I worked a 10-hour shift with just a 30-minute break.
I know I sound dramatic and I’m fully willing to admit I am. But even with two 10-hour shifts, I’m still barely breaking 30.
2. Second I just could not be fake positive anymore. The company requests above all else an overly positive attitude, that to be honest REQUIRES you to almost harass customers.
In other retail stores where I’ve worked, you can kind of take the temperature of the customer. Not here. They want you to overly engage with them. The issue on top of it is them requiring me to be this happy person when all I can think about is how I can’t afford groceries without having to get a second job, which with my school schedule is really difficult.
Lastly, with the overturning of Roe v. Wade, I would rather channel my emotions into fighting for social justice and pro-choice causes. In my state, we just had a heartbeat bill, and I am focused on fighting for reproductive freedoms.”
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