People Want To Know If We Believe Their Reasons For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

When people first meet us, we often find ourselves curious about what they think of us. We accept compliments with open arms, but occasionally people's perceptions of us are damaged due to bad experiences they had with us in the past. These folks below may identify with how we feel, especially when other people just remember our bad first impressions of us. They now ask for our opinion of them. Let us know who you believe to be the true jerk after reading their stories. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

38. AITJ For Making My Husband Change Our Son's Diapers?

“My husband has changed probably 90% of our son’s diapers for the first 1.5 years. Our son was born in 2020. I had a super traumatic birth. Our son almost died during labor, and we were all alone. We both worked from home and our son was very colicky. I was exclusively breastfeeding and was up every night with him, doing all bedtime feedings, nail clippings, and teeth brushing. He did baths and diapers.

It seemed like a fair arrangement.

Eventually, the global crisis ended and we got a nanny for Saturdays and our son started daycare he goes from 9-5. My husband started leaving for the day for work. I asked him to change the diapers when he was at home because our son who is in the 100th+ percentile in height and weight was hard to manage. I got by on days when I was alone but it was definitely difficult.

Even when my mom would visit she would have a hard time with the diaper changing and she works at a childcare facility because he was big and unruly.

Now our son is 3 and almost fully potty trained. He wears a diaper overnight. So we put a diaper on at night and take it off in the morning, and I’m pregnant again with really bad nausea so I’ve asked him to get the baby ready in the mornings as I’m usually choking back the vomit.

My husband has decided he will not change any of the future babies’ diapers and has become very resentful saying that it was totally abusive and abnormal for him to change so many diapers through our son’s life and that other dads don’t have to change so many diapers.

It’s not like I’ve changed zero diapers. I changed diapers any time he wasn’t home. On sick days I am always the one who stays at home with him and cares for him completely.

I always felt like our parenting duties were pretty evenly divided until I got pregnant 3 months ago and things have definitely been harder since then because it’s hard for me some days to do the things I used to do like make breakfast, get his daycare bag ready, physically pick him up. Am I the jerk for letting him/expecting him to change so many diapers?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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DeniseSB 2 months ago
So, what percentage of the childcare duties does your husband think he's actually responsible for? 40%? 30%? 20%? 10%? As a mother of two and a grandmother of six (with a few godchildren mixed in), I understand that some parts of parenting are less fun than others. It's okay for a couple to MUTUALLY decide that Parent A will take care of chores C, D, and E while Parent B takes care of chores X, Y, and Z. It is NOT okay for one parent to unilaterally opt out of a chore. Hubby is TJ, not you.
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37. AITJ For Accepting A Drink From A Stranger And Then Making Him Leave?

“Last night I (21 f) was at a fair in my town with four of my friends.

While standing in line at a ride, I was approached by a man who I didn’t even recognize at first because I hadn’t seen him in three years, but when he started talking to me I realized he was Barry, whose best friend used to be a friend of mine so we went to a few parties together as teenagers.

He asked me whether I wanted to grab a quick beer with him and his friend, and I always liked him well enough back then, so I thought what’s the harm and agreed.

So Barry, his friend, a female friend of mine (Nancy), and I went to get a drink while our three other friends went to go on another ride. Barry told Nancy and me to look for seats while he and his buddy went to buy the drinks. When they came back, Nancy and I tried to give them the money for our drinks, but they insisted on paying them for us.

We all drank our beer, smoked, and made kind of awkward conversation for about ten minutes. I could tell Nancy was feeling weird about this and I felt awkward as well.

Then they asked us whether we wanted to go with them and basically spend the rest of the evening together. I wasn’t feeling it at all though and neither was Nancy, so I told them ‘Thank you for the beer.

It was nice meeting you guys, but our friends will be back soon and we will be spending the night with the friend group’. They didn’t say anything but we could tell they were really annoyed and bummed out. They left and our friends came back a few minutes later.

When I told my mom about this this morning she said I was very mean for sending them off like that, they could have come along with our friend group, they were probably sad and also they bought us drinks which was nice of them.

I also feel kind of bad about it, since both of them seemed like nice people, but I just wanted to have one quick beer together, chat for a minute, and go my way. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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rbleah 2 months ago
DO NOT FEEL BAD. They are just looking for attention if not a hookup. You and your friend were not feeling it so NOT THE JERK. You have NO OBLIGATION to spend more time with someone even if they buy you a drink. One you offered to pay for anyways.
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36. AITJ For Taking My Service Dog Back?

“I am a service member who is medically retiring next month. One of my diagnoses is PTSD for which I got a high disability rating because it greatly affects me. The symptom that makes it so serious is paranoia.

I do not feel safe unless a person is with me, even in my own home. I also have insomnia even with my husband in the room. I always intended to get a service dog once I was out but waitlists are long at the recommendation of my therapist.

In August I got a rescue dog with the understanding that I would be out in November. Training her was hard due to her being a puppy but her presence immediately helped with my symptoms. I could sleep full nights more frequently and I could function like a normal person.

Because she was not actually a service dog she could not help with my anxiety attacks in public but I was grateful for the aid she did provide.

When November came, I was tasked with a mission that had me working 14-16 hour nights. My husband was also on a separate mission and was gone the entire month. I felt incredibly guilty about her being home alone so much and not getting the attention she needed. My husband was gone and I had a hard time walking and standing due to an injury so she wasn’t getting the exercise she needed. My contract was extended indefinitely (I just found out I’m done next month) and I made the decision to rehome her.

My husband did not like her as she was only attached to me and completely indifferent to him. Whenever I would say I didn’t want to rehome her my husband would convince me it was better for her. I regretted giving her up immediately when I found her a home but I felt it was too late. It’s been a little over a month since then.

The woman who took her contacted me asking if I could take her back because she had moved and her landlord didn’t allow dogs over 50 lbs.

I was ecstatic because I had just found out about my out date and I would be able to give her the home she needed. Even the exercise situation was taken care of. My symptoms have been unmanageable in her absence. I gave her a date I would be available since I was out of state and she agreed!

She texted me tonight and said her landlord changed his mind and she would give her back to me but it would kill her family as her son under 10 is attached to her.

I told her that while I feel guilty because he is a child, I can not live without her, and her texting me that day felt like a miracle. She sent me a bunch of texts about how her family was attached to her but all I could say was that I was sorry.

AITJ for taking back my ESA that I gave up after they changed their mind about offering her back to me?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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DeniseSB 2 months ago
It's rough to disappoint a child, but that child can learn to love a different pet. Your ESA is a specific "pet" that fills a specific need for you. Your need outweighs theirs, so NTJ.
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35. AITJ For Needing More Time To Grieve?

“My partner of two years passed away suddenly a week ago. We lived together for a year. My heart is aching, I wake up to panic attacks every night, and I haven’t even been able to sleep in our home. All of which I have told his family.

He was never close to his family. Only saw them for family events or birthdays and even then, half the time made an excuse not to go.

They don’t have a good relationship.

The day he died, I invited his family over and I said ‘Please come, see how we lived, and soak him up’. His family came over but only discussed bringing a truck to get everything out. I literally felt like I had vultures in our house. I had invited them over because they did NOT even know where we lived. He never gave them the address because he didn’t want them to know.

I told them it was too soon to remove items from the house, it would have to be a later date. I specifically said, ‘I’m not saying never, I’m saying not right now’.

It’s been a week, literally 7 days, and I’m finally getting ready to spend a night in our house for the first time. His family learns I’m there, and they’re hitting me up wondering if they can come get his things.

Saying that they’ll help me pack and bring a truck. I told them they were welcome to get the important documents and his car, but I needed time before every item of his was taken out of our home. And really I’m talking about an old black couch, a kitchen table, and some things in his office (office gets complicated because some things are mine, some are his, some were his but I helped pay to fix/replace, etc.).

The rest of the house is full of our things, things he gave me, my things.

I simply told ‘X’ family member I was planning on having a quiet weekend with him in our house and it’ll have to be later. ‘X’ family member then proceeded to tell me they picked up his ashes, along with the personal urn with some of his ashes I bought (his family said I could have some and I bought the urn through the funeral home as they told me to), and I can’t have them until they can come through the house and get his things.

AGAIN, it’s been 7 DAYS since he died.

Legally I know as a partner I have no rights to his things and I’m not even claiming I do. I don’t want the car or the table or the black couch, they can have it. I’m asking for time.

My parents are concerned that his family will, like they did on the day of his death, parade through our house looking for anything they want to take.

So I was thinking of, when I’m ready, packing HIS items and putting them in the garage, and then his family can come get the items from the garage, so they do not step foot in our home. I’ve come to terms with I’ll probably never get those ashes… so I’m going to have it out with the funeral home. My mom is planning on calling an attorney tomorrow to see how I can protect our shared things and my things from his greedy family.

Am I the jerk for needing more time?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, you made a big mistake contacting them and offering for them to come into your home, especially since your partner clearly kept them at arm's length for a reason. Aside from the funeral/legal related conversations, you shouldn't have tried to reach out to them at all. But that doesn't make you a jerk, just a very compassionate person who wanted to offer them the opportunity to remember him as he was. They're obviously the jerks for sooo many reasons. Again, sorry for your loss, I hope they give you the space you need.
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34. AITJ For Telling A Coworker To Get To Work?

“I work an office job, standard 9 to 5 Monday to Friday. 10 out of 15 members of the staff are pretty young, ages ranging between 20 and 23, the rest of us are between 26 and 31 (I’m F 26).

The whole stuff of being young makes for a dynamic environment and coming to work is fun since we all get along really well and don’t have to experience the awkwardness and the issues generational gaps sometimes bring when it comes to work.

I share my room with three colleagues, all three of them on the younger side of things. I love the girls, and I get along really well with the boy, who we’ll call Matt from now on.

Matt is a really fun guy: we share a love for anime and manga and have the same sense of humor. The only thing is… Matt is pretty much a child. He’s 21 and can’t stay serious for more than 5 minutes to save his life.

He’s great at his job and somehow gets things done quickly and well, but with a constant background noise of him singing under his breath, complaining, or being generally nosy.

Lately, Matt’s decided he’s gonna sling elastic bands at everyone and anyone just because it can. Which can be fun sometimes, sure, but not only it is incredibly unsafe but also really annoying when you’re trying to work.

I’ve asked him to stop targeting the girls on multiple occasions, least someone ends up hurt, and I’ve told him on multiple occasions to stop doing it while people are working cause it’s distracting.

Fast forward to this morning, I’m buried in paperwork to my neck and I’m really annoyed. He starts doing his thing, singing and messing around and slinging elastic bands at people.

I just LOST IT and straight out YELLED at him to sit down and get to work instead of distracting people. He looked taken aback and hadn’t said a word since.

Now I feel bad, but I don’t really want to say sorry cause I feel I’m right, although I shouldn’t have yelled.

AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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DeniseSB 2 months ago
Maybe you shouldn't have yelled, but that's "nicer" than what I would have done. After the first incident, I would have given him ONE warning that a repetition would result in my making a formal complaint to the appropriate supervisor/HR office. If management didn't take my complaint seriously, I'd let them know that allowing the jerk to create a hostile work environment leaves them open to one heck of lawsuit.
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33. AITJ For Wanting My Aunt To Pay For The Painting Her Daughter Ruined?

“I (18 F) had been working on an oil painting for over 4 months as a passion project and was close to finishing it. I currently attend art school and work at the same time, so my free time is very limited and I’ve been spending most of it on this painting. I currently live at home, and my parents had converted the spare bedroom into an art studio for me.

Over the weekend my uncle’s family came over for dinner. I had been working on my painting all morning and left at 2 pm to go to work. My uncle’s family came over around 4 pm to help prepare dinner. I mention the time because oil paint takes 24 hours to become dry to the touch.

When I got home my mom told me that there had been an ‘incident’, and my painting had been tampered with.

When I went to look at it, I almost had a heart attack. A huge portion of it had been smudged, hours upon hours of work, wasted. It was literally like that Mr. Bean sketch but worse. So what happened was my mom and my aunt had been chatting in her room and weren’t paying much attention to my four-year-old cousin. She had left the room and went into my studio, and apparently was fascinated with my painting.

I was in a rush to leave so I had left my brushes in solvent (not good artist practice, but cut me some slack), and I guess she wanted to pretend like she was an artist so she took a brush a began painting on my painting. And I know she’s four but like, can you not see that you are altering it?

Anyway, I got pretty upset, not specifically at my cousin just in general. I told my aunt that I had spent endless hours on that painting and a lot of money on the supplies (a 500ml jar of oil paint costs over $50) and that I wanted compensation.

She was shocked that I had the gall to demand money from her and refused, which made me super salty. She said that my cousin was only four and didn’t know any better, and since it wasn’t for school or a commission, it wasn’t that big of a deal and I was overreacting. We argued back and forth for a bit, but it didn’t seem to be going anywhere. Finally, I just said fine whatever, and I stayed in my room for the rest of the evening and waited until they left to eat.

The next day my aunt called me and said that she was sorry about the damage, but that it wasn’t right of me to ask her for money.

AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Chull 2 months ago
Parents are responsible for damage done by their children regardless whose things they are. She definitely should be compensating you for paint and actually your time. She's the jerk.
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32. WIBTJ If I Tell My Parents That My Brother's Treatment Of Me Was The Real Reason I Was Moving Out?

“I (17) live in a house of 5 – me, younger brother (15), mom (40), stepdad (32), and older brother (19). I don’t mind my family too much, nor my town, but since I was 14 I’ve been wanting to move out. My real-life friends know and are saying I should.

Gotta mention that there are mental disorders in my family, me and my younger brother have ADHD and depression, my older brother is autistic (gonna be important later).

My older brother is vocal about things, touchy too, always yelling and talking aloud in different voices, fought people when he was younger when he was upset, but he is also narcissistic, or is that way to me because of how he acts, thinks everything is about him/he should be involved in everything, has guilt-tripped and gaslit people numerous times, he was/gets aggressive when things don’t go his way and makes it clear too.

So since I was young, my brother had made it clear he hated me, for years it’s been like that, and my parents sorta turned a blind eye to it so I decided to treat him the same, and as soon as I did, my parents were quick to end it.

I dealt with that for a long time, and in middle school, I was only ever seen as his younger sibling, like a shadow.

My self-esteem plunged and I wasn’t mentally okay. This past school year I transferred and finally was seen as my own person, with no comparisons to my older brother. I never told anyone I was one of 3 kids, only of 2, and with new friends, I told them about this.

One of my friends brought up that they plan on moving in with their older sister and that there is an extra room, and if I wanted to move in, I asked my parents and they immediately shut it down.

I haven’t given them a proper reason why I want to move out and this is where I may be the jerk. My older brother despises me and I want out. Ever since I was 7 I swear he has made it a life goal to make my life miserable, from taking my stuff to blatant lies about things I never did, my parents always sided with him. I never really had the support I should’ve gotten, mentally and emotionally, only until recently, but the damage was done.

My parents are always saying I have to be nice to him but he makes it so difficult, I’ve tried, but it never works, over and over and I’m done trying.

So WIBTJ if I told my parents that the real reason I want to move out is because of the emotional neglect as a kid and my older brother’s treatment towards me?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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LizzieTX 1 month ago
NTJ and I'm so sorry for your situation. Please ask at school if there is a guidance counselor or other administrator that you trust, that can perhaps help? Do you have family close by who could help out, maybe take you to family court and change your living situation?
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31. AITJ For Selling My House That My Brother Was Renting?

“We moved to the mountains a few years back say 4 total. Well, in 2020 we had our firstborn.

The town we were in didn’t have the best resources for raising a child and it was time to move back to the metro area.

In early 2021 we started looking in a red-hot market, and things were not looking great on the housing front. We had just been told we would have to get our current house on the market and sell before we could fathom putting a winning offer on a house.

So we did that. That is when we stumbled across an FSBO property being sold way under market value. $75k to 100k under market, the old owner wanted no realtors involved to save on fees and other stuff. Quite lucky to say the least.

To afford it. I have to sell my first/rental property that I bought back in 2009.

After my first renter a friend, left us high and dry after 2 years of reliable renting around early September 2019, I agreed to rent my brother the house for $100 over my current mortgage No pet deposit, and no first-month deposit.

With the understanding that they would buy the house in 4 to 6 months. This is about $1000 a month under the current rental value in the area.

Well then the global crisis happened 3 months later, and my brother lost his job which was his main income. Which with the good unemployment benefits, led him to milking the system while working under the table easily until February 2021. His choice fully.

So already the plan of buying the house by April 2020 was gone, and I continued to rent the house to them still only asking for $100 over the mortgage.

Considerable market discount if you add up the months.

Early January rolls around in 2021, and we start hinting to folks we are considering a move out of the mountains and back into the Metro area. We are dreading talking to them about it but decide to sit them down and ask what their plans are.

The talk goes well. The gist was and quote my brother ‘We need to do what’s best for our family’ but that they still wanted to buy the house and that my brother was going to get back to having reportable income.

We say that is fine but you have 2 months to come up with a plan to buy.

2 months had gone by since the talk, and we were officially putting the rental on the market, because we also became a single-income family at the time, and the only feasible way to buy the new house was with proceeds from both sales.

We basically say we need help getting the house ready for photos to get it on the market in early May or an offer from them to buy.

They were nowhere near ready. No available down payment, no approved financing, etc.

Well, the stress of losing the house they wanted got to them, and they said some pretty bad stuff, which led to an ultimatum from me they had to be out by the end of the month. 3 weeks.

So now we are almost a year later and my brother has gone around town talking garbage about how we tried to ruin their family, and It is all our fault.

AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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LizzieTX 1 month ago
NTJ and let him run his mouth. You gave him every opportunity to buy the house and he did nothing. You're a whole lot nicer than I would have been, especially now that he's not only not even close to being able to buy, but he's (deliberately?) holding you up on having the property in a condition ready for listing. That, after you've accommodated and carried him and his family financially for years. Nice guy, your sibling.
I'm sorry to say this, but I suspect you're going to have to start eviction proceedings against your brother to get him out of your house. I don't think he's going to take you seriously until you do. Of course, that would hamper your ability to buy the other house you want. Is there a way you could get a bridge loan for the other property, so you don't lose it, while you extricate your brother and his family from yours? I'm afraid it's going to be a long haul with getting brother and his property gone. Wishing you good luck.
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30. AITJ For Trying On A Dress That's The Same As My Sister's Prom Dress?

“I (F 20) have a younger sister (F 17) who will be attending her first high school prom in a few months. I love dress shopping and take pride in my ability to act as a sort of shopping assistant; I love to offer advice, grab sizes, help change, etc. It’s seriously my favorite thing.

Like many of her past shopping trips, my sister let me accompany her to pick out her prom dress.

My sister and I have very different styles; she chose all dark-colored, slinky dresses. After I had helped her try on a few of her picks, I asked if she would try on a poofy, pink, sparkly one for me (much more my style). After trying on 10-20 dresses in total, she ended up loving and buying my pick, something she would never pick out. We check out with the dress and all is well.

About two weeks later I am back at the mall with a few of my friends. They tell me they have never experienced dress shopping, and I suggest we try some on just for fun. We have a blast trying on dozens of dresses and dreaming up occasions we would wear them to.

Here is where I might be the jerk: Included in the 10-ish dresses I try on is the pink poofy one that my sister purchased. Because I love it so much (that’s why I suggested it to her in the first place,) I try it on, do a twirl, and move on with my life.

Seemed innocent enough to me.

That’s where I was wrong.

A week later, while having casual dinner with both my younger sister and my eldest sister (F 21,) I told them how much fun I had at the mall trying on dresses with my friends. I included that I tried on the poofy dress because of how much I liked it. The air in the room instantly turned sour. My sisters were abhorred, shocked, disgusted that I would try on the same dress she bought.

I was completely unprepared for this reaction; I thought this was a totally harmless thing to do. I never try on dresses during my sisters’ shopping trips (my older sister does) and spend all of my effort on helping them, and I’m happy to do it. I tried to get them to explain what was so offensive about me trying on the dress by myself (I took no pictures or anything) and they said that my inability to see the wrong with it was proof of my psychopathy and narcissistic behavior.

I’m at a loss; I don’t see the harm in this at all, but if they both say that I am ‘making everything about me,’ maybe they have a point?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ, you didn't buy it, you didn't take or post photos on it, all you did was try it on and do a little twirl, there is absolutely nothing narcissistic about that, your sisters are the ones who sound like psychopaths.
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29. AITJ For Reporting A Neighbor To The Building Management?

“I live in a small apartment complex that has no assigned parking.

About a year after we moved in, a couple moved into an apartment on the first floor. I was always friendly to them whenever we encountered each other, and we got along fine, as far as renters go.

The problem started about 6 months ago when they would have a friend over in the evening (between 6 pm and 10 pm) who began parking their car behind other cars and not in a spot, blocking those cars in to get as close to the building as possible.

I first heard of this from my partner, who got blocked in twice by this person and somehow found out it was the friend of the other tenants.

The friend came out one of the times after twenty minutes and apologized, stating he was going to be parked there real quick and was watching to see if anyone needed him to move the car (the tenants have a glass door facing the lot). I saw this happen again to another tenant who was blocked in and was trying to go to the gym. The point is, this was affecting anyone who parked in the first few spots by the door.

And then it happened to me. I decided to wait a while to see how long it would take for him to come out. I took a picture of the car and the license place before I started waiting and after (for the metadata). I also confirmed that there were spots available, but they were far from the building.

After half an hour, I finally got fed up and sent an email to our building Manager’s office, with the pictures attached. I then knocked on the door to the tenant, and he gave me a similar story saying he’d only been parked for ten minutes and had been watching, which I told him I already contacted the building, and that it was not ten minutes, but 30.

He got mad and started yelling at me, asking what he was supposed to do since there were no spots available.

This was clearly not accurate, as I already checked, and if he had a need for an accessible spot, I would absolutely argue for him to the building office with a second email. I don’t know that this is the case, and he never implied nor stated as much (nor should he have to as it’s not my business).

If he had parked next to the dumpsters, which isn’t a spot but doesn’t block anyone in and is still close to the doors, I never would have issued any complaint – I want to be 100% clear on that.

The office sends out a letter to all tenants saying parking behind people and blocking them in is unacceptable. I think, great, that’s the end of it until a few nights later when I get blocked in again.

I sent another email and got one back saying they have spoken with the tenants directly this time.

Well, that friendly relationship dissolved. Now if the tenants see me, they give me the cold shoulder. While I’m not terribly upset by this, it does leave me second-guessing my decision. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
Obviously NTJ, you don't need tenants like this to be your friend.
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28. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear Any More Things About Babies?

“My (23 m) sister Eve (21 f) currently has a six-month-old and my sister May (19 f) has a two-month-old. None of us currently live with either parent, but we are invited to, and expected to visit, my mother’s every Sunday.

As you can imagine, the arrival of these children naturally changed the dynamic of these visits and honestly, I’m enjoying spending time with them less.

Everything has become very baby-centric whenever I visit my mother now, even if I visit on days my sisters aren’t there. They all seem disinterested in anything I am doing with my life or even anything unrelated to the babies going on in their own lives.

If the lack of interesting conversation wasn’t bad enough, my sisters are always accompanied by their children, who are loud and require a lot of attention.

I’m not trying to fault the children for that, but it would be nice to have one week where the babies stay at home with the fathers and we actually get to talk without being interrupted by screaming. I feel disconnected from everything going on since I am not a new parent nor do I have any desire to be anytime soon and very out of place whenever I visit because I am constantly being pushed to the side.

It was after Eve’s son was born that I started decreasing my visits, but since May’s daughter has arrived I have only been twice. My mother is upset, saying she misses seeing me and that she needs my help in her garden, but whenever I am there I am ignored and it feels like a waste of my afternoon just being annoyed and bored. I said that I’d be willing to have my mother over for lunch sometime but I am no longer interested in these weekly family meals and definitely not interested in hearing about my niece and nephew constantly.

My mother thinks I am being unfair, which I can see as this is a big change in their lives. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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LizzieTX 1 month ago
NTJ. I am child free by choice and usually avoid gatherings where I know small children will be in attendance, like the plague. I think you should ask your parents if you can treat them to lunch or dinner sometime soon, so the three of you can have some quiet time to catch up and reconnect. Lord knows new mothers are only interested in their babies and other new mothers, which is exactly as it should be, but that doesn't mean you need to endure protracted evenings listening to babies screaming and watching your parents oooh and ahhh over the new grandkids.
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27. AITJ For Dipping My Paint Into A Cup?

“I (17 f) love to paint and have been doing it for years. My brother (19 m) loves to eat my food and drink my drinks. Seriously, regardless if it’s in my room, or even in my hands! He’ll take whatever I’m eating/drinking and eat it himself. No matter where I hide my things, he finds them.

Before you suggest locking my door, it recently got messed up, so I’m currently unable to lock it.

Today I was painting and, of course, I dipped my paint into my cup. I left my room to go get a snack, but as I was opening the fridge, I heard a yell and then coughing come from my room. When I ran back in there, I saw my brother gagging, holding the cup.

I figured out what he did immediately.

I asked him what was wrong with him, and he yelled at me, saying what was I thinking, that I could have killed him, that it was stupid of me to leave the cup there, and that I shouldn’t have put the paint in the water. I called him an idiot for drinking it, telling him that this wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t constantly drink my things and that this should be a lesson learned. He cursed at me, saying I didn’t need to be a jerk, then left my room.

When my parents got back home today, he told them what happened. My dad was angry at him for going into my room and taking my things but my mom said that this is part of having siblings and that I shouldn’t be upset. She also later berated me, saying that I know that he does this and that I should have put away the cup, although I really didn’t think that he would do this.

I do feel like I probably should have put it somewhere, or made it more obvious what was it in. AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ. You were right, lesson learnt, your mum is wrong, siblings shouldn't HAVE to share EVERYTHING, they should be ASKED NICELY and then grateful for the opportunity. This is in no way your fault.
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26. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Brother?

“I (24 M) have a sibling I have cut all ties with (28 M). He and I don’t get along at all and he’s done some really trashy things to me throughout the years. About a year ago there was a blowout argument between the two of us and I decided at that point to cut all ties with him.

I blocked him on everything, and since then there have maybe been 5 single words shared between the two of us. I live across the state so it helps me avoid him.

Now, my mom obviously took me cutting him off pretty hard. She thinks it’s not fair to him, and I remind her that she is still showing blatant favoritism to him still to this day. He has some mild learning disorders, so my family has always coddled him and made sure to hold his hand through everything while my sister (25 F) and I had to figure it out ourselves.

She thinks it’s not fair of me to cut him off and make her choose between her children. I never once told her she had to choose, I simply leave family events when he shows up. No harm, no foul.

A couple of weeks ago my mom texted us 3 and said that she wanted us all to take a family trip to an amusement park, my sister agreed. However, neither I nor my brother responded. I called her later and said that I wouldn’t be doing it.

She once again told me that I was not being fair to her, that I needed to be civil with my brother for her, and that this wasn’t okay to do to a mother. I told her that I would not be stuck in a car with him for x amount of hours and that half of the time when he speaks I just find myself getting annoyed. Another thing on this front, my mom says I can’t do this to her, but she has a younger sister that she doesn’t speak to.

I’ve been consistent about maintaining my boundaries when it comes to my brother, I don’t want to be in the same room as him because it ends in us fighting. He calls me an entitled jerk, but I’m the one who had to work for everything I’ve had, and he’s the one that still lives off our family at 28 years old and driving a car that a family member bought for him?

I was made to get a job in high school, he didn’t get his first job until he was 20. My mother has admitted that he was shown favoritism over me and my sister.

So, AITJ for refusing to go on a family vacation and just avoiding the inevitable fight that I know would occur if I went and making my mom ‘choose between her children?'”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
Mom gets to decide how she spends her own time--including how much time she spends with each "child" only for as long as that "child" is willing to spend time with her. She no longer gets to unilaterally impose conditions on those visits. Her emotional energy would be better spent on coming to terms with reality instead on on emotionally blackmailing her children (whether or not the blackmail "works").
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25. WIBTJ If I Don't Push My Aunt To Come To My Graduation Party?

“My aunt… is weird.

She’s the type of person that everything has to be fair and she needs to be involved in everything.

My graduation is in a little over a week. We were all given 4 tickets but I had to get one more because my mom, dad, stepmom, and grandparents (dad’s parents) were going.

I sent out the invitations a couple of weeks ago and just gave everyone their tickets separately.

Well, apparently my aunt assumed she’d be invited to my graduation ceremony and not just the party.

So she called my mom and said something about it and asked who was going to the graduation. My mom told her and she said ‘It’s not fair that his (dad’s) family gets to go but ours doesn’t’ and something like I invited my grandparents on my dad’s side and since my grandparents on their side are gone I need to invite her too.

My mom asked if I could get more tickets.

I said I could, but I didn’t want to go through the hassle because I didn’t really want Aunt at my graduation.

She told my aunt that I couldn’t get more tickets.

So my aunt apparently went on a whole thing about how I should learn to plan ahead, and it’s tacky to invite only some people to the graduation but still want others to come to the party. It comes across like I just want the gifts.

She told my mom she wanted me to call her or come over and discuss it. To me that says she wants me to beg her to come and honestly I don’t care if she does or not. She’s intrusive and annoying and I have enough to deal with without having to pander her.

Besides she’s never even gone to my cousin’s graduations (they live cross country) so she probably doesn’t even know how it works, I shouldn’t have to be the one to explain it.

My mom said it’s my choice but I’ll definitely be making her (aunt) mad if I don’t.

WIBTJ if I just don’t have that ‘discussion’ with her?”

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rbleah 2 months ago
Do you really care if she gets mad? I wouldn't. Just tell her that she is NOT invited to the graduation and don't bother coming to the party either.
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24. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Borrow Funds For His Vacation?

“I (50 F) have a partner, Joe (55 M), who I have been in a relationship for 2 years. Both of us are divorced. We do not live together and do not share finances. Most times he pays for our meals but there are times when I foot the bill.

We have vacationed together but always split the costs. He has 3 grown children (27, 24, and 23 all F) and I have two kids (22 F) and (15 M).

I own my home outright, have some savings, and worked hard to re-establish myself after my divorce. I am almost finished with a BS in Business and Marketing (Something that I wanted to do to help my career). As a treat, I have been saving my money to reward myself with a trip to the Caribbean after grad.

I asked Joe if he wanted to go with me, and at first, he said yes. Now that I want to book the trip he is telling me he can’t afford the costs. He suggested that I ‘loan’ him the vacation money and he can pay me back.

This is an issue for me because, over the past two years, I have watched him give his ex-wife money above and beyond child support (which ended back in 2021).

I’m not talking about help with rent, groceries, or repair bills. I’m talking thousands of dollars to get her out of CC debt, co-signing a car loan (only to have her not pay and be forced to make the payments), and Venmoing hundreds of dollars randomly to help support her. This money doesn’t go to the kids as all of them live with Joe. Even his own daughters have told him to stop enabling his ex.

But when I question him about it, his answer is always, ‘It’s my business how I handle my ex.’

Back to the vacation: I said ‘NO’. I will not loan him the money. If he can’t swing the cost then I will go with my friends. He became very angry, saying that he’s treated me to dinners and bought gifts in the past, and the fact that I’m not supportive of him when he’s financially strapped, says what kind of person am I.

I said, ‘You know, why don’t you go back to your leach of an ex? You both like to emotionally blackmail people into giving you money.’ This was 3 days ago and I haven’t heard from him. Honestly, I think I’m going to end things.

But I can’t help but feel the comment I made went too far so AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ. He shouldn't throw back his own generosity in your face when you can't swing the finances for a vacation. Not only is it VERY different to a date or gift, his financial situation is a choice he made and a choice he has to live with. You were right, he was being extremely manipulative and deserved to be called out for it. If he comes crying back and you are still interested in this relationship it might be worth laying down some ground rules about how much you are willing to spend on each other for dates/gifts, so he can't try to use them as a manipulation tactic.
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23. AITJ For Shutting Down My Husband's Advice?

“My CLH (common-law husband) is downright terrible when it comes to money and planning.

As in, he is one of those people who doesn’t think he needs to plan for the future because ‘everything will work out’. I am convinced he would be okay with being in a rental for the rest of his life despite him saying he wants to buy a house. He just never saves. He thinks money is dispensable but also doesn’t want to work either (he DOES work but complains about the 9 to 5 life CONSTANTLY).

He is insanely materialistic. When we get a large sum of money, he immediately heads to the store or gets online browsing for things he can buy.

Well, I am the opposite. See here is the thing, I do not currently work. I hit a wall, I quit. Yadda yadda. I am currently searching for a job after giving myself a much-needed break after dedicating 12 years to the medical field just to be underpaid severely and overworked (I was paid $12 an hour with trashy benefits at 65+ hours a week).

BUT I have over $45k saved. I didn’t let him know this, actually. It was in a hidden bank account. He never asked, I never told.

Well, recently I reached out to a financial advisor looking to invest this money to get growth. I have heard from multiple people that investing can maximize your savings by triple, sometimes more, depending on your investments and whatever over the course of 30 years.

I mean, my best friend invested $5k not even 5 years ago and has already hit nearly half a mil (stocks and investing). So that’s what I was going to do but I needed help because I have absolutely no clue what I am doing or what websites/apps are the best for investing. I know nothing. But this financial advisor, despite me saying I am the ONLY person they can speak to, called my phone while I was in the shower and spoke directly to my CLH and told him everything, including how much money I had to put down (because he started asking questions).

Needless to say, I fired the idiot and wrote a report. But now my CLH is acting like he is a genius when it comes to money and telling me that I should just open a Life Insurance policy that I can borrow against. That is his only argument. He kept saying it constantly so I told him if I were to do that I would make it so he wasn’t beneficiary so he didn’t get anything and he said ‘That’s fine but with LI you can borrow against it and it would still work’.

Wasn’t even mad that he wouldn’t get anything in the event of me passing OR the fact that I hid this money from him. Just keeps pushing me to invest at least half into life insurance and it became so severe that I lashed out and told him to stop giving me trashy planning advice and that he knows nothing about saving or investing so he needs to stop acting like he does.

He says I am a jerk because he is just trying to help.”

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rbleah 2 months ago
Yeah trying to help himself to YOUR MONEY.
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22. AITJ For Banning My Roommate's Visitor From Our House?

“I (20 F) will give some context. 1) I am gay 2) No I have no attraction to the girl in question (before this, I honestly found her a little annoying and invasive) 3) Again, I’m gay so no I am not attracted to my roommate ‘Nate’ (20 M) 4) ‘Nate’ has been my best friend since we were 13 and we work together.

Yesterday Nate asked me if I could get out of the house for a couple of hours that night so this girl that he had been hooking up with for a couple of weeks could come over. I had a killer headache and wanted to go home and be asleep by 9:30. But whether I left or not, she was coming over and I really did not want to hear them being freaky.

I said sure under the condition that she would be gone by 10 because I still felt like crap and wanted to be in bed, with no strangers in my home, relaxing by 10:15. Nate said it wouldn’t be a problem and she’d be gone by 10. She was there for 4 hours.

9:45 – I sent him a text letting him know I would be home in 20. He asked me to come home later, I replied ‘Dude no you promised me 10 and I want her gone’.

No reply.

9:55 – I double texted ‘Did she leave yet? Home in 10’. No reply.

10:05 – I get home, and she is gone, time for bed.

When I walked inside Nate was mad due to not being able to get some, said I came home too early, and that she saw the texts I sent him asking her to leave and she called me a jerk. I asked him if she knew that she had to leave at 10 and if she knew why she had to leave at 10, he said yes.

Then I asked him if he thought I was being a jerk by simply seeing if he lived up to our side of the agreement and if he stood up for me when she called me a jerk, he said no to both. So I asked him why he thought I was being a jerk and this man said ‘Because you didn’t let me get some’. I let that linger in the air for 10 seconds and in realizing what he said, took it back, explained that he understood I didn’t do anything wrong and that he was just angry for not closing the deal earlier.

He apologized for calling me a jerk, I forgave him.

On the way to work today, I told Nate that I did not want that girl at our house anymore because I already thought she was annoying and invasive and now that she has called me a jerk she is no longer welcome in my home. I pointed out that HE HIMSELF agreed with me last night that I was not being a jerk because he apologized he should understand why I don’t want her around.

He said that that was absolutely not going to be happening, I couldn’t tell him who he couldn’t have at the house, and if I didn’t want to see her I could leave. I said I shouldn’t have to leave my home when there is somebody there who makes me uncomfortable and is rude to me. It’s important to note that since we moved in, Nate has no less than 3x reminded me that a friend of mine was not welcome in the house due to being rude and disrespectful to Nate in the past and I’ve never asked this of him before.

He still doesn’t agree

So. AITJ?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
Either you both have the right to have guests the other roommate doesn't like or you both have the right to ban each other's guests when you don't like them. That's not the sort of right that should be granted to only one roommate.
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21. AITJ For Telling My Religious Friend To Get Lost?

“An old friend from my high school followed me on Instagram. I haven’t talked to him since my freshman year, I never really liked him because he was a senior trying to go out with the new freshmen. I was 15 and he was 18. But he was lonely and I tried to make people feel included because I was an outcast myself. He graduated and never spoke to him again.

I recently turned 18 and I dropped out when I was 17 for many reasons.

After he followed me he immediately hit me up and asked how I was. I rarely am on Instagram so it took me about an hour to see the notification. I said I was doing okay, I guess. He then proceeded to explain how he saw on social media how I dropped out and I was dealing with depression.

He then said ‘You need to go to a Christian church and pray to the true God. Not your made-up gods. They don’t exist. Only God does. He is punishing you, he wants you to feel this way so you turn back to him and stop being a flirt. Flirts don’t get to step through the gates. You still have time to turn around your ways and embrace the one true God.’ I am pagan and I express that, not in a forceful way but I share pagan tips because I have several friends and family members who are.

I was immediately angry. Like what?! I haven’t talked to this dude in years. I told him to shut up, learn to respect people’s boundaries and stop forcing your religion on people. He snapped back ‘I’m not but it’s true, you need to repent your sins now before it’s too late’.

I told him to shove his thumb up his butt and get lost. Then I blocked him.

I have some religious trauma because my grandpa was a pastor and really strict. Like only wear cotton and floor length skirt kind of crap.

I didn’t think I was out of line until I told a friend and they said I was a jerk because he was just expressing his concern. So now I am kinda second guessing myself. Like if he was concerned about my mental health why not suggest therapy and not call me a flirt while saying I’m not going to heaven?

So AITJ for telling an old friend to shove his thumb up his butt and get lost?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
Yes, your old friend was expressing concern--but in a completely obnoxious way. Just like a carpenter who thinks everything is a nail because a hammer is the only tool he has in his toolbox, your "friend" thinks everyone's problems are solvable only by imitating his spiritual practices. It sounds like he's still a prisoner of the cult-like thinking you escaped. Feel sorry for him if you must, but don't give him any space in your life. The last thing you need is his toxicity.
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20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Join My Vacation With My Husband?

“I (27 f) am planning a vacation for me and my husband (30 m). We have both been really busy with work, moving house, family, friends, etc that I feel like we’ve hadn’t had a lot of time to just be with each other. So I asked my husband how many vacation days he had left and he has 10 days.

So we decided we wanted to go on vacation to relax and have some fun together.

Well, you see the vacation spot my husband suggested just so happens to also be a place my sister (29 f) has always wanted to visit. We were having lunch and I had mentioned that my husband and I were planning a vacation and how excited I was. She asked where to and I told her.

She immediately got excited and told me she had a great idea. She recently got engaged to her fiancé (29 m). She said that they could join us for vacation and it could be a great way for all of us to bond and to have her fiancé get closer to the family.

I’m wondering if I would be the jerk for telling her I don’t want her or her fiancé to come.

I just really think it’s important for my husband and me to have some time just the two of us. I do like the idea of getting to know her fiancé better but I feel like maybe we could arrange a smaller weekend trip together instead and I go on this vacation with just my husband. Maybe she could just take her own separate vacation to this location with just her and her fiancé.

I’m here. They could use some time alone. Just the two of them as well. I remember how stressful wedding planning was. However, I feel so guilty because she seems so excited. WIBTJ?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
You would be TJ only if you don't tell your sister IMMEDIATELY that you've planned on a much-needed vacation for two, not four. If you AND hubby want to spend time with sis and FBIL, you can suggest them joining you for COUPLE of events (e.g., meals, a visit to a local attraction), but make it clear that you will be spending most of your time only with each other. (Frankly, I think you'd be better off following your own idea and proposing a different trip with them, but you seem like a people pleaser, That's why I suggested the "compromise" option.)
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19. AITJ For Saying I Don't Like My Sister As A Person?

“I (f 24) have a little sister R (19). Growing up I hated being around her but never had to see her that often due to her living with our dad and I only stayed every other month. Everyone in the family talks about R being a spoiled brat.

When we were younger she would steal, hit people, scream, and throw tantrums, I’ll admit it’s not entirely her fault because dad and stepmom enabled this behavior. She would have a hundred spent on her every month (clothes, toys, etc.) Meanwhile I got none of this. I always had hand-me-downs and secondhand things when they were necessary, never got anything I wanted. I do admit I was jealous of her being my dad’s obvious favorite.

R had a baby 2 years ago whom I love with my whole heart but I know with the way she’s raising him he will turn out just like her. I really thought having a kid would mature R but if anything she’s gotten worse. She insults strangers in the street unprovoked, she’s rude to absolutely everyone, she’s entitled, and loves drama. She can’t keep a secret and often makes up stuff for attention.

She lies, screams, belittles, and provokes everyone around her until they bite back then she plays the victim. She’s confessed (wasted) to doing this on purpose because she finds it ‘fun’. These are only some of the reasons I think she’s a horrible person. She doesn’t work and still lives with my dad who works 70+ hours a week to fund her lifestyle (hair, lashes, makeup, nails etc). She uses her baby as an accessory and everyone knows this, she’s an irresponsible mother for many reasons.

Today at my cousin’s C (f 27) and T (f 22) I was venting because I saw her a few days ago and she spent the whole day belittling and insulting me and I never rise to it because this is what she wants. I said, ‘I love her because she’s my sister, but I don’t like her as a person’. C agreed but T blew up saying how cruel it was to say that about family and told me I was a bad person for even thinking it.

I tried to explain I’d never treat her like I don’t like her but that’s how I feel. T doubled down and texted R what I said. Now my whole family is blowing up my phone and I have 30+ unread messages from R. I feel really guilty but C says I shouldn’t so I’m torn. AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ. T is just as crazy as R it seems. If you're not allowed to even say something like that about a family member who treats everyone around her like trash, then why the heck is it okay to go texting said person the hurtful thing you said in private? She likes the drama just as much as R does and probably took it personally when you didn't like her because she's just as annoying.
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18. AITJ For Not Telling My Best Friend That Her Crush Is Gay?

“My friend (23 m) and I (22 f) are very close since elementary school. We also had a mutual friend, let’s call her Sarah.

Sarah and I have spent our childhood together and were very close friends. When she was 14 she confessed to me that she only likes girls but is very scared how her (very religious) family will react.

I was happy to hear that because I was figuring my own sexuality out at the time.

I came out one year later, her parents found out and they forced her to never talk to me again.

We lost contact and changed too much to start our friendship again when she was old enough to decide for herself. But. My best friend liked Sarah since we were kids. He would spend his days daydreaming about her and trying to impress her. She was never attracted to him, even though my friend is a good-looking, kind guy and is very popular among girls. He never had a relationship because he wanted her to be his first…

Somehow, Sarah was seeing guys again at around 17. I didn’t think it was important to tell my friend that she maybe just thought she was gay when she was 14.

During Pride month Sarah had to courage to come out on Instagram as a lesbian and change her aesthetic into a more masculine leaning. She also told everyone that I was such a good friend for keeping her secret and that I was so important for her self-discovery.

So my friend knows that I knew and he is devastated. He is very hurt that he will never get with the girl he likes and that I knew it all that time. He feels like he wasted all those years waiting for her.

I feel awful, I can understand that he feels betrayed but I also didn’t wanna out Sarah and put her in a perhaps dangerous situation.

AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
I hope you are least told him she was not interested because then he would have no leg to stand on. You don't have to use sexuality as an excuse to turn someone down, if he couldn't take the hint that's his problem. Your friend sounds creepy and obsessive. NTJ
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17. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Invest With My Partner?

“My partner (29 M) and I (26 F) have been together for almost two years. He has had a steady job for a while now and says he is ready to purchase a home. I think he is right, and I have been thinking about becoming a homeowner as well. In our opinion, it makes sense to buy a home as early as you can.

Seeing as our relationship is serious and we are pretty set on spending the rest of our life together, buying together makes sense: bigger budget, joint expenses, etc.

However, we have different views as far as marriage is concerned. He says he does not feel a need for it and that he does not need to organize a public event in order to feel committed to me. While I get the sentiment, I disagree. I like the idea of public commitment, but especially, it makes sense to be bound by a legal contract organizing our life together, as well as our finances.

Furthermore, being married makes legal matters (like inheritances) easier (at least, in my country, France).

I am lucky enough to have had a generous inheritance from my mother. I have always meant to use it as a down payment for a mortgage and buy my dream home. However, and while I do trust my partner and his good intentions, I don’t feel comfortable having him benefit from my money if we are not married. I think I would much rather spend this money on a project that will be mine, and mine only.

And as for funding the mortgage, I plan on taking money from another (smaller) account.

I want it to be clear that I do not plan on this being an ultimatum: it is not a way to trick him into marrying me (I don’t think trickery would be a good start for a marriage anyway). I respect his choice not to want to get married (even though I am clearly wifey material haha).

I feel like refusing to invest such a significant sum might make me a jerk in this situation because it would not make things as easy for him.

WIBTJ for refusing to invest a lot of money with him if we are not married?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
If your partner's refusal to marry signals a lack of commitment on his part to your relationship, then you would be a jerk to yourself if you invest disproportionately in your relationship with him. In my country, people who weren't allowed to marry (e.g., LGBTQIA+) had to pay a fortune in legal fees to gain only an approximation of the legal benefits conferred by marriage. I have trouble imagining any reason why someone in a committed relationship would want to forgo those benefits. If he's unwilling or unable to give you a reason you can understand and accept as a good reason for refusing to marry, you should seriously reconsider whether this is the man you want to commit yourself and your resources to as a permanent "partner."
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16. AITJ For Not Emptying My Deceased Daughter's Bedroom?

“My wife (33 F) and I (35 M) had two daughters, Eden (7 F when she died) and our youngest, Zamira (13 F). When Eden died, it took a toll on our family, and my wife hasn’t recovered from it at all, and the women in my family seem to pick on her for it.

My sister and my mother always told me how most parents would’ve moved on after three months, and my brother’s wife (who is infertile) keeps saying to replace Eden by having another baby to stop the hurting; she also implies that most women would love to have children and that my wife needs advantage of the opportunity. Even before Eden died, they came after our parenting choices and how Zamira and Eden were ‘too close’ in age difference (Zamira was born in 2009, while Eden was born in 2005, just four years apart); they harassed her when she was pregnant as well.

The last straw I had with the women in my family was when they were at our house for a Christmas party, and my brother’s wife asked where the restroom was. My wife told her she could use the bathroom in our room since people were using the other bathroom.

After she came downstairs, she looked shocked and rushed over to my aunts, mother, and cousins, telling them we still kept Eden’s room ten years after her death.

Mother came over to my wife and me and started yelling at us for not getting over Eden and that we wasted space in our home for someone who was not even here anymore.

All the women on my side were ganging up on her until some of the men got involved and kicked them out. My wife had burst into tears, but it wasn’t a silent cry like she does about this topic.

But she was sobbing like when law enforcement told her about Eden’s death. My mother told the whole family that my wife was playing the victim and got angry with them when they gave her their condolences.

My aunts, mother, sister, and cousins have been blasting my phone with voicemail, FaceTime calls, and messages. They even show up at my house to talk to me and use excuses like they want to see Zamira, even Zamira isn’t comfortable seeing them after the Christmas party.

I told all of them that I would be getting a restraining order against me, my wife, and our daughter. My mother called me saying I was abandoning my family for a woman who was using her children to keep her in my life. I have mixed feelings about what I’ve done but I don’t really know. Am I the jerk?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
You come from a family of massive jerks who think berating a grieving person is an appropriate way to help her manage her grief. (Insert several very strong expletives here.) Congrats on being a good husband who supports his wife. You absolutely should be filing for restraining orders against anyone who won't back off--but you also might decide to talk to your wife about professional counseling. No one ever heals entirely over the loss of a child, but if (a BIG if!) your family is right that your wife's grief has her stuck in unhealthy ways, a grief counseling support group or even a therapist might help her to come to terms in a healthier way with her/your loss.
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15. AITJ For Not Being Happy About My Family's Birthday Gift?

“I (f 33) just had my birthday last week. My son and I live with my family (parents (50s) and my younger brother (27)) also lives on the property.

I wasn’t expecting much, dinner, maybe something from my mom and I was okay with that.

I did get a gift, an expensive-looking ice cream machine. It looks cool, and I’m sure we’ll come up with some yummy… but I honestly have no interest in making my own ice cream. I think when my mom asked me in the past what I thought about getting one I always gave a ‘meh’ answer so I was a little surprised when I saw it.

I probably would have done a better job of hiding my feelings, but my mom said immediately after I saw it ‘If you don’t want it, I’ll keep it’. And she was the first to open the box and unpack it. When I pointed it out to her she said ‘Well it’s just been sitting there.’

When I told her it felt like more of a family gift than something for me, my mom did apologize but also got defensive, ‘I thought it was something we could all enjoy together I thought you would like it too’.

She did admit to purchasing it with herself in mind.

No one class me the jerk, but my brother and my dad aren’t talking to me now.

On one hand, I am grateful that they even thought of me. But I also know if I didn’t say something it would just eat at me until I explode. Am I being childish? I don’t want to take away from everyone else’s fun, but my birthday feels like the one day I get to be selfish.

AITJ?

Also: she started unpacking this thing at like 9 am, telling my son we were having ice cream. I had to remind her a) we don’t have any ingredients and b) it takes 24 to freeze. So I also had to talk down an upset 5-year-old who was expecting ice cream for breakfast…”

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LizzieTX 1 month ago
NTJ. Your mom even admitted she wanted one and basically bought it for herself. I don't think you were rude, just honest. And Mom really screwed up (she knows she did, so don't fuss) by pawning it off on you as a birthday gift. Family, right?
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14. AITJ For Refusing To Cover A Coworker's Shift?

“So, I work a 5 am to 1 pm shift at this truckstop as a janitor. Cleaning bathrooms, and showers, as well as just keeping the sales floor cleaned and certain things stocked.

In the Summer of 2019, we got a new hire, we will call Bell and Bell got her partner Erin employed as well. Bell was alright at first but once she got a set schedule for an evening shift, her work started to decline.

Restrooms and showers weren’t being cleaned properly, laundry wasn’t done, and the janitor’s cart was either often not properly stocked or it just wouldn’t get done. This constantly set me back several times because I would have to get the laundry taken care of for the showers as well as get the restrooms caught up.

Which were always absolutely disgusting, and sometimes those toilets were splattered and it had time to dry so I had to scour with a brillo pad or a pumice stone.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when the GM came in, (should preface this by saying the manager had poorly managed BPD and really obnoxious mood swings) and came at me over the state of the downstairs restrooms and showers not being caught up on.

I tried to explain, but she cut me off and told me no excuses. I was livid especially when she talked to me in private and basically chastised me for something that was not my fault.

Then the store director jumped in and told me that Bell had been problematic. Especially when Erin and her work together, and Erin and Bell stir up a problem when anyone gets on Bell’s case for anything

Give. Me. A. Break.

On my weekend I get a text message from Bell asking if I will cover her shift and that she will cover one of mine if I do so.

I just ignored the text and carried on.

When I came in, Bell gave me a nasty look and said she had plans that she had to skip out on because I refused to cover her shift. I told her, I wasn’t going to cover her shift after the past 3 months of messes she kept leaving and I was over it after her messes set me back enough that it got me chewed out by the GM.

I then get my butt jumped near the end of my shift by Erin for that scene, and I just told her I didn’t want to hear it. The next day I came in to get tacos on my day off and the store director made a joke that I got both Bell and Erin to quit. And they laughed and made a joke about how Bell was a felon who needed the job, so I kinda felt bad and like a jerk.

AITJ?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
NTJ! Bell and Erin left because they didn't enjoy the results of their lousy work ethic. They deserved to lose those jobs. If Bell needed the job, she should have done her work.
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13. AITJ For Being Angry At Our Aunt For Selling My Cousins' Houses?

“When I (20 F) was 6, my dad walked out on my mom, my brother (17 M), and me. To this day, I haven’t heard from him and don’t know his whereabouts. My uncle (mom’s younger brother) served as the main father figure in my life from that point forward. Keep in mind that his wife never liked this, she thought it was ‘inappropriate’ and thought my mom should just get remarried to give us another father figure instead.

My uncle later had two daughters of his own, L (8 F) and M (5 F), and we were all brought up like siblings since we were frequently babysat by my grandparents due to our parents’ busy work schedules. He was an architect and had 3 houses built. One for their family, and one for each of his daughters to live in one day as a starter home. He put his heart and soul into working on these houses and dreamed about the day that he would gift them.

His plan was to rent them out until they were 18.

Tragically, he passed away last year in an accident. Almost immediately after his death, my aunt sold their house (she works as a lawyer and did not have an issue with bills) and moved to a very expensive city across the country because she ‘always wanted to leave our hick town’ (where both of our families are from). She also went into low contact with our side of the family and came several times to our town to visit her own family without letting us see the girls.

We were devastated because we felt like we also lost L and M.

Just a few days ago, we found out that my aunt sold the other two houses (well below market price) that were meant for L and M in order to move to a bigger apartment and hire a live-in nanny. My family was blindsided by this, they have always let her know they would happily handle any expenses or upkeep the homes needed until the girls were 18.

I was absolutely livid. I called her and yelled at her for selling the houses. She said she needed to do so they could afford the area, and I told her that she shouldn’t have left our hometown then. She told me that she lost a husband, I only lost an uncle, and that I was making her life harder by judging her choices. I felt really bad after that.

My brother thinks I was in the right, but he doesn’t like her so he’s biased.”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
Unless your uncle left a will specifying the ownership of the houses he intended to give his daughters, your cousins are out of luck. If there was a will, I hope your cousins sue their mother for all she's worth once they're adults. How dare she deprive her daughters of half of their family! I'm so sorry for all you and your family have lost.
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12. AITJ For Not Kissing My Half-Brother On The Lips?

“I (30 M) have a dad who’s divorced from my mom and has started a new life in another country. He’s come by to see his kids including me every couple of years since then. 4 years ago he got a son with his new wife.

In our family, there’s been a tradition of kids kissing the adults with a quick peck on the mouth, but as expected, all of us dropped it when we got into our teenage years.

Anyway, my father visited me last weekend, invited me into a fancy rented summerhouse where I spent a fun 2 days with his family. He drives me home and when the time comes to say goodbye, his son asks for a kiss (apparently he continued the tradition in Spain and his new wife agrees) and I refuse, to which my father replies with a ‘C’mon, can’t you just give the boy a kiss?’

I give him a kiss on the cheek, to which the boy replies ‘Nooo! On the mouth’ and I refuse again, and my father insists again and we kind of end up screaming at each other before he ends up just calling it quits and leaving and it honestly left a really bad taste for an otherwise great weekend.

Later I call him up and try to talk it out.

He ends up explaining it’s really hurtful because not doing it I’m telling my half-brother that I don’t consider him family (and to be honest, I kind of don’t, at least not on the same level as I do my full siblings that I grew up with, compared to a kid I’ve seen a total of 3 times), and I try to explain I find it weird and kinda gross and haven’t kissed anyone in the family since I was a kid, but nothing ends up resolved.

So, AITJ for refusing to kiss my half-brother on the lips?”

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Squidmom 2 months ago
No. That's gross.
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11. AITJ For Not Translating The Anime For My Friend's Significant Other?

“My friends and I had a game night on Friday evening. We ordered some take-outs and played some board games, had some beer, etc. One of my friends invited his new significant other to join us (Sandra) which was totally fine with everyone, we’ve all invited extra people at one point or another.

Here’s the thing, I’m a white woman who’s in her early thirties and I speak fluent Japanese and work as an interpreter (from Japanese to my native language and English isn’t my native language so forgive any mistakes).

My high school offered Japanese classes with a native speaker when anime was slowly gaining popularity in Europe (mid to late 00s) and I took it because the classes were in English which I wanted to improve. I ended up falling in love with the language (Japanese) and ended up pursuing it for my degree.

For context, when I was doing my bachelor’s, there were 20 people doing it, now the same university has 150 places.

It’s crazy how popular it’s gotten in the past 15 years.

Anyway, I digress. Sandra noticed all of my books which are in a few different languages and she got super excited when she saw Japanese ones. She was talking my head off all night and I tried to be as polite as possible even though I was bored. I’ll admit, I don’t see the appeal of anime and I don’t watch it but if you like it, you do it.

However, Sandra couldn’t understand that it’s not something I watch, she kept insisting that I must love it hence me learning the language. No amount of explanation worked, she just wouldn’t let me talk to other people. I understand excitement, etc, but it was too much. I was so exhausted after that night.

On Saturday, she knocked on my door (without my friend, her SO). I opened it without it looking.

Apparently, we’re now besties… She kept talking and talking and asked me to translate some subtitles for her. I replied that unfortunately, I didn’t have time to do it. She was persistent thought so I told her that sure, I’ve got a slot open for August and it’s x amount of money per character, and gave her a rough estimate.

Saying that she was mad is an understatement.

She started screaming at me for gatekeeping anime and Japanese language, that I didn’t have a right to do that, and that as a white woman who’s earning money on a minority’s language, I should at least share my services for free. She was extremely rude so I kicked her out.

Well, her SO called me later and got really angry because she told him a completely twisted version of events and now he’s angry with me.

My SO thinks that I should’ve just translated it this once just to be nice because she was probably just trying to become friends with me. And now I don’t know, maybe I was too harsh and should’ve just helped her this once. What do you think, AITJ?”

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rbleah 2 months ago
NO, JUST NO. If she wants a translation AFTER YOU TOLD HER NO then she can PAY FOR IT. FROM SOMEBODY ELSE. Tell her to go to school and LEARN THE LANGUAGE LIKE YOU DID. YOU ARE NOT THE JERK.
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10. AITJ Because Of My Bridesmaid's Dress?

“I was recently in my best friend’s wedding. Everything was smooth sailing until we were 20 minutes from walking down the aisle on the day of the wedding.

All the bridesmaids had gotten dressed and the bride requested that it be me who helped her into her gown as I was the maid of honor. So I walked out in my dress to do that and the mother of the bride said to me ‘Oh wow, you have some chest going on’. I kinda brush it on and move to help the bride.

After about 5 minutes, the mother approached me again and said ‘We need to do something about your cleavage, it’s going to give me an aneurysm’.

I was shocked at this point because I didn’t know what she expected me to do. We have 15 minutes before we need to be lined up to go and there is literally nowhere for my breast to go besides the place they were in.

For reference, this is a long silky dress that the BRIDE had pulled from the shelf for me to try on a few months before while we were out shopping for bridesmaids’ dresses.

I remember asking her if she was ok with the cleavage and she had no problem with it. So I told the mother of the bride I didn’t know what you wanted me to do at this point in the game. She walked away just shaking her head and I hadn’t completely lost it at that point.

I continued helping and getting around and the mother decided to tell her plus-one that I looked like a flirt and that this wasn’t a brothel.

I had a panic attack at this point because I had to go walk out in front of 100-plus people after someone said I looked like a flirt. The bride and her grandma assured me I looked fine and not to take it to heart because the mother of the bride was being a jerk left and right.

I got it together just in time to make it down the aisle but throughout the night I had to step aside because I was so self-conscious and I was trying to avoid the mother of the bride.

The bridal party noticed and as soon as they heard why they were disgusted. But at the end of the day, I still felt terrible and guilty about the whole situation. So AITJ for wearing the dress in the first place?”

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rbleah 2 months ago
THE BRIDE CHOSE THE DRESS FOR YOU. The mother is a controlling you know what. IGNORE THE IGNORAMOUS MOTHER. You were doing WHAT THE BRIDE WANTED/NEEDED you to do. SCREW THE SCREWBALL.
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9. AITJ For Bringing My Kids Lunch At School?

“My kids (12 M and 10 F) stay with me from Thursday night to Sunday afternoon and then they go back to my ex-wife’s house. We already wound up disagreeing on parenting styles which was one thing that led to our divorce and that’s only become exacerbated since she remarried. One of the things we disagreed on was raising our kids to adopt our chosen lifestyles.

Her husband is big into working out so all of them follow his diet; that means no staple kid foods, no sweets, no baked goods, no eating out. Not that there’s anything wrong with healthy eating, most of what I feed them when I have them is home-cooked and healthy. I limit their sugar and junk food, but I won’t tell them no to a hot dog or cupcake at my mother’s house when I have them or take them to their friends’ birthday parties.

At first, she wanted me to stick to their way of eating when they were with me but I told her no and it was dropped after a couple weeks.

When they’re with me, they have input on what we eat within reason so I’ll wind up making their favorites. Or once or twice a month I’ll order pizza or take out. Either way, there are leftovers when they go home and I usually don’t eat them so they’d get thrown out.

One time I sent the leftovers from dinner I made on Saturday with them- it was homemade hibachi chicken and vegetables but I had made it with yellow rice instead of brown rice so it was thrown out. My ex told me not to send food home with them again unless it was in line with their diet. I respected her wish and didn’t, but I wound up wasting funds via food going bad before it could be eaten.

Since our kids have always eaten school lunch, I asked my kids if they would like me to drop their leftovers off at school one day during the week so they could have them for lunch. It was a resounding yes.

I did it this week on Wednesday and that night my ex called to yell at me. She had not mentioned that she would be packing the kids’ lunches this year because she and her husband didn’t think the school lunches were adequate enough.

Cool, they can think that but I did tell her packing lunches was something she should’ve told me about when we were discussing the school year and registering them. I told her I understand the frustration of having a packed lunch brought home, and at most, I’ll call ahead the night before when I plan to drop food off for them so she doesn’t pack lunches but I’m not going to completely stop dropping lunch off once a week since the kids like it.

I already maintain her show/movie restrictions when the kids are with me and keep up with punishments when they are grounded or being punished but I think dictating lunchtime at school is going a bit too far.

AITJ for bringing them lunch?”

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Squidmom 2 months ago
I would not let her control what I do with my kids.
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8. AITJ For Not Supporting My Friend's Affair?

“I (27 f) had a best friend, H (25 f), who had a partner, E (28 m). They were together for 8 years.

E and I get on well and have known each other for ages.

H always complained about her and E’s relationship. I would always listen and give advice but also when I’d see them together it would seem as though it was H who was very dismissive of E, and neither of them made an effort with each other.

I find out H is always texting another guy J (27 m) who is friends with my partner and therefore someone I know and get along with well.

Initially, it’s all harmless, he also had a partner, J and H seemed to be in really similar situations with their relationships and just liked chatting to each other. This of course was unbeknown to E.

Eventually, things between J and H progress slightly. He breaks up with his partner and starts buying H gifts. This went on for well over a year behind E’s back, and I always told H that what she was doing was unfair to E, that she needed to make a decision, and that the grass is greener where you water it.

But also made a point that she had been moaning about her relationship with E for years and therefore should just move on.

One day, H let me know that she had finally broken up with E and wanted to arrange a hangout between us, J, and my partner.

A week later, E and I crossed paths and he seemed really confused about the situation. He then told me how H hadn’t broken up with him, just needed some space, and a week before she had said this, E and H had signed a contract on a house together and she seemed excited about it.

Her physical relationship with J had started a few weeks before this.

Turns out, she was effectively playing them both against each other and lied to me so that she could have her relationship with J and go on hangouts, and obviously didn’t expect E and I to end up bumping into one another.

I then told E all about her relationship with J. At E’s request, I keep all this to myself as he wants time to process it all and also just wants H back.

I cut contact with her with no explanation.

A few weeks went by and I was on a night out, that J & H were supposed to come to but hadn’t as we hadn’t spoken (completely out of the ordinary as we spoke every day but she hadn’t checked in on me so obviously knew I had caught on)

I had a few drinks. I got a message from E – it’s a screenshot from H telling him that if he were to have any girls at THEIR house (he was drinking with his single friends) she would leave.

Anyway, I sent the screenshot to J and told him what she’d been up to. Now both boys know about each other. Turns out that when I messaged J, he was on FaceTime to H… whilst she was sending those messages to E! I also sent her a trashy text about being a liar but I can’t remember exactly. She didn’t reply. We haven’t spoken since, but I’m still friends with E & J.

If she hadn’t lied to me, I’d have been a friend and helped her work it out. AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ. Actions, meet consequences! Anyone who can lie like that to 2 people is not trustworthy anyway, no reason to keep her in your life at all.
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7. AITJ For Shaving My Hair Off?

“I’ve had long hair since forever. I’ve kept it long for my mother as loved my hair and I never minded her brushing and grooming it. I’m turning 21 soon so I wanted to cut my hair, I cut it to look like Link from Legend of Zelda (I bought myself a few practice wigs beforehand).

I knew what I was doing and I cut it exactly how I wanted although the backside was a bit messy, I asked my mother to trim it for me instead she cut off my bangs and a bit more. I was clearly upset as it was not what I asked for, I understand It was my fault for talking to my sibling as my mom was cutting my hair and I wasn’t paying attention.

Though she had offered to bring me to a salon to get it professionally cut into a pixie cut, I was upset and claimed I didn’t want a pixie cut but after a while of cooling down, I decided to shave my hair fully off.

I have been losing a lot of my hair as is, so I figured just cutting it fully off would give me a break from dealing with it and if super needed I could always buy a wig.

My partner helped me shave my hair fully off while supporting me through it as since we have been together my hair was always a major thing I loved. But when I got home my mother blew up on me and won’t speak to me at all, I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong for shaving my hair off. My family knows of my hair loss and has tried supporting me through it as it has made me very upset the last few months, although my siblings are on my side as clearly, you can see many spots where there hasn’t been hair in a while on my head; my mother still dismisses me not acknowledge my existence.

AITJ?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
Your hair, your decision. It sounds like Mom has some growing up to do.
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6. AITJ For Defending My Significant Other From My Dad?

“I (19 F) don’t like my parents (50 M and 45 F). From the age of 16, whenever I’d get into an argument with them, they’d kick me out of the house. I’d usually wander around for a bit, then eventually my dad would come and pick me and I’d be made to beg for forgiveness. They’re also the kinda people who believe appearances are everything (ironic, I know) and they’re upper middle class and massive classists.

When I was 17, on one of the nights they kicked me out, I decided to ignore my dad’s call and let them worry for once. On that night, I met a guy called Raymond (19 M). It was in the city park, and we both sat on the same bench and he offered me a tissue because I was crying. I told him my parents had kicked me out and that they did this a lot and he told me about how he grew up in foster care.

Eventually, my dad found me and I went home.

I kept in touch with Raymond and we became friends. He even got me a job at his workplace so I could start making up my own savings. Raymond is now my lovely significant other of one year.

I moved out of my parents’ house when I was 18 and I got into college a few cities away. It’s about three hours away but I go back to see Raymond every weekend.

My parents don’t know that I have an SO or that I’m back in town weekly.

This weekend, I ran into my parents and it was pretty obvious that I was on a date with Ray. I went over to my parents’ house afterward because they asked me to so I could tell them about my SO. I didn’t want to, but they are paying for my college.

My dad wasn’t happy about me being in a relationship, especially someone who grew up in care.

He made fun of my SO’s job and the fact that he’s getting a GED. I told him to shut up because my SO was there for me when they weren’t and they should be thanking him. I left. My brother called me and said I was a jerk and that my parents wanted me to be with someone who could pay for me to have the lifestyle that I’m used to but I didn’t care.

I don’t care about that, but I’m starting to think that I maybe shouldn’t have told my dad to shut up. AITJ?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
Your parents were trash-talking, so there was no moral wrong involved in telling them to shut up. HOWEVER, it would have been smarter to be less harsh unless you are prepared to forgo your parents' support for as long as you're in school. In this instance, the Golden Rule is: "He who has the gold makes the rules."
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5. AITJ For Buying Myself A Ring?

“An acquaintance of mine became engaged a few months ago and her partner got the engagement ring from a bespoke jewelry designer that I follow online but never saw their pieces in person until we went out for celebratory drinks. The bride, we’ll call her Bee, is close friends with some of my close friends.

The ring, while awesome, doesn’t scream ‘engagement ring’ and the website/jeweler doesn’t have it labeled as an engagement ring. It’s also customizable so the only thing that doesn’t change is the shape of the stone. Metal, stone, and some details can all be altered so some of their rings they make look entirely different from this model. I knew Bee’s fiancee distantly from undergrad (like roommate’s ex’s roommate kind of thing) but I haven’t seen him in years and I’m not active on socials so it’s not like we talk ever.

It’s been months since I hung out with Bee and I recently got some great professional news with a very big bonus. I wasn’t even thinking about Bee, her wedding invites have gone out and I’m not invited which isn’t a big deal since we’re not close. I’m not in a position to splurge often but I decided to get a ring made from the same jeweler as a kind treat yo self moment.

Bee’s ring (what I remember of it) is gold with a transparent/diamond-type stone, mine is silver with a dark opaque stone. I wear it often because it’s a great piece but I don’t wear it on my ring finger. Even so, a mutual friend saw me wearing it and immediately reported to Bee that I had an exact copy of her ring. Some of my close friends have texted and DM’d me to say they’re weirded out by the ring and that it’s ‘too far’ and ‘obsessive’ or ‘weird to copy a bride’ and ‘a bad time to get the ring’.

Apparently, this coincides with him being caught texting inappropriately with other women so there’s that.

Bee sent me a message telling me to stay away from her fiancee and that I was not welcome at the wedding. I responded formally that I wasn’t invited to begin with, that I hardly knew her fiancee, or her for that matter, and that I didn’t appreciate her attacking me and spreading weird lies.

Some of my friends have stopped talking to me, and a few have dropped out of the wedding, stating that Bee is out of control and that me buying myself a nice piece of jewelry may actually culminate in Bee calling off the wedding. AITJ for buying myself a ring I liked?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
It sounds like Bee is looking for an excuse for her poor judgement in getting engaged to a man who isn't worthy of her trust. You're NTJ, but she is if she blames you for breaking up her relationship with her (ex-)husband to be.
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4. WIBTJ If I Don't Celebrate My Birthday With My Family?

“I (21) have a narcissistic father who decided last week to reserve a table at a restaurant to celebrate my 21st birthday which was a couple of days ago.

He usually reserved a table at this restaurant that I don’t like, both because of its menu and because we ALWAYS go there when we go out to eat as a family. He likes it a lot because it’s cheap but almost all you can eat, and he likes to overeat a lot, especially in times like these when he is most stressed at work.

So I actually thought of a few other restaurants I liked or wanted to try for the first time and talked to him about it.

He seemed to agree to one in particular.

So fast forward to yesterday, he texts our family group to tell us that he had reserved a table at the restaurant I hate (note that he, as well as everyone else in my family, knows that I really don’t like going there).

So yesterday evening, at the dinner table, I actually told him that I thought we had agreed to go to that other restaurant and that I felt a bit let down having to go to the one restaurant I hate for my birthday.

He got offended and started being verbally abusive as is usual of him, both towards me and towards my brother who just said ‘I think the truth stands in the middle’. He called us ungrateful, spoiled, immature, and stupid.

I didn’t answer any of this and I just remained silent as my therapist advised me to, while he and my brother continued arguing and made my mother cry too out of stress.

Now my question is: would I be a jerk if I told them I wouldn’t go have lunch there tomorrow and instead go hang with a friend or something?

I feel like my opinions and my own happiness matter, especially when celebrating my birthday, but at the same time, I do feel a bit selfish for thinking about not going and ‘ruining’ everyone’s mood and day.

What should I do?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ. You're an adult who can plan their own birthday party, so do that and invite anyone you actually want to spend time with. That's how birthdays work as an adult, YOU decide, but you also put the work in and make the booking and invite the people. Unless your partner/a close loved one has offered to do this for you. Your dad is clearly neither close nor loving so don't let him ever plan your birthday party again.
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3. AITJ For Thinking My Mom Demanding Me To Pay For A Flat Iron Was Ridiculous?

“You know those kiosks in the mall where the employees stop you to get you to buy their products? Well, when I was 13 one of those employees convinced my mom to purchase this $120 flat iron. I’ll also admit that I encouraged her to buy it. Later in the day she regretted buying it and got mad at me for encouraging her to buy it. Now that I’m 23 I see how ridiculous that was cause I would not let a 13-year-old convince me to spend money on something I don’t really want or need. However, she couldn’t return the flat iron.

I am a black girl who mainly grew up in suburban white areas and had a complex about my hair growing up. In middle school, my mom would either pay someone to braid my hair or braid it herself since I wasn’t comfortable wearing my natural hair. She honestly handled my hair insecurities terribly. To keep from dragging this story on too long I won’t go into too much detail, but I basically felt like she was mad at me for not embracing my natural hair.

When I got into 9th grade she forced me into wearing my natural hair. She didn’t put much effort into helping me find natural styles I might like. She just found this 2 strand twist style she liked and forced me to try it. I kept it in this style for months until competition/performance season started for a team I was on. For one of the performances, I had to flat iron my hair to match the hairstyles of the 1940s.

It only had to be done 3 times, but in between and after performances I continued to flat iron my hair, it caused heat damage and I had to cut off a significant portion of my hair.

When I went to college and started working I started paying to get my hair braided into protective styles such as box braids, and now my hair is the longest and healthiest it has ever been.

However, when I went through the stage after flat ironing my hair a lot, I guess I damaged my mom’s flat iron. I don’t know how, she just said it doesn’t flat iron hair as well as it did when she bought it. I thought this issue had been addressed and settled when I was 15.

Now I’m 23 and my mom called me today and brought up buying a new flat iron.

She said she doesn’t expect me to pay the full $120 or buy an equally as good flat iron cause a flat iron like that must be like $200 now. But she expected me to help her find a flat iron that is just as good or better and decide what I should cover when we get the final price. I’ll pay whatever she wants me to pay but would I be wrong if I expressed how petty I feel this is to her?

Edit: Just in case anyone is wondering, my mom is currently experimenting with her hair. She flat ironed it the other day, with the flat iron she says I damaged, and this is what probably made her think about the situation again.”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
If you were a kid when you allegedly damaged the flat iron (And how damaged could it be if your mom was still able to use it?), then it seems ridiculous for your mother to ask for payment. If the damage happened when you were an adult and she's only finding out about it now, then I can understand her asking for money.
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2. AITJ For Pointing Out How Bad Of A Father My Uncle Was?

“My uncle ‘Dave’ was a horrible person to my older cousins ‘Tom’ and ‘Zara’ and he doesn’t even deserve to be called a father. Dave didn’t care about Tom or Zara at all and only used them as props to make himself look good in front of acquaintances.

His biggest parenting priority was always controlling Tom and Zara and asserting his authority over them instead of making sure they were happy and stable people. One time Dave said ‘Look, a dog’ and Tom replied, ‘Yeah, cute beagle.’ Then Dave snapped at and punished Tom for ‘treating me like I’M the idiot, as if you know more than I do!’ because Tom revealed that he knew more information than Dave did by mentioning the dog was a beagle.

Dave knew treating Tom and Zara like this was wrong because he would always act super friendly and like he was some loving, understanding dad in front of strangers and acquaintances and would only show his true colors around family or behind closed doors. Dave also made up lies about Tom and especially Zara to get himself praise and sympathy. He told people how Zara was ‘abnormal’, barely passing school, and had no friends.

Which was all made up. Zara has ADHD which is not at all the same thing as an intellectual disability. Zara also had straight A’s for all of high school and tons of good friends.

Tom stopped talking to Dave as soon as he turned 18 and Zara was able to live with her mom full-time after she turned 15. Dave of course played the victim by saying he had no idea why Tom and Zara ‘abandoned’ him and how he’s made ‘so many sacrifices for them.’ He would literally say how making them dinner and driving 10 minutes to pick them up from school was a sacrifice for him.

My cousins are both in their twenties (I’m 15) and Dave is a lot older. Dave was diagnosed with dementia. The doctors weren’t sure which type the last time my parents asked, but I’m pretty sure their best guess was FTD. My nan, great aunt, and great uncle have tried convincing Tom and Zara to help take care of Dave because they’re too old to do it themselves, but of course, Tom and Zara told them no and that Dave can rot for all they care.

We were at my great aunt and great uncle’s house, and they and my nan were talking about how awful Tom and Zara are for not wanting to take care of Dave when he was dementia. I got fed up and said that it was Dave’s own fault that Tom and Zara want nothing to do with him and he never cared about them so why would they take care of him now?

I got yelled at by my nan, great aunt, and great uncle because respecting elders is really important in our family.

Only my parents are on my side about this. My older sister said while she agreed with my statement, Dave is my nan’s son and great aunt and uncle’s nephew and it was incredibly insensitive of me to say what I did in front of them. AITJ?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
You're NTJ for feeling about your cousins' actions the way that you do; if your report is accurate, I agree that they are fully within their rights to reject any responsibility for taking care of Dave. Your are a tiny bit of a jerk, though, for speaking so harshly (albeit truthfully) about Dave to the people who love him. Even if they bear some responsibility for the emotional scars that turns Dave into such a parental monster, there's no way ANY of them can turn back the clock and undo their mistakes. You can support your cousins without hurting other family members unless they ask you to try to influence your cousins into taking on unwanted responsibilities.
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1. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancee's Brother From Thanksgiving Because He's A Picky Eater?

“My (24 f) fiancée, Lydia (28 f), is not in contact with the majority of her family. The only exception to this is her brother, Michael (29), and his wife, Jo (27).

Lydia and I celebrate Halloween as a religious holiday and usually have a small feast later in the day. We live in a slightly nicer neighborhood so we also had plans for Michael and Jo to come over with their 5-year-old for trick or treating after.

We invited them to join our meal, at which, Michael complained about everything. He doesn’t like Brussels sprouts, carrots, or mashed potatoes. He also had complaints about how much rosemary was in the chicken, that we had raisins in the soul cakes, and made a big fuss because we had pumpkin soup.

I have autism so I fully understand aversions to certain foods and offered him any of the other food we already had prepped and/or made in the house.

Lydia is a chef and I am a baker. We both bring home extra food from work quite often so there were plenty of options. Michael rejected all of it and was grumpy the rest of the night.

Thanksgiving is coming up and we both work on the actual day so usually we’ll have our meal the week before. Michael and Jo were invited and sent the menu so they’d know if there was going to be anything they’d dislike.

Michael immediately started complaining about a few of the dishes. I told him that there would be other things on the menu for him to eat and he said that it was my job to make him feel welcome and I was failing to do so. We got into a small argument that ended with me uninviting him.

Lydia is now sad that her brother’s family won’t be coming and I feel like a jerk because he is one of the last family members she has contact with.

AITJ?”

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DeniseSB 2 months ago
Yes, Michael is a rude guest--and there's no way of telling from your post whether there's any neurodivergence in either his ability to handle various foods to his ability to follow normal rules of courtesy that might explain his poor behavior. If keeping a relationship with him wasn't important, your decision to rescind your invitation would make perfect sense. BUT . . . his presence does matter to you, if only because your wife's happiness matters to you. A smarter, kinder reaction to his poor manners would have been to ASK him about his food preferences and create a meal around those preferences that can also make everyone else happy. It sounds as if you and your wife have the professional expertise to do this--or to at least provide a meal with enough options for side dishes to keep everyone happy. Or maybe turn the dinner into a potluck so Michael can feel assured that there will be something he can eat comfortably. You're not wrong to be angry about Michael's inflexibility and disrespect--but would you rather be right than be happy?
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